Discovery
Jessie Fleming x Reader
Summary: Jessie hides a personal secret while navigating a new relationship. Her past experiences with rejection bring about complications and concern, but her burgeoning relationship with you offers a chance for connection.
Warnings: G!P content. Body image issues or even dysphoria; mental and emotional anxiety; internal conflicts; themes of self-acceptance; mention of past rejections.
A/N: This is some heavier stuff. Heavy on the angst, but, I promise comfort and a happy ending. Based on this request (thank you the prompt!!).
A/N x2: This is separate from the Control series. While in the Control series, G!Ps are totally normal or accepted, in this 'universe', G!Ps are not commonplace.
"Tell me a secret."
A cold rush of panic went through Jessie at your question. Had you heard something? Did you notice something? Her heart raced and she felt herself growing numb at the prospect.
"Huh?" Was all she could manage. Thankfully, you laughed.
"Tell me something I don't know about you."
"Oh," she said as she relaxed somewhat.
For a second, she thought you knew about her secret. About her. She'd always felt different, and as she grew up, she discovered why she felt that way.
In changerooms in early gym classes and sports, she learned quickly how she was different from many other girls. While most had a vagina, labia, clit - the usual - she had a cock instead. It wasn't entirely rare, but it wasn't the norm - that's for sure.
Those close to her knew and of course her teammates knew - it was impossible for them not to know - and thankfully as time went on, her…condition…became more and more accepted. Still, she didn't advertise it. It drew unnecessary attention and she didn't want it to be the focus of any burgeoning friendship, or in this case, relationship.
Dating was hard. Not only was she shy and a bit awkward to begin with, but this aspect of her was something she never quite learned how to navigate outside of the sporting world. When should she bring it up? How much should it matter?
It had mattered to other girls. The first girl she liked, really liked, had called her a freak and that had been the end of that. To this day, if she sat with it long enough, faint shadows of the shame and rejection she’d felt at the time hovered in the back of her mind.
In university, she learned the hard way that some girls just wanted to experiment and she was just an object in that experiment. So though they’d met her secret with bright-eyed curiosity and enthusiasm, when they stopped returning her texts and calls, she realized what it all really was.
It hurt. It was complicated. Delicate. And it weighed on her more than she’d like to admit.
So now, she didn't date much. She only wanted to pursue something if it really, really felt right.
Like it did with you.
You'd started as friends, but in time it evolved into more. It would’ve happened far sooner if Jessie hadn’t been so in her head about it.
You'd been on a couple of dates together, but despite your friendship leading into this, as far as she knew, you didn't know this fact about her.
In general, Jessie had worked really hard to be proud of herself and fully embrace this aspect of herself, but in scenarios like this - in this context - that old insecurity crept back in whether it was logical or not.
"I, um." Jessie bought time as she wracked her brain for a secret other than the one between her legs. "I've never seen an episode of Friends."
"Wow," you said slowly, dragging the word out as you rest your chin in your open palm. "We're getting really deep now," you said facetiously with a chuckle. "Come on," you said encouragingly, "something else."
"I-I don't know," Jessie said, feeling her face heating up tremendously. You rolled your eyes, but affectionately so.
"Don't tell me you're an open book, because you're the furthest thing from it," you said.
A wave of guilt went through her. She wasn't trying to be cagey - especially with you, but that's just how it was now. Unless if you were her teammate and she was forced to be 100% open with you, she wasn't.
Janine had warned her about this. She'd made fun of her for her crush on you, but also cautioned about not waiting too long to tell you that she may not be exactly what she presented as. She knew her friend was right; that if you weren't going to accept her, better to break things off now than get more invested and open herself up to more hurt.
“Well,” Jessie replied slowly as she sat back in the booth across the table from you. She took a sip of her nearly empty drink. “What would you like to know?”
You crossed her arms and gave her a chiding look, but smiled nonetheless.
“Remember. You asked me,” you warned, before growing serious. “You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to. But, I am curious.”
