#the happiness and color of the island now faded. the return to the heavy grey of his reality

[justafriend-ql]

This is the problem I will face for the rest of my life. NEVER LET ME GO Episode 10

[universal-kitty]

.: Coffee By the Ocean :.

   Because to this day, I’m still thinking about my childhood crush on Gary Oak. And hey, his game counterpart grew up. So what if we met again? After all those years...

   I don’t know. I just have thoughts.

   The Alolan beaches were always beautiful, no matter how many times Blue found himself staring. Walking by one was inevitable, but in the moments he took, stopping to watch the waves roll in, admire the blue-green of the sea, shining under the sun, really feeling the wind... It made him smile a little more. Feel a little calmer.

   Red had long since wandered off, Pikachu still on his shoulders. He wanted to go shopping, get lunch, and then reunite with Red before they headed back for the Battle Tree. That’s why there were here, after all...

   Or so Blue kept trying to convince himself. It is why they came; the trip was Red’s idea. He wanted to battle with new trainers in a new region and had asked Blue if he had enough free time to join him. Well, of course he did! So they’d gone together. It wasn’t until Blue was on the ship, reading a magazine, did he read about someone familiar- someone from their past- having moved to the islands for a vacation.

   Fresh out of Unova, having just returned for a short time since her leave to Kalos...

   Blue had been in a tizzy since, nervously looking over the crowds for a familiar face. Keeping an eye out for an Eevee, a Victini, a Sylveon... Something that said her pokemon. Though with no luck so far. He knew he was worrying Red with this (at the least; he was also getting suspicious over why Blue had suddenly gotten so paranoid), but... If he saw her one more time, maybe.....

   “Hey, Zacharie! That’s not nice!! You have to be nice to your brother!” A scolding on the beach caught his attention, freezing in his step to look down to the corner of the beach... There were two Torracats and their trainer. Brown hair under a sun hat, shorter than he remembered, with glasses. They were wearing a summer cardigan, shorts, and a tank top...? He could remember when she was too shy to wear those in public... Showing too much skin would be the end of her, he remembered her whining.

   He slowly walked down to the beach, pausing again. Sylveon, laying down on a chair, taking a nap in the shade. All these years...and she finally evolved. His hand itched for the Umbreon he didn’t have with him. The Eevees once thick as thieves...

   Well. Breathe in deep, and time to approach.

   “Oh gosh, you two...” As Blue approached, one of the Torracats froze, looking back at him with a growing glare, ears flattening. Uh-oh. Looks like someone was protective. “Hey, Zacharie! Who are you growling.....at...” Her question faded as she looked up at Blue, jaw dropping slightly as she stared at him.

   “...Blue?”

   “Hey.” He waved shyly, his heart racing...as hard as he’s ever felt, looking at her again. The only comfort was her Sylveon perking up at the sound of his voice, crying out in delight and remembrance, hopping off the chair to rub against his legs happily. Who couldn’t smile at that?

   “Oh... Oh my gosh. It-It’s been years!!! How have you been?! What brings you to Alola?” She started stepping over to him, only to nearly trip over her still overprotective Torracat... Zacharie? “Zach!! Why- Calm down, I know him! Why don’t you help Valerie? He could use it more!” Ah, yes... The other Torracat was trying to hide behind her legs... Oddly adorable.

   But Zacharie didn’t budge from his protective stance.

   “Ugh, fine. No more beach day for you two. Break!” Rachel pulled out her pokeballs, sending the two away. “Sorry... Zach’s been pretty overprotective lately. Um...” She hooked them back onto her belt and shrugged, suddenly looking pretty awkward. “You...wanna get food?”

--------

   They ended up at a nearby cafe. With Sylvie behaving herself, she was allowed to stay out and eat with them...but she assured the other two would get a to-go box for home.

   “They adore this place and I can’t blame them,” she said with a small laugh. “Everything about Alola has been so beautiful... I wish it was possible to bring all my pokemon here~!”

   “You’d be here for the rest of your life, I’m sure,” Blue shot back with a laugh, drinking up more of his smoothie. Something... Light. Nerves were still making him shaky; the less he had to hold something and the less he had to eat, the better. Red would more than likely make up for the light lunch later, anyways.

