#the second point: you can't beat this with money. if you could? rich people wouldn't die from it.

[lord-radish]

I don't talk about this openly because it's a touchy subject, but I've really gotta get out of the drinking game. I've got issues with alcohol, and I've had these issues for years at this point, but I can't seem to escape it due to both mental problems and general proximity.

Like I have a friend who frequents a bar next door to where I live. I'll be passing through as a shortcut and say hello, and he'll like. repeatedly prompt me to get a beer. Like genuinely badger me until I give in and have a beer with him. Same thing on Sundays, he pushes me to drink repeatedly even if I clearly and repeatedly state that I don't want a beer. My family is full of alcoholics, and being drunk lets me be more social with them, so when I see family I can't escape it.

But I'm also really insecure and have a lot of trouble being around people when I'm sober, and alcohol loosens me up. It helps to be around other people and to get on their level when I get drunk, when my sober self is clearly running at a diminished capacity on that front. I stutter, I don't have timely comebacks and it's hard to maintain conversation. I was bullied for years and have reduced social skills because of that.

But I'm at a point where I have to stop. I drank two bottles of bourbon this weekend. It was a fun time and a good weekend, but it makes me feel so sick for days and I get caught in this loop of binge-drinking that eats up all my time and money. It's having an effect on my physical and mental health too, and I'm just flat-out less productive when I'm drunk and subsequently hungover. I feel sick all the time. I want to get out of this.

I vent a lot about my former best friend - and that's a situation where I acted extremely shittily, but the hatred for that guy is just sort of in me now. There was a point right at the end of our friendship where I had just been sober for three and a half months due to a health issue, and due to an ongoing mental health episode and a growing sense of isolation and detachment from my friends, I gave in and began drinking again.

In that moment I needed alcohol. It was a bad choice but it was a dark, dark time. But in hindsight, one of the most disturbing parts was the morning after. I felt fantastic, I was full of energy, and I gladly left the house after breaking my sobriety and went to hang out with my former best friend. We'd been growing apart because while I was sober, I began to notice how uncomfortable and hypervigilant of myself I was around him, and that led to avoidance and a few tense moments between us - but hungover and rushing on endorphins, I went to hang out with him.

And he told me that I seemed "like myself" again.

I've thought about this, and one reason I began binge-drinking the way I do was to pacify myself and be more pliable to my surroundings, where everyone else is calling the shots and I'm just along for the ride. A lot of that came back to my former best friend - he always took the passenger seat when we went driving with friends, he always had the aux cord, it was always about him. The decision to binge-drink to cope with my negative emotions was a personal decision that I made, and the negativity encompassed more than just our friendship, but I was having a prolonged negative experience with my best friend of the time, and that didn't help.

The disturbing part, in hindsight, is that alcohol abuse made me more agreeable. When I stopped drinking, things got tense between us. When I began drinking again, I was "like myself" again. Granted, I was happier after a mental health crisis and a growing sense of agitation and dissatisfaction. But I was wallpapering over my unhappiness and dissatisfaction with that friend by binge-drinking, and maybe that tenseness was justified considering how hard our friendship imploded just two months later.

Now I have a job and my own place to live. My personal issues are more general than they used to be - I was living in an actively hostile environment, and I was friends with someone who made me feel like I was always walking a tightrope. I have my own space, and I've made new friends - one of which actively drives me to drink when I don't actually want to, but things are just outright better, warts and all.

But it all comes back to alcohol. I'm not drinking as hard as I was during the pandemic - that's what gave me the health problem that I went sober for - but I am drinking a LOT. I drank two bottles of bourbon this weekend. I'm taking the day off work and losing money because I just need one day to myself to sort my shit out. Alcohol is ruining my life. It helps with my social issues, but it is ruining my life in so many other ways. And I'm not going to mention just how deep this all goes, but it's bad.

I don't really know what to do. I can't just announce it publically, because I'm almost certainly going to backslide on it at some point. I think quitting drinking is going to alienate me from some of my current friends, and I genuinely like them. Even the guy who badgers me to drink is a good guy who's treated me very well in the aftermath of losing my previous friends. I like spending time with him. But the writing is very clearly on the wall; I need to stop.

The issue is support. My entire world is built on the back of alcohol. My family and friends are both strong links to alcohol. I was seeing a counsellor for a long time who didn't think I needed to quit, I just needed to learn to moderate - that's been out of the question for years, I know what this is. I had another one before her who made me feel really judged for my issues with alcohol. And I've had very intense codependent internet friendships before that I don't want to even risk slipping back into, so this isn't a cry for help in the sense that I'm looking for a sober buddy on Tumblr to try and help me. I'm not putting any of you through that. I'm not.

Mostly this is just me getting my thoughts in order and expressing myself. It helped to get this all off my chest. I don't know where to go from here, but talking about it was a big first step. Like just as a disclaimer, I'm going to be fine going forward and I feel a lot better having spoken about this, so don't feel too concerned or alarmed - in the immediate sense, removed from the broader issues I discussed in this post, I'm fine. But yeah I just really needed to talk about my issues with alcohol, because my continued alcohol abuse is really bad for me in a lot of ways and it's really hard to take any sort of first step y'know. Hoping I can leverage this post into something more productive for the long term. Sorry for trauma-dumping on main.

[darkdevasofdestruction]

You Are My Sunshine - Jack the Ripper/Jack Smith x Reader

"A coward dies a thousand times before his death, but the valiant... Taste of death but once." - Jack Smith.

