#thats what standing up and moving your arms for extended periods of time will do to a bitch with a cold

[jorvikzelda]

HANG ON. HAAAANG ON AM I OUT OF MY SAD BITCH TRENCHES

[uncloseted]

there's a part of me that still thinksa bortion is murder. i act like i support it to fit in but deep down i dont. please just listen. i think forcing someone to go through a pregnagncy they don't want is inhuman but it also feels inhuman to kill a baby and i dont like thsi idea that if youre 4 weeks pregnant and you want it its a baby but if youre 4 week pregnant and dont want it then its just a clump of cells thats just not how scence works. so theres this woman who was forced to get an .

Anonymous asked:

abortion and she was 6 months pregnant and apparently th baby waws born alive but it died shortly after from ashpyxia and i just dont know what to think. i know forcing smeone to get an abortion is just as bad as forcing them to give birth and that theres no such thing as a six month abortion and at least wher e i live abortions are only available until week 14 but like wwhat if someone is 15 or 16 weeks or 7 months, do they not have a choice anymore? please dont think im a bigot im not im so

Anonymous asked:

sorry i just dont want to be brainwashed by ANYONE, pro life or pro choice and im just so easily influenceable i just want to support whats right you know

No worries at all! I don't think you're a bigot and I'm glad that you want to engage with this issue critically. I'm happy to give you the facts as they stand and offer you my perspective on the issue. Apologies in advance that this is a bit long, but please try to stick with me until the end! All of this is important in understanding the different sides of this discussion.

There are a few main categories I want to talk about in this answer: legal, science, politics, and culture. For now, I'm going to avoid delving into any religious or metaphysical questions about what is and isn't considered "a person", since while those conversations are interesting, I don't think they're particularly useful in the context of discussions about abortion. As Harry Blackmun wrote in the court opinion for Roe v. Wade, "we need not resolve the difficult question of when life begins. When those trained in the respective disciplines of medicine, philosophy, and theology are unable to arrive at any consensus, the judiciary, at this point in the development of man's knowledge, is not in a position to speculate."

Legality

Starting with legal issues, there are a few points I think it's important to make in order to get a sense of how we relate to abortion. Abortions are legal in 98% of countries. 34% of countries, including the US, Canada, Australia, New Zealand most European countries, and China, allow abortions on the basis of a the pregnant person's request, without needing to prove that there is risk to life, risk to health, risk to the fetus, economic or social reasons that abortion is a necessity, or extenuating circumstances (such as the pregnancy being a product of rape or incest). The vast majority (93%) of countries with highly restrictive abortion laws, such as outlawing abortion except in cases where the pregnant person is endangered, are in developing regions. There are five countries that completely outlaw abortion. These are: Dominican Republic, El Salvador, Malta, Nicaragua, and the Vatican City, all countries where the Catholic church has significant influence.

Of the countries that do allow abortion, there is always a limit on how far into a pregnancy a person can be when they choose to terminate. Beyond that limit, the person doesn't have a choice anymore, and must carry the pregnancy to term (except in extenuating circumstances). The most common limit is 12 weeks (3 months), although some countries allow abortion up to the point of "viability", where the fetus can live outside the mother's womb with artificial aid. Typically, the point of viability is around 24 weeks (6 months). In the US, 87% of abortions are performed before 12 weeks, and 92.2% were performed at 13 weeks or fewer. For reference, pregnancies are typically around 40 weeks long.

Forced abortion is illegal in almost every country, including the US and the UK, and it is considered an act of violence against women. It is just as bad as forcing someone to give birth, which is why all countries do their best to prevent it from happening. While forced abortions can and do happen, particularly to victims of sex trafficking, I think the solution to this issue is to put policies into place that protect vulnerable women, instead of trying to ban abortion entirely.

Science

So, most countries allow abortions up to 12 weeks. What does that actually look like in terms of the fetus? Here's a timeline of fetal stages of growth:

Weeks 1-4: at this stage, the "baby" is actually an embryo. It starts out as just a fertilized egg. The amniotic sac forms around it, and the placenta develops. The eyes, mouth, lower jaw, and throat are in very early development. Blood cells are taking shape. By the end of week 4, the embryo is smaller than a grain of rice. It is very literally "just a clump of cells" at this point.

Weeks 5-9: the "baby" is still an embryo. Its facial features begin to develop, folds of skin that will eventually become ears grow, tiny buds that will eventually grow into arms and legs form, the neural tube, digestive tract, and sensory organs all begin to develop. Bone starts to replace cartilage. At about 6 weeks, a heart beat can be detected. After week 8, the baby is considered a fetus instead of an embryo, at which point the fetus is about one inch long.

Weeks 9-12: the fetus' arms, hands, fingers, feet, and toes are fully formed. It may be able to open and close its fists and mouth. Ears are formed, and its reproductive organs begin to develop. By the end of week 12, the fetus has all of their organs and limbs, and their circulatory and urinary systems are working, but everything needs to continue to develop in order to become functional. At the end of week 12, the fetus is about 4 inches long.

It is important to know that the miscarriage rate is highest in the first trimester (before week 12). Among women who know they're pregnant (typically further along than 6 or 7 weeks), 10-20% will miscarry. 30%-50% of all fertilized eggs miscarry.

Other important developmental markers include:

During month 4 (weeks 16-20), you can see the sex of the fetus.

During month 5 (weeks 20-24), the fetus starts moving around.

Between week 22 and week 24, brain waves appear in the cerebral cortex.

At week 24, the fetus may be able to survive if it is born prematurely, provided it has intensive care.

Somewhere between week 26 and week 30, the fetus may be able to feel pain, although we don't know that for sure.

A fetus is not capable of thinking, communicating, reasoning, self-motivation, feeling emotions, or consciousness. They don't have a concept of the self, and they don't know that they exist. They are essentially sedated for the entirety of the pregnancy. Since we use "brain death" as the primary criteria for death, it makes sense to me that we might consider "brain life" (the point where a fetus exhibits brain activity) as the point at which a fetus becomes a person.

While some people will refer to an embryo as a "baby" from the time they discover they're pregnant, scientifically, it is a clump of cells, whether that clump is allowed to continue to grow or not. It's not something we would recognize as a baby, or be able to interact with as if it were a baby. An embryo is a precursor to a baby, kind of like how a seed is a precursor to a plant.

Some other arguments

I want to quickly touch on some other arguments for abortion rights that people make. I'm not going to delve deeply into them, but it didn't feel right to leave them out entirely. These are arguments that don't depend on whether or not a fetus can be considered a person.

Bodily Rights

There are many situations in which we prioritize individual bodily rights over the right of someone else to live. For example, we don't force people to donate organs to people who are dying, even though a donated organ would save their life. Advocates for abortion rights argue that those same bodily rights should be extended to a pregnant person.

Deprivation

This argument usually looks something like, "but what if that fetus was going to cure cancer when it grew up!" Basically, it's saying that abortion is morally wrong because it deprives the fetus (and the world) of a valuable future. To me, this completely ignores the deprivation that already exists by forcing a person to carry and birth a baby they don't want, and potentially the deprivation that comes with raising that child. People who make this argument never seem to ask, "what if the pregnant person was going to cure cancer?"

Slippery Slope

Some people argue that normalizing and legalizing abortion may lead to people also accepting euthanasia. I am unconvinced by this for two reasons. 1. Slippery slope is a logical fallacy and 2. I absolutely do think we should legalize euthanasia for certain situations.

Religion

I don't want to dig too far into this one, but what I will say is that the US is a country that (at least nominally) has a separation of church and state, and the religious beliefs that other people hold should not infringe on a person's rights to make choices about their own life.

History and Politics

The practice of abortion itself is incredibly old. The Sanskrit epic Ramayana, which dates to the 7th century BCE, describes abortion being practiced by surgeons and barbers. In the Assyrian Code of Assura, circa 1075 BCE, a woman is allowed to procure an abortion except when it's against her husband's wishes. The first recorded evidence of induced abortion is from the Egyptian Ebers Papyrus in 1550 BCE. Japanese documents show records of induced abortion from as early as the 12th century, and it became more prevalent during the Edo period. It is considered to be unlikely that abortion was punished in Ancient Greece or ancient Rome. All major Jewish religious movements allow abortion in order to save the life or health of a pregnant woman, and often support abortion for other reasons as well. Christianity has a more complicated relationship to abortion, for reasons that I'll go into in a bit, but for now let's just note that there very much were ancient Christians who believed abortion was morally permissible at least some of the time. Before the 19th century CE, first-trimester abortion was widely practiced and was legal under common law throughout the English speaking world, including the US and UK.

The reason I bring all of this up is because the political debate over abortion isn't really that old, and the debate tends not to actually be about the morality of abortion as an act so much as it is a proxy for other issues. The first backlash against abortion in the English Speaking world was in the 19th century, and was a direct reaction to the women's rights movement, which was starting during that time. In the US, anti-abortion laws began to appear as early as the 1820s, but picked up in earnest by the late 1860s. These laws were introduced for many reasons, including the fact that abortions were being provided by untrained people who were not members of medical societies and concerns about the safety of abortifacients. By 1900, abortion was a felony in every US state, but they continued to become increasingly available. By the 1930s, licensed physicians performed an estimated 800,000 abortions a year.

Jumping forward a little bit, let's talk about the history of abortion in the US just before Roe v. Wade. It's estimated that in the 50s and 60s, between 200,000 to 1.2 million abortions were being performed per year, even though they were illegal. Throughout that same time, the second wave feminist movement was growing, and was increasingly advocating for birth control and liberalized abortion laws. As a reaction to second wave feminism, a number of anti-abortion organizations, primarily led by Catholic institutions, cropped up to mobilize against the legalization of abortion. It should be noted that, at the time, abortion was not an issue for evangelical Christian groups. In the 1960s, 17 states legalized abortion for a variety of different circumstances. Then in 1973, Roe v. Wade happens, ruling that a pregnant woman has the right to choose to have an abortion without excessive government restriction. The ruling was 7-2 in favor of legalizing abortion. Even after Roe v. Wade, Christian Evangelicals were neutral to positive on the ruling. It's only after 1980 that Evangelical Christians started to organize around abortion as a political issue and joined the Catholics to form what we now think of as the Christian Right. There's a lot to say about that and why that switch happened, but for the sake of brevity, just know that the evangelical backlash against legalized abortion in the US started not as a moral crusade, but as a way of convincing people to vote for Ronald Regan instead of Jimmy Carter (who wanted to de-segregate schools). No political debate happens in a vacuum, and it's important to understand what other factors might have been at play when looking at where these debates come from and how the sides formed.

Culture

Lastly, let's talk a little bit about the cultural impacts of banning or legalizing abortion. The right to have or not have a child is necessary in order for women to achieve equality with men. Countries with high gender equality, such as Iceland, Finland, Norway, New Zealand, and Sweden, also have easily accessible abortion options. Criminalization of abortion disproportionately impacts poor women and women of color, and does nothing to address the systemic issues that may cause them to require abortions in the first place.

Researchers from the WHO and University of Massachusetts found that banning abortion is an inefficient way to reduce abortion rates; in countries where abortions were restricted, the number of unintended pregnancies actually increased, and the proportion of unintended pregnancies ending in abortion also increased. When abortion is banned, women aren't not having abortions; they're having illegal abortions that are done unsafely.

There is also some evidence to suggest that legalized abortion actually decreases crime rates. 20 years after the legalization of abortion in the US, there was an unprecedented nationwide decline of the crime rate (including murders, incidentally). The drop in crime is thought by some to be a result of the fact that individuals who had a higher statistical probability of committing crimes (people who grew up as unwanted children in poverty) were not being born.

Which brings me to my next point- the majority of people who are "pro-life" (at least in the US) aren't really pro-life. They're pro-birth. If they were truly pro-life, they would be interested in making sure that all of those babies had their needs met after they're born. They would be interested in making sure those babies can lead long, healthy, safe, and productive lives. They would be for universal healthcare, expanded social safety nets, parental leave from jobs, universal basic income, raising the minimum wage, mandated vacation time, increasing funding for public schools, decriminalizing drugs, abolishing prisons or at least reforming the police. They would be against the death penalty (ironically, some of them are actually for the death penalty for women who have had abortions), and for increased access to birth control, comprehensive sex-ed in schools, increased gun legislation, against war and nuclear weapons, for enforced mask wearing to prevent people from needlessly dying from a global pandemic... but those issues don't factor into their "pro-life" stance. They're for "the baby gets born and then has to pull itself up by its bootstraps like the rest of us."

Closing Thoughts

Look. I'm not super jazzed about abortions. I understand how they can feel like an ethical issue. I think we should do what we can to reduce the number of abortions that are performed- teaching comprehensive sex-ed in schools, making birth control and emergency contraceptive options widely accessible, letting men know that reversible vasectomies are an option. I think we should make abortion easier to access, so those who do need it can make the decision early in the pregnancy. But I also think that it's a very personal decision, one that's irreversibly life altering, and the person who's going to experience the life altering event should be the one who decides what happens. 65 year old conservative, Christian white men who will never be pregnant (and frequently don't really know how the female body works) shouldn't get to make that decision for them. As someone for whom pregnancy would be life threatening, I want to know that I have options should that situation present itself someday.

[trying-write-fanfics]

Hitoshi Shinso X Reader part 14

Mina jolted out of bed to break down Shinso’s door. Shinso was awake, but in the dark the only light was the laptop on his chest.

“Shinso holy shit! That guy! That guy!”

“What guy?” Shinso asked.

“Derek Jeeterman rejected Y/n when she asked him out to a movie. He just straight up told her he didn’t like her that way!” Mina explained.

“What?”

Was he blind? Deaf? No common sense? 

“Yeah she texted me! All about it! That’s why she was so sad before she came here!” Mina squealed. 

He was glad it wasn’t anything he did.

“Did she say anything else?” Shinso asked.

“Apparently Bakugo walked her home.”  Mina said.

“That must have been torture for her. That guys an ass.” Shinso said.

“Well, it’s probably good that he did, who knows what kind of creep just lurks around at night.”

Shinso got up for his early morning jog with Aizawa. His quirk alone wasn’t going to make him a hero, it was going to be his determination, and his ability to kick ass. Anyone could be a hero, even without a quirk. It was such a strange concept for Shinso, but knew ultimately it could be true.

“Hey, can I ask you something, sensei?” Hitoshi asked.

“What is it?” Aziawa quickly said as they were jogging.

“Do you think...do you think I would have benefited from being a homeschool hero in training?” Shinso asked.

It could have been a fast pass for him. Learning to be a hero on his own rather than the institution, or leaning on them a little bit. His quirk was overlooked from hero courses from all over because of physical exams.

“No, I believe you made the right choice coming here.” Aizawa said. “Those three have connections with heroes which is how they’re able to pull it off.”

“With who?” Shinso was surprised.

“A bunch of heroes actually. One of their parents are a marketing agent for a lot of heroes.” Aizawa said. “You wouldn’t have the business connections to pull that off on your own.”

“So their parents just paid heroes to train their kids?” Shinso asked.

“I don’t know the whole story. They have a rotation is all I know.”

Going back into his old ways, Shinso truly did believe some people were just born lucky. Sonny and Benny were also overlooked for their quirks, but were able to steal a second chance through connection, or skill. What opportunities were they given to make a hero drop what they’re doing for some easy cash? Or was it black mail? How were all three able to pull that off? Was it because they were a packaged deal?

After class, Shinso was ready for a nap. He did his early morning workouts, trained in class, so needless to say he was tired. Still he dragged his sorry flesh vessel to the gym to find a familiar non- UA face. Deku was asking Sonny a million questions about her quirk.

“I actually had to learn how to breathe when I engulf myself in my quirk so I could extend the period of time when I use it.” She said lifting weights.

“So does your body have a burn limit like Todoroki’s?” Deku asked.

“Not a burn limit. If I do use my quirk over a half hour I can hardly move my limbs, thats if I’m using it all over my body. If I only use my arm, the time lasts longer, and I will only lose that said arm for some time. Luckily my precious Y/n heals my limbs so they can work again a lot faster.” Sonny said. “It’s not because I burn my limbs, but because my body has to get use to its original shape from when it was in flames.”

“So if you put your fire out too fast, does your body hold up or…” Deku continued.

“It always bounces back.”

Fire/flame quirks weren’t rare at all. Yet Todoroki was made on recommendation, and Sonny was overlooked. However it seemed Sonny lacked true control over her quirk versus Todoroki actually knew how to use his power. 

“Oh hey smelly scento.” Sonny said as she noticed Shinso.

“Hey...big mouth.” Shinso said, pretending he wasn’t listening.

“Watching my gun show in action?” she asked as she continued to lift.

She did have well defined muscles. It was weird seeing her in work out sweats and a t-shirt that said “Suns out Guns Out”. How could she have a more secure self esteem than him? He at least got to UA, she was rejected. Unless she didn’t apply for general studies. She must have gained a lot back from discovery more about her quirk. Maybe that’s what made those three stand out more, they were able to dig deeper in their quirks abilities, not by just making themselves stronger, but also learning new ways to use it, like Mina and Deku. Mina was able to make her slim acidic, while Deku was able to make wind style type combat moves. What was that Benny guy able to do differently with his quirk? Shinso couldn’t tell, Benny’s quirk kinda sucked, but he was able to take down Bakugo, one of the most powerful students in their grade. 

“No, but I did have a question for you.” Shinso told the cocky lady. “Can you give me Benny’s number?”

“You’re not his type.” She quickly said.

Deku’s eyes went wide, and his face red. He may have not been directly part of this conversation, but she was brutal. She knew he wasn’t asking out Benny, she just wanted to tear Shinso down.

“I don’t wanna date him.” Shinso said.

“What do you need him for?” Sonny asked. “I don’t want  a problem being traced back to me, you know.”

“I wanted to ask him if he could give me some tips for combat training.”

“Oh, that’s right, your quirk is more of a villainous mind control, so you need to learn actual fighting if you wanna be a good hero, right?” She said sitting up.

What was her deal?

“Shinso is not a villain at all.” Deku said, defending Shinso.

“No, he’s not, he wouldn’t dare to ever try, but once people hear a mind control hero is on the loose, I bet they’ll be worried about how this might affect their rights as a citizen.” She said teasing him further.

“Can I have his number or not.”

“Give me your phone.” She said.

Sonny typed in the number and then his full name in the contact information. Shinso wondered if this was just how this girl really was, or she just enjoyed being an asshole. She gave him the number none the less. Why would someone like her want to be a hero?

“How do I know this isn’t fake?” Shinso asked.

“Ask if its the contact I put in.” She simply said.

“Bernice?” Shinso said out loud, that’s what Benny is short for?

“It’s his middle name.” Sonny said.

So he sent a text, explaining it’s Shinso, saying he got the number from Sonny. It was Benny, he even sent a selfie of him and Y/n. Benny had a black eye and a cut on his face that Y/n was in the process of healing, she even gave a peace sign in the selfie.

“Was it the right number?” Deku asked.

“Yeah…” He was surprised she wasn’t the villain he thought she was.

“Why would I lie to you guys? I don’t care enough about either of you to lie.” She said going back to her set.

She just likes to sound mean.

“You just sound harsh.” Deku said.

“Yeah, and you sounded like my tenth ever fan.” She said.

“No way in hell you have fans. You have a big head and an even bigger mouth.” Shinso told her.

That only made her smile like an evil witch, Shinso felt like he fell for her trap, but didn’t care because not enough people have told this girl that she’s a rat faced shit bag that’s only redeeming quality is that she overcame her quirk being overlooked.

“I feel like you told on yourself more than you tried to insult me.” she said, unaffected.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You wanna be noticed, seen, but you don’t know how to handle attention or how to stand out. You may do good deeds, but you’ll become a servant to humanity than a hero, your kindness will be abused. You too Deku.” Sonny said. “If your only goal is to be nice, or bring world peace, you’ll be nothing but disappointed.”

“You’re just full of yourself.”

“I’m not empty like your eyes.” She got the last word.

Deku tried saying something to her, but Shinso was already out of their conversation. He was too tired for this half star drama. He just needed to sleep. He was noticed, and is seen, by Aizawa, and that is more than enough now! Maybe she was a little right. They were a little alike, and she’s picked up on that. They both had overlooked quirks.

[forgivemeimmafloof]

Sorry for bothering you, but I have a small question. I have a art blog myself and I was just wondering if you have any advice on drawing, lighting, or shading?

Its no bother, no need to apologize! 

As for advice I guess I have a little?

Drawing:

I did go to classes when I was young, but considering most of the draws in the sketchbook from those years were… horribly ineligible because I was like 10, I mostly picked up on how to draw from watching things (animes + speedpaints) or referencing images to draw over and over till I understood how the body should look in said position.

But also I’ve mentioned this before but, the whole tracing thing or using bases for art! I don’t think its actually bad to trace or uses bases as a start or for practice BUT ONLY IF THE ARTIST WHO DREW THE ORIGINAL CONTENT SAYS ITS OKAY AND YOU CREDIT THEM PROPERLY! when I was younger I didn’t use bases or trace, but thats because I’m the type of person who just be like that. But its extra useful

Like this for example. 

And then because I did that, I got understanding of how the shirt wrinkles and crinkles so I feel more confident to draw use it on something else!

I also bought like… 20 reference books? Which thankfully now isn’t really something you have to do because wonderful and talented artists have let us in on their secrets and drawn plenty of tutorials.

Which I didn’t exactly know about when I was starting. 

Lighting/shading: 

When it comes to lighting or shading I have had trouble with this but in recent months I feel like I’m grasping it a lot better. like for instance, depending on the time of day or the mood of the picture you want, you use either warm or cool colors. 

I’m especially proud of the lighting and shading in this picture I drew 

Chara’s skin tone is orangey, so I made the shading a brownish green, but depending on the lightening it could have been more purple/blue like how I made Sans’ bones. :D I don’t have much other advice on it, I’m still learning what looks best to me and what feels functional sooooooooo..

Other tips: 

Before sitting down to draw something be sure to stretch! Its very easy to strain your muscles in both your hands, wrists and body by not doing proper stretching. Flex your fingers turn your wrists a couple times, theres actually a tutorial I’ll link it here - with some helpful stretches! 

When you draw, grab some water, and a snack and be sure to stay hydrated and full while working! Its very easy to get absorbed in work and not want to move, so having what you need on hand will help greatly!

Take breaks! I recommend taking one every hour and a half! stand up, stretch your legs, go to the bathroom or whatever else you need! Go outside even, get a little sunlight if you can. 

Posture is also very important! When drawing I recommend keeping your legs out under you, DO NOT SIT ON THEM. I bet you’ve experienced the classic ‘pins and needles’ that make you die inside when you move your leg. Sitting on, crossing or bending your legs for extended periods is going to make your legs do that. Also do nOT LEAN ON YOUR ARM WHILE DRAWING. It will do the same thing and geez does it sting. Also, Slouching forward will really hurt your back, I recommend sitting straight with the canvas or drawing surface tilted so that you don’t strain anything. 

Thats about all I could think of, so there!!!!!

[legion1993]

Is It True?

AN: i love amazing writers. i love writing amazing pieces. this piece goes out to @icantlivewithyou in celebration of her 800 followers challenge! hope this makes you smile!

prompt “you’re really pregnant?”

pairing: Bruce Wayne x Reader

summery: its a secret!

Masterlist

8 years ago, you were a graduate student...

8 years ago you got an internship with Wayne Enterprises!

8 years ago was the first encounter you ever had with the Batman. he save your life. 

not too long after that you had a magical date with your boss Bruce Wayne! this began your magical journey.

6 years later you are at the office and lunch time roles around. you and Bruce would normally go out for lunch at the usual fancy restaurant. you loved your time with Bruce, but today was different you walked into his office and he has a strange look to his eye... 

Bruce: “close the door love and come here...”

you close the door and go over to the desk he turns to face you welcoming you into his lap...

YN: “hey baby... are you ready for lunch?”

Bruce: “we are not going to lunch today... we will do dinner instead but right now can i show you something... i feel like i need to confide this to you, we have been together for a while now and im looking forward to many more years with you but not without you knowing my biggest well kept secret...”

YN: “Bruce whatever you have to tell me, i’ll go into it with you. i love you Bruce! you know that! so what is it that you wish to share with me?”

Bruce: “well first we have to get up off this chair... ive already cleared us to go for the rest of the day... think of this as a vacation! a small one where we arent going far but yet we are gonna have traveled the distances...”

you were now very curious... you had no idea what was about to happen... but got up off your boyfriends lap and held his hand as he led you to the wall pannel, he took his other hand and placed it to the wall. 

it then spoke...

AI: “good afternoon mr wayne...”

you were amazed that you never knew about this panel being here... but you walked inside with Bruce as he spoke next.

Bruce: “take us to the cave!”

immediately you were both on one crazy roller coaster ride... it was a tunnel system that seemed to go from the top of wayne tower to some underground cavern... 

the ride stopped and Bruce once more spoke...

Bruce: “through these doors is a world that no-one but Alfred has known about like ever... now to you i present this my most valuable secret... the entire reason behind the tunnel system. the entire reason behind all my so called late nights at the office or pre-preparations for a gala that is months away... well i never actually ever left the manor.. id be down here working out, training, and monitoring the city... you may exit the doors when your ready...”

you went passed Bruce and the doors opened automatically... you walked out onto a literal rock solid floor, and into a cavern where tech and a bunch of equipment lay around all over the place... 

you wandered around a bit before arriving at the main area, or what assumed was the main area for it had a really big computer setup with 6 different screens and one tiny ass keyboard. the computers powered up and revealed a giant bat symbol... thats when it hit you like a freight train. 

you turned to Bruce and decided to test your theory make sure it was true...

you went into a low spin kick to which Bruce jumped over. blocking each move you threw at him you had to now think quickly... you decided to pull a Natasha romanov and wrap your legs around his neck flipping him to the ground but he had grabbed your wrist and twisted your arm when you did that. 

Bruce got off of you and smiled as he extended his hand to you...

Bruce: “if you wanted to test my skills how was that?”

YN: “you’re batman... why didnt you tell me sooner?”

Bruce could only chuckle as he smiled...

Bruce: “i was afraid of how you would react... had i known you would react that way i would have told you sooner... are you ok love? you look kinda pale?”

you shook your head, truth be told you hadnt been feeling well for a few days now... you just thought you were getting ready for your period... but this morning you had thrown up... you werent sure what was wrong...

YN: “i think i need a doctor...”

Bruce picked you up bridal style, carrying you to the elevator you both emerge in the library of the manor, where Alfred greets both of you...

Alfred: “good heavens, is Miss YN alright?”

Bruce: “Alfred can you get the car and take us to Gotham General... please?”

Alfred: “of course sir...”

