#the doom from shadow (2005) my beloved

[shootyrefutey]

Subjugation in Black

[paintedlight]

Supernatural Season 15 & Sufjan Stevens' “The Ascension”

Teaser: there’s a song on this album called "Die Happy” where the lyrics are just “I want to die happy” for 5 minutes and 45 seconds. yeah. yeah.

Disclaimer: yes it’s all a stretch and I’m overthinking it but also… am I? (yes) 

long post time! know that reading ahead may hurt you and yes it does get worse the further down the track list you get 💕 have fun kids

So just to start off, I think it’s funny that something Sufjan’s discography & Supernatural have in common is the 15+ years of the internet arguing if it’s gay or not, and the answer ending up being yes. PLUS there’s the obvious connection of American mythos + mythology + calvinist themes (I am hissing) + religious trauma prevalent in both. 

If you’re a fan of both like I am, it’s easy to connect them— notable connections being songs like “John My Beloved” and “The Owl and the Tanager” or even “John Wayne Gacy Jr.”, but I’m going to focus on Sufjan's 2020 album, “The Ascension” since even the arc itself seems so connected to season 15 of Supernatural, specifically. 

At least in my head it does <3 enjoy 

MAKE ME AN OFFER I CANNOT REFUSE

When interviewed about the meaning of this track, Sufjan explains that this song is about asking God, “what do you have to say for humanity?” That it’s about desperation, creation, and devastation. It’s about frustration with divinity. Also the vibes are 10/10. Need I say more 

RUN AWAY WITH ME

This song is beautiful, it makes me want to sit in some grass and stare at the sky. 

Some lines that make me Dean/Cas crazy are the two lines in verse 1 and verse 2 that mirror each other by being in the same place melodically:

Verse 1: they will terrorize us / with new confusion / with the fear of life that seeks to bring despair within

Verse 2: I will bring you life / a new communion / with a paradise that brings the truth to light within

Yeahhh so the words “Despair” and “The Truth” were mirrored in this song yes it was coincidental yes I’m clinging to it. It fascinates me 

But this song is about begging someone to stay with you.

sweet falling remedy / come run away with me / you’re all I ever need

VIDEO GAME

My first thought when I heard this song was about how it was such a song for enneagram 4s. If you don’t know what that means, I think Dean is a 4 and wrote a post about it here. 

AND @trapperjohnmcintyre also made the connection between these lyrics and Dean in this post, and honestly I don’t need to say much more than that??

The song is about feeling paranoid and angry that God is controlling your every move and you can’t escape it (aka hating the doctrine of predestination). Of course it’s also about not wanting to follow societal scripts. 

You just want to have an easier life instead of the weight of good and evil resting on your back!!!

I don’t want to put the devil on a pedestal / I don’t want put the saints in chains / I just want to make my life a little easier / I don’t want to play your video game

Also these painful lines, as a treat: 

I don’t want to love you if you don’t receive it / I don’t want to save the world that way

Oh, I almost forgot, also. At the end, the narrator gives up. He’s like well I guess I can’t escape. Gotta follow the procedure. Gotta be a puppet.

I don’t want it to go down that way / but in a way you gotta follow the procedure / so go ahead and play your video game

  LAMENTATIONS

I don’t have much to say about this one but this line always makes my heart ache idk:

I was only thinking of human kindness

TELL ME YOU LOVE ME

Here we gooooooo. Y’all aren’t ready.

Thesis: Tell me you love me despite the primordial darkness about to overtake me. And even if you don’t, I’m going to love you. 

15x18 Despair anyone?? 

I want to just paste the whole song but, here—

DIE HAPPY

Yep, "Die Happy" immediately follows "Tell Me You Love Me." Yes, the lyrics are just “I want to die happy” over and over for almost 6 minutes. 

First of all, the repetition mirrors the end of the song Fourth of July, from Sufjan’s previous album Carrie & Lowell, where Sufjan sings “we’re all gonna die” over and over.

Parallels, baby.

But I noticed something else about this recently though— in Die Happy, if you are listening to it in your headphones, there’s this weird sound that sounds like a wasp flying around your head (it made me uncomfortable which is why I noticed it, haha). After I felt unnerved for a moment, I had a realization— that this could be referencing one of Sufjan’s most beloved songs, “The Predatory Wasp of the Palisades Is Out To Get Us!!” (yes that’s a real song title lol)

The Predatory Wasp is about how Sufjan fell in love with his best friend at the Bible Camp he went to as a teenager. The wasp is a metaphor for internalized homophobia and also his love and how he fears his love will hurt the boy he’s in love with. 

So, Die Happy references an iconic song from Illinois (2005) with these notable lines:

Tl;dr: 

I want to die happy vs. I can’t explain the state that I’m in / the state of my heart / he was my best friend

Here’s an Despair photoset with Predatory Wasp lyrics via @toneelspeelster. 

ATIVAN

So your best friend has just died happy by being in love with you. You feel like the primordial darkness is on YOU now:

I woke up in stereo—I spent the day in vertigo / I could not get the spirit off my back

You’re once again tossed in the waves of thinking that God is fucking with you. But either way you just want to be tranquilized at this point. 

Is it all for something? Is it all part of a plan / tranquilize me, sanitize me, Ativan

Is it all for nothing? Is it all part of a plan? / make my death wish, mind my business / do the best I can with what I am

Ativan asks, was the true leading woman all this time… substance abuse?? 

