#the angstier the song the funnier it is

[susahnasomething]

i wanted to draw a small animatic with the Roxie audio with papercarm, but my ipad is like 9% so i drew this instead (tho if im still inspired to draw it i might) Paperstar and Carmen being friends in vile is good and all, but its angstier and funnier if Carmen just started dating paperstar and then dipped. realistically would Carmen even be friends with Paperstar? No, can i imagine my silly little scenarios with angsty songs, yes

[calumthoodshands]

2022 Writing Evaluation

ah well well well thank u to my dear friends @calumsash,@igarbagecannoteven and @burstingsunrise for tagging me! very intruiged to see what this year's one's gonna reveal.

numbers of stories posted on ao3: 11! therefore a bit more than 2021.

word count for this year: that's a bit tricky bc ao3 counts my unfinished fic into this year as a whole so imma have to calculate a bit... 88 k for the independent fics and 14 chapters which are abt... 50 k for Days in the sun. Ergo 138,000 words! Estimated.

fandoms i wrote for: 5SOS!

pairings: cake! but i do have some muke in the making. (somewhere in the far future.)

story with the most kudos/bookmarks/comments: (leaving dits aside) to my own surprise, the right shade of blue really seemed to resonate with a lot of people (shoutout to luke's makeup you really have power apparently), perfect fit has the most comments and of lovers and friends got bookmarked the most (it has the most hits from these three as well so it figures i guess)

work i'm most proud of: hmmmm. of lovers and friends is one of my angstier works and the one where i think i really conveyed what luke goes through quite well. a different story is perfect fit though. i love that one bc it's so simple and light but so effective. but also shoutout to molly's bday fic the hues of me and you bc i wanted to write that fic for so long and i do like how it turned out despite it being quite different from what i normally write

work i'm least proud of (and why): there's no work i'm not moderately proud of bc i rarely finish fics and only finish them when i really do like them if that makes sense? my biggest problem is still my writing style bc i'm not yet sure i like it. which is probably any writer's problem but especially with english being not my native language i just KNOW i lack a certain... confidence in what i write bc i know it could be better, and could have more flow, and be more natural than it is. i write fics with three translators open, looking up every third word trying to find the one that not only makes sense but also gives it... the right vibe. that's something that bothers me with any fic. this is also a problem with days in the sun bc i post it as i write, and i just know that if i waited to finish it and edited it as a whole and only then posted it i might have done some things differently, but on the other hand, i also know it wouldve never seen the light of day, so... you win some, you lose some.

share or describe a favourite review you received: oh my god okay right yeah. there've been several to be clear but i'll keep it short so. once upon a time team @4thbrighteststar read of lovers and friends (actually, more on that later) and i wasn't thinking abt it too much after it was posted but then. one day i got a message from team, and lo and behold. it was a song. a song that fit the fic. i was SCREAMING on the inside. absolutely screeching. TEAM WROTE THAT SONG AND THEN SENT IT TO ME ALL CASUAL LIKE THATS NOT INCREDIBLE. burned into my brain for all eternity. i could talk abt it much more but this is already getting so long so ILY TEAM THANK U ONCE MORE ILY

a time when writing was really, really hard: can i just say 2022? /hj no but in all honesty... i had a REALLY hard time last year. i had much less time than the year before, and when i did have time, i rarely could get myself to actually sit down and write. and on top of that there is of course not much engagement with my fics anyway so at times i was very discouraged, almost to the point that i wanted to stop writing... so, yeah. i try not to pressure myself as much this year, but we'll see, i guess.

a scene or character you wrote that surprised you: actually, a lot of my fics are products of 'i'm just the writer i don't control what happens'. one funnier case though is probably football player luke in the hues of me and you. i never thought to make luke a football player bc it sounds so cliché but... as you can see it happened! and i think that's okay. i think i wrote him well enough.

a favourite excerpt of your writing: there's the hardest questions of them all, ah yes. fine. i'll actually try this time. AH yes okay yk what i got one:

i put more humor than usual into only on thursdays and i really like its lighthearted vibe <3 this isn't necessary my favourite scene but i also can't remember anything i wrote ever so it'll do lol

12. how did you grow as a writer this year? did i? i have no idea. i think i'm getting more confident in my writing with every fic i write, which is good. i've been more determined to work on my fics in terms of editing them after finishing, which i've been lousy with.

13. how do you hope to grow next year? hm... i hope i'll grow more confident. i hope i'll become more satisfied with my work.

14. who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc.)?

@burstingsunrise it would be ridiculous not to mention molly although i technically don't even talk to her about my writing that explicitely. i do however constantly ask her dumb questions and always get a more or less serious answer, i can always come to her for advice or throwing around any and all ideas i ever get. she's also been a real cheerleader to me whenever i'm insecure abt my writing again which i really, really appreciate. on top of the usual amount of appreciation obviously

i also have to mention @the-girl-who-cried-wolf bc she's inspired me lots of times, be it with her moodboards and blog/aesthetic, her own writing or something else. also my biggest cheerleader, love u emma.

dearest team @4thbrighteststar for her support on of lovers and friends. the fic would've never been as good as it is without her.

lastly i have to mention @sophelkopter (/ @sophelkopter on ao3) bc i simply wouldn't have kept going with dits without their comments. eternal gratitude.

15. anything from your real life show up in your writing this year? oh yeah! for sure.