Alfred brings the car to the front of the house where you and Bruce now waiting Alfred opens the door helping to get both of you inside before driving reasonably to Gotham General. 

upon arrival at the hospital, Bruce had Alfred once more help to get you out of the car... Alfred then went to park the car while Bruce carried you inside. walking inside he was greeted by 2 nurses...

Nurse 1: “how can we help you both tonight?”

Bruce: “my girlfriend is pale and not well we need a check up... run all the necessary tests rule out anything and everything please...”

Nurse 2: “okay sir calm down please... we need a name to process her under...”

Bruce: “Bruce wayne... i help fund this hospital... my girlfriends name is YN... she can barely stand on her own...”

the nurses both led you and Bruce through the secluded doors, to a room secluded and away from prying eyes... Bruce had laid you on the bed, you were not sure yet as to your condition but you had your suspicions...

it was about 5 minutes later when a doctor walked in one of the nurses who had helped you both in here walked in bringing several things with...

Dr. Jason: “Bruce,  YN i’m Dr. Jason... i understand that your not feeling well tonight Miss... can you tell me how long you havent been well?”

YN: “its been on and off for the last week or so...”

Dr. Jason relays notes to the nurse and asks the next question...

Dr. Jason: “when was your last period? or do you know when your next period is supposed to arrive?”

you took one small breath before answering...

YN: “its due... as of yesterday...”

Dr. Jason: “let me guess it hasnt arrived yet, has it...?”

you shake your head, Dr. Jason has the nurse bring in an ultrasound cart...  Bruce moves to the other side and gives the okay to do whatever necessary not wanting to leave your side...

Dr. Jason: “have you ever had an ultrasound before YN?” 

you shoke your head...

Dr. Jason: “okay its very simple, nothing to worry about... now im gonna need access to your abdomen as well as your stomach... so your waist line on your pants is gonna have to go down a bit... i will place some gel on your stomach, then i will use this equipment to through the gel be able to take a peak inside your belly... see if there is anything noticeable...”

the doctor did as he said, placing the gel on made you shiver a bit but Bruce’s touch kept you nice and warm... as Dr. Jason now moved the transducer around on the gel, the nurse was ready to record anything found... 

you and Bruce anxiously watched the screen... waiting for answers of any kind to come up... Dr Jason then stopped moving the tansducer, he kinda stayed in one spot for a while... it was then that he knew what the cause was... he had the nurse make a few notes and then sent her out of the room... 

Dr. Jason: “it seems congratulations are in order...”

Bruce: “im sorry what do you mean Congratulations are in order...”

Dr Jason: “well it seems YN isnt sick sick after all its just a little bit of morning sickness...”

your eyes widened... before your head collapsed from the shock of the news... you knew full well what the congratulations was for but no one knew how shocked you were till you fainted...

it was 10 minutes later when you woke again to find Bruce filling out paper work, after being told by Dr Jason not to worry too much that you would wake eventually that you fainted from the aftershock of the news...

Bruce’s head swam with the thoughts of being a father, sure something he had thought about but never dreamed would ever happen. a few moments later Bruce looked up as he often did to find you sitting up and stretching slightly... 

Bruce: “hey love how are you feeling?”

YN: “is it true?”

Bruce comes over to your side and smiles lovingly at you.

Bruce: “you’re really pregnant?

Bruce gestures to the ultrasound photo sitting beside you on the bed...

YN: “yes i am... i had my suspisions but i wasnt ever gonna admit them to anyone or myself... however, i know we never actually discussed the thought of kids, but believe me when i say i wouldnt be here today if you werent the most amazing man i had ever met...”

Bruce: “i cant even begin to describe how much excitement im holding in right now... i mean we are gonna be parents... its gonna be an honor to raise this child with you...”

Bruce with you holds the photo and then Bruce lifts your shirt to once again expose your belly and he places soft kisses to it, then he comes up to place a longing kiss to your lips... you were now in a happy place... 

you finally felt like your life was finally underway...

[rox-the-proxy]

You are You

Am I trying to fill the TerraVan shaped hole in my heart? Yes, yes i am. This is a result of very little hours of sleep.

Vanitas had taken to leaving his helmet off. It had started about a year into him being with the Guardians of Light. With Sora gone it wasn't weird to see Riku, and Kairi looking at Vanitas with a look of longing and sadness. It also wasn't strange to see Kairi often times sitting with him chatting away. Even if she did most of the talking. For a while, it was all fine, he had stopped wearing his helmet and he was more friendly. However, recently Terra started to notice tension in Vanitas. He had started to notice he was eating lighter foods in smaller amounts, he wasn't sleeping as peacefully as he usually did. Terra couldn't fathom why this was happening.

He had asked the raven what was going on, but Vanitas only gave him a tired smile and gave him a soft nuzzle to his face before he always told him that he was fine, he would be okay. Terra would have believed him if he hadn't noticed all of this started happening the more time he spent with Kairi. Terra thought maybe he just wasn't used to being so close to a Princess of Heart; but there was just something about it that didn't feel quite right. He couldn't quite put his finger on it, but he knew it was more then what he let on.

"Your worried about him." Isa pointed out as he and Terra worked on opening up crates of supplies Lea, Riku, and Roxas had brought back. Terra gave the blue haired male a shocked look before a look of concern took over his features. He looked over to where Vanitas was standing with Kairi. Both standing by one of the cliff edgeds here in the Land Of Departure, while Kairi looked bittersweet, Vanitas looked tense, angry even, it sparked worry in him. "He's been rather agitated as of late. Has he given you a reason as to why? Or has he kept that to himself so far?"

"As of now, he hasn't told me anything. Said I shouldn't worry, that he's fine." He begrudgingly admitted with a heavy sigh before pulling the top if a wooden crate open. "I don't know, i want to know what's wrong, but I don't want to force him or push too much because he'll shut me out."

Isa nodded in understanding as he took a moment to look over at Lea who now had snatched up Xion and Naminé, playfully threatening to toss them into the small pond Terra and Riku had recently made. It hadn't been filled with fish yet, but it definitely had water. "Lea can be like that from time to time. I think he looks back on Axel's and Saïx's time with the organization. He gets a look that's between haunted, angry to sad, and bittersweet. Maybe he fears I will feel what Saïx felt. But he never tells me." The blue haired male chuckled softly. "He always tells me not to worry, that it's something for him to deal with...Axel and Lea weren't very different at all. Expect maybe in the aspect of doing all the 'icky jobs' as Lea and Axel put it."

"Do...do you ever get him to tell you anything?"

"Sometimes. But most of the time he just tells me not to worry. He comes to me when he gets overwhelmed or wants reassurance that I still love him as much as I did when we were idiot teenagers who thought we knew everything about the world."

Terra smiled at that. Isa and Lea were always so open about the love they felt for each other. They didn't have any shame in holding hands in front of others, giving kisses on the cheek, nose or lips in front of crowds and it was never unusual for either of them to randomly tell the other that they loved them, or randomly bring them their favorite flowers. With himself and Vanitas, that was different. Vanitas was more closed off, shy. He found it hard to be so openly vulnerable in front of so many people, so Terra never pushed his luck. It didn't stop him from giving the raven the occasional random hug or kiss on top of his head. And he knew Vanitas appreciated it because no less then a few moments later a pastel pinkish red Hareraiser would scamper over to him and demand to be carried and petted. Vanitas usually always complained and tried to stomp the poor things out of existence, but Terra moved quickly and would already have the small Unversed in his arms, cooing at it. And yes, he was fully aware Vanitas could faintly feel the hugs and pets Terra would give the little monster.

So, much like Lea and Isa who had their own way of showing their love for each other, Terra and Vanitas had their own way. One of those said ways was Vanitas taking his helmet off for the first time ever in front of Terra and then proceeding to leave it off for extended amounts of time when they were alone. Though he would put it back on when others would show up. Slowly, he started to leaving it off for longer and longer periods of time when others were around until eventually he stopped wearing it all together. The brunette couldn't have been more proud of him, same with Ventus who had expressed his feelings on it to the raven multiple times and each time Terra would catch a glimpse of round, slightly fat, fuzzy, pastel purple floods appearing at the words of praise from Ventus.

It seemed slowly but surely Vanitas was starting to get along with the others. And Terra couldn't have asked for anything else. Though, part of him wished that-

"I AM NOT SORA!"

The sudden rage filled shout came out of nowhere causing Isa to nearly drop the heavy crate he had if Terra had not been quick enough to reach over and steady it. The two men looked at each other for a split second before turning to look over where Vanitas was standing with Kairi. The red headed girl had taken several steps away from the raven who now had a miasma of darkness surrounding him, several dark blueish purple floods skittering around his feet in a agitated manner, but never once got close to Kairi. Looking around, he could see the other's standing frozen, some looking fearful, Riku and Aqua looking ready to rush to Kairi's protection. But Terra knew better, Vanitas didn't want to hurt her, he wouldn't hurt her. He watched as the said raven had his head hanging low, fists clenched so tightly his knuckles were white and his hands shook.

"I. Am. NOT. Sora." He repeated, his voice tight, as he slowly lifted his head to glare at the red haired female who had a look of hurt on her face. "I am NOT him. I am me. I GET IT. You miss him, you cared about him- but I am not him. So stop looking at me like that! I don't want to be compared to him or ANYONE anymore."

"I- Vanitas I never wanted you to feel that way-"

"WELL LOOK HOW WELL THATS BEEN GOING!"

"Back off, Vanitas!" Riku shouted as he came to stand in front of his friend, Terra was instantly at the raven's side, this seemed to shock Kairi and Vanitas both. "Calm down, you don't need to snap at her-"

"Riku, Terra please stop. Let us talk." Kairi said placing her hand on the silver haired male's shoulder and pushing him out of the way, and Vanitas doing the same to the tall brunette. Kairi sighed, taking a breath and calming down as she kneeled down and picked up one of the Unversed that skittered by. She carefully held the creature of darkness in her arms, hugging it gently. It was easy to tell that Vanitas felt it as his shoulders tensed for a moment before they slowly relaxed. "You're right. You aren't Sora. And I am so sorry that I've been making you feel that way. I had never meant for our time together to make you feel that way."

Vanitas shook his head, suddenly looking dejected, the wisps of darkness slowly faded away as his hands slowly unclenched and slowly began to stop shaking. The Unversed at his feet clearly becoming less agitated as well. "It's...it's not your fault. I mean, I look EXACTLY like him...from shoulder to elbow, and from elbow to wrist." He golden eyed male explained as he brought a hand up to his face, his fingers running down from his hairline, down over his left eye, his nose, lips and chin. He gave a airy chuckle and shake of his head. "I'm physically exactly like him, just a different color pallet." He said with a forced laugh which got a small sympathetic smile from Kairi. He shook his head again for a moment, going silent and mulling over his next words. "When you all look at me, you see him. And you can't help but feel a certain way."

"But that's no excuse for us- for me- to make you feel like you aren't you." She argued, running her hand down the Flood's back which got a long gurgling purr of content out of the creature. Vanitas huffed at her.

"It's not, your right. But it's understandable as to /why/ it happened." He countered rather easily. Both went silent now, merely looking anywhere but at each other. Eventually Vanitas sighed and looked at the red headed female. "Riku loved- loves- him...so when he looks at me, he sees the one he loved who is missing. When you look at me, you see someone who helped give you confidence and did everything he could to save you. You both look at me like I was the one who-" he paused, biting his lip and glancing off to Terra. "like- like Im Sora. Like I'm dead...I don't want to be Sora, I can't replace him."

"I know you can't. And I don't want you to." She said, following his gaze. She couldn't help but smile and look back at the raven. "You love him, don't you?" She asked suddenly, which caused the raven to blush darkly, the flood in her arms instantly bursting into a plume of smoke and several of the pastel purple, slightly fat, fuzzy Floods to appear around his feet. This made the red head laugh and place a hand on his elbow. "I'm sorry- oh God there is so many-" she said between fits of giggles.

Terra and many of the others relaxed at the sound of her laughter. Clearly the two were able to work out the tension they was between them without anyone else interfering. The brunette couldn't help but smile as he crossed his arms over his chest and watched as Kairi laughed and for whatever reason, Vanitas was as red as a tomato, the pastel purple Floods sat at his feet and a few at Kairi's. "Well, that worked out."

"Yeah...Kairi and I owe Vanitas an apology. We didn't want him to think we were trying to replace Sora with him or compare him to him." The Keyblade Master said, Terra shrugged as he watched Vanitas rub the back of his head shyly and sheepishly before giving her a small smile. One that rarely graced his features in front of others, but it was by far one of his most beautiful expressions.

"Yeah. But he understands. But for now, its best to give him space." Terra pointed out, he smiled and uncrossed his arms as he watched Vanitas walk up to him, instantly pressing himself against his chest. He didn't hesitate for a moment before he wrapped his arms around the smaller male, squeezing him as he pressed his face into the soft, dark colored locks that acted like his hair. He wasn't sure how long they stayed like that, Isa and Riku having had stepped away to give the pair space. But Terra didn't want to look up, didn't want to risk moving for the fear of braking this delicate trance that Vanitas seemed to be in that allowed the brunette to hold him this long in front of a crowd. He did however take a deep breath and exhaled slowly, he was temped to just turn the both of them around, using his own body to shield the raven from sight.

"I'm okay," Vanitas murmured, his head turned to the side so his cheek was resting against the other male's chest. His arms wrapped loosely around Terra's waist, eyes closed and body completely relaxed. "I didn't mean to snap at her it just happened."

"It's okay, no one blames you...it's not fun being compared to someone else. Especially considering, well, you know." Terra pulled away slightly, moving so both his hands were now cupping Vanitas' face, gently encouraging the smaller male to look up at him. He have the golden eyed male a reassuring smile, one which got a faint blush and smile in return. Looking down at the ground he couldn't help but laugh softly at the sight of the pastel colored Floods and Hareraisers bouncing around and away to the other Guardians of Light. "You know, they're still pretty cute,"

"I think you mean pretty damn annoying." Came the reply which Terra couldn't help but laugh loudly at. Vanitas rolled his eyes at the reaction but it didn't stop the fond smile from appearing either. When it came to Terra, Vanitas couldn't help but return the loving smiles, the stupid happy grins or even the full body laughter that escaped the man when something was truly funny to him. "I'm sorry," Vanitas said, leaning into the hands of the bigger Keyblade Wielder. "I should have talked to you about it when you asked. Maybe I wouldn't have snapped at her."

Terra shook his head, pressing their foreheads together, gently rubbing their noses together. "I think you still would have snapped at her, they miss him, and you look like him. With how...fresh those feelings are for them, it isn't a shock they were seeing and projecting Sora onto you. It isn't and wasn't okay, but you understand what it happened. And clearly Kairi and Riku hadn't meant to do that." Terra explained, pressing a quick kiss to his lips, this won him a soft purr from the golden eyed male. "I never want you to feel like I'm forcing you to talk to me when something is wrong or when your having an issue. But I do want you to know that I am always, always here for you. Okay?"

Vanitas nodded, placing his hands over Terra's. "Even if I'm not Sora?" He asked, it was a stupid question, he knew that. But it was because of Sora that he, Aqua and Ventus were back safe and sound. Sora was a special person, it was him to fixed all of their broken mistakes, it was him who had done everything he could to save them and it was him who made that sacrifice to bring Kairi back. He heard Terra chuckle softly before he felt the other give him another short but sweet kiss.

"I wouldn't want Sora. I want you, Vanitas. No one else." At that, Terra got a loud, rumbling purr from the smaller male. He chuckled softly, moving his hands from Vanitas' face and wrapping his arms around his waist, squeezing him tightly before loosening his hold after the got a grunt from the golden eyed male. "Help me with all of this stuff?" He asked, motioning to the crates of supplies. He watched as Vanitas pulled away and nodded as he moved to start pulling things out of the wooden crates. "Hey, Vanitas,"

"Hm?"

"I love you." Terra grinned at the redness that washed over thr pale skinned male's face. He couldn't help but laugh as the raven spluttered. His laughs only increasing as several pastel colored Jellyshades poofed into existence around him. He glared up at the bobbing Unversed as the floated around him. The brunette watched in amusement as the raven swatted at the Unversed that just easily floated away from his reach, spreading out to the other Guardians of Light. The girls seeming to awe at the sight of such cute looking monsters while some of the boys in their group took to gently poking them to watch them float away in a peaceful and graceful manner. "I love you, and only you. Just the way you are, Vanitas."

Even though the raven never said those words back, and even if he got a punch in the shoulder. The pastel Jellyshades and the brightly colored archravens that clustered around him where all he needed to know that Vanitas felt the same.

[quileuteima-blog]

The new guy

Part 1

My writing is a bit rough in this I'm sorry, but ill try get Part 2 up within the next week hopefully <3

Warnings: Swearing

Pairing: Paul x male reader

Requests:

-Imagine Paul Lahote and Embry Call both secretly crushing hardcore on the same guy, which probably strains their close friendship somewhat  -Imagine being a new guy in town who Paul imprints on, which shocks him because he's never been attracted to guys before

--I’ve set this in a school which i realise doesn't go with canon as they left school after they phased but lets pretend thats not the case lol thanks

You see the high school getting closer as you walk along the sidewalk, bag slung over your shoulder and earphones filling your head with music to try block out nervous thoughts. However, as you got closer you couldn’t help but think how glad you will be when the day is over, first days at new schools are always the worst. Especially the school you’re starting at isn’t the biggest so it’s likely all that most of the students know each other, making you stand out even more.  You sigh as you walk through the high school grounds, you can feel a few people look at you but you keep your eyes focused on the main entrance in front of you.

A chatty and kind member of staff at the front office gave you your books, class times, and a speech, about how welcoming the school, so detailed that you are now fifteen minutes to your first class. “Do you want me to show you to your classroom?” she elder lady asked smiling at you, “I don’t mind finding it myself, but thank you.” you smiled back at her before turning towards the door into the corridor “Have a nice day” you turned to the staff member that helped you “you too!” she replied as you closed the door behind you. You were already late so you figured a few more minutes wouldn’t hurt whilst you found your way around the school. You realised you didn't even know where you were meant to be going, you looked at the sheet in your hand which showed you had math ‘great’ you sighed under your breathe whilst you walked down the corridor looking for the class number. 

It only took your 5 minutes to find the class. You knocked on the closed door and waited for the teacher on the other side to open it, you saw through the small window the man who would be teaching you math and he didn’t look too pleased when he heard the knocking. You ran your hand through your hair and rested it on your neck as you waited, when the door opened your slipped your hand down and held it out to shake your new teachers hand. The man’s expression softened as he saw your face, he must’ve realised you were the new guy. The teacher looked down and saw your hand extended, he gave you a warm smile and shook your hand, seems like your manners may have saved you a lecture about being late. “You must be y/n?” the teacher asked, you nodded your head. “Nice to meet you, I’m Mr. Andreou.” he said before turning to face the class “Everyone this is y/n” your eyes wandered over the bored faces sat in the room. Your gaze fell on a guy who sat at the back of the room, he was slouched in his chair, watching you with a vacant expression. Not that you were expecting a welcoming party, but this guy looked at you as if he were un-impressed or somehow even pissed off. “Y/n there’s empty desk in the middle over there, feel free to sit down.” you broke eye contact with the guy at the back and looked at Mr. Andreou whose hand gestured for you to sit at the empty desk. You pulled your bag off your shoulder as you walked to the desk, dropping it next the chair. As you turned to sit down you briefly looked back over to the guy at the back, who was still watching you. Great, you thought to yourself, he’s probably pissed because I’m the new guy and he’ll give me the whole warning about staying away from the chicks; because for some reason new guys are magnets for girls. This guy will be glad to know that you weren’t even interested in girls that way. 

The teacher spoke about Pythagorus theorem for the time that was left of the lesson. However, you didn’t concentrate fully as you focused on working out where you needed to get for your next lesson, Physical education. Plus you had missed the majority of this lesson anyway so it didn’t matter if your attention wasn't fully on task.

The harsh bell signifying the end of period rang out, causing the class to collectively feel relieved from the stress of Math. Mr Andreou sighed in frustration, “...it seems I’ll have to cut off my lecture about pythagorus, but we’ll continue it in next lesson.” A guy sitting somewhere behind you cheered sarcastically and everyone began collecting their bags and leaving the classroom for next lesson. You stood up from your chair and grabbed your bag, placing it on your desk whilst you packed all your stationary in. You felt a tap on your shoulder “Hey, have you got Phys ed next?” a voice asked from behind you, the same voice that cheered a few seconds earlier. “Yeah” you turned to face the guy behind you “Cool that means you’re in our class then, wanna walk with us so you’re not late this time?” he grinned, gesturing to two boys talking next to him. “Sure, thanks” you smiled back. You swung your bag over your shoulder and began walking out the class with the boys you just met. “I’m jared by the way” he introduced himself whilst you walked next to each other down the corridor “this is Paul and Embry” he turned to refer at the two guys walking behind you “hey” you turned to smile at them both, Paul was the guy who gave you the strange look when you came into class. “I’m y/n” you said turning back to face in front. “Do you have any sports kit with you?” Jared asked walking round a corner into the next corridor, “Not yet” you replied following him round the corner and down the corridor which led to a doorway outside. “I’ve got some spare shorts” Embry said from behind you “and I’ve got a spare top” Jared added. “Are you guys sure? Thanks” you turned to smile at them as you all walked on a path between the main school building and the sports field. “Sure, no problem. Saves you having to wear lost and found kit that hasn't been washed in years” Embry said, wrinkling his nose at the thought of the smelly clothes. You looked down at your feet, which were tied inside converse sneakers “Do you reckon i will get away with wearing these?” you turned to ask them, pointing down at your shoes. “Yeah, normally the coach is an asshole about uniform, but you’re the new kid he won’t be strict with you yet.” Paul said bluntly, briefly meeting your eyes before something on the field caught his attention. “The changing rooms are over here” Embry said leaning on your shoulder and pointing to the small building in front to your right. 

You placed your bag down on the bench in front of you in the changing rooms. “Here” Jared called out over the loud chatter filling the room, and a top with the school logo flew into your chest. “Thanks” you caught the tshirt and smiled at him. “So why did you move here?” Paul asked whilst you took your hoodie off “I just moved here from a different city” you said, your voice slightly muffled by fabric as you pulled your top off over your head and put in your bag. You picked up the spare top Jared gave you and turned it the right way round. You looked up at Paul, who was changing at the bench opposite you, catching his gaze wander up your torso before briefly meeting your eyes and quickly looking away. You watched Paul as turned to face his gym bag with a frown and his hand running through his hair irritably. You didn't get why your presence seems to piss him off so much. “How long have you been in town?” he asked clearing his throat, his eyes still staying on his bag whilst you pulled your top on. “I,uh, got here this weekend” you said pushing your arms through the sleeves and pulling them hem of the top down. “Oh so only like 2 or 3 days then? Have you seen much yet?” Jared asked turning to face you “Oh! I’ll find the shorts for you” he suddenly remembered and began digging around in his bag. “Not really, obviously there’s the national park and I heard there’s a beach with decent waves” you replied, placing your foot up on the bench and untying your laces. “Yeah La Push. We have parties and bonfires there, and we surf when we can” Embry said pulling shorts out his bag and throwing them to you “Next time we go you’ll have to come with us” “Sure, thanks” you said catching them and placing them on the bench in front of you so you could pull your shoes off. “I’m gonna go warm up.” Paul said to no-one in particular, barely putting his top on properly before rushing out of the changing rooms. You watched Paul’s abrupt exit and turned back to see Jared and Embry carrying on un-phased by Paul. “Is he normally this moody?” You asked them as you sat down and pulled your jeans off, swapping them for the shorts you borrowed from Jared. “Paul is prone to mood swings pretty often, they're un-predictable but you get used to it.” Even if Paul is in bad moods often, you can’t help but think you have something to do with his today. “Do you guys know what we are going to be doing in gym today?” you say standing up and putting one foot on the bench to tie up the laces on your sneakers. “Soccer, so technically it’s not gym because we’ll be on the field.” Embry replied also tying up the laces to his own shoes. “Are you any good?” Jared asked, and they both looked at you awaiting your reply. “Uhh, I’d say average. I mean i have enough co-ordination to kick the ball in the direction i aim for.” You played a lot of soccer with friends as a kid and at previous schools, so you had enough experience to at least hold your own but you still weren’t amazing. “That’ll be good enough” Embry grinned “but just to warn you, we all get a little competitive” “a little?” Jared questioned and Embry laughed “Fine, a lot.” “A lot competitive? Great english bro.” Jared mocked, making you all laugh. “You ready?” Embry stood next to you as you finished tying the laces of your other sneaker “Yeah let’s go.” you said following them out the changing rooms and towards the pitch marked out on the field. You weren’t surprised the boys here got competitive, but the pressure of proving yourself was starting to make you nervous.

The coach was your typical no-nonsense, drill sergeant teacher. He welcomed you in his own way, which was acknowledging you were new to the school and asking how good you were at soccer; you gave him the same answer you gave Jared and Embry earlier. The coach put you in teams by throwing blue or green bibs randomly at the students. You were pleased to see Jared run up to you wearing a green bib matching your own, at least you knew at least one person on your team. Paul and Embry were on the blue team, and they were trash-talking your team relentlessly, mainly aimed at Jared as he was eagerly sending witty insults back to them until the coach had to blow the whistle to shut everyone up. 

Once the teams had finished assigning positions the coach blew the whistle once again for the game to start. You had gladly agreed to take centre midfield as the other guy playing centre midfield seemed extremely confident as he said he was happy to take the most control in the centre field for you both; which saved you the worry of messing up too much. Also Jared was left mid-field so he could be in a space near you to help you out. Immediately after the sharp whistle rang out over the pitch, two boys were clashing over the ball, and a forward from your team managed to tackle successfully. You ran over to back them up with the other centre midfield, whilst Jared sprinted ahead to receive a pass and dribble the ball past a player on the green team. The speed and co-ordination that Jared was moving with took you by surprise, not that you didn't think he would be good but he definitely was a skilled player. You slowly jogged behind and stopped once Jared and another player on your team weaved through opponents towards the goal. Paul and Embry were in defence for the green team, and they were fast approaching Jared to go in for a tackle. You couldn’t believe how quick their reactions were, their feet were moving with the ball so quickly and before you knew it Jared and Embry had completely dismissed the ball and they were now wrestling in the middle of the field. You weren’t sure if it was a fight at first, but you heard laughter echoing over and caught glimpses of them grinning so you knew it was just play fighting. No one else really reacted so it must be a common occurrence between the two friends, and it took the coach several whistles until they actually quit rolling about.

Everyone got back into a space and the whistle blew once again, setting people off running to the ball. The green team had the ball this time, and they were heading this way so you and your centre midfielder starting running towards the opponents to try and make tackles and block passes.

