#that was certainly a terrible time for my mental health besties

[what-is-love-babey-dont-hurt-me]

Y’all ever just postpone something for months and there’s more negative side affects to not doing it, but when you do it it’s actually really easy and hassle free and you are just like damn I really let my anxiety cause problems like that

[mysurveys]

Random Qs

Survey #38 on the Countdown to 2018!

This one's from back in May from before my hiatus. I took a long break after posting two others from May months ago. There were a lot of changes to my health and other parts of my life so the pause was necessary. I'll be posting one more from the same month before getting to some from last week.

Did you have a New Year’s kiss?

No, but I don't really celebrate the new year.

Are there any words that you cannot pronounce, or that you pronounce incorrectly?

No, I just have throwbacks from my early youth concerning words I confuse and conflate such as "itch" and "scratch".

After a long day at work or doing something physical what tends to hurt more, your back or your feet?

It varies. If I did a lot of lifting then it would probably be my back, but if I just did a lot of walking then it would most likely be my feet.

Do you have a smartphone and if so, what’s your favorite app?

I prefer not to carry a phone, but there are apps on my computer. I just don’t have a fave right now.

If you had to choose between being a nurse or an English teacher, which would you choose and why?

The latter since I'm much more qualified for it.

Do you have a specific gas station you usually go to, or do you stop wherever?

I don't drive, but my mother has a preference and it has the best Subway in our area. It’s not somewhere I shop otherwise.

How much older than you was the oldest person you've dated or had a relationship with?

Five or so years, I think.

Is anything stressing you out at the moment?

I have some minor stress from my grandmother's situation right now. She might lose her only eye and that could mean different living arrangements for my parents and I since we would probably need to move in with her.

My mother's been avoidant when it comes to talking about the situation, but it's something I have to get her to do.

What's your opinion on dating someone who already has children from a previous relationship?

I don't want to take care of kids so I wouldn't date someone who has their own. It’s definitely a deal-breaker for me.

Have you ever actually found a mascara that makes a huge difference for your lashes?

I don't use mascara. My eyelashes are fine without it.

Would you rather have one or two great facial features that stand out or just an overall pretty face but no special features?

I don't feel I need any special distinguishing marks on my face. However, I do have facial moles right now. One of them stands out slightly on my forehead and the other is underneath my left eye.

Do you check your horoscope daily and if so, did you relate to your horoscope at all today?

I don't check it and I haven't since I became a Christian which was many years ago, but just using your star sign is pretty pointless anyway. I did learn that much about astrology way back in the day.

When you need to remember something, how do you usually go about doing so?

It depends on what I need to remember, but I’ll never use Post-It notes for things like that. I don’t like sticking those on things.

How would you describe someone that's your type?

I don't have a type as if I'm a child; I certainly prefer certain qualities in the men I date, but I don't generalize them into types.

The traits I always like in a man are dominance, intelligence, a broad sense of humor, someone who loves cats, one who doesn’t have or want children and men who share most of the same moral and political beliefs as I do.

Have you recently accomplished anything that you're proud of yourself for?

Some of the dietary changes I've made are marked improvements.

Are you still friends with any of your exes, and do you still communicate with any of them at all?

I only speak to Symon G. and Sasuke M. who're two of my besties. Most of them separated with me on good terms, though. There’s only one who was truly a jackass back when I knew him.

Do you live on your own or with your parents or a roommate, and do you think you’d like to live alone?

I can't live alone so I opted to stay with my 'rents although I'm wanting more personal space these days.

How often would you say you use Microsoft Word?

I no longer use that. I’m on a Chromebook now.

How often do you typically change your bra?

As needed, which is how I handle most things.

What's the last online purchase you made?

I think I last purchased more DD on Goatlings.

Do you usually have bad symptoms around that time of the month?

That's irrelevant to me now as I don't have a uterus.

Is there anyone you have to see on a daily or weekly basis that you really dislike?

I'm in control of my own life now that I'm an adult so I wouldn’t easily tolerate someone like that. However, I’m not in school anymore and I can’t work a paid job because of my learning disabilities.

The one “job” I do is entirely at my own discretion as well. I’m in charge and I only work with people I actually like.

The only awful person I ever had to see frequently was my paternal grandmother because my parents made the mistake of trying to live with her years ago. It didn’t go well at all. 

I learned a great deal from that experience; I don't force myself to tolerate anyone just because I'm related to them anymore.

Is your hair thick or thin, and would you say it’s easy to manage?

It's thinner now because of certain medications I'm on as well as my problems with hypothyroidism, and my bangs are the only unruly part.

Have you ever had to deal with any type of long-distance relationship whether romantic or just a friendship?

I have several good friends who live out-of-state or in other countries. I've also had romantic relationships over the internet just because it's so much easier to find guys with the qualities I'm looking for that way.

I tend to find male besties online who eventually have romantic feelings for me that I usually reciprocate.

