#the library near my grandparents' house in Canada is AMAZING

[donuts4evry1]

I have a confession to make:

So I like to read books for my cousin. Reading is fun.

At the library, this bok caught her attention(because it was a cut glittery pink kitten haha) and I thought "oh, this will be a cute book"

NO.

IT ABSOLUTELY RIPPED MY HEART TO SHREDS I ALMOST BROKE DOWN SOBBING OVER THE DINNER TABLE OH. MY GOD.

Funny enough I don't want to spoil anything about the book so I'll just leave my commentary under the cut. It's a genuinely good read and I recommend it to everyone

This book follows a little kitten trying her very hardest to be a unicorn. Every time she makes a change to be more like a unicorn she is satisfied with herself, but her friends(?) Parakeet and Gecko keep telling her that she's too feline to be a unicorn.

And she tries to be confident but it's all shattered when an actual unicorn comes by in all of his unicorn-y glory. And she is heartbroken, because she could never compare to the magestic unicorn.

but there's a twist.

The unicorn explains to kitty that he isn't actually a unicorn- but a Kittycorn.

And Kitty brightens up immediately.

They end up bonding over their shared characteristics and it's all in all amazing and wholesome and at the end they cuddle and their shadows merge into a heart because they are not dissimilar anymore.

Anyways I think this story just. Resonated with me. As an allegorical children's picture book, it's intentionally vague and up to interpretation, but here's how it Resonated with me:

A lot of times, I'm comfortable in my birth gender. It was what I was born with, and I know it well.

Other times I don't feel anything towards it.

And during those times, I feel like I don't fit into anything at all. I can pass as masculine granted I wear clothes that aren't mine, but my mannerisms and voice are too feminine to truly pass. I'm stuck in between identities.

Every now and then I'll look into the mirror and feel. Disappointed. The person in the mirror isn't... good enough.

This subsided when I cut my hair but it's growing long again, and the feeling is starting to creep back.

I think the story showing an individual coming to terms with and celebrating the the "in between" is something I really wanted to see. Kitty isn't entirely a cat, nor is she entirely a unicorn. And it's shown not just to be ok- but to be wonderful. Unicorn, her original "goal", also having a journey similar to Kitty's is insanely heartwarming too and what really started tugging at the tear ducts.

Am I a girl? Am I a boy? Am I gender fluid? Am I a genderqueer? I'm a cis girl who wants to present masculine, or am I androgynous? Am I something not even on this list?

I have a lot of experimenting to do if I want to go to the bottom of this, but the bottom line is that I feel a little off inside of my own body, and seeing a cat go through a journey somewhat similar to mine makes me kind of. Emotional.

[surveysonfleek]

546.

A! What is your AGE? 26. Have you ever been to ALASKA? nope. Do you want to go to AFRICA? i’ve been before but not to the mainland. What is one of your biggest ACCOMPLISHMENTS? getting a degree. When if ever was the last time you were on an AIRPLANE? back in april this year.

Have you ever eaten ARUGULA? yes. What is your favorite ANIMATED movie? aladdin, mulan and the lion king. Do you have any famous ANCESTORS?  nope.

Have you ever seen an ALLIGATOR? yes. Have you ever sprained your ANKLE? i feel like i have. When was the last time you had a doctor APPOINTMENT? i never really make an appointment, i just show up. Do you enjoy doing ART? sure but it depends on the subject matter. Have you ever gotten a celebrity's AUTOGRAPH? yes. Who is your favorite AUTHOR? jk rowling. Have you ever AUDITIONED for anything? no. Are you interested in ASTRONOMY? hmm not so much hey. Do/did you have good ATTENDANCE in school? yes. B! When is your BIRTHDAY? dec 5. What color is your BACKPACK? black. Have you ever done BALLET? nope. Do you know anyone who's expecting a BABY soon? yes, two people from work. Do you have BARBECUES in the summer? yeah sometimes. Does your house have a BASEMENT? nope. Do you enjoy going to the BEACH? hmmm sometimes. not usually tbh. What is your favorite BOOK? the harry potter series. What time do you usually go to BED? usually 3am. What did you eat for BREAKFAST? nothing. Do you know anyone who is BLIND? no. Are you wearing anything that's the color BLUE? nope. Do you know what BOOMWHACKERS are? nope. Have you ever been BLUEBERRY picking? no. Are you wearing a BRACELET? yes. Do you like the song BRIDGE Over Troubled Water? it’s okay. Have you ever slept in a BUNK BED? yes. C! Do you have a CAT? no, i’m not a fan. Do you drink COFFEE? not often. How much CASH is in your wallet right now? nothing, i hate carrying cash. Do you like COUSCOUS? eh, it’s okay. i don’t like nor hate it. How about CHEESECAKE? i prefer mudcake. What kind of CAR do you have? a suzuki alto. What is your favorite kind of COOKIE? any with a soft centre. Have you ever been in a CHOIR? no. Do you enjoy riding CAROUSELS? i’ll only go on it if it’s a short line. Are you sitting in a CHAIR? no, i’m in bed lol. Do you go to CHURCH? nope. What is/was your favorite CLASS in school? visual arts. Do you like COLORING books? depends on the images, but yeah.

