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#that shit kinda hurt different. but also sent me into a bit of a delirious state where all i could do is laugh bc are you for fucking real
girlcrushau
·
1 month
Text
#me? about to use tumblr as a diary again? in 2024? unfortunately:/
#but here have a waterfall i saw on a hike last week as payment
#i am sO tired and exhausted emotionally after dating
#there's this guy that i fr thought was going to last and be around for a long time. we spent like every moment together that we could for 2
#months straight and if we werent physicaly together we were texting or calling or on ft . just every part of our day had the other in it
#not once did i ever feel unwanted undesired or uncared for. not once did i feel that i wasnt sure of his intentions. i felt safer with him
#in those 2 months than i ever did with any one else i could think to compare to.
#until one day he just didnt think it important to communicate any more. after 3 days of nearly nothing .. hardly any talking . i asked if
#he was ok if we were ok. what was going on in his head. he said some ive just been with my buddies and family and havent been on my phone
#and just. immediately thats heartbreak yanno. thats :// thats what they say when theres a new girl. but there'd never been a reason to think
#there was another girl so i was like ok we're gonna trust bc this dude has been So good in every way. so i said imy but i understand. enjoy
#your time with your buddies and with your fam -- i cant wait to hear about it (and hold you)
#and i havent heard from him in the 3 weeks since. just randomly
#so last night
#i send the dreaded 'i miss you' text.
#i dont expect to hear back and i accept the hurt that will come with that and the confusion that i've felt settles deeper into my heart
#until this afternoon i hop on ig and see a hard launch that was posted an hour after my text was sent
#that shit kinda hurt different. but also sent me into a bit of a delirious state where all i could do is laugh bc are you for fucking real
#did she see my message? i know it. bc i know him and i know that he wouldnt hide anything from the person he's giving his heart
#and his softness to. i can almost imagine how he showed her and promised her theres nothing to worry about
#and there really isnt anything to worry about because he genuinely is the type to give his all to the relationship he's in
#which feels silly to say after what happened w us. like no there wasnt a title ever
#it sucks to call it a situationship because a month ago we were laughing in bed together about how we could never bc we were all in.
#just the timing of the hard launch makes me giggle. did my text push them to have a conversation about what they are. was she really the
#reason that he went away on me.
#im trying not to blame myself . trying not to think about the phone calls i didnt answer. about what i could have done differently. trying
#not to think about where we would be if i didnt let my anxieties hold me back. if i wasnt scared about what he'd think of the parts of me
#that i keep hidden just a little bit longer than the rest.
#and at the same time im trying not to put him on a pedestal. but that pedestal is just where i wholeheartedly believe he belongs
#he set the bar for me. he set the standard. i was never too much. i was never too little. he made me feel perfect just as i am
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