#the layers of this house are so damn complex ugh

[crafting-mojo]

The Factory!

[fearhims3lf]

PARTIES: @mortemoppetere @fearhims3lf

TIMING: Last Night

SUMMARY: Mateo hops into Emilio’s dreams for a meal, excited for the challenge. He regrets it.

WARNINGS: References to child death, parental death, sibling death, blood, gore

“Hmm…” Mateo drummed his fingers on his chin, trying to come to a decision on what he’d eat that night. Scared of Bigfoot? Lame. Claustrophobia? Also lame. Where was the drama? The finesse? Mateo groaned, rubbing his face with frustration. Then, it clicked into place. A dying family? A guilt complex with a side of…insecurity about a knee? 

Okay, that was lame, but everything else was ripe for the picking. He didn’t like the familial death, but he could look past that long enough to get a decent meal in. Shrugging, Mateo rubbed his grubby hands together and leapt into Emilio’s space. Given the slayer status he found in the man’s psyche, the mare probably should’ve been more careful. But, he was an overzealous man. Arrogant, too. He felt like nothing could touch him. 

Barking began in the next room. Ugh. 

Barking be damned, there was no stopping the upcoming terror. Mateo smiled, closing his eyes and leaning his head back happily. He could see the plumes of red fog encroach into a dark and void space. It filled in an instant, Spanish architecture surrounding Mateo as he took the body of a bloody young woman. Oof. This man ain’t gonna like this. 

“Emilio? Where are you?!” Voice echoed, booming against each building until they shifted in a blink. Mateo was in a house now, furniture broken and misplaced. “Help! Please!”

 He was in that goddamn street again. The pavement beneath his feet was like a treadmill, pushing him back, back, back. Every step he took forward moved him little more than an inch, no matter how wide his strides. There was blood. There was always blood. On the street, on his clothes, on his hands. Clinging to the goddamn air, like some horror movie version of summer humidity. Emilio could hardly breathe around it.

A voice called out to him, bouncing between the buildings. He recognized it, of course; he heard it in his head all the time. Snide jokes, bitter remarks, snarky comments. Juliana might have been dead, but her voice was a part of him that he couldn’t quite escape.

He blinked, and he was in the house. She was standing there, bloody and wide eyed and wearing the clothes she’d died in. “Juliana. Where is she?” The words slipped out in Spanish; there was no other language that belonged in these four walls. “Is she okay?” 

No. 

He couldn’t do it. Mateo couldn’t play the part of a dead little girl. That was too far. He wrenched forward, hugging himself. Blood began to seep from his wounds and he dug his fingers into his chest. When he pulled his arms open, his chest cavity presented his insides. A force took hold of Emilio, the screams of all the dead surrounding them both as he was pulled into Mateo’s body. Darkness consumed him, the small space squeezing him so tightly so as to prevent him from breathing. 

All pressure ceased suddenly, Emilio falling freely in space, but never quite reaching the ground. An array of colors flashed before him, enough to jar and confuse. Meanwhile, Mateo was sifting through his psyche, finding a memory to pull from. Satisfied with an idea, the scene changed in a blink, Emilio standing in the middle of a forest he’d been through many times. 

Rhett was standing there with him, gazing toward the sky as his lips moved impossibly fast. Whispers shuffled out, voices layered on top of one another. Time moved differently, as if the scenes were improperly cut, frames tossed in and out in an order that had no actual pattern. Finally, it ceased, along with Rhett’s whispering. His face cut straight to Emilio, staring with blood dripping from his black eyes and screams blasting from his chest. 

Blood. There was so much fucking blood. Blood pouring out of her, blood soaking the ground. How much blood did a person have in their body? The question, of course, was a rhetorical one. Emilio knew. He knew how much blood a body held. He’d seen plenty of them drained of it, seen red lips and fangs that had gorged themselves on it. There was so much blood in a person’s body, so much meat. 

The scene changed again, and he was falling. Tumbling through an endless barrage of color and sound that made it impossible to think, impossible to breathe. When he landed, it was another familiar scene. The woods, just outside Etla. He glanced down to see his leg mangled and broken, but the pain was muted, wasn’t quite there. 

Rhett was there. Saying things Emilio couldn’t decipher in voices that weren’t his own. Edgar, Rosa, his mother, Lucio, even Victor’s long-dead voice slipped out from between the warden’s lips. And Rhett was bleeding from his eyes, was screaming with his whole chest, and —

Something was wrong. It wasn’t right, didn’t fit. The realization that this was a nightmare crept in and, with it, the realization that this nightmare wasn’t right. In two years, he’d never had a dream without his daughter’s face in it. Good or bad, Flora was there. Flora was always there. So where was she now?

Something was wrong. The atmosphere changed with Emilio’s realization, the power the mare once had, fleeting from his fingertips. Mateo groaned internally, kicking himself for letting his heart win out when it came to the child that would’ve sold his nightmare at full price. His hold was slipping, he could feel it.

“Murderer!” Rhett screamed, arms flailing as his flesh tore apart with each movement. Mateo sent him toward Emilio, his hands wrapping across his throat. It was a cheap tactic, one that he hoped was enough to distract while he convinced himself to use the innocent little girl in some fashion. 

Mateo settled on utilizing her voice, the small thing pleading for her father somewhere deep in the forest. It was better than the alternative. He didn’t want to use her face. It wasn’t fair. It was too horrible. He was a monster, but he was not that kind of monster.

Murderer? No. No, that wasn’t right, either. Emilio had done plenty wrong, had killed more people than he could count, but that word on Rhett’s lips? It made no sense at all. It was a matter of time, he knew, before Rhett grew to hate him, but not for the killing. Not for the blood on his hands, not for the number of places his blade had found a home. If anything, Rhett would hate him for the opposite — he was more likely to accuse Emilio of growing soft than he was to point out the sins his weapons had carved out.

His brother’s hands were around his throat before he could question it too much, squeezing tightly in a way that brought him back to that alley with Zane, to the vampire who’d nearly taken him out with a few well-placed sentences. But this was a dream; he knew that now. This was a dream, and the pressure at his throat was that of a ghost that haunted, not anything that could really hurt.

But then — a voice in the woods. Small. Familiar. But still wrong. His mind had never been kind enough to leave him only with voices, had it? There was always blood. There were always corpses. It wasn’t right, wasn’t normal, wasn’t —

Barking. It cut through the dream, loud and angry. Perro never barked like that unless there was a reason, unless there was something to bark at. 

Like someone in the apartment.

The realization hit him all at once, The image of Rhett melting away with it. A mare. There was a mare in his home, in his head. Digging through his mind like a box in the attic, pulling out all the things that made him hate himself. Using his brother, his wife, his daughter as weapons against him, as knives and forks to break his head open for a quick meal. 

Emilio opened his eyes.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. 

Emilio broke through the whole facade, seeing past every last ditch effort. Mateo had no one to blame but himself. He panicked and didn’t focus on the details. It’s all in the details! Focus on the details! Mateo’s brother’s voice boomed, his lessons and rules crowding his mind as he swallowed. A dog had been barking the whole time, but the nightmare was holding Emilio well enough that he hadn’t heard it until then. Mateo knew he had to make his exit, but he couldn’t move. 

Panic made him freeze. 

“Shit!” He hissed, charging forward to place his hands on the slayer. It was an attempt to force him back to sleep, forget that there was a mare in the bedroom, but there was no real chance. Between the two reaction times, Emilio was always going to be faster; leaving only one outcome. Mateo on the ground, with a damn knife in him, bleeding out the stupid glitter that made up his body. He squeezed his eyes shut, lip trembling with a yell that threatened to escape. Biting it down, he landed on his back with a dull thud, given only a blink to collect himself. It wasn’t enough. 

There was a man in his room, staring down at him. In a mind still addled by sleep and the remnants of the nightmare that was wrong but still disorienting, instinct took over. Emilio rolled out of the bed as the man drew closer, heart pounding as adrenaline rushed into him to replace the drowsy feeling of having only just opened his eyes. A slayer, his mother told him at two in the morning when she woke him up by tossing a spawn into his bedroom, had to be ready to fight no matter the circumstances. 

He yanked the knife out from under his pillow, the one that had lived there for as long as he’d been in the apartment. It was iron; growing up with a paranoid warden flittering in and out of your life every few months left you with more than a few habits that other slayers might not boast. Of course, iron was unnecessary for a mare, but… Well, a sharp blade could incapacitate just about anyone. Mares included.

The knife sunk into the mares stomach, instinct twisting it in Emilio’s hand before he shoved the stranger to the ground. It wasn’t the same one that had fed on him months before; he’d never seen that one’s face, but the nightmare felt too different to have been caused by the same person. Emilio wasn’t sure if it was better or worse to have been made a meal by two different people rather than having one come back for seconds.

The bedroom door swung open, and Perro darted in. All furious fifteen pounds of him dove at the mare, sinking his tiny teeth into the stranger’s thigh. And all Emilio could think was that this man had come into his apartment, had been in his head, had probably known he was a slayer and victimized him anyway, had used his daughter’s voice as a weapon to keep him docile. A man like that would have no problem hurting a trembling, terrified dog that was doing its best to protect in spite of its fear. 

So Emilio rushed forward, kicking the hilt of the knife still sticking up out of the mare’s gut and trying not to wonder if he’d stabbed Lucio in the same spot or if it had been just a little to the left. He grabbed Perro, who was squirming and barking in a way that sounded like screaming. It wasn’t pain — it was fear. The dog was terrified of the mare in his apartment, and Emilio needed to fix that. He stepped down on the stranger’s ankle with his good leg, putting all his weight into it.

Taking a knife to the gut was never easy, not even as someone in the undead category, but getting it twisted? The damn glitter all but spilled out of Mateo and he groaned as the pain mounted straight into  nausea. He needed to run, get the hell out of dodge before it got worse. Sadly though, it looked like the universe had other plans because before the mare could make his exit, a small dog charged into the room, ready to pick a damn fight.

As annoying as the dog was, and as painful as its stupid bite was, Mateo had to give the damn thing credit. It was practically screaming in fear, and yet it still had the fucking huevos to attack and protect its owner. That was the most punk dog Mateo had ever met. He couldn’t even be that mad that he was being made into a little bitch by such a small thing. And with a missing leg, no less? Mateo hardly minded laying on the floor weakly with how punk the dog was.

The owner, on the other hand? 

Bitch-ass… 

Mateo suppressed a scream as the knife was kicked into him further, the task made even more difficult by the foot on his ankle. “Fuck you, puto!” He exclaimed, punching Emilio’s other leg to get him to lose his balance. When he felt a small wave of relief, Mateo relaxed and fell into the astral, projecting himself to a completely different place.

Perro was growling and barking and yelping in a way that almost hurt. He sounded so afraid, so scared. And Emilio, with his mind still rattled from the nightmare and the shock of waking up to a stranger over his bed, wanted to help him. His logical mind knew that it was just because of the mare’s presence, because animals were terrified of these bastards, but his logical mind wasn’t the one in charge right now. It was his pounding heart leading him, caught somewhere in between past and present. 

The mare on the floor had the gall to insult him, as if Emilio was somehow the one at fault here. As if reacting when you woke up to find a stranger standing over your bed and twisting his fingers around in your mind, terrifying your dog and stirring up trauma that was bad enough without the extra kick was something terrible, something to be ashamed of. It was enough to make him wish he’d brought his foot down somewhere other than the man’s ankle, though he didn’t have time to deliver a second kick.