Ativan / my leading woman

Long story short, you’re drunk on communion wine, asking the shadows to come back.

fill me with the blood of Jesus / clean my plate 'til he receives us / separate the colors from the black / ... / tell the shadows near us to come back

 URSA MAJOR & LANDSLIDE

Not a lot to say about this (even though I love these songs) so I’m gonna skip mostly, but the narrator has decided he wants to love you, he can’t help it <3 

GILGAMESH

Oh boy. 

I mean you kinda know what’s coming because of the title. The Epic of Gilgamesh is the world’s oldest piece of epic world literature, and Gilgamesh was “the first hero of human history.” 

In the world’s oldest story, The Epic of Gilgamesh, Gilgamesh and Enkidu are “very close friends” (their relationship is very homoerotic and this is barely disputed). Gilgamesh calls Enkidu his brother, and they are mutually selfless towards each other but when Enkidu dies, indirectly because of Gilgamesh, Gilgamesh has a breakdown and mourns him like that of a spouse and then has to come to terms with his own mortality. 

The meta level of this is so obvious I’m not even going to go into it. Anyways… here are lyrics that make me want to scream! 

the repetition of “my heart”... the concept of singing a eulogy.... saying your heart is chained to Your Angel............ it hurts

DEATH STAR

Star Wars reference my beloved. Like many of these songs this has Fuck You God energy.

what you call the human race / expedite the judgement day / it’s your own damn head on that plate

vandalize what you create / ... / witness me resist your fate / it’s your own damn head on that plate

 GOODBYE TO ALL THAT

This song is a bop honestly 

When the lyrics were released a bunch of Sufjan fans contrasted Goodbye To All That’s here I am alone in my car / hopelessly infatuted / and I’m driving to wherever you are to Sufjan & Moses Sumney’s song, “Make Out in My Car”.

Yeah, I know, we’re all thinking of this:

Make Out in My Car is basically where Moses gave Sufjan a horny car guy chorus and told him to write the verses, and Sufjan proceeded to write the most liturgical shit ever (and we love him for it). ANYWAYS… Goodbye To All That also reminds me of Dean’s depression and the weirdness that started in 15x19 and goes into 15x20. For some reason he makes it seem more upbeat and happy than it is...

Despite this song being a bop, the lyrics are depressing. He’s alone in his car. He’s hopeless. He realizes it’s too late to have died a young man. 

He’s going to try to move on, even though nothing is left of him, he’s begging someone to turn around and show me his shadow.

He also references substance abuse again—

love me / and leave me / intoxicated

  SUGAR

The music video? Iconic. The mom of a family is making a pie, or she’s trying to. She ends up rubbing the filling all over her face, crushing the fruits, the oven catches on fire. 

But she does it! She makes the pie. 

Meanwhile the other family members are in their rooms, overindulging in sugar in all its forms. And then as she and her family eat around a dining table, occassionally being seemingly marrioetted by some unseen force, she looks angrily over her family, they all seem to kind of lose it, then the house starts to come apart until the chandelier falls on the dinner table. 

It’s the making pie + overindulgence in sugar + marionetted family metaphors for me ❤️ 

Ultimately, the song is about begging for affection, being desperate for domesticity, but you feel doomed, you feel like your defeat is predestined, that you can’t escape it.

You just don’t want to be heartbroken & you don’t want to be angry anymore!!!!

  THE ASCENSION

So you may be asking… does this guy get the domesticity he’s longing for?? Does he get his love back?? 

No. He dies. :/

The Ascension begins with just that. He’s dying.

THEN Sufjan decides to rhyme “confess” with “confess”, in two lines that mean almost opposite things:

When I am dead / and the light leaves my breast / nothing to be told / nothing to confess / let the record show / what I couldn’t quite confess

So does this guy have something to confess or not??? 👀

Moving on… 

He goes back to thinking about how his life was predestined all along, and now after all that, he’s dying. So he thinks about all the times he was kind of like this Mythological Icon. That he always had to be the one to show what was right, to lead by example. That that had been his entire identity. 

And he realizes he needs to answer for himself. 

Then he is frightened— realizing he was always asking what everything meant, what it all was for, but that all along he was just angry and depressed.

But even though he feels a like he should have just resigned himself to meaninglessness, that he only thought he could change the world for the better… it strengthened him to know the truth.

And even through the absolute shit of it all, and even though God & others did things from a place of so-called holiness and hopelessness...

He did everything out of love ❤️

So then he dies 🙃

AMERICA

So, as the end of The Ascension asked, what now? 

The album ends on this long track, which Sufjan describes as a protest against all that America has been and has become. 

It’s a protest against capitalism, of destroying humanity for the sake of some cold machinery. 

I have worshipped / I believed / I have broke your bread / for a splendor of machinery

And in true Sufjan fashion, he makes this song about protesting somehow both horny and religious, god bless

I have loved you / like a dream / I have kissed your lips / like a Judas in heat

I have worshipped / I have cried / I have put my hands in the wounds on your side / I have tasted of your blood / I have choked on the waters / I abated the flood / I am broken / I am beat / but I will find my way / like a Judas in heat

I am fortune / I am free / I’m like a fever of light / in the land of opportunity / don’t do to me / what you did to America / don’t do to me / what you do to yourself

  to finish out, here’s a DeanCas post by @eggcessive with lyrics from America ❤️ I HOPE YOU ENJOYED MY WEBWEAVING :)

[fanfics-andstuff]

The Cordelia Pamphlet

In the early morning of the year of 2005 whereas people all over Camp Jupiter and New Rome were reading a four-page pamphlet. A few people were gossiping about the four-page pamphlet until it became a spread news all over the camp and city. Reyna Avila Ramírez-Arellano (who was the protégé of Praetor Lyria) and Flint Donovan Vance (Current male Praetor) were reading this four-page pamphlet in anger but also in pain for their closest friend in Camp Jupiter. Lyria Eclair Graham de Vanily and Echo Olympia Butterfly were also reading this terrifying pamphlet that was spreading like wildfire throughout the camp and city in the Great Hall of Hogwarts. Both girls were afraid of Octavian Marcus Tabullo's reaction once they were reading it. They quickly packed their clothes and light traveled (Lyria) and love traveled (Echo) straight to San Francisco, California. Meanwhile, Octavian locked himself inside his office in silence where Reyna and Flint heard him scribbling from paper to paper with his pen. So far nothing unlike outside in the city. Bernice Gonzalez, Emilie Jade, and Nala Bank were grinning devilishly as they spread the news of the pamphlet.