Embry stood near the goal, his arms leaning down on his bent knees whilst he watched the players on the other side of the pitch. “What do you think of y/n?” he said watching your frame blocking a pass and kicking the ball to a member of your team. “Seems alright.” Paul said nonchalantly from where he stood next to Embry, his eyes still focused on the activity in the distance. “then why are you acting so pissed around him?” Embry frowned looking over to his pack brother, only for Paul to continue avoiding his gaze; his eyes still looking straight ahead. “Im not pissed because of him, i’m just having a bad day- you should know my moods aren't exactly controlled.” Paul huffed, bringing his arms up to cross over his chest. A grin creeps onto Embry’s face as he sees an opportunity to wind Paul up “Are you sure you’re not just playing hard to get?” he cocks an eyebrow waiting for a reaction, which was sooner than expected. “What?” Paul snaps his head round to look at Embry, a mix of shock and anger swept across his face. Embry laughed after getting a reaction he was looking for “I'm just kidding, dude” Paul looks at Emrby for a bit longer, a frown still etched onto his face which softens slightly as he slowly turns back to face the direction of the ball, brushing of Embry’s comment. “...I know you're more into taller guys anyway.” Embry bit his lip, which still failed to hide his grin, as he knew he was really testing Paul with this comment. “What the fuck is your problem?!” Paul says sharply, his whole body snapping round this time as he began walking up to Embry, who quickly lifts his torso up to stand straight. His grin now completely fading off his face. “Woah Paul chill? I was kidding, you know that.” Embry said defensively, but ensuring his body language is submissive to prevent Paul spiralling out of control. “Well, when are you gonna stop taking it so far? It’s funny occasionally but after a while it gets annoying, you talking shit all the time.” Paul stood and frowned at Embry, his voice clearly showing his frustration. “I was just playing around? I don't get why you let me get to you so easy, sorry if i annoyed you but how is this any different from our every day interactions?” Embry knitted his eyebrows in confusion as he looks at Paul. “I wasn't affected! I’m not, you're just getting on my nerves. Why did you even make those comments, what were they supposed to mean?” Paul’s frustration increased with each word that left his lips, his voice beginning to strengthen, getting more aggressive as his anger levels start rising. “Paul, hey calm down ma-” “Don’t tell me to calm down!” Paul barked, marching up to Embry and shoving him.

(Back to your POV)

You were in the middle of tackling an opponent to get the ball off them, the past few minutes have been chaos of the ball bouncing between the two teams, and you were impressed with how well you've kept up. “Don’t tell me to calm down!” A deep voice shouted, snapping everyone out of their momentum as you and all the other players look over to see Paul’s large frame clash against Embry’s. Immediately murmuring started, and the coach ran over to them. Jared also began running over, and got their quicker than the coach, pulling Embry back from Paul as soon as he reached the pair. You could see Jared lean to murmur something to Embry, pushing him gently on the shoulder before Embry stormed off towards the changing rooms. Jared then walked over to Paul, where the coach was already trying to diffuse Paul’s angry state, you could see Paul and Jared were having a heated debate by the way their hands were gesturing as they spoke. Not before long Paul also stormed off, running his hand aggressively through his hair as he walks off towards the side entrance of the school building. “What do you think that was about?” you said to a guy watching from next to you “I don't know, but it doesn’t take much to set off Paul’s temper. He’s a cool guy, but sometimes i think he's got a screw loose.” he replied. The coach and Jared walked over to where you all stood on the pitch. Jared came and stood next to you, giving you a small nod when you looked at him to signal it was alright. “Well, i think we’ll call it a day after that. Put your overalls in the basket and go get changed.” The coach sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose, walking away towards the school building; probably to grab a coffee and shut himself in his office to avoid any more teen drama. 

“Will they be alright?” you asked Jared, as you walked towards the changing rooms “who Paul and Embry?” Jared looked at you and you nodded in response, “yeah that’s nothing, they’ll be back joking around probably by the end of next lesson.” Jared said distantly, he didn't sound so sure. His mind seemed occupied by other thoughts. It wasn't awkward silence whilst you were getting changed, Embry was still worked up and you could tell you were all thinking about what could have caused Paul’s foul mood. 

Paul’s temper was still the topic of conversation whilst you three walked to the literature block. You didn’t mind though it was nice having a break from the polite conversation you've had to make with so many people today. “...I just don’t get why he was so sensitive? Paul and i are always winding up so I don't understand why he reacted so quickly today.” Embry said whilst he trudged alongside you and Jared. “Well, what did you actually say to him?” Jared replied looking over to Embry, who turned his gaze in another direction “ummm” he thought, scratching his head “well, I can't remember exactly but it was barely two sentences.” You and Jared faced each other, sharing a frown, before Jared turned back to face Embry “dude, you are shit at lying. What did you say?” You both continued to look at Embry, waiting for his reply, as you all continued walking along the path next to the school buildings. “Fine, I just said something about how I thought Paul’s type was taller men blah blah blah you get the idea.” Embry rolled his eyes, turning his head to face you both. “Is that it?” Jared replied and Embry nodded. “Weird.” Jared said after a few seconds. “That’s what I mean! Why did that hit a nerve so bad? I’ve said a lot worse to Paul before when we wind each other up and he hasn't batted an eyelid.” Jared hummed in thought whilst Embry continued rambling on until you all reached your classroom.

The literature lesson was spent with the teacher briefly explaining the back story of a play, and they clearly didn't want to be there which was confirmed when they told the class they were putting on a clip of the play for the rest of the lesson. You ignored the dull audio coming form the TV at the front of the class. You’re gaze fixed on the sky through the window, whilst the events on the soccer pitch replayed in your mind, the thought you couldn’t get out your mind was ‘am i the reason Paul is so pissed?’ even though you can’t think of why you would be.

The rest of the day went daily smoothly. You sat with Jared, Embry, and the rest of their friends for lunch where they all excitedly talked over each other to give you the low down about their school and your fellow classmates. However, Paul wasn't anywhere to be seen that afternoon. Once you got home all thoughts of him had faded out your mind, as you were exhausted from the first day at school you just put your headphones in and collapsed on your bed.

                                            -To be continued-

[bolbianddolanhouse]

BNHA self insert AU

Nani the heck is this? Read here!

Chapter 13: Weird Flex, But Ok

For a month now I’ve been in a steady study schedule and little to my knowledge, marked the grueling slow burn to our relationship. I just read into it as friends helping each other out and everyone else is waiting out to see if and when Iida is going to break and finally say how he feels. Shinso hasn’t sparked anything yet but we talk to each other in passing. I don’t pay attention to any of those social cues as I’m preparing for my next exams.

-Wednesday, In the hero classroom, after school-

“I can’t believe you got a 100 percent on your english test Iida-kun!” said Midoriya as he slung his backpack on.

“Looks like working with Palma-san so closely is really paying off” Kirishima nudged him “maybe if you show her your test score she’ll give you a treat.”

“Stop you guys! She’s just a really good tutor” Iida said adjusting his glasses “maybe if you focused like we did, you’d pass too.”

“Oh ho ho! you picked up on more than just english Iida-kun” teased Kaminari “when’s the wedding?”

Iida turned red and briskly walked out to the front of the school. He then sees Mimi carrying Ita’s limp body and Jin deploying a portal. He gets concerned and runs toward them.

“Ita? ITA!?”

“Oh its glasses, hi” said Jin.

“What happened?!”

“She got knock-out sprayed accidentally when we were on cleaning duty” Mimi said calmly “she’ll be ok, we were going to portal her to her room and leave a note to check on her.”

“I’ll take care of her, just hand her to me” Iida said extending his arms.

Mimi and Jin looked at each other and shrugged “Ok lover boy, here you go and in the portal you go!” Mimi said tossing Ita’s body into his arms and Jin pushing them into the portal. “Make sure she stays in her room until she comes around! If she’s still out by 6pm, let us know!” Jin warned.

“Um ok thanks?” Iida said as he stepped into the portal and was suddenly in Ita’s room. The smell of the flowers hit him and the bright colors soon followed. He was in the forbidden garden again, alone with her limp body. He laid her on her semi-messy bed and put her backpack on her chair and shoes in her closet rack. He opened the window to let in fresh air, suddenly Ita took a deep staggering breath but didn’t wake up.

“Come on Ita, wake up” Iida said softly as he kneeled by her bed “I can’t stay here until you come around, the others might think wrongly of me or you.” As he stoked her hair, the idea of just bring her out to the commons room and wait for her to come around. He wraps her in her blanket and carries her to the commons room couch. He runs to his room to change really quick and come back to keep an eye on her. Everyone coming back was concerned for her and Iida explained everything. It was nearing almost 2 hours and Iida decides to get food ready for her.

“Hey Aoyama-san”

“Yes?”

“Can you keep on eye on her while I prepare some food?”

“Why of course I’ll keep your sleeping beauty company while her Prince is away~”

“Okay... well just make sure she’s breathing” Iida said as he stands up.

While Aoyama is sitting next to her slumped body, he started to talk to her like she was able to respond. He doesn’t pay attention that she was starting to float up slowly. 

“...and that’s how I want my hero debut to be like~ Palma-san?” he snapped out of his monologue as he saw that she wasn’t there but only her blanket. He looked around to see if she was walking around or with Iida, then the panic set in.

“IIDA-KUN!”

“What?! Did she wake up?!” he said running in.

“Not to cause alarm but I looked away and suddenly she’s not here”

“I’ll check her room, you go ask around if they’re seen her”

They split up and don’t notice her limp body on the ceiling like balloon. It wasn’t until Uraraka accidentally floated her cup and saw her body. She screamed for help and everyone came running in.

“How is that possible? I’ve never heard of sleep levitation!” said Momo.

“Never mind that! We need to bring her down before she hurts herself” said Iida trying to take action “Tsuyu, can you bring her down?”

“On it, kero”

As she stretched out her tongue to grab her, Ita teleports out. Everyone panics and starts to look around for her and she reappears in the hallway.

“That’s mega weird” said Mineta “we need sensei to erase her quirk.”

“wow Mineta thats the most intelligent thing you’ve come up with!” said Todoroki “I’ll go get him while all of you try to contain her.”

As they try to do that, she just teleports in random places in the dorms.

“What the- who took her out of her room?!” said Aizawa demanding to know how this came to be.

“I did! I was trying to-” started Iida.

“How many times do I need to tell you to leave her be?! You shouldn’t have taken her out of her room while she’s unconscious” Aizawa scolded as he erased Ita’s quirk and captured her in his scarf “lead me to her room so I can show you why.”

They lead him to her room and the smell of the flowers hit hard and he placed her body on her bed.

“why can’t she be moved while she’s out sensei?” asked Midoriya “is it related to her quirk?”

“Yes and no, here, do you see that bouquet of flowers? It’s a mix of lavender, white sage and white lilies; nature’s telekinetic quirk suppressant.” he said pointing at the flowers on the desk “Telekinesis is one of the world’s most powerful quirks because it can be activated subconsciously when they sleep or get knocked out. This mix of herbs and flowers makes the user not only sleep soundly but suppresses their subconscious from activating the quirk and getting hurt. She keeps sachets of this dried mix on her person at all times for this very purpose and you put her in serious danger of getting hurt.”

She took a staggering deep breath and everyone started to make sense of the reasons why she has that fresh flower smell all the time. Everyone left her room and Iida tried to stay to watch over her but Aizawa advised to not as she might need the space to come around. Time passes and its well passed 6pm and Iida was about to go run to the intel dorms when she emerged out her room in a change of clothes.

“oof hi yall!” I said stretching my arms and back “I feel like I was tossed repeatedly on the wall!”

“you don’t remembered what happened?” asked Iida

“I remember getting sprayed with some knock out spray that was uncapped in the work room I was cleaning and as I was slipping out of consciousness, I saw Jin running towards me and telling me that I’m going to be ok... then I had a bad dream then I woke up in my room.”

“You don’t remember how you got here? or if you got moved?”

“Umm no but I’m pretty sure Mimi and Jin portaled and carried me to my room and left a note” I said and I picked up on Iida’s face that something else happened “why? what happened while I was out?”

He then explained to me what happened and how Aizawa had to educate everyone on why I shouldn’t be moved.

“Why would you do that?!” I said mortified “Tenya! what if I floated away? or teleported into town or oncoming traffic?!”

“I didn’t know you’d do that! I didn’t think it was serious when your friend said not to move you from your room!”

I try to not rage and I just took a deep breath and calmed myself. I just told him to not do it again and continued on my usual evening.             

-The next day, in homeroom-

“Ok class, before I start the safety lecture” Diya sensei said grudgingly “a quick reminder that the skills display is 3 weeks so for the next few sessions we’re going to cut homeroom short to extend training and have the practice gym open for extra practice during free period and after school.”

Jin turns around to face me “hey are you down to practice heavy weapons with me during free period?”

“yee yee, I was going to ask you the same thing”

Diya gave us the lecture and what happened yesterday after school to ensure future safety. We did training in Weaponry and I was trying to improve my reaction time for heavy weapons. My body isn’t suited for the heavy weapons and neither is Jin’s but our goal is to just do enough for an average mark. I teleport in the hero class with my training clothes on because we were doing another round of spars.

-Hero classroom, before I arrive-

“I am not excited for spars today” groaned Mina “Palma-san is going to brutally whoop us one by one!”

“I don’t think she’d take out her emotions on us like that” Momo responded “she was forgiving about yesterday.”

“She’s not talking about that” Jiro cut in “Palma-san has been training with 1-B to develop new techniques for their exams, according to Kedo-san, Palma-san had brought the entire class to their knees without much effort.”

“Hi everyone!” I said as I teleported in “who’s ready for some spars! I know I am!”

“I’m glad you feel that way Ita!” said Iida standing up from their desk “lets all try to get in the same mindset as her!”

We get to the sparing circle and Aizawa was smiling and everyone knew it was gonna be brutal.

“Anybody want to go first?” asked Aizawa.

“I’d love to go first sensei” I cheerfully said with my hand up.

“I thought you might’ve said that, your opponent is Iida” he said scribbling on his clipboard “please step up to the circle.”

My stomach dropped, Iida? Out of all the people?! It’s like they want me to teach him a lesson. No matter, I wasn’t going to go easy on him.

“Hey, let the best fighter win” I said extending my hand.

He looked at my hand and almost hesitated to shake it “yes, let put on a good fight.”

“Palma vs Iida, commence spar”

My goal was to pin him or send him out of bounds because he’s too bottom heavy for me to pick him up and knock out. I get on defense as he started to rush me. I found it suspicious that he wasn’t landing any hits on me, he was just circling in on me. As I extended my arms out to levitate, he hooked onto my arms and pinned them to my sides. I was starting to lose my temper.

“Playing dirty huh?! Two can play at THAT game!” I yelled as I splayed my legs up and wrapped them around his hips to make him lose his balance. He got flushed at my very suggestive move

“What are you doing! This is very lewd behavior!”

“Aww whats the matter? Can’t handle a little roughness?” I said has I felt his grip loosen and broke out of his hold to push him down, legs still wrapped around him as he landed on his back “I like it rough, hot and heavy. Let me show you.”

The class gasped when I did my dirty talk. He pushed me off and tried to get me out of bounds, but I wasn’t taking it.

“Aww, you don’t want to play with me? Maybe if I give you a little peek you’d want to.” I said as I started to lift up my shirt. I didn’t make it past my bellybutton and Iida stopped to pull down my shirt. I did a quick slap and tackle as he knew it was game over for him.

“IIDA-KUN! USE HER SPIN MOVE! THE SPIN!” yelled the boys from the bleachers. Fools think I don’t know how to counter my own moves. As predicted, he did my low spin kick but I propelled myself up with his engine so quick that he didn’t have time to stop. He spun out of bounds and victory was mine.

“Palma wins”

“Good job kid! Barely used your quirk” Aizawa said as he finished scribbling on the score sheet.

I look over to Iida and he’s slowly getting up and I walked over to him

“Hey, good spar” I said extending my hand to shake on it “I see you’ve improved greatly on countering and spins, keep it up!”

He shook my hand vigorously “I gave it my all Ita but your taunting and boldness always throws me off! A truly powerful opponent!”

We sat in the bleachers to see the other spars and I get curious on who’s going to be my next opponent. 

“Ok next up, Midoriya and Palma. Please step up to the circle.”

What in the actual fuck sensei?! But also I was curious about his quirk and see how it works.

“Palma vs Midoriya, begin spar”

I’m feeling pretty confident that I can send him out of bounds at least but I was in fear that he was going to break my arm or some shit. Some punches were exchanged and high kicks were avoided but I slipped a face touch in. I activated the copy and I felt a sensation in my throat, what the hell is this? This isn’t a strength quirk! What this that?! I breathed out and I puffed out smoke and a low flame. Fire breath!

“So this is what you’ve been hiding! You’re a secret fire breather!” I called out and everyone looked confused.

“What! thats not my quirk!” said Midoriya shocked “thats my father’s quirk!”

“Hmm? that’s interesting” I said pondering a bit but refocused on the spar “no matter now, I have the upper hand broccoli boy! Say your prayers”

I levitated up and screeched as I spit fire down to Midoriya that was struggling to avoid them. Poor boy was trying to jump up to knock me down but just flew backwards and out of bounds. Accidental win for me!

“Palma wins”

“Amazing work kid, love the dragon screeches” Aizawa praised as he flipped the page to see the next spar.

Midoriya didn’t look too well when I walked over to him to see if he was all right “Hey you good there? Is it the quirk thing?”

“Yeah! I can’t figure how you copied that but not my One for All” He pondered as I picked him up “was- was the fire breathing supposed to be my quirk?”

“Probably, my copy works as a scanner. My hand reads vitals, brain waves and unaltered DNA found on the face. I can copy a baby’s or seemingly quirkless individual and show them their quirk that awaits or is suppressed by other factors.”

“That’s amazing! Palma-san your quirk can help so many people in quirk medicine and research!” he said as we sat in the bleachers “I hope that someday, when you find the way to activate dormant quirks in the quirkless, I can speak on your credibility as a hero.”

“Oh stop it you!” I said as I playfully punched his arm “go write that in your journal or something.” 

I spent the rest of my day thinking about how I gave up my dream to be a doctor, life sucks. Fast forward to Monday...

-Homeroom in intelligence classroom-

“Special Announcement time everyone!” Diya exclaimed “In 3 weeks, the week after the skills display, will be the school dance. Tickets are on sale during lunch.”

I get so excited that any depression I had lingering, had left the country. Little known fact about me is that I LOVE school dances and the whole process of finding a dress and spending time with friends puts me in the fantasy. Mimi and Jin notice and they start planning with me. I was happy again and I wasn’t going to let anything ruin it for me.

-Hero classroom, before I arrive-

“Sooooo Iida-kun” Kaminari said sliding into Iida’s view “are you going to ask Palma-san to the dance?”

“I am, thats for sure” said Iida confidently “she likes to dance.”

“Maybe you’ll get lucky and get to kiss her while slow dancing” dramatically said Aoyama “finally your princess will be all yours!”

Everyone was talk over each other how this was going to be the dance that will join us together. Meanwhile, in the opposite side and down the hall somebody else had the same idea.

“Shinso it’s been weeks of just pleasantries in passing!” groaned Tetsutsu “just ask her to the dance and do couple-y things.”

“I don’t want to go to the dance, I’d rather sit at home or go to the cat cafe” responded Shinso “its not like she’d not go if I didn’t ask.”

“Who were you not gonna ask?” I butted in out of nowhere.

The boys yelped and jumped a bit “oops sorry! I couldn’t help but overhear.”

“I was saying that I wasn’t going to the dance” Shinso said glaring at his friend “and I wasn’t going to ask anybody in particular because they would go whether I asked or not.”

“Not much of a dancer? or fan of crowds?” I asked trying not to pry at him, he nods in response “I figured, would’ve been nice to see you dressed up or shared a slow dance with you.”

Tetsutsu gives Shinso the ‘see what did I tell you’ look “well ummm are you going?”

“Yea I am, I love dressing up and I like acting up on the dance floor” I said as I did a quick spin “I hope I find a dress in time and I wouldn’t mind getting asked either.”  

Shinso looked like he was about to change is mind about going but then I quickly said my goodbyes and made my way to class.

“Hi everyone!” I said in a cheerful tone.

“Palma-san! You seem happy” Hagakure said suspiciously “is it because of the dance?”

“Oh yes! I love school dances with the dressing up and pictures” I said twirling to my seat “some of my best memories were made at school dances! not to mention that slow dances are my weak spot~ if anyone slow dances with me, there’s a 100 percent chance of us kissing.” I said dreamily as I sat at my desk.

There was murmuring after I said that but I was too busy remembering my last slow dance, before the incident and how happy I was with my boyfriend at the time. My goal was to be that happy again and maybe fall in love, for real this time. Class started and I had to re-focus. Class ended a bit early and I packed so I can teleport to the ticket sales to get that squared away.

“Hey Ita” meekly spoked Iida

“Oh hey”

“What are you doing after class?”

“I’m going straight to the ticket sales booth” I said as I zipped my bag closed “I want to get that taken cared of so I can start thinking about what dress I should get.”

“Oh, I didn’t know you already had a plan” Iida responded “I was going to ask if you wanted to eat with me.”

“Sorry, the lines are probably going to be long to purchase a ticket so I might not have time to eat with you” I gently and densely said “maybe some other time?”

Before he could say anything, a portal popped up and Jin and Mimi popped their heads out.

“ITA JUMP IN! THE LINES ARE ALREADY FORMING!”

“oh SHIT GOTTA GO YALL!” I screamed as I ran full speed into the portal before vanishing.

“No fair! Palma-san and her friend have instant travel quirks” pouted Uraraka “I can’t even purchase my ticket until next week anyhow.”

“I wish I had friends like hers” said Bakugo “amazing chemistry on and off the field plus powerful and smart! Man what I’d give to have a power squad but I’m stuck with these idiots!”

“Awww we love you too Bakugo!” said Mina, Sero and Kaminari

“THAT WASN’T A COMPLIMENT YOU DUMBASSES!” yelled Bakugo.

I spent a good two-thirds of lunch in line to buy my ticket, turns out, it’s separated by grades but in different locations because of the size of the school. Didn’t matter much to me, I spent 3,000 yen on my ticket and I started to search for a dress online in my free period. Mimi and I had trouble finding something that would fit our build and height. Jin and I sit in Stats and Strats, doing our in-class work, when a 3rd year with the agent number 420 comes up to us.

“Yo lil mans and mama”

“Waddup.”

“Yee Yee”

“I got some of that good good and an invite”

“Oh si? How much for the good good?” I said reaching into my breast pocket for my coin purse that I keep my wad of cash in.

“5,000 yen for 2gs, 2,000 yen for half g and 300 yen for this mystery bag of different strains I’m trying to get rid of.”

“I’ll go splities with you on the 2g” Jin whispers to me as he reaches for his wallet in his pocket.

“You got it my lil man and mama” he said as he gave us that good good and counted our cash “and the invite is after dance party in the 3rd years dorms.”

“No way! we get to party in the watch tower suite!” I said excitedly because the 3rd year intelligence dorms are luxury in comparison to the other dorms. They have a class size of 10 and their commons room is massive, perfect for parties. Plus they have a watch tower connected to their stairwell that oversees the city and perfect spot to spy/make out. Its on the top floor of our dorms (A class: 1 year- 2nd floor, 2nd year- 3rd floor, 3rd year- 4th floor) and you ONLY get in their parties through invite.

“That’s right lil mama, bring your tall friend too” He said putting the money in his breast pocket “booze and weed friendly, food is limited so try to bring something...OH! and you can bring a plus one BUT they have to be cool and abide by our party rules. Make out and fuck in your own rooms, we don’t want to deal with that shit.”

We nod and he gets up to go back to his group of the ‘cool squadron’, a group of 5 that by themselves are dumb and useless, but combined they form a force that can level a house! After class, we tell Mimi and even they were excited to be part of the cool kids party.

“We’re getting noticed more and more by the upperclassmen now that we took that practice test” gushed Mimi “I’m getting flustered by all the attention!”

“Yee, I won’t be partying as hard but the clout of just being let in will be enough” said Jin as we walked to the front of the school “do you think anyone else in our grade will be invited?”

“Doubt it” I said stretching my arms “those 3rd years know what’s good and who’s cool enough to party with them.”

Fast forward to the weekend and Mimi and I are hitting up the dress shops to find a dress. After visiting 12 shops, Mimi found one and just needed about almost a foot of extension to make it floor length. Her dress was a very 90′s royal blue satin dress with thin straps and rhinestone accents, full fantasy with the matching gloves, shoes and hair clips. All I found were shoes, clutch, necklace and earring set, and a stark white faux mink coat. I knew what I wanted but nothing fit on me and I couldn’t get a custom made in time for the dance. Feeling a bit down on my luck, I accepted what I got so far and headed to the dorms. Mimi was feeling kind of shitty that I couldn’t find my dress and helped me think of something or some place I can go to get a custom or alterations. On our way to the car, Mimi saw that a cloth bulk and supply store was having a sale on bolts of fabric. She gave me the idea that I should just make my dress, since I made most of the pieces for my culture presentation costumes and made a dog fur coat for the project, I have the capacity to make a dress. I got hopeful as we entered the store and when asked by the employee what I was looking for, I told them my situation and they directed me to the store owner. The store owner has a quirk that gives them exacts on anything just by looking at something, they eyed me and told me my measurements and how much fabric I will need for what I wanted. I was amazed by their generosity to help me that I almost started crying but I didn’t when I saw how inexpensive everything was! I thanked them and happily made the drive back. I started right away at my dress because I knew I wasn’t going to have enough time if I didn’t utilize my down time into making my dress. My dress idea was a 3/4 sleeve, trumpet gown with a wide scoop neck with the lavender colored fabric I purchased with a gold rosette trim on the bottom. When I say I utilized my time, I mean EVERYDAY and MANY ALL NIGHTERS to complete this dress. I would go straight to my room after school and just really tired myself out with this. Meanwhile, Iida and the boys were tryna push us together.

“Hey Ita” said Iida as positive as possible.

“Yo! Haven’t seen you in a while” I responded as I’m walking down the hall from the nurses office.

“What happened to your arm?”

“Oh I blocked a rubber bullet with my shield but it fell off my arm mount before the bullet hit me, It wasn’t so bad, just some bruising.”

“That sounds like a big deal!” he said concerned but then remembered why he wanted to talk to me “but anyways, um the dance is coming up really soon and I heard you are making your dress!”

“Oh yea I am, its kinda the reason why I haven’t spent time outside my room” I said sheepishly “But its coming along just fine.”

“Oh well um if you don’t mind me asking, what color is the dress?”

“Its this pretty lavender color with gold trim on the bottom” I said dreamily “I can already see myself dancing in it.”

“Lavender? It is a lovely color, you look good in everything you wear” he said as controlled as possible to not give away his feelings “I was just asking because I was having trouble choosing a color for my dress shirt and I haven’t asked anybody as my date.”

