#that now I've grown more confident in my art i end up making more art of said recent characters than the og 7 boys 😭

[fumiko-matsubara]

A warm-up spread of the boys for an upcoming AU that I have been brainrotting about since the last 4 years, to mark my April return 🥰

Individual profiles, lore breakdown, and more characters coming soon 💕

[omaano]

Art Summary of 2023

I kind of wish I had taken this thing to the next level and used a picture with a clone in it for March and November as well (I looked it up now, I very much could have added my Fives portrait or that first pinup-y illustration of Rex for March, and a very cute drawing of a clone OC and his dog (of whom I am promised to get partial custody, and how cool is that really?? and I am so very excited to show him off next year!!)) but it was also the year of Din in big hats as well, so I let those pieces stay :) You'll just have to take my word that there is a Rex in the July picture too.

I feel ike I have learned so much, and also have grown a lot more confident in my skills as an artist; I've learned that I love drawing backgrounds to make a "full" illustration, that intricate little details fascinate me to no end, that I can do fun things with lineart and my version of cell shading but I also miss dedicating the time to a full painting; and that harsh/stronger light reflecting off of darker skin is still something I'll have to study further next year.

Thank you everyone for your continued support in 2023! I have so many kind and enthusiastic tags screenshotted and saved for the days when I inevitably doubt what I do, it means so so much to me! I'm very grateful for the old and new friends I'd made or reconnected with this year ❤️❤️❤️ - and hello to new followers too, I hope you'll keep enjoying what I do here ❤️

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[concert-bflat]

I suddenly got hit with Kano Brainworms and now I have this Completely Unorganized post and it's gonna be your guys' problems now !! Just saying there is no flow to this whatsoever I just slapped all my points on and called it a day

Just. god I will Never stop thinking about the Tateyama siblings relationship with their younger selves and changing and growing and learning to accept themselves and Kano's. Not doing that. Remaining stagnant.

Like it's Everywhere . (Unfortunately it's been Sooo long since I've read light novel 5 so I don't have any sources to pull from there but I'm sure there's a ton okay)

Yobanashi Decieve is spent tearing down Kano's layers throughout the entire song and what do you find at the end? When he finally admits that he hates all this? Hates himself? What do you find at the center of the Kano Onion? His crying child self. At his core he still believes he is that crying boy, even says it himself "Ah, you never change", he's sneering at his current and past self, because they're the same, they're all the same. He's never moved on from his past habits and weakness. He looks at him and all he has to say is "Ah, you never change" and "Whoops, I screwed up"

Oh but we're not Quite done peeling the Kano Onion yet !! There's still a liiitle more left...

Close-up shot time !! Now you can see in its fullness his weakest moments, he's mocking his own suffering. He smiles and mocks himself, closes his eyes to his own pain and just bows. Throws my laptop

There's also this official art !! I think about this a lot but have never voiced it out before so here we go~

Just. Everyone showing off the wounds that led to their deaths, either with a smile/some enthusiasm or indifference at worst, with a pretty character-telling pose as well. And then fucking Kano, not even focusing on the photoshoot but staring directly at the evidence of his weakest moment, holding it limply, detachedly. Maybe saying that he's starting at it with scorn is too strong a word, his face looks slightly bitter at best, but I'd bet everything that that's what he's feeling.

I don't know just. Everyone around him, whether it's his siblings or the whole god damn Dan, being shown with some form of acceptance of their pasts and traumas, meanwhile Kano's still staring it in the face. Damn, you really don't lie when you say you haven't changed huh?

God my favorite example though, the one that makes me Scream.

Thank you Sidu for this art! I am now on the ground crying.

I'm too lazy to grab them right now but Kido and Seto also have art of themselves with their past selves. Kido fondly pats the head of her younger, insecure self, having growing confident and comfortable in her own skin. Seto holds his past self's hand in something liks solidarity. He doesn't have to be scared anymore. He's becoming the stronger person that he wanted to be.

And Kano?

Ah. well~. He's clinging to his past self, sobbing into his lap while his past self attempts to comfort him. Hm. With growing up you should become someone that your younger self can be proud of, right? Like Kido and Seto. They overcame their shortcomings so they could become proud of who they are today, right? Kano's collapsed in front of his past self.

Guess he didn't really do that, huh?

If anything, he's putting himself even lower than his past self. Maybe he hasn't grown, maybe not even stagnated but rather became worse, just with the same flaws that he had in the past. He didn't change at all, he just sank lower.

Your younger self can attempt to comfort you but didn't you hate yourself back then, too? So what does that make you now? Your younger self looks hunched over and dejected. He's probably just as disappointed as you are.

Ah, and there's text too, right? What does that say?

Mm. (I might have written an incorrect character but this sounds about right I think?) I feel like this was said somewhere else in kagepro, also in regards to Kano, but to be completely honest I totally forgot where. Still though. Uh.. fun! Kano says to himself not words of comfort but assurance that the future will only be more miserable, that he will only hate himself more as time goes on. As if you couldn't already tell with the art itself.

In Yobanashi Decieve, present Kano sees his other self suffering and jeers scornfully. They never changed. Here, past Kano and present Kano suffer together, with present Kano openly suffering if only to himself, clinging to his past hurt for comfort. Together they think, they never will change, they'll only get worse. It'll only get more painful.

Ahem. Just. Ugh! This one piece says so god damn much, and even more when you put it next to Kido's and Seto's. It killed me when I first saw it and still kills me to this day !!! God !

Also I don't have any funny images for this one but. Thinks about. (And I might have some details wrong because again, it's been a while since I've read light novel 5) How he thought he was useless as a child, wondered why he wasn't discarded like a functionally useless object (pretty sure he thought this while his mom threw away a broken tv remote or something?). And then in manga route 2 how he gives his life away as a tool to preserve the others' lives. He has a "use" and he's expending his whole life on it. Like I mean they're gonna die anyway but do you Really have to be like that I Hate you I hate you I h

Like once he has an objective purpose like that he faces it with an easy smile on his face. Bittersweet, yeah. But he does it so god damn willingly. Maybe he's just pretending to take on the role so easily, but still, I can't help but think that he found some comfort in having a direct "use" like this. Even if it just meant his death, for a hopeless cause. If he could just fulfill this purpose, then....

