#the lea michele thing really pissed me off

[iridescentides]

the lea michele situation is actually a prime example of why we should be wary of performative activism right now. if you are supporting the cause by protesting, donating, posting your support, etc. that’s great! but this problem goes so much deeper than just police brutality.

every single non-black person who has posted #blacklivesmatter this week needs to take a step back and analyze whether or not their actions (not just their words) have shown that they truly believe that statement. it’s a clear and obvious choice to speak out against the brutal murder of an innocent man. however, if you are not making the obvious choice every day to speak up for us when your friends/relatives make racist jokes, if you are not listening to and respecting the black people you know in real life, if you have not sat down to analyze the ways you actively benefit from this system, if you have not worked to start unlearning the biases you were raised with, or if you thought “black lives matter” was a controversial statement until this week, do not pretend to care just because everyone is talking about it right now.

when these protests are over, there will still be many battles to fight. this is not a game, and this is not something you post about just for likes and clicks. if you are resting easy right now thinking that you’re “one of the good ones” for showing public outrage over a situation that should anger any reasonable person, you need to do more. racism is not something you can pick and choose when to be against. we don’t get to pick and choose when we experience racism. so if you’re going to get involved with this situation right here, right now, then you need to be ready to hold yourself and others accountable for anti-blackness in all other areas of your life.

[hyperfixation-stations]

I know that we’ve moved past this discourse but in my re-watch of Phases 1- 3 for Falcon and Winter Soldier I have a lot of thoughts on Age of Ultron and Civil War. In case you can’t tell by the large large portion of anti-Tony posts I reblogged over the past few days, I really dislike Tony Stark (which is it’s own post that I will get into at a later date) and a lot of it comes from his actions in the Age of Ultron and Civil War movies (for all my Glee fans who follow me who are unfamiliar this man is the Rachel Berry/Lea Michele of Marvel). I am full prepared to get hate for this as this is going to be disproving everyone’s favorite arms dealer that they like woobify for absolutely no reason. Also warning this is kind of a lengthy read

One of the first things we learn about Tony, in the first Iron Man movies is that he owns Stark industries which is known as a weapons manufacture for the US government. And while in the first movie he is confronted with the repercussions of this business, he only cares when its at the expense of American/his own life. So he decides to end his contract and he takes on the Iron Man mantle, which is a great starting arc for him (which shits the best the next three movies because he doesn’t actually learn anything). In Age of Ultron that is the first time he is experiencing the wrath of a country ravaged by his weapons. In Iron Man when he gets captured, he is traveling with Americans and on American military base and when he is captured it is by an fringe group that wants weapons, so even though he recognizes the his weapons have bad results, he still has no idea the impact it has on civilians who live in those countries. Enter Sokovia. 

The Sokovians all hate Tony Stark and the rest of the avengers from what we can see. This is a country who has been victim of bombings by the United States air force for years, and as a result are living in a war torn society with limited resources and massive amounts of damage. The two most notable characters that we meet from Sokovia are Wanda and Pietro Maximoff, two teens who as children watched their parents and apartment building get blown up by a Stark bomb, which also trapped them. When we meet them in AOU we learn that they are working for Hydra and harbor deep intense hatred towards Tony Stark and they want to him to suffer like he has cause their suffering. Now before we move on lets clarify some misconceptions, the Maximoff’s believe they are joining SHIELD and not Hydra, this was at the time when SHIELD was massively inundated with people working for Hydra and as a result these kids were mislead into joining an organization they thought would protect their country. Note number 2, when Wanda and Pietro watch their parents get blown up Stark is still making bombs so the “Tony stopped building bombs” defense doesn’t really work here as it takes prior to the events of Iron Man 1.

So let’s talk about the Maximoff’s and Tony, a lot of Tony stans out there think that Wanda and Pietro were entirely unjustified in their hatred of Stark and believe that they(mainly Wanda) should be more at fault for the events surrounding Ultron, but there are several issues with that. One being that Pietro and Wanda are radicalized teens who believed they were joining an organization to help their country and have spent years orphaned and surviving on their own. Even though Tony didn’t directly bomb the country, he still made the bombs that they watched kill their parents, and the one that they saw laying in front of them trapping them in the rubble for days. This hatred for Tony, the Avengers, and the US, isn’t coming from no-where. These teens are victims of a larger issue that the US has that Tony helped foster, and sure while it might be slightly misplaced because Tony didn’t bomb them, if you saw that the man whose name was on a bomb that killed your parents, being treated like a hero in another, you’d be pretty pissed off (not to mention Tony misplaces he’s anger on Bucky when Hydra brainwashed him, more on that later). The second issue is that Tony and Bruce have started working on Ultron prior to the events of the movie, the only thing that comes out of the movie is the actual creation of the being with the scepter, so the creation of Ultron has nothing to do with Pietro or Wanda, all of that falls on Tony. Now I’m not saying the twins don’t do anything bad in the movie, they do, Wanda going into the Avengers minds is bad, working with Ultron is bad. However this is not a black and white situation and they believe that they are doing what is best for them and their country and the second they realize that Ultron is in fact the bad guy, they immediately switch sides to help out the Avengers. If the twins were truly bad people, they would have continued working with Ultron where they were promised a safe haven and a perfect life, something neither of them have experienced, but they don’t they not only help the Avengers but both of them are willing to sacrifice themselves as a result. Pietro does actually die trying to save Clint and Wanda almost dies before Vision comes and saves her. These teens are not not bad people with an ulterior motive, but trying to right a situation where they have been wronged.

So then we move onto Civil War, where things continue to get worse in regards to my feelings surrounding Tony. Before we jump into that we are going to address the issue of Wanda apologizing to Tony, the only thing Wanda would have to apologize to Tony for would be the mind invasion thing, that’s about it. Tony on the other hand has several instances where he should be apologizing to Wanda at a minimum and honestly he should probably apologize for his involvement about 95% of the time. Not to mention why harp on Wanda for not apologizing when we have no proof that she didn’t, I mean she’s living at the Avengers complex and Tony honestly seems to be the only one who has an issue with her so...

Now we are moving onto the much bigger issue, the accords. Tony only starts to believe in some kind of oversight when a woman confronts him about Sokovia and how her son died there and then Tony starts to recognize that “hmm maybe we should have someone keeping an eye on us”, not in the first three Iron Man movies when he cost people lives, or in the battle of NY, or hell even in Age of Ultron as he watched a country fall, the dude felt nothing. Now what’s worse in my opinion is that, it takes an American born citizen dying for Tony to even care. If Tony genuinely cared about what happened over there we would have seen it much sooner because he is living with someone who has lost three members of her family to decisions he made. But Tony doesn’t care because Wanda is not an American citizen. Not to mention rather then recognize his part in Ultron’s attack (as the primary created of their device) he pushes all their responsibilities to the Avengers as a whole which significantly eases his burden. 

He gives the Avengers three days notice before the Accords need to be signed and that's a huge issue, anytime you are signing a legal document, particularly from the government, you want to check that thing and make sure you are not being taken advantage of in some kind of way. Tony knows this as a business man who worked with the government for years. It also makes sense that a lot of the Avengers would take issue with the accords. Tony is a rich white billionaire who is least impacted by what the accords want to implement, because his powers come from the suit he is subject to less harsh oversight then most of the others, so it’s no wonder why he thinks its a good idea. This is why he struggles when people try to explain to him otherwise, Tony has a rich billion are who has never had to work a day in his life is not going to understand the concerns of some one like Steve or Wanda or subjected to much more strict and harsh conditions. Not to mention, he has access to the best lawyers in the country and it is stated by Maria Hill in Marvel canon that no one in the government could touch Tony even if they wanted to because he holds that much power. 

The interesting thing that comes out of this is how so many people hate Team Cap, team Cap never once said that they did not want their to be oversight and repercussions for their actions, they however wanted things to be fixed so that people were not signing their rights away and having them violated. Team Cap didn’t think that they should be able to run around doing whatever they want, they just want more clear terms. You do also realize that Peter is like Wanda and Steve and would have also been sent to the Raft or something like that because he is an enhanced individual. And it makes sense that Team Cap thinks this way because several of them are held to more strict standards as they have enhancements and the others have seen first hand the bad things that the government can do. And the funny thing is Team Cap gets proven right several times throughout the movie, we see when many of them are being held in the raft in inhumane conditions and are having their rights violated, we see this when several members switch sides or at a minimum end up recognizing that things were worse then they realized. The only person who starts pro accords and stays that way is Stark because he continues to be the only one not affected by them. Not to mention we see him continue to break them several times throughout the movie. 

The other major issue with Tony in this movie is the way he treats Bucky and Steve. Now Steve and Tony have never liked each other and Tony has belittled Steve and his trauma from pretty much the first movie, now Bucky is a new character and we learn that he is responsible for the death of Tony’s parents as we was being used as a sleeper agent for Hydra who brainwashed him and turned him into a super soldier. Tony has every right to not handle learning that shit about his parents, but attempted murder and not being able to recognize external forces is a much larger issue. Tony Stans this is a personal call out for you, if you think that Tony is completely justified in trying to kill Bucky and Steve because Steve didn’t tell him about Bucky and Bucky was brainwashed, then that means the Maximoff’s and their anger towards Tony is justified equally, keep that energy the same babes. 

These two movies show the biggest issue surrounding Tony which is his inability to take responsibility for his own actions. Tony has so so many flaws that get highlighted constantly that we just kind of glaze over because the fandom is in love with him for whatever reason. But one of his worst is that he doesn’t recognize when he is wrong and as a result of this, his fans put the blame on others unfairly as a result. In Ultron Tony takes absolutely no accountability for the inception and creation of Ultron so his stans don’t either and put it on Wanda who had nothing to do with it, they completely mischaracterize everyone on Team Cap in Civil War because Tony talks about them being the bad guys (also his reaction in the Raft is disgusting), so they truly believe that Team Cap are the bad guys (like seriously y’all do you know how hard it is to find a good team cap fic, like if someone could please point me in the direction of some that would be great). In doing so they also grossly mischaracterize Tony, Tony would never be a kind-hearted sit down and talk things out and baby Peter, outside of the fact that he hates kids. We are shown several times that he shows absolutely no empathy towards them, I mean he belittles Peter constantly and calls Harlan a pussy in Iron Man 3. Not to mention this man is a billionaire who also used to work for the government and is so out of touch with reality that he would never be understanding about issues that a lot of the team has. In fact the way that Tony stans characterize Tony, is much more inline with how Steve would act. I’m not saying don’t like problematic characters, I love me a good morally gray problematic character, however the woobifying of Tony and gross mischaracterizations of literally any character that disagrees with him is in fact toxic and a huge issue of stan culture. Not to mention some of y’all are like really mean to people who are anti-Tony, like aggressively so.   

Anyway those are my thoughts on Civil War and Age of Ultron, if you see a post come out very soon about the parallels between Tony and Wanda, but how Wanda is in fact the better person/character, don’t be surprised. I’m currently hype fixating on Marvel and I have decided to make this everyone’s issue, if you follow me for other things I’m sorry. 

[oppabimbab]

sequel: did we make it right? | kim taehyung

genre: heavy angst, tiny bit of smut, break up

starring: taehyung x reader

synopsis:  you broke up with him and the phase of moving on—you didn’t know it would be this hard. You wanted him here but somehow, it feels like letting go is the best and the only choice you had in your hands, isn’t it? or not?

words:  8,972 words

side note: so this sequel happened since yall cried bc of prev fics and many of you wanted the second part of that. here we go. sorry for the grammar errors and any kind of faulty. i tried my best to keep the plot as it was planned and i still think this isn’t my best edits yet but enjoy!

recommended songs: moon and back - alice kristiansen | run to you - lea michele

related: maybe, it wasn’t right | kim taehyung

**

You had no idea that moving on would be this hard. It has been almost 6 months since the relationship ended and these past 6 months—were never that easy. It was harder than everyone have told you about. They said it would be easy but not once you found yourself in a right state of mind. They said everything will be just fine but you still found yourself in the midst of grief. 6 months—You never knew that time flew this quick even though every day felt like nothing but misery to you.

Break up wouldn’t be easy. And you agreed. It was a torture.

There were some part of healing that you didn’t understand. It was weird and confusing. Some days, you find yourself laughing and smiling like you had the entire world in your hands. You ate well, get enough sleep and happy. And some days, you would stopped talking to anyone—not even your bestfriend Wendy and locked yourself up in that stuffy room. You woke up with swollen eyes and broken heart like the wound was still fresh and bleeding. It was heavy and difficult. It made you confused and clueless. It became more confusing when you couldn’t find any reasons to move on if everything reminded you of him.

You tried to avoid his favorite songs every time it came on the radio. You changed the channel if his favorite movies shown up on the screen. You even stopped looking at everything that remind you of him. You forced yourself even it was really hard not to curl on your bed and cry. They were all a torture.

Honestly, if you asked yourself, you would agree that it still hurts like hell. The pain was still there, reminding you every day how unwanted you were. The memories on that night kept pulling your skin and made it bleed—reminding you that he wasn’t yours from the very first start. It still torn you down and drained the energy that was barely there. You couldn’t remember how many times the ugly tears would fall down in a very random place.

You were having the casual night, watching some movies with Wendy then the next second, she was there—patting your back as you bawled your eyes out because you remembered him. You wanted him, here.

Let alone when you needed to take few minutes break from your work at the office just to spend some tears inside the toilet—thinking how cruel he was for making you like this. He was really cruel.

You wondered—how was he? Did he cried when you left? Did he go through those sleepless nights like you did? Perhaps, did he ever think of you when he heard your favorite songs? Was he in pain, just like you?

6 months have passed yet It was never that easy to forget him.

When nights fall, you would silently scrolled down to the old messages you have shared with him. Taehyung was a bad texter. He hated texting because he said he preferred to see you more than doing the dry text all day. Once, both of you got into argument because of how bad he was.

“Are you serious?” you frowned at him—crossing your arms while you stood there. You weren’t happy now and of course, he knew why.

“What?” he chuckled as he munched on his favorite snacks, watching his favorite movies. Probably confused as hell why were you acting like this at 11pm. You rolled your eyes.

“You said you would text me when you got home yesterday? But you didn’t?” you pouted—scrolling through the messages from yesterday before you looked back at him. He raised his eyebrows.

“I didn’t? I thought i did?” he grinned and just like that, he was really a bad texter.

“Baby!! I got worried for nothing. I thought you were kidnapped,” you thumped your feet softly on the ground—trying to protest at him like an annoying clingy girlfriend.

He let out a hearty laugh at you. His eyes disappeared when he laughed and weirdly, you loved that. You hid the smile that was slowly plastering your face.

“Who would want to kidnap me though?I’m big and huge, unlike you,” he scrunched his nose at you, probably amused at you and your sudden clingy self. Your eyes widen at him, almost choking at his choice of words. A small laugh escaped your mouth.

“Big? Are you really that big?” you mocked while squinting your eyes. Taehyung hated it when that tone came out from your mouth. He cocked his brows. A grin showed up on his lips.

“Don’t act like you don’t know. Or should I remind you?” he bit his lower lip before pulling you closer to him. You squealed when he made you sit on his lap when you supposed to be mad—making him giggled at your quirky squeal as he planted hundreds kisses on your jaw—stroking your hips softly. You couldn’t help but laughing.

