#the moral of the story is don’t trust randos on the internet - trust your own judgment and this fandom incredible analysis skills

[fascinatedhelix]

Been seeing some stuff on the dash and decided that, since I’ve dealt with some shit myself, I might try dispensing some advice for people also looking on this and thinking “I don’t want to deal with this!” Feel free to ignore me, otherwise.

Auto’s Advice for Avoiding Internet Drama

Do:

Be lightly involved in a number of separate fandom groups. (Don’t put all your eggs in one basket, that way if you have to leave one for whatever reason, you’re not totally isolated.)

Block people who make you upset. (The easiest way to make sure someone doesn’t bother you is to just use the block function to ensure they can’t see or interact with you. Picking fights is what stirs fandom drama in the first place.)

Make extensive use of clear and accurate trigger warnings. (Yes, it’s tedious and might seem unnecessary for you, but it’s considerate and people appreciate someone who’s mindful of that. That being said, you don’t absolutely have to.)

Be patient when explaining things to people. (The thing with text media is that you can’t read vocal tone through it. Considering the reading comprehension in spaces like Tumblr is very low, you will have to express a level of patience when discussing more hot-button topics. A lot of the people you might think of as bigoted are only like that because the only people willing to talk to them about those topics are the actual bigots.)

Remember that you don’t owe anyone your life story. (Strangers on the Internet have no real right to know anything about you as a person. They have a right to ask your age if they’re going to be talking mature topics in your presence, and they have a right to ask your pronouns, but you are not obligated to provide anything more than that.)

Don’t:

Drag strangers into your personal disputes. (Not only is it dickish, but you can’t expect total strangers to make for good intermediaries. If they’re friends with your enemy, you bet your ass they’re going to side with the one who they actually know, don’t hold it against them when they don’t trust the aggressive rando.)

Hinge your recovery on the person who harmed you apologizing. (Lots of people are abused and traumatized and never receive anything even vaguely resembling an apology, and it really isn’t necessary for healing. You do not owe that person even another moment of thought in order to heal from the harm they had done to you.)

Feed the trolls. (Sometimes people will say shit purely to piss people off. In some circles of the Internet they make a game out of causing as much controversy and upset as they can. Do not indulge them, do not engage, block and move on.)

Assume every callout post is correct or wholly unbiased. (They’re usually written by victims or people who feel that they have been victimized, and it’s very easy to fabricate the truth. Some people even use callout posts in order to threaten people.)

Spend every waking moment of your free time in fandom. (Fandom is best indulged in in moderation. Diversify your free time with hands-on activities that you can do without your computer or phone, like casual drawing or journaling, that way you stay grounded in reality.)

Hold literal kids to the same standards as adults. (The average fandom-obsessed child isn’t going to be well versed in how to behave like a mature and morally sound adult. Even teenagers are not immune to engaging in potentially harmful behavior because they haven’t learned that lesson yet. Be patient with minors, please.)

Never trust somebody that:

Deals in ultimatums and threats. (Generally when somebody on the Internet actively threatens you with something, either they are bluffing or they’re going to do it anyway and are just looking to see how you’ll react. It might hurt, but if a friend starts threatening you or themselves to try and get you to do something, cease contact immediately.)

Uses shocking terminology to refer to mild fandom problems. (For example, calling an 18 year old who ships two 16 year old cartoon characters a pedophile, calling something that just makes you uncomfortable a trigger, or calling a needy Discord mod a cult leader. Those words have actual real life meanings and repercussions, they’re not meant to be used as ammunition in fandom wank.)

Makes a habit of writing callout posts. (As stated earlier, it is very easy to fabricate evidence or phrase things carefully to make a whole lot of people hate one person, and some people get addicted to the popularity that garners them. People who always place themselves on the side of the victim but don’t really do anything to support the victims are more likely to be in it for attention than anything else.)