You shuffled a bit in your seat, your nerves setting in a bit, gaze diverted. Jessie waited patiently despite her own nerves and you finally looked back up.
“I feel like this is an offensive question, but I really am kind of baffled,” you went on. “Not sure how else to say this, but, why are you single?”
A frown slowly settled on Jessie’s face and you went on hurriedly.
“I just mean, you’re sweet, you’re smart, funny, and, you know, gorgeous. You’re the whole package, and yet,” you slowed, gaze shifting away again, “you’re single. And everything I heard is that you’ve barely dated. I just find it…surprising.”
Before it was even her turn to speak, Jessie could feel her face heating up. She scratched at the back of her neck as she conjured up a response.
“Um. I’m picky? I guess,” she said with a faint laugh. “And I’m single? I thought we…,” she trailed off. Her face began to radiate as you narrowed your eyes at her.
“Are you saying you want me to be your girlfriend?” You asked, a smile in your voice and the faintest hint of it on your lips.
“I-I thought I asked,” Jessie replied, her voice nearly a mumble as she sunk slightly into her seat.
“You asked me on dates,” you teased, leaning forward. “Not to be your girlfriend. There’s a difference.” You smiled warmly at Jessie who rubbed the side of her face in embarrassment. “And you are so adorable. So if you’re asking - yes, I’d love to be your girlfriend.”
She looked up at you. And you gave her an apologetic look.
“Baby, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have teased. I wish we weren’t at a restaurant right now. I’d come over there and kiss you right now.”
Jessie grumbled slightly, but couldn’t help but offer you a small smile. “Rain check?”
“Of course,” you said as you sat back. “Now. You didn’t really finish answering my earlier question.”
Whatever amount her heart had relaxed in the past few moments, it picked right back up again.
“I just…I don’t see the point in dating if it’s not serious. I don’t have a lot of free time, so if I’m going to dedicate that time to someone, I want it to mean something.”
That wasn’t a lie.
“Well, I consider myself very lucky,” you relayed with a sweet smile. “And that also explains why it took you so long to ask me out.”
She rolled her eyes playfully. “Am I ever going to live that down?”
“As soon as I find something else to tease you for - sure,” you replied cheekily.
“Yeah, yeah,” Jessie dismissed with a lingering blush.
You nodded at her empty plate and glass. “Wanna go?”
You’d been at the restaurant for a few hours already, the server giving you dark stares as they waited to turn over the table. Jessie sighed inwardly. You’d have to leave at some point.
She held out her arm. “After you.”
The drive back to your place was light and fun, but despite that, she couldn’t help but be preoccupied by what to do next. Before she knew it, she was pulling up in front of your building. She put the car in park.
“Um, it’s not that late. Do you want to come up?” You asked. “You can just park in Visitor.”
Jessie hated this.
“Oh, I have an early practice tomorrow, so I should probably get going. I’ll walk you to your door though.” She finished eagerly, getting out of the car before you could reject her offer.
She wanted to come up. Even if only to spend more time with you. She always did when you were friends. You’d talk late into the night until she forced herself to leave. Now that you were dating, she hadn’t come up once. The new context made everything so much more complicated.
She knew she could only put things on hold for so long until things would implode. She’d deal with it in due time. Until then, she supposed she’d be a coward.
You both stopped and turned to face one another as you reached your front door. You clasped your hands in front of you, rocking onto the balls of your feet before settling back again.
“Sure you don’t want to come up?”
“Yeah, I want to, but I just can’t tonight. Thank you though,” Jessie said as emphatically as she could. She hoped how much she liked you was really what shon through.
“Mmmkay,” you said dryly with a faint smirk as you wrapped your arms around her. Jessie’s worries melted away as she was pulled into your embrace. She tucked her chin into the crook of your neck and squeezed you tight.
When you pulled back you gave her another teasing look. “Guess this is what I get for having an elite athlete as a girlfriend.” Jessie laughed.
