#the rest are not bops its sad boy hours in this house

[sinkix]

♡ Haikyuu!!│Boys as your Roommate HC’s Pt.2│Ft. Kuroo, Bokuto, Kenma & Kageyama ♡

Since the last one did well I decided to do another 2am shit-post consisting of my bby HQ bois as your roommate so I’m v sorry if it’s messy and seems like rambling but honestly what did u expect. <(￣︶￣)> The more I write these the more I just want to summon satan and make them come to life man I love them sm.

You can find Pt. 1 here

E N J O Y ~ <3

◃:✮.❃⭒ ◃:✮.❃⭒ ◃:✮.❃⭒ ◃:✮.❃⭒

Kuroo:

So. Damn. Annoying

But in like, the best way possible??

Constantly teases and irritates you while cooking or when it’s your turn to do the chores.

“(Y/N)-kuuun I think you missed a spot”

Proceeds to show swabbed finger with the tiniest speck of dust on it with the biggest shit eating grin he can muster

You have constant competitions who can clean more thoroughly and rip into each other as a result.

I mean there’s worse things to compete over I suppose??

He likes to make it a habit of waking you up by throwing his HUGE ASS BODY ON TO THE BED IF YOU OVERSLEEP.

WHOLE BED JUST CREAKS AND DIPS UNDER HIS WEIGHT.

Wraps his arm around you and gives amazing cuddles tho so its worth it

Borderline suffocating you though just so you get up.

Also, don’t wake Kuroo when he’s had only a few hours rest

just, don’t. If you value your safety.

Last time you tried to haul him out of bed in this state he threw a pillow at you and BITCH WENT TO GRAB THE ALARM CLOCK NEXT but u dashed out the room before he could lob it. 

Speaking of which, pillow fights. 

so many.

 Y’all are always throwing random stuff at each other just to startle one another

You both make a conscious effort NOT to aim for the head though so I guess its ok???

The aroma of coffee always greets you in the morning and it’s become hella comforting since you’ve just come to associate that smell with him.

His bed head is 1000x more extreme in the morning which you tease him relentlessly for and def has bags under his eyes but it looks cute.

sleep deprivation but make it chic.

He is much more of a night owl i’m making it canon idc - however usually has to sleep early due to club activities starting first thing in the morning.

He wakes up especially early because he knows he not only has to haul himself up at an ungodly hour but Kenma as well since he NEVER gets up on time otherwise.

Kenma lives a few blocks down from you guys and you often kick it as a three.

Sometimes he stays over just to save the extra effort of Kuroo going to his place.

It’s always v chill with the three of you as you get on really well and just play mario kart till 2am.

which again, big mistake. They end up nearly being late to practise so it’s kinda counter productive lmao

worth it though.

Kuroo is a salty loser js and will definitely wave his arms in front of you or shove his ass in your face to block the screen so he can overtake you.

Sometimes forces you to go on early morning runs with him but it’s actually really nice since you watch the sunrise together while sitting for a water break in an empty field

Almost poetic if it wasn’t for the constant teasing and bickering like an old married couple.

Kenma is VERY thankful you have become his new victim for those morning run routines.

Bokuto:

SCREAMS FROM THE ROOFTOPS EVERY DAY

MY GOD

Actually pretty quiet in the morning?? Like the lil owl is just waking up so he usually just mumbles a good-morning and rubs his eyes its so damn cute

Usually pretty good about getting up on time but some days he needs a kick up the backside to get him out of bed.

He fully made you drag him out of the covers once before he was even willing to entertain the idea of getting up.

those 30 seconds felt like a 30 minute workout since he is so HEAVY.

I feel sorry for the neighbours on that day tbh

“Bokuto-san wake up.” 

“NNNgg-aaagGGHHHHH AGGAAASHIII”

“It’s (Y/N) you dumbass G E T U P”

You aren’t safe for long though because ONCE HE’S AWAKE HOMEBOY IS RARING TO GO.

Frequently makes y’all pancakes for breakfast with a frilly pink ‘best chef’ apron on and it’s fucking hysterical. 

actually has several aprons and one of them has a stock image of abs printed onto the front.

Pancakes is the only thing Bokuto is competent at so don’t expect anything else without the kitchen combusting

His pancakes are SO damn good tho like bitch who taught you to flip like dat.

Does a lil shimmy with his body and throws it back each time he flips so it basically aggregates as a performance too since hes so extra

One time the pancake landed on the floor and he was in emo mode for a whole day LMAOOO

boy was spiking while mourning the fallen soldier.

Akaashi was so confused as to why he walked into practise in such a solemn mood.

had to stifle his laughter once you told him the reason.

For some reason you have this tradition to play board games on a Friday night

Obvs you have to let him win and be a cocky ass bc otherwise he will be sad until the next morning.

sis will be in a slump while brushing his teeth over losing a game of monopoly.

Doesn’t expect you to come to practise with him but is always grinning like a dork the whole way there when you accompany him.

His game is always A1 on those days so Akaashi is eternally grateful.

Often tries to make you go to the gym with him SINCE Y’ALL BEST BELIEVE BOKUTO BABY AIN’T SKIPPIN LEG DAY.

Actually a really good workout partner though, he’s so hype and encouraging.

Grocery shopping is a nightmare, y’all come back with 3x as much as what was on the list while Bokuto just looks really sheepish and guilty like a dog who shredded up the sofa.

Kageyama:

Your conversations are very minimal at first until he adjusts to living with you.

Hella private with his living space and his bedroom

You always suspected he’s got some like weird alien cult meeting from Fiji going on in there with how shady he acts sometimes.

After a while though he’s pretty chill and doesn’t mind TOO much when you invade his personal space or go through his stuff.

I’d still be careful though an angry Kags is not a pleasant one.

He’s a minimalist, so if you ever get decorating done it’s usually you that takes the reigns since as long as it’s got a roof, a stove, a bathroom and a bed he could literally not give a fuck.

Unexpectedly easy to please over the smallest things, make a meal for him after a long day of practise and it’ll be hard for him to contain an appreciative smile.

Do NOT pull him up on it though bc he will get defensive 

just embrace it bro you won’t see it often.

V good at getting up on time and hella quiet in the morning when going about his routine, it’s easy to forget he’s in the house a times so at least he’s considerate.

Honestly doesn’t care whether you come to practise or not it makes no difference to him. Though the closer you both get he will sometimes wait for the moment you walk through the door and mentally slap himself for doing so.

Sometimes plays music in his room but it’s always really quiet and hard to decipher unless you press your ear up against the door.

The boi plays some BOPS though which is really surprising???

Usually takes charge of stuff like grocery shopping, cleaning etc. 

Control freak™️ here to assist your household services. 

He’s pretty dense though with these matters and needs some guidance at times lmao

Will not get the item on your list unless you CLEARLY SPECIFY AND INCLUDE THE WHOLE DAMN TITLE OF THE ITEM

You’re surprised he doesn’t request you illustrate the fucking bar code.

In the end you sometimes end up caving and just either going with him or going in his place.

Once he warms up to you y’all like cracking little jokes at each other and pulling one another’s leg.

if you get up even the slightest bit late he’ll just throw a lil “good afternoon” with a smirk on his face.

Sometimes he will come and chill with you on the couch to binge watch shows and it’s just a really relaxed atmosphere.

has really good taste in movies and series??

Honestly just a hella respectful roommate as long as you respect him and his privacy in return.

You once stuck his knee-pads in the washing machine on a high temp and they came out ready to fit a 6 year old.

You still suspect he holds a grudge to this day.

He also tried to give them to Hinata and never have you seen him more genuinely offended lmao.

Kenma:

The pair of you always end up oversleeping and it’s a genuine problem ur the definition of a disaster duo.

If it wasn’t for Kuroo strolling into your sleeping quarters most mornings you guys would sleep till the suns ready to set again.

Bless up Kuroo.

Constant video game marathons and y’all always compete to top each others time

It’s basically just the speed-run side of YouTube but under one roof.

Cannot and will not cook he is too LAZY for that.

Only thing he will do is stick an apple pie in the oven.

He’s courteous though he leaves you like,,, a 1/8th slice

smh.

You mostly get take-out or you’re the one that ends up cooking.

Veeryyyyy quiet, only noise in the household is the occasional snicker or lil conversation.

he has such a soothing voice hnnnnnnnnnggggg

The only time it’s remotely loud is when you play video games but even then the volume is quite low.

You usually end up crashing in his room from playing games till the crack of dawn and Kuroo frequently scolds the two of you.

you don’t listen though lmao.

For some reason you both end up in a hugging position when you wake up and neither of you have addressed it.

Except for the sus side eye look Kuroo gives the pair of you when he finds you like this.

He knows if he mentions it you’ll both infiltrate his apartment and choke him out with a console cable lololol.

You order most of your groceries online bc Kenma’s social anxiety will skyrocket and not allow him to be in a store full of more than 10 people, poor bby.

It works out for you too since why tf go there when you can have it delivered to your door.

You often binge watch anime together and he has GREAT taste mind you.

You made him watch a romance anime once and he secretly enjoyed it.

Since then he will very awkwardly request to watch them occasionally and you can’t help but smile.

The only time you clean is when you have to, like bins brimming with trash before you decide to take them out.

You accidentally broke his fav controller once and he didn’t talk to you for a week LMAO.

Still handed you one to play split-screen though so you knew he wasn’t entirely resentful.

[f-117-nighthawk]

Playlist Update? From MY Brain? More Likely Than You Think

can't remember the last time I posted these all together but I just put a few new songs in. I've been playing Arknights bc STARSET songs keep being used in the trailers, and then I was listening to Transmissions while making dinner, and uhhhhh there's two new Transmissions songs on the playlists, plus whatever else the spotify links needed to update to my ever-changing apple versions.

This is just the main playlist, because this one is now 3h 40m, and the other three playlists are about an hour each. I’ll give them their own post tomorrow. Under the cut, because it's also Write Random Snippits and Include Important Lyrics time

Dark Matter

Surprise surprise, this one’s got probably the most work done on it. A lot of that is moving things around, a few deletions, and the additions.

DM now starts with Your World Will Fail, Dark Matter, and Eater of Worlds. Turn the Lights Out still kinda applies, but I stopped vibing with it starting everything, and wasn’t really sure where else it should go so it got dropped. It’s role is sort of picked up by a UtA song later? Anyway, the opening three are still very much about not only the birth of [REDACTED], but the birth of the universe itself. And that’s why it feels better to start out with YWWF. Because it is the start.

(Your world will fail my love/It’s far beyond repair/Your world will fail my love/It is already there)

(Bring me your soul/Bring me your hate/In my name you will create/Bring me your fear/Bring me your pain/You will destroy in my name)

(Can’t imagine the violence/The rage and the love in my madness/I am the eater of worlds and I’m looking for someone to feed me)

Remnants of Stars is a hook to Filaments at this point, but stays way up here because the thing it’s about connects back up to those three ^ and is something slowly realized by the Paladins throughout the series. There’s kinda three different points that they realize something new about this (at the moment, I Am the One, Cosmic Vertigo, and Centigrade).

(Shed all you know and make way for a galaxy of light/Answers found hidden inside the smallest stone/Bringing forth a new way of life/Open your heart to the sky)

Apocalypse 1992 hasn’t changed. Still about The Fall, still the turning point for the entire damn war. Still about poor Krolia. Still the Rogue One of DM. It happens between parts of Awakenings, detailing the rise of [REDACTED] and the final hours before the destruction of everything sentient species knew beforehand.

(Fly high through apocalypse skies/Fight for the world we must save/Like tears of a unicorn lost in the rain/Chaos will triumph this day)

Apex is the final moments of Apocalypse 1992 from the Red Lion’s perspective, and connects nicely (just as in the albums lol) to the next UtA songs. Which we’ll get to in a bit.

(Brother mountain/Now we sleep/For a thousand years/I will see you again/Something is coming/Coming for me)

You Keep What You Kill covers the slow degeneration of the Empire between The Fall and the Battle of Arus. The knowledge harshly taught by the Thuanial War is forgotten under the influence of Zarkon, Haggar, and [REDACTED]. Marzin and Galraasa quickly rise the ranks as the Empire’s left and right hands, like omens of destruction before them. The four are the ‘holy half-dead,’ the ones who shape the devouring of the universe before them.

(Defying dimensions/These ruthless creatures will steal your soul/Breaking away from the chains of mortality/They won’t be taken down/Bow now to the holy half dead/The master to death mongers calls)

The Glory and the Scum is partially here bc I missed having Delain, I’ll freely admit that. (Delain split up! Like six months ago! I’m still sad!) Here, it’s (most) of the reason why Krolia isn’t around until MGHM. Think Winter Soldier-ish. It’s also from Krolia’s perspective as she’s talking to Kolivan in a conversation I implied in Shatterpoint. Perhaps it shall see the light of day.

(Look at what we've done/Take a step back/Shake your head at what we have become/We're the glory and the scum)

The Seven Sisters is about Keith, mostly, and connected to Closure via its influence on Child From the Stars (Lost in the Dark) and also to Memories of a Girl I Haven’t Met. Also the thing about the Pleiades has kinda become A Thing associated with my two favorite halfbloods.

(I cast my hope upon The Pleiades/The Seven Sisters who would come for me/They’d fall to Earth to grant a child’s dream/But I’m still waiting)

Starlight is the Adashi song. Here, it’s the sad part, based around the time that the SFSS Genesis launches for Kerberos. It also is sort of about Shiro’s thoughts throughout the war as he watches ‘from distant skies’ (and influences String Theory kinda)

(At night the earth will rise/And I’ll think of you each time I watch from distant skies/Whenever stars go down and galaxies ignite/I’ll think of you each time they wash me in their light/And I’ll fall in love with you again)

Waking Dream and Abyss are Awakenings. They’re specifically the Red Lion waking up on Sendak’s ship to her new Paladin, but also sort of the rest of the Lions as they find new Paladins for the first time since The Fall (and, also, an accidental hook to the end of Filaments just by virtue of being on the same UtA album…)

(Centuries like flowing streams as years go rushing by/Waiting in the dark for afterlife)

(Open my eyes in a daze/How long has it been? Am I so out of place?/Warmth I can no longer feel/My mountain is gone, I’m surrounded by steel/The strangest of structures arises ahead/Seems to be held up by nothing/Where have I gone, do I dream?/How can the stars be all I can see?)

Who Will Save You Now is about the Paladins in First Contact. It’s the video messages they send to their families, the warning that Something Is Out Here that they need to prepare for. It’s a declaration of protection for Earth, but a recognition that the Paladins may not be able to do what they say.

(I will not take from you and you will not owe/I will protect you from the fire below/It’s not in my mind/It’s here at my side/Go tell the world that I’m still alive)

Then there’s The End of the Beginning. Which is, well, the eponymous fic. And don’t forget the String Theory connection! Fun fact: part of the last chapter leads directly into part of String Theory at the moment.