There was no true middleground between social classes within the Victorian era, and in London, people could feel that suffering the most. The rich only got richer, while the poor starved to death. Women were hardly allowed to work any legal job, thus having to retort to prostitution, while children begged on the streets, in the freezing cold and rain, and men worked themselves to death in factories.

Somewhere, in one of the cheap rooms of a brothel, a prostitute gave birth for the first time, to a rather special child; A little baby boy, conceived with so much love, a precious little thing that would take the name of his father - Little baby Jack. Though he would live in great poverty, the only money to provide for him being the little coins his mother would get from her work - He was still happy. Not only did he have his mother's unlimited fountain of love for him, but he could also read the book left behind by his father upon conceiving him; It was a book of Shakespeare's most famous works, and little Jack loved reading them, to the point that he would take all of the more notable quotes to heart.

Precious little thing, so innocent, a glimmer of hope in the bleakest world that London was for him. He would go out daily, in his raggedy clothes, to find something to eat for him mum and him - And Anne too, if she wouldn't drink so much alcohol all the time. Every day, for so long, this child had to endure multiple beatings and degrading insults, all to survive; And he did it all with a smile on his face. All for his loving and caring mother, who chose HIM, of all the others of her children, to give birth to and raise! He was the fifth child she could have had, but she chose HIM! He truly as the luckiest boy!

In the back of a bakery, little Jack would often try to get the throw-away pastries and bread that would soon go stale and needed to be discarded; It was just trash, nobody needed it anymore, did they? Still, the chef was angry with him, and with his large, strong body, he would kick at Jack's small and frail little body with such malice that was inhumane. A monster. "You again?! This rubbish bin is MY restaurant's rubbish bin! Whether it's leftovers or scraps you want from it, you'll have to pay! And if you can't, then don't ever come back, you filthy rat!" poor boy was clutching his stomach from the exorbitant about of pain he was feeling; But it was fine, if he could get some food out of it, it was worth it.

"HALT!" the authoritarian voice of a girl resounded through the back alley, followed by the rhythmic sound of heeled footsteps approaching them. Jack dared look up to see who it was - A beautiful girl, radiating like the Sun, was standing tall and proud. She must be a nobleman, Jack thought with a soft blush, admiring that beautifully embroidered light blue dress, the rich leather boots and that pretty long hair done masterfully in ringlets, accessorised with a lovely bow. "You are a man, an adult of all things, yet you dare pick on a starving child? How pathetic are you?" the little lady scoffed, looking up at the man with disgust. "Why, you...! Who do you think you are?!" the chef was trembling with anger, ready to raise his fist. "I am a noble lady of high society. I should rather say - Who do YOU think you are, raising not only your voice, but your hand at me also? I could have your business in bankruptcy, if I so desired." she played the insufferable rich brat so well, it even surprised her. "Which would be a pity, considering I quite like the food from your restaurant. Alas, I cannot tolerate the chef being abusive towards the less fortunate. Perhaps I should tell the Queen to take away your Royal Warrant for good." "H-Hold on a second, little lady! Surely, we can negotiate a little? This boy is just a beggar! He has to pay if he wants to eat my food!" the man became stunned from the awfully condescending look in her eyes. "If you don't let the starving people eat the throw-aways and scraps, then you are letting the rats and all the vermin group around and infest this place. I could have this place shut by simply telling them I saw a rat in the restaurant - Who do you think they'll believe - You, a middleclass chef? Or me, the young heiress of Duke L/N?" she unfolded her lacey fan, cunningly covering half of her face. "If you offer the discarded food to those in need, however... I might reconsider your position in this tough industry."

At once, the chef ran inside the restaurant, only to soon return with a large box full of food, which he let fall in front of the boy. "There - Is that good enough?" The lady took out a golden coin from her pretty little blue purse, and she flicked it on the ground for the chef to scramble over it like a greedy man. "For now, yes. Keep up the charitable work, Chef." the lady looked away as the chef bowed and rushed inside the restaurant.

When he was finally gone, the lady let out a sigh of relief before snapping her fan close and giggling. She crouched down in front of the boy and smiled brightly, offering him her hand to help him stand up. "I hope this food is going to fill your belly for a while." "Ahh, My Lady, you're too gracious! You needn't bother with a sewer rat like me!" the poor boy didn't even dare look at her. "No, no, I won't have that. It's not your fault you were born under such circumstances. Everyone deserves a chance in life. Unfortunately, only few are born under a lucky star. Without money, privilege and status, there is little one can do to live a comfortable and modest life." she explained as she picked both of his hands in her small, delicate ones, helping him stand up. "Can you carry the food to where you stay?" the boy's beautiful smile and blush made her feel happy. "Yes, I'll be fine. You really... You're really too kind, My Lady. I don't deserve your kindness." suddenly, Jack felt his face being cupped gently, his silver hair being brushed away from his eyes. "I've never seen such pretty hair on a boy before. And your skin is so soft also. You even have heterochromia! See - One of your eyes is the colour of the soul, a calming blue like the azure sky; And the other is the colour of love, a gentle carmine like the heart that pumps blood inside our bodies. You are very unique and special." "I-... I don't know what to say, My Lady. I... I'm really happy... Only mum ever said anything so nice about me." the pink blush gracing his features made the girl giggle sweetly. "What is your name?" the girl asked, patting his hair. "Jack. My name is Jack." Y/N nodded at him. "What a pretty name you have, Jack." she praised. "My parents are waiting for me, so I can't stay around for too long. We are going to see a theater play, you see? They are playing Hamlet. Will I be seeing you around?" "Y-Yes, if you want to see me, I'll be around!" the little boy offered a bright, toothy grin. "Alright. I will be seeing you around, then." she nodded confidently. "Oh, before I forget - If you ever find the whole world going against you, then you pay look for me. My home is a little out of London, on a pretty hill next to the forest. Ask for Lady Y/N L/N. And give them this." she took off her necklace, placing it in his palm. "Well, I suppose you can sell it if you really want to. Anyway, I'll be seeing you around. Take care, Jack."