“Thanks for being patient.”
“Of course,” you said. A beat passed as you rose up on your toes again briefly. “Well. Goodnight, then. Drive safe, okay? Text me when you’re home.”
“Will do,” Jessie said. She paused before giving you a nervous smile. “I had a good time tonight. And, I, um, I like being called your girlfriend.”
“Yeah?” You said, a hint of flirtation in your tone as you cocked your head at her.
“Mmhmm,” she nodded.
“Good to know,” you said softly before you lifted a hand to her cheek and kissed her gently.
Just as the couple of times before, Jessie felt her knees go weak at the contact. She wrapped her arms loosely around your waist and you kissed her again.
The kisses between you two had been chaste thus far. And perhaps she shouldn’t have been surprised, but she was still caught off guard when this time you deepened the kiss. You wrapped your arms around the back of her neck and leaned into her, all the while kissing her with greater fervour.
Jessie went from feeling weak in the knees to feeling something entirely different. That tightening sensation started between her legs and she pulled back urgently on instinct.
As soon as she did it she felt panic and guilt rush through her, the look she spotted on your face right away adding to her guilt ten fold.
“Sorry. I, um,” one hand went to the back of her head and the other strategically in front of her though nothing should’ve been overly visible just yet and in this lighting. Her gaze was set on the cold concrete before finding the resolve to look at you once more, “I just have had a tickle in my throat all night. If I’m getting sick, I don’t want to give it to you.”
She felt confident that her voice was steady and it was actually a decent excuse. But she felt like a piece of shit regardless.
“Oh. Okay,” you said, your fingers - subconsciously or not - grazing your lips before you clasped your hands in front of you again. “Thanks. That’s sweet. But for the record, I don’t mind.”
“I’d hate to get you sick,” Jessie reiterated. “But. Noted.” She sighed inaudibly and forced a smile. “Good night. Sweet dreams. I’ll text you when I’m home, okay?”
“Okay. Thanks for tonight,” you told her. If you were still offended or hurt, you were hiding it well. Jessie leaned in for a quick peck on your cheek.
“Night, babe.”
When Jessie got home she was still in a foul mood. Worse, in fact. She got changed and laid in bed staring up at the darkened ceiling as her mind swirled with thoughts.
It was a matter of moments before her eyes began to sting with tears. It had been a long time since she’d felt this resentful about her body. If it wasn’t for this physical aspect, things would be so much simpler.
Now, instead of being giddy and joyful. She - officially - had a girlfriend. An incredible girlfriend. One she really, truly could see a future with. If she could be honest. And if you accepted her.
Instead of enjoying this moment, she was scared, and anxious, and angry. She liked you so much. She could feel herself falling for you already. But it was all so precarious.
What if she was wrong about you? What if this discovery would reveal that you were secretly close minded? What if it just wasn’t something you wanted or found attractive. What if…what if…the questions kept coming.
But none of that mattered. If you didn’t know this about her, know who she truly was, you could never truly love her. Through no fault of your own, you’d be loving a portion of her or worse, a mask. Until Jessie was fully honest with you, your connection could never be entirely authentic or complete.
She wiped angrily at the tears that fell down the sides of her cheeks. She felt like she was losing something before it had the chance to flourish or evolve.
It wasn’t fair. This is why she didn’t date. Then she wouldn’t have to worry about any of this. When it was just her, things were fine. She had her friends, her team, her family. She shouldn’t need more.
But she needed you. Wanted you. She’d tried to block out her feelings for you, but you found your way past her intricately built walls anyway. And now here she was.
Her phone buzzed, interrupting her downward spiral. She looked and a such a bittersweet feeling filled her chest when she saw your name. She sniffled as she unlocked her phone. You’d shared a post with a message.
“I saw this post and thought of you. Thank you again for tonight. I had a good time. Text me in the morning. And for the 20th time, I don’t care if it’s before I’m up. It won’t wake me up and besides, I like waking up to texts from you. I miss you already xoxo”
She smiled. This was complicated. And it was messy. But for you, she was going to figure it out.