“Hmmm. You smell so good. Did you change your shampoo?” he mumbled through the kiss. You slapped his shoulder and looked down at his hooded eyes. A happiness bloomed in your heart at the sight. Nothing fancy. Just his presence was enough. Crazy.

“So, you’re going to change the subject again like you did last time?”

“Yes,” he grinned. You groaned jokingly. Taehyung knew your weak spot and he never failed to use that. And you weren’t complaining either.

When the memories came up, you were left helpless and vulnerable again and again. You wished it never ended. You wished the memories shouldn’t be called memories because you wanted to feel it everyday.

There were a lot of them and every day, you would remember it like a diary. His pictures—he loved to send you those random pictures of him, his dog Yeontan and sometimes, those things that remind him of you. 2k pictures from him—you still kept them nicely inside your phone.

You would read those old messages from him without realising a trail of tears were streaming down in the corner of your eyes. You didn’t realise the same tears kept you company every night without fail. He was gorgeous. You missed his raspy laughter. The way he pinned his body against yours because you were cold. Those sleepy voice echoed through the room when he woke up next to you—begging you to stay with him for few more minutes.

And just like that, the entire night was spent with the silent cry from your mouth. It happened everyday and you didn’t know how to make this stop.

“I’m gonna fucking kill him. Fucking asshole,” Wendy groaned in frustrations while you were beside her—sobbing. The first few weeks of break up, you chose to keep quiet about it because you had no energy to tell anyone about this. And when you decided to tell her, of course, she was mad. As hell.

“If he still wants that girl so much, why the fuck did he date you for 1 fucking year? Are you kidding me? Did you look like a joke? Oh god,” her eyes were gleaming with fire as she couldn’t hide the anger in her voice. The scrambled egg was left cold because she lost her appetite already. That morning felt intense and gloomy than ever. Wendy was a very straight forward woman. Even you were here sobbing like a crazy woman, she cursed the fuck out whenever she pissed off.

You shrugged, wiping your eyes with the tissues.

“Maybe if I was enough-“

“Enough? For god sake, you are more than enough. You gave everything you had, what else did he want?” her voice soften when she noticed your flushed face. As she came closer, she pulled you into her tiny embrace. Again, you broke down. You wished she was right. You wished you had given everything.

“Babe, you are the kindest person I have ever met in my entire life. You are beautiful, gentle and selfless. I’m so sorry you had to go through this. You don’t deserve this,” her voice broke a little when she heard you crying. She was a very sensitive person because the next second, you heard her tiny sob. You hope somebody could feel what was inside your heart now.

“I don’t know. I really don’t know, Wendy. I’m really sad,” she rubbed your back softly as you forced yourself to talk. It felt like a huge chunk just got stucked in your throat. You couldn’t talk.

“Please take your time. It will be okay. It should be okay, I promise you,” she whispered.

Months have passed. Will it be okay?

You leaned against the leather seat as you finished the last document for the day. It was a long day yet you be able to survive it even in such state. You gave a soft pat on your shoulder before gathering all the paper works to give to your boss before you leave. It was already Friday. Time flew quicker than you imagined.

Switching off the computer and grabbing your stuffs, you counted the steps to the huge room, few metres from your desk before you knocked on the door. A soft hum was heard few seconds later and you entered it.

“Good evening, sir. Here is the edited financial reports that you’ve requested before. I’ve made a few edits and please let me know if there is more faulty,” you cracked a soft smile across your lips as you put the plastic file on the table. You tried to sound professional as much as you could do even in this messy state of mind. You glanced at the young man—standing at the book shelf.

“Good work, thank you,” he nodded. A soft smile appeared on his lips as he looked at you. You returned the same thing to him while you stood there, at the edge of the his desk.

“If that’s all, I’m leaving first, sir. Thank you for today,” you bowed politely before you turned your heels. Few steps ahead and he called you again. You looked back at him and this time, he was already leaning against the desk, crossing his arms on the chest—staring at you with frowned brows.

“Can I ask you something? I hope it’s not something personal to you,” Mingyu voiced out—looking straight into your tired and confused eyes. You sure everyone could see how tired you were because you didn’t plan to hide it either. It drained your energy to fake anything now.

“Sure. What’s it, sir?”

“Are you okay?” his voice soften along with his eyes—gazing at you like a melted honey. The tension frown disappeared from his face and it was replaced by a worried gaze. You were a little surprised at his question especially when he looked at you like he knew something was bothering you. It looked like he knew something was wrong with you.

Mingyu has been always that kind of person and you were fully aware about that. The relationship you shared with him was fully business and you barely talked to each other once the office hours ended but sometimes, it felt more than that.

The way he guided you during your first few months as his clumsy secretary, the way he spoke to you even you screwed up too many times, the way he handled those mistakes caused by you—you knew Mingyu was a very gentle person. Rather than making himself as that cold and egoistic boss, he made sure that you could look up to him every time you were in need. Even so, you didn’t want to see his kindness as something that involved love like everyone claimed—deep inside, he treated everyone just as nice as he treated you.

He was a gentleman—with maturity. For real, you couldn’t ask anything more than that because that was enough.

You finally get it why Taehyung disliked him. You flinched slightly, trying to get him off your mind.

“Yes. Of course I am,” you faked a laughter even his eyes were striking into yours, completely unconvinced with your lies. He exhaled, silent for few seconds.

“You’ve lost your focus these past few months. I don’t know, you did your job perfectly but something is off. Are you okay? Is there something bothering you?” His voice has soften a bit—he probably noticed the changes on your face which was something you wanted to hide.

“I’m really sorry, sir. I will do it better next time,” honestly, you had no idea what exactly should you reply to that? Were you okay? Were you good? Definitely not. He shook his head, still unconvinced.

“That’s not answering my question,”

“Uhm,” you hesitated. Your lips turned into thin line.

“Actually, there are few things that have been bothering me but they are minors. I’m completely fine....yes, everything is just fine. Maybe it’s me being easily tired but really, i’m good. Don’t worry, sir,” you tried to sound convincing to someone that observant like Mingyu. He was really sensitive to little changes. You didn’t know he noticed those changes in yourself more than you did.

“If you need days off, please ask me for that. I don’t want you to overwork yourself too much. You’re important,” he looked serious without any hint of smile on his face as his eyes never left yours. His eyes were so intense and you wonder, why was that? Mingyu had such beautiful pair of deep eyes and you couldn’t deny that.

When he noticed a small smile crept on your lips, he spoke again.

“....as my secretary. You’re important to this company,” he corrected himself while adjusting his throat—his eyes immediately left yours as you still stared at him with a small smile. You chuckled—looking down to your feet. He was oddly cute for some reason.

“I know, sir. I appreciate that. But, i’m really fine. I still can go to work tomorrow. I can stay overtime if you want me to,” you smiled at him sincerely—showing off the beautiful smile you barely shown to anyone these past few months. But, this time, you find yourself loosened up for something very weird.

A small raspy giggle left his mouth as he shook his head. Mingyu got off from the edge of the table before he came to the desk to clean up the papers and stuff. You supposed, he was about to leave so you waited for him to finish.

“That’s good to hear. I’d like my best worker back....Alright, that’s all for today, You can leave now,” he flashed you another soft smile. You bowed politely.

When you thought it finally came to end, he called you again. This time—he came closer to you, towering your petite figure under his built. His scent—sweat and cologne filled up your sense, making you looked up at him.

“Are you hungry?”

“Yeah, kind of,”

“Great. Dinner’s on me tonight,” he grinned before he left you alone in the empty room—completely speechless at his sudden gesture. That was quick and random.

“But, sir I-,”

“You can’t say no to your boss, can you?” his voice echoed through the office as he already few steps ahead from you. That was it. You couldn’t say no to your boss, could you?

For few moment, you felt comfort. A sincere one.

**

The whole ride was filled with soft music from his radio along with the soft breeze, coming from outside. None of you both started any conversation since 10 minutes ago. It wasn’t awkward or uncomfortable but it felt more like both of you were enjoying this silence.

“Do you have any plan tonight? I mean...you know, it’s Friday,” when you were too immersed in such silence, he spoke out—bringing you back to the reality after been lost in your own thoughts. God knows how many time you have spaced out like this. You despised this side of you.

“Uhm, no honestly. I’m planning to eat then sleep until next morning,” you replied while letting out a faded chuckle. The next second, you immediately realised how pathetic that sounded like. Mingyu must be thinking that you were such an anti social and depressed bitch. But, you has always been like this since forever.

He giggled while nodding.

“I don’t know why but I kinda knew you would say that. That sounds very of you,” his deep husky voice filled up the car space along with the small laughter coming out from his mouth. You glanced at him, hiding a smile. You weren’t sure if he already recognised your traits for these past 2 years of working together but for some reason, it was kinda cute that he noticed the littlest thing about you.

“You can’t stop me,sir” you replied, almost chuckling with him.

“Can you do me a favor? Drop the honorific when the office hours ended. I think it’s better that way, it’s not like we are discussing about that annoying client we hated the most though,” he said in a very straight voice.

Without you realised, the car was filled with your laughter when you couldn’t hold yourself from laughing at his remarks. That was the most random shit you have ever heard from him. Mingyu looked surprise but a soft chuckle left his mouth.

“I can’t believe you said that. You hate her too? I thought it’s only me who hated her for no reason,” it was hard for you to utter the words as you were still laughing—covering your mouth with the back of your hand. He nodded with a grin across his lips.

When you have calmed down, he spoke again.

“Can you do that?” he met your eyes. Curling your lips, you nodded.

“I’ll try, Mingyu,” you hid a smile. His small dimple appeared right away—eyebrows raised.

“Without doubt, huh?” he teased. Again, the car was filled with nothing but his small chuckle and your soft smile.

The weird thing is, you felt a warmth for the first time from someone you had the least expectations from.

When both of you arrived at the restaurant, it was packed and crowded—completely something that you hated the most. The last time you went to such place was few weeks ago, thanks to Wendy’s pushy ass.

Both you and Mingyu came inside—finding a table to grab a dinner and go. But, it seemed like it wouldn’t happen because when you looked around, you found that eyes again. Out of those stranger eyes, you would still find that eyes again. Eyes that you have lost.

You saw his boxy smile—twinkling like it always does while his eyes—gleaming with the same sparkle. They were beautiful and painfully gorgeous that you almost forgot everything around you. Again, the universe seemed it was fading away from you.

But, he wasn’t alone. She was there—with him. The woman whom you wished you wouldn’t be seeing again—sharing the same smile and laughter—with him. Those gazes, you sure, they were filled with love.

The wound inside your chest, it was ripped open again.

**

Everything about this was tiring. Your body was tired. Your mental was tired. Your soul—it died. You tried to comprehend and see the good things from this stage of your life but why did it seem like nothing would work out? Why were you still here, alone with the same wound again?

It was unfair. Why was it only you, who suffered the pain of this break up? Why did it look like none of these things affect him as much as it did to you? Why did your heart still ache so much like this even 6 months have passed? There were so many questions that held you like a knife—stabbing you for the same reason again and again.

The same warm tears fell down—wetting your face for millionth times as you found yourself to be sitting on the bench at a park, not to far from the restaurant. The people seemed to be freaked out since you were there—sobbing silently like a weak bitch even you have told yourself to stop being this weak. Nothing worked out. None of them.

Honestly, you hated this. There were so many changes in yourself and you hated that.

“I found you,” the familiar voice echoed through the cold space before you looked up at your side with tears streaming down to your chin.

There was Mingyu—breathless as he tried to catch some breath from running too much. He must be running around to find you since you left the restaurant in just blink of eyes. Silence filled the gap between you and him while he stared at you and your pathetic self. It was embarassing and you wanted to disappear.

He heaved a soft sigh before slowly making the gap disappeared as he sat next to you.

“So, I believe, that thing, it bothered you these past few weeks? Your boyfriend?” he spoke and from the corner of your eyes, you could feel his gaze glued at you. With these swollen eyes and state, how the hell could you look at him?

“Ex boyfriend,” you replied. He nodded.

“I understand,” he exhaled, taking his eyes off you and looked around as if he let you to calm yourself down from the tragic sobbing. He probably noticed that you wanted to hide yourself from him so he looked away, letting both of you immersed in a night silence.

“It is hard and complicated,” without you realised, you spoke out in such a defeated voice. It was still vulnerable. And Mingyu finally saw that side of you.

He curled his lips.

“Break up will always be difficult. Don’t believe it when they say it’s not,” he met your teary eyes. His gaze was soft and dreamy. He probably saw all the pain in them that he chose to keep staring at you.

“I don’t want to let him go. I don’t want to forget him. Not yet. Not forever. It’s crazy,” you wiped the remaining tears in the corner of your eyes using the back of your hands as you looked down to the ground.

“Do you still love him?” he spoke as he looked straight to the busy streets across the park. You nodded as the remaining tears stained your cheeks. After all these while, you didn’t care anymore. You didn’t care if he find you weird—crying over someone like this even in fact, you shouldn’t have anymore.

“Aren’t you hurted? By still holding on to the past?” Mingyu cocked his head at you. His brown orbs were shining under such dim street lights above both of you. They were blinking like a pearl, something you have never seen it before. Rather than looking disgusted or uncomfortable, you could see a hint of reassurance in them eyes.

“It hurts so bad, Mingyu,” your voice cracked as you felt his gaze seemed never left yours before he exhaled. He looked up to the sky and sighed again.

“You know, there is a thing that I strongly disagree since forever. They said love is about timing, where you found your soul mate at the right time and be happy, also at the right time....” he stopped. There was a short silence.

Then he filled the air with his voice again.

“....but I believe, love is about what has been written for you,” a faded smile appeared again.

“It will always be difficult to get over someone.... whom you thought would be here with you for the rest of your life,” he added.

“...but you know, love isn’t about staying until the end. It’s not always about holding on from the beginning. Sometimes....it’s about letting go even it’s going to break every parts of you,”

When both of you found each other’s eyes—you could feel your heart clenched so much that it suffocated you to the edge. You felt every pieces of you were scattered all over the place again because deep inside, you knew it was true. You wanted to deny but It was painfully true. Fuck this.

“No, please,” curling yourself, you sobbed into your hands. Everything about this was hard. You weren’t ready. The next second, you felt his warmth beside you as he scooted closer. The same cologne filled your sense before he whispered.

“Can I hug you? To ease the pain even a little?” you weren’t supposed to hug your own boss but weird thing, you found yourself nodding at him. Probably, begging for some comfort that been slowly losing from your system. And, Just like that, you were so deep in his embrace—in an embrace that wasn’t Taehyung’s.

Part of you was so in pain. You wished it was him, hugging you this way. You wished it was him—comforting you this way because world knows, everything will be just fine. But, he wasn’t here anymore and you weren’t sure how to get used to that.

You pulled Mingyu closer to you and sobbed on his chest—like you did to yourself every nights. He wrapped his arms around you, securing you like he never wanted you to fall apart like this. It felt like he knew how painful it was so he was there, to put the scattered pieces, back as a whole.

It was weird. You knew there was a goodbye few months ago when you chose to leave but now, why did it feel like everything was finally over? It felt like you have lost that 1 chance and hope—leaving you this helpless.

“Let the grief go and set him free. You deserve to be happy. Genuinely happy,” he whispered—pulling you closer.