Are you procrastinating doing anything right now?

Not really. I'm using this as a time-waster, but I'm also trying to chill before eventually confronting my mother on the issues we have with changing our living arrangements if my grandmother loses her eye.

It could be a negative experience. I just don't care to dwell on it all morning before she's even up.

Do you have a place you go to a lot that you may be considered a regular at?

There are a few restaurants Mom and I frequent where we request servers we know by name. We'll often ask for Juanita at Casa Ole or Ivy at Red Lobster for instance.

Have you smoked a cigarette today?

I don’t smoke and I'd never take up a deadly bad habit like that. Don’t tell me that the smoker is the only victim either. I know people who have cancer because of secondhand smoke.

What does your last received text message say?

Do you like to read during your leisure time?

If I do read then I only read paper books or fanfiction online. The paper books are most often educational although I occasionally pick up fiction these days. I’ll pick up book versions of certain shows I love.

Did you have a tree house when you were a child?

I had a two-story playhouse that my father built. The top was mine and he used the bottom for storage, but it wasn't built into a tree because that was my preference.

I never wanted to install a building right into a tree, and I just used what I had kind of like a clubhouse for when the neighborhood kids came over.

Do you still live with your parents?

It's either that or assisted living due to my learning disabilities. There's too much abuse in those situations. My family wouldn’t abandon me.

Have you ever dated outside of your race?

Yes, technically. I just don’t believe there’s anything but the human race. Our differences are actually ethnic, cultural, national, etc.

Do you have your own laptop or desktop?

I currently have this Chromebook, but I also have another laptop.

What's the last horror movie you watched?

It might've been The Bye Bye Man.

What was the last thing you ate?

I last ate an orange.

What's something that makes you grumpy?

Being hungry and hot at the same time usually makes me agitated.

What're you wearing?

I'm just wearing a nightgown.

Have you ever witnessed a drug deal?

Yes since Port Arthur and Beaumont are basically ghettos depending on where you go although a lot of people are just oblivious to it.

Are you better at science, math or art?

I have dyscalculia so I'm better at certain forms of art.

Do you have any songs in your head at the moment?

I don't.

Did you ever call any teachers by their first name?

I never did that, but I was a very respectful and obedient child.

Were you born in a hospital or somewhere else?

I was born in a hospital.

Do you often have doors held open for you?

Yes, men are often polite around this area and sometimes women are the same way toward me. It’s usually older men, though.

Do you know anyone who volunteers a lot?

Yes.

Have you ever been cheated on?

I have been as a kid, but if it ever happened otherwise I never knew.

Which would you choose between chocolate chip cookies and oat and raisin cookies?

I'd rather not have either right now and I don’t often eat cookies.

What did you have for dinner tonight, or last night if you haven’t had dinner yet?

I had some shrimp fried rice from Sun Wok last night. I rarely go there these days.

Are your parents smokers or have they ever been?

I don't think my mother has ever even tried a cigarette, but my father has smoked before. He once had a terrible habit of picking it back up whenever he was really stressed out.

That hasn't happened since his mother and brother died, though. They gave him so much trouble, but that’s really no excuse.

Do you drink alcohol?

I don't drink alcohol at all and I’m not stupid enough to try it as my mental issues prove that I could be very susceptible to substance abuse. Drinking within reason might not be a problem, but getting drunk is just dumb.

[mysurveys]

Random Qs

Survey #18 on the Countdown to 2018!

This one was also done last Sunday.

Can you say you're fully happy right now?

Being completely happy with every single thing is entirely unrealistic and I'm certainly not one-dimensional.

Do you think someone's thinking about you right now?

I don't really care about that sort of thing even though I know it's a possibility.

Is there someone who stopped talking to you for no reason?

People don't do things without reasons even if they can't decipher their own behaviors.

Did you ever get called horrible names like whore, skank or bitch?

There was this one girl who called me a slut before admitting she didn't know what that meant.

Where did you sleep last night?

I slept in my own bed yesterday.

Have you ever slow danced with anyone?

I haven't.

Have you ever cried in public?

Sure.

Have you ever felt safe in someone's arms?

Yes.

What would you do if you were pregnant?

That's impossible since I no longer have a uterus.

Are you afraid of letting anyone in?

Not really. I'm very upfront with others.

Do you like cuddling?

Only with my cats at this point. I wouldn't make an SO stay away from me, but I haven't had a serious relationship in years.

Have you ever cried in school?

Yes.

Who's the last person to send you a message on Facebook?

Do you look decent when you wake up?

Now that my hair is short it goes everywhere if I'm not wearing a bed cap, but it's still easy to brush down.

Have you ever been given roses?

Yes, once. I don't enjoy receiving dying things, though.

Have you ever had a long-distance relationship?

Sure. I typically meet guys online, but I've only truly been in love with one I met online three times.

Does it bother you when people never answer their cell phones?

I hate talking on the phone, but it bothers me that my mother's is usually off or out-of-service when I call her.

