#thats my tag for sad diary entries now i think

[i-have-bees-in-my-brain]

Personal rant or some shit bc i just wanna get this out rn. yeeeee this will be long

So today i had a vit of a stressful day with uni n all bc ive been sick and admittedly lazy over the last week up til like tuesday and i had to turn in an Interpretation/essay tonight and prepare a group presentation for tmr (saturday seminars should b illegal but ok i literally chose this). N e way so ive been procrastinating like hell up until this morning so i didnt rly eat before showing up to seminar at 12am and afterwards i had to check with my one remaining presentation groupmember and finish the interpretation and tgen i had swordfighting class at 5. I didnt Really gave time for it but its fun and im very behind bc i misses several lessons already and am generally. Not good at it lol. n e way i turn up to swords and we peactice some routines ig and heres where the peoblem rly starts. Basically i am a huge crybaby, always have been (im older than firestar btw for context), esp when i feel criticized or yknow. Make mistakes or anything and since i was a sports h8er with 2 left feet n hands all my life n cried often during school pe bc i kept messing up n git embarrassed, it was an important step for me to sign up for this uni extracurricular swords class bc. Doing sth sporty in front of others tgat. Isnt very easy and i gotta learn from scratch is a bit out of my comfort zone. But normally its all v fun, im not good/easily the worst in class but thats ok i learn and move my body and talk to ppl! Proud of myself! Well today not so kuch, i noticed i was getting tense bc of not understanding how to do a movement and everyone (3 experienced fighters bc the main teacher was sick plus 2 other beginners that r learning faster than me) lookimg at me and trying to give helpful pointers and me still doing it wrong... H8 dis feeling bc i kinda freeze up instead of being able to take the tips n try again. Its hard for me to translate input like verbal instructions and demonstsations into my own movements as is. In this state i cant do anything properly and i feel the cryings abt to start while wanting nothing more than to MOVE ON NORMALLY. Well my eye started to get itxhy n teary so i excused myself to "take care of my contacts" (lie) (why am i even so ashamed that i feel i have to lie/make up excuses?? Bro???? That just made the situation Actually cringe?????? Im normally not an ashamed person and cryings just a state/expression but idk) so it was better for a bit until it wasnt. Then i full on cried in class while 2 ppl were actively showing me things/helping me do em right n everyone else kimda watched, kimda practiced. They did ask if i was ok and i said yes like a liar. So at the end of class i normally take the bus home with one of the other new guys but i today just didnt feel able to keep talking to him. So he also asked if i was ok/why i cried and i said i just do that under stress and why i am stressed (uni) so that was also a bit of a lie but only kinda. I said i was gonna go to the livrary instead (another lie, was gonna call my bf to calm me down abit n then take the next bus) so i did tgat n it kinda worked and this genius asked if i had eaten. Bruhhh of fuckin course im sensitive ive only had 3 baked goods all day and hadnt even noticed!!!!!! So then it all made sense, mans gotta get some freakin noursishment to keep their composure in swords class! So i went to another bus stop than normally bc i needed sth from the store and bruh the guy i normally take a DIFFERENT bus with is there (awkwardly votta tell hik i changed my mimd abt the library) and we talk a bit (i feel like i talk to him wayy too much in comparison to him, like we dont know each other that well at all, idek his real name and yknow. If he actually enjoys talking to me) and yea

So now everyone in the 14th century peasant larp class knows my terrible terrible secret:))):)

[television-overload]

This is it, everyone...

WiFi is turned off to avoid spoilers, Tiva playlist is playing, popcorn is made, and I'm sitting with my laptop in my nest/lofted bed. T-minus 5 minutes until this episode.

So without further ado... Here is my live blog of NCIS Season 16 episode 13: "She." I don't feel like bombarding the NCIS tag with separate posts, so it's all gonna be chunked into one.

7:58 pm: IM SO NERVOUS I CAN'T HANDLE THIS I HAVE SO MANY THOUGHTS, FEELINGS, AND CONCERNS

My internet connection had better be flawless, you hear that dorm wifi?

Minor technical difficulties, but here we go! I'm stress eating my popcorn 🍿

Ooh, Gibbs voiceover. Who is diving? Bishop?

Yes! Roll the intro!

I have waited three weeks for this.

Kasie is so thoughtful! I love her. And Jimmy is such a great friend. I love their friendship.

