#the bear x you

[fishfooddude]

Ooo if it’s okay (totally okay if not!) can I please request an angst to fluff Carmy x fem!reader where Y/n and Carmy had been engaged when he was in culinary school in New York, maybe she was going to a University then for elementary education or something, but they had broken up after Carmy got the news about his brother and went back to Chicago and they lost touch. Fast forward and Y/n is visiting Chicago and happens to walk into The Bear to eat (she didn’t know it was Carmy’s restaurant because the last time they talked, “The Bear” was “The Beef”) holding a little girl almost 2 years old who looks strikingly similar to Carmy. I’m sure he’d be upset that she didn’t tell him about her though, but they talk through everything (maybe Carm has gotten some therapy by this point😅)

Carmy getting to know his daughter and overtime rekindling his relationship and getting back together with Y/n?🥹

Second Chances

Carmen "Carmy" Berzatto x Reader

The Bear Master List

My Directory

“Carmen! Will you fuckin’ talk to me!” you yelled as you watched Carmy move across your shared bedroom.

“There’s nothin’ to fuckin’ talk about!” he yelled back, throwing clothes into his suitcase.

“Carm, you can’t just ‘move back to Chicago’! We’re engaged! I’m in school, and you haven’t even put in a two-week notice. We just renewed our fuckin’ lease!” you challenged, throwing your hands up exhaustedly. “Listen, I get it. Grief and mourning is hard-”

“Don’t. Don’t you fuckin’ dare.” Carmy said coldly, stopping in his tracks. You stepped back and watched Carmy push a hand through his hair, “Listen. Y/N. I need to do this. Come, don’t come. I honestly don’t fuckin’ care at this point.”

“You don’t care? Carmy… we’re engaged? We’re engaged, but don’t you care about me? About what I want? How do you-”

“Break up with me then.” Carmy cut you off. His words left you blindsided, and you stared at him as you let the emotions ruminate. 

“What?” 

“This is happening Y/N. I’m moving back to Chicago, and truthfully, I don’t care what you think or how this makes you feel. Mikey left me his restaurant, and I’m gonna make it good. Stay in New York, do whatever. I don’t care.” Carmy said scarily calmly as he zipped his bag. 

“Fuck you, Berzatto.” you scoffed as you tried to pry the engagement ring off of your finger. “I’ve known you for two fuckin’ years. You’ve talked to your sister, like, what, three times in the last two years? You’re brother even less- and now you’re throwing away our life to go run some shitty sandwich shop?”

“You don’t fuckin’ get it, Y/N! Okay. You don’t fuckin’ get it.” Carmy exacerbated as he grabbed his bag. “Just forget about me.”

~~~~

“Momma!” You heard your two-year-old's excited squeal from the other side of the AirBnB the two of you had been staying in. You groaned; it was 5 a.m. and entirely too early to wake up, but Hailey couldn’t tell time yet. As you got out of bed, you heard Hailey’s giggles intensifying. You laughed as you walked out of the bedroom and down the hall into the living room. Haliey had managed to get onto the window seat by the large bay window overlooking the busy Chicago street.

“Do you see a dog?” you cheerfully asked as you came up and lifted her onto your hip. Hailey nodded furiously and pointed across the street, where a man struggled to walk five large dogs. You smiled and bounced Haliey on your hip. “Just like at home, huh, sugar cookie? Chicago is a lot like New York.” Hailey giggled and rested her face on your collarbone, bringing her thumb to her mouth. “Okay, let’s get you some breakfast. Then we’ll get dressed. After that, you can watch some Bluey while Momma gets ready… then I’m gonna drop you off at Uncle Ryan’s house, and you two will have a super fun day- I heard he’s taking you to the zoo.” you explained, Hailey propped up at the mention of ‘the zoo’ which made you laugh. “Yeah, you and Uncle Ryan are gonna see lions, and tigers, and bears-”

“Oh my!” Haliey exactly squealed against her thumb. You laughed and sat her on the couch before going into the kitchen to make the two of you cereal bowls. “Momma!” 

“I’m comin’ Hailey. I’m comin’.” you ensured as you returned to the living room. You placed the bowls on the coffee table and grabbed your phone from your bag. “Okay… Hailey, I’m going to get this job. We are going to move to Chicago permanently… Mommas’ gonna have an amazing job, and you’re gonna be so so so happy.” you said more to reassure yourself as opposed to informing Hailey of your prospective job. “We’re gonna be okay.”

Hailey happily munched on her cereal and babbled on about some elaborate story she’d created while you nervously poked at your bowl. You watched her sandy brown bedhead-ridden hair bounce as she got more invested in telling you her story. Her stories were always the highlight of your day. Hailey was what kept you going when work was a pain in the ass or when everything was overwhelming. The way she lit up over things she loved, the way she laughed and smiled, her imagination… her eyes. The same dazzling blue of her father- you shook your head at the thought of him. 

Carmen “Carmy” Berzatto. James Beard award-winning chef with a highly decorated resume of some of the most prominent, four Michelin Star restaurants across the country- hell across the world. He not only gave up that to run a crappy sandwich shop, he also gave up your shared future. The night he left was one of the worst nights of your life. You almost failed your finals the following month, and then you found out you were pregnant. Finishing school, having Hailey, and doing internships was hard, but the work paid off. Today was the day you were interviewing to be the principal of one of Chicago's most elite private schools. Cushy benefits, a considerable pay bump, being closer to your brother and his long-term girlfriend… the only downside was the potential of running into Carmy. 

~~~

“Yo Y/N- over here!” Danny called, waving his hand to catch your attention just outside some fancy restaurant Suzie had managed to get a reservation at. You waved and saw Hailey smiling in your direction.

“Hey guys- there’s my baby!” you cooed, taking Hailey from his arms. She happily squealed and kicked her feet as you bounced her on your hip. “I missed you, sugar cookie.”

“How’d the interview go?” Suzie excitedly asked. You shrugged as you ran your thumb across Hailey’s cheek. Suzie nodded, “Well, they’d be stupid not to hire you. Com’on The Bear is one of the best new restaurants in the city, and I’ve been dying to try it.”

The four of you had a phenomenal meal, although there was something eerily similar about it. “I swear I’ve had this exact meal before.” you laughed.

Carmy was walking to the hostess stand when he heard your laughter. He stopped dead in his tracks and quickly scanned the dining room before his eyes landed on the back of your head. It had been years since he’d seen you, but your laugh was the dead giveaway he needed to identify you. Carmy turned his attention back to the hostess stand and passed off a clipboard. “Here…” he said before walking back to the kitchen. Before he entered, he looked back into the dining room and saw your side profile. He swallowed softly as he felt memories of the two of you rushing back to him. Carmy paused before quickly walking back into the kitchen and to his station. 

Carmy tried to distract himself for the rest of dinner service, but knowing you were on the other side of those swinging doors was enough to throw him off his game. “I’ll be right back,” he muttered in Syd’s direction before quickly walking into the back office before she could respond. As soon as he’d reached the office, he closed and locked the door behind himself before leaning back against the door and pushing his hands through his hair. “Name all the brown things…” he mumbled as he took a deep breath. Carmy looked around the office, “The couch… the desk…, and those shelves… fuckin’ Jason.” he scoffed, realizing the ‘anxiety tricks’ his therapist had taught him had been beneficial. After another deep breath, Carmy went to sit at his desk. He opened the top drawer to reveal a worn bubble mailer. He stared at it for a second before slamming the drawer closed. He couldn’t think about you right now; he needed to get back into the kitchen.

When he walked out of the kitchen again, he saw your party had left. Carmy cursed under his breath as he quickly walked toward the exit. You coming into his restaurant had to be a sign, right? He looked up and down the street, trying to find you. Panic began to creep up as he realized he may have been too late. “Holy shit… Carmy?” your voice made Carmy’s brain go blank as he turned to face you. He was awestruck by your presence and couldn’t manage to string two words together. “Carmy?” you asked again, laughing awkwardly. 

“He-ey-y bab- Y/N… hey Y/N.” Carmy corrected himself before shoving his hands in his pockets as he rocked on his heels. 

“Hey… what are you doin’ here?” 

“Oh uh- this,” Carmy started before awkwardly gesturing up to The Bear, “It’s my-my restaurant. It used to be The Beef- Mikey’s restaurant, but uhh, we remodeled…” he explained. You nodded and glanced at your watch, wondering where Danny was with the car. “So uh- what, what brought you to Chicago?” 

“Job interview- principal position at Ridgeview Conservatory.” 

“Wow, that’s fancy.” Carmy responded, “You in Chicago much longer?” 

“A couple more days… visiting my brother Danny and his girlfriend.”

“Do you wanna get coffee tomorrow afternoon?” Carmy blurted out, “It’s cool if you can’t- I just… this feels like a- like a sign. Ya know?” 

You nodded, “I-I uh... Yes. I can do that.”

“Cool, cool… there’s this place on 9th called Ginger Snap- wanna meet up at like 3:30?”

“Yeah, that sounds good… see you then?” you confirmed, finally noticing Danny pulling up to the curb, “Bye, Carm..” he nodded and watched you get into the backseat next to the car seat. You glanced down to see Hailey sleeping. You watched her momentarily before the weight of your decision to have coffee with Carmy finally hit you. “Are you workin’ tomorrow, Danny?” 

“Yeah, did you need me to watch Hails?” he eagerly asked as he drove toward your AirBnB. 

“It’s okay. I can just take her with me.” 

“You have another interview?” Suzie brought up, turning her head to face you. You shook your head and thought for a second.

“Just hangin’ out with a friend of mine.” you slyly responded, hoping Danny hadn’t seen you talking to Carmy. Suzie shot you a suspicious look before turning back in her seat. “I’m sure they’ll love to meet Hailey.”

~~

“Carmy. Ready for our appointment?” Jason called. Jason was a clean-cut man. He wasn’t anything special. Carmy couldn’t pick him out if he'd been in a lineup of men. The waiting room was posh, with muted pastel green walls and some simplistic nature art in simple black frames. After a year, Carmy still couldn’t determine whether they were trees or leaves. He got up from his chair and tossed his empty coffee cup in the trash before following the man into an office. Carmy watched him sit in a dark leather armchair before he sat on a grey couch across from him. “So. What’s new?”

“I’m getting with my ex-fiance in about an hour… that’s-that’s new. Um… I don’t know how I feel about that.” Carmy started leaning back on the couch as he folded his arms over his lap and nervously played with the side seam of his jeans. He looked up to meet Jason’s non-chantant face, “I told her to forget about me, and then a couple of months later, she mailed me her engagement ring… I keep it at my desk as like a reminder of everything I gave up for this freakin’ restaurant- and then she has dinner in my restaurant.” Carmy chuckled softly, “She had dinner at my restaurant on a night when I made one of her favorite dishes- that’s a sign, right? She came to Chicago for a job interview- she’s gonna nail it. She’s a fuckin’ genius… badass clinical social worker with an additional master’s degree in early childhood education. She was always at the top of her class, even when she was working and doing multiple internships. She dealt with me being an ass… I don’t know Jason. It feels like a sign, and I know we talked about coincidences like six months ago, and I don’t wanna get all God-y, but I feel like this is God bringing her back to me. Like-like, the world is this big massive black hole of a place, and my life has been filled with all this pain and shit, right? She was the only good thing I had; now she’s back. I could get her back.” Carmy finally took a breath, and Jason shifted in his seat and moved his pen between his fingers like he had done when he was in deep contemplation. 

“Do you remember your first goal when we started seeing each other?” 

Carmy thought momentarily before a laugh escaped his chest. “I said I wanted to feel in control of my life.” Jason nodded and shifted in his seat again. “I sound insane, don’t I? I left this woman high and dry. She doesn’t want me back, but I need to apologize for the last time we saw each other.”

“What if she doesn’t accept your apology? Do you think you can accept that?”

Carmy scoffed at the question, “There’s no way she’s going to accept my apology. I think I can accept that… but can you concede it was, in fact, a sign that all of this is happening right now, right?”

“I believe in coincidences. I want you to tell me the worst-case scenario, the best-case scenario, and the most realistic scenario of what this meeting will result in.” Jason calmly asked while he maintained eye contact with Carmy.

“Okay…” Carmy nodded as he thought for a moment. “Worst case scenario, she either doesn’t show up, or she does show up and makes a scene tellin’ me what a d-bag I am- granted, she wouldn’t use that language. She’d say something WAY harsher, which is one of the many things I love- loved about her. She always spoke her mind… best case scenario, we get coffee. While we’re drinking our coffee, she tells me she’s moving to Chicago, and I ask her out, and we get back together.”

“Idealistic. I like that. What’s the most realistic?” Jason asked with a chuckle.

“We get coffee, we talk. She decides she doesn’t hate me for leaving her, and I don’t know beyond that…” Carmy answered truthfully.

~~

“This is a mistake…” you mumbled to yourself as you adjusted Hailey on your lap. Gingersnap Coffee was a small coffee shop. It was cute, definitely a place Carmy and you would’ve gone to when you two were together in New York. You sighed and went back to watching the door as Hailey flopped her giraffe toy on the table. 

Carmy arrived at the coffee shop on the dot at 3:30. He saw you sitting at the back table and felt a surge of energy overcome him. The two of you made eye contact; Carmy grinned as he approached the table. You stood up awkwardly, resulting in Haliey pausing her giraffe story, “Hey,” you smiled weakly, immediately regretting the fact you brought Hailey. Carmy was about to greet you when Hailey curiously looked up at him. He glanced down at the little girl and felt his heart stop. 

Carmy stared at Hailey. She smiled at him and pushed her giraffe toy in his direction. Unsure of what to do, he looked at you, then back at Hailey, then at you again before finally sputtering, “Yo-you have a kid?” 

You nodded slowly and gestured for him to sit down. Carmy hesitated, but after you sat down, he followed suit. Carmy stared at Hailey. “I shoulda told you.” you passively excused.

“W-wait…” Carmy started, “She’s… is she?”

You nodded at Carmy’s implication, “I can explain-”

Carmy shook his head, “You had my baby and didn’t tell me? Were you ever going to tell me?” 

“You left me,” you said in a hushed, blunt tone, “Carm, you told me to forget about you. I gave you the ring back. I blocked your number. I was trying to forget about you- then I found out I was pregnant. I hadn’t talked to you in weeks, and I figured if you could so easily throw away our engagement-”

“No.” Carmy spoke sternly, “If I knew you were pregnant, I woulda done the right thing.”

The two of you sat in a tense silence interrupted by Hailey sneezing multiple times, “Bess you!” she giggled, making you laugh as you dug a tissue out of your purse to wipe her nose. Carmy leaned back and watched the scene before him, realizing he’d missed two years of her life. “Tank you Momma.” 

Carmy wrung his hands out under the table and nervously glanced at the decorative clock on the wall adjacent to the table the three of you had occupied. “Do you wanna hold her?” your question surprised Carmy. He thought briefly before slowly nodding, “Okay… so Hailey, this is one of Mommy’s friends?” you stopped yourself and sighed. “That’s a lie… this is your Dad…” 

Dad. Camy felt like his chest would explode as you spoke to Hailey. The word echoed in his head as he accepted Hailey in his arms. She looked up at him with curious eyes. “Hi,” she softly greeted him as she reached up to touch Carmy’s face. He smiled at her.

“Hi,” Carmy repeated softly, “Is-is that- do… do you like giraffes?” 

~~

You were supposed to go back to New York the day after tomorrow; you stared up at the ceiling that night. As tired as you were, you couldn’t turn your brain off. Guilt, shame, regret… you should’ve told Carmy you were pregnant. What did he even mean by ‘do the right thing’? Would he have abandoned Mikey’s restaurant and come back to New York? Would the two of you gotten back together? Hailey’s life would’ve been so different if he’d been there from the start. You sighed, reached for your phone from the side table, and quickly scrolled to Carmy’s contact. You paused for a moment; it was almost 2 in the morning. You knew he was probably still awake.

“Hey- you okay?” Carmy answered on the first ring. “Yeah- can’t sleep… I’m due back in New York… I don’t know if I got the principal job… what do we do?” your voice quivered as you softly spoke into the phone. “I don’t know… I know I’ve only met Hailey once, but I love her. I can’t walk away from her.” 

“Are you watching that Italian grandma cooking show?” Carmy chuckled at your question, “Yeah… can’t sleep.” the line was quiet momentarily, “Hailey and I used to watch it when she was colic.” 

“She’s my kid.” Carmy chuckled. You nodded, knowing he couldn’t see you through the phone. You rolled onto your side and watched Hailey sleep. She was sprawled out, taking up most of the bed with her little body. “If I get this job and move out here permanently, do you want to do a shared custody thing? I guess it could start with the three of us, and then you can have more individual time with her…”

“Are you seeing anyone?” Carmy asked, ignoring the custody question entirely. “What do you think? I’m workin’ two jobs and have a two-year-old.” you laughed. Carmy smiled and pushed a hand through his hair, “Okay… guess I just wanted to know if- I know you probably don’t wanna get back together, but I don’t know… I was talkin’ to my therapist earlier. He gave some perspective- I wasn’t the man you deserved. I treated you like fuckin’ shit, and I’ve spent the last two years of my life trying to forget about you and move on with my life and create something Mikey would be proud of… I regret how we ended and hate myself for not being involved in Hailey’s life. When I was holding her and-and she was tellin’ that story about her giraffe… I can’t go back to not being in her life.” Carmy admitted. “Uh- if you get that job and move out here, there’s an empty two-bedroom in my building. This isn’t me sayin’ we should move in together or anything, but um, if we’re in the same building, I can help with Hailey more and make that a little easier on ya and get to know her- what do you think?” 

“Wow… um…” you swallowed as thoughts raced through your head, “No pressure. If you stay in New York, I can visit- maybe… maybe move back? I haven’t really thought about it, but I want to be in Hailey’s life.” Carmy sputtered. “Uh- yeah… yeah. Even if I get the job out here, I still have to go back to New York to put in my two-week notice and talk to my landlord and just- just a lot of stuff…” 

“I didn’t scare you off, did I?” Carmy awkwardly laughed, “No. I mean- we won’t get back together just because we have a kid. But I’m open to you being in Hailey’s life.” 

~~

“You’re fuckin’ crazy.” Richie coldly said as he helped carry boxes upstairs. Carmy rolled his eyes, opting to ignore him. “Carmen, are you even sure she’s your kid?” 

“Will you shut the fuck up? Hailey is my daughter. I don’t need a test to prove it.” Carmy defended as he dropped a box on the floor of your new apartment. You’d gotten the principal position and moved to Chicago. With help from Danny and Richie, today was the day you and Hailey were officially moving out of Danny’s guest room and into the two-bedroom apartment across the hall from Carmy’s place.

“You didn’t say the empty apartment was directly across the hall from you.” you laughed as you entered the apartment. You noticed the tension between Richie and Carmy; your arrival in Chicago surprised the Berzatto family. While you and Carmy were together, you’d never been formally introduced to any of his family. Natalie and Pete welcomed you with open arms. She was happy to be an aunt and to see Carmy happy. Richie and Donna, on the other hand, were apprehensive about your presence in Carmy’s life. 

Carmy shrugged. “It’s not a problem, is it?” He tried to be nonchalant and keep his flirty tone more subdued, but everyone saw through it. Richie rolled his eyes and went back out to the moving van.

“Carm.”

“I just wanna be close by, not the worst thing in the world.” Carmy defended himself. You shook your head and took a box into Hailey’s bedroom. Carmy watched you walk away, swallowing softly when his eyes landed on your butt. He shook his head and walked across the hall. He entered his apartment to see Suzie sitting on the floor with Hailey. 

“Hey.” Suzie smiled when she noticed Carmy standing by the door. Hailey looked up and happily squealed. You and Hailey had been in Chicago for a couple of weeks, and Carmy was really trying to see Hailey as often as he could.

Carmy sat on the floor by Suzie while Hailey pushed herself off the floor to sit on his lap. He smiled and hugged her loosely, saying, “Hi, baby girl.” Hailey cuddled into his chest, making his heart flutter. 

You’d finished wrangling the boxes and wandered out of your apartment and across the hall to Carmy’s. You were going to ask if he was hungry but stopped when you saw Carmy leaning against the couch, cradling a sleeping Hailey, “And then you blanch the greens- that’s when you boil or steam something and immediately dip it in ice water. Your Momma used to hate greens, so one day, I made her this recipe, and she said it was the most delicious thing she’d ever tasted.” 

“I think she’s asleep,” you commented as you approached the couch. Carmy looked up at you and smiled.

“She is… I just wanted to finish reading this recipe to her.” Carmy shrugged, placing the book on the coffee table. You sat next to Carmy on the floor and put your head on Carmy’s shoulder as you watched Hailey’s chest rise and fall. 

“Where’d Suzie go?” you asked, scooting closer to Carmy. You noticed him swallow nervously before explaining she had to go to work. “You’re good with her,” you commented, referring to how Carmy cradled Hailey protectively.

“You think so?” Carmy asked as he shifted his attention to you.

You nodded, “You’re a natural.” 

Carmy scoffed, “I wouldn’t say I’m a natural… I just wanna make up for lost time.” you nodded again and snaked an arm around Carmy’s waist. He tensed at the feeling and sat straighter.

“Well, you’re doin’ great.”

~~

“Daddy!” Hailey happily squealed as Carmy walked into your apartment that morning. He smiled and put the bag he’d been carrying on the counter as he closed the front door with his foot. 

“Hi, baby girl.” he leaned down to pick her up. Hailey hugged him tightly and started explaining a dream she’d had. Carmy smiled and bounced her on his hip. He listened contently as he went into the kitchen. You heard the commotion from your bedroom. You smiled as Carmy’s voice carried through your askew bedroom door. As you finished getting ready for work, you noticed the conversation between Hailey and Carmy. It had been about six months since you’d moved to Chicago, and Carmy was holding on to his promise to be involved in Hailey’s life. Watching your daughter fall in love with him was touching. He was so calm around her and interested in everything she said.

When you left your bedroom, you saw Carmy and Hailey sitting at the table. She was happily munching on a bowl of cereal, and Carmy sat back, drinking a cup of coffee. “Hey Carmy, hi sugar cookie.” you smiled as you leaned in to kiss Hailey’s cheek. She squealed, making you smile before kissing her other cheek.

“Daddy, kiss too!” Hailey demanded, pointing to Carmy. 

“You want Daddy to kiss your cheek, too?” you asked, resting your chin on her head. 

“No! Daddy kiss too!” Hailey demanded again, “Momma, kiss Daddy too!”

You looked at Carmy and saw a blush creeping up his cheeks. “Do you think Daddy wants a kiss, too?”  Hailey squealed and pointed at Carmy again. You nodded and kissed the top of her head before moving over to kiss his cheek. Hailey giggled and went back to eating her cereal. Carmy swallowed softly and quickly finished his coffee before abruptly standing up to rinse out his coffee cup. You waited a second before joining him in the kitchen. “Sorry, was that weird?”

Carmy shook his head, “No, it was okay, but… can Daddy have a real kiss sometime?” 

“I think that can be arranged.” you chimed nonchalantly. 

“Can Daddy take you out sometime?” 

“Only if you stop referring to yourself as Daddy.” you laughed as you playfully pushed his shoulder. 

“Deal.”

[etherealising]

interlude one | my everything...

masterlist | ↢ previous chapter | next chapter ↣

pairing(s): carmen 'carmy' berzatto x fem!reader | fem!reader x original male character | the bear x fem!reader

summary: all it takes is one question from the girl carmy's been crushing on to send him spiraling. or, alternatively; the beginning of the end of your friendship with one carmen berzatto.

warning(s): vague mentions of terminal illness | talks of death |minimal editing |

wc: 8.7k

May 2013

Carmy stood behind your sitting figure, his arms caging you against the counter while his chin rested on your shoulder. He was doing his best to keep up with your corrections and explanations of the mind map he'd made for his English final analysis, but for the life of him, he just couldn't seem to follow along.

He let his eyes drift to the clock on the wall for a moment noting that you still had 30 minutes left in your shift, the restaurant was pretty empty allowing the two of you to squeeze in some time for your studies, which he appreciated considering he needed all the help he could get and it didn't hurt that it allowed the two of you to hang out. Something he was doing his best to take advantage of while the two of you were still in the same city, with graduation just a month away, he'd be leaving soon, a fact he seemingly forgot to bring up whenever he was in your company.