Who is your favorite COMPOSER? i don’t have one. Do you like COWS? haha no. What was your favorite Halloween COSTUME? wednesday addams. D! Do you like DUCKS? not really. i don’t hate them though. What is your favorite breed of DOG? corgis. What would you name your DAUGHTER? no idea yet but i’ve loved the name sierra for the longest time. What is today's DATE? nov 16. Are you good at DANCING? not at all. Do you have DECORATIONS on your bedroom walls? nope. just a huge corkboard. When was the last time you saw your DAD? nearly two weeks ago. Have you seen the musical DEAR Evan Hansen? nope. Have you ever seen a DEER in your yard? no, that’d be a shock. Do you own any DIAMOND jewelry? yes. Do you like DOCUMENTARY films? generally yes, depends on the subject. Does your house have a DECK? nope. What's your favorite thing to eat for DINNER? it depends on my mood. How about for DESSERT? usually something warm like waffles, pie etc. Have you ever lived in a DORM? no. What's the last DREAM you remember having? i forgot. E! How do you like your EGGS? scrambled. Are your EARS pierced? yes. Have you ever seen an ECLIPSE? no :( next time! What is an activity you ENJOY? sleeping. Is your favorite animal an ELEPHANT? nope. When is the last time you rode in an ELEVATOR?: ummm. tuesday. Do you know anyone named ELIZABETH? yes, a supervisor at work. Do you believe that everyone should have EQUAL rights?  yes.

Have you ever been in an EARTHQUAKE? i don’t think so. Are you EXCITED about anything? i’m excited to eat. i’m starving. Do you get a lot of EXERCISE? not enough. F! Have you ever been to FLORIDA? yes, once. Do you like FISH? yes. Have you ever been to the FAIR? yes. Who was the last FRIEND you hung out with? four of my friends. Do you like FIREFLIES? i’ve only seen them once but they were amazing!! Have you ever wished you could FLY? i’d rather teleport than fly. Do you like FROGS? no. What FOREIGN countries have you visited? singapore, philippines, fiji, usa, canada, uae, mauritius, england, france, italy, belgium, spain, greece, germany, the netherlands, czech republic. i think that’s it... Can you run FAST? nope. Do you have a big FAMILY? yeah kinda. Do you have A FACEBOOK? yes. Do you like FRENCH toast? yes!! Have you ever been to FINLAND? nope. Are you FEMALE? yes. Do you know anyone who lives on a FARM? yes. G! Do you believe in GHOSTS? nah. Are you good at GEOMETRY? nope. What is one of your GOALS? find a good career. Have you ever pet a GOAT? yes. What year did you/are you going to GRADUATE high school? 2009. Are any of your GRANDPARENTS still living? unfortunately not. What GRADE in school was your favorite? 11th i think. When was the last time you gave someone a GIFT? yesterday! Have you ever seen a GRIZZLY bear? i don’t think so. If a GENIE granted you 3 wishes what would you wish for? unlimited money, happiness and health for me and everyone i love. Does your house have a GARDEN? yes, a huge one. What about a GARAGE? yes. Do you like to chew GUM? yes. Have you ever done GYMNASTICS? as a kid. H! What is your HOMETOWN? i live about 30 minutes form my hometown. When's the last time you had a HAIRCUT? maybe three months ago. What HAND do you write with? right. Have you ever ridden a HORSE? yes. Do you like HOT chocolate? yes, but i only ever drink it in winter. When's the last time you ate a HAMBURGER? yesterday. Do you have neat HANDWRITING? not super neat, but it’s legible. What is your favorite HOLIDAY? christmas. Do you like the musical HAMILTON? i haven’t seen it. when i was in nyc this april every show was sold out but people were reselling their tickers for thousands of dollars. no thanks. Are you in HIGH school? nope. Do you enjoy HIKING? no, i hate it with a passion. What is your HEIGHT? 5'4". Who is your HERO? my parents. Are you HUNGRY? nope. I! Do you like ICE in your water? yes. Are you INSIDE right now? yes. What's your favorite INTERNATIONAL food? japanese and chinese. oh, greek food is nice too! and korean! Have you ever been an INTERN anywhere? yes.