Is overly involved in fandom politics and discourse. (You have better things to do than argue about whose ship is more or less “problematic” or whether giving this or that villain a redemption arc was fascist apologist or not. Some people would rather argue for miles about fictional social issues than even look in the general direction of a charity that helps real people.)

Tries to be a “fandom leader” or suck up to those that do. (Anybody that tries enforcing a position of authority in a fandom is bound to be a huge asshole, and their cronies are no better. Listen to mods, but don’t treat them like the goddamn president.)

Tries forcing things into canon. (Fans are not the constituents of the media creators, they have no say in what is or is not actually canon. You have a right to ignore canon and make up your own, but you do not have the right to try and force things to become official. The people who do try tend to take things way too far IRL.)

[timeadrift]

ok I think I’ve changed enough that I feel safe in my own home blog again

Basically I felt like I lost my outlet and ability to discuss anything because someone from real life got a hold of my blog and would take it super personally whenever I tried to discuss anything related to my life because “why would I talk to randos on the internet instead of with them” or some shit w/e

Cue having a supremely bad night, sitting on a tumblr text post screen for an hour because god I wanted to write in what is basically my diary but being too afraid of the drama shit show that could start as a result, aaand essentially snapping which led to this whole name change, no linking over to the new blog from my old, avatar change, and a new layout to try and shake them. I’m like 97% sure they don’t have an account and just had my old blog in their bookmarks so I think this whole mess is over

Moral of the story: don’t let anyone from real life find your blog unless you trust them implicitly I guess

[wrex-writes]

Oh yeah. I sent two asks, but Tumblr probably ate the other one. Ummm... by saying that, I mean, I feel like... if other positive reviewers read the bad feedback, they will go like "Huh, you know, you're right, this person kinda sucks at writing. Thanks for making me see how bad of a writer this person is." It's unreasonable, and illogical, I know. And I get that a writer needs to learn to accept bad feedbacks, but it's so tough to do so. I tried. And failed at accepting the review. :c

First post for reference

This probably won’t help, since you just said you know it’s illogical, but…I can assure you this never happens. Like, I don’t have proof, I haven’t conducted a survey, but I am morally certain that nobody who enjoyed a story ever scrolled down to a negative review and went “you know, actually I hated that story.” If they enjoyed the story, they’re vastly more likely to get angry or indignant at a negative review. This happens to me all the time when I read something I like. I’ll see a bad review and swell with rage. Never once have I simply written off my positive experience as meaningless next to a disgruntled reader’s negative one. Even if I do acknowledge some flaws pointed out by the reviewer, they never seem like serious flaws since they didn’t interfere with my enjoyment of the story.

Negative reviews aren’t contagious. The people who liked your story really liked it, and will continue to like it. I promise.

And you know, honestly, you don’t have to “accept” bad reviews. I mean, you do in the sense that if they happen, they happen, and you can’t change that, but you don’t have to agree with them, or receive them gladly with a deferential “thank you, sir, may I have another.” You can be mad! It’s okay! It’s healthy, even! Just don’t reply with a capslocked tirade, if you can help it. We’ve all seen Anne Rice do that and it’s embarrassing for everyone.

It’s true that as you develop as a writer, a certain amount of critical feedback is helpful. But it must come from a person you trust, who understands and values the project you’re working on, not from some rando on the internet who thinks they know a thing or two about writing. Most people don’t know shit! I can count on one hand the number of genuinely helpful, valuable negative reviews of fanfic I’ve seen on the internet. And none of them were entirely negative; the reviewer just saw areas for improvement in a story they otherwise liked. If a reader does nothing but rant about how bad your story was, they 1) have their own issues unrelated to your story, or 2) fundamentally missed the point of your story because they were looking for something else. You don’t need to take all critical feedback seriously, just the stuff from people who actually know what they’re talking about!

(By the way, if bad reviews are causing you major distress, AO3 does have an option for the author to moderate their feedback. If you don’t like it, you don’t have to let it through. There’s no shame in that; I’ve seen lots of authors do it.)