#that that's weird!! but then with bella we're just supposed to ignore that we never see her house? meet her family? find out how she's

[opalsiren]

every time i re-watch season three i'm like bella's character isn't THAT poorly developed surely she has a few episodes focused solely on her character alone and not her mind-numbing will-they-won't-they thing with the guy who invented having no boundaries. and every single time without fail i am proven wrong!!

[thecarnivorousmuffinmeta]

Just shower thoughts... For a long time I've been confused about why Meyer wrote the Jacob/Renesmee imprint. Most of the weird shit that happens in Twilight I can justify as leaning into the monsterfucker/Phantom of the Opera angle or worldbuilding fails. But the baby soulmate thing?? But And Then There Were None kickstarted a wire in my head that transmigrated me into Stephenie Meyer's head during my shower.

I'm Meyer writing New Moon. I want to set the groundwork to break the love triangle in Edward's favor. I need Jacob out of the way, preferably dating someone else. But I don't want Jacob to seem like he loved Bella less, or like the kind of guy who would treat a woman like she's his second choice. Solution? I apply my weird concept of true love to the problem. Bang, imprinting. He loved Bella as much as he could but was destined for someone else! For now, Jacob is un-imprinted for now since I want the love triangle to be central to the Eclipse plot.

However, writing Eclipse I get stuck. Jacob is Bella's best friend. If he imprints on someone else, it means that he can't go with Bella on her immortal voyage of true love. She'll be sad. Unacceptable. Ok, I say. Jacob imprints on a vampire. Then he and Bella can stay friends, forever, as the new vampire (RenesmeeLite) will prove vampires can be good people.

BUT I still have a problem. What if some Jacob/Bella fans don't buy the new ship after all the drama in Eclipse? What if they (rightly) argue imprinting is thralldom and hate it? What if they (god forbid) make postcanon Jacob/Bella fanfic where the imprint breaks and the old ship re-sails? I need to make it clear that a) Edward/Bella are in unbreakable true love and b) Jacob/Bella's connection was sincere but ultimately platonic.

For a) marriage and sex are pretty big commitments. Escalate. The biggest commitment? A baby. Half-vampire baby can never die and thus never be forgotten. Renesmee will complete my Edward/Bella endgame. For b) ... I realize... I've written RenesmeeLite. Renesmee solves the Jacob/Bella friendship problem as now not only does Jacob have to like vampires, he has an excuse to join the Cullens and officially follow Bella around for the rest of her life! Also, Jacob's relationship with Bella is retconned to imply that his great love for her was only due to her similarity to his true soulmate/the call of fate. The Cullens and wolves complete the alliance arc begun in Eclipse, which they will no doubt use to someday take down the terrible Volturi and potentially become vampire royalty themselves. Ignoring the implications of that, it's a good day to be Bella. As for now, I edit Eclipse to add foreshadowing to Jacob's destiny... sorry Claire and Quil, you'll have to be sacrifices.

What do you think? Do you buy it?

And Then There Were None a Halloween Twilight special by myself and @therealvinelle that readers caught us out on while we were still anonymous.

It's a delightful theory the trouble is that's not really what we do here on this blog. This is a blog to divest ourselves of authorial intent or to try and peer into the mind of Meyer and ask "why?" For one thing, it keeps the blog consistent, for another I genuinely have no idea.

Meyer is utterly incomprehensible to me. Not only are we different people but... I mean, look at Edward. Look, there's your normal Phantom of the Opera bad boy tragic love interest type, and then there's Edward and the shit he says. And it's unironic, we're supposed to genuinely like him, she thinks he's a dream boat as he says, "I'll eat your babies."

How does one even comprehend such a person?

In this case though I'll go on a limb and say that given Meyer having doubled down on imprinting in the first place as well as Edward...

I think it was the plan to start with and perhaps even the reason imprinting in the series exists at all.