Just the way he smiles at his own demise during that Whole Sequence, even when the remainder of the Dan is Right There.

Just man. Collapses.

Kagepro is all about change and growth and growing up and realizing change and the future really isn't too scary. Meanwhile Kano's stagnant, still sees him as unchanged from his younger self, is too scared to change his manners even if it may help him. No wonder he hates himself. I'm just. Guh, shoves the themes of the narrative in his face Kano Please I'm begging

Like mf he looks content like everyone else in Summertime Record but Are You Really. Are you Really happy yet. Have you really found it within yourself to accept change. Accept yourself. Accept Everything. Do you really think that you'll be able to finally make your younger self smile?

Buries my face in my hands God this man will never Not haunt me for the rest of my days. Get him therapy. I'm normal about him.

I was supposed to be working on assignments but here I am, with my stupid little Kano essay at 1 in the morning. I doubt anyone's gonna read this but if you did I hope you enjoy? This man is very silly in all the worst ways. I love him, I hate him, I want to shove him into a microwave. I want to put him under a microscope. I have multiple times. This man is like a fundamental character that will never Not be a part of my life even when I thought the kagepro hellhole was somewhat behind me for the meantime. He just. Man! He's a lot. And I hope you're in pain with me now too over it ! Okay that's all bye byee~

[darkdumbass]

Hi there! This is random, but I really really love the way you do line art! I love how simple, clean, and direct it feels. It has great energy and feels really appealing! I’m trying to improve my own line art right now… I feel like it takes me a long time to choose the “right” lines and end up with clean finish. What to you think has helped you get up to this point with your line art the most? Do you have any suggestions of ways to study and practice? Any favorite artists you look up to for their lines?

I love your work ❤️ thank you

Hello! Thank you for the kind words. I enjoy doing linework a lot, so this is nice to hear :)

These days my line art is more of a "clean drawing" rather than what one usually imagines under traditional line art, which would be opaque lines with varying weight. Right now I like to use a brush that doesn't vary size with pen pressure but varies opacity only. It gives the lines a very soft feeling that I've grown to love.

I browsed through your art, and I was a bit blown away actually, because I think you have a fantastic energy and expression in your drawings, which is something I aspire to have myself. You are very knowledgable about line weight and shapes, so I won't bore you with explaining any of that, haha.

I think good line art comes down to confidence. Obviously, an artist needs a confident hand to avoid shaky lines, to lead them exactly the way they want to, to give them an energy. This sort of mechanical skill is acquired through experience.

But! I've always felt there is a sort of a mental side to this as well, which is best observed during traditional inking. You have to commit to your lines, you have to trust them. You have to sit back and give control to your hand, because with the experience it has, it also has a mind of its own. This sounds pretty out there, but it's about letting go and not overthinking it. I realized this when I looked up to Jim Lee's work as an older teen. There's a lot of videos on YT where you can see his process, which looks utterly effortless. Take this one for example. It's quick, so it's a bit rough, but it does look like his hand is just doing whatever!

I fostered that approach in my art while doing daily drawing from life - straight to inks without sketching. The drawings look wonky a lot of the time, but it gave me confidence where it mattered later. To this day, when I do clean lines in digital too, I adopt this mindset of letting go, which gives the lines more leeway, which also means that if the line doesn't go exactly where it should according to the sketch, I can still trust it. (Although contrary to this, I still put a lot of controlled effort into faces, and this approach comes more easily while drawing bodies and clothes.)

As for suggestions for practice, as I've already mentioned, drawing from life straight to inks (I recommend this over going straight to inks from imagination as that's extremely difficult, at least for me). Have a fast hand, and do long lines even if they come out wobbly. Try to let your hand roleplay Jim Lee here and there - let it do that flick that crosses a line it shouldn't have, let it make a turn with an accidental squiggle, let it pool a bit of ink at the end of the line. Fake it till you make it. At first, I suggest trying this on subjects that aren't your expertise (eg. in my case, draw a bottle instead of a person), so you don't subconsciously compare this to your best work, but make sure you're still having fun :)

Of course, it helps to like doing line art too. I don't know what your relationship to it is, but if it suffers, I suggest busting out the traditional inks with dipping pens, wodden skewers and brushes. It connects me with the process like nothing else.

As for my favorites, I can recommend one of my favorite manga artists - Satoru Noda. Superbly confident and energetic linework. Check out his series Golden Kamuy or Dogsred :)

I hope this will give you a small idea of how I approach my line art. It might be a mess… If you have any more questions as a result of this, or related to anything else, don't hesitate to ask!

[brown-little-robin]

another one! tagged by @scarvenartist (thanks!! hello! :D)

Are you named after anyone? Yes! BibleCharacter from ABibleBook :}

When was the last time you cried? Monday when I watched the 2nd half of Hamilton. I've cried so much in the past two weeks?? three whole times?? I never cry this much?? but Hamilton made me cry twice and learning Japanese made me cry once

Do you have kids? Nope. Unless you count my favorite ocs, in which I have... *counts*... at least twenty.

What sports do you play/have you played? I was in one semester of hap ki do once! That was fun. I also like to walk. I did twice-weekly long walks as all my P.E. credits in homeschool, and to this day I always walk rather than take busses. I'm dreading having to find ways to exercise other than my in-built College Campus Walks To Classes when I leave college :((( maybe I'll start yoga again... sigh... or maybe I'll do what sparks joy and go hike by myself sometimes! I'm hoping to take more martial arts classes in the future, too.

Do you use sarcasm? Sometimes! but only in situations where I'm pretty confident it'll be well received and isn't mean-spirited. although I admit in my worst/most fearful moments with strangers sometimes I do get sarcastic as a defense mechanism. I'm growing out of that, though.

What is the first thing you notice about people? Nowadays it's fashion choices, usually. I like noticing what people choose to wear! I love it when people get weird with it. Old ladies with big ostentatious earrings are some of my favorites to see. Also young adults with anime stuff on their backpacks.

What's your eye color? Brown :} rich warm dark brown

Scary movies or happy endings? Happy ending most of the time Please 🥺 I only like watching scary/sad stuff with my dad. he unlocks that in me. and sometimes with Stormy.