(Every night I die just a little/All this time, I’m caught in the middle/All your life, you fought with no winning/This is just the end of the beginning)

A Simple Plan is about anything but a simple plan. Lotor is making his secret bid for the construction of the Sinkline ships, but there’s one more thing he needs before it can come to fruition. Haggar has suspicions, and knows one thing that she needs to keep from both him and Voltron. Team Voltron is still struggling to fit into their new roles, especially with a Black Paladin who adamantly does not want to be Black Paladin, and is in desperate need of one thing to fix the last of the damage done during the Battle of the Sarnan Nebula.

(How long can we hold off ending?/How long can we pretend we’re ok?/No one goes on fighting it forever/I know I’m better this way)

Memories of a Girl I Haven’t Met. Such a short song for such an important fic. It skips all the way over Naxzela to the Mission to the Baaria Shipyards, the first major offensive that isn’t somehow connected to canon (even if only a very very small part of it is actually at the shipyards lol). This is also the song that solidified Keith’s very queer identity in Dark Matter. And more Pleiades stuff!

(In this lonely place, bathed in silence and thoughts of you/I can’t see your face but I’m trying to envision you/So are you really out there? Are you awake with memories/Of a boy you haven’t met yet who’s wished upon the Pleiades?)

There’s another fic in here that I’m still waiting for a song to catch my ear, but it’s pretty big so I’m putting it in here. For the moment, it’s called MGHM 2.0: Electric Paladinloo. Featuring the Whispers, Voltron, and a few mullets.

And then. Hoh boy. The beast of beats. TRIALS (reimagine), Dark On Me, String Theory, and I Am the One. We’ve got [REDACTED], we’ve got [spoiler], we’ve got the first major turning point in the entire war, and the first revelation of the true nature of [REDACTED]. Hence the honor of being the separation point of my two main DM folders. TRIALS is the first part, the horrifying realization. Dark On Me and String Theory itself are from Shiro’s perspective. I Am the One is… an image song? I guess? That’s all I’ll say on that. (I would like to note that the STARSET songs bar OWtT tend to be about the Shiroganes…)

(Hear me from the bottom/Forged in regret, I'm the silversmith/Doomsday, you we had it coming/Marching the streets with an iron fist/Obey no more in silence/The steel in our hearts will be monuments/Today, they'll hear the violence/We'll rise from the dark like Lazarus)

(You're the cause/The antidote/The sinking ship that I could not let go/You led my way, then disappeared/How could you just walk away and leave me here?/Light the night up, you're my dark star/And now you're falling away)

(You don’t believe in space/You don’t believe in light/You don’t believe that anything is well beyond your might/We walk across the sky and beneath the ocean floor/We’re never going anywhere we’ve never been before)

(I am the one/I am the architect to rule your fate)

House on Fire is the aftermath of String Theory, and a large vibe of We ARE Struggling Together! It’s about family, never letting go of something you care about, and the slow act of trusting.

(So I’ll just hold you like a hand grenade/You touch me like a razor blade/I wish there was some other way right now/Like a house on fire we’re up in flames/I’d burn here if that’s what it takes/To let you know I won’t let go of you)

Belgrade is The klance song! It is a) a bop b) always stuck in my head because it is That Good. The line in the chorus about ‘sweet songs of seduction’ is eternally funny to me bc a)they’re both ace and b)QPR’s don’t usually involve seduction. Belgrade also leads almost directly into…

(We pretend in the darkness/We pretend the night won’t steal our youth/Singing me the sweet songs of seduction/Let me be the fool, fool, fool/Who will live and die for you)

Here to Save You is about Sam. Mostly. It’s also about Pidge. And Zaivorge cannons.

(A slave for humankind/I made sure I would survive/To stay alive/Now it’s time to move on/When there’s nothing left to prove/I’m coming to get you)

Iron is the third Closure fic (the second is End of the Beginning, forgot to mention that. They’ve slowly moved away from actually being related to it in anything but name and general idea). It’s about Keith coming to terms with parts of himself, and learning how to use them to great effect. Also has a huge info dump about the Blade.

(You can’t live without the fire/It’s the heat that makes you strong/‘Cause you’re born to live/And fight it all the way/You can’t hide what lies inside you/It’s the only thing you know/You’re embracing that, never walk away)

The second major turning point in the war is Monarch, Birthright, and Firewall. I really recommend reading the whole lyrics for Monarch, because the entire thing is very much a Lotor song. I had a bit of trouble picking a lyric to use here. Monarch is here because Lotor is also the ‘singer’ of Birthright, and both songs are to a very specific high-level target of the Coalition. Firewall is a little different as it’s a Team Voltron song not a Lotor song, but happens because of the same thing the other two do. They’re all not exactly a direct result of Iron, but they wouldn’t happen how they do without it, and then [REDACTED] swings back into the fray and things learned in String Theory/the framing story for Through Apocalypse Skies hit in full force.

(I am not the person you remember from before/The one you patronized and stepped on, the one you hurt/And I have pulled the arrows, now my skin has become stone/No longer am I prisoner to your empty fucking words)

(The voices in my head have all begun to sing/(The voices in your head have all begun to sing)/And they sure as hell hope I am listening/(I sure as hell hope you are listening!))

(They come to your dreams with illusion/They come to bring shape to your mind/You know how to stop the intrusion/We all have to fight for our lives)

and then, The Day the Earth Collapsed

(How much time has been elapsed/Since the day the earth collapsed?)

Here Comes the Reign doesn’t come into full effect until several months after Birthright/Firewall, but starts with The Day the Earth Collapsed. It’s largely about Haggar and [REDACTED]

(You made something they can’t take away/Now bring the fire of the burning sun on everyone)

Supersonic is here… kinda as a placeholder? Things have shifted around since its original purpose, and frankly it’s here still as a framework for what I like to call The Meme Battle. It’s generally about the increase in Coalition support and general winning as they go after warlords in the aftermath of Feyiv, culminating in I Need a Hero which is, of course, The Meme Battle.

Yes, it’s the Shrek version. It’s the Meme Battle.

(Supersonic, polyphonic, this is our war/Mustering the armies, marching faster than before)

(I need a hero/I'm holding out for a hero 'til the end of the night/He's gotta be strong, and he's gotta be fast/And he's gotta be fresh from the fight)

But Tonight We Dance isn’t exactly a klance song, but it’s here for them. On a diplomatic mission gone wrong, the Red and Blue Paladins of Voltron uncover a literally-buried government conspiracy, a rebel cell, and nearly die. A normal days work for the two of them. But they’ve really gotta stop having relationship milestones in the middle of a warzone.

Another reason it’s here is Tonight We Dance is a very aro song to me. “A language universal, but I speak not its tongue” hits hard. I felt like I needed a bit in here to remind listeners/readers that romance isn’t a language Keith speaks. And it becomes very explicit in this fic, just like Belgrade.

(Tomorrow we might wake in servitude and silence/I will give you everything if only you would have me/Tomorrow we will sweat and toil/Our hands will quiver, caked with soil/Tomorrow we'll give it one last chance/But tonight we dance/But tonight we dance!)

But Tonight We Dance is the last of the Closure fics, which is why it’s here. Closure in general is a lot of Keith’s character development and some of the struggles he goes through to accept his place in the universe and the fact that yes, he does have people that care about him. The last fic is me shining a brighter light on Closure’s chorus and taking a ‘last goodbye’ as never needing to say it again

(I am the child from the stars/That got lost in the dark/Between heaven and hell/I am forced to live on/I am the cause when you sin/I am the demon you skin/But there is no more tears to beautify/This is my last goodbye)

Then we step back into the universe-level action with Soulbound. Revelations from String Theory and Firewall swing back in with a vengeance on a joint Whispers-Voltron mission, leaving them reeling and Krolia questioning her very identity.

(Soulbound, endlessly forever/Locked between the darkness and the light/Don’t drown in the swarming, blackened rising/Hold on to humanity and fight)

About three months after that is My Darkest Hour and Faster Than Light. Haggar realizes something and goes searching for her fifth [spoiler], sending the Blade and the rest of the Coalition scrambling. These also lead directly, and I mean directly, into…

(When the sun comes crashing down/When the world is spinning round and round/I will face what must be my darkest hour)

(Once more we’re flying fast as light/Dark matter passing in the night/Pursued by a force we can’t outrun/As we hurtle towards a dying sun/We maneuver through the remnants of a moon/On the solar winds of supernovas/There is not a place to hide, the Matriarch is close behind/It’s plain to see she’s coming for us all)

Cosmic Vertigo and Other Worlds Than These. Together they are the second of two revelations in what, exactly, is [REDACTED]

(Banish me like burned down planets/Write my fate with sparkling lies/I am the universe; you're just one sky)

(Pull the wool out from your eyes/It won’t shade your frail belief/In the end we cannot hide/There are other worlds than these)

Godhunter is Team Voltron, well, hunting for gods, even as one of them disappears.

(She’s been watching for a century/With hatred, and with scorn/If you know the hunter’s coming/Then you hide or keep on running/'Cause she’s slain the gods before)

Trophy Hunter, Ember, and Redemption are the culmination of Godhunter. I’ve been thinking of them as akin to the suicide mission in Mass Effect 2, if that gives you an idea of what the hell they run into. Also I switched which specific Redemption is on the playlist, because I was listening to Red Handed Denial again and their Redemption was vibing way more than the Hammerfall one. They link up to Godhunter and Soulbound in subject matter, and lead directly into…

(You, you won’t escape me, I’ll rise from the deep/In this final moment, no words left to say/I can’t let you be when a life fades away/You, you won’t escape me ‘cause I’ll set you free)

(Dark matter falling from the sky/Dancing flames reflecting in your eyes as you watch them burn/Watching all your riches witches burn)

(Remember me not for the mess I’ve made/But who I could have been/Finally I’m going home)

World On Fire, This is a Call, The Reckoning, The Wind That Shapes the Land, and Louder Than Words. Switched the order up a bit so it makes more sense chronologically, because the message ‘sent by forces beyond salvation’ has to get there before the reckoning can begin.

(World on fire with a smoking sun/Stops everything and everyone/Brace yourself for all will pay/Help is on the way)

(This is a call to action/This is a call to arms/All lives for one, together/There are no false alarms)

(I see your face, find peace of mind/Between the madness and the sadness and the fire burning/The end of war, the great divine/We’ll see the day of reckoning)

(Search within/Uncover the will to win/Turn against the tide that washes o'er/Find the strength to fall and rise again/Open up the gates, unleash the force/I am the wind that shapes the land/Old as time and twice as strong/Oceans arise at my command/I alone can carry on)

(We have the force to fight/We have the blinding light/A war is more than heard/Coming in louder than words)

[erineliz]

I spent a lot of time thinking about and writing about my favorite Taylor Swift albums of all time and ranking them. It was a lot of work but I’d love to see other fans rankings and read why. Here’s mine:

1.folklore

2.fearless

3.reputation

4.taylor Swift

5.speak now

6.Red

7.lover

8.1989

So now that folklore has been out awhile, I’ve listened to it, memorized it, loved it. I’ve been reminiscing on old albums now, as you do. My album ranking opinion is probably a super unpopular one in the t-swift fandom that I follow but, I’m a different kind of swiftie I suppose. So I’ll try to further explain my opinions on these albums.

Starting from the bottom,

1989: this is last for me but in no way means it’s a bad album, I mean something has to be last but this one just was not my wildest dream lol. It started off with the release of shake it off before the rest of the album and this was the beginning of Taylor releasing my least favorite song first on quite a few albums (followed by LWYMMD and YNTCD, but we’ll get to those later) I love, love,love blank space and it was a huge bop for a long time after I first heard it. Prob the only thing that made me even want to listen to the rest of the album. Because, as you can see red didn’t fall very high on my list so to follow it up with just shake it off made me kind of feel like, am I over t Swift? 😯 shocking, I know. I was a senior in college when this was released, blank space was played loudly at a few house parties and I loved that everyone loved it too, not just me; a long time lover of swift. It always feels like an I told you so moment when people who aren’t swifties like one of her songs. I never bought this album, and didn’t have Apple Music at the time so I feel like I never really gave it the time and appreciation it deserved. Almost every song on it became a single and I did like a lot of them. The first time I heard New Romantics was when my sister was playing the deluxe cd in her car and I was like, what is this? I loved that song. I think I then looked into the album more and listened to the rest. It was ok, I liked clean because I was going through a breakup. I liked how you get the girl, I thought it was creative and also kind of related to my break up. Out of the woods was too repetitive for me, the rest of the songs were played on the radio so much that they just became overplayed and annoying to me. So yeah, although this was her most successful album by far, I think it was just too mainstream, over played and not for me! But still good overall, you know, because, it’s Taylor Swift.

Lover: it was hard for me to put this this low, because again, not a bad album. It started off by Releasing YNTCD and Me! Before the rest of the album and again I was just like meh... but I knew better in my career as a swiftie that these two singles meant nothing for what the rest of album would be. I really like a lot of the songs on this album, London boy, daylight, false god, cruel summer, the man..all really good! But just nothing that went down as a favorite swift song of all time. I love the aesthetic of this album, probably one of my faves. I love that it’s about love, it came out last year, right when I bought a house with my lover, and I listened to it many hours while painting our walls before we moved in. I feel like Taylor and I have gone through it all together, and lover was the epitome of where my relationship was with my fiancé, just like her and joe 💕 we made it through all the heartbreaks and this was the purple pink sky at the end of the tunnel! But still, she has made way better music IMO.

Red: This is the swift album that everyone thinks got snubbed by the Grammy’s. Most swifties would scoff at this ranking as well. But..again not a bad album, this album has some of her BEST songs/lyrics. But..also it has, and it hurts me to say this, some of her worst as well. Red is good, but if we’re taking albums as a WHOLE, that you can listen too without any skips, this is not that one for me. This album does have some of my favorite of all time songs: all too well(give me the 8 minute version,damnit), red, state of grace, treacherous. But then it also has..stay,stay,stay which I really think is just like, so corny and fake, you can tell it’s not about her life, it’s like a little country twangy but still like bubble gum pop. It just rubs me the wrong way and gets a skip when listening. This album was a huge turning point in her country to pop timeline and it has a good mix of her pop bops along with her pretty little guitar poetry. The pop singles on this album were not my fave. 22 is fun, I was 20-21 when this came out and everyone was jamming 22 on their 22nd b-days. IKYWT got sooo overplayed and annoying. Same with WANEEGBT. I love my t-swift deep cut, sad songs but some of these were just trying too hard at that, like sad beautiful tragic and the moment I knew. They were just tooo dramatic for me. But idk, maybe it’s just because I wasn’t going through heartbreak when this came out, I was about 3 years into a 6 year relationship so heartbreak hadn’t been relatable for awhile and wasn’t going to be for awhile longer. I loved the duets with Ed and Gary, so glad we got that again on folklore! I also think that this album appeals way more to a younger audience. I think I grew up a little by 2012 compared to when I was crying over boys listening to the first albums, not just in a sense of heartbreak but also like just the parts of red that are a little corny to me. I think she was still aiming for the young teeny bopper pop and I was kind of growing out of that stage in music, broadening my horizons if you will. I started listening to swift when I was like 15. I think I just was a little ahead of the target generation that this album was made for: But I still just wasn’t done with her or this album due to the minor cheesy parts. Because then she puts shit on there like the fucking bridge of all too well and I’m like ok she is still the greatest writer of all time. This was a long explanation for red, but I have so many feelings about it. And also, yeah.. it didn’t deserve a Grammy, all things considered. All too well could have had one for song of the year, but whatever.