The punch to his bad leg had him stumbling backwards, pain flaring up from the limb as he twisted his body to make sure he didn’t land on top of Perro when he fell to the bare mattress on the floor. By the time he twisted back into a sitting position, the mare was gone, leaving only glitter behind. The hunter’s chest was heaving, heart pounding. In his arms, Perro whimpered. 

“Good boy,” he said hoarsely, scratching the dog behind the ears. “Good dog. Come on. Let’s get breakfast.” 

[fruitcoops]

if you are still taking request I think that it would be so cute if lily convinced remus to go to the nail salon with her, and he was going to just get like a manicure and clear coat, and he changes his mind and comes home with his nails done sirius' favorite color as a surprise and sirius is just like dumbstruck by how much the little things remus does makes him fall even more in love with him and fluffy cuteness ensues

This is adorable! Enjoy some Loops and Lily, ft. fluffy Coops on this lovely Monday. SW credit goes to @lumosinlove!

“Remind me why I’m coming with you again?” Remus sighed as they turned the corner. “It’s just going to chip off in two days anyway.”

“Because you had a shitty weekend and deserve a hand massage,” Lily said briskly. She looped her arm through his and tucked her hand into her pocket, tilting her face up toward the sun and trusting him to guide her along the sidewalk. “You don’t have to choose colors if you don’t want to.”

“If I have to go, I’m not going to half-ass it.”

She grinned and cracked one eye open. “There’s my Remus.”

A gentle bell jingled above his head as they ducked into the shop—Lily called it a ‘salon’, which he didn’t really understand, but it sounded fancy. One woman looked up from a client’s nails and waved, then pointed to the far wall. “Pick whatever colors you’d like! I’ll be with you in a few.”

Remus stopped in his tracks. “That’s…a lot.”

Lily rolled her eyes and dragged him closer. “You’re not chickening out on me over some colors, Lupin. Which one do you like?”

“I don’t know! There’s too many!”

“There’s green,” Lily huffed, planting him in front of about three dozen different shades. “Go nuts.”

“I’m not putting green on my nails. It’ll look weird.”

“Then do red and gold!”

“That’s lame. Can’t I just watch you get yours done?”

“No,” Lily groaned. It wasn’t the first time he had asked, and likely wouldn’t be the last. “It’s about the experience, Re. If you want just a clear coat, that’s fine, but you said you—”

“—didn’t want to half-ass it, I know,” he finished with a grumble. Colors. Colors aren’t that difficult. Green would be odd, orange would be worse…

His eyes caught on a little bottle near the base of the racks. It was a plain, pretty blue; nothing special, yet calming. Sea You Later! the base read when he picked it up. Lily made an approving noise over his shoulder. “That’s cute.”

“It’s not bad.”

“Looks like Sirius’ shirt, actually. The one with the dogs on it?”

Remus rolled the bottle around for a moment. “It really does, now that you mention it. Huh.”

She patted his hip and went back to the shiny, shimmery ones on the right. “You should give it a shot.”

---------------------------------------

Painting nails took a really, really long time. Much longer than Remus was anticipating when he hesitantly rested his hands on the towel and tried not to think about how much bigger they were than Lily’s. He felt awkward in a place like this, where everyone seemed so put-together and comfortable.

His worries were quickly dispelled when the nail artist began rubbing the tension from his joints with peony-scented lotion; he immediately relaxed into her touch, letting the calluses from sticks and weights be soothed. Judging from her pleased hum when she inspected his nails, he hadn’t accidentally been butchering them his whole life—the scrape of the nail file made him grimace, but she didn’t have to do much before a coat of clear polish went on.

“It’s a protector,” Lily said at his confused look. “So your nails stay healthy and don’t turn yellow.”

“This is a lot more complicated than I thought it would be,” Remus muttered as he stuck his hands underneath the miniature fan.

The nail artist laughed as she rolled her chair to Lily’s station. “First time?”

“Yeah. I can’t imagine you get a lot of guys in here.”

She shrugged. “More than you’d think, I bet. There’s nothing wrong with wanting your hands to look nice, and a pop of color never hurt anybody.”

“Good point.”

The clear polish—base coat, Lily said with a teasing smile—dried quickly, and soon two perfect layers of blue shone under the bright lamp. Lily’s design was much more complex than his own, with shimmery bits and spiraled paint, but he liked the simplicity. It even matched his socks.

Lily and the nail artist chatted the whole time, swapping stories about summer activities and everything that had happened since she last visited; Remus waited patiently with his fingertips under the fan and people-watched as the sun grew higher in the sky.

After an hour, they were finally done, and Remus couldn’t stop rubbing his hands together as they headed back outside until Lily smacked his arm. “Stop it, you look like a Disney villain.”

“I’m sorry, they’re just so soft!” He brought his hands to his face and breathed in the soft floral scent. “Here, feel.”

“I’m not going to feel your hands.”

“Feel them.” When she shook her head and kept walking, he jogged ahead and held them out, palms-up. “Lily! Feel my hands!”

“Alright, fine!” she laughed, grabbing them both. Her eyebrows rose. “Damn, they are soft.”

“Told you so.”

“That color looks really good on you, too.”

“Yeah?” Remus looked down at the polish again, smiling to himself. There was just something about them that made him happy. “They match my socks.”

“You’re kidding.”

“Nope.” He reached down and pulled his pantleg up, startling a snort out of Lily.

“You’re ridiculous,” she said as she linked their arms again. “Did you have fun?”

“It was nice,” Remus said with a shrug. “I don’t know if I’ll go back a lot, but I had a good time listening to you two talk.”

Lily nodded, looking quite self-satisfied. “Good. I bet Sirius will get a kick out of them.”

“You think so?”

“For sure. He always likes mine.”

Remus thought back to the many, many times Lily had displayed her freshly-done nails to them with great pride; Sirius did have a penchant for colorful and sparkly things, after all. Why should his ordinary blue nails be any different?

Lily made sure to take an obligatory Instagram photo of their hands before they entered the house, then immediately laid out in front of the fan by the back door while she uploaded it. “Hey, Lily, it’s good to see you, too,” Sirius said drily as he came in from the backyard. “I’m good, thanks for asking. It’s pretty hot out there, but—”

“Shut up,” she laughed, grabbing the back of his ankle when he stepped over her. “Where’s my lover?”

“Your husband is tormenting my dog,” he called over his shoulder before winding his arms around Remus’ waist for a kiss. “Bonjour, mon amour.”

“Hey, you.” Remus bumped their noses together with a grin he could never even try to hold down. “You know how I never half-ass things?”

“Mhmm.”

He held his fingers up. “Ta-da!”

“Oh, pretty.” Sirius’ eyes went wide as he took one of Remus’ hands. “Your hands are so soft!”

“I know, right?”

“He made me feel them!” Lily groaned from the floor. “It was so weird.”

“You love it!” Remus shot back before leaning onto his tiptoes to kiss Sirius’ forehead. “I figured you’d like the blue.”

“I’m surprised you didn’t do green.”

Heat rose to his cheeks, and it had nothing to do with the sunshine. “It’s your favorite color, right? Not too green, not too purple. Reminded me of you.”

Sirius’ eyes grew impossibly soft and he cupped Remus’ jaw, pulling him in for an unhurried kiss that melted his brain into his toes. “Je t’aime.”

“Love you, too,” he breathed. His face was definitely redder than a fire engine by that point, but he hardly cared.

There was a light squeeze around his hand. “These look really nice.”

A spark of joy lit in Remus’ chest. “I’m glad you like it.”

“Ugh, love,” Lily scoffed, despite the fact that James was pressing a million and one kisses to her neck as he hugged her from behind. 6

Sirius thumped his forehead on Remus’ collarbone. “You are the worst sister-in-law of all time.”

“I know,” she said with a smug smile, tilting her head to kiss James’ cheek. “Hi, lover.”

“Hi. Your nails are so beautiful.”

“I didn’t get them in your favorite color. Sorry.”

“I’ll never recover,” James sighed. “Well, at least we’re not a terrible rom-com cliché.”

Remus flipped him off over Sirius’ shoulder; the nail polish gave the gesture a little extra oomph that certainly canceled out the grin that made his whole face ache.

[call-me-merlyn]

I found a list of my favorite things you ever said to me. I cried in a way that I haven’t since I was a small child- broken by my parents’ words, mistakes, and anger. I curled my knees to myself and remembered that I can do hard things. I started to wonder where we went wrong. Because my feelings for you never changed. But then I realized that was never the issue. These words I read now ring as true today as they did over the four years you wrote them. But I want them back. I want you back. I want pragmatism and growth. I want to talk about the hard things and work them through. But I can’t tell you that. I can’t tell you anything because you don’t want to hear it. Because you’re hurt and you want space. So if you stumble upon this blog- the one I told you not to look at all those years ago- I will let a few snippets of your words remind you. Mind you, these are 12 out of about 30.

1. Baby. I want the future with you. It just hit me so hard. I want the visions I have. I want us and I don't see that changing. We are the most beautiful couple I have ever encountered. Not just because we're both convinced the other is drop dead gorgeous, but because I see such magnificent potential in us, together. We are that rare couple that could actually have the dream life that everyone wants and fears is impossible or that they don't deserve it. Health, happiness, adventures, perfect children, successful careers, growth and excitement, cuddles, intellectual stimulation, respect for each other, kisses that leave us breathless, freedom, good friends that we both care about, a lovely home, a dorky dog or five, all the sex we can handle, our families coming together wonderfully, and true fucking love. I want it all with you and I believe that we can have it with all my heart. Ugh I want it and I'm so excited to build towards the future we want. With you. Every damn day, one day at a time.

2. Morning love. To build a home? I'll always like yours more. I'm binging your music this morning. Speaking of songs that make me cry. Night in shining armor? I love that whole analogy. Your words are one of my favorite things about you. I love the music that spills from your lips, whether you're singing or laughing or reading or teasing me. It's all heavenly music to my ears. I'm so proud to be your person, your once and future someone. I love you so much. The dark times have passed baby, you brought the light back into my life.

3. This one's hard to explain. I've never met someone who is such a clean harmony. Your identity, your character, is a beautiful, pure chord. Every interaction I have with you I hear that resonance, and the notes weave together perfectly. That chord resonates with who I am on such a deep level, and I could hear it from the very first moment we interacted. I want to listen to that chord every day, to hear it form your melody, day in and day out. Puzzle out it's layers and listen to you add more. And to play my own song to match yours, to create our own wonderful song in this life.