"Woodwork the crap out of it" bahahaha

Gibbs + children = the cutest thing ever

Ellie is so good with her.

Aww poor Lily! That is horrifying!

Looks like they put every terrible thing that can happen to a kid into one case. So sad.

Gibbs knows that was Ziva's case! The way he remembers it was ten years ago, then abruptly leaves the room to "get some air..." Is he finally showing some emotion over Ziva's (alleged) death?

So, is her mother alive? How did Lily get out?

"EVERYONE" else involved *wink*

Wonder what Kasie had in mind for Torres' jar

FIRST MENTION OF ZIVA!

I have literally no idea where this will go next...

Finally Bishop is saying what we've been saying for years. But I now have a bad feeling but they're going to hint that Ziva is still dead...

Awww, she wishes she could have learned from Ziva. Maybe that is a good sign. Hmm.

Ooh, Ellick fight

Ninja...

WHEN ZIVA MAKES A PROMISE SHE NEVER BREAKS THAT PROMISE! ITS LOOKING UP AGAIN, BOIS

Looks like their suspect is actually Tony 2.0. And if Morgan turns out to be alive maybe it will be the same for Ziva

ZIVA HAS A SECRET OFFICE!

Lily is gone? Oh, nevermind.

Oooh, Sloane is opening up!!!

THIS ALL SEEMS LIKE A TIVA PARALLEL

Oh, something is hidden in the doll!

Lily is a good little actress

Boom, Vance showing who's boss

My popcorn is gone. Now I can type with two hands.

Go get 'em, Gibbs

Torres over there lying to Gibbs for Ellie ❤️

This lady knows Ziva!

Please let there be some clue about Ziva in this shed... Or if nothing else a picture of Tony and all the things she loves.

I am LOVING all the Ziva music. I missed this.

AHHHHHH ZIVA SIBLINGS PICTURE! WE ALL KNOW SHE USES PICTURES TO COMMUNICATE

WHAT DO THE DIARIES SAY?

AM I GOING TO BE USING CAPS LOCK FOR THE REST OF THIS EPISODE?!?

Go away commercials, I need Bishop to tell Gibbs about Ziva!

Well, I haven't cried yet this episode. I was really expecting to. I guess we'll see.

Also, NO FLASHBACKS YET! THERE NEEDS TO BE A FLASHBACK!

Can McGee read Hebrew? Oh, nevermind.

Here come the tears! Is this entry about Tony??? MY HEART CANT LIVE WITHOUT HIM ONJGKROJCBFU HELP ME! 💔

ITS ABOUT SOMALIIIAIAJAJAAAAHHHHHHH

OH SWEET MERCY, MY HEART IS SOARING

TONY IS ON HIS WAY BACK TO PARIS

NOW ITS GETTING REAL GOOD

KEEP READING, MCGEE

ZIVA HELD IN ALL THOSE EMOTIONS ALL THOSE YEARS SHE IS THE STRONGEST FEMALE CHARACTER EVER

SHE WAS TORTURED EMOTIONALLY FOR SO LONG

THEY BEST GIVE ALL THOSE JOURNALS TO TONY

Torres would have liked Ziva :(

Gibbs I awfully calm...

Oof, Bishop is in the hot seat.

Does Gibbs know something? Do I dare hope?

My heart is literally pounding... I can't take this.

Jimmy was Ziva's confidante, awwweee. Tell us your secrets, Jimmy.

Showing Bishop that Ziva made mistakes too... Good.

I have a bad feeling about what we'll get in regards to Ziva's life/death at the end of this episode... I hope I'm wrong.

Also, Gibbs, you just gonna casually name drop the episode title of the episode that broke my heart?

THATS RIGHT VANCE, YOU KNOW GIBBS IS BASICALLY ZIVA'S FATHER

ExcaUUUUUSE ME, Gibbs, how dare you? Do you want the fandom to resent you more that's they already did for your reaction during Family First? You take that back right now.

I hope Lily's dad is actually a good dad! I like him.

TONY AND TALI PARALLELS

Kasie is dealing with the dirty working conditions much better this time.

McGee is kinda out of it. Good. Feelings.

What will Torres use his empty jar for?

...I think they might keep going with the Ziva is dead bit, and I am not happy. I want Ziva to honor that promise, but I guess it's sweet that Bishop wants to do it for her.