Do you use the INTERNET a lot? everyday. What is your favorite musical INSTRUMENT? piano or guitar. What is something you're INTERESTED in? traveling. When was the last time you used INDEX cards? i never really did, not even when i was studying for exams. Do you like the color INDIGO? yes. Have you ever had a job INTERVIEW? yes. What's your favorite ICE cream flavor? cookie dough. J! Are you wearing any JEWELRY? yes, i wear my necklace and bracelet 24/7. Do you like JAZZ music? it sounds good but i don’t actively listen to it. Are you JEALOUS of anyone? no. Do you write in a JOURNAL? nope. What is your dream JOB? something that allows me to travel a lot. Do you know anyone who's a JUDGE? nope. Can you JUMP high? no. Do you know any funny JOKES? eh, not really. What does your favorite JACKET look like? it’s just a plain denim jacket from h&m. Do you know anyone named JOHN? yes. Have you ever played JEOPARDY? no. Have you ever seen a JELLYFISH? yes. How about a JAGUAR? i don’t think i have. not even at a zoo. K! Do you like KALE? from the very few times i’ve had it, it was good. Do you know anyone in KINDERGARTEN? i know someone that will start next year. Aren't KITTENS adorable? i don’t really like cats in general. Do you own a KEY to your house? yes. Do you have any KIDS? nope. Do you own a tea KETTLE? yes. Have you ever seen a KOALA? yes. Do you have a lot of KNOWLEDGE? i do. maybe not as much as other people but whatever. Have you ever worn a KIMONO? yes. Do you like KEBOBS? yes. Do you know anyone who's had a KNEE replacement? no. Are you KIND? for the most part, yes. Do you know how to KNIT? nope. Have you ever sung KARAOKE? yes. Do you always KNOCK before entering a room? not unless i know someone’s in there. L! Do the LEAVES change color where you live? yep. obviously only in autumn. When was the last time you did LAUNDRY? i don’t remember. my mum still insists on doing it coz apparently i don’t do it right. How many LANGUAGES can you speak? two. When was the last time you went to the LIBRARY? no idea. back when i was in uni i think. Do you know anyone who's LEFT-handed? yes. When was the last time you wrote a LETTER? i wrote a quick birthday message in a card yesterday for my friend, does that count? Post some LYRICS from the song you're listening to: not listening to anything. Do you have a driver's LICENSE? yes. Is there a LIGHT on near you? yes. Have you ever seen a LION? yes. LOOK out the nearest window. What do you see? the street. Do you buy LOCAL food? yes. Have you ever eaten LOBSTER? yes. How LONG is the song you're listening to now? not listening to anything. Do you like LEMONS?: only to compliment food. M! Are you good at MATH? very basic maths i guess. What is your favorite genre of MUSIC? rnb, hip hop, neo soul. Have you received any MAIL recently? yes. What is your MOM'S name? rather not say. Do you believe in MAGIC? no. i do love illusions though. Do you wear MAKEUP? yes. Have you ever been in a MADRIGALS group? nope. Do you put MAPLE syrup on your pancakes? yes! What is one of your favorite MEMORIES? any time i’ve gone traveling. What would you do with a MILLION dollars? pay off debts, give some to family, invest in a house and save the rest. Are there any words you often MISPRONOUNCE? probably. Can you see the MOON right now? nope. Do you enjoy going to MUSEUMS? yes, i’ll happily visit any museum. When did you last use a MICROWAVE? today. Do you drink MILK? only soy or lactose free. What were you doing at MIDNIGHT last night? sleeping. Do you MISS anyone? yes. N! Do you like your NEIGHBORS? i don’t really talk to any of them. Have you ever been in the NEWSPAPER? yes haha. Do you have a NICKEL in your wallet? yes. Is it NIGHTTIME? yes. Do you have any NIECES? yes kinda, they’re my cousin’s daughters. How about NEPHEWS? same ^ but my cousin’s sons. When is the last time you wrote in a NOTEBOOK? i don’t remember. Have you ever been to NEW York City? yes. What is your favorite/lucky NUMBER?  7. What makes you NOSTALGIC? looking at old photos, listening to old songs, watching old videos and/or movies. Do you have any NICKNAMES? yes, plenty. Do you ever take NAPS? only if i haven’t had enough sleep. Do you enjoy spending time in NATURE? not usually, but i can. Do you know anyone who has a NEWFOUNDLAND (the dog)? nope. Were you born in the NINETEEN NINETIES? yes. When was the last time you read a NOVEL? a couple weeks ago. O! Do you like to eat OATMEAL? nope. Have you ever been to the OCEAN? yes. Do you work in an OFFICE? no.