"Carmy, c'mon, I thought you were serious about this." Carmy was pulled from his thoughts as you spoke, eyes moving from the clock on the wall, only to find your head turned in his direction, your face just centimeters from his. "You're not even listening to me."

He found himself smiling at the slight whine in your voice and the adorable pout lining your lips, he could recite bits and pieces of the monologue you gave him if you asked him to and it wasn't because he gave a shit about The Illiad but he cared about you and he appreciated the time you were taking away from your own finals preparations to help him out.

"You know I always pay attention to you," his smile widened at the sight of you rolling your eyes and grumbling under your breath before moving to wrap one of his arms around your shoulders and pulling you into his chest for a hug, you tilted your head back to look up at him as he looked down on you. "Awe, c'mon I promise, Baby."

Carmy watched as a small smile lined your lips, waiting for you to respond, only for the sound of a throat clearing to pull him from the trance he found himself trapped in while staring at you. His eyes shot forward, widening as he took in the figure standing opposite the two of you, before he rushed to distance himself from you, trying to ignore the subtle frown beginning to overtake your features.

"Um, I'm sorry for interrupting but I was hoping I could put in an order." Carmy stood there unsure of what to do with himself as he listened to you transition back into customer service mode.

"Claire, hey! Of course, what can I get for you?" He wasn't aware that you were on a first-name basis with the girl, but he drowned out the conversation happening in front of him and dropped his gaze to the ground in hopes it would make him less noticeable, wishing he could sneak off to the dining area without making a complete and utter fool of himself. By the time he raised his eyes, he found himself alone in the front of the restaurant with Claire gently smiling at him as the two of them stood in an awkward silence.

"So, um, how long have the two of you been together?" At the sound of Claire's question, Carmy furrowed his eyebrow, unsure if she was asking what he thought she was. The confusion on his face must have alerted her to his lack of understanding as she spoke up again. "She's your girlfriend, right? Sorry, it's none of my business."

He watched the way she shrank in on herself, adjusting her glasses as he tried to come to terms with the fact that he was talking with a girl who wasn't you, a girl who he'd been crushing on for longer than he could remember. And that thought alone prompted his response.

"No!" He silently cursed himself at the way his loud voice caused Claire to flinch before finishing his explanation. "Sorry, uh, yeah she's my girlfriend…not, n-no I mean she's like my girl w-who is also a friend." Carmy watched as she nodded, a feeling of warmth blooming in his chest even though the conversation wasn't off to the greatest start.

"Oh…okay," neither of them seemed to know how to keep the conversation going as they avoided each other's eyes, silence settling around them. "What's with the whole 'Baby' thing if you don't mind me asking?"

He nodded, taking a step closer to the counter so he wouldn't have to speak so loudly, "It's a uh nickname."

"Like 'Dirty Dancing'?"

Carmy offered Claire a small smile and nodded before another idle silence pierced through the front of the restaurant. He could hear everyone shuffling around in the back, sure you were helping to finish the big dinner order Claire put in, so she didn't have to wait much longer.

"I've had a few classes with her, she's really nice and pretty cool to talk to." Claire seemed to be growing more comfortable with the conversation, which only helped to make Carmy feel a bit more confident in the whole situation. "I'm sorry for assuming the two of you were together, I just…I see you hanging out all the time, and well, everyone kind of thinks you're dating, so…yeah."

The smile on Carmy's face dropped, giving way to a frown. This was news to him, but it made sense considering he was a bit of a loner outside of having you and Fak. "We uh grew up together, you know…so guess that kind of explains it. But, I-I don't really think I could ever see her that way, s-she's my best friend I mean but I would never want to be with her i-in that capacity or any other," he trailed off hoping his words sounded as convincing as he was trying to make them seem even though he could feel doubt creeping up on him.

Before he could hear Claire's response, you walked back to the front with to-go bags in hand and began ringing Claire up.

"Sorry for the wait." Carmy found himself disappearing into the background once more as you and Claire engaged in conversation. He couldn't explain why, but Claire's theory surrounding the two of you kept pushing to the forefront of his mind, and he found his gaze drifting to the back of your head as her words rang in his ears. Carmy would be lying if he said he'd never thought of you in that way or didn't have the occasional inappropriate dream, but he chalked that all up to just being a teenager with hormones.

"Bye Carmen…I'll see you at school." He looked at Claire in surprise before sending a shy wave in her direction and watching as she left the establishment, hoping she didn't notice the flinch at the use of his full name, something he only tolerated from you.

He stood there for a moment longer before moving to collect his school supplies and help you wipe down the counters as he usually did whenever he was your ride home. You disappeared into the kitchen before returning with a bucket and rags, the two of you working in tandem to get everything clean, and all the while, all he could think of was what life would be like if the two of you were more than just friends.

Carmy's vision was blocked by the feel of two soft hands cupping his eyes and blocking out any sunlight. He felt his body relaxing back into yours, only knowing it was you because he could smell the perfume you always wore.

"Guess who?" Carmy felt himself involuntarily shudder as your whispered words caressed his ear, his heart beating just a bit faster. A sense of confusion raced through him, surprised by his reaction considering the number of times you'd done this before.

He reached up, gripping your hands and pulling them off his eyes, forcing you to slouch over his back as he pulled your arms down his torso. "I dunno, you kinda sound like this girl that pelted me with potatoes when we were six because I wouldn't play with her."

Your soft laughter rang through Carmy's ears while your arms moved to wrap around his shoulders as you hugged him from behind. He found a smile growing on his face when your face dropped next to his your own smile on full display, "See how much more fun it is when you actually play along Bear?"

Whatever reply Carmy prepared was stolen by the feel of your lips ghosting across his cheek, he felt like his heart was going into overdrive as he watched you walk around the table before sitting down across from him. He could tell you were speaking because he could see your lips moving, but the ringing in his ears made whatever you were saying to him incomprehensible. He began subtly shifting in his seat while looking at your lips, remembering just how it felt when they touched his skin moments ago. Carmy was confused, a constant feeling for him ever since his conversation with Claire at The Beef; you'd kissed him on the cheek plenty of times before and he never reacted in this way and he couldn't quite put his finger on what was so different this time, but he needed to figure it out and fast.

"So, have you given prom any thought? Tickets go on sale tomorrow." Your voice pulled Carmy back to reality as he reached for the flyer you slid across the lunch table and began to read the information on it. He knew how much you wanted to go and though he didn't understand your excitement for the event he found himself wanting to go just because you did, Carmy shrugged his shoulders letting the paper drop to the table before gearing up to ask if the two of you should go together only to be stopped by Fak's frantic arrival.

"Baby! Bear!" His lunch tray slamming against the table had you jumping in surprise, leg knocking into Carmy's under the table, before his foot gently tapped the top of yours for reassurance. "I have been sitting on the hottest piece of gossip all day, and now that we're all together, I can finally share."

Carmy listened as you laughed at Fak's eccentric behavior his eyes being drawn to your smile feeling one tug at his own lips. "Well, what is it?" The curiosity of your question was mirrored on your face as you looked at Fak who had taken the empty spot next to Carmy, anticipation seeming to drip off of you.

"Alright, so get this, Claire's cousin Big Denny is dating Frannie's best friend Carla, but Frannie and Big Denny are sneaking around behind Carla's back. And so, because of that Big Denny's at the house sometimes," he paused his explanation to take a bite of his food, hardly giving himself time to finish chewing before he was talking once more. "And so last night Frannie and Big Denny were arguing because Carla found out that they were seeing each other because Josie, Carla's sister who also happens to be Big Denny's ex-wife, and he are sleeping together again, and Big Denny tells Josie everything. And Josie and my mom get their nails done at the same salon, and you know who else gets their nails done there?"

Your hand slamming down against the table in excitement drew a chuckle out of Carmy as he watched you become engrossed in Fak's storytelling "Carla!"

"What? No Baby, Claire's mom. Why would you guess Carla?" Fak rolled his eyes as though the answer he'd just given even made any sense in the storyline he set up. "Anyway so they're all there getting their nails done, gossiping like us and Claire's mom told my mom that Josie told her that Claire told Carla that Carla told Big Denny that Big Denny told Josie that Claire has been crushing on somebody named Carmen for like months but she never made a move because of his girlfriend but turns out he's single and now she has a shot!"

As the confusion from the explanation cleared from Carmy's system, it gave way to shock as he finally internalized what Fak just admitted, his eyes widening at the new information he learned. He let his eyes stray to you for a moment, instantly clocking the way you seemed to physically deflate, your hand that was on the table now picking at the prom flyer you'd brought with you earlier. When you looked up and locked eyes with Carmy, he watched the forced smile grace your face, knowing that something soured your mood but unsure as to what it was.

"That's really great news for you Carm, you'll finally get your chance with her." Carmy nodded along to your words absentmindedly brows furrowing as his eyes danced across your face hoping to detect some sort of evidence that would help him to understand your change in attitude.

Silence blanketed the table after your congratulations, and Carmy just couldn't wrap his head around the revelation Fak's words brought forth.

"You know Carm I thought you'd be more excited than this. I just hand delivered the most top secret information of my life and lemme tell you Bear it was not easy to come by." Fak resumed eating his lunch all the while shaking his head in Carmy's direction.

Carmy was excited…at least that's what he was telling himself, but every so often, he would steal a glance at you, and then you were all he could think about. He'd been crushing on Claire for longer than he could remember and to know that he was even on her radar should have put him on cloud nine while he was surprised by the notion that she liked him he just couldn't get over the disappointment he felt every time he looked in your direction and you weren't smiling.

"No offense, Fak, but your storytelling skills could use some work." You shrugged your shoulders at Fak's offended look before reaching to steal one of his cheese fries. "You definitely buried the lede on that one."

A back-and-forth ensued between you and Fak as Carmy sat lost in his thoughts. All the truths he thought he knew about himself seemed to fall apart anytime he let his mind play with the idea of something more between you two. It was all so confusion from the wistful ideas Claire's words about the two of you at The Beef brought up, to his reluctance to feel excited at the opportunity to maybe have a chance with Claire Dunlap if Fak's information was correct. And like clockwork all his thoughts and confusion kept leading him back to you.

Carmy was pulled out of his subconscious as a body plopped down in the seat next to you, his confusion easily giving way to frustration as Hayden's arm moved to wrap around your shoulders pulling you flush against him. Carmy didn't think he was a hateful person and he didn't hate Hayden Ivanovski but the guy sure did know how to get under his skin without even trying.

Hayden was a recent addition to your trio, and Carmy hadn't minded his company at first. But after a whole school year of watching the two of you share inside jokes he and Fak weren't privy to, the way he constantly touched and flirted with you only helped to fester Carmy's aversion to the guy.

"What gossip did you bring for us today, Fak?" The teen in question straightened up as he began his spiel once more from the top. Carmy didn't hate Hayden, but he hated how charming and charismatic he was, he hated how easily he fit in with your group, and he hated that, overall, Hayden was actually a pretty good guy. But most importantly, he hated the way Hayden would sometimes whisper something in your ear and the way you would lean into him as you laughed, how sometimes you would burry your face in his chest while other times you would look at him with that beautiful bright smile of yours like you were doing right now.

Watching you smile at Hayden with the beaming smile that was once only reserved for Carmy was crushing, and just like everything else, he couldn't understand why.

"Yo, Carm, you listenin' man?" Hayden's fist knocked against the tabletop, letting Carmy know that Fak had finished his retelling. "Said if you're gonna make a move," he watched as Hayden's eyes dipped to the prom flyer, eyes widening as a lightbulb moment went off in his head as he reached for the paper. "Oh shit man, you plannin' to ask her to prom?"

Carmy wasn't sure what to say as everyone at the table awaited his reply, he looked in your direction as if doing so would provide him with whatever answer he was looking for but all he could seem to focus on was the soft features of your face as he began silently dissecting what was so different between this version of you and the version he drew in charcoal.

"You totally should Carm that's like the best start to any love story." Fak's declaration of excitement pulled Carmy from his study of you but not before he watched the slight downturn of your lips and the lack of any readable emotion take over your face.

He caught Hayden nodding along before leaning over to high-five with Fak for god knows what, all the while he seemed to be the only one who noticed your lack of interest in the conversation. Carmy tuned the two of them out as they continued a conversation about the event, and all he really cared about in that moment was figuring out what was going on with you. Carmy nudged your foot, catching your attention, brows furrowing as he implored you to give him any sort of hint, wishing for nothing more than for Fak and Hayden to disappear.

"Claire! Hey Claire!" Carmy's head shot in Fak's direction, watching as he stood waving his hand back and forth in the air to flag down Claire from across the quad.

Carmy felt like an asshole as he watched her approach but the last thing he wanted to deal with in that moment was anything Claire related and considering she'd already seen him at the table it wasn't like he could just up and leave.

The clearing of your throat pulled his attention as he watched you gather your belongings eyes glued to your backpack as you packed your items. You finished just as Claire arrived at the table standing and turning to smile at her.

"Here, take my seat. I was just leaving to speak with my guidance counselor."

Carmy frowned at your words, knowing full well they were an excuse, because you were dodging your counselor at every opportunity. Watching as you walked away, he couldn't help the feeling of disappointment beginning to take root in him. He wanted nothing more than to catch up with you and make sure you were okay, but he knew doing so would likely end up feeding Claire's previous theory about you and him.

Your figure disappeared into the distance, forcing him to focus his attention on the conversation that Fak and Hayden started up with Claire. He sent her a small welcoming smile as he caught her eye, hoping he didn't appear as awkward as he felt. As the lunch period dragged on with him adding little to nothing of substance to the conversation, he found himself grateful as Fak waved off his lack of talking as being shy when in reality, he just no longer had any interest in even being there.

As Carmy sat there, forcing himself to actively participate in the conversation, he realized he didn't have everything all figured out like he once thought. Instead of being in the moment and getting to know Claire better, he wanted nothing more than to be by your side, providing you the comfort that you seemed to need.

The sound of your bedroom door opening pulled your attention from the history DBQ you were dead set on completing before heading out for dinner at the Berzattos. Upon glancing up you spotted Carmy stepping into your room, sending a small smile his way before returning to your school work.

"My mom send you to come get me?" You had a habit of losing track of time when you wanted to get something over and done with, having been late to dinner a multitude of times after telling your mom you'd meet her across the street.

Carmy's face appearing in your line of sight made you smile as you stopped writing so he could make himself comfortable next to you, watching as he copied the position you were lying in before snatching up one of the stuffed animals situated at the head of your bed. Not surprised to see he picked the one he'd bought you for your birthday.

"No uh, I came over on my own feel like I've barely seen you this week." You watched as he glanced at your assignment, pulling it over to see it better before scrunching his nose up and leaving it alone.

As much as you didn't want to admit it, you knew you were avoiding him. Ever since Fak spilled the beans last week at lunch, you knew Carmy and Claire were hanging out more, and you weren't sure how to navigate being around him now that he had a chance for something to happen with the girl. You told yourself you were doing him a favor, taking yourself out of the picture so he could finally get what he longed for, but in reality, you did so in hopes of protecting yourself from the heartbreak you knew seeing him happy with someone else would bring.

"Yeah, sorry, just kind of been putting all of my focus into passing my finals," you sent him an apologetic look as you lied through your teeth and pushed your homework out of the way before turning to lie on your side so you were facing him. "But talk to me, Bear, what's going on with you?"

Carmy mimicked your position and hugged the stuffed animal to his chest as he looked at you. "I kinda have uh this dilemma…a girl dilemma." You nodded along to Carmy's words, encouraging him to let you know his issues.

"Well, uh, I think…no, I know I like Claire, b-but recently I've been…having doubts, I guess. I mean I still think Claire's really cool a-and pretty and it's nice talking to her, but I just…I'm confused." You forced your feelings for the boy in front of you to the back burner, not wanting to be selfish in whatever advice you could offer to him.

A moment of silence passed between the both of you while you tried to gather your thoughts in the best way possible, you wanted to give Camry as unbiased an opinion as you could. But if you were being honest with yourself you were probably the last person who should have been giving him any advice on this topic.

Taking a deep breath, you offered him your best comforting smile, "For starters, Carm, you should have more than two reasons for liking someone, especially if one of them is only because of physical attributes. But what type of doubts have you been having? Are you just scared that Fak got his info wrong and that's why you haven't asked Claire to prom yet?"

You watched as he shrugged, his fingers gently playing with the bow on your bear hinting at just how nervous he was to be having this conversation with you.

"You know you can tell me anything, Bear, I won't judge you."

Carmy's eyes met yours, and you couldn't help but feel a bit unnerved by the intensity of his gaze. You followed the movement of his eyes as they darted across your face, his slow perusal of your features made your skin crawl, and his prolonged silence wasn't doing any favors to assuage how warm his gaze made you feel. Before you could question him, his eyes found yours once more as he cleared his throat, hand moving to scratch the back of his neck.

"I just…how do you know if you really like someone? Like with you, Baby, how did you uh realize you liked your you know…mystery guy?" You didn't miss the way Carmy frowned as he asked the question, but you were too caught up in your surprise to delve into that at the moment.

If you didn't know Carmy was being serious, you might have laughed his question off, but you just told him you wouldn't judge him. The question blindsided you; this wasn't a normal topic of conversation for the two of you, while you admitted to having a crush on someone, Carmy obviously still didn't know the object of your affection. And for the most part, you were happy to keep it that way, making sure to not bring up the topic while in conversation with Carmy, the longer you thought on it though you began to realize every time your love life came up in conversation with him, it was always Carmy bringing it up. But as you sat there dumbstruck by the question, you couldn't think of a logical let alone a believable, reason to avoid it.

"I don't think I can pinpoint a specific moment," you couldn't believe you were talking about this with Carmy, but maybe doing so would make it easier for you when you finally came to terms with the truth of your situation. "It sounds dumb, but it just kind of happened…it was like this build-up of all the little moments, you know? And then one day I remember just looking at him and I dunno, I guess everything just clicked, and I…I kind of just realized that he was my person…or well…at least I thought he was."

"What happened?" Your eyes shot to Carmy's, surprised to see how enraptured he was by your words, "I just I mean…how do you know he's not your person i-if you've never told him how you feel?"

A chuckle was your only answer as you turned to lie on your back, eyes focused on the ceiling. You felt the bed shift as Carmy moved closer, seemingly intrigued by the turn of conversation. "I'm second best in his eyes, Carm," you let your head loll to the side, looking at Carmy as you watched his brows knot in confusion. "That's probably not fair to say, considering he doesn't know how I feel…but he has someone else, and telling him that I like him would just be selfish. I wouldn't want to ruin things for him."

You gave Carmy a sad smile realizing the explanation didn't take any weight off your shoulders, instead you just felt heavier the space where your heart resided seemed to ache as you lay next to him.

Carmy moved closer, his chest brushing against the outside of your arm as he settled once more. You blinked in surprise, watching as his face hovered over yours, appearing in your line of sight, just barely blocking the daylight illuminating your room from your vision.

"What about you?" your brows furrowed at his question a silent plea for him to explain more. "I mean w-what if there's someone else…for you?"

Only a moment passed before the words were out of your mouth.

"Is there someone else for you, Bear?" Your eyes locked on his, gaze full of curiosity as you waited for him to answer. Answering his question with the same one he asked you wasn't the best decision, but you were no longer interested in talking about your romantic interests, and maybe hearing him talk about his would help bring you back down to reality and push you past the crush you harbored on him.

A prolonged silence settled between the two of you as you held each other's gaze. Carmy seemed deep in thought, eyes not leaving your face as the minutes ticked by. This look on his face wasn't one you'd seen before, any other time you could easily tell what his train of thought was just by the littlest emotions crossing his face, but as the silence stretched between you, you couldn't help but to wish you knew what was going on inside his head.

"Y-yeah…I think there might be."

You blinked in surprise, doing your best to hide the emotions his honesty seemed to stir up inside of you. Before you could get a word out, Carmy's hand raised between the two of you, hovering for just a moment before slowly moving toward your face, the palm of his calloused hand cupping your cheek as his thumb gently caressed your under eye.

"Your eyes…I can never get them right when I draw you." Although his words were whispered, you heard him.

Warmth bloomed in your chest at this new piece of information, you were shocked to hear that Carmy tried committing your features to paper. And you weren't sure what this revelation meant but the atmosphere in your room felt charged as you lay there nearly tucked into his chest. Carmy's face was only inches above yours as he continued the soft smoothing motion of his thumb against your skin.

"You draw me?"

Your voice was equally as breathy as his, as you relaxed into his touch, feeling as his appendage traced the planes of your face before brushing across your eyebrow.

A small, barely there smile curved his lips, juxtaposing the deep blush that began to settle on his cheeks.

The movement was subtle, and you weren't sure if it was you who leaned up or him who leaned down, but the tips of your noses grazed against each other's as he uttered one word that had your head spinning as you tried to figure out what this moment meant; if anything at all.

"Always."

You inhaled deeply breathing his one-word answer in as you did, your eyes roved back and forth between his trying to figure out if the tension you felt was mirrored in his eyes or if you were just reading into things. Hesitantly you moved to grip his hand, holding it in place where it cupped your cheek.

Hope was the wish of fools, but in the short seconds when his eyes dropped to your lips, you felt pathetic as a sliver of your being couldn't help but to hope that you might have been that someone else Carmy was talking about.

Three loud knocks on your bedroom door quickly pulled you out of whatever trance you were caught in. You and Carmy jumped apart as the door swung open, revealing Mikey's figure in the hall.

"What the hell are you two doin'? Dinners almost done, and you know Ma won't let us eat without the two of you." He stood there with his arms crossed frown on his face as he looked at you both. You avoided his gaze, embarrassed by what you almost let transpire between you and Carmy, knowing how much it would likely hurt Claire.

You felt the moment Mikey's eyes left your figure, breathing a sigh of relief as he turned his full attention on Carmy, whatever he saw there pulling a light-hearted chuckle from him.

"Ya know what just get outta here, before I bust your asses for being in here with the door closed."

Mortification flooded you at the implication of his words, knowing he wasn't too far off in his accusations. You slid off the edge of the bed, turning to face Carmy, hoping to nip whatever awkwardness may linger between the two of you in the bud, only to find him slightly hunched over himself, gripping your stuffed bear for dear life in his lap.

The clearing of Mikey's throat pulled your attention. "Baby, why don't you go help 'em' finish? Carmy and I'll lock up."

If he thought you might question him he was mistaken as you took the opportunity to remove yourself from the situation not wanting to be in your room any longer with the two brothers.

Making your way through the house, you couldn't help but replay the moment between you and Carmy over and over again on a loop. A part of you was sure there was something there, and the desire to attempt and confess your feelings for him raced through you once more.

But as quickly as those thoughts emerged, they were disregarded just as quickly, as you recalled the words he'd spoken to Claire that day at The Beef. You were his best friend, and in Carmy's eye, that's all you would ever be, and you would always have to live with that fact, no matter how much it hurt you.

Because if keeping Carmy in your life meant pretending you hadn't felt more of him, then you would do so if that's what he wanted.

"Alright, Baby, ready to get going?" Mikey's voice pulled your attention from the book you were reading as you waited for him to take you home.

You nodded in response to his question before stuffing the book in your bag and getting up to follow him to the parking lot. A small appreciative smile lined your lips as he unlocked the car and opened the passenger door for you, allowing you to get comfortable before closing in and making his way around the car and joining you.

As soon as Mikey started the car, you began flipping through the radio station, searching for something enjoyable to listen to on the ride home, lest the older man make you listen to whatever he was in the mood for.

He chuckled at your eagerness as he exited the parking lot "Hey you got time for some ice cream or are you in a rush to get home and finish that borin' ass book?"

You scoffed at his question, "First of all, it's not boring, and I always have time when you're paying Mikey."

Mikey's chuckle reached your ears as he shook his head at your words. The two of you settled in, allowing the music on the radio to be the only noise in the car. Moments alone with Mikey were few and far between recently, and it wasn't because you had outgrown the man, but with work, taking care of your mom, and trying to graduate high school, there was little free time for you to take advantage of.