We see way too much foreshadowing in New Moon with imprinting immediately brought up with Sam and Emily, it is already a significant plot point and one Jacob finds himself concerned about when he realizes he doesn't imprint on Bella.

Already we had Chekov's Gun: Jacob hasn't imprinted which means that it will always be a loose end until he does. At some point in the series he will imprint and it will not be on Bella.

And given all that build up to Jacob wanting it to be Bella so badly, as well as the Claire/Quil subplot, and everyone else imprinting...

I think it was always going to be Renesmee. He was always doomed to be tied into the family and for Meyer this was always the ideal dream solution like where you're playing dolls and all the dolls marry all the other dolls and now they're a big happy family and everyone's related.

Adding to this, the love triangle was one of those hilarious love triangles where you know who the author's going to pick immediately. Twilight, Bella dates Edward. New Moon, Bella's very sad over Edward and considers Jacob for 0.02 seconds before dumping him because Edward's back. Eclipse, Jacob asks Bella to dump Edward and she says no the entire novel then marries Edward. Breaking Dawn, Bella marries Edward.

Jacob was never made a competitive option for Bella and it was always clear, the entire time, I'm sorry guys but it was hilariously clear she was going to pick Edward. Always.

Which meant that while Jacob needed a clean exit from the love triangle I... also don't think he was in the love triangle for Meyer. Sort of, yes, but I honestly think that's the weird set up that Jacob later quotes in canon of "Oh, Bella, I was totally into you because I was going to imprint on your vampire baby in the future. This makes so much sense."

... Does it Jacob? Does it?

I think Renesmee and Renesmee/Jacob was always the plan and everything else was just set up to get there.

(Worth noting, though I don't know too much about it, is Forever Dawn which was the book Meyer pitched after Twilight to her publishers which is essentially the plot of Breaking Dawn with a few tweaks.

It should be taken with a bit of a grain of salt as it was never published and I'm personally dubious of whatever copies people say they have floating about or what concepts were leaked, but nevertheless we seem to have a lot of the same stuff.

Bella still gets pregnant and marries Edward. Jacob still imprints on Renesmee. The Volturi still show up as the big bad. Victoria is still a major player (though this time takes on the role of Irina the nark).

This, of course, points to Renesmee/Jacob always being the endgame rather than the solution Meyer happened upon for the love triangle problem.)

But at the end of the day, I'm guessing too, and the best I can really do is shrug and say who knows with that one.

[justfuckingcommittoit]

Well... this is complicated?

Alice x Skylar Jasper x Violet Edward x Bella

"Hey! Hey! Careful with the- HEY!"

Skylar yelled frustratingly. She really did not like how this dude just shamelessly shoved her down.

"Violet? Skylar?"

"Bella?"

Violet asked, eyes widely open.

"He got you too?!"

Skylar tilted her head.

"We should totally make a club about this! Welcome to the kidnapped club, Belly Bells."

Skylar proudly declared. Bella smacked her head.

"I was here first, you idiot, plus-"

"Did that dude really just show his weird tingly tongue to us?"

Skylar suddenly asked, nose crutching up in pure disgust while Violet and Bella blinked.

"I believe he wants to eat us, dear sister."

Skylar’s mouth formed an "o"

"If that wasn't the case, he wouldn't have kidnapped us!"

Bella cried out startling the twins.

"Y'know, I actually thought we were getting free food."

Skylar mumbled, clearly upset.

Violet and Bella knew right there and then, they'd die while being stuck with an idiot.

──────────────── ────────────────

I walked into my sister's room, looking up from my phone to see her staring out the window. "Is she here?" I asked with a slight interest.

"Yeah. She looks really awkward." I walked over next to her to watch the police chief's daughter talking to one of the boys from downtown. She looked like she was in pain, like a lot of pain. Her and Jasper would get along. I sat down in the beanbag placed in the corner of the room before pulling out my phone, snapping a picture of an unexpected Skylar.

"I swear to GOD if you send that to Alice I will kill you myself. Delete that now I will not allow a photo of my hair like that to exist."