Speak Now: this was a good album, I think it was very similar to fearless but not quite as iconic. fearless has kept its high rank over the years so because this was so similar, I can’t put it too low. It was exactly what I wanted after fearless, also I think it kind of explains too why red was a bit of a let down..it was a huge change from fearless and speak now. I guess I’m just slow to adapt to change? But anyways speak now has some of the best deep cuts, dear john, last kiss both so beautifully written. Real, raw. We all knew who they were about and the drama of these relationships was exciting because these were the days that’d we’d all hear stuff about who she was dating but never get the full story. then later hear about it in her albums..it was nice to get that kind of honesty from a celebrity, made us feel like we really knew her. Sparks fly is up there as favorite song of all time. Mean was such a clap back to her critics and had the country vibe and twang from her first album. Also, this album had songs about John Mayer, joe Jonas, Taylor lautner..and Kanye west? All huge names at the time. I have to admit, the Kanye west innocent song was a huggeee let down at the time. I know this bitch had worse thing to say than “you’re still an innocent” but..she was very deep into playing her nice girl role at the time. So thank god there was a rep era later on down the road! I was a freshman in college when this came out. Living in dorm rooms, listening to music on my laptop late at night with the lights out.

Taylor Swift: this is up there, because it just has to be. This is where it all started. Listening to country radio, hearing Tim McGraw for the first time. I myself being a huge Tim McGraw fan thinking, I hope someone does think of me when they think of Tim McGraw lol. And then, just on a whim somehow, looking up other songs by her..just to see. Now in 2006, looking up songs by an artist wasn’t as easy a task as it is now. I illegally downloaded music on limewire still at this point. And would then burn it to cds. And would later get my first iPod and transfer everything to that, because who wants to pay a dollar per song on iTunes? I’m sorry Taylor, but Not my mother. So, being 14-15, I had to find my own ways. Stay beautiful, our song, cold as you, picture to burn, should’ve said no..these songs were the words I was looking for in high school, going through teenage love and heart ache. Feeling the exact same way as her and wanting to just write these words on a paper and fucking send it to all these boys who made me sad. Wanting to be a famous singer just so these people could see how I feel and how they ruined everything. Pretending that Mary’s song was the story of my lover and I in an imaginary world. Like, for real. This album did something to me, because of this album no matter what happens in this life, if Taylor puts out music, I’m going to listen to it..just to see.

Reputation: this album was a huge turning point for her. And for me, as her fan. It was after 1989, so I wasn’t like, obsessively waiting to see what would be next. The whole cancel tswift thing happened and I heard about it, but it wasn’t like a huge deal. I was on her side, she didn’t do anything wrong and people were so quick to jump down her throat. but musically after 1989, I was not a hardcore swiftie, I still hadn’t adapted to the all pop era. I needed my Taylor swift on a guitar, pouring her heart out in her lyrics. And then, this happened and it was, for me, way better pop than anything on 1989 or red, by far. I was back to my obsessive swiftie ways, but in a whole new way. Every song on the album was a jam, she was speaking her mind, finally saying wayy more about kanye (and kim, ugh) than what we got on speak now.(ironic, because to me this album is when she really started to speak and didn’t play the nice girl anymore) not only that but, this was a love album and I related to it in so many ways. I was finally out of that 6 year relationship, and had a bit of a “reputation” (not really, but some bridges were burned and people talk a lot about things they no nothing about when you end something that lasted 6 years) and I had met someone new. I related to every love song on this album so much and it meant so much because, like Taylor, after all the bullshit that happened, finding the right person is everything. She had never been more relatable. I feel like her pop music finally grew up enough for me. She was doing pop in a new way and I was here for it.

Fearless: this one has stood the test of time. A classic. No skip album. Country, but her first intro to pop crossover with love story, but unlike a lot of her early pop hits, love story didn’t get old and overplayed for me. It’s not like my favorite song now, but when it blew up, I was about it. Beautiful writing on this whole album. It was the first album I bought. The physical cd. It came out when I was just learning to drive. Driving on my own and blasting this album singing at the top of my lungs along with it with no one to tell me to turn it down or change the song solidified the love story I had with fearless. Blasting you’re not sorry over and over again, (a top 5 song of all time) it made me want to learn to play piano (I didn’t). White horse playing on grays anatomy (my fave show at the time). Listening to fifteen at age 16 for the first time thinking, yes this is so true and I’m so much older and wiser now 🤣 . I was a colbie caillat fan before I knew who Taylor was. Hey Stephen was cute AF. Wished that I had the courage to say things like that to my crushes. Forever and always after my first breakup. It just hit so hard. I can always go back to this album, and have, over the years. My first tswift concert with my only other friend that liked her. It was before any of the drama that came out in the news about her. It’s when She started to blow up in popularity, I’d start to religiously follow things she was doing, interviews, videos on tour, and fell in love with her personality. This girl was talented and hilarious and pretty and smart. I wanted to be her so bad.

Folklore: although it’s still new and fresh, I really think it’s the best yet. For me it’s Taylor swift come full circle. It has the writing, some of her best lyrics yet. It has the age and wisdom that we have watched her gracefully acquire over the years. It’s not pop but it still has the catchy tunes that get stuck in your head, but in a quieter, simpler way. It takes loads more talent to get these songs on the charts than it did with her tried and true formula that she has used in the past for a pop song. She perfected that art, but this is a new level now. It’s not trying too hard, it’s honest. It’s still about love and how far she (and I 😭) have come in that journey. Yet it still has the heartbreak, teenage angst that only she can describe so beautifully. Cardigan might be best of all time. Betty takes me back to something on fearless. Mirror ball and August are light, airy, upbeat and just unique. TLGAD is her storytelling at its finest, yet also a quick fuck you to those who think she’s “ruined” anything. She had a marvelous time. It’s also that personal level, we’ve seen the photos of her and all her friends at this house and it just makes you feel like you’ve been there or something. Exile takes me back to red and I love this duet so much. Invisible string is so.well.written. The concept, so beautiful. The story of her and joe. Details we’ve never heard before. The lakes really ties it all together for me. It’s everything. We’re all isolated right now, but this song speaks to me so much. I’m not a big social media person, I like the simple things in life. I like to read, to write, my circle of friends is dwindling as we all get older and that’s ok because I have the love of my life and that’s all I need. It also speaks to how isolated I feel as a t swift fan, not that there is any shortage of swifties out there, but all the people I am close with are not fans of hers. And that’s fine, we have different tastes in music, whatever. But to me the best thing about Taylor has always been her writing, her poetry. I like the sad sappy songs, I want the auroras and sad prose (I also love the concept of not moving for years) this song has it all, even another subtle fuck you to her critics again. Who are you to tell her what her words are worth? They are better than any other artists’ out there. So many other dumb ass musicians out there that don’t even write any of their music who want to say Taylor isn’t “that great”. To me her words are everything. Folklore is everything. And it’s all hers! That’s huge. I feel like with her owning more of her shit now she can also be free to do whatever the fuck she wants. There’s no pressure for a tour on this album, (fucking covid 🙄) which may have influenced how she wrote it..no fancy dance numbers needed here. Without a big record label down her throat too she may have had more freedom, maybe to not have a hit single (although she still does) there’s no super mainstream straight pop BOP like every other album has had. I can’t wait to see what the future holds for her and her music. Oh and you want to talk about Grammys? GIVE IT TO FOLKLORE.

[seriestrash]

The List - Chapter One

Summary: It’s summer vacation and TJ and Cyrus fill their days checking things off Cyrus’ list. 

A/N: This story does not follow the Kippen siblings/twin theory (Just works out better without it!) So apologies if that’s a deal breaker x

Read on AO3

Chapter One: The Best Summer Ever

Word Count: 1428

It’s the summer between 7th and 8th grade and Cyrus is struggling to come to terms with the fact that his two best friends would be away for most of it. Bex and Bowie were taking Andi on the road for an extended family honeymoon and Buffy - like Jonah - was going away to camp but instead of frisbee camp it’s one that caters to all her athletic and competitive desires.

After parting ways with Buffy that morning, Cyrus sulks over to The Spoon for some comfort food. Amber happily takes his order and questions where the rest of his friends are. Cyrus goes on to explain how they’ve all gone away for the summer.

“I’m working a lot of extra shifts but we can always hang out.” Amber says kindly and even though part of it was because of pity, most of it was because she actually liked Cyrus. “I mean I’m already at your house once a week for therapy.” She adds quietly.

“I’d like that.” Cyrus smiles genuinely. 

Soon after, Amber brings Cyrus out his serving of baby taters and a milkshake made with extra love. 

“Extra cream, extra chocolate and sprinkles on top.” Amber wears a soft smile and Cyrus wonders how he was ever afraid of the girl. 

“Thanks, Amber.” Cyrus smiles appreciatively and she leaves to get back to work. 

Cyrus’ momentary happiness is over once he looks at the empty seats beside him. He starts sadly popping taters into his mouth. Once Cyrus gets down to the last two baby taters, he begins a sad theatre session with them. Just as Cyrus is about to kill of his tater alter ego, TJ walks in.

“TJ!” Cyrus says excitedly and he immediately felt dorky for practically pouncing on the boy.

“Hey, Underdog!” TJ matches his upbeat greeting which instantly puts Cyrus at ease. “Did I miss Buffy leaving?” He takes the stool beside Cyrus. 

“She left a couple hours ago.” Cyrus nods solemnly. 

“I had work, I texted her though.” TJ bops his head gently. “What are you doing?” 

“Tater theatre.” Cyrus sighs. 

“What’s that?” TJ questions, looking at the two baby taters Cyrus was holding. 

“It’s where I act out scenes through the baby taters.” Cyrus explains. 

“Interesting...” TJ lets out a little chuckle, “What’s today’s show?”

“The worst summer ever.” Cyrus frowns, “You’re just in time for the final act, summer - which is this tater -” Cyrus waves the tater in his left hand, “Is about to kill me - which is this tater -” Cyrus waves the other. 

“No,” TJ gasps, “Don’t kill baby tater Cyrus.” 

“I have to, this is the worst summer ever.” Cyrus says matter of factly. 

“We’re only two days into summer, how could it possibly be the worst summer ever?” TJ raises a brow. 

“Andi, Buffy and Jonah are all away until the last week of summer vacation.” Cyrus pouts.

“I guess that does kinda suck.” TJ wears a sympathetic look. “But just because they’re gone doesn’t mean your summer has to be terrible.” 

“I don’t do well on my own,” Cyrus says. 

“Uh, hello?” TJ gives him a funny look. 

“Well I know you’re here, but I can’t annoy you all summer.” Cyrus frowns. 

“Why not?” TJ shrugs. 

“Don’t you have work all the time and have basketball friends to hang out with?” Cyrus questions. 

“I’m still legally only allowed to work a few shifts a week and I’ll still see my teammates.” TJ coaxes his head, “It kinda sounds like you don’t want to hang out with me.” 

“No, it’s not that at all!” Cyrus jumps in quickly, “I just don't want to be weird and clingy. Like I said, I don’t do well on my own... Maybe I should add that to my list...” Cyrus mumbles.

“Hey there’s an idea!” TJ pokes Cyrus’ shoulder excitedly. “Your list!” 

“I’m not following.” Cyrus knits his brows. 

“Your list, that’s what we’ll do this summer.” TJ grins. “Your list are things you can’t do, slash, want to do, slash, are afraid to do.. So let’s do them.” 

“Like a summer checklist?” Cyrus thinks about the suggestion for a moment. 

“Yeah, exactly!” TJ beams. 

“That actually sounds kind of awesome?” Cyrus’ expression curls into something excited. “You’d really be okay with spending your summer that way?” 

TJ reaches for one of the baby taters, Cyrus holds and rests it on the table in position, “Cyrus Goodman,” TJ gives it a baby taters voice, “Will you, have the best summer ever with me?” 

Cyrus makes his tater self gasp excitedly, “Oh, I thought you’d never ask!” 

Laughter becomes the two and suddenly Cyrus’ look on summer was completely different. TJ orders a soda and the two begin to chat. 

“So how is this going to work?” Cyrus questions as he watches TJ sip on a soda. “Do we work through the list top to bottom as I wrote it? Alphabetically? Should I reorganise it by level of difficulty-”

“You’re over complicating things, Cyrus,” TJ slaps a hand on Cyrus’ shoulder to stop him.

“I’ve been known to do that.” Cyrus grimaces.

“We’ll just pick something we feel like doing that day.” TJ says simply. “And some of the things on your list we’ll be able to do in the same place.”

Cyrus nods as he knew that was true, many of his activities were park themed or beach themed and so on.

“So how do we choose what’s first?” Cyrus asks.

TJ purses his lips for a moment before questioning, “Has your list been added to since you sent it to me when we worked on your somersault?”

Cyrus holds a nervous breath for a second but ultimately shakes his head no.

“Have you crossed anything else off it?” TJ asks.

Cyrus lets out an anxious sounding giggle as he shakes his head again.

“That’s okay.” TJ smiles encouragingly, “There were just under a hundred things on your list, right?”

“Right.” Cyrus nods and he felt his cheeks burn red as it was becoming apparent that TJ had more than just glanced at his list. “98- 7!” Cyrus corrects himself quickly. “97.”

TJ looks around the diner for a moment and his eyes settle on an elderly couple at a table close by, “Excuse me,” he grabs their attention, “This may sound strange but can I ask you to pick a number between one and ninety-seven?”

The two greyed individuals look at each other for a second before the woman answers with a smile and croaky voice, “Fifty-seven.”

“The year we got married,” the man smiles.

“Thank you very much for your help,” TJ grins at them before turning his attention back to Cyrus. “What’s number fifty-seven on your list?”

Cyrus pulls out his phone and scrolls, he stops when he finds the number the older couple assigned.

“Hey that’s perfect!” TJ exclaims, “Natural progression from a somersault.”

“A handstand?” Cyrus looks worried.

TJ nods as he takes the final sip from his cup. “I promised my mom I’d be home to help cook dinner,” TJ explains, “But we can meet up tomorrow in the park?”  

“Great,” Cyrus frowns, “So parents as well as their children can laugh at my lack of athletic ability?”

“Hey, the kids at the gym were supportive when you were there.” TJ chuckles.

“That’s true, they chanted my name and everything.” Cyrus mumbles with a small smile.

“Cyrus, Cyrus, Cyrus,” TJ chants quietly with another laugh. “You’ve got this.”