With a pretty wiggle of her fingers, the little Lady bid her farewell before unfolding the fan and gracefully waltzing out of the alleyway, back to her parents, while the boy could only stare in shock and awe at what just happened. He was left completely mesmerised and in love with Lady Y/N and the wonderful shade that her emotions radiated around her like a Godly aura. He's never seen such a brilliant shade of blue before, he wondered what it could mean.

As Y/N returned to her parents, she told them happily about her encounter with the young boy named Jack, and how pretty he was, even despite being in an unfortunate circumstance. Though her parents knew that the social standards of the noble class dictated who to marry and even fall in love with, they were content seeing such a glowing smile of happiness on their little girl's face. Perhaps this little boy, despite being from the very lowest class, could be a nice friend for her. Her father, most of all, knew how good it was to have street-smart men as his friends, when circumstances dictated a more shrewd plan.

Likewise, Jack ran quickly back to the brothel, showing his mum and Anne the bounty he brought home, telling them in great detail his encounter with the beautiful Missy who saved him from the Chef and threatened him into being charitable with the less fortunate. He even showed off the keepsake necklace she gave him, as a promise of reunion! He was so giddy and excited to see Lady Y/N again, that he wished to go sleep faster and wake up earlier, just so the time would fly faster and meet Lady Y/N already.

As promised, Y/N would take him on carriage rides and go to the park or on flower hills, just talking about random things. He especially enjoyed it when Y/N would bring literature books over and would read to him - On the few occasions that he knew the piece of literature, he would unconsciously find himself reciting the lines at the same time as she read them. It always made them smile so cutely at each other.

With this, Y/N even started baking some pastries and desserts for him, and he loved everything she made for him so much; Though even he has to admit, her famous Apple Pie was his favourite.

On a beautiful sunset, Y/N admitted that her favourite colour was blue - It was usually a colour associated with the emotion of sadness, but Y/N never once believed so. It's such a calming and gentle colour, how can anyone feel sad when seeing it? She simply could not accept such erroneous symbolism. Jack, on the other hand, said his favourite colour is yellow - The colour of happiness, the colour of the bright, warm Sun... And unknown to Y/N, the colour that Mother's love shone.

One day however, things changed; Jack learnt the truth of Mother's love. He experienced the most painful kind of betrayal, hearing your own mother cursing you and wishing you were never born. With tears and snot running in rivers down his face, Jack watched Gold turn to a marvelous purple of Fear as he killed his mother; And the very same purple he witnessed from his supposed father, Jack Smith.

Drenched in crimson and all alone, Jack knew he had to find a reason for living, and the means to do so - He couldn't beg his whole life. He was a gentleman, and he wanted to grow up and look the like also. He took out the necklace from inside his shirt and kissed it. He wondered if Y/N would still accept him, even after she sees him in this state.

Although skeptical, the guards allowed the boy to enter the manor, but was only allowed to meet Y/N's father - A pristine man, tall and with a respectable body, wearing a monocle and a rich suit. He was everything that Jack wanted to become. Upon seeing the boy, the Father asked what happened to him - Jack found himself tearing up, explaining his mum was killed and he ran away in fear. Poor boy, he lost even the little family that he had.

"Would you like to work for us, Jack? I'm sure Y/N would be very happy to see her friend every day." the silky moustache of the gentleman twitched upwards with his smile, and the boy couldn't help but blush deeply, nodding. "I-I would love nothing more, My Lord." Y/N's Father hummed gently, petting his hair before instructing the maids to care for the boy and show him the servants' room. He will be a great gardener's apprentice. Y/N loved flowers dearly.

Though the morning started bright early, Jack was excited to have such a great place to live at and work; He didn't get to see Y/N yet, but he was told the little lady of the manor enjoys reading whilst drinking her afternoon tea, in the flower garden. Excited, Jack, under the supervision of the elderly gardener, cut a few pretty flowers and rushed to where Y/N was enjoying her tea. He extended his hands towards her, handing her the flowers. "Good afternoon, Lady Y/N!" his smile was brighter than the Sun itself, and he looked so much more adorable now, properly cleaned up and wearing fresh clothes. "Jack!" Y/N's calming blue aura turned such a blindingly bright pink of a gentle hue, like the petals of a pink rose, that Jack felt overwhelmed with happiness - He didn't know what that colour meant, but he could easily tell it was a very positive one. She threw her arms around his neck and brought him in a tight hug, kissing his cheek. "I'm so happy to see you! Are you alright? Did something happen?" Jack simply smiled at her. "I'm the happiest I've ever been whenever I'm with you!"