Any talents? good at clay sculptures! also good at coming up with fun characters and plots, and making people laugh. also academic writing and helping people with academic writing!

Where were you born? I was grown in a tube, next question

What are your hobbies? writing, reading, watching anime, posting on tumblr dot com, seeking out and stealing poems for my personal poetry document, ceramics, sewing (exclusively plushie mice)

Do you have any pets? Not right now, but I used to have hamsters and I want to have hamsters (or Maybe a related form of rodent e.g. guinea pigs or rats) again. I will after college probably!

How tall are you? 5'4. a good height

Favorite subject in school? Currently, Advanced Ceramics is my favorite class. Historically, English, Psychology, and History have been my favorites overall.

Dream job? tbh, interlibrary loan assistant..... I dream of having @isfjmel-phleg's career..... but currently I'm pursuing professional tutoring bc it seems more achievable

Tagging... anyone who wants to do this! I feel like my friends are all pretty busy right now so I'll leave it up to whoever sees this and Likes these questions :}

[fairlyang]

Far away 🌻

mariposa by peach tree rascals but it's miles thinking of gwen after she's no longer in his dimension

w/c: 753

tags: fluff, miles missing gwen, down bad, fluff

I can't wait for you to come my way

I've been far away, but I'll keep running

Just to find a way to you 'til then

Quickly after the other spiders returned to their own dimensions all Miles was thinking of was wanting them back. To have others like him to talk to. To get advice from. To swing around with.

But one thing that crept into his mind even more was Gwen. He hadn't even known her for too long but he felt like he could talk to her easily and then realizing he wouldn't be able to see her anymore kind of just stung.

He grew use to seeing her and enjoyed their chats more than he thought he would. Even before he knew who she really was he felt attracted to her, obviously shown by his poor attempts at flirting and the proof of that being her haircut.

He wanted to figure out a way of how to visit them, or Gwen specifically. He didn't know too much about quantum physics but on days where he'd be done with schoolwork and being a friendly neighbor spiderman he would go off reading textbooks and writing down notes while also trying to remember everything he's reading.

I been running from it, tired of running from it

Scared of feeling something

Now I'm stuck and tryna get up out of this hole

He eventually had some understanding of quantum theory and as he thought of it more he was realizing his feelings for Gwen grew stronger. He hasn't seen her for two weeks and he felt like he was going to lose his mind. How was it possible to have a crush on someone from a whole other universe?

He was second guessing on whether or not he should continue his research, feeling almost nervous of how serious his feelings had grown and unsure if he'd even do anything if he did end up figuring out how to get to her dimension.

I tried to be strong, I tried to make it work

But I've been feeling too numb

He tried hard to stay motivated, and slowly gaining confidence that if he did figure it out (which was a big if) he'd be able to tell her how he felt, or at least ease himself into it.  Maybe take previous advice uncle Aaron gave him months prior before he even met her.

Skies are bleeding on me

Why'd you leave me lonely?

Feeling Whitney Stoney

He knew she had to go home otherwise she would've just died but it still saddened him when he was no longer able to hang out with her. She was easier to talk to after he found out she was just like him and Peter. He'd never find someone else that was as easy-going and funny like her that'd also have him in his feels as fast as she did.

Now I'm stuck and wonder where I ever went wrong

How could I be strong?

I'm fighting for your love

Miles wished there was another way of getting to her, something easier like taking a train to her. Unfortunately for him there was no way of getting to her. Unbeknownst to him anyway.

All he could do was draw her from his memory, and lucky for him his memory wasn't failing him. He vividly remembered the pretty blue of her eyes and the way they sparkled.

Or the way her hair looked when they first met when he got to class late and she was the only one to laugh at his not so funny joke.

Or the way her eyebrow piercing suited her so well.

Or how she had such a cute smile.

Or how pretty she looked in his school's uniform even though every girl wore the same exact thing.

Or the way she was fighting and swinging.

I can't wait for you to come my way

I've been far away, but I'll keep running

Just to find a way to you 'til then

He decided to change his mind on what he wanted to do in the future, instead of focusing on his art and his old dream of wanting to be an artist, he realized he could do better and greater things.

He could be the one to figure out quantum theory, he could find a way to go see his friends and he would do whatever it takes.

And he wouldn't wait until he got to see Gwen again, at some point.

[scarletify]

Hello! I felt like sharing some thoughts about my comic, Blonde Sunrise. Just some general rambling

Recently I've been struggling with finding an identity for myself in both my online presence and what I want to do with myself. It's no secret that I've been struggling to keep up with my comic, it's been moving at a snail's pace for over a year at this point.

But that's not for a lack of loving my comic. That might be the worst part, I love my comic and I want to see it proceed. Lately however simply drawing a page has become incredibly difficult, and I'm finding myself having less and less of a passion for comic making. In all honesty, I already know Blonde Sunrise will not be finished as a comic. My goal is to finish part 1 as it is, and part 2 in a different medium.

I don't know how to explain this feeling really. Blonde Sunrise means a lot to me, and yet in recent years it's only become more difficult to create.

The thing about my story though is that, in my opinion, it's been going on entirely too long. Keep in mind I started writing the story and making my comic when I was a teenager. I started this comic in 2011. I'm a very different writer now than I was back then, and there are a lot of writing decisions I made as a kid that I don't like anymore. Things like most of the cast being entirely too young. There are certain character designs I wish I could change (Cyran lol). I think some of the character backstories are a little too sloppy and unbelievable (I'm looking at you Mr. Main Character). But I think the worst thing of all is the lack of clarity with the setting. Because, I'll be honest, I never really decisively chose a setting. It's my weakest point in both writing and art for sure, and I think it's what holds back the story the most.

That is to say, it's only natural that I've grown as a writer since I started this comic. There's a lot I wish I could change, but the comic has been going so long and these things can't be changed. It's a depressing feelings that's been holding me back a bit, I admit.

And I think that's why it's been so hard to make my comic in recent years, and I sincerely apologize for that. I want to see my story finished. I want to finish part 1 so that I can switch mediums and create part 2. And I'm so close. I'm right at the edge of part 1's conclusion. And it still feels like there's no end in sight.

