#the joys of cat ownership

[uchidachi]

Kitty I am TRYING to STITCH

[philosopherking1887]

Dammit, cat, why won't you just hold still and let me clean off the poop stuck to your hind leg?? You can't possibly want to have poop in your fur! You're a cat, for fuck's sake! Cats are all about being clean!!

[vampire-skunk]

By @therese_nothing on IG.

[glowingin-thedark]

My cat just jumped on the couch and i had my dab jar open and she stepped in it and flung it across the room. I am going to cry or scream.

[kissingwookiees]

whole house is on wedge poop watch (alert status yellow) to continue monitoring that there is no obstruction and that string is moving through his intestines smoothly

[coldflasher]

today’s win: valletta vomited on the hardwood floor instead of on the carpet, which made for far easier cleanup. good job!!

[figtreeandvine]

Predictable!

Yesterday evening I was outside, laying some concrete to patch our driveway. My mother came out to "sidewalk superintend", and the cat came out with her. I had just finished smoothing the patch and was cleaning my tools when my mother started laughing. I turned to see the cat standing in the wet concrete, a perfect set of pawprints meandering across the entire width.

I gathered up the cat, rushed him inside to wash his paws, rushed back outside to smoothe over the pawprints before the concrete set, and then had to washed my tools a second time.

My mother was laughing the entire time.

[dandyfag]

when a kitty cat gets on your chest and purr purr purrs like he is a warm and lovely bumblebee and when you reach out to pet him his eyes close and his ears relax… oughhgh

[uchidachi]

I’ve recently moved to a new apartment with my cat, and one of the consequences of the new environment is that she now believes that I am personally responsible for any new, unexpected noise she hears. Heater turning on? “mom, what was that???” Upstairs neighbors walking around? “mother, why would you do this??” Doorbell rings? “my mother is cruel and punishes me with the bad sound!!”

[dreamerinthemoonlight]

This is what you call no regard for personal space

[anitabottempubs]

I live for that moment where you’re in the twilight of sleep and you’re awoken just for a moment by the cat you just rescued from the shelter, purring like a motor for the first time.

Such a small, skittish creature opening itself to you and trusting you despite all that it experienced. You don’t even know everything it lived through up to this point. You only know that it feels safe. And that fills me with joy. So much joy.

But that’s year one. What about year fourteen? It becomes incontinent. It cracks its joints as it walks. Instead of hopping up onto your bed, it meows and cries until you lift it up onto your lap, the small thing purring like a motor.

You know it only has a few years left, at the high end. Each day becomes more precious as your friend deteriorates. It still screams at 9:30, no matter where it is, telling you to go to bed, just so you can take it with you.

It’s fur is no longer shiny. It can’t recognize your partner. It hisses at its playmates and hides more and more. How long until it can’t recognize you? It stops waiting at the foot of your bed at night. It yowls through the day, only satisfied when cuddled against your body on a soft cotton duvet.

It’s time. Everyone saw it coming. Everyone except you. In a sterile room, you clutch your friend as it purrs like a motor

For the last time.

[mercurymusing]

The wife's uncle finally showed up an hour after arranged, so today's marathon Tumblr session can come to a close

Time to go pop the covers off of all the wall heaters and do the fall clean so we don't freeze by Halloween

[jackdaw-kraai]

Honestly, I think that we as a society are far too willing to say life and society and the world are shit, when what we really mean is that a few specific parts of it are shit. And it seems like such a small distinction, like, obviously we don’t think everything is shit, but when you use “life sucks” as a shorthand for “living as a person while parts of my life are governed by a system designed to grind me down” you start to believe it after a while. And yes, capitalism and racism and colonialism and homophobia and ableism and misogyny and all those other systemic problems do suck ass, but allowing them to commandeer such a vast, wondrous concept as “life” is both giving them too much credit and too much power. Oppressive systems can ruin a lot of things, and cause a lot of stress, but we shouldn’t let them claim more than they already have. Capitalism ruins many things, but don’t also let it ruin the soft peace of an early summer morning when bees buzz through the planter boxes of your apartment balcony. Don’t let abelism claim the innocent joy of talking with a person you love about anything and nothing at all. Don’t let homophobia stake its ownership on singing off-key in your living room with no one to judge you but the cat. These systems have already claimed so, so much, and they’re already so oppressive, but don’t let them convince you that they own life itself. These systems kill, and they kill many, but don’t let them deflect blame by waving it off as “just life being awful.” Don’t let them abdicate responsibility like that. Don’t let them make you believe that life as a whole is awful when life is such a vast thing.