“Oh were you planning on asking someone?”

“Well...sort of” he starts to lose his cool “they’re kind of hard to get a hold of.”

“Oh sorry to hear that” I said with a straight face as the hint just flew over my head “Hope you see them in passing soon! I just got a ping from my squadron to report to the field” I said picking up my pace to jump out an open window, I turn to them before jumping “See you around!”

Iida just stands there waving as he sees Ita jump out the window into T-pose formation, floating toward the practice field where you could see a bunch of students practicing with equipment. Kirishima, Aoyama and Tokoyami jump out from their hiding spots with looks of disbelief.

“Wow... she really did that” said Kirishima scratching his head “at least you know what colors she’s wearing to get her the flowers.”

“Alas! the princess flies away from her destiny! What will our hero do to capture her heart~” Aoyama strikes a pose as he recites.

“Not surprised she blew him off like that” Tokoyami spoke up “her skill display is next week and all her efforts are on that and the dress.”

“Skills display?” Kirishima and Iida asked in unison.

“Yes, it’s a sort of ceremony were they get issued their official agent numbers based on all the tests they’ve taken and the display will show the program how they stand” Tokoyami explained and clarified “I know this because I’ve overheard her talk with her friends about it.”

“Why hasn’t she told us about it?” Iida pondered “we’ve seen her work before and cheered her on...how is this any different than that?”

“Wait! I’ve heard about that display thing from another one of her classmates in passing now that I think about it” Aoyama perked up as he recalled “the display is going to take place in the half stadium and the people in attendance are agencies and families supporting their student.”

Everything clicked for them, she didn’t want to tell them because she rather not think about how lonely she is when her family won’t be there. They went about their day feeling bad that she’s not open about her loneliness, it mostly bothered Iida since he knows more about it than the others.

-the next day, after the last class of the day in the hero class-

“EVERYONE! I HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT!” bellowed Iida to get the attention of the class.

“PALMA-SAN SAID YES?!” squealed the girls.

“No! But it does have to do with her-”

“She said no?” said Todoroki.

“What? no...ANYWAYS!” Iida said embarrassed and tried to refocused on his task at hand “As you all may or may not know, our dear classmate Palma-san is having her skills display in 3 days, and I want to form a spectator group to see her in place of her family that is unable to attend. This is an important part of her program rubric as she will be given her official agent number and will start getting offers for her internship with the pros. She’s done so much for us and seen us get our hero requirements, who’s with me to cheer on our self-less classmate!”

“We are!” said the Baku-squad.

“Us too!” said the girls.

“You know all of us are on board” jumped up Midoriya “she’s like our big sister in our made up family we built.”

Everyone nodded and Iida got relieved that everyone cared to see her. They all planned what to chant and made banners for her, all while she was busy making that darn dress in her room. Ita on the other hand, was too wrapped up in her own things to know all the surprises she will come across on her big day. She’s feeling confident and ready to take on this next major step, what could possibly hold her back?

-End Chapter 13-

<Previous - Next>         

[sweetlifetownsville]

The Vigilante Of The 'Ville: Our Mayor's Goes Full Bogan On Potential Looters

In a thinly disguised endorsement of vigilante violence, Mayor Mullet plays to the bogan voting block and further bolsters Townsvilles backwoods image. And the blame game has already started, with the Premier tossing Mayor Mullet a hospital pass on national TV and the mayor instantly fumbling it on Also, why Astonisher editor Jenna Cairney may not be with us much longer could it be argued shes doing too good a job? Youll stop laughing when you see the latest readership numbers. And while debate about insurance premiums are sure to be front and center following our floods, worse news on that front from down south a Queensland judge has just made an astounding ruling that could send premiums through the roof across the board And since the world goes on elsewhere, The Pie presents a riveting, must-see video: a clever and forensic dissection, grimly hilarious in its own way of the underlying threat to the US and the world and no, it is not Donald Trump. But first As Townsvilles huddled and weary flood victims start the long trek back to normality, it was heartening to look back and see that urban animals were not forgotten as people fled to safety. Although, as Bentley surmises, it was no time to adopt new pets.

Irony Corner Seems Mayor Mullets vision for 2020 has come somewhat early. Oh, cruel, cruel fate.

Its Going To Be A Long Road Ahead On Many Fronts Well talk about the inquiry into the handling of the flood shortly, but its one hell of a the mountain we have to climb to recover from this A perceptive reader and regular commenter with connections out west provided this appraisal of just some pitfalls awaiting us. The implications of the monsoon disaster go far beyond the immediate damage to housing and community infrastructure in the city itself, and could havepotentially massive implications for Townsvilles economy and ongoing employment in The city.

Reliable local sources in the mineral transport sector have told me that they are anticipating the rail line between Townsville and Mt Isa will have hundreds of km of track washed away, and if this is the case they expect it would be closed for at least 6-8 months. Massive amounts of mineral product are railed to Townsville from the western mineral province for further processing and/or shipment through the Port.While it will be possible to switch some of the product to road transport this will result in tens of thousands of extra heavy vehicle movements with the resultant safety implications and wear and tear on the Flinders Highway and local roads, and will present a logistical nightmare to schedule and manage. In any case road transport can never handle the sheer volume of product currently being sent on rail. There is even a whisper it may have an impact on the viability of Glencores smelter operations in Mt Isa. After all, what is the point of operating the smelter if they cant transport the product out in viable quantities? If this is the case it would have flow on implications for their Copper Refinery in Stuart as the Mt Isa smelter is the primary source of the raw copper anode used in the refining process. It was only 3 or 4 years ago that Glencore were seriously considering closing both the Mt Isa smelter and Townsville refinery and moving to production and sale of bulk concentrated product only. Closure of the rail line for an extended period may be enough to tip the scale towards ceasing the operation of both the smelter and refinery. Challenging times are indeed ahead for our city. Jenny Hills Disgraceful Dog Whistling If ever any one instance among so many can be definitively cited to question Jenny Hills fitness for leadership, it would have to be this

This is simply disgraceful, cynical and above all, irresponsible. She said it two or three times in different instances, and it can only have been a cheap ploy to paint herself as in tune with the community sentiment. Or perhaps she really doesnt understand her role, because thats not leading, thats being led. What a person with real leadership qualities, dignity and care for her citys image would have done would be the exact opposite of this thinly veiled condoning of rough justice a call to people under stress by current circumstances and generally fed up with property crime to curb a natural tendency to violence against anyone found looting. Work with the police, but dont try to do their job, should have been the message, I understand how youre feeling now, but you have to rise above the temptation to be lawless, to any sort of summary justice whatever you do, do not act like a mob. But no, the message seen around Australia, delivered by this swaggering bogan Boedicia, ensured the growing perception of Townsville as a bogan backwater was reinforced in the most damaging fashion. And Jenny, youd better hope to hell no mob action results in serious assault or even murder or you will be held morally and even possibly legally, responsible. Simply disgraceful. So Mayor Mullets Miracle Turns To Mud There is little doubt that Jenny Hill was hoping for an miracle electoral recovery by doing a sterling job that would gain her much needed kudos during the floods, steering the city through the crisis and ending up with a dam fill of water. Well, she got the water all right, but her hopes for the kudos are unlikely. The floods have exposed several issues that started well before last week chaotic staff deployment, lack of experience in handling the information flow, an alarming failing in the out-dated and poorly maintained (through lack of proper staff) fleet of council vehicles, and long-standing dangerous planning laws. But the immediate the questions already being asked about the timings of releasing the backed-up water has managed to raise questioning eyebrows everywhere. Both the premier and the mayor both recognised as cynical if inept political operators have suddenly moved to distance themselves from that decision making, as The Pie noted in comments on Friday.

The Premier has done it in the most cowardly panicked manner, dodging straight-forward questions about the issue by seeking to blame the Townsville Council because they own the Ross Dam. Thats true BUT the water is managed by SunWater, a statutory Queensland Government-owned corporation. Wouldnt that be the putative body having a big say in advising strategy? And Mayor Hill is seeking what cover she can get by today repeatedly using the phrase the council decided instead of I, as mayor and chair of the Disaster Committee decided . This is just the start of some furious back-pedalling that can only be sorted out by an independent inquiry. The Magpie Gets Something Off His Chest There were a lot of side issues tumbling about in the muddied waters during the week. The Pie was mightily chuffed to see the ABC interview with an old copper friend from years back, Matty Lyons (constable back in The Pies court reporting days, and now crikey, well done, Matty Acting Inspector Mathhew Lyons ). Driving about the stricken city with the reporter, Officer Lyons was calm, authoritative, and mercifully free from buzz word obscurity, just plain language about how it felt to be doing this job. He summed it up by simply saying This is what we do. Perhaps it was that quiet and dignified summation that prompted The Magpie to blow a long-suppressed gasket when he responded to this comment during the week regarding the unfortunate drowning of two men fleeing police after a suspected looting incident. February 8, 2019 at 8:30 am(Edit) Has anyone given a thought to the two poor young coppers who watched them being swept away to their almost certain deaths? Or the police diver who found their bodies? The Magpie February 8, 2019 at 12:45 pm(Edit) Hey, hang on suddenly the police are the victims of the tragedy? This sort of nonsense has got to stop. Police do a difficult and dangerous job, and see things most of us never want to see, but they are trained in this, volunteered to join up for this, and have guidance and counselling available if required. While what The Pie calls officer anguish can be real and debilitating in extreme cases, it is surely vastly overstated. Police Union boss Ian Leavers is a past master at this tactic, making out that we should be concentrating on the emotions of the attending officers rather than the real victims of accidents, murders and other unpleasantness they attend. If nothing else, this invites all police officers to embrace a weird sort of victimhood of emotional injury. (Of course, this does not include actual injuries courageous police officers receive in the line of duty, but again, the dead fish-stare, Peter Dutton-lookalike Leavers trots out the totally false mantra that police do not go to work expecting to be assaulted and deserve to be able to go home uninjured to their families. False because that is EXACTLY what they are entitled to expect, especially when given their powers of arrest and hardware to accomplish this if necessary. Such irresponsible, unintelligent sophistry completely belies what a police officers main tasks are all about inter alia controlling, detaining and otherwise engaging with the criminal, the drunk and the unfortunate mental sufferers. Does he suggest that all the wrong-doers in this world have some sort of moral obligations to walk forward, arms outstretched for the cuffs, saying You got me bang to rights, constable, sorry about that? Morals and criminals are mutually exclusive terms and for zealots like Leavers to imply otherwise is just plain insulting. And dopey. Cor, that feels better. But not for long heres something that is unfathomable, a judge reaching a decision that is deeply disturbing, and could affect the already strained hip pocket of every Queenslander who owns and/or drives a vehicle.

The nub of the story is that Justice Peter Flanagan found the late Byron Williams, who was speeding and intoxicated with amphetamines and cannabis when his car hit a tree on the Sunshine Coast in 2013, had a legal duty of care not to expose the officer to psychiatric injury through his negligence, which in fact killed him at the scene. Former senior constable David Paul Caffrey developed post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) after his experiences at the scene, including trying to keep Mr Williams alive with first aid and encouragement, and then leading his parents to farewell their son shortly before his death. No one doubts the aftermath was very real and tragic, and Mr Caffrey has indeed suffered greatly, including losing his job. But how this is the insurance companys fault can only be the result of the arcane reasoning of finer points of the law by Justice Flanagan. The judge dismissed any such argument, with the ABC reporting:Lawyers for Williams insurance company argued not his responsibility to take reasonable steps to avoid exposing officers to psychiatric harm through his death or suffering. They argued the public could reasonably expect that emergency service officers such as police were trained and equipped to avoid harm via exposure at accident scenes. Justice Flanagan ordered the insurer pay $1,092,948 in damages. The payout seems about right under legal guidelines for this sort of serious mental and emotional injury, but The Magpie takes issue with who has to pay it it is surely the Police Unions insurers isnt it the union that allows their members to be so exposed to this sort of thing? , or the relevant government departments responsibility, for the same reason. That way, those loving, caring and oh-so-fair outfits called insurance companies will have no excuse to whack a premium on all driver insurances, to guard against causing similar injury caused by you being maimed or dying in a car accident. Other Unbelievable Scenes In Townsville Messagebank Curiously Examining A Strange Oblong Object

So what, you say? Well, check the background bloke

Could it be that Deputy DooDah Les Messagebank Walker really does check his messages and respond to the concerns of the Townsville ratepayers? Haha, just jokin. Of course he could be doing any of the following: * betting on the neddies * getting a date * ordering at the bottle-o * organising campaign donations * building an international hotel in his division * seeking positions vacant for a job when his political career is over (in March next year) * checking a bus timetable, or the latest date for the opening of the CBD bus hub. More likely just playing Candy Crush. Odds Are Jenna Cairney Will Soon Be Heading South The Magpie makes this prediction after checking the latest eye-popping readership figures for regional newspapers.

See if you can spot why head office in Holt Street might see a bigger future for Ms Cairney. Yup, a whopping 34.4% lift year on year, and almost as satisfying as at least tying with the Cairns Post, just one thousand off the Canberra Times!!! Which either says a lot of good things about The Bulletin or a lot of bad things about the Canberra Times your choice. If The Pie has been happy to accept the previous uniformly ghastly Astonisher readership figures supplied by the Roy Morgan survey outfit, then he can hardly refute this spectacular jump in the Astonishers fortunes, hard to believe though it is. So well done, Jenna and crew and whoever thought up all those pester power promotions for kids free books series over a week with each paper. And a reminder, readership is done by survey, while circulation is the actual number of newspapers printed and distributed in one form or another. A couple of years ago, all News Corpse papers suddenly withdrew from the traditional agreement to supply circulation figures to the audit bureau, so the public and advertisers can only take their word for whatever they say about numbers. But heres an interesting little bit of maths the Bulletin has always made the amusing claim to support phantasmagorical claims by News own readership measurement mob EMMA that every single paper is read by EIGHT separate people yes, eight. So the last known week circulation was about 17,000 and falling, so youd guess it was around 15 to 14000 now , BUT if no one at News was telling fibs, a simple calculation ( 8 divided into 44) we get a print run of about 5500 on weekdays. Hmmm Somebodys been telling fibs, but the news can only be good for Ms Cairney anyone who can turn a paper around like that, though it still be a pale shadow of its glory days, is obviously bound for bigger things. But wont it be a funny thing if it turns out the increase had been because of the promotion of its wonderful unintentional comical side here in The Magpies Nest (humblebrag, humblebrag). The Varnished Truth The Magpie had a dream .he had an exclusive interview with Jenna Cairney, in which the editor of the Daily Astonisher talked openly about a crisis she bravely battled alone, and that few knew about in the past couple of anguished weeks..

Well, it really was a close run thing, a weary but still radiant Ms Cairney said, gently brushing aside a stray wisp of her golden hair, and sipping a glass of Stoneleigh chardonnay (on special at Liquorland 20% off with coupon clipped from the paper on Page 1). We have been so flat out that we didnt notice until almost too late that our stocks of adjectives and suitable verbs was about to run out. Nouns were sort of OK, they tend to speak for themselves, but, in fact, we were down to just a half dozen shockings , four incredibles and just one single devastating; wed run out of heart-breaks last week, used the very last horror yesterday, and things werent helped when some junior accidentally mixed the massives in with the mammoths. She shook her head with a knowing, wistful smile, and murmured Ah these young cubs, just wee laddies and lassies, most of them, but theyll learn, theyll learn . .. Of course, she continued, this mix-up caused big headaches when we have to start using nouns like blunder and misjudgement it is starting to look like were going to need a well, massive supply of them in coming months, she smiled. But then the worried look returned to her normally untroubled brow We had used our very last wreaking havoc two days ago. But now the train from Brisbane finally got through with fresh stores, particularly a couple of hundred courageouss, a whole carton of indominatable fighting spirits and they generously chucked in a few useful phrases like NQ breeds them tough and pioneer tradition John Andersen was particularly relieved about that last one. For a while there it looked like we were going to have to try and use a few iconics and at least a half a dozen alleged both of which we have plenty but now its seems we can avoid drastic change in style of simply letting such events speak for for themselves, and we can give these recovery stories the adjectival recognition they deserve. Readers will now no longer be denied the fully varnished truth of what has happened. After all, it is alleged we are an iconic newspaper. Quite so, mdear, quite so and The Magpie thanks you for Exclusively Revealing all this. The Pie is now a fan, and is All For You. Now For Some Unvarnished Truth From Washington No no, this isnt the Trump-bashing section thats next but this is one of the best structured and cleverly presented dissections of what ails the American body politic that you will ever hear. And the scary thing every single word is true and said in a very formal hearing session. Some deluded people have suggested Ms Ocasio-Cortes, who has definite green leanings, is the Sarah Hansen-Young of American politicians. Ha, they wish. Now Its Trumpistan Gallery Time The Trumpets long awaited State of the Union address played to a packed house during the week, with all the elected women wearing white as a silent opinion of pussy grabbing. At least they were open about it some of Trumps greatest supporters hid their allegiance, or it wouldve looked like this.

About Bloody Time No, Literally, Its ABOUT Bloody Time Well, itll add some variety to Sorry Ive got a headache. Women are going to find the latest emoji handy, for both information and as an excuse, even if it aint so.

Its called the period emoji, and sure will take the guesswork out of budding relationships. It follows a joint campaign by Plan International UK and the blood service for England. Unicode has announced that a blood drop symbol will be among the new emoji released later this year to signify menstruation. The intention of the campaign is to remove the stigma and shame around menstruation. The Pie must admit he didnt realise there was stigma and shame about such an established fact of human life, except that imposed by the men of medieval religions which is all of them who think nothing of bloody mutilations, beheadings and all manner of messy bloodthirsty bastadry. How anyone ever decided to brand menstruation as unclean got it exactly back to front the monthly discharge is in fact a natural cleansing of fertile females, inconvenient though it may be some women who dont plan to have children. This news will perhaps be a boon to avoiding misunderstanding in a relationship, and banish conversations that are at cross purposes, as typified by the 50s schoolboy joke about the bloke whose girlfriend asked what they were going to do that night. He replied they could maybe go to a movie, or they could ahem, wink wink go for a walk in the park, what did she want to do? The girl looked shy, blushed, and replied Its immaterial for me. The bloke said, Ah, well, wed better go to the pictures then. .. Thats it for this week, and comments are up and running from this moment. The Pie has gathered a great deal of interesting information in the past few days, which he has filed away for future blogs, but if just want to vent a bit, feel free, the comments section is for you. And if you feel this load of old cobblers is worth it, you can make a donation using the button below. http://www.townsvillemagpie.com.au/the-vigilante-of-the-ville-our-mayors-goes-full-bogan-on-potential-looters/

[apsbicepstraining]

Ajax return to the Cruyff ideologies as Peter Bosz results new generation

After touching aside Lyon in the Europa League semi-final first leg, the Dutch squad can scent a chance of a first European trophy in 22 years

It is a cold Thursday morning at Ajaxs De Toekomst complex, where the canteen doubleds as a trophy area, the sheer heavines of football insight can be overwhelming, and the atmosphere is unsurprisingly buoyant after the events of the previous evening at the Amsterdam Arena. Nothing is being taken for granted but Ajax can be excused for pity pleased to see themselves after their stunning act in the first leg of their Europa League semi-final. These reasons are supposed to be cagey, cautious liaisons and they have just torn up the write by beating a dangerous Lyon side 4-1.

Out on one of the tones, the team are doing a light-colored improvement discussion. The rondos are over and the time has come for some shooting pattern. Edwin van der Sar is watching from the touchline and the coach extending the sends is Dennis Bergkamp. One of the players to catch the eye is Justin Kluivert, a young winger who hinders finding the top angle with eerie calm.

It is a scene that summing-up up Ajaxs philosophy, with each reputation representing the a part of the clubs someone, and the past and present combining to create a brighter future. Bergkamp is the cerebral genius who ogles as if he could still do a job on the pitch, Van der Sar the former goalkeeper who has become an unlikely marketing expert and Kluivert the teenage son of the man who tallied the triumphing aim when Ajax won the last of their four European Cups by beating Milan 22 years ago.

The manager is abroad. Peter Bosz, who was so mesmerized by Ajax in the 90 s that he would drive from Rotterdam to Amsterdam to watch Louis van Gaals training sessions and whose principles developed from his heaving scrapbook of Johan Cruyff articles, expends the morning inside its term of office, pinpointing neighbourhoods for improvement before Thursday darkness second leg at Stade de Gerland.

He is worried. Alexandre Lacazette, Lyons star striker, is fit again after a thigh trauma. I already ascertained five or six times where if my champions accept like they were digesting yesterday, against Lacazette he will score, Bosz says. I have to show them.

Not many guilds can match this level of patrimony, which justifies the romance attached to the thrilling resurrection that has taken Ajax close to their first European final in 21 years, an achievement realise even more impressive by how they are staying true to their identity: seven members of the starting lineup against Lyon were 21 or under.

For the time being, of course, they cannot hope to take part in the latter stagecoaches of the Champions League. Van der Sar announces it a playground for the rich and famous and Ajax know to their cost how much money talks in the modern period, how market coerces have conspired against them and interested the most difficult squads in the richest leagues. For a society of the stature of Ajax, its been too long that we were away from the international platform, he says.

Edwin van der Sar, formerly a goalkeeper and now the CEO of Ajax, and the organization manager, Peter Bosz. Image: Chris de Bode/ Panos Pictures for the Guardian

One of the most significant goalkeepers in Europe during his playing eras , now Van der Sar is one of the Ajax enormous striving to turn Cruyffs vision of how the game should be played into a reality. Bergkamp, Richard Witschge and Aron Winter are on the coaching personnel, and Marc Overmars is the technological director. Jaap Stam worked with the defenders before moving to Reading. He taught me how to use my limbs, Jol Veltman, a veteran in this crew at persons under the age of 25, says. I was too shy in struggles. He said dont smash-up in but use your arms.

They are a fascinating radical who regularly collaborate and debate football. There is no shortage of minds. Thats the entertaining event, Van der Sar says. It is not always easy but we speak as one voice. We have a technical heart.

Intriguingly, however, Van der Sars capacity is not on the pitching. Marketing, rather than coaching, appealed to him after he adjourned. Now the former Manchester United No1 is responsible for increasing Ajaxs financial competitiveness. They do situations differently here.

When I got a call from Johan Cruyff and Dennis Bergkamp two months after I retired, this is only the relevant recommendations that they had for the team, to accompany an ex-player into the directors power and eventually as the central male, he says. Those six years at United showed me what a club involves. You necessary commercial-grade revenue and revelation. I have brought that a bit, get three Chinese sponsors. Its trying to connect two worlds. Thats why we want a footballer as a CEO.

While Van der Sar watches instructing from great distances for 10 instants, Bosz eventually emerges from the main structure shortly after midday. He is looking like an inspired appointment. His predecessor, Frank de Boer, won the name in each of his first four seasons but Ajax faded in his final two safaruss and manufactured little impact in Europe. Bosz has energised the team since his arrival in the summer and is favourite, despite expend five years at Feyenoord as a player.

Ajaxs detested Rotterdam competitors are likely to triumph the Eredivisie, despite their 3-0 defeat at Excelsior last weekend. They are a spot above Ajax with one equal left but optimism crowds the Amsterdam Arena these days. Boszs young squad started nervily against Lyon but the noise never expired down during an tricky opening 20 times. The devotees cherish what they are watching.

Bosz cannot stand negative football. He was a defensive midfielder a destroyer but that is not his managerial mode. When I consider my team only defending and destroying like I did I will not enjoy it, he says. I made when Im on the bench at the least I will give myself a glad afternoon. If I grant myself a joyous afternoon, I can give it to the fans.

In an repetition of Pep Guardiolas Barcelona, Bosz privileges a feverish pressing competition. Barcelona have a three-second convention, he says. Were not Barcelona, so I make two seconds on.

Bosz chortles. The five-second govern is something that if you lose the pellet, this is the best moment to get the dance back again. The resist necessity more or less five seconds to get in the right points. We have to get wise back right away.

The 53 -year-old is an admirer of Guardiola. His favourite work is Pep Confidential, Marti Perarnaus account of Guardiolas first season at Bayern Munich. He learned from Guardiolas attention to detail, how he would work out in advance which resist actor was always free-spoken on the attack. I always thoughts Bayern Munich is such a strong team that you dont have to watch for the opponents for two or three days, Bosz says.

There are similarities between Bosz and Guardiola. Boszs pundits accept his high-risk programme asks for hardship but his principles have not changed since his first responsibility at lowly AGOVV, from where he went on to enjoy success at Heracles and Vitesse Arnhem.

What they call naive is that my defence was on the halfway cable with a lot of space at the back, Bosz says. But you have to organise really well. If you do that, you have the five-second rule. You lose the ball and press them immediately, then its possible. If you look at our concerts in Europe, yesterday was[ exclusively] the second duration “were having” confessed in our stadium.

That level of severity asks mental sharpness as well as physical fitness. Any player who permits his head to put after wealth is lost knows himself on Boszs wrong side. Dont be disappointed in yourself, he says. Dont be disappointed in your team-mate.You have to press. This is the moment. Not one participate. The whole team. If you do that privilege, you will not relinquish. We have young players, so when we lose the ball, in their recollection, they go back immediately because they have to defend. My way of thinking is we go forward immediately because we want the pellet back.

Bosz should not be mistaken for a foolish idealist. He is focused on preserving organisation and expends hours poring over parallels to find apparently innocuous mistakes. He does not smile much and his mother tells him to chortle more on television but he insists he is a positive guy. But I am also critical, he says. “Were not receiving” such thought as a perfect activity. It doesnt exist. It will never exist.

What about when Barcelona Beat Real Madrid 5-0? There were a lot of things in video games that they didnt do well. I look on the computer and I write down the right-back, ah, he is too high.

The five-second rule works only if Ajax are alert to danger when they have the projectile. Bosz calls this rest defence. There may be 50 situations “weve got to” do well, Bosz says. First I explain to my participates how we will performance. Then I will show them an living of residual excuse. Then clips of training and the game. Then we show them the mistakes we make and what we have to do better. You also show them when the pressing activity was astounding. We show them clips from big teams in Europe. Then the idea is in the heads of the players.

His approach stems from his appreciation of Cruyff. I would just like to one idol, Bosz says. I knew from the age of 16 that one day I will become a manager. So I was educate by writing down what my coach-and-fours were doing right but too reading a lot from Johan. With some pals, we more or less wrote our own book. Every clause, all his interviews were in there. We compiled them and tried to organise them this is for attacking, this is how you defend, this is tactical.

Ajaxs eye-catching young winger Justin Kluivert leaves the training tone. Picture: Chris de Bode/ Panos Pictures for the Guardian

At the start of last year Bosz met Maccabi Tel Aviv, whose technical head is Cruyffs son, Jordi. Just before Johan expired, “hes come to” Israel, Bosz says. We wasted a few weeks together. It was just amazing. Instead of the book that you made, he is talking to you. I was just listening. In 1 week I learned enough for 10 years. He understood two Maccabi recreations and he was there at every improve session.