My online presence for over a decade has been as a webcomic creator, but recently I've been shifting away from that, and I'm sure people have noticed. I'm not finding joy in making the comic anymore, but I'm finding a lot of joy in video editing and voice work. And I think a large part of me is scared that I'm letting people down by changing my online identity.

And that's it for the sad part of my rambling, thank you for reading. I am a person who bottles up feelings like this, and I felt it was important to just say something and be visible in some way.

In spite of everything I've just said, I will not give up on seeing this story complete. The comic is still updating, albeit very slowly. I know it's been far too long since there's been a public update, but updates have been getting posted on patreon at a slow pace. Once I'm confident I can keep up again, I will resume public updates as well.

That's a lot of words to say, I love my comic, and I'm struggling with it, but I still want to see it complete.

Thank you for your patience with me. Thank you for enjoying my work, whether it's my comic or my videos. And thank you for supporting me despite my shortcomings.

[regan-arksey]

Week 1: Strengths And Weaknesses

Hello! My name is Regan Arksey, first and foremost I'm excited to be working with my new class and I look forward to this new learning experience. As a starting post, I will be listing a few entrepreneur strengths and weaknesses I posses! Starting off strong, I have been raised by a family that has quite a bit of business history (my father owning a gas station). This, in turn, had my parents put me through a bunch of afterschool programs that better molded me into a social/leadership type person. That being said, two of my biggest strengths is effectively communicating with customers/employees and my ability to think creatively/outside the box! My visionary type of creativity stems from my hobby of being a self taught digital art (to which I've been doing for roughly three years now though I've been doing art all my life). Since I've been working in A&W for a good 5 years, one of my bigger weaknesses is that I'm used to working for people instead of having people work for me. I find it more relaxing being told what to do instead of telling others what to do, I sometimes find it difficult to face problems (such as an upset customer) because I'm afraid of anger, though working for 5 years in A&W, I have grown more resistant. This stems from my non-confrontational nature, as I'd much rather just go with what others may say (this can also be seen as a pro to some degree, as it shows I am able to keep calm in stressful situations). The good thing, however, about the type of business I do is that I am my own owner and do not need employees (digital artist as mentioned prior) That being said, I have taken on a leadership roll at A&W as a senior cashier worker - so much so that I've even trained our regional manager when he first started! I make concepts in a workplace easy to understand, so much so others can do the same. Another strength of mine is my ability to financially plan smartly. This is also due to the fact my father is a finances type of man, so I've learned a lot off of him. Saving money on the side incase something happens and being able to limit/budget myself. The beauty of this type of business I will be running through this course is that I will not need to use a budget. I use a free digital art program with all the tools I'd ever need! No need for that pricey Photoshop here! One last weakness I do face is my time management. If there's something I do not understand, I will procrastinate/hold it off until I start stressing. Its what ended up happening to this post, I would have had this done sooner had I sat down and read it more clearly/thought it through. Though once I do understand an objective or an end-goal I get it done as soon as possible without hesitation. Since I've been doing art for myself as well and only myself, I've never challenged myself to actually put a deadline on. Though, since I will be taking a couple of commissions now through this course - I will have to start doing so which I am confident I will be able to meet! In the end, I know I will do well and achieve all the goals I will set for myself. When I meet failure, I will pick myself right back up and double down to achieve success the next time around. I look forward to what this course has in store for me and I'm excited to see what I can learn!

[nafarsiti]

Yu-Gi-Oh means a lot to me. It's meant a lot to me for almost 20 years now. I was around 9 when I first started watching the anime, later than most of my friends. It was the beginning of the Battle City arc and I was immediately smitten with Yami Yugi. The characters of Yu-Gi-Oh were what originally caught my eye, and honestly are most of the reason I still love this series. Shortly after I started watching, Yu-Gi-Oh got switched to the 5:00am slot and that was the only chance I had to watch it, so I would have to wake up very early before school. But I would do anything for more Yu-Gi-Oh.

Yu-Gi-Oh was my true gateway into anime and manga. I bought my first volume of Shonen Jump when I saw Yami Yugi on the cover and that it contained a Yu-Gi-Oh card. I kept buying Shonen Jump until they stopped printing it in English, the magazine getting me into Naruto, Bleach, and other spectacular series.

I already collected Pokemon cards, so I was ecstatic to find Yu-Gi-Oh cards to also collect. My first purchase was a booster pack of the Pharaoh's Servant set. I carried that pack with me everywhere, even slept with it under my pillow. My collection is 3000-5000 cards now. I've definitely slowed down on buying cards but they make me very happy.

I'm trying to learn Japanese now. My friend bought me some of the volumes in Japanese to push me to learn harder. The series continues to bring inspiration for me. In learning Japanese, it is my goal to be able to read these one day with confidence. This series was also the first to inspire me to read and create fanfiction. It pushed me to do character studies, and to look beyond the surface of a story, more than any English class ever did.

As I've grown up with the series, it's meant different things at different points in my life. When I was young I just thought it was a super cool show full of super cool characters who could always beat the bad guys. In my teens, it was a series that was full of strong bonds and hope. As I've become an adult, it's the themes of finding oneself and love that resonate most with where I am in life right now. I know that no matter what happens and where I end up, these characters and their story will stay with me and be what I need in those times.

For this story, for these characters, for this beautiful work of art. Thank you, Kazuki Takashi. May you rest in peace, knowing you have touched so many lives and brought great happiness to so many people.

If Yu-Gi-Oh has taught me anything, it is to love love love.

[starspray]

I'd love your director's cut on On Wings Of Storm- Esp Elwing's attack on Maedhros! She's so vibrant in your writing, and I love how you portray her desperation too XD

Ooh, my first TRSB fic! First of all, I'm so glad you liked it! Second of all, I had to go back and reread it because I couldn't remember anything about it except for the artwork and like, the logistics of slaying Ancalagon, rather than the scene itself. Good lord it's riddled with typoes I am so sorry I don't have any idea how those happened. I swear I usually proofread my work.

So fun fact: the art was not my first pick for that TRSB; I was in the car on the way to some family Memorial Day thing and the google form glitched and I had to fill it out twice. This art of Elwing was pretty far down the list because I loved it but I wasn't entirely confident I could write something 5000 words long about it.