4. You elicit feeling so well with words, sometimes it makes me feel inadequate

The way you express yourself so effortlessly

Because I've always prided myself on communicating verbally

But it comes pretty effortlessly to me too

Especially when I talk about you

I know I keep coming back to this, I'm sorry

But it resonates so strongly with me

To imagine you as a song, chord, or melody

The way your music weaves with mine

Haunting, ethereal, and divine

You make my eyes and heart shine

With love and affection, at my most painful times

When I can't feel it about myself

You come to my house and put happy memories upon my shelf

I want to show you how much you mean to me

So that you will always see

You are my light

And in the middle of the night

When I roll over and feel your breath

On my neck, I don't fear death

Because a life next to you is a life worth living

The love I have for you is a love worth giving

5. I was watching How I Met Your Mother, and to be honest that show really means a lot to me. I'm not sure why I bonded it with it so hard, it feels kind of silly in retrospect, but I did. In the episode, the main character runs into the girl who left him at the altar for another man, and they talk about true love and who you choose to be with. And the guy has an open moment about his yearning for that special connection that people find so rarely. That spark between people that's so unique and magical when it occurs. The song Careful by Michelle Featherstone plays in the background. I'm sure you've heard it, and it just pulled at my heartstrings. Maybe listen to it as you read this? Bc I am as I write. It makes me think of you. I've said it before, and the words fall flat, but I'm so damn grateful for you. Every piece of you. The fractals, the perfectly formed little moments of unadulterated Merlyn, that come together to form this perfectly cohesive being of fucking light. You know me. And I don't like to admit that I falter, or that I need help from anyone. It goes against what I've been trained to be by my father, my experiences, and my own cynical nature. Before you walked into my life...I wasn't entirely happy. I was missing something. I could feel it. And it made me ache. I went looking for it everywhere, even though I wasn't sure what it would look like when I found it. But I knew how it would feel. And you... you rescued me. From my own damn self. I'm prone to loneliness for a number of reasons. I'm solitary. I like to be independent. I'm proud. I can be harsh and judgmental. I get exhausted by humanity. I can be very sensitive when I'm vulnerable, and I don't like to give more than a handful of people the power to touch my heart. But since you walked into my life? I don't have to look anymore. I have never felt such constantly genuine, gentle, fierce, and unselfish support from anyone. Not from my parents, not from friends, my cousins, my lovers. No one has ever looked at me the way you do. No one has ever been so unyieldingly loving. Every time I have trusted you with more of my heart and my self, you do your absolute best to make me feel valued and loved. No matter how that best manifested, I have always felt your effort. You are always careful with my heart. I used to carry around this utter, soul crushing feeling that I missed someone. Someone vital. But there was no one to miss. And I didn't know where to direct that desire for connection. I got lonely because I wanted someones company...that I didn't know. But since I met you, I haven't felt that even once. I have only rarely felt lonely, and even in those moments, it was because I fucking missed YOU. Your laugh, your touch, our connection. And that's such a revelation to me. To know the face of the person I feel I've been missing all this time. It's been you. I love you, Merlyn. You are an unparalleled treasure to me.

6. God damn it Merlyn, I have so much love for you. I'm so lucky to have you, the thought of losing you is a nightmare. I want late night quesadillas and then to push each other to eat right. I want to scoff at each other's baby names until we get to ones we both love. I want to be your shoulder to lean on, cry on, or try to dislocate with a kimura. I want yours to be the same for me (maybe without the kimura bit?) I want to sing duets with you and write stories on lazy Sunday afternoons. I want to make you grin and I want to make you bite your lip. I want to hear your breathing every night when I go to sleep. I want to put Tristan on my shoulders, have a debate with Chris, try to get your cat to like me. I want you to cuddle into me and let me hold you at night even when I get hot because you're the most precious fucking thing in the world to me. I want you to train with my dad and shop with my mom. I want to get drinks with your mom and laugh at your dad's dirty jokes. I want to travel with you, go jet skiing on tropical islands and throw snowballs at each other in the mountains. I want to walk around crowded cities with you until I get too anxious but you tell me to chill out and stop being such a baby about it. I want to hear my daughter call you mother. I want to see you spin like you did when I first walked you home. Nothing brings me more joy than the thought of sharing the little moments, the big moments, and everything in between with you. Nothing is worth jeopardizing that future for me. I love you with all that I am. Count on it.

7. I just read all your words top to bottom and they hit me hard. I've been looking at them as bits and pieces. One day, one note at a time, not a tapestry. All together in one sitting, I can just feel where your heart was, and maybe still is. I hope it still is in some ways, because I've never been loved like how you love me. Not with such admiration or surety. I've never been wanted the way you want me. It makes me feel simultaneously unworthy and determined to live up to your love. It breaks me to feel the pain in your pen strokes. I want to wrap you up in my arms and fend away anything that would ever make you cry. I hate myself sometimes for making you cry. It breaks me every time, a corruption of my purpose. Every time, to read the simple words "today was hard..." It rips me apart. I love, live to see you smile. To laugh with you. To make music with you, whatever the form. I'm sorry for all the pain I've ever caused you, my darling. It's never my intention. You are my most precious gift, and words fall short of expressing the breadth and complexity of my feelings for you. They boil down to what you've written over and over again though: I want this life with you. I want all the complications, all the routine days, all the late night phone calls, and the adventures. I want to walk around knowing we have the same last name. I want you. Endlessly I want you. I wish I could pull a fragment of that feeling out of my chest and give it to you just so that you'd understand. God I miss you. I love you. You are my partner, and I hope that stays true for the rest of our lives. I can't say it enough. You are everything to me. I want you to express every part of you, never stop, because I love them all. Every mellifluous note in your melodies, every word of poetry in your fascinating mind, every fierce moment on the mat, every tear that falls in your fragile, vulnerable moments. I want to be there. To give you love and to be the best partner I can be. For you. God I can never say enough

8. Kay I'm heading to bed so gonna write this out. It's difficult. Love defies definition by its very nature. Which is a paradoxical statement right out the gate but whatever. I started writing my response in a philosophical approach but it didn't feel right. There's no need to ramble about Forms or essence or any of that philosophy mumbo jumbo. All that matters is how you opened my eyes. I used to think that love was about passion above and to the detriment of everything else. I used to think that love and pain were joined at the hip, inseparable. I used to fear that love was a curse, a burden, a surrender. I used to think that to fall for someone was a trap, and that you were taking a terrible gamble by giving someone the power to destroy you. I used to think that relationships were ropes and that love was a noose. I used to think that love was jealous, demanding, forceful, combative. I used to think that love was sporadic and messy. I used to think that there was no true, sustainable happiness to be found. You've turned it all around. Hell, you've upended the board and thrown away the rulebook. You've shown me that love is a balance of passion and choice, that they should play off each other build each other up. One is useless without the other. Passion will burn you out, but so too can you drown going through the motions. I've been through both. You're the only one that has struck the balance with me. You've shown me that the only necessary pains from love are the growing pains. I've been given and dealt horrible wounds, been through wars. Our relationship is the only one in which both parties can put their weapons down. You've shown me that love is a tank of oxygen when you're drowning, a shoulder to lean on, an investment. Trusting you with my heart has liberated and empowered me. I believe that trusting me with yours has done the same for you. We use that understanding of each other to lend strength, to give joy, to protect. You've shown me that relationships are lanterns and that love is the sun. You lit up my world. You've shown me that love is generous, thoughtful, gentle, supportive. You've shown me that it's steady and pure. You've shown me that happily ever after isn't just in storybooks. It's attainable. We have an obligation to chase it. We've been given a gift. And I will be grateful for it for the rest of my life. I will cherish it. I will cherish you. You've given me everything. You are my true love. Goodnight I hope you sleep well

9. Darling, gorge yourself on my love

I pray to God that it’s enough

To fill you up and keep us above

The water line of that rising slough

Darling, gorge yourself on my heart

I pray to God it’s what you need

Ignore the pain in the darker part

Come home again to me to feed

Darling, gorge yourself on my mind

I pray to God it’s what you want

Those angry echoes you may find

Don’t let them drive you from this haunt

Darling gorge yourself on me

I pray to God I’m what you crave

I know I’m flawed but I can be

The one who saves you, the one you save

Oh darling, I’ll gorge myself on you

On your mind and body, heart and soul

So darling, gorge yourself on me too

To keep us human, keep us whole

10. I want us to be tethered by the sea, to back each other to the hilt, to paint the walls red with love, to get lost in the light. Baby I promise I will take true care of you, tell you that some things last, and know you better than your piano. Because you found me. You came out of nowhere, you made me fall in love with a single touch, and this ain't a haunted house no more. I can't take my mind off of you. Only you can help me to forget the terror that comes and goes in waves. You keep me warm, and I know that all will be well and we'll be just fine. So don't give up love. Three more months, flyin your way home to me. We'll be inches apart and even closer at heart. So send me your location, cause I'm jealous of the wind that ripples through your clothes. Put your eyes on me, and I know a place that we can get away. Say you won't let go, tell me it's real, and let's go somewhere only we know. We won't need to take our clothes off to have a good time, but I'll get the lights and you lock the door, cuz we won't leave that room til we both feel more. Cause I see it all without the lights. No one will ever see you the way my eyes do. You are something to behold. Elegant and bold, you are unforgettable. You are the fire and the flood. Last night I woke the fuck up, realized I never wanted anything so much as to drown in your love. If you could read my mind love, what a tale my thoughts could tell. I feel life for the very first time: love in my arms and the sun in my eyes. Ohh I fall apart, and I can't help falling in love with you. I still can't believe that I found love where it wasn't supposed to be. Right in front of me. At (college). I made a fumbling play for your heart, and the act struck a spark. I want to be with you for the rest of my life and beyond. No grave can hold my body down. I'll crawl home to you and go straight into your arms. I'm in love with all that you are.

11. You always wonder about the future. What makes you different from the others. There are infinite answers, but some of the biggest ones are that..you make me understand and feel things that people always say but never mean. Until you, I've never truly wanted all of someone. And I mean it when I say I want ALL of you. I am in love with every inch of you, every word that comes out of your mouth, every little habit, every quirk. I have wanted every piece of you in every moment that I've known you without fail. I have never adored anyone or anything so much. You are perfection to me. In the truest sense of the word baby. You make the cliches make sense. You make them feel not cliche. It's incredible. You make sense in my bones. I am so in love with you. I can picture nothing more glorious than a life with you. That's how I know you're the one. Because it's obvious. And when it's right, it should just he obvious. Easiest choice in the world.

12 Goodnight ____. I hope you sleep well. I really enjoyed hanging out and listening to you play tonight. I know you were half joking about how I should be paying you compliments, but your music abilities really are such a gift. It always makes me happy when you use them. You get this energy about you that’s so wonderful to see. I’m listening to your soundcloud stuff again now. Been a while since I’ve done that, haven’t had access to the account for a bit. I wish you had more of your stuff on here. It’s all so lovely. It always makes me think about us. You don’t seem to care for it much, but especially To My Future Someone. I hope I live up to all you dreamt I’d be when you wrote those words. I hope to the gods I’m the one you sang about. Because you are everything I ever wanted in a true love, and more. Things that I didn’t even know I needed. You’ve made me a kinder, much more grateful man. And a happier soul. You deserve the best in this world, and I’ll always do my utmost to be him. I’m so in love with you. I’ll talk to you tomorrow, my light. Sweet dreams.

When did the thought of losing me stop being a nightmare? Because the hurt was never more than this. Never more than this love. You said in another snippet that you’d do anything to be the person I built a home with; you’d do your best to be the my person and to never hurt me. But you don’t want to be with me. And you chose your nightmare over your dreams. And I still choose you. I still chose you every second of every fucking day. It was my nightmare too and I’m living it.

But, I’m changing. I’m harder now. The tears don’t fall quite as easily as they used to. And at least I know who I am now. I am a warrior. I am beautiful. I am strong. I am new. Don’t think 8 weeks can change someone?? Come see me again. I’ll show you exactly who I’m not anymore. The only thing that hasn’t changed is my love for you.

And if you want to lose these words and this love, so be it. I won’t fight you. I won’t fear you or that anymore. I don’t want to be the only one fighting. I can’t. And I won’t be afraid of my worst nightmares because they have come true and even though I pray I won’t lose you, nothing in this life is certain. If you don’t want to fight, I will be someone else’s light someday. And I will shine unashamed; unabashed; strong and sure. I will bring beautiful children, music, and love into the world. But until then, I’ll be my own light, and set my darkness aflame every morning, just as I have since the day you left. After all, there’s not much darkness left anymore.

[papers4me]

yeah..about Ep09...