Boszs head was brimming with impressions but he is aware that not every participate is a football obsessive. This is dangerous for a coach, he says. If I want to give all my knowledge to my players, they will get bored. My communication before the game is not more than five minutes. Its important from those 50 situations that I pick the right ones.

His players took some convincing at first, specially the defenders, and Ajax descended costly levels early on. Veltman says: It was tough. If the left winger goes to the sphere, you go with him. I was like: Ninety times soldier, its hopeless. But it is fun. Sometimes Im on the pitching merely enjoying it like a follower on the side. Then I get goosebumps.

Veltman is a product of Ajaxs academy, along with the officer, Davy Klaassen, and a younger generation is developing. Kluivert revolved 18 last-place Friday. Matthijs de Ligt, a 17 -year-old defender, recently obliged his Holland debut. Van der Sar says: It has intensified in the last five or six years. We have changed the establishment and set an all the more important emphasis on training and change hours and facilities and coach-and-fours. We instruct more during the first year. Then the schoolteachers come here and then they improve again instead of first attending school and then train. So we have two or three more civilize times than before. Hopefully that will pay off.

Van der Sar known to be shunning a knack exhaust will not is very easy. Klaassen is being links between a summer move. Ajax cannot compete financially with the leading sororities in England, Germany, Italy and Spain. Can they hold on to Kasper Dolberg, their lethal Danish striker, or Hakim Ziyech, their brilliant Moroccan attacking midfielder? Can Overmars impede seeing inexpensive gems such as the outstanding Colombian centre-back Davinson Snchez?

Van der Sar says: We dont have the spending supremacy of other sororities. We want to create our own players through of course here i am money to invest but ideally we want to develop participates. If theyre good enough for the top European grade, you meet the average ages of the players who join the big clubs.

You touch everything in this guild. As a participate I ever had a look at the people doing the laundry or the guy scavenging the boot or the security guards. Its important to feel that everyone is gathering in the same lane. Thats reflective in how the organization acts. You need a good right-back, a good centre-half, a No10 I involve a good operational director, a financial person. Its forming sure everyone get forward. Theres the goal we need to rating. Everything behind me was bad because thats a objective. We need to push.

The Ajax players in exercise. Image: Chris de Bode/ Panos Pictures for the Guardian

Ajaxs scouting must be cunning. Selling Arkadiusz Milik to Napoli for 27 m last year enabled Overmars to smashes the 10 m barrier for the first time when David Neres, a 19 -year-old Brazilian send, assembled from So Paulo in January.

Boszs tough three-year spell as Feyernoords technical director not only allowed him to broaden his mind by passing “the worlds” but also offered him an revelation into Overmarss job.

All Bosz asks from Overmars is that he fetches him ingenious players. I dont care what they did at institution, he says. I congregated some guys who went to university and were not intelligent musicians. Smart actors foresee. Unintelligent players react. Always. If you think faster, you are faster on the field. If you react, you are always too late. Just knowing that going to happen , not whats already happened.

This is the Ajax way. It goes back to Cruyff. We have to be different, Bosz says. Its the only route we have a chance.

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White man pathology: within the fandom of Bernie Sanders and Donald Trump

Stephen Marche goes on a superhighway expedition and enters the fray at back-to-back Iowa conventions and gets a view of US politics from the perspective of his whiteness

The perimeter

You find your whiteness properly at the American perimeter. Most of the time being white is an absence of troubles. The police dont disturb you so you dont notice the police not riling you. You get the job so you dont notice not getting it. Your children are not confused with crooks. I live in downtown Toronto, in one of the most liberal neighborhoods in one of the most open metropolis in “the worlds”, where multiculturalism is the dominant civic importance and the inert virtue of endurance is the most prominent endowment of the British territory, so if you squint you are able to profess the ancient categories are scattering into a cloud of enlightenment and intermarriage.

Not at the border.

My sons Guyanese-Canadian teacher and the Muslim Milton scholar I went to high school with and the Sikh writer I squabble about Harold Innis with and my Ishmaeli accountant, we can all be good little Torontonians of the middle class, avoiding the differences we have been trained to respect. But in a auto in the carbon monoxide-infused queue waiting to enter Detroit, their beings diverge drastically from mine.

I am lily-white. They are not. They are susceptible. I am not.

Heres the thing: I like the guards at the American margin. Theyre always friendly with me, decent, even pleasant firm. At the booth in between the never-was of Windsor and the has-been of Detroit, the man I happened to draw had a gruff belly and the mysterious air of intentional inscrutability, like a troll under a connection in a fairy tale.

Where are you pate? he asked.

Burlington, Iowa.

Why would anyone ever choose to go to Burlington, Iowa? he requested philosophically.

Im going to see Donald Trump and Bernie Sanders. Then, because it did seem to require an explanation: Theyre handing rallies within got a couple of dates of each other.

Why would anyone ever choose to go hear Donald Trump and Bernie Sanders?

I didnt argue, because it was the border, but I could have said that the police chief of Birmingham estimated that 30,000 beings evidenced up in Alabama to see Donald Trump in August and that in Dallas, he had replenished the American Airlines Center, and that his equivalent, Bernie Sanders, has generated equally unprecedented quantities enormously more than Barack Obama outlined at comparable instants in the 2008 campaign.

Im strange, I said instead.

At this detail he asked me to roll down my opening. But it was all fine. Like I replied, Im white.

As I drove through the suburbs of the spoils of Detroit, across the I-9 4, one of the ugliest freeways in the United States, the old-fashioned familiar lightness fluttered to my mettle. I enjoy America. America is not my mother. Canada is my mother. But America is an unbelievably splendid, amazingly sugared rich maid who lives next door and believe that there is falling apart. I cannot help myself from loving it.

For people who love to dwell in contradictions, the US is the greatest country in “the worlds”: the country of the free is built around bondage, the member states of law and order where everyone is entitled to a gun, a region of unimpeded advance where they cling to backwardness out of sheer stubbornness. And into this glorious morass, a new inconsistency has recently announced itself: The white people, the privileged Americans, the ones who had the least to fear from the powers that be, the ones with the most wonderful directions to brighter futures, the ones who are by every metric one of “the worlds largest” lucky groups in the history of “the worlds”, has begun to croaking off in stunning numbers.

The Case and Deaton report, Rising Morbidity and Mortality in Midlife among White Non-Hispanic Americans in the 21 st Century, describes an ever increasing death rate for middle-aged American lily-whites comparable to lives lost in the US Aids epidemic. This spike in mortality is unique to white Americans not find work amongst other ethnic groups in the United States or any other white population in the developed world, a mysterious blight of despair.

In one style, it was easy to account for all this white American fatality medication and alcohol poisoning, suicide, and chronic liver illness and cirrhosis according to the report. It was not so easy be held accountable for the accounting. Why were middle-aged white-hot Americans boozing and medication and shooting themselves to death? The explanations on offer were pre-prepared, fully plugged into confirmation bias: “its been” their own economies or it was demography or “its been” godlessness or it was belief or it was the outage of their own families or it was the persistence of antique qualities or it was the lack of social programs or it was the dependence on social programs.

Case and Deaton call it an epidemic of hurting. Fine. What does that signify?

On the I-9 4, you do find yourself questioning: what the fuck is wrong with these beings? I symbolize, aside from the speedy slump of the middle class certainly. And the rise of precarious run and the fact that the basic way of life requires so much sedation that nearly a quarter of all Americans are on psychiatric drugs, and somewhere between 26.4 and 36 million Americans mistreat opioids every day. Oh yes, and the mass shootings. There was more than one mass hitting a period. And the grey terrorists targeting black churches again. And the regularly exhausted videos evidencing the police assassinating black people. And the police in question never being indicted, let alone being sent to jail.

And you know what Americans were worried about while all this shit was raining down on them? While all this insanity was wounding their beloved country? You know what their number one perturb was, according to referendum after poll after referendum?

Muslims. Muslims, if you can believe it.

The American fantasy is dead but Im going to make it stronger!

My body is white and it is male. It is six hoof towering and weighs 190 lbs. It is 39 years old and it has had to start flowing. It has had to start weighing calories. There is a tingle in the joint of my right thigh, so I try not to think about my torso. The tingling emanates and moves. I know my person is going to kill me.

A man who horror suffering already sustain what he fears, as Montaigne mentioned. Thats one on why males expire very young than dames six years younger on average in America. Ninety-two percent of men say they wait at least a few dates to see if they feel better before they go to a medical doctor, but I know what they mean by a few days. They represent a few more dates that forms sense. It is hard to have a male and lily-white torso and to conceive of its weakness. In the same sigh, my mas cannot accompanying itself to believe it is the personification of power, although it was undoubtedly is in any rational accountancy of social status. It feels like a mere body. It experiences mortal.

Ive never been to a residence as white-hot as Iowa. Thats the honest truth. Picture: Darren McCollester/ Getty Images

Ive never been to a place as white-hot as Iowa. Thats the honest truth. Whenever I go to America its New York or Chicago or Los Angeles or Florida. In Burlington, at Jerrys Main Lunch, the signature dish is the red-hot mess, eggs and bacon cooked right into the hash chocolate-browns. The carbohydrate shakers all have white crackers in them, to prevent clumping a classic bit of common-sense American know-how. The hot mess is yummy. Why dont they construct these everywhere? Why isnt there a series of Jerrys Main Lunches providing hot mess all across the midwest?

The answer is in the rest of the town: everything thats going to leave have so far been left Burlington. The beautiful brick houses downtown are mainly vacant. The most interesting street is the road out of town.

The Memorial Arena, on the banks of the Mississippi, filled up early. Trump wasnt communicating until 6pm but by 4.45 the parking situation was gruesome. Outside the building, the hawkers who follow Trump on the road, occurrence to contest, sold T-shirts and buttons, three for $10. We shall overcomb. Cats for Trump, the time is Meow. MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN.

Inside, every fanny had been taken and the storey filled soon with a standing room only bunch. Burlington is 10% pitch-black. The rallying was 99.99% white.

The people who attend political rallies in America are a specific genre of humanity, like the ones who stand outside in lines for nightclubs. They know where theyre supposed to go and how theyre supposed to behave when they got to get. They have gear.

An elderly dame sat beside me wearing a sequined stars-and-stripes-hat she clearly takes out for precisely these parties. Yall from Illinois? she questioned. Im not but I can extend. She goes to all the rallyings, she justified. Shes been a Republican her whole life, an active Republican, an Iowa Republican. For 30 years, shes been in crowds like this one. She plans to go, one time in their own lives, to the national gathering. Like going to see the Stones. When the organizers delivered around mitt signeds speaking The Silent Majority, she grabbed a dozen so she could overtake them around to others.

Cheerful helpful maidens were half the crowd. Furious and absurd followers were the other. They wore T-shirts with whole paragraph written on them: I am a United States Armed Veteran. I formerly took a SOLEMN OATH to represent the CONSTITUTION against ALL enemies, foreign and Domestic. Be advised No one has ever allayed me of my functions under this Expletive!

There were cars in the parking lot slathered with bumper stickers. We the peoples of the territories are 100% FED UP! So if firearms kills people, I guess pencils miss incantation statements[ sic ], automobiles drive drink and spoonfuls see beings fat. Im straight, republican, Christian, and I own a handgun. Is there anything else I can do to piss you off? A picture of Obama with Does this ass stir my gondola look big? The Republican mode for 2016 is furious aphoristic feeling. Behind slapstick, nonsensical storm: America is the greatest country in the world but America is falling apart, government is the problem which is why authority must solve it.

This was a Trump production so naturally there was a VIP section. A door guarded by bald, unsmiling mortals, the bouncers who stand forever as the bored sentinels of indifferent fame. A swinging door at the side of the stage received and gave the best-looking parties, the ones with the buffed neutrality of political professionals, the women whose faces have been tautened to a perma mope, the men who get their whisker slash before every event.

The woman beside me Stars n Stripes Hat was wearing a pewter elephant pendant. A young girl in a shining orange dress passed out of the VIP entrance wearing an elephant pendant encrusted with diamonds. Elephant chandeliers were a theme, I noticed, and elephant pins and elephant sounds and elephant T-shirts. They came in all different rate objects and in all different styles: round elephants suggestive of French cartoons from the 1960 s, and strange pseudo-sexual shimmies, and with 1920 s straw boater hats conducting processions. There was one kind of elephant you couldnt meet. An elephant that actually looked like an elephant. A realistic elephant might serve as a memento to the hundred elephants killed for their bone every day. A naturalistic elephant would be inherently environmentalist. The elephants must all be fabulous.

Like any good show, there was a warm-up behave. In reality, there are two three if you count the recitation of the assurance of devotion. The first was Tana Goertz, an Iowa woman who had been runner-up on the third season of The Apprentice. What a good-looking army, she pandered. She attested for Trump as a woman( He enjoys girls !) and as someone who had returned to Iowa( How could you live in New York City if you didnt desire parties ?). She promoted the idea which is at the core of every last event that Trump does, that simple contact with the man draws boom. When youre in the Trump train youre going places! She marched off to polite Iowan applause. The mob are more likely to, all things considered, instead have listened to the Elton John music playing on the speakers instead, but at the least she made international efforts.

A more standard promotion follower followed. Sam Clovis hosts a conservative radio substantiate and is a tea-party activist who has operated and lost a bunch of Iowa Republican postures. He precisely started right in with it. Trump was one of the greatest servicemen to ever tread the look of this earth, a good front the crowd could have tittered but instead they saluted, thus proving that “theyre not” paying attention or would immerse anything. Clovis compared Trumps recent speeches to Reagans A Time for Choosing at the Goldwater convention in 1964, which must have been, to his way of thinking regardless, roughly like equating it to the Sermon on the Mount.

Clovis knew what the crowd had come to hear and he gave it to them. America and Americans will be first again! A collective shriek shook the Burlington Memorial Arena. They so badly wanted to be first again. First in what was unclear but emphatically first.

After the thunder croaked, the crowd was ready for Trump. But, showmanship. Trump let the tension build; the indignant absurd men as well as the joyou, helpful ladies called. Trump! Trump! Trump! I could just suspect the amusement the softened din of his chanted appoint, from backstage, must have been bringing “the mens”.

When he ultimately took the stage, the crowd surged; their phones surged. It was an debauchery of phones. The humanities behind Trump examined the crowd with their phones. The cameras in the back were recording everyone preserving each other. Trump was the only party not hampering a screen, the absence that raised hunger. He started roaring, as everybody in the crowd stopped to check the footage they had assembled.

Trump started out with the time he knew would appear on the report the next morning Joe Biden had put out of the hasten and Trump approved of his decision because Biden never had a chance and Trump wanted to face Hillary. The mainstream media adroitly handled, Trump embarked his disquisition on the subject dearest to his mettle: his own success.

The Burlington rally labelled the 100 th period he had contribute the canvas. He spoke the polls, canvas after canvas. He paused only to ask the crowd how enormous the polls were. Beating Hillary nationwide do you desire that? The audience approved of his approval numbers. And so he moved on to the more qualitative aspects of his greatness. His adversaries precisely werent wins. I pronounce from the intelligence but I likewise pronounce from the heart, he spoke, rambling like a rich know-it-all uncle Im producing back the jobs from China! with brief digressions into self-pity: Macys was very disloyal to me. They dont sell my ties anymore.

He described, in twists periodically frank and self-deluded, the greatnes of his own capability for political manipulation. He talked to the people “hes been” spinning about how cleverly he was rotating them. So he affirmed Im a good Christian and that if he became chairperson were going to be remarking merry Christmas, but then he couldnt stop himself from recognise the cleverness of his Christian electioneering: I stepped onto a stagecoach with a bible, everybody likes me better. Trump introduced meta to Burlington, Iowa. And he did not disavow the crowd that preference of personality they wanted. What would he say to Caroline Kennedy, the ambassador to Japan? Youre fired! Youre fired!

A few spectators started to move out to beat trafficking in human beings and Trump shouted about the silent majority and about how he says what nobody else dares to suppose and about how he will end free trade and how Mexicans are car thieves( big shriek) and how he craves a piece of the action from the Keystone pipeline and how hes going to help womens health and how America used to be emulated. The American Dream is dead but Im going to make it bigger and stronger! he hollered. At this moment he appeared to me the route every fame I have met in the flesh does, like a living idolatrou idol awaiting sacrifice, a puff-faced Baal. Were going to acquire so much better, he predicted before leaving the stage to Twisted Sisters Were Not Disappearing to Take It.

Trump followers at the Veterans Memorial Building in Cedar Rapids. Photograph: Scott Morgan/ Reuters

I remained to watch Trump work the line. Up open, in person, the fuzz is still much intricate than it appears on screen. Its building is tripartite, great significance polyvalent. First and foremost, there is the comb-over, although it can be called a comb-over simply in the sense that the mall in Dubai with a ski mound inside it can be called a structure. It is hair as state-of-the-art engineering stunt, with the diaphanous quality of a cloak out of Norse legend or some supernatural near-weightless metal are set out in an advanced German laboratory. It swims over the skull, an deed of disregard not only against aging and loss but against duration and seat, against reality.

Behind the technological presentation of the comb-over, as counterpoint, the back is as conventional and old-fashioned as a haircut is also possible. Its a classic ducktail. Its such a classic that I have just been construed it in movies set in the 1950 s. Not movies from the 1950 s I should be clear, but movies from the 1970 s about the 1950 s. In between the comb-over and the ducktail, between the two follicular cavities representing the modernistic and the atavistic, the fantastical and the wistful, there is a third tranche. Even in person you have to look closely to catch sight of it. It projection, somewhat but only slightly. It is the real the members of the fuzz, the human role, the actual mane. It is the hinge of Donald Trump.

As Trumps campaign for the Republican nomination has unfolded, in all its unlikeliness, he has shaken handwritings with hundreds of thousands of Americans, and posed with numerous thousands for hundreds of thousands of selfies. And among those many thousands , not one has reached up to mess up his whisker. Though he regularly raises up the physical figures of his antagonist , nothing of the other campaigners even mention the fact that he seems foolish. Trumps hair is an act of defiant social pre-emption: announce me a phony. I dare you. I fucking dare you.

A few hardcore followers lingered on the fringes, just like at a concerted effort. Everybody else had floated into the parking lot and the cities middle of Burlington was soon returned to its emptiness. A Trump show is good value for the money, specially since its free. They dont even ask for donations.

The thought from Fun City

The morning after the rally, it has become clear that Iowa may be the bramble in Trumps path. A gossip over an wayward tweet has cloudburst.

He accuses the offense on a young intern. But the eight-point rise of Carson must be galling. Trump possesses the weakness of anyone who lives by the strength of their results. Ensues go. When the results are down , where are you? Who are you? Trump is in the business of acquiring. Does Trump losing even subsist?

I had a daytime between Trump and Sanders, and all I had to read was a pdf of Ta-Nehisi Coatess Between the World and Me, which I had agreed to look at for a book of the month team. After another hot mess at Jerrys Main Lunch, and a run to blaze it off, I invested a era at the Motel 8 in Burlington reading, while across the street, the Winegard factory, manufacturing satellite dishes 24 hours a day, thudded like a center without syncopation. Did you know you can buy a six carry of brew and a bottle of bourbon for precisely a little over 20 bucks in Iowa? What a big country.

The title of Between the World and Me comes from a Richard Wright poem called White Man, Listen ! and it was never going to get much whiter or more male than me in the Motel 8 sipping bourbon and brew, on my iPhone, with the Jays and Royals spotlights flickering in the background and the thud of the satellite dish factory in the background.

The urgency of the book, the vitality of the historic resource at play, rose like brandishes into crests of temper tumbling over their own force. It was all of a piece. And it all made extremely relentless sense. Between the World and Me is one of those notebooks that possess the strong certainty of a natural phenomenon as if it accrued out of the ether that surrounds us, a crystalline organisation of the scandalize that defines the moment. To criticize is beside the point. Its only there.

To me, the key section in Between the World and Me, originates after Coates has been on television justifying to the multitude the frantic consequences of yet another police assassination of a pitch-black son.

I came out of the studio and strolled for a while. It was a calm December day. Class, feeling themselves lily-white, were out on the street. Infants, invoked to be lily-white, were wrap in strollers. And I was happy for these parties, much as I was heartbreaking for the emcee and sad for all the people out there watching and reveling in a specious hope. I realized so why I was sad. When the journalist asked me about my mas, it was like she was asking me to awaken her from the most sumptuous reverie. I have seen that dreaming all my life. It is perfect homes with nice lawns. It is Memorial Day cookouts, blocking associations, and driveways. The Dream is treehouses and the Cub Scouts. The Dream smells like peppermint but preferences like strawberry shortcake.

Right then, speaking that aisle, I knew that white people were going to cherish this volume. What white people implore more, they require it, they require it to live is an alibi from their whiteness, an flee from the unfairnes of their existence. There are numerous alibis available depending on how much idiocy you can tolerate. You can say to yourself or to others that black people are stupid and lazy; you can say that you dont experience pigment; you can call your uncle a prejudiced so everybody knows youre not; you can share the latest critique of brutality on Twitter with the word THIS; and now you can tell a pal that she certainly has to read Between the World and Me.

Because that Dream of Whiteness, the dream of treehouses and rookie scouts that smells like peppermint and can still smell the strawberry shortcake, is a perfect alibi. Who lives that dreaming? Somebody else are now living it but not me , not anyone I know , no one I could see in Burlington. Thats a dream that belongs to somebody else. Always to somebody else.

It certainly didnt belong to the Winegard factory workers who were drifting to their autoes at the end of their change. The whiteness of my macrocosm was my iPhone and the vapours of bourbon and beer, and video games from last-place night and the tingling in my thigh. The tickling in my thigh was my mas the reality I cant look at because Im too afraid of my fatality.

To me, best available doubt ever asked about race in America has always been the one that James Baldwin questioned, when an interviewer wanted to know if he was optimistic or pessimistic about the future of America. What white people have to do is is an attempt catch out in their own centers why it was necessary to have a nigger in the first place, he enunciated. If you invented him, you, the white people devised him, then youve got to find out why. And the future of the country depends on that. The obsession of eggheads over issues of Malcolm X or Martin Luther King, Jr active or passive resistance was moot; the pressing question was why white people were blowing up churches filled with children.

Whiteness is a spiritual aberration, obviously by the return ye shall know the tree. And on the question of lily-white pathology, what good reactions has America induced since Baldwin would like to request that topic in 1963? And now that white-hot pathology has returned to waste away its legion, unexamined and strange, a golem.

In the evening, I finished the book and didnt want to think about my white-hot and male mas anymore, or the tickling in my thigh.

Across from my hotel, the Fun City complex contained an resemblance midway, a bowling alley, got a couple of bars, a replication diner and, tucked in between a inn and a spa, the Catfish Bend Casino. The poker chamber is dingy but serviceable. A game started at six. I wanted to play. I wanted to find out how much enjoyable can you have in a home called Fun City.

The youngest person at the table, Curved Baseball Hat, changed beans and corn. A male with an furious mustache led the conversation, a three-day whisker beside him contributing an occasional digression. The rest of us sat cooking softly in the juices of our addictions, like in any casino. Everybody at the table knew everybody else, except for me and a black welder in municipality for a specialist job. It was happy hour in Fun City, and brew was a dollar. Everybody told a mess of them. And I seemed just how luck it is to be in America, despite politics, despite everything. Cheap beer and frank beings and an honestly flowed activity in a clean chamber. Even compared to Canada, the unthinking prosperity of the place is dazzling.

Three Day Beard had appreciated Trump the night before, and Angry Mustache asked his opinion.

I think he could acquire, Three Day Beard suggested carefully, “as if its” a review, as if it were all you could allege of him, that he might have a chance to take the conference of presidents, for what it was worth.

Dont matter, told Angry Mustache. No content “whos got” in, Washington simply devastates them.

He might be different because he doesnt necessity the money.

Angry Mustache paraphrased a statistic, which I subsequently check and will prove to be bullshit, that all congressmen become millionaires by the time theyve been in power for a year. Everybody agrees with Trumps central advantage is that he comes pre-corrupted.

Its not even the money, Three Day Beard said. They get there. They all have these schemes and intentions. They cant do anything. Three Day Beard nearly pitied the legislators.

Its all interrupted, included Angry Mustache as a kind of dedicated, the style youd position any historic detail, like Germany lost the second world war or Frances Farmer was once a star.

The view of American politics in Fun City is snug despair. It is despair not just at who happens to be in influence but at whoever could ever be in power. It is despair not simply that the system is busted but that any organisation, imaginable in the present iteration of the United States, would turn out to be just as ruined. The choice is a alternative between frailty and dures. The reply was not change but a shrug.

Curved Baseball Hat, the person who originates corn and beans and who had fragile discovers of clay in the lanulae of his fingernails, requested information about an old gamble hall that used to be in municipality, and the recollections of the style Burlington used to be flowed constructs that had been knocked down, dames that were once beautiful and were now dead, riches made and vanished.

Eventually the pitch-black participate, who has said almost nothing except his calls and folds and develops, busted out.

Did you see that guys fingers? Angry Mustache expects when he had left. He gestured an inch past his centre paw. We were all, it was made very clear, in a chamber of grey humanities. You know what they say. My friend worked in the prison and he mentions its all true-blue. I guess thats why they say formerly you go black.

The residual of us nodded or smiled or said nothing, searching down at the cards. Now that we had all shown how white we were, it was a friendlier room. We knew that none of us would object to the misery of the others. What if the responses to Baldwins question is as banal as it appeared to be in Fun City? What if it white people draw the nigger to prepare themselves a little less lonely?

And I said nothing. I offered no fighting, though the line between “the mens” in Fun City and the cop killing a black brat in the appearance was not difficult to tracing. Here was my alibi that evening: I am Canadian. Which means I am a snoop from nowhere. Or perhaps I am a coward or something in between a coward and agent from nowhere. Its a reasonably threadbare alibi regardless. Whose isnt?

Conversation strayed back to Trump. It was more respectful.

I can see Trump, articulated Angry Mustache. Hes not the worst that Ive heard anyway.

Im starting to like that physician, Three Day Beard lends as an afterthought.

That doctor, Ben Carson, proposes a flat levy of 10% that would placed the US government, reckoning conservatively, in a$ 3tn-deficit. He believes that Joseph built the pyramids to store cereal, and he believes that Hitler never would have risen to influence if the German people were armed, and that Obamacare is worse than bondage, and that Americans are living in a Gestapo age.