Turns out I could write over 11k, and honestly if I were to write this fic now it would be a lot longer. As I was reading I kept finding places and characters that I would have loved to see more fleshed out, but when I was writing it, it was for the very first Tolkien Reverse Summer Bang before the "oh no my fic has grown wildly out of my control" culture was established, and I didn't want to end up with a monster fic (hilariously contrasted with '21 and '22 where both fics were around 20k, lol).

So I don't remember a whole lot of what I was thinking when I wrote this fic, but definitely a lot of it was me trying to figure out how Elwing would get to that scene in the art, standing on Vingilot in armor with a sword in her hand (God, it's such good art!). I don't usually write her as particularly war-like, and I guess she still isn't, here, but she also knows her way around a sword and she's not afraid to use it.

I'm also not sure that scene where she fights Maedhros is Maedhros, tbh; that might be Amrod or Amras (there's another version of Sirion I've written where it's one of them she encounters before reaching the cliff; I may have been thinking of that). But the Elwing of this fic is not an Elwing who is just going to run away and not put up any fight. She also uses the Silmaril to blind her attacker there which is fun because foreshadowing! The scene on the cliff is also one I had written before, so I was trying to make it different; Elwing's last words to Maedhros are a moment of foresight for her because I was really leaning into her as one of Melian's granddaughters which means she has powers. Also fire seems to be something of a motif, what with Doriath and Sirion burning and then the dragons with their fire--and ultimately the fire that consumed Maedhros himself, though Elwing does not witness that. The reader knows what happens.

Aiwendil gets a cameo because I am very attached to my headcanon of he and Elwing as BFFs.

Curumo also gets a cameo because I needed someone to make Elwing's armor, and I thought it would be neat to see Saruman long before he ever starts down the road to becoming Sharkey; ever since I've looked for opportunities to do that again, but I haven't found one yet. I feel like I probably tried to think of a way to work in Olorin, but that clearly didn't work out. Instead I put in the scene with Nienna, because I needed a starting point for Elwing to start processing her despair and anger and trauma, and that's Nienna's whole jam. The mirror is obviously a nod to Galadriel's later in LOTR, but Nienna has both more and a different kind of power so it doesn't function in exactly the same way.

And the refrain of "She jumped." was definitely purposeful. There's the first time where she jumps to what she believes will be her death, in anger and despair; there's the second time where she jumps into battle with still plenty of anger but not so much despair--and this time she can use that anger, because now she can fly at will--and the last time at the end she's happy, and jumping is just the first step to soaring.

[jaderimehardt]

👋🏻 So, I ended up not drawing anything for that character's birthday.

I did think of a pose about a day and a half ago but that isn't enough time for me to actually get anything drawn out and colored. I'm too slow and I set myself to too high of standards. Plus factor in irl things and my lack of motivation... 🫠 *shakes head*

If I feel bad about it, it's for a couple of mutuals who like him as much as I do, or more- even. I've kind of grown super attached to a certain B🔹L🔹E🔹A🔹C🔹H boi, to be completely honest with you (I'm bypassing the tagging system with the 🔹's).

They still draw him every year on his birthday, and one even bi-weekly almost. She has supported me every time I draw him by re-tweeting my artwork on Twitter. Probably the only person who acknowledges me like this on a regular basis. The other person supports me also on a bit of a lesser scale, and she draws him often too, but I think she struggles with confidence in her art like I do.

It's not an easy thing... "having confidence" in one's own art. And when you don't see likes or favorites on your art, that confidence drops tremendously. You feel like you've done something wrong. You try to figure out 'what' you did wrong, and when you can't find it- you just want to give up. It's a sinking feeling.

But inevitably most artists pick up the pen or pencil again and draw once more because it's something we love to do. The thing is, this time we're less likely to share it because of that lack of confidence. This is what has been happening to me slowly over the past couple of years (and to a couple friends of mine as well).

People don't seem to realize this.

"Where did all the fanart go?"

Well, you all got so picky with favoriting things, they lost motivation and stopped posting. What did you expect?

If and when I post things, I have a fear of tagging it. 💠 Well if you don't tag it, no one is going to see it- and then you really won't get likes/faves. ⚜️ Yeah no kidding. but then I have a logical reason for WHY no one likes it. Like Twitter, I get under 10-30 impressions on most my posts even with tags. At the very least if it's posted, it's on record/in my portfolio of sorts. It exists in my history somewhere.

I removed all of my stuff off of my DeviantArt a couple years ago. Now I'm sure when I post things people question if I'm genuine or not because they have no history to look at- no 'portfolio'. Though if they went to my Wordpress Blog, they'd see that I've been drawing and posting my stuff for a long time. But no one is going to go and look into me that far in-depth. "Guilty until proven innocent" means nothing when all they want to do is prove you guilty.

That makes me even more hesitant to post things- but I do have all my PSDs with individual layers, so I can always provide proof whenever necessary. And I know where my posts are, with timestamps and dates. I can defend myself. That's all that matters to me.

I made this blog to "be more creatively unhinged" and to "be ramble-y". That includes putting my thoughts out into the open, "having proof on paper", so to speak.

I also want to show people the path that I'm taking, so if they're interested in taking it- they can. But everyone learns differently. Everyone has a different style. I may absorb information one way and apply it in this manner, while someone else may learn it in a completely different way and apply it in a polar opposite format. It's all a matter of who you are, perspective and variables.

So... one day (or a string of days), I'll post a bunch of videos. I did this a few days ago actually, lol. These are learning tools. Other days I may make tutorials (I used to make a lot of these but then I deleted that blog). Some days I'll promote my Etsy shop (this might happen the most, tbh)- featuring a lot of my Resin things, and graphics I'm working on. And on rare occasion some fanart because I'm at the lowest of low with that atm.

If I do anything fanart I'm thinking my OC's... 🤷🏻‍♀️. People dislike OCs, I'm aware of that but it's not like many people (if any) like my stuff anyways. They say to draw for self-satisfaction. I think it's time to follow that.