“Your faith in me is inspiring, truly,” Cyrus says unconvinced, “But-”

“Shhh.” TJ cuts him off by placing a finger against Cyrus’ lips, “Save the ‘I can’t do its’ for someone else.”

Cyrus nervously but gently swats away TJ’s hand with a pout. TJ gets up to leave and Cyrus follows.

“Thanks again for your help.” TJ waves at the elderly couple as they pass on their way out.

“Congratulations on sixty years of marriage.” Cyrus adds with a smile. “I think we’re going to need sixty years to work through my list.” Cyrus adds as a joke once they’re on the street but he was serious about it.

“With an attitude like that, yeah, you’re probably right.” TJ scoffs.

The two boys stop outside of the diner as they were about to head off in different directions. TJ takes a few backwards steps, “Best summer ever starts tomorrow.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Cyrus swats the air before waving his friend off with a small smile and a light bubbly feeling in the pit of Cyrus’ stomach suggested the best summer ever had already began.

[Next Chapter]

[mystblbk]

Chavela Valdes--Chapter 3

After shopping for necessities, mom manages to get a job at a local cantina and had convinced the owner to have her start right away. Panchito gets us back home in an hour, just in time for Milagros to growl at us about how she wanted half the rent by the end of the weekend. I would have yelled at her if it were not for my mom grabbing my bicep to calm me down. I stay in our room long after mom left for her new job, as a means to keep the landlord alive and to practice.

I cradle the instrument in my lap while slowly sliding down the wall to sit on the floor. The roughly tiled floor rubbed against the skin of my thigh harshly, but I have no other place to practice seeing that the Evil Witch from the South was currently in the living room a few paces away.

Right then, let’s get started.

With the silencer covering my guitar’s sound hole, I practice some of the old ballads my guitar teacher had taught me. It became our ritual to teach me a new song every day, especially after the first week of class. No one truly wanted to learn how to play the guitar, they were just there for the easy grade, so having me actually wanting to learn was a godsend to the young teacher. Mr. Peña had been a kind person to me and even allowed me to take one of his practice guitars home after he noticed how I took to each lesson with ease. He must have seen something in me because after that he had me permanently placed into his class for the next three years of high school.

I wish I could have said goodbye.

I go through a few finger placement exercises until the sadness dies out, but the songs don’t. By the time I look down at my iPod and see that its almost 4’oclock in the morning my fingers have deep creases on the tips from the steel strings. I cradle my left hand and inspect the red digits. The worn skin has small cuts from being used again, but there was no pain to be felt. I sigh and close my eyes, hands instinctively playing a new song.

“I forgot how good you were.”

My mom’s voice shocks me and my hand makes a thumping sound as it hits my instrument. Mom gives me a sheepish look when I give her an empty glare from across the room. She smiles softly as she goes through the motions of getting ready for bed. Her long shiny hair is let down, and her clothes are exchanged with pajamas. Once she’s done, she comes to sit next to me. She cuddles into my side, reminding me of how I would when I was younger.

“You know I hate being startled,” I mumble, once we’re both settled in.

“Sorry, mija,” she grins, “Come on, play something for me?”

I look down at my mother’s hazel eyes and nod slowly, “What song?”

“Surprise me,” she smiles.

I nod again and quickly roll through the songs I have memorized in my head. My mother watches as I think then moves to sit across from me and against the bed. Finally, I start strumming the cocky and sassy song. Making sure my voice is clear, I start to sing with a grin directed at my mother.

Esas tus miradas de fulgor extraño Esa tu sonrisa de color de rosa Siempre me facinan aunque me hacen daño Porque eres muy linda pero desdeñosa

My grin starts to hurt as I see mom trying to hold back a laugh. My mood is cheery as I continue along, making sure to bop my head to the quick plucking I do.

Esas tus miradas de fulgor extraño Esa tu sonrisa de color de rosa Siempre me facinan aunque me hacen daño Porque eres muy linda pero desdeñosa

Mom coughs a laugh this time, her tan cheeks a little red for holding back her cheer. I try not to giggle as an effort to complete the song completely with no breaks.

Brindame el encanto de tus bellos ojos El sensual embrujo que en ti se adivina Para que en mi vida tan llena de abrojos Seas como una estrella que a mi alma ilumina

By now mom is covering her mouth with both hands, mirth bright as the sun rising behind us. My heart soars to see her happy, to bring some happiness in the midst of all this terror we’re going through. It’ the same feeling I had with Valentina in the afternoon, a painful need to see a beautiful woman smile at me instead of frown.

Brindame el encanto de tus bellos ojos El sensual embrujo que en ti se adivina Para que en mi vida tan llena de abrojos Seas como una estrella que a mi alma ilumina

As I go through the last fast-paced strumming, my mom’s giggles get the best of her once the song ends. I giggle along with her as she stands up from next to me. I place my guitar in its case on my side of the bed. My sleepiness night catches up with me as I set my phone’s alarm for later this morning, the volume only high enough for me to hear. With a huff, I settle myself next to my mother on our small bed. I glance over at the older woman and she smiles sadly at me before turning off our only light.

My mind continues to run long after my mom’s breathing deepens into a dreamless sleep. I stare at the ceiling, unused to the new sounds and feeling of the space I’m in. Annoyed, I quietly get up from the bed and make my way to the living room and into the kitchen. I pull a cup from the rack and fill it halfway. I sigh and drink slowly, trying to quiet down my thoughts. Once finished with my drink, I wash it quietly and place it back on the rack.

My footsteps are quiet on the neon pink tiles. I’m passing the coffee table when a familiar picture catches my eye. The latest issue of Cosmopolitan sits on the table with a dog-eared page. I raise an eyebrow and stare at the magazine for a second. Curiosity gets the best of me so I grab the paper book and flip to the page that is saved.

“No way,” I whisper gasp, “It can’t be.”

But it is.

Who else can it be?

Splattered across the page is a title to an article that should be in a National Enquirer instead of a Cosmo.

Léon Carvajal: El Ultimo Adios

Underneath the morbid title is pictures of a well-aged man in a fitted suit. His features are sharp but also aged just enough to show his age. His hair was multicolored, black fading into grey and then into white in spots. His smile was warm but strong as if to say he was the boss. Underneath the collage of pictures of his life throughout the years are pictures of his funeral form a few weeks prior. A strand of pictures is framed at the bottom but one, in particular, forces my attention on it.

In the center of the picture is a brunette with watery eyes wearing all black and sitting on a couch alone. Behind her are people lingering around a warm brown colored casket, a strike of platinum blonde surrounded by a group of brunettes. All seeming to be the immediate family. All not noticing what the lonely girl has in her hands: a silver flask.

“Valentina,” I whisper with a broken heart.

I read the article and get annoyed as they speak of my new friend and her family. The writer obviously using this man’s death as a way to sell copies of this month’s magazine. I sigh and close the book, making sure to place it where it once was so Milagros won’t see a difference. My feet still make no noise as I enter our room. Mom is still asleep as I get into bed next to her. I stare at the ceiling for a moment then close my eyes, one thought lingering in my mind.

Well, right now I don’t think it applies here.

“It will,” I mumble as I fall into the abys, “I’ll make sure of it…”

_________________________________________________.

The morning comes fast, almost as fast when we were on the run a few days ago. It blends into the day so well that the dream world isn’t even acknowledged to me as I wake up at 7’olock. I quickly get ready without waking mom up, knowing full well the hell I will have to pay for her not coming with me. I’m far too concerned with her getting her own rest then my own safety as I watch how peaceful she looks. The kitchen smells of food when I exit our room, but I ignore the woman cooking as my pride is too much for a pity breakfast from her. With a forced out ‘good-bye,’ I walk out of the house and into the sleepy streets of Mexico City. Pulling up the address on my phone, I pull the strap of my guitar case tighter as to not have it taken from me in a worst-case-scenario.

The way to my new job was a nice way to get used to the city as it goes through el centro and the marketplace it stands on. There are many streets filled with people selling form their homes or pop-up stalls, mostly of spices, fresh vegetables, and the occasional clothing or electronics. The scents of the pile of spices lined around my path tickle my nose in a way that reminds me of my empty stomach. I’m spared of this painful journey as I approach a large building sticking out of the mayhem as if it were a center point of the area. As I approach the restaurant I take not of its old Spanish style, the kind that was made to attract the tourist population: red brick with white trims and wide bay windows. My feet carry me up the flight of stairs and through the front arches leading inside to the second floor.

The fluorescent lights make my eyes hurt as I to adjust to my surroundings. I blink back the shadows and look around, taking notice of the large murals on each wall. Taking one side of the building is a large bar with two stainless steel doors that would lead to the kitchen. Decorating the counter behind the marble bar are figurines of Catrinas and Alembrijes on each shelf. There are artisanal wooden tables with matching chairs placed neatly in the space to make the best use of the size with paper floral centerpieces. It was a purely Mexican restaurant that one would see in a stock image photo.

“Juliana! Good morning!”

I look over to the sound of Salvador's voice and see him along with a group of five other young men that look to be around his age. Salvador stands in the center, a few inches shorter than the tallest man. To his right were two boys, twins actually, with light skin and eyes that matched their dirty blonde hair. Their round faces made them look young, a few years older than I am, and so did their smirks and bright hazel eyes.

On Salvador’s left were the other three young men, all three handsome and tall. The tallest, which stood directly next to Salvador, had black hair and dark eyes similar to Salvador except for the broody look on his face. On the broody guy’s left was a boy with dark skin, obviously from African descent, that hade burning green eyes to contrast the rest of him. This guy’s expression was kind and open, an expression that helped calm my nerves. Finally, the last young man had bright reddish hair and super pale skin. He looked like he belonged in the hills of Scotland, not the streets of humid Mexico.

As I approached the group, I pulled my shoulders back and stand straighter to make myself look taller. The second I was a foot away, the twins pulled me into a hug and started chattering into my ears. I stay frozen in place as the two boys tug me by my jacket.

“I can’t wait to hear—”

“No, you said we were—”

“No, Sal said we have to—”

“Sal said, more like you—”

“STOP!”

Salvador’s voice booms in the restaurant, shocking the twins to look back over at him.

“I’m sure you will have time to get to hear Juliana’s,” Salvador says as he drags them into submission, “Now, how about some food while we get to know each other?”

The twins quickly pull away and run to one of the long wooden tables nearby. I stare as they push each other back and forth like only siblings do. Sal brings me back to my current position as he claps me on the back softly and pushes me carefully to the table. We all take our seats and watch as two waitresses come and start serving us some traditional Mexican breakfast. My mouth drools as one waitress places a plate of huevos rancheros in front of me. I stare down at the food then look up and around me. The boys were all tucking into their own food, taking the liberty to take from the large dishes of sides on the table to place on their plates.

A tap from my right directs me to the dark-skinned boy, he smiles encouragingly and makes signals for me to eat in a polite manner. I glance at Salvador and he smiles back, so I sigh happily and eat along with them. The breakfast is good, the only downside is that I couldn’t eat more. I sigh and sip the rest of my agua de frutas while Salvador introduces the other boys.

The twins were named Raymundo and Ricardo, kids to a widowed father of a family of eight. The redheaded boy’s name was Francisco, or Franky, and was son to an American teacher and British painter. The darkest skinned young man was named Axel, had immigrated to Mexico City a few years ago with his parents from Argentina. Finally, the broody guy that looked very similar to Salvador was introduced to me as Raúl, Salvador’s cousin.

They were all kind, except Raúl who was still a bit cold and distant and talked to me about the city and such. The conversation came to a halt when Raúl reminded us of the two outfits that I had to try on. Salvador stood up and quickly went into the employees only room. The man comes back carrying two outfits covered by black coat bags.

“Sal huffed, “Thanks, Raúl. Juli, go try them on please.”

“Okay,” I sighed, taking the two bags, “be right back.”

Axel kindly points to the restrooms and I walk in the direction of them. I quickly go inside and let out a large breath I was keeping inside. Trying to calm my nerves, I carefully hang the two protected outfits on the stall door. A few minutes later I’m pulling on the tight black pants on, the pant legs are a bit longer than me but easily fixable. The soft white dress shirt is a bit too large but I tuck it into the pants before pulling on the black vest and finally the black jacket over that. The gold tie is tricky to get on, but after a minute of struggling I figure it out. The tan belt with obstaniously large belt buckle settles perfectly on my waist.

I open the door to the stall and step into the larger part of the restrooms. With a glance over the uniform, I turn to look at myself on the large floor-to-ceiling mirror. A gasp leaves me as I look over myself. The clothes are a bit too loose but I can see with a bit of a tweak here and there I can get it to look amazing on my small frame. I looked the part of a mariachi player, except for my loose hair and converse. With a small smile I use the band I keep on my wrist to pull my hair up in a bun.

“Better,” I sigh.

“Juli,” Sal asks with a knock on the door.

“Just a second,” I call back.

Taking one more look over myself, I turn and walk out. All five boys look up and take in how I look. Sal and Axel smile largely at me while the twins smirk and nod happily. Raúl walks from his position against the wall and walks around me, eyes rolling over me with a heavy stare. The boy comes to stand in front of me and stays there for a second. I hold my breath as he turns around to the table and takes the large traditional hat. Raúl slowly and gently places the hat on my head, positioning it to face forward correctly.

“You need dress shoes, maybe even boots,” the young man tells me, “What’s your size?”

I blink, “Uhm, nine.”

“Americans,” Raúl rolls his eyes but turns back to a bag he has next to the wall.

He pulls out a pair of black leather boots, “Put these on, they should fit. They belonged to my sister, but she doesn’t even wear them so…”

I stare at the man before sitting where he pointed me to. Raúl crouches down and pulls my tennis shoes off then replaces them with the boots, telling me to adjust the shoes as needed.

“Stand up,” he tells me, “I need to see that you don’t look like a fool next to us.”

I huff but do as he says by allowing him to look me over again. Once he is satisfied, Raúl nods at me then at the others.

“She’ll do,” he proclaims, “Just needs to get them both fitted, but she should be fine.”

Sal grins, “Good. Go take that off, except the boots so you can get them worn in and get back here so we can practice.”

“Okay,” I nod and turn to follow his orders.

I make it into the restroom and once again let out a large sigh of relief. Though I felt a bit on edge from having Raúl look me over, I understood his need to have me look good next to them. My mind kept traveling to the boys as I undressed and redressed, mostly thinking how easily we got along during our breakfast. By the time I had got the suit and hat into their proper places, I was ready for practice. The boys are now standing on the makeshift stage waiting for me as I approached them.

I look over the instrument they are holding as I pull my guitar out. Salvador, no surprise, is the other guitarist. Axel holds a shiny trumpet and is doing scales with Raúl who is the second trumpeter. The twins surprise me as they tune their violins, the shape, and color the instruments almost exact to reflect their owners. A grin pulls at my lips as approach my bandmates, ready to get to it.

“Alright,” Sal tells us, “You went through the setlist I gave you right?”

I nod to Salvador, “Yeah I went through it. I knew all of them already, so I’m fine.”

“Good,” Axel nods, “Let’s go through it and then decide which parts to add or correct.”