   “Right?! But it would be so worth it...” Rachel sighed, looking out over the ocean again. He wanted to join her, but instead he found himself staring at her. Chin propped up on her intertwined fingers, that smooth cheek, the dark green of her eyes getting mixed up in the blue of the sky and the shine of the ocean waters... He wasn’t even aware of how hard he was staring until she turned her head and he couldn’t make himself look away. “What? I got something on my face?”

   “Uh, no, I-” Blue floundered for something to say as she giggled, before pointing at a before-unseen pin on her cardigan. “I was just...staring at that! What is it??”

   “Oh, this?” She moved it, a pokemon with stripes of color... Yellow, white, purple, and black? “It’s a pokemon pride pin! I got it while I was in Unova... Realized sometime then that I...don’t really feel like my birth gender. I never really have, just didn’t know the word for it. So! I got this! Nonbinary pin~”

   “Oh.” He paused. “So, is there... Do I call you...?”

   “Anything different?” He nodded, nervous. “Heh, nah. I’ve been thinking about changing my name, but I haven’t settled on anything yet. All I ask...is other pronouns. I’m happiest hearing male pronouns- so he/him- but they/them is more of a preference, these days. Too much “she this” and “her that” and I’ve started feeling dysphoric.” He nodded again, noting it down. Anything to keep them talking. To keep them...around, a little longer.

   To keep him from blurting out the real thing he wanted to ask...

   “Did you find out anything else? While in Unova?”

   “Oh heck yeah, I did!” They laughed brightly, pulling up their bag to show him a few more buttons. One with stripes of pink, yellow, and light blue. Another with white, purple, and grey stripes, but with a black, sideways triangle. Finally, one that was blue, red, and black stripes, with a yellow pi sign in the middle, on the red stripe. “Okay, so this one is the pan flag, cause I learned...that, well, I like anyone! I used to think I was bi-curious, but... Pan just feels more right to be. So there’s that...

   “This one is the demisexual flag. I noticed I feel attraction to people, but if the opportunity came up to have a one-night stand... I’d just feel scared. I’m not interested in being with someone I’m not close to or have a bond with. So... This one is nice to know about myself.” Blue only felt more restless at hearing that. “Finally, this one... Poly flag~! I love all people and their lovely personalities and... I learned there’s a community for loving multiple people, too! Another place in the LGBT that I feel happy and at home in.

   “A lot has changed since we last met, but I’m h-”

   “Did you regret it?”

   ...Silence filled the air. Blue staring down at the table in silent horror, Rachel staring at his hair with shock. It was so sudden... He scared them, but also left them...confused.

   “Blue...? Regret what...?”

   “I...” He swallowed nervously, hands gripping his pants tightly. Trying to get the nerve to ask questions that he’d been thinking about since they’d left Kanto all those years ago. “I meant..... If you regretted...us breaking up...back then...” It was quiet again, only the wind and beach providing sound among all their tension.

   “...Oh, Blue... I missed you, but... You weren’t good for me back then,” they said. Hesitantly, he looked up, seeing their distraught face and deep frown. Sylvie had wrapped her ribbons around her trainer, worried for the turn the lunch had taken. “I mean, you remember how you used to be, right? You were such...a brat. And mean! I liked you, but... I...” They hung their head, now their turn to stare at the table. “...I didn’t even know if you liked me some days. Especially since I used hang out with Red and his friends so much...”

   “...That definitely made me jealous back then.”

   “I figured as much,” they said with a sigh, nodding. “But c’mon... That lack of trust?”

   “You admitted to being jealous of my cheerleaders.” Rachel’s face flushed, frowning...but it seemed a little more pouty than before. “Those girls were way older than I was, especially for the time. At least you had friends your age.”

   “That’s not the point,” they huffed, lightly kicking his leg from under the table as they leaned back in the chair. “The point is how you used to be such a bully and I let you...! All because I really, really liked you...and I never knew how to say no. Worst of all to you.” Now it was Blue’s turn to frown, shoulders slumping.

