#thank you so much for the messages they're unbearably nice...

[jeanie-g]

I finally had some time to sit down and I immediately blasted through your aries series and oh my goddd. it was a marvel. I had so much fun I had to physically slow myself down as I was reading so I didn't miss anything LOL

first of all the tender-feelings-angsty-soft ache that was can you see my red light was phenomenal. it was so moving. I took like three or four pauses bc the near heartbreak I was feeling on Jamie's behalf was UNBEARABLE. so many little points, so many little details and internal dialogue pieces made this fic sooooo good. much to think about. I loved the set up of jacknico's wedding and their vows. I love the banter between tzjd and the moments where I was like I swear they're both going to go for it...! but nothing!! I was on the edge of my seat the entire time, which made the ending all the more satisfying to reach.

fave line was hysterically: “ABBA right outta the gate?” TK cries, scooching back in his chair to stand. “Say less, brother.”

not even main pairing related I just love TK being the most iconic fella ever.

and on the other hand, reading stay by my side made me feel like I was sinking into a hot bath after a long day - all fuzzy and warm on the inside, and just so. so nice. and comforting. the domesticity but liveliness of a jacknico anniversary made me nostalgic for something I haven't even experienced yet LOL. their little jokes back and forth, the bit of a time jump into the near future, all the possibilities of what everything could be...man I love stuff like that. this fic was absolutely delightful, from the sweet moments to the spicy ones to the very relaxed, easygoing banter. but also the jacknico revelation w/ jamie and trevor's engagement made me laugh so loud like oh no, they really WERE the catalyst.

“Oh, we’ve created a monster,” Nico says. “We couldn’t have waited until after midnight to request the Coldplay song?” - had me cackling.

I can't wait for the final fic! thanks for sharing this!

dude this means so much!!!! thank you for reading and sending such a lovely message. i'm a sucker for angsty yet satisfying love stories, and writing these two couples puts such a smile on my face.

honestly, these are two of my fave fics i've written cuz they just feel so real. they're pretty different, like you said, but they have similar cores i think. i loved loved loved getting into jamie and jack's heads and detailing their pov through the narrator - creating such different worldviews that, in turn, create two fics with such different tones! like, we start w jamie as this cynical, very self-aware guy in love. he wants things to change but is afraid of pursuing it. he's angsty, forlorn, sad - and we see that. meanwhile, jack is this positive, slightly oblivious guy in love who wants nothing to change. everything is sunshine and rainbows - and we feel that. and ofc by the end they both learn their respective lessons. i love writing!!

also, finding ways to tie "stay by my side" back to "can you see my red light" was too much fun - besides themes, there's some similarity between the language and general structure (i really am a language nerd and can gush about the semantics of writing 24/7). i also made a list of "things jamie didn't notice about the nicojack wedding cuz he was too busy staring at trevor," like jack's hickey and the presence of quinn's girlfriend LOL. but i will tell you, nico and jack being the catalyst for the "yellow" moment was a happy accident. i didn't think of it until i was writing stay by my side and thought it tied things together neatly.

and the fact that you're the second person to call out the abba line is sooo funny.

i've started writing the third and oh man the ANGST. the FLUFF. it's luke's pov, and let's just say some time has passed and now he's the one looking for love (and change)

thank u thank u for your kind words! (also, i'm working steadily on the berserk fic and im hyped) <3

[lynnlovesthestars]

(2/2) Haarlep is shocked because he knows how cruel Hell is & he's used to Raphael too, he thought it's either a trick or a miracle (I can understand why he would think it's a trick but to think he would think it's a miracle though 😲), he isn't eager nor he isn't opposed to it either ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯, he became unbearable that he even demanded Raphael to treat him like how they treat him once he got used to it 🤣, he would purr & thank them whenever they do something nice even a small gesture & praise them like a goddess 😳, he even tries to make an effort to be nice (only) to them despite not being exposed to kindness 🥹, he even becomes a bit mindful & even asks them before taking any form of service from them 👍, he had to deliver a message from Raphael to them to stop but Haarlep would be pouting 😂, he's afraid of what would happen if someone decided to take advantage of their kindness since he knows how cruel people can be, he would scold them by sugarcoating his words XD but he would let them know when either someone is going to cause trouble for them or they're being careless 👍, Gale is touched by their kindness even when he first met them 🥹, he doesn't take everything they helped him with for granted 👍, he got worried about how kind they are when he grew closer to them 😨, he would only warn them to be careful of who to be kind to but he also doesn't stop them from learning from their mistakes 👍, he's thankful for their kindness & tries to thank them by cooking 🍲 or starting a bath for them 🛁, he's treating them like royalty 👑, he's even more protective of them, he almost feels like he has to be as kind & patient as them & as much attention as possible, Halsin wants them to be fair & be mindful of who to be kind to 👍, he wants them to be as reasonable since nature is both nurturing & poisonous 🤔, he thinks their kindness is a gift but he wants them to be treated as kindly as they are to people, he won't hesitate if anyone dared to be disrespectful to them 😠, he would be in rage on their behalf which he rarely does (⁠゜⁠o⁠゜⁠;, he would make an effort to remind them to be kind but be mindful too 👍, he would tell them to take back what they gave if they get hurt 🤕, and he considers kindness to be the bare minimum of what people should be but the reason that stops him from encouraging them to be kind is that they might get hurt 😞 I'm surprised how similar everyone is to my loved ones being concerned at me being kind to everyone 🤔 Thank you so much for doing my request because I love it so much and I'm looking forward to my next request :) Your writing is wonderful ☺️ Please take your time though!

i swear im literally a weak sobbing mess this just made my day, my week, my year too maybe.. thank you so much for your request(s) i might be slow asf but they warm up my heart so much thank you

[nouies]

HELLOOOOO from your secret santa🎄🧑🏻‍🎄🤍:

I'm really sorry for the very late message, life it's been very busy this couple of days and the closest we get to Christmas, the more crazy my work gets:( But here I am again, just trying to cheer up your day a little bit<33. I hope you didn't miss me too much;).