The Cordelia Pamphlet!

Bernice/Emilie/Lyria:

Have you read this?!

Nala/Bernice/Emilie:

May Sophia had a torrid affair

And she wrote it down right there!

Emilie:

Highlight!

Bernice/May:

“The charge against me is a connection with one,

Daisy Cordelia!

For purposes of Improper Speculations!

My real crime is amorous connection

With her husband

For a considerable time

With her knowing

Consents!”

Nala/Emilie/Bernice:

DAMN!

 People all over the camp and city were reading the four-page pamphlet in shock as May reveals that she had an affair with Phoenix Cordelia. This young Cordelia man was known for being a notorious liar and a player all over Camp Jupiter and New Rome. He was also known for sleeping with many men wives in order to obtain high payment. Madeline Sophia was glad to cooperate with Daisy Cordelia in order to pay almost two thousand in cash to keep the affair a secret. Though the secret didn’t last long when Emilie and her two sidekicks (Nala and Bernice) accuse Octavian's girlfriend of embezzling money from the Nutella Company, which was the main source of money for the Romans. Though that wasn’t the case so instead May decided to reveal her affair on a four-page pamphlet before letting it be published for the entire city and camp to read with their own eyes. Emilie couldn’t think that her dream had finally come true. The girlfriend of Lyria and Echo's right-hand man, has suddenly fallen down by her own doom. Lyria was the daughter of Apollo, Princess of Olympus, the Sea, and the Underworld, Ghost Queen, Princess of the Shadows, Heir to Jupiter, Juno, Neptune, Ceres, Mars, Minerva, Apollo, Diana, Vulcan, Venus, Mercury, Bacchus, Vesta, and Pluto, ex-Centurion of the First Cohort, Praetor of the Twelfth Legion Fulminata, Friends to Major and Minor Gods, The Three Fates, and Thanatos. Echo was the daughter of Venus, Centurion of the First Cohort and the right-hand woman of Lyria. Both girls were Friends to Chaos, Top Commanders of the Chaos Army, Lyria the First and Echo the Second.

May/Emilie:

“I have frequently meetings with him

Most of them at my own cohort”

Bernice:

At her own cohort?!

Nala:

At her own cohort

Bernice/Nala

DAMN!!

May/Emilie:

“Mr. Tabullo with his closest friends

Being absent on a visit to the Carribean”

Nala/Reyna:

No!

Emilie/Nala/Bernice: 

Have you read this?!

The Venus and Apollo descendants were reading the four-page pamphlet themselves. Tears were streaming down their faces as Reyna and Flint comforted all of them with loving open arms. They glared at May for this cruel betrayal that she brought upon her own family. The children nearly broke down in Reyna and Flint's arms as they escorted them away from the crowd that formed between May and Emilie along with Nala and Bernice. The three women continue to spread the pamphlet along with the crowd as they booed at her. Rose Sophia couldn’t even look at her own full, older in the eyes ever again.

Rose and the other Venus descendants were escorted as well by Reyna, who glared at May with pure hatred. She couldn’t believe that May could just stab Octavian in the back, in the end, she did. Reyna feared for Octavian's mental state, wondering if he was doing something that Reyna feared the most. Echo arrived first because Lyria was intercepted by Mercury to be at Olympus for an emergency meeting about the affair. Echo and Reyna escorted the Venus and Apollo descendants to their cohorts, before rushing towards Octavian’s office in the First Cohort. Echo wanted to beat the schist out of her sister because of her fatal flaw; Excessive Wrath, but thought better of it. Octavian needed his closest friends.

Meanwhile, May looked down in shame as everybody continued booing at her nonstop. Not to mention that Emilie, Nala, and Bernice kept on taunting her as May finally came crashing down by her own hands.

Emilie:

Well, she’s never gonna be Praetor now

Nala/Bernice:

Never gonna be Praetor now

Emilie:

Well, she’s never gonna be Praetor now

Nala/Bernice:

Never gonna be Praetor now

Emilie:

Well, she’s never gonna be Praetor now

Nala/Bernice:

Never gonna be Praetor now

Emilie:

That’s one less thing to worry about

Emilie/Nala/Bernice:

That’s one less thing to worry about

Emilie, Nala, and Bernice cruelly laughed at May in the face as people kept on speaking ill at her. Everyone in Camp Jupiter and New Rome that knew Octavian personally as good friends nearly wanted to smack the young Spanish-Australian girlfriend in the face but they held back. Soon the crowd began moving away from May, who assumed that they had enough poking their fingers at her for the humiliation that she caused for herself and Octavian. Though the crowd didn’t move away but instead made room, the people of Camp Jupiter and New Rome had made room for their Praetor, friend, and sister. Lyria, who made her way through the crowd before staring at May directly in the eyes.

Lyria:

I came as I soon heard

Emilie:

What!?

May:

Lyria

Emilie/Nala/Bernice:

All the way from Scotland?!