You smiled as the car rolled to a stop not at all surprised to see the sign for Margie's Candies, a favorite of yours since you could remember. You and Mikey exited the car at the same time before heading inside, the sun barely beginning to set as you chose a booth.

Neither of you reached for a menu, already knowing exactly what you wanted, and a waiter wasn't far behind, quickly taking your order before leaving the two of you alone once more.

"So, Michael, what are we doing here?" You smiled as he rolled his eyes before imploring him with a questioning look.

There was usually only one of two reasons for a visit to Margie's, and it was either celebrating an accomplishment or to sweeten the blow of bad news with decadent ice cream. Mikey opened his mouth, only to stop as the waiter returned with your orders the both of you giving your thanks.

A contented sigh escaped you as you dug into your ice cream before taking a bite out of the delicious treat, savoring the sweetness of it all.

"How're you doing Baby?" The seriousness of Mikey's voice confused you as you moved your eyes from your ice cream to stare at him directly brows furrowed in confusion at his question. He ate a spoonful of his own ice cream before speaking up. "I uh…I know things are tough for you right now. Just trynna see where your head at is all."

You nodded slowly not fully believing his reasoning but deciding to just go with it. "I-I'm good I think? Really just focusing on making sure mom is okay and finishing senior year strong."

Mikey hummed at your answer, and you could see as you stayed focused on his eyes that there was more to this conversation. He nodded once before returning to his dessert. You followed suit, but you couldn't help the apprehension beginning to settle in your gut. The two of you sat in a prolonged silence for a few moments more, and just when you thought it was fine to lower your guard, Mikey spoke up.

"Oh yeah, how's those college applications coming along?" His question gave you a momentary pause, a spoonful of ice cream halfway to your mouth before you forced yourself to move once more, the ice cream feeling heavy in your stomach as you swallowed.

The line of your shoulders raised in a shrug as you took a minute to gather your thoughts, "Good just waiting to hear back from the ones I applied to."

You looked up from your bowl at the sound of Mikey sucking his teeth watching as his eyebrows furrowed. You felt your stomach drop as he leaned forward, placing his elbows on the table, hand raised to wipe a hand across his mouth before leveling his gaze on you.

"You sure?" the tone of his voice let you know the next answer out of your mouth needed to be truthful.

Holding Mikey's gaze proved to be a struggle, and as soon as you looked away, you knew you'd lost the battle. "Yeah, I told you I just haven't-"

"Heard back?" He cut you off from finishing your sentence, and that's when you realized he wasn't looking for an explanation; he just wanted to see if you'd lie to him. "Baby, why the hell is Carmy hiding your acceptance letters?"

A defeated sigh parted your lips as you pushed your bowl of ice cream away from you before deflating back into your seat. You looked around the parlor, noting the few other patrons, wondering if their conversations were going any better than yours.

"He's not hiding them." You shrugged, unsure of what else to say, wishing you were anywhere but here right now.

"Really? Is that why they're all hidden between the pages of his sketchbooks?"

A slight feeling of relief filled you at knowing Carmy had kept his promise, and that Mikey was just too nosy for his own good, likely having come across the letters on accident. You hadn't spoken with Carmy since that day in your bedroom and you knew he was avoiding you as much as you were avoiding him.

"Your mom knows about this?"

"No, and you aren't going to tell her."

Mikey's eyebrows raised at your tone of voice, he'd watched you grow up and dealt with your attitude plenty of times before, "Watch it." His words weren't a request but rather a warning all he wanted to understand was why you were being sneaky about college, it wasn't his place to tell your mom. "Just talk to me Baby, what's goin' on?"

The table was quiet as you bit your lip in contemplation, eyes locked on the bowl in front of you. You felt the need to apologize for your smart mouth, knowing Mikey likely wouldn't go to your mom unless you were in danger. But you also wanted to avoid this conversation at all costs, avoid the truth that both you and your mom were pretending didn't exist.

A resigned sigh finally left your lips as you met Mikey's gaze, doing your best to keep your composure. "My mom has worked so hard to give me the life I deserve, she's my biggest cheerleader, and I know she'd be proud if she found the letters, but…there's no getting better for her-"

You trailed off as your eyes welled with tears, your bottom lip beginning to tremble as you worked to keep the tears at bay. "And I-I don't wanna be halfway across the world when mama goes."

Mikey's sharp intake of breath was all you heard before he got up and squished himself into the booth next to you. No words were exchanged between the two of you as he pulled you into his side and allowed you to bury your face in his chest. He wrapped his arms around you, chin pressing into your head. You were thankful to have chosen one of the booths in the back, embarrassed to be crying in public.

Time continued to pass as Mikey held you there, hand gently smoothing up and down your back to help calm you down before placing a gentle kiss atop your head. "You sure you're not just staying for my idiot brother?"

You knew Mikey meant for the question to be funny but it just brought on a whole new wave of emotions for you, helping to open a pandora's box of all your repressed feelings - good and bad - toward the youngest Berzatto.

Your whine of annoyance at the mention of his brother pulled a chuckle out of Mikey, arm moving to rest across the back of the booth as his fingers began messing with the collar of your jacket.

"Gonna tell me what I walked in on the other day?"

It was obvious he already had his ideas about what almost happened between you and Carm, either that or he'd already spoken with his brother about the near incident.

You let out a frustrated groan before rubbing your hands down your face. "Literally nothing that even matters." Meeting Mikey's gaze let you know he didn't believe your words for a second, causing even more frustration to bubble up inside you. "Look, I don't know, okay! One moment he's telling me he needs girl advice and the next he's waxing poetic about my eyes, and I think we're about to kiss but we can't because well, for one, you walk in, and oh, did I forget to mention he's stupidly in love with someone else. And there I was, seconds from being a home wrecker to a home that doesn't even exist, and don't even get me started on the fact that everyone has a prom date but me, and…and why are you laughing at me? This is serious, Mikey?"

The older man responded by pulling you into a hug and resting his chin against your head, "Just good to see you worried about teenager shit, you're growin' up too fast." You relaxed into his arms, letting his words sink in and realizing how right he was. You had so much responsibility thrust upon your shoulders that you hadn't gotten the chance to live and enjoy your senior year.

"Thought you were supposed to tell the kid how you felt months ago? What happened to that?"

A resigned scoff escaped your lips as you sat up once more, "Claire Dunlap happened and it's not like it's her fault I mean from the few interactions I've had with her she's pretty cool," you trailed off unsure of what to say, it wasn't like there was much you could do to change the way Carmy felt. "And before the whole bedroom situation he made it crystal clear he'll never see me as more than a friend."

The man next to you let out a contemplative hum as he digested your words. "Carm tell you that?"

"Not directly," you shrugged as you answered. "I overheard him speaking with Claire at The Beef, and when she assumed we were dating, he denied the whole thing with so much disgust it almost made me question if he even liked me as a friend in general."

As you gazed up at Mikey you saw his eyes narrow at your words, what was going through his mind you had no clue but he seemed to be thinking hard about something. "You ask him about what he said then?"

"Eww, what, no!" You deflated into yourself following the exclamation. "Then he would know I was eavesdropping and I…I'm not sure if I would be able to handle that type of rejection from him. In a way, it's easier to just watch him get what he's always wanted, I mean it doesn't hurt any less, but a verbal rejection would just make it all too real."

Mikey nodded at your words trying to understand why you teens made shit so complicated these days. "Baby, why don't you just tell 'em how you feel? What's the worst that could happen?"

You scowled at the older man sure he'd lost his goddamned mind. "I just told you. He's my best friend, and I know if I admitted my feelings to him, it would just ruin everything."

Mikey tried his hardest to understand where you were coming from, he had to remember that you were still just a teenager and most everything felt like the end of the world to you. "You ever stop to think he might feel the same?" He raised his eyebrows in question.

Any other time, you might have brushed his words off and chalked it up to him joking, but he was really pressing the issue, and that alone made you suspicious.

"Did he say something to you?"

A shrug was all you got in response before Mikey removed himself from the booth, "C'mon, gotta get you home before the streetlights come on."

The conversation ended there, with Mikey ignoring your question and you following behind him in contemplative silence as he led you out to the car.

The car halted to a stop in your driveway, you lifted your head from where it was settled against the window, unbuckling your seat belt before turning to look at Mikey. "All of the street lights were on by the way."

Mikey let out a hearty laugh shoving at your shoulder, "Yeah, alright smart ass."

You sent him one last smile, turning to exit the car before the sound of Mikey calling your name stopped you in your tracks, curiosity filling you at the way he blatantly chose not to use the nickname he'd bestowed upon you all those years ago.

Settling back into the seat, you turned your whole body in his direction, facing him head-on as a frown pulled at your eyebrows. He was speaking up before a question of concern could leave your lips.

"You know I'm proud of you, right?" Warmth filled your chest at the praise, shyness overcoming you at his words, never sure how to accept a compliment. "But you gotta promise me you'll get outta here. I understand why you're not going off to college right away, and I'll be right here supportin' you through it all, but Baby…I need you to make better for yourself, alright?"

You were at a loss for words, a foreboding emotion, feeling your chest as you nodded along in understanding.

"You're gonna do big fucking things, Baby, and I'll be proud of whatever you do but don't forget about us little guys okay." A watery laugh bubbled up out of your mouth, the confusion still ever present as you tried to understand what brought on this topic of conversation.

"I could never forget about you Brother Bear." You teased, the childhood nickname you gave Mikey pulling his lips into a smile. "I'm gonna write about you one day Mikey, gotta remember you to do that." You watched as he just stared at you eyes roaming over your face, you reached across the console pressing a quick kiss on his cheek assuming the conversation was over.

Mikey's hand reached out to grab your arm, "You gonna look out for Carmy no matter where life takes the both of you right?" You nodded at the question, feeling no need to elicit a verbal response. "Just keep an eye out for me will you, you're good for Carmy. Even if he ain't seen it yet" You weren't sure exactly what Mikey meant by that but you didn't dwell on it as you agreed to his terms.

"Come on now Mikey, you Berzatto's are stuck with me for life, you can't get rid of me that easily." You smiled watching as Mikey's gaze stayed serious, worry growing once more in my chest.

"I need to hear you say it Baby, promise me you'll leave when you get a chance and look out for Carm?"

There was a slight tone of desperation in his words and the longer you stared at them the more clearly you could see that emotion swimming in his eyes. You nodded once in acquiescence before speaking up. "Yeah…I promise you, Mikey."

And just as quickly as the serious atmosphere entered the conversation, a joking one bled into the car as Mikey spoke once more. "Alright, now get your ass in the house, Baby, I told your mom I'd stop bringing you home so late," you nodded hesitating before picking your backpack up from by your feet on the floor.

Exiting the car, you quickly walked to your front door, turning back to send Mikey a wave as he watched you get in safely.

Mikey sighed as he reversed the car back into his driveway across the street. He didn't want to mention it, but he could already see the relationship between you and his younger brother beginning to fracture. You had always given Carmy too much of yourself, and as your crush on the teenager developed, you only grew more selfless when it came to cutting off parts of yourself to give to him.

After catching you and Carmy in that compromising position and then sitting his little brother down for a well-needed heart-to-heart, he realized just by listening to him speak about you that Carmy harbored feelings for you as well. But while trying to be helpful and lead his brother to unpack and understand his feelings toward you, he may have ended up doing more harm than good as Carmy vehemently denied the claims instead focusing the conversation on Claire.

Mikey sat in the car for a moment longer watching as the lights in your house began flickering off it was foolish for him to think yours and Carmy's friendship could withstand the test it was about to go through, but knowing how confused Carmy was about his feelings he knew it wouldn't be long until the teen was crossing a line he wouldn't be able to come back from.

a/n: interludes are finally back yay!! love, love, love, writing about young barby they're both just idiots.

also never seen shameless a day in my life but lip gifs are just perfect for young carmy he's such a cutie!

please enjoy 🫶🏼

[wtfsteveharrington]

something new | luca x reader

i was awoken from a dream last night

contents: requested size kink so luca is hung!! basically pwp, slight somnophilia if you squint, unprotected sex, spanking, lots of pet names from Luca, reader receiving fingering, dirty talk, semi-submissive reader vibes, pulling out for backshots but some cum play still whoops

a/n: used a photo of will bc it fit the vibe so well 🌝 can we, as a fandom, decide a last name for this man!! only semi proof read i fear pls ignore any mistakes. also no pronouns or real reader description used.

contents: 2.7k.

the climax right before morning's first light

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

Your body feels heavy as it’s pulled from a deep sleep. 

There’s warm lips on your shoulder placing soft kisses along your skin, a hand kneading at your ass while you wake up. You hum into the quiet room while burying your face into the pillow desperately not ready to wake up. “S’everything okay?” 

Luca’s chuckling against you, sliding his calloused hand up the back of your thigh while you stay lying on your stomach. He looks down at the sight of you illuminated in the moonlight from his apartment window, soaking in every inch. His hand cups under the bottom of your behind, giving it a little jiggle for his own entertainment. 

“All’s fine, my love. Didn’t mean to wake you so early.”

You turn your head towards the nightstand and it takes a few blinks for your eyes to finally focus on the dim clock. 3:30 AM. Early enough for him to get up to shower, make tea, and leave out a small note of affection on the counter for when you wake up at a much more reasonable time. He typically doesn’t wake you, opting to shimmy out of the bed but not this morning. 

There’s lips on your neck now. “Was dreaming about you and had to make sure you were real.” His hand is sliding in between your thighs now, pulling them apart. Inches away from where you’re starting to crave him. You’re whining in the pillow now while arching your hips up towards his touch. He’s grinning against your skin and rocking himself towards your side. Luca’s hard and heavy against you. “Gonna go take care of this in the bathroom. Just needed a little touch of you before I go.” 

You’re shaking your head now, trying to unpin your arm that’s trapped between the two of you so you can find the waistband of his sweats slung low on his waist. “No, no. Don’t go.” The elastic is tight against your fingers as you slip your hand into his pants, fingertips brushing along his growing length which rewards you with a moan from your boyfriend. His hand gently slaps down on the flesh of your ass before he starts to pull away. You murmur out protests as you stretch your arms out straight ahead of you, fingers curling around the edge of the bed. There’s a rush of cold air as he pulls the blanket from your frame and tosses it to the empty side of the bed. 

He’s grabbing a pillow next and tapping his fingers against your side, grinning as you take the hint and lift your hips for him. “Just lay there, Darling. Let me take care of you.” Luca makes sure you’re comfortable. Taking his time to fluff the pillow just right. Running his wide hands down your back while still lazily waking up. The bed creaks under the two of you as he moves to kneel between your spread legs. He admires your stretched out form. The curve of your ass propped up and his for the taking. You’re wearing an oversized cliche t-shirt from the last trip you took together and this old pair of underwear with a half worn off print. Not the sexiest outfit to ever grace this bedroom to say the least and yet Luca doesn’t mind in the slightest. 

His thumbs slide along the seam of your underwear that’s stretched across your cheeks, warm hands sliding up your backside to your lower back to gently work on your relaxed body. He leans forward to reach up towards your shoulders, the length of him sliding against your ass and eliciting a moan from you. Luca’s taking advantage of this position to rut himself against you, the feeling of your soft body under him working him up even more than he thought was possible. 

“Always so good for me, aren’t you?” You’re nodding against the pillow, turning your head to the side to press a kiss against the hands that are now on your shoulders. “Only yours, Luca.” He’s groaning above you and there’s warm, open mouth kisses being pressed along your spine now. 

There’s a shuffling coming from behind you as Luca makes quick work of kicking his sweatpants off. You feel the warmth of his skin directly on the inside of your thighs now as he sits back up. He’s crooking fingers in the waistband of your underwear and finally, finally pulling them down your thighs and leaving you exposed to him. They’re stuck right above your knees - Both Luca kneeling between your legs and how far spread open you are making it impossible for them to go any lower. “Are you passionate about these?”

You barely shake your head no, because again they’re old and worn and you find it endearing he even asked, before the sound of them being ripped off of you fills the room causing you to gasp out. Luca haphazardly tosses them towards the trash can in the corner and gets to work pulling his own boxes down. You’re needy. Wiggling your hips through the air in slow movements to entice him. As if he needed anymore motivation. You follow his guidance and haphazardly make work taking off your shirt, balling it up and throwing it on his now empty side of the bed.

Since Luca’s doing all the work you allow yourself to stay, essentially, half asleep. Your eyes are still heavy and hooded and your body lax against the bed. He’s delivering one more small smack to the roundest part of your ass before his fingers find their way between your thighs. Normally he’d take more time teasing you, building you up. As much as he yearns to spend the whole day tangled in you, he does have to get to work soon. For now he’s going to be quick but he plans on taking his time with you again tonight. 

There’s fingers sliding up either side of your folds, a slow languid motion to get you used to his touch before his middle fingers slips in. You’re slackjaw against the pillow, letting out a stream of breathy whimpers you can’t control. Luca knows you. Knows every inch of you. So he’s using that knowledge to get you ready for him. His pointer finger slides into you while his thumb finds your clit at the same time. You’re wet, the scissoring and dragging motions Luca’s making causing a slick sound to come from between your thighs. 

“Luca, please.” He grins down at your backside, enjoying the view of his fingers working deep inside of you. “Always so greedy, aren’t you?” You respond by rocking your hips back against his hand and clenching down against his fingers which causes him to chuckle. “Alright, alright.” His hand slides out of you and smacks down against the back of your thigh. Your left behind wetness from his fingers attracts the cold air and causes goosebumps to rise. 

You secretly like when Luca spends a little less time stretching you out then he probably should. The way your boyfriend stretches you out as he first pushes in you has become a piece of heaven. There are nights he spends as long as you’ll allow eating you out and fingering you, toying with your pussy for his own enjoyment. Leaving his chin wet with you and a darken spot on the sheets until he fucks through how sloppy he’s turned you. 

Not tonight. You’re wet, yes. But you know there’s going to be a heavenly burning feeling coming your way. The amount of care your boyfriend puts into you making you comfortable enough to open yourself in that way. Knowing he’d stop the second you asked if needed. 

The head of his cock sits heavy against your entrance and you feel yourself desperately clenching around nothing. He’s pulling you from your train of thought and your body is buzzing in anticipation. The slap of the tip of him against your clit causes your body to jerk which prompts Luca to use his free hand to grip your hip, holding you in place. “Be good, yeah? Let me get us off before I gotta go. Can’t have you wet all day waiting for me to come back home to take care of you.” Luca lines himself up with your hole, sliding just the tip of himself in which pulls a moan from both of you. 

“Baby, please.” Pride swells in Luca’s chest as you start to beg. If he hadn’t been gripping your hips then you would have rolled them back to take more of his length in you. Instead he goes slow, allowing you to adjust to his girth inch by inch. Even after dating for this long, you still weren’t used to him yet. 

There’s a bit of drool coming from the corner of your still parted lips as Luca works his length in. Your boyfriend was well endowed to say the least. A good length, something you could still take to the back of your throat but not so long you couldn’t sink all the way down it. But his girth? That was unmatched. Thick, heavy, and all yours. 

“Feel so amazing, Darling. Was dreaming about this pussy spreading around me.” Luca jerks another inch in without warning, a squelching sound coming from you as the movement causes some wetness to drip out. You can’t form a thought when he’s got you like this. Your body is still relaxed against the bed as Luca stretches you out. 

It takes a moment for him to bottom out and all your mind can focus on is just how deep he feels inside of you. The sensation causes your breath to catch, pathetically letting out whatever whimper you can muster and allowing him to use you to his heart’s content. Luca gives your hip a little squeeze as a warning he’s going to start moving, giving you a second to accept what’s to come before the first roll of his hips hits. 

You’re a mess. Groggy still, already becoming cock drunk. It’s easy to do with him. “S’full, Luc. So, so full.” Even with his brows knitted in concentration as he tries not to instantly cum at the sight of your pussy stretched around him, he’s proud to get you this way. 

But God does the sight of you already have him close. 

Stretched out around him, filled to the max you could be. You look so beautiful like that. Luca fucks through all the wetness you give him, hips building a steady rhythm easily. His eyes flash over towards the clock and something about the pressure of a time constraint is making him a bit more feral than he expected. 

His pace quickens and you’re back to being reduced to a drooling mess under him. Moaning out an incoherent string of pleas, praise, and curses. You couldn’t repeat what’s coming from your mouth even if you tried. His heavy balls slap against your clit which each thrust and Luca’s grabbing your hips with both hands now to get a better grip on you. Fingertips digging in enough that bruises will be left as he starts to fuck into with a firm pace. 

“Such a perfect fuckin’ pussy. So wet for me, aren’t you? You’re gonna be sore all day now but you don’t care. Every step’s gonna remind you how good I fuck you.” 

Your head is spinning. 

You allow yourself to be fucked by Luca, hands gripping the edge of the bed as you desperately clutch anything within reach to keep yourself grounded. He’s… Brutal. Fucking you for his own pleasure in a way. He needed to get off and get off quick before work - But arrogantly knew how good you were for him. Knew that him using you like this would get you off too. 

One of his hands gripping your hip loses his grip and there’s another smack being delivered to the fat of your ass. He groans at the sight of you bouncing, the red mark already blooming from his hand. The burning of being stretched out is fading away and being replaced by the pure pleasure of your boyfriend wrecking your body. 

His hand is sliding up from your ass to press down on the small of your back, a comforting touch compared to the brutal pace of his hips. Long forgotten is the sleepy mask of morning, Luca just chasing after pleasure for the both of you now. You purposely flutter yourself around his length, trying to pull him closer as well. 

“Can you come for me, Darling? You can do that, can’t you? Wanna feel this pretty little pussy finish before I do.” You’re squeezing yourself tighter around him now, the soft pillowcase feeling rougher as your face continues to bounce against it. The room is getting hotter by the second around you two. 

Something about the combination of circumstances has you getting close to finishing far faster than normal. You catch yourself biting down on the pillow as Luca drags his nails down the soft skin of your back, his hips not losing pace as the all too familiar sensation starts to coil up deep inside of you. 

You’re crying out at the sensation, pussy tightening around him as your orgasm rocks through your body. Toe curling, back arching, clit throbbing orgasm. You collapse even further into the bed, a mess of breathless whimpers as Luca continues to fuck through your sensitive body. God you sound lewd with how wet you ended up. 

Luca’s quick to follow after watching you come undone around him.  

He’s moaning out your name, giving a few more pumps through your wetness before quickly pulling out. Stroking his soaked length to keep the sensation and then you feel warmth splattering along your ass and back as he cums on you. He’s breathless and whiney, teasing his own overstimulated cock behind you. Thumb swiping along his tip to collect the last droplets before wiping it in-between your folds and pressing it into you. 

As much as he loved cumming in you, he wanted to make sure he had time to get you cleaned up before he had to leave but he still couldn’t leave you without anything left inside of you. 

Luca drags you to the bathroom after he gives you a moment to collect yourself. Normally he’d take his time with aftercare but sadly he’s lacking just that - time. You use the restroom while he draws the two of you a shower and take a good look at yourself in the mirror while he corrects the water temperature. Healing hickies low on your chest, your hair looking crazy from the combination of sleeping and being wrecked. He’s got twenty minutes left before he runs out of time to make his breakfast but he refuses to leave you in a pile in the bed. 

He makes quick work of washing off your over sensitive body, letting you stand there and run your fingers along his chest, his arms, whatever inch of skin you can reach. “You’re so pretty.” 

Now after what just happened in the bedroom? You’d think nothing would phase him. 

But Luca’s cheeks are going bright red at the compliment. He cups your face with his soapy hands, bringing you two together for a kiss as a silent thank you. 

Luca gets you dried off and sends you back to bed with a pat on your ass. He’s rushing to get ready for work while you lay down in a lump on the bed. Towel tight around your body and the covers long forgotten. It takes a few minutes for him to emerge from the bathroom clothed and hair gelled but he can’t help laughing at the sight of you. You feel the towel being tugged away from your body, the previously discarded blanket being tucked around you and a kiss pressed to the top of your head. 

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

He leaves everything you need for your morning tea sitting on the counter before running out the door.