From the proximity, the mother and father smiled, watching the two children interact so purely with each other. It was no farce, they cared for each other deeply. For quite a few years, Jack remained as a servant to Y/N's manor, and with the kindness of her parents, he was taught the same things that Y/N was - Although she was supposed to learn more feminine things, to become a proper Noble Lady that would one day marry and what not - They did indulge in her love for science and wish to become a doctor. It was a sad thought, not being allowed to study Medicine because no University allowed women. It was a sad reality they lived in. It mattered little that their sweet girl was brilliant - They'd much rather accept subpar men than an intelligent woman.

But her parents loved her far too much to ruin her dreams.

Jack grew older though, and he didn't want to leech off of Y/N and her family's kindness, so he decided to brave the world for himself; Y/N supported everything he did. They would send each other letters weekly and Jack would tell her of his new studies and work, until finally, he received his first salary and could afford to invite his pretty lady to a nice cup of tea and some cake at his favourite restaurant.

Now in their early twenties, Jack grew a moustache, though still small, yet stylish enough for a gentleman like him, and he bought some nice clothes for himself; He didn't want to embarrass Y/N when they'd go out.

This time though, Y/N's usual bright aura was a little dimmer; A myriad of colours there, some pretty some less so; That gorgeous soft pink was still there, over her heart, but that brilliant blue was faded. The majority of her spirit was taken over by the colour of deep sadness. "It really is silly, you know? A single woman was able to abuse the loophole in our University system, and they quickly shut that opportunity for the rest of us. Not fair, is it?" she sighed, stirring the tea absent-minded with the honey spoon. "It's their loss. You would have been a wonderful medic. The field needs someone with your brilliance." Jack comforted her in his gentle and refined tone. "Well... I suppose all I can do now is to continue studying as a hobby and see if I live long enough for an opportunity like this." the young man picked her small hand in his own, squeezing it tenderly before placing a small kiss on her fingers. "The world is constantly progressing, My Lady. I am sure, soon enough, such an opportunity will present itself soon. People like you deserve only the best in life." he couldn't help but gaze in awe as that sadness was quickly overpowered by that lovely pink, every time he spoke sweet words to her. Could this emotion be...? Could it, really? "I dearly hope so, Jackie."

And sure enough, it did happen, once the London Royal Free Hospital School of Medicine was the first to accept women to study and practice medicine in their classrooms and hospital words - It became the first School of Medicine for Women. Y/N was the happiest she's ever been, and her aura looked like the most gorgeous Sunset, with the pink of love and the gold of deep happiness, and a blue of pride and content. She was so happy, in fact, that she celebrated with Jack and her parents at one of the most expensive restaurants in London.

Every time they would meet, she was overwhelmingly beautiful, and Jack couldn't contain his love for her any longer. "I love you with so much of my heart that none is left to protest!" he quoted Shakespeare to her, as they walked through the flower gardens of her home. For once, it was time for her to have her porcelain cheeks all warm and flustered, as they looked at each other, the gentle light of the golden hour caressing them. "I may not have status, nor wealth, but my bounty is as boundless as the sea, my love as deep; the more I give to thee, the more I have, for both are infinite." Y/N felt breathless as so deeply in love; If only their beautiful love story won't turn the same way as that of Romeo and Juliet. "Oh, Jack. I've loved you since the day I first met you, when we were children. There is no one else other than you that I would wish to spend my life with." and her parents hoped to have Jack as a groom, for there was no one alive that could love and cherish their little girl the way Jack did.

All was well, and Y/N was experiencing pure bliss; Not only was her love life perfect, but her studies were excellent. But with practicing in the hospital, came returning home at late hours into the night, and everyone knew how unsafe the streets of London could be, especially for young women, let alone beautiful and rich like Y/N. Come 1888, a serial killer began terrorizing London, massacring poor women who worked in the sex industry. He wasn't just killing them - He was mutilating them, expertly removing their wombs, and when his sick fantasies were done, he'd discard them on the ground, with their legs open for all to see their shame. By November, already five women were murdered, and for the first time, Jack could see not only the deep Purple Fear taking over his lover's aura, but her unsettling was visible on her face and demeanour also.

"This is horrible, absolutely horrible!" Y/N moaned in distress. "How could one man be so cruel as to torture someone like this - Five someones, no less!" the woman sighed, sipping on her calming tea. Thankfully, Miss Alice, one of their favourite bakery's employee, came over with their apple pie. Jack's reaction was so childlike and pure that Y/N felt a little more at ease. "Jack the Ripper is at it again, huh... How scary." Alice agreed with Y/N. "Present fears are less than horrible imaginings. It's from Macbeth, by William Shakespeare. Monsters created by the human imagination are often scarier than the real ones. If we found out his true identity, Jack the Ripper may turn out not to be that big of a deal, hm?" Jack smiled gently at Alice. "Oh, that makes sense." she nodded, before being distracted by two journalists working on the Jack the Ripper case, on the table nearby, who ran away quickly to continue their work.

From the opposite side of the street, the trio watched as a young lady selling newspapers was shamelessly pushed aside, causing her to fall to the ground, dropping one of the papers in a small puddle of water, ruining half of it. Her distress was great - She would be losing her money, instead of earning some. But Jack went over to her, and smiled tenderly, offering her a coin for the paper, before returning to his coffee. He knew what it was like, starving and needing to do anything to survive - Now that he could afford a better life, he tried to help anyone who deserved, like this Miss Sophie.