It's about time someone challenges Gibbs' rules. Good luck, Bishop.

AHHHHHH GIBBS IS FINALLY LETTING IT OUT!!!

HE BLAMES HIMSELF! HE STILL BELIEVES SHE'S DEAD

DIDN'T ANYONE TELL YOU WRITERS ABOUT HAPPY ENDINGS????????

Bishop ain't giving up

I love Gibbs and Kasie

Woah, does the lab have a second entrance? How did Bishop disappear?

Is Bishop gonna get shot?

There's that Gibbs voiceover again. What is he talking about? OH IS HE READING ZIVA'S JOURNAL???

That is a deep pond.

Torres go get yo girl!

Can we get a Tiva family reunion like that, PLEASE

Let it in, Gibbs.

Some quality Gibbs and Ellie time. I like it.

Has Bishop officially been adopted by Gibbs?

Whatcha got there, Gibbs?

Oh lol. Its rule 10. Time to scrap that rule. Dump rule 12 while you're at it.

OH MY GOOOOOOOOSSSSSSHHHH NO WAY. NO. WAY. HANG ON.

HOLY MOLY HOLY MOLY

ZIVVVVVAAAAAAAAAAA

MY HEART IS POUNDING

AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH

IS THAT ZIVAS SCARF???????!!!!

I. I can't even type right now... They really did it. I can't breathe. I'm so in shock I can't even cry! This is all I hoped for and more! I'm going to lose my freaking marbles. I feel sick. And faint. I need to lay down. Oh. My. Goodness.

That's it folks. We have our answer. And they'd better freaking come back to this plot later, cause I'm going crazy.

I have so much to say, but I don't want to type anymore. I just want to sit here and think, and cry, and scream. And watch this ending about a billion more times.

So I guess, signing off. Happy Ziva day, everyone. Thank you and God bless you, writers.

[writingforjoy]

Decotta’s Diary

Once again, huuuge thanks to @aurikhai, @rose-of-sharon-cass, and anon for asking for this particular drabble and i apologize again for taking so long with it! the first three entries are for the asks, and then i did the last one as a normal diary entry. All typos, punctuation, and grammar mistakes are left the way they are because I wrote it as if she was typing it on her phone. @rhikasa i hope you'll enjoy this one too

Dear diary, July 22, 2016 10:58pm

We’re leaving for a ‘mission’ tomorrow. Just gathering more intel or something on this ring of productivity. Think its supposed to create whatever you want, but idk, wasn’t really listening when pH0 and zane were talking about it. I would just ask him but I don’t wanna make myself look stupid! I mean, its literally not my job as ‘king’ to know, just to make sure that we don’t use all our expenses. Anyways, tomorrow we’ll leave Moonshine Lake. I’ve never been to Arkansas before, I wonder if it’s any different from Louisiana? We’ll see...but I’m not driving lol.

Dear diary, July 23, 2016 3:47pm

The only thing worse than all these trees is Emment presence. Honestly I don’t get WHY Haiden thought it was a good idea to send Emment along. I dont care if he can heal, I can protect Zane on my own! Now we can’t share the room OR have the romantic date like I planned! It was supposed to be just me and Zane enjoying the rest of the day ALONE together just relaxing but nnoooo. With Emment here, senpai wants to ‘get this done as quickly as possible’. I’ll have to read Sixteen to see how to fix this.

Dear diary, July 23, 2016 11:15pm

If Emment’s tagging along didn’t have me pissed, I definitely am now. APPARENTLY, Zane’s been working on this BY HIMSELF FOR MONTHS, and the person that has the stupid ring now is soME GIRL HE’S BEEN “DATING” FOR GOD KNOWS HOW LONG!! I wouldnt have known about it if Emment hadnt let it slip what Zane was actually doing tonight when he left! To make it all worse, it wont be til maybe midnight when he decides to come back! Why did you have to lie to me senpai?! I couldve been of use! It would’ve been different this time!!!

Dear diary, July 24 2016 3:42am

Just as i got ready to go out and find him, senpai comes stumbling in, reeking of what i can only guess is weed and alcohol. Thankfully, he had everything to make a purification potion. Buuut, he wasn’t...all the way there to do it himself. Emments useless ass was already sleep when he made it in earlier, so that left me to make the potion for him. i couldnt stand seeing him so out of it, so of course i made it! now he’s just puking on and off again from potions effects. ...i hope he sleeps well tonight.

