#the only fidget toy good enough for my peanut brain

[godbirdart]

i don’t want the ice cream i just want to crunch the stick between my teeth for a few hours until i inevitably rip it into splinters

[dolphin-enthusiast]

Part 10

I came to accept that my headache is permanent and I should accept it.

Fun fact! My ADHD brain is messed up!

This is what I’m supposed to look like when I draw.

Hair is in a ponytail, brushed. Glasses on, mask in case of emergency and my earrings in the right position.

This is how I actually look.

The same 2 chunks of hair just came out of my neat ponytail, no glasses, I don’t even know how I see lines, and everything’s a mess

And me, but after showering.

And I shower with my glasses. I am in shambles, I’m nowhere near beautiful in both of my country’s standards. I may feel like garbage 18/6, but I’m cute garbage who’s finally starting to value herself. Himself or themselves sometimes.

(ALSO AKINATOR

BOI HE WANTS IT TO BE JOSEPH. Still couldn’t get Shoesuke.)

Koichi and I were cleaning the classroom. “Koi, haven’t you noticed that for some reason, we’re spending a little too much time together?” “I mean, I feel like it’s not enough!” “For me is overbearing, I’m not used to this much social interaction... in fact, you feel like a brother and I’m also not used to that kind of love.” “What are you wearing though?” “Some cleaning clothes, I tend to spill everything and while I was cleaning the tubes, some jackass forgot to empty some unknown liquid so I’m disinfecting it.” “But you’re still wearing makeup?” “I never wore any.” “Wait, those are your real eyelashes?” “Yup, everyone in my mum’s side of the family has log ass eyelashes- *sound* . W-What was that?” “Probably nothing.” “It’s me guys~!”

“AAAA!” “SHIT, CAN YOU LEARN TO SAY ‘Hey guys, it’s me!’ BEFORE YOU COME IN?! JESUS CHRIST YOU GAVE ME VIETNAM FLASHBACKS.!! I SWALLOWED A STRAND OF YOUR HAIR AT A CAFE AND IT DAMAGED MY THROAT!! BE MOTE CAREFUL NEXT TIME, BABE!! !” “Y-Yukako...” “Babe..! Anyways...What are you guys doing? And what is Sky wearing?” “Well, my boi who’s smaller than the atoms, king of the bacteria, who’s smaller than a cell, Shawty here and I share chemistry and the teacher saw we were closea and we’re cleaning it for 4th period. Did your brain suddenly go off? I have some fidgeting toys if you need to(by that it’s just a pen I carry that does an oh so satisfying click.)” “Oh..” She then tells us to forget about the confession and asks to be just regular friends. “Oh, it’s ok,Sugar! I regret a lot of things time to time! It’s fine!” “That’s good! I’ve been thinking all night what would I do if you refused.I got a little present to show you my appreciation!” whisper to Koichi. “You know Koichi, I may just be paranoid from experience, but if she gets a rag and something that smells sweet and pungent, run and tell everyone I love them.” And to my delight it doesn’t smell like rags and chloroform.

It’s sweaters. “I made them especially for you. I just finished them this morning.” I try my own, I mean, it’s not like I have anymore clothes. “Fantastic,they fit perfectly! I only knew your height and bust size, so I was worried about the shoulder and weight!” And I’m both smiling and crying “How the hell did you know that...? I don’t even know my own measurements...” “And I have your día de muertos skull makeup and a flamboyan on yours!” “Wait, you’re Mexican-Puertorican?” “Yup...” “But you look Korean!” “No one in my family is Korean... we don’t know why I look like this... The real question is, how did she know it...” “And I even made lucky charms for you! I hope you find your perfect matches!” I whisper to Koichi “Puta vida(It’s like, fuck my life, fucking life.) she knows me better than I know myself...” “I wanted to eat lunch with you guys!” I whisper to Koichi, “Wait, in lunch we actually eat?” And he whispers back “You didn’t?” “Fuck no, my school’s food was shit and at my university I was the only kid so I never got any food.” “What did you even eat?” “25% orange juice with pulp, an apple and if I’m feeling special, a very deep breath.”

(I have to respect my dreamscape, that’s actually what I have for lunch and I can’t sneak out to the university that my school has in time to actually eat.)