Damn!!!

May:

Lyria, thank the Gods

Someone understands what I’m

Struggling here to do

Lyria grabbed May harshly by the collar of her purple SPQR shirt as she tightly held her with just one hand. May feared for her life at the moment as the Princess of Olympus and many other titles aggressively grabbed her by the collar of her shirt. Glaring deeply into her frightened eyes before Lyria harshly whispers into her ear.

Lyria:

I’m not here for you

“Ooooh” the people whisper in shock as they hear Lyria whisper in such an aggressive way where they didn’t interfere with her and May. Bernice looked away from the unfortunate conversation while Emilie and Nala watched this incident with pure satisfaction. They chuckled devilishly underneath their breath just waiting for the perfect that May Sophia deserves for not only confessing she had an affair behind Octavian’s back but also revealing it for the entire city and camp. This is just a perfect day for Emilie Jade as she slowly watches her enemy slowly falling down.

Everyone knows that if you mess with Lyria, you will suffer immensely. Lyria held more than 1% of what a regular Roman descendant can ever have. She could kill anyone in a second or less with her bare hands, or she could use her powers and kill you in the slowest, painful death. Lyria has the Gods; Major and Minor, Three Fates, Chaos, and Thanatos behind her back. Let’s not forget the entire Chaos Army, which are personally trained by Chaos, Lyria, and Echo. 

Lyria:

I know my own brother like I know my own mind

You will never anyone as loyal nor as kind

I love my brother more than my own life

I will choose his happiness over mine every time

Lyria roughly pushed May away from her before raising her fist in the air. Bernice closed her eyes as she heard a crack echo in her ears. Knowingly that her ex-cohort mate's long time friend has punched her greatest enemy.

Everybody else watches with pleasure as Lyria punches May hard twice in the nose and stomach. May fell down to the ground wondering if maybe somebody will have sympathy in their hearts and willing to scold Lyria for punching her. Though none of them as they insisted that May Sophia had it coming.

Lyria:

Put what we had aside

I’m standing at his side

You could never be satisfied

Gods, I hope you’re satisfied

Lyria cold-heartedly left the poor woman in their regular SPQR purple shirt and leggings helpless who was crying on the ground. Tears were streaming down May’s face as she held her bleeding nose and hurting stomach that stung greatly in pain. Everybody began walking away from her but Emilie kept glaring at her with pure satisfaction now she saw May Sophia fallen down into the pitch black darkness of her failure. Causing her reputation to be ruined in New Rome and Camp Jupiter.

Emilie/Nala/Bernice:

Well, she’s never gon’ be Praetor now

Well, she’s never gon’ be Praetor now

Well, she’s never gon’ be Praetor now

That’s one less thing to worry about.

May:

At least I was honest with our money!

(Well, she’s never gon’ be Praetor now)

At least I was honest with our money!

(Well, she’s never gon’ be Praetor now)

At least I was honest with our money!

(Well, she’s never gon’ be Praetor now)

Emilie/Nala/Bernice:

That’s one less thing to worry about!

The Cordelia Pamphlet

Have you read this?

Have you ever seen somebody ruin their own life?

Octavian Tabullo had locked himself in his office as he read the four-page pamphlet. Tears were streaming down his face whereas Reyna, Flint, Echo, and Lyria were banging the door harshly. They attempted to open the door but as expected Octavian has a habit of locking his doors while working. Though this time they knew that Octavia isn’t working at all but instead they know that Octavian is crying in pain, anger, and humiliation by the thought that his beloved May has cheated on him. In which he and everybody else in New Rome and Camp Jupiter never expected May to do such a notorious act but in the end she did. Cruelly stabbing Octavian in the back nonstop. If it were Camp Half-Blood Lyria and Echo would have broken through the door or teleported in the room using their strength or powers, but it was different at Camp Jupiter and New Rome because the doors were enchanted to only be forced open only by an immortal and that there were double doors.

Tears continue streaming down Octavian’s face before Lyria and Echo somehow manage to get the double doors to open. Everyone looked at Octavian in relief as they saw him still alive and well. Although, Lyria would know if Octavian was really dead or not. 

The Puerto Rican girl hugged the freckled-acne scarred-tan American, who broke down inside her arms. Reyna and the rest did their best to console Octavian's broken heart.

 Emilie/Nala/Bernice:

Her poor ‘Tavian

Author's Note:

Emilie, Nala, Bernice, Reyna, Flint, Phoenix, Daisy, Lyria, Echo, and Octavian are part of the First Cohort.

Echo is the Echo from the myths. She was adopted by Aphrodite. Therefore, Echo has ADHD and Dyslexia.

Lyria and Echo has been at Camp Jupiter and New Rome since they were 5 years old. Both girls swore on the River Styx not to tell either side, until both Romans and Greeks knew of each other’s existence. 

Lyria has been Praetor since she was 9 years old (she’s 11 in this story), Flint has been Praetor when he was 10 (in this story he’s 13), Echo has been Centurion since she was also 9 years old (she’s 11 in this story), Reyna had been at camp for 3 months (she’s 13 years old), Octavian has been Centurion when he was 10 (in this story he’s 15), May, Emilie, Nala, and Bernice are also 15 years old. Daisy is 25 years old and Phoenix is 26 years old.

Lyria and Echo are both in Gryffindor. Both were almost sorted into the other houses; Lyria in Hufflepuff more and Echo in Ravenclaw, and Slytherin because Greek demigods are cunning and sly. But considering their pasts and present, the Sorting Hat sorted them both in Gryffindor.