"That girl... Her name is Sophie. She recently lost her mother, and because her father is a drunkard who refuses to work hard, she now does all sorts of jobs in order to support her little brother." Y/N couldn't help but look at her with a saddened look. "Is there no way we can help her?" she found herself whispering. "By the way, you're a kind person. You bought the same newspaper as the one you were just reading." Alice smiled proudly at Jack. Jack simply looked down, hiding his smile. "I just felt... Like reading the same newspaper again." he demurely replied. "Oh no, it's getting late. Forgive me, Jack, my classes are starting soon. I will be coming home late tonight, so please don't wait for me." she rushed up on her feet, planting a sweet kiss on his cheek. "I hope you sleep well tonight." "I hope you have an easy day at the hospital today, my darling." Jack blushed softly, smiling back and waving her goodbye, watching as she rushed for the nearest carriage. "You are one lucky man, Mr. She's quite the lovely lady." Alice giggled at him. "Yes, I truly am lucky."

That night, Y/N wasn't going to be so lucky one night, when she left the hospital at such a late hour into the night, on a rather chilly night. Y/N kept a shawl over her head, terrified out of her mind and continuing to sing a little tune in her head, a lullaby that her mother always sang her. It never failed to give her some courage, even when she was petrified with fear. So was now, as she rushed down the cobbled alleys of London.

You are my sunshine My only sunshine You make me happy When skies are gray You'll never know, dear How much I love you Please don't take My sunshine away

Her heart trembled, repeating that lullaby over and over again - Until she got called by a man's voice. She gulped. "Oi, missy." she could feel his terrifying breath on the back of her neck. "How much?" "H-How much wh-what?" her body was frozen with fear; The man could easily run her down and overpower her if he wanted to. "How much do you sell your filthy whore body for?"

Y/N couldn't even scream for help as the stranger slammed a chloroform napkin over her nose, holding an iron grip on her body. She couldn't even struggle, he was far too strong for her. "Gah, whenever a dirty little slut like you is near me, my whole body gets incredibly itchy." Y/N felt her vision warping and her body growing progressively lax. "There's nothing to be afraid of. I'll help you. I'll set your soul free from that disgusting body of yours, so that you can go to heaven..."

No matter how much she prayed to be rescued by Jack or her parents, her consciousness faded, and she was left a prey to Jack the Ripper. The culprit dragged her to his home, stripping her naked and placing her on a wooden table in his work room. The walls were plastered with tens and tens of perverted pictures of the women he mutilated over the years. The killer was humming a little tune as he prepared his utensils and camera, ready to rip her to shreds so that the world can see her for the whore she truly is. "I will cleanse you from your sins. I will cleanse this whole world, on God's behalf." he grinned wickedly, gazing upon the face of the woman afflicted by a deep sleep. "But you Gods, will give us some faults to make us men." the killer immediately turned to the intruder, threatening him with a knife. "However... From those faults, ultimate tragedy is born. It's rather ironic." Jack hummed softly. "Don't come any closer! Just what the hell are you doing in another person's apartment?!" the journalist turned killer, Luke Evans, shouted at him. "What am I doing? I'm here to bring my soon-to-be wife at home, you see. I feared she might run into danger when returning from the hospital, and I wished to walk her back to safety. Alas, you caused her great distress and even endangered her life. That, I cannot forgive."

Luke simply grinned wickedly at Jack, threatening to kill him - He knows who he truly is, so he must be eliminated. He was pretty good with a knife, no wonder, considering how many people he killed. Jack would be the first man he disposes of - Or so he'd wish.

"The colour of the emotions that this eye can see... They are works of art that only I can create." Jack smiled, pointing at his crimson left eye. "Such magnificent malice." his smile turned into a mad hatter grin, watching the blood dripping from his piano wire after slicing off the journalist's arm clean. As he attempted to run, Jack threw two of his own scalpels into the back of his shins, causing him to topple over on the ground.

Jack watched as the killer slumped on the ground, his back against the wall; And he sat on his lap, cradling his face. "There are two things on earth, more beautiful than anything. One, is the sunset colour of pure love that my darling Y/N has whenever she looks at me..." Jack huffed in amusement. "And the other... It's that moment when all other emotions are overtaken and dyed in the colour of fear." he grinned impishly. "Anger. Envy. Hate. Disdain. Arrogance. All this time I've been looking for a person who had nothing but filthy emotions residing within them - And you were superb. Now let me see it, Jack the Ripper." he placed the tip of a small knife in the middle of his forehead. "Now please try to imagine how this knife penetrates deeply... Into that brain of yours." not Luke's shrieks, nor his sobbing and tears could stop Jack from slowly pushing the blade deep inside his skull, until he was reduced to nothing but a blinding purple of Fear, and then death. "EXCELLENT! WHAT A NICE COLOUR!"

Jack's delight was great, but now that Jack the Ripper was dead, he had to get his darling Y/N out of this hell. He gazed upon her, laying there, on the wooden table, covered by a single filthy sheet - What a disgusting wretch, attempting to soil her, even daring to associate her pureness and innocence with that of a whore - As though those poor women were selling their bodies because they wanted to, not out of need of survival. "My darling, I have failed you. Forgive me." though it felt awful, looking upon her gorgeous body, untouched by any man - He had to dress her back in her pretty clothes and return home. Somewhere on the table though, he found all of Luke's savings, and he grinned. He wrote a quick letter to Miss Sophie, and was ready to make an Anonymous donation.

Jack held Y/N up in his arms like a princess before setting the apartment aflame, along with all of the evidence of the murder... Or the identity of the serial killer. "London bridge is burning down... Burning down, burning down. London bridge is burning down... My Fair Lady." he hummed as he casually walked through the busy streets of London, and towards the manor.