“Which brings up another thing,” Raúl huffs, “Do you know how to sing?”

I shift in place trying to ignore their stares, “A little.”

“Then we try that too,” Raúl nods, “Let’s start then.”

With that, we begin practicing for the day.

____________________________________________________.

The wind blows my hair out of my face as I stand in the sun. My eyes don’t leave to marble rock in front of me, newly placed onto of the grave of my husband of only a few hours. I stare at the rock for another minute before a tear is released from my eye and flows down to fall into the large field of grass.

“I wish you were here. The bed is too big without you. The house is too cold. And don’t get me started on the company,” I whisper to Léon, “I’m trying my best to pick up where you left off but Johnny is such a snake! Honestly, how didn’t you see how much of a backstabber he is? He’s off speaking with presidential hopefuls and big company CEOs—completley what you’ve always been against! To top it all off he’s been flirting with me, some adopted son you picked out Léon! I’m pretty sure he’s behind all this. His actions speak for him. I can’t get proof yet, but I really hope Eva can have a change of heart so she can help me at the paper. If I have her and Guille on my side, I’m sure I can catch him in the act.

“Eva is angry She thinks this is my fault. I suppose it is, you were killed at our wedding. Guille, well Guille is trying to be strong but I know he’s finding comfort with drinking his sorrows away when he’s not working. As for Valentina—she’s a mess, my love. I’m having the staff keep an eye on her, but I know she’s been sneaking alcohol into her room at night. I really hope she finds a way to get out before I have to call a family meeting on her.”

“I wish you were here,” I whisper with a sob, “We all do.”

As if answered, the wind blows again cooling the hot trail of tears on my cheek. I sigh and hold myself for another moment, thinking about my family and their individual struggles. Suddenly, the sound of guitars strumming catches my attention. I look up to my right and see an elderly couple standing next to each other as a young girl sings over the grave. Her dark hair is pulled up in a bun with a few strands falling over her cheeks allowing me to see how young she is. Perhaps Valentina’s age? Her clothes are worn and faded in color, reminding me of my time in the streets.

I watch as her soft voice carries lovingly through the cemetery and creates a strange peace that otherwise should be filled with a turmoil of the living. The girl finishes the song and allows the sound to bounce around the empty plain before turning to shake hands with the elderly couple. The old man dabs his eyes with a handkerchief and shakes her hand kindly. The older woman smiles as well and hands her a few bills in return for her service. The girl shakes her head but is forced the money into her had by the older woman. I smile as the humble girl goes through the motions of the Holy Cross then bows her head to the elderly’s dead before leaving them be.

I watch curiously as the girl counts the bills and does the Holy Cross again with the money in her hand, a sign of a thankful worker, before putting the money in her front pants pocket. I look down at Léon and remember how kind he was and willing to help me when I was in that young lady’s shoes.

“I suppose this is a sign,” I tell him then look over at the girl, “Hey! Young lady! Come here, please!”

The girl looks up and stares at me for a second before jogging up to me. I let her catch her breath for a second before speaking.

“What are you doing here,” I ask, “They normally don’t let anyone in here, it’s a private cemetery.”

“Oh,” she shrugs, “A friend’s uncle works here, and he told me I could come here to earn some money.”

My eyebrows furrow, “It’s really hot though. Can’t you find something better?”

“I can. I mean I do—have a job,” she sighs, “I play in a mariachi band and get a cut from what we earn, but I need more for the rent of the place I have. I don’t want my mom to work too hard, she’s been through enough this past year. I want to help her, so she won’t worry as much.”

“Past year,” I ask, “What happened?”

The girl sighs, “Well, my dad died during work. We had our house, well trailer, taken away and had to come here. We found a place but the landlord, well, she wants the rent for this whole month by this weekend.”

“What,” I gape, “That’s completely unfair! Most landlords give a week…”

“Yeah she did, originally,” the girl rolls her eyes, “But my mom could only get a job at a bar, so when she found out she gave us until Saturday. Something about being a streetwalker.”

“That’s just three days from now,” I whisper, outrage at this unknown landlord for acting this way to a recent widow.

“Yeah,” the girl nods, looking at her scuffed-up shoes, “That’s why I’m doing whatever I can right now.”

I watch as the girl shifts the guitar strapped over her shoulder from one place to the other. Seeing her up close made it even more clear how young she is. My heart tugged at her sad but determined look. With a sigh, I turn to my guard.

“Can you let home know I have another errand to do and might not get home on time,” I shout to Alirio.

“Yes, ma’am I’ll let them know,” he calls back.

I turn to the girl and pull my hand out for her to shake, “Lucía, and you are?”

The girl blinks back at me then shakes my hand politely, “Juliana.”

I grin and motion for her to follow me, “I have a job you can do for me. I need someone to come shopping with me. I need an honest opinion on what I’m wearing, I know these men won’t have a reliable opinion other than blank staring. You can also help me carry my bags to the car.”

Julian turns to me with wide confused eyes, “I—”

I cut off the girl, “Don’t worry. I’ll pay you for your time. I’m sure it will be more than the amount you’ll get here.”

“Why,” she whispers.

“I know how it feels,” I answer simply, “Now come on, I actually do need help deciding.”

Juliana stares at me for a second then grins, “Thank you, Ms. Lucia. You don’t even know me, but…”

I smile at the girl and pull her by her elbow. The door is opened by my guard and I enter the vehicle with Juliana. The young woman stays quiet as she stares out the window, enjoying the view as we reach the closest boutiques I like to go to. By the time we reach the stores, Juliana is a bit calmer and responds to the few questions I ask her.

The first store is filled with expensive ball gowns, a perfect place to find a dress for my meeting with the Spanish Ambassador in a few weeks. Juliana is in awe as we enter and a saleswoman quickly greets us with an overly bright smile. I let her down gently and once she’s gone I turn to my new companion.

“Alright, what should we start with,” I ask her.

Juliana pauses and looks me over quickly before looking around. I watch as something catches her eye from a nearby rack. The brunette scurries to a rack full of red and maroon dresses and quickly goes through them until she finds what she’s looking for. A bright red dress with a backless design and a long train is presented to me with excited and nervous eyes.

“Try this one,” Juliana mumbles, “I think it will suit you.”

I grin at the timid girl and take the dress with no complaints, leaving her shocked at my silence. I walk towards the dressing rooms and turn around with an encouraging look.

“Perhaps look for other ones,” I encourage her, “I’m always looking for good dresses for events.”

This seems to calm the girl as she smiles back at me and continues to look over the racks. The afternoon goes on like this. From store to store, my new stylist picks out clothes for me to try and I do as she says. By the time dinner time arrives, I have many new bags filled with clothes and accessories. I’m shocked that this little thing of a girl knows how to style clothes in just the right way and to fit my style. I’m sure she has a good future if she pursues a career in fashion. As I tell her this, she blushes brightly and scuffs up her shoe on the concrete paths.

“I’m not joking Juliana,” I pat her arm, “You could be a professional stylist or even a designer.”

“I’m flattered, but I’m more concerned with the food on the table,” she rolls her eyes like the teenager she is, “Maybe someday but not soon.”

I sigh, completely understanding her situation. I could help her but a strong woman like her, like me, would not like handouts. She wants to make things from her own strength, not the strength of others. I look down to her shoes and see that the worn Converse are really in need of replacement. The edges are almost all the way unsealed from the cloth of the shoe. The bottoms are worn out to the point that the grooves are almost gone.

I suppose I could help her with this at least.

“You know, my stepdaughter could use some new shoes,” I glance over at the girl, “I think you might have the same size as her. How about coming to help me find her a new pair before we drop you off at home? What’s your shoe size?”

Juliana stares down at her lap then looks up at me with a reluctant smile, “Oh, I’m a size nine, I don’t know about matching since I have a big foot….but I guess I can help…”

With a grin, I pull her with me to the closest shoe store. We walk through the long shelves of shoes until I find the Converse section and conveniently walk through the section. I watch as Juliana stops walking and stares at a pair with desire in her eyes. The pair was all black except for colorful stars dotting the fabric. The girl then shakes her head and continues on into the shop. I grin and pull out the correct size. With a signal to Alirio to take my credit card and pay for the pair. I grin as he walks back to the car, most likely to hide the pair in Juliana’s guitar case while I make sure the girl is not looking.

Through my show, I manage to find pairs for everyone. Before long I have new pairs of shoes for Valentina, Guille, and Eva along with a few heels for me and the girls. Juliana helps me carry the magnitude of shoes to the clerk and we quickly leave the store after that.

“Thank you, Juliana,” I tell the girl once we’re on our way again, “I really enjoyed your company.”

“I enjoyed it too,” the girl tells me, “You remind me of my mom, easy to talk to.”

“Well she raised a very kind woman,” I tell her, “I really hope things get better for you two.”

Juliana shrugs without looking at me, “So do I. I just hope this job gives me enough money so she won’t worry about the rent.”

“This job,” I start, “Is it in a band that goes to events, gets booked, or is it in a restaurant or…”

“Oh, both,” she nods, “It’s at a restaurant and sometimes we’ll go to parties and such. That’s what Salvador said anyway, I haven’t played once yet. I only just got the outfits today.”

“Wait, you mean you haven’t played anywhere yet,” I ask.

She nods, “Not yet, Friday is my first day. Today I met the band and practiced until an hour before I met you.”

I nod, “Well now I’m interested. You must be very good if they think you’d be ready in two days.”

Juliana turns to me and furrows her eyebrows, “I didn’t think of it like that. I just figured they needed cash too, you know for expenses and such.”

I smile, “I don’t think so. They must have a lot of faith in you after hearing you. I know I liked your singing from what I heard in the cemetery. I want to hear more from you. I’m sure you sound even more lovely with a full band to accompany you.”

Juliana’s tan cheeks turn rosy as she shifts in embarrassment, “Um yeah, thanks.”

“We’re here, Seńorita Lućia,” the driver calls to us from the driver’s seat.

I look out the window and see the humble streets lined with buildings decorated with chipping paint and cracked walls. Juliana sighs and tugs her guitar case over her shoulder. As she begins to open the car door, I take her left hand and squeeze it as a mother would do. This gets her attention and she waits for me to speak.

“Take care of yourself, okay,” I insist, “I know you’re tough but be careful.”

Juliana looks at my hand and then back up, “Okay, I promise.”

I smile and kiss the girl’s cheek, gaining another full-on blush, and tuck into her hand a crisp hundred-dollar bill. Juliana gapes at me and I simply smile back at her. Taking a moment to gather her thoughts, the girl leaves the car in a daze and makes her way into the small home. Once outside, she waves at the car and makes quick work of the many locks to get inside. The door closes with a large bang sound.

“Let’s go home,” I tell the driver once Juliana is inside.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/18497122/chapters/44311702

[nastyboyluke]

late night video chats - lrh

anon asked: Here’s an imagine idea.. a girl and Luke are on FaceTime and they pull an all nighter doing crazy , fun and cute stuff and confess that they have feelings for each other (they’re still not in a relationship)

tHIS IS SUCH A CUTE IDEA MA HART <3333 HOPE YOU ENJOY LOVE XX ps there is so much ed sheeran going on in this imagine because i was listening to + writing it. it was very emo and fluffy night rip

it was a normal saturday evening, you were laying on your bed, listening to music while going on twitter to chat up on tea going on in the world. as you were looking at a thread of vines, a notification popped up at the top of your phone.

as your eyes scanned, it was a message from your best friend luke. the two of you have been friends since your first day of uni, in whole new land you’ve never been—australia.

cheese toastie 💛: y/n!!!

you smiled, tapping on the notification, opening fully to imessage

‘yesss :-)’

cheese toastie 💛: im so bored and i dont feel like sleeping tonight idk why but you wanna face time all night?

a giggle left your lips as you read the message at his silly excuse to talk to you. although you were friends with luke, your feelings couldnt help but further into stronger feelings for the blue eyed aussie.

‘sure let me get my laptop and ill call you when im ready lol’

cheese toastie 💛: ill be waiting <3

little things like luke simple sending a heart would make your heart flutter with happiness. but deep down you knew luke didn’t see that way. he did it in a friendly way. in fact, he even told you he had a major crush on girl but he’s not sure whether or not he should tell her how he felt because he didn’t want to possibly ruin the friendship they have now.

it hurt that you knew luke had eyes on someone else, but you were happy for him none the less.

once you got your laptop ready to go hooked up to a charger, you opened up facetime, clicking on lukes contact. it only took a second for him to answer. next thing you knew you were looking at his little button nose and blue eyes.

“hello?” his mouth was obviously very close to the mic because it boomed through your laptops speakers.

you laughed loudly at how silly he was. “hey weirdo.” you continued to giggle. luke pulled the camera back, so you could see him fully. he rested his phone on whatever it was, checking that it wouldnt fall.

you were 99.9% sure luke was looking at himself in the corner as he was checking his hair before clearing his throat and waving at you.

“are you done checking yourself out lucas?” you asked, grabbing a pillow to hug in your arms.

“dont act you were watching, y/n” he rolled his eyes. luke had pulled a tub of ice cream into frame with a big spoon. “welcome to my muckbang! wait, muckabang or mookbong? im so confused with how you pronounce it.”

“i think its pronounced mookbang. im pretty sure.” you shrugged, watching him spoon some ice cream into his mouth.

“weird. anyways, hows your day?” luke smiled, tilting to the side like a puppy.

“im okay. can i copy your notes by the way for music theory?” you asked, cuddling your pillow. luke looked so cute, he had messy hair with small bags under his eyes with his unshaven face and a pink floyd shirt that feels he practically lives in.

“oops, kinda forgot to do that too. it’s okay we can get starbucks and do it together then.” he shrugged, shoving more ice cream into his mouth. oh did you forget, that his lipring? yeah thats super hot.

for a while, you and luke talked about school, and what was coming—mainly exams which none of you weren’t looking for—until you were just watching him to continue to eat ice cream.

“y/n?”

“yes?”

luke was about to get serious, you sensed it. because he sat his ice cream aside and was sitting up now in his seat. “you know that girl i told you about?”

“yeah, but why wont you just tell me her name rather then just calling her ‘the girl?’” you pouted, folding your arms across your chest.

“because… you know her and like—i dont know—i just dont want to!” luke was now pouting making you giggle.

“oh my god—its zoe isnt it?! or ashley?!” you gasped.

“no! its none of them! ANYWAYS,” he sighed, luke began to fiddle around with his lip ring. aw, he was getting so nervous talking about her. “i think im gonna finally tell her. like really, really soon.”

a smile went across your lips, although you were sad on the inside, you still gotta cheer your best friend on. “really?! wait oh my god you should do it now! i wanna see this go own live.”