[inklore]

— luca (the bear) x f!reader. luca has a thing about fucking you in the kitchen. contents: p in v, cunnilingus, dirty talk, fingering | wc: 783+

It is almost a problem how much Luca enjoys fucking you against the counter in your shared kitchen. 

A problem when you have a knife in your hand trying to cut the veggies for your dinner, his chest pressing against your back as he comes and stands behind you. His palm running down your arm, to your wrist, slotting over your hand—a fake show of him teaching you a lesson you already know. 

How to cut right so you don’t slip and get your finger. The perfect positioning, glide, and control of the knife that only a seasoned chef would know how to do. 

“You’re a faster learner.” He’ll say teasingly in your ear. His smile against your neck as his face leans into your space, the tip of his nose running along the quickening pulse in your neck. 

You want to roll your eyes and tell him that you’re not learning much of anything right now that you don’t already know—that he isn’t distracting from as you feel his cock hardening against your ass. 

His other hand travels up the side of your thigh, making you shiver, a slow destination to the bottom of your worn sleep shorts. His fingers pushing past the fabric, pressing against your clothed clit. 

“Luca,” it’s a warning, a moan. Your head turning to look at him, stopping by his cheek when he pushes it forward with his nose. 

“Pay attention to what you’re doing, baby.” His fingers run along your slit. Wetness quickly gathers between your legs and slicks the fabric of your underwear, giving his fingers a better slide and push against your clothed pussy. “Don’t want you to cut yourself.” His teeth nip at your jaw. 

And you try to focus. Try to glide the knife through the vegetables, try not to push back against him, and run your ass against his dick, but fail. His low groan against your ear makes your eyes flutter. 

A string of moans pulled from your heaving chest when his fingers pull at your underwear enough to allow his fingers to move inside and press flush against your throbbing clit. 

“Careful.” His accent is deeper when he’s amped up like this. When he’s teasing you. When he’s making you feel so good and craving to feel just as good for himself. “I don’t think you’re paying attention.” 

“I-ahh, Luca.” 

“Baby.” He says mockingly. 

You know it’s him that’s stopping you from cutting yourself. His hand doing all the guiding, both with the knife and your body, as his fingers press into you and fuck you until your legs are shaking and you can’t keep your eyes open. 

The knife in your hands limp and forgotten, the vegetables pushed to the floor as Luca presses a palm to the middle of your back to bend you over. Pulling your shorts down and wasting no time to push inside of you. Both of you moaning in relief. You can feel his cock throbbing against your fluttering walls. 

The pace of his hips snapping hard against your ass makes your body jolt against the counter. Making anything around you not already on the floor find its way there. 

Safety forgotten. The only thing that matters is how good his cock feels inside of you, how pretty you sound in the one place of the house he’s an expert in. The one person he’s an expert at pulling incoherent moans and pleads from. 

His hand wraps around the base of your throat to pull you back against his chest, his fingers gripping your jaw when he turns your head towards his mouth so he can press a needy wet kiss on it. 

“Whose is it, baby? Who’s pretty lil’pussy is it?” He asks breathless against your mouth, panting as he stares into your eyes. His own blown out. The heat in them makes your belly burn. 

“Yours, only yours.” You whine into his mouth. Taste the sauce you made him try earlier; that is surely burning on the stove by now. 

When you’re about to come, he pulls out and turns you around, drops to his knees, his hand gripping the back of your calf as he puts your leg over his shoulder. Spreading your legs and putting his mouth on your pussy. Lips wrapping around your clit until your fingers are gripped in his hair and your hips are canting up against his face. Fucking yourself against his tongue and mouth until you’re coming, screaming his name. 

“Best fuckin’ meal I’ve ever had,” he says against your thigh. Placing a wet kiss against your thigh before he’s standing up, pulling your leg over his hip, and slipping back inside of you.  

[tearsof-scarlet]

situationship - carmy berzatto x reader

situationship

noun

a romantic or sexual relationship that is not considered to be formal or established.

Where one person wants a relationship, but the other person doesn't and they're having sex with each other.

Carmy and you have begun seeing each other after both of your late-night shifts. You both share each other passion for the culinary arts, him in cooking and you in baking. While you have been enjoying his company, the thought of what the two of you were bubbled in the back of your mind. You both lead very stressful lives and the idea of being in a relationship scares you too much to ever consider it. But when Carmy admits he’s falling for you, the vulnerability between you both becomes undeniable. Faced with the possibility of something more, you wrestle with the fear that it might pull you both apart

Contains: Angst

Words: 3680

A/N: yes, the reader is a baker. yes this storyline is one of many similar stories but honestly, I've never loved a dynamic more don’t @ me.

After another long night at the bakery, you slide off your apron, still dusted with flour and the faint scent of freshly baked bread clinging to you. As you locked up the bakery you felt his presence behind you.  Carmy’s waiting for you outside, leaning against the wall with his hands shoved into his jacket pockets, his face shadowed in the streetlight glow. The small glow from his cigarette dangling from his mouth lightened his face. You know he’s tired too, worn from the brutal hours at the restaurant, but he gives you a small smile when he sees you. You’ve fallen into a routine—meeting up after your shifts, talking in the quiet dark, sharing pastries and leftovers from the night, finding comfort in the company of someone who gets it.

You walk down the street together, sometimes talking about the night’s chaos, sometimes in a companionable silence. Tonight, you asked him about the outcome of his chicken piccata as he talked through changes he made to perfect it. You reach his place, and without words, you both step into his barely-furnished apartment. The emptiness is a familiar comfort. Carmy kicks off his shoes, and you pull a couple of leftover pastries from your bag, placing them on the counter. You would never ask Carmy to cook for you, even though he has persisted many a times.  There’s no real plan—there never is—but somehow it works for both of you.

You pull out a plain brioche from the bag and hand it to him, watching as he takes a bite. His eyes flutter shut, and he lets out a low groan, the sound slipping out as if he’d forgotten you were there. You can’t help but smile as he leans back against the counter, savoring each bite like it’s the first real food he’s had all day.

“You added more eggs?” he asks, looking at you through half-lidded eyes, his voice softer, like he’s savoring more than just the bread. There’s a warmth there, something rare in him, almost tender.

You nod, still smiling. “Thought it’d give it a little more richness. Guess it worked.”

Carmy lets out a small laugh, shaking his head in that way he does when he’s impressed but doesn’t want to admit it. “Swear, you make the best baked goods in Chicago,” he says, his voice carrying a rough sincerity that catches you off guard.

You raise an eyebrow, leaning back against the counter opposite him, crossing your arms as you meet his gaze. “Coming from you? That’s high praise,” you tease, feeling the heat rise to your cheeks. But you also feel a knot tighten in your chest—this thing between you two feels good, too good. And you’re not sure where that leaves you.

He looks away for a moment, the casual confidence flickering, replaced by something a little darker, a little hesitant. “Nah, I mean it,” he says, his voice softer. “You know, if I could bake like you…” He trails off, his eyes downcast, as if he’s lost in a thought he’s not sure he wants to share. His words crush you, the blindness to see how talented he is.

Carmy’s eyes linger on you, something unreadable flickering beneath the exhaustion. Then, without a word, he steps closer, his gaze fixed on you like he’s finally found the courage to say what he couldn’t before. Slowly, deliberately, he leans in and brushes his lips against the corner of your mouth. The kiss is barely there, light as a whisper, but it sends a pulse through you, both familiar and brand new.

You let out a soft breath, and for a heartbeat, you’re both suspended in this moment, standing there in the quiet intimacy of his dim kitchen, the glow of streetlights casting faint shadows on the walls. He pauses, his forehead resting lightly against yours, his breaths shallow. His eyes find yours, intense yet hesitant, and you see the silent question lingering there—Is this okay?

Without waiting for him to overthink it, you tilt your head, closing the gap between you again, this time more certain, more wanting. Your hands rise to his jaw, your thumbs brushing against the stubble as you pull him in. He sighs softly into the kiss, letting his guard slip, the tension melting from his shoulders as his hands settle at your waist, gentle but grounding.

He tastes faintly of cigarettes and coffee, rough around the edges, but it only makes him feel more real, more him. His fingers curl slightly into your shirt, pulling you closer, and his kiss deepens, a quiet intensity beneath it, as if he’s pouring everything he can’t say into this single, shared breath. You feel his exhaustion in every movement, in the way he clings to you just a little tighter, like he’s afraid this moment will disappear if he lets go.

He pulls back, just enough to look at you, his face softened, his eyes softer than you’ve ever seen them. He’s breathing hard, but his expression is raw and open, a rare vulnerability slipping through his guarded exterior.

“I—” He stops, as if he doesn’t trust himself to keep going. You can see the struggle in his eyes, the effort it takes him to let down even a fraction of the walls he’s built. His thumb traces small, absentminded circles along your side, grounding himself.

“You don’t have to say anything,” you whisper, gently running a hand through his hair, letting him know that he doesn’t have to be anything other than what he is, right here, right now.

“This… us…,” he murmurs, his voice low and hoarse. “I want this to be more than… whatever we’re doing right now.”

The words hit you harder than you expected, and a part of you aches at his honesty, his vulnerability. But there’s a knot of doubt tightening in your chest, one you can’t ignore. You pull back, just enough to create a sliver of space between you, and shake your head.

“Carmy, I don’t… I don’t think it’ll work,” you say, voice barely above a whisper. “We’re both too wrapped up in our own worlds. You’re at that restaurant every waking hour, and I’m at the bakery. It’s—this isn’t workable.”

He stares at you, his brows knitting together, a flash of hurt crossing his face before it hardens into something more desperate. “No. No, I don’t buy that,” he says, a raw edge to his voice. “You think I don’t know how much you love what you do? I get it. I’m the same way, and I’m still here, wanting this.”

You shake your head, frustration and a pang of sadness welling up inside you. “You don’t get it, Carm. It’s not just about wanting it. We’re both so… driven, so wrapped up in what we do, that there’s no room for anything else. We’d be pulling each other apart.”

His jaw tightens, and he takes a step closer, his hands still gripping your arms, holding on as if he’s afraid you’ll slip away. “I don’t believe that,” he insists, his voice trembling. “I know I’m all-in with the restaurant, but I’m not blind to this. I know what we have here, and I’m not ready to just walk away from it. Don’t… don’t tell me it wouldn’t work without even trying.”

You close your eyes, your heart pounding, his words striking at the walls you’re trying to put up. “Carmy, you’re already on the edge. You’re exhausted every night, and so am I. How much more can we take on? If we get closer, if this turns into something serious, it’ll just… complicate things. And I don’t want to be another thing that drains you, that wears you down.”

He lets out a frustrated breath, his hands dropping to his sides as he steps back, his face contorted with a mixture of anger and hurt. “You think you’d drain me?” he says, practically begging you to see things his way. “You’re one of the few things that makes any of this worth it. Do you get that? I spend all day, every damn day, feeling like I’m just barely keeping it together, but when I’m with you, I actually… I actually breathe.”

His words hang in the air, raw and exposed, and it’s clear how much he’s putting on the line. You want to reach out, to take his hand, but the doubt won’t let go. “I’m not saying I don’t feel something for you, Carm,” you say softly, trying to keep your voice steady. “I just… I’m scared that this will just become another thing you end up resenting when it gets hard. And you and I both know how that goes.”

Carmy’s fists clench at his sides, his gaze locked on yours, his eyes almost pleading. “Please. Just… please, don’t shut this down before we even have a chance. I’m trying here. I know I’m a mess, but I’m trying.” His voice breaks a little, and he shakes his head, his expression desperate. “You think I don’t worry about this too? About what it could do to us? But I’d rather try and make it work than regret not even giving it a shot.”

You shake your head, the weight of his words lingering in the air, but the reality of what you're asking him to do presses down on you. Your heart aches as you step back, putting space between you two, as if distance will make this easier. But it doesn’t. It only makes it harder.

“I can’t do this right now, Carmy,” you say, your voice barely above a whisper, strained, the words leaving your mouth like they’re coated in regret. “I just… can’t.”

The look in his eyes is like a punch to the chest—hope and desperation all tangled up, like he’s waiting for you to change your mind. But you can’t. You already know how much this will hurt both of you. You take a shaky breath, pulling yourself together even though it feels like you’re falling apart.

Without waiting for him to respond, you grab your bag, trying not to meet his gaze. “I’ll see you around,” you manage to say, voice shaky as you step toward the door. But before you reach the handle, you hear his voice, quieter this time but still full of that urgency.

“Don’t walk away from this, please.”

You don’t look back. You can’t. You step out into the cold night air, the door closing softly behind you.

As you make your way home, your chest feels heavy, like you’re carrying an anchor. It’s hard to breathe, and your mind keeps replaying the last few minutes—the kiss, his words, the way his face twisted with hurt, desperation, and longing. But you couldn’t—you couldn’t—let it happen, not when you know how much it could destroy.

Once you’re home, you try to shake it off, try to ignore the way your heart aches. But the ache doesn’t go away. In the silence of your room, you crawl into bed, trying to sleep. You manage to close your eyes, but sleep doesn’t come easily. And then, your phone buzzes—one message. You pick it up, and it’s from Carmy.

“you are my favourite person. you make everything worth it”

 Your heart stutters. You clutch the phone to your chest, feeling the weight of his words hit you all over again. You don’t know how to respond. How could you? He’s asking you to step into something that could break you both. And yet… his words cling to you like they have their own gravity.

Eventually, you force your eyes shut and try to sleep, but it feels impossible. Every time you start to drift off, his face pops into your mind, and you’re back there again—back to that moment in his kitchen, the rawness of his words, the hunger in his eyes.

The next morning, you wake to the harsh sound of your alarm ringing at 4 AM, your body aching from exhaustion but knowing you have to get up. The bakery won’t open itself, and the hours of work ahead of you keep your mind busy. You roll out of bed, washing up quickly before pulling on your apron and heading downstairs. The familiar smells of dough, sugar, and flour fill the air as you prepare for the day’s bake. Your hands move through the motions, mind drifting despite your best efforts to focus.

But when you walk into the bakery, you freeze. There, standing in the doorway, is Carmy. He’s leaning against the wall, his hands shoved deep into his pockets, looking just as worn and exhausted as the night before. But there’s something else there now—a determination that cuts through the exhaustion, a silent resolve.

"Can we talk?" he asks, voice softer than you expect.

You swallow hard, staring at him for a long beat before nodding. You don’t know what else to do, and despite everything, there’s a part of you that wants to hear him out.

You step aside, letting him into the dark, deserted bakery. The kitchen lights flicker on as you walk past him, the quiet hum of the refrigerator and ovens filling the silence. He follows you in, his steps tentative, unsure.

Once inside, he leans against the counter, hands still deep in his jacket pockets, looking out of place in the quiet emptiness of the bakery. You begin your prep—kneading dough, measuring flour—but you’re acutely aware of his presence, the air thick with things unsaid. Finally, when you can’t stand the silence any longer, you look up at him.

“What is it, Carmy?” you ask, your voice unsteady.

He’s quiet for a long moment, his eyes not quite meeting yours, studying the counter like it holds all the answers. Finally, he takes a breath, running a hand through his messy hair.

He’s quiet for a long moment, his eyes not quite meeting yours, studying the counter like it holds all the answers. Finally, he takes a breath, running a hand through his messy hair.

“I don’t want to push you into something you’re not ready for,” he starts, his voice low but clear. “But I don’t know how to walk away from you. I know we’re both stuck in our worlds, but…” He pauses, his gaze flicking up to meet yours. “I can’t shake the feeling that there’s something here worth fighting for.”

Your heart twists. You feel the weight of his words, the sincerity that bleeds through even as he stands there, vulnerable and unsure. You keep your focus on the dough, pretending to be absorbed in it even though you can feel his eyes on you, waiting.

“I don’t know what to think,” he continues, his voice thick with emotion. “I’m asking for a chance. Just a shot. I know what it’s like to want something so bad you can feel it, but I don’t want to live the rest of my life wondering what would’ve happened if I hadn’t tried. Please, just… just tell me I’m not crazy for feeling this way.”

His voice falters, and it feels like the room shrinks around you. You can hear the vulnerability in him, the way he’s baring himself just for you. Carmy’s breath catches in the silence, and the weight of his gaze presses on you until it feels suffocating.

His words hang in the air, like a challenge you don’t know if you can meet. You feel your heart tug in response, the truth of what he’s saying pulling you in even though your mind is screaming at you to be cautious, to keep the distance. The space between your bodies feels impossibly small, but you remain still, your hands working the dough almost mechanically, as if you can control the moment by staying focused on something—anything—else.

But Carmy doesn’t give you the space you’re looking for. Without warning, his hand shoots out, grabbing your wrist firmly, pulling your arm away from the dough. Your breath hitches in surprise as his fingers curl around you, the warmth of his touch searing through your skin.

“Look at me,” he demands softly, his voice a breathless plea.

You lift your eyes to meet his, and the vulnerability in his gaze is more than you can bear. He takes a slow breath, his chest rising and falling with the effort, before he finally says the words that you’ve been dreading, and yet somehow needing to hear.

“I think I’m falling in love with you,” he says, his voice thick, almost cracking. His words are out before he can stop them, and you can see the rawness of them—how much he means it. “But I think the day I saw you, I knew something was going to change.”

The air between you is charged now, electric. Your heart races in your chest, and for the first time, you’re no longer fighting the pull between you. His eyes are searching yours, looking for some kind of answer, some reassurance that this isn’t all just a fantasy to him. The room feels impossibly small, the weight of the moment pressing down, but it’s not a weight you want to escape.

Before you can say anything, your hands move on their own, pulling him toward you, your lips crashing into his with a force that surprises you both. His hand slides into your hair, the other slipping around your waist, pulling you closer, as if he can’t bear even a sliver of distance between you. The kiss is hungry, desperate, all the words neither of you can say poured into it, all the fear, the longing, the possibility of something more.

You taste the rawness of him—coffee, cigarettes, the trace of exhaustion—and it only makes him feel more real, more human. Your hands tangle in his shirt, pulling him tighter, as if you could make the moment last forever, as if you could erase all the doubts that have lingered between you.

The kiss deepens, and you feel his body pressed against yours, the heat of him seeping through the space between your clothes. There’s no room for anything else now—no bakery, no restaurant, no walls between you. Just this. Just him.

When you finally pull back, both of you panting, eyes searching each other’s faces as if trying to make sense of the whirlwind of emotions rushing through both of you, you realize that this is it. There’s no turning back now.

“I’m not crazy, am I?” Carmy whispers, his voice shaky with something close to hope, but tinged with doubt.

You shake your head slowly, your heart in your throat. “No,” you whisper back, barely able to breathe. “You’re not crazy.”

He laughs, the sound low and rich, burying his head into your neck as his arms wrap around you, pulling you close. You feel the warmth of his breath against your skin, and for a moment, everything else fades away. "I’m going to make this work, I swear, baby." The words are soft but firm, wrapped in the kind of sincerity that makes your heart ache with a gentle kind of joy.

You smile, feeling his words settle deep in your chest, and kiss him gently on the cheek, your lips lingering just a moment longer than necessary. “Now get out, I’ve got ten dozen croissants to make before 7am.” Your voice is teasing, but there's a tenderness behind it, a quiet promise that everything will be okay.

He lifts his head, his dark eyes searching yours, a playful spark dancing there. "You don’t need help?" he asks, eyebrow raised, a smirk tugging at the corners of his lips, like he's already planning to do whatever it takes to stay by your side. Without waiting for your response, he’s already rolling up his sleeves, his movements so effortless, so sure.

You roll your eyes, but you can’t suppress the laugh that escapes, the sound bubbling up from somewhere deep inside. “Fine," you concede with a mock sternness, but your heart is fluttering. "But follow my instructions and don’t change any of the ingredients, Berzatto." You half threaten, the words playful but laced with affection, like a gentle challenge.

He smirks, "Yes, ma’am," his voice rich with amusement, before he turns toward the sink. The soft sound of water running fills the kitchen, but all you can focus on is the way he moves—confident, but somehow always a little clumsy in the best way. When he turns back, you can’t help but laugh softly at the sight of flour already dotting his clothes and smudging his face from your make out session.

You watch him, your heart warming at the sight of him trying so hard, his smile a little sheepish but full of that genuine joy that you’ve come to love. There’s something about him in this moment—so real, so raw, and so undeniably him and it makes you feel like the luckiest person in the world.

You shake your head, unable to stop your own smile from spreading wider. He looks like a mess, but in the best way, and for the first time in a long while, everything feels so right.

And as you stand there, the soft hum of the bakery in the background, the smell of fresh dough filling the air, you realize that despite the chaos of your worlds, despite the unknowns that lie ahead, you wouldn’t change a thing. And you know, without a doubt, that this is only the beginning.

[violentdelightsandviolentends]

please please i’d like to request a carmy blurb with the dialogue prompt “Don't go on that date” ❤️

Divine Timing.

carmy berzatto x female reader

warnings - cursing

written for my 5k celebration - post here, masterlist here. inbox here.

He’s in a bad mood.

Technically, he’s always in a bad mood. But this is the worst you’ve seen him in a long time.

He’s screamed at Richie, belittled Marcus and pissed off Tina in the span of approximately five minutes, and everyone is tired. So, they enlist your help.

You speak fluent Carmy, Syd had said once. You’re the only one he listens to.

So, the next time he shouts, you shout back. Louder.

“Sydney, what the fuck are you doing?” he yells bitterly.

“Carmen, if you don’t stop fucking screaming, I’ll smack you so hard in front of everyone - I swear to fucking God.”

You yell back at a volume that shocks even Richie. The Beef stands still, everyone too afraid to move. Carmy is startled, stuck in place.

“We’re taking five,” you tell him, linking your fingers into his. “Come on.”

You drag him outside, sitting him down in his usual spot. You grab a water bottle and throw it at him, raising your eyebrows in a gesture that says drink it or else. He does as he’s told.

You let him wallow in the silence for a while, calming down slowly but surely. You look over, expecting to see him still angry, or frustrated. Instead, he just looks sad.

You move to sit next to him, turning your body so you can see his face clearly.

“What’s the matter, Carm? What’s got you so riled up today, hmm?”

“Nothin’” he replies, kicking his shoe into the ground. “Doesn’t matter.”

“Does matter. You can’t take your feelings out on everyone in the kitchen, you know. It isn’t fair.”

“I know.”

Your phone makes a noise, and you check the screen quickly before shoving it back in your pocket.

“Anyone important?”

“Nah. Just the guy I’m meant to be seeing later, checking in to see if I’m still good.”

Carmy tenses, whole body going rigid beside you. You feel it, brows furrowed in confusion.

“Listen, Carm. If you don’t wanna tell me what’s bothering you, then fine. But you’ve got to work it out in your own time - not in the fucking kitchen. Got it?”

He’s quiet for a moment, deep in thought. Finally, he speaks.

“Don’t go on that date.”

Your head whips around in disbelief.

“What?”

He ducks his head, willing the ground to swallow him whole.

“Don’t go on that date. Please.”

“Is that… is that what’s got you all upset?”

He scoffs and immediately regrets it, looking at you with softness in his eyes that’s rare as diamonds.

“Yeah.”

“Carmen… why?”

He takes a deep breath, gaze never leaving yours.

“It’s been eating me up, the idea of you going out with some guy. I wanted to tell you how I felt, but… I didn’t want it to be awkward, when you didn’t feel the same way. We work together, we see each other every day, and I didn’t wanna fuck up our friendship.”

“So… you took your anger out on everyone else?”

“Yeah, fuck. I didn’t mean to. Think I just bottled up my feelings too much.”

“Who says I don’t feel the same way?”

Carmy chokes on his breath, staring at you in disbelief.

“You… wait- what?”

“Anyone can see that I like you, Carm. I have since the day I met you and you flashed me one of those million dollar smiles of yours.”

He gives you one now, all bright and bashful.

“This is the last time anything like this happens, you hear me? From now on, you talk to me. And I’ll talk to you. It goes both ways.”

He nods, agreeing wholeheartedly.

“Here’s the deal, Berzatto. You go in there and apologise individually to each and every person you’ve been a dick towards today, and I’ll cancel my date with the douchebag I didn’t wanna see anyway.”

“And you’ll date me instead.”

You laugh, head thrown back and eyes crinkling.