   He’d been pretty much a huge jerk for all his early childhood, but... Putting it that way? ...Yeah, that hurt. He didn’t even realize how much Rachel had been probably suffering just being around him... Guilt sat heavy on his shoulders, thinking back on it all.

   “...Is that why you left Kanto?”

   “That, and I had no intention of being league champion when Red was there,” they said, laughing shakily. His heart broke a little more, watching them wipe their eyes with the heel of their hand. “You guys meant a lot, but... I couldn’t stand being around someone I liked so much who was doing nothing but hurting me. That place just...hurt.

   “So off to Johto. Went off to Hoenn... Badge-collecting, but I never really thought to challenge a league until Unova.”

   “You stepped down though, didn’t you?” Rachel...went quiet, staring at the table blankly with their arms crossed.

   “Yeah... Went off for two years. Was...trying to find an old friend.” Blue frowned, a twinge of jealously going off in his heart. That voice...that sounded a bit too personal. Too fond. But now certainly wasn’t going to be the time to dredge that up. “Ended up in Kalos. Spent a lot of my time there, especially when I learned about Sylveon... Now I’ve got Sylvie.” The pokemon gave a reaffirming chirp from below sight of the table.

   “So... Alola?”

   “Heard that friend went back...but I was too much of a coward to face him again. Even though I know he’d probably be looking for me still, too. Alola was advertised in Kalos as a hotspot for vacation, relaxation... You name it. So I hopped onto a ship, didn’t look back.” Rachel suddenly refocused, staring Blue down. “Hey... You never told me why you’re here...!”

   “Red’s idea,” he assured, hands up and palms facing them. “He wanted us to go to the Battle Tree... I didn’t see a problem with it. I didn’t even know you were here until I was on the ship.”

   “A likely story,” they huffed. “...But I’ll accept it.” He laughed a little at that, pleased to see the sound got them to smile a little, too. Something better to lighten up the mood from the sad turn it had gone down.

   “Hey.” Rachel looked up at him curiously, head tilted just so; a habit it seems they never grew out of. “...You’re still beautiful.” He grinned as their face flushed, giving him another light kick under the table.

   “Ugh, shut up...!! Don’t try to fluster me, Mr. Meanie Jerk.”

   “What are you, ten again?” He snarked, laughing as he moved his chair back enough for his own legs to retaliate. “I could come up with something better in my sleep! ...But nothing to match you.”

   His laughter only intensified as they groaned, officially playing a slightly more aggressive game of footsie. Blue trying to survive and step on their feet to hold them down, Rachel just trying to kick another day in her tsundere grumpiness.

   It was only a loud clap that made them stop, the duo looking up to see an amused Red, his arms crossed and Pikachu already leaving him the second he spotted Sylvie.

   “...What? She- They won’t accept my compliments!”

   “He’s being a jerk again, Red, don’t listen to him. I’m trying to regain my honor.” Red made a low hum sound...then proceeded to nod, step closer...and noogie Blue’s head.

   “Hey, what-?!? BETRAYAL!!!” He yelled, flailing in an attempted to get Red off and shoo him away... Not that it worked as well as he’d hoped. Red did eventually let go, but only to walk over to Rachel- who’d gotten up out of their chair- and give him a hug.

   “Nice to see you again, Red.” His hands began moving, though Blue couldn’t tell what he was saying to them. “Oh, yeah, absolutely! That would be nice.” More sign. 

   “The Battle Tree? I’d love to, but that’s never been my style... I thought you knew me better than that?” Red huffed, signing more, but seeming to be more aggressive with it, this time. They just laughed, nodding. “I know you want to fight again, but I didn’t bring any of my best team! They’re all still in boxes, currently inaccessible here. Sorry, Red... Some other time.”

   Red seemed to finally be defeated, sighing with his shoulders slumped. It was only watching Rachel pat his shoulder, trying to offer reassurances, did Blue blink back to life. Wait a whole minute--

   “You-? You learned how to read sign?!?”

   “Yeah! Studied in between Unova and Kalos,” they admitted with a laugh. “Figured it was about time...! Learn something new, y’know? I’m just glad it came in handy!!