First things first, how are you? I'm glad you had a good day yesterday and I really hope you had a wonderful day today as well ❤️‍🩹.

So, you're a math teacher, huh? You clever girl. That's amazing! I've always been the worst at Maths, I don't hate them, I respect them but they're so difficult! I mean, I know it's just practice and logic but sometimes my brain frozes at the sight of many numbers hahaha:( So, how you do it? Have you always liked Maths? I'm interested! ☺️

Omg, such a nice combo of colors! I like Pink too! It's really cute and you can mix it with a lot of different colors and it'll look good! And pink it's definitely a calm person color! So i get it <3 One of your favorite numbers it's also one of mine😱. Crazy coincidence, don't you think?

It's amazing to know that our birthdays are close to each other. My birthday is in July and it's also when the springs ends and summer begins. I'm a summer baby!! 🌞 What season do you like more? I used to love summer but where I live it's really really hot, it's unbearable but when it's winter it's too freaking cold, so I prefer autumn, always.

This message is getting so long, my god. I'm sorry but I love to talk a lot, if you can see. So I'll make this quick, my questions for today are: do you consider yourself an introvert or extrovert person? Do you like cats or dogs? And last but no least, favorite song when you where a child? 👀

I'm loving getting to know you better, hope you been liking it too <33

Have a good rest of your evening/night. Sending you a big and warm hug. xx 😙

helloooooo! omg santa, you’re so sweet! please don’t worry abt the messages, i was too happy that i got two yesterday that i didn’t worry much abt getting one today, please don’t stress abt it! hopefully you’re not too stressed? if you even feel too tired just send an emoji and i’ll know, okay? no need to say more <3 but yes, i still missed you.

i’m good, today was eventful really except for some disciplinary matters that i had to deal with my students but nothing big. after worked i came home and watched a match from the world cup, then i read a fic and took a nap. do you like football? fics? naps? hehe. how was your day?

i’ve always been interested in maths and i think part of me being a teacher comes from the times i used to help my classmates with their exercises. i think we’re all good at math bc they’re literally everywhere. you don’t have to solve a quadratic equation to be good at maths, so i’m sure you’re excellent!

i’m so happy to know we both like pink and, what was the number we coincide on? it’s crazy but maybe it’s just something telling us that we’ll get along just fine!

oh, a summer baby! i think we’re in the same hemisphere then hehe. i think i always say fall is my fave season but where i live it’s always hot so there isn’t really a difference between seasons. i like the ~aesthetic though.

you can write and talk as much as you want to, please feel free! i love reading your thoughts. :) and to answer your questions; i’m definitely an introvert even if i talk a lot, but it takes some time for me to be totally comfortable sharing my thoughts hehe. i like both, but i lean towards cats bc i have one! he’s my most precious thing in the world! and a song that i remember listening and singing when i was a toddler was “what’s up?” by 4 non blondes. every time i listen to it, i get flashbacks. it’s not my fave song but i wouldn’t know how to pick one. do you have a fave song?

thank you so much for your message, it brightened up my day! hope you’re having a nice evening. sending a hug back. <333

[newtonsheffield]

I need the after date spice in thank u, next🌶🌶. I mean he had her locked up in his house for two days 😂😂

Oh he did have her in his house for a full 36 hours before she sheepishly said

“Do you want to come… meet my Mum? As you know, she makes great pancakes, and she keeps chocolate milk in the fridge for me still, and she… she’s nice. And my sister will be there, and her girlfriend and-”

“You aren’t sick of me yet?”

“Nope, come to breakfast with me.”

And it burns in his chest. “Okay then, I’ll come to breakfast.”

It had been absolutely, the best first date of Kate’s entire life, well, apart from the beginning. Anthony had messaged her, just as she was leaving,

I’m really excited to see you again.

And she hadn’t been able to stop herself from snapping a picture of herself in front of the mirror, the new dress that she’d spent hours picking out in the store, feeling like a vice around her anxiety already settling in before she'd left the house.

This is me, just in case you've forgotten what I look like.

And just as she'd gotten off the tube, near the restaurant, Her phone had dinged again,

I could never forget that.

And even so, when she'd looked up and seen him standing outside the restaurant, the most enormous bouquet of tulips she'd ever seen, staggering under the weight of them surely, his sport coat (oh god, it was actually fucking tweed, why was that so fucking hot?!) neatly pressed over his jeans, his hair artfully tousled, even more unbearably handsome than he had been when she'd pulled him close his afternoon.

"Kate! Hi, Kate!" Anthony had caught sight of her, stumbling forward a little, his eyes raking over her, his voice a little breathless. "Wow, you look- Fuck, you must hear this all the time but you're so beautiful."

It fluttered oddly in her chest, a man who just hours before had told her he was falling in love with her, without ever having met her. "I don't hear it that often."