“Fine. But only if the apologies are super heartfelt.”

He shakes his head, chuckling from deep within his chest. Wrapping an arm around your shoulders, he presses a kiss to your temple.

“Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For yelling at me back there. I needed it.”

You smile, leaning into him.

“You’re so welcome.”

“It was super hot, too.”

“Shut up, Berzatto,” you chide, but you can’t fight the grin that etches itself on your face.

[queers-gambit]

Neon Sticky Notes

prompt: ( requested ) reminding your boyfriend you love him one sticky note at a time.

pairing: Carmen 'Carmy' Berzatto x female!reader -> pairing: Carmy x Peach

fandom masterlist: FX's The Bear

word count: 2.4k+

note: baby gets what baby wants! God, do i hope this is what you want, my baby...

warnings: probably cursing, Carmy needs a nap, men being simps, this is short and sweet! it's FINALLY edited!!!

You knew he was struggling. Worn-out, beaten down, exhausted, run ragged, amuck, and into the ground.

It was evident in the way he carried himself; the prominent bags under his eyes, the way he tossed and turned in bed before being found on the living room couch in the morning. His hair seemed greasier then usual, his skin turning gaunt and grey, and you knew he wasn't making time to eat.

By comparison, you had a simple job, something corporate and in an office. Something that made decent money; something you were good at, something you could find pride in doing.

However, Carmy's job as a chef was different; being more than stressful, and while coupled together for years now, it was still a work-in-progress each time Carmen started on a new venture. Owning, running, and converting The Beef into something "better" should've been no different, only it was - it was totally different. Carmy was frazzled, looking deranged some evenings, as if operating on adrenaline, and you were at a loss on how to help.

So, you resorted to a natural instinct - communicating.

Carmy needed reassurance, he needed support, he needed to be loved for who he is, exactly how he was, in order to keep his head on straight. You never did mind the challenge that was Carmen Berzatto, finding him akin to a puzzle. So, on your way home from work one evening, you stopped at a CVS to grab a pack of neon, multi-colored sticky notes and a brand new Sharpie marker.

You had an idea.

When you got back to your shared apartment, you unloaded the groceries you needed onto the counters before calling Carmy. "Hey, Peaches," he answered on the third ring, usual kitchen clatter in the background, "everything okay?"

"Yeah, all good."

"Sure? Sound outta breath."

"The elevator's broken, I got groceries," you groaned, "and have been skipping the gym for a couple weeks."

He chuckled, "Never skip leg day, baby, you know it's our house motto."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever - hush. I'm just wondering if you had an ETA for tonight? I have an early morning meeting, so I want to go to sleep early."

"Uh," he trailed, a muffled ruffling sounding over the line before a small clatter that made him sigh, "yeah, um, you know what? I really don't know, baby, I'm sorry. You do your thing and I'll be quiet when I get in, just leave my stuff on the couch."

"No, come to bed," you whined slightly, "I miss you."

"Awh, yeah, miss you, too, Peach. I'll be there," he promised.

You finished putting all groceries away; the dishes following, then you got started on prepping dinner. Look, you were no cook - that was all Carmy. But you weren't totally useless in a kitchen, so, you didn't mind taking over most meals now that Carmy was waist-deep in The Beef's bullshit. You played music as you cooked, poured a glass of wine, danced around, and tried to think of a list of encouraging things to remind Carmy. You ate dinner alone, and when done with clean-up, faced off with your sticky notes and Sharpie.

The first note was scribbled and stuck on the covered plate in the fridge: Bone Apple Teeth, Chef!

Then you wrote a note to leave at the door where Carm was sure to drop his keys: make sure you eat the plate I left you!

Humming, you pondered a moment before smirking and writing a third note to be left on the TV remote: I know you too well. come to bed.

Lastly, you wrote a fourth and final note to be left in the bathroom: great job today, Chef! you're killing it!

You were fast asleep when he got home. He found the note in the key bowl, smirking at your kindness and thoughtfulness. Carmy saw the messily-drawn heart and pocketed the note, toeing off his shoes and entering the kitchen. He reheated the plate you left, pocketed the second note after a silent grin of amusement, and when ready, took his hot food to the couch.

Carmy laughed when he found your third note. He left it on the table as he ate, half-watching the news segment he flipped on. When he was full and his plate clear, Carmy turned the TB off, pocketed your note, set everything in the dishwasher, started it, and then went into the bathroom. Another soft chuckle emitted as he pulled the final note in his hand - and you already know he saved it.

When he got in your shared room, he made sure to leave the notes in a random shoe box, stashing it in his closet, changed for the night, and crawled into bed with you.

This was a regular occurrence now: Carmy came home late to a barrage of sticky notes, saved them all, then crashed in bed with you. You missed each other, but understood scheduling just didn't line up right now. It wasn't like you two never saw one another, you still did - but it wasn't like it was. Time together now felt fleeting, as if you had to savor everything, so you made the most of your situation.

Was it overcompensation? Possibly. But Carmy adored your notes.

Sometimes, you'll be sat in the living room, reading a book, working on your laptop, or scrolling Instagram on your phone, while he cooks and he finds a note left on the milk carton that reads: I am UDDERLY in love with you!

Get it? 'Cause cows have udders? You were pretty proud of that pun.

Other times, he'll be up at an unGodly hour, getting a steamy hot shower, and you'll come in to pee. He doesn't think anything of anything until he gets out of the stall only to see a neon orange sticky note on the counter, saying: i love your butt! lemme pinch it!

Carmy feels himself looking forward to your little surprises. Some were funny and a little vulgar, like the note found on the eggs: fertilize MY eggs!

Some notes were more innocent, like the one he found in his shoe one morning, reading: I'm so proud of you. have a great day today!

Some just said: be home for dinner @ 8! making your fav!

Others were found, saying: you're so fucking handsome. I'm one lucky ducky! You even tried to draw a little duck.

Some notes were motivational: you're doing a GREAT job, baby!

Some notes reminded: you have a dentist appt @ 10!

Some notes were sweet: call me during your break, cutie, i miss your voice!

And others found on the bathroom mirror were playful: you look too good today, go change! A second note added: don't need anyone looking at your fine ass! A third: i'm the only one allowed to look #respectfully

Each and every note had a drawn heart, being saved to a hidden shoebox. He found notes in his usual coffee mug, reminding him you loved him. He found notes on his toothpaste tube, telling him he was doing a great job. Cereal boxes now promised Carmy they were proud of him, pastas told him to have a great day, and the light switches assured reminded him how special he was.

The microwave told him you felt blessed to be his and in his jacket pocket, he was told how lucky you are to love him. Some notes swore to him he was one of a kind, others explicitly detailed what parts of him you wanted in parts of you, and a few reminded him of important dates, appointments, deadlines, anniversaries, birthdays, etc..

Sometimes, he found little treats with these sticky notes. Like when you had to make brownies for your little sister's bake sale, you left him a Tupperware full with a hot pink note, labeled: for the love of my life!

And then... One morning, when you got up for work, Carmy was already gone for his day. You went through your normal routine, entering the kitchen with the intention of making a to-go cup of coffee, only to pause and grin when a neon green sticky note greeted you from the stovetop. Written in messy, fresh, black Sharpie was: got you on my mind. love you, be home @ 6 tonight!

Carmy drew own heart and you beamed at the reciprocation. You didn't mind the distance for now, knowing he was busy and it wouldn't last forever; but the fact that he could reassure you as much as you could him warmed your heart. You felt like the Grinch when his heart grew in size, just without the painful grunting. If anything, you felt euphoric from his little note - thinking it was reassuring to still communicate even when your schedules differed.

The day passed sluggishly - only because you were actually excited to go home. Ironically, your last client of the day didn't leave until a little later than scheduled, so, when you FINALLY got off work and made it home, Carmy had beaten you. When you got through the door, you were met with a heavenly aroma; using Gandalf's advice and following your nose to enter the kitchen.

You sighed dreamily when you came to a halt in the doorway, bottom lip trapped between your teeth to attempt and restrain your ecstatic grin. Carmy was shirtless at the stove, stirring a pasta dish to coat it in the sauce of his choice. "Hi, pretty peach," he beamed at you.

"Oh, I've missed this sight," you squealed, rushing to his side to throw your arms around his neck. "Hi, baby, hi, baby, hi, baby," you chanted between chaste kisses to his cheek.

"Someone missed me," he laughed, cheeks blooming a bright red - but not from the kitchen heat.

"I feel like I haven't seen you in forever, and you know I don't do well alone, I need attention," you teased with a pout, his arm slithering around your waist - but a crinkle noise caught your attention. "Woah, hey. Did you get a new tattoo?" You pondered, looking down at his arm that was protectively bandaged.

He smirked and held his arm out, "Wanna take the plastic off for me?"

"What'd you get?"

"Find out," he whispered, staring at you with his intense baby blue eyes; waiting as you calculated your next move. Slowly, you reached out and unwrapped the protective cling wrap, getting to the gauze, then slowly peeling that from his skin.

"Ohhh, my fucking God," you whispered.

"Like it?"

"Are these... My hearts?"

He nodded, "I got 6 of them from your notes tattooed. 'Cause we've been together six years. Figured, each year, I could add one - but you gotta draw it."

"You're ridiculous," you laughed, in minor disbelief. "What made you do this?"

He eased, "You. I've never felt so confident in my life before, and I know you're a huge part of that. It feels right, being with you feels right and I wanted to show you that I see and appreciate all you do." His tone softened, "I wouldn't be me without you, Peach."

"You'd still be Carmy."

"A totally different Carmy, though," he chuckled. "I actually like who I am with you, baby. But look here, I know it's been real hectic lately, sweet girl, with the restaurant, but it's not gonna be like this forever. We're makin' progress, we're gonna get this settled."

"I know," you assured, "'cause if anyone's gonna get this done, it's you. Just don't forget to breathe every now and then - you're drowning in this stress and I need you to stay afloat, Carm."

"I'm good, Peaches, got you on my team so I can't lose," he eased, tucking you into his chest for an embrace. After a minute and a tight squeeze, he sighed, pecked the crown of your head, then mumbled, "Why don't you go wash up? Dinner's almost ready."

You agreed, stealing one last (prolonged) kiss before scampering off to the bedroom. When you got there, you almost tripped when you came to a halt; laughing loudly as the entire bed was covered in an array of neon colored sticky notes. Until you got closer and realized each note detailed a different reason Carmy loved you; from the way you search for him in your sleep to how you resembled a Gremlin if not fed within certain hours. From how you weren't afraid to dress up for the Renaissance Festival to how you throw blankets in the dryer for 15 minutes before movie nights. In fact, "movie night" was on a single note, being a fond yet routine date. You read each note carefully, tears wanting to build but you refused to let them, yet it was difficult when this was the sweetest gesture you've ever known.

Even things you were insecure about, like dimples or weight or hair color, was highlighted as a reason Carmy loved you. He listed your authenticity, generosity, thoughtfulness, charisma, incredible brain but even bigger heart. He praised your wit, your humor; adored your sneezes, and looked forward to coming home every night because he knew he was coming home to you.

You've never felt so loved before, wondering if this was what Carmy felt each time he found one of your notes.

Movement caught your peripheral, and when you looked up, Carmy was leaning in the doorway of the bedroom; arms crossed and lips pulled in a small smirk. He didn't speak, he just stared at you. You were at a loss for words, opening and closing your mouth twice; holding most of the sticky notes in your hands, but then, you settled on telling him simply, "I love you so fucking much, Carmy."

Dinner might've allegedly burned that night, but so did your love and passion for one another. Even the smallest of gestures can go farther than we anticipate, and showing someone you care could be as simple as leaving them notes around the apartment you cohabitate in, on neon colored Post It's.

Wanna know the cool thing about adult relationships? You get to love your partner out loud; being unapologetic in how you emote, and in return, you're loved by them. Each person deserves to be loved in the way they want to be loved - but you know how fucking great it is when two lovers respond to the same language? What I mean is, it could be considered rare that you, who liked to leave notes, would meet and fall in love with someone who liked to collect and read those notes. Your love language was the same as Carmy's, part of the reason you both worked so well together - but also why one day, he'd add plenty more hand drawn hearts to the collection on his forearm.

requesting rules and masterlist

The Bear masterlist

[oscarisaacsspit]

i could’ve fixed him

[eufezco]

Richie with wife reader. Soft!Richie only for his girls!! Anything at all. Fluff and a little suggestive. Tag me later!! Thanks!! :))

Richie asked you if you could stay with his daughter when Carmen called him from the restaurant to ask him for help. There was only a week left before the opening and even though Richie was on his day off, he could not ignore Carmen when he needed him.

It had been a couple of hours since he had left and little Eva was busy watching TV while you cooked dinner. She had asked a few times where her dad was but she felt comfortable enough with you to forget that Richie had been gone all afternoon. You both had watched a movie, made some drawings for Richie and Tiffany while you listened to Taylor Swift, you had prepared a snack for her when she woke up from her nap and now she was sitting on your couch in her pajamas, peacefully waiting for her daddy.

Richie opened the door of the house. —I'm sorry. I'm sorry. How are my sweetest girls? Oh, you missed me? —He asked his daughter when she stood from the couch and ran to him. Richie picked up the girl and hugged her while he walked towards you to give a quick kiss on your lips.

You hummed when Richie kissed you, glad that he was finally home and just in time for dinner. —We've really missed you —You were focused on mixing the pasta well with the sauce. —Do you wanna tell him why, Eva?

—We took a nap —. The little girl confessed and Richie acted hurt.

—You took a nap? Without me? — Richie asked and Eva laughed He smiled. —Was it good at least? —He asked and the girl nodded. Richie gave her another tight hug and devoured the little girl's face with kisses before putting her down on the floor and telling her to go and wait for him on the couch.

Once Eva was focused on the TV, Richie put his arms around your body, hugging you from behind and resting his head on your shoulder while you continued cooking.—I'm sorry, baby. I should've called to tell you that it was going to take longer.

—It's fine, Richie. You know I don't mind looking after her. We've had fun.

He hugged you tighter, you had always been so sweet to his daughter and Eva loved spending time with you. Tiffany had played a big part in it, you both had a lot of respect for each other and she had helped to bring her daughter's relationship with you closer.

—You're gonna be the best mom in the world.

You hummed again. Richie, with his head tucked on your neck, tickled you with his beard. You closed your eyes, feeling Richie's hands caressing your belly over your clothes. You wanted nothing more than to be a mother to his kids, but with all the chaos after the wedding and the opening of the restaurant, you had been too busy to stop and think about it.

—Why don't we start now? —He murmured in your ear. Richie's hands started slowly moving from your belly to the elastic of your pajama pants. His face on your neck started kissing your skin there. You bit your lower lip and stopped mixing the pasta to give him a gentle slap on his hands to get him to behave.

—Richie, Eva's here —. You whispered.

He huffed and let his forehead fall on your shoulder. You giggled at his reaction and put one of your hands on his head to caress his hair. He closed his eyes and enjoyed your touch. Richie didn't want to show you how overwhelmed he was with everything related to the restaurant opening, but he didn't have to because you already knew. You both worked there, you knew how it worked. The only thing that made you relax these days was coming home together and realizing that you had each other. Marrying you was the best decision he had ever made in his life, there wasn't a day that went by that he didn't think about how lucky he was.

—Dinner's almost ready. Why don't you go and take a shower?

Richie nodded and let his arms go from around your body. You turned around and kissed his lips. He showed you a satisfied little smile and went in for another kiss. Then, Richie walked over to the couch and planted a kiss on the top of Eva's head, who was too distracted by the TV.

—Wait —. You said before he went into the bathroom. Richie turned and saw you walking to where he was. His blue eyes lit up.

—Want to join me? —He asked excited. You nodded and his excitement grew. Richie's great imagination was already working and he couldn't have liked more all the images that went through his mind.

—We won't take long.

—We won't?

You shook your head and laughed. His daughter was there and the dinner was ready but food could wait and if Eva needed anything she could knock on the door or just call you, your apartment was not that big, and you would hear her just fine. By the time you finished thinking about it, the bathroom door was already closed and Richie's lips were on yours while he pulled on the hem of your pajama shirt.

@pear-1206 <333

[fishfooddude]

Valentine's Fluff Fest

Day 14: Kisses

Carmy Berzatto x Reader

“Here’s a kiss for you… and one for you… and you.” you happily cheered as you handed out Hersey’s kisses to everyone in the kitchen. Tina laughed and slipped it in the pocket of her apron before nudging Ebra, “Watch her go give Jeff a ‘kiss’...” she snickered. Ebra looked between you and the ajar door to The Bear’s office, he chuckled and began opening the shiny foil package, “She and Carmen are in love.” Tina hummed in agreement. Everyone knew you had a crush on Carmy, except Carmy. Everyone also knew Carmy had a crush on you, except you. It was adorable and only mildly annoying.

You walked into the office and waited for Carmy to notice your presence. “Oh shit- hey.” he jumped slightly when he’d turned to see you standing by the doorway. “It’s Valentine’s Day.” you stated, Carmy raised an eyebrow as he nodded. “Should be a busy night…” he responded knowing The Bear would be packed with couples that evening. “Wanna kiss?” you flirty asked, Carmy felt his cheeks burning as he processed your question. “Ugh… here?” he stuttered. You nodded and closed the distance between the two of you. Carmy swallowed hard and bit the inside of his cheek to keep himself in check, he’d wanted to kiss you for months- why would you offer to kiss him? Why now? His brain was going a thousand miles an hour as you leaned into his space. Carmy was frozen but felt his head fall to the side as he prepared to kiss you.

“Here you go,” you whispered, your lips were mere centimeters away from his. You placed a Hersey’s kiss on his thigh, “Happy Valentine’s Day.” you chirped as you pulled away from him and exited the office before Carmy could say anything. Carmy was awestruck as his gaze dropped to his leg to see the shiny pink foil-wrapped chocolate kiss. He swallowed and shook his head. “Such a fuckin’ tease…” he muttered before placing the kiss on his desk and went back to what he’d been doing- albeit distracted by thoughts of you.

[etherealising]

one | christmas (baby please come home)

masterlist | next chapter

pairing(s): carmen 'carmy' berzatto x fem!reader | fem!reader x original male character | the bear x fem!reader

synopsis: you reunite with carmy at the berzatto family christmas, five years after your falling out.

warning(s): angst | fluff | pining | semi-unrequited love | minimally edited

wc: 7.8k

READER HAS A NICKNAME BUT OTHERWISE AMBIGUOUS

A quiet Christmas playlist drifted through the confines of the house as three friends sat gathered around the kitchen table spending much-needed time together catching up while building gingerbread houses, the various glasses of wine shared between the three of them lowering their inhibitions. 

“Baby! You’re not even looking at the camera.” Natalie’s slurred words caused a fit of giggles to spill out of you as you held up your dilapidated gingerbread house whatever artistic skills you possessed washed away with all the wine swishing through your bloodstream. 

You positioned yourself once more smiling at Nat’s phone as you held the slowly crumbling house, Pete instinctively leaned over to join you for the photo only for his reindeer antler headband to poke you in the eye. Both of you fell into a fit of hysterics as Nat giggled behind her phone most likely snapping blurry photos. 

None of you could be sure how you’d gotten to the point of being wine-drunk on Christmas Eve. The celebrations began when Nat and Pete picked you up from the airport earlier that morning, the three of you deciding on a quiet night in with a home-cooked meal, followed by a night of Christmas festivities courtesy of Pete which you could never turn down especially when seeing how excited he always got. You remembered Natalie listing off her worries for tomorrow’s dinner as she poured the three of you wine, that first glass somehow turned into two empty wine bottles in no time as the three of you enjoyed each other’s company. 

“Wait, wait we’ve got to get a picture in our matching pjs!” Pete was by far the most sober of the three of you and that was probably how he won the game of rock, paper, scissors that forced you into wearing the set of Christmas pajamas he bought you that were a replica of the ones he and Nat currently had on.

You shook your head immediately, not wanting any more photo evidence of this night, especially knowing Nat was probably sending these pictures to Mikey who would most definitely never let you live down matching with the married couple. “I think we have more than enough pictures.” The words felt heavy as they rolled around on your tongue and you couldn't help but giggle at how slow you felt like you were speaking.

Nat moved around the table to your side wrapping her arms around your neck as she leaned her chin against your shoulder and her cheek pressed into yours. “Pretty please Baby, we only get to do fun things like this a couple times a year when you visit.” She moved her face away to give what you assumed were supposed to be puppy dog eyes but was really just her concentrating extremely hard. “If you love me you’ll do it.” 

You rolled your eyes pretending to be put out by the married couple, not wanting them to know just how much fun you were actually having. While you were thankful for your success and the career you built up for yourself, that meant that you spent the majority of your time traveling and working, and while it was nice to see the world, sometimes you wished you could take more than a quick beat for visits like these. You hadn’t visited Chicago as much as you would’ve liked since moving to the West Coast, which meant you saw less and less of the family that made you one of their own all those years ago. You watched as Nat and Pete struggled to set up the phone in the living room for the group photo, giggling at how they seemed to feed off of each other as though they shared a single brain cell between the two of them.

Nat waved you over once they got the phone set up, “Oh! We should do like one of those awkward photo shoots.” 

You groaned, shaking your head back and forth while Pete stood next to you aggressively nodding his head in approval, the two of them were so goofy together you’re unsure why you ever thought you’d have an actual choice in how this unprofessional impromptu photo shoot was going to go. While you may’ve been inebriated that didn’t mean you were on board with every decision the two were making, but you also loved them too much to tell them no, and as you watched them excitedly try to figure out what pose to go with you figured you could feed into their inherent goofiness just this once in the spirit of Christmas.

Carmy stood in the kitchen of his childhood home watching as his mom prepared for Christmas dinner the following day, vehemently refusing any help when he offered it up but forcing him to keep her company and recount all of his culinary adventures as she worked.

He watched his mom move around the kitchen in an organized frenzy, talking to herself at points when she listed off what needed to be done next. Carmy could already see the weight of the looming festivities hanging heavy over her head, stressing her out before the day even began. While he understood and appreciated her love for food and cooking probably more than anyone considering she fostered that same love and appreciation within him when it came to the culinary arts, he always wondered why she insisted on cooking family dinner every year if it always ended in a mess.

“Oh fuck me!” The loud expletive forced Carmy from the recesses of his mind as he stared in his mother’s direction. “Carm honey, do me a favor and finish decorating the fireplace, the box of decorations is already out there.” 

Carmy stood there a minute longer trying to compute the fact that his culinary excellence was being disregarded and he was being put on decorating duty, “Carmen. Can you do it or do I have to do every fucking thing myself?” 

“No, uh yeah I got it.” He met his mother’s eyes nodding his head up and down in acquiesce, to let her know he had it under control.

She shooed him out of the kitchen returning to her food prep before he even made to move to the living room. Carmy quickly found the box of decorations exactly where his mom said it would be, the house was abnormally quiet he assumed Mikey was at The Beef but he couldn’t be sure he had no need to be near the sandwich shop at the moment and Sug moved out ages ago so here he was stuck in his childhood home with nothing better to do than decorate the fireplace mantle.

Carmy knew however he decorated the mantle his mom would just come behind him and fix it to her liking, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t going to try. Maybe if he got it close enough to how she liked she would have to do less fixing. He was surprised to find how calming decorating the mantle was, but maybe that was only because he didn’t care to impress anyone with his subpar decorating skills.

Reaching into the box Carmy pulled out the stockings each one designated to one of the Berzatto siblings. He easily hung the stockings onto the hooks on the mantle before reaching in for the last one, embroidered with a name he was sure he hadn’t seen in far too long a time. Carmy was foolish to think that because he ruined the friendship between the two of you that his family would disregard your whole existence over his mistakes. 

Carmy remembered how hard he tried for the first couple of months after he’d left to get into contact with you, to try and let you know just how sorry he was and how much he missed your friendship…missed you. If you ever gave him the chance, he was sure he’d spend his whole life apologizing for that moment. 

That night would haunt him forever, and his mind made sure of it, the worst moment of his life was on a constant loop anytime he got a moment of calm and quiet. Which wasn’t often but they happened enough for the hurt and pain on your face from that night to be permanently seared into his mind. And when it wasn’t memories of the way the moonlight illuminated the tears running down your face from that night, it was the overwhelming guilt that weighed on him for ever speaking to you that way.