   “Anyways... I should get back to my hotel. Zacharie and Valerie need lunch.” Red tilted his head curiously. “I can introduce you sometime! Zach might actually like you... How long are you here for?”

   “I ‘unno,” Blue said, filling in for Red. “However long he wants to be, really.”

   “Oh! Cool! I guess it all works out, then!” Slinging her bag over her shoulder, Rachel smiled brightly at them. “See you around! Don’t be shy to say hello if you see me, too, okay?” With a final wave, Rachel and Sylvie set off to the counter to pick up a to-go box for their other pokemon, Red still standing by the table. He looked at Blue curiously, raising a brow...but Blue was still dragging his eyes away from them.

   “...What’s that look for?” Red smirked a little, hands signing. “Wh- Huh?!? Don’t even joke about that!!!! Ugh, you’re so-” Blue huffed, fuming as he took another long drink of his smoothie, ignoring the heat on his own face.

   It was just the sun, anyways... Didn’t mean anything. Red signed something from the corner of his vision.

   “....Don’t even say that...they might actually...” He kicked his foot, frowning. It shouldn’t be so hard. It should’ve been easy...but everything was complicated now. And his fears of having them back were just as big as the fears of letting them go again.

[thepassalong-blog]

Untitled Short Story by A.M. Henry

    Celia was struck by lightning on the beach, while checking the text messages on her iPhone.

    Her phone never dominated her attention. Had she remained conscious to take stock of the situation, she’d have been appalled that she didn’t notice the storm clouds rolling over the beach, all because she was absorbed in her stupid phone.

    Celia returned to the beach. At the same time—later afternoon, near five o’clock, when all the people with small children packed up and left because their kids were hungry for dinner. Dark clouds gathered in the distance, their edges lit dark gold by the setting sun as they marched along the eastern horizon above an iron-grey sea. As Celia watched, a bright thread of lightning traced a rapid, jagged line from cloud to waves. Then again at nearly the same spot. She heard no thunder.

    Behind her, the bay side of the island darkened beneath a magnificent sunset, the sky and the thin scudding clouds painted in vibrant shades of pink, orange, and gold. Even so, the sunset did not appear as striking to Celia as the gathering storm to the east. She watched as the clouds grew darker and more lightning struck the sea.

    A big storm coming, she thought, with the air so still and silent.

    Something caught Celia’s eye then—something black bobbing in the waves. A seal? She had always looked for wildlife on family trips down the shore—dolphins, pelicans. Mermaids, too, when she still believed her parents’ stories. She had seen seals once as a kid, on a vacation in Maine, but had never seen one here.

    The waves brought it closer to shore and Celia followed it. A seal, definitely. But probably hurt. Its movements looked odd, like it just followed the tide instead of swimming through it, the fading daylight catching it whenever it bobbed above the surface.

    Finally it reached the sand and Celia’s heart sank. It wasn’t moving.

    She hurried across the cool sand and once she was only a few meters away from it, she realized it wasn’t a seal at all.

    It looked like the body bags they used in those TV crime dramas her mother loved to watch. And it looked like it had a body in it.

    Celia reached into the back pocket of her jeans, for her phone, and then remembered she didn’t have it. The lightning had fried it, and she hadn’t bothered to get a new one. She knew she should call someone—find a phone and call the police, or shout for help—but she couldn’t tear her eyes away from the black body bag.

    How had no one else noticed it yet? Celia closed the remaining distance between herself and the bag and knelt down beside it. A heavy zipper ran along one side. Celia found its end and gripped the black bag in one hand and used the other to unzip the body bag. She did it quickly, stopping where she guessed the shoulders might be, and then looked inside.

    She almost vomited right then and there. The body in the bag was cold and grey and dead.

    And it was Celia.

    A rushing sound filled her ears. She scrambled away from the dead body—her own dead body—but she tripped over her feet and fell, fell backwards onto the sand, only the sand wasn’t there anymore and she just fell, fell through the infinite grey sky and the rushing sound in her ears turned to a sound like radio static and then the flash of lightning came and it struck her again and the static noise turned to screaming and everything went blinding white.

