#that needs to be my musing tag

[tofixtheshadows]

I've been thinking a lot lately about how Kabru deprives himself.

Kabru as a character is intertwined with the idea that sometimes we have to sacrifice the needs of the few for the good of the many. He ultimately subverts this first by sabotaging the Canaries and then by letting Laios go, but in practice he's already been living a life of self-sacrifice.

Saving people, and learning the secrets of the dungeons to seal them, are what's important. Not his own comforts. Not his own desires. He forces them down until he doesn't know they're there, until one of them has to come spilling out during the confession in chapter 76.

Specifically, I think it's very significant, in a story about food and all that it entails, that Kabru is rarely shown eating. He's the deuteragonist of Dungeon Meshi, the cooking manga, but while meals are the anchoring points of Laios's journey, given loving focus, for Kabru, they're ... not.

I'm sure he eats during dungeon expeditions, in the routine way that adventurers must when they sit down to camp. But on the surface, you get the idea that Kabru spends most of his time doing his self-assigned dungeon-related tasks: meeting with people, studying them, putting together that evidence board, researching the dungeon, god knows what else. Feeding himself is secondary.

He's introduced during a meal, eating at a restaurant, just to set up the contrast between his party and Laios's. And it's the last normal meal we see him eating until the communal ending feast (if you consider Falin's dragon parts normal).

First, we get this:

Kabru's response here is such a non-answer, it strongly implies to me that he wasn't thinking about it until Rin brought it up. That he might not even be feeling the hunger signals that he logically knew he should.

They sit down to eat, but Kabru is never drawn reaching for food or eating it like the rest of his party. He only drinks.

It's possible this means nothing, that we can just assume he's putting food in his mouth off-panel, but again, this entire manga is about food. Cooking it, eating it, appreciating it, taking pleasure in it, grounding yourself in the necessary routine of it and affirming your right to live by consuming it. It's given such a huge focus.

We don't see him eat again until the harpy egg.

What a significant question for the protagonist to ask his foil in this story about eating! Aren't you hungry? Aren't you, Kabru?

He was revived only minutes ago after a violent encounter. And then he chokes down food that causes him further harm by triggering him, all because he's so determined to stay in Laios's good graces.

In his flashback, we see Milsiril trying to spoon-feed young Kabru cake that we know he doesn't like. He doesn't want to eat: he wants to be training.

Then with Mithrun, we see him eating the least-monstery monster food he can get his hands on, for the sake of survival- walking mushroom, barometz, an egg. The barometz is his first chance to make something like an a real meal, and he actually seems excited about it because he wants to replicate a lamb dish his mother used to make him!

...but he doesn't get to enjoy it like he wanted to.

Then, when all the Canaries are eating field rations ... Kabru still isn't shown eating. He's only shown giving food to Mithrun.

And of course the next time he eats is the bavarois, which for his sake is at least plant based ... but he still has to use a coping mechanism to get through it.

I don't think Kabru does this all on purpose. I think Kui does this all on purpose. Kabru's Post Traumatic Stress Disorder should be understood as informing his character just as much as Laios's autism informs his. It's another way that Kabru and Laios act as foils: where Laios takes pleasure in meals and approaches food with the excitement of discovery, Kabru's experiences with eating are tainted by his trauma. Laios indulges; Kabru denies himself. Laios is shown enjoying food, Kabru is shown struggling with it.

And I can very easily imagine a reason why Kabru might have a subconscious aversion towards eating.

Meals are the privilege of the living.

[b4kuch1n]

simulated earth (it does not matter)

transcript

[thiinka]

[iamnmbr3]

Me writing meta about Tom Riddle: *checks the book 3 times for accuracy, extrapolates based on the text, clearly denotes things that are just headcanons not specifically supported by evidence*

Albus Dumbledore writing meta about Tom Riddle: lol yeah idk his vibes were just always rancid. no i don't need to "cite my sources" wtf???

[babyblueetbaemonster]

This is the birth of the perfect life form, the ultimate being, Dagoth Ur!

Give him sth to wear

[runwiththerain]

hello, welcome to the chaos.

percy/ivy/ask. they/he/she/ask. 15. aus/aest. poc. audhd. did system. other neurodivergences. genderfluid. queer. aroace.

hermitcraft. life series. marauders. osemanverse. percy jackson. six of crows. stardew valley. terraria. minecraft. agggtm. thg. & more.

taylor swift. gracie abrams. conan gray. olivia rodrigo. lizzy mcalpine. hozier. noah kahan. alec benjamin. boywithuke. waterparks. & more.

rain. storms. fog. swimming. the ocean. space. the moon, sun and stars. planets. choir. listening to music. choir. pinterest. spotify. tumblr. cats. sharks. sunflowers. sunsets. chocolate. fairy lights.

lover of alterous attraction. obsessed with wonderland by taylor swift. i cant live without music. owner of a djungelskog and blahaj. learning german. special interest is learning as a whole. i overshare on the internet. free palestine, sudan and congo. my pinterest. my spotify.