"Well, I'll tell you again then, Kate you're beautiful tonight, and you were beautiful today, and every other time I've seen you." He darted forward, leaving an awkward kiss against her cheek, his arm still resting tentatively on her waist, as he nudged the flowers towards her, "These are for you, I wasn't sure what you-"

"They're beautiful, thank you, and you look very- nice, but you didn't have to-" Her cheeks were burning.

"I wanted too. Beautiful women deserve flowers." He said it so simply, like it was actually what he believed, his arm still resting on her waist, relaxing against her a little as she didn't flinch away. and she couldn't help herself from darting forward, her lips brushing his chastely for a long moment.

Anthony looked a little awestruck when she pulled back, his free hand raking through his hair, his breath escaping him in a odd whoosh. "We should probably um- I called in a bit of a favour to get the table at um-short notice and I don't want them to give it away."

She nodded, following him towards the door, his hand still burning on her hip. And she really hadn't given much thought to it, when he'd said his family owned magazines, but it seemed so obvious now, the hundreds of pounds of flowers she was carrying, the restaurant the most expensive she'd ever set foot in, the way the hostess fumbled over herself

"of course, Mr Bridgerton, just this way-" anxiety swelling in her stomach as she settled across the table from him, the hostess saying quickly, "Perhaps I could get a vase?"

"That'd be great, thank you." Anthony smiled politely up at her, his eyes turning to the menu as she walked away. "Sorry, do you like Japanese food? I never- I just- We can go somewhere-"

"Are you a big Deal?" Kate cut him off her head tilted curiously, Anthony's eyes wondering a little with a sigh.

"My family is... Well off."

"That's what rich people say."

"Is it a problem if I am?" His own head was tilted now, eyes watching her closely. Insecurity rising in her chest.

"Depends how much of an arsehole you are about it."

Anthony chuckled, "I can definitely be an arsehole, but I like to think I'm a good guy when it counts. If you just give me a chnce, I promise I'll be the guy you were talking too."

It settled on her shoulders, something burning together around them already, tension thickening in the air, "sorry, I just- I feel awkward, because it kind of feels like I already know you, this doesn't feel like a first date."

"Let's not call it that then." He grinned at her across the table, his attention snapping away as the waitress returned with the vase, "Thanks so much Ashley. Can we order some drinks please?"

He was polite, kind, gentle, the entire night, quickly scribbling something that looked suspiciously like 100 on the tip line, snapping the bill shut before she could see it, his hand politely on her waist as they left again, conversation flowing easily as they stood outside.

And god she wanted. wanted to feel his hands on her, to feel his arms tight around her, safe and warm and powerful, to feel his lips on hers, feel him pressed against her, the emotional connection already between them growing stronger by the second.

"I had a really nice time with you." Anthony's voice was gentle in her ear, the edges of his blazer pulled around her as well as they stood facing one another on the curb outside.

"I had a great time as well."

Their eyes caught together, his soft smile tugging her forward until their lips met, a groan building in Anthony's chest while her hand slipped into his hair, her tongue slipping over his, heat settling in her stomach and-

"Kate?"

A man's voice she didn't recognise had called out, tugging them apart in her surprise. A man in a suit was standing next to a town car, the door held open, looking expectantly at her.

Anthony cleared his throat, "Thanks Mark." he turned back to her, tucking her hair behind her ear. "I ordered you a car to take you home."

Oh.

Disappointment welled in her chest, stepping back from him, "So you had a good time in like a I don't really want to do this again way.'

Anthony's eyes widened in surprise, "What?! No! I just- fuck! I didn't want to pressure you, and-"

"Anthony ask me to go back to your house." Why shouldn't she ask for it? She wanted it, wanted him and apparently she'd have to be explicit.

"Kate do you want to come back to my flat?" Anthony said quickly, his lips chasing hers, "I'm like... I'm good at sex."

Ridiculous laughter built in her chest as she took his hand tugging him toward the car, "I hope that's true."

It should have been awkward, going back to his flat, both of them knowing exactly what they were doing, no pretence between them as they sat in the back of the car. But it wasn't. Everything about it felt comfortable, natural, as she tugged his lips to hers, her fingers tangling in the soft hair at the nape of his neck. His lips were soft, moving roughly over hers, swallowing the gasps and moans rising in her. anthony's hands settled on her waist, the privacy screen already up in the back of the car, tugging gently until she was straddling him, his hands on her thighs, his eyes burning into hers.

"You don't know how much I thought about this. Even when I thought I shouldn't be thinking about you, I couldn't fucking stop."

His voice was low and gravelly, drawing her in, tugging her lips back to his effortlessly, letting them nip and suck at his neck, the whines falling from his lips shivering down her spine and-

The car pulled to a gentle stop, an impatient sigh falling from Anthony's lips as he settled her gently back in her own seat before he leapt from the car, sprinting around to open her door, helping her from it, his arm around her waist again as he waved to the driver, waved jovially to the doorman,

"John, This is Kate, if you Could just put her on my list. Kate Sharma, S-H-A-R-M-A. Cheers Mate, have a good night."

And then they were alone again, Anthony letting her push him against the wall of the lift, her legs bracketing one of his, lips nipping at his neck again, the taste of him heady, sweet and salty, the scent of his cologne almost too enticing.

"Kate." Anthony's voice was a whine pushing her gently backwards. "If you don't stop I'm gonna get evicted for indecency in the public spaces."