    The screaming faded, resolved into a high-pitched beeping. Other sounds—more beeps and hums—came through the static, but the static did not go away. The white light dissolved, colors coming through and then shapes, images. White walls. A window with a pale blue sky outside. A picture of flowers on one wall. An uncomfortable-looking metal chair against another. A machine—the source of the high beeping—displayed a pulsing green line on a black screen. Celia followed a wire that ran from the machine down to her hand. More wires connected her to more beeping machines, and she saw the metal frame of a bed and the coarse blue sheets.

    A hospital. How did she end up in a hospital? She couldn’t remember anything except a vague image of herself lying in a black body bag on the beach.

    More noise. Celia turned to see a nurse in purple scrubs coming through the door. The nurse spoke, but Celia could not hear any words. She heard only the beeping and humming, and beneath that the static.

                                                                *

    Three days she had spent in a coma. Three more days in the hospital. And now three days since she had arrived home.

    The static wouldn’t go away.

    A lasting effect of the accident. It will pass. Like tinnitus after a head injury.

    You should be happy, they said, you got struck by lightning and lived!

    Lived. Lived without so much as a scratch. Nothing but a burned out cell phone and some ringing in the ears.

                                                                *

    Celia woke abruptly at 6:37 in the morning, almost exactly eight hours after taking her sleeping pills.

    She still heard the static. And it wasn’t just static. It was the noise of everything, and she heard all of it. The low buzz of the lightbulbs. The whine of the ceiling fans and the air conditioning. The hum of the refrigerator. The ringing of the television screen. The tap-tap-buzz-ring-buzz-tap that played endlessly beneath everything else.

    Noise cancelling headphones did nothing. Earplugs did nothing. Noise cancelling headphones over earplugs did nothing. Blasting music made it worse. Home alone, all electronics and appliances switched off and unplugged, Celia shut in her room with her headphones and her earplugs, but still she heard the tap-tap-buzz-ring-buzz-tap, the low static, the 60 cycle hum of the powerlines outside the house.

    She tried hiding in closets. She tried hiding in the darkest corners of the basement, which helped a little, but only for a day or two. The noise drilled its way through her head, dulling all of her other senses. Other noises—people’s voices, music, cars driving by outside—sounded muffled and distant.

    How did no one else hear it? Everywhere she went, the static followed. She couldn’t concentrate or think clearly anymore. Couldn’t carry on a conversation for more than a minute. Couldn’t even talk to people via text message or email—the tap-tap-buzz-ring-buzz-tap from computers and cell phones was unbearable.

    After two weeks, Celia returned to the beach. At the same time—later afternoon, near five o’clock, when all the people with small children packed up and left because their kids were hungry for dinner. Dark clouds gathered in the distance, their edges lit dark gold by the setting sun as they marched along the eastern horizon above an iron-grey sea.

    The noise persisted, but the crashing of the waves sounded like a miracle. It didn’t drown out the static, but the waves sounded close enough in pitch and tone that she could lose the static in the sound of the sea, force her mind to meld them together until she could pretend that all the noise in her head belonged to the ocean.

    Celia sat down on the sand, just a foot or two from where the water crept onto the shore. Seagulls wheeled overhead, every now and then diving to the water’s surface for fish. Farther along the shore, a group of tiny sandpipers ran back and forth with the tide.

    In the waves, a flash of something dark caught Celia’s eye. She sat up straight, breath caught in her throat, but it was just a clump of seaweed. She thought of the body bag, and seeing her own grey, lifeless face.

    That wasn’t real, she reminded herself.

    Wasn’t real.

    But maybe it meant something.

    She followed the path of the dark patch of seaweed as it drifted in the waves, sometimes disappearing beneath the surface only to reappear again a few feet away.

    Celia stood and walked into the water until the waves reached her knees. The wind picked up, buffeting her face and leaving the taste of salt on her lips. She walked farther into the waves. There, the sound of the wind and the raging sea almost drowned out the static entirely.

    Celia kept going. The water rose to her waist. To her chest. Rose to her neck and her feet left the sand. The static was almost gone now.

    Almost.

    She dove into the sea and she did not come back up.