@thepaladinstrait. @cuyberpunk. @sleepy-vix. @daydream-of-a-wallflower. @bassguitarinablackt-shirt.

@svnflowermoon. @a-beautiful-fool. @flowers-for-em. @lost-in-reveriie. @loveyou-imsorry. are all the best ever.

my discord is the same as my url. super close people can ask for my insta. please send me asks and i'm totally happy to be friends with you. i can be really awkward sorry. professional yapper. we only talk about our system with super close people and not on here. common tags are below in the actual tags. mutual tag list. header cred to @solargeist. pfp cred to @lovely-lee. divider cred to @cafekitsune

[expectiations]

Thinking of how "left me like a book on a shelf" is from River's POV and therefore does not mean it is the entirety of the story much like how "the Doctor does not and has never loved me" was uttered from a River who was grieving.

Like the Doctor could have spent a long time putting the TARDIS in stationary orbit around the Library. The Doctor could have puttered about with the Library from years before it was shut down to ensure that everything would go smoothly while doing his best not to change a single thing. And on days when it is too hard, he just stares at the Library from his perch on the TARDIS door. Waiting, hoping, thinking. Trying to find a way out for her. For them.

And he does!

He finds a hundred ways to get her out of the data core. But...something always goes wrong. It's somehow never good enough. She's back, but she's not entirely there.

So he scratches it out, slaps himself, and tries again.

And again.

And again.

But his plans always fail.

But they don't. Not really. His plans could work. Could have worked. His beloved Sexy would help him. She'd always help him when it comes to her Water. But he was too scared. Too frightened of failure. Because one single mistake. One. Single. Mistake. And she's gone. He can never get her back. Forever.

So he runs. And runs. And runs. Until centuries has gone by and companion come and gone. Until he met a younger, more alive version of her. And then they had Darillium. And oh the joys of wonderful joys, what a night that was.

But things end. Even for him. They had to part ways again. Had to say goodbye. So he tries again. Picks up what his previous self had shelved. He tries. Oh how he tries.

But still. That fear exists. Is it worth it? Can he finally accomplish what he'd started a literal lifetime ago?

(He doesn't.)

Off on another lifetime with a new body. He's a...she now? Oh and shorter! Wow. That's new! I wonder what Ri–

On the rare moments she allows herself to succumb to sleep she goes to their his her study. She takes a moment to take everything in. It's unrecognizable now – the study that once was theirs filled with warmth and laughter and-

Every single space was taken. Covered by plans of plans of plans spanning...two...lifetimes now. Sexy still kept it just as it was the last time he she had been in there.

Their His Her favorite throw was still where it was – on their his her favorite corner of their his her favorite couch.

Nothing had changed but everything had changed.

She curled up and buried her face hoping it would still smell of her (It did. They never knew how it worked but somehow her smell still lingered anyway. They thought they were hallucinating at first but other people had been able to smell it too. Sometimes they forget but Sexy also lost her too).

She was a he again. The same face they had four lifetimes ago. The same face who was the first to keep the memory of their meeting.

But wh- what? Why? How? Is this it? Is this the body that finally brings her back home? A fitting act really. He put her in there and so he'll also put her out of there.

But... she wasn't there. Nothing was there. Nothing but chunks of debris and ashes and smelted...somethings.

When he blinked his eyes open (when had he closed them?), Donna's worried face greeted him. He blinked again and blinked. Nothing changed. Everything has changed. He had waited for far too long. He had made her wait for far. too. long. He feared of failing her but now he actually has failed her.

Everything was bland now. Was it just him or is everything a bit...on the side of grey? Donna looks at him like he might break. (He won't. He's a Time Lord. Time Lords don't break.) Even Sylvia had taken to treating him a bit more kindly.

He goes off alone with Sexy. His return to the Noble-Temple (Temple-Noble) household becomes fewer and further in between. One day he finds himself in Venice. Wonderful Venice. His Pond and her Roman (who wasn't yet a Roman) had gone here. There were vampires. And running and –

River?

No silly. River wasn't there.

He blinked. And blinked again. Made sure the sky was blue and the clouds still fluffy white. But was that his leather jacket that just whizzed by past him? Wait. Hold on. That was... Was that? Oh no. It wasn't. It couldn't be. Did they? No. They couldn't have.