I DID NOT expect this!! wth!! like I knew there’s a possibility kyo was present in kyoko’s accident becuz of his apology ,,,but kyoko’s words!!! why!!! Why she said this!!! why!!!!!!!! 

I was watching ep 9 & getting ready to write my review but this punched me in the guts so hard! was I not supposed to pause the image? It flicked in the middle of a happy moment for seconds & disappeared! I thought this his mom, but NO! that’s not her!

Dear writer... how can kyo recover from this?!! How could anyone?! So cruel & painful! kyoko’s words complicates things so much that my head hurts from tryna think of an exit to kyo’s trauma! Kyoko’s words that were the light to EVERY young character either thro tohru or directly from her is now sentencing kyo to death by lifetime in confinement! As if he wasn’t already blamed for his mom’s suicide! the way hope & despair entangled creating depths of complexities that I’ve never expected! Kyoko existed as both light & darkness to him! DAMN!

like..If this happened before he met tohru then ep1 in season 1... OMG! all the eps after!! the true form & ...he now tragically loves her!! He loves HER!!! he loves her so much, he’ll accept confinement so she won’t be harmed becuz of him.

I need to rethink kyo’s character asap & all his scenes! he doesn’t wear masks! NO! it was written all over his face from the beginning! he has layers! Each emotion, reaction & decision is layered by another that doesn’t cancel the other but adds to it! the pain, the guilt, the hope, the fights, the desire, the will, the crushing reality! he was a fighter from the beginning but he’s fighting a lost fight! he wasn’t fighting yuki, he’s fighting himself to prove he’s allowed to live beyond all the sacrifices! but NO! tohru had to be there in shigure’s house!. She had to reenter his life! kyoko is back haunting him! “ i won’t forgive you” every time he looks at tohru! every time tohru talks abt her mom!! OMG!! & him watching her yearn for her mom! him listening to all the mom memories! him encouraging tohru to tell her mom’s memories!!!!! OMG! WHY! & yet he called tohru his hope!! she IS an amazing hope to him! but a hope that he shouldn’t hurt, a flower that he shouldn’t trample~ ugh!

I love this ep so much!! but I also hate how it hurts!

I’ll calm down & write my full review...but this show is genius!!!! Kyo’s character is EXCEPTIONAL!!

[ramblings-of-a-mad-cat]

Hogwarts Mystery Survey!

I was tagged by...well, a few people actually! Sorry, I know it took me a while to get to this, as it always does with tagged posts. Nevertheless! This was created by the epic @carewyncromwell So go check out her blog!

I shall now signal @missnight0wl​ @electricslytherindog​ @nostalgiaslithersin​ @ladyluckqueen​ and @treebels​ Unless you’ve already done this, of course. But otherwise square up! Y’all have been tagged :)

Let’s do this! 

Favourite Gryffindor: 

Oh, I’m not going to make many friends with this choice...

But my favorite Gryffindor is Patricia Rakepick. Look, even if she turns out to be completely evil with no plot twists about her loyalties...at least they gave us a genuinely evil Gryffindor, right? I’m sorry, I just...really want to believe we don’t know the whole story. Because Year 5 gave us so many great moments with Rakepick, as well as her bond with MC. The Potterverse has never had a character quite like Rakepick before, but she’s just as interesting as Snape or Dumbledore. She’s infinitely complex and it’s such a waste if she amounts to nothing more than the Cabal’s lackey. Honorable mentions: Jae Kim. He is such a mood. 

Least Favourite Gryffindor: 

Did you think we were done talking about Rakepick? Oh no, because right now she is my least favorite Gryffindor too, for reasons that are much more obvious and don’t really need to be explained. She’s done terrible things, and she needs to pay for her crimes...and on a personal level, she broke my heart. I don’t want this to be how her story ends. I don’t want to hate her, but with what she’s done, what else am I supposed to think? 

Favourite Hufflepuff: 

You can tell that the Haywood sisters were the main project for Hufflepuff, and while I find both of them to be quite interesting, I just have a real soft spot for Beatrice. I love the way she went from being a tiny Penny to being anything but. I love how she went from being little more than a plot device in Year 5 to forcibly carving her own identity in Year 6. I like the parallels between her and MC and Jacob. Both sisters are interesting, so you can consider Penny an honorable mention, I just like Bea more. 

Least Favourite Hufflepuff: 

Sorry to any of his fans, but...it’s got to be Diego. I will fully admit that we do not know enough about him right now to judge fairly, but that is, in some ways, the problem. When I first saw him in Year 5, he gave me the impression of being a total sleaze who would be weird toward the other students (particularly the females) because he was into them. And while the scenes he eventually gets haven’t really given credence to that...they haven’t disproved it either.

Favourite Ravenclaw: 

Let me tell  you a fairy tale, everyone: Once upon a time there was a fascinating and compelling character, a queen of pranks, who had a curious history with the girl who was the game’s antagonist at the time. She had a great bond with MC and a cool backstory...but the developers soon forgot she existed, and removed her from the dating quests even though she had already been there for the first two. This is the story of the underrated flower. The tale of the toad-keeper. This is the story of Tulip Karasu.

Least Favourite Ravenclaw:

Probably Andre. For similar reasons to why I don’t like Diego that much, I just don’t think his character was handled very well. Don’t get me wrong, he had a promising start....but then they didn’t do anything with him. Furthermore, his personality just isn’t my favorite. He strikes me as being a little self-absorbed and not especially nice to other people, at least from the vibes that I get.

Favourite Slytherin: 

Let me tell you a fairy tale, everyone. About the toad-keeper’s true love, the song of the shadows...Merula Snyde. Okay, okay, no more fairy tales. But in all seriousness, she’s a a real contender for being my favorite character in the game. Right up there with Rakepick. I just find Merula to have so many layers to her character, she has so much history influencing her actions. And yeah, she’s frustrating as all hell, but that’s part of it. And while she may be an acquired taste, I know I’m not alone in thinking that she can be positively adorable.  She’s a character that I hope reaches her full potential, a character I just wish I could rescue and get her the therapy she needs.

Least Favourite Slytherin: 

This one is genuinely tough for me. None of the Slytherin characters in this game are badly written, and none of them are that unlikable. Do I pick Ismelda, for her stunt with the Love Potion? Well, even in spite of that, I find myself hoping she can learn from her mistakes. Do I pick Barnaby, because as sweet as he is, he’s normally kind of one-note? Well, even in spite of that, I always love it when he’s onscreen. Could go for Felix, but he’s actually my favorite Prefect, and choosing a Prefect for a least favorite would feel way too easy anyhow. No, let’s go with Liz. Don’t get me wrong, I adore Liz. But she’s extremely under-utilized and we just don’t know that much about her. 

Favourite Quidditch Character: 

This one, on the other hand, doesn’t require any pondering at all. It’s Orion. I can’t even begin to describe how much I love this lonely sage. He deserves the world. He deserves a hug from his Quidditch family. Every time he’s onscreen, passing on his wisdom, I just get a big goofy smile on my face. He’s basically all the best parts of Dumbledore, and he’s a better big brother to MC than Jacob could ever be. Also, his hair is fantastic and I can’t wait until I get him to LV 10 because I want it. 

Least Favourite Quidditch Character:

This one is purely a matter of choosing someone by process of elimination. It’s not Orion, of course, and if you’ve been on my blog for a while then you know I do not hate Skye Parkin at all, so it isn’t her. I also quite like Murphy, so...the only character left, who we still don’t know that much about, is Erika Rath. In this case, “least favorite” is a default term. I like Erika and I will gladly defend her...just, not as much as the team trio.

Favourite Teacher: 

My immediate answer is Flitwick. Even though McGonagall is one of my favorite characters overall, from the original books...when it comes to HPHM, she hasn’t been as involved. Flitwick on the other hand, has gotten fantastic development as a character and some genuinely great moments of bonding with MC. He was one of the nicest surprises about this game. There are so many little things - like him realizing, without MC needing to say anything, that they are going to keep pursuing Beatrice’s rescue no matter what he says. Another moment I love comes in Year Three, when he’s the only Head of House to show any sympathy to MC about banning them from Hogsmeade. Unlike the other Heads, you really get the sense that Flitwick doesn’t want to do so, that he’s being overruled by Dumbledore. An honorable mention could go to Rakepick, but....eh. 

Least Favourite Teacher: 

I’m gonna get a bit out of the ordinary for this one. Sure, I could say Snape, but in this game he’s miles beyond his usual quality. He’s much more tolerable and even pretty funny sometimes. Sprout is kinda boring to me, I suppose, but she’s not that bad. I don’t know if Dumbledore technically counts, and Filch certainly wouldn’t. Rakepick, despite everything she did, was technically a good teacher. No, for my least favorite teacher, I’m gonna go with Madam Hooch. I’ve never liked her. Not just in this game, either. One moment she says “I don’t believe you, but I don’t have any proof you’re lying.” and then five seconds later, “Don’t ever let me catch you in a lie again.” I’m sorry, what do you mean again? Not believing someone is not the same thing as “catching” them in a lie, you arrogant bludger. 

Favourite Non-Teacher Adult: 

Both in the books and in the game, it is Hagrid and it will always be Hagrid. He is the biggest cinnamon roll and I would gladly eat his rock cakes no matter what they do to my teeth. Friends are more important than teeth! Just let MC take a break from all this Cursed Vault nonsense and go off to the Reserve with Hagrid to pet some nifflers.

Least Favourite Non-Teacher Adult: 

Folks, here’s a fairy tale about-no, we’re not doing that again. It’s Dumbledore. The punch line is Dumbledore. Setting aside all of the terrible things that he does in the books...HPHM sees him constantly rewarding MC’s dangerous behavior and once again stuffing the ballot for the House Cup...only to abruptly change his tune at the end of Year Four and give MC a year’s worth of detentions for doing what he previously encouraged, and only MC gets these detentions, not their friends. The very next year, he sanctions Rakepick’s apprentice team and they continue where MC left off. Not to mention that post Portrait-Vault, Dumbledore appoints himself as MC’s makeshift therapist and keeps talking like he understands MC’s feelings, like he knows what’s best for them. The game fucking forces you to tell him about your feelings, and god damn it where is the option to say “None of your business.” Like UGH. 

Rate Rowan on a scale of 1-10, 1 being “Why are we even friends?” and 10 being “BFFs for Life!”: 

100,000,000. What’s that you say? I went well over the cap? Nonsense. I simply gave Rowan a score as high as they deserve. I know we are all appreciating them a lot more now, for obvious reasons...but I can recall back in the day when most people didn’t spare them a second glance. (Though to be fair, MC didn’t either, some of the time.) Not me though. I was always loyal, thank you very much. I always knew this adorkable cinnamon roll who would have taken a bullet for MC (and...pretty much did.) deserved more love. They deserved the world.

Rate Jacob on a scale of 1-10, 1 being “You’re dead to me” and 10 being “Love you forever, big bro!!”:

A solid 5. I believe that’s the only score I can fairly give, because there’s still so much of Jacob that is uncertain and hasn’t been explored. But the character we released from the Portrait, assuming it is the real Jacob...has been kind of an asshole since he got back. On the other hand, he was sealed in a Portrait for five years. Five times longer than even Beatrice was. That has to mess a person up, right? So perhaps I should be more forgiving. I honestly don’t know. 