She chuckled as the doors opened, Anthony tugging her out, into his living room. "Promises Promises."

She looked around a little curiously, the city skyline spread out before them, floor to ceiling windows, her eyes rolling as Anthony wrapped his arms around her from behind. "You live in a penthouse."

"I told you I was a bit of an arsehole." His lips were on her neck, nipping and sucking, his tongue laving over her, hand tangled in her hair, giving himself better access, "Fuck I love the way you feel."

He walked her forwards, until her hands braced her on the kitchen counter, cold marble making her shiver, his knee nudging her legs apart. One of his hands was spread against her stomach, pulling her back against his chest the other tickling at her thighs, slipping further and further up her legs.

"So we know I thought about you, Did you think about me? When you took those little pictures for me, Kate? Did you grind against your mattress and fuck yourself thinking about me?" His voice was rough his lips teasing her, the sound of his jacket hitting the floor, his shirt sleeves rolled.

Kate's head nodding desperately, "Yes."

"Do you want me to do it now?" She nodded again, his hand slipping higher and higher up her thigh, tickling, tracing little patterns, her hips trying to buck down against him.

"Did you sleep well last night?"

Kate's eyes shot open. "Wh-what?"

"You're probably not going to get much tonight is all." He looked so handsome grinning at her over her shoulder, his hand playing with the zip of her dress. "Can I?"

She nodded again, biting back a curse as he tugged the zip down his lips kissing each inch as it appeared to him, letting her step out of it.

"Christ you're stunning." It seemed pulled from his chest, his lips finding hers over her shoulder and-

"Oh fuck"

They said it together as his hand slipped into her knickers, moving gently over her, his hand back on her stomach, tugging her in place against him, letting her feel him, the hard planes of his chest, his muscled arms taught around her, the power coiled there, the way his lips were nipping at her shoulder, his fingers dipping inside her, his voice in her ear pushing her closer and closer to the edge.

Fuck Kate, you feel even better than I imagined, look at you, fuck you're so beautiful, so stunning, come on, let go, it's okay, it's okay.

and she couldn't help it. It was too overwhelming, too much, his hands gripping and tugging at her, the feeling of him, heat building so quickly that she couldn't hold on-

"Anthony!"

Her mouth fell open in a silent scream , shuddering back against him, his hands holding her in place.

He spun her gently, her shoulders still heaving, his lips brushing hers gently, tongue tangling before he stepped back, bringing his fingers to his mouth with a satisfied hum, something burning in her own chest as his lips bucked against her, pinning her in place between him and the marble counter, at the taste of her.

"Well I'll have to try that later." He hummed, a slightly smug grin in his face, his hair falling in his eyes, "For now, if I could ask you to um- the bedroom's-"

Kate shook her head, leaning forward, pressing her chest against his, lips finding his neck.

"Right-yeah. Of course. If you don't wanna-"

Kate shook her head again, pushing lightly against his chest until he stumbled backwards.

"Oh I want, Anthony. But it seems a shame to go all the way to the bedroom when you haven't even finished what you started in the kitchen."

She tugged at the buttons of his shirt, tasting his whine on her tongue, his buttons scattering the floor, her tongue running over the planes of his chest, tugging at his belt, Anthony's hips bucking helplessly against her hand.

His hands found her legs tugging with a grunt until her legs were wrapped around his waist, stumbling forwards until she was seated oin the counter, his teeth clashing with hers, bruising the skin of her neck, of her collarbone, his hands roaming everywhere and-

And suddenly he was gone, His eyes narrowed, staring down at her, "Are we seeing other people?"

She could barely concentrate through the fog, her hips grinding against him, her voice breathless, "I'm not seeing other people. I don't want to."

Anthony's grin was beautiful and brilliant and bright, "You wanna be my girlfriend?"

Why was it so cute? Why was he so cute? While his hands tilted her hips, and his hips ground down against her through their underwear, "Yes. Now please Anthony, please."

He didn't wait. It felt like it happened in a blink of the eye, her underwear torn from her body, his own disappearing, his hand tangled in her hair, holding her forehead against his, his hips moving firmly against hers and

"Oh Fuck"

She wasn;t sure which one of them said it, him, her, maybe both of them, his hips grinding against her, the cool marble of his worktop in contrast to the heat of his body making her spine shiver, arching towards him.

It was just like she'd imagined, his arms tight, muscles coiled tight as he moved powerfully against her, rough and gentle and heady all at the same time, his tongue tangling with hers swallowing every filthy noise they made together the sounds of the bodies moving, desperate for one another bouncing off the tiled walls, his voice aching,

Jesus Kate. Oh my god, I can't I can't breathe, holy shit, Holy fuck, it's never this good, you're so perfect, perfect babe, oh Fuck! Fuck! Kate!

His name ripped from her chest over and over her throat raw, until she couldn't speak, couldn't do anything but gasp and moan and whine against him.

His forehead fell to her shoulder, teeth nipping at her, leaving bruises against her skin that she wanted to keep forever, her vision blurring at the edges and-

She couldn't stop it, heat flashing white out through her, her vision white as well, as she shuddered against him, his name wrenched from her chest. Anthony's hips bucked erratically against her, a feral growl ripping through his chest, his hips stuttering and then everything went still.

Kate didn't know how long they stayed there together, slumped against Anthony's kitchen counter, their laboured breathing filling the room, her chuckle more than breathless

"So you weren't lying about being good at sex."