You sobbed. He was your happiness but it seemed like you need to replace it with a new one.

**

Another 2 months have passed. Nothing has changed drastically in your life except the fact that Mingyu has become a new part of your life. You couldn’t believe that night would be the night where both of you went deeper than you had before. He wasn’t yours and you weren’t his but the relationship has changed especially when he helped you moving on. Mingyu knew how and when to be gentle whenever you were around. It looked like he studied every little about your traits and tried to get along with it without disrespecting you in some kind of way.

You appreciate his presence so much. His presence was new yet comfortable—that you were still trying to get adjusted to it even sometimes, you got confused and lost. The weird part—Mingyu was the opposite side of Taehyung.

He loved to cook whenever he had the chance to do so and surprisingly, was good at it. He was huge fan of romance and melancholy genre—you still remembered when he kept you company, watching the same cliche kdramas without whining and complaining about how sucks the genre is.

He loved the smell of pastry—he loved the beauty of the evening sky—he loved the sound of the ocean. Those things that you barely heard from your ex. Indeed, there were new.

Some days, it felt perfect. Almost perfect. The heart break was slowly taken away from you and your days started to fill with laughter and smile. The heaviness in your heart got lifted for a moment, leaving you with nothing but a temporary happiness. It was genuine, all because of him. And you didn’t plan to push him away because there was some part of you, longing for his presence but you had no idea on what reason.

“Are you serious?” your eyes got widen as your gaze was glued on his face that had grin all over it. He curled his lips and nodded before taking the usual monthly reports from you.

The dried saliva in your throat was swallowed forcefully—making him chuckled.

“You’re asking me to go to a party with you? I supposed it isn’t a good idea, sir,” you kept the professionalism as both of you were still in the office—the boss and the worker but you couldn’t hide the tone that coming out along with the words. He shrugged.

“I couldn’t attend it last year and I don’t plan to do that again. And also, I don’t plan to go there by myself either,” he sounded very casual and straight forward—completely ignoring your widen eyes. A slight hum from you filled the space.

“That sounds sad,” you scoffed jokingly before you took back the signed report from him. His small dimple appeared.

“I guess that’s a yes? Great, you sure know what’s the best,”

“Hey, I didn’t say anything,”

“Okay, are you coming with me?” he crossed his arms—showing off his veiny arms while raising the eyebrows at you. For some reason, your heart thumped at the sight because he sure looked hot. You adjusted your throat as you looked back at him.

“I’m coming,” you said, almost rolling your eyes because he definitely knew you were going to say yes—as you witnessed a small satisfied smile plastered on his lips. He looked fierce yet soft, you don’t understand.

“Great. I’m going to pick you up tomorrow, at 8. Are we good?”

“We good, sir,” you scrunched your nose at him before you excused yourself to leave. He gave you a thumbs up as you left

You weren’t sure if he made you come as his secretary or something more than that.

**

You couldn’t help the nervous sweat that have been wetting your hands when you saw how huge the party is. Now, you weren’t sure if the basic black dress that been wrapping your curvy figure was a good choice since everyone looked damn good. Is this make up okay? This hair?

“Mingyu, I feel uncomfortable,” you leaned closer to his side while whispering to his ear, as both of you walked inside the bar. Of course it was crowded with so many people that seemed to be his friends because each seconds, his name was called.

“Just stay with me, you’ll get used to this,” he whispered softly before you could feel his warm hand sealing yours as he guided you through the crowd. There wasn’t any response from you as you let him take you to anywhere he liked while he introduced you to anyone he bumped to. He wanted you to be by his side so bad because swear to god, his hand felt like glue—it was sealed perfectly inside yours.

“Now, let’s meet my friend. He’s over there,” Mingyu said with a grin to you as he took you to the corner—making your heels clank on the marble floor. Every steps felt like fire because your heart thumped for no reason. They were beating so hard that it made you anxious for nothing.

When you finally reached the table, a gush of air left your lungs immediately when you saw him. Again.

It made you freeze on the ground—making you stood there like a statue as you felt all of the gazes were glued on you. You didn’t give any damn about anyone at the table because the only matters right now was his gaze—it felt like a fire on your body. You met his eyes again after the last time it broke you. He looked surprise to see you here, standing across him, in someone’s hand. Perhaps, he thought you were so in love and happy with someone new. Your heart thumped at the sight before you looked away.

“Thanks for inviting us, bro, it’s been a long time since I met you. Oh and this is my date for tonight,” Mingyu spoke as a proud grin plastered all over his face—greeting those people at the table without noticing you were completely out of zone. Wooshik greeted him back before he averted his attention at you.

“You look good like you always do. I’m glad you come,” he smiled—making you return the same thing. Of course he knew you. He was around when you dated Taehyung. Wooshik witnessed your journey with him until it ended. You glanced at Seojun and Hyungsik, who were also flashing you a soft smile. Those guys, it felt weird to see them after the break up.

“Thank you, Wooshik. The party is great,” clenching into your small pouch, you scooted closer to Mingyu, tugging his arms around yours—completely ignoring Taehyung’s eyes on you even it almost made your legs become wobbly and shit. Mingyu smiled at your gesture because he knew what was inside your mind. Without any doubt, he took your hands inside his. The atmosphere changed. There was a short silence.

“Enjoy the party, you two. Let me know if you need something,” Wooshik spoke—there were changes in his face, he probably finds it weird that you were now in someone else’s arms instead of his friend. You were sure everyone finds it’s weird that both you and him were no longer together in just blink of eyes even yesterday the world saw how deep the love was. It was indeed weird because the next thing you realised, you were in different home.

Every sips of alcohol that glided into your throat felt like nothing but a poison. The crowded place were damn noisy and full of emotions but you were here at the corner with the emptiest heart instead of having fun—like Mingyu have always told you. You should be having fun tonight but it seemed like nothing ever worked out on you.

It��s crazy that both of you were in a same place but the distance felt way too significant. He was over, probably happy and in love. You were over here with your empty heart.

Somehow, you hated him so much. Why would he always come up whenever you were at your peak—building yourself back? Why would those images of them two slapped you—shoving the damn thorns and blood to your heart whenever you were trying to be fine?

“Are you okay?” you flinched a little when the warm whisper touched your ears before you find Mingyu, by your side. Every time you looked at him, you couldn’t help but feel bad. How the hell could he still keep up with your sudden mood swings and bullshits like this? The weird part, he always treated at you like the whole world belonged to you.

“Yeah. I’m good,” you replied—forcing a smile. It was very artificial. He curled his lips as he stared into your eyes without saying anything. Both of you exchanged such an intense eye contacts for few moments before he took your hand—gesturing you to dance with him. You were left in hesitation but just like always, you would say yes.

His hand, you let them sealed with yours. The next second, you realised that he took you to the center of the bar before the warmth from his arms wrapped around your waist as he pulled you closer to his body. Your whole body froze when his deep eyes strike into yours when you looked up. Mingyu was tall that your petite figure almost got disappeared inside his embrace.

“Put your hands on my chest,” he whispered down at you—making you slowly do as what he told you. You weren’t sure if everyone was looking at both of you but the thing is, your skin—it tingled.

“Have I told you that you look beautiful today?” after such silence, he spoke again.

Chills running down your spine when he added.

“You look amazing in this dress. I think I’m falling in love,”

When he said that,it felt like there was a huge chunks in your throat because you barely can breathe when your sense came back. The courage to look at him was gone immediately when you finally understand what he just said.

“Mingyu...” you whispered—trying to make this conversation as clear as possible. He needed to repeat himself because you were afraid that you might be wrong even you heard him crystal clear. His hands slid behind your back to pull you closer—making your face was few inches away from him.

“Please...let me love you,” he said.

“Mingyu, what are you saying?” you whispered back at him.

“I know, I know. This is too sudden for you but please....let me love you. Let me heal you,” he looked down, breaking the eye contact from you. There was a desperation in those eyes, leaving you without words. He sounded needy and desperate. After all these while, you never know he was in love with you. You had no idea, not even once.

“How can we do this? We barely know each other. I’m scared,” you spoke to him—finding his eyes again. The more you stared at him, the more it made you confused you—how couldn’t you see that before? They were obvious.

“We can make this work, I promise you. We can do this. Gosh, I love you so much,”

A small smile appeared on his lips. Mingyu was one gorgeous man. He spoke with his eyes and heart.

Silence filled the gap.

“Can I kiss you?”

You wanted to say no but the next second, you found yourself nodding at him. You wanted to get off from his arms but you let him touch you even deep inside, your heart felt heavy.

The next second, you felt his lips against yours. They were sealed perfectly, spreading his warmth against your trembling lips. Mingyu secured his arms on your back when he noticed you were stumbling on your feet as the kiss deepen. His lips felt nice but why were your heart still empty? Why didn’t you feel any emotions in your heart when he kissed you like this? The worst part—why did you still have Taehyung’s image in your mind even after all these while?

The kiss lasted for few seconds before Both of you pulled away from each other and panted hard. You looked down to your feet—catching some air and a piece of reality. Time has froze around you, you couldn’t really process anything about this yet.

“Don’t touch her,” before you could get back to your sense, you felt a tight grip around your arms—pulling you away from Mingyu.

There was Taehyung, standing so close here as he glared at him with so much fire in his deep eyes. His eyes were already that deep but with fire, they were really intimidating. His jaw clenched a lot, his body tensed up with anger. Your eyes widen at him. Why was he here?

“Don’t fucking touch her again,” he grunted like a tiger before taking your hand and took you away from the place. There was nothing come out from your mouth as you followed him to anywhere he wanted to bring you.

You shouldn’t do that but you did.

**

“Let me go!!! What the hell are you doing?” you screamed at him when you were stumbling on the ground—almost hurting your feet. Few more steps, he let you go.

“What are you doing with him?” Taehyung grunted under his breath—his chest pound like he was holding such anger. You frowned at him.

“Why do you care so much? Let me go,” you spat as you tried to push him away but unlucky you, he was way much stronger

“Why are you kissing him? Why did you let him touched you?!” his jaw clenched a lot as he found your eyes even in such dark alley. You used to see sparkle in them but this time, it was a fire and you had no idea why would he act this way when everything was over now?

“It’s none of your business, Taehyung! Everything that happen in my life, you don’t need to know. Go kiss your girlfriend and leave me alone,” you yelled even your legs almost turn wobbly because of his fiery eyes. The words felt like thorns in your mouth and his presence still affected you this much, he probably knew that.

He looked stunned.

“After all these while, why do you care so much about me? I thought you said you wanted her but why are you here, dragging me from him? Why?” the quiet alley was filled with your fiery voice between you and him.

“Look.....I know, I know...I’ve fucked everything about us. Everything we had. I get it why it you are this mad because....gosh, this is crazy,” he ran his fingers through his wavy hair while sighing to the cold air. He sounded so frustrated and guilty that it made you become more furious.

“Oh for god sake, please. I don’t want your sorry. Just never show up again, please. You don’t know how hard it is for me to erase you from my life. You hurted me, Taehyung...” you stopped for a while because fuck this, the same tears were pooling in your eyes again.

The painful memories showed up again.

“...You broke me so much. So please, leave me alone. I’m tired,” You weren’t sure if those words were true. You weren’t sure if you really wanted him to leave you alone.

You thought the conversation was over when there was barely any response from him but the next second, he pulled you and pinned you against the cold wall of the small alley—trapping you between his arms. A small whimper escaped your mouth at the cold contact while his face was only few inches away from you that you could his hot minty breath. Teary eyes to such deep pair of eyes. What a moment.

“I never wanted to hurt you like this,”

“You probably get sick of me already but for the remaining minutes, I wanted you to know that—every part of me, never wanted to bring so much pain to you, like this,” you caught his eyes even it was really dark. They have soften. There was no more anger and fire. Don’t know why but It made your heart clench even more.

“Are you still in love with me?” out of sudden, he asked you.

“Why does that matter now?” your voice faded.

“Say that you don’t love me anymore and I will let you go to him. Say that so I know.....when you go back home, there is no more piece of me that would hurt you like this,” his eyes tremble. Fear and pain. Tears pooled again in your eyes. The blood could stain your lips from bitting it too much.

When you couldn’t answer it, he spoke again.

“Push me away if that’s the answer,”

And just like that, he crashed his mouth against yours. The kiss was deep—deeper than the last time you had with him when you chose to let him go. His lips—that was 8 months ago since you got to taste it and they still have the same flavour. Sweet and addictive. Like a drug. Taehyung grunts in the kiss as deepen the kiss by pulling your face closer—savouring your mouth like he missed it.

You hated yourself. You knew you already had the answer for Mingyu’s question because the next thing you realised, you didn’t push Taehyung away. Instead, you kissed him back like tomorrow doesn’t exist.

**

“Ah!!” a sweet erotic moan escaped your mouth as he planted trail of kisses along your bare chest—sucking and biting into the flesh, leaving some marks on your body. His kisses were rushed yet it never stopped sending chills and tingles to every part of your skin.

He stopped kissing you as he pulled the wet panty from your hips—showing off the dripping liquid from the pussy. You moan to the air when the cold breeze touched your bare core that it immediately made you missed his warmth. He stared at you for few seconds before coming down to your wet entrance.

“Oh my god, Taehyung!” you screamed out loud as you felt his warm tongue all over the throbbing clit. He sucked on your clitoris while grunting and groaning which sent so much electricity to all over your body. Mouth opened, body arched—you called his name like it was the only thing in your mind. You lowered your gaze down at him while moaning, just to find his eyes—were looking straight into yours. Swear to god, you heart thumped a lot. You fisted into his hair—pulling him deeper.

When he thrusted his tongue inside your core, a gush of air left your lungs immediately, making you scream his name as he stared at you. That was hot and your pussy clenched for more. Taehyung kept licking, sucking, eating you out and you never know you have been missing this intimacy with him. He always make you feel good. This good.

A knot started to twirl in your lower abdomen whenever he thrusted his tongue into you with no mercy. It felt like heaven.

“I’m so close,” you cried out and not long after, you cummed—making him lick your juice all over your pussy without taking his eyes off you. That was really hot, you couldn’t contain the overwhelming cloud in your chest everytime you met his beautiful eyes.

Then, he got off from the bed to unbuckle the belt around his waist before undressed the pants from his body—leaving the huge bulge under the boxer to your sight. His cock was throbbing hard inside the fabric and when he pulled his boxer down, your pussy clenched for him. You wanted him to touch you again and do whatever he wanted to do with your body.

“Ride me,” he grunted before crawling back on the bed, sitting with his back on the headboard as he waited for you to climb on him. The veins along his neck and arms were making it’s hard for you to think straight. Your mouth felt dry.

Slowly, you crawled on top of him, sitting on his thigh as you placed your hands on his shoulder for support. Lips were bitten when you caught his eyes before you slowly placed his member on your entrace before sitting on them—burying it deep inside your tight and wet pussy. Taehyung groaned—staring at how deep he buried inside you while you were here with a breathy moan escaped from your mouth.

God, it felt so good. Your legs tremble at the sudden contact—making him secure his hands on your hips as you started to bounce and move your body on him. The pace was slow and intoxicating. He was really big and the fact that you needed to adjust to his size, you never knew it has been a while since he made love to you like this.

