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Y’all ever just postpone something for months and there’s more negative side affects to not doing it, but when you do it it’s actually really easy and hassle free and you are just like damn I really let my anxiety cause problems like that
#oops tags kinda turned into a vent#snappy speaks#anxiety is wild like that#I literally can’t check emails from my professors or call my bank without my mental illness being quirky#I also will actually get attacks if someone else than usual is driving#I literally can not be in the car with my siblings if they drive#this miiiiiight be a sign I should go back to therapy#I literally had to go for half a year because I had irrational fear that anything I ate would kill me#as well as fearing food I had anxiety attacks over falling asleep coupled with waking up randomly with anxiety attacks#that was certainly a terrible time for my mental health besties#definitely am doing better but damn there is still ✨problems✨
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Title: Train Ticket Madness [pt.1]
Imagine request by avisfortunae @ Wattpad: "I wonder if Snape has ever been on the internet?"
Summary: "Snape is trying to travel by train but in muggletowns all over the country technology is taking over! So now you need a smartphone or a computer to buy a ticket or refill your travel card - Snape, of course, has neither. So he is forced to visit the nearby library to ask for help, with a disgruntled sneer. But there he is met by you - a muggleborn witch/wizard and former student - who gladly but nervously assists the impatient professor." (Summary accepted by the requester.)
Pairing: Snape x Muggleborn Reader
Setting: Public muggle library in a small town
ABBR.: │ (y/n) - Your Name │ (y/l/n) - Your Last Name │ (e/c) - Eye Colour │
Word Count: 4243
Warnings: Some sexual hints, some sensual thoughts, PG13, Swear words
Masterlist page // Masterlist post
The library was calm, just the ordinary seniors who were reading the morning newspapers and a few commuters who were waiting for time to pass until they could catch their trains; most likely headed for work or school. You, however, already were at work.
It was a temporary station as a librarian in a Muggle library situated in a sleepy little town where nothing ever happened - but you loved it. The friendly people, the routines, the quiet and the calm. It all suited you rather well actually. Lulling around the little library placing books, helping users and keeping everything organized.
It was quite nice most of the time. When the library users behaved as they should and there were no significant malfunctions in the computer systems - as long as those two things worked then your day usually worked out perfectly fine.
As part of the morning routine; you were just turning on the four computers in the library for users when your usual morning was about to become highly unusual. As you rose from having pushed the little start button on the forth computer you brushed the hair out of your eyes and what you saw stunned you. You were literally shocked into a fixed state.
In the doorway, leading out of the library, stood none other than your previous potions professor. Professor Snape, in all his black glory, stood with a sneer and a disgruntled look that covered his pale face in the doorway of your library. What the devil is he doing here?! The thought crossed your mind so rapidly that you barely had time to register it.
You shook your head, your heart was beating a little harder and you closed your mouth as you had apparently been gawking with open mouth and wide eyes. He's not my professor any longer, he's an ordinary user and he looks to be in need of assistance. That's all, okay (y/n), you can do this.
You put on a professional smile, straightened your back a bit and walked over with as much confidence as you could muster up in your rattled state. But, for every step your feet took your heart beat a little harder, your breaths were drawn a little quicker and you could feel a stupid blush spreading over your chest, throat and face. Despite trying to calm yourself down you were a nervous wreck. Chill, stop, just calm down. There is no way in hell that he knows. Just treat him like any other user.
As you got closer your old professor spotted you and started to move towards you, it only took him three strides and then you were just inches apart. "Professor Snape," you said and he gave a curt nod, "I'm surprised to see you here of all places, how can I help you today?" Your voice was calm and friendly, professional. You, however, felt anything but calm.
Professor Snape gave you a weird expression with a raised eyebrow, "You work here Ms/Mr (y/l/n)?" You nodded and locked your hands in front of yourself. A self-defence thing to physically block out others; that you had been working on getting rid of. Yet the professor intimidated you instantly triggering the habit. "Well," he said with that gruff voice, "I'm in need of a ticket and the infernal machine at the station is turned off or malfunctioning in some way." His voice was low and yet it made you and the air around the professor vibrate with force. His force. The power that you sensed crawled beneath that pale skin of his.