Anthony's head shot up with a satiated grin, his lips finding hers, "Is it cool if I eat you out for a little bit until I get-" He gestured vaguely, "-this back? I thought we could do it against the window."

And by the time they fell onto his pillows together hours later, Kate could barely remember her own name.

She was stiff, when she woke in the morning, it was the first thing she realised, not sore just... protesting a little. The second thing she realised was that it was hot. It was November, and she was sweating, something heavy draped the length of her, as though she was wrapped in a weighted blanket with a hot water bottle. Her eyes flickered open, and she realised immediately, that it wasn't a weighted blanket at all, it was Anthony, draped over her, snoring contentedly.

He looked so young, in sleep, making a happy little noise that settled in her chest, her words for yesterday echoing again, I think I'm falling in love with you. She leaned forward, kissing the slight crease between his eyebrows, a smile rising to her lips as he hummed, nestling closer to her.

Anthony's eyes shot open, his hair sticking up in a million different directions, his face squashed and sleepy and adorable, eyes widening as he took her in,

"Hey."

"Hey."

His lips found hers, soft and gentle fluttering in her chest.

"what are you doing today?" He'd slid down her a little, his chin resting on the tattoo in her sternum, his head tilted curiously, like an adorable puppy.

Kate hummed, her fingers finding her hair. "I have absolutely nowhere to be until 10:30 tomorrow. Then I have brunch at my Mum's. Why?"

Anthony's eyes were dark, his tongue tracing the ink on her skin. "I have an uber eats account, and about 15 more positions I want you in. " Heat burned in her stomach, tugging at her "Just stay here with me, Stay with me until you have to go."

Kate pretended to think about it, humming dramatically, "I'm going to need an electrolyte drink or eight but you've got yourself a deal if one of those positions includes me sitting on your face."

Anthony groaned, his hips bucking against his mattress, "Yes fucking please."

Hours and hours later, when she sat on his living room floor, surrounded by more food than she could ever eat, just for lunch he'd said, I'll get you something else for dinner. And she finally fumbled through her clutch for her phone, Anthony's lips on her neck she couldn't help but laugh when she read Edwina's message.

Please tell me you're alive and I don't have to explain to Mum tomorrow that a white man has slain you.

Her fingers shaking a little as she typed out-

Don't worry he's only slain *one* part of my body 👅👅👅👅

And the response came back:

Lose this fucking number 🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮

[doccywhomst]

there's so many reasons I haven't unfollowed you doccy how much time do you have-

first of all your community and your energy in general is just so so positive and you radiate wonderful accepting loving and caring person energy 24/7 🥺 you're also the reason I've gotten into classic who so on behalf of my love of 4 thank you very much 😌 I always look forward to seeing your posts on my dash and especially your memes and art, they always brighten up my day :)) AND ALSO YOUR FOURTH DOCTOR SCARVES>>>>>>>> LIKE SERIOUSLY GIRL THATS SOME TALENT!!!!!!! so i would just like to thank you for being awesome doccy, owner of one of the best doctor who blogs out there <33

MY HEART CANT TAKE THIS

you're so nice!!!!! 😭 i'm simply enjoying doctor who and making my silly little posts about it, but i'm glad they're adding positivity to your life!! i used to be big-ish on instagram, but the community there is so toxic and shallow, it was unbearable. i got lots of rude messages for no reason - but i've never received a mean ask/message on here! everyone has been extremely lovely, and i'm just happy to be a part of this community! 🥺

[citrinekay]

Hiiii I dunno if you're still doing prompts but i've been thinking about a drabble where Bill and Holden are at home and they're both a little tipsy and Holden talks Bill into slow dancing with him, I just need some cute domestic fluff tbh, thanksss

HI Ash! Sorry for the delay in answering this 😫 life has been so busy and stressful these past couple weeks, but I finally got a chance to sit down and write this little thing that’s been bouncing around in my head ever since you sent this message. Hopefully you are still yearning for the domestic fluff, because this is fluffy to the max! Enjoy 💕

When Holden wakes on Saturday morning, the mellow, morning sunlight creeping across the unoccupied side of his bed illuminates the vacancy in a way that makes his chest tighten. If he closes his eyes, he can imagine the dust motes sailing, hitting bare skin, the radiating warmth of body heat, hands winding around his waist to pull him closer. But he’s never liked feeling needy or dependent on anyone - not until recently. 

He tries to set aside the lonely patter of his thoughts, but when he goes into the kitchen to put some breakfast together, his gaze settles nervously on the telephone. 

Last weekend, it was Bill’s turn having Brian. The week before that, Holden was over at Bill’s house, and they were making out on the couch. It seems like a small eternity ago, almost unbearable. He wants to call and invite himself over, but Bill has never been the doting type. He doesn’t appreciate clingy behavior or other people invading his personal space. This thing between them is still too new for that kind of closeness. 

Holden dispels the thought of calling, and turns his attention to making breakfast. Afterward, he busies himself by checking the contents of the refrigerator and deciding he needs to stop at the grocery store. 

On the weekend, the store is fairly busy, and he takes his time shuffling down the crowded aisles and ticking items off his list once they hit the cart. He trolls the familiar shelves by rote, allowing his mind to wander and predict the rest of the day. Maybe he’ll go for a run later or settle in with a book. More than likely, he’ll end up pouring over the case files he brought home with him. Relaxing has never come easy to him, just like the vulnerability of missing someone. 