Oppressive systems are a horror, but do not dare let them convince you that life is to blame for your difficulties. Life may not pick its favorites, but neither does it pick its despised. Humans do both, and we have the power to improve on both.

Anyone who tries to convince you that life is anything but brutally fair is trying to sell you something, and usually it’s apathy and disinterest towards improving your circumstances or upsetting the status quo by trying to make synonyms out of that vast, terrifying wonder that is life to something as banal as a bad system and malicious intentions of a very few.

Life does not pick its favorites. People do.

[blossomwritesthings]

𝐝𝐨 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥 𝐦𝐲 𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐝? 𝐢𝐭 𝐢𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞. | 𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐦𝐨𝐨𝐧𝐥𝐢𝐭 𝐜𝐮𝐫𝐭𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐬

part eleven of do you feel my hand? it is there. | part one | part two | part three | part four | part five | part six | part seven | part eight | part nine | part ten | part twelve

pairing: minho x fem!reader (afab)

genre: veterinarian!minho (this includes a few of the skz members working in his clinic). client!reader. hurt/comfort. angst. fluff. smut - MDNI, 18+ only. reader pov. strangers to lovers au. slowburn romance. lots of pining.

content & warnings: explicit & strong language. very thematic elements. minho is reader's vet. reader is now his past client. this is the fourth part of the spicy stuff. 18+ warnings under cut.

word count: 3.5k

summary: dr. lee minho is known throughout your area as the city's hottest veterinarian, and he's also the very man that's been taking good care of your two cats for the past three years. but one day, you're thrown down a dark path of heartache when the cat that you've grown up with - nyx - is diagnosed with an acute form of bone cancer. burdened with the hardest decision of your entire life, you come at a crossroads of what to do. and throughout it all, minho is the single most person who continually stays by your side.

18+ warnings: minho and reader are extremely horny for each other. softdom!minho (but also kinda harddom!minho in this too oop-). subby!femreader. teasing from minho. fingering. unprotected sex (stay safe out there folks!!). talk/use of safeword. jealous minho. some mind-blowing orgasms. excessive hair pulling. scratching. breast play. minho edges reader a lil bit. orgasm control. overstimulation. slight themes of possession/ownership. reader begs minho for his cock. PRAISE!!!. pet names (babe/baby, darling, sweetness, baby doll, kitten, good girl, baby girl, princess, and ONE whore). controlling minho. cum play. lots of dirty talk. breeding kink!!. subspace. they're such simps for each other at this point lmao- 🤡

a/n: well you guys, this is the second-to-last part of this series. although I'm sad to see it come to an end, I'm also excited and highly anticipating what the future holds for me and my fanfics!! and I wanna give a BIG shout out to all of my amazing readers- your guys' comments and support really brings me a lot of joy! and also, all of my wonderful and beautiful besties - both writers and non writers - ya'll are awesome!! 🥹💖

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ᴅᴏ ɴᴏᴛ ʀᴇᴘᴏsᴛ ᴛᴏ ᴏᴛʜᴇʀ sɪᴛᴇs (ᴛʜɪs ɪɴᴄʟᴜᴅᴇs ᴛʀᴀɴsʟᴀᴛɪᴏɴs). ©ʙʟᴏssᴏᴍᴡʀɪᴛᴇsᴛʜɪɴɢs ⤐ ᴀʟʟ ʀɪɢʜᴛs ʀᴇsᴇʀᴠᴇᴅ

He laid you down on the bed gently, hands circling your hips and helping to push you up the mattress so that your head rested on top of one of your soft downy pillows. 

 Slinking your bare legs around his waist as he slotted his center between you, you reached up, wrapping your hands around his neck and looking up at him with big eyes and a quaking heart pounding in your chest. “S-Sorry if the bed isn’t too comfortable… it’s super old.” 

 Minho had you caged underneath him, with both arms on either side of your head, palms pressing down into the rumpled comforter just beneath you. “I wasn’t even thinking about that, baby doll,” he mumbled in that low voice of his, tipping down into you and pressing a serene kiss to your lips. “My mind is too filled with you and your beauty to ever complain about the feeling of a damn bed.” 

