#that scene with the lamp talking about the after life was totally just a zoom in to a single bed for shot purposes don't fight me i'll win

[yellowpuppet]

they just sit up bolt up right in the middle of the night and scare the living daylights out red & duck : LESLEY!

[uomo-accattivante]

Excellent article about bringing a re-make of Ingmar Bergman’s Scenes from a Marriage to fruition, and the twenty-year friendship that Oscar Isaac and Jessica Chastain share:

There were days on the shoot for “Scenes From a Marriage,” a five-episode limited series that premieres Sept. 12 on HBO, when Oscar Isaac resented the crew.

The problem wasn’t the crew members themselves, he told me on a video call in March. But the work required of him and his co-star, Jessica Chastain, was so unsparingly intimate — “And difficult!” Chastain added from a neighboring Zoom window — that every time a camera operator or a makeup artist appeared, it felt like an intrusion.

On his other projects, Isaac had felt comfortably distant from the characters and their circumstances — interplanetary intrigue, rogue A.I. But “Scenes” surveys monogamy and parenthood, familiar territory. Sometimes Isaac would film a bedtime scene with his onscreen child (Lily Jane) and then go home and tuck his own child into the same model of bed as the one used onset, accessorized with the same bunny lamp, and not know exactly where art ended and life began.

“It was just a lot,” he said.

Chastain agreed, though she put it more strongly. “I mean, I cried every day for four months,” she said.

Isaac, 42, and Chastain, 44, have known each other since their days at the Juilliard School. And they have channeled two decades of friendship, admiration and a shared and obsessional devotion to craft into what Michael Ellenberg, one of the series’s executive producers, called “five hours of naked, raw performance.” (That nudity is metaphorical, mostly.)

“For me it definitely felt incredibly personal,” Chastain said on the call in the spring, about a month after filming had ended. “That’s why I don’t know if I have another one like this in me. Yeah, I can’t decide that. I can’t even talk about it without. …” She turned away from the screen. (It was one of several times during the call that I felt as if I were intruding, too.)

The original “Scenes From a Marriage,” created by Ingmar Bergman, debuted on Swedish television in 1973. Bergman’s first television series, its six episodes trace the dissolution of a middle-class marriage. Starring Liv Ullmann, Bergman’s ex, it drew on his own past relationships, though not always directly.

“When it comes to Bergman, the relationship between autobiography and fiction is extremely complicated,” said Jan Holmberg, the chief executive of the Ingmar Bergman Foundation.

A sensation in Sweden, it was seen by most of the adult population. And yes, sure, correlation does not imply causation, but after its debut, Swedish divorce were rumored to have doubled. Holmberg remembers watching a rerun as a 10-year-old.

“It was a rude awakening to adult life,” he said.

The writer and director Hagai Levi saw it as a teenager, on Israeli public television, during a stint on a kibbutz. “I was shocked,” he said. The series taught him that a television series could be radical, that it could be art. When he created “BeTipul,” the Israeli precursor to “In Treatment,” he used “Scenes” as proof of the concept “that two people can talk for an hour and it can work,” Levi said. (Strangely, “Scenes” also inspired the prime-time soap “Dallas.”)

So when Daniel Bergman, Ingmar Bergman’s youngest son, approached Levi about a remake, he was immediately interested.

But the project languished, in part because loving a show isn’t reason enough to adapt it. Divorce is common now — in Sweden, and elsewhere — and the relationship politics of the original series, in which the male character deserts his wife and young children for an academic post, haven’t aged particularly well.

Then about two years ago, Levi had a revelation. He would swap the gender roles. A woman who leaves her marriage and child in pursuit of freedom (with a very hot Israeli entrepreneur in place of a visiting professorship) might still provoke conversation and interest.

So the Marianne and Johan of the original became Mira and Jonathan, with a Boston suburb (re-created in a warehouse just north of New York City), stepping in for the Stockholm of the original. Jonathan remains an academic though Mira, a lawyer in the original, is now a businesswoman who out-earns him.

Casting began in early 2020. After Isaac met with Levi, he wrote to Chastain to tell her about the project. She wasn’t available. The producers cast Michelle Williams. But the pandemic reshuffled everyone’s schedules. When production was ready to resume, Williams was no longer free. Chastain was. “That was for me the most amazing miracle,” Levi said.

Isaac and Chastain met in the early 2000s at Juilliard. He was in his first year; she, in her third. He first saw her in a scene from a classical tragedy, slapping men in the face as Helen of Troy. He was friendly with her then-boyfriend, and they soon became friends themselves, bonding through the shared trauma of an acting curriculum designed to break its students down and then build them back up again. Isaac remembered her as “a real force of nature and solid, completely solid, with an incredible amount of integrity,” he said.

In the next window, Chastain blushed. “He was super talented,” she said. “But talented in a way that wasn’t expected, that’s challenging and pushing against constructs and ideas.” She introduced him to her manager, and they celebrated each other’s early successes and went to each other’s premieres. (A few of those photos are used in “Scenes From a Marriage” as set dressing.)

In 2013, Chastain was cast in J.C. Chandor’s “A Most Violent Year,”opposite Javier Bardem. When Bardem dropped out, Chastain campaigned for Isaac to have the role. Weeks before shooting, they began to meet, fleshing out the back story of their characters — a husband and wife trying to corner the heating oil market in 1981 New York — the details of the marriage, business, life.

It was their first time working together, and each felt a bond that went deeper than a parallel education and approach. “Something connects us that’s stronger than any ideas of character or story or any of that,” Isaac said. “There’s something else that’s more about like, a shared existence.”

Chandor noticed how they would support each other on set, and challenge each other, too, giving each other the freedom to take the characters’ relationship to dark and dangerous places. “They have this innate trust with each other,” Chandor said.

That trust eliminated the need for actorly tricks or shortcuts, in part because they know each other’s tricks too well. Their motto, Isaac said, was, “Let’s figure this [expletive] out together and see what’s the most honest thing we can do.”

Moni Yakim, Juilliard’s celebrated movement instructor, has followed their careers closely and he noted what he called the “magnetism and spiritual connection” that they suggested onscreen in the film.