A/N: So, this is something I didn't want to try and wrap up in a pretty bow within one part. I think there's a lot to explore here, so I'm picturing a short series. Like less than 4 chapters probably?? Let me know in the comments/asks what your thoughts are.
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Duck on a String III
Jessie Fleming x Child!Reader
Summary: The team meet your duck
Mama lets you bring your red wagon to training today because you don't want Sir Quackers to be alone at home.
He's got a big cage to keep him safe with lots of blankets and water and food for him and you get to pull him along in your wagon.
You knighted him last night while you and Mama were playing kings and queens so now he's Sir Quackers instead of just Quackers and you love him very much.
Jessie doesn't want your duck being left alone in the house either. He's proven to be a bit of a menace by himself if the chewed-up boxes of cereal are anything to go by.
No.
He's much safer in his cage while he's still too small for the harness and leash Jessie's ordered for when he's older.
"Mama," You say," Will the others like Sir Quackers?"
You seem completely enamoured with him and, despite the fact that the duck seems to think he rules the house, Jessie loves him too.
"They'll love him," She assures you, fondly pushing your hair out of your face as you both approach the doors," Make sure you tell Magda just how thankful you are about her getting Quackers for you."
"Sir Quackers, Mama," You remind her," We knighted him."
"Oh, you're right. Sir Quackers. Sorry, duckie."
"That's okay! He's still getting used to his name too!"
Your proud entrance gets a bit hampered by the fact that your wagon gets caught at a strange angle so Jessie has to help you get it through the doorway.
By that point, the whole room has fallen silent and Magda has grown incredibly pale as you approach her.
"Thank you for my duck, Uncle Magda!"
Pernille scoffs next to her, muttering sarcastically," A dead egg, huh, Magda?"
"Er...You're the welcome," Magda manages to get out after a long bout of silence.
"His name is Sir Quackers!" You tell her, grabbing her by the hand and dragging her through the small crowd that has surrounded your wagon," Because ducks say quack and Mama and me knighted him. So he's Sir Quackers and not just Quackers."
"A duck, huh?" Erin snickers and Jessie buries her face in her hands, Niamh rubbing her shoulders.
"She was very excited."
"Do you know how to take care of the duck?"
"The vet sent us home with an information pack. Duckie's insiting we read it as her bedtime story every night."
"That's sweet," Niamh offers up," It shows she's taking this seriously."
"She keeps trying to sneak out of bed to play with him. I've had to move the duck into my room to make sure I catch her."
Erin can't stop snickering and soon Sam and Guro are laughing too.
"Is it that bad?" Niamh asks and Jessie has to begrudgingly shake her head.
She watches as you hold Magda hostage by your side, very excitedly waffling on about how cool Sir Quackers is and how he's your bestest friend in the world.
Magda looks unbelievably nervous, eyes wide as Pernille stares daggers at her. She ducks her head down to focus on you again, hoping that by showing interest, she can avoid whatever lecture Pernille's already planning in her head.
"Do you want to hold him?" You ask and Magda freeze, throat suddenly going dry.
"W-What?"
"Do you want to hold Sir Quackers?"
"Erm..."
"Are you scared, uncle Magda? That's okay! I'll hold him and you can stroke him!"
You show no fear as you pick Sir Quackers up and offer him to Magda to pet.
"I'm sorry about her," Pernille says, watching from a distance as she slides next to Jessie," She assured me it was dead."
"It's fine," Jessie assures her," I think it's nice Duckie has a friend now."
"Magda will willingly babysit them both."
"I can't ask that."
"You don't need to ask," Pernille says," It's what's going to happen. Magda can supervise duck play."
They both turn in sync to see Magda really awkwardly stroking Sir Quackers as he tries to eat her finger.
"Mama!" You say, looking at Jessie proudly," He is giving uncle Magda kisses!"
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