 Giggling at that, you leaned up into him again and gave him another kiss, this one a little more passionate than the last. The sting that rimmed your mouth exploded across your mind, as you realized just how kiss-swollen your lips were.

 “Well then, I’m glad you’re too busy being obsessed with me to worry about such frivolous problems…” Your voice trailed off, a devious smile lighting up your face as one of your hands left his neck and traveled south. You stopped as soon as you reached the waistline of his baggy sweatpants. Pawing at him, fingers just barely skating over his hardness there, you widened your eyes, imploring him in silence. 

 Minho let out a generous sigh, tongue swiping across the line of your lips as he gave into your whims. “Do not be so hasty, kitten. It is quite beneath you.” 

 You glared at him, fingers digging a little bit into the front of his pants and eliciting a strangled moan out of him. “You promised, Min.” 

 Promised he would give you everything. 

 Give you his all. 

 He had done so as the two of you made the trek from your living room to your bedroom. And although your place was incredibly small compared to his mansion of an apartment, the journey felt like a lifetime. As he pressed sweet kisses across your entire face, humming in contentment and making whispery promises to you in the dimness of your bedroom. 

 As he stood on the threshold of the door, with you still wrapped up in his arms, completely at his beck-and-call, Minho stared down at you with the most ethereal of gazes. ‘I want you to have all of me, darling,’ he had said, dark eyes flashing with ravenous heat and love. With the only light source being the crescent moon that filtered in through your curtain-drawn bedroom window, the cool light cast an angelic-like glow across his skin. You reached up then, running your fingers across his sharp jaw and nestling your nose into the crook of his neck. Feeling the warmth there, smelling the comforting, familiar scent of him. ‘I want that too, baby,’ you murmured, just before pressing a light kiss to his exposed clavicle.

 Minho flashed you one of his signature smirks. The kind that was sly and all-knowing, as he batted your hand away from his hips and made quick haste of working his sweatpants and boxers off of his legs. “I know- I know sweetheart,” then he was throwing them behind him, left to be taken care of later. He reached behind himself, stripping off his oversized hoodie and tossing it aside too. When he was finally finished, he pitched into you, brushing a few strands of wild hair out of your face and tucking it behind one of your ears. “I know how hungry you are for my cock, hmm? You’ve been craving it for so very long…” 

 He said something else after that, but his words were entirely lost on you, as you took in all of him. 

 So close. 

 And personal. 

 Before, when the two of you had lost yourselves to the pleasure in his bedroom, he had been farther away. 

 Sitting in a chair, all by himself. 

 But now… 

 Now, he was something tangible. 

Touchable, even. 

 And completely bare for only you and you alone. 

So without thinking, your hands came up. Fingers traced the soft outline of his abs, trailing up his sides, before circling his round, muscled pecs and brushing across his beautiful, little pink nipples. 

 When you felt a hand snake around yours, grabbing at you and dragging your palms away from his chest, you froze in your place. 

 Peeking up at him with wide, beseeching eyes. Mouth slightly ajar from the shock of it all. 

 “Did you hear what I just said, sweetheart?” He asked you, but all you could focus on was him. 

 Right… there. 

 Concentration trailing past his chest and landing on his waist. 

 And oh fuck- was he beautiful. 

 Hard, and swollen, with the tip already messily leaking precum onto the sheets just beneath you. 

You wanted to reach out and touch him there too- but you were stopped by the feeling of fingers tightly wrapping around either of your wrists, squeezing to get your focus. 

 “Y/N.” 

 Your name was called out with a stony voice, tone a little edged. Your heart raced against your ribcage, core throbbing to be touched - to be fucked. 

 Then Minho was laughing, so close to your face, mouth a mere hairsbreadth away from yours. You hadn’t realized how near he had drawn while you were busy ogling him. The cackle he let out was maniacal and caused the blood to rush wildly through your veins, cheeks flushing crimson in embarrassment. 

 When he finally got ahold of himself and calmed down somewhat, Minho peered down at you with that pointed nose of his and smirked devilishly. “Holy fuck, you are hungry for me- aren’t you, kitten?” He pressed into you, allowing his hardness to just barely graze your wide open inner-thighs. “But don’t worry… because I adore a cock-starved whore.” 