I said that he hoped that Coates had some crazy programme, some utopian fiction for communards in Georgia, or the return to one motherland or another, but he only wants the end of white supremacy. He precisely requires white people in America to grow up, to yield their inhumane sense of illogical supremacy. I cannot imagine why they are able to. Its merriment to suck and to play placards and to dream what Donald Trump would say to the Mexican president the day after he was elected, or whether Ben Carson would prepare the flat tariff at 10 or 12%. The eventual alibi is stupidity it lies closest to innocence but if you cant cope stupidity, craziness does nearly as well.

I aim , nothing of its happens now anyway, right? Whoever gets elected, its just going to be stalemate and outrage anyway, right? Did I mention that beer payment one dollar? A single, lonely buck.

Ellen Degeneres, eat your heart out!

The Bernie Sanders rally in Davenport was the exact antonym of the Donald Trump rally in Burlington and yet precisely the same in every detail. Make America Great Again was replaced by Feel the Bern. Hawkers sold bolts, three for $10. They read Bernie Sanders is my feeling animal and Cats for Bernie and I subscribed Bernie Sanders before it was cool. Davenport, at least near the Adler Theater, “re the same” Brooklyn-outside-Brooklyn that has quelled every corner of the world that is not a strip mall. The tattoo creators of Davenport do not go hungry. The cornfed hipsters at the Sanders rally look like they have probably attended “states parties ” at which person played a bongo. They may even have attended a literary learning.

Bernie Sanders at a town hall session in Ottumwa, Iowa. Photograph: Charlie Neibergall/ AP

There were hype servicemen as with Trump, more, although in this case the latter are twentyish women in glasses bellowing Feel the Bern! and Were Going to Improve a Change! Individual with a camera from NBC expected the working group who has brought their precocious juveniles because they want them to be engaged in the political process Can I get you guys to look like youre excited about Bernie? They carefully targeted their glass on the floor, out of see, to oblige.

The same specter of angry white people recurs Saunderss rally, the same appreciation of longing for a country that was, the two countries that has been taken away. The Bernie crowd made homemade signs instead of fabricated ones, because I guess theyre organic. They brandished them only the same. They were going to a display. They wanted to be a good audience.

The fundamental difference between the Trump and Sanders army was that the Sanderss crowd has more coin, the natural significance of the American incongruity system: rich white people can afford to think about socialism, the poorest of the poor can only rendered their rage.

Sanderss opening act was a congressional wannabe, Gary Kroeger. He hadnt been on The Apprentice but on Saturday Night Live, a forgettable lesser performer from the largest date between 1982 and 1985. He started off, naturally, with a half-assed gag: the fresh patchouli in the air is great. The sign language translator offered a mild smile to expres it was a laugh. Then, after a brief foray into left-wingery, calling America a social democracy also known as a republic, Kroeger took a big selfie with the crowd behind him: Ellen Degeneres, eat your heart out! he wailed. Everyones phones rose up to take pictures of themselves in a illustration mimicking a photo from the Oscars: such was American socialism in the year 2015.

A few desultory ensembles followed, performing an mixture of leftwing anthems from various historical leftwing pushes. They harmonized on The Auld Triangle, a prison ballad that was covered on Inside Llewelyn Davis. The vocalist from Alice in Chains( recollect them ?) did an electrical version of I Wont Back Down. An old The Clash song, Jail Clang Doors, was sung by the subject of the first verse, Wayne Kramer. And it was all, so obviously, a nostalgia number, the self-indulgence for a longing of a season when music inspired politics, when activism owned an artistic look, and vice versa.

Eventually Bernie strayed out. The phones disappeared up. The phones went down. Enough is enough, he wailed, leaving blank what theres “ve had enough” of. And then he talked about how he wanted to end the war on drugs and campaign investment improve and government that isnt for plutocrats, and how they were going to build a revolution( such an embarrassing term to listen expressed out loud ), and America was going to be a social democracy, by the people of the people.

Sanderss exasperation was the principal fact to be communicated, more than any political material. Trump was about winning again. Sanders was about having lost. The vagueness of American politics is what amazed the outsider. Its all about sensations and God and bullshit. Sanders actually emitted the following sentence out loud: What were saying is when millions of people are working together to rehabilitate both governments we can do astonishing situations. Nothing asks what he made. None asked for numbers. They applauded. Better to take it in the intent in which its thrown, like a Catskills resort comedian.

Sanders prompted me of a line from Seinfeld, perhaps because Larry Davids SNL parody was only a few days old. The sea was angry that day, my friends, like an old man trying to send back soup at a deli. When Ben and Jerry make a Bernie Sanders ice cream, I hope its chili and ginger: the delicious hot smell of nasal-passage clearing outrage.

Sanderss speech was much shorter than Trumps. There had already been the music, I guess. I had the impression, as with Trump, that I had traveled many hundreds of miles to look at a mortals mane. Bernie Sanderss hair is as much a statement as Trumps. It consider this to be the “hairs-breadth” of a tenured professor whose wife has stopped nagging him to get a haircut because the nagging doesnt handiwork. You couldnt muss Sanders hair. The ill is just as much an aesthetic as the comb-over. I symbolize it ever searches the same. Somebody is cutting it to sink that course over the ears.

The view from Tampico

As despair has suddenly spread like a fantastic mist over the white people of America, as the white people die off in their extraordinary quantities, the commenters are astonished, a little bit, but they have no plan of action. No policy proposals aim at reforming the lives of white people.

How could they? If you believe the Case and Deaton report, white people are victims of their own advantage literally. Their cherished claim to own guns, and the enormous increased number of the ownership of weaponry, means that their suicide strives are more effective. They have more access to opioids because doctors are more likely to trust white people with them. They have the money to draw themselves lonely and booze.

I recollect reading a piece from buzzer robs formerly, the kind that circulates on Facebook because it chimes somewhat unique in its predictable virtue. The first act of violence that patriarchy requests of males, she wrote, is not savagery toward dames. Instead patriarchy requisitions of all males that they involve is psychic self-mutilation, that they kill off the emotional specific areas of themselves.

Her compassion is admirable, glorious even, but also inaccurate. No one is more psychological than a piece-of-shit white man. They are sentimentality personified. How else can so many be moved to violence over the absence of a Christmas tree on a Starbucks cup?

That dream, that white reverie that smells like peppermint and penchants like strawberry shortcake, comes with a cost of shit. If you take shit, if you eat shit, if you live through the shit, if you live the stupid wars and the meaningless errands, you should be sure of who you are and what you deserve. And “if youre not” sure and you have not received what you deserved, why did you take and eat and subsist all that shit?

Un-harvested corn stands south of Council Bluffs, Iowa. Image: Nati Harnik/ AP

In the aftermath of that spate, the choice, I belief, is either to be proud to be grey, which is a word of lunacy, or to fantasize a post-racial cosmopolis, which is a kind of make-believe, or to be ashamed. So much easier to forget those choices, or to shelve endlessly the choosing, or to debate the difficulties of preferring infinitely, because grey male flesh is not under mortal threat, as the chassis of pitch-black men or the flesh of the status of women. Our organizations are safe. Our torsoes are the threat.

In medieval empires, the territory involved the existence of a doubled figure, one for the real world and one for the symbolic. There was the flawed and mortal person of the king, which sobbed and shat and screwed and died, and then there was the Body of the King, sacred, pure, indestructible.

Race generates us all double mass, double consciousness in WEB Du Boiss phrase, whatever you want to call having to live mortally through the judgement of others. The brand-new grey distortion, the sickness at heart, the pathology, may simply be the arrival of the awareness of two bodies: the dizziness and nausea that arrive with the onset of doubled eyesight.

Because they have to be like everybody else, their mettles are breaking in half.

The morning after the Sanders rally, I noted enough forte to look in the reflect at my grey and male organization, to probe its mortal and symbolic quality. At the angle of my groin, where it had been tingling, a dark-brown patch spilled like spoiled milk down my scalp. A wide-cut chocolate-brown spot determined like post-climate change Florida in the angle of my thigh. Instant, I knew I would die. And the next minute I started driving back to Toronto, to my bride and children, body of my flesh.

Bernie Sanders wants a revolution to overthrow casino capitalism but the problem, or maybe only the first trouble, is that the American beings enjoy casinoes. They cant construct them fast enough. On the road from Iowa, I transferred at least a dozen, a dozen Fun Cities of various types of shapes and sizings, enduring various gossips about Trump and Sanders. The highways of Illinois are a unique vision of the workings of human rights hope a roughly boundless mart for addiction and its dry. Strip clubs or fried chicken or gambling or faith or rehab or cancer treatment. The I-9 4 communicated right to the unwounded mas the promise of handled carbohydrate and pussy, or saving from them.

There was one other entertainment on the route dwelling: Ronald Reagans birthplace in Tampico. The glamour of the landscape around those towns, for some reason, has never been properly glamorize. There are no tourist buss to these fields, as there are to the ocean or the mountains, but the landscape is every bit as sublime. Reagans childhood extended in the loin of the Continent, the splendid hinge between the industrial core of the Great Lakes and the agricultural heartland. The historical recognition of his presidential tombstones has been consumed by fantasies of small town life but it is a landscape of whitewashed houses against the undulating emptiness, a country roiling with nightmares. You can depict Reagan as a boy in these fields, fantasy of movies and America vast screens on which he had been able to activity himself. The superhighway moves like a flow of praying through an ancient dream.

The ancient nightmares are still so vivid here. In the United States, 240 -year-old writings can be recited by soul by people who cannot be described as trained. Documents written by men who owned slaves are spoken of as if we are able to solve the problems of today and tomorrow and any imaginable future no matter how remote.

Thomas Jefferson was held that the Constitution should expire after 19 times, so that the dead would not have ascendancy over the living. That fate seems to have arrived. The Americans are in constant disputes with haunts and their the talks with dead beings are most powerful, most relentless, at precisely the points where they are most ludicrous. They nation defiantly that all men are created equal when any casual observer of life knows they arent. They claim that men and women should be judged by the content of their reference, when nobody can know the content of anothers character. These dreamings, these inabilities, are the absolute and real organization of their nation. And the reveries are so entrancing that its ambiguous whether the problem is that the Americans think you are, or that they dont. Its supremely childish, either way.

Back in Toronto, my bride took a look at the chocolate-brown spot on my groin and mailed me to a doctor, and medical doctors told me it was a rash from leading too much, and I had been given the greatest gift anyone can hope for, in this time and this lieu. I had been forgiven, for a while, for my body.

Read more: www.theguardian.com

The post White man pathology: within the fandom of Bernie Sanders and Donald Trump appeared first on vitalmindandbody.com.

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[sweetlifetownsville]

The Vigilante Of The 'Ville: Our Mayor's Goes Full Bogan On Potential Looters

In a thinly disguised endorsement of vigilante violence, Mayor Mullet plays to the bogan voting block and further bolsters Townsvilles backwoods image. And the blame game has already started, with the Premier tossing Mayor Mullet a hospital pass on national TV and the mayor instantly fumbling it on Also, why Astonisher editor Jenna Cairney may not be with us much longer could it be argued shes doing too good a job? Youll stop laughing when you see the latest readership numbers. And while debate about insurance premiums are sure to be front and center following our floods, worse news on that front from down south a Queensland judge has just made an astounding ruling that could send premiums through the roof across the board And since the world goes on elsewhere, The Pie presents a riveting, must-see video: a clever and forensic dissection, grimly hilarious in its own way of the underlying threat to the US and the world and no, it is not Donald Trump. But first As Townsvilles huddled and weary flood victims start the long trek back to normality, it was heartening to look back and see that urban animals were not forgotten as people fled to safety. Although, as Bentley surmises, it was no time to adopt new pets.

Irony Corner Seems Mayor Mullets vision for 2020 has come somewhat early. Oh, cruel, cruel fate.

Its Going To Be A Long Road Ahead On Many Fronts Well talk about the inquiry into the handling of the flood shortly, but its one hell of a the mountain we have to climb to recover from this A perceptive reader and regular commenter with connections out west provided this appraisal of just some pitfalls awaiting us. The implications of the monsoon disaster go far beyond the immediate damage to housing and community infrastructure in the city itself, and could havepotentially massive implications for Townsvilles economy and ongoing employment in The city.

Reliable local sources in the mineral transport sector have told me that they are anticipating the rail line between Townsville and Mt Isa will have hundreds of km of track washed away, and if this is the case they expect it would be closed for at least 6-8 months. Massive amounts of mineral product are railed to Townsville from the western mineral province for further processing and/or shipment through the Port.While it will be possible to switch some of the product to road transport this will result in tens of thousands of extra heavy vehicle movements with the resultant safety implications and wear and tear on the Flinders Highway and local roads, and will present a logistical nightmare to schedule and manage. In any case road transport can never handle the sheer volume of product currently being sent on rail. There is even a whisper it may have an impact on the viability of Glencores smelter operations in Mt Isa. After all, what is the point of operating the smelter if they cant transport the product out in viable quantities? If this is the case it would have flow on implications for their Copper Refinery in Stuart as the Mt Isa smelter is the primary source of the raw copper anode used in the refining process. It was only 3 or 4 years ago that Glencore were seriously considering closing both the Mt Isa smelter and Townsville refinery and moving to production and sale of bulk concentrated product only. Closure of the rail line for an extended period may be enough to tip the scale towards ceasing the operation of both the smelter and refinery. Challenging times are indeed ahead for our city. Jenny Hills Disgraceful Dog Whistling If ever any one instance among so many can be definitively cited to question Jenny Hills fitness for leadership, it would have to be this

This is simply disgraceful, cynical and above all, irresponsible. She said it two or three times in different instances, and it can only have been a cheap ploy to paint herself as in tune with the community sentiment. Or perhaps she really doesnt understand her role, because thats not leading, thats being led. What a person with real leadership qualities, dignity and care for her citys image would have done would be the exact opposite of this thinly veiled condoning of rough justice a call to people under stress by current circumstances and generally fed up with property crime to curb a natural tendency to violence against anyone found looting. Work with the police, but dont try to do their job, should have been the message, I understand how youre feeling now, but you have to rise above the temptation to be lawless, to any sort of summary justice whatever you do, do not act like a mob. But no, the message seen around Australia, delivered by this swaggering bogan Boedicia, ensured the growing perception of Townsville as a bogan backwater was reinforced in the most damaging fashion. And Jenny, youd better hope to hell no mob action results in serious assault or even murder or you will be held morally and even possibly legally, responsible. Simply disgraceful. So Mayor Mullets Miracle Turns To Mud There is little doubt that Jenny Hill was hoping for an miracle electoral recovery by doing a sterling job that would gain her much needed kudos during the floods, steering the city through the crisis and ending up with a dam fill of water. Well, she got the water all right, but her hopes for the kudos are unlikely. The floods have exposed several issues that started well before last week chaotic staff deployment, lack of experience in handling the information flow, an alarming failing in the out-dated and poorly maintained (through lack of proper staff) fleet of council vehicles, and long-standing dangerous planning laws. But the immediate the questions already being asked about the timings of releasing the backed-up water has managed to raise questioning eyebrows everywhere. Both the premier and the mayor both recognised as cynical if inept political operators have suddenly moved to distance themselves from that decision making, as The Pie noted in comments on Friday.

The Premier has done it in the most cowardly panicked manner, dodging straight-forward questions about the issue by seeking to blame the Townsville Council because they own the Ross Dam. Thats true BUT the water is managed by SunWater, a statutory Queensland Government-owned corporation. Wouldnt that be the putative body having a big say in advising strategy? And Mayor Hill is seeking what cover she can get by today repeatedly using the phrase the council decided instead of I, as mayor and chair of the Disaster Committee decided . This is just the start of some furious back-pedalling that can only be sorted out by an independent inquiry. The Magpie Gets Something Off His Chest There were a lot of side issues tumbling about in the muddied waters during the week. The Pie was mightily chuffed to see the ABC interview with an old copper friend from years back, Matty Lyons (constable back in The Pies court reporting days, and now crikey, well done, Matty Acting Inspector Mathhew Lyons ). Driving about the stricken city with the reporter, Officer Lyons was calm, authoritative, and mercifully free from buzz word obscurity, just plain language about how it felt to be doing this job. He summed it up by simply saying This is what we do. Perhaps it was that quiet and dignified summation that prompted The Magpie to blow a long-suppressed gasket when he responded to this comment during the week regarding the unfortunate drowning of two men fleeing police after a suspected looting incident. February 8, 2019 at 8:30 am(Edit) Has anyone given a thought to the two poor young coppers who watched them being swept away to their almost certain deaths? Or the police diver who found their bodies? The Magpie February 8, 2019 at 12:45 pm(Edit) Hey, hang on suddenly the police are the victims of the tragedy? This sort of nonsense has got to stop. Police do a difficult and dangerous job, and see things most of us never want to see, but they are trained in this, volunteered to join up for this, and have guidance and counselling available if required. While what The Pie calls officer anguish can be real and debilitating in extreme cases, it is surely vastly overstated. Police Union boss Ian Leavers is a past master at this tactic, making out that we should be concentrating on the emotions of the attending officers rather than the real victims of accidents, murders and other unpleasantness they attend. If nothing else, this invites all police officers to embrace a weird sort of victimhood of emotional injury. (Of course, this does not include actual injuries courageous police officers receive in the line of duty, but again, the dead fish-stare, Peter Dutton-lookalike Leavers trots out the totally false mantra that police do not go to work expecting to be assaulted and deserve to be able to go home uninjured to their families. False because that is EXACTLY what they are entitled to expect, especially when given their powers of arrest and hardware to accomplish this if necessary. Such irresponsible, unintelligent sophistry completely belies what a police officers main tasks are all about inter alia controlling, detaining and otherwise engaging with the criminal, the drunk and the unfortunate mental sufferers. Does he suggest that all the wrong-doers in this world have some sort of moral obligations to walk forward, arms outstretched for the cuffs, saying You got me bang to rights, constable, sorry about that? Morals and criminals are mutually exclusive terms and for zealots like Leavers to imply otherwise is just plain insulting. And dopey. Cor, that feels better. But not for long heres something that is unfathomable, a judge reaching a decision that is deeply disturbing, and could affect the already strained hip pocket of every Queenslander who owns and/or drives a vehicle.

The nub of the story is that Justice Peter Flanagan found the late Byron Williams, who was speeding and intoxicated with amphetamines and cannabis when his car hit a tree on the Sunshine Coast in 2013, had a legal duty of care not to expose the officer to psychiatric injury through his negligence, which in fact killed him at the scene. Former senior constable David Paul Caffrey developed post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) after his experiences at the scene, including trying to keep Mr Williams alive with first aid and encouragement, and then leading his parents to farewell their son shortly before his death. No one doubts the aftermath was very real and tragic, and Mr Caffrey has indeed suffered greatly, including losing his job. But how this is the insurance companys fault can only be the result of the arcane reasoning of finer points of the law by Justice Flanagan. The judge dismissed any such argument, with the ABC reporting:Lawyers for Williams insurance company argued not his responsibility to take reasonable steps to avoid exposing officers to psychiatric harm through his death or suffering. They argued the public could reasonably expect that emergency service officers such as police were trained and equipped to avoid harm via exposure at accident scenes. Justice Flanagan ordered the insurer pay $1,092,948 in damages. The payout seems about right under legal guidelines for this sort of serious mental and emotional injury, but The Magpie takes issue with who has to pay it it is surely the Police Unions insurers isnt it the union that allows their members to be so exposed to this sort of thing? , or the relevant government departments responsibility, for the same reason. That way, those loving, caring and oh-so-fair outfits called insurance companies will have no excuse to whack a premium on all driver insurances, to guard against causing similar injury caused by you being maimed or dying in a car accident. Other Unbelievable Scenes In Townsville Messagebank Curiously Examining A Strange Oblong Object

So what, you say? Well, check the background bloke

Could it be that Deputy DooDah Les Messagebank Walker really does check his messages and respond to the concerns of the Townsville ratepayers? Haha, just jokin. Of course he could be doing any of the following: * betting on the neddies * getting a date * ordering at the bottle-o * organising campaign donations * building an international hotel in his division * seeking positions vacant for a job when his political career is over (in March next year) * checking a bus timetable, or the latest date for the opening of the CBD bus hub. More likely just playing Candy Crush. Odds Are Jenna Cairney Will Soon Be Heading South The Magpie makes this prediction after checking the latest eye-popping readership figures for regional newspapers.

See if you can spot why head office in Holt Street might see a bigger future for Ms Cairney. Yup, a whopping 34.4% lift year on year, and almost as satisfying as at least tying with the Cairns Post, just one thousand off the Canberra Times!!! Which either says a lot of good things about The Bulletin or a lot of bad things about the Canberra Times your choice. If The Pie has been happy to accept the previous uniformly ghastly Astonisher readership figures supplied by the Roy Morgan survey outfit, then he can hardly refute this spectacular jump in the Astonishers fortunes, hard to believe though it is. So well done, Jenna and crew and whoever thought up all those pester power promotions for kids free books series over a week with each paper. And a reminder, readership is done by survey, while circulation is the actual number of newspapers printed and distributed in one form or another. A couple of years ago, all News Corpse papers suddenly withdrew from the traditional agreement to supply circulation figures to the audit bureau, so the public and advertisers can only take their word for whatever they say about numbers. But heres an interesting little bit of maths the Bulletin has always made the amusing claim to support phantasmagorical claims by News own readership measurement mob EMMA that every single paper is read by EIGHT separate people yes, eight. So the last known week circulation was about 17,000 and falling, so youd guess it was around 15 to 14000 now , BUT if no one at News was telling fibs, a simple calculation ( 8 divided into 44) we get a print run of about 5500 on weekdays. Hmmm Somebodys been telling fibs, but the news can only be good for Ms Cairney anyone who can turn a paper around like that, though it still be a pale shadow of its glory days, is obviously bound for bigger things. But wont it be a funny thing if it turns out the increase had been because of the promotion of its wonderful unintentional comical side here in The Magpies Nest (humblebrag, humblebrag). The Varnished Truth The Magpie had a dream .he had an exclusive interview with Jenna Cairney, in which the editor of the Daily Astonisher talked openly about a crisis she bravely battled alone, and that few knew about in the past couple of anguished weeks..

Well, it really was a close run thing, a weary but still radiant Ms Cairney said, gently brushing aside a stray wisp of her golden hair, and sipping a glass of Stoneleigh chardonnay (on special at Liquorland 20% off with coupon clipped from the paper on Page 1). We have been so flat out that we didnt notice until almost too late that our stocks of adjectives and suitable verbs was about to run out. Nouns were sort of OK, they tend to speak for themselves, but, in fact, we were down to just a half dozen shockings , four incredibles and just one single devastating; wed run out of heart-breaks last week, used the very last horror yesterday, and things werent helped when some junior accidentally mixed the massives in with the mammoths. She shook her head with a knowing, wistful smile, and murmured Ah these young cubs, just wee laddies and lassies, most of them, but theyll learn, theyll learn . .. Of course, she continued, this mix-up caused big headaches when we have to start using nouns like blunder and misjudgement it is starting to look like were going to need a well, massive supply of them in coming months, she smiled. But then the worried look returned to her normally untroubled brow We had used our very last wreaking havoc two days ago. But now the train from Brisbane finally got through with fresh stores, particularly a couple of hundred courageouss, a whole carton of indominatable fighting spirits and they generously chucked in a few useful phrases like NQ breeds them tough and pioneer tradition John Andersen was particularly relieved about that last one. For a while there it looked like we were going to have to try and use a few iconics and at least a half a dozen alleged both of which we have plenty but now its seems we can avoid drastic change in style of simply letting such events speak for for themselves, and we can give these recovery stories the adjectival recognition they deserve. Readers will now no longer be denied the fully varnished truth of what has happened. After all, it is alleged we are an iconic newspaper. Quite so, mdear, quite so and The Magpie thanks you for Exclusively Revealing all this. The Pie is now a fan, and is All For You. Now For Some Unvarnished Truth From Washington No no, this isnt the Trump-bashing section thats next but this is one of the best structured and cleverly presented dissections of what ails the American body politic that you will ever hear. And the scary thing every single word is true and said in a very formal hearing session. Some deluded people have suggested Ms Ocasio-Cortes, who has definite green leanings, is the Sarah Hansen-Young of American politicians. Ha, they wish. Now Its Trumpistan Gallery Time The Trumpets long awaited State of the Union address played to a packed house during the week, with all the elected women wearing white as a silent opinion of pussy grabbing. At least they were open about it some of Trumps greatest supporters hid their allegiance, or it wouldve looked like this.

About Bloody Time No, Literally, Its ABOUT Bloody Time Well, itll add some variety to Sorry Ive got a headache. Women are going to find the latest emoji handy, for both information and as an excuse, even if it aint so.

Its called the period emoji, and sure will take the guesswork out of budding relationships. It follows a joint campaign by Plan International UK and the blood service for England. Unicode has announced that a blood drop symbol will be among the new emoji released later this year to signify menstruation. The intention of the campaign is to remove the stigma and shame around menstruation. The Pie must admit he didnt realise there was stigma and shame about such an established fact of human life, except that imposed by the men of medieval religions which is all of them who think nothing of bloody mutilations, beheadings and all manner of messy bloodthirsty bastadry. How anyone ever decided to brand menstruation as unclean got it exactly back to front the monthly discharge is in fact a natural cleansing of fertile females, inconvenient though it may be some women who dont plan to have children. This news will perhaps be a boon to avoiding misunderstanding in a relationship, and banish conversations that are at cross purposes, as typified by the 50s schoolboy joke about the bloke whose girlfriend asked what they were going to do that night. He replied they could maybe go to a movie, or they could ahem, wink wink go for a walk in the park, what did she want to do? The girl looked shy, blushed, and replied Its immaterial for me. The bloke said, Ah, well, wed better go to the pictures then. .. Thats it for this week, and comments are up and running from this moment. The Pie has gathered a great deal of interesting information in the past few days, which he has filed away for future blogs, but if just want to vent a bit, feel free, the comments section is for you. And if you feel this load of old cobblers is worth it, you can make a donation using the button below. http://www.townsvillemagpie.com.au/the-vigilante-of-the-ville-our-mayors-goes-full-bogan-on-potential-looters/

[sweetlifetownsville]

The Vigilante Of The 'Ville: Our Mayor's Goes Full Bogan On Potential Looters

In a thinly disguised endorsement of vigilante violence, Mayor Mullet plays to the bogan voting block and further bolsters Townsvilles backwoods image. And the blame game has already started, with the Premier tossing Mayor Mullet a hospital pass on national TV and the mayor instantly fumbling it on Also, why Astonisher editor Jenna Cairney may not be with us much longer could it be argued shes doing too good a job? Youll stop laughing when you see the latest readership numbers. And while debate about insurance premiums are sure to be front and center following our floods, worse news on that front from down south a Queensland judge has just made an astounding ruling that could send premiums through the roof across the board And since the world goes on elsewhere, The Pie presents a riveting, must-see video: a clever and forensic dissection, grimly hilarious in its own way of the underlying threat to the US and the world and no, it is not Donald Trump. But first As Townsvilles huddled and weary flood victims start the long trek back to normality, it was heartening to look back and see that urban animals were not forgotten as people fled to safety. Although, as Bentley surmises, it was no time to adopt new pets.