But of course, apparently they did. Because that was actually his leather jacket wearing self that just passed by him again(?) tugging along his very-much-not-dead wife along running from... Hold on. Why are they running? What- Who's shooting at her?!

[killedbythegroove]

muse sketchies

[note-boom]

I'm trying to catch up with BSD s5 now that I have time and I'm less than 2 minutes into ep 2 and already I'm going insane and shaking someone's metaphorical shoulders because, because -

"I trusted my soul."

"Actually, I had no way of knowing if they'd believe me."

That's how a story WORKS. The story only has power over you so far as you give it power over you. And if you are a reader or the author of a story, you have that choice to break free from the narrative that's entrapping you. It's like when we get so invested in a piece of fiction and it starts taking over our lives and we have to take a step back and go, right...this is fiction. I know what reality is because I am an individual soul, not a narrative's character and plaything and this story only have power over me as much as I give it power. The characters in BSD might be the characters of the BSD narrative, but they are not the characters of the Book. They are people. Unpredictable, beautiful people that even Ranpo - who CAN predict everything that follows the pattern of a story - cannot fully predict. Because you cannot predict a person's actions or thoughts or future, you can only trust in them

[solarwreathe]

christmas with no limits

really, this art was all an excuse to show you this image. i miss when old movie promo photos were awkward as shit.

[starakex]

That rhyme was SHIT!

[iamnmbr3]

Dumbledore implies Tom Riddle was a habitual thief who stole things all the time at random just because he could or as trophies of cruel and violent acts but then he also suggests everything he is known to have stolen post orphanage was taken specifically to be turned into a Horcrux...which is not random and not habitual. Can't be both my guy.

I stg if Dumbledore ran a fandom blog he'd be that person who spins headcanons out of thin air with no basis in the text but then absolutely insists that they are canon and bashes anyone who dares to have a different interpretation or point out there's no actual support in text for what he's saying.

He really is absolutely unhinged about Riddle. Like legitimately he has such a bizarre fixation.

[iedolon]

hello friends!! i've updated my carrd w rules and a tweaked muselist if you could be so kind as to take a look :>>> thank you!!

EDIT: updated w my testing muses too oops forgot those

[venjamyra]

Lyrics – Same Shade as Concrete by Circle Takes the Square

WOLFWOOD WEDNESDAY (～￣▽￣)～

feels a little funny to be making fanart of a manga that started before I was born with music that came out when i wasn’t even one year old yet…

lineart and various inane ramblings (manga spoilers ahead) about this comic that haunts my mind below the cut (its a lot…)

Okay, here’s the line art for anyone who wanted to see it without spoiler talk:

wow, so cool. Sometimes I like the lineart better in some ways and the colored version in other, different ways… I wonder how to find a good middle ground…… such are the mysteries of life

Onto the brain rot!!!

Okay, so this whole piece is kind of showing Wolfwood’s journey toward ‘accepting’ that he is an assassin. He has killed people. And his belief that he is irredeemable, this is just who he is now, stained with blood.

I’m gonna talk about panels 1,2,3, and 4. Those are just in order from top to bottom, so panel 1 is him firing the gun, and panel 4 is him in the river of blood.

So panel 1 is establishing that this is teenage Wolfwood, and he’s killing someone. YES I used that one painting as a reference (The Fallen Angel by Alexandre Cabanel). I don’t know anything about it, but it looks cool and I like the idea of an apparently evil character crying dramatically. Throw a gun in the mix and you have me curled up in a ball crying about Wolfwood. Wolfwood isn’t crying here, but I hope the reference shows the implication that he’s crying internally.

Panel 2 is directly contrasting with panel 4 with the volume of blood. I chose the blood to just barely cover his hands on purpose, NOT just so that I didn’t have to draw more hands lmao. Lots of blood on his hands symbolism throughout, because he has his whole thing about it. Anyway, this is like, the specific amount of blood where Wolfwood finally feels too far gone. It’s reached his hands, he can’t come back from this.

shout out to the people who helped me find this panel earlier 😅 @markcampbells @grymmdark

The crosses are there to establish his being surrounded by the Eye of Michael, trapped into this pool of blood. I know with the three crosses there’s some heavy crucifixion symbolism going on. It was honestly unintentional, but if I had to come up with something for it, I’d say in Wolfwood’s mind in this moment, he is the one crucifying people (Jesus, whomever). Again with that ‘too far gone’ stuff. He ‘knows’ who he is now, and it is not a savior. I’m not Christian as an adult and the only thing I did in Sunday school was question the adults or quietly judge them for their logical fallacies so idk if this makes sense in Bible-lore 😭 lol sorry.