Rate MC and your similarities on a scale of 1-10, 1 being “MC is nothing like me” to 10 being “MC is ttly a self-insert lol”: 

Is this just like, MC in general? Or our own personal MCs? Because with Gail...I’d have to say, maybe a 4. She does inherit some of my qualities but she’s primarily inspired from one of my friends. Luca, though? Luca is easily a 9. After all, when I first created them, I used a file that was once my “personal” file. So it was that they inherited a lot of them-self from me.

Favourite Side Quest: 

You’re all going to think that I’m weird, but my favorite quest, at least right now, is the Comet TLSQ. I like it for a lot of the reasons that people hate it. I think that it’s an interesting and amusing story. How can I not love a quest that ends with a whole field of cruppies? Beyond that, if was during this quest that I really grew to love the Quidditch characters as a team. And, yes, this quest only made me enjoy Skye as a character all the more. What can I say, I just had a big smile on my face during the whole ordeal, especially when the three Quidditch characters were together. Honorable mentions: The Frog Choir TLSQ. I’m a major Tulula shipper, enough said.

Least Favourite Side Quest:

The one that immediately comes to my mind is the Knighthood TLSQ. I’m sorry but the whole thing just felt incredibly pointless. Why does MC even want to be a knight? Couldn’t they be doing something better with their time, like pursuing the next vault, doing some homework, practicing Quidditch, playing Gobstones with friends or....basically anything else? Sir Cadogan is funny in small doses but he gets old really quickly. He has that in common with Lockhart. Oh, and Penny is shoe-horned in. Again. Big surprise. 

Your Ideal Ending for Patricia Rakepick: 

-Sigh- Okay, you all know what’s coming. I don’t really want Rakepick to die. I don’t want her to go to Azkaban. I’m convinced that she probably will die no matter what, but that isn’t what I want. First and foremost, I want her to be a double agent. Working for Dumbledore or otherwise. I want Rowan’s death to have been staged - not just because it would absolve her of the crime, but also because it would mean Rowan comes back...and that the forest scene would actually make sense. There’s no explaining away her torturing Merula, other than her stalling for time, which isn’t an excuse but it would be enough to return her to being the “ruthless good” that she was before. I want her to sacrifice her own life for MC and Merula, but she need not necessarily die in the process. She could be saved. On the other hand, a death might be more poignant. But if not that, she could go on the run. I mean, she did cast an Unforgivable on a child. I’m not sure even Dumbledore’s protection could get her out of paying for that. Either way, I want her to blindside R the same way she blind-sided us in the Portrait Vault. 

I made it to the end! And somehow, I managed to praise Beatrice, Merula, and Skye...along with bashing Dumbledore...and insisting that Rakepick is secretly good, all in one post! This is like...the ultimate trailer for my blog. 

[skamamoroma]

Vediamo/We’ll See - Thoughts (or, as I like to call it, Megan rambles about giraffes for far too long)

As requested (by you lovely lot), my rambles on this clip. And what a clip it is!

This one made me sob. Full on tears down my face, need a tissue sob. It was equal parts heartbreaking and soothing which is Skam allover isn’t it?!

I think this one is one of my absolute favourites so far. I’ve been dying to see more of Mamma Rametta (when will we learn her name?!) and I have a feeling we’ll see more but this was some of what we needed after the other evening.

Her’s a long winded way of saying that everything about this clip was ever so special, the acting was stunning, the symoblism was completely perfect and in equal parts, brutal but beautiful.

So, first off, Ludo and the god damn synthy atmospheric music that has plagued me for weeks. I LOVE this kind of music and god has he used it to his advantage so much. This one is so sad but kind of helps us feel how Marti’s head is spinning. He’s a couple of days post Milan but his mind is still confused and full of hurt and sadness. He has internalised Maddalena’s words and yet is still researching. But as we all know, the internet is not always the best place to be when you’re researching a complex illness or medical issue. We can see him looking at elements of ‘suicide’ and this is a boy who we know has had a lot of exposure to mental illness but doesn’t have a lot of understanding so, to him, this must be very difficult to comprehend and so he will take things at face value. 

I love seeing Marti in his room. It’s SO BLUE but so cosy still. I also love seeing him in his sweatshirt bottoms because he always looks like the cuddliest bean. Bless him. 

We know he hasn’t heard from Nico but when we see that text it’s the first interaction they’d had post-Milan and poor Marti is still so confused and hurt and in the belief that he’s just another ‘someone’ to Nico, just a temporary thing. It KILLS me because we know, even when Nico was at his worst, it was still ALL about Marti. It’s where his heart is. 

AND THEN THE TEXT MESSAGE. Oh god. I am so VERY pleased that I was actually having a nap when this came out because I watched the translated version and not the website version first and when I read the translation of that text it made me cry instantly.

We’ve seen/heard of giraffes 4 times so far:  - The drawing on Nico’s wall - The beer glasses at the Halloween party that Nico loved - Nico’s discussion as to what he’d do as the Last Man - The flip book/horse riding lessons

There had to be a reason why Nico had this love of this animal and brought it up so many times. There had to be something about the giraffe that he loved and finding out what it is absolutely broke me because its SO BEAUTIFUL and SO perfect for his character I am still a little speechless as to how they did this. I didn’t for one moment think that any remake (and I was never down with remakes of the original in the first place until I realised there’d be an Italian one and saw the stunning trailer) would ever be able to match OR supercede the original in terms of layers of metaphor and nuanced symbolism but then THIS SEASON.... good lord. 

First of all, Nico had to make that giraffe. ON AN OLD MOBILE PHONE. To me, that’s almost impossible. Nico, the sweetheart, went to the effort of making that adorable kind of sad looking punctuation giraffe just to send to Marti. 

Then the words - “The giraffe’s heart is far from its thoughts. She fell in love yesterday and she doesn’t know yet”.

I swear, I didn’t think they’d do this. I didn’t think they’d make it THIS meaningful. Nico’s love for giraffes suddenly makes a ridiculous amount of sense. He actually IDENTIFIES with them to explain himself in terms of his illness. What a heartrendingly beautiful and gut wrenching sentiment. AH. I’m so in love with it.

The idea that head and heart are distanced and that love can exist in the heart that the brain may not realise yet just honestly makes me want to cry. 

I’m a sucker for this stuff. I am legitimately ALL ABOUT this kind of thing, the metaphorical and symbolic nature of things that people cling to or use to help them through life and Nico broke me with this. We understand him so much more. I wish Marti would have perhaps spent more time READING that to understand it because Nico is effectively telling him he loves him, that his heart is separate to his brain, that he can feel things but sometimes his brain isn’t on the same page and that his love for Marti is what is real. 

He kissed Marti’s heart. He drew a coffee heart. He puts so much stock in the HEART because he’s literally saying that his brain betrays him and doesn’t necessarily reflect what’s in his heart. But we STILL saw him in his episode and Marti was everything to him. He’s so full of love and it’s terribly sad that he has such a tough time because of his illness.

I don’t blame Marti for blocking his number. It’s really sad that he did but Marti doesn’t understand anything, he thinks he’s being played or used and that his time with Nico is meaningless. Looking at their history and the whole situation where Nico ‘went back’ to Maddalena, his doubts almost have foundation in reality and then Maddalena just confirmed them. I don’t know what will happen with Friday’s clip and the phone but we shall have to wait and see with that. 

And then the focus is all on Marti and his mamma. Oh my. This scene. This beautiful beautiful scene. First off, Mamma Rametta has the most insanely gorgeous hair. It’s just CUTE that we know where Marti gets his hint of red from in his curls. It’s that instant familiarity and closeness you feel when you see them both. ALSO SHE ALWAYS WEARS BLUE. Like mother, like son <3

The way he shouted is something I think many people can understand. He’s not able to share. He doesn’t feel able to be open with her for many reasons but the main two, I think, are that he doesn’t want her to be burdened with this stuff as he doesn’t think she can cope with it and also because he can’t be truthful without explaining his sexuality.

The way Fede plays this though is so pitch perfect. He’s stressed, tearful, frustrated and heartbroken. It’s a heady mix and I adore Fede’s performance. He’s wonderful. 

But I ALSO adore Mamma Rametta’s persistence. She won’t leave. I got a true sense of her as a mother here and a little of Martino’s fierceness. She was not going to let her son make her leave because she KNOWS he isn’t ok. 

That door slam, the door handle hitting the floor and Marti pressing his head to the other side of the door hurt like hell but it was so well done. 

AGAIN WITH THE SYMBOLISM LUDO. Just as Nico stood on the other side of bars, Marti is on the other side of a door to his Mama and she CAN’T GET TO HIM. She can’t open the door herself. Marti has to open the door for them. He has to take the first step to find their connection again and I loved how that was all shown in the way the clip was shot. YET AGAIN, this show stuns me with the way it uses cinematography to convey a message. UGH, so great.

I felt Fede’s acting in this moment. I’ve been in this moment. I’ve felt as he felt and he. was. wonderful. You could feel his frustration and sadness and instant regret and his little voice “are you sitting there”?

But then you see Mamma Rametta and she’s sitting alongside a quote written on Marti’s wall:  :Joy lies in the fight, in the attempt, in the suffering involved, not in the victory itself”

Oh Marti. I don’t know when he wrote that but the fact he did tells me he’ll be ok. To have his Mamma sitting next to THOSE WORDS is so meaningful and is a summary of this entire season. God, has Marti suffered and fought and been brave... It’s a summary of his bravery. He’ll TRY. SO GOD DAMN BEAUTIFUL. I keep using that word. Damnit. Haha. It’s so true though. 

“We’re so happy in this house, huh?” - and isn’t that just the thing you say to a loved one or someone close? That self aware, self deprecating thing you can say even in difficult moments? He recognizes for them both that they’re both sad and it’s a little moment of connection even if they can bond over the sadness, at least they can bond. 

The tears. I was a little emotional by this point what with the GIRAFFE of it all but those tears. Marti looks so exhausted and forlorn and just worn down. I miss his smile every single time it goes away. 

His almost bitter laugh and eye roll at the knowledge that his father has betrayed his trust was perfectly played by Fede because COME ON. His dad did that? That’s not ok. He asked him not to, specifically. There was nothing there in his chat with his dad to suggest that Marti was in trouble or upset that may have prompted his father to tell his mother so it seems pretty awful to me that his father did this and still hasn’t contacted Marti about it, hasn’t responded with any words of comfort or love. I don’t know where that’s going but it’s really sad for Marti. 

And then the bit that breaks me ever single time. God there are tears as I’m writing this. When Marti says he doesn’t know if his sexuality matters to his Mamma... MY GOD, the way she says his name. Her broken voice through tears is just gut wrenching. 

“You’re the most important thing in my life”. The words Marti needs to hear and, by the sound of it, the words his mamma needed to say. She can hardly get them out. Marti’s reaction kills me because it’s full of relief. He SMILES. Her words get through to him and the way, from this point onwards, he SMILES is like a plaster to the heart, it’s so soothing and comforting to see that kind of relief. It’s so comforting to also see a mother who is struggling but trying HARD (like the quote says) and who still is taking the opportunity to tell her son that no matter what, he is what’s important to her. For any person who struggles with their sexuality or who has to perhaps face a moment of honesty with a loved one like this..... well, for me, it’s really damn emotional and full of hope. 

Mamma Rametta needs all of the cuddles and love. I���ve adored her since we first saw her but GOD, look at her trying so hard. I love that her first idea is to spend time with her son, to talk. She’s offering him that and effectively telling him that she’s there for him and that she WANTS them to reconnect. He looks grateful.

And that’s when you truly believe they’re family and see their mother/son bond because there’s this banter between them even in the midst of all of this sadness and heartbreak and confusion.... 

Vediamo. 