Squeezing your eyes, your chin was lifted to the air along with the scream and moan from your mouth. He grabbed onto your hips—making you move back and forth on his dick while groaning with you, so the room was filled with nothing else but the sound of skin slapping that got louder each time you buried himself in you. You’ve lost your mind, you couldn’t feel your legs anymore. Why did the pleasure feel much more stronger now when both of you were no longer together?

“Fuck. Oh fuck,” he grunted through gritted teeth, pulling you closer to deepen the thrusted. Chin up to the air, you cried his name out—digging your nails into his shoulder whenever he quicken the pace. His cock was slapping your weak spot over and over again. It drive you crazy.

“Taehyung....” you whined—the courage to look at him were suddenly gone as you felt your chest was somehow heavy.

When you realised that you be able to touch him again like this—you felt like you just woken up from such nightmare. You could feel his skin, his lips, his eyes against yours—after being so lost and alone. You’ve missed him so much but you had no idea it was this much. 

Your cheeks were stained again. As he kept thrusting inside you, you couldn’t help the heavy cloud in your chest—making your silently sob on his shoulder. He wanted to look at you but you didn’t want to so you kept your face buried on his shoulder. You have lost that courage to see his eyes at times like this.

“You always feel this good. I’ve missed you,” he whispered along with a faint grunt—making you moan out loud with tears falling down from your eyes. It was a weird combination. Moaning and screaming his name in every thrusts, both of you were reaching the climax.

Few more thrust, he cum inside you—filling every space of your core with his warm release as your body jerked and flinched at the contact. Your legs felt like a jelly that you almost fell from him but he grabbed your hips right away.

Both you and Taehyung were panting hard on each other’s body after such intense and quick sex. You weren’t sure what was that sex for? Was this a goodbye sex or make up sex?

There was only silence but then, it was replaced with your small sob. The tears kept falling down from your eyes and stained his shoulder as you buried your face on the crook of his neck. The emotions that lingers in your head were too much, you couldn’t put it into words.

“Why are you doing this to me?” you spoke. A chill ran down in your spine as he stroke your hair softly while giving a soft rub on your hips using the other hand.

“Why are you making me like this, Taehyung! Tell me, you jerk!” you almost yelled before you pulled from him and punched his chest with your little might—trying to let go this slight anger in your chest. You pushed, punched and slapped his chest while sobbing like a crazy woman. He stared at you without saying anything before you finally stopped and became vulnerable again.

“Why did you make me fall this deep even I know, I can’t have you,” your voice crack.

He was cruel. He made you cry and now, he made you break Mingyu’s heart when that guy had nothing but love for you. But, after all these while, why did you still pick him instead of Mingyu? Why did your heart still want him, like this?

“I’m so sorry for hurting you like this,” he whispered—pulling your hands that covered your face before crashing his mouth again. He sucked on your lips like there was no tomorrow—probably get to taste the salty water from your eyes. The kiss lasted only for few seconds before he pulled away.

“I....I never knew that I wanted you this much until you left. Everything...everything felt so fucking empty when you aren’t here. Fuck, what did I do to us?” he took your face inside his hands. His deep eyes were trembling so much.

“You love her,”

“I was confused,”

“Don’t get it twisted, Taehyung,”

He shook his head.

“It made me angry to see you with him. I saw you that night...at the restaurant. I shouldn’t be mad but I did. I know he loved you and it drives me insane.The thoughts of you being with him, god, it’s crazy because I hate it,”

He wiped off the water from your eyes as he took every part of your face into his eyes. God, you’ve missed this. You thought you have lost it completely.

“What do you want, Taehyung?” a faint voice left your mouth.

“You. I want you. I know...what I did to you was too much. I know and I’m not asking you to forgive me now. But, let me fix this. Let me fix the broken parts of you,” his voice strained so much that you actually could feel his pain. Just as much as you do.

Tears prick again.

“I’d still want you even you ended up choosing her instead of me. That shit hurted but I’d still want you”

He shook his head, denying you immediately.

“Nothing happened between me and her ever since you left. The relationship wasn’t there because I couldn’t do it and she agreed for us to just stay as friends. Nothing more than that. She was my first love, yes but no matter how we tried, I realised that, my feelings for her were completely gone when you left. I thought it was her but no, baby. It was you,”

“Believe me, just this once,” he begged.

Swear to god, your heart bloomed like a spring. A small smile finally appeared on your lips as you stared at him. He talked sincerely with his eyes and you could see that. Twinkling and sparkling.

“I love you. I love you so much,”

He spoke and it felt genuine. You knew Taehyung wouldn’t be saying those words without actually meant it. You couldn’t remember when the last time he said that to you but listening to it again after a while, you were on a cloud nine.

You chest were full. The heaviness was gone in a blink of eyes. You nodded at him while biting down your lips before you wrapped your arms around his neck—burying your face on them.

“What took you so long to reply?” you whined softly.

He chuckled.

“I’m so stupid for taking this long,” his husky voice filled you.

“You are so stupid,” you sob—tighten your arms around him as if you didn’t want to let it go. Not anymore. Silence filled the space as both of you got immersed in such deep thoughts for a while.

“I love you too, Taehyung. I always do,” after a while, you finally got to let him know that. The sincere feeling that has been longing in you ever since you met him. It was still here to this day. Crazy.

“Can I date you?” he asked after few minutes of silence and without any doubt, you said nodded. He said the same thing to you before and it happened again. It felt like both of you just got back to the day 1.

Where both of you were young, reckless and in love. Perfectly right.

**

PS: I think I wanna open a fanfic request box. You guys can give me a request (genre: angst, smut, fluff) and I’ll make it happen (slowly, no tension). Also, ask me anything. I’m always opened for talk. And, thank you for enjoying this fanfic and its sequel. love u

[migleefulmoments]

Flowers implying that Mia celebrates Christmas so she obviously doesn't recognize her Jewish faith is so funny to me. Where was that energy when Lea Michele released an entire Christmas album? Do they question non-religious friends who celebrate? People have a false idea of what Christmas really is, anyways.

It never ceases to amaze me how much they criticize Mia. I’ve noticed that they aren’t very good about it- Abby was the leader for a reason.. Their criticisms don’t always have a point 

Below is a post from Notes who is really pissed that Darren’s project was hijacked.  I have no clue what project was hijacked and how it was made about Mia but she’s pissed. Darren is beginning to start to do promotion but promotion is done on talk shows and by participating in events where Hollywood will be mentioned. Walking outside with Mia isn’t “promotion”-they are just getting out of the house and enjoying the fresh air.  This post just seems like she isn’t sure what to complain about so she brings up a bunch of key works she knows will wind up her base.

notes-from-nowhere  You know what annoys me the most?

The fact that they managed to snatched, once again a D’s project to promote M and her farce.

Because, quite frankly, who still believe she cares something about that hellhole someone dare to call bar? Can one damn thing just be D’S? Of course not, otherwise Princess might feel like the nullity that she is and then D has to pay for being better than her in front of the GA. Right? Better drag him down and steal every possible sportlight from him just so people will forget how atrocius his fake wife is as a human.

It’s time for SK, yet or are we waiting for T/raci to post another love letter to M first? It’s not even started yet and it’s already time to get over it.

scorpiowoman1107. Same song, same off-key rendition.

[jgroffdaily]

Jonathan Groff decides we should take advantage of what might be New York’s last suitable night for al fresco dining in 2019. He sits down at one of a dozen empty tables outside the otherwise packed Hell’s Kitchen bistro and announces, in a tone suggesting more mischief than regret, that he must first make a call.

"Hello," he says, iPhone now at his ear. "Joel Grey?"

Groff is starring in a limited revival of Little Shop of Horrors, and it is a very hot ticket. The Broadway legend on the other end of the line has apparently thrown a Hail Mary in hopes of scoring seats to the night’s sold-out performance. Hamming up this exchange for my amusement, Groff is game to play broker for the Tony and Oscar winner who originated the role of Cabaret’s tuxedoed emcee — and, maybe, anybody else who has his number.

"This is basically my part-time job," says Groff of fielding requests, jotting down credit card information and negotiating pickup times and locations for friends both famous and civilian. "It was the same thing when I was doing Hamilton," he adds of his year playing King George III in Lin-Manuel Miranda’s hip-hop history lesson. "But I was really only onstage for nine minutes during that show, so the tickets were probably full-time."

The 34-year-old actor seems eager to please, not unlike current alter ego Seymour. Little Shop’s nebbish, sweet and ultimately doomed florist nurtures a manipulative plant even as the pet’s homicidal tendencies grow more and more apparent. Those familiar with the campy musical comedy know that it suffers no shortage of blood, but it’s a nursery rhyme compared with Groff’s recent work on truecrime thriller Mindhunter. Playing a curious FBI agent in David Fincher’s Netflix series has perhaps done more for his ascendant profile than anything yet. But two seasons on the drama have meant two nine-month stints in Pittsburgh, filming interrogation scenes with character actors who bear uncanny resemblances to famous serial killers.

So even on a two-show day like this late- October Saturday, the rigors of theater are easy work for Groff. Over a couple of hot toddies, in between humoring three smitten waiters at the restaurant at which he’s been a regular since Little Shop went into previews down the block, the actor appears to be in his element. "Theater is such a communal, familial medium and interactive experience," notes Groff, who says he recognizes faces in the crowd during most performances. "Mindhunter, for me at least, is a very private experience."

Groff plays against type on Mindhunter. Wide-eyed with an almost perpetual grin, his is a mug you wouldn’t be surprised to find in an illustrated Merriam-Webster — cozied up to the entry for "baby face." Much of his previous acting career leaned into this, starting with his breakout. The Pennsylvania native came to New York at 19 and landed the lead in the musical Spring Awakening by the time he was 21. "I was just auditioning for the ensemble of Broadway shows," says Groff. "I hadn’t really developed the taste to appreciate something like Spring Awakening until I was in it."

New York’s "It" Broadway show of the aughts, the rock opera about sexual discovery among 19th century German teenagers earned Groff his first Tony nomination. He spent two years in the production before leaving in 2008, at the same time as friend and co-star Lea Michele, to pursue film and television. The work that immediately followed — Ang Lee’s Taking Woodstock, a recurring spin on Michele’s Fox hit Glee, a supporting role in the second season of Kelsey Grammer’s cult drama Boss, voicework in Disney $1.3 billion smash Frozen (he’ll reprise his role as Kristoff in Frozen 2, out Nov. 22) — got him on the radar for vehicles of his own. When HBO began casting Looking, its 2014 dramedy about a group of gay friends navigating an evolving San Francisco, Groff was soon tapped to front the series.

"He will search for the best version of every scene and will work until everyone drops," says Looking executive producer Andrew Haigh, who cast him as Patrick — boy-nextdoor- ish, like the actor, but privileged and problematically fickle. "He is also wholly unafraid to be vulnerable onscreen."

Looking lasted for only two seasons and a wrap-up movie, and its premature demise allowed Groff to do Hamilton, which he joined while the show was off-Broadway in early 2015, and then made the jump to Broadway. His supporting part as the aforementioned royal — with interstitial lamentations for the seceding Colonies, sung like a lovelorn (and supremely pissed) Davy Jones — earned Groff his second Tony nomination. But Groff wasn’t long for Hamilton, either. He was circling his next TV project, a moody prestige procedural about the early days of the FBI’s Behavioral Science Unit, based on the 1995 memoir Mindhunter by criminal profiler John E. Douglas.

"I’m not naturally a true-crime person. So reading the book, I was like … 'oh, fuck,' "says Groff of John E. Douglas’ memoir 'Mindhunter.'

Mindhunter, the book and the series, delves into the morbid minutiae of notorious murder cases with an emphasis on interviews between law enforcement and criminals in the late 1970s and early 1980s. Groff was in contention for the role of FBI agent Holden Ford, based loosely on Douglas. First, he had to prove to director and executive producer Fincher — a filmmaker long admired by Groff, who says he has "a boner for his brain" — that a jovial Broadway star most widely known for singing with a reindeer in a Disney cartoon could have the upper hand with serial killers.

It was not Groff’s first audition for Fincher. Seven years earlier, he was in the running to play Napster co-founder Sean Parker in The Social Network. "My agents said, 'You have an audition in L.A. with David and Aaron Sorkin,' " Groff recalls. "If you get it, you start rehearsal the next day, so pack your suitcase for two months. They really like your tape, but they’re also considering Justin Timberlake." The part went to Timberlake.

"I did not feel then — and still don’t — that he had the inherent venality for that role," Fincher says of Groff. "He is as decent and sensitive as anyone I’ve ever met."

If venality is off the table for Groff, darkness is not. And though casting the song-anddance man was a source of curiosity for some in Hollywood before Mindhunter’s 2017 debut, the finished product didn’t elicit any skepticism from critics. Over the first season, Groff’s character goes from eager, milkdrinking company boy to a shell of the man introduced in the first episode. He alarms colleagues with the way he mirrors serial killers, until he has a panic attack after getting a bear hug from a necrophile. The second run, equally well reviewed after its August debut, saw a somewhat recovered Holden sit down with Charles Manson and, for the dramatic fulcrum of the season, investigate the Atlanta child murders of 1979-81.

"It is so impossibly bleak that I don’t think about it while I’m doing it," says Groff, who confesses he finds watching the show more affecting than making it. "All due respect to people who feel like the character is inside of them or whatever, but I don’t have that. I would leave set, listen to Beyoncé, and that was it."

After an hour and a half in his company, Groff reveals himself as a Lucille Ball historian, an avid bike rider, a devout New Yorker and someone who doesn’t seem easily bummed out — except when the conversation turns to success. His excitement over landing Mindhunter, he says, was immediately diluted by a pang of sadness. "Whenever something really great happens, it makes me feel a little bit depressed," he says. "It’s like, this is never going to get better than this moment right now. I’m sitting in David Fincher’s office and he’s giving me this role."

Talk of a third season of Mindhunter is on hold while Fincher focuses on his next feature. But the director did take a recent break from Mank, a biopic on Citizen Kane screenwriter Herman Mankiewicz, to attend Groff’s first Little Shop matinee with wife and fellow Mindhunter executive producer Céan Chaffin. It was a surprise appearance, but only because Groff hadn’t been checking his text messages. "I’m not good at my phone," he admits.

Groff has not looked at his phone since that one call — which, while polite, now has him in danger of running late for curtain. He breaks the bad news of his immediate departure to one particularly adoring waiter, and we walk to the stand where his bike is locked. There, he pulls from his bag a cobalt helmet that could double as Tron cosplay. Bars of blinding LED lights on both its front and back, his headgear tells cabs to get the hell out of the way and signals to everybody else that this is a man who values safety over subtlety.

"Yeah, I do really love riding my bike in the city … I’m just not that hard-core," Groff says of the helmet before encasing his tousle of sandy chestnut hair for the one-block ride to the theater and an expectant Joel Grey. "My mom bought this for me."

[thatsastretch]

I was tagged by @harraystyless and it looks like fun!! Here we go.....

1. What is the smell of your shampoo?

Eh...it’s some coffee infused fru fru thing. It reminds me of the cologne my ex used to wear. 

2. What’s your aesthetic?

Tacky? Gaudy? I want to be one of those artsy people...but...glitter exists. 

3. What’s your favorite time of the day?

Early in the morning. When the birds first start chirping, it’s all dewy outside and I’m having my first cup of coffee. 

4. What do you like most about the beach?

The smell of the ocean. There’s nothing like it. 