You gave him a wider smile, an attempt to calm yourself a bit in all honesty. "Well just download the app to your phone, connect your email and bank card and then you're good to go, professor," you said with a cheerful voice that barely managed to hide the unstableness you felt. Your pulse quickened still and it felt as though everyone in the damn library could hear your pounding heart.
He gave you another raised eyebrow and you mentally smacked yourself - he probably doesn't have a smartphone; or even a phone... Damnit (y/n), use your head and stop embarrassing him - and yourself for that matter!
You cleared your throat and loosened your hands that had been clenched for a while at that time. "Umh, or you can just use one of our computers to order your ticket. I just started them, please follow me, professor." You turned around and exhaled shakily. You started to walk and the black mass of glorious male fell in behind you. You squared your shoulders slightly, another attempt to calm yourself - you were still failing miserably at that task of course. He did that to you, he had done that to you for many years. Not that he's aware of it. And that's my own fault I guess. But come on, he's unobtainable and closed off. It's not like he'd even ever look at someone like-
"I believe it should be Mr Snape, Ms/Mr (y/l/n). Since I'm no longer your professor there is no need for you to use that term." He said as both of you walked towards the computer you had started only moments earlier; that effectively interrupted your wayward thoughts. Well, I enjoy calling you professor... Mr just sounds, not like you or adequate tot hat power sensation you give of... "Umh, I'd like to keep calling you professor, if you don't mind." You breathed out with caution.
The blush grew ever redder, it made you feel hot and bothered and so damn silly. "Very well, Ms/Mr (y/l/n)." What this man does to me... It's been two years already! I need to just get over these stupid, silly emotions! Pffth, who am I kidding... You can't just get over love, no matter who it is you love or how unreasonable that fucking love is... When the other is exceptionally, annoyingly gorgeous in every damn way it's impossible to get over it. 'innit?
You pulled out the chair for professor Snape as you also moved the mouse and the screen flicked to life. You tried hard to ban your thoughts but they remained persistent as professor dark and dangerous was so damn close to you. You could literally smell him; sage, peppermint and a distinct smell that was all his own. If you could have bottled it you would have. For fuck's sake, this is stupid! But fuck he smells like heaven. Or hell perhaps? I have no idea but I want to bury my face in that chest and just inhale that- wooh tiger, calm down! Your face was getting hotter by the second. You knew nothing good could come from your silly thoughts, only pain and agony. Possibly a muffled orgasm - half-enjoyed in a weird position - in the staff bathroom later...
"Here you go," you said with as much ease as you could force and straightened up as the professor sat down, "the printer is over there and it's free of charge for the first 3 papers." You forced another professional smile for a second before spinning on your heel and heading away from the man clad in black that made your knees weak, your skin burn and your heart pound. Not to mention your mind apparently gorging in heady thoughts not fit for work.
But the retreat was short and you had no time to gather or calm yourself down before the intimidatingly perfect man was stood right behind your back once more. You felt him before you saw him. "Professor?" You said questioningly as you turned around to face him once more. He seemed highly uncomfortable - and that made you curious as hell. What was going on with the otherwise stone-faced man? He almost seemed embarrassed, but that wasn't possible, was it? No, not professor Snape. He'd never be embarrassed, would he?
His gaze shifted slightly from side to side as if he was checking if anybody was within earshot - but you were alone in the furthest end of the library. Hidden among bookcases and displays. "Will you help? I..." He cleared his throat, "I have never- I have never used the computer or the internet's thing..." His gruff voice vibrated through you and for a second you were dumbfounded. You just stood there for a moment until your brain kick-started.
For fuck's sake don't embarrass the man! Speak (y/n)! "You-? Umh, sorry but, what?" Snape narrowed his gaze and you wanted to shrink, fall through the floor or maybe do a little dance? After all, you could help the all-knowing professor Snape with something he was not knowledgeable in. This is just not happening...
"Do you intend to gawk forever or will you be a professional and do your job?" His snarky remark made you giggle and shrink at the same time. It made you weak at the knees and strong pounding erupted, well, somewhere else. "I'll- I'll help professor, excuse me, I'm sorry it's just... Never mind." You walked back to the computer and grabbed a second chair on the way.
