#the amount of self control i practiced not to post this early is UNREAL and never before seen

[katasstrophy]

A VERY MERRY CHRIS PRINCE-MAS TO ALL MY BLUE LOCKERS WHO CELEBRATE! 🎅🏼🌟

[goth-bunny]

I’ve been losing my mind over the hints at Bloodhound’s backstory that it’s unreal. So I wrote a lengthy blog entry about it. It’s at 1,711 words under the Read More.

(If you see this post on @bloodhound-and-jackrabbit, don’t worry, that’s my sideblog!)

Alright. Anyone who knows me, within the Apex fandom and outside of it too, knows that I am in love with Bloodhound. The season 3 launch is killing me! But don’t worry! I only have good things to talk about it!

 A bit of a background: I was into playing Overwatch from late October 2018 to May 2019 thanks to my ex. But it wasn’t until I saw someone tweet about a new video game franchise having a canonically nonbinary character. Unfortunately, I felt like the genre wouldn’t be my cup of tea as I have minimal experience with battle royales, let alone FPS. The teaser trailer did manage to convince me otherwise with its diverse cast of characters, fast pacing, and killer song choice. I didn’t pick up the game until the end of February, which was a few days after my ex dumped me. I needed a distraction from it; so hell, why not play that hot new game?

 I launch the game and don’t think too much, selecting the Tutorial mode, because of course, it’s a brand new game with different controls and mechanics from Overwatch. Imagine my surprise that I see the very Legend who’s piqued my interest in the series in the first place! After the Tutorial, I try the regular Play mode and got matched up with someone playing as Mirage. Unfortunately, I wasn’t doing so well, and I was nervous about speaking on mic at the time as I sound too feminine to be read as androgynous. I don’t remember much besides dying in a skirmish and being unable to use ziplines as they weren’t a part of the tutorial. After that match, I spent the remaining time checking out Bloodhound in the Legends gallery. What stood out the most for me were their quips or voicelines; a lot of them were very comforting for me to hear, especially in a low point of my life.

 Weeks later, I was still talking to my ex, but it was clear that things were completely different than before. I played Overwatch without him anyway, but it wasn’t the same. I was still unable to come to terms that I do have somewhat of a crush on Bloodhound until early June; I had a dream that the two of us were alone in the woods, and they found it safe to take off their helmet and mask around me. They revealed themself as an androgynous black person with short, curly red hair, and I kissed them on the cheek. Two more dreams would succeed that:  one where we were both dressed in black and red suits on a date, and the other one was…it ended up being not safe for work, to say the least. These all lead me to formulating a self-insert fanfic, and then finally giving Apex a second chance just so I can figure out the lore and feel of the game. Initially, if I have not gotten into Overwatch, I wouldn’t have considered playing Apex Legends even if I learned there was a nonbinary character.

 Within the past 3 months, Bloodhound has been a comforting character for me. They were absolutely relatable to someone like me; besides the fact that they’re nonbinary, they also happened to be a pagan with an affinity for birds, sharp objects, and mortality.

 The main catalyst for writing this post is the season 3 launch. Last week, when the launch trailer debuted, I lost sleep over seeing Bloodhound sharpening their handy hunting knife with a whetstone as they’re surrounded by numerous candles in their dropship room. The very scene made me fall even harder with them, as I too have always loved candles, and even more so when I started identifying as a pagan since last year. However, it was the season launch itself that made me even more anxious.

 During the past 3 months I’ve immersed myself into the fandom, I’ve come up with multiple headcanons for Bloodhound, a great portion of them never having been published here on Tumblr or discussed publicly, the most notable being their backstory: I’ve figured that Bloodhound would have an Afro-Latina/Filipina biological mother (Nimfa Vilhjalmsdottir) who remarried to a white man named Sigurdur (Sigurdur Steinnson), thus Bloodhound ending up with a meathead stepbrother named Albert. The parents had a military background, and they all lived on a planet with a high population of humans of Icelandic or Nordic descent. As a kid, Bloodhound was kind of an oddball, preferring to spend lengthy periods of time outdoors and exploring the woods or reading books about fantasy and adventure. One time, little Bloodhound was flocked by an unkindess of ravens, much to their parents’ concern. As they grew older, they became more and more visibly uncomfortable with their birth gender, and their stepfather’s pressure on them to join the military. As Bloodhound turned 18, the tension between them and their stepfather grew, thus prompting them ran away from home and join a group of ragtag freedom fighters dedicated to preserving the Frontier lands from militarization and imperialism. Eventually, Bloodhound would end up knocking at death’s door in the middle of the woods after a young Anita Williams snipes them from a distance. This would be a turning point in their life, where they’d meet the Allfather and promise to be devoted to him. Coming back to the mortal realm, Bloodhound sees that their group has lost the battle, and decided to go into hiding, hopping from planet to planet to run away from their past.