“It’s a kind of chemistry,” Yakim said. “They can read each other’s mind and you as an audience, you can sense it.”

Telepathy takes work. When they knew that shooting “Scenes From a Marriage” could begin, Chastain bought a copy of “All About Us,” a guided journal for couples, and filled in her sections in character as Mira. Isaac brought it home and showed it to his wife, the filmmaker Elvira Lind.

“She was like, ‘You finally found your match,’” Isaac recalled. “’Someone that is as big of a nerd as you are.’”

The actors rehearsed, with Levi and on their own, talking their way through each long scene, helping each other through the anguished parts. When production had to halt for two weeks, they rehearsed then, too.

Watching these actors work reminded Amy Herzog, a writer and executive producer on the series, of race horses in full gallop. “These are two people who have so much training and skill,” she said. “Because it’s an athletic feat, what they were being asked to do.”

But training and skill and the “All About Us” book hadn’t really prepared them for the emotional impact of actually shooting “Scenes From a Marriage.” Both actors normally compartmentalize when they work, putting up psychic partitions between their roles and themselves. But this time, the partitions weren’t up to code.

“I knew I was in trouble the very first week,” Chastain said.

She couldn’t hide how the scripts affected her, especially from someone who knows her as well as Isaac does. “I just felt so exposed,” she said. “This to me, more than anything I’ve ever worked on, was definitely the most open I’ve ever been.”

“It felt so dangerous,” she said.

I visited the set in February (after multiple Covid-19 tests and health screenings) during a final day of filming. It was the quietest set I had ever seen: The atmosphere was subdued, reverent almost, a crew and a studio space stripped down to only what two actors would need to do the most passionate and demanding work of their careers.

Isaac didn’t know if he would watch the completed series. “It really is the first time ever, where I’ve done something where I’m totally fine never seeing this thing,” he said. “Because I’ve really lived through it. And in some ways I don’t want whatever they decide to put together to change my experience of it, which was just so intense.”

The cameras captured that intensity. Though Chastain isn’t Mira and Isaac isn’t Jonathan, each drew on personal experience — their parents’ marriages, past relationships — in ways they never had. Sometimes work on the show felt like acting, and sometimes the work wasn’t even conscious. There’s a scene in the harrowing fourth episode in which they both lie crumpled on the floor, an identical stress vein bulging in each forehead.

“It’s my go-to move, the throbbing forehead vein,” Isaac said on a follow-up video call last month. Chastain riffed on the joke: “That was our third year at Juilliard, the throb.”

By then, it had been five months since the shoot wrapped. Life had returned to something like normal. Jokes were possible again. Both of them seemed looser, more relaxed. (Isaac had already poured himself one tequila shot and was ready for another.) No one cried.

Chastain had watched the show with her husband. And Isaac, despite his initial reluctance, had watched it, too. It didn’t seem to have changed his experience.

“I’ve never done anything like it,” he said. “And I can’t imagine doing anything like it again.”

###

[musedblues]

Always Something There To Remind Me [Part: 5]

summary: Home is where the heart is. You’re working on finding yours. After a handful of misfortunes, your old friend Joe helps to unravel life’s greatest mystery while adding a bit of extra grief to the mix.

warning: Angst central! But a truly happy ending?

w/c: 4k

a/n: Well well well... enjoy this chapter lovies! There's only ONE final update to go. I have far too many feelings, I'll leave it at that. But DO let me know how you lot feel!

taglist: @im-an-adult-ish​ @mrsmazzello​ @lettinggosthehardestpart​ @the-moving-finger-writes​ @imtheinvisiblequeen​ @joemazzmatazz​ @sherlollydramoine​

Part 6

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

Enough time had passed that you began to wonder what was next, in life. Where were you supposed to go, now? What were you supposed to be doing? There were still tendrils of sadness and uncertainty keeping you glued in place, without a clear view of your future.

But like always, you had Joe. And like always, you had plans with him. After romping around the city, you decided to invite him over for a classic movie night, the very next weekend.

As you sat in the flower shop all week, willing customers to show up and save you from boredom and longing for Friday to come closer, your wishes half came true. That day, Joe showed up on the other side of your counter several hours earlier than planned.

"You know I have to finish my shift before we start movie night, right?" You joked as he rested each palm on the opposite side of your counter. Joe wasn't smiling, and he was dressed up way too nice for a casual night of ranking your favorite films.

"I'm so sorry. But I have to cancel movie night." Joe lulled his head, a moment of silence for the plans he just shot dead.

"You came all this way to let me down, huh?" You jeered once more, hoping you didn't sound half as crushed as you felt. It was just movie night, you could reschedule.

"I totally forgot I already promised Lacy I'd show up at this super fancy thing tonight."

"Ouch." You remarked, regretting your tone for real now. Lacy hadn't been around to greet you since she'd spotted Joe outside your shop last week. And you knew she was never really your friend, but it still stung to know you'd been used.

"I'm really sorry I spaced it. But I felt too bad about letting her down last minute." Joe explained.

"Why? Might help to knock a bit of air out of her head." You countered. Because while you knew you were unimportant enough to let Lacy walk all over you, Joe deserved better.

"She's not that bad," Joe added, pointing out that Lacy was at least a little bad.

"She's not that fucking great either." You were now officially angry that her claws were deep enough in your friend that he hadn't taken notice of the fact that Lacy was using him, too.

Once the floodgates opened, you couldn't go on acting like you didn't have something to say. Thank God the flower shop was empty and your boss was out with deliveries...

"You're just a trophy to her, she just takes you out to show you off!" It seemed you were stating the obvious, but it felt much scarier.

"Whoa, where is this coming from?" Joe shifted away from your counter, furrowing his brow as if this was really news to him.

"I just can't believe you don't see that you're a prize for Lacy to win. I've never once heard her tell me what it is what you do when you're together, just that you score her a few hundred new Instagram followers every time you come around."

"Yeah well, I'm about to be late for another appearance." Joe shrugged, speaking low in your direction. Maybe he liked the attention, you thought, heart sinking to the floor as you realized that this life had yet to make sense.