Ah god, it’s simply so cute. She knows her son. Her little joke makes him smile and even laugh because he knows it’s true... and just like that’s there’s so much WARMTH. They’ve made a connection and I love that Marti looks up at the handle because of course he’s going to let her out of the room and HE is going to be the one to remove that barrier between them. 

It’s the first step to repairing their relationship and it’s simple but such a truly meaningful moment and absolutely one of my favourites of the entire season. I KNOW we will get to see more of Marti and his Mamma and I can’t wait. 

Now, I need a tissue <3

[tayegi]

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH (That's how that last chapter of NR made me feel.) I just thought you would like to know how brutally my heart has been ripped to shreds and I thank you for it. I am so excited to find out what Jungkook's deal is.

Anonymous said:LUUU NEW RULES CH 11 HURT ME SO BAD OMMNNBGGGGGGGG FUCKIDKCUDKC WTF IS WRONG WIT JUNGKOOK

Anonymous said:Chapter 11 is out...WHAT THE ACTUAL FCK. I LOVE YOU AND I WANT YOU TO KNOW😭💜

bangtantannie said:Oh my god the New Rules update got me FUCKED UP AHAHSJ i screamed when i saw the notif and my heart goes out to the reader, especially when her and Mijoo were comforting Yerin. I gotta say I've had a few of those moments in my life and i had the same exact thought process

Anonymous said:i feel like IDGAF by Dua Lipa could be the theme song for the next chapter cos by then the oc wouldn't care anymore and cut off jk's coward coconut bitch ass uwu. anyway I love the new update! I was crying during the first part bec it was so heartbreaking and im on my red days lmao 😣😝 and when i learned bout yoongi's reason for doing wut he did i was shookt but it was valid tho and acceptable. the soft part after that was so cute tho. im gon continue this in a 2nd ask bec tumblr sucks

Anonymous said:I actually LOVE angst so much and you did it PERFECTLY - the mystery, the underlying story, the hidden pain, sacrifice, false front, and RAW RAW FEELINGS HNG i’m hurting so bad in all the right ways and i am so obsessed I LOVE LOVE LOVE THE THOUGHT AND LAYERS YOU PUT INTO IT; you have SUCH a beautiful brain

Anonymous said:JESUS NEW RULES IS AN EMOTIONAL ROLLERCOASTER. Lu, I love how realistic all of your storylines are, how you make the characters feel real, and how you channel their emotions. This whole chapter was just wOW, SHIT WENT DOWN. I’m excited (and hella nervous) to see what becomes of the OC and Jungkook now that the confrontation has occurred. Love you Lu!~💖

Anonymous said:nr oc @ jk: boy bye im not available for the emotionally unavailable so sayonara coconut btch

Anonymous said:Lu... you did it, I'm about to cry, I'm glad my mascara and eyeliner are waterproof. Just the masked emotion of jk "not wanting a relationship" is fuckin palpable, like he acts as if lashing out on the OC will make her hate him, but she knows damn well they like /like/ each other, and w the society we r in, it's easy to shift blame on oc for "catching feelings" bc that's typically "what women do" but JK is so vulnerable w her so SHFJHSHD this ch was muy bueno, ily lu-🍑 anon

bangtandumbyeondan said:Every chapter of New Rules leaves me on edge and I love it but it also makes me screeeeeam because I never want it to end haha I really enjoy the whole series a lot thanks for writing it 🌼

Anonymous said:I'm sure your asks are flooded rn but iahcjsjfak MAN. I had to put my phone down like 6 times while reading this due to shock, secondhand embarrassment, and anger lmao I was feeling as crushed as if I was the one shot down oaudisjf I really admire the oc for standing her ground in that situation. I'm really rooting for her! awesome chapter, thanks as always lu xx

Anonymous said:NR 11 was so fucking lit wow, you consistently blow my mind every damn time. Tell them OC tell them!!! Toxic masculinity needs to go!!! Devaluing emotions need to go!!! Take! That! Trash! Out!

Anonymous said:just finished reading chapter 11 and now im in shambles 😭 i just want to hug the oc and tell her everything will be okay 💖

Anonymous said:The rollercoaster of emotions that this chapter produced was so raw. Having an amazing plotline like this is not super complex (like fantasy) but so intune to human emotions as the central point is amazing. You capture real human feelings of jealousy, pain, heartbreak and angst so fucking well, and I feel that I am part of this story. Thank you for gifting us with your writing Lu!

Anonymous said:that last line of dialogue... i am deceased

Anonymous said:Every since that "not like she left me" from JK i wonder if it is about his mother, and this chapter when OC talks about their mothers not raising them quite well i got that feeling again ughhhh I want to know so baaaad !!! this chapter really clenched my heart lu you are so goooooodddd thank you thank you thank youu i love you so much!

Anonymous said:you've broken my heart and crushed my windpipe with that new rules chapter. thank you so much for taking the precious time out of your life to write such an emotionally charged and thoughtfully written series, i am actually screaming. love you, lu. ♥

Anonymous said:your writing is so amazing:’) ugh my heart hurts from new rules but i love the paiN

Anonymous said:I FREAKIIINNNNNGGGGGG LOVE THE NEW CHAPTER OF NEW RULES MY HEART HURTS BUT ALSO I LOVE THE ANGST THAT LAST BIT WHERE SHE SAID "BECAUSE IT WILL BE SO EASY TO GET OVER YOU!" I CAN'T EVEN CONTAIN MYSELF IT JUST DESTROYED MY HEART SO DELICIOUSLY

Anonymous said:im having an aneurysm??? go OFF oc!! i know she may not necessarily be entirely right, but the ending scene really spoke to me as a woman who was gaslighted by an ex for a year after the relationship ended in much the same manner. i also really appreciated how you wrote the oc’s response to yoongi coming out both in character and sensitively. i want more yoongi and oc interactions now!! it seriously made me cry. your writing always makes me emotional in the best way

Anonymous said:jungkook has me very confused and i kinda wanna punch him in the nose for it, but those feelings are quite appreciated as it speaks to how highly intricate you've woven the story so far. i'm looking forward to when everything about his behaviour finally makes sense. until then, keep up the amazing work, lu. you're doing great! ^-^

acucarebiscoito said:"He doesn't love you. He'll never love you. No man has ever loved you before, and how could you have possibly thought that someone like Jeon Jungkook could've ever returned your feelings?" You got me here, I REALLY started to cry my eyes out. It hits to close home I cant even order my thoughts right now. It was perfect, every second. Thank you so much Lu, like always you are amazing and you gave me so much to reflect about myself. Thank you 💖💖

Omg you guys all have such intense reactions to ch 11. this makes me so happy! ive seriously had the scene of the OC running into the frat house and telling Jungkook off planned in my mind since ch 2, and ive been stewing over it for literally a fucking YEAR, so to see that it worked out and ppl feel so strongly is amazing. thank you bbs

[crying-saeyoung]

Can I request RFA reacting to MC proposing to them? c: Was thinking about that earlier today !! lol

I’ve read this HC before and I loooooovee ittttt sooo much I love this headcanon aaaaa I hope you guys like it as much as I do!! -Green

Yoosung:

-honestly, it wasn’t planned at all. Kinda. You did have a whole plan for a date, very romantic and a night to remember for sure.

-but when you woke up and saw Yoosung right there, sleeping so peacefully, you just had to do it. God, you just had to marry this man. Right now .

-so you get out of bed as quietly as you can, and you whip him up a sweet cup of coffee that he taught you from his barista club, and some strawberry pancakes with whip cream 

-this boy loves sweet things so you write on the side of the plate with caramel ‘will you marry me, baby?’ 

-you did some basic latte art on his coffee, just a simple heart but you thought it was cute 

-you put it all on a small tray and brought it over to the bedroom, where Yoosung was still sleeping 

-you set the tray down on the nightstand, and sit right next to him, petting his hair and kissing his shoulders and cheeks to wake him up 

-his lil sleepy eyes are so cute that you wanna ask him right then and there but you SomeHow resist 

- “I brought you some breakfast in bed, honey” you give him the tray and he’s already surprised because !!! he loves your cooking, but what’s the occasion???

-first yoosung smiles at your cup art and drinks some of that, complimenting how cute you are and how good you are at making coffee!!! maybe even better than him?? ooo

-when he looks at the plate to see what you made, he almost misses the little words by the side. but he does see it

-at first he thinks it’s a joke. were you reinacting one of your books or something?? 

-but when he looks back at you to see you on one knee by the bed with a ring in your hand he actually screams

-without even thinking he totally throws the breakfast off the bed the coffee is safe on the nightstand thank god and jumps into your arms 

-making the two of you fall on the hard floor but he doesn’t care because “yeah!!!! yeah!! yeah, i wanna marry you!!” he doesn’t even say YES he just keeps saying YEAH. because. YEAH!!! we’re getting MARRIED! 

Saeyoung: 

-saeyoung deserves the best of the best okay

-so you make a GAME out of it 

-you make him search for the ring and it’s so complex that you honestly forgot where you put the ring

-you hid it the other night and woke up at the butt-crack of dawn, waking up your soon to be fiance along with you 

-he’s cranky about it, but once he hears that you two are going on a scavenger hunt he’s BLASTING OUT THE ROOM 

-saeyoung please put on clothes we’re going outside 

-it’s really fuckin cold in the morning so you guys have to dress up warm, which to Saeyoung means 707 layers of jackets heheh

-the puzzle was made to be really challenging because you know how smart Saeyoung is, even if he pretends he isn’t 

-it’s kind of like his Valentines Date (DLC) except a lot less romantic ,, and more adventurous 

-one moment your in the bathroom until he breaks it apart to find a key, and the next moment you’re in the garage unlocking one of his babes. inside there you find a tub of ice cream, so you go to Saerans room! You find a bouquet of flowers, so now your suddenly at the supermarket! Just like that, and it goes on FOREVER  

-the last stop (where the wedding ring is) is at the top of the hill in a small dog park where the two of you had your first date. by the time you get there it’s the middle of the afternoon 

-Saeyoung isn’t even TIRED. he’s having so much fun!!!

-he has to climb one of the trees to find the ring, and you’re down on the ground and you kinda just go “o. that’s where i put it” because, again, you fucking FORGOT 

-he hangs from one of the branches and hands the ring to you, and you see the confusion on his face, but also the playfulness 

- “what could it mean??? i don’t remember a ring in our relationship. hmm… you truly are a master, because frankly, I’m stump-ed.” bu-dum cccchhhh 

-you join on in, observing the ring curiously even if you knew what it looked like.

-it was a beautiful ring. you didn’t want it too flashy, that didn’t really match his personality. it had a diamond in the middle, with two moonstones shaped in crescents to hug the diamond on each side. one reason because it was his birth stone, the other because. it was a moon stone. spaaaace

- “hmm, the only time I remember there being a ring in our relationship is when I proposed to you??” 

-Saeyoung laughs because it’s like lololol funny joke MC but then all the sudden your getting on one knee and he’s kinda just like. w h a t 

- “don’t tell me you’re going to say no and ruin the adventure already? we still have to go to the moon, you know.” You try to be cocky but your voice is trembling. you’re literally proposing to Saeyoung who is hanging upside down from a tree like a damn monkey 

-he falls off the tree 

- “OH MY GOSH, ARE YOU OKAY??” you try to help him but he’s scrambling away from you. Your heart breaks a lil bc of that,,

-and then you see that your boyfriend is crying and he’s trying really really hard for you not to see and you don’t know if that’s a good sign or not 

- “are you crying because you love me or because you’re hurt because I’m really worried about both” a legitimate question you have to ask

-AAGAHHH it’s cause he loves you!!!! hell yeah he wants to marry you!!!