 However, it was teased that Bloodhound’s parents are named Johann and Brigida, and that they’re probably both scientists and not war veterans. Not disapproving or judgmental of their child’s gender of interests, as far as the loading screen with Johann’s letter to Brigida suggests. I would be fine with this, but it opens up a new can of worms for me.

Before I point what these potential worms would be, let me remind you that the new season dropped at the same time I had my psychiatrist appointment where I finally brought my mom over to talk with her about me, thus revealing that what I originally speculated was completely wrong.

Okay, here’s the can of worms: Johann and Brigida, and Artur to an extent, are very “white” sounding names. I would be lying if I denied that I didn’t speculate Bloodhound as a white person during the first few weeks after the game’s release. If the races of Bloodhound and their relatives were revealed to be all white, I’m worried that it’s going to cement the falsehood of Vikings or Norse pagans as being exclusively white, which was not the case in reality. I’m worried that Bloodhound being revealed as explicitly white would mean that they would be co-opted as white supremacist symbol because a sizeable amount of neo-Nazis/white supremacists/bigots practice Norse Paganism (which I learned the hard way a few weeks back).

Another concern would be Bloodhound getting a face reveal, which would undermine a lot of fans’ headcanons for them, mine included.  The headcanons are as diverse as the Apex Legends cast itself and a lot of heart and soul have been poured out into them, so catastrophe is inevitable if the official unmasked!Bloodhound face will be revealed.

 On the bright side, there are some things I hope will be executed instead of my worries. Bloodhound and their relatives are never portrayed explicitly, and are instead, shown as silhouettes, in addition to them never getting their face shown even when they have removed their helmet and mask. Another thing that would be nice to see is that they’d be ambiguously brown; Bloodhound being ambiguously brown would help break many stereotypes about them as a person, one of which is that one has to be white to be a Norse pagan, which is an open practice, anyway, and that Vikings have traveled across the globe and intermingled with different civilizations, meaning that a white viking homogeneity is racist and historically inaccurate. Besides, names like Johann, Artur, and Brigida can be just as white a name as Elizabeth Harris (that’s Cupcakke the rapper’s real name by the way!). It would also be a relief if the writers pull a Riley Cavanaugh and never hint at Bloodhound’s birth gender and keep them as androgynous as possible.

It’s also been speculated that Johann and Artur are Icelandic, and that Brigida is Italian, meaning that Bloodhound is potentially mixed-race. Let’s not forget that Apex Legends takes place in the 28th century, and people of all races are in space. Sure, there’s space ableism and imperialism, and to an extent, transphobia, but it would be unrealistic for racial homogeny to still exist.

 Bloodhound has been a great source of comfort for me these past few months. I see so much of myself in them: besides being nonbinary, I’m also a pagan who venerates a psychopomp, love books and birds, introverted but sympathetic of others, and unashamed of my identity. I’ve seen my confidence spike upwards, knowing that a person like them exists. That I am much more than my weaknesses and how people perceive me. That I still have so much to live for. That I am not alone.

 Before I end, I’m actually glad that Bloodhound grew up with a loving and accepting family, and thus destroying what projection of my hurt I have on them; I assumed that my mom would be immensely disappointed in me being nonbinary and bi, so I wanted someone who would be going through the same predicament as me, so that there’ll be some common ground. But it seems we do have enough common ground, having scientist parents who moved to a different place from my place of birth. Last August, my psychiatrist asked me how can I be a happy nonbinary person, in a world that sees everything in a male/female dichotomy? Perhaps I’ve found my answer in the form of Bloodhound.

 If you have reached this paragraph, thank you so much for taking the time to read my post in its entirety. I just want to get my feelings off my chest, as Bloodhound has been very important to me.

 Have you any questions or reactions, please feel free to message me!

[oliveraaliyah1994]

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