16. any new wisdom you can share with other writers? just keep writing. and write EVERYTHING DOWN. that's all i got but also the most important two rules

17. any projects you're looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year? i finally want to write MUKE and i want to write ballet cake and i'd love to write the stranger things au. most importantly, however: i will finish days in the sun this year. soon. no idea how soon, but soon, and just thinking about it makes me want to cry lol

18. tag some writers whose answers you'd like to read: hm not sure who might've not done it already so this is pure guessing but i'd like to read something from @carouselstars and @the-girl-who-cried-wolf and then anyone else who would like to do this!

[tangledstarlight]

For the prompts thing...

You’re my ex but I think I still have feelings for you.

Juke, preferably.

not entirely sure what this is. it went on a very weird journey. don't hate it. i know you probably wanted something either angstier or funnier but this is very...middle ground? idk man it's 2:40am. enjoy! thank you for sending one!😊💜

24. you’re my ex but i think i still have feelings for you

50 cliche tropes and prompts!

Julie remembers every little detail about the day they broke up.

She remembers the way her coffee had tasted in the morning, how she’d struggled to make her hair look semi-presentable for school, how the radio had played a new Taylor Swift song, how they’d all laughed at lunch like everything was normal. She remembers knowing it was coming but not being able to do anything to stop it.

Her and Luke broke up a week before High School graduation at 4:37pm on a Thursday that felt just like any other.

It was because she’d gotten into her top college choices, Luke said. It was because he and the boys were going to tour that summer, she said. It was because they were 17 and everyone said a high school romance would never last that kind of distance or difference in lifestyles.

The last time she saw him had been at Carrie’s graduation party. A stolen moment in a locked bedroom that had left them both a little breathless and both a little teary eyed and promise to never settle for less than their worth. Flynn doesn’t comment on her rumpled clothes and she sees the way the boys don’t ask about the wet patch on his shirt over his heart where they all know reaches her eye line.

They steal one last look at each other as the night ends and they get into different cars to go home. One last smile, one last wave, two last words whispered across a drive, “Bye Jules.”

Then Julie locks away the part of her heart that belongs to Luke Patterson and moves on.

//

College is different then she expected it to be. Less like the films she’d seen growing up and more like, well, reality she supposes. Her roommate is friendly and they get along fine. There’s no stolen food or ruined clothes or spontaneous parties in their room. It’s nice, it’s normal, it’s fine.

There’s parties on campus and off that never get as wild as she expects them to. And Julie starts to wonder if maybe she’s doing college wrong. If she’s maybe not experiencing all the wild and terrifying things that other people are. There’s no one night stands or running from police or walking up with traffic cones in her room.

She tries to explain it to Flynn. How she’s worried she’s doing college wrong. That she and Luke broke up because they were supposed to experience life and he didn’t want to hold her back and how he had never asked her if she even wanted to go on tour with them.

There’s silence on both ends of the phone after she confesses that, before Flynn slowly asks if she had wanted to go with the boys.

And Julie doesn’t know. She doesn’t have an answer, and even if she did, what did it matter now?

//

Her first boyfriend after Luke is a guy named Henry.

He’s soft spoken and doing some sort of business degree and knows how to cook fancy foods and goes to bed at 11pm on a weekday and has no real opinions on who is a better guitarist –– Eric Calpton or Jimi Hendrixs –– and he’s basically the complete opposite to Luke.

And Julie likes him. She likes that he’s kind and polite and that he listens to what she has to say and that he’s predictable.

Which is also what she dislikes.

There’s no give or take or pushing to be better. She can always guess exactly what Henry is going to say or where he’ll want to eat or what he’ll want to do on the weekend. And it’s not because she knows him oh so well. It’s just that he’s predictable. He’s mundane.

And Julie hates that because of Luke she knows not to settle for ordinary.

//

She graduates college and moves in with Flynn and for the first time in her life, Julie realises she doesn’t know what to do next. Doesn’t have a plan. It’s terrifying the same way it’s exhilarating.

Creating music has always been the goal, now she just has to figure out how she’s going to do it. What kind of artist she wants to be. And she remembers –– or really it’s not remembering, because it’s always there in the back of her mind –– what Luke had once said. How it’s not about the money, it’s about making a connection with someone. With everyone.

And Julie knows he’s doing that.

Knows that the band put out an ep, that they have a small following that grows a little more every day. Knows that Luke hasn’t sacrificed his goals for money.

She’s happy for him. For them. She just tries not to think about it too much.

//

Julie sees him for the first time in six years at a supermarket of all places.

In the cereal aisle.

He’s still wearing his stupid band tee’s that he’s cut the arms off, and still wearing beanies just to contradict himself, and still squinting at labels because he refuses to get his eyes tested.

Julie knows, as she stands with her basket at one end, that she can turn around right now. That he’ll never have known she was there. That she can carry on with her life without him in it.

“Need me to read that for you?” she finds herself asking as she stops next to his side, the distance between them feeling like miles rather than the handful of inches it really is.

For a moment, Luke doesn’t say anything. Just looks at her, eyes tracing over her face, her body, probably taking in all the ways she’s changed. Like what she’s doing to him. Taking in the way his shoulders are broader, biceps more defined, how there’s a stubble dusting his cheeks and his hair looks a little longer. How he seems to hold himself differently, more confidently.

And then one of his hands rubs at the back of his neck, and a sheepish smile pulls at his lips as he holds the box out to her, “Yeah, please.” He finally says, and it’s the first time she’s heard him speak in six years and his voice is a little deeper, a little raspier like he’s been shouting. But it’s still him. She’d recognise his voice anywhere.

Swallowing, Julie accepts the box and turns it around, eyes scanning the tiny letters quickly and, before she can start reading, Luke is saying something.

Two little words.

“Hi Jules.”

Julie feels something inside her click. Something unlock as a smile breaks out across her face.

“Hi Luke.”