Panel 3 hits home on the bloody hands thing, big motif. And then the gun pokes through the panel to give us this connection to the final panel, where we see a second drop of blood, coming from Wolfwood’s own hand, presumably filling the river he’s in. So the entire river is made specifically of blood from his hands, not just blood he spilled.

Panel 4. The big one. Okay, I heard that willow trees represent peace. I don’t know if this is bullshit, but I guess they can mean whatever I want ✨. Wolfwood is not fighting the flood here, just floating along, basically. He’s not relaxed, he hates this. But he’s come to some kind of acceptance. He feels (false) peace that this is just who he is. If he doesn’t get to control who he is or what he does, at least he knows that. This is not the time or place that I’d like to talk about themes of control and bodily autonomy in Trigun--we’d be here forever lol--but its totally that stuff. The willow trees contrast with the crosses here. It is no longer the Eye of Michael holding him in, trapping him in this pool of blood. Now, the willow trees (peace, acceptance) that are grown from his own mind/coping methods are what keep him trapped. I like to imagine the crosses are still beyond the trees, causing the trees to serve as both a wall keeping Wolfwood in and a wall keeping the antagonism of the Eye of Michael out. This is also visual because willow trees look much nicer than mysterious creepy crosses.

The comic basically ends where Wolfwood begins in Trigun. Yeah, he’s got his silly moments, but on a deeper, less superficial (sub-superficial…ficial…?) level, he really believes himself to be stuck in life, unable to change. In the last panel, he’s naked because he’s vulnerable; this isn’t the suit and a charming smile, this is him as he sees himself.

This idea of Wolfwood feeling acceptance with his shitty life drives me insane. In volume 8, after he kinda does his normal assassin work again, he is so fucking sad and angry. I think he tries to tap back into that idea of acceptance, but he can’t. He’s been through so much and seen so much with Vash that he just can’t accept it anymore. Like with the song lyrics as they’re used in this comic, is someone (Eye of Michael, Chapel) goading him into standing in this pool of blood and staying there even as it rises. And then here, he gets a little taste of freedom and just fucking pulls himself out!!! If I feel inspired I could make a part 2 one day where he’s pulling himself out of the blood river or something idk.

All manga panels are courtesy of Trigun Manga Overhaul!

Oh and some fun drawing things before I go. Important disclaimer: I do not claim to know what I’m doing.

The first pic has the guidelines I used to create shape and draw attention. I saw someone say that using simple shapes helps with composition so I’ve been trying that? It seems cool, I like it. And the second one has my lines to remember where my light source is. I kind of shade based on vibes, which I want to work on, but for now is fine. But the idea is that even though each of these panels has days/weeks to years between them, they all have one light source that extends across the comic. It comes across as a ‘lower’ source relative to Wolfwood in the first panel, which feels dramatic. By the time we get to the last panel, it comes across as the sun, high in the sky. I did this because it felt cool.

okay love and peace and go listen to the emo music my older brother showed me yippee!!!

[ioannemos]

1k story maybe half done at 3k words, 62 dead 179 injured

[expectiations]

Is it just me or does the phrase "dumb Darillium River" make your ears ring too?

That phrase hurts me like crazy because it takes away how the post-Manhattan events affected her so deeply. And now that we have the added knowledge that she gets to see her parents in New York even after Manhattan, THORS now presents itself in a different light.

River's resounding "the Doctor does not and has never loved me" cements the implication that she and the Doctor had a huge row after Manhattan. What would you feel if the love of your life told you he "does not and has never loved" you? Certainly not happy.

Do you know what grief does to one's mind? No matter how brilliant you are, grief changes you. Grief makes you a different person. I would know, having experienced it myself. And River, in her grief, jumped into a headspace that shut out (or tried hard to) the Doctor.

Yes, she should have recognized it was him she had unknowingly dragged along on her space Robin Hood quest, but for her, it isn't him. It wouldn't be. Because that was the last thing she had heard him say.

Grief and pain clouding her mind, she proudly asserts that no, the Doctor isn't there. He won't show up for her. He has never loved her. But of course, she loves him. She's never denied that. But he proves her wrong soon afterwards. Because she is the Woman The Doctor Loves.

So, yes, on the surface level, "dumb Darillium River" seems to be what THORS had made River to be. But no, it wasn't. It isn't. It was about a grieving River and a chance for the Doctor to right his wrong. (And yes, we were robbed of that kiss. Homie here quite clearly wanted one.)

originally posted over on twitter.