"Please, sit." Snape took the seat next to you and the heavenly smell hit you once more, it distracted you on most levels, to be frank. "Umh, well first we need to go out on the internet and type the address for the ticket company," you said as you followed up your words with actions on the computer. "And then we need from and to where your heading, and at what time." The professor looked on the screen, he's leaning closer, isn't he? Fuck that smell again... You inhaled without thinking about it.
"I need to go from this station to, to Cokeworth." You nodded and typed in the destinations - but you could not quite help but wonder as to what was in Cokeworth and why the professor was taking the train? Surely he could just apparate? "Strange apparatus," the professor mumbled beside you as he leaned even closer as he inspected the screen as you typed.
The page loaded, the screen flickered slightly and the alternatives arrived. "Here's your options professor," you said while your eyes were fixed on the screen. The professor's thick, pale hand appeared and he pointed at one option. You would not have chosen that option but okay. You clicked it and the trip appeared. It showed two train changes and then a bus trip.
"Now you just need to pay and print and your good to go." Your voice was cheerful - a giddy feeling filled you since you could actually help the man you adored and held so high - and you turned your head rapidly. Your face very nearly got pressed against the professor's face. He was so damn close you could see the details of his skin and the exact colour variations in his onyx eyes.
Your breath caught and the professor stared into your eyes for a mere millisecond but it was enough. You leaned back so hastily the chair seemed to disappear and you had definitely landed with a hard knock against your back had it not been for professor Snapes eerily fast reaction. He had grabbed your hand and held you up as you laid parallel with the floor yet had not completely fallen thanks to his ice-cold grip around your warm wrist. Where your pulse was pounding as if you had just run a marathon or two - revealing how flustered you were by him.
You looked at his hand, the strong grip the only thing that kept you from falling, and then your eyes wandered up the length of his arm clad in black and all the way up to the professors face. The perfectly glorious face clad in pale skin framed by long black hair with two deep eyes, hooked nose and thin lips as the centrepieces of its composition. So fucking beautiful. His eyebrow arched as you looked a little too long perhaps. Surely the rumours aren't true? About his, his mindreading - are they?
"Your pulse is racing, Ms/Mr (y/l/n). Are you, are you alright?" You shook your head and pulled yourself up with a shaky movement. From almost falling or from his touch? You couldn't quite tell at that moment. "I'm, I'm so sorry professor Snape," your voice was shaking a bit and you felt a bit woozy. Having been so close to his face was apparently a bit of a shock for your whole damn body and mind. Everything was tingling and your mind was actually blank for a moment. That never happened.
Professor Snape let go of your wrist and you instantly felt bereft. But you also became painfully aware of how close you were sitting. His knee was touching yours and if you leaned in just a tad your chin would touch his shoulder. His smell made you woozier and his proximity was just too much to handle when the thought of never getting what you had longed for for so many years hit you as hard as a goblin would pound REJECTED on a pour mans loan application at Gringotts.
You rose from the chair in a panicked movement. It toppled but didn't fall. "I, you, I have, you just need to pay and press print," you stuttered out. Your pulse was truly racing, your heart pounded, the world felt fuzzy while you felt torn apart. In a desperate need to get as far away from the man as you were to get closer to him than his own clothes were. Your head was spinning with thoughts, his smell pressed its way into your nose and you felt helplessly broken for a moment. Memories of longing for him during classes crept up and it made you feel small and unimportant all over again.
"Ms/Mr (y/l/n)? Are you alrig-" "I'm fine!" You held your hands up and backed away as the professor rose from his own chair in sublime composure and grace. "Are you su-" "I'll send Melinda over and she'll help you with your train ticket." The words were rushed out of your mouth and you couldn't look at the man any longer. The perfect man you had before you. I love you insanely, intensely, irrevocably. Forever. I...
You felt hopelessly entangled with your emotions and thoughts, all things were screaming at you to kiss the man or to run away screaming - neither option felt like an actual option. So the thought reappeared as tears were hardly kept at bay by your weak will. I love you insanely, intensely, irrevocably. Forever. But you...