And I 💓 H🔹I🔹T🔹S🔹U to death, but his hecking fluffy hair man 🫠. I did my best with his hair in my last fanart- spent hours perfecting the lineart... honestly I was so proud of it. But apparently it wasn't everyone's cup of tea 🤷🏻‍♀️. It is what it is. (I'm still happy with it. I love his hair, please never change it Kubo-san 💝)

I might doodle a lot of the Loomis Method heads cause I like drawing faces. Poses/bodies not so much. In time I'll work my way to the poses but I just want to mindlessly doodle. (I hate drawing hands 😒)

Btw here's another vid on that, and I like this one so much better.

I also want & need to do a full graphic image for a puzzle. My Mom and my Step Dad are really big into puzzles right now and they're just passing them around with all their friends. Like some puzzle group, lol 😅

I think it'd be cool to actually design one myself, buy it from my Partner- Printful, gift it to them, they can complete it and then they can pass it around.

Mother's Day and Father's Day isn't that far away. I just have no clue what to make the graphic, lol. All the things they like are copyright and I'm not crossing into those waters.

I need to find something generic 🤔💭

[ride-aroundthe-world]

Things Change All The Time, But It's When You Finally See It December 28, 2023 ||

I'm trying to find the words for how I want to set intentions in 2024. I'm home today in my office, with the intent of making a digital vision board for the first time in my mess of a office. But now I feel like for the first time I can put up the art that I've been putting off for 2.5 years because I finally feel home here. However, the art I've saved for this moment no longer inspires me the way it used it. It no longer identifies the way I feel or the direction I want to go. 2019, I started saving more art in my photos folders for inspiration - but I am no longer aligned with those either. I've been going through a dark phase since 2020, where I quit my job and I wasn't sure what to do next. Whenever I'm depressed but not alone, I ignore art. That being said, I've had nothing for the past few years. While I now feel whole in heart and soul because of the boundaries I've put up and the self-care I'm learning to incorporate again - I have nothing I am currently inspired by (I haven't been alone with nature in quite some time, where most of my inspiration also comes from).

So here I am at the end of 2024 - learning again what feels good on my walls, what words move me in the day, and what do I love again.

But, it is a beautiful feeling to see how I've grown, because I was so miserable. With my environment, with the people I surrounded myself with, with the habits I picked up, with my career, my confidence. And now I'm feeling the most confident I've ever felt in myself, my choices, and what I am living for.

Even if that changes, I know that I can trust myself to make the choices that are right for me.

[flamboyant-king]

that’s meta

[nashibirne]

My Best Mistake

This is my first try of a Mike fic and I have to admit I haven't seen Hellraiser: Hellworld yet. So all I think to know about Mike is based on fics, gifs and pictures and maybe it's not that accurate but I hope you're gonna like it. 

This one-shot was planned as pure smut and not much more but in the process of writing, it turned out to be something completely different. So Mike's not only managed to surprise my OFC but me too. 

So here we go....

**************************

Pairing: Mike x OFC

Summary: Girl meets boy at a bar and he doesn't come up to her expectations.

Warnings: Mentioning of death and sex...a tiny little bit of smut at the end

Unbeta'ed. All mistakes are mine. English is not my first language so please expect bad grammar and spelling

Tags: @hell1129-blog @lunedelorient @willkatfanfromasia @inlovewithhisblueeyes @mis-lil-red @agniavateira

I know he is my next mistake the moment I see him coming through the door. It's not his good looks that tell me he's trouble. Not his tall, muscular body, not the cool clothes -Jeans, plain white T-shirt, black leather jacket-, not this very handsome face with the outstanding blue eyes or the thick, dark curls that invite me to run my hands through his hair. It's the smirk, the smug expression, the sly smile, the cockiness he exudes from every pore. This guy is pure swagger, sex on legs...call it what you want, but I'm hooked on him on first sight and I hate the fact that I'm so attracted to such a player, by the bad boy sex appeal he oozes.

When he enters the bar a group of boys and girls, who are sitting in a corner with cosy sofas and lounge chairs placed around a large round table, start cheering and yelling his name.

MIKE

He greets the guys with fist bumps and winks at the girls. Some of them blush under his gaze but none of them seems to be his girlfriend. When he starts telling his friends something that seems to be a longer story -judging by all the giggling of the girls and the laughter of his mates a very funny one- the whole group hangs on his every word. It's obvious that he loves being the center of attention. He knows how good looking and attractive he is, he knows he's the leader of the pack and he wants every single person in this bar to know it too. The physical reaction of my body to him is ridiculous and pathetic. I call myself a feminist, an emancipated woman but I still want this himbo with the caveman aura with every fibre of my body. I know this is a bad idea, I've had my fair share of trouble with this kind of fuckboys. They think they're the greatest but the sex is usually bad and over much too soon and afterwards they treat you like some kind of slut when in fact they are the man whores.

I look at my mobile to check the time. Where the fuck is Emma. We said we'd meet here at 9, now it's almost 9:30 and she's nowhere to be seen. I text her. "Where are you?"

No reaction. I think about leaving but I decide to give her another 15 minutes. I can't help but watch Mike and his friends again. They seem to have a good time. Lots of fun, lots of alcohol. Two girls are making out passionately and the guys applaud and whistle enthusiastically. This is so cliché-ridden, I roll my eyes.

Mike is sitting on the back of one of the sofas, watching the spectacle with a big grin, taking a sip from a bottle of beer from time to time. After a while he starts scanning the room and that's when our eyes meet. His gaze holds mine and when he gives me a wink and a smirk I know he's interested.

I'm not surprised. I know I'm pretty in a conventional way. The all american girl, long blonde hair, lovely face, great boobs, nice ass. It's nothing I'm proud of because I haven't done anything to achieve it. It was given to me by mother nature or god or genetics or whatever and to be honest I consider my looks quite boring, ordinary and replaceable. There are dozens of girls that look exactly like me. But guys like Mikey over there, they like this average kind of beauty. It's exactly what they want and what they get. He's the jock and I'm the cheerleader. He's the hot college athlete and I'm the queen bee. He's the hunter and I'm the prey. I've played this game many times before and I'm sick of it. It's not what I want. I don't want the jocks anymore. I want a smart guy, an intellectual, a feminist, a sophisticated, grown-up man who's interested in politics, arts, books. But that's not what I get because these guys are interested in the girls with an unconventional beauty, with a remarkable style. They want extraordinary women, smart women, independent women. Not a random bimbo like me.