"Dude, you have long wavy hair, it looks the same everyday." I said as I sent the photo to Alice.

"If you're telling me my hair looks like this every day, I'm jumping off a cliff," Skylar replied, starting to get bored of the view outside the window. “Can you imagine what the police chief is going to do if she brings a boy home? And I thought having a parent as a teacher was bad. At least we won't come home to a Spanish teacher loading a gun," I snickered.

"Yeah, and can you imagine starting a new school in the middle of the year? That's gotta suck." Skylar added.

"It's going to be an interesting one that's for sure."Getting out of the Cullens car the next day, Skylar and I made our way to the new beat up pickup truck in the parking lot. Edward rolled his eyes, already annoyed about the new girl's presence taking up everyone's thoughts for the day.

"Hey Bella!" I said as I got closer to her truck. "Sorry to ambush you like this, we were going to introduce ourselves yesterday but didn't have the time. We're your neighbors, I'm Violet and this is my sister, Skylar." Skylar waved.

"Nice to meet you guys. Are you twins?" Bella asked, avoiding eye contact. "Yeah, but you wouldn't be able to tell if Violet didn't act like she was glued to me all the time." Skylar explained. "Fraternal, not identical. You know the drill baby."

"Yeah." Bella chuckled. She didn't elaborate, and an awkward silence followed.The bell rang, and Skylar cleared her throat. "Well, you'll find the office building to your left. If you need anything else don't hesitate to ask one of us! Neighbors gotta look out for each other." We turned to walk into the school as Bella nodded to us, heading in the opposite direction. Alice and Jasper quickly caught up to us, walking us to our shared first class.

Throughout the day, I probably learned more about Bella from the student body gossip than I did in our actual conversation with the girl; Mike Newton definitely took a special interest.

By the time lunch rolled around, Bella seemed to have made some friends. She sat among Jessica and her friends. Skylar and I figured we could leave her to it, so we joined our usual table with the Cullen’s. Sitting down with our food we noticed Edward in some sort of daze.

"Well if you keep that look up, you'll look just like Jasper!" I exclaimed, stealing an apple from Jasper’s tray. Not like he was going to eat it anyway. "And what's that supposed to mean?" The normally-in-pain vampire asked beside me. I shrugged my shoulders in response.

"The new girl is in everyone's heads today--well, everyone's excluding her own," Edward noted, covering his face with his hands.

"He can't read Bella’s thoughts," Alice elaborated.

“Maybe she just doesn't have any," Skylar deadpanned, causing Violet to choke on her water."Don't be stupid," Rosalie chirped into the conversation. "So you can't hear her thoughts? Big deal, I thought you didn't like hearing them anyway."

"I'm not too sure," Skylar started, "There doesn't look like there's a lot going on in that girl's head."

“So, give us the tea. What's Jessica blabbing on about?" I asked, bored of the current "situation". Edward glanced over to the others, listening. At some point Bella made eye contact with him, but quickly looked away.

"Mainly Rosalie and Emmett’s weird incest relationship." Edward chuckled, earning a harsh glare from Rosalie while Emmett laughed and slung his arm around his wife. The group continued eating, well, at least Skylar and I did. We packed a small lunch for ourselves every day, which was mostly gone within the first few classes. When lunch actually rolled around it was spent sneaking food off the Cullen’s trays, trying to make them look as human as the rest of us. Which was quite the job.

Eventually, the bell rang yet again, signaling it was time for Skylar and I's least favorite class, Biology. Edward was in it too and he was passing with flying colors, obviously. However, he chose to sit as far away from us as possible so we wouldn't bug him for answers on every assignment. As we walked in we caught up with Mike and Tyler.

"That poor girl, she probably hates the fact that everyone is talking about her," Skylar said. "We should have organized a food fight or something to get the attention taken away."

"Or we can just have Tyler steal Mike’s clothes while he showers after gym," I suggested. "I am right here!" Mike shouted as we chuckled and went to the back of the class to take our seats.