“maybe later. i dunno.” he shrugged, his cheeks were pink. luke grabbed his ice cream again. “its time for a dance party nowwwwww.” he got up from his seat, coming back with his laptop. he began to play shape of you by ed sheeran, dancing in your seat.

the both of you were singing along to the years, bopping along to the song. although your music tastes were very different, one thing you and luke will always agree was on ed sheeran. in fact, the two of you even went to see him concert a few months back and you had the time of the life.

luke at this point was up on his couch, swaying his hips and screaming the lyrics. you laughed so hard that your ribs began to hurt. the sugar in the ice cream was definetly kicking into his system.

this continued for another two hours, making it already midnight. after laughing so much at how stupid luke had been, your stomach pratically hurt. finally the boy settled down, grabbing a blanket, wrapping it around him.

“i wish we could cuddle right now, its fuckin cold in my apartment.” he groaned, lowering his music so you could hear him.

“ha its the perfect temperature in my place.” you stuck your tongue out at the camera. the blue eyed boy simply just rolled his eyes and continued to groan.

“luke can you sing me my favorite song?” you asked, giving him a big smile. “pleaseeeee?”

“why should i?” luke asked, already grabbing his guitar and a pick off his coffee table, checking if it was in tune.

“because youre my fwend.” you said in your baby voice making him giggle a little bit.

“okay only because you’re my best fwend.”

lukes calloused fingers began to pluck at the strings to create the tune of lego house by ed sheerans. lukes strong yet soft voice belted out the beautiful words of ed, making your heart swell. you watched the boy quickly get deep into the song and his feelings, keeping his eyes shut majority of time. however, when luke did open his eyes, he looked at you.

just as luke got deep into the song, you did too. so much at tears streamed down your cheeks.

“and its a dark cold decemeber, but ive got you keep me warm

if youre broken, ill mend you

and keep you sheltered from the storm thats raging now.”

he sang the last part, opening his beautiful crystal eyes, looking at you wide eyed.

“are you crying? im sorry! i didnt mean to!” he began to panic, luke hated to see you cry.

“you’re just that good of a singer luke,” you laughed, wiping your tears. “you make me cry.”

he gave you a little smile, putting his guitar aside. luke picked up his phone, walking somewhere, then was now laying down in his bed. you sniffled, wiping your eyes as you watched his sleepy face.

“can i tell you a secret?” the boy asked softly. you nodded for him to proceed with what he wanted to say. “the girl that i’ve been telling you about, well, it’s you. you’re the girl.” once luke said those words, a small giggle left his lips. he searched your face through the screen to see how you felt, but he wasn’t sure.

you however, sat there in shock. “you—you like me?” you stuttered looking, going wide eyed now.

“yes, y/n, i like you—like a lot.” luke was smiling big, running his finger through his hair.

“oh my god.” you laughed out loud to the ceiling. “you’re not joking right?”

luke laughed now. “no im not! why would i joke about that with you!”

you smiled back at him, tugging at your bottom lip with your teeth. “i like you too luke. i thought never in a million years that you would have feelings for me back.”

“well i do.” he stuck his tongue out at you. “i wish i could—kiss you.” once those words left his lips, luke’s cheek went pink.

“then come over and make it a reality.”

-

next thing you knew, you were running to the door once luke texted you that he was here. when you swung the door open, you looked at him. the blue eyed boy took a step forward, grabbing your face as your arms went around his waist.

“i’ve been dreaming about this moment forever.” you whispered. luke let out a gentle laugh before connecting your lips with his.

[ktrsss1fics]

DUDE WHAT ABOUT FERGIES REACTION TO SEEING NIALL GO BRUNETTE. LIKE THEY ARE GONNA HANG AND HE JUST SHOWS UP BRUNETTE INSTEAD OF BLONDE.

It’s game night at Niall’s place. He’s on a small break from tour and just spent a few weeks back home in Ireland. None of his LA crew have seen him since he left and they are missing their resident Irishman.

Whenever her friends host things, she always offers to bring a dish or dessert. They always say no so she ends up bringing alcohol instead.

Tonight, Georgina decided on a bottle of rye whiskey for the host and a bottle of peach schnapps for her best friend.

Game nights were always her favorite. They usually wrapped up a hectic work week and it was a chance to relax before the weekend hit. She also liked seeing how competitive her friends could be. Jenna and Keith were by far the worst sports in the history of competition and that always made things so much more interesting.

She punched in Niall’s gate code and parks her car in its designated spot. This was usually just the closest to the gate because she was always the last to arrive. Her bosses made sure that everyone left later than normal on Friday’s.

With her bottles in her hand, she headed to the front door. She made a brief pit stop at her place to swap outfits before heading to the store. She probably could have fixed her hair a bit more but after a 60 hour work week she was too tired to care.

When the front door open, a boy with dark brown hair stood with a smile on his face. It took her a moment to register who it was and she almost couldn’t believe it. Those baby blue eyes gave it away.

“Whoa!” She said to herself making him smile.

“Hey Fergie.” Niall said pulling her into a hug.

“What the fuck mate?” Georgina said into his ear. “You leave for Ireland and come back a different fucking person.”

His cheeks turned pink as she stepped away from him. Her eyes scanned his face as if she was trying to recommit his features to memory.

“Me mum almost didn’t recognize me.” He laughed making her smile.

“Oh I’m sure she didn’t.” She said reaching out to touch it. In a split second, her hand was back at her side realizing she shouldn’t.

“I haven’t been this dark since I was a kid so it’s nice.” He said shyly.

“Well I’m sure everyone will love it.” She smiled before handing over the bottles she had brought in. “Whiskey is yours. Schnapps is for Britt.”

“Thanks Fergie.” Niall said feeling a bit warm from her words. “Everyone is uh over here.”

She followed behind him. The loud laughter of Dave erupted near the television while a nice little gossip session was being held in the kitchen by the girls. She quietly made her rounds saying hello to everyone before settling in the kitchen with a glass of wine in her hands.

“I just can’t believe you actually did it.” Jenna said ruffling Niall’s hair.

“It was time for a change.” He shrugged.

“I’m sure bleaching it was getting old. I remember when I was fifteen I begged me mum to bleach it and I nearly burned my hair off.” Brittany said with a sigh.

“And your eyebrows.” Georgina mumbled into her glass making everyone around her laugh.

“I’m just saying sitting there letting your scalp burn must of got old.” Brittany said before flipping Georgina off.

“Did they force you to keep dying it?” Georgina asked watching him mix up a salad.

“Legally, I’m not allowed to say.” Niall said with a wink.

“S'like you lot were a faction of MI6.” Georgina said narrowing her eyes at the boy.

A smirk formed on his face. “Why would they let an Irishman into MI6?”

“Maybe you aren’t really Irish.” She shot back. “You’re really from up North and you’re really just taking the piss out of us all.”

“God not your imposter theory again.” Brittany teased in mock annoyance.

“What?” Niall asked perking up.

“Georgina thinks that you and the others weren’t real and the government created you to spy on other countries.” Brittany said causing Georgina’s face to turn pink.

“I was also very shitfaced when I thought of it.” Georgina admitted.

“Fergie, you are something else.” Mags laughed as she grabbed herself a plate.

“Can we eat yet?” Dave called from across the room - essentially saving Georgina’s life.

“Yeah. It’s all ready to go.” Niall called back.

“Well Ni, I have to say I really like it. I’m sure the girls are going to go crazy for it.” Jenna smiled as gave his arm a squeeze.

“Thanks.” He blushed as a line started to form.

Niall headed to the back allowing his guests to fill their plates before him. Georgina tried to squeeze in with Brittany but David wasn’t having it. She made her way toward the back.

She smiled shyly before standing behind Niall. He looked good. Brunette suited him. Blonde Niall was a little baby who sang pop hits and was on the cover of Teen Bop. He was a pre-packaged heart throb with a funny accent. Brunette Niall… wow he was something else. He was that singer-songwriter that sat down at the local coffee shop who rambled on about Bob Dylan’s finger-picking methods and the new Bon Iver album. She liked it.

She liked it a bit more than she was willing to admit. He wasn’t just a boy anymore. It was weird. She never realized how much someone’s hair could change their appearance. He looked older and wiser and even more manly than before.

She was impressed.

“Did ya show Keano yet?” Georgina asked deciding she had stared at him too long.

“Hmm?” Niall asked turning around.

She nodded towards his hair. “Does Keano know?”

“No not yet.” Niall said.

“I reckon he’d adopt you now.” She teased making me laugh. “I’m sure the wee one would love it.”

“I’m sure he would.” He said. “I don’t know how Claudine would feel about havin another boy to clean up after.”

“Well if you don’t end up getting his approval, I think you should know that it looks good.” She said making him smile.

“Thanks Fergie.” He said as they moved forward.

“You look old now.” She said.

He handed her a plate before taking one for himself.

“You know you aren’t the first person to tell me that.” He said. “It’s crazy how hair color can do that.”

“Could you imagine if Prince Harry wasn’t a redhead?” Jenna said overhearing his comment.

“He’d still be a sad sack just less interesting.” Keith popped off making the guy’s laugh.

Niall and Georgina quietly got their food while the others sat down at the dining room table to eat. Niall grabbed a bottle of beer and the bottle of wine from the fridge to refill her glass.

She leaned against the counter. “You ever gonna go back to blonde?”

“I don’t know. I’m getting good responses from this so I might keep it for a while.” He shrugged before looking at her. “Why?”

“Nothing.” She smiled holding out her glass.

“What Fergie?” He said giving her a look.

“Nothing. Doesn’t need to be said.” She said as he topped the glass off.

Niall put the bottle back before grabbing his plate and bottle of beer. They headed into the dining room and slid into the last two seats that were available. A conversation about weekend plans started amongst their friends.

Georgina leaned over and got his attention.

“Just so you know if you ever put that peroxide blonde shit back on your head, I will come to your house in the middle of the night and cut all of your guitar strings. Then I’ll steal every Eagles record that you own and then I’ll find a way to constantly broadcast that video of you tripping over Rory everywhere you go for the rest of your days on this earth. Got it Horan?” Georgina whispered with a straight face.

Niall cackled loudly causing everyone to stop talking and look over towards them.

“What’s going on down there?” Brittany asked with a suggestive look.

“Told him I’d show him the bleached eyebrow pics.” Georgina smirked.

Brittany flipped her off making everyone laugh. The conversation picked up as they all started to eat.

“You are seriously too funny.” Niall said softly making her smile.

“Thanks.” She replied. “But on a serious note, stay brunette. It looks good on you.”

His cheeks turned pink as a smile formed. Georgina Ferguson has completed him more in the past twenty minutes than she had in the past year. He couldn’t believe it.

Maybe, just maybe, she was starting to come around.

[lethesomething]

Do androids dream of electric volleyballs?

In which I attempt to write shitty angsty sci-fi. Don’t say I didn’t warn ya.

“Dumbass! Who receives a volleyball with his FACE?” Kageyama grumbles, folding his arms and leaning against the sickly green wall behind him. “It feemed mike a good idea af fhe fime,” comes Hinata’s muffled response. He squirms, unable to sit still on the hospital bed while a doctor fumbles with his nose. “Well it obviously wasn’t,” Kageyama says. “I can’t believe you keep trying. You’re more fragile than you used to be, you know.” “I mow. I can’f elp if, Kageyama.” Kageyama just turns his head and looks out of the window, at the parking lot and the street outside.

It’s another hot day, sun baring down on dry cement. Few people are walking around in this heat, but a road worker is busy putting traffic cones around a pool of molten asphalt. “They should really get to replacing that,” Kageyama mutters. It makes no sense to him that they would even keep that road asphalt, when alternatives would hold up so much better. Probably running out of cement or something. Behind him, the doctor finishes and straightens up. “There,” she says, giving Hinata’s nose a critical last look. “That should do it. If anything feels loose in the next few days, come straight back, ok?” “Yes ma’am,” Hinata nods meekly.

They silently walk through the echoing halls of the hospital and Hinata pushes the button for the elevator, shooting his friend worried glances until the doors roll open and they step in. “Going. Down,” the voice says and Kageyama stares straight ahead while Hinata fidgets next to him. “Kageyamaaaaa,” he whines. “What?” “I’m sorry, ok?” Hinata pouts and tries the puppy eyes look, but Kageyama is not looking at him. “It’s not your fault,” Kageyama says. “It just happened. It’s fine.”

Outside, they cross a nearly empty parking lot and wait for the bus. There’s safety tape around the asphalt now, Kageyama notices, though the molten part is growing beyond the marked area. It’s taking up nearly the entire width of the street. By the time the bus zooms off, Hinata can’t take the silence any more. “So are we going to practice tomorrow, or are you going to be pissy about this.” “Dumbass,” Kageyama says. “You have an ok from the doctor, and there’s nothing I can do to stop you, even if you didn’t. We’ll just practice serves, maybe.” In the bucket seat next to him, Hinata nods and looks out the window.

They step off the bus half an hour later. The sun is going down, turning the sky a bright orange, outlined in vivid reds and purples. It’s cooled off a little, making it easier to walk on the pavement. There’s more cars now, too, people driving back and forth on whatever tasks they have. Kageyama talks about the asphalt as they walk down the street towards the next intersection. He stops in his tracks when they reach a small square between two buildings. Someone is dancing. He’s making short, jerky motions with his arms, bopping up and down to a beat no one else can hear. An attaché case in his hand swings wildly, probably in danger of flying off. Next to Kageyama, Hinata pulls his phone out of his pocket and forms a number, thumb just hovering over the Send button when an ambulance screeches to a halt in front of them. “Oh,” he mouths. Two paramedics step out. One of them grabs the dancer, holding him down while the other wrenches open his mouth. A few seconds later, the dancer goes slack, and is carried off into the ambulance. “Let’s go,” Kagayama says and his friend nods.

They walk on, Hinata recalling some story Bokuto had told him in an obvious effort to lighten the mood. They cross the street and head into the small cul-de- sac where they live. It’s calmer here, nothing but houses surrounded by a bit of land. Some even have white pyrex fences. It’s kinda cute. Hinata bounds ahead, opening the gate and stepping into the front yard. There’s a decorative rock garden he’s particularly proud of, because they made it look like a volleyball court. The bark meets them before they even open the door. “Nigou!” Hinata shouts, and he’s immediately jumped by their dog, tail wagging with a soft whir. “Who’s a good boy, then, who’s a good boy?” Hinata giggles, tickling the dog as it barks and jumps happily. It makes Kageyama let out an irritated ‘tchk’ sound, which Hinata in all his rough-housing still notices. “Go on then,” he tells the dog, and Nigou patters over. Kageyama crouches and scratches the top of the Nigou’s head, causing a tail wag and a small whimper. “Say it, Kageyama!” Hinata beams, “he loves it when you say it!” Kageyama rolls his eyes and looks away. “Who’s a good boy, then?” he mumbles. The dog barks and jumps up to lick his face.

