#the idea of mutually being an FP I guess is 50/50 yk

[polyamorouspunk]

thoughts on my sort of poly breaking moment: i realized i have to be a relationship anarchist and sort of imploded my jealousy issues at the same time when i had to leave a five-year-long relationship because my partner was relying on me emotionally too much. like we were super jealous of each other and wanted to be each other's priorities because we were both BPD and FPing each other, and we went like this for five years. but towards the end, it just got so exhausting for me that i started *begging* them to find other people to be emotionally intimate with, because i couldn't keep handling the five-hour-long emotionally intense conversations where i helped them process multiple times a week, and half the time they were about problems they had *with me* and i was like pleeeeaaase go find someone else to be as emotionally close to as you are with me so you can talk about how upset you are with me for setting boundaries with that person because i can't healthily learn to set boundaries if every time i have to process your feelings about them with you for five hours. and once i started feeling that i realized ohhh nooo i literally CAN'T date someone who isn't super emotionally intimate with other people because i literally DON'T have the energy like i'm disabled and i can't DO that while also working a job and taking care of my apartment. and that was sort of the point where i realized i had to either become a relationship anarchist or just never date again because i just have to see my partners having other super intimate relationships as a benefit for me so i don't have to be the Only Person Handling Their Shit For Them Forever. and now i'm happily poly woooooooo