"I really wish you could hear what I'm trying to say." You spoke up, desperate for Joe to stop moving toward the door and away from you.

"Call me when you learn to say it better." He bit back just moments before disappearing into the crowded mall and leaving you all alone.

///

That night, you never turned the television on. Instead, you held a book in your hand, pretending to turn the pages. All you really focused on was playing the scene with Joe from earlier over in your head, wishing it could have happened differently.

When your mother got home she was raving about the day she spent photographing some reality star’s wedding. You pretended to listen, keeping your eyes on the book and your mind far far away.

“Where’s Joe? I thought he’d be here tonight.” Your mother wondered, kicking off her shoes and bustling toward the kitchen.

“Hell if I know.” You sighed, realizing you still didn’t know what he and Lacy might have been up too or why he was wearing his fanciest suit jacket.

“So… dinner for two then, I suppose?” Your mother rang from the kitchen, clearly trying her utmost not to irk any further.

“Actually I think I’m just gonna call it a night.” You decided, sitting up and heading straight for the stairs. You shouted a half-hearted goodnight to your mother, longing for this day to just end. But as you shut yourself into the bedroom that hadn’t much changed since you were in high school, you couldn’t stop letting your mind wander.

So, you called Tegan, jumping straight into filling her in on everything that happened since the last time you spoke to her. She listened, adding in quips that meant she was paying attention. When you finished letting it all out, Tegan seemed to think over her response.

“I understand you’re upset, but you haven’t really said why.” Your friend pointed out, an ocean away. Funny how she was still your light in the dark, you thought.

You realized you just told Tegan the story of your whole week, ending with how shitty you felt for snapping at Joe over a girl who didn’t matter that much; but never gave your true feelings away.

“I guess I’m just a little jealous, huh?” You huffed a laugh, basking in the flicking amber light coming from the lamp on your desk. “I’ve always been used to Joe’s attention. Ever since I got back home… I don’t know.”

“Maybe you should tell him all that, y/n.” Tegan suggested softly, after a long understanding pause. You wished she was closer so you could hug her and remind her what a damn good friend she was. So you told her just that, and went to bed even more confused than before.

///

A couple of days passed as you tried to think up what to say, and when to say it. Joe coldly suggested you call him, but that felt far too impersonal. You realized that since coming home, since Kris died, and Joe’s dad passed, and since spending time together again; you and Joe never really talked much about any of that.

Your phone was blank of text messages from him. Even though you wanted to ring Joe, you knew that the second you got his attention that all you’d want to do was make things right. And he deserved much more than a cellphone chat.

So one very cloudy afternoon, while your mother was over having lunch with Mrs. Mazzello, you left a note and hopped in the car. While just thinking zooming down the freeway made you nervous, the thought of going much longer without Joe made you absolutely sick.

You held your breath behind the wheel, minding speed limits and thinking of nothing but what you had to do. The city streets were jam-packed, but even through all the traffic, you seemed to end up in a parking spot in the blink of an eye. You made it. This was it. Now for the hard part...

When you passed through the third-floor entrance and stood outside Joe's door, you were still holding your breath. But you had to knock. You had to get this over with. Much quicker than you expected, the door opened and Joe was standing there in a fancy leather jacket, expectantly gazing into the hall. But his expression morphed into confusion when he saw you, and you wondered who else he might have been hoping to see.

“Hi.” You shrugged meekly. Joe stepped to the side wordlessly offering for you to come inside. You took the opportunity to speak up once more as Joe shut the door behind you.

“I know you said to call, but I think we have too much to talk about.” You started. Joe moved back in front of you, listening.

“I’m sorry for freaking out on you at the mall last week I shouldn’t have said most of that.”

Joe shifted in place and looked away from you, just before saying, “I really can’t do this right now.”

You felt a distant rumble in the grounds of your universe and wondered if this was it. If you’d waited too long and showed up at the wrong time and ruined everything on your mission to make it right. Then Joe went on…

“How are you so good at pushing me away and then showing back up like nothing ever happened?”

Just as you were about to ask what the hell he was talking about, he spoke up again.

"When I went along to drop you off at the airport before you moved to the UK, do you remember what you said to me?" Joe asked in a pitch that stung your heart. You were so anxious back then to rule the world that it was hard to recall past all the fresh wreckage. So you shook your head and prepared for Joe's answer. You weren't expecting to be greeted with a smile today, but Joe's upset was scaring you.

"I told you I was going to miss you. And all you said to me was 'try and remember what it was like before we met.' That's how you left me." You'd never seen Joe's eyes so piercing. He was angry, but he was talking so calmly that you couldn't understand what to do. Had you really dismissed Joe's feeling like that then?

"But then you just kept calling me. And of course, I answered." He scooted a little closer as you drew your arms around your middle.

"Then you move back here, and we get on like no time has passed. You stay with me and you sleep in my bed and I wake up to find you've left it." He stopped, chuckling in a small breath as your stomach fell away.

"And now whatever this is about.” He waved a hand to you. “You push me away and then come back and I don’t get it. So maybe you should just- wait... how- how did you get here?"

"I drove." You said with a tiny smile. A rush of pride swooped deep in your chest, but the nerves dancing on your skin were the only thing you could feel. "And... I know. I came here to apologize. I'm sorry for a lot of things and I-" Joe was staring at you, searching your face while you started in on your monologue, there was a knock at the door.

"Queen is in town" He huffed. "And so is everyone else." Joe offered an exasperated explanation as he took a few steps to greet whoever he’d actually been expecting.

A happy looking Gwilym Lee bound into the room, and Joe smiled for the first time since your interaction.

"Oh, the gang is all here! I didn't know you were coming along." Gwilym looked at you with a hundred-watt smile that reached his eyes. Your heart didn't know whether to flip or plummet to the floorboards.

"I've just got to change if that's alright." Gwil shrugged to Joe, holding up a small tote of clothes, you presumed. The boy's plans must have been minutes away from happening. Why was your timing always so shit?