The man felt a bit of stirring in his strong arms, and he smiled; Y/N was awaking. She fluttered her beautiful eyes open, only to squeal and attempt to struggle away.

You are my sunshine My only sunshine You make me happy When skies are gray You'll never know, dear How much I love you Please don't take My sunshine away

That lullaby... That voice... "Jack?!" she calmed down as she looked up at his smile. "Wh-What happened?" "I went over to the hospital to walk you home, but by the time I arrived, you were asleep in a chair. Must have been a pretty exhausting night, hm? Don't worry, my sweetling. I got Alice's famous Apple Pie with Cheddar Cheese, and the sweetest tea, just for you. You can sleep after you ate a little." Jack reassured her, speaking in the gentlest voice he could muster. "R-Really? I fell asleep? Oh, Jack, I'm so sorry, you should have woke me up! You didn't have to carry me so long, your arms must be killing you!" the man smiled at her adorable worrying, shaking his head. "A gentleman always takes care of his darling Lady." he hummed proudly. "You're always safe with me." "Oh, Jack." she threw her arms around his neck, nuzzling her face in his shoulder. "I just had the most awful dream. The whole thing with Jack the Ripper must have truly scared me half to death." she was clearly still in distress. Hopefully, for as long as she thinks it was just a dream, she can rest easy. "I dreamt that I was walking home from the hospital, and this guy kidnapped me and tried to kill me. It was awful, so awful." "I kiss thee with a most constant heart." Jack pulled his lady into a sweet kiss, shifting her mind away from such a nightmare. “A heaven on earth I have won by wooing thee.” "If this is your way of telling me not to worry, then I love it." she giggled so adorably, that Jack could see not a single trace of that fearful purple anywhere. What a success.

And as promised, he returned her home, placing her on her bed and allowing her time to change in her sleeping wear as he brought over that famous apple pie and brewed her tea. Though it was already around afternoon, he was content with just laying in bed next to her, holding her close to his chest and soothing her mind, caressing her hair. She looked so peaceful, sleeping like that. So beautiful, so innocent, glowing a wonderous blue, content and calm.

Come the next afternoon, Jack brought Y/N over to the flower garden, her favourite place; As the Sun began to set, and the sky's colours mimicked Y/N's beautiful emotions, the silver haired man fell on one knee. “I would not wish any companion in the world but you. I do love nothing in the world so well as you - is not that strange? Nay, for love comforteth like sunshine after rain. Thee will I love, and with thee lead my life.” he took out a velvety box, revealing a beautiful ring, golden, with a pink gem, symbolising the gentle colour of the love they shared. "Y/N, my darling, you are my most beloved sunshine, in this bleak, grey world. Will you marry me?" Y/N felt tears streaming down her cheeks as she squealed a loud 'Yes!' and threw herself into his arms. "I love you so much, Jack. There's no one else I'd want to live my life with, but you."

With one true love's kiss, Jack and Y/N sealed their eternal love for each other; Her parents were just as happy for them, completely ignoring the scrutiny and scolding from the other nobles for not marrying their daughter for political reasons. Their wedding was small and intimate, not wanting to involve the whole damn high society and have their perfect moment ruined by the gossips of those jerks.

Life couldn't be better for them; Truly, two souls bound for eternity, in life and above, were to be forever happy...

Though just like the tale of Romeo and Juliet, no love is eternal. Y/N's parents might have allowed them to marry, but life did not allowed them a long life of joy. No matter how much Jack wanted to shield his darling wife from the knowledge of his secret identity, an assassin for the Government, taking down whatever big guy might terrorise the underground... The way he killed Jack the Ripper, the way he took down a cannibal knight who ate children, and a terrorist organisation naming themselves Mother Goose...

Alas, these last ones not only almost killed him by blowing up the bridge he was standing on... But they did the unthinkable. As Jack returned to Y/N's manor one evening, giddy to gift her the pretty fan he found in a new fashion store that opened on the main street, he saw a large fire up the hill. Though horrified, Jack rushed up the hill and to the manor, yelling Y/N's name desperately, but no one answered. He could barely see, his eyes blurred with tears from the stinging smoke and the scared tears. He foolishly burst inside the burning mansion, searching for Y/N and her parents. They were all lying on the ground, dead, in a pool of their own blood. The poor man had to drag their bodies outside, all by himself, though Y/N's he held on, sobbing as he held onto her tightly, his tears raining down on her.

Why? Just, why? Why her? Why them? Y/N and her family were known to be the kindest of the noble families, so why would anyone want them death? It wasn't fair; Why were the most beautiful souls the ones ripped away from existence so cruelly? Why was he not allowed any lasting happiness? What did he do wrong in this life, or before even being born, that he remained so unfortunate, and continued to bring misfortune to everyone he encountered? His mother, his father, Anne, Y/N, even that little lady Sophie from whom he just bought a newspaper and sent some money. None were safe from him.

“When you depart from me, sorrow abides and happiness takes his leave.” were his last words to his wife, the last thing he had in her memory being the necklace she gifted him as children.

When he died, or how, none cared, for Mr. Anonymous was no one; He was just a ghost, a phantasm, wandering about aimlessly, barely surviving, all alone in the world, with the only comfort to caress his heart being the criminals he killed, and the perverted satisfaction he got out of seeing that magnificent shade of purple that only the fear overwhelming them could create.