“Are you still angry, Kageyama?” Hinata asks that evening, as they sit on the couch with Nigou stretched out over their laps. “I’m not angry,” Kageyama grunts. “Oh, of course you’re not. Here I thought you were just mopey and irritated for a specific reason. Turns out it’s habit,” Hinata grins, before holding his arms up in a defensive position. The jab, however, doesn’t come. “I’m just worried,” Kageyama says. “This is the sixth time. I think you’re glitching.” “I’m not.” “Maybe we can have it checked. The clusters, there could be-“ “We’ve been over this,” Hinata interrupts him. “There’s nothing wrong. It’s just who I am.” “I just really don’t want to… you know…” “You don’t have to replace me. Djeeez Kageyama,” Hinata says and he folds his arms. “I know you’re upset about Toshi but it was his third time. Stuff is bound to get lost in the transfer.” “He forgot how to receive, Hinata,” Kageyama pouts. “That’s not his most important strength,” Hinata soothes. “It. Doesn’t. Matter. Next time it might be his serve, if there even is a next time. There’s only so many resources left, if we aren’t careful-”

In an act he’s done thousands of times, Hinata takes Kageyama’s hand and places the pads of his fingers against his. It’s a simple, calm gesture that never fails to wind him down. Hinata’s hands always feel warm, even in the cool shade of their living room and Kageyama can never explain why their very presence so close to his is comforting to him. “I’m fine,” Hinata repeats to his sighing friend. “I’m just going to go to bed and get some rest.” “Dumbass…” Kageyama mutters, but Hinata gives him a smile that could rival the giant sun that shines on their days. “Don’t mope around for too long, Kageyama!” he shouts as he runs off out of the room.

Kageyama sinks back into the sofa, picking up the remote to click through the options. He chooses a program he’s seen many times before, a repeat of a volleyball match. The year it was taped is 2025 and it is one of the last times Japan made the World Series as a team. It’s the end of the second set. Match point. Kageyama smiles as he watches Ushijima Wakatoshi shoot a painfully fast serve across the court. Miraculously, the other team’s libero receives it and it goes up, veering over the net in a chance ball. Ushijima keeps it in the air and the play finally makes its way to the setter. Kageyama Tobio sets up a lightning quick, smashed straight down by the smallest player in the team, Hinata Shouyou.

It’s a beautiful play, Kageyama thinks. Something to be proud of. Something to honour. His eyes travel to the mantelpiece. There’s a strange mix of pride and melancholy in him, a sadness that is part of who he is, like the blue eyes and the inability to grasp languages other than Japanese. They were so good, these guys. And no matter how many times he and Hinata try, they can never surpass them. They cannot grow like they did. It’s just who they are. But he can still honour them, Kageyama thinks, their strengths and even their faults.

He gives the dog a small pat. It makes a soft metallic sound and Nigou jumps off, sitting on the floor with an expectant look. Kageyama gets up and crosses the living room. He stops in front of the mantelpiece and bows twice, once for the little altar with the ashes of Hinata Shouyou, and once for Kageyama Tobio’s urn. In the back of Kageyama’s head, a counter ticks to 45.998. That’s how many times he’s done this. Every day, for 126 years. Ever since the sun took the trees away. “Goodnight, Creators,” he whispers, before heading off to bed.

[thecarelessmint]

Dear Me,

Its been a while. It’s been a little over a year and things have changed, 

How am I? I’ve changed, I’m colder, I’m much more closed off, I cry a lot, I’m still hypersensitive but I don’t think that’s going anywhere.

I have some good news though, that horrible thing we went through, depersonalization, it’s gone. 

I wrote the first dear me in August before drama camp, which I was unfortunately depersonalized for, but coming September, it was gone. I don’t know if it was the familiar atmosphere of being back in school and being consistently surrounded my people and emotions, but it left.  

That following winter, S.A.D wasn’t all that bad either, it was definitely there but it wasn’t the worst it’s been. 

It’s easy to say that last July (2016), was the worst month of my life, I had never been so lost in my 15 years of living (at the time, and yes I’ve accepted my real age and since it’s just between me and you, I’m using it), it was also one of the most alone I had ever felt. 

Mental Health wise: I think I suffer from anxiety, I say suffer because truly I’m suffering. 

Recently, the family and myself went to Seattle and Phoenix. It was probably the most anxiety ridden I had ever been.

Everything made me angry, I snapped at every single minor inconvenience, and I just wanted to be left alone, I still do, I just want to be alone. 

Being with other people has caused me a lot of issues, I love being with people and conversing, but I’d rather just stay alone, it causes less to worry about, no more stress about being home on time, how I’m going to get home, remembering to have fun. 

I guess a lot of it has to do with how I was raised, going out was much harder than simply staying home, having to ask for permission to simply see my friends outside an adult controlled environment and knowing that I was going to be turned down the offer was given me too much anxiety over making plans that I usually just bail out on them.

This makes me feel extremely guilty because I genuinely like the people, but I JUST CAN’T LEAVE THE HOUSE. 

Going out itself is a hassle, the pressure to consistently be happy during the few hours you spend with another person in order to leave it a happy memory shouldn’t be as hard as it is. 

On a happier note, reading last year’s ‘Dear Me’, I can say the love for myself has only grown, I love me, so much! I love my quirks and the stupid things I do. I love how I completely bop out to a song and then realize how stupid I look but keep going. I love that I’m in love with myself. I raked myself through the mud with hate but here I am treating myself with gentle care. 

Removing myself from situations that make me upset, feeding myself regardless of how late it is because I’m hungry and who cares about weight. Wearing whatever I feel happy in, (like that pompom hair piece from F21) understanding that I am probably the weirdest person to have walked this Earth but also I’m cute as heck. I’m trying my /best/ to stay hydrated but I don’t even have a water bottle so ya girl is struggling. 

I’m slowly improving myself and paying more attention to how I react to things. I’ve become really picky with what I eat after I puked for 12 hours that one day in March, it was fucking shit, I deadass have a fear of puking now. It hurts.

I’m still hella into space and deep sea, I went to the aquarium in Phoenix and cried cause I love the sea. The entire family went, but as much as I was having fun, as soon as I found out that everyone else found it boring, the entire experience was ruined, I was more or less upset the rest of the day, do you see the problem? Stuff like this shouldn’t happen, it was an amazing experience but whenever I think back, all I can feel is this heavy weight because of how sad I felt that I was basically dragging them around but also because we left really early. Man, I really wanted to stay but it was 1 against so 5, so who was I to make them stay. 

Anime is still a huge part of my life, Naruto ended and I’m /hurt/. Yuri On Ice came out that November-December and honestly, what a life changing show, it was so gay, and canon. I miss, I can’t wait for season 2. I watched Kimi No Na Wa (a movie) and truly what a beautiful movie, that’s all I can say, visually it’s stunning. The characters are amazing but can I remember their names? Nope. 

Remember how we saw that ad for Goblin on Facebook and had it bookmarked for weeks but never watched it. WELL, LET ME TELL YOU (sit down this is going to take a while). So, because I watched anime and it was in another language, why couldn’t I give Kdramas a try, LITTLE DID I KNOW. I never ended up watching Goblin on my own. 

Months passed and it was around February when I started getting into Korean girl groups, that’s right, Kpop. Oh My Girl was too cute for me to ignore so I stanned them (YooA and Binnie, my kids), time passed and I couldn’t quite get into their music, so I just stopped. I stayed away from the boy groups because of the drama that came along with them (a misteak). 

Even more time passed, Patty recommended a Kdrama called Weightlifting Fairy Kim Bok Joo, LIFE CHANGING, REVOLUTIONARY, THE PUREST! I watched 11 hours worth of it in one day, sleep who? Needless to say I loved it, I loved every single character, Nam Joo Hyuk could kill me and I’d say thanks.

On April 15th, 2017, (that fateful day) I watched Unfair - EXO for the first time and my life was changed, Kim Jongdae stole my heart. This was bad though, it was towards the middle of the second semester, I didn’t have time for this, but did I care? No. Sleep became foreign to me, I needed to catch up on the 5 years I missed. I somehow graduated. 

My bias list is a mess, it ranges from Jongdae, Minseok, Kyungsoo, BBH, Junmeyon, Sehun, Jongin, Yixing and PCY, oh would you look at that, it’s the entire group, ha AHAHAHHAHAHAHAH, let me live. 

It only got worse from there, I watched hella Kdramas but did I ever finish them? No. Why? I truly don’t know. 

As soon as it gets angsty and yeet out so fast, I can’t handle angst, I don’t like sad things, my life’s already a mess, I came here for a good time. 

If you’re reading this a year later and still haven’t finished The Entertainer I will come to the future and fight you, fucking finish it, I understand you’ll cry, we’re the same person, but finish it! It deserves better than this, you’re deadass on the last episode you hoe, (love you). 

Also finish My Shy Boss, but I feel like you’ll have that one done, it’s harder to watch but it hurts less. It makes sense, I know what I mean.

Moving on, you see I was avoiding BTS like the plague, their fandom is terrifying and there was too much going on, I was safe and happy with EXO (featuring NCT127), I was proud of them for their Billboard Award, like yes you did that congrats, but that was all. 

Fast forward to me just chilling and deciding to finally give them a try, I turned to their MV’s, Spring Day was cute and I got it stuck in my head a lot, Fire was too much and I instantly closed the tab. I wanted to see my sister’s reaction to Fire and she liked them. I was confused, my sister hates KPOP (bc of me), so I delved in, did my research trying to find out who was who, this was where it started. 

I knew, I knew, I had no chance, it was over. My first bias was that bastard Jeon Jungkook, at this time, I always forgot Suga, Jimin and Rap Monster looked too similar to me (forgive me, I was young) V? Jhope? Jin? 

I got better with names, but EXO was still #1 for me, what changed all of this was RUN BTS. I was watching it the same time I was watching EXO - Showtime, but slowly stopped watching Showtime, to Y’know, ‘savour it’, (I wasn’t going to admit to myself that I liked another group more.

Run BTS helped with recognition and learning about their character, this is where it went wrong, these idiots are extremely lovable so I fell in head first. I quickly learned I was Min Yoongi and Park Jimin trash, only later did I find out their was a ship for them (we aren’t gonna talk about this, you already now). 

I could talk for days about Jimin, I remember I would cry every time I saw photos of him because HE WAS TOO MUCH FOR ME. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD I CRIED WHEN I LATER FOUND OUT THE SHIT THAT HE WENT THROUGH AND IS STILL GOING THROUGH ABOUT HIS WEIGHT AND HIS IMAGE, HE DESERVES SO MUCH FUCKING BETTER. 

AND FUCKING AGUST D OVER THERE, THAT CINNAMON ROLL’S STORY HURT ME, I haven’t listened to the mix tape yet (It’s a year old now) because I need to recover from simply knowing that he went through that. 

I am Bangtan SonyeonDONE WITH THIS GROUP. I have this odd love for them, and I couldn’t tell you why. If this is a phase, this is the best damn phase of my life, I was miserable in the One Direction fandom, everyone was fighting, but the KPOP fandom, still filled with fan wars, is too funny. The memes are why I stay, music? what music? 

(I hope you still listen to the evening acoustic playlist on Spotify, it got me through the States trip.))

I’m gonna continue talking about BTS because I just need to let all this out, I might not do a whole paragraph on each member but don’t fight me on this alright. 

Kim Namjoon,  the good lord, the savior, the leader of Bangtan, the one I want to meet most. I feel so many feelings for this man, I just want to go to a coffee shop and talk about life. I watch his vlives when looking for comfort because HE GETS IT! He thinks the things I thought only I did and never speak about because they’re ‘not normal’. I see him less as this celebrity and more as a friend, and I know how cringey and all that this is but listen, hear me out, I’ve only ever wanted to meet two celebrities in my life and they are Misha Collins and now Joon, and that’s on the sole fact that I feel I can talk to them, just talk.

This is not to say I wouldn’t want to meet the rest of Bangtan, I love them all, heck Jimin is my bias, but there’s something about Namjoon I can’t put my finger on. 

(Also this is hella long compared to last year’s and I’m not sorry, It’s been a whole year soooo.)

Moving on from Kpop, relationships in my life. 

Maria - we talk on snapchat, we met up at the Mac grad, its causal. 

Bruno - best friend, love of my life, my boyfriend, he doesn’t judge me and gives me my space, love this kid.

Patty - my kid! we talk everyday and we’re about to hit 100 on snapchat, planning a trip to Tokyo and Seoul. 

Tanika - madre, I love:), she’s leaving Edmonton in January though, and that’s honestly just hella sad

Erika - baby buhler who’s also my mom, the most accepting, i love her so much, i appreciate so much 

Danait - my kid pt.2, always listens to me rant about kpop, became a BTS fan 

Blake - i’m only adding him because he’s comfortable, a smiley baby 

Yadiel - A SMILEY BABY, i love him :(

Dead Relationships:

Talia - I’m burning this one to the ground, it was fucking ridiculous, her mom messaged me like ???, 10/10 glad I ended it. 

Lucas - can fucking suck my ass, I hate this kid so much, why did I let this drag on for so long 

That entire girl group - I don’t know man, it’s really weird but I can’t stay friends with them, Igtg 

Jordan - we stopped talking because I’m gr8 at talking 

That’s all for that.

I love myself, I love you, I love my friends, we’re starting uni !!

We got accepted into the UofA & Macewan, (going to macewan though)

I hope you survive! I honestly don’t know how you’re going to do this, but you got this !! I believe in you !

(Stand Talent, Stan Beyond The Scene (I still love EXO very much)) 

[f-117-nighthawk]

I’m in a Playlist Mood

I was scrolling through my dark matter tag looking for something I made a while ago to reference in the next chapter of Carry Me Home and ran across my last playlist explanation post. It put me in the mood to think about this again, and I’ve added...a lot. The playlist might’ve actually doubled in length since then (Thank You Abyss) and I’ve moved some stuff around in order. So, more playlist meta under the cut (it’s LONG)

So first thing: I’ve actually created two new playlists (well, one new one and actually made the third playlist have more than two tracks) since that post jhadsfljd. Working forwards in time (kinda), we have:

Dark Matter: The Road to Ruin

The Road to Ruin is the Main Playlist, the thing I use to write to, the thing I lie in bed and listen to to think up new things, and half the thing that keeps the timeline in place (it’s actually more updated than World Anvil rn whoops). Here we have overarching plot hooks, character development, and the story of six Paladins and their friends trying to save the universe.

Turn the Lights Out I sort of explained in the last post and I can’t think of too much more to add. The TLDR is it’s about the Lions (and, well, technically [REDACTED] too....) and sort of why I refer to a fully-melded Lion-Paladin duo as Spirits.

(I was here/Will you welcome and recognize me/I'll be there/I was here/Will you dread me, will you despise me/I'll be there/For the last living thing)

Remnants of Stars is again about Galran philosophy and the actual process of the quintessence nurseries filtering quintessence back into the universe. But the bit about giving in to know the truth becomes important much, MUCH later.

(As children of space/With stardust in our veins/We will give in to know the truth/We are the remnants of stars)

Your World Will Fail, Dark Matter, and Eater of Worlds are about [REDACTED], about what happens between that instant between the first plank time and the next. They’re an overarching theme, but also the event that everything else builds from, whether that be interpreted as the beginning of the universe or the Voltron comet crashing into Daibazaal.

