#that ones a rly huge show of affection for me lmao. like. my feelings during that are very strong ig?

[pizzapizzadickz]

Idk if anyone wants to know where the meow stim (and squeaky stim) came from but I do have a story.

The quick and easy explanation (at least as far as I remember) is that I used to repeat "shut up shut up shut up shut up" every time I thought about some situation where I fucked up. But I was like "oh that's a bad what do replace with?" And I think I eventually replaced it a meow. It also has the bonus of working a million time better bc repeating shut up would agitate me but a meow like. Legit just shuts up my brain lmao.

But now it's a stim I use a lot when overwhelmed or even just existing in addition to its original purpose.

[coureirsix]

ty for everything youve discussed tonight and the sheer amount of support u give for poc i cant even begin to know how insane it must be to have been literally in contact with the person who perpetrated everything and have your advice and WORDS just taken out of context and ignored. this whole thing reminded me how isolated i used to feel long ago when i actually used to attend spn cons as like a baby in middle/high school and was just surrounded by a largely white crowd. im egyptian and from toronto and it's super diverse here in reality, but when i would attend the cons id feel so insanely alone every time (id go alone, my friends arent spn fans LMAO). i would watch SO MANY girls make brand new friends within the weekend and i could count on one hand the amount of woc id actually pick out in the crowd and i always noticed how ALONE we were. it's very hard to put into words, like the cons were fun during events but the whole exp really put into perspective how much it fucking sucks when ur surrounded by people that cant rly help but look down on u ?? like there was this feeling otherness i always felt being there despite how dorky the whole event actually is and how much of a loser we all were lol. i hadnt attended in years at this point and i actually ended up being part of the crowd that stopped watching circa 2017/2018 bc the queer-baiting and mistreatment of poc was just overwhelming to me within canon and came back for nov 5 🤡. anyway im RAMBLING but i just wanted to say since coming back ive found so many amazing poc creators and hilarious, smart people i can actually relate to and have had similar experiences and backgrounds as me. i never used to see people discussing the insane amount of racism+transphobia within the fanbase when i was in high school and it sucks (and is exhausting) that it's the people affected by it that actually engage in the discourse repeatedly but it's still a comfort to see people care similarly about the same things as i do. so ty for that<3 i'm finally having the fan community experience i wish i had back then.

listen i get that, too!! i have never been to an spn con but im a big fan of like, big bands with a huge white following so showing up to a place FILLED with hundreds if white faces absolutely makes you feel small. i have been there, friend. i understand.

and i agree! thankfully people are like, actually more willing to talk about this because ive BEEN there where you even begin to talk about racism and white people IMMEDIATELY get uncomfortable and now you’re the bad guy for even bringing the subject up. especially in fandom spaces where you couldn’t say anything or else you’d get bombarded with white “fandom is a place to have fun!!” and “ugh im in fandom to get AWAY with real life politics!!” like ok, Ashleighayy-Muhriey let me just take off my brown skin and features then. 

and im GLAD... im SO glad you’re having a good time this second time around. it is what you deserve! (we are all clowns that came back after nov 5  🤡) 

[bugdotpng]

i feel like i....never really talked abt my april surgery last year actually? it was a shitshow from start to finish ghdfljksk

cw: lots of blood talk, stitches, operations, etc.

this was probably...one of the more “traumatizing” post-op experiences...apparently something similar happened when i was younger but the drugs always fucked me up so i thankfully don’t remember much but now i’m old and dense and the drugs don’t hit like they used to (which is...honestly a good thing) so i remember.....everything from april....

long story short (who am i kidding this is going to take forever) i have to drive to houston for my surgeries (which is abt 2-ish hours from my hometown where i’d be doing recovery) so we often stop halfway at our usual pit stop so i don’t get blood clots (since all my surgeries are of the podiatric variety). my mom tells my dad she’s gonna go inside to run to the bathroom then get things ready for me, so he should wait in the car with me. she leaves. i’m obstinate and drugged. i insist that we go inside. my dad is like “well if you insist” and helps me inside on my crutches. the fact i can use my crutches so effectively while i’m stupid drugged honestly amazes me

idk how to explain this place...it’s a smokehouse so you can buy meats n stuff but you can also get sandwiches and pastries...i guess it’s like a small bucee’s, but there’s places to sit down and eat (which is why we like to go there; plenty of room for me prop my leg up and eat a sausage roll). anyway we make it a few steps past the cash registers and my dad goes on ahead to go get me a table. two men stop me and go “oh my god, are you okay?” and i’m just kinda like “uuuuh yeah?” “you’re bleeding!” and my dumb drugged ass starts looking at my arms like “oh shit did i cut myself on something?” and that’s when my dad comes over and practically faints (blood/barf/etc. makes him very queasy) because there’s a trail of blood behind me and it’s like...gushing out of my wrap LMAO so he takes me to a table and props up my foot, my mom comes over, they freak out, call my surgeon, everyone’s afraid i popped a stitch, we’re an hour from the dr office, 1:30 from the surgery center, my parents are trying to figure out how to facetime with my surgeon and show her my blood soaked bandages, it keeps dropping calls bc we’re in bumfuck, texas and they eventually decide we should drive all the way back to houston so she can check things out.