-that’s what he wants to say but he’s crying so much it comes out as a bunch of nonsense. “h yeh.. wa -nanabb… maaaarrRRYYyy-mmm y-yo-uugh-ouuu ehhhehHH!!!”

-after you get him calmed down he kinda just bursts into tears at random times the rest of the day because he’s so overwhelmed with LOVE FOR YOU 

Jumin:

-you don’t even beat around the bush with this fuckin dork. You’ve TRIED. it DOESN’T WORK Y’ALL 

-if you don’t tell him outright about something, he’ll never know what you mean 

-you’re out at a very very fancy dinner. You don’t want to propose there because of paparazzi. you figure that the dinner will help the romantic mood though 

-after the dinner, you two go out to his private garden, and you spend the rest of your date there, walking and talking

-at one point you stop the two of you at a small little bench and request to sit down

-you continue talking while you make a flower crown for the both of you because he’s a very pretty boy and you can’t resist.

-also you need something to do with your hands because you’re so nervous and jittery 

-by the time you’re finished with them, you place one crown on your head and then offer him his 

- “would you like to be my prince, Jumin?” 

-he smiles at you, because gosh. u are… so cute. Of course he wants to be your fuckin prince !!!

- “forever. be my prince forever, okay?” 

- “okay, MC. I promise.” 

-you place the crown on his head, and without really thinking about it you place the ring on the top of his head too 

-Jumin is like “?????” 

-very confused

-when he picks it up, and sees it is an engagement ring, he almost laughs because when Jumin looks at you again you are struggling to get on one knee in the grass 

- “are you asking me to marry you, MC?” 

-UGH YES JUMIN YES I AM aSGHHGH HELp me

-Jumin full out just giggles. He’s got a little blush on his cheeks and everything. he looks damn beautiful. It’s like the guy is shining under the moonlight 

- “please god marry me Jumin Han” kinda just slips out of your mouth before you can think about it 

-he brings you up to him and gives you a very deep kiss before putting on the ring. 

- “MC, if you need me to, I’ll be your king.”

Jaehee:

-you had brought the whole RFA together at your apartment for a casual get together and game night

-and you planned to propose with everyone there 

-you just wanted it to be fun and memorable for the both of you, and to have your RFA family with you sounded amazing

-you were. v v nervous but you couldn’t tell anyone because literally everyone in the RFA would snitch without even thinking about it they’re terrible

-the party was finally at that calm, but fun air you wanted it to be. Yoosung and Saeyoung playing Just Dance on the TV, Jaehee and Zen chatting about their daily lives and his musicals while you were preparing food with Jumin.

-I think out of everyone in the RFA, Jumin is the happiest for you two, whether he say it or not

-and really…. he was the only one who wouldn’t snitch…. 

-so while you were pouring drinks for everyone, you told Jumin you planned to propose to Jaehee tonight but you weren’t sure when the best moment would be

-surprisingly he gave you a?? side hug??? 

-he was so proud of you guys aaaaa

-Jumin wasn’t the most romantic person, but he did give you good advice. Let it come naturally. Don’t think of her saying no, just think of her saying yes, because she will. Jaehee will say yes

-and that was such a relief to hear that you gave Jumin a big ol hug and a smooch on the cheek before bringing out the food 

-an hour goes by and you all are playing monopoly 

-Saeyoung and Jumin are getting all the expensive houses and constantly competing for each others cards. No one knows how Saeyoung got so much money. 

-Yoosung is making a little home with all the really cheap blocks and Zen is pulling his hair as he has to pay Jumin yet again

-then there’s you and Jaehee who watch the fire burn and maintain a normal board of moderately expensive houses. 

-and you just feel so good at the moment. You and Jaehee cuddled in a blanket with your friends all around you 

-so you turn around, kiss her on the forehead, bring out the ring and ask her to marry you

-ALL EYES ON YOU 

-the fighting IMMEDIATELY STOPS and everything is so quiet

-…

-..

- “DAMMIT JAEHEE IF YOU DON’T SAY YES, I WILL” Saeyoung SCREECHES at the top of his lungs and he looks like he’s gunna c r y 

-Jaehee does finally find her words and says yes, then the two of you kiss and everyone is standing up and cheering for the two of you 

-they force you to do a slow dance together and really you wouldn’t have it any other way 

Zen:

-you don’t want to do it in public, because of paparazzi, but… Zen does love attention..

-so you decide to propose to him after one of his shoes back stage 

-you watch the whole performance with a nervous heart and shaking hands 

-the whole time you just stare at Zen and you watch how beautifully he sings and preforms. He’s amazing at what he does. You just… feel so proud of him

-you really, really hope he’ll say yes. You need him to. You don’t think you could ever get over it if Zen said no. 

-When the show is over, there’s usually a meet-and-greet with all the actors so you have to act quickly before he leaves for that and is too tired for a proposal 

-you greet him with a big hug and a kiss, which he appreciates a Whole Lot

- “hey, Zen, I was.. wondering something today.” 

- “yeah? what’s that?” 

- “would you ever… in the future.. would you ever like to get married?” 

-you catch him off guard and now he’s blushing like a FOOL 

-of course!! especially if it’s to you, and he winks. He’s just casually flirting but you’re just like THE TIME IS NOW 

-you slam down on your knee so hard that you actually start crying and Zen is just ????!!!!!! what h a p p e n e d 

-you explain in tears while bringing out the ring that you wanted to propose but you got too excited.. 

-YOU’RE SO CUTE, O H MYG OD,,,

-Zen just laughs, picks you up and gives you a really big SMOOCH on the lips. pretend i didn’t say smooch because it was actually really romantic 

-he dips you, what a nerd 

-god, he loves you. he’s looking at you with such a sparkle in his eyes as he says ‘yes’ and putting on that ring, you forget all about your injury and go in for another kiss as he spins you around

-after he smugly shows all his fans the ring in pride

[mynameisdreartblog]

Devilish Deals 2

Leo: For the next big scoop. Ah, I know now! Is it a graph of how fish would drive if we gave them cars? «Uh, no? It’s a detailed chart explaining the fiscal consequences of the new legislation being passed today by the senators that we voted for!» Ugh, if you’re gonna be that political about it, then you’re gonna turn me off further, man. «Okay, deal with your sour attitude then; it’s not like this is gonna affect you immediately. Your QOL’s gonna lower subtly over time, and your baby-brother’s gonna keep whining about the fact that he can’t go to an after-hours clinic anymore because they’ve slashed all federal funding for them. And when shit really hits the fan, you’ll ask why these bank-workers who don’t look like bankers at all are coming to repossess your home. Just sit by and let that happen!» [,] Look, are you playing a character or something? You have a bad case of crazy eyes going on, and I wanna know if I’m being filmed or not: My privacy is very important to me. «Ms. Palmieri, I can assure you that I don’t record any of my encroachments, as that’d jeopardize the privacy of whoever’s door I land on. So, there’s my answer to your concerns about privacy.» <Oro starts to twitch, giving away that he’s afraid of something, thus letting his “crazy eye thing” become obvious.> «What do you think I take you for: Some kind of purse puppy? I’ve seen plenty of them in my life, and you’re not one of them; you’re just abstract, and you can find a way to embrace that.» I have no idea what a “purse puppy” is, whatever your name was. I was immersed earlier purely for the game of pictionary you were hosting earlier. «Well, I was immersed in detailing how newly proposed legislation will screw you over, and you’re not giving me reliable polling data!» <An armadillo appears to enter the open Ola Diara van, causing a noticeable ruckus.> «Do not focus on that creature! Instead, focus on the issues at hand.» Agh, you’re doing the crazy eyes thing again! I don’t like it; stop. «I can keep doing it! And I’ll keep doing it until you decide to contribute to stop this legislation!» [,] < After furious conversation between the two persists for three minutes, Ms. Palmieri stares at Oro with a deep, contemptuous look that implies something heinous was done. She walks back into her house, and closes her door with meaningful force, but not enough to shake the front of her house. All windows begin to suddenly close, and the ground under Oro’s feet begin to shake.> Wow, cool. That’s the second person who just magically spawned an earthquake underneath my feet because I said something they didn’t like. Unbelievable!

Taurus: In your usual shop. Status update for the restaurant: I couldn’t tell if it was the smoke signals coming off of weirdos who like to nomadically tour this place, but I think we’re losing customers because something’s scaring them off. I’ve noticed a sharp 20% decrease in usual customer attendance, and this clearly isn’t a result of the degrading quality of my cuisine: I always ensure that it’s top-notch no matter the cost. Therefore, the reason must be external, and it’s likely coming from something that’s been making the Gieger counter go off the fritz lately. <As Gresham lowers the marker from the whiteboard, he points his gaze at Natuk.> «Uh, if I’m following correctly, that likely means it’s the noise of the damn thing scaring people away. If I heard a Gieger ticks when I first enter a building, I’m gonna assume there’s nuclear fallout.» Uh, I also think you’re incorrect with that: Strange and somewhat concerning noises are part of the dining experience up here, and I would’ve lost more customers a longer time ago if the disturbance of such sounds was the culprit. <Natuk softly whispers to themselves> «Oh no, he’s doing this again: This happens every harvest season ‘cause he doesn’t understand that’s when people eat their own food.» Regardless, there’s something among us: A haunting presence that peeks out the corners of my eyes whenever I go up from this place to scout the weather for today. «Ugh, <Natuk’s eyes roll at being deliberately ignored> are you gonna tell me to go out and search for it again?» [,] Listen, I’m not one for superstition, — please just ignore my conspiratorial diagrams in the backroom — so I’m not gonna send you on a cleansing mission that I did years before. «Oh, that’s what I always get a glimpse of whenever you go back there. In that case, I’m slightly more relieved I don’t have to do this again!» …Which is why I’m leaving you in charge of managing this entire place while I’m embarking myself. «Wait, what?» You should’ve learned enough from the thirty months you’ve been around, so it’s yours while I confirm my suspicions. From my local knowledge, there’s always been an inkling that bad spirits gazed upon those soon to be met with misfortune high up on the cliff sides. [,] «Wait, wait! Where are you getting this staring figures idea from? Also, literally anyone can run this place.» You except the presence of conspiratorial diagrams and Gieger counters in a restaurant, but you draw the line at figures? Have you not been listening to me, Natuk? «No, no, I’ve been listening loud and clear. I’m just wondering why that’s your conclusion, and not any natural causes.» <Gresham stares down Natuk.> I’ve trusted the natural before, and it’s let me down too many times.