5. What do you worry about constantly?

The people I care about. I really need them to all be okay. Are they eating? Are their bills paid? Are they well? Taking care of themselves?  Especially if I know they’re going through something. It’s always in the back of my mind. What can I do to help make things better for them? 

6. What is a song you’ve cried to before?

Omg. I’m a sap so....there’s a few. Butterfly Kisses by Bob Carlisle . Because of You by Kelly Clarkson. You’ll Never Walk Alone from "Carousel" not “The Sound of Music”. Flicker by Niall Horan.  If You Say So by Lea Michele.

7. What are some relaxing tips for your followers?

• I know it sounds weird..but...when I’m stressed I watch  Poppen Atelier do doll repaints. Something about her voice and accent is really soothing to me. 

• Music. Music music music. I think everyone has those certain songs that soothe their savage beast. 

• Guided meditation videos and tapes. They save the day sometimes when I’m stressed. And I have some that are like...sleep hypnosis...that do wonders for my insomnia. 

• Reading an old favorite book that I’ve read a million times before. Bonus points if it’s from my early teens. 

8. What are some things that make you tear up?

Did I mention I’m a sap? Literally anything. Being sad. Being happy. Being pissed off.  

9. What is your favorite thing from each of the five senses?

Sight:   Reading. Seeing people I love. Wearing that ratty old shirt I’ve had for years because just seeing the color of it cheers me up...and I can’t find another one that EXACT same color. 

Taste: That perfect bite you get with wasabi, ginger, amazing sushi and a really good sushi grade soy sauce. When you accidentally make a perfect cup of coffee. When you get a pack of strawberries and you find that one that’s exactly the right amount of sweet and tart. Green apple jolly ranchers. 

Sound: Music. My moms voice. When the person you adore is snuggled up behind you and whispers “Good morning” in your ear. 

Touch: A really soft blanket that you bury yourself in when it’s cold. When my mom (who doesn’t care that I’m a grown ass adult) puts a hand on either side of my face and kisses my forehead. Hugs....all the hugs. 

10. What is one alternative reality you’d want to be in?

I have no idea. I’m pretty content with the one I’m in. 

11. What are some troubles you face on a day to day basis?

My own expectations for myself. 

12. What is a scene from a book that makes you really sad?

All of them. If it’s sad and I read it...it more than likely left me gutted.

13. Say something to your followers.

I don’t really have many...soz. This this for my dirty dozen. 

I realized a few years ago that every single thing that I thought at the time.... This is too much. I can’t handle any more.  How am I going to get through this? I did. I came through the other side of every single thing. Sometimes in better shape than others but always with wisdom. Remember that the only people who aren’t failing sometimes are the ones who aren’t trying. It’s okay to be selfish...especially if people depend on you. If you’re the well that other people draw from you have to take care of yourself. Being discontent with where you are and what you have does so much damage to your soul so be present. You only get one ride on the roller coaster of your life. You can either spend it looking at the ride next to yours wishing you were on it or ride the one you’re on with your hands up in the air, screaming your fool head off enjoying every second. And my last little tidbit comes from the wise Lady Gaga. Respect your youth. 

I tag: Um....no one really. I haven’t been on the tumblrs very long and everyone I know has already been tagged I think. lol  But...anyone who sees this is more than welcome to participate. @ me so I can get to know some more people. You can never have too many friends. :)

[spaceorphan18]

TDB Rewatch: Promasaurus

@ckerouac was right - I should have just read the wiki article, lol (no - I won’t do that, I’m a glutton for punishment if nothing else.)  

I remember the night this aired -- and this kind of stunned silence of -- what the fuck did we just watch, followed by a ton of anger.  I haven’t seen this episode in full in a long, long time, and I’ve kind of come back to that point.  I haven’t been this irritated by an episode since early season 3.  

Ryan Murphy wrote this episode - and while usually his episodes are better, I feel like this was more so a love letter to Lea Michele.  I’m almost positive that she’s the Prom Queen of his heart.  Unfortunately, he has to bend the world that is Glee to get it to work.  Ug. 

Thoughts: 

Super annoying things - 

Let’s start with Rachel, because she is what pisses me off more than anything in this episode.  I get being upset about screwing up the audition, a teen would be.  But that doesn’t mean your dreams are dead or that you should let your entire life revolve around your relationship.  I could probably rant paragraphs about how awful Rachel is in this episode.  I’ll spare you.

I will say - it reminds me of the (untrue) criticisms all the baby boomers have about millennials.  That we’re just special snowflakes who deserve to have our crowns and adoration just because we’re us not because we’ve truly made a difference.  We’re entitled to have it.  Nope -- sorry, most of us work are asses off, and once upon a time, Rachel Berry did, too -- but sometime around late season 2, the writers forgot to show us why we should be invested in Rachel Berry -- and we get this special snowflake treatment.  I’m just tired of it -- she should be out there fighting for her place in New York, and instead we get this and Props and an unearned spot waiting for her at NYADA.  I just can’t.  

I also have a real hard time with this whole idea that Glee is obsessed with -- that “popular” kids have some kind of sway over “lesser” students.  Maybe celebrities do -- and that’s celebrity culture -- but actual high school? Not so much.  I feel like I understand Ryan Murphy a whole lot better though out this process though.  RM must have cared a whole lot more about Prom Queen than any of the rest of us ever did. 

Meanwhile, sucking up the rest of this episode was Quinn and her drama.  And it’s irritating on two levels.  One - she’s totally using her injury to foster sympathy votes.  Gross.  Stop.  Epic eye roll for Rachel giving her one pep talk and her coming around.  Two - the fact that Quinn can’t seem to be a full character unless she’s propping up Rachel Berry.  The fact that everyone in this entire season is a prop for Rachel Berry. UG -- I’m so annoyed.  

Meanwhile, still, is Finn - who just doesn’t even feel like a character anymore -- but a catalyst for whatever is happening in the Rachel Berry show, and I just feel bad for him.

Mildly annoying things --

The 800 straight couples sucking face while Klaine (and Brittana) remain physically distant from each other.  It really did stick out to me -- especially when random couple #295 gets a close up of kissing, and Rick the Stick gets to kiss his girlfriend but Klaine (and Brittana) barely get any physical contact.

The fact that they completely forgot Brittany was a senior.  Hey, she’s failing, but her legacy as president is more important, so let’s focus on that instead. 

I thought the dinosaur theme was dumb (sorry) 

Brittany’s ban on hair gel. 

Brittany’s treatment of the prom committee. 

That song Brittany sings about old men hitting on young women. 

Brittany.  

Tina wishing this year would go on forever.  Oh. God no.  No more season 3. 

The fact that Kurt is also a prop in the story of Rachel Berry -- I’m just numb to it by now, which is probably why it’s not in the upper category.  

Things that didn’t annoy me but I couldn’t enjoy because the rest of this episode was filled with the Rachel Berry Pity Party --

Puck and Becky’s story -- Becky’s still a bit over the top, but I felt genuine emotion for them.  Puck’s seriously having issues about failing his test, and I buy that way more than Rachel’s rage.  (I feel like there’s some commentary here, too, about the writers having issues writing women, tbh.)  

Becky’s war against Xylophones

The fact that Sue wasn’t that annoying in this episode. 

Sam and Mercedes having a nice moment together - and even acknowledge Shane and that he’s okay.  Where was this story? This should have been the whole story. 

Mike’s excitement about dinosaurs. 

The rest of the boys forming a boy band. 

In fact, I like most of the music in this episode. 

The very small amount of Klaine we got in this episode was very sweet.  

Kurt’s prom outfit - I mean really.  Yes.  

[revisitingglee]

S2 E22 - New York

this finale is such a let down

THE GOOD

- Rachel doesn’t need men

the love triangle is tired

- Rachel’s dress on the date is really pretty

- the scene with Patti Lapone is actually great

- poor Finn

my boy got REJECTED. i love how they subvert expectations by having her reject him. also the ambiance and acting make this scene really nice to watch

- go off Sunshine

Rachel has always been awful to her

- the transition from The Kiss to the next song is so funny

THE BAD

- “most groups separate them by sexual orientation”

ummmmm...... if you want to avoid whatever they are implying (sex probably) putting all the gay kids in one room is not how you do that???? also this joke has 

- original songs are bad idea on their own, but your really telling me they plan on writing original songs the day before competition and performing them at nationals

- how the fuck did April get a Broadway show?????

- Matthew Morrison wrote the boring song that he sings in the theater

also that janitor is liar

they are asking to lose

- they tried so hard to make Dustin Goolsby a character, but he’s just so forgettable

- 12th in the nation is not a bad thing

i don’t know why everyone is so pissed

THE MUSICAL

- My Cup (10/10)

ICONIC. this is the only good original song in this show. it is so funny. this song has stuck with me since my first watch. my friends and i still reference it sometimes. 

- I Love New York/New York, New York (9/10)

this number is really cheesy, but would the New Directions have gone to New York if they didn’t sing a cheesy New York, New York number.

- Bella Notte (9/10)

i love the atmosphere of this scene and i think this number is great, but it’s really funny that they are just watching Finn and Rachel’s big romantic moment (and big rejection)

- For Good (10/10)

this is my favorite song from Wicked. Lea Michele kills it, but Chris Colfer’s vocals fall short for me personally. i’ll give a pass for being a big moment for their characters. i remember watching this as a theater kid and picturing myself in their shoes

- Yeah! (8/10)

this number is so confusing, but it’s kinda fun. no one asked for an all female show choir arrangement of Usher’s Yeah! but we got one anyway

- As Long As Your There (8/10)

it’s good and Sunshine is amazing singer, but they don’t deserve to win with this one. it’s kinda boring

- Pretending (2.22)

boring and forgettable. this song is bad

- Light Up the World (2.22)

this is cheap rip off of Loser Like Me (which is also bad) but it’s worse because Loser Like Me at least was thematically significant. this is just a bad pop song. no wonder they lost

[miasswier]

miasswier’s ultimate glee ranking: no 88

88: Pilot

Written by: Ryan Murphy, Brad Falchuck, Ian Brennan Directed by: Ryan Murphy

Overall Thoughts: I have a love-hate relationship with this episode. Before it was announced that Darren would be on Glee, I was told by several family friends that they thought I would really like Glee. So, I gave it a try. The first time I watched the pilot I think I got… ten minutes in? I had to stop. I was so bored. A few months later I was recommended Glee again, and I though, well, that’s like four people now that have told me to watch this show – I should try again. So, I did. I got maybe fifteen minutes in. I just could. not. do it.

I only managed to finally watch this episode the whole way through after watching several other episodes that gave me more of a feel for what the show was actually like, and made me curious enough to actually stick the pilot out. Plus, my favourite actor was going to be on the show, and I needed to catch up. I think I’ve watched this episode all the way through a grand total of three times.

That being said, I didn’t actually mind it this time around. It does feel draggy at parts, but what pilot doesn’t? I felt very nostalgic watching it, especially since we got “2009”, which filled in a bunch of this episodes gaps. Finn’s stuff, especially, was fun to watch, albeit heart-wrenching. Honestly, I think nostalgia is part of why this episode is where it is on this list. If it weren’t for the nostalgia, it would probably be a lot lower. Plus, there’s some pretty funny parts.

What I Like:

They do a good job of introducing Rachel as an obnoxious character, but also creating sympathy for her. The MySpace scene in particular tugged at my heartstrings. The words she’s speaking are so annoying, but when you watch her read the mean comments it really makes you want to root for her. Lea Michele does an amazing job at saying so much with just a little frown.

“I’ll pee in a cup. I’ll pee.”

Finn <3 As much as it frustrates me that they had him start out by being a passive bully, they do a pretty good job of showing some good character development, even just within these 50 minutes. You can tell that Finn wants to be more than what he is. Also, I’ve always found it sweet how much he obviously cares for his mom. Even though the whole “Finn finds a father figure in Will” storyline pisses me off, at least they never tried to act like Finn’s mom wasn’t enough. It’s clear he loves her, respects her, and wants to do right by her.

Great foreshadowing on the Kurt/Finn crush storyline! This is the first time I’ve noticed, but when Finn first starts singing in “You’re the One That I Want” and Rachel looks over at him and smiles in interest, Kurt is doing the exact same thing. It’s cool that they obviously already knew where they were going with that story.

The introduction to Emma’s OCD. I like that this was introduced in the first episode, and wasn’t just dropped as the show continued.

Howard Bamboo. I really wish he’d been a bigger character on the show. He’s hilarious, and adorable.

This isn’t really something the show did on purpose, but I find it really funny that Sue says that Will is “blurring the lines” while “When I Get You Alone” plays in the background.

“There’s nothing ironic about show choir.”

“Being a part of something special makes you special.” Oh, right in the nostalgic feels.

What I Don’t Like:

Quite a bit actually.

First things first: it’s too long. It’s only about 5 minutes longer than a regular episode, but it feels eternal. So much of it just drags on, and on, and on. Ugh.

There is way too much focus on Will. You can obviously tell that Finn and Rachel are going to be the main teenage characters, but they really paint Will as the protagonist in this episode. Having seen the whole show, it’s clear that Rachel is the main protagonist of the show, and that starts to come out relatively early on. I wish that they’d made that more clear in the pilot. Also, I hate Will.

The way Terri was characterized always pissed me off. She’s almost more cartoony than Sue in how absolutely horrible she is. The dichotomy presented in this episode of “Terri – Bad; Emma – Good” is annoying. I get that she’s a terrible person, but did she have to be that terrible? I mean, aside from Will saying that “she used to be so full of joy” there’s no indication as to why he would be married to someone like Terri. Plus, the way that the show always tried to push the “Will needs to get away from Terri because she emasculates him” narrative has always bothered me, and that comes across from minute fucking one. Basically just the beginning of this shows weird obsession with masculinity and “what it means to be a man” or whatever.

Emma’s creepy crush on Will, and Ken’s creepy crush on Emma. Like, I get having a crush on someone, but the way both of them act around the people they’re crushing on is really weird. They’re adults, not teenagers. Yet, the way that Emma acts around Will is dangerously similar to the way that Rachel acts around Finn (even just in this episode). I don’t know if they were purposefully trying to parallel the Finn/Rachel and Will/Emma relationships, but it definitely comes across that way, and it’s pretty weird. As for Ken, he’s just pushy and licking Emma’s door handle was just gross and immature.

Sue’s characterization. You would not know from this episode that she’s being set up as the show’s main antagonist. Yeah, she’s not that nice about the Glee club, but neither is Ken. In fact, Ken comes across as more of an antagonist here than Sue does. I mean, come on, she’s got like two scenes in the whole episode. I feel like they didn’t really know what to do with her yet.

Puck and Quinn. I find the mean popular kids character so annoying, and Puck and Quinn are just ridiculously exaggerated. Puck especially is not characterized as someone who interests me, or who I want to root for. Watching this episode, I don’t care if he has character development. It’s kind of the same with Quinn. Unlike Rachel, the show doesn’t juxtapose their obnoxious behaviour with something that makes you want to cheer for them. They’re just straight up mean.

There’s actually a lot of offensive stuff in this episode – ableism, homophobia, transphobia, to name a few. I mean, it’s cool to see this and contrast it with the end of the show when these issues had been dealt with, but it’s still shocking to see Quinn calling Rachel “RuPaul”, or listen to Figgins refer to Artie as “a cripple”. Yikes.