When next he woke up, he was in a gazebo, drinking tea, and a lady named Brunhilde spoke to him. He was to become one of Humanity's fighters in this fight for mankind's survival - Ragnarok, the fight between Gods and Humans. She explained how he can only hurt a God with the aid of Divine Treasure weapons and what not; Though, when asked how to address him, he simply smiled.

Jack the Ripper, the famous Prostitute Killer.

Yeah, that name suited him well enough.

He will be battling in the fourth round against the mighty Heracles, who graciously agreed to transform the arena into a perfect mimicry of London, and with the aid of the little Valkyrie lady, Hlokk, he had every chance to win - If he played his cards right. He only wondered what Y/N might think, if she were to see him under the alias of Jack the Ripper, the man who almost killed her. Fairly speaking, because of his involvement with Mother Goose, he DID end up indirectly causing her death, and for that, he is eternally regretful.

The whole lot of humanity was not only confused, but enraged also - Why would they send the scummiest vermin to ever walk the earth to represent them in a fight? His Godly opponent also was disgusted, seeing that he had to fight not a respectable, honorable warrior, but... A bloodthirsty serial killer who ripped the lives of so many innocent women.

"Jack...!" though he couldn't hear through his fight, someone was shocked to see the love of her life having taken the alias of a disgusting killer, along with such witty tricks which he came up with on the go, constantly lying about his weapon, using piano wires along with countless knives, deceiving the God and so much more. But this Heracles was a resilient powerhouse, and when he expected least, Jack got his precious monocle destroyed. Ahh, this monocle he had was to honour the legacy of his dear father-in-law, what a shame. Now the whole world had to see his crimson eye, and that perverted love for colourful emotions he had.

Y/N only stared at the man before her, surprised to see his true character unfold; In a way, he was a complete other person - But in other ways, he was the same Jack Smith he knew. How confusing. Still, she was going to root and cheer for the man she loved, for her heart would clench in sheer terror whenever he'd get hurt, same as when he climbed up the Big Ben clock, only to make the whole building collapse on the God. What an insanely shrewd scheme, yet it didn't yet defeat Heracles.

Finally, Jack was forced to admit, the true Divine weapons was never any of the things he threw at him, but his own gloves - Practically speaking, the whole arena became a weapon to kill a God. Heracles, through this fight, figured out that his human opponent can, weirdly enough, see the colours of people's emotions - He was so flattered that he blushed, that Jack! "The colours of emotions that I can see are works of art that only I can create!" he declared blissfully. He spoke not only of the beauty that his wife's love for him was, but also, the excellent shade of purple that only sheer fear could generate. "You... Have lost." Heracles declared boldly, calling him out for giving into despair, allowing himself to succumb to the hedonistic pleasures of killing. For the first time, Jack could see such a pure colour of a remarkable Gold, like the Sun. Heracles loved humans so much, even despite their flaws and foolishness. He only ever wanted to bring them on the right path, to save them. He loved humans with all his heart.

This emotion... This sunset of colours... Jack never even dreamt that he would see it again! The colour of his darling Y/N! Right in front of him, in the guise of his opponent! "Jack the Ripper - I will save you from your suffering!" with such a bold statement, Heracles called forth the Hounds of Hades; High gamble, high risk, high reward - Though no matter how sneaky Jack was, not even he was safe from the God's mighty hits, and he received a powerful punch to the face. He tried to run away, using the grappling hook, but mid-jump he got punched away by the God, and he fell to the ground, impaling his torso into the metal fence underneath.

"JACK!" his pain was unbearable, but her had to fight through the agony - With a groan, he managed to rip away the metal bar from his body, panting in exhaustion. "JACK, DON'T GIVE UP! YOU CAN DO IT!" what a familiar voice - Was he hallucinating? It couldn't be, could it? His sweet Y/N couldn't be there, watching him die for her, can she? She should see him in such a state, nor should she witness the atrocious trickery he was capable of, bringing down the whole damn building to crush the God.

Heracles' colour remained the same through all this, and though it amused Jack, his body burnt with agony. "Ahh, forgive me - I just missed seeing this colour so much! The colour of true love! I missed it so much since my wife died!" he grinned, using his own blood to paint it even wider. "Forgive me, but I'm going to change your colour!" "Just you try! Just you try to change my colour!" Heracles provoked him. "Yes... Let us create the ultimate finale!" Jack theatrically called out; They engaged in a ferocious hand to hand combat, and though Heracles was missing the arm that Jack cut off, he was doing just fine punching away at the human's frail body, sending him flying away, rolling pitifully onto the ground.

"JACK, GET UP! DON'T GIVE UP! YOU CAN DO IT!" is that truly Y/N? She was the only person that would ever cheer on him, right? If she was there, he had to fight. He had to win. From his blind spot, Jack created a diversion, using the pole he was impaled with to hit away at the God's face - He got roughly punched to the ground, and he wasn't moving. Damn, that was really painful.