When Holden gets back to his apartment, juggling two paper sacks of groceries and his keys, the shrill ring of his telephone reaches past the front door. Muttering a curse, he sets down one sack in order to unlock the door, and quickly drags the groceries inside. The telephone continues ringing as he knocks the door shut, stumbles past the grocery sacks into the kitchen, and swipes for the receiver. 

“Hello?”

“Hey.” Bill’s voice reaches from the other end of the line, at ease and fond, shattering Holden’s dour mood in seconds. 

“Bill, hi.” Holden says, a smile pushing unbidden at his cheeks. 

“Did I catch you at a bad time?”

“No, I was just coming back from the store. It’s okay. What’s up?”

“Nothing, I was just thinking about you.”

Holden turns to lean his hips against the kitchen counter, and bites back a growing grin. “Really? That’s funny.”

“Why?”

“Because, I was thinking about you.” Holden says, clutching the phone tighter as nervous butterflies rouse in his belly. 

“Were you, now?”

“Mm-hm.”

“Well, it seems like we’re on the same page then.” Bill says, his tone modest yet holding a note of anticipation.

“About what?”

“You coming over tonight.”

The butterflies explode, not painfully but joyously. Holden purses his lips, but he can’t help the excited grin that stretches across his mouth. 

“That sounds great.” He says, attempting not to betray his over-eagerness. 

“Yeah?” Bill asks, the relief in his voice matching the warmth in Holden’s chest. “I wasn’t sure how you’d feel. I know last week in New Hampshire was hard on you. I figured you’d want to rest-”

“No.” Holden says, quickly. “Not at all. I want to come over.”

“Great. We don’t have to do anything crazy.” Bill says, “Order some take-out, watch a movie …”

“Yeah, that all sounds good. When do you want me to come over?”

“I’ve got some chores around the house to finish up. How does five o’clock sound?”

“Good. Perfect.”

“Okay. See you then.”

After they hang up, Holden stands in the middle of the kitchen with a bewildered smile lingering on his face. His fears about coming off as too needy sink below the surface, leaving behind the warm hum of anticipation in his belly. The realization that Bill wants this - them - just as much as he does rises up slowly right next to the bubbling excitement, but Holden doesn’t try to dwell on the particulars; he has to seize this moment while it lasts. 

~

Holden pulls his car into the driveway of Bill’s house at 4:45. He prefers to be early, but today’s punctuality exists more out of uncurbed enthusiasm rather than timely diligence. He hadn’t been able to stop himself from getting himself ready early and leaving his apartment ahead of schedule. He’s sure Bill won’t mind. 

Getting out of the car, he jogs up the front steps, and raps his knuckles on the front door. He doesn’t have to wait long before he hears Bill’s footfalls approach and the latch click open. 

Holden glances up from his shoes to see Bill holding the door open. He has a kitchen towel over his shoulder, and his cheeks are faintly flushed. Immediately, the mouth-watering scents of cooking dinner wafts from behind his shoulders. 

“Hi.” Bill says, his mouth fending off a smug smile. 

“Hi…” Holden says, slowly, a frown tugging at his brow. 

“Come on in.” 

Bill stands aside as Holden creeps across the threshold, pinning him with a curious gaze. 

“What smells so good?” Holden asks as Bill pulls the door shut behind him. 

Bill’s hand clasps his hip as he leans in to plant a warm kiss on Holden’s cheek. “Dinner.”

“Dinner?” Holden echoes, his brows rising. “You said we were going casual.”

“I know. I wanted to surprise you.”

“I’m practically in pajamas.” Holden protests, haplessly. “I would have dressed up if you told me you were making me dinner and-”

“Hey,” Bill interrupts, his eyes twinkling. “Hush, will you? I’m not worried about what you’re wearing.”

Holden purses his lips, and gently leans into Bill’s chest. Peeking up past his eyelashes and the flush climbing his cheeks, he murmurs, “Right. Sorry. I should be thanking you.”

“You can thank me later.” Bill whispers, planting a fleeting kiss on Holden’s mouth before he turns to go back into the kitchen. 

Holden trails behind him, his disbelief growing as he enters the kitchen to see the table set with the nice china dishware and a glass vase at the center that holds a large bouquet of purple and white flowers. 

“Wow.” Holden says, pausing in the doorway to gather himself. “Bill, this is …”

“A surprise?” Bill asks as he leans down to open the oven. 

“Yes. Very much so.”

Bill pulls the pot out of the oven, and sets it down on the top of the stove. When the lid comes off, the aromatic scent of seasoned pork roast makes Holden’s mouth water. 

“Then I succeeded.” Bill says, casting him a smile. 

Holden shuffles closer to the table, trying to curb his excitement as he bends over to smell the flowers. 

“Are these for me?”

“Yep.” Bill says, sounding casual as he carves into the roast. 

“Well, well. I didn’t know you were such a romantic.”

“I’m not. But I figured you would appreciate it.”

“Why’s that? I don’t consider myself a romantic either.”

Bill casts him a dubious glance over his shoulder. 

“What? I’m not.” Holden protests. 

Bill smirks, and turns his attention back to plating the food. 

Holden sighs, and rubs one of the flower petals between his thumb and forefinger. “Well, I have to admit, they are nice. I hope you didn’t spend too much on them.”

“Didn’t your mother teach you it’s rude to ask how much a gift costs?”