Carmy’s hand traced across the embroidered thread of your name as though passing over it enough times would permanently thread the letters into his skin. He hesitated, unsure if they still hung the stocking long after you moved, a moment passed before he decided he would hang it if only just to catch a glimpse of something that reminded him of you. Carmy maneuvered the other stockings around in order to make space for yours trying to ignore the warmth that filled his chest at the sight of your name hanging directly next to his. 

He was pulled from his daze as his phone vibrated multiple times in rapid succession, he pulled the device out of his back pocket unsurprised to find Nat blowing up the sibling's group chat, plus Richie courtesy of Mikey. He was ready to shove the phone back in his pocket when a message coming through from Richie caught his eye, his heart sped up a bit as he read it before it disappeared off of his screen. 

Carmy was positive he had never opened the sibling's group chat as fast as he did at that moment. Opening the text chain he frowned at the assortment of pictures above Richie’s message doing his best to figure out what the hell he was looking at. The first few pictures were of Pete and Nat and as much as he loved his sister he wasn’t interested in seeing either of them. His thumb began swiping through the photos rapidly unsure why anyone would take so many photos of the same things over and over again. Carmy found himself stopping on one picture in particular, a picture that was neither Sug nor Pete, but presumably, the person who took the previous pictures of the couple. 

There you were. 

Smiling so wide it almost looked painful, a glow to your skin that made Carmy unsure if it was from the phone camera or if you were actually glowing. The picture was blurry but for the most part, he could make out your features, he would recognize you anywhere even after all the time spent apart he would be able to pick you out of a crowd with no trouble at all. That’s how deeply you were ingrained into his brain even if the last time he saw you was when you were a fresh high school graduate.

He scrolled once more the side of his lips ticking up at the same photo this time just a lot clearer, he absentmindedly saved the photo to his phone before resuming his viewing. Carmy’s eyes were always drawn to you when you were in any of the photos, at some point he began disregarding Sug and Pete entirely, giving you his full attention. He couldn’t help the quiet chuckle as he scrolled through all the shenanigans the three of you got up to saving another individual shot of you in front of the Christmas tree in Christmas-themed pajamas with matching socks and a headband with two candy canes in the shape of a heart. The sight of you smiling directly at the camera made it seem as though you were looking directly at him, a blush rose to Carmy’s cheeks at how pathetic it was for him to get so worked up over a few photos of you. He looked at the last photo a moment longer before realization dawned on him, his eyes quickly shot from his phone screen to the stocking he hung up. 

Carmy scrolled through the recently sent messages he missed after staring at the pictures of you so long gathering enough information to confirm his suspicions. He quickly turned on his heel before heading back into the kitchen.

“Yo ma,” she gave a distracted hum which was enough for him to begin his line of questioning. “Is uh…does Baby still come to family Christmas?” 

The older woman stopped what she was doing turning to face her youngest son with the most egregious ‘are you fucking stupid’ look Carmy received in a while. “Do I bust my ass every year preparing seven fishes that nobody ever fucking appreciates or eats?” 

Carmy was unsure if it was a trick question but as his mom raised her eyebrows awaiting an answer he realized there in fact was a right answer, “Yes?”

She shook her head looking him up and down as if he were a stranger “I don’t know what’s gotten into you Carmen, it’s like you're from a whole different fucking planet. Of course, the girl comes to Christmas, we're the only family she’s got left.” She stopped speaking to pull out the pack of cigarettes she kept on her slipping one between her lips before speaking around it. “And you would fuckin’ know that if you came home once in a while Bear.” 

Carmy nodded his head ignoring the last sentence as he let the information settle in, he would be seeing you face to face for the first time since high school, and the two of you would be in the same for hourse. He took his chance to slip out of the kitchen as his mother turned back to finish her prepping. He needed some time to himself to try not to work himself into a frenzy as he thought about what tomorrow would bring.

The Berzatto family home looked exactly as you left it all those years ago, the only noticeable difference was the Christmas decorations but other than that it was still your bonus home, the home you spent as much if not more time in than your own home. 

The home you grew up in sat just right across the street, a family of three began renting it a year after you left for college and although it was weird to think that another family was living in the home that would always hold a piece of you, you were just happy to rent it out to a loving family. You’d try to find the time and bring them a goodie basket or something, you always sent holiday cards, but now that you were in town you could meet them properly. 

You stood at the trunk of your rental car staring at the array of wrapped presents trying to decide if you should bring them all in now or just wait. Your eyes fell on the matte black sleek box, the last-minute gift cost more than it would’ve if you bought it ahead of time, you bit your lip the longer you stared at it only now feeling uncertain about the unwarranted gift.

“You sure you’re up for this?” The voice came from your side, Hayden leaned against the car as he watched you stare at the box as though it personally wronged you.

A small sigh escaped you as you turned to face him, arms crossing over your chest “Not really, no but I come home every Christmas and I can’t stop just because he happens to be in town.” Hayden looked at you like he knew you were lying but decided against mentioning it. “Thanks for coming with me by the way, I know it was last minute…how you holding up?”

Hayden shrugged before looking straight ahead, “Well my best friend has been sleeping with my wife for the better part of a year, and said wife served me divorce papers two days before Christmas so.” His voice trailed off as he gave you a sarcastic smile. “But I would say you’re having a worse day than me so it makes me feel a bit better.”

You frowned, not entirely understanding what he was getting at, causing him to roll his eyes, “Oh c’mon Baby, the kid you’ve been in love with our whole lives is home for Christmas, the two of you never even dated mind you. He broke your heart years ago and for some reason, you’re still in love with the idiot but won’t pick up the phone to tell him, and all of your relationships have failed because you’re too stuck living in the past.”

“I should’ve left your ass at home wallowing in self-pity.” 

Hayden’s lips pulled into a sardonic smile as he tipped his head to you. “Well now we can wallow in self-pity together, you can stay out here in the cold looking at that stupid box, but I’ll be in that warm house drinking all of Miss Berzatto’s good liquor.” 

The front door opening drew both of your attention, your heads swiveled to watch Mikey exit the house and begin making his way to you, a frown lined his face as his eyes landed on Hayden by your side confused at the extra guest you brought with you.

“Why the fuck are the two of you standing out here in the cold.” Mikey’s gruff voice felt like a balm for the doubt that was beginning to eat away at you from Hayden’s unwelcome reality check.

Hayden moved quicker than you anticipated, wrapping his arms around your shoulders and pulling you into his side. “Oh you know just reminding our girl here that love sucks and it's all a fucking illusion because no matter how much you love someone they’ll always end up fucking your pseudo brother.” 

Mikey’s confusion was evident as his eyebrows pinched together even more, his eyes darted between the two of you mouth opening to speak only to quickly close as you shook your head back and forth as subtly as possible.

“Hey, is your mom drinking yet?” Hayden’s question earned a hesitant nod from Mikey who was unsure if providing her a drinking partner was the best thing to do. “Great…great, well merry fucking Christmas!” Hayden pressed a gentle kiss into your temple before moving to head into the house, clapping Mikey on the shoulder as he went by. 

Mikey moved to stand next to you, the both of you watching the train wreck of a man head into the Berzatto household. “What the fuck is up with that kid?” Mikey turned to look at you trying to figure out exactly what kind of mess you brought to family Christmas.

“Sasha’s leaving him.” You watched as understanding washed over Mikey’s face a small nod following as he put two and two together at Hayden’s weirder-than-usual behavior. Mikey opened his mouth to give you shit about bringing the insufferable kid with you only stopping as you spoke over him. “He’s good people, Mikey, I just didn’t want him alone on Christmas.”

Mikey didn’t have an argument for that. As irritating as Hayden could be he found himself indifferent towards the kid you called friend. Mikey was loathed to admit it and he would deny it if anyone ever asked him, but he had a secret appreciation for the kid, Hayden was there for you during a tough time in your life, he was there for you when you needed a friend or someone in your corner who wasn’t directly connected to the youngest Berzatto and for that, Mikey respected the kid, but it's not like he’d ever tell you or him that. 

“Let me look at you,” Mikey’s voice broke through the quiet that had settled over the two of you, your eyes flashed to his face taking in the facial hair he'd decided to grow out. “All fucking grown up ain’t you. Can we still call you Baby or you too grown for that shit now?” 

You rolled your eyes at the joke Mikey made every time you came home before turning and grabbing your bag from where you sat it in the trunk, leaving the gifts behind and moving to walk towards the house with Mikey, “As much as I regret the nickname I’m not sure if I could get used to hearing you all call me by my first name again.” 

Mikey chuckled at your words, hand moving out to grab your elbow and stop you from continuing ahead. “Relax out here with me for a bit yeah?”

A frown lined your face as Mikey stopped in front of you, you could tell he had ulterior motives for stopping you, his hand moving to take the pack of cigarettes out of his pocket before lifting it to his mouth and lighting it. 

“You uh, you know your little boyfriends in that house right?” 

Your nose scrunched up at Mikey’s words, you could hear the teasing tone in his voice as he spoke but that didn’t mean his words didn’t make your chest ache. Of course, you knew he was here, but not until a week after you booked your flight and Nat gave you some bullshit excuse about how she just didn’t know he was coming home for Christmas. You were upset with her and rightfully so but Pete somehow still talked you into coming and so here you were pretending like seeing Carmy after so long didn’t matter, pretending like you hadn’t teared up on the drive over with your face turned to the window as Hayden drove, quietly reliving every vile word Carmy spewed at you that night in your head. Pretending as though you didn’t carry his words along with the hurt they caused within you for years like they didn’t change the way you viewed yourself and took up space in other people’s lives, maybe Hayden’s observation about you carrying the past around was more factual than you once thought. 

And it didn’t matter that he tried getting back in contact with you his first year in California or that he sent flowers and a card when your mom passed saying he’d come home if you needed him to. None of it mattered because it would never make up for the underlying truth in his cold, cruel words from all those years ago.  

Mikey’s eyes darted around your face watching the small changes in your expression knowing you were thinking about the past, his cigarette halfway gone as he lost you to the inner workings of your mind. He took another puff before letting it fall from his fingertips and stomping it out, the tears lining your eyes forced him to move faster as he tucked you into his chest listening to you struggle to breathe as you fought to keep the sobs from wracking through your body.

“Shh, shh, you’re okay. You can leave right now if you need to and no one has to know you were here.” His hand raised to stroke your head as he gently rocked the two of you back and forth. “Hayden will understand.” 

You pressed your forehead into his chest as you willed yourself to calm down not wanting to make it obvious you’d been crying once the two of you made your way inside although it was probably already too late for that. 

“Why does it still hurt Mikey?”

A deep sigh raised the older man's chest at your words, his hands fell to your biceps gently pulling you away from him. The look Mikey gave you said it all, a look that forced you to face a truth you’d been running from for the past five years. Creating a new life and pretending as though whatever misguided feelings you held towards Carmy were just that of a childhood crush. 

It still hurt because you never stopped loving him.

You were thankful Mikey didn’t speak the words aloud unlike Hayden, you’d already been lectured by him countless times on this subject, Richie even jumped in from time to time to express his discontent. No one could understand why you held onto your feelings for Carmy so strongly knowing firsthand how much pain and anguish they caused you. You were scolded plenty of times about holding onto all that hurt, being told to either let it all go or talk to Carmy. You couldn’t bring yourself to do either of those things. 

But you couldn’t keep living in your head and feeding into the fairytale of you and Carmy forever. You had to move on with your life at some point, and even though Hayden was correct that one moment from your past kept ruining your future, at this point, you were doing it to yourself. Although it was painful and it took some time, the broken record of Carmy’s words from that night five years ago made it just a bit easier. 

“Baby,” Mikey paused on his words trying to find the right thing to say he felt torn every time this topic came up. You were a little sister to him, he viewed you in the same way he viewed Nat. He wanted the best for you, but this wasn’t it and the both of you knew it. 

“Why are you doing this to yourself? I’m not saying you should forgive Carm m’ just sayin’ holdin’ on to all this hurt isn’t doing you any good.” He watched as you looked away from him, the realization clear on your face, Mikey could read you so well he knew you were tired of carrying the grief of that dead friendship around with you. His hands reached out to cup your face the rough pads of his thumb tenderly caressing your squished cheeks. “You’re finally in the same place after all this time, figure this shit out for both of your sakes.” 

An exhausted sigh escaped your lips as you fought the urge to come up with some lame excuse as to why now wasn’t the right time, but there’d never be a right time for the two of you. 

You wrapped your arms around Mikey’s waist once more needing the warm strong bear hugs he always provided to help calm yourself down enough to be prepared to face everyone, but also to signal you were done with this conversation entirely. You pulled out of Mikey’s grip as he gave you a look seemingly asking if you were okay, you nodded in answer, relaxing into him as he pressed a gentle kiss onto the skin of your forehead.

“Alright, let's get you inside before mom comes out here and cusses me out for keeping you in the cold.” Mikey’s hands rubbed up and down your arms to provide you with the much-needed body heat.

A genuine laugh left your lips knowing Mikey’s words were closer to the truth than one might think. Mikey moved to turn around and begin walking to the door but was forced to stop as you reached out to grab his hand. “I uh, I got you something.” 

His eyebrows raised in question, “Awe you didn’t have to get me nothin’.” You rolled your eyes rummaging through your bag for the two presents and holding them out to him once you found them, chuckling as you watched him place his hands over his heart mockingly. You knew Mikey didn’t do well when it came to sentimental moments and the best you would get out of him was a joke as opposed to anything else. 

You smiled holding the heavier of the gifts out to him first, “I wanted to Mikey, don’t think of this as a gift, think of it uhh…as a show of appreciation yeah?” You nodded, feeling your face warm as you let your eyes dart around so you didn’t have to watch his reaction.

Mikey smiled, finding your shyness endearing before tearing into the neatly wrapped paper and revealing a frame, his hands engulfed it from end to end. He smiled at it before you saw confusion etch across his face, “This is great Baby, yeah but uh what the fuck am I looking at?”

You shoved his shoulder before laughing at him and grabbing the frame out of his hands holding it in front of your chest, the glass facing him so he could still see its contents, “It's a trademark certification you dumbass, can’t you fucking read Mikey.” You joked to try and underestimate how big of a gift this was.

Mikey’s brows furrowed before he snatched the frame out of your hands to get a better look at the certificate sitting behind the glass, eyes snapping back up to your face with a look you couldn’t read. You shuffled your feet feeling like you overstepped a boundary you didn’t even know was between you and Mikey, “Don’t worry though I-I, put it in your name, I didn’t trademark it for myself or anything. I just remember how much you all used to talk about this, and I'm not sure if it's something you still want but I…I just wanted you to know I still believe in you. And I…I know how tough shit is lately and I promise I didn’t mean to step on your toes but…Mikey, you deserve good things too okay?” 

You could hear your long-winded explanation become more emotional by the minute but you needed Mikey to know how loved and appreciated he was. He was a big brother to you, always by your side whenever you needed him, he saw you through all the bullshit with Carmy and helped you to get through your mom's death. And when you were hellbent on throwing whatever little future you didn’t think you had left away he was right there with you pushing you to see just how much you deserved to get out of this godforsaken city and make something of yourself. 

“You deserve so much in this world Mikey, and I wish I could give it to you. But you need to know how much I believe in you and how much I love you, I’m always in your corner,” you paused trying to choke back another round of tears. “And Mikey I…I don’t think I would be here right now if it wasn’t for y-.” 

Before you could get another word out you were once again trapped in his comforting embrace, the both of you taking every bit of love and comfort the other offered in that moment. Mikey’s head tucked into your neck as you felt his uneasy breathing through your hands clutched around him. He wasn’t the type to get emotional in front of other people, and feeling a tear of his smear against your cheek as he raised his head from your neck and settled his bearded cheek against yours, you weren’t sure if you had done the right thing by giving him the gift or not.

The two of you stood in silence as you allowed Mikey to have this moment, not wanting to make him feel insecure about you being present while his emotions ran high. When he finally pulled away you could see the leftover sheen in his eyes. He tucked the framed certificate under his arm as both his hands reached up to grab your face, his eyes found yours, 

“Thank you, Baby,” the words were spoken so quietly you were surprised you caught onto them a small imperceptible nod of your head directed at him as you gave him a tearful smile. Mikey placed a kiss on your forehead before he grabbed the frame again and wrapped you in another hug. 

You decided it best to leave the biography you finally wrote, printed, and compiled about him after all these years in his room, wanting him to be able to experience it in private so he could indulge in whatever feelings it brought forth. 

Mikey’s head sat atop yours as your face rested against his chest, ear listening to the rhythm of his beating heart. The hug you shared with Mikey in that moment felt heavier than any other time you had the pleasure of being held in his arms. You’d be remiss not to notice but chose instead not to bring it up to him and enjoy the moment for what it was.

A moment of peace.

30 minutes passed since Michael escaped the house to do whatever the fuck it was he was doing outside. Carmy didn’t know and in all honesty, he didn’t actually give a shit either, too busy helping their mom out in the kitchen to try to give any thoughts to whatever grabbed Mikey’s attention. 

He was focused in the corner of the kitchen making Tiff Sprite to help alleviate her nausea symptoms. Anyone else would have done their best to block out the rambunctious noises going on throughout the house, but not Carmy though, the chaos fueled him, it grounded him. If the house was quiet it would have been too much for him, to be alone with his own thoughts ping-ponging around in his head, waiting for a chance to drown him. So if he had to listen to his mom list off a plethora of things he needed to make sure happened for Christmas dinner to go off without a hitch while he was making Sprite from scratch, he welcomed it. 

He finished his concoction just in time for Richie to walk through the kitchen, the older man trying to figure out how the fuck it was even possible to make Sprite from scratch. Gratefully taking the glass Carmy offered to him marveling at the carbonated drink in his hand.

Carmy nodded in his direction, “Yo Cousin, where the fuck is Mikey. He just fucking disappeared.” Carmy’s head swiveled around the kitchen checking whether his brother was there or not, coming up empty in his search. Richie glanced up before settling his eyes back on the drink in his hand still doing the mental math to wrap his head around what the fuck Carmy just made.

Richie jutted his head in the direction of the front door, “Outside talking to Baby.” His eyes finally focused on Carmy’s in time to see the color drain from his face at the older man’s words, the younger of the two looking as nauseous as the pregnant woman upstairs. Although he knew you were in town he’d gotten so sucked into the chaotic energy of everything that his mind hadn’t given him any time to overthink seeing you all these years later and if he knew Mikey was outside with you he would’ve made sure he was nowhere in the vicinity of your entrance, not because he didn’t want to see you or be around you but because after all these years he still had no idea how to admit every feeling he kept bottled up and tucked away from you. 

“Did you not know she was coming? Your moms invites her to every holiday, Cousin, and she comes every time.” Richie knew the last bit wasn’t necessary but felt Carmy rightfully deserved it, all anyone wanted from the youngest Berzatto was a visit.

“Dudes been out there for fucking ever though, those two idiots probably just standing outside like a bunch of fucking jagoffs.” Richie left the kitchen not waiting for Carmy to follow him before heading to the front door. He stopped moving the curtain on one of the side windows to spot two of the people he considered family and a surprise plus one. He let out a low whistle nudging Carmy’s shoulder who finally joined his side nodding his head to the window. 

“Awe and she brought her little boyfriend with her.” Richie’s words bounced through Carmy’s head like a game of pinball. You were seeing somebody? Carmy unceremoniously shoved Richie out of the way to get a glimpse of his own out the window, the older man did his best to hold in his laughter. 

Carmy looked out the window just in time to see you snuggly pressed into another man’s side, his brain working overtime to figure out who it was before he watched the man lean in and press a soft kiss into the side of your head causing Carmy’s stomach to sink. 

“When did they start dating?” Before Carmy could stop himself the question was out in the open, his voice sounded less curious and more annoyed than it should have. 

Richie knew what he was about to do next would probably get him into a load of shit but he couldn’t help but want to fuck with Carmy, would you beat his ass for it later, probably but that wasn’t gonna stop him from having his fun. 

“Ohh shit, nobody told you, Cousin?” Richie did his best to sound sad as he spoke, fighting to keep his face neutral as Carmy turned to look at him. “Listen, I don't think it's my place to tell you.” Richie raised his free hand and the cup up in defense.

Carmy could feel his heart speed up the longer he looked at Richie, “Told me what?” An apologetic look washed over Richie’s face twisting the feeling of despair deeper into Carmy’s chest. “Told me fucking what Richie?” He did his best not to scream in the man’s face but the longer Richie stayed silent the more Carmy was sure he was going to have a breakdown. 

“Carm…she’s,” Richie paused suddenly realizing that maybe this joke wasn’t as funny as he first thought it once was but he was in too deep now. “Baby’s married.” 

The tightness in Carmy’s chest intensified tenfold as his eyes traced Richie’s face for any inkling that he was lying. He could feel his palms becoming clammy as he tried to comprehend the truth bomb Richie just dropped on him. When did you get married? Why didn’t he know? 

Even if he didn’t want to admit it, he already knew the answer to that last question. You didn’t want him to know, the two of you weren’t those same kids from five years ago. There was no more sharing everything that happened in your lives with one another and Carmy only had himself to thank for that. 

“Don't fսck with me right now Richie.” Carmy was doing his best to hold onto whatever was left of his resolve not knowing if he could realistically spend his first Christmas home in years watching you be happy with some other man. 

Before the older man could admit to his fallacy the door swung open, the man in question walking through the door. 

“Yo, Richie how you been man? Tiff trynna kill you yet?” His voice drifted through the foyer as he shrugged out of his jacket while Carmy forced himself to turn around making eye contact with the man only receiving an indifferent look in return. “Carmen, good to see you home dude.” 

It took Carmy a moment to realize he knew the man standing in front of him, Hayden Ivanovski was always more your friend than he was Carmy’s but the two of them got along decently enough for your sake. Carmy’s eyes flitted down to the hand stretched out in his direction, quickly latching onto the gold band wrapped around his ring finger, the truth of the situation settled heavily inside of him as he shook Hayden’s hand.

“Yeah uh, good to be back.” Carmy restrained himself from physically massaging out the ache in his chest as he stood in front of the man who succeeded where he couldn’t. He let Hayden’s hand go, tuning out the conversation between Richie and Hayden as he lost himself to the overwhelming thoughts swimming through his head moving to stand just outside of the kitchen as he leaned against the wall. There was no doubt about it, you were married, and those hateful words Carmy spewed at you in the backyard of his family home five years ago probably only helped to push you into Hayden’s embrace. 

Carmy heard you before he saw you. He’d been so lost in his self-deprecating thoughts that he hadn’t heard the door open again. 

All of these years, all the skipped holidays, and Carmy was missing out on you. The sight of you standing in his family home helped to calm his racing heart but then he watched as Hayden pulled you into his side, the two of you looking like a picture of love as the man leaned in placing one more kiss to your temple, conveniently staring Carmy down from across the foyer. 

Carmy dropped his gaze from Hayden before focusing on you once more, the tension seemed to just bleed right out of him as he watched you glow in happiness even if caused by someone else. He was so caught up in his staring that he hadn’t realized the way Mikey glanced at him, eyebrows raised like he was waiting for Carmy to make a move he hadn’t prepared for and didn’t even know he could still make. 

He’d be lying if he said the years apart made him forget what you looked like. You were still the same girl he left in Chicago all those years ago except the wand of maturity worked its magic on you, and in his opinion he thought you looked more beautiful than you had in high school. 

Carmy was never one to pay too much attention to a woman’s features, and not because he didn’t care, it's just that he didn’t think it mattered, he wasn’t drawn to you because of your appearance it was just you as a person that always kept his attention. The comfort you brought him, the way he used to feel safe just being in your presence, the softness you taught him it was okay to bask in, and the way you allowed him to be vulnerable and unapologetically himself were what really kept him hooked. But as he drank in your form he learned in that exact moment why a woman might want people to notice the small things, and he made sure to do so as he stared at you from his vantage point staring around Mikey’s body. Carmy was sure he could look at you all day and deep down inside, he knew he would spend most of Christmas doing just that now that a future with you wasn’t attainable. 