 You choked on a whimper as he completely devoured your mouth, biting at your bottom lip, tongue swiping across yours. Your hands migrated to his scalp, yanking at the roots as soon as you felt him moving above you. Then he was gliding his tip across your folds, and you were a whimpering mess underneath him. 

 Head thrashing back and forth atop your pillow, you breathed out shakily when his mouth tore away from yours, “P-Please, I-”

 Then, you had no time to react, as he was slotting himself fully between your legs, shoving up into you so quickly and so hard that bright blue and sparkling gold starlight burst across your vision. Your mouth fell open, all sense leaving you at the feel of him. At the stretch that pulled taught across your entire body. 

 But as soon as he bottomed out, he halted all movements, staring down at you with blown pupils, irises dark and swirling with so many different emotions all at once. “What’s your safeword, princess?” He asked, tone low and scratchy, as you felt him twitch inside of you. 

 “W-What?” It was hard for you to even string the word together on your tongue, as your core throbbed for movement - from the feeling of him being lodged so deep.

 “Your safeword… what is it?” 

 You realized that he wasn’t going to continue until you answered him. 

 And although you had heard of the term before, you had never, in your wildest dreams, thought that you would ever use it. No, the two ex-boyfriends that you had had in the past were completely boring and vanilla only - nothing ever mind-blowing happened in bed with them. Yet here was Minho, already having tugged out a violent orgasm from you without even using his cock. 

 So you swallowed, once, feeling your walls clench around him at the thought that things were about to get rough. But in the rest possible of ways. “P-Peach.” 

 He nodded, once, before he was moving again. Away from leaning down into you, pert ass resting on the back of his heels as he kneeled atop the bed. He hoisted you towards him, gripping hard on your hips, fingers digging into your exposed flesh. 

 Soon after that, he started thrusting. 

 And oh- 

 How heavenly did it feel. 

To have his thick cock, which was so perfect and curved, ramming into you. 

 He angled your body just so- so that the tip of him reached that silky, warm spot inside of you. Every time he hit it, waves of ecstasy broke across the forefront of your mind. 

 “M-Minho,” you cried out as he clutched on harder to your hips, slotting himself in and out, in and out, so very wholly and completely. The fit was absolutely divine. So much so that you felt your mouth falling open involuntarily, tongue lolling out as he hit into you so well. “F-Feels so good-“

 “Fucking shit,” he growled, as he jerked you closer to him, cock driving into you with each breath that fell from your mouth. “You’re so tight- damn it.” 

 When you felt the sensation of a finger dragging across your skin, and a thumb coming in contact with your swollen clit, your eyes rolled into the back of your skull. Head going fuzzy with whiteness, you let go completely.

 Meeting his hips halfway, the two of you moved with the swiftness and ease of the ocean tide and the moon. Push and pull, push and pull. With his thumb rubbing circles around your enflamed nub, and his girth stretching you so very ethereally, you knew that you wouldn’t be able to last long. 

 After all, he had been edging you for what felt like a fucking eternity. 

It wasn’t until you felt the hand tear away from your cunt and roughly grip your jaw that your eyes shot open in alarm. Minho was staring down at you, a dim shadow cast across his entire face.

 “Look at me when I’m making you feel good, baby girl.” He said voice strangled as he shifted positions, laying your hips back down on the bed and hitting an entirely new spot inside of you.

 But it wasn’t a request. 

 No,

 It was a command. 

 An order. 

So you did just that, meeting his gaze as your brows furrowed together in pure bliss. The white-hot feeling of your release was steadily rising inside of your belly, beginning to crest over your mind. 

 Then Minho’s focus was ripping away from you, eyes landing on the place where the two of you met. Body against body, warm flesh to warm flesh. As his cock prodded and prodded at your entrance. Coaxing unchecked and strangled moans from the deepest parts of your very being. 

 “Just look at you, kitten,” he purred, tone thick with so much lust. “Taking me so well- this pussy… my pussy, is stretching so perfectly for my cock alone.” At his words, he started pounding into you with newfound vigor, eyes flashing with some kind of darkness that you couldn’t quite pinpoint. 

 The way he laid complete claim over you - over your body - caused the heat to stir even faster in your veins. 

 “Yes- yes, I’m yours, my body- it’s all yours.” You panted out, already feeling the drool pool at the corner of your mouth from the way your mouth was still cracked wide open. You watched in your delirious state, catching how Minho’s hooded eyes locked with the way your cunt completely enveloped him. The squelches of your wetness enveloping him filled the entire room around you, the sounds of skin slapping against skin sending lewdness to everything about the hazy, sex-ridden night. 