Do you care what happens in politics and in your government?

Of course.

Have you ever been called "babe" or "baby"?

I have, but I only like that kind of thing when a guy asks permission first.

Have you ever witnessed someone else engaging in a sexual act?

Not in person and I've never watched porn either.

Where did you get drunk last?

I don't get drunk since losing your self-control and mental faculties of your own volition is stupid. I won't ever get close to anyone who does that or drugs. Intelligent people just don't make really obvious poor life choices.

What’s your relationship with the last person you texted?

If someone went through your pictures, would they find a dirty one?

I don't own any pictures at all since I don't like ones of humans and I haven't taken any in a long time.

Do you want to see anyone right now?

Not really. I'm good just being alone right now.

Have you ever fell asleep in someone’s arms?

Yes.

How long does it take for you to fall asleep at night?

I have insomnia so I could be up for three days. Or I might oversleep. Who knows.

How many pillows are on your bed?

I have two I use to sleep on, but there are two others on my bed. One is a leopard print square and the other is a Hello Kitty cloud pillow I got last February.

When’s the last time you cried?

I don't really remember.

Is it cute when a guy buys you flowers?

Again, I don't want to receiving anything that's dying. That doesn't really scream "love" to me.

Will things change in the next month?

Certain things, obviously. Nothing ever stays exactly the same.

How did you do on the last test you took?

The last I took was an intelligence assessment. It didn't tell me much that I didn't already know. I suck at math because I have dyscalculia and I tapped out whenever it got even remotely difficult.

The psychologist said that I'm "highly" and "exceptionally" intelligent while giving me the results, but my biggest strong suits are linguistics and logic.

Actually, I got the entire set of concept formation questions correct too despite suffering from insomnia and a sinus migraine.

The psychologist and I were saying that if only I could get some sleep I'd be owning it ever harder, but I had to admit that I just didn't want to touch math with a 50-foot pole. There's no point in trying when you know your limitations.

Have you ever wanted to tell someone something, but you didn’t?

That only ever happens with my father, but I've done that less and less in the last two years. I would bite my tongue only because he's got such a bad temper and he'll behave like a child in a confrontation.

He used to scream all the time until Mom threatened to take me and leave him. That made him stop.

I mean, he's the guy who threw a tantrum over losing a game of Uno because he thought Mom and I were ganging up on him. Yeah, we're all out to get each other. It's a game, dumbass.

But I try to be reserved sometimes because he has obvious brain damage from multiple hits to the head. He couldn't even bring his paycheck home without assistance.

Are you afraid to grow up?

I was never afraid of that and I'm not afraid of dying either. Of course I hope it doesn't hurt, but I'm firm in my faith.

Are you busy tomorrow?

I don't know what I'll be doing on Monday.

How long have you had the shirt you’re wearing?

I'm wearing a nightgown that I've had for about two years, I think.

Do you give out second chances way too easily?

I mostly follow a three-strike policy about major issues, but I sometimes refrain from giving second chances depending upon what someone's done.

I'll never take back a cheater for instance. That's not the same thing as forgiveness, though. You can forgive a person without giving them a second chance. That's never a prerequisite.

Has anyone told you that you’re amazing?

Sure. My current besties have said such and so have some close friends.

How many black shirts do you own?

I'm not sure, but I can think of several.

Do you think you'll be in a relationship three months from now?

I don't know although I'm interested in two people. It's a weird situation because they're twins. I keep thinking I should probably just stay away from the whole thing and just remain friends with both, though.

It reminds me of how the one introduced me to his brother online and in minutes I was asking if they were twins. They're definitely twin-brains.

How come you’re not going out with the person you love?

I wouldn't say I'm entirely in love, just interested in these twin brothers. And asking myself why my love interests have become so weird in the last several years.

At first it was a guy who's best friend was obsessing over me. Then we found out what his mental health problems really were as he spiraled out of control. Now he's in a mental institute.

Then it was Sasuke M. for bit until I broke it off amicably because he didn't really want to leave his adoptive family's side. He just couldn't make that decision himself.

He's the one who introduced me to Makoto who has a twin brother named Mamoru. And that's where I am now. It's just been strange.

They're so twin-brained, but when they tried to prank others by switching usernames I was the only one who could differentiate.

Symon had to explain my passion for human behavior and how I get a fix on people's particular speech patterns. Despite being so similar, they do have their own linguistic quirks.

When you feel cold, does eating warm food help you feel warm?

Not if my skin is cold, but if its my mouth then eating something warm helps. My mouth has its own temperature setting just like my feet so I eat things based on whether my mouth's hot or cold that day.

Do you want to diet?

I'm currently seeing a dietitian who got me off of certain food types and really into whole grains. That's obviously a dietary change, but I don't want to go on some fad diet that I'll just stop doing later.

Yo-yo dieting is terrible and your diet should be catered to your individual needs because humans aren't carbon copies.