He was pulled from his study of you as your voice rang through his ears, the way his name sounded coming out of your mouth warmed his body. 

“Merry Christmas Carmy,” he could tell your smile was forced, but even the fact that he was worthy of your attention at this moment was enough for him. “It’s nice to see you home.” 

Carmy tried not to read into your words knowing you were just being friendly but the way Mikey cleared his throat and raised his eyebrows at his younger brother, he knew he needed to say something. 

The moment was lost though as another voice interrupted the silence that fell over the group in the foyer. 

“Baby, is that you? My goodness, you look fucking gorgeous and you brought Hayden!” Half of Donna’s body popped out of the kitchen finally gaining a spare moment to greet the newcomers. Her words mumbled through the cigarette between her lips, while she held a ladle in her right hand and the left was occupied by tongs. Her apron was covered in all sorts of sauces and whatever the hell else she was in the kitchen making.

Carmy watched as you laughed half in amusement, you and Hayden both waved in his mother’s direction. Hayden gestured for you to walk in front of him as you both made your way to the kitchen. Donna waved the tongs in Carmy’s direction, “Jesus fucking Christ Carmen, take the girl's bag and coat. Don’t just fuckin stand there.” She huffed eyes glaring the longer Carmen stayed glued to the spot. “C’mon Hayden, I need someone to drink and gossip with.”

The man wasted no time tossing his jacket atop the rest of the pile before maneuvering around Carmy and you. Richie and Mikey had dispersed at some point leaving the foyer empty aside from the two old friends. Carmy gestured for your tote, taking it out of your hand before awkwardly helping you to slip off your jacket doing his best not to touch you unnecessarily. 

Carmy tried to match the small smile you gave him as you made to move around him but was sure he just looked miserable. He was surprised as you gripped his bicep before walking past him, “I uh, I actually bought you a Christmas present. So um, find me later yeah?” He watched as you genuinely smiled at him for the first time in years, unsure if the rhythm his heart was beating in was healthy or not.

A concerned look washed over your face at Carmy’s silence forcing the man to hesitantly nod his head surprised you would’ve gotten him anything after all this time. He opened his mouth to speak but settled against doing so, sure he would make a fool of himself, instead giving you a small shy smile in return. Carmy watched you a moment longer, your own mouth opening and closing like his once had before you settled on a simple nod and dropped your hand back to your side, before walking into the kitchen.

Whatever little hope that interaction had given Carmy was dashed as soon as he heard Hayden’s voice call out to you. You were happy and that’s all he ever wanted, Carmy knew he should’ve been happy for you, but he couldn’t bring himself to come to terms with the fact that all of this could’ve been avoided if he had just been honest with you five years ago.

Maybe then he wouldn’t have to watch as another man brought forth the happiness that once used to be reserved for him. 

a/n: well, well, well what do we have here? gonna be honest idk how the bear fandom is doing so this series rewrite may not get as much love as the original, but that doesn't bother me as much as it used to.

some quick housekeeping as we begin this journey once more; ya girl is working full time so updates will be sporadic, genuinely have no upload schedule so please if you read this rewrite be gracious and understand i have a real life outside of fic writing. other than that please enjoy like/comment/reblog it means a lot.

i've missed you all so much please fangirl with me over these two once more! 🫶🏼🤍

[wtfsteveharrington]

Richie - a kiss to convince the other to stay

contains: mentions of sex, ass grabbing, kissing, richie being an old man (affectionately)

"No, Richie. I don't have to work tomorrow and your alarm is going off in -" You peek over his shoulder, squinting at the alarm clock, "Five hours. I wanna sleep in until at least like 10 tomorrow in peace."

Richie makes a mocking sound of wonder. "10? Baby the day is practically over by then." It's so cliche, a groan being pulled deep out of your chest as he teases you. Something only a person of his age would think is funny.

"Richard Jerimovich! I mean it!"

His warm, rough hands are cupping your face as tenderly as he can. Thumbs stroking over your cheekbones while he looks into your eyes, trying to decide what to pull to keep you in bed. "Stay with me."

Not a question, but a statement. You can still see the playful glint in his eye from his poor attempt at teasing and it's driving you crazy. And it's hard to even consider leaving this bed - Your boyfriend sprawled out under you with just a pair of boxes slung low on his waist.

Your resolve was... Weak.

There's a sigh falling from your lips and Richie knows he's winning you over. "Richie..." It comes out as a pathetic little whine against your will. His hands slide down your face, down your arms, all the way down your body until he's gripping the fleshy part of your ass. Dragging your body as close to his as he possibly can.

He's leaning in now, his lips ghosting over yours. "I'll be real quiet in the morning, promise. Get you all tucked in before I go." A kiss is pressed to the corner of your mouth, "Keep the lights turned off while I change." Another kiss to the other corner of your mouth, "Keep the blinds closed. Won't even make coffee here. I'll get some on the way in so you don't have to smell it." This time a kiss is gently pressed to your lips with a content hum coming from him.

"Fuck..." It's your turn to lean in as you steal another kiss, dragging your lips against his while you arch your ass back into his touch.

Richie grins against your mouth, giving your ass a playful squeeze. "C'mon, Honey. Just tell me you wanna stay and we'll get all curled up for bed." He knows he has you.

So when you push away from him, sitting up in bed and start to drop the very fake threat of 'No, I should go...' suddenly he's sitting up so fast besides you. A hand on the back of your neck as he pulls you into another kiss with a touch more passion this time. His other hand grabs at your waist as he adjusts the two of you so he can press your back into the mattress while he hovers over you.

He's kneeling between your legs, rocking his hips into yours as he languidly kisses you. Taking his time now that you're pinned under him, just a mess of tongues and needy moans.

You pull back to catch your breath and Richie gets to admire the flush along your cheeks. "Looks pretty cozy down there s'all I'm saying."

"Fuck! Fine! But if you wake me up then you don't get to see me naked for a week and I'm so serious." You could do that... Right? Probably not. But it helps emphasize your point at least.

Richie scoffs, rolling his eyes at your empty threat. "Yeah, sure."

---

He does an excellent job of not waking you up in the morning. Takes a few minutes to appreciate your blissful state while you sleep even. Tucking you in before he goes just like he promised.

And the laugh he lets out at 10:37 AM at your 'Just woke up I've never been happier' text could be heard around the block.

[carmenized-onions]

Pretty. | Bolting Down Booths

logline; locking down chairs and a sweaty sleep deprived man (for now) (for the night) (platonically) (for now) (what?) (I didn't say anything).

series history, this is the third; First, Second

portion; 4.5k+

possible allergies; Negative self-talk (baby, Tony's mentally ill, get WITH it). We are once again, eatin' meat (beef!). Did I give the reader a curly girl routine? ....Perhaps...

pairing; Carmen 'Carmy' Berzatto & Fem Reader (No pronouns, but 'girl' is thrown around quite a bit.)

is this entire series just a love letter to me wanting to take care of this guy? maybe so. maybe so.

Lifesaver. Lifesaver. Lifesaver.

Alright, fuck, you need to put on something to listen to because the thought isn’t leaving and the cherry lifesaver swirling in your mouth is so ironic that it’s leaving a bitter taste.

It’s after hours at The Bear, just after midnight, and you’ve returned to a clinically cleaned restaurant, ‘Ah… Syd keeps it locked in.’ and you’re thankful that you’re alone because it means everyone’s getting their proper rest. However, it also means your intrusive thoughts are really drilling in tonight.

You drop your phone on one of the booth tables, blasting music at full volume. That’s better. Little more static to work with now. You measure each booth and table for the third time tonight, rechecking that the angles are exactly as Syd had asked. They’re still perfect. Alright, get a move on, it’s not gonna somehow get more correct than correct…

You slip yourself under the table, verifying that the bolts are the proper fit— Also for the third time today. Hey, what if Home Depot fucked you earlier?! It’s important to check! You’re definitely not unreasonably anxious right now! But your power drill is practically screaming to be used at this point, so you acquiesce.

You’re on the last bolt when you hear a click of the front door opening.

“Fuck!” It scares you so shitless you jump and knock the top of your head on the table. You lay down quickly, back pressed to the floor to get a look at the perp. You point your power drill menacingly toward the front door.

Oh.

“Fuck are you doing here?” You and Carmen manage to speak in perfect unison.

There’s a beat before you opt to go first.

“Bolting.” Still lying under the table. You raise your drill upward, revving it a few times.

He swallows, sniffs, and scratches his nose. “Thought you were doing that tomorrow?”

“Technically it is tomorrow.” He scoffs, so you continue. “No, uh, Nat asked if I could come in after hours so I’m not as much of an active tripping hazard.” You gesture to yourself on the floor.

“Smart.” He rubs his eyes. He looks red and pink all over.

“…Thought you were getting off early today?”

“I did.” He clears his throat when you make a face about it. “I—I uh, did leave early, I just, just thought I’d come in and uh… Do some work.”

He rubs the back of his neck, continuing after a beat. “I’m, I’m uh, I’m good— In, in the kitchen.”

You chew at your inner cheek, staring at a very clearly distressed Carmy. His eyes are lined red, hair is in disarray.

“…Did you do it?” Did you break up with your girlfriend?

“…Yeah. I-I did.”

You just nod, thoughtful, before slipping back under the table, finishing drilling in the last bolt. “If you need a palate tester, lemme know.”

“Heard.”

The moment is soft but then cut short by you scrambling to quiet your phone atop your table when a perfectly unfitting upbeat song starts to sing out at max volume. He hides his smile poorly as he heads into the kitchen.

It’s a nice hour or so, in the front of house. You drill each bolt efficiently, grounding each booth and table in their place permanently. Your tunes play at a much lower volume now, careful to not alert the lone chef in the back. The intrusive thoughts have vanished with Carmen around, even if distant. He might not consider himself a brightening presence, but to you, he certainly is a nice lamp.

You stand up finally, finished, doing a big stretch of your arms and a crack of your back. You notice Carmen looking at you through the glass. He looks away, then back again, raising a hand, motioning for you to come in. Looks like you finished right on time.

It smells fucking incredible in here. You’re once again trying to temper your reaction as you pass through the door, not wanting to stroke his ego, but he’s already clocked it. It’s okay, you clock his boyish smirk of pride before he hides it with his hand, so you’re even.

On the steel table, plated— On their one black plate, because he’s not over having to settle for less— Are three perfectly cubed and seared pieces of marbled meat, glazed mushrooms, and some round breaded things that you’re not quite sure about. All perfectly plated and decorated with greens, parsley, specifically.

You step next to him, staring at the plate intently, taking it in visually. “Well?”

He hums in a way that sounds like a laugh, arms crossed. He stares at his own plate just as intently. “Pan-seared Wagyu— Sirloin. Wild mushrooms, basted in the same fat. Hazelnut-potato croquettes—”

“What the fuck is that?”

He doesn’t miss a beat, he just smiles— In a way that looks actually kind of genuine. He likes to teach. “Seasoned mashed potatoes, basically. Breaded with bread crumbs and hazelnut, in this case, and fried. There’s a gruyere center, to this one.”

You don’t miss the fact that he’s not stuttering anymore. He’s right. He’s good in the kitchen. In all the ways that entails.

“Test?” He lifts a fork to you. You take it.

You lean forward, elbow on the table. You take polite, small cuts of each part of the meal initially, it feels bad to destroy what is an art piece.

But then he leans forward, head meeting your level, amusement lilting his voice. “You know it’s a compliment to eat?”

You huff, taking a larger piece of everything to get it all in one bite. Everything is so soft and lush that you don’t need a knife. Goddamn. You take your bite. Son of a bitch.

You thought fucking brisket was good?

“Oh my god.” You put your hand in front of your mouth as you chew, switching your gaze to him. “Carmen, oh my fucking god!”

“Yeah?” His glow is slowly coming back to him, like a flickering halo. “Don’t pull punches.”

“Fuckin’— So good! What is it, fire? Excellent? What’s the top one? I’m angry that it’s this good.”

“Angry is a new one.”

“I’m furious!” You laugh, “I always thought luxury dining was fuckin’ scam, I’m not gonna lie to you. But I— I took one bite and I’m incredibly full and— And, it’s just— It’s really really good, Carm—Chef. Gotta show it to Syd for the menu.”

He nods, smiling, finally, unhidden. “Thank you, Chef.”

He grabs the fork from you to try for himself, but before he can get to his own plate, you press the back of your hand to his chest, holding him back. “Uh, ah, can I do a thing, for you?”

He squints, curiously, putting his fork down. “…Yes?”

You grin, walking around the kitchen the second he affirms it. “Where’s your wine box?”

“Ah… By expo, over…” He points to it.

You pop it open, hand waving over each bottle for the right one you’re searching for. “I’ll pay for it.”

“S’fine.”

A young Pinot Grigio, you go with. Ripe, sweet, airy. You walk by him again, grazing your hand on the small of his back and placing the bottle in front of him. “Open, don’t pour.”

“Heard.” He roots away for the bottle opener.

“And get me a clean knife and cutting board!”

“Fuck are you doin?” He doesn’t complain, getting what you ask for, but he is quite curious.

You sort through the fruit pantry in Marcus’ section, grabbing the most perfect white peach you can— It wouldn’t be perfect by morning, he won’t mind. “I am an occasional bartender and poor man’s sommelier…”

You meet him back at his station, slicing the peach thinly with the knife he’s left for you. “So, when I’m given the chance to pair a meal, I try to.”

You halve the thin slices, then place a few in each glass Carmen’s so kindly set out for you— Tulip bowled cups. You whistle, “You know your shit…”

His eyes light up, just a bit. He shrugs, handing you the uncorked bottle when you reach for it. “My job.”

“You’re good at it.” You pour the wine, proper— No stops missed for Carmen. “Okay, okay, okay…”

You hand him his glass— The one you think you did a slightly better peach placement on. “Alright, now you can have the dish you worked hard on.”

With a small smile, he takes a generous bite of his dish, takes his time digesting it, then sips your wine. He tilts his head, surprised by how much of a liking he’s taking to it. “S’fire. Well worth it.”

You sip your own glass, smiling, you explain before he can ask you to. “Yeah? Good. Citrusy white to cut the fat of wagyu. Or something. Poor man’s sommelier, y’know.”

“Hm.” He sniffs, and you try not to light up when he writes down the wine pairing at the bottom of his drafted recipe card. “Better than me.”

There’s a comfortable silence before he speaks up again. “You gonna head out?”

You squint at him, head tilted. “Are you?”

Once you know one Berzatto, you’ve known them all. Their tells included.

“…Eventually, yeah.”

“You drive?”

“I take the L.”

“Are you on the red or blue line?”

He doesn’t answer. So, that tells you he’s not on the only two 24-hour lines.

“…I’ll take a transfer—”

“When were you planning on going?” You cross your arms; he can tell where this is going and he hates it. You’re foiling his plan.

“When I’m done.”

“Done what?”

“…Cleaning.”

“I’ll help you,” You pick up the cutting board and knife swiftly. “I’ll give you a ride home.”

“I need to get work done—Too.” He takes a while to reply, but when he does, he speaks with haste.

You pause, putting the cutting board down. Let’s do the math here.

He said he came in ‘early’ this morning, but ‘early’ probably meant overnight because of the Fridge Guy. He left early, sure, before the dinner rush— But only to experience his first breakup—If you can call it that. Then he’s come back at midnight again, after everyone else has left. The likelihood he’s slept since the night before his opening isn’t impossible, but if he did sleep, he slept here. And he definitely hasn’t showered. He’s likely been awake 40 hours.

You nod, picking up the board again, walking it to the sink. You stand over it in thought.

“What’s wrong with home, Carm?”

“It’s gonna hit, if I go home.”

He swallows, “Everything’s gonna hit, when I go home.”

Now that you can understand. You nod, scrubbing the cutting board clean. “When your brother died, I holed up at my parents’ for two weeks.”

You don’t turn off the sink, even after you're done cleaning, because if you do, you fear he will hear your tell-tale heartbeat. “When I came back, my plants were half dead and my fridge was a biohazard.”

He sniffs, he’s waiting for the shoe to drop, for you to tell him he has to go home, that it only gets worse if you wait it out, that he needs to find a better way to deal with this—

“You can hole up at mine.”

When he doesn’t reply, you turn your head to look at him. He’s very hard to read but it looks like he’s entertaining the idea. You add, for the sake of levity, “You need a fuckin’ shower, man.”

He smirks, though the amusement doesn’t meet his eyes. “When I shower all my fuckin’ hairs gonna fall out.” He piles his dirtied utensils and boards, sidling up to the sink next to you.

“You need rosemary water.” You grab a dish rag, switching over to dry for him.

“Does that shit actually work?” You both quickly ebb into the domestic flow of handing off dishes. He mumbles ‘left-most drawer’, ‘top-shelf, right side’, and so on whenever you’re confused about where they go once they’re dry.

“It does. I have also had the ‘am I balding?’ crisis. Believe it or not.”

He stares at your hairline so intently you put your hand in front of it, flustered. He finally flicks his gaze back to yours. “If you’re really worried, you can make it pretty easy—”

“I’ll stay over.”

You take a second to register, then nod happily.

“Good. Where’s the black plate go?”

Your apartment is surprising because it’s built on top of an H&R Block, the concrete stairs leading up to it are chipped to hell, and the front door has clearly been graffitied then painted over then graffitied then painted over then graf—

And yet, it is almost certainly one of the best-looking apartments he’s seen in Chicago— On the inside at least.

None of the furniture matches, but it’s nice, it’s eclectic. It’s heavily thrifted and upcycled from furniture you found on the side of the road. That’s the nice thing, about being a fixer—Nothing’s trash if you believe in yourself. You drop your keys in a handmade clay tray— That’s the other thing Carm notices, so much of this is you alone.

The place is a mess, there’s half-finished projects in the corner of every room, tools strewn in odd places. And it’s perfectly welcoming. Warm. In a literal sense, too, because there’s a humidifier going off on a timer in the living room to make what Carmen estimates are your forty thousand plants and cuttings happy.

This is a perfect apartment because you live in it.

Nothing can hit, in here.

He comes back to reality when you reach your hand out to him, there’s a coat hanger in your other hand. Oh. Jacket.

“Oh, fuck.” He peels off his jacket, handing it to you. “I uh, I left your Carhartt at work.”

“S’fine, if I was in a rush for it back, I would’ve asked.” You brush off easily, hanging up the jean jacket in your small coat closet. “Ah…”

Your apartment has a pretty open layout, but you point at everything regardless.

“There’s the kitchen…” It’s on the right at the entry, with an open archway— Which you’re in the middle of rounding the corners on with plywood.

“The living room…” Straight ahead, he can see the half of it that isn’t blocked by the kitchen. You’ve got big windows, with a fire escape. Suncatchers and more plants are hanging from the ceiling by it.

“To the left, down the hall— The only hall, bathrooms on the right and straight ahead is the bedroom, you can put your shit there.”

His brows furrow, you say the last part quickly, and he’s going to say something but you grab the black plate he’s brought and brush past him to the kitchen.

So, he just shrugs off his backpack, “Heard.” And heads down the hall. For now.

It feels odd to put this very fancy, very expensive one black plate on top of the rest of your own cheap dishware— But he insisted you take it, so, here it is.

You march down the hall, going to grab towels for him from your room, but stop short when you hear him in the bathroom, mumbling, “Fuck is this?”

You peek in, “Fuck is what?” You come in when he turns the bottle in his hand for you to look at. You stare at it for a solid few seconds, genuinely alarmed, you look at Carmen with wide eyes.

“Carmy, look me in my eyes and tell me you know what conditioner is.”

“I—I know what conditioner is, but what are all the words for?”

“All the words?”

“Like, strengthening, bonding, texture—”

“Carmen?!”

“Don’t say my name like that…”

“You have wavy hair, too, Bear!” You stare wide-eyed, mouth in an open-mouth smile because if you don’t laugh you’ll start screaming. You swipe away the hair in front of his face, holding the tress between your fingers to get an idea of texture. You’re too focused to clock the way he flinches— At the nickname and the touch.

“We’ve got like, the same hair texture! What the fuck are you using?”

He doesn’t answer, he opens his mouth but nothing comes out.

“Carmen…” You can make a pretty good guess. He bristles again. He has discovered does not like it when you say his name with any sort of animosity or disappointment.

“Carmen no… Two in One?”

“…Five in One.”

“Five in One?!” You clutch the sides of your head. “What are the Five?!”

He waves his hands in defense, “It’s—”

“Y’know what, don’t fuckin’ tell me, I don’t wanna know, I don’t need to know.” You cover your face and shake your head. “Just— I will get you clothes and a towel, wash—” You reach into your shower, grabbing your fruity body wash. “—Wash yourself with this, like a civilized person— And just don’t— Don’t touch your hair, I’ll take care of your hair after you shower.”

“You’ll take care—”

“You’ve lost your hair privileges; I will be taking up the arms.”  You pinch the bridge of your nose, “I just—You need a tutorial, please.”

He holds the body wash in his hand, debating this fight or not, “I think five is—”

“Just fuckin’ say heard.”

“Heard.”

Despite everything, you both laugh. You tap the doorway on your way out, yelling to no one as you turn back down the hall. “Corner!” It’s worth it when he laughs again.

Ironically, the one shirt you know will fit him that you have is ‘The Berf’, so you grab that. Pants are a bit tougher, but with enough scrounging through your closet you find a long-forgotten pair of sweatpants your brother left here ages ago.

You approach the bathroom door, it’s still ajar, so you invite yourself in. He’s staring at your skincare products with a clinical fascination, stopping only to acknowledge your presence.

“Alright, alright.” You pop your pile of things down on the sink counter, handing each thing to him individually.

“New toothbrush.” Still packaged. It’s got your dentist’s address on the clear plastic. “Pyjamas. Towel, wash cloth— I think you’re good.”

When you turn your head to look at him, you catch the tail end of him staring— Again, his eye contact is so soft and also scary. And now that the sleep is catching up to him, he’s half-lidded and— Goddamn it he is very pretty, sonofabitch.

He straightens up, sniffing, nodding as a form of thanks, the likelihood he’s registered anything you’ve said isn’t likely— Which is fine, you are now too flustered to care. There’s a boy in your house and you’ve just discovered he’s pretty.

“I’m just gonna wash my face n’ grab a few things and I’ll be out of your way.”

You wash your hands; he unwraps his toothbrush. And without verbally checking in, you once again flow into a silent rhythm. You grab your toothbrush, dole out toothpaste on both of your brushes, and stare at yourselves and each other in the mirror, side by side as you brush.

You make a face, and while he doesn’t fuckin’ guffaw, he does smile, foam peeking through the corners of his mouth, and that’s enough for you.

You rinse— You try to be dainty about it but it’s not, because when has brushing your teeth ever been dignified?

You pump face cleanser into your palm, then nod to him to do the same. Good Carm, he listens. Like a mime tutorial, he follows your actions of foaming it in the hands and properly washing his face. There’s hope for this five in one boy yet.

You pile together your skincare and leave him to shower in peace. More importantly, leave to let yourself lose it in peace.

Oh my god there’s a pretty boy in your bathroom and it’s two in the morning. What the fuck were you thinking? You just invited him over without hesitation? You met him like barely two days ago! Oh my god! There’s a pretty boy in your bathroom! And it’s two! In the morning!

You need to kill the teenage girl in your head because she’s freaking you the fuck out. You were literally being so calm and chill and cool and cool and chill and calm— Oh my god you’re doing it again—

Everything is fine. He’s literally here because he’s experiencing a torrential downpour of awful. You invited him over because you’d invite anyone like that over. Pretty or not. Get your head in order.

You take a deep, mindful breath and exhale, returning to neutral as you meditatively go through your skincare routine and change into your nice pajamas— Y’know, the one modest matching set for when you have guests or go somewhere. Instead of the one usual incredibly stained oversized t-shirt.

You set up a chair by your kitchen sink, towel on the back for comfort. You were serious about the hair thing. Your scalp and his are curly girl sisters, you cannot leave them to die like this.

When he comes out, knots in his back undone, steam wafting, grime finally removed, he approaches you with much more energy, and leans against the doorway. You both speak at once.