they unwrap me, inspect and tighten a few of my (very fresh) stitches, but ultimately they’re all fine, no popping....they stab me with a numbing shot (horribly painful) since my pain meds wore off and send me on my merry way. we think what ended up happening was that i stood up too fast. usually my mom helps me get out of the car and does it really slowly but my dad and i are very similar and just fuckin...bolted inside ghsdlfkjdsk i don’t fault him but he feels awful ghdflksj

THEN my incisions end up having trouble healing (assuming bc they got all fucked around that day) and i have to wait longer than usual to get them removed (not a huge deal but i basically can’t go anywhere until i get my stitches out since they were so close to the wrap opening so it was rly inconvenient). i end up getting put on a second round of antibiotics bc i still technically have an open wound. and for some moronic reason my horribly dumb ass thinks this is a good time to start my fucking zoloft prescription that was prescribed before this all happened. told my doc i didn’t wanna start em during surgery stuff bc i didn’t want that affecting how i felt. at this point it’s maybe 3-ish weeks post-op, so i thought that’d be a good time to start. for some reason.

thankfully my mom is staying with me up at my apartment to help me adjust to post-op life and i take my zoloft before bed. bolt awake at 3am in a cold sweat, my heart is racing, i feel like i’m having a panic attack. i figure out how to stand up (hard to do when non-weight-bearing) and hobble to the bathroom. the whole time i’ve got bad vertigo. my pupils are blown out so bad my eyes look black. i have full-body goosebumps, i feel like i’m gonna barf outta both ends, and i feel like there’s something in every corner that’s watching me and about to kill me lmao. mom and i eventually figure out i’m experiencing serotonin syndrome, but thankfully not bad enough that i had to go to the emergency room. it was certainly touch and go for a while, but once we knew what it was, we felt a little better. i tried to go back to bed but i just stared at the ceiling all night. got a little bit of sleep. woke up the next day in a horrible fog. my heart was still racing. i somehow still fucking went to work.

ANYWAY that was my april surgery :^) once i got my stitches taken out i actually healed pretty okay and it’s been fairly uneventful since then. my next surgery was actually less intense and i had a horrible recovery so i think the april recovery was like....an apology for going through the whole stitches incident ghlsdfkjdks

[ofvera-blog]

hello, i’m dri ( she/her + pst ) !! i’m seventeen ( actually in the process of preparing for my good ol’ filipino debut next month lmao ) & i’m really excited to rp with all of you !! anywaY, this is veronica, but people just call her vera tbh bc she prefers that nickname & introduces herself to people as such :~) she’s really soft & sweet & i love her sm !! i have some info abt her under the cut, so feel free to message me for plotting or like this post & i’ll go to you !!

♡ — * » VERONICA CHOI looks so cute on the beach !! apparently, she comes from the united states and is a nineteen year old heterosexual cisfemale student. other hotel residents described them as endearing & dependable, but also quixotic & vehement. don’t you think they look a bit like JENNIE KIM ?

WHO THE HECK IS VERA?:

born veronica dahyun choi on june 29, 1998 in san diego, california but grew up in a city in los angeles county

she was raised by her single mother since birth, along with the several long-term boyfriends she’s had. she got along well with all of them, but she ended up more skeptical about the next each time. this kind of affected her mentality with her own relationships, but nevertheless, she can fall really quickly & really deeply. she’s just hesitant about acting on her feelings because, at the same time, she doesn’t know if it’s a fleeting emotion LOL

her mother didn’t intend on getting pregnant at the age of 23, but after finding out she was, she was ready for it. her boyfriend,,, not so much. they got in a lot of verbal battles, & he ended up leaving. vera never knew him & her mother wouldn’t dare let her try.

vera really looked up to her mom because she saw her as being so strong. she wanted to be strong like her. when men left her life, sure, she was upset & maybe shed a few tears, but her mom would never let it affect her to the point where she would be moping. her mom was capable of being independent. vera aspired to have that same mindset. she doesn’t quite have it internalized, but she’s trying to get there, more or less.