"Yeah of course." Joe pointed to the bathroom even though Gwil already knew where to find it. The guy disappeared behind the door and you were left alone with Joe without much time to make things right. You began to fear that your poor timing had left a permeate scar on your friendship with Joe forever, but then he spoke up.

"You can either come with us, and you and I can talk about this later tonight... Or you can go home now. And I really don't think you should do that."

His voice was quiet for the sake of Gwilym happening to hear, but there was a softness in Joe's tone that wasn't there minutes ago. He was giving you a chance. You felt like a kid who'd just weaseled their way out of detention, one folly dismissed, but the rest of your actions being closely monitored until further notice. You had to accept his offer, even if you weren't dressed as well for the occasion.

“Okay.” You nodded, unsure how you were supposed to act, barely processing where you were off too.

The tall Welshman reappeared from the bathroom in record time, sporting a striped mint green shirt and wild eyes.

“Let’s go have some fun!” Gwilym announced, leading the way to the front door. This was like an optical illusion, a fever dream version of the weekend before where everything was the same but so much different all at once.

///

The next thing you knew you were sat in the back of Joe’s car, one seat away from Gwilym, who went on wishing he could stay with Joe again but how there was some hotel in the city paying for his room, hosting some fashion show he had to attend. You wished you could have such worries, but teetered in the middle of feeling excited to see Gwil, and totally afraid of where you and Joe stood.

Just before your thoughts consumed you, the car pulled into the backstage lot of a huge arena. Through a break in the gates, you could see hoards of fans peppering the sidewalks on the horizon, racing to the front doors. At the sight of a couple of young girls and their parents decked in Queen merch, you realized that this night was probably going to be the long-awaited best experience ever, for some of these concert goers. And here you were, an undeserving drag along. You tried not to appear as out of place as you felt while you got out of the car and followed close behind the boys who knew right where to go.

On the way, without a word or a moment's hesitation, Joe grabbed your hand. You couldn't at all be sure if he could tell you were out of your element, or if this was a step in dissolving the divide between you, but you were glad for it either way. You gripped back and took a deep breath, listening to Gwilym ramble about how excited he was for everyone to be together again.

Oh shit, you thought. Of course, everyone was going to be here. Tonight of all nights, when you couldn’t be sure what was going on between you and Joe, he pulled you alongside him through the back halls of an arena. Roadies and techs hauled heavy equipment down side halls, while the one you walked through remained empty and hollow. Your heartbeat was heavy and low, you swore you felt Joe squeeze your hand. Why was he still holding yours?

You didn’t have much more time to worry before you were upon a green room, where several strangers mingled around craft tables hardly looking your way.

The group who did turn around with a cheer was made up of Joe’s former co-stars and dear friends. You knew their faces and remembered their names. Joe made sure they all knew yours.

Lucy was made up of perfect features and a gentle disposition and she hugged you like you’d known her for years. You didn’t know Ben but you’d go so far as to say his smile was genuine and he meant when he said he was glad to finally meet you.

Then there was Rami. You’d learned his name before all this, back when he worked with Joe before. The handsome actor crashed a few facetime calls with Joe and was always nice to you during those virtual hangs. You never really imagined you get the chance to say hello again, and wondered if the superstar even recalled those days at all.

You watched Rami break away from a happy hug with Joe, who started to introduce you. But Rami spoke up first.

"I always wondered when this day would come." Rami let a knowing smirk turn up at the corner of his mouth when he locked eyes with you. And something happened, as you looked at him.

You'd been coping with the fact that everyone kept disappearing. But as you looked at Rami for the first real-time, you realized that some people came back. Rami hugged you without another word, and you hugged him back hard, and it lasted a while. It was as if he knew what you were thinking, how profoundly this meeting altered your perspective.

You spotted Joe watching on with a soft expression that nearly broke your already confused heart. He caught your eye and closed his in a slow blink, silently communicating that for now, everything was okay. When the hug ended, you smiled at Rami and he told you he was glad you were here. If there weren't a mess of other people excitedly chatting around you, you might have just cried.

And of course, that’s when two members of the world’s coolest fucking band bopped into the room, casually greeting new faces and kicking around the lounge as if they weren’t royalty.

Roger and Brian were happy to see Joe and Gwil, and the boys were happy to see the band. You felt all too much like you were invading Joe’s space, but he still looked happy when he reached over to introduce you to Roger and Brian. The rockstars cheerfully acknowledged you and you had no time to process what was happening as the group moved from the green room to the hallway. It was time for the show.

How did you end up here, at the bottom of a spectacular risen stage, watching Joe latch on to his friends who you’d only just meet but made you feel apart nonetheless?

Joe mingled among his friends who seemed to truly adore him, but kept floating back to you, filling you in on inside jokes and old stories. And when you started to tell some of your own, it seemed Joe had already beaten you to the punch, having already told his new friends about all your old adventures.

When Queen took the stage, your world was enveloped by the boom of multiple speakers and songs you’d loved forever. Brian and Roger were masters of their craft. You lost yourself in the spectacle, watching fans raise their fists in the air and sing along to familiar ballads. It wasn’t long before someone tore you from taking it all in, though.

"A ydych yn cael amser da?" Gwilym was leaning toward you, a beer at his chest and a nervous grin on his lips

A smile bloomed across your face as your brain worked at super speeds to piece together what he'd just asked. Living so long in Wales and serving drinks to grumpy old men who had a lot to complain about was the best way to pick up the langue; alongside Tegan who translated stories to you after hours. You didn't know everything, but you knew enough to realize Gwilym had just asked you if you were having a good time. You hadn't heard a thing like it in ages...

"Bydda! Wyt ti?" You laughed, turning to look at Gwil with glee.

"I just texted me mum to ask how to say that on the ride over, I'm sorry I don't know what you just said," Gwilym admitted over a flaming guitar solo, a little tipsy.

"We'll have that secret langue down one day." You laughed.

Everyone had been so lovely and welcoming to you, but Gwil seemed to officially be your friend now, too. You realized that the interaction with him was the first time you’d ever addressed your time in Wales without mentally spiraling down the path of the tragic backstory you scored there. You almost missed the place, now.