And she pulls out 2 different bento lunches with a love theme. She explains Koichi’s lunch “And for Sky’s, I made something different! I replaced the shrimp with some freshly baked ‘pan sobao’ as the locals call it because she’s allergic to almost all sea creatures. She can only eat a specific type of salmon so I got it fresh from the boat. I also picked out each individual bone! She also doesn’t like peppers, so I replaced them with dessert, a cup of rocky road ice cream! Usually, people put peanuts and where she comes from, they put a little milk in it, but she’s allergic to both peanuts and milk, it’s marshmallows!”

(Damn, it even gets my allergies correct. BUT I STILL CANT FIND OUT THE DAMN DATE. Merito questa punizione? Forse è così. I’m glad those Italian lessons I accidentally stumbled on when I was 6 are still in my memory.)

“Koichi, is it too late to run?” “Yes.” “You two must be very hungry! What do you want, the shrimp and bread first?” And she tries force feeding us until “Guys! Are you slacking off there? You need to take out the trash.” “OH SHIT, I FORGOT!!! THANKS CLASS PRES !!” And Koichi and I frantically grab the trash cans and she helps us “Oh, Sky! I also cleaned your uniform. You should really be more careful.” “I know. Hey,Yukako!” “Huh?” “I should’ve done this sooner but I forgot I wasn’t the only person in the planet, here! My phone number. If you need anything, you can call. Unless it’s 9pm. I go to sleep at 8:30. And I wake up at 6:30. I’m not available those hours. Ok,bye!” “!!” On the way out, “I know I doomed myself with that. I’m a psychic, but let’s be honest. That’s the most someone has ever cared for me since I was little. Plus, it’s a friendly gesture!” After school, the girl was walking out “You! Wait! Can you not approach Koichi and Sky anymore?” “You mean Koichi Hirose and Sky-Chanyeol Guadalupe? Yamagishi what are you talking about?” “I CLEARLY SAW IT!!” “What did I do for you to treat me like this?” “If I see you with them again, you’re gonna get it.” Yadayadaya, threats, hair is on fire, Josuke and Okuyasu realize Yukako is the hair stand user.

Part 11 soon!

[anonymous-scapegoat]

i rly don't mean to be offensive I'm just curious/confused? bc i can accept that fidget toys and stuff help people with adhd but in my head i always just imagine things like that being distracting instead of helping to focus can u explain how it all works pls?

heyo! no worries my dude/gal/person i am happy 2 answer ur totally fair question! (real quick tho i’ve done a tonnnn of research on adhd but i’m still no expert so i’m explaining to the best of my understanding but i can’t promise it’ll be infallible lol) 

the idea basically is that the brain of an adhder has a very volatile but dependent relationship w stimulus. too much stimulus? overwhelming overloaded breakdown ur brain can’t process anything bc ur pouring water in2 a cup that’s already full - no focus. too little? zzzzzzz ur brain is off in lala land and can actually start to shut down the rest of ur body and literally put u 2 sleep! also no focus lol. 

the idea behind the fidget/stim toy is that it helps regulate! if there’s too much stimulus, repetitive motions (like spinning or pushing buttons), or things that relieve tension (like biting on a chew toy or squeezing a stress ball) counteract that negative input. and if there’s too little stimulus, a fidget will help keep your brain stimmed and happy enough 2 maintain focus ^_^

this is getting super long but the way i like 2 think of it is that ur brain is one of those nice flat-rate fedex boxes - it has a set amount of space! if u try 2 fit too much stuff inside, u can’t ship it anywhere bc it won’t close and fedex has standards ok! but if u only have a little snow globe or some shit in there, unless u stick some packing peanuts in 2 keep it safe, its gonna rattle around in there and shatter! either way ur package does not ship the way u want it 2. 

so the stim toy is alternately the kind friend who helps u remove nonessential items from ur box and keeps u from crying bc there’s too much stuff what do u do ur snow globe is buried under all this other stuff, and the packing peanuts, which fill up enough space in ur box that any stray thought that pops up will not hit ur snow globe (which is a metaphor for ur focus on the task at hand) and crack it ^_^ 

a lot of the time this sort of thing is hard for non-adhd and/or allistic ppl 2 understand or relate 2 bc they don’t have the same relationship w external stimuli! additional ‘distractions’ in the classroom for example wouldn’t help someone whose head knows how 2 keep itself filled w packing peanuts on its own ^^” but for us they’re pretty useful! (i probably would’ve done much better in english if i’d invested in a good fidget lol)

(this is very long but i tried my best 2 break up the paragraphs 2 a readable length) (lmk if it’s not legible tho i’ll do my best 2 fix it!)