Will instantly making it clear to the audience and to Rachel that she’s his favourite student. He literally tells her that she’s the best singer in there. I feel like this would be more acceptable if the show hadn’t become such an ensemble show. Within the episode it doesn’t seem too out of place, but when looked at in the context of the whole show it’s a pretty shitty move. Also, he goes out of his way to blackmail Finn just so that Rachel will stay in the club. That’s pretty ugly.

Will’s Spanish. “Que hace en tu verano pasado” literally translates to “What it did in your previous summer”. It should be “Que hiciste el verano pasado”. I know a lot of people might not catch this, but it’s kind of frustrating that they didn’t try and make sure he was using the correct verb tense. I mean, it foreshadows the Will being a bad Spanish teacher stuff in season 3, but at this point they want us to cheer for Will. The audience is supposed to want him to stay at McKinley. We’re supposed to think he’s a good teacher. Instead they show him butchering the language he teaches, purposefully showing favouritism towards a student, and blackmailing someone and giving him false hopes about a scholarship. Considering Will is the “hero” of the story, he really, really doesn’t come across very well.

Songs:

Respect: I wish we’d gotten this full song. Mercedes absolutely kills it. Also, it’s interesting watching this having watched “2009” – Mercedes is (rightfully) upset in “2009” about how Rachel gets the first solo, but hers is the first solo of the show. Sure, it’s not a complete solo, and “On My Own” is more fleshed out, but it’s still technically the first solo. It’s just cool how that turned out.

Mr. Cellophane: Same as above, I wish we’d gotten this full song. Not just because I like this song in and of itself, but because Kurt sounds really good singing it. Plus, the way he fixes his hair as he holds that note always makes me giggle.

I Kissed a Girl: I don’t like this song. I briefly did, when it was popular, but the first time I heard it after realizing I was bisexual made me very angry. That being said, I think the context for it is better here than in “I Kissed a Girl” (which I have a lot of issues with, but if you’ve read my review of that episode you already know that), and it does a good job of introducing Tina’s voice.

On My Own: Very emotional, and an amazing introduction to Rachel as a character. She sounds fantastic, and the montage, as mentioned above, really makes you want to cheer for her. I don’t particularly like the song in and of itself, but it still works really well as a character piece.

Sit Down You’re Rocking the Boat: Again, another song I’m not a particularly big fan of, but it’s still a pretty humorous sequence. I don’t think they sound as terrible as they seem to think they do. Artie sounds good, it displays his voice really well. It’s actually always confused me how Rachel insists on needing a male who can keep up with her vocally when Artie shows he’s a very powerful vocalist in this number.

I Can’t Fight This Feeling: While Finn sounds good in this song, it’s definitely not his strongest, and the fact that Will is listening to him in the shower (and doesn’t seem to realize how creepy that is) really puts a damper on the number as a whole.

You’re the One That I Want: Funny, and a pretty interesting way of introducing the love plot for Finn and Rachel. There’s not a lot of shows where the main couple start off with one half being blatantly, ridiculously obvious about their feelings, and the other half being totally terrified of how out there the first person is. While they basically ruined this by having them kiss in literally the next episode, it’s still a pretty original way of introducing Finchel, as a couple. Also, nostalgia.

Rehab: Watching this number, I don’t really understand why they’re all so freaked out. Yeah, VA is good, but a lot of that comes from the fact that they’re big. If you actually watch the choreography, it’s really not that complex. There’s a few cool moves, but nothing like some of their later stuff (I mean, let’s compare “Bohemian Rhapsody” to this number). There’s just a lot of them on stage. That’s it.

Leaving on a Jet Plane: Ugh. Not only is it boring, but we’re forced to watch Emma creepily draw a heart around Will’s picture in the yearbook like she’s some lovesick freshman in love with the senior football captain. Again, there’s a real high school feel to the way they portray Emma’s crush on Will. I know she’s inexperienced, but the audience doesn’t know that yet, and honestly, I know people just as inexperienced as Emma, and a lot younger than her too, that don’t act like smitten twelve year olds around their crush. It’s infantilizing, and kind of gross.

Don’t Stop Believing: This song and this scene is the highlight of the episode. I mean, DSB is what made Glee, Glee. It’s emotional, and it’s strong. Plus, after all these years, it has the nostalgia aspect. Definitely the strongest number of the episode.

Final Thoughts: Considering that the first season of Glee was so well received and liked, it has a really lukewarm start. It has some good, funny moments, but overall it’s draggy, and there’s way too much Will. Usually when I do Glee re-watches, I skip this one. It’s nice for the nostalgia of it all, and for a couple of funny lines, but that’s basically it.

[sapienveneficus]

Elsie Fest 2017: My Ramblings

I want to begin by stating that I had a great time at Elsie Fest this year. I wanted to say that upfront because there are a few aspects of last night's show I plan to criticize, and I don't want anyone to come away from reading my reflection thinking I didn't enjoy myself. Just because something wasn't perfect, doesn't mean it wasn't fun.

I went to the very first Elsie Fest back in 2015. The performances that day, one after the other, were epic in the truest sense of the word. I don't think I'll ever recover from watching Lea Salonga sing I'll Give My Life for You, or Leslie Odom Jr. and Aaron Tveit duet on What You Own, or Laure Osnes debut Love Will Come and Find Me Again from Bandstand, or Team Starkid coming together with Darren to sing Going Back to Hogwarts. What a night! However, in spite of all of that awesome, the venue was terrible. It was basically a slab of concrete floating in the Hudson River. And general admission ticket holders were just penned in behind a metal fence facing the barely raised stage. I was lucky enough to get a spot along that fence which meant I had a great view of the stage. But that also meant that I had to spend the next 9 and a half hours pressed against that fence in order to keep my great view. That experience was, in a word, unpleasant. Now, I'm not saying it wasn't worth it, but I am saying I wasn't in a hurry to go through it again.

So when 2016 rolled around, I was excited about Elsie Fest but crossing fingers and toes that the organizers would choose a better venue. When it was announced that they'd chosen Coney Island, my reaction was mixed. On the one hand, I was glad to hear that there'd be some shade and potentially places to sit down. But on the other hand, I knew it'd be next to impossible to get all the way out to Coney Island right smack in the middle of Labor Day weekend. And then when I saw the lackluster list of performers they'd gotten (when compared with that first year's bill) I decided to give Elsie Fest 2016 a pass.

That brings me to this year. When I heard that Elsie Fest would be in Central Park over Columbus Day weekend, I was thrilled. Both the location and the timing sounded perfect to me. When the list of performers was first announced, I was less than thrilled. To go from living Broadway legends like Aaron Tveit, Lea Salonga, Laura Osnes, and Leslie Odom Jr. to Lea Michele (whose voice I do like, don't get me wrong) and Alan Cumming (again, not an untalented fellow, but he doesn't exactly have a powerhouse voice), to me seemed like a major step down. I also wasn't too thrilled with a few of the other changes that had been made. The price of general admission tickets had risen substantially (from $40 to $60) and the length of the show had been more than cut in half (from 8.5 hours to 3.5 hours). Despite my reservations, I decided to give Elsie Fest 2017 a chance.

I ended up arriving in Central Park just after 4PM Sunday afternoon. I joined the already growing line of concertgoers (the venue was set to open at 5PM) and spent the next hour chatting with other excited fans. My line experience was definitely a positive one. I saw t-shirts and buttons from just about every fandom under the sun being worn proudly by fans of all ages. Though I was baffled by the sight of one man's shirt. It contained 3 large ears of corn with cats splayed out on top of each one, all set against an outer-space backdrop. As that man walked by my spot in line, I remember thinking, “Is Corn Cats in Space a thing? I've heard of Supernatural, Riverdale, Doctor Who, and Rick and Morty, but not whatever that guy was sporting. Am I that out of touch?” Anyhow, while the line was fun, things only got better once we were let inside the venue. I'd just found the perfect spot to set up my blanket (center back of the first section) when I got swept up into a Broadway singalong led by two Marie's Crisis employees. That first hour passed quickly as a growing audience of theater fanatics sang along to hits from Hairspray, Grease, Rent, Wicked, Hamilton, and Les Mis. The singalong was so fun, in fact, that I almost didn't want the show to start. The guys chose to end it with One Day More from Les Mis (a wise choice). They got things started and were then joined on stage by Keala Settle and Norm Lewis who helped lead a few parts. What a way to wrap up a showtunes singalong!

So, still riding high from amazing moment, the crowd was more than ready for Jeremy Jordan's set to kick things off. And he did not disappoint. He began with Broadway, Here I Come from Smash. Now, I never got into Smash (don't come for me, Smash fans) but this first song was catchy, and he sang it incredibly well so I was on board. That led into a performance of Shiksa Goddess from The Last Five Years that had the crowd going nuts. Talk about charisma; Jeremy Jordan is one charismatic guy! He followed that up with his go-to shower song, At Last by Etta James, and his high school band's go-to cover song, Semi Charmed Life by Third Eye Blind. To close out his set, he did a Disney medley to end all Disney medleys. I recognized songs from Aladdin, Little Mermaid, Hunchback, Hercules, and Newsies, and I'm sure there were more in there. In short, Jeremy performed the perfect set for a show like Elsie Fest. I'd bet anything he'd watched Aaron Tveit's set from 2015 and had taken notes. He made sure to pick songs that the audience both knew and loved, catering heavily to millennials as they were the clear majority in that crowd, and he introduced each number with a delightful story. He had that audience eating out of the palm of his hand, and he left us all wanting more. I wish the other performers that night had followed his example.

Lea Michele's set was good, but it lacked the energy Jeremy's. She performed a few of her Glee hits (Don't Rain on My Parade, Maybe This Time, My Man, and Make You Feel My Love), did one of her original songs, Run to You, and did Falling Slowly with Darren. I can't fault any of the numbers themselves because she sang them all well enough. I think, though, her set really needed two things to take it from good to great. First, her stage presence needed work. She really struggled to connect with the audience. I think a funny story or two between numbers would have helped. Second, I think she needed to do an upbeat or modern Broadway song that hadn’t been on Glee. I'd have loved to see her do a Hamilton number or something from Spring Awakening. Heck, I'd have settled for Sonya Alone from Great Comet (since Ingrid didn't do it). I think telling a story about a show she's seen recently and loved and then singing a song from that show would have been a great addition to her set. A throwback story to her days in Spring Awakening and one of those songs would also have been great. I saw a video on YouTube of her doing Blue Wind a few years back, and she killed it. So, yeah, I enjoyed Lea's set, but it could have been better. Oh, and one more thing. This was completely out of Lea's control so I don't blame her in the slightest, but I was really hoping that Jonathan Groff would show up to do a surprise duet with her. He'd done it before, at one of her concerts, and I was really hoping he'd do it again. This event couldn't have been more perfect for a stunt like that, but I guess he must have been away doing press for his new Netflix show. Sigh, maybe next year.

Alan Cumming's set is where things went from good to bad real fast. Let me say first, that I like Alan Cumming. I think he's a talented performer. That said, his set was a poor fit for Elsie Fest. It started off okay. He sang Keane's Somewhere Only We Know, a nice throwback for all the Glee fans in attendance, and then did Mein Herr from Cabaret. He even started to tell a funny story about going back to Cabaret 16 years later which quickly transitioned into an ad for his newly opened club in the East Village (very subtle). Then he decided to introduce What More Can I Say from Falsettos with just what the night needed, a lecture on politics. To say that the crowd's energy was brought down by that lecture/number would be an understatement. Then he went into a mashup of Adele's Someone Like You and Gaga's Edge of Glory, and I remember thinking, “Okay, course correction, maybe he can still salvage this.” After that number he then went on to tell a rather mean-spirited anecdote about how all those songs sound the same. And while, yes, pop songs are similar, the way he said it was derisive and again brought the audience out of the good mood they'd just started to get back into. Someone really needed to take him aside for a moment and remind him that he was at a concert to celebrate Broadway and its fans. But, of course, no one did so he then went into a very short Sondheim mashup designed to prove that all his songs are the same too. This one didn't bother me as much as I am not one to worship at the altar of Sondheim, but this was where he lost the rest of the crowd. Some of the older people near me walked away. Then, after another political lecture, he chose to end his set with Ladies Who Lunch (not exactly a crowd pleaser). I'm not sure who he was meant to be performing for at this point, he'd already lost the millenials and pissed off the older, die-hard Sondheim fans. Most of the audience had either gone to the restrooms or had taken out their phones. But despite all that, he pressed on with his odd choice, then told the audience yet again to #resist, and left.

Suffice it to say, Darren had his work cut out for him going into this last set. I'd say he succeeded in getting the crowd back and ending things well, but there were a few things I'd have done differently. Ingrid Michaelson and Auli'i Cravalho were both great additions. Auli'i sounded great on her signature song from Moana, and wow is that young lady poised! She seemed so comfortable on that stage. She even called Darren out for calling her character a princess, their lighthearted back and forth was both delightful and needed! Ingrid Michaelson gave a soulful performance of Somewhere That's Green in honor of her late father. That was honestly one of the highlights of the night for me. Her other two numbers were also lovely, but that one stood out. Keala Settle did a new song from the upcoming movie The Greatest Showman which was okay. I mean, she was great, but the song was just okay. Norm Lewis, on the other hand, only performed one song, and it was a disappointment. Now, I understand his reluctance to do a song from his current show, Sweeney Todd, and that's certainly fair enough. I could also see how he might be a bit tired of Les Mis. Also fair, but he didn't do a Broadway number at all. He sang What's Going On by Marvin Gaye and peppered his performance with more political interjections. Putting aside the politics, why any performer come to Elsie Fest, perform a single song, and not have it be a Broadway song? If he was having trouble choosing a song to perform, I'm sure the audience would have been all too happy to offer suggestions. Personally, I was hoping he'd do Dust and Ashes from Great Comet. He's got the perfect voice for it. But literally any Broadway song would have been better than none at all.

As for Darren's songs, he performed them well. He's also got an infectious charisma. Every time I see him, it’s just such a joy to watch him perform. That said, I wish he'd worked a few new numbers into his set. I'm not saying cut out Teenage Dream. I'd happily listen to him perform his version of that song well into his 80s. But One Fine Day and I Dreamed a Dream should have been replaced with two new Broadway numbers. Darren's a guy who sees everything on Broadway. Much like with Lea, I'd have loved to hear a story or two about some new show he's seen and then watch him perform a song from it. That aside, one welcome addition to his set was Granger Danger. I was thrilled that he'd convinced Jenna Ushkowitz to join him for that song. Those two singing together was another highlight of the night for me. And while his set may not have been perfect, I think he found the perfect ending. He closed out the night with Tom Petty's Free Fallin'. Given that the performer had just passed away, it was a fitting tribute, and Darren sang it beautifully.

This last bit isn’t related to any one particular performer, but I had to include it for posterity’s sake. Before Lea Michele came out to do her set, she was introduced by Satan himself, Ryan Murphy. The crowd applauded for him, as any polite crowd still coming off a Jeremy Jordan high would, but as that applause began to die down, I booed, loudly. So loudly that people turned to stare at me. My response to their questioning looks, “I’m a Glee fan.” So to all those glee fans who weren’t able to be there in person. I wanted you all to know that someone booed the man in the yellow hat on your behalf. 