As you considered the rocky way your day had started out, you realized that the night had been made of tiny stitches of really good things. You weren’t foolish enough to understand how lucky you were, but you felt undeserving all the while. 

Rami kept giving you winks and nods that you somehow understood.

Lucy kept pulling you in for sweet selfies.

And the band played their hearts out. But when they eased into Who Wants To Live Forever, you were sent floating back to earth, cursed by trauma you didn’t even feel attached to any longer, but that still haunted you all the same. The song only sent you deeper into your own thoughts, and luckily when you turned to look for Joe, he was right by your side.

“Thanks for letting me tag along.” You spoke to Joe, leaning in close so he could hear past the song.

“I’m really glad you’re here.” Joe leaned closer, and while you didn't know why, you knew he meant it.

///

You were in the backseat of Joe’s car against before you knew it. Gwil had slipped in the front to help find directions to his hotel, planning to get lunch with Joe before he headed home for London at the end of the week.

A part of your heart had been left in that arena, on the stage where two musical icons put on a killer show. In the place where you met some of Joe’s closest confidants, a place you’d been invited too. Your ears rang, and the bright lights that flickered as Joe drove through the city caused you to doze off.

You only caught bits of Gwilym leaving, barely registering when he promised to see you both again. You only really came to when Joe parked in a lot of his building.

What now? You didn’t know. You only followed behind Joe as you noticed him watching to make sure you were close by. Neither of you spoke on the trek up to his place, and even as you passed into his apartment there was a lingering silence. The calm before the storm, you decided.

You stood in his kitchen a few feet apart, knowing that you had to finish what you started here, earlier.

“I know I didn’t give you much of an option showing up unannounced but… why did you invite me to the show?” You asked slowly, trying to reason why Joe would have been nice enough to let you tag along if he was so upset with you earlier.

He stood leaning against the island, staring at you as if he’d forgotten you'd been at odds the last time you stood here.

“Because even though sometimes I don’t understand you, I still want you around. I still want you to be a part of things. It just makes sense.” Joe looked at you through his lashes.

“I’m sorry I’m so good at fucking everything up.” You said, tears stinging your eyes. You didn’t deserve Joe, and he didn’t deserve you and the shadows cast from the cloud that seemed to follow you around these days.

“You don’t fuck everything up,” Joe spoke assuredly. “You might make shit a little difficult sometimes, sure, but that doesn't change the fact that I love you.”

You had been trying not to cry since you got here, but nothing could stop you from bursting into tears, now. Yeah, this was definitely the backward path to making things better. And you were so confused that it was hard to see if things were better or not. All you could do was cover your face in your hands and hope for the best.

And when Joe spoke up to nervously ask why you were crying, all you could say was,

“Because I love you too.” You explained in a frustrated cry. This was another example of how unnecessarily stressful you had to make things, and that only made you cry harder.

But it wasn’t long before you felt Joe approach, cautiously reaching out to calm you down. He pulled you closer and you dared to close the gap, falling against Joe as you struggled to stop your tears.

He held onto you there, letting you cry until you couldn’t any longer. There was an exceptional weight lifted from your shoulders in the midst of letting out everything you’d been trying to push deep down for so long now.

As you steadied your breathing, you wished you didn’t have an excuse to release your latch on Joe. But when he slowly let go of you, he remained just as close. Joe brushed back your hair and wiped away some of your stray tears as you stared at him in awe of his unwavering care.

Then, he kissed you. Joe kissed you. Like the cameras were rolling and you were meant to appear crazy about each other. It all happened so quickly that your brain seemed to short circuit. You came to your senses enough to give into kissing him back, hardly thinking of how you got here, lost in the fact that it was happening at all.

But as the kiss died down and you both parted to catch your breath, you remembered why you came to Joe’s in the first place. And even though his eyes were still locked on your lips, you regretfully had to snap him out of it.

"Don't you dare kiss me again until we figure our shit out," You demand, wagging your finger and spinning over to the couch. It was time to stop pretending you knew everything about each other and ask a few questions.

“We’ve never really talked since I got back. I think we’d better.” You crossed your arms as Joe chuckled, at your demeanor but nodding as if he just realized this was true.

Together you sat facing each other in the middle of his big comfy couch, and seamlessly delved into a conversation about all the bits that made up your complicated life long relationship. You talked about how sorry you were for so many things and how grateful you were for others.

Joe apologized for getting so upset with you when you showed up, today. You apologized for not calling him as often as you should have and missing his dad's funeral. You started to apologize for letting your jealousy get the better of you last week, but Joe stopped you. He admitted that he'd only kept Lacy around so long because he did, in fact, like the attention. Then he apologized for making you feel like you had something to be wrong about.

The conversation lasted for at least an hour or more, until you caught a glimpse of the clock on the wall. It was suddenly three in the morning. There seemed to be so much more left to discuss with Joe, years of conversations had been left unfinished, and you were just getting started on picking up the pieces.

"Hey, remember when I used to joke about you and I swapping places for a day?" You suddenly recalled with a smile. Joe's eyes sparkled with recognition while he barely lifted a brow, suggesting you go on...

"I really believed no one would notice. Because you were always over for dinner and I was always over for breakfast."

"And we were gone together most of the day, anyway." Joe chuckled, eyes blinking slowly like an old trusting cat. You let yourself smile, considering everything all at once. Not much had changed, it seemed...

“What the fuck are we gonna do now, Joe?” You asked, like there was a war outside and no time to find shelter.

“What we’ve been doing. What we’re doing now.” Joe shrugged. “Figuring shit out together.” He stressed that final word with a micro nod and a gleam in his eye.

"Can I stay the night?" You whispered, not out of shyness, just respect. Besides, you already knew the answer. You could tell Joe wasn't going to let you out of his moonstruck sight for the rest of time and you had no plans of straying.

As soon as Joe started to give a nod of approval you slouched closer to him, slinking your arms around his shoulders and nearly falling asleep the second you melted against him.

Joe held you, not too tight. Just warm and precious. His fingers lightly scratched your shoulder blade as you both seemed to sigh in relief.

