#that curse is writers block and executive dysfunction

[speakeasyaoi]

*shaking on my hands and knees* I PROMISE that I've been working on requests I promise but I've been inflicted with a horrible curse

[someoneasgoodasyou]

Today I wrote 3123 words in one go on the hitman!AU and I’m mentally exhausted but kinda physically wired. Caffeine after work to wake me up and help me focus is both a blessing and a curse.

I gotta say, internet, one of the things that has helped me a lot when it comes to writing is recognizing that the base reason why I don’t write is anxiety. I can be on all the ADHD meds in the world, have all the executive dysfunction help in the universe and it still won’t do jack shit because that sick feeling is still in my heart and stomach.

I get mad rebound anxiety, too, so I don’t take PRN anxiety meds (like xanax) often. It’s just not worth spending the rest of the night snapping at everyone and wanting to die because I’m so anxious about nothing.

But caffeine? I’m used to taking energy shots on my frequent overnight drives to visit friends far away. It helps me stay up during the drive (and, uh, the rest of the next day). It also calms me down and helps me focus on the road and not like. Whatever is going on in my head at the time. Why I never connected this with “caffeine helps ur anxiety idiot” I don’t know.

My point is: If you are like me and anxiety is at the base of your writer’s block/inability to sit down and get writing done, deffo give small amounts of caffeine a shot. Like, seriously, I took a sip of a five hour energy shot at 7pm and look what I’ve accomplished in the following 3 hours!

Now I am off to put the final season of Burn Notice in my eyeballs until I am tired enough physically to go to sleep. Wish me luck!

[cantbuymemeth]

1 “Evergreen” 1/5 The family of a rebellious teenager (Amber Tamblyn) moves to a gated community which has a unique and grisly way of dealing with troubled youth.

2 “One Night at Mercy” 3/5 A doctor named Dr. Jay Ferguson saves a strange patient (Jason Alexander) from suicide, only to learn that he is Death incarnate looking to take a break from his life’s work.

3 “Shades of Guilt” 4/5 After leaving a dark-skinned professor (Hill Harper) who’s asking for help, Matt McGreevy (Vincent Ventresca) soon learns to regret his action as he slowly begins to resemble the man.

4 “Dream Lover” 1/5 A comic book graphic artist named Andrew Lomax (Adrian Pasdar) somehow makes his dream girl (Shannon Elizabeth) real to help him with his writer’s block. However, who is real and who is fictional becomes unclear.

5 “Cradle of Darkness” 1/5 A woman (Katherine Heigl) working for a time travel organization is sent back in time to kill Adolf Hitler in infancy and prevent his reign of terror.

6 “Night Route” 4/5 After nearly being hit by a car, a female English professor named Melina Kroner (Ione Skye) is haunted by a strange bus appearing in her street.

7 “Time Lapse” 1/5 An orderly named Zack Walker (Ethan Embry), suffering from blackouts, learns that the gaps in time that he can’t remember were the result of a cop—briefly switching bodies with him—trying to prevent the assassination of the President’s daughter.

8 “Dead Man’s Eyes” 3/5 After the husband of Lauren Janus (Portia de Rossi) is murdered, she is inconsolable. At the trial, she absentmindedly places his glasses on her face—and suddenly, she is able to see through his eyes. The glasses recorded the man’s last moments, so his wife decides to try and solve the case—but she must face a very dangerous and familiar murderer.

9 “The Pool Guy” 3/5 A pool cleaner named Richie Almares (Lou Diamond Phillips) is having a recurring nightmare of a deceased man (Mackenzie Gray) who keeps telling him to wake up before shooting him.

10 “Azoth the Avenger Is a Friend of Mine” 1/5 A young boy named Craig Henson (Rory Culkin), beset by an abusive father and neighborhood bullies, wills his favorite superhero Azoth the Avenger (Patrick Warburton) to life, who teaches him about vengeance and courage.

11 “The Lineman” 2/5 After being struck by lightning, a lineman named Tyler Ward (Jeremy Piven) gains the ability to hear other people’s thoughts. Using his newfound powers for his own personal and financial gain, he soon realizes that everything comes with a price.

12 “Harsh Mistress” 1/5 A struggling musician named Cory Williams (Lukas Haas) purchases an infamous guitar, which leads to him gaining vast international stardom and wealth, but both come with a surprising price tag.

13 “Upgrade” 4/5 A housewife named Annie (Susanna Thompson), humiliated by her loutish husband and unruly children, wishes for a better life, only to find that reality wants to replace her as well.

14 “To Protect and Serve” 5/5 An idealistic police officer named Eric Boggs (Usher), determined to keep a prostitute (Samantha Becker) safe from her pimp, will stop at nothing in this world to protect her.

15 “Chosen” 5/5 A hopeless and destitute man named Vincent Hansen (Jake Busey) angrily rebuffs two persistent missionaries who may well have the answer to all of his problems at the time when some people start to disappear.

16 “Sensuous Cindy” 1/5 Having sworn off all other women upon getting engaged, a man named Benjamin Baker (Greg Germann) is put to the test by a virtual-reality beauty named Cindy (Jaime Pressly).

17 “Hunted” 1/5 A futuristic society is attacked by a vicious and mysterious murderer.

18 “Mr. Motivation” 1/5 A sinister toy doll (voiced by Pat O'Brien) encourages a timid man named Charles Stickney (Wallace Langham) to stand up to his boss Rick (Christopher McDonald) and take control of his life.

19 “Sanctuary” 2/5 Stranded in a modern day Garden of Eden, a sports agent named Scott Turner (Rob Estes) and a real estate agent named Marisa Sanborn (Elizabeth Berkley) soon find their idyllic world crumbling thanks to an injured motorcyclist (Nicki Aycox) and her working cell phone.