A cold hand lifted your slimmed chin with power. Forced your head to tilt and your eyes to leave the floor. His touch felt different. His face looked different. Stained with horror and something that looked like regret. Or perhaps disgust? You couldn't quite tell. But why was it even there? "(y/l/n)... I, had no idea you felt that way." Your eyes widened, it can't be? Can he read my-? "I can and I apologies for doing so but-" OH MY GOD NO! What have I done?!
Your face turned pale, you felt the red colour leave and a cold sensation took its place. He had just read your mind, but how much had he read? Surely he hadn't, before, had he? You were certain he had not read your mind earlier - those thoughts would have warranted some sort of reaction from the man - had they not? Perhaps you were of so little interest that they meant nothing to him?
You shook your head, it didn't matter. What mattered was that the man you loved above all else had just read your mind as you were silently confessing to those feelings of passion and affection. "(Y/n)," his voice was dark and ruff as he spoke your name, "I apologies, I usually do not pillage or invade others thoughts but you-" You janked your head away to avoid eye contact with the man you were certain felt disdain for your feelings, or perhaps for you. Judging by the look of horror he wore.
"Don't, just, don't. I'll leave." The words left your mouth as the tears dried up without ever having been spilt. You felt disgusted by yourself; simply because of what you read in his eyes a moment earlier when your world had crashed around you. Your fantasy world that is - the world where you were free to be with him and he had wanted you. Now that was all smashed and crumbled. Shot to hell so to speak. Not even your thoughts were you allowed to have of him any longer.
He said something but you didn't have the strength to bear his words and they were muffled out unconsciously as your legs took you away from the computers, through the library and into the staff section where Melinda was sat by her desk - tapping away at the keyboard that you couldn't hear.
You said something to her, she stood up with a strong nod and the next moment you were getting dressed in your own office section. You changed your shoes, put your jacket on and closed the office door. You felt weirdly numb; detached. The world fell away from around you; turned in to a foggy mushy mess of grey. It felt hollow.
You left the building through the back door for staff only and embarked on your walk home - not even remembering your bicycle. Your thoughts didn't even come, it was eerily quiet in your head and your body felt bizarrely disconnected from it. You were just walking apathy without awareness of your surroundings.
Did he really mean that much to you? Were those silly fantasies really that important? Was he truly that essential to your daily life? Yes, yes he is evidently that painfully and alarmingly fucking important to me. Apparently. All this for a stupid ticket. Because of the muggle world using so much technology... Fucking train ticket madness!
You sighed a helpless breath out. Your head sank even lower as your shoulders hunched and it felt for a moment as if nothing could fill the void that took up more and more space in your chest for every step you took away from the library. "(y/n)!" You halted mid-step as your name was called with a deep, gruff voice that echoed around you in the short tunnel you apparently were in. You knew the tunnel but that voice felt otherworldly.
You shook your head and took another step - sure that your broken heart filled your head with hallucinations of the man you loved so deeply. "(y/n)! Stop!" The command stopped you right in your tracks. The voice was stern and brusque, almost harshly bitten out - yet it was not. It sent shivers of pleasure and sorrow down your spine as the wind picked up slightly. Howling and whistling through the tunnel.
"Don't run from me young lady/man," Snape said from right behind you, "not after a confession like that." Your face contorted into a sneer for a second and then you turned; a sharp spin on your heels and you were face to face with him. "I made no confession!" you yelled with a shaking voice, "you read my mind and-" "And I did apologies for that but you-" "You had no right!" Your voice wavered and lowered, "you had no right..."
Your hands were balled into fists and your lip quivered slightly. "I had no right but you gave me no choice." You huffed and turned your face away from the glorious man casting pain and sadness into your life with his internet ignorance and train ticket need. It had been a normal day, you had had a good morning - especially the shower you had indulged in before work that had given you time to fantasies about the man standing before you. Before that whole world crashed. Perhaps that was the last time you came with him on your mind? Probably not, he'd always be there but differently now perhaps?
"(y/n)? You gave me no choice, what did you expect when you acted the way you did?" Your head whipped back so your eyes met. His onyx to your (e/c) ones. "Well, I'm so damn sorry for trying to help you with your train ticket and internet ignorance!" you yelled with a snarly voice, "I'm so damn sorry that this stupid little girl/boy has trivial feelings and stupid little thoughts and ridiculous hopes and absolutely senseless dreams about someone like you! How dare I even think of such an amazing man as you with my tiny brain and feel passion with my worthless little heart?!" His eyes grew darker - how was that even possible?