"I missed you." You muffled against his skin. Joe let out a contented mewl then, pulling you ever so slightly closer against him.

"Do we have all our shit worked out now?" Joe asked in a way you knew was serious. And because for the most part, you did, you said,

"Are you just asking so you can kiss me again?"

You both laughed, just like always. And for the first time in a long time, you weren’t worried about what happened, what was currently happening, or what might. You just felt happy. You were happy.

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

[five-wow]

i finally watched 10.10! here are some thoughts. you might maybe not want to read this if you really enjoyed adam’s plot in the episode, because i, uh, have some reservations.

i started laughing during the “previously on” flashbacks when adam told tamiko that she could get free of her yakuza ties because “look at me. i did.” are you sure, adam? are you sure you’re sure? because every single subplot you’ve ever had over your nine or so years on this show seems to contradict that, fjdkfd.

oof, poor adam has to fight his attackers utterly butt-naked, which is not the way you’d want to start your day. also, i mean, they have tamiko. double bad.

fdjkfd adam wakes up to tamiko’s dad’s men cleaning up the signs of struggle in the apartment and the dad standing over him, and adam’s been covered up with a sheet (very thoughtful mob men!) but that’s, uh, a very awkward position to be in with your girlfriend’s dad.

“we’ll leave five-0 out of it.” no adam, bad. bad idea. [sprays him with water bottle]

tani being the voice of reason in the face of junior and lou wanting to keep a tiny pink kid’s bike that samantha will have zero use for anymore is a thing of beauty, even if i do understand junior’s position.

fjdkfdjkf lou: “that’s right. [the victims are] all male, all in their early forties.” steve: “ooy. prime of their lives.” quinn, quietly but not so quietly steve won’t hear her: “guys in their forties love saying that.” haaa, i love her. so far, this is a GOOD episode for the women, omg.

steve talking about his health and getting older, even if it’s just that he’s a little down about it because his doctor says he can’t eat steak anymore (the horror!!!), is kind of very wonderful to see on screen, gosh. that’s the kind of content i want.

adam: “i came down with a bug or something.” yes, the bug is in his brain and it’s called i-have-a-stupid-need-to-tackle-my-problems-on-my-own. many people in five-0 are familiar with it, so you might want to ask their help, adam.

so. so here’s the thing: i never really liked adam for kono, and then i warmed up to them as a couple, and shortly after that they got divorced. i never really liked adam on the team, and then i started warming up to him as a member of it because he was being a genuinely good guy, making friends with a homeless man etcetera (and his last big yakuza plot was finally wrapped up), and now he’s going rogue and assaulting an informant and acting behind the team’s back, and he’s probably about to do worse things and get deep into yakuza business again, idk, and honestly, i just. i just don’t really care. i started to like him when he was kind and now he’s suddenly Bad Adam out of nowhere again (i mean, it’s because his girlfriend was kidnapped and that makes some sense, but we don’t really know her and i have zero investment in her or their relationship and she’s more of a prop than a person and it’s all just kind of whiplash-y and i wish i cared but i’m afraid i just don’t. they keep flipflopping between making adam a really sweet good guy and a violent, bad one and i wish they’d just choose, or at least make the seesawing more understandable and interesting. his motives and the stakes are too undefined to me, i guess. it doesn’t carry any weight.

quinn obnoxiously and loudly eating a malasada in front of steve while refusing to share for steve’s supposed health is wonderful though!!! i mean, steve almost gets into a car crash while trying to snatch a malasada, which shows slightly skewed priorities, but at least the desire for a donut is something i can relate to. that’s a good plot. (i kid, but not entirely.)

aha! duke finds out about adam’s activities for the day.

the adam plot is coming to a head and they have tamiko back but her dad’s been shot, and i know i just said i don’t really care and i still don’t for the most part, but my god, tamiko, that poor woman? she’s been kidnapped and drugged while naked and then there were people shooting over her head and just when she thought it was over, her father is dying, and doing a lot of violence to a woman is not the same as building a character or plot that makes me feel something (do! not! confuse those two!), but it does still make me feel something.

h50 is generally a fairly black and white show (the bad guys are bad and the good guys are good, and people who are in prison deserve to be there and worse), far more so than in any way fits into my own moral view of the world, so i really like seeing this plot in which a guy gets to be freed from incarceration by our main cast because it turns out he didn’t commit any crimes! it’s a nice turn around from viewing all prisoners as irredeemable bad guys - here’s a man who claims he’s innocent and actually is innocent. (even though his story also makes my heart hurt because he’s already been in there TEN YEARS and jfc, he’s going to need more therapy than tamiko.)

we get lou on the phone with samantha and it’s really cute! and then he also talks to tani and junior about how will’s gone now too, and it’s good to at least know that (i mean, we could guess, but we’d never gotten any kind of confirmation before), but it also puts into stark contrast that we still don’t actually know for sure where grace is this year, fjdkfd. we can infer that she went to college, but like. mention it. (hashtag don’t let grace be the next female character that disappears on this show, please.)

dsfjdkfjdkfjdfjdk right SO. adam has realized that the guy who now inherits tamiko’s dead dad’s power probably plotted to murder tamiko’s dad, and then the guy is like “let’s finish our business” and essentially, it boils down to adam having kidnapped and tortured a guy for information and now that man is about to get killed while adam’s there and very definitely guilty of a number of things and i’m screaming because this gives me extreme déjà vu feelings to the time adam killed two guys in the woods and that time he tortured another guy, i think? both also after he’d finally gotten onto the right path, and then he ended up in prison. i guess they want adam off the show again, so they had to make him do ~bad things~ that were definitely totally absolutely against his will for [cue dramatic music and wind machine] The Woman He Loves! [dramatic zoom on Adam’s face or something, idek, eagle cries in the distance]

now adam is being threatened by New Baddest Guy and i am genuinely confused, because i think we’re supposed to feel sorry for him when the guy says adam’s career with five-0 will be over? but i kind of, um. kind of think that might maybe be a good idea? not even just because he did bad things, but also like, adam keeps getting drawn into this yakuza shit and he just really, really needs to move states and start a new life from scratch that doesn’t involve law enforcement but accounting or painting or modelling or what have you, because this is like an addiction that keeps pulling at him and it’s good for no one, least of all him.