“Yes. She also taught me not to kiss boys so …. We’re in new territory, aren’t we?”

Setting aside his fork and knife, Bill turns to catch Holden by the wrist and reel him in. Both arms wind around his waist, pulling him into a firm embrace. A shiver runs through him, leaving his knees weak and his hands clutching at the front of Bill’s shirt. The thrill of warmth ends in his belly when Bill’s eyes swallow him, then his mouth comes down to turn Holden’s world inside out and upside down. Dizzy, giddy satisfaction crushes through his veins at the first sweet dash of Bill’s mouth against his own, increasing to a dazed hum when the strokes deepen and Bill’s tongue slips against his palate. 

Holden clings to Bill’s chest until the kiss ends with a slick disconnect of lips and panting breath. He opens his eyes slowly, shuddering. 

Bill gazes down at him, a faint smirk resting on the damp corner of his mouth. “I’ve been thinking about doing that all day.” He murmurs. 

Holden flushes hotly, and chokes on a reply. 

Bill chuckles. “I guess your mom didn’t tell you how great kissing boys would be, huh?”

“Not in the slightest.” Holden whispers, offering a strangled laugh. 

“Come on.” Bill says, nudging him toward the table. “Sit down. Dinner’s ready.”

Holden sinks to his chair, grateful for the support now that his legs have been turned to jelly. Part of him had meant to come here tonight feeling in control of emotions and sexually powerful. He’d meant to accept Bill’s invitation, but not act too eager. Ten minutes into the evening and he’s ready to faint like a virgin, longing for another kiss, longing for more - Bill’s hands all over his body, making him forget everything his mother ever taught him. 

After Bill sets the dinner plates in front of them and pours them each a glass of wine, he sits down across from Holden with a pleased sigh. 

“Go ahead.” He urges as Holden toys with his fork. 

“This looks really good.” Holden says, leaning forward to apply his fork and knife to the pork. 

Bill watches eagerly as he takes a bite and the tender, juicy flavor fills his mouth. 

“Mm, wow. It tastes really good, too.” Holden says around the bite. 

“Good.” Bill says, taking up his own fork. “That’s all I wanted to hear.”

They both fall quiet for a few moments as they eat, the quiet clink of silverware on china filtering above the rush in Holden’s ears. He peeks past the bouquet of flowers, feeling his chest swelling and opening the same as the soft petals. It’s difficult to hold onto his stubborn sense of self-sustainability when Bill is treating him this way, making him dinner, giving him flowers, kissing him intimately in a way he knows he’ll never be kissed by anyone else again; but a part of him still clings to his jaded cynicism, the scar tissue on his heart that warns him nothing good lasts forever. 

“Bill …” Holden whispers. 

“Yeah?” Bill mutters, glancing up from his plate with a warm, expectant gaze. 

“Thank you. This is amazing. It feels too good to be true, actually.”

Bill’s mouth tilts with a soft smile. “I know. But it is.”

“In ten years …” Holden says, drawing in a shaky breath. “Are you going to cook me dinner like this?”

Bill’s eyes soften, and his chest rises with a staggered breath. Setting his fork and knife down, he rubs a hand over his mouth. 

“You, um … You think we’re going to be together like this in ten years?” 

“Well, I … I think so.” Holden says, hurriedly. “I mean, I hope so.”

“Yeah.” Bill says, his voice quietly choked. “Me, too.”

Holden lowers his head, pressing his eyes shut against the sudden sting of tears. Bill’s hand creeps across the table to clutch over his knuckles, grounding him into this moment that feels too perfectly constructed for his reality. 

“You okay?” Bill asks, gently. 

Holden nods, swiping briskly at his eyes. “Yes, fine. Good, actually.”

“Okay, good. That’s a relief. I didn’t think I was that rusty in the kitchen.”

Holden chokes on a laugh, and shakes his head. “No, it’s not the food. The food is amazing. You’re amazing, I just-”

He stops as their eyes meet across the table, and he realizes he’s shown too much - more than he ever has with anyone else. In just a few minutes, his walls have crumbled to the ground. 

He clears his throat of the forming knot, and manages a calm expression. 

“It’s just that good things normally don’t last long for me.” He says, “Everything has always felt temporary.”

Bill’s knits with concern and determination. He gives Holden’s hand another squeeze. 

“Well,” He says, “It isn’t this time.”

~

After the dishes are cleared away and the bottle of wine is diminished to a few lingering sips, Bill and Holden relax on the couch with the television playing at low volume and a Sinatra record spinning on the turntable. 

Holden isn’t paying much attention to the sports cast debating the upcoming football draft as he cuddles underneath Bill’s arm, his cheek pressed to Bill’s chest. Bill’s fingertips wander up and down the back of his arm, rousing warm tingles down his spine while the other hand guides a cigarette to and from his lips. 

Tilting his head back, Holden studies Bill’s face in the low light, the familiar edges of his jawline, his bladed cheekbones, his eyes as moody as incoming rain. He knows these planes and slopes well, has memorized each facet through sleepless, lovelorn midnights. He thought he knew everything there was to know about Bill, but tonight surprised him - and his morning concerns that Bill might find him too needy or even annoying suddenly seem ridiculous. 

The record hums static for a moment before the next song starts, the sweet, languid opening notes of “The Way You Look Tonight.”

Hesitation cast aside, Holden sits bolt upright from Bill’s chest, and clutches his arm. 

“I love this song.”