(Your world will fail my love/It’s far beyond repair/Your world will fail my love/It is already there)

(Bring me your soul/Bring me your hate/In my name you will create/Bring me your fear/Bring me your pain/You will destroy in my name)

(Can’t imagine the violence/The rage and the love in my madness/I am the eater of worlds and I’m looking for someone to feed me)

Apocalypse 1992 is actually the main story of Through Apocalypse Skies, although its framing story is shortly after String Theory. It happens between parts of Awakenings, detailing the rise of [REDACTED] and the final hours before the destruction of everything sentient species knew beforehand.

(Fly high through apocalypse skies/Fight for the world we must save/Like tears of a unicorn lost in the rain/Chaos will triumph this day)

You Keep What You Kill covers the slow degeneration of the Empire between The Fall and the Battle of Arus. The knowledge harshly taught by the Thuanial War is forgotten under the influence of Zarkon, Haggar, and [REDACTED]. Marzin and Galraasa quickly rise the ranks as the Empire’s left and right hands, like omens of destruction before them. The four are the ‘holy half-dead,’ the ones who shape the devouring of the universe before them.

(Defying dimensions/These ruthless creatures will steal your soul/Breaking away from the chains of mortality/They won't be taken down/Bow now to the holy half dead/The master to death mongers calls)

The Seven Sisters is about Keith, mostly, and connected to Closure via its influence on Child From the Stars (Lost in the Dark) and also to Memories of a Girl I Haven’t Met

(I cast my hope upon The Pleiades/The Seven Sisters who would come for me/They'd fall to Earth to grant a child's dream/But I'm still waiting)

Starlight is the newly added Adashi song. Here, it’s the sad part, based around the time that the SFSS Genesis launches for Kerberos. It also is sort of about Shiro’s thoughts throughout the war as he watches ‘from distant skies’ (and influences String Theory kinda)

(At night the earth will rise/And I'll think of you each time I watch from distant skies/Whenever stars go down and galaxies ignite/I'll think of you each time they wash me in their light/And I'll fall in love with you again)

Abyss is Awakenings again. It’s specifically the Red Lion waking up on Sendak’s ship to her new Paladin, but also sort of the rest of the Lions as they find new Paladins for the first time since The Fall

(Open my eyes in a daze/How long has it been? Am I so out of place?/Warmth I can no longer feel/My mountain is gone, I'm surrounded by steel/The strangest of structures arises ahead/Seems to be held up by nothing/Where have I gone, do I dream?/How can the stars be all I can see?)

Who Will Save You Now is about the Paladins in First Contact. It’s the video messages they send to their families, the warning that Something Is Out Here that they need to prepare for. It’s a declaration of protection for Earth, but a recognition that the Paladins may not be able to do what they say.

(I will not take from you and you will not owe/I will protect you from the fire below/It's not in my mind/It's here at my side/Go tell the world that I'm still alive)

The End of the Beginning and Nobody Gets Left Behind are the aftermath of the Battle of the Sarnan Nebula, the end of season two. The End of the Beginning hasn’t been posted yet, but it’s also the second of the four Closure fics. The End of the Beginning also has influence on String Theory. 

(Every night I die just a little/All this time, I'm caught in the middle/All your life, you fought with no winning/This is just the end of the beginning)

(Don't even try to pretend/That you're rough and just as tough/As when you're missing a friend/Attack and take him back/Cause when the team isn't whole/You've got a hole in your soul)

A Simple Plan is sort of part of The End of the Beginning, but really takes place after it. It’s the newly shuffled Team Voltron attempting to track down Lotor as Haggar tries to keep him under her control, and the new Black Paladin’s slow shift away from the things that he was pushed into and to the Blade. (And... guess what... it has influence on String Theory!) Fun fact I found out recently: The Spiritual Machines are by and large also the people behind Les Friction, which explains so much.

(What is this space we’re climbing/What is this place we’re stuck in/Why do we feel we’re sinking/How do we get out – get out of this) 

Memories of a Girl I Haven’t Met skips all the way over Naxzela and to the Mission to the Baaria Shipyards, the first major offensive that isn’t somehow connected to canon (even if only a very very small part of it is actually at the shipyards lol). This is also the song that solidified Keith’s very queer identity in Dark Matter.

(In this lonely place, bathed in silence and thoughts of you/I can't see your face but I'm trying to envision you/So are you really out there? Are you awake with memories/Of a boy you haven't met yet who's wished upon the Pleiades?)

TRIALS (reimagine) and String Theory are.... hoh boy. [REDACTED], [spoilers], and the turning point for a lot of things, which is why it has the honor of being the separating fic between my two main Dark Matter folders. TRIALS being on here is a fun story, because I associate that song very heavily with my main Star Wars fics, since that’s where the series title comes from, but the reimagine version of it gave me such strong Dark Matter vibes, it ended up here. It has heavy influence on the first part of String Theory, and is what I’ve been using for general pacing of the first half. String Theory itself isn’t the weirdest song on the playlist, but it’s really hard to find the connections to it without several layers of abstraction and backstory on [REDACTED]. String Theory is also weaved into a good chunk of fics before it.

(The ending won't be forgotten/It's written in the stars and the hieroglyphs/Sending the lionhearted/The stones break bones, but we're venomous)

(You don't believe in space/You don't believe in light/You don't believe that anything is well beyond your might/We walk across the sky and beneath the ocean floor/We're never going anywhere we've never been before)

House on Fire is the aftermath of String Theory, and a large vibe of We ARE Struggling Together! (Rise Against says it’s about parenting???? lol fuck that) (okay but actually, switch the parental love part to sibling love/general familial love and that’s a pretty good description....)

(So I'll just hold you like a hand grenade/You touch me like a razor blade/I wish there was some other way right now/Like a house on fire we're up in flames/I'd burn here if that's what it takes/To let you know I won't let go of you)

Belgrade is the klance song! It is a) bop b) always stuck in my head because it is That Good. The line in the chorus about ‘sweet songs of seduction’ is eternally funny to be bc a)they’re both ace and b)QPR’s don’t usually involve seduction as far as I know. Belgrade also leads almost directly into...

(We pretend in the darkness/We pretend the night won’t steal our youth/Singing me the sweet songs of seduction/Let me be the fool, fool, fool/Who will live and die for you)

Here to Save You is about Sam. Mostly. It’s also about Pidge. And Zaivorge cannons.

(A slave for humankind/I made sure I would survive/To stay alive/Now it's time to move on/When there's nothing left to prove/I'm coming to get you)

Iron is what eventually replaced Ten Thousand Against One. The plot has actually changed a lot since it was that song like. two years ago (three?) at this point. It has more of a focus on Keith knowing what’s going on due to [spoilers] and coming to accept parts of himself that are suddenly very obvious (kiiiinda the third closure fic?)

(You can't live without the fire/It's the heat that makes you strong/'Cause you're born to live/And fight it all the way/You can't hide what lies inside you/It's the only thing you know/You're embracing that, never walk away)

Birthright and Firewall are not exactly a direct result of Iron, but they wouldn’t happen how they do without it. They’re actually largely about Lotor, but then [REDACTED] swings back into the fray and things learned in String Theory/the framing story for Through Apocalypse Skies hit in full force.

(The voices in my head have all begun to sing/(The voices in your head have all begun to sing)/And they sure as hell hope I am listening/(I sure as hell hope you are listening!))

(They come to your dreams with illusion/They come to bring shape to your mind/You know how to stop the intrusion/We all have to fight for our lives)

and then, The Day the Earth Collapsed

(How much time has been elapsed/Since the day the earth collapsed?)

Here Comes the Reign doesn’t come into full effect until several months after Birthright/Firewall after Galraasa meets their fate, but starts with The Day the Earth Collapsed. It’s largely about Haggar and [REDACTED]

(You made something they can't take away/Now bring the fire of the burning sun on everyone)

Closure is placed where the fourth of its fics is. Closure in general is a lot of Keith’s character development and some of the struggles he goes through to accept his place in the universe and the fact that yes, he does have people that care about him. The last fic is me shining a brighter light on Closure’s chorus and taking a ‘last goodbye’ as never needing to say it again

(I am the child from the stars/That got lost in the dark/Between heaven and hell/I am forced to live on/I am the cause when you sin/I am the demon you skin/But there is no more tears to beautify/This is my last goodbye)

Ember and Soulbound are two closely related missions involving both Voltron and the Blade (specifically the Dark Whispers) in which [REDACTED] comes in with a vengeance, and some revelations about certain people’s fates are had. Soulbound is actually sort of from Krolia’s perspective.

(Dark matter falling from the sky/Dancing flames reflecting in your eyes as you watch them burn/Watching all your riches witches burn)

(Soulbound, endlessly forever/Locked between the darkness and the light/Don't drown in the swarming, blackened rising/Hold on to humanity and fight)

Darker Matter and Other Worlds Than These are. Well. [REDACTED] and [spoilers] and String Theory’s revelations rearing their ugly head once again, but this time with extra context and just a little bit of [spoiler]

(Dream yourself away/The pull of you shredding time and space)

(There are monsters in the sky/There are demons in the sea/I have seen them with my eyes/I've seen what you won't see/Pull the wool out from your eyes/It won't shade your frail belief/In the end we cannot hide/There are other worlds than these)

Godhunter is a fun one. The combined effects of String Theory, Soulbound, and Darker Matter/Other Worlds Than These come to a head and Team Voltron goes, well, hunting.

(She's been watching for a century/With hatred, and with scorn/If you know the hunter's coming/Then you hide or keep on running/'Cause she's slain the gods before)

My Darkest Hour is revenge for Godhunter, as well as a distraction from it, although Godhunter continues all the way to Louder than Words. 

(When the sun comes crashing down/When the world is spinning round and round/I will face what must be my darkest hour)

Faster Than Light is almost direct aftermath of My Darkest Hour, and sort of the inverse of Godhunter, where now Team Voltron are the hunted, even as they attempt to continue hunting. Oh and, Marzin and [REDACTED] are big parts

(Once more we're flying fast as light/Dark matter passing in the night/Pursued by a force we can't outrun/As we hurtle towards a dying sun/We maneuver through the remnants of a moon/On the solar winds of supernovas/There is not a place to hide, the Matriarch is close behind/It's plain to see she's coming for us all)

The Reckoning, This is a Call, World on Fire, The Wind that Shapes the Land, and Louder Than Words are the finale, what everything has been building towards. Earth’s faction, Haggar, [REDACTED], Voltron, the Empire, and the Coalition, all clash together in a final desperate bid to finish or prevent the final result of Your World Will Fail/Dark Matter/Eater of Worlds.

(I see your face, find peace of mind/Between the madness and the sadness and the fire burning/The end of war, the great divine/We'll see the day of reckoning)

(This is a call to action/This is a call to arms/All lives for one, together/There are no false alarms)

(World on fire with a smoking sun/Stops everything and everyone/Brace yourself for all will pay/Help is on the way)

(Search within/Uncover the will to win/Turn against the tide that washes o'er/Find the strength to fall and rise again/Open up the gates, unleash the force/I am the wind that shapes the land/Old as time and twice as strong/Oceans arise at my command/I alone can carry on)

(We have the force to fight/We have the blinding light/A war is more than heard/Coming in louder than words)

Dystopian Fiction

Dystopian Fiction is focused on what happens on Earth during the main playlist. I split it out because putting stuff like Cross the Line on the main playlist was getting clunky, and I figure Adam and Veronica (and the rest of the Paladins’ families, but mostly those two) deserve a chance for their story to shine on its own.

Dark Matter is on here because title track, but also it does end up with effects.

(Don't stop, don't think/Move up, don't blink now/On your knees pray for rain/Don't breathe when you take your aim)

Codebreaker is Adam’s song! I have him primarily as a cryptologist for the Garrison, teaching on the side and as a reserve pilot. Aviators says Codebreaker is actually about Cyperpunk 2077 but uhhh Fuck That it’s about Adam being The Best and dealing with...

(Codebreaker can't you find/Can you read between the lines of code?/Tell me all that you know/How far down the hole does it all go)

Cross the Line is the Éskhayklos’ image song. They’re a neo-luddite movement turned terrorist group that are upset with the way the Sol Federation is trying to fix Earth, stating that humans are the one that pushed it into this state, they should leave it to die and die along with it. Akane Shirogane was their worst nightmare. Cross the Line fits because, well, they crossed the line when [spoiler beep] and they were happy about it. (And “human cause” comes into play later when they pick up anti-alien leanings)

(Cross the line, redefine, break away unbent, unafraid/Together we stand in the dark/Seeking the light and what is right, together we cross the line/Our journey will come to an end and then our human cause will be/Justified)

Who Will Save You Now here is about Sam, and the aftermath of Here to Save You, in addition to its referenced role in the main playlist

(Alone with this vision/Alone and blind/Go tell the world I'm still alive)

The Day the Earth Collapsed is exactly what it says on the tin.

(How much time has been elapsed/Since the day the earth collapsed?)

Dystopian Fiction is the title track for this part. With the events of The Day the Earth Collapsed, the Garrison and our heroes on Earth are at their lowest point. It really is a piece of dystopian fiction, between [spoiler] and [spoiler]. And also: “Nobody can shoot me down, not just yet” is about Adam bc Fuck Canon

(I'm a dead man/In the wasteland/I'm a soldier fighting for superstition/Under search lights/In the long nights/We've been written like dystopian fiction)

The Reckoning is the only one of its little subset that made it over here, because it’s the only one that references events from before its eponymous fic (both verses are Very Earth)

(We're all alone, walking in twilight/The night has been long and so many have fallen/Feel no remorse, light will be breaking/Our freedom is worth it all)

Filaments

Filaments is the least complete, mostly because it’s the ‘sequel series’ of sorts. I have ideas for it, but I still haven’t posted most of the major story beats from the main portion of Dark Matter, so I’ve been purposefully putting it on the backburner. I do have enough to write Carry Me Home and put some foreshadowing in other fics.

Dark Matter is here because, well. A) Title track, B) yes, it still has effects. It’s the overarching theme, after all. Filaments sort of has a subtitle itself, which is ‘The Undoing,’ after the other part of the lyric that the subtitle of the main playlist comes from. It’s about undoing a past mistake (that wasn’t obviously a mistake until much later) and reconciling the events of Your World Will Fail.

(I am the keeper/I am the secret/I am the answer/I am the end)

Filaments is the title track of this part. It’s... a little hard to explain why without giving away the entire plot (what little I have planned lol) but it’s about the connections between different parts of the universe, and some fall-out of Darker Matter/Other Worlds Than These.

(These glowing filaments/Conducting this enchanting/Sarcophagus that's holding us)

Starlight is, again, Adashi song, and this time the happy part

(Don't leave me lost here forever/I need your starlight and pull me through/Bring me back to you)

Carry Me Home is what I’m in the process of writing right now, and it’s about the aftermath of the Quintessence War, specifically about how Shiro decides to settle down on Earth and what he does to build himself a home.

(Carry me home to the morning light/carry me home before you wave me goodbye/Oh, carry me home...)