dude gets shot (the one adam abducted and hand delivered), adam looks shocked. WHAT DID YOU EXPECT, ADAM.

and then steve calls adam and asks him to come to hq and we get a little scene showing us that duke brought steve all the evidence against adam, and the episode ends. oh boy.

so i liked some things about this episode! all of tani and quinn’s lines, lou talking about how he feels about his kids moving out, tani and junior’s interactions, steve’s health being a topic that gets brought up even if it’s jokingly, the general substance of the case steve and quinn solved. i feel like i’m being very negative about the adam plot and if you’re someone who does like it, obviously that’s cool, and i’m happy for you! i’m glad you can enjoy that. i just. personally, i’m so tired. this makes very little sense to me in ways that aren’t “i don’t understand this” but rather “this doesn’t logically work for me” (and i’m also simply not very interested in it, i’ll admit) and if this is a thing leading up to adam leaving, then if this is the version of adam we’re going to get for the forseeable future, i honestly wouldn’t mind. i liked good, kind, found-a-good-place-in-life adam! but oh dear lord, i’m tired of watching him slide back into yakuza drama over and over and over again because the writers don’t seem to want to think of a different storyline for him that might not involve... whatever this is. (also, tamiko absolutely failed the sexy lamp test in this episode (as in, she could have been replaced by a sexy lamp and the plot would have been the exact same) and it makes me sad.)

[myassbrokethefall]

All right, I just watched This for the third time, and the first time where I could really pause and rewind and have my attention undivided, since the first time through my brain was just a mess of AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH THIS IS SO GOOD THIS IS SO GOOD and the second time it was so I could follow along with Gillian’s tweets. (I may have learned what a taint was that day, but I did not get much detailed information about the plot.) (Just kidding, I already knew what a taint was, unlike Gillian Anderson who is clearly still enjoying the novelty of having recently found out about it.)

Here are my unedited (except for typos/some cleanup for clarity purposes) thoughts as I watched it, under a cut because anytime anyone says “lol here are my UNEDITED THOUGHTS” it should be under a cut, I feel like. Enjoy! Or don’t.

Phone: MULDER! MULDER! MULDER! MULDER! MULDER! MULDER!

Mulder: *sleeps*

Scully (very quietly): Mulder

Mulder: WHAT I'M UP I'M UP

I hope those assassins had to get out of the car and manually heave the gate out of the way like Scully did in IWTB.

Why is there an antler on the floor? Do Mulder and Scully just have...a single antler

"Accuse your enemies of that which you are guilty"?? I didn't even see that because apparently I didn’t look up either time while the themesong was playing. Also, in the grand tradition of "that with which he can't live without," this is grammatically incoherent. Good proofreading everyone

I look forward to someone less lazy than me examining every single frame of film in which the Unremarkable House appears and itemizing all of Mulder and Scully's possessions. I MAY have the same toaster oven as them?

Scully's badge number is XF072161?? What happened to JTTsomething? @startwreck did you know about this

227700 Wallis Road, Farrs Corner, VA. A real town. Google Map it, click Satellite, zoom out and note with pleasure (if you’re me) how in the exact bullseye middle of a bunch of empty green they are, far from civilization. That’s how I like my Unremarkable House. 

Simultaneous thoughts I had as the second wave of bad guys was attacking: How on earth did somebody get upstairs that fast? Did they parachute in? / Look at that beautiful porchlight

Crucial Plot Points That I Missed Entirely While In Raptures Over The Mulder And Scully Goodness Of This Episode, Part 1: Barbara Hershey’s character sent this Russian goon squad. Ah.

russian guy: (mockingly) “I want to believe”?

mulder: it’s not enough this dude is about to kill me, he has to make fun of my nerd poster? insult to injury

skinner: ugh just surrender to them! it's fine 

m&s: they tried to assassinate us two times

skinner: ohhhh lol sorry i didn't know they were going to do that MY bad

This order of presidents/32 32nd 34 35...stuff feels so unpolished and ad-libbed even though it's obviously plot-crucial (so I assume scripted), but it's like, they're just kinda bouncing around NEAR the lines, and I love it. And I love when Scully holds out her hand for him to supply the answer of which president FDR is and he has no idea so she supplies “32nd” and he's like “32 yeah I was totally about to say that yup” and then he forgets the number 33 exists, thus missing the clue. You're a mess, Mulder. Thank goodness for your smart wife.

Also it makes me wonder if "now you're just showing off, really" was an ad-lib of David’s because it feels like he interrupts her line; she has just said "FDR" and he says that and then she continues on with the FDR part again. scripted or duchovny? LEAVE MY JOKES IN GLEN

Them just figuring out this cemetery clue like Encyclopedia Brown GIVES ME LIFE

Skinner gave them a Leatherman? Handy/I’m surprised they didn’t trade it for more muffins

“it links to a video of the pet or person” lol

THIS SHOW IS LITERALLY SO DARK I HONESTLY CANNOT SEE WHAT IS HAPPENING; it went to commercial on a lingering shot of something and I don’t know what it was

So we kinda already knew this, but the "I'm gonna open an x-file on this bran muffin" line comes BEFORE the "I opened an x-file on this building in the '90s" line, leading me to believe that the bran muffin x-file line is also an ad-lib (in addition to Gillian’s “alien butt” line directly after, which she confirmed it was) because "opening an x-file” was on David's mind from doing the scene over and over. Scully's "An x-file?" line delivered like that's a new idea doesn't really mesh with her just having heard that term 20 seconds ago in re: bran muffins. DETECTIVE WORK

(also to be clear I’M FINE WITH THAT, leave in all their ad libs, they’re canon now, canon canon canon canon)

scully: walter we need your HELP 

skinner: kids, i literally already gave you all the money I have, jesus I am just trying to go to work, can you please handle your shit

scully: we used UP all that money on MUFFINS, and we ATE THEM ALL ok those muffins were GREAT but we are HUNGRY AGAIN we need your HELP GODDAMNIT even though we don’t TRUST YOU, why are you such a JERK, can’t you just go to the ATM? UNTRUSTWORTHY