Irony Corner Seems Mayor Mullets vision for 2020 has come somewhat early. Oh, cruel, cruel fate.

Its Going To Be A Long Road Ahead On Many Fronts Well talk about the inquiry into the handling of the flood shortly, but its one hell of a the mountain we have to climb to recover from this A perceptive reader and regular commenter with connections out west provided this appraisal of just some pitfalls awaiting us. The implications of the monsoon disaster go far beyond the immediate damage to housing and community infrastructure in the city itself, and could havepotentially massive implications for Townsvilles economy and ongoing employment in The city.

Reliable local sources in the mineral transport sector have told me that they are anticipating the rail line between Townsville and Mt Isa will have hundreds of km of track washed away, and if this is the case they expect it would be closed for at least 6-8 months. Massive amounts of mineral product are railed to Townsville from the western mineral province for further processing and/or shipment through the Port.While it will be possible to switch some of the product to road transport this will result in tens of thousands of extra heavy vehicle movements with the resultant safety implications and wear and tear on the Flinders Highway and local roads, and will present a logistical nightmare to schedule and manage. In any case road transport can never handle the sheer volume of product currently being sent on rail. There is even a whisper it may have an impact on the viability of Glencores smelter operations in Mt Isa. After all, what is the point of operating the smelter if they cant transport the product out in viable quantities? If this is the case it would have flow on implications for their Copper Refinery in Stuart as the Mt Isa smelter is the primary source of the raw copper anode used in the refining process. It was only 3 or 4 years ago that Glencore were seriously considering closing both the Mt Isa smelter and Townsville refinery and moving to production and sale of bulk concentrated product only. Closure of the rail line for an extended period may be enough to tip the scale towards ceasing the operation of both the smelter and refinery. Challenging times are indeed ahead for our city. Jenny Hills Disgraceful Dog Whistling If ever any one instance among so many can be definitively cited to question Jenny Hills fitness for leadership, it would have to be this

This is simply disgraceful, cynical and above all, irresponsible. She said it two or three times in different instances, and it can only have been a cheap ploy to paint herself as in tune with the community sentiment. Or perhaps she really doesnt understand her role, because thats not leading, thats being led. What a person with real leadership qualities, dignity and care for her citys image would have done would be the exact opposite of this thinly veiled condoning of rough justice a call to people under stress by current circumstances and generally fed up with property crime to curb a natural tendency to violence against anyone found looting. Work with the police, but dont try to do their job, should have been the message, I understand how youre feeling now, but you have to rise above the temptation to be lawless, to any sort of summary justice whatever you do, do not act like a mob. But no, the message seen around Australia, delivered by this swaggering bogan Boedicia, ensured the growing perception of Townsville as a bogan backwater was reinforced in the most damaging fashion. And Jenny, youd better hope to hell no mob action results in serious assault or even murder or you will be held morally and even possibly legally, responsible. Simply disgraceful. So Mayor Mullets Miracle Turns To Mud There is little doubt that Jenny Hill was hoping for an miracle electoral recovery by doing a sterling job that would gain her much needed kudos during the floods, steering the city through the crisis and ending up with a dam fill of water. Well, she got the water all right, but her hopes for the kudos are unlikely. The floods have exposed several issues that started well before last week chaotic staff deployment, lack of experience in handling the information flow, an alarming failing in the out-dated and poorly maintained (through lack of proper staff) fleet of council vehicles, and long-standing dangerous planning laws. But the immediate the questions already being asked about the timings of releasing the backed-up water has managed to raise questioning eyebrows everywhere. Both the premier and the mayor both recognised as cynical if inept political operators have suddenly moved to distance themselves from that decision making, as The Pie noted in comments on Friday.

The Premier has done it in the most cowardly panicked manner, dodging straight-forward questions about the issue by seeking to blame the Townsville Council because they own the Ross Dam. Thats true BUT the water is managed by SunWater, a statutory Queensland Government-owned corporation. Wouldnt that be the putative body having a big say in advising strategy? And Mayor Hill is seeking what cover she can get by today repeatedly using the phrase the council decided instead of I, as mayor and chair of the Disaster Committee decided . This is just the start of some furious back-pedalling that can only be sorted out by an independent inquiry. The Magpie Gets Something Off His Chest There were a lot of side issues tumbling about in the muddied waters during the week. The Pie was mightily chuffed to see the ABC interview with an old copper friend from years back, Matty Lyons (constable back in The Pies court reporting days, and now crikey, well done, Matty Acting Inspector Mathhew Lyons ). Driving about the stricken city with the reporter, Officer Lyons was calm, authoritative, and mercifully free from buzz word obscurity, just plain language about how it felt to be doing this job. He summed it up by simply saying This is what we do. Perhaps it was that quiet and dignified summation that prompted The Magpie to blow a long-suppressed gasket when he responded to this comment during the week regarding the unfortunate drowning of two men fleeing police after a suspected looting incident. February 8, 2019 at 8:30 am(Edit) Has anyone given a thought to the two poor young coppers who watched them being swept away to their almost certain deaths? Or the police diver who found their bodies? The Magpie February 8, 2019 at 12:45 pm(Edit) Hey, hang on suddenly the police are the victims of the tragedy? This sort of nonsense has got to stop. Police do a difficult and dangerous job, and see things most of us never want to see, but they are trained in this, volunteered to join up for this, and have guidance and counselling available if required. While what The Pie calls officer anguish can be real and debilitating in extreme cases, it is surely vastly overstated. Police Union boss Ian Leavers is a past master at this tactic, making out that we should be concentrating on the emotions of the attending officers rather than the real victims of accidents, murders and other unpleasantness they attend. If nothing else, this invites all police officers to embrace a weird sort of victimhood of emotional injury. (Of course, this does not include actual injuries courageous police officers receive in the line of duty, but again, the dead fish-stare, Peter Dutton-lookalike Leavers trots out the totally false mantra that police do not go to work expecting to be assaulted and deserve to be able to go home uninjured to their families. False because that is EXACTLY what they are entitled to expect, especially when given their powers of arrest and hardware to accomplish this if necessary. Such irresponsible, unintelligent sophistry completely belies what a police officers main tasks are all about inter alia controlling, detaining and otherwise engaging with the criminal, the drunk and the unfortunate mental sufferers. Does he suggest that all the wrong-doers in this world have some sort of moral obligations to walk forward, arms outstretched for the cuffs, saying You got me bang to rights, constable, sorry about that? Morals and criminals are mutually exclusive terms and for zealots like Leavers to imply otherwise is just plain insulting. And dopey. Cor, that feels better. But not for long heres something that is unfathomable, a judge reaching a decision that is deeply disturbing, and could affect the already strained hip pocket of every Queenslander who owns and/or drives a vehicle.

The nub of the story is that Justice Peter Flanagan found the late Byron Williams, who was speeding and intoxicated with amphetamines and cannabis when his car hit a tree on the Sunshine Coast in 2013, had a legal duty of care not to expose the officer to psychiatric injury through his negligence, which in fact killed him at the scene. Former senior constable David Paul Caffrey developed post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) after his experiences at the scene, including trying to keep Mr Williams alive with first aid and encouragement, and then leading his parents to farewell their son shortly before his death. No one doubts the aftermath was very real and tragic, and Mr Caffrey has indeed suffered greatly, including losing his job. But how this is the insurance companys fault can only be the result of the arcane reasoning of finer points of the law by Justice Flanagan. The judge dismissed any such argument, with the ABC reporting:Lawyers for Williams insurance company argued not his responsibility to take reasonable steps to avoid exposing officers to psychiatric harm through his death or suffering. They argued the public could reasonably expect that emergency service officers such as police were trained and equipped to avoid harm via exposure at accident scenes. Justice Flanagan ordered the insurer pay $1,092,948 in damages. The payout seems about right under legal guidelines for this sort of serious mental and emotional injury, but The Magpie takes issue with who has to pay it it is surely the Police Unions insurers isnt it the union that allows their members to be so exposed to this sort of thing? , or the relevant government departments responsibility, for the same reason. That way, those loving, caring and oh-so-fair outfits called insurance companies will have no excuse to whack a premium on all driver insurances, to guard against causing similar injury caused by you being maimed or dying in a car accident. Other Unbelievable Scenes In Townsville Messagebank Curiously Examining A Strange Oblong Object

So what, you say? Well, check the background bloke

Could it be that Deputy DooDah Les Messagebank Walker really does check his messages and respond to the concerns of the Townsville ratepayers? Haha, just jokin. Of course he could be doing any of the following: * betting on the neddies * getting a date * ordering at the bottle-o * organising campaign donations * building an international hotel in his division * seeking positions vacant for a job when his political career is over (in March next year) * checking a bus timetable, or the latest date for the opening of the CBD bus hub. More likely just playing Candy Crush. Odds Are Jenna Cairney Will Soon Be Heading South The Magpie makes this prediction after checking the latest eye-popping readership figures for regional newspapers.

See if you can spot why head office in Holt Street might see a bigger future for Ms Cairney. Yup, a whopping 34.4% lift year on year, and almost as satisfying as at least tying with the Cairns Post, just one thousand off the Canberra Times!!! Which either says a lot of good things about The Bulletin or a lot of bad things about the Canberra Times your choice. If The Pie has been happy to accept the previous uniformly ghastly Astonisher readership figures supplied by the Roy Morgan survey outfit, then he can hardly refute this spectacular jump in the Astonishers fortunes, hard to believe though it is. So well done, Jenna and crew and whoever thought up all those pester power promotions for kids free books series over a week with each paper. And a reminder, readership is done by survey, while circulation is the actual number of newspapers printed and distributed in one form or another. A couple of years ago, all News Corpse papers suddenly withdrew from the traditional agreement to supply circulation figures to the audit bureau, so the public and advertisers can only take their word for whatever they say about numbers. But heres an interesting little bit of maths the Bulletin has always made the amusing claim to support phantasmagorical claims by News own readership measurement mob EMMA that every single paper is read by EIGHT separate people yes, eight. So the last known week circulation was about 17,000 and falling, so youd guess it was around 15 to 14000 now , BUT if no one at News was telling fibs, a simple calculation ( 8 divided into 44) we get a print run of about 5500 on weekdays. Hmmm Somebodys been telling fibs, but the news can only be good for Ms Cairney anyone who can turn a paper around like that, though it still be a pale shadow of its glory days, is obviously bound for bigger things. But wont it be a funny thing if it turns out the increase had been because of the promotion of its wonderful unintentional comical side here in The Magpies Nest (humblebrag, humblebrag). The Varnished Truth The Magpie had a dream .he had an exclusive interview with Jenna Cairney, in which the editor of the Daily Astonisher talked openly about a crisis she bravely battled alone, and that few knew about in the past couple of anguished weeks..

Well, it really was a close run thing, a weary but still radiant Ms Cairney said, gently brushing aside a stray wisp of her golden hair, and sipping a glass of Stoneleigh chardonnay (on special at Liquorland 20% off with coupon clipped from the paper on Page 1). We have been so flat out that we didnt notice until almost too late that our stocks of adjectives and suitable verbs was about to run out. Nouns were sort of OK, they tend to speak for themselves, but, in fact, we were down to just a half dozen shockings , four incredibles and just one single devastating; wed run out of heart-breaks last week, used the very last horror yesterday, and things werent helped when some junior accidentally mixed the massives in with the mammoths. She shook her head with a knowing, wistful smile, and murmured Ah these young cubs, just wee laddies and lassies, most of them, but theyll learn, theyll learn . .. Of course, she continued, this mix-up caused big headaches when we have to start using nouns like blunder and misjudgement it is starting to look like were going to need a well, massive supply of them in coming months, she smiled. But then the worried look returned to her normally untroubled brow We had used our very last wreaking havoc two days ago. But now the train from Brisbane finally got through with fresh stores, particularly a couple of hundred courageouss, a whole carton of indominatable fighting spirits and they generously chucked in a few useful phrases like NQ breeds them tough and pioneer tradition John Andersen was particularly relieved about that last one. For a while there it looked like we were going to have to try and use a few iconics and at least a half a dozen alleged both of which we have plenty but now its seems we can avoid drastic change in style of simply letting such events speak for for themselves, and we can give these recovery stories the adjectival recognition they deserve. Readers will now no longer be denied the fully varnished truth of what has happened. After all, it is alleged we are an iconic newspaper. Quite so, mdear, quite so and The Magpie thanks you for Exclusively Revealing all this. The Pie is now a fan, and is All For You. Now For Some Unvarnished Truth From Washington No no, this isnt the Trump-bashing section thats next but this is one of the best structured and cleverly presented dissections of what ails the American body politic that you will ever hear. And the scary thing every single word is true and said in a very formal hearing session. Some deluded people have suggested Ms Ocasio-Cortes, who has definite green leanings, is the Sarah Hansen-Young of American politicians. Ha, they wish. Now Its Trumpistan Gallery Time The Trumpets long awaited State of the Union address played to a packed house during the week, with all the elected women wearing white as a silent opinion of pussy grabbing. At least they were open about it some of Trumps greatest supporters hid their allegiance, or it wouldve looked like this.

About Bloody Time No, Literally, Its ABOUT Bloody Time Well, itll add some variety to Sorry Ive got a headache. Women are going to find the latest emoji handy, for both information and as an excuse, even if it aint so.

Its called the period emoji, and sure will take the guesswork out of budding relationships. It follows a joint campaign by Plan International UK and the blood service for England. Unicode has announced that a blood drop symbol will be among the new emoji released later this year to signify menstruation. The intention of the campaign is to remove the stigma and shame around menstruation. The Pie must admit he didnt realise there was stigma and shame about such an established fact of human life, except that imposed by the men of medieval religions which is all of them who think nothing of bloody mutilations, beheadings and all manner of messy bloodthirsty bastadry. How anyone ever decided to brand menstruation as unclean got it exactly back to front the monthly discharge is in fact a natural cleansing of fertile females, inconvenient though it may be some women who dont plan to have children. This news will perhaps be a boon to avoiding misunderstanding in a relationship, and banish conversations that are at cross purposes, as typified by the 50s schoolboy joke about the bloke whose girlfriend asked what they were going to do that night. He replied they could maybe go to a movie, or they could ahem, wink wink go for a walk in the park, what did she want to do? The girl looked shy, blushed, and replied Its immaterial for me. The bloke said, Ah, well, wed better go to the pictures then. .. Thats it for this week, and comments are up and running from this moment. The Pie has gathered a great deal of interesting information in the past few days, which he has filed away for future blogs, but if just want to vent a bit, feel free, the comments section is for you. And if you feel this load of old cobblers is worth it, you can make a donation using the button below. http://www.townsvillemagpie.com.au/the-vigilante-of-the-ville-our-mayors-goes-full-bogan-on-potential-looters/

[sweetlifetownsville]

The Vigilante Of The 'Ville: Our Mayor's Goes Full Bogan On Potential Looters

In a thinly disguised endorsement of vigilante violence, Mayor Mullet plays to the bogan voting block and further bolsters Townsvilles backwoods image. And the blame game has already started, with the Premier tossing Mayor Mullet a hospital pass on national TV and the mayor instantly fumbling it on Also, why Astonisher editor Jenna Cairney may not be with us much longer could it be argued shes doing too good a job? Youll stop laughing when you see the latest readership numbers. And while debate about insurance premiums are sure to be front and center following our floods, worse news on that front from down south a Queensland judge has just made an astounding ruling that could send premiums through the roof across the board And since the world goes on elsewhere, The Pie presents a riveting, must-see video: a clever and forensic dissection, grimly hilarious in its own way of the underlying threat to the US and the world and no, it is not Donald Trump. But first As Townsvilles huddled and weary flood victims start the long trek back to normality, it was heartening to look back and see that urban animals were not forgotten as people fled to safety. Although, as Bentley surmises, it was no time to adopt new pets. Irony Corner Seems Mayor Mullets vision for 2020 has come somewhat early. Oh, cruel, cruel fate. Its Going To Be A Long Road Ahead On Many Fronts Well talk about the inquiry into the handling of the flood shortly, but its one hell of a the mountain we have to climb to recover from this A perceptive reader and regular commenter with connections out west provided this appraisal of just some pitfalls awaiting us. The implications of the monsoon disaster go far beyond the immediate damage to housing and community infrastructure in the city itself, and could havepotentially massive implications for Townsvilles economy and ongoing employment in The city. Reliable local sources in the mineral transport sector have told me that they are anticipating the rail line between Townsville and Mt Isa will have hundreds of km of track washed away, and if this is the case they expect it would be closed for at least 6-8 months. Massive amounts of mineral product are railed to Townsville from the western mineral province for further processing and/or shipment through the Port.While it will be possible to switch some of the product to road transport this will result in tens of thousands of extra heavy vehicle movements with the resultant safety implications and wear and tear on the Flinders Highway and local roads, and will present a logistical nightmare to schedule and manage. In any case road transport can never handle the sheer volume of product currently being sent on rail. There is even a whisper it may have an impact on the viability of Glencores smelter operations in Mt Isa. After all, what is the point of operating the smelter if they cant transport the product out in viable quantities? If this is the case it would have flow on implications for their Copper Refinery in Stuart as the Mt Isa smelter is the primary source of the raw copper anode used in the refining process. It was only 3 or 4 years ago that Glencore were seriously considering closing both the Mt Isa smelter and Townsville refinery and moving to production and sale of bulk concentrated product only. Closure of the rail line for an extended period may be enough to tip the scale towards ceasing the operation of both the smelter and refinery. Challenging times are indeed ahead for our city. Jenny Hills Disgraceful Dog Whistling If ever any one instance among so many can be definitively cited to question Jenny Hills fitness for leadership, it would have to be this This is simply disgraceful, cynical and above all, irresponsible. She said it two or three times in different instances, and it can only have been a cheap ploy to paint herself as in tune with the community sentiment. Or perhaps she really doesnt understand her role, because thats not leading, thats being led. What a person with real leadership qualities, dignity and care for her citys image would have done would be the exact opposite of this thinly veiled condoning of rough justice a call to people under stress by current circumstances and generally fed up with property crime to curb a natural tendency to violence against anyone found looting. Work with the police, but dont try to do their job, should have been the message, I understand how youre feeling now, but you have to rise above the temptation to be lawless, to any sort of summary justice whatever you do, do not act like a mob. But no, the message seen around Australia, delivered by this swaggering bogan Boedicia, ensured the growing perception of Townsville as a bogan backwater was reinforced in the most damaging fashion. And Jenny, youd better hope to hell no mob action results in serious assault or even murder or you will be held morally and even possibly legally, responsible. Simply disgraceful. So Mayor Mullets Miracle Turns To Mud There is little doubt that Jenny Hill was hoping for an miracle electoral recovery by doing a sterling job that would gain her much needed kudos during the floods, steering the city through the crisis and ending up with a dam fill of water. Well, she got the water all right, but her hopes for the kudos are unlikely. The floods have exposed several issues that started well before last week chaotic staff deployment, lack of experience in handling the information flow, an alarming failing in the out-dated and poorly maintained (through lack of proper staff) fleet of council vehicles, and long-standing dangerous planning laws. But the immediate the questions already being asked about the timings of releasing the backed-up water has managed to raise questioning eyebrows everywhere. Both the premier and the mayor both recognised as cynical if inept political operators have suddenly moved to distance themselves from that decision making, as The Pie noted in comments on Friday. The Premier has done it in the most cowardly panicked manner, dodging straight-forward questions about the issue by seeking to blame the Townsville Council because they own the Ross Dam. Thats true BUT the water is managed by SunWater, a statutory Queensland Government-owned corporation. Wouldnt that be the putative body having a big say in advising strategy? And Mayor Hill is seeking what cover she can get by today repeatedly using the phrase the council decided instead of I, as mayor and chair of the Disaster Committee decided . This is just the start of some furious back-pedalling that can only be sorted out by an independent inquiry. The Magpie Gets Something Off His Chest There were a lot of side issues tumbling about in the muddied waters during the week. The Pie was mightily chuffed to see the ABC interview with an old copper friend from years back, Matty Lyons (constable back in The Pies court reporting days, and now crikey, well done, Matty Acting Inspector Mathhew Lyons ). Driving about the stricken city with the reporter, Officer Lyons was calm, authoritative, and mercifully free from buzz word obscurity, just plain language about how it felt to be doing this job. He summed it up by simply saying This is what we do. Perhaps it was that quiet and dignified summation that prompted The Magpie to blow a long-suppressed gasket when he responded to this comment during the week regarding the unfortunate drowning of two men fleeing police after a suspected looting incident. February 8, 2019 at 8:30 am(Edit) Has anyone given a thought to the two poor young coppers who watched them being swept away to their almost certain deaths? Or the police diver who found their bodies? The Magpie February 8, 2019 at 12:45 pm(Edit) Hey, hang on suddenly the police are the victims of the tragedy? This sort of nonsense has got to stop. Police do a difficult and dangerous job, and see things most of us never want to see, but they are trained in this, volunteered to join up for this, and have guidance and counselling available if required. While what The Pie calls officer anguish can be real and debilitating in extreme cases, it is surely vastly overstated. Police Union boss Ian Leavers is a past master at this tactic, making out that we should be concentrating on the emotions of the attending officers rather than the real victims of accidents, murders and other unpleasantness they attend. If nothing else, this invites all police officers to embrace a weird sort of victimhood of emotional injury. (Of course, this does not include actual injuries courageous police officers receive in the line of duty, but again, the dead fish-stare, Peter Dutton-lookalike Leavers trots out the totally false mantra that police do not go to work expecting to be assaulted and deserve to be able to go home uninjured to their families. False because that is EXACTLY what they are entitled to expect, especially when given their powers of arrest and hardware to accomplish this if necessary. Such irresponsible, unintelligent sophistry completely belies what a police officers main tasks are all about inter alia controlling, detaining and otherwise engaging with the criminal, the drunk and the unfortunate mental sufferers. Does he suggest that all the wrong-doers in this world have some sort of moral obligations to walk forward, arms outstretched for the cuffs, saying You got me bang to rights, constable, sorry about that? Morals and criminals are mutually exclusive terms and for zealots like Leavers to imply otherwise is just plain insulting. And dopey. Cor, that feels better. But not for long heres something that is unfathomable, a judge reaching a decision that is deeply disturbing, and could affect the already strained hip pocket of every Queenslander who owns and/or drives a vehicle. The nub of the story is that Justice Peter Flanagan found the late Byron Williams, who was speeding and intoxicated with amphetamines and cannabis when his car hit a tree on the Sunshine Coast in 2013, had a legal duty of care not to expose the officer to psychiatric injury through his negligence, which in fact killed him at the scene. Former senior constable David Paul Caffrey developed post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) after his experiences at the scene, including trying to keep Mr Williams alive with first aid and encouragement, and then leading his parents to farewell their son shortly before his death. No one doubts the aftermath was very real and tragic, and Mr Caffrey has indeed suffered greatly, including losing his job. But how this is the insurance companys fault can only be the result of the arcane reasoning of finer points of the law by Justice Flanagan. The judge dismissed any such argument, with the ABC reporting:Lawyers for Williams insurance company argued not his responsibility to take reasonable steps to avoid exposing officers to psychiatric harm through his death or suffering. They argued the public could reasonably expect that emergency service officers such as police were trained and equipped to avoid harm via exposure at accident scenes. Justice Flanagan ordered the insurer pay $1,092,948 in damages. The payout seems about right under legal guidelines for this sort of serious mental and emotional injury, but The Magpie takes issue with who has to pay it it is surely the Police Unions insurers isnt it the union that allows their members to be so exposed to this sort of thing? , or the relevant government departments responsibility, for the same reason. That way, those loving, caring and oh-so-fair outfits called insurance companies will have no excuse to whack a premium on all driver insurances, to guard against causing similar injury caused by you being maimed or dying in a car accident. Other Unbelievable Scenes In Townsville Messagebank Curiously Examining A Strange Oblong Object So what, you say? Well, check the background bloke Could it be that Deputy DooDah Les Messagebank Walker really does check his messages and respond to the concerns of the Townsville ratepayers? Haha, just jokin. Of course he could be doing any of the following: * betting on the neddies * getting a date * ordering at the bottle-o * organising campaign donations * building an international hotel in his division * seeking positions vacant for a job when his political career is over (in March next year) * checking a bus timetable, or the latest date for the opening of the CBD bus hub. More likely just playing Candy Crush. Odds Are Jenna Cairney Will Soon Be Heading South The Magpie makes this prediction after checking the latest eye-popping readership figures for regional newspapers. See if you can spot why head office in Holt Street might see a bigger future for Ms Cairney. Yup, a whopping 34.4% lift year on year, and almost as satisfying as at least tying with the Cairns Post, just one thousand off the Canberra Times!!! Which either says a lot of good things about The Bulletin or a lot of bad things about the Canberra Times your choice. If The Pie has been happy to accept the previous uniformly ghastly Astonisher readership figures supplied by the Roy Morgan survey outfit, then he can hardly refute this spectacular jump in the Astonishers fortunes, hard to believe though it is. So well done, Jenna and crew and whoever thought up all those pester power promotions for kids free books series over a week with each paper. And a reminder, readership is done by survey, while circulation is the actual number of newspapers printed and distributed in one form or another. A couple of years ago, all News Corpse papers suddenly withdrew from the traditional agreement to supply circulation figures to the audit bureau, so the public and advertisers can only take their word for whatever they say about numbers. But heres an interesting little bit of maths the Bulletin has always made the amusing claim to support phantasmagorical claims by News own readership measurement mob EMMA that every single paper is read by EIGHT separate people yes, eight. So the last known week circulation was about 17,000 and falling, so youd guess it was around 15 to 14000 now , BUT if no one at News was telling fibs, a simple calculation ( 8 divided into 44) we get a print run of about 5500 on weekdays. Hmmm Somebodys been telling fibs, but the news can only be good for Ms Cairney anyone who can turn a paper around like that, though it still be a pale shadow of its glory days, is obviously bound for bigger things. But wont it be a funny thing if it turns out the increase had been because of the promotion of its wonderful unintentional comical side here in The Magpies Nest (humblebrag, humblebrag). The Varnished Truth The Magpie had a dream .he had an exclusive interview with Jenna Cairney, in which the editor of the Daily Astonisher talked openly about a crisis she bravely battled alone, and that few knew about in the past couple of anguished weeks.. Well, it really was a close run thing, a weary but still radiant Ms Cairney said, gently brushing aside a stray wisp of her golden hair, and sipping a glass of Stoneleigh chardonnay (on special at Liquorland 20% off with coupon clipped from the paper on Page 1). We have been so flat out that we didnt notice until almost too late that our stocks of adjectives and suitable verbs was about to run out. Nouns were sort of OK, they tend to speak for themselves, but, in fact, we were down to just a half dozen shockings , four incredibles and just one single devastating; wed run out of heart-breaks last week, used the very last horror yesterday, and things werent helped when some junior accidentally mixed the massives in with the mammoths. She shook her head with a knowing, wistful smile, and murmured Ah these young cubs, just wee laddies and lassies, most of them, but theyll learn, theyll learn . .. Of course, she continued, this mix-up caused big headaches when we have to start using nouns like blunder and misjudgement it is starting to look like were going to need a well, massive supply of them in coming months, she smiled. But then the worried look returned to her normally untroubled brow We had used our very last wreaking havoc two days ago. But now the train from Brisbane finally got through with fresh stores, particularly a couple of hundred courageouss, a whole carton of indominatable fighting spirits and they generously chucked in a few useful phrases like NQ breeds them tough and pioneer tradition John Andersen was particularly relieved about that last one. For a while there it looked like we were going to have to try and use a few iconics and at least a half a dozen alleged both of which we have plenty but now its seems we can avoid drastic change in style of simply letting such events speak for for themselves, and we can give these recovery stories the adjectival recognition they deserve. Readers will now no longer be denied the fully varnished truth of what has happened. After all, it is alleged we are an iconic newspaper. Quite so, mdear, quite so and The Magpie thanks you for Exclusively Revealing all this. The Pie is now a fan, and is All For You. Now For Some Unvarnished Truth From Washington No no, this isnt the Trump-bashing section thats next but this is one of the best structured and cleverly presented dissections of what ails the American body politic that you will ever hear. And the scary thing every single word is true and said in a very formal hearing session. Some deluded people have suggested Ms Ocasio-Cortes, who has definite green leanings, is the Sarah Hansen-Young of American politicians. Ha, they wish. Now Its Trumpistan Gallery Time The Trumpets long awaited State of the Union address played to a packed house during the week, with all the elected women wearing white as a silent opinion of pussy grabbing. At least they were open about it some of Trumps greatest supporters hid their allegiance, or it wouldve looked like this. About Bloody Time No, Literally, Its ABOUT Bloody Time Well, itll add some variety to Sorry Ive got a headache. Women are going to find the latest emoji handy, for both information and as an excuse, even if it aint so. Its called the period emoji, and sure will take the guesswork out of budding relationships. It follows a joint campaign by Plan International UK and the blood service for England. Unicode has announced that a blood drop symbol will be among the new emoji released later this year to signify menstruation. The intention of the campaign is to remove the stigma and shame around menstruation. The Pie must admit he didnt realise there was stigma and shame about such an established fact of human life, except that imposed by the men of medieval religions which is all of them who think nothing of bloody mutilations, beheadings and all manner of messy bloodthirsty bastadry. How anyone ever decided to brand menstruation as unclean got it exactly back to front the monthly discharge is in fact a natural cleansing of fertile females, inconvenient though it may be some women who dont plan to have children. This news will perhaps be a boon to avoiding misunderstanding in a relationship, and banish conversations that are at cross purposes, as typified by the 50s schoolboy joke about the bloke whose girlfriend asked what they were going to do that night. He replied they could maybe go to a movie, or they could ahem, wink wink go for a walk in the park, what did she want to do? The girl looked shy, blushed, and replied Its immaterial for me. The bloke said, Ah, well, wed better go to the pictures then. .. Thats it for this week, and comments are up and running from this moment. The Pie has gathered a great deal of interesting information in the past few days, which he has filed away for future blogs, but if just want to vent a bit, feel free, the comments section is for you. And if you feel this load of old cobblers is worth it, you can make a donation using the button below. http://www.townsvillemagpie.com.au/the-vigilante-of-the-ville-our-mayors-goes-full-bogan-on-potential-looters/