Bill’s attention breaks from the television to pin Holden with a bemused smile. “Yeah. It’s a good one.”

“It’s one of my mom’s favorite songs.” Holden says, climbing to his feet. “We used to slow dance to it in the kitchen.”

“There you go with your mom again.”

“She has good music taste. Obviously.” Holden says, tugging on Bill’s hand. “Come on.”

“Come where?” 

“Come on. Dance with me.” Holden says, offering his most imploringly coy gaze. 

“Oh, no.” Bill says, shaking his head. “I think I’ve fulfilled enough romantic duties for tonight.”

“Duties? You seemed pretty pleased with yourself.”

“Yeah, well. You said you weren’t a romantic either.” 

“Maybe I lied a little.” Holden says, giving Bill’s hand another firm tug. “Please?”

Bill gives a labored sigh, but quickly sets aside his cigarette and climbs to his feet. 

“Here.” Holden says, guiding Bill’s left hand to his hip and catching the right hand in his own grasp. “I’ll lead.”

“Holden, I know how to dance.” Bill says, flipping their hands over so that his is on top.

“Do you?” 

“Yeah, it’s just been awhile.” 

Holden purses his mouth shut as Bill’s palm flattens against his lower back, drawing him so close that their mouths nearly collide. A chuckle rises up in his belly, the last of his misgivings melting away beneath the duress of Bill’s embrace and half a bottle of a wine simmering in his veins. It feels too good to resist now that he’s wrapped up in Bill’s arms, their bodies swaying against one another while Sinatra croons a saccharine, lovesick melody. 

They’re quiet through the first verse as they rock back and forth, turning in a slow circle in the middle of the living room carpet. Holden wraps his arm tighter around Bill’s shoulders, and lowers his head to the warm cradle of Bill’s neck. 

“I have a confession.” He whispers as the song swells into the chorus. 

“Hmm?”  

“I thought about calling you this morning before you called me.” Holden whispers, lifting his head from Bill’s neck to cast him a sheepish smile. “But I didn’t want to seem clingy.”

“Clingy?” Bill echoes. “Why would you seem clingy?”

“Well, we see each other every day at work, and we were just together all weekend the other week. I just thought-”

“That I didn’t miss you?” 

Holden pauses, his throat knotting again. “Well, um … yes.”

“I missed you a lot when you were in New Hampshire.” Bill says, leaning in to kiss Holden’s lower lip softly. “I do every time we have to go out of town for work.”

Holden leans into the kiss, but Bill’s mouth only strokes softly for a few moments before he pulls back, his forehead nudging against Holden’s. 

“Can I be completely honest with you right now?”

“Yes, of course.” 

“Good.” Bill says, his hand squeezing against Holden’s lower back. “Because I don’t want to waste anymore time. I’ve wasted years, you know. Years I can’t get back.”

Holden frowns, feeling his chest begin to quiver. “Years?”

“Yes. Years without this - without you.” Bill says, glancing away with a coarse scoff as the words choke in his throat. “Fuck. Sorry.”

“It’s okay.” Holden murmurs, leaning closer. 

They’ve stopped dancing, but their hands are still clasped in mid-air. Holden doesn’t feel like letting go of Bill’s hand. 

“I don’t know.” Bill says, “I guess I thought this would be easier if I persuaded you with dinner and flowers and wine.”

“Persuaded me?” Holden echoes. 

“Yeah.” Bill says, shifting a misty gaze back to Holden. He draws in a slow breath. “But you’re going to make me say out loud, aren’t you?”

Holden swallows hard. There’s a buzzing in his ears that doesn’t quite feel like panic. His belly is surging, flipping. They’re rushing towards a precipice that they can’t turn back from. He’s carving out pieces of himself and handing them over.  Willingly. They both are. 

“Look,” Bill says, lowering his head again, “I know it’s hard for both of us to say how we feel, but I can’t keep pretending that this is some kind of phase or fling or- … It means more than that to me, and you were talking about ten years from now so I know you do too.”

Holden adjusts his grasp on Bill’s hand. Both of them are sweaty with nerves, but he doesn’t want to let go. 

Bill lifts his head. His eyes are clear, resolute. There’s a pause, not the quiet before a destructive storm but the anticipation before a deliverance of rain. 

“I love you.” Bill says, quietly. 

Holden draws in a hitched breath, and tears instantly sting his eyes. Overwhelmed, he buries his face in Bill’s neck, and wraps both arms around his shoulders. Sinatra’s serenade swells below the surge of his heartbeat, the broken, lonely pieces of himself coming back together again. 

Bill holds him close until he can breathe again, until he can look up and look into Bill’s eyes without crumbling entirely. 

“I love you, too.” Holden chokes out, a tear streaking down his cheek in the same moment that he begins to laugh for joy. 

“You do?” Bill asks, a hopeful smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. 

“Yes.” Holden nods, pressing a series of affirming kisses to Bill’s mouth, mumbling the response again and again into the narrow space between their mouths. 

Bill’s hand strokes away the last of his tears before it takes up Holden’s hand into the dancing position again. As they begin to sway once more, Holden nestles his cheek against Bill’s shoulder. His mind goes quiet, not for the first time, but for the first time in a very long time, in so long that he’d almost forgotten what this kind of contentment feels like. Relief rushes through him, a nebulous epiphany of bliss. In this moment, he can see every second of the future, the two of them together just like this.  Nothing lasts forever, but some things are infinite.