Emilie Jade daughter of Cupid, Bernice Gonzalez daughter of Mercury, Nala Bank daughter of Trivia, Lyria Graham de Vanily daughter of Apollo (Greek side, witch), Flint Vance son of Victoria, May Sophia daughter of Venus, Daisy Cordelia legacy of Eris, Pheonix Cordelia son of Fortuna, Echo Butterfly (ex-nymph, adopted by Aphrodite, blessed by Hecate for Wizarding Magic)

[professorprophetess]

Lost in Adaptation

Though there have been successful game based movies before, like Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle, that was about a fictional game coming to life. It worked for a different set of reasons and they all had to do with the concept of half-real Juul talks about in the book of the same name(Juul 121-162). That begs the question, can real games get proper adaptations into film without having their attempts fall flat. The short history of video game movies does not really suggest that this is usually possible. Yet even then exceptions can exist. For the sake of simplicity I will be sticking to movies produced by the West AKA Hollywood that are not animated that feature real game properties being adapted into films. To get the greatest breadth of the attempts to adapt games into movies I’ll pick one per decade since the very first live action adaptation of a video game came out in 1993. That movie is one that I’ve often chosen to pretend doesn’t exist as it was a very disappointing childhood memory: Super Mario Bros. Next I’l jump ahead to the 00’s with 2008’s Doom. Finally, I’ll look at the recent game based movie Pokémon: Detective Pikachu. Where did the previous two movies from prior two decades go wrong where Pokémon: Detective Pikachu got things right is the question I seek to answer by analyzing these games based films from those decades. Please note, I will not be counting any movies made by Uwe Boll amongst adaptations that got things wrong as I am lead to believe he does not care about how far off track he takes his films and it would appear as if he does it on purpose. Therefore, all films he makes are anomalies and should not be counted.

First, the movie that started it all. Super Mario Brothers was a very big deal in the early ’90’s. As a child of that decade, I know first hand how ascendant Mario and Luigi were. My older siblings and cousins all clamored to play as much Super Mario Brothers games on their NESes as they could. Naturally, a movie based on their beloved game was going to be awe inspiring.Oh, it was but for all the wrong reasons. To be fair to Hollywood, games are hard to adapt into a movie because of that half-real element many games have to them, especially story light platforming games of the NES era. However, that still doesn’t fully explain how they went from a fantasy romp where the hero—an everyman Italian plumber— rescuing the princess from a monster into gritty sci-fi dystopia, extra emphasis on the gritty. The set design, cinematography, plot choices, and direction are all bizarre when one takes a step back to just look at it. For instance, their redesign of the iconic Bowser into a man with weird hair. Because of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles film coming out three years prior, the ability to have made a puppet suit for someone to wear to bring Bowser to life in all his dragon-turtle glory existed. Yet, for some reason, instead of respecting the intellectual property, whomever had purchased the rights handed the project off to writers who clearly were so embarrassed to be adapting a video game that they didn’t bother actually adapting it. As a small child, all I’d cared about was that they’d made Yoshi look weird and the goomba’s looked wrong. Now that I’m older, I’m more perplexed by why they’d choose to go so far a field. Their idea had no business being grafted into the Super Mario Brothers’ universe. In fact, had they not been supposed to be adapting Super Mario Brothers, their idea would have been fun for a Sci-fi B-Movie. Instead they just went so far off to the side that it left a shadow that kept Nintendo from allowing anyone to make movies from their IPs. The actors did what they could but a bad script and bad direction cannot be overcome by anyone. (Super Mario Bros)

The shadow wasn’t just cast by Super Mario Bros but other movies kept the belief that video game movies just would not work alive. Thus we get to Doom. I was far too young to play Doom at its initial height of popularity but I knew what it was. So by 2005, after strings of other not-so-good-to-so-campy-its-fun video game adaptations, it was Doom’s turn. The trailers looks promising. Then what happened was a clumsily cobbled together film that used elements of Doom’s barely there plot, as well as plot threads from Alien and other space horror flicks to produce a B-movie that bears next-to-no resemblance to Doomat all. There’s an instance where the movie switches to first person POV like the game, and the human antagonist has become and alien creature called a “pinky” which is a demon from Doom, but ultimately being PG-13 could not deliver on the gore factor needed to fully capture what it was that Doom was: a bloody maze of gore and violence. In this case, it was likely based on the fact it was Doom that they thought adapting it was a good idea, but in their fumbled and neutered execution they made a so-so space horror that almost utterly fails as an adequate adaptation of the game of the same name’s fame it had tried to cash in on. Again, the set design is questionable as it is set largely on a space ship instead of in a maze of tunnels through Hell, and the tame levels of violence are not reflective of the core part of Doom’s appeal at all. The acting was decent enough, but otherwise the story direction and direction in general are suspect. 2005’s Doom failed because it did not try to be the by proxy gore fest that its source material was and without that gore, the classic Doom doesn’t have enough of an identity to fall back upon (Doom).