And that's all there is. Thank you for reading my Elsie Fest ramblings. Who knows? Maybe one of the organizers will find this and take my suggestions to heart. Regardless, if Elsie Fest stays in Central Park, I will definitely be back for 2018!

[gleefail]

Glee Memories: 1x12 MATTRESS

A long, long time ago, as Glee was approaching graduation in Season 3, I found myself nostalgic with some rare free time on my hands. So I decided to rewatch the series from the beginning and jot down some memories, discrepancies that have arisen since, fave quotes, tally solos - all that good stuff, strictly for shits and giggles.

8 years later (eek!) and once more I find myself with an unexpected abundance of free time. With so many revisiting or being newly introduced to the show between binge watching during Quarantine and all the tragedy that has surrounded the show since it went off the air, I figured I’d finish what I started. And by finish, I mean go through the end of S3. Cause I truly cannot acknowledge what happened after that. Except for 5B.

Kicking this off by reposting the first 15 episodes I already went through. Enjoy!

1x12 MATTRESS Yearbook pictures. Ruh roh. I remember this ep. It ended sad for me. :(

Ken thinks he’s gonna drop 20 pounds in less than a week. Oh boy.

Remember that time Ken totes planned his and Emma’s wedding the same time as Sectionals so she couldn’t go, then pretended he didn’t, then Emma stood up for him when Will caught on? That was fun…douche Ken.

“Got myself a bit of an eyelift. And while they were in there I told em’ go ahead and yank out those tear ducts. Wasn’t usin’ em’.”

Is Sue right – do yams really draw the water out of the skin? Hmm…yam diet, eh?

“We have all felt the cold humiliation of a slushie in the face” Not yet, Kurt. But apparently you ALL will. Still double-checking that. Rachel, Finn, Quinn, Puck, Kurt, Mr. Schue.

“What’s a patriotic wedgie?” “It’s when they hoist you up the flagpole by your undies.” “Strangely it did make me feel more American.”

It is TERRIFYING, the fates of these kids in previous glee yearbook photos whose pictures were defaced. OMG.

“He barks at my mom.”

Alright. I gotta say it. It is totally not right or legal I’m sure for Figgins to ask for Glee to pay for their own photo. He’s saying that’s what a full page ad costs…but the school doesn’t pay a thousand dollars for each club’s picture. Shenanigans.

Okay. So I’m watching this post-Props/Nationals. And I’m pissed. Rachel just came storming into Figgins’ office to petition for a Glee yearbook photo. She says “As you may know, this is my first year in Glee Club” – THE FUCK?!?! So she wasn’t in Glee her freshman year?!?! So she started the same time as Tina, Artie, Kurt, and Mercedes?!?! So we DIDN’T miss a year of her ‘earning it’ more than anyone else around her? THE FUCK, Glee?! THE FUCK, I ASK YOU!

Hey, remember that time that Rachel joined every club possible? Hey, remember how 2 seasons later she’ll say she doesn’t have extracurriculars for her NYADA audition application? Hey, remember how in Props she says she’s involved in 6 clubs? WTF? #oops

Quinn wants her kids to look back on her yearbook pics and be proud. “Not the bastard one I’m carrying now…” Ha!

Quinn is gonna get in that yearbook photo for the Cheerios and back on that squad whether Sue Sylvester likes it or not. Quinn is braver than I’ll ever be.

Terri is so supportive. She just told Will to wear the tie for the Glee Club photo that’ll go best with the cool kids defacing of it.

“Oh great. Why don’t you take the food out of the refrigerator and give that to the kids?” hahaha. Overdramatic and exaggerating, but still funny.

Will is going behind Terri’s back to pay for the photo. Yup. That’s a strooooong marriage they got there…

Ok. Rachel just said if she is in one more club she would officially be the most involved student in the school. Yet she HAS to run for Senior Class President because she has nothing for her NYADA application and she is convinced she won’t get Maria…and even after she GETS Maria, she still doesn’t drop even though her ‘friend’ Kurt really needs it and really wants to be prez to make a difference while in the position. She is awful. They turned her into an AWFUL human being. That we’re no longer supposed to laugh at, but admire. And honestly so far in the series, she’s not so bad. So…lemme see if I can pinpoint in my rewatching when the decline of her character started…

The look Kurt has when he just gets up and walks away from Rachel’s GayLesbAl suggestion. Hi. Lar.I. Ous.

And Mercedes is chillin’ with Matt and Mike. I’m tellin’ ya, I thought she was like, a popular girl!

“I nominate Rachel.” “Second.” Kurtcedes love.

…two things: 1. I think Will uses Emma’s counseling services more than any student. Or all of them combined. 2. He does know she’s not a psychologist, right?

haha. Emma and Will are acknowledging how annoying Rachel is. It’s cruel, but..yes. Teachers do that.

As captain of the Glee Club, did Rachel (or Finn) ever have to do more than have the responsibility of this first yearbook photo? I know at times Finn tries to take on a leadership role but…it’s such a useless position.

:) Aw.Rachel went to Mercedes first to be co-captain. I like that. Maybe it’s cause I’m thinking of TroubleTones and how well and fairly she led them.

“Because I don’t wanna be in a picture with you, it’ll get defaced.” “No it won’t.” “Yes it will, I’ll be the one doing it.”

Rachel is saying that the football players and cheerleaders are only in Glee because of Finn. Hmmm….well, Quinn kinda but more cause of Rachel trying to steal him. We don’t know exactly why the football players joined but it was after they won that game and danced with Kurt and Mr. Schue…and wasn’t it Finn that didn’t choose Glee over football when all the rest of them did? Did I imagine that? No? Just checking.

Haha. Smile. I like this song. I had a friend who hated Glee because everyone loved it. He’s one of those “If everyone loves it it can’t possibly be because it’s good, it’s cause it’s a stupid fad” people – you know the type. He was into this girl and I knew she liked the show so I liked to tease him about how he probably watched it with her. I think he said this song was the first time he saw any of the show and he was confused. I remember I was like “oh, you saw like, the first time they did a song that made no sense in the moment at all. Like, it wasn’t used to further the story, it was out of context except the title of it and it wasn’t supposed to be a performance either. They never do that though. Watch it again.”. Wow. Thinking back on that now…this was the first moment that happened. And it ended up happening SO many more times.  Just…wow. Historic moment right there.

And still, this song is such an odd choice for learning to pose for a yearbook photo. It could’ve been cut completely. Why wasn’t it? It didn’t even bother to further the Finchel storyline either. It was cute and fun and I like the song and I’m glad they did it so I have it on my ipod for workouts, lol, but…unnecessary.

It annoys the crap outta me when they act like they’re sightreading sheet music on this show. No. You are not. And you do an awful job pretending like you are. Just stop.

Ooh, Brad’s getting his jam on, lol.

hahaha. Karofsky just asked how to spell loser. Really? Also, is he officially a football guy now instead of a hockey guy? Ok. Sure. Why not.

I always wonder how people act to a pre-recorded voice-over of inner monologue when there’s more than just “I’m sad” happening with their sub-text. How do they sync that up to the acting journey so well like in this moment that Rachel’s giving her self a pep talk in the mirror? It’s like magic to me, lol.

“I can cry on demand. It’s one of my many talents.”

“Aside from nudity and the exploitation of animals, I’ll pretty much do anything to break into the business.” It’s funny cause I saw Lea Michele topless in Spring Awakening prior to this.

Finn bitches about Glee bringing down his reputation, take three.

“Do you think I have a potato head?”

haha, I do love love love how Rachel shames Finn during this scene. Every time she says his name it’s like a bitch slap for bailing on the yearbook photo.

they’re reeeeeeal excited about selling mattresses. Wanky.

Oh, this brilliant brilliant script for the mattress commercial:                *sigh* “Ah me”                “What’s wrong?”                “We just lost our jobs. At the factory. And we can’t get a good night’s                   sleep” (emphasis on ‘night’s’)

“We should perform.” “Perform the lines…as I wrote them.” I wonder if that was a shoutout/threat to this cast from RIB. Or how many times they’ve heard that if they ever bring up continuity etc. Just me?

Oh Jump. Ok. Let’s talk about this. Super fun number. Great vocals. Also the first time I realized AmberRiley is the shit. Except it took a couple people to make me realize it wasn’t just cause I love listening to her, it’s cause she’s a one of a kind, super rare talent. My one friend pointed out the actual notes she’s belting like it’s a fuckin’ hiccup. ‘Ain’t no thang. I’m Amber fuckin’ Riley. What? Can’t everybody belt that?’ That’s what I imagine she thinks when she pulls off shit like this. Also, one of my students ALWAYS requested this for warm-ups because “she’s so fucking amazing”. And despite the profanity, I was so proud of him for realizing that, even though he was a 16 year old popular-ish boy and she wasn’t the cheerleader or super popular hot chick on the show. And watching my students reacting to her in this and praising her. All of that combined made me go “how did I miss this? Normal people can’t sing that way.”

Will just found the pregnancy pad. Oh shit. Shit’s about to get real. Terri did tell a very convincing lie, without batting an eyelash about how it was just so she could try on clothes for the coming months. That says a lot.

This scene is good. To the point it makes me uncomfortable.

“This marriage works because you don’t feel good about yourself!”

“Quinn Fabray”. Ugh. I can’t even imagine being Will in that moment. How deceived and betrayed he must feel. Man. I’m uncomfortable watching this.

It drives me nuts when people bring up promises made under false pretenses. Terri brings up now how Will promised to remember how happy they were and that they loved each other…at the fake ultrasound. Yeah. Your lie negates the promise, idiot. Rachel does something similar in regards to “you said you’d never break up with me” to Finn in season 2 after she cheats with Puck. People are fools.

Seriously though, how does Will not even question those mattresses and just bust one out. And couldn’t he have slept on it without taking it out of the plastic? High maintenance much? ;) Honestly though, if I found a stack of MATTRESSES delivered to my drama club kids saying “thanks for all your hard work”..I’d raise a fuckin’ eyebrow and question what they’d done to earn that. It’s sort of suggestive, is it not? Or do I just have a dirty mind?

haha. Something I’ve always loved about this moment when Sue overhears the mattress commercial at the tv studio is that moment where she thinks she just hears Rachel Berry near. Her reaction, and me always thinking “what would I do if I thought I heard Rachel Berry outside of the one place I’m forced to have to” always makes me laugh.

“oooohhhh, I got nuttin’ to say to you, preggo.”

They’re disqualified from Sectionals!!?? Oh no! Lol. This was before I knew what RIB was capable of. When I thought they’d go the honorable, legit route with this show. I was wracking my brain to figure out how they’d get out of this one. Oh how wrong I was.

“And what if I were to innocently murder you, William?”

“I’m sorry, but Glee club is over.” “It’s. OVER!” Dun dun dun!

“It’s like looking at a porno star in a nun’s habit.” re: pregnant Quinn in her Cheerios uniform. Amazing. 

Season tickets to Cedar Point!! Yay for accuracy, Glee!

Listen. Quinn has a lot of rage. She’s talking to Sue like she’d talk to Rachel or some other underclassmen ‘loser’.

Quinn just quit Cheerios sorta to be in Glee club instead. We’ll find out, but my memory is that she’ll start wishing she was back on that squad and complaining about it real soon. No?

Okay. HOW is Will disqualified for being paid for what he does…when he gets PAID to RUN the Glee Club? Makes noooo sense. He should be fine.

Charlie Chaplin Smile. Such a sad song. This montage is so good though. It’s one of those times Glee kinda moved me. I got choked up. And my heart dropped to see people defacing this photo when they’d all taken a step forward and were so proud. This is hard to watch right now with Glee Graduation mere days ahead. :(

Also, I miiiight still listen to this song when I’m having a hard day to try to turn it around. Good song.

Aw, Karofsky figured out how to spell loser. Good for him.

Okay, so I’m pausing this to take a look at the comic brilliance of these cool kids defacing the picture. They gave Santana a pitchfork. No shit, Sherlock. They’ll all call her Satan in Glee soon enough. They gave Kirt a skirt and boobs. Cause he’s gay. Brilliant. :/ They gave Finn buck teeth. Matt got a fro (RACIST!). Puck got devil horns. Mercedes got…a cigar? No, giant buck teeth and…a lollipop? They drew a happy face on Tina (? The fuck?). Nothing to Mike Chang or Britany. Artie got devil horns and a mustache. Rachel got a pitchfork. Quinn got..a giant Rabbi beard? They crossed out Rachel’s face and wrote ‘lame’ with an arrow pointing to her. This is the most UNcreative defacing ever. I’m disappointed. Be better bullies! Or funnier ones at least! SOLOS: Rachel (3), Finn (3), Mercedes (1) MERCEDES TAKES THE GLORY NOTE: 3rd time

[miasswier]

miasswier’s ultimate glee ranking: no 98

98. Opening Night

Written by: Micheal Hitchcock Directed by: Eric Stoltz

Overall Thoughts: I’ve always had a complicated relationship with Rachel Berry. In season one, she annoyed me. I liked her in season two. In season three, she annoyed me. So on, and so forth. There were occasions when I was on her side, and a lot of times I really, really wanted to root for her. This episode encapsulates why doing exactly that was so fucking hard for me most of the time. It also does something that Glee did a lot in the first and third seasons – it focuses all of its attention on one or two stories, and gives us maybe one or two scenes that aren’t about that story (except not even, because every single scene in this episode is about Rachel and Sue). 

WARNING FOR THIS ONE: I’m not very nice to Rachel here.

What I Like:

“WHO WROTE THIS, TINA?!”

Rachel annoys the fuck out of me in this episode, and the way everybody treats her pisses me the fuck off, but I really do like the scene where she tells Sue to fuck right off.

Blaine walking out of the bathroom while Rachel is yelling at Sue and being so fucking confused.

The “Pumping Blood” sequence, and the implication that this is a club that Kurt and Blaine frequent.

Will naming his child after Finn.

Santana’s clever way of making Rachel feel better, even if Rachel’s pity party was stupid.

What I Don’t Like:

It is so, so, so hard for me to root for Rachel in this episode. SO HARD. Here we have a nineteen or twenty year old who dropped out of one of the most prestigious arts universities in New York City (remember, the one that she stalked the dean of admissions of in order to get a second chance at and then somehow actually got accepted to despite bombing her original audition?), somehow getting her Broadway debut as the lead role in Funny Girl. And I’m somehow supposed to feel bad for her because she got a couple of bad reviews? Rachel Berry is the ultimate example of somebody being born with a silver spoon in her mouth. The show tried to make it seem like she struggled so hard all the way through, but honestly, when it comes to being a star she never had to struggle. To make friends? Yes. But to be rewarded for her talent? No. Will Schuester hands her everything throughout high school. Carmen Thibodaux handed her a spot in NYADA. And now, she’s been handed a role in Funny Girl that she is nowhere near ready for. Watching this didn’t feel like a culmination of Rachel Berry’s journey, because there was no struggle in her journey. Any angst she ever had was self-inflicted, and that’s exactly what happens in this episode as well. Rachel feels sorry for herself because SURPRISE not everybody thinks that her nineteen/twenty-year-old-never-before-been-on-Broadway ass is the best choice for Fanny Brice. What a shock, not everybody is blown over by her talent! It’s almost like art is subjective and people have different tastes! Rachel’s pity party makes me roll my eyes so fucking hard, and I really wish they hadn’t gone this direction. Spending the first ten minutes of the episode making every character tell Rachel that she’s the most amazing human being in the world and that she deserves this as if she had to put in any work for it whatsoever is exhausting. She is not a twenty-five-year-old who had to go to fifty auditions before she even got a callback for ensemble, okay? She’s not a seasoned Broadway performer who is finally getting her chance at a starring role. She is a nineteen/twenty-year-old university drop-out who thinks she’s god’s gift to musical theater and who needs all of her friends lives to revolve around her entirely in order to feel like she’s being appreciated. I can’t stand it, and I hate that this was the way they chose to show Rachel’s rise to Broadway. It doesn’t feel triumphant to me. It feels like a little girl who has always gotten her way once again getting her way while everyone cheers from the sidelines, even though she has made all of their achievements and losses about herself.