 Just then, one of Minho’s hands left your waist, traveling up your chest and finding one of your breasts once more. You bit down hard on your puffy bottom lip, watching with bated breath as his nimble fingers played with one of your buds. The one that he had already attacked with his mouth mere minutes earlier. 

 “Did he fuck you like this?” 

 His odd question was like an ice-cold knife in your senses, cutting through the dizziness and the red vision and making your heart leap into the pit of your stomach. 

 “Who?” 

 “Your ex, from university.” 

 Minho’s cock reached depths inside of you that no other man had ever discovered before in your entire life. With his cock pounding into you at an ungodly speed, and his fingers digging into your hip and playing with your too-sensitive tits, it was a true wonder how you hadn’t come yet.

 “No, baby, he didn’t.” You found yourself answering, your throat dry and raw from all of the moaning and screaming you had been doing for what felt like the past century. And it was all for him- because of him. 

 “Hmm, but I wonder…” He continued, finger pinching at your throbbing nipple at the same time that his cock found an entirely new spot inside of you, hitting it with each shallow breath you took. “Were you fucked so good like this by him? Did he completely ravage you whole with his cock alone?” 

 You choked on a gasp at his words, finally coming to realize that he had been jealous the entire time. 

 Jealous of your ex whom you had dated back in your university days. 

 That’s why he had brought him up earlier in the night, while the two of you were making dinner in the kitchen. Your ex must’ve been on his mind for some obscure reason. 

 Nails scratching down the length of his exposed, proud back, you offered him what you hoped was a reassuring smile. But from all of the tension that coursed through your entire body at the moment, you doubted that it looked all that believable. 

 “M-Min, no- no, he wasn’t as good, never could be, compared to you…” You whispered, voice turning desperate and strangled at the end of your words. You were quickly chasing your high, wanting it so very badly. 

 Minho was silent for a few beats, and you could feel him grow even more rigid inside of you. Like, your confession was a huge ego boost to him and he liked everything about it. Then suddenly he was yanking his hand away from your breast and going back to digging his nails into the tender skin of your waist. 

 “Where do you want me, kitten?” He grunted out as he struck a particular spot inside of you that sent a wave of fire to pass through your entire being. 

 With the way his thrusts were turning frenzied, you could tell he was close to the edge too. So you clutched a little harder at his hair, locking eyes with him and trying to covey every raw emotion you had bubbling up and out of you at that moment. 

 “Want you inside… wanna feel your cum in me- wanna be bred by you-” You sobbed wildly as your orgasm was quick in approaching. You felt your walls clench around this length that was buried so deeply inside of you. So wonderfully. 

 He twitched inside of you at your begging. It all went straight to his dick. “Then come for me, baby girl.” 

 And finally, you let yourself completely unravel. 

 Thread turning bare and unspooling from the tight knot that had been building up in the pit of your stomach for so very long. 

 Galaxies were cast across your vision as you screwed your eyes shut, throwing yourself into the bliss of it all. Your mouth fell open and from it came the most gut-wrenching, pleasurable scream you had ever made. Your heart felt like it was completely seized up in your chest, the beating having been long stopped from all of the desire and edging. 

 And then you felt a burst of warmth coat your insides, and your head was quickly thrown back onto the pillow beneath you. Your entire face felt like it had exploded into a vat of licking, wild flames, the shockwaves of release gripping onto your body viscerally.  

 You felt Minho’s hips stutter against yours, as he rode out both of your orgasms. Your walls fluttered around his cock, sucking him back in with each push and pull. 

 “You love it when I fuck my cum back into your little hole, kitten?” He taunted in a low, thick voice. Minho tipped down into you then, attacking your lips with a newfound intensity, lapping at your mouth. You moaned into him, the flush encasing the entirety of your body as your legs shook around him. “Want me to breed you every fucking night - just like this - until you’re so full of me that you can’t breathe?” 

 “Y-Yes!” Is all you could manage to say right then. You clutched at his shoulders frantically, nails raking across his skin as you felt his essence drip out of you. His hips jerked as he threw himself into the feeling of it all. 