Pokémon: Detective Pikachu: A film I’d initially thought would also fail. One reason was because I thought the game it was based on was a silly idea when it came out, but also because it had become an almost accepted maxim that all video game based movies would continue to be awful because when it comes to gaming that Half-real effect I mentioned that Juul wrote about makes it hard to fully adapt a game because we, the players are not just passive watchers but active participants with game play, meaning what we do is projected into what happens so even with highly story based games, like a Final Fantasy title, no two people are going to have the exact same gameplay experience (Juul 121-62). Yet, those games have a higher chance of being adaptable.  Those games prior to Pokémon: Detective Pikachu that most consider to be meh-to-passable all tended to be those based on games that tended to have far more of a narrative world to them than something like Doom or Super Mario Bros which were adapted from a story light FPS and story extra-light platformer. In the case of Pokémon: Detective Pikachu versus the series it spun-off from, until Generation V, there really wasn’t much to the story to speak of, and though it’s still not central to the main games, it’s stepped up to keep with what Generation V did. Pokémon: Detective Pikachu is a point and click adventure the is full of story and characterization that is not dependent wholly on the player, making its world and story far more adaptable into film format. A second thing the makers of Pokémon Detective Pikachu got right was they kept the aesthetics of the Pokémon world whenever they were designing the set design. They only deviated as such to make sure that these things looked coherent and real in that sense but it still reflected the worlds the games had presented. The pokémon were also a huge factor. They had to be redesigned to fit with the humans in the movie, but those redesigns were made with respect to how these creatures would look were they actually real creatures, keeping the uncanny valley at bay. Also, in a start contrast to the Super Mario Bros movie, this world was not only vibrant but it was a live and full the the fantastical creatures people expect to see in a world full of pokémon. Which is to say, we expect to see pokémon and they fulfilled that and then some. The plot is nothing extravagant or especially complex, but it was fun, it had genuine moments of heart and it fit in perfectly with the insanity that can happen within the pokémon universe. It felt like it and the games took place in the same world (Pokémon: Detective Pikachu).

Doom and Super Mario Bros on their own are not actually purely awful films. Doom fits right in with a lot of passable sci-fi horror trying to be Alien—and failing— whereas Super Mario Bros is more like an 80’s sci-fi B-flick that is trying to be cool—and also failing. However, the problem is these movies do not exist on their own, they were in fact adaptations of other intellectual properties that their makers did not respect enough to properly adapt to the silver screen. Whereas the Pokémon: Detective Pikachu film had nothing but respect for the game franchise it was representing into a live-action/CGI hybrid. Pokémon Detective Pikachu fits into the Pokémon World. It feels like it belongs there, and these events could be in that same universe. That, ultimately, is where the other two films failed horribly. Both films, so caught up in trying to be appealing to everyone, lost their identities to the point that they no longer fit in the worlds they were supposed to be adapting.

Works Cited

Pokémon: Detective Pikachu. Directed by Rob Letterman. Performances by Ryan Reynolds, Justice Smith, and Kathryn Newton. Legendary Entertainment, 2019.

Doom. Directed by Andrzej Bartkowiak. Performances by Karl Urban,Dwayne Johnson, Rosamund Pike. Universal Pictures, 2005.

Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle. Directed by Jake Kasdan, performances by  Dwayne Johnson, Karen Gillan, Kevin Hart , and Jack Black, Sony Pictures, 2017.

Juul, Jesper. Half-Real. MIT Press, 2005. pg 121-162.

Super Mario Bros. Directed by Annabel Jankel and Rocky Morton. Performances by  Bob Hoskins, John Leguizamo, Dennis Hopper. Allied Filmmakers, 1993.

[randomtowns]

50 Worst... Sometimes

This is going to be a long post, because I’m going to be discussing 50 towns instead of just one.

These 50 come from a USA Today clickbait article titled “America’s 50 Worst Cities to Live” (https://www.usatoday.com/story/money/2020/02/29/americas-50-worst-cities-to-live/111367058/). In addition to the obvious ambiguity in “worst,” “cities” also isn’t quite right as it mostly contains unincorporated census designated places. However, it’s not without merit. I remember, as a kid, pouring over the “Places Rated Almanac.” My parents had two of these, from the 80′s, apparently to try and pick a place to live. The almanac used statistics like climate, crime, available of mass transit, team sports, schools, and other publicly-available information to create a score that determined the town’s rating. What was the best? I actually don’t remember, but I recall that, in both editions we had, Yuba City, California was dead last. But my history with this led me to actually scroll through this entire article one night, thinking of why exactly these places had been deemed so deplorable and unworthy of habitation. I’m going to go through each one on the list, and talk about my thoughts on the place, if I’d been there, or reasons as to why the area comes up, in my opinion.

Let’s get started...

Piney Woods, NC Been there? No

Piney Woods is a CDP located just east of the Jacksonville, NC city limits, and directly across the road from the main entrance to Camp Lejeune, most known as a facility for Marines when they are deployed. The area is mostly low density residential, with a mix of middle-class homes and mobile home parks. The article faults it for its poverty rate, unemployment (both slightly above the national average), and lack of public transit. Like any community adjacent to a large military, Piney Woods is going to see many ebbs and flows in its fortunes, and is not going to be a place where most people would want to live. Being a military community means it’s a largely transient area, with few interested in the improvement of the overall community due to the temporary nature of their assignments there. Those who stick around are likely mostly if not totally dependent upon the fortunes of the base.

Oskaloosa, IA Been there? No

Oskaloosa is a town about 60 miles southeast of Des Moines along Highway 163. It’s just far enough to miss out on being a Des Moines bedroom community, but maybe close enough to live within its shadow. The article cites the slightly above-average poverty and unemployment rates again, and points to the home value being half of the national median. There’s an annual regional fair held here, there’s a small liberal arts college (William Penn University), and a couple of companies located here. Originally a coal mining area, it’s possible that Oskaloosa has fell into the trap of a lot of industrial Midwestern towns, where they are unable to move on with a mostly unskilled labor pool.