The fact that Glee expects me to believe that Sue, a grown-ass fifty year old woman, fell in love with some random guy she just met after one night of passion and realizing he’s as cynical about the arts as she is, is insane. And then he asks her to move to New York?!?!?!?! THESE ARE ADULTS, GLEE. Stop treating adults like they’re teenagers.

Okay, can I just say it? There was nothing spectacular about Rachel’s performance as Fanny Brice. The whole time she was singing “I’m the Greatest Star” I was thinking “Kurt did it better”. Sue showed just as much emotion as Rachel did during “Who Are You Now”, which should not have been the case. I think about Rachel breaking up with Finn in “The Break-Up”, and think, where is that girl right now? How is it that Lea Michele can give such heartbreaking performances as Rachel Berry, but as Rachel-as-Fanny she’s just… okay? Like, what? And then to watch that, feel completely underwhelmed, and have that New Yorker reviewer be like “Rachel Berry is the most amazing thing since sliced bread, every other singer in the entire world should just go home because nobody will ever sing a song the way Rachel Berry sang these songs” is like… what? I don’t understand, and it just adds to my frustration with this episode.

Did Rachel seriously have to sing every fucking song in this episode? Dear god.

Songs:

Lovefool: I don’t mind this song, and the performance is funny. Still, knowing Rachel is going to go on to sing two other solos, as well as a duet, in this episode, it makes me shake my head. Like, really, they couldn’t have made this a group number or something?

NYC: Ah, the only song Rachel doesn’t sing in this episode, and it sucks. It’s boring. The performance is weird. And, we yet again have another person singing their way to New York which just reminds me that Kurt didn’t get to. Seriously, Glee? Sue and Will get to sing their way to NYC and Kurt couldn’t? Fuck off with this shit.

I’m the Greatest Star: The choice to do this song has confused me since the episode aired. The only thing I can think of is that they’re, once again, trying to show how amazing Rachel is by minimizing Kurt’s accomplishments. Look at her own the role of Fanny Brice on Broadway, all while singing the song that didn’t get Kurt the lead in their high school production of West Side Story! Add in the fact that Kurt did it a million times better, and it just feels like an unnecessarily nasty move.

Who Are You Now: This song bores me, and like I said, Sue and Rachel show the exact same amount of emotion in it. Rachel should have been ten thousand times more emotional – not only is this her opening night, but she’s singing a song that reminds her of Finn. Sue is singing about a guy she literally just met. There should be a very obvious distinction between their renditions of this song, and yet they’re exactly the same. I don’t know if that was purposeful or not, but seeing Sue be just as emotional as Rachel over a fucking one-night-stand she’s having really lessens the emotional impact of this song.

Pumping Blood: Look, I like this song, but at this point in the episode I never want to hear Rachel sing ever again (which, haha, sucks for me since the next episode starts off with a Rachel solo lmao).

Final Thoughts: I don’t know what else to say that I haven’t already said. This episode disappointed me the first time I watched it, and it continues to disappoint me now. If I don’t have to watch it, I don’t. The end.

[spaceorphan18]

Finding Kurt Hummel: Swan Song

Masterpost

4x09: Swan Song

Only Glee would write an episode in the middle of one of its middle seasons an episode called Swan Song.  Oh Glee...

For those of you who may not know, the definition I found of Swan Song is this: a person's final public performance or professional activity before retirement. (Though I’ve always thought before death as a connotation, too)  And supposedly, Kurt has his ‘Swan Song’ in this one only to find that it’s not one at all -- but the beginning of a new chapter of his life. 

Exposition

The image coupled with Chris’s name is making me giggle. 

Anyway -- Kurt’s moving away from all black! Yay! And, ngl, Shallow me is back to say that I love this outfit on Kurt.  Also - I think the disheveled-ness is because it’s supposed to be post-Thanksgiving clean up time.  Is it the next day? Idk - I doubt it’s the same night. 

Anyway - Kurt just gets off the phone with Blaine to tell Rachel that McKinley was eliminated from Sectionals.  

Kurt: I just feel bad for Blaine.  If he was still with the Warblers he’d be on his way to Regionals right now. 

Normally, I don’t nitpick individual lines, but this one has always rubbed me the wrong way.  While I get what they’re going for - delivering exposition while Kurt shows some concern for Blaine’s well being - it comes off as a little too flippant and superficial - and slightly undermines the emotional weight of their phone call in the previous episode. 

However, this does mean that Kurt and Blaine are back on speaking terms - which is more the point than one questionable line of dialogue.  

Moving on, Kurt mentions that ND’s loss at sectionals (or his Vogue internship and reconnecting with Blaine, because the original reason is stupid) has woken him up to taking changes on opportunities that he gets. And that he’s putting everything on the line for his NYADA audition.  And while Rachel says you can always reply again, Kurt says he’s done chasing that idea if it doesn’t work out. 

 And I do like what Kurt has to say here.  That he’s wise enough to know that if this doesn’t work out, that maybe it’s not meant to be and he should move on to other things.  This is a much healthier attitude than Rachel’s - I’ll stalk you until you let me in - attitude.  Now, why wasn’t he applying for other schools in the mean time? Idk... But, I’m glad Kurt doesn’t see NYADA as the be all and end all of moving his career forward. 

Let’s take a second and appreciate the fact that Kurt is on the NYADA chat boards, researching everything he can so he can better his chance of getting in.  I mean, Kurt does the work. Go Kurt! 

Meanwhile, I’m epically rolling my eyes at this little sequence to show how amazing it is if Carmen Tibideaux invites you to her exclusive Winter Showcase performance. I thought we were trying to move away from Season 3 Rachel-issues, Glee.  The proudest moment of these people’s successful lives is when Carmen hands them an envelope? I adore the hell outta Whoopie Goldberg, but c’mon show.... Whatever, I should stop before I go on another massive Rachel-rant.

Carmen Tibideaux is the Worst

Kurt comes in to talk to Carmen Tibideaux about his application and possible audition.  I’m not so sure what he was planning to hear from this meeting but it definitely wasn’t this...  

Look - I’ll be frank with this.  Carmen doesn’t make any sense to me.  She lets in to NYADA Adam, Brody, those sycophants, and Rachel after she stalks her, who are all, imo, surface level people, but doesn’t let in Elliott, Jesse St. James, or Kurt, and axes Blaine without thought (along with that other girl at in Rachel’s class).  Hires Cassie July as a teacher.  And again will give Rachel a third chance after she claims here she barely gives first chances.  I really wish Goldberg was given a better character, because I want to like her, I do.  But the inconsistant writing stops me from doing that. 

But also - what she tells Kurt here is frustrating.  Really frustrating.  

So - Carmen breaks it down that Kurt is talented, but his Not the Boy Next Door performance seemed to lack vulnerability and soul.  Which - I call bullshit on, because I’m not so sure how much more vulnerable Kurt could have gotten wearing those gold lame pants.  But, more so, we, as an audience, know that that was Kurt putting it all on the line.  That was Kurt showing off who he was and everything that encompasses that.  

Now - the issue here I see as two things.  One - Carmen (wrongly) equates lack of props and glitter and showiness as automatic soulful.  There’s more than one way to show what’s inside you.  Plus, stripped down to just the music does not always mean more emotional . For the love of everything - Rachel sings an emoting balad every other episode, and I can count on one hand the number of times there’s emotional depth to it.  Two - the auditions themselves are flawed.  You want to have a good audition going into a performing arts school? Here’s my advice - have a two or three numbers ready for you, each showing off how you are a multifaceted performer with the ability to do many things, even if there is one thing that’s your strength. 

Glee’s commentary that only one kind of art is worth anything pisses me off -- but that’s after years of academia behind me, and the elitist ‘high art’ concept often found in academia annoys the hell out of me.  But that’s a story for another day. 

The thing I often wonder - was Carmen always planning on putting Kurt on the spot -- or did she come with that in the moment.  Based on her conversation here, I really don’t know.  

And Kurt leaves the auditorium feeling broken and defeated.  Poor kiddo just can’t catch a break it seems.  But - I will argue that all the struggle Kurt has to go through makes him a far more interesting character than Rachel, who is always handed the glittery envelope.  

Winter Showcase

I’m not gonna go too much into Rachel’s story -- because the more I watch, the more I want to throw things at it.  I’m also rolling my eyes at how the Winter Showcase is a competition -- because you can’t really compare a ballet performance with a vocal performance with a -- whatever else they have going.  Evaluating art doesn’t work that way.  Gah.  Whatever. 

Kurt’s line about appreciating this part in the rom-com but let’s get a move on is pretty cute though. 

Kurt watching Rachel during her performances.  I don’t begrudge this section - Rachel actually hasn’t had a solo since episode 2 (gasp) and these songs play to Lea Michele’s strengths.  I am rolling my eyes at Rachel winning this whole thing though.  (Man, I’m rolling my eyes a lot at this episode.  Who wrote it...Tina?) 

There’s a point during Rachel’s performance that Carmen looks over to Kurt.  So, maybe it was a spur of the moment decision to ask Kurt to sing -- or maybe grasping the opportunity to see what this kid can really do when put under pressure. 

Whatever the case -- Kurt’s in shock when she calls him up to sing. 

Kurt is - of course - freaking out in the lobby area.  He feels as though he can’t go on without his props, his scaffolding, his gold lame pants.  But Rachel has a very good point (yay! when Hummelberry gets to be evened out a little) -- he’s at his best when the songs come from within himself.  Now, lucky for us, 99.9% of all Kurt songs are emotionally valuable to the story being told.  Rachel brings up I Want to Hold Your Hand, but I could make a case for just about any of them done on the show.  It’s bizarre, really, to claim that Kurt’s solos are a superficiality, but clearly the Glee world sees more (?) or something that we do not. 

Anyway - Being Alive is a song he picks, and Rachel (like the rest of us) jump on that choice.  Who cares if it’s something Carmen claimed she hated -- giving it real depth and meaning is something that’s going to impress her.  

Kurt mentions the fact that I Want to Hold Your Hand was so special was because he was going through a difficult time, it was his way of focusing in on his dad and dealing with that when he was sick.  Kurt’s not sure what to focus in this time - but Rachel says -- yourself.  And this song, man.  It’s the culmination and release of everything that has happened in Kurt’s story, more specifically the season 4 arc, but I could argue a case for the entire series so far. 

Which is why I find this song so special....

Kurt: Hi, I’m Kurt Hummel and I’ll be auditioning for the role of NYADA student. 

This is one of my favorite Kurt solos ever.  Chris just nails it.  It’s a male song, which allows Kurt to be in his lower register -- which he’s fairly comfortable in.  It’s funny, at the time, I had wished that it had had just a little more edge to it.  But listening to it now, in the wake of doing all this season 4 meta, I’ve gotten chills going back to it.  Maybe the context just makes the song for me.  But regardless -- still one of my favorites.  

(Also - oh how nervous Kurt is.  I’m always fascinated the way Kurt plays with his hands when he gets super nervous.) 

For those of you who may not know, Being Alive is from the musical Company -- and about a guy who decides that his bachelor life of never going out and doing anything isn’t doing it for him anymore.  That he’s ready to take risks and get hurt in the process because at the end of the day, what is life if you’re not pushing yourself to, well, be alive.  And it kind of works fantastically for Kurt’s story here. 

Some might say that since the Break Up, Kurt has been a shell of himself.  I might argue that since Goodbye -- and having his original dreams of going to New York and NYADA and starting a career have been dashed, Kurt has been inward and wandering and without focus.  The Break Up just exemplified that even further -- and he’s been hiding in his own little bubble, easily letting Rachel guide his life, existing as he works through some dark times in his life.  And this song, and this moment is about him breaking out of his own self-imposed shell and going out there and, well, being alive again.  

He says he didn’t know what the song was about until just then - but that’s because he now has been through some of the tougher things in life and come out on the other side.  And knows that even though life really sucks at times, it’s caused him to be a stronger person.  

This song is also about Blaine -- in the way that Blaine sung My Dark Side about Kurt.  It’s not just about the other person, but there’s a lot of them in there.  I sometimes think of this as being a response to that song - in addition to everything else. 

But before I talk about Blaine.... 

Somebody, hold me too close Somebody, hurt me too deep Somebody, sit in my chair And ruin my sleep And make me aware Of being alive Being alive

Somebody, need me too much Somebody, know me too well Somebody, pull me up short And put me through hell And give me support For being alive Make me alive

Somebody, crowd me with love Somebody, force me to care Somebody, let me come through I'll always be there As frightened as you To help us survive Being alive

I wanted to put (some of) the lyrics here because they’re really quite fantastic.  And really speak well to Kurt -- almost asking someone to come and help him feel real things, help him live a life worth living whether that’s bad or good it’s better than not doing anything at all.  

And -- I saw this fantastic fan video once (I wish I could find it, alas I cannot) where it illustrates that those people are not just Blaine -- but his dad, Rachel, Karofsky, the other glee club kids, a lot of people are in Kurt’s life who pull him out and make him feel things and make life real. 

But of course -- Blaine’s all up in the subtext of this song -- especially post Break Up.  No one can really quite make Kurt come alive like Blaine.  No one can really quite break Kurt like Blaine.  

Kurt spent most of his life, especially after his mom died, shielded up and protective of himself.  And Blaine came along - and experienced the most vulnerable things with Kurt.  And then broke his heart.  And of course Kurt retreated.  But this song is about moving forward again after that.  And not shutting himself off to living life.  

And hence, the second half of season 4 -- as limited a POV as we get -- is about doing just that.  

The thing about this performance -- Kurt’s open and emotional and vulnerable, but it’s not the first time.  I think of some of Kurt’s past solos -- A House is Not a Home, Rose’s Turn, I Want to Hold Your Hand, As If We Never Said Goodbye, and I Have Nothing -- and this thing they all have in common, despite all being vastly about different things -- is that they let other people see what he usually guards very close to his heart.  And thus why this performance, to me, is so powerful. 

And Kurt -- at the end is fascinating.  He kind of draws back into himself, because the response, positive as it is, is somewhat shocking.  Kurt when he sings goes to another place, and now that he’s back in reality, it’s slightly overwhelming -- especially for an introvert who just exposed a piece of his soul for everyone to see.  

Don’t Dream It’s Over

The last song of the episode, the group singing about continuing on even if it feels hopeless -- well, that makes a lot of sense in connection to Kurt’s story as well.  Because Kurt gets his NYADA acceptance letter (finally) and the whole episode is a lot about not giving up on yourself or your dreams, even when everything seems to be over.  You never know...