20 “Future Trade” 3/5 A man named Martin Donner (Frank Whaley) with a dead-end job at a big-box store and a dysfunctional family is lured into trading his future for that of a seemingly privileged man with a trophy wife (Sofia Milos). But he must have forgotten the age-old cliché: if something seems too good to be true, it probably is.

21 “Found and Lost” 2/5 A businessman named Sean Moore (Brian Austin Green) gets a chance to revisit the past and make another bid for Elizabeth Wicker (Moira Kelly) who was the woman that he loved.

22 “Gabe’s Story” 3/5 A deliveryman named Gabe O'Brien (Christopher Titus) suffering from consistent bad luck is given a surprising chance to change his destiny.

23 “Last Lap” 5/5 A terminally ill young man named Andy Perez (Clifton Collins, Jr.) and his best friend Marco Flores (Greg Serano) take a final ride in their souped-up racer that results in unexpected consequences for both.

24 “The Path” 2/5 A dissatisfied tabloid journalist named Ally Warner (Linda Cardellini) entrusts her fate in the hands of a fortune teller named Kamayo (Method Man) who gives her scoops in advance. However, her “sure thing” has hidden problems.

25 “Fair Warning” 4/5 A flower shop clerk named Tina Bishop (Taryn Manning) is viciously stalked by one of the multiple personalities of a troubled pet store employee named George Straitton (Devon Gummersall).

26 “Another Life” 5/5 Famous rapper Marvin Gardens (Wood Harris) overcame a tough childhood in the projects to become a millionaire with a wife, son, and mansion. However, painful, confusing visions plague him to the point that the thin line between real and fantasy is crossed.

27 “Rewind” 2/5 A compulsive gambler named Jonah Beach (Eddie Kaye Thomas) mysteriously learns how to travel back in time, believes he has found a sure bet to win big at the casinos. He soon discovers, however, that everything is a gamble.

28 “Tagged” 1/5 A gang member and tagger named Marcus Fisher (Todd Williams) confesses to murder when a mural painted by the victim transforms itself into a version of the crime scene.

29 “Into the Light” 2/5 A teacher (Samantha Mathis) gains the power to predict death.

30 “It’s Still a Good Life” 0/5 In the sequel to the 1961 episode “It’s a Good Life”, Anthony Fremont (Bill Mumy), the young boy who once terrorized his town with his amazing mental powers, is now a man and the proud father of a little girl (Liliana Mumy) whose mental powers are stronger than his.

31 “The Monsters Are on Maple Street” 0/5 In this update of the 1960 episode “The Monsters Are Due on Maple Street,” a neighborhood begins suspecting their new neighbors of terrorism after the power and water get cut off.

32 “Memphis” 4/5 A law clerk named Ray Ellison (Eriq La Salle) with only six months to live due to a brain tumor finds himself in Memphis, Tennessee in 1968 on the day Martin Luther King, Jr. is going to be assassinated.

33 “How Much Do You Love Your Kid?” 5/5 A woman named Donna Saicheck (Bonnie Somerville) who is contemplating divorce from her husband Ted (Steve Bacic) gets a phone call from the police that her son has been kidnapped. Donna then sees this as part of a twisted reality game show hosted by a man known as Nick Dark (Wayne Knight).

34 “The Placebo Effect” 5/5 A description of an unnamed disease that the hypochondriac Harry Raditch (Jeffrey Combs) supposedly has comes to life when those around him become infected.

35 “Cold Fusion” 4/5 A brilliant physicist named Paul Thorson (Sean Patrick Flanery) is ordered by the military to a remote Arctic lab where the final start-up preparations for an infinite power source are taking place. He becomes involved in a deadly psychological struggle with the device’s creator (Ian McShane).

36 “The Pharaoh’s Curse” 3/5 An aspiring magician named Mario Devlin (Shawn Hatosy) seeks to learn the secret behind a legendary trick by legendary magician Harry Kellogg (Xander Berkeley).

37 “The Collection” 5/5 A night of babysitting turns to cold terror when a young woman named Miranda Evans (Jessica Simpson) realizes that the eerily lifelike doll collection of her client Danielle Rander (Ashley Edner) may explain the mysterious disappearances of the previous babysitters.

38 “Eye of the Beholder” 0/5 In this remake of the classic Twilight Zone episode, a beautiful woman named Janet Tyler (Molly Sims) in a futuristic society where everyone is hideous undergoes her 11th attempt at surgically being like everyone else.

39 “Developing” 2/5 A young photographer named Edie Durant (Robin Tunney) discovers photos of her dead fiancé that could never had been taken and remains convinced that it is her deceased lover calling her to be with him in death.

40 “The Executions of Grady Finch” 3/5 A death row inmate named Grady Finch (Jeremy Sisto) claims to his lawyer Liz (Alicia Witt) that he is innocent as an unknown force ends up interfering in his executions.

41 “Homecoming” 2/5 An army officer named Rob Malone (Gil Bellows) comes home to try and make amends with his wayward son Trace (Penn Badgley) before the boy learns his terrible secret.

42 “Sunrise” 5/5 Five college students named Marty (Jonathan Jackson), Amber (Sarah Carter), Noah (Michael Peña), Eve (Lauren Lee Smith), and Wesley (Tyler Labine) explore an Aztec site. They carelessly knock over a jug filled with blood and in an instant, the sun goes out. The Earth will die unless something is done. According to some carvings, the only way to reverse the curse is to sacrifice someone.

43 “Burned” 1/5 An agoraphobic real-estate mogul named Scott Crane (Jason Bateman) is haunted by the ghosts of twin children killed in an arson he paid a man to commit.