I flinch when my phone starts to vibrate in my hand. It's Emma calling. Her car broke down and now she's waiting for the breakdown service. She won't make it.

I take a deep breath and try to ignore the guy at the other end of the bar who's been seeking my attention since the moment I've arrived. 

I need to pee. I get up and head to the restrooms and I know Mike is watching me. I give him a flirtatious smile when I pass him and his friends and I can feel his gaze on my backside, lingering on my butt and my long legs.

When I return he waits for me. He leans against the bar casually, right beside the barstool with my jacket on it, a lopsided smile on his pretty face.

I know I should grab my things and leave but I don't. There's something about the way he looks me up and down that turns me on. And there's something in his eyes that makes me wonder if I misjudged him. If I was being led on by my own prejudices.

I sit down and give him a quick look before I lower my eyes. That's the game. He's going to make the first move. Or at least he wants to be given the feeling that he is.

"Hi. I'm Mike." he says and I turn to him. His smile is bright and very confident.

I smile back and bat my long lashes. "Hi. I'm Sarah. Nice to meet you, Marc."

"No, it's Mike." he says, leaning in to make me understand him better. He's very close now. "Mike. Like in Magic Mike." he says with a smirk. His lips are amazing.

"Oh. I see." I giggle and I hate that I know how to play this game so damn well.

"So why is a beauty like you sitting at the bar in a place like this all on her own?"

"I was waiting for my friend, but her car broke down so she can't make it." 

"So you need someone to keep you company, huh." Mike asks and he cocks his head looking at me like a lost puppy.

"Actually I was just about to leave." I say with a fake-shy smile.

"Great idea." He reaches into the pocket of his jacket, gets out some bills and places them on the bar beside my empty glass of beer. "Let's go." He takes my hand and tries to drag me from my chair. I can't help but laugh.

"This is crazy. I don't even know you. Why would I leave with you?" 

"Because you need a good adventure and some fun. I can see the sadness in your eyes. I can take it away."

I'm speechless for a moment. How does he know this? There is this sadness deep inside of me but I'm sure it doesn't show in my eyes because no one has ever told me before. In all the time that's passed since my dad died nobody has realized that I'm still mourning. 

"Come with me." 

"You could be a serial killer." I say though I already know that I'm going to leave with him.

"I'm not. You can trust me."

Strangely enough that's exactly what I do.

"What about your friends?"

"They can do without me. And they're not really my friends." He shrugs.

"And what are they?"

"Just...people I know and hang out with." Mike says and it sounds like a question.

I hop off my chair and put on my jacket.

"Ok then...let's go."

****

I hesitate when we're standing in front of his pick-up truck. 

"What's wrong." Mike looks at me.

"What about 'Don't drink and drive'?" I say with a frown.

"Don't worry. I've only had lite beer. Alcohol-free."

I snort. "Guys like you don't drink lite beer."

"Guys like me?" 

I don't know how to answer and just shrug.

"See, I don't know what you think to know about 'guys like me', but I lost my best friend to that kind of shit. He caused an accident when he was drunk and he and two other people died. So I don't drink when I drive." A sad look crosses his face for a split second.

"That's dreadful. I'm sorry." 

Now Mike's the one who shrugs it off and I know now how he's detected my sadness. He hides just the same feelings.

"Hop on." He says grinning and I obey.

Minutes later we're heading down the freeway right into sunset. 

"Where are we going?" I like his truck, it's surprisingly tidy and somehow cosy. 

"I don't know. Where do you want to go?"

He gives me a smile and starts fumbling with the radio until some music starts playing. It's 'Promise me' by Badflower. God, I love this song. It makes me happy and sad at the same time.

"You said you can take away the sadness." 

"You want me to make you happy?" His smirk is lewd and oh so sexy. I bite my lip. 

"So this is just about sex?" I ask a little disappointed. "You took me away from the bar just for sex? We could have had that in the parking lot or in the restrooms." 

Mike seems to be surprised. "You would have fucked me in the restrooms?"

I roll my eyes before turning away to stare out of the window.

"Hey, I was just teasing you. Don't be mad." He touches my arm gently and when I look at him he gives me those puppy dog eyes again and I can't help but laugh.

"So where are you taking me, Mike?"

"You really want to forget about that sadness?"

"What I want is peace of mind." I say with a deep sigh.

"Then I know just the perfect place."  He smiles at me and gives my cheek a tender stroke before he hits the gas and we race into the night.

20 minutes later Mike turns off the freeway onto a small dirt road where he parks the truck. We get out of the car and I take a look around. We're in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by nothing but trees and darkness. I start doubting my sanity. Is this really a good idea? I have no clue where I am, actually no one besides Mike knows where I am, and I'm with a complete stranger plus I have no idea what he's up to. And yet I feel good. Reckless and excited. Maybe this is some kind of subconscious death wish. I hear Mike rustling on the backseat. He's stuffing something into a sports bag and I hope it's not his serial killer basic equipment.

"Come on, Sarah. Let's go." He takes my hand and I follow him though I know I shouldn't.

"Where are we? Where are we going, Mike?"

"Into the void." He answers without looking at me. Instead he gives my hand a tender squeeze and I get goosebumps all over my body. 

A few minutes later we're standing in front of a large chain-link fence that's topped with barbed wire. 

"What now?" 

Mike grins at me and starts searching through the bag. He rakes out a large tool.

"Now we get in." 

"Wait? Is that a bolt cutter?"

"Sure, or would you prefer to climb?"

"Mike, there's a big sign that says "No trespassing". We can't do this. What if we get caught?" I start to panic. "This is illegal."

Mike doesn't seem to be impressed by my objections. He starts cutting the fence calmly and skillfully and it dawns on me that he doesn't do this for the first time.

"Mike!" I tug on his jacket. "Stop it. This is insane. We're gonna get arrested."

He stops and turns around to face me.

"I'm already done. Don't worry, baby. I know who's the owner of the land. He's not in town. It's gonna be alright." He leans in and gives me a sweet kiss. No tongue. All I feel is his gorgeous lips and the heat that arises within me. It's a tender kiss. Gentle but also sexy. Innocent but yet promising.