Are there any OAK trees in your yard? no. Do you like OLIVES? no, i hate them. Have you ever seen a live ORCHESTRA? yes. Have you ever been to the ORTHODONTIST? nope. Are you ORGANIZED? yeah kinda. Do you like OTTERS? yeah, they’re cute. What is your favorite OUTFIT? just a plain summer dress or a tee and leggings. When is the last time you were OUTSIDE? just then. Have you ever been to The OUTBACK Steakhouse? yes. What is something you're OBSESSED with? netflix lol. Is there a door OPEN nearby?  nope.

Are you part of any ORGANIZATIONS? not really unless you count the union at work. P! Do you have a PUPPY? yeah but he’s not a puppy anymore, he’s an oldie. Do you like PAINTING? i haven’t painted in years. Have you ever had a PEN PAL? yes, just my cousin lol. Do you own any PALAZZO pants? nope. What's your favorite kind of PIZZA? meat lovers. What are you PASSIONATE about? tbh i’m not sure. is that bad lol. What's the best PERFORMANCE you've ever been to? beyonce. Do you get along with your PARENTS? yes. What's the last thing you PAID for? presents for my god daughter. What kind of PHONE do you have? iphone 7. Can you play the PIANO? i can but very basic stuff. What is your favorite kind of PIE? apple. Is PURPLE your favorite color? not my fave but i still like it. Have you ever been to a PLANETARIUM? yes. Do you like POETRY? not really. Do you carry a PURSE? yes. Q! Do you like answering QUESTIONS? sure. Is it QUIET in the room right now? yes. Have you ever made a QUILT? nope. Have you ever been in a QUARTET? no. Did you ever collect state QUARTERS? no. When did you last have a QUIZ in school? no idea, maybe five years ago. What is your favorite QUOTE? i don’t have one. Do you ever QUACK like a duck? umm nope lol. R! How often do you listen to the RADIO? every now and then when i do short driving trips. Do you like to READ? yes. Is it RAINING? no. it was earlier though. Have you ever been to a RALLY? nope. Name 3 things in your REFRIGERATOR: ketchup, cheese, water. Have you ever had a REHEARSAL for something? yes. Have you ever been to a RENAISSANCE festival? nope. What makes you feel RELAXED? massages. Does your family have REUNIONS? yes. What is your favorite RESTAURANT? i depends which cuisine. but i do love any kbbq. Have you ever sat on your ROOF? nope. Do you have a ROOMMATE? no, just family. Do you have a Labrador or Golden RETRIEVER? nope. Do you know anyone who is RETIRED? yes. Do you like RASPBERRIES? they’re okay. When you go to an event do you buy REFRESHMENTS? yes. S! Have you ever been SAILING? not proper sailing. Do you ever shop at a SALVATION Army? i have before. Do you like to eat free SAMPLES in the grocery store? sure. Do you have a SISTER? yes. Can you speak SPANISH? no. What SCHOOL do you go to? I'm not in school. Do you like the game SCRABBLE? yes. Have you ever been to SPAIN? yes. Have you ever been in a SPELLING bee? no. Name someone you know who is an amazing SINGER: eh... idk lol. When was the last time you saw a SQUIRREL? when i was in usa. Does it SNOW a lot where you live? it has never snowed here. Are you wearing SOCKS? nope. Do you own a SKETCHBOOK? yes, but i don’t use it.