 Minho pressed his sweat-slick forehead against yours, both of your chests rising and falling in tandem with the momentum of your releases. “Fuck- you’re so beautiful.” He said before he pressed a gentle kiss to your forehead just as he stopped moving altogether. 

 And when he finally pulled out, you whined at the absence of him. At the feeling of being so empty once more. Because if you could, you’d wish to spend the rest of your days with him buried so deep inside of you that you can no longer think. That you could no longer stand or walk anymore. 

 He cooed as he looked down at you, brushing a few damp strands of your hair away from your head. His hands drew languid patterns into the sensitive skin of your thighs. “Look at you- all fucked out and just bursting with my seed.” Then his eyes flitted down to your exposed core and he tsked disapprovingly. “You need to take all of it, hmm? Can’t let any go to waste…” 

 You felt his fingers ghost over your swollen lips before he was gathering up the remaining cum that coated your inner thighs in his hands. And you had no time to react, as he was pressing gentle fingers back into you, between your folds, fingering his very seed back into your cunt. 

 “You didn’t even have to use the safeword,” his voice trailed off as he focused on his work, all while you squirmed underneath him from the stinging overstimulation that radiated across your body. “Been such a good baby for me, yeah? Taking everything I give you without complaining at all.” 

 When he was finished, Minho brought his hands up to his mouth and licked his fingers clean, giving you that wide, familiar smile you always loved. The one where he looked incredibly pleased with himself and especially, you.

 He positioned himself on the bed so that he was laying on his side, facing you. When you turned and caught sight of the smile he still had on his face, you frowned in question. 

 Minho shrugged nonchalantly like he didn’t just rail you into oblivion for the last hour and a half in so many different ways. “You’re just super adorable when you’re fucked out like this- so quiet and calm.” He moved closer to you, wrapping an arm around your waist and tugging you towards his lovely body. 

 “I-I’m not fucked out.” Your stammering did not work to your advantage and seemed to prove his point as Minho let out a hearty chuckle from the way the pink spread up through your neck and pooled in your cheeks. You hit his shoulder playfully, too tired to deal with his antics any longer. 

 Because truthfully, you were fucked out. 

 Your brain was murky all over and your limbs were shaky and your core was numb from all of the touching and loving. 

 Even still, it felt amazing. 

 To feel everything, all at once. 

 And with the man you had been in love with for so very long. 

 “Can you just shut up and go to sleep already?” You finally managed to say in a clear voice without stumbling over your words like a bumbling fool. 

 Minho rolled his eyes just as you tucked your head into the warm spot of the crook of his neck, reveling in the way that he smelled faintly of sex and sweat. 

 It was a good scent on him. 

 A really good one. 

 One you would surely not forget for a very long time. 

“Fine, fine- goodnight then, darling…” He muttered against your hair, pressing a kiss there as you heaved out a long, contented sigh. “Love you.” 

 You wrapped your arms a little tighter around his waist, burrowing into his calming presence just as the first waves of slumber overtook the forefront of your mind. “Love you too, Min.” 

To be continued

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[thenightfolknetwork]

The horrors keep getting under my blanket and scratching my feet when I'm trying to sleep. It tickles. Why does no one tell you about it when you're adopting a Horror? I don't even know if you can/should train them to not do it, sounds counterproductive. Anyway, tips?

I'm surprised nobody warned you about this behaviour before the adoption. Horrors are very lively pets with a high propensity for mischief. In fact, it's a very good sign your little Horror is showing this sort of behaviour, and is an indicator that they feel secure in your company.

You certainly don't want to train them out of mischief-making altogether. As you say, that would rather defeat the point of having a Horror as a pet. Not only that, it would be frankly irresponsible pet ownership, akin to putting a house-cat on a vegan diet.

That said, I do think you can train them out of this particular behaviour. The best way to put a Horror off is to stop reacting, depriving them of the energetic reaction their behaviour is designed to elicit. Either a numbing ointment or a sleep charm should do the trick, though if you choose a sleep charm do be sure to discuss the matter with your GP beforehand.

Fortunately, Horrors are generally fast learners. You won't have to use your chosen method for long before your pet realises they aren't going to get a response.

However, you must be sure to offer an alternative outlet for their mischievous impulse. The last thing you need is an under-stimulated Horror wreaking havoc in your home. Try introducing them to the joys of jump scares, recreational biting, or sending envelopes of glitter to local politicians – whatever it takes to keep your little Horror happy.