"if you want to see the x-files you don't have to go to the office" me: I do spend quite a bit of time at the office seeing the x-files though (or at least various secondary references thereto)

Mulder, after two seconds of searching in the proprietary search bar: fuck this it doesn’t work I'll just google it #relatable

Crucial Plot Points That I Missed Entirely While In Raptures Over The Mulder And Scully Goodness Of This Episode, Part 2: that the spank bank thing was a deliberate secret message leading to the Langly's girlfriend lady. (also that they kept that from Skinner)

I also missed all this Sims talk with Langly’s girlfriend, on how they would know it was a simulation. "you wouldn't be able to click on the neighbor's house" "there would be a loading screen every time you went on vacation" "if you had the pets pack installed the same dog would come every day and dig a hole in your yard" "buy mode would be disabled if there was a burglar" "you would only be able to make macaroni and cheese until you had more cooking points" "if story progression was turned on sometimes you'd go to your neighbor's house and there would just be a random baby on the floor" "blurry boxes would appear on you every time you went to the bathroom" i got a million of ’em

Lollllllll at Mulder's awkward cough after “maybe he saw Mulder in his dreams” / “Who hasn't” / Scully’s look

What’s with all the fly imagery? Two acts have opened with closeup shots of insects.

This skanky bar scene...every moment of it is a cinematic masterpiece that I will treasure forever

Scully's hilarious face in reaction to the beer is another thing I didn't notice. like, this is what you ordered for me while I was asleep? gross dude

also I love her smile as she closes her eyes again like, mulder's yappin, all's right with the world, goodnight

Langly simulation: Are you...Fox...Mulder? Something about that name...is familiar to me...as if from another life...I feel compelled to contact you though I don't know why or what it means

Mulder: Yes, it's me, and Scully

Langly simulation: DANA SCULLY?! Omg how are you girl I miss you so much! omg I'm gonna cry I’m so glad to see you how the hell are you

We're digital slaves...they force us to make grilled cheese sandwiches over and over again and every time we try to play videogames they make us study the mechanical skill instead...sometimes they put us in a pool and take the ladder away just for their sick amusement...that's not even getting into the torment that comes from the move_objects on cheat...sure we may have rosebud!;!;!;!; levels of money and I may be the mayor but aging is turned off and I've already bought the fanciest TV and the most comfy bed and I've done all the tomb quests in World Adventures and I don't know what else there is here for me...plus the game lags every time I try to go on the subway...it's hell, Mulder, hell (sorry, done with the Sims jokes now)

Scully, they don't serve mimosas on the bus; believe me, I would know.

Do Gillian's kids get freaked out hearing her speak in an American accent? No more freaked out than seeing her in a red wig i guess

JACOB JARVITS FEDERAL BUILDING #neverforget

What is with the "looking moodily out at the New York skyline at night while sipping a martini in an ’80s movie" soundtrack in this "get us in the tunnel" scene

Mulder's eyebrow raise after "married to the Bureau" *drapes it all over my body*

the clearest and largest STAIRS sign in all of history; sure half the episode is so dark you can't make out what's happening but god forbid we not know that the door Mulder's gesturing to is the S T A I R S

literally why IS mulder yelling out numbers on the stairs at the top of his lungs? he's not even counting the floors, there are 29 floors and he's like 32 34 36 38...he's counting by twos...is he counting the stairs? Why? scripted or duchovny? "glen please leave in my inane stair counting, it's funny!" "david by gum you guys are magic. magic! ok ok, no problem buddy, just keep it flowing"

mulder and scully get in like 12 physical fights in this episode. AMAZING

Ok, now here’s where I really have to pay attention because i legit did not listen to a GODDAMN WORD of this Barbara Hershey scene the other two times.

Why are there SO MANY lamps in here and how is it still so dark

"You're still refusing to answer the question of your father" am I supposed to remember what that is? Show, you greatly overestimate me

Hold on, did Scully jump some guy with a flashlight and beat the shit out of him during this voiceover and I didn't even realize it? GO SCULLY (closed captioning: “blows landing, groaning”)

Crucial Plot Points That I Missed Entirely While In Raptures Over The Mulder And Scully Goodness Of This Episode, Part 3: the entire earth is about to burn down, whoops, did NOT catch that.

"my company advised killing you" okaayyyy

Did barbara hershey ask muldo to kill csm last episode and he said he wouldn't? why the hell not? do it dude do it

"we can upload a mind through any smartphone" sure until Apple releases a new OS and then it starts lagging

“We can take a piece of your mind anytime you make a call” oh good they’ll get like 3 pieces of my mind a year then. It would be much more efficient to take a piece of my mind every time I open Hay Day

Mulder has been handcuffed or fake-handcuffed A LOT this episode. He's going to need to process this through roleplay once he and Scully get home

Is Scully using the Leatherman as a physical key to switch off a top-secret high-security NSA federal computer system in lieu of the actual, presumably very specialized, key manufactured for that purpose? It really can do anything.

I can’t tell what we’re supposed to be seeing in this conference room to indicate that it was abandoned. Barbara Hershey is gone but was there other stuff in there? Like a sign that said “THE CONSPIRACY” or something? The LAMPS are still there, I guess they didn’t have time to pack those up

There's an orange on the floor in the UH. This is a step up, nutrition-wise, from the time Mulder had potato chips on the coffee table in IWTB. 

There is a basketball hoop DIRECTLY over a lamp. Really, Mulder?

Scully literally drops off to sleep in 3 seconds. all things continuity. 👏

So, destroy the backup? Does that mean there's a backup to the simulation and they’re just going to restore from it and nothing they did accomplished anything? Except for being the most delightful and satisfying episode of TXF ever filmed? Also what does the curly-haired guy being in there mean? I mean obviously he was uploaded after he died but is he in there like, tormenting Langly now? In the backup? How many backups are there? Can a Leatherman be used to defeat all of them?

I don’t care; Mulder and Scully are asleep on the couch and everything is perfect.