[apsbicepstraining]

Ajax return to the Cruyff ideologies as Peter Bosz results new generation

After touching aside Lyon in the Europa League semi-final first leg, the Dutch squad can scent a chance of a first European trophy in 22 years

It is a cold Thursday morning at Ajaxs De Toekomst complex, where the canteen doubleds as a trophy area, the sheer heavines of football insight can be overwhelming, and the atmosphere is unsurprisingly buoyant after the events of the previous evening at the Amsterdam Arena. Nothing is being taken for granted but Ajax can be excused for pity pleased to see themselves after their stunning act in the first leg of their Europa League semi-final. These reasons are supposed to be cagey, cautious liaisons and they have just torn up the write by beating a dangerous Lyon side 4-1.

Out on one of the tones, the team are doing a light-colored improvement discussion. The rondos are over and the time has come for some shooting pattern. Edwin van der Sar is watching from the touchline and the coach extending the sends is Dennis Bergkamp. One of the players to catch the eye is Justin Kluivert, a young winger who hinders finding the top angle with eerie calm.

It is a scene that summing-up up Ajaxs philosophy, with each reputation representing the a part of the clubs someone, and the past and present combining to create a brighter future. Bergkamp is the cerebral genius who ogles as if he could still do a job on the pitch, Van der Sar the former goalkeeper who has become an unlikely marketing expert and Kluivert the teenage son of the man who tallied the triumphing aim when Ajax won the last of their four European Cups by beating Milan 22 years ago.

The manager is abroad. Peter Bosz, who was so mesmerized by Ajax in the 90 s that he would drive from Rotterdam to Amsterdam to watch Louis van Gaals training sessions and whose principles developed from his heaving scrapbook of Johan Cruyff articles, expends the morning inside its term of office, pinpointing neighbourhoods for improvement before Thursday darkness second leg at Stade de Gerland.

He is worried. Alexandre Lacazette, Lyons star striker, is fit again after a thigh trauma. I already ascertained five or six times where if my champions accept like they were digesting yesterday, against Lacazette he will score, Bosz says. I have to show them.

Not many guilds can match this level of patrimony, which justifies the romance attached to the thrilling resurrection that has taken Ajax close to their first European final in 21 years, an achievement realise even more impressive by how they are staying true to their identity: seven members of the starting lineup against Lyon were 21 or under.

For the time being, of course, they cannot hope to take part in the latter stagecoaches of the Champions League. Van der Sar announces it a playground for the rich and famous and Ajax know to their cost how much money talks in the modern period, how market coerces have conspired against them and interested the most difficult squads in the richest leagues. For a society of the stature of Ajax, its been too long that we were away from the international platform, he says.

Edwin van der Sar, formerly a goalkeeper and now the CEO of Ajax, and the organization manager, Peter Bosz. Image: Chris de Bode/ Panos Pictures for the Guardian

One of the most significant goalkeepers in Europe during his playing eras , now Van der Sar is one of the Ajax enormous striving to turn Cruyffs vision of how the game should be played into a reality. Bergkamp, Richard Witschge and Aron Winter are on the coaching personnel, and Marc Overmars is the technological director. Jaap Stam worked with the defenders before moving to Reading. He taught me how to use my limbs, Jol Veltman, a veteran in this crew at persons under the age of 25, says. I was too shy in struggles. He said dont smash-up in but use your arms.

They are a fascinating radical who regularly collaborate and debate football. There is no shortage of minds. Thats the entertaining event, Van der Sar says. It is not always easy but we speak as one voice. We have a technical heart.

Intriguingly, however, Van der Sars capacity is not on the pitching. Marketing, rather than coaching, appealed to him after he adjourned. Now the former Manchester United No1 is responsible for increasing Ajaxs financial competitiveness. They do situations differently here.

When I got a call from Johan Cruyff and Dennis Bergkamp two months after I retired, this is only the relevant recommendations that they had for the team, to accompany an ex-player into the directors power and eventually as the central male, he says. Those six years at United showed me what a club involves. You necessary commercial-grade revenue and revelation. I have brought that a bit, get three Chinese sponsors. Its trying to connect two worlds. Thats why we want a footballer as a CEO.

While Van der Sar watches instructing from great distances for 10 instants, Bosz eventually emerges from the main structure shortly after midday. He is looking like an inspired appointment. His predecessor, Frank de Boer, won the name in each of his first four seasons but Ajax faded in his final two safaruss and manufactured little impact in Europe. Bosz has energised the team since his arrival in the summer and is favourite, despite expend five years at Feyenoord as a player.

Ajaxs detested Rotterdam competitors are likely to triumph the Eredivisie, despite their 3-0 defeat at Excelsior last weekend. They are a spot above Ajax with one equal left but optimism crowds the Amsterdam Arena these days. Boszs young squad started nervily against Lyon but the noise never expired down during an tricky opening 20 times. The devotees cherish what they are watching.

Bosz cannot stand negative football. He was a defensive midfielder a destroyer but that is not his managerial mode. When I consider my team only defending and destroying like I did I will not enjoy it, he says. I made when Im on the bench at the least I will give myself a glad afternoon. If I grant myself a joyous afternoon, I can give it to the fans.

In an repetition of Pep Guardiolas Barcelona, Bosz privileges a feverish pressing competition. Barcelona have a three-second convention, he says. Were not Barcelona, so I make two seconds on.

Bosz chortles. The five-second govern is something that if you lose the pellet, this is the best moment to get the dance back again. The resist necessity more or less five seconds to get in the right points. We have to get wise back right away.

The 53 -year-old is an admirer of Guardiola. His favourite work is Pep Confidential, Marti Perarnaus account of Guardiolas first season at Bayern Munich. He learned from Guardiolas attention to detail, how he would work out in advance which resist actor was always free-spoken on the attack. I always thoughts Bayern Munich is such a strong team that you dont have to watch for the opponents for two or three days, Bosz says.

There are similarities between Bosz and Guardiola. Boszs pundits accept his high-risk programme asks for hardship but his principles have not changed since his first responsibility at lowly AGOVV, from where he went on to enjoy success at Heracles and Vitesse Arnhem.

What they call naive is that my defence was on the halfway cable with a lot of space at the back, Bosz says. But you have to organise really well. If you do that, you have the five-second rule. You lose the ball and press them immediately, then its possible. If you look at our concerts in Europe, yesterday was[ exclusively] the second duration “were having” confessed in our stadium.

That level of severity asks mental sharpness as well as physical fitness. Any player who permits his head to put after wealth is lost knows himself on Boszs wrong side. Dont be disappointed in yourself, he says. Dont be disappointed in your team-mate.You have to press. This is the moment. Not one participate. The whole team. If you do that privilege, you will not relinquish. We have young players, so when we lose the ball, in their recollection, they go back immediately because they have to defend. My way of thinking is we go forward immediately because we want the pellet back.

Bosz should not be mistaken for a foolish idealist. He is focused on preserving organisation and expends hours poring over parallels to find apparently innocuous mistakes. He does not smile much and his mother tells him to chortle more on television but he insists he is a positive guy. But I am also critical, he says. “Were not receiving” such thought as a perfect activity. It doesnt exist. It will never exist.

What about when Barcelona Beat Real Madrid 5-0? There were a lot of things in video games that they didnt do well. I look on the computer and I write down the right-back, ah, he is too high.

The five-second rule works only if Ajax are alert to danger when they have the projectile. Bosz calls this rest defence. There may be 50 situations “weve got to” do well, Bosz says. First I explain to my participates how we will performance. Then I will show them an living of residual excuse. Then clips of training and the game. Then we show them the mistakes we make and what we have to do better. You also show them when the pressing activity was astounding. We show them clips from big teams in Europe. Then the idea is in the heads of the players.

His approach stems from his appreciation of Cruyff. I would just like to one idol, Bosz says. I knew from the age of 16 that one day I will become a manager. So I was educate by writing down what my coach-and-fours were doing right but too reading a lot from Johan. With some pals, we more or less wrote our own book. Every clause, all his interviews were in there. We compiled them and tried to organise them this is for attacking, this is how you defend, this is tactical.

Ajaxs eye-catching young winger Justin Kluivert leaves the training tone. Picture: Chris de Bode/ Panos Pictures for the Guardian

At the start of last year Bosz met Maccabi Tel Aviv, whose technical head is Cruyffs son, Jordi. Just before Johan expired, “hes come to” Israel, Bosz says. We wasted a few weeks together. It was just amazing. Instead of the book that you made, he is talking to you. I was just listening. In 1 week I learned enough for 10 years. He understood two Maccabi recreations and he was there at every improve session.

Boszs head was brimming with impressions but he is aware that not every participate is a football obsessive. This is dangerous for a coach, he says. If I want to give all my knowledge to my players, they will get bored. My communication before the game is not more than five minutes. Its important from those 50 situations that I pick the right ones.

His players took some convincing at first, specially the defenders, and Ajax descended costly levels early on. Veltman says: It was tough. If the left winger goes to the sphere, you go with him. I was like: Ninety times soldier, its hopeless. But it is fun. Sometimes Im on the pitching merely enjoying it like a follower on the side. Then I get goosebumps.

Veltman is a product of Ajaxs academy, along with the officer, Davy Klaassen, and a younger generation is developing. Kluivert revolved 18 last-place Friday. Matthijs de Ligt, a 17 -year-old defender, recently obliged his Holland debut. Van der Sar says: It has intensified in the last five or six years. We have changed the establishment and set an all the more important emphasis on training and change hours and facilities and coach-and-fours. We instruct more during the first year. Then the schoolteachers come here and then they improve again instead of first attending school and then train. So we have two or three more civilize times than before. Hopefully that will pay off.

Van der Sar known to be shunning a knack exhaust will not is very easy. Klaassen is being links between a summer move. Ajax cannot compete financially with the leading sororities in England, Germany, Italy and Spain. Can they hold on to Kasper Dolberg, their lethal Danish striker, or Hakim Ziyech, their brilliant Moroccan attacking midfielder? Can Overmars impede seeing inexpensive gems such as the outstanding Colombian centre-back Davinson Snchez?

Van der Sar says: We dont have the spending supremacy of other sororities. We want to create our own players through of course here i am money to invest but ideally we want to develop participates. If theyre good enough for the top European grade, you meet the average ages of the players who join the big clubs.

You touch everything in this guild. As a participate I ever had a look at the people doing the laundry or the guy scavenging the boot or the security guards. Its important to feel that everyone is gathering in the same lane. Thats reflective in how the organization acts. You need a good right-back, a good centre-half, a No10 I involve a good operational director, a financial person. Its forming sure everyone get forward. Theres the goal we need to rating. Everything behind me was bad because thats a objective. We need to push.

The Ajax players in exercise. Image: Chris de Bode/ Panos Pictures for the Guardian

Ajaxs scouting must be cunning. Selling Arkadiusz Milik to Napoli for 27 m last year enabled Overmars to smashes the 10 m barrier for the first time when David Neres, a 19 -year-old Brazilian send, assembled from So Paulo in January.

Boszs tough three-year spell as Feyernoords technical director not only allowed him to broaden his mind by passing “the worlds” but also offered him an revelation into Overmarss job.

All Bosz asks from Overmars is that he fetches him ingenious players. I dont care what they did at institution, he says. I congregated some guys who went to university and were not intelligent musicians. Smart actors foresee. Unintelligent players react. Always. If you think faster, you are faster on the field. If you react, you are always too late. Just knowing that going to happen , not whats already happened.

This is the Ajax way. It goes back to Cruyff. We have to be different, Bosz says. Its the only route we have a chance.

The post Ajax return to the Cruyff ideologies as Peter Bosz results new generation appeared first on apsbicepstraining.com.

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[apsbicepstraining]

Ajax return to the Cruyff ideologies as Peter Bosz results new generation

After touching aside Lyon in the Europa League semi-final first leg, the Dutch squad can scent a chance of a first European trophy in 22 years

It is a cold Thursday morning at Ajaxs De Toekomst complex, where the canteen doubleds as a trophy area, the sheer heavines of football insight can be overwhelming, and the atmosphere is unsurprisingly buoyant after the events of the previous evening at the Amsterdam Arena. Nothing is being taken for granted but Ajax can be excused for pity pleased to see themselves after their stunning act in the first leg of their Europa League semi-final. These reasons are supposed to be cagey, cautious liaisons and they have just torn up the write by beating a dangerous Lyon side 4-1.

Out on one of the tones, the team are doing a light-colored improvement discussion. The rondos are over and the time has come for some shooting pattern. Edwin van der Sar is watching from the touchline and the coach extending the sends is Dennis Bergkamp. One of the players to catch the eye is Justin Kluivert, a young winger who hinders finding the top angle with eerie calm.

It is a scene that summing-up up Ajaxs philosophy, with each reputation representing the a part of the clubs someone, and the past and present combining to create a brighter future. Bergkamp is the cerebral genius who ogles as if he could still do a job on the pitch, Van der Sar the former goalkeeper who has become an unlikely marketing expert and Kluivert the teenage son of the man who tallied the triumphing aim when Ajax won the last of their four European Cups by beating Milan 22 years ago.

The manager is abroad. Peter Bosz, who was so mesmerized by Ajax in the 90 s that he would drive from Rotterdam to Amsterdam to watch Louis van Gaals training sessions and whose principles developed from his heaving scrapbook of Johan Cruyff articles, expends the morning inside its term of office, pinpointing neighbourhoods for improvement before Thursday darkness second leg at Stade de Gerland.

He is worried. Alexandre Lacazette, Lyons star striker, is fit again after a thigh trauma. I already ascertained five or six times where if my champions accept like they were digesting yesterday, against Lacazette he will score, Bosz says. I have to show them.

Not many guilds can match this level of patrimony, which justifies the romance attached to the thrilling resurrection that has taken Ajax close to their first European final in 21 years, an achievement realise even more impressive by how they are staying true to their identity: seven members of the starting lineup against Lyon were 21 or under.

For the time being, of course, they cannot hope to take part in the latter stagecoaches of the Champions League. Van der Sar announces it a playground for the rich and famous and Ajax know to their cost how much money talks in the modern period, how market coerces have conspired against them and interested the most difficult squads in the richest leagues. For a society of the stature of Ajax, its been too long that we were away from the international platform, he says.

Edwin van der Sar, formerly a goalkeeper and now the CEO of Ajax, and the organization manager, Peter Bosz. Image: Chris de Bode/ Panos Pictures for the Guardian

One of the most significant goalkeepers in Europe during his playing eras , now Van der Sar is one of the Ajax enormous striving to turn Cruyffs vision of how the game should be played into a reality. Bergkamp, Richard Witschge and Aron Winter are on the coaching personnel, and Marc Overmars is the technological director. Jaap Stam worked with the defenders before moving to Reading. He taught me how to use my limbs, Jol Veltman, a veteran in this crew at persons under the age of 25, says. I was too shy in struggles. He said dont smash-up in but use your arms.

They are a fascinating radical who regularly collaborate and debate football. There is no shortage of minds. Thats the entertaining event, Van der Sar says. It is not always easy but we speak as one voice. We have a technical heart.

Intriguingly, however, Van der Sars capacity is not on the pitching. Marketing, rather than coaching, appealed to him after he adjourned. Now the former Manchester United No1 is responsible for increasing Ajaxs financial competitiveness. They do situations differently here.

When I got a call from Johan Cruyff and Dennis Bergkamp two months after I retired, this is only the relevant recommendations that they had for the team, to accompany an ex-player into the directors power and eventually as the central male, he says. Those six years at United showed me what a club involves. You necessary commercial-grade revenue and revelation. I have brought that a bit, get three Chinese sponsors. Its trying to connect two worlds. Thats why we want a footballer as a CEO.

While Van der Sar watches instructing from great distances for 10 instants, Bosz eventually emerges from the main structure shortly after midday. He is looking like an inspired appointment. His predecessor, Frank de Boer, won the name in each of his first four seasons but Ajax faded in his final two safaruss and manufactured little impact in Europe. Bosz has energised the team since his arrival in the summer and is favourite, despite expend five years at Feyenoord as a player.

Ajaxs detested Rotterdam competitors are likely to triumph the Eredivisie, despite their 3-0 defeat at Excelsior last weekend. They are a spot above Ajax with one equal left but optimism crowds the Amsterdam Arena these days. Boszs young squad started nervily against Lyon but the noise never expired down during an tricky opening 20 times. The devotees cherish what they are watching.

Bosz cannot stand negative football. He was a defensive midfielder a destroyer but that is not his managerial mode. When I consider my team only defending and destroying like I did I will not enjoy it, he says. I made when Im on the bench at the least I will give myself a glad afternoon. If I grant myself a joyous afternoon, I can give it to the fans.

In an repetition of Pep Guardiolas Barcelona, Bosz privileges a feverish pressing competition. Barcelona have a three-second convention, he says. Were not Barcelona, so I make two seconds on.

Bosz chortles. The five-second govern is something that if you lose the pellet, this is the best moment to get the dance back again. The resist necessity more or less five seconds to get in the right points. We have to get wise back right away.

The 53 -year-old is an admirer of Guardiola. His favourite work is Pep Confidential, Marti Perarnaus account of Guardiolas first season at Bayern Munich. He learned from Guardiolas attention to detail, how he would work out in advance which resist actor was always free-spoken on the attack. I always thoughts Bayern Munich is such a strong team that you dont have to watch for the opponents for two or three days, Bosz says.

There are similarities between Bosz and Guardiola. Boszs pundits accept his high-risk programme asks for hardship but his principles have not changed since his first responsibility at lowly AGOVV, from where he went on to enjoy success at Heracles and Vitesse Arnhem.

What they call naive is that my defence was on the halfway cable with a lot of space at the back, Bosz says. But you have to organise really well. If you do that, you have the five-second rule. You lose the ball and press them immediately, then its possible. If you look at our concerts in Europe, yesterday was[ exclusively] the second duration “were having” confessed in our stadium.

That level of severity asks mental sharpness as well as physical fitness. Any player who permits his head to put after wealth is lost knows himself on Boszs wrong side. Dont be disappointed in yourself, he says. Dont be disappointed in your team-mate.You have to press. This is the moment. Not one participate. The whole team. If you do that privilege, you will not relinquish. We have young players, so when we lose the ball, in their recollection, they go back immediately because they have to defend. My way of thinking is we go forward immediately because we want the pellet back.

Bosz should not be mistaken for a foolish idealist. He is focused on preserving organisation and expends hours poring over parallels to find apparently innocuous mistakes. He does not smile much and his mother tells him to chortle more on television but he insists he is a positive guy. But I am also critical, he says. “Were not receiving” such thought as a perfect activity. It doesnt exist. It will never exist.

What about when Barcelona Beat Real Madrid 5-0? There were a lot of things in video games that they didnt do well. I look on the computer and I write down the right-back, ah, he is too high.

The five-second rule works only if Ajax are alert to danger when they have the projectile. Bosz calls this rest defence. There may be 50 situations “weve got to” do well, Bosz says. First I explain to my participates how we will performance. Then I will show them an living of residual excuse. Then clips of training and the game. Then we show them the mistakes we make and what we have to do better. You also show them when the pressing activity was astounding. We show them clips from big teams in Europe. Then the idea is in the heads of the players.

His approach stems from his appreciation of Cruyff. I would just like to one idol, Bosz says. I knew from the age of 16 that one day I will become a manager. So I was educate by writing down what my coach-and-fours were doing right but too reading a lot from Johan. With some pals, we more or less wrote our own book. Every clause, all his interviews were in there. We compiled them and tried to organise them this is for attacking, this is how you defend, this is tactical.

Ajaxs eye-catching young winger Justin Kluivert leaves the training tone. Picture: Chris de Bode/ Panos Pictures for the Guardian

At the start of last year Bosz met Maccabi Tel Aviv, whose technical head is Cruyffs son, Jordi. Just before Johan expired, “hes come to” Israel, Bosz says. We wasted a few weeks together. It was just amazing. Instead of the book that you made, he is talking to you. I was just listening. In 1 week I learned enough for 10 years. He understood two Maccabi recreations and he was there at every improve session.

Boszs head was brimming with impressions but he is aware that not every participate is a football obsessive. This is dangerous for a coach, he says. If I want to give all my knowledge to my players, they will get bored. My communication before the game is not more than five minutes. Its important from those 50 situations that I pick the right ones.

His players took some convincing at first, specially the defenders, and Ajax descended costly levels early on. Veltman says: It was tough. If the left winger goes to the sphere, you go with him. I was like: Ninety times soldier, its hopeless. But it is fun. Sometimes Im on the pitching merely enjoying it like a follower on the side. Then I get goosebumps.

Veltman is a product of Ajaxs academy, along with the officer, Davy Klaassen, and a younger generation is developing. Kluivert revolved 18 last-place Friday. Matthijs de Ligt, a 17 -year-old defender, recently obliged his Holland debut. Van der Sar says: It has intensified in the last five or six years. We have changed the establishment and set an all the more important emphasis on training and change hours and facilities and coach-and-fours. We instruct more during the first year. Then the schoolteachers come here and then they improve again instead of first attending school and then train. So we have two or three more civilize times than before. Hopefully that will pay off.

Van der Sar known to be shunning a knack exhaust will not is very easy. Klaassen is being links between a summer move. Ajax cannot compete financially with the leading sororities in England, Germany, Italy and Spain. Can they hold on to Kasper Dolberg, their lethal Danish striker, or Hakim Ziyech, their brilliant Moroccan attacking midfielder? Can Overmars impede seeing inexpensive gems such as the outstanding Colombian centre-back Davinson Snchez?

Van der Sar says: We dont have the spending supremacy of other sororities. We want to create our own players through of course here i am money to invest but ideally we want to develop participates. If theyre good enough for the top European grade, you meet the average ages of the players who join the big clubs.

You touch everything in this guild. As a participate I ever had a look at the people doing the laundry or the guy scavenging the boot or the security guards. Its important to feel that everyone is gathering in the same lane. Thats reflective in how the organization acts. You need a good right-back, a good centre-half, a No10 I involve a good operational director, a financial person. Its forming sure everyone get forward. Theres the goal we need to rating. Everything behind me was bad because thats a objective. We need to push.

The Ajax players in exercise. Image: Chris de Bode/ Panos Pictures for the Guardian

Ajaxs scouting must be cunning. Selling Arkadiusz Milik to Napoli for 27 m last year enabled Overmars to smashes the 10 m barrier for the first time when David Neres, a 19 -year-old Brazilian send, assembled from So Paulo in January.

Boszs tough three-year spell as Feyernoords technical director not only allowed him to broaden his mind by passing “the worlds” but also offered him an revelation into Overmarss job.

All Bosz asks from Overmars is that he fetches him ingenious players. I dont care what they did at institution, he says. I congregated some guys who went to university and were not intelligent musicians. Smart actors foresee. Unintelligent players react. Always. If you think faster, you are faster on the field. If you react, you are always too late. Just knowing that going to happen , not whats already happened.

This is the Ajax way. It goes back to Cruyff. We have to be different, Bosz says. Its the only route we have a chance.

The post Ajax return to the Cruyff ideologies as Peter Bosz results new generation appeared first on apsbicepstraining.com.

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