#the only issue is. i am horrible at keeping up with longform fics

[skepticalcatfrog]

I've started learning how to play a drum set at my school and honestly. To be completely honest with you all. It's making me very tempted to make a TVD band au a la Daisy Jones

[heteroflexiblebarneystinson]

I've been wanting to make this post for awhile, and I keep stopping myself because I know this isn't worth my energy, but it is getting harder and harder for me to ignore someone blatantly telling lies about me, my partner, and my friends. So I would just like to set the record straight, mostly to retain my own sanity. I'm only going to talk about the things that affected me specifically, since pretty much everything else has already been said.

Everyone probably knows who this is about, but I'm gonna leave it vague.

I was not one of the people they considered a "popular" creator. I had (and still do have) consistently fewer hits, comments, and kudos on all of my fics. This was already something that was discouraging to me, but I constantly saw them saying that their fics must be horrible and they must be a horrible writer because they don't get enough hits/comments/kudos. Given the fact that my fics got even less engagement, it felt as though they were saying I was a horrible writer, too. I told them multiple times that them putting themself down like this so often was hurtful to me, too, but they didn't stop doing it. They kept using an excuse to say that when they said those things, that it only applied to them, but I still felt worse about myself every single time.

Still, I always tried to reach out to them and encourage them about their work. I was a "small creator," too. I also struggled to get words out in my writing. I also had trouble feeling good about my writing. I also found it difficult to do things in order to improve my writing. We had a lot in common and I wanted to support them and their work because I knew how hard it could be. I read their fics. I had conversations with them about their fics. I gave them compliments, and I gave them constructive criticism that I thought would be helpful. And they did none of this for me in return.

That, in itself, would literally be fine. They don't owe me support or engagement on my work. I wasn't supporting them just so I could get support back. I genuinely wanted them to feel good about their writing and give them encouragement so they could improve. What bothers me, is that they insist that they did read my work. However, I have a very, very strong belief that they didn't. This part is frustrating because I can only speculate, and there's no way to prove whether or not they did, but it really goes beyond just that.

I have two versions of my only longform fic on ao3. The first version was a rough draft where I posted chapters as they were finished. When they read it, there were over 10,000 words. This can be a lot for someone to focus on, specifically for this person, who has said multiple times that they struggle with reading longform and focusing on reading in general. It is very hard for me to believe that they read my 10,000 word fic in one day, and didn't even mention that as being any sort of accomplishment for them. They left me a comment that gave no indication that they read it. I know it can be difficult to word comments or compliments, but even after that, it was clear to me that they didn't read it based on interactions we had in the server.

Specifically, I asked for an opinion on a scene I wanted to write, and they suggested I write a scene that I had literally already written and was already published on ao3 that they had already read. They chalked this up to the fact that they just forgot what happened in the fic. They assured me and promised me for months that they were going to read my fic, but they never did.

Finally, they have now told me that they aren't ever going to read my completed fic, because when they tried to last, they realized they were uncomfortable with the ship. I'm not sure how they read 10,000 words worth of my fic focused on that ship extremely easily, and then somehow realized months later that it made them uncomfortable actually.

I could be wrong about all this. They could've read it. All of these things could just be a coincidence. However, I take issue with their hypocrisy over this whole situation. They guilt trip people into giving them "book report" comments, but are unable to do the same for others. Which, in itself, is fine. You don't need to be great at leaving comments, but I don't understand why they can leave short comments and everyone else has to leave long, detailed ones.

Aside from all of this writing shit, they have had a history of ignoring me and my feelings. I asked them to stop making jokes about sex being wrong and bad because it was genuinely hurtful and damaging, and they made little effort to stop or understand my side of things. They made a xenophobic comment, and instead of recognizing this and apologizing, I had to tell them multiple times why it was wrong and hurtful before they even barely apologized. They made another awful comment implying trans men on hormones are I guess constantly horny.

I know they eventually apologize for these things. They backpedal and say they didn't mean it like that, or they didn't mean any harm, but that doesn't absolve them of the hurt they do cause. They will defend themself constantly before ever admitting any fault or responsibility for hurting others.

Anyway, I know that if they do read or acknowledge this post at all, they will give more excuses, and more defenses, and likely only focus on replying to one little detail in this whole long post. I know they won't acknowledge that I am an actual human being with actual feelings who was actually hurt badly by their actions. I've struggled immensely with making friends. I find it hard to talk to and socialize with people even just on the internet. I made a small Persona server with my partner so that I could find people who I had things in common with that I could just talk to and be friends with. It wasn't even a writing server. The only thing I wanted was a safe place where I could talk about something I loved with people who also loved it. I never wanted this.