Aquarius: By offering a bit of blood. Gazing at the ever-expanding, formless ocean that takes up every corner of your vision gets you thinking about how small you are, as typical as that sounds. «You’re not doing a good job at trying to make me think outside myself; you’re not using enough showy language; you’re using active language.» Well, sometimes we don’t need to show anyone anything; did that thought ever cross your mind? «No, I always think about the bigger picture, the nuanced implications, and the encompassing meaning. That’s why I’m the navigator on this ship: You thought of me as the only person who could stare at barren oceans for hours on end and not become bored.» See, I don’t have to show you anything; that’s the job of the seas and the skies. Now, going back to what I was saying: Being out here for so long makes you complacent in the fact that you’re simultaneously small and large. We’re small in how our selves need to traverse something so vast in little units of ships, but we’re big in how we collectively impact these seascapes… Do you get that? [,] «I mean, it’s a fairly easy concept to grasp, Aukai. We’re small, I’m small, the ship’s small, you’re sorta small: I get it. But together, when our gross, salty bodies conglomerate to form an extremely complex, interlinking network of saltiness, we stink up the whole world.» It appears to be easy to grasp, but then you recognize that there’s an infinite layer of possibility below us that I’ll only ever observe a random instance of if I were to dive downward right now. What if I were to dive just three minutes later? I’d likely discover a whole underwater utopia instead of finding some small rocks and a school of krill. «I mean, you could also drown given how deep the sea goes down at this point.» Yeah, I’m really liking your nuanced thinking here: Thinking of hypotheticals that vanish in probability the moment a spare second passes. […] «With how much time you spend out here, you’re practically a sea creature of your own. Maybe some aspiring marine biologist will read about you in the newest issue of National Geographic: One that I’ll publish personally because nobody knows your behavior better than me.» There’s several people who know me better than you. And what you’re essentially saying is that every major epiphany in my life will be rewritten in allegories that children can easily read and interpret from a shark’s daily existence: Is that right? «Well, we’re thinking far ahead with this, and just to be sure we’re on the same page, you were talking about humans morphing into amphibian-like creatures in the future and how that can be triggered from this instance if we continue, correct?» <Aukai disappeared out of sight, leaving a ripple in the water from where she jumped off.> «Fuck.»

Pisces: Offered Satanist theory. Every coach spins their keys like they have nothing better do (they really don’t actually). I’m spinning my keys right now, but it’s clear that I’m not a coach: I’m neither bald nor frustrated enough to be one. Yet, Idrissa just left and told me to take care of her keys lest somebody else takes them. She trusts me out of all people, which is correlated with how well my performance has been doing. I’m now in the, uh, some type of BMI category: It was the one I was in two weeks ago but shifted below because of the excuse that our “weights are broken.” To tell you the truth, it’s more likely that nobody has ever made solid measurements of my body mass because it’s an amorphous structure. I mean, I consistently anger coaches because I never wear the skin-tight uniforms, and I get yelled at that I’m granting myself an “unfair advantage” because my baggy clothes are an inaccurate indicator of where I should be grabbed. I say I blame the people I’m up against for not understanding after multiple tries that the thighs are the best place to grab my flesh because that’s usually where it’s concentrated. […] Sorry, I went off on a tangent, who are you again? «There’s a persistent worry that the desire to create presentations numerously complex leads to an overall decline in digestibility and further blossoming. Therefore, it makes the coach in question attempt to sacrifice their deeply held complexities promised towards his students in favor of beating in the mundane until it becomes extraordinary.» Ah yes, thank you Maghazi: Thank you for your comments, proving my theory, and exemplifying how dimorphic my mind is. «I didn’t say that; what the hell are you talking about?» Unfortunately, I’m not the archetype who has voices in their head; that’ll be elaborated on sometime soon. «Maghazi, it’s Idrissa. I’m here to get my keys back because I need them to make sure we can leave the damn courtyard. I have no idea what you’re talking about, but it sounds like you’re messing with me, so cut it out.» <Various objects in the courtyard start to become laced in bright lines, detailing their physical geometry.> «But what does the spinning action accomplish? Is it one of those deliberate confusions — something that exists purely as a complicating agent? It’s based off real, tangible motion but becomes mystified by human interpretation, and thus made into something abstract. Abstraction is always the grounds for worship, as we know through the dreaded faithful.» <Idrissa shakes her head violently and recalls distinctly fake names.> «God, stop doing this! You do this every time you have one of your pretentious monologues, and it’s getting on my nerves!» Yes, I can very much feel the nerves, particularly those in your brain. <Idrissa yanks the keys out of Maghazi’s hand and the illusion stops.> What? You’re acting like I’m a nuisance.

[fictionalescapeartist-blog]

    I know, I know I have been gone for a while. I took a bit of a sabbatical, because I was having a hard time coming up with content and then would go into a shame spiral etc. Blogging stopped being fun and became another thing to beat myself up about, if you haven’t picked up on it I might have a slight self esteem issues… but I am back and applying less pressure on myself because ultimately I enjoy blogging.

  Anyway! I wanted to take a few to talk about some of my favorite Fictional Escapes (see what I did there?) from 2017. Some I blogged about already, some I have not. Even though I have it in a list format, it is not a ranking. THAT WOULD BE LIKE ASKING ME TO PICK A FAVORITE CHILD! Here are 10 favorite things from 2017:

s1. Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo by Taylor Jenkins Reid

I blogged about this book, so I wont spend a ton of time on this one, my feelings on this book are well documented here, on Twitter and Facebook. BTW Taylor Jenkins Reid is a mega sweetie to her fans, I suggest following her. This book was absolutely amazing! I read it in like a day. I say read, but more devoured it. The book takes you through 2 stories of very different women and how their lives connect. It is beautifully written and so well done at times I forgot I wasn’t reading an Autobiography.

2. Reincarnation Blues

Another one that I haven’t shut up about since I read it. Milo is the oldest soul in the universe, living nearly all of his 10,000 lives. We are taken through several of his lives as he tries to reach perfection, as well as his time between lives where he is in love with a Death who goes by Suzie. This book is magical, fun, and at times heart breaking. This book is reminiscent of Douglas Adams. The many different worlds Michael Poore has built in just one book is astounding.

3. Twin Peaks the Return

What can I say about this show? Honestly I am never so happy to be confused then when watching Twin Peaks, and the Return took that up a notch or. Kyle MacLachlan playing several hard roles so perfectly, you forget its the same actor. Dougie Jones absolutely broke my heart on a weekly basis, while the bad Cooper was scary as hell. The fact they were on Showtime, they were able to get a lot darker then in the original show. Plus we so got this beautiful sigh-worthy moment:

#BigEdandNormaForever

4. The final season of the Mindy Project

Mindy, Mindy, Mindy. There is nothing that Mindy Kaling has done that I didn’t love, this show included. I was hooked from the very first episode. The characters, the story line, the jokes, everything was perfect. Season 6 was the shortest and one of the best seasons of the show. They wrapped up everyone’s story line, with out every feeling like everyone was short changed or rushed. With out spoiling the overall story arch, I was nervous about how the show would end, the direction it seemed to head and they nailed it, with out sacrificing the character’s emotional growth as I feared they could. This show goes down as one of my all time favorites with 30 Rock, Parks and Rec and Scrubs. I will miss this show so much!

5. Season 3 of Playing House

  Ugh! I guess technically I should have titled this one “The final season of Playing House” but I’m not there emotionally and it is too soon. I knew the Mindy Project was ending, this one was ripped from my arms by the cruel USA. This show. THIS SHOW YOU GUYS! I have so many thoughts and feelings about it, and have blogged about it in the past. The entire show is amazing, but season 3 was something truly special. Season 3 had Emma being diagnosed with breast cancer and shows her and Maggie battle it together, in a story line “ripped from the headlines” as Law and Order likes to say. You see in reality the lead actresses Jessica and Lennon are best friends, and Jessica did have breast cancer. The way the show handled the story line was perfect. It was touching and informative. It was sad at times with out ever actually feeling too heavy. They educated us on cancer treatment options, with out ever pulling you out of the story or feeling preachy about things. Damn you USA Network for canceling it! If you have On Demand, I could not recommend watching this show enough.

6. Womp It Up! Podcast

What? Jessica and Lennon get 2 spots on your list? Yes they do, because they are amazing people who rocked my 2017. Womp It Up! has been around for a while, but I didn’t discover it until this year, and luckily for me I didn’t have to wait a year and half between episodes like other fans. Womp I Up! is a comedy podcast that was birthed from Comedy Bang Bang characters. Jessica St Clair plays Marissa Wompler, a 17(ish) year old, not very well adjusted, student at the Marina Del Rey High School, the podcast is her senior project. She is doing some alternative learning in her school’s program called STARS, ran by her teacher and lets face it best friend Charlotte Listler, played by Lennon Parahm. Every week there is a new comedian on playing a person in the Marina Del Rey community. My favorite has been Andrew Daly as Joe Bongos, the Health teacher who has some interesting ideas on what to teach the kids.

7. Oh, Hello on Broadway

Oh, Hello got it’s start on the Nick Kroll Show, where Gil Faizon and George St Geegland had a prank show on public access channel in New York. Their one prank was ordering a tuna sandwich with way too much tuna, ultimately getting the person say “That’s too much tuna”. What was the prank show called? Too Much Tuna of course. Somehow, in Nick Kroll and John Mulaney’s brilliance they were able to make a super successful Broadway play based on these two dirt bags.

Gil (a writer) and George (an actor) have been best friends and roommates since the 1970s. They decided to write an autobiographical play telling their story. The brilliance of this show is the play that is happening around the play. It gets pretty meta at times, often Gil and George stop the actual play to have their own interactions, generally it is Gil giving George notes on how he is doing in the play. The sheer detail that has gone into this show is mind boggling. I can’t even describe the layers of the play. I highly recommend checking it out.

8. Wonder Woman

Let’s not get into a DC vs MCU argument here, generally I am an MCU fan and haven’t been too excited over the last few DC movies, but this one. I will admit was a little nervous when I first saw Gal Gadot was cast as Wonder Woman, but she won me over immediately in Batman vs Superman. I was still cautiously optimistic for the Wonder Woman movie, but it came out better then I imagined. In my opinion it was just awesome (I am aware of the issues people had with it, but to me the good outweigh the bad). I enjoyed the hell out of it, it made me laugh and cry. I also enjoyed the feel of it, different then the other super hero movies, it felt more like a war movie. If you haven’t seen it, check it out!

9. Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 2 and Thor: Ragnarok

I decided to combine these two into one, because well I didn’t want this list to be 3/4s super hero movies. I could also write a book on my feelings for these two movies and their directors. Guardians was written and directed by James Gunn and Thor was directed by Taiki Waititi, a kiwi writer and director known for his work with Flight of the Concords, What we do in the Shadows to name a couple. Also if you’re looking for a sort of weird but sweet movie, check out Eagle Vs Shark.

These two movies have a bit of a rag-tag team thing going on, and both delve into family relationships. They are both visually stunning, and laugh out loud hilarious, (yes I know that is a problem some people have with Marvel, but I love to laugh and they are right up my alley). Their similarities are one reason I decided to group them together. The first Guardians became my favorite Marvel movie about 10 minutes into it, and was thrilled that James Gunn actually made something better. I have always had a soft spot for Thor, and been sad at the state of the movies he’s had. I left Ragnarok thinking they finally gave him the movie he deserves, also Jeff Goldblum at his Goldbumiest.

My other favorite part of both of these movies, is they seemed to fix the villain problem. Hela and Ego managed to be interesting and complex. They didn’t seem to fall flat like others have in the past.

These two movies are all in all a good ass time!

10. Hamilton the Musical, paired with Hamilton the book

   I know, I know. It’s based on true events, but some of it is changed for dramatic effect. I am so late to the game on Hamilton, but I just recently got Spotify Premium which let me listen to the soundtrack in order… and I am HOOKED. I decided to check out the biography the musical was based on by Ron Chernow. Combining the two adds a lot more depth to the play, certain lines in songs make sense. There is so much drama in Hamilton’s life, so much that the play never even touched on.

If you want to add to your Hamilton experience, read the book as well. Honestly, it makes the entire experience so much better.

  Thanks for reading everyone!

    Check out my top 10 from 2017 list of my favorite Fictional Escapes. I know, I know I have been gone for a while. I took a bit of a sabbatical, because I was having a hard time coming up with content and then would go into a shame spiral etc.