Dear diary, July 26, 2016 6:42am

Ok i know im supposed to have a journal entry everyday but the night zane came in he ended up resting the rest of the day and i stayed by his side watching him and then yesterday was sooo busy! YESTERDAY WAS THE BEST. DAY. EVER!!!! Oh my god wher do i even begin??!!? Ssooo, as my reward for being the best girl in the world the other night to senpai, i had BREAKFAST IN BED!!! He ordered room service for me and brought me ROSES!! He tried apologizing for everythign but i told him not to worry about, this small gesture was enough to let me know that he still cared for me~ AND THEN. HE ASKED ME. TO HELP HIM GET THE RING!! i was BEYOND excited to help him!! But i kept my cool, and told him sure, whatever. So he went on about who the girl, maggie, was (just some uppity college bitch rebelling against her rich folks) and was telling me that when we went out that night i’d have to use a glamour (he already had his ready and dear god he only gets hotter the older he gets), and who i was going to be waltzing around as (another one of her friends who sounded equally boring as her). Anyways, her parents been gone on vacation or whatever and that night she was hosting a big party at her house that he was invited to. Haiden was going to get the girl that i was going to be and keep her busy or whatever, but she was already taken care of by the time me and zane got to the party. Oh god that party was intense, so ima make try to make this entry short cause tired as fuck.

When we got there, the party was already goin, music blasting, couples all on the couches drunk kissing, people in the corners drinking, beer pong in the kitchen, the works. To maggie, i was there to help her trap zane and oh my GOD it took ALL of my willpower to not light her ass up on the spot (though it was pretty damn hilarious when i caused a short outage and she and a couple of other girls screamed), luckily senpai was close by and was able to calm me down before i got myself caught like last time, then off they went to have a ‘private conversation’, and maggie told to let everyone know that she’ll be ‘right back’ if anyone needed her, but we both know how that went lol.

So as soon as they made it to the room i stood at the door making sure no one would be interrupting senpai...and do a little eavesdropping AND OH MY GOD THIS STUPID HUMAN! She called him a crook and a liar, and all he wanted from her was her money all while she was fake crying, and then she had the nerve, the AUDACITY, to call him a witch. Of all things! A WITCH!! Then! Ooh then she called him a low-life and a snake-FIRST OF ALL MA’AM MY BABY’S JUST DOIN HIS DAMN JOB SO FUCK YOU AND YOUR UPPITY ATTITUDE-i wanted to bust in and shout that so badly, and senpai must’ve known it too cause i heard him yell ‘calm down’ in french, and again softly in english for her (i guess). At this point my curiosity was getting the best of me and i just had to see what they were doing, so i enchanted the door so i could see in, and oh my poor baby. He looked genuinely concerned, hurt even, at her accusations. Then he cupped her chin in his hand and asked her where she heard such things, and when she told him he gave her this sad look and told her some pitiful story that i only wish i remembered to prove his innocence AND SHE FAILED FOR IT! She started wiping her eyes, stammering apologies, talkin how she ‘loved’ him but didnt wanna get hurt again, and when he did his little ‘confession of love’ for her, shE KISSED HIM! I promise to god i this close to barging in, but i saw senpai hand waving ‘stop’ while she started mumbling god knows what. then he slowly leaned (a little bit too) close to her ear and whispered something that made her redder than a ripe tomato, and this horny bitch got up faster than the sun rises and started stripping out of her clothes, what makes it sad was that she tried to do it sexily, but she wasnt as graceful as she thought she was about it at all. So drunk and pathetic, humans are so weak minded that its actually entertaining lol. Once she got her bra off and straddled him, he finally put the sleeping spell on her and laid her on the bed as he slipped the ring off her finger! We made the deliver just before we got home this morning and i am more than thrilled to be in my own bed right now and that everythings finally done.

Zane Masters, my senpai, is simply the best demon in the world! He’s sweet, charming and clever, and can easily manipulate people when he wants to, and thats what i love about him. Thats why hes the Second King, our K2, my sweet, sweet, love. One day he’ll agree to go out with me, then he’ll see that im just as much of a girl as any other one, and then he’ll fall in love with me, and we’ll finally live happily ever after!