West Pensacola, FL Been there? Yes

West Pensacola is a CDP with a number of unrelated neighborhoods just west of the city of Pensacola. There is a strip of retail along the major highways, including a number of hotels. It’s mostly a community of small homes in small neighborhoods with medium- to large-sized lots. However, it does include a particularly rough, poor section of Pensacola that is conveniently just outside of the city limits. Additionally, the area is just north of Pensacola Naval Air Station, and the southern boundary of the CDP is littered with strip malls, tattoo shops and low-end motels. It’s likely that a lot of the residents here work at the NAS. The article points out high unemployment, low income, and low home values, all attributable to the above. I’ve stayed here a couple of times, last in 2003, and I recall the area as being somewhat dumpy but not having an overall dangerous feel.

Greenville, MS Been there? No

It’s inevitable that a Mississippi Delta community would come up on the list. The region is notoriously poor, and with a poverty rate of 35%, the article points out that Greenville is the poorest city in the country. It’s the economic center of the area, but it being located in a particularly poor area is going to inevitably doom it to being a poor town.

Moss Point, MS Been there? Yes

Moss Point is at the eastern end of a string of towns along the Mississippi coast. Unlike the other towns though, Moss Point has no beachfront property, and sits directly north of Pascagoula. This likely leads to it having lower home values than those surrounding towns, which was exacerbated by Hurricane Katrina in 2005, from which the town has never fully recovered. The article points out that it’s one of the poorest towns in the country.

Middletown, OH Been there? Yes

Middletown sits almost directly between Cincinnati and Dayton. Originally a canal town, it became a steel town in the 20th century, and has seen a similar fate as other steel towns. The article points out that the unemployment rate is just below 10%, and the poverty rate is just over 25%. Medium-sized (Middletown’s population hovers around 50,000) Ohio towns have had a rough time in the late 20th and early 21st century. If it’s not industrial exodus, it’s opioids, and Middletown is not exception to these issues. It’s pretty though, and it’s big enough that there are still nice areas in spite of the problems.

Augusta, GA Been there? No

One of the largest cities I have never been to. But can you blame me? James Brown’s beloved hometown has an awful reputation. Aside from the annual Masters golf tournament, there seems to be nothing to do here. The article points to a 10% unemployment rate and a 23% poverty rate. Like many southern cities, it’s a town of haves and have nots. The western side of town, home to the Augusta National course, features large, well-kept homes on large lots with mostly white inhabitants, but cross the tracks to the south and you’ll find many abandoned homes, or homes with bars on the windows, in a predominately black area. The consolidation of the city and county in the 90′s was meant to stem the tide of flight to the suburbs, and the resultant loss of revenue, but many middle-class residents have instead chosen to live across the river, in South Carolina. While Augusta has seen massive population decreases, North Augusta, SC saw a 20% jump between 2000 and 2010.

Bay St. Louis, MS Been there? Yes

Where Moss Point is at the eastern end of the Mississippi coast, Bay St. Louis is at its western end. You may look at a map and point out that there are communities to the west, but I’ve driven through here at night, and leaving Bay St. Louis is like leaving earth: it’s just dark, trees and bugs until New Orleans. Just like Moss Point, Bay St. Louis was heavily damaged during Hurricane Katrina in 2005, and has never fully recovered. The article points to its slightly above-average unemployment rate and its lack of recreation activities. It’s hard for me to judge that but, in looking at the map, it does seem to have few park areas that are not dedicated to sports facilities.

Lithia Springs, GA Been there? Yes

Lithia Springs is a small CDP just off I-20 west of Atlanta. Like a lot of suburban Atlanta, the area was developed with middle-class homes and little thought to zoning, only to be passed on in subsequent housing booms as the city grew. The article points out its lack of access to grocery stores. There is a Kroger at its eastern edge, but it’s strangely just outside of the CDP’s boundaries, which may explain this.

DeRidder, LA Been there? Yes

DeRidder is a small town north of Lake Charles, and is the seat of Beauregard Parish. Just across the Sabine River, in Texas, the region is known as “the pine curtain,” a reference to both its pine trees and its reputation as backward and isolated. DeRidder largely has the same reputation. It’s a logging town, and, likely due to that, it has a high unemployment and poverty rate, as the article points out. The parish’s low population is likely the cause of the lack of grocery stores and recreational options that the article laments.

Denison, IA Been there? No

Denison is a small town about 90 minutes north of Omaha. It sits in a heavily agricultural region, reliant on farming and meat production. The article points to its high unemployment rate, made higher within the last four years, a lack of an educated workforce, and low home values. Denison has emerged as a face of the new Midwest: now at 42% Hispanic. The unemployment increase can be attributed to the Tyson beef plant closing in 2015.

Atmore, AL Been there? No

Atmore sits just off of Interstate 65 north of Mobile. The article points to Atmore’s recent massive drop in employment and its current unemployment rate of nearly 20%. A new casino by the interstate, and some surrounding commercial development, are possibly the city’s plan at getting out of its rapidly declining economic state. As far as small Alabama towns though, Atmore does not seem anymore unsustainable.

Pahrump, NV Been there? Yes

Pahrump is a place you move to when you want to get away from people. Whether you’re a preper who distrusts the government, a retiree just seeking to live on your own terms, or a meth manufacturer, Nevada in general is possibly the most libertarian state, with Pahrump its possibly most libertarian community. The area is a mostly unorganized and random roads running off of just a couple of highways an hour or so west of Las Vegas. It’s close enough that you can still get what you need in the city, but far enough that you don’t have to feel closed in by the city or its housing prices. The article points to Pahrump’s drug issues as its main point of contention, but also its 10% unemployment rate. But it’s a cheap place to live, and its various qualities make it an attractive place to live while on government assistance. The town also features two of the few remaining legal brothels in the state.