When was the last time you took a SHOWER? today. Do you know the song from West Side Story called SOMEWHERE? idk. T! Who was the last person you TEXTED? my boyfriend. Do you like to drink TEA? i do but very rarely. Have you ever played a TAMBOURINE? yes. Who is/was your favorite TEACHER? tbh i didn’t have one. Do you like to shop at TARGET? yes. Do you have a TAPESTRY in your room? nope. What's the TEMPERATURE outside? idk probably around 20 degrees c. What is your favorite T-SHIRT? my oversized striped one. Do you own a TEDDY bear? no. Are you a TEENAGER? no. Are you interested in THEATER? not really. What TIME is it? 12:28am. Do you have a TRAMPOLINE? nope. Can you read music in TREBLE clef? nope lol. Have you ever had a pet TURTLE? no. Have you ever TUTORED anyone? yeah kinda. U! What is UNDER your bed? a lot of junk and early christmas presents that i’ve bought. Have you ever had to wear a UNIFORM for anything? yes, work. When was the last time you saw your UNCLE? in april. Do you go to a UNIVERSITY? no i already graduated. Do you live in an URBAN area? yes. When was the last time you used an UMBRELLA? i forgot. Do you know anyone who is a UNITARIAN? nope. Have you ever been an USHER? nope. Can you UNDERSTAND other languages? yes. What makes you UNIQUE? just the way i look i guess. When was the last time you went UPSTAIRS? just then. How many months are there UNTIL your birthday? less than a month. V! Do you know anyone who is a VEGETARIAN? nope. When did you last use a VACUUM cleaner? last week. Where is the last place you went on VACATION?  vegas. Do you know anyone who plays the VIOLIN? nope. Have you ever wanted to be a VETERINARIAN? no. What countries would you like to VISIT? japan and the bahamas. Have you ever taken VOICE lessons? nope. What was the last thing you bought from a VENDING machine? a drink. Have you ever been to Martha's VINEYARD? nope. How about VERMONT? no. Do you like VANILLA ice cream? no. Have you ever VOLUNTEERED anywhere? yes. Are you registered to VOTE? yes. Do you have perfect VISION? no. i wish! W! Do you drink a lot of WATER? yes i do actually. What's in your WALLET? license, debit card, credit card, membership cards. Do you wear a WATCH? not since my apple watch broke :( What is the WALLPAPER on your computer? it’s of cityscapes all over the world. it changes every five minutes i think. Have you ever read the WARRIORS books? no. Can you WHISTLE? yes. Do you like WOLVES? tbh i’ve never seen any irl. What is your favorite WORD? fiasco. Is it WINDY outside? no. Have you ever painted with WATERCOLORS? yes. What time did you WAKE up today? midday. Are there any WATERFALLS near where you live? nope. Have you ever seen a WHALE? yes. If you have a dog does it WAG its tail a lot? whenever he sees anyone. Have you ever been to WASHINGTON, DC?  yes. Have you ever been to a WEDDING? yes. X! Have you ever had an X-RAY? yes. Can you play the XYLOPHONE? i mean i can but i can’t play anything nice lol. Can you speak or understand XHOSA? nope. Y! Does your house have a big YARD? yeah, it’s huge. Have you ever done YOGA? no. Do you like YOGURT? sometimes. Do you have a YEARBOOK from high school? yes. Are you wearing anything that is the color YELLOW? nope. Have you ever had a YARD sale? no. What YEAR were you born? 1990. Have you ever heard the song YOU Will Be Found? nope. Have you ever been part of a YOUTH group? yes. What did you do YESTERDAY? had dinner with friends. What's something YUMMY you ate recently? tacos. What's the last YOUTUBE video you watched? some buzzfeed video of a girl going on a date with a real life vampire lmao. Z! Have you ever seen a ZEBRA? yes. What is your ZODIAC sign? sagittarius. Are you wearing anything with a ZIPPER? nope. Have you ever seen the movie ZOOTOPIA? yes, it was cute, Do you use ZIPLOCK bags? no. Do you know anyone named ZOE? no. Have you ever been to ZIMBABWE? no.