“Weird to see you out of uniform.”

You snort; he flattens his mouth into a line to keep from smiling too hard (which, for Carmen, would really just mean smiling with his teeth). But really, it is weird. You’re both suddenly… People. You can see all his tattoos and his stupid gold chain...And he can see you.

You kick the chair with your foot, gesturing to it. “Sit, I’m washing your hair.”

You’re walking past him before he’s got the chance to deny, collecting proper products from the bathroom to use. Y’know. Not fucking five in one.

Once again, good Carm listens, sitting in the chair. Not without complaints, though. “Big fan of babying people?”

You wrap the towel behind his neck, tilting his head back into the sink. If you pretend, it’s like a salon. You hum in reply, blunt, “Yeah, I am.”

“I like to take care of people. In a way, it’s kind of my job.” You re-rinse his hair once the water is warm— Thank God your kitchen faucet is a sprayer.

“You’re good at it.” He’s too comfortable and lethargic to be aggro about this, so he’s just sweet and honest. It’s hard not to beam.

“I try.” You massage shampoo through his scalp, “I know I’m pushy about it, sometimes.”

He sighs, a breath of relief. When’s the last time someone else washed his hair? He’s been cutting his own for years, he cannot remember the last time. Had to have been before New York.

“Were you pushy with Mikey?” He’s not fully sure why he said that, and he’s waiting for you to make him regret asking it.

You just hum, nostalgically amused, “I think I got pushy because of Mikey.”

“Stopped hoping my friends would take care of themselves with the right tools and decided to just take care of them myself.” You rinse the bubbles from his hair. You’re happy to see his wavy pattern returning.

“A lot of work.”

“Not to me.”

You pump conditioner into your hand— And while he’d probably love for you to elaborate on that point, you have to pivot, “Alright, this part you actually should pay attention to— When you condition— Because you will be conditioning, from this point on.”

He just grunts in reply, but it sounds like enough of a yes to you.

“—When you do it, you’ll hang your head upside down and apply conditioner from the bottom— You gotta like, squeeze your hair in it—” You do the proper routine, squelching his hair, does he laugh at the sound? Yes. Yes, he does. “It’ll sound like that. And then rinse.”

You look at his peaceful, amused expression. His eyes closed. “Heard.”

“Are you retaining any of this?”

“I said heard, didn’t I?”

You just scoff, rinsing his hair. You teach him how to scrunch with the towel, but his eyes are so dazed during it you give the poor boy a break and don’t explain that what you’re putting in his hair is mousse. He might have an aneurysm if you use a ‘food word’ in relation to hair right now.

“Alright, alright, the exhaustion is setting in, let’s get you to bed before you start seeing spiders.” You take his arm and hoist him up. Everything is fine until this bozo tries walking to the living room while you’re trying to pull him down the hall. You once again, speak in sync.

“What’re you doing?”

“I’m taking the couch.”

He now realizes why you spoke so quickly about him putting his things away in your room instead of the living room. It’s like you just awoke every Italian ancestor in his bones because he is immediately alert.

“No, you’re not.”

That’s fine because he’s in your household, motherfucker. Your family tree is in the furniture.

“You’re the guest. You take the bed.”

“You’re the host. You take the bed.”

“I’m the one that invited you.”

“And what? You’re the girl.”

At a point, you are both speaking with your hands, words tumbling on top of each other's.

“Bitch—” “It’s just not right—” “I literally made you come over specifically to get proper rest—” “I will be haunted all night by my Nonna if you sleep on the couch—” “The couch is a pull-out, it’s comfortable!” “Then let me use it!” “No!”

This is going nowhere fast.

“My own grandmother takes the couch when I visit. She would throw me off my own balcony if I made a guest take the couch.” Is your hard stance.

And his, “My Nonno would stab me if I let a pretty girl sleep on a couch.”

Now this does immediately shut you the fuck up.

That doesn’t mean he’s won; he’s also shut the fuck up. A slip-up of mutually assured destruction.

You bite back your wheeze of shocked laughter, and you’re very thankful it’s two in the morning now because the moonlight through the window doesn’t entirely catch your reaction of being embarrassingly bashful in this moment. How did the teen girl in you survive? You were so sure you got her…

Your hands hang in the air for a moment, before you finally manage to say, “Either I take the couch—”

“No—”

“Or, it’s a double, so we share it.” You shrug, wringing your hands, “So whichever one you find the least sacrilege.”

God, there’s no simple way to make that not sound like you’re coming onto him, is there? You’re not, for the record. It’s just the fastest solution. You’ve shared beds before, it’s not a big deal— It’s actually only a big deal if you make it one, it’s actually very normal—Get this fucking teen out of here—!

“Fuckin’— Alright!” He huffs after thinking on it for some time, rubbing his forehead in some sort of anguish before marching down the hall.

When you don’t follow, he clicks his teeth. “C’mon, Tony.” His tone is languid and aggravated.

Ah, the sweet sound of a man who has had to compromise— But will be damned if he doesn’t get his part of said compromise. Also the sound of a man who really wishes he hadn't just said pretty girl.

You follow him to your room. Fuck it. Say the thing. You've been trying to keep a level social playing field with him anyway.

“Heard, pretty boy!"

two idiots realize the other one is pretty and nice and try to not acknowledge it (DIFFICULTY LEVEL: IMPOSSIBLE)

Would you believe me if I said I was trying to not do the 'one bed' trope? I really was! I'm not a huge trope guy! But writing it down I was like 'neither of these people would fucking fold'. The only other option would be for both of them to stare at each other in the hallway for 8 hours and come to no agreement. Did not plan Pretty Girl but thank god because it was the only thing that would get them out of that time loop.

It's always my favourite thing when a person who's been cavalier when it comes to boundaries suddenly finds their line (he's pretty) and is now immediately so hyphy. I hope you also messed with this.

Tell me your thoughts!! Favourite bits, lines, etc!! Feeds me!! (Oh, speaking of fed, shout out to Daniel NYC, I did steal their menu for this. I'll probably do it again because I am not a Michelin Star Chef.)

Next Part

[juuuulez]

📰 | dessert.

i can imagine being woken up at ridiculous hours because carmen needs you to try a dish…anyway that’s what this is + domesticity + husband carmy + soft pregnancy vibes.

short and sweet.

You’re lying half-asleep in bed, vaguely tethered to reality by the distant clanging of pots and pans. It isn’t enough to fully wake you, too comfortable buried under the thick blankets, having finally found the perfect position where your stomach doesn’t seem to get in the way.

Which, lately, it’s always in the way.

The door creaks open, and Carmen’s footsteps are quiet, feather-light. He sits down at the edge of the bed, one hand nudging your shoulder, the other guiding a spoon into a little dish he sits on his lap.

The movement rouses you just enough, gaining the smallest inkling of consciousness. It’s in front of your face and pressing against your lips before the awareness can fully set in, velvety chocolate coating your tongue. The taste is thick, yet not overwhelming, somehow both dense and light at the same time. Maybe some sort of mousse.

“That’s.. yeah, ‘s good..” You mumble, eyes blinking open blearily to twist slightly on the bed, moving to face him. The movement causes your shirt to ride up, not bothering to tug it down, despite the slight chill that spreads over your stomach.

Carmen’s hand finds the edge of the duvet, pulling it to cover your body properly. “Good?” He echos. “Just good? C’mon, baby. Gotta give me a bit more than that.”

You suck in a breath, resisting the temptation to fall back asleep, which has amplified now that he’s finally next to you. It has to be around 1am, at this point. Usually, the baby keeps you up, kicking incessantly, but it seems the little bear has finally quietened down. Not Carmy, though.

“I dunno, Carm. I like it,” You sigh, eyes fluttering closed. “It’s good.”

Without your gaze on him, Carmen looks down at the dish, staring into the ceramic bowl like it’s his worst enemy. About a thousand things run through his mind, all with the primary focus being perfecting the desert.

“Yeah, okay..” He’s resigned, already making a move to try and stand. The motion causes you to stir again, a hand blindly fumbling with his wrist to pull it back in.

“No, don’t take it away. I’m not done.” You protest.

The spoon has already been caught between your fingers, and Carmen doesn’t have it in him to stop you. It penetrates the light mixture with ease, scooping another mouthful of the light mousse between your lips.

“It’s not right,” Carmen would say, sounding so utterly defeated. “You don’t have to eat it.”

You simply shrug, having already gone back for the last little piece. “I wanna eat it. I’m hungry.”

The smile threatens to return to Carmy’s face. With the renovations underway, he’s been missing his time in the kitchen. So, he brings it home. Working endlessly on new recipes, testing menu variations, anything to keep his mind running. Maybe the notion of having a child is starting to freak him out a little, so the work serves as a distraction.

“Hungry?” He repeats, “Weren’t you just asleep?”

“Well, I’m awake now. Might as well eat.

It’s a sound argument, and Carmen knows not to push it. He’s just lucky that you’re always so willing to put up with him like this. So, he puts the empty dish down, taking the spoon and laying it on the bedside counter.

He’ll stroke your hair while you chew the last mouthful, your eyes coming to a soft close. There’s some chocolate on your lip, which Carmen swipes off with his thumb, before sucking the digit into his mouth. It doesn’t taste that bad.

“I’ll join you soon.” He promises, leaning down to place a chaste kiss to the same spot. You give a small grunt in response, wanting to persuade him otherwise, but not having the energy to do so.

You’ve already melted back into the pillow, happy and sated with the taste of chocolate on your tongue.

[violentdelightsandviolentends]

hi baby!! dont worry!! it was about reader getting so stressed and annoyed while building a gingerbread house that they throw it in the garbage because its going all wrong and carmy finds it hilarious lol then he builds one for her hehe<3 love u

Perfectionist.

Your boyfriend being a professional chef has its perks - especially when it comes to gingerbread houses.

pairing - carmen berzatto x female reader warnings - cursing word count - under 1k!! short and sweet author's note - just a little dose of carmy at christmas for you. thanks baby angel for sending this request in (twice!!) <3

masterlist. inbox.

"Fuck this."

Carmy hears your raised voice and immediately comes running, coming to a halt in the doorway of the kitchen.

"You good, baby?"

"No."

The frown on your face is amusing him to no end, fighting to keep his smile from breaking out. He doesn't want to minimise your feelings, but you're cutest when you're mad.

Carmy takes in the scene in front of him, surveying carefully. There's chunks of gingerbread scattered across the table, icing dripping from the tablecloth. Your kitchen looks like a candy store exploded - sweets in red, green and blue littered over every surface. You're caked in frosting, hair falling into your eyes as you take deep breaths to try to keep your anger at bay.

"I knew this wouldn't be easy, but fuck me, Carmy... I'm on the brink of a breakdown here."

He makes his way over, grinning like an idiot. It's not often he gets to help you with things - you're fiercely independent, determined to get stuff done all by yourself. He likes teaching you, getting to feel like he's easing your worries a little.

"You want my help?"

"I said I'd do it," you huff, on the verge of stamping your feet and pushing the table over.

"It won't kill you to ask for what you need, baby."

You roll your eyes, bottom lip caught between your teeth. It's difficult for you to admit defeat, but you might rip your hair out if your gingerbread collapses one more time.

"Can you help me, Carm?" you whisper.

"What was that, honey? Say it again?"

You sigh in exasperation, slumping back into your chair.

"Can you help me, Carmen? Please?"

He beams at you like the cat that got the cream, making his way over to sit next to you at the table.

"Lets start again, hmm?"

"Good idea."

You pick up the remnants of your gingerbread house and throw them so forcefully, the trash can almost tips over. Carmy laughs, wrapping his arms around you from behind.

"I think we've finally found the one thing you're not good at, honey. It's a Christmas miracle."

You can't help but chuckle, leaning your head back to rest against his shoulder. He presses a kiss or four into your neck, nosing at the spot under your ear.

"Okay, Mr Michelin Star. Show me what you got."

You bake, first, Carmy explaining how to get the perfect texture you need for structural soundness. He even gets out a ruler, measuring the rolled out dough so the sides will be even.

He kisses you lazily while your gingerbread is in the oven. You're propped up on the counter as he stands between your legs, arms thrown around his shoulders. He tastes like cinnamon and spice, groaning when you lick the sugar straight from his tongue.

When it's cooled, you begin your assembly, sitting back while Carmy trims and remeasures. He draws out a template with a pencil and cuts accordingly, ensuring each piece has a straight edge. You watch in awe as he works, so careful, so attentive. You're fighting not to jump his bones at any given moment.

It's time to build, and Carmy has the perfect plan. He's made a thickened sugar syrup that acts as a glue, hardening when it dries and keeping everything together. His tongue darts out to wet his lips as he concentrates, determined not to mess this up for you.

He steps back, then, to let you decorate. You clearly have a vision, your picturesque idea of what you wanted your original creation to look like. Carmy makes you multiple bags of icing in different colours, and melts down candies so you can make windows and doors. He opens packets of chocolates, and carves into them with a knife to make little trees for the yard.

Hours later, when you're both covered in powdered sugar and melted chocolate, you step back to admire your masterpiece.

"Holy shit, Carm."

"We did good, huh?"

"Is there like, a business in this? Can we do this for a living?"

He laughs, the sound vibrating through you from where his chest his pressed to your back. He's got you tightly in his arms, swaying gently to the soft music that plays from the radio.

"What were you saying about finding the one thing I wasn't good at, Berzatto? Hmm?"

He spins you, pressing his forehead into yours.

"I take it back. I take it all back, baby. You're good at everything."

"Especially gingerbread houses."

"Especially gingerbread houses."

You lean up to kiss him, wiping some frosting off his cheek with your thumb.

"Thanks for not making me feel like an idiot."

"I would never. Life is a learning curve, baby, You taught me that."

"I love you," you whisper. "And just so you know, we're never eating that. It's going to have to be display only."

He laughs, full chested and whole hearted, moving his hands to cradle your face.

"I love you too, baker extraordinaire. We don't need to eat it, anyway. We've got all this candy to get through."

You reach behind him to pick up a chocolate, tossing it into your mouth.

"It isn't as sweet as you," you wink.

A blush rises up his cheeks as he rolls his eyes, pulling you in closer.

"Merry Christmas, baby."

"Merry Christmas, Carmen."

[bubbles-for-all-of-us]

Always have but never hold

Next chapter

a/n lingered in my brain for a bit and now it's out here. Be gentle, it's my first time writing for this man. 😳🥺😭✨

warnings: fighting, kitchen accidents, swearing, mental health struggles.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Fuck early Chicago mornings and the freezing temperatures that came with them. And add the people who promised bursts of sunshine and blue skies to the list. Fuck all of them and their predictions. Your grandma made better weather foretellings and landed straight on target with them.

You tightened your jacket closer to your body. Wrapping your hands around yourself. Well, the jacket wasn't yours. It was Carmy's, but you always preferred to wear his stuff. It soothed your anxiety. All the worries Made the early mornings more bearable. You don't remember the last time you two woke up in the same bed. You don't remember how the warmth of the morning, still wrapped up in the sheets, felt. Carmy would be off to the restaurant even before you. You tried to suggest that you just go together an hour or so later, but that only brought out a fight that left you two even further apart as it was. And it had gotten far away. You let his scent flow through your mind, chasing the nagging voice away. Yet already dreading the chaos of the day ahead.

Your phone starts ringing in your pocket. For a moment, you hesitated. Surely, it's too early for something serious to be going on. But then, don't all the scary things happen at the oddest hours? So you reach for it, frowning when you see Sugar's name lighting up the phone. You weren't close to Carmy's family. You had only met them briefly at the funeral. God, they didn't even know who you were. Nor did they care. Or maybe they cared too much.

"Hello", you said, clearing your throat right away. You hadn't spoken any words yet this morning, meaning the first hello sounded way too raspy. "Yeah, hi, it's early, isn't it", Sugar breathed, and you almost wanted to roll your eyes. Yet you couldn't bring yourself to it. Her voice sounded worried. "Did anything happen?", you trailed off. It's not like you two called each other out of the blue. You didn't just chat or go out for coffee. You didn't meet up for lunch or dinner. She had called you once, and it was only to ask if Carmy had wanted to keep any of Mikey's stuff. She was Natalie to you. Someone who might not even stop in the middle of the street to greet you.

"I've just been thinking about Carmy", she muttered quickly. You could hear her shuffling through some papers in the background. "What about him?", you said after a moment of silence. "Did you talk to him about the doctor I suggested? Maybe you two can even go together?", the words just spilled from her mouth, and you halted quickly, "You care for him, right? So take him". A light hint of anger picked up in your chest at that. They had all been pushing down on him. Do that. Do this. Carmy wasn't like them. He operated differently.

"Yeah, yeah, we spoke about it. He just doesn't want to do it now", you said calmly, changing the hand with which you'd been holding the phone so you could warm up your fingers in the jacket pocket. "He will never want to do it", Natalie grumbled back, "Did he even tell you about the times he couldn't breathe? Don't you notice that it's bad? It's scary". A chill ran down your spine. An image of Carmy holding onto his throat filled your brain. Hand gripping the sink as he gasped for air. Panicked eyes searched the room. Two am. Calling the ambulance. Crying in the bathroom before you even went to see him. Fuck, they knew about how scary it was, yet you only mumbled a quiet, "I know, yeah". A sigh leaves her mouth. "And you're not doing anything? He'll end up like...", but you pull your phone away from your ear, press the red button, and swallow quickly. You weren't going to think about it now. No. Not now. Not never. Carmy wasn't going to end up like this. He just wasn't.

You rounded the last corner, quickly pushing your key into the door before letting yourself in. The warmth of the restaurant soothed your cold skin. You thought about giving yourself a moment to compose yourself, but then you were already late. So you quickly undid the jacket. "Where's my fucking knife? Have you seen my knife?", Carmy's voice echoed through the space. You quickly dropped your stuff at the corner of his desk in the office before walking into the kitchen.

"Morning", you smiled up at everyone, and someone grumbled in return. The tension in the kitchen was already brutal. "Your cigarette is on the table, Tina", You turned her way, and she flashed you a smile. "Lord knows, I'll need a whole pack of them today". She had been the only one who hadn't thrown a fit about your being here. She wasn't flowing with joy, but it was by far the best way you've been greeted since moving back to Chicago with Carmy.

"Behind", Carmy shouted again, moving past the rest of the kitchen with a tray of meat in his hands. He didn't even glance your way. He wasn't someone to go lovely dovey in front of the others yet it stung. To your surprise, he turned your way. Eyes softened at the sight of you, and all of the nagging thoughts drained. "Hey", he muttered, reaching for your hand and squeezing it gently. "We prep, then the papers?", he asked, already bearing for the tray with vegetables. You quickly nodded before reaching for the knife yourself.

"They fucked the order? Why the hell do I care that they don't have my shit in stock", Carmy ran his hand through his hair in frustration, "I'll call them again; this is just...", "Why don't you take a break? Breathe for a moment", you said, lowering the order papers onto the desk. Eyes searching his. You've only been in the office for ten minutes, and all that time Carmy had been shouting. A frustrated sigh left his lips as he buried his face in his hands. You stepped closer, your fingers instantly reaching for his hair. Running your fingers through his curls, you let him do what felt best, and Carmen wasted no time in bringing his hands up to rest on your hips, his face buried in your stomach. He let out a frustrated growl, and then the place went silent.

"Talk to me. Say anything", his voice was barely a mutter, but you heard him perfectly. He did this often. Whenever the voices in his head got too loud, he would ask you to speak. Tell him whatever pops into your head. It didn't even have to make sense. He just needed to hear it. The smooth sound of your voice. "We ran out of milk, and I managed to put on a wash before I left", Your fingers dragged down his neck and shoulders. "We'll have clean sheets; can you believe it?", you chuckled softly. The apartment looked like shit if you were being honest, but then you spend so little time there these days.

"We can buy milk on our way back", Carmy said, pulling away slightly. "Yeah, we sure can", you hummed. Just as a knock made you both turn toward the door, A dark-skinned girl with big eyes stood there, looking at Carmy as if she had seen a holy spirit. "I... I... I want to help with the kitchen. To work, I mean", she stuttered, and you instantly turned to her fully. "We talked yesterday, didn't we?", You reached your hand towards her, and she shook it gently. "We sure can use a second set of hands", You smiled at her, yet her eyes didn't leave Carmy. "Sydney and... My resume", she handed the papers to Carmy, who flipped through them straight away.

In a perfect world with a perfect system, you would have loved to give her a rundown of the place. Unfortunately, this wasn't a normal place, nor was the situation normal. So Sydney was left to listen to the constant swearing and bickering of everyone else. It was half-decent until Richie showed up. Shouting at the top of his lungs about all that Carmy was doing wrong. And that fucking pasta of his. You gripped the knife tighter but stayed out of it. This wasn't a fight you wanted to be a part of.

"As if we need another know-it-all in the kitchen. Don't need that fancy shit,", he barked, glaring at the girl. Sydney's head was hung low, but she too said nothing. Doing her thing as she got ready for family. "We don't need this shit; it was fine till Carmy stepped in, fine till you showed up", Richie slurred, and the last straw snapped within you: "Get your head out of your ass and drop it", your glare met him, and you could feel the way all of the anger within him now ran directly to you. Boiled even more because of you.

"And who's talking? One more burden Carmen dragged from New York", he spat, stepping closer to you, no doubt trying to intimidate you, but you didn't back away. "We should have lost you at the airport", he said bitterly. "What will your art degree do for us? Want to paint walls, sweetie?". You were so glad that he had turned away from you after the words left his mouth because you were a moment away from...

"Jesus, Y/N.", Tina's voice made you blink a couple of times. You felt her finger on your palms, and your gaze followed her touch. The chopping board was covered in blood. You must have lost track of your movements and senses. Trying too hard to keep your composure. Or maybe Richie's words hurt worse than the cut palm. "Cover for me, Sydney", you muttered, pulling the towel from your shoulder and pressing it to the wound. "Don't you need...", she tried to interfere. "Just fucking cover for me, please".

Slamming the freezer door shut, you let your back hit the side shelf. God, you were glad Carmy wasn't here. That call from the butcher couldn't have come at a better time. Richie was your headache to carry. Adding that to Carmen's shoulders won't help. He had hated you from the moment you showed up. You always cared too much and too little in his eyes. You tried to reason with him. He was grieving too, but fuck was he an ass when he wanted to be. And he wanted to be most of the time. Angry tears ran down your cheeks. You were just so fucking tired. So tired of it all. Of the shouting. Of the worrying.

"We don't have time. Where the fuck is she? The vegetables won't cook themselves", Carmy's voice ran through the freezer. You pressed your fingers into your eyes, gritting your teeth for a moment before stepping out. "On them, chef", you called out, wrapping the bandage around your hand messily. As long as it stopped the blood, it would have to do. And Carmy was a split second away from shouting again until his eyes fell on your palm.

"What the fuck happened?", he asked, marching forward. Forgetting all the corners, behinds, and whatnot. "Nothing happened", you muttered, turning to Sydney, "I'll take it from here, thanks". But Carmy caught your wrist and said, "Like hell, you will; what the fuck happened?". You knew that this all was coming from a good place, but the tone of his voice didn't soothe you. "We have shit to do, chef", you said, waving your head out of his grip and turning your back to him.

You hoped he would just walk away. Just drop it. Let it be. Let it all sizzle out. "Learn to fucking hold a knife", he grunted, his hand came into contact with your injured palm as he pressed it firmly onto the handle, making you whine in pain. "Hold it for fuck sake", he barked again, only tightening his grip as if he was blind to the blood seeping through the bandage. "I fucking am", You ripped his hand away with your other hand, pushing at his chest to get him away from you.

"Stop being a crybaby and be useful for once", Carmy's words left you defenseless. Your body froze. Cold shivers running down your back. You surely didn't hear it right. Carmy threw the knife across the table and turned his back away from you. Was he about to walk away? Just like that. Like nothing happened. "Fuck you", you threw the same bloody towel his way, "If I'm so fucking useless, feel free to find someone else", Carmy halted in his steps, but he didn't turn around. Clapping filled your ears, and you found smug-looking Richie, beaming like the promised sun today, saying, "Should have been an actress". You bit the inside of your cheek. Quickly undo your apron before storming outside.