although she grew up a rather timid & shy girl, toward the end of middle school, she had made a few super close friends & become more comfortable in her own skin. in high school, she would think a lot of what other people thought about her & sometimes change subtly to seem appealing to other people. this sounds so cliche, but it wasn’t until she started dating that she began to realize her own worth & that she shouldn’t be trying to be someone she’s not for people who won’t accept her for who she is. she used to be so afraid of taking the chance of not being liked. i mean, she still is afraid of not being liked, but more ready ( ? ) for it i guess

vera’s currently a computer science major at uc san diego. she took ap computer science during her junior year of high school & found it to be quite interesting & fun ??! a lot of other people in the class were struggling with the logic & syntax, but she took to it naturally. she’s unsure of what path she’d want to take in the future, though. that part she’s still figuring out. also, she despises having to troubleshoot with a passioN !!

timing was honestly everything when it came to her decision to take up the offer to stay at hotel dionysus. jeremy, vera’s boyfriend of four years, ended their relationship a month prior, & although she was able to realize how toxic it became toward the end, she felt that she had tried so hard to mend everything & make him stay that she sort of lost who she was a little bit, so she hopes that going to a new place with new people help her become, you know, vera again. ( which means potential shifts in attitude, mindset, etc. from time to time )

WHAT’S SHE LIKE?:

she’s really friendly & sweet but she’s not, like, super oblivious u feel ?? very down to earth, but if she’s really comfortable, she could playfully roast the shit out of you. in a loving way, of course. if she’s in a certain mood, vera could be sarcastic as heLL, but it’s a little funny & endearing.

she’s honestly,,, a huge dork. people feel warm around her.

vera’s the type that rly identifies with her zodiac sign ( cancer ) & if she were to tell someone after they got to know her, they’d probably be like “o shit that’s so you”

incredibly loyal, even to a fault. she’s guilty of putting other people over herself from time to time.

she’s an extroverted introvert type, so it takes a little getting to know her before she can completely be herself around a person. not so much a party type. she gets socially exhausted easily if she goes to social functions & highkey needs to have time for herself every now & then or else she gets super nervous, maybe cranky.

a solid go-to if you ever need to vent or need comfort. want a shoulder to cry on ?? vera’s got you. i can’t guarantee that she’d give any solid advice, but she’s reliable when it comes to someone who is understanding & sympathetic. does ever take her own advice ?? lmao ur funny

if u kno the song “i fall in love too easily” by chet baker, that’s honestly,,,, vera. like. calm down. she literally just got out of a four-year relationship, so she is probably not emotionally stable atm to pursue anything. howeve r,,,, i’d never know with her if someone were to pursure her tbh.

she’s a pretty intelligent girl, but she doesn’t boast about it. she graduated high school with an unweighted gpa of 3.93 & took 8 ap classes, but aside from the occasional, random fun fact about how we share 50% of our dna with bananas or something, she never says anything about it ! she just picks stuff up rather easily.

oh, boy, can she hold a grudge !! she will forgive ( maybe ), but she will never forget if you hurt her. she can be super sensitive & will probably cry if you upset her. however, she is trying to be incredibly strong emotionally, & it takes a lot to truly hurt her, which is why she would still stick around people who sometimes treat her like shit if she gets attached to them. she just tears up at little things, honestly. those thai life insurance commercials ??? no chance. she cried at her high school graduation, man.

FUN FACTS:

collects pins & her collection is roughly at 107,,, never take her to anime expo i s2g she spends so much money there !! surprisingly enough, she never entered the realm of disney pin trading. 

she has also co-owned & operated her own online enamel pin shop for two years with one of her friends & it has garnered a pretty solid customer base. they also sell stuff like embroidered caps.

vera was a blogspot blogger from the age of 15 to 18 ( mostly fashion & makeup ) & had a nice following on both her blog & other social medias, but she stopped consistently blogging after she got busy with her growing shop & other responsibilities. her pre-existing follower base is also a good reason why her shop took off well.

she had a youtube channel very briefly when she was like 17, but after a couple months short of a year, she didn’t have enough time to keep up. there’s, like, 16 videos on her channel. i would imagine they’d be like princessmei’s

a sucker for 50s & 60s tunes, esp jazz like ella & billie but also the four seasons etc !! she was a part of her school’s advanced jazz choir for three years as a mezzo-soprano after being in the women’s show choir ( her music literacy is amazing holy shit ), & she was vp of the group senior year. a lot of her closest friends stem from that group, so they still kept in touch after graduating.

vera is a super duper lowkey poet !! she feels so much, & she found that poetry was an amazing outlet for her to express all of the emotions she sometimes bottles up to full capacity. however, she’s really insecure about her writing & would never show anyone unless she truly trusted them. she really admires spoken word poets & watches button poetry videos religiously. 

she speaks english, conversational korean, & high-school-level spanish