He pulls away and smirks before he turns to the fence and holds the make-shift gate, that he has cut into it, open for me.

"Come on."

I hesitate but finally I squeeze through the hole. He shoulders the bag and follows me. After only a few minutes of walking down a beaten path we hear rustling sounds and footsteps. 

"Stop! Whoever is there. Stop. Now!"

We stop in our tracks and Mike drags me down. We crouch behind a large bush and he lays his index finger on my lips to shush me.

Flashlight shines through the darkness and the footsteps come closer. I stare at Mike, scared and bewildered.

"You said the owner's not around." I whisper as quietly as possible.

"That's not the owner. It's security." Mike whispers back.

"Security? What the fuck, Mike... "

"I promised you adventure." He gives me a wink and I wonder how he manages to stay so calm when we're just about to get arrested or worse.

"Who's there? This is private property. Get out."

The voice is close now.

Mike takes my hand and brings his mouth close to my ear. "Get up and run." he whispers. "On three." I have no time to contradict.

He squeezes my hand. One. Two. Three.

We get up and start to run. Into the forest. Into the darkness. Into our adventure.

"Hey!" Security guy yells at us and we can hear that he's trying to follow us but we're too fast for him. We run like a bat out of hell, pushing through the undergrowth. After a few minutes, when we're sure that we've shaken off our pursuer, we stop and lean against a large tree, panting and completely out of breath. I haven't felt so alive in years.

We look at each other and we burst out laughing frantically.

"You're fast for a girl." Mike says, still laughing.

"College track- and field team. I'm fast and strong. Is that a problem?" I say with a big grin. 

"No. I like strong women." He gives me a wink.

I flinch when I hear a branch break behind us. "Do you think he will keep looking for us?"

Mike shakes his head. "Nope. He doesn't get paid enough to make such kind of extra efforts. He's already back on his perch, watching porn on his cell, eating donuts and drinking beer. Believe me."

I cock my head and look at him with a frown. "How can you be so sure?"

Mike wiggles his eyebrows but I get no answer.

"Come on. It's still a few minutes to go."

The few minutes turn out to be at least half an hour. I'm just about to complain when we reach a big glade and suddenly we have a clear view of a big, dark lake that is surrounded by the woods from three sides.  The clearing we've just reached is the only way to approach this beautiful stretch of water. Moonlight illuminates the dreamlike scene. I'm amazed.

"Wow. This is fantastic." 

Mike just smiles at me and starts to flatten out a large blanket that must have been in his bag. 

"Come. Sit with me." 

I plop down right beside him. My arms wrapped around my knees I stare at the smooth surface of the dark waters. It calms me down immediately. Mike sits beside me, his long legs stretched out. We don't speak and we are surrounded by complete silence. There are no sounds. No traffic noise, no birds twittering, no wind that rustles through the trees. Only our soft breathing that soothes me even further. This is the kind of peace I've been looking for for so long. I lay down on my back and look at the sky. There are no clouds but what seems to be a million stars. We're literally lying under the Milky Way.

"This is beyond beautiful." I whisper after a while. Mike lays down beside me. He takes my hand but he keeps looking at the starlit sky.

"I know. It's my secret place. I go here often when my thoughts get too loud. It calms me down. That's why I thought it might give you some peace of mind."

"It does." I turn to look at him. "So who's the owner?" 

He gives me a cheeky smile. "My father."

"Are you kidding me?" I start laughing.

"No. He's a lumber merchant, owns a lumber mill and a lot of land. These woods are his assets."

"Then why the fuck did we have to creep through a hole in the fence and run away from the security guy?" I shake my head in disbelief.

"Well, let's just say we don't get along so well lately."

"What happened?"

"I threw a huge party in one of his cabins in the woods. It got a little out of hand and ended with a forest fire, a report to the police and lots of trouble."

"Oh shit."

"Yeah." Mike starts laughing. "Biggest pile of shit I've ever caused. So now I have to sneak in to visit my favorite places. And this lake is the best of all." 

"Yes. It's beautiful. So dark and enchanted somehow but not frightening. It's simply..."

"Romantic?" Mike looks me in the eyes and butterflies start flapping their wings in my belly.

"Yes." Is all I'm able to whisper.

Mike clears his throat and recites a poem I've never heard before.

"Along the shore the cloud waves break,

The twin suns sink beneath the lake,

The shadows lengthen

In Carcosa.

Strange is the night where black stars rise,

And strange moons circle through the skies,

But stranger still is

Lost Carcosa.

Songs that the Hyades shall sing,

Where flap the tatters of the King,

Must die unheard in

Dim Carcosa.

Song of my soul, my voice is dead;

Die thou, unsung, as tears unshed

Shall dry and die in

Lost Carcosa."

"This is beautiful." I say surprised. "What's it called?"

"It's from the book 'The King in Yellow" by Robert W. Chambers. The poem's called "Cassilda's Song""

"You're interested in literature and poetry?" I've really misjudged this guy.

"Well, to be honest, this place from the poem -Carcosa- it's mentioned in 'True Detective'. The TV show. You know it?"

"No, I don't." I shake my head.

"Really? It's a must-see. Matthew Mc Conaughey, Woody Harrelson. We can binge it tomorrow at my place. If you want to."

"Sure." 

"Well, anyway...I was kind of fascinated by this Carcosa thing and I looked it up on google and I found out about Chamber's book and then I read it and I really love it because it so morbid and dark and beautiful and especially Cassilda's Song reminds me of this place so much. This is my Carcosa. Dark, lost and strange but peaceful and soothing at the same time. It's good and bad, dark and light, sadness and joy. Like me." 

His voice is barely a whisper now and I suddenly have a lump in my throat. The sadness in his eyes is killing me and I can see that he's close to tears. 

I smile at him and touch his cheek. He turns to me and we kiss. Long, slow kisses. Sloppy. Sexy. Sensual. Intense. When we make love later that night on that itchy blanket under a sky full of stars, I know I've been wrong. When I scratch my nails into his back when he makes me come, when he sighs my name when he gets off,  when we talk for hours afterwards, cuddled up to each other, waiting for the sunrise, making plans for the new day, I know he's the best mistake I've ever made.