The real shock of the day was when Bella walked into class shortly after, and went to take the one open seat next to Edward. It should've been the perfect meet-cute, awkward meets even more awkward. But no one could have prepared Skylar and I for what we were about to witness.

"Did he just...gag at her?" I mumbled in disbelief, completely shocked.

"He literally looks like he's about to throw up. Can he even do that? Or is it kind of like a rat? Ya know, how they can't gag or anything," Skylar whispered as class started.

"I would have jumped out the window right then and there if I was her," I stated. I watched as Edward scooted his seat as close to the window as much as he could. Bella sat down anyway, looking confused. God, Edward, stop looking like the opposite side of a magnet. I thought, not even getting a reaction out of him despite knowing he could definitely hear me. Bella’s a teenage girl, not a donkey. As class went on, the situation didn't get any better. In fact, the second the bell rang, Edward ran out of the classroom so fast I thought he might have broken some kind of Volturi odd code about not revealing any Vampiric abilities to us lowly peasants. Skylar and I looked at each other before following Edward out of the room, ignoring Bella’s confused expression. As we caught up to Edward in the hall, I started pestering him.

"You didn't have to stay the whole class, you know," I said, walking beside him and Skylar. The look on his face made it clear that wasn't the comment he had expected. "You could have asked to go to the nurse and just left?" Apparently, despite being over 100 years old, this thought never occurred to him. I guess age doesn't always come with good ol' wisdom, I thought, again knowing he could hear me. As Alice rounded the corner, Edward decided it was his time to roll his eyes and make his dramatic left turn towards his next class.

"Wow, this got worse than I thought it would," Alice explained. We looked at her, confused, as she pulled us near a less crowded corridor. "It's not just the fact that he can't hear her thoughts. Her blood is almost irresistible to him." Suddenly, Alice went still, which we'd learned meant she was seeing visions

"Seems like this won't blow over soon either. Edward is planning on going up to Alaska. He’s trying to avoid killing her."

"Jesús, that went dark quickly. I'm almost starting to feel bad about making fun of him gagging at Bella," Skylar whispered, her accent slipping out slightly, "Almost."

"I'm going to be honest, that was not at all what I was expecting to come out of your mouth," I exclaimed. "Also, can't he go anywhere in the world? Why is he choosing to go up to where Tanya is? I thought she annoyed the hell out of him," I wondered, mostly to myself.

Alice drove us to her house, the three of us having the last period off. I smelled fresh brownies as soon as I opened the Cullen’s door. I flung my backpack to the ground as I raced upstairs after Skylar, finding Esme and Carlisle in the kitchen.

"Esme, you won't believe what Edward did to this poor girl today." I started, grabbing a corner piece from the fresh tray of brownies. Carlisle scooped some ice cream into bowls for us. They were always so sweet to us, making us snacks even though none of the family actually ate anything. We mentioned that it wasn't necessary, but they insisted, saying they have to keep up their image by going to the store anyways.

Esme looked at me with a smirk, signalling me to continue. "He gagged at her, Esme! Like looked straight into her eyes and gagged!" I explained while Skylar reenacted the dramatic moment next to me. Carlisle laughed and handed us our ice cream bowls. I mashed my brownie into the vanilla ice cream without hesitation.

"Yes, I have heard that today was quite the show. We've been getting texts from Alice almost hourly." Carlisle noted, then excused himself into his office while we finished talking about our day with Esme.

When the rest of the family got back, the three of us were doing homework. I got up to follow Edward upstairs. He had already started packing. "Don't you think this is a tad bit dramatic? I mean, Alice already said you weren't going to hurt her. She saw it."

"Her visions aren't set in stone, Violet. You know that." He muttered back, zipping up his suitcase. "Yeah, okay. When will you be back?"

Edward ran his hand through his hair and shrugged. I nodded and backed out of the room, opting to join Jasper in his room instead.