Lakeland Village, CA Been there? No

On the more isolated southern shore of Lake Elsinore, against the Santa Ana Mountains, Lakeside Village did not grow the same as its Temescal Valley neighbors did. Interstate 15 has brought both steady traffic and a commuter route to Lake Elsinore, the lake’s namesake town on the other shore, but Lakeland Village seems to have been largely passed up. It has a reputation locally as both crime- and drug-ridden. The article points to its 12.9% unemployment rate, and high commute times.

Makaha, HI Been there? No

An isolated community along Oahu’s western shore, this is the only time Hawaii makes the list. The article points to its high cost of living contradicted by its below-average median income. It also points to its excessive 16.7% unemployment and 28% poverty rates. Its isolation (over an hour from Honolulu on a small, crowded highway) and reputation for having dangerous waves have kept it from being excessively developed like other parts of Oahu, but that also has meant that it has remained poorer than other areas.

Lehigh Acres, FL Been there? Yes

Lehigh Acres actually started as a stereotype: one of those large pieces of swampland where developers marked streets and plots on a map, and then speculators ate up, occasionally building homes with little or no infrastructure available. The area sat as mostly undeveloped until the 2000s real estate boom, and the subsequent crash was particularly devastating on the community, with its poor climate, lack of services, and longer distance to the beach. The article points to the community’s below-average income yet above-average cost of living. Google amazingly has nearly the entire area on StreetView.

Artesia, NM Been there? Yes

A town I actually like. Yes, despite having an oil refinery directly in its center, I’ve always found Artesia to be a charming little town, and a stark contrast to its larger, despicable Estacado neighbors to the north and south. There’s even a little brewpub here, called The Wellhead, that’s been open for many years. But the article reports an elevated poverty rate and lack of access to grocery stores. The latter may be due to the town’s only supermarket being very near to the Walmart Supercenter.

Arizona City, AZ Been there? Yes

Arizona City is a small, isolated CDP stuck between desert and cotton fields just south of Interstate 10, between Phoenix and Tucson. The article points to its above-average unemployment and poverty rates, and residents’ lack of access to both restaurants and grocery stores. But this is a snowbird town, and isolation is typical in places like this. This area just happens to be especially isolated. There is a large Hispanic population here, likely due to the surrounding agricultural industries, which may account for much of the poverty.

Bacliff, TX Been there? Yes

When I lived in Houston in the early 2000s, I would sometimes take drives to this small community along Galveston Bay, to sit by the water, and buy some quick food at one of the places along Highway 146. But it’s been a long time since I’ve been, and the article points out some changes. Bacliff’s above-average poverty may be directly related to the closure of its local chemical plant. The gang activity mentioned in the article is surprising, but it may be due to its proximity to Houston.

Earlimart, CA Been there? Yes

Yeah, okay, Earlimart sucks, I’ll give you that. There was an LA-based band in the 2000s called Earlimart, and the music led me to believe that they just got the name from the sign on the freeway, and never actually stopped here. I would say that Earlimart is the closest thing to a scummy Mexican border town I’ve seen in California. The article points out its staggering 41% poverty rate, above-average unemployment rate, and isolation from services. Despite its population, there are few restaurants here, but that’s largely because locals can’t afford to eat out. I’ve stopped here mainly for its cheap gas, but it’s a depressing little town, even for the low standards of the Central Valley.

Coatesville, PA Been there? Yes

Another steel town that has been forsaken. Meanwhile, it’s just a little bit too far from Philadelphia to be a viable bedroom community. The article points out its high unemployment and poverty rates, as well as its low home ownership rate. It’s hard to pick this as a lot worse than any of the countless similarly-sized towns throughout Pennsylvania, but I suppose the numbers are what puts this over the edge.

Perry, GA Been there? No

It’s strange to see a town right along a major interstate corridor be on this list as interstates often have a way of keeping a town afloat just enough with service and retail jobs. Reading over the article and the numbers, I’m not totally clear on why this one deserves such a high ranking (#29). Its unemployment rate is high, but not compared to cities surrounding this. This part of Georgia blows (the people are great though), but I don’t know why Perry gets such shade.

Bessemer, AL Been there? Yes

Another steel town, and one that has had issues with unemployment, poverty and blight for longer than most steel towns. This is partially due to early white flight, as the city was majority black by the 1950′s, and continues to be so today. A major interstate, close proximity to Alabama’s largest city, and a large water park, are not enough to boost the town out of its perpetual rut. The article points to a high unemployment rate and a very high poverty rate of 28%. However, there’s also an excessive violent crime rate (the highest of any city over 25,000 in 2019) and, it’s not just USA Today that thinks Bessemer sucks: the Wall Street Journal ranked it the worst city in Alabama in 2019.

Stockbridge, GA Been there? Yes

At one point, Stockbridge was a tiny town well outside Atlanta. As Atlanta grew though, Stockbridge became a large part of that city’s rising black suburbs, as African-Americans pushed out of the urban confines into home ownership as red lining and other racist policies were struck down. Based on the numbers provided in the article, it doesn’t seem that bad. My guess is that, like a lot of these poorer suburbs, it looks bad in terms of area housing costs versus incomes. Just like Perry though, I’m not sure why Stockbridge is getting picked on so much here.

Brooksville, FL Been there? No

The seat of Hernando County, Brooksville may be a symbolic center for the county’s issues with poverty, drugs, and crime. The article points to the town’s high unemployment and its low home value, and $49,000 median home value seems especially low for Florida. Then again, there are just not many large homes built in Hernando County in general, and Brooksville may be a more extreme example of that.

WHEW!!! That’s 50 to 26. I’m going to cover 25 to 1 tomorrow to break up the posts. Hope you enjoyed.