Your words were harsh, but not towards him. Your words were nastily cruel, but not towards him. Your anger was directed toward him but the callous meaning behind the words was how little you thought of yourself in comparison to the man standing before you who had for years occupied your heart.
"Do. Not. Belittle yourself in that way (y/n). Do. Not. Diminish your feelings in such a manner. I will not stand for such actions by you. Understood?" Snape's voice was a low, vibrating growl. It was amazing you could hear him, yet you heard his voice as clear as your own thoughts. Your own thoughts that were spewing all kinds of horrible scenarios at you as the man you loved seemed to drift further and further away from where you wanted him. With you.
"Well I'm sorry for being a silly little girl/boy with such feelings and thoughts about the perfect professor Snape. I'm sorry I made you take such an important position in such a useless persons life as mine. This little, silly person had obviously no right to fall for such a man... How sickening for you to hear those disgusting thought about love from such a person as me." You could not help but shrink and shake.
You had known your feelings would be not just unrequited but hated by the man whom they were for. So you had never said anything. In the hopes of at least keeping your fantasy world with him as the centrepiece for all things good and lovely.
"I hold no such aversion towards your feelings. Quite the opposite, (y/n)." His hands landed on your shoulders, they were large and heavy yet felt too light. Wait, hold up, what did he just say? "You- you, what?" In that instant, the world seemed to go silent. "I do not dislike, oppose or disapprove of your feelings and thoughts." The words were said slowly and with clarity. But you found them anything but clear. "I- I don't-" "(y/n), stop. I am telling you that I too house those feelings towards you. For a long time now. But you were my student and I never thought such a magnificent person such as you would feel any appeal to a man such as myself."
To you, it sounded as though he managed to squeeze more self-loathing into that second half of a single sentence then you could if you filled a book with it. It shook you to your core. You had never heard his voice as harsh as when he spoke of himself in that short moment of time. "But, you're amazing..." Those were the only words you could extract from yourself as the whole world started to spin with force and full colours once more knowing he was in fact answering your feelings of affection with likewise emotions.
As you looked into his eyes he smiled. It was the first time you had ever seen him smile - in more than a tight tug of the left corner of his mouth - and it kickstarted you. Your eyes watered, your heart pounded and colour flooded your skin once more. Your little words of adoration had made the stern, hard, closed-off man smile. Just the thought of that made your knees weak. No, wait, your knees were shaking and buckling. You were going to fall to the ground at any moment, shit.
But you remained upright. As if by magic. But it was not. "I got you." Those little words of reassurance flooded you with warmth. "Am I dreaming?" 'cus it feels like it... "No. You are not." Without thinking you threw your arms around him and buried your face in the crook of his neck. His smell was inhaled through your nose and you felt another surge of warmth flood you in every way. One arm was laid around your waist - holding you up - and his other hand was placed at the back of your head. He was pressing you even tighter to his body and for a moment you could have sworn he was shaking just as badly as you.
"Severus," you mumbled his name into his neck, "I think I'm gonna pass out." "I got you." You turned your face towards him as he eased up on his grip at the back of your head; you wanted so badly to kiss him. Like you had dreamt of so many times. The thoughts of kissing him invaded your mind but before you could even ask his lips were pressed against yours with desperation and the world exploded in colour and warmth.
I hope you enjoyed this fic! <3 It was only supposed to be about 2500 words but I had lots of fun writing it so it turned out to be over 4000 words - and I might do a part 2 if that's something you guys would want? ^^ Perhaps a little more intimate continuation?
Masterlist page // Masterlist post
Taglist: @tahliamalfoydepp @lizlil @the-one-who-is-chaoz
#severus snape#snape#severus#sev#pro snape#fanfic#fanfiction#snape fic#snape fanfiction#severus fic#snape imagine#imagine#snape x reader#snapexreader#xreader#reader#fic#snape fandom#snape fan#snape love#snapexmugglereader#xmugglereader#muggle reader#deepperplexity#deepperplexity fanfiction#my fic#train ticket madness#train ticket#snape writing#fanfic writing
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