"We should have never entrusted humanity on that scum of the earth." one of the humans in the stands spat. "I don't see YOU fighting for mankind!" Y/N hissed at him. A woman next to her, drinking heavily from a large bottle, also seemed to sneer at them. "Why don't you go and fight the Gods, then? Think you can do any better?" she held a worried look on her face. "That boy went to fight them, all on his own." "Miss, do you know Jack?" Y/N looked at her with wonder. Anne nodded, looking at him with pity. "Yes. He was a doomed child, birthed at my brothel by one of the prostitutes there. The only reason she didn't abort him like the others was a silly promise with some script-writer named Jack Smith who promised to marry her one day. Silly woman, falling prey to nonsense promises from lecherous men." Y/N stared in shock at the worried woman, though now, some things were beginning to make some sense. "He was the one who killed his parents, didn't he?" Anne nodded slowly. "But he's not Jack the Ripper, I can reassure you of that!" Y/N declared boldly. "I know this because my parents took him in, and we grew up together. We even married at some point. And when Jack the Ripper was at large..." Y/N gulped, remembering that awful nightmare. It was definitely a reality. "It was our Jack who saved me from the real Jack the Ripper." she spoke softly. "It doesn't matter if Jack never really had a real name, or if he just wanted to take the piss out of people by invoking a serial killer's name as an alias. I know my husband, and he'd never hurt any innocent person! My husband has a good heart, and he's the sweetest man in the world! I have faith in him, so Lady, please, cheer on him with me." Anne stared at the younger one with deep shock, only to end up grinning and pulling her into her side. "What a lucky boy, finding a catch like you. I'm sure our little boy was truly happy with you."

With both Anne and Y/N calling out his name, cheering on him, Jack was able to smile, dragging himself up on his feet. "London Bridge is broken down. Broken down, broken down... My fair lady..." he hummed weakly, looking up at the night sky. With difficulty, he managed to drag himself in front of the God again, reaching to attack with his metal pole, only to get punched down to the ground. Finally, the opportunity arose, and Jack, with his hands covered in his own blood, he was able to use his own crimson life essence to impale his hands into the God's body, bringing forth his death. "Dear... God... That is the name of this technique." Jack smiled weakly. "I dedicated it to you." "You've been very impressive throughout this whole fight." Heracles' praise shocked the human. "What is the colour of my heart now? Has it changed?" Jack smiled dearly. "No. I have lost." the God's colour was truly magnificent, even in his last moments. "I will never change. Don't forget it. At all times I..." Heracles embraced Jack. "Will love humans." "O God, what a truly stubborn person you are." Jack's voice was filled with love as he watched the smiling God shattering before his eyes. "That was a fantastic fight. I'm sorry I shouted at you." Heracles was no more.

With Jack the Ripper being declared the winner of the fourth match, the little Valkyrie lady returned to her humanoid body. Though she remained a little guarded around him, with their souls bound, she now understood him better... But Jack had no better understanding of the emotions he was feeling after killing Heracles. "You can't even show sadness at such a sad time, can you? You really are a pitiable person." she declared, only to realise she was drenched in blood and desperately needed a shower. As she flew away, she warned him to rush to the infirmary, his injuries were bad enough.

With every step he took towards the exit of the arena, and even when he struggled to pick his hat on the ground, he could only think of the only two people who ever truly loved him, who ever truly cared for him at all. His mother's love was fake, he hated that pretended colour - But Y/N, Heracles... Never before has he met anyone as genuine as them. "If I could have any wish granted... I would wish to see you two again." he fell on his knees, his body failing him from the arduous fight he just had, though as he tried to stand up, he was hit in the head with a rock, making him bleed. Not only the Gods, but the humans also, were throwing rocks at him, cursing him for winning, for killing their beloved Heracles.

What appears beautiful, is filth, someone said.

"Hang in there, Jack!" out of nowhere, half of his wish came true, as he watched the silhouette of his most beloved person running at him. She rushed to throw her arms around him, but he couldn't hold back the groan of agony from his sustained injuries. "Damn, I'm so stupid - Forgive me, I forgot about your wounds. Come on, let's get you treated. I heard the doctors here can do magic that no human can, when it comes to healing." she put his arm around her shoulder, helping him walk. As more rocks were flung their way, Y/N's mother, father, and even Anne came over to defend them, opening parasols. "Silly man. Taking on the alias of one of the most hated men in the world. What was in your head, anyway?" she scolded him lightly. "Ahh, no matter, I'm just so happy you're alive." she leaned up to kiss his cheek. "My dear sunshine." Jack smiled, allowing himself to be taken to the infirmary. The medics took care of him, and when he was bandaged up and ready to go, he left the hospital wing. Y/N was waiting right outside, all alone.

With no words spoken, Y/N guided him to the kitchen where she brewed some tea for him. It was just like old times, when they'd have afternoon tea together. How nostalgic. "Aren't you mad at me for lying to you? Or for getting you killed?" "Nope." she popped casually. "For starters, I have no memory of the time of my death, so that matters naught to me. Even if through some circumstances, I was implicated and killed because of your envolvement in something, it's null. Secondly - I know the man I married. I know you tried to make me believe being kidnapped by Jack the Ripper was just a nightmare. And I know your real name isn't even Jack Smith." she smiled at his flabbergast expression. "But none of that matters to me. I fell in love with you, not any identity you chose to use at each moment of your life." "I don't deserve your love and kindness." Jack's comment only made her scoff at him. "This sounds like our first conversation, as children. Let's not have a repeat of that." she huffed. "Anyway, I was wondering - What colours do I have? And do you like them?" Jack smiled, a soft blush covering his cheeks as he held Y/N's hands, kissing them. "My darling, though you are my shining sunshine, the colours of your pure care for me burn bright like the sunset sky, and your gentle love is as delicate as the gem of your ring."

[monimccoythings]

Wedding Crashers part 3

Whoah, life has been a mess these last months ,but in a positive way, got a job had to move across the country, worked a few months, got an even better job (like a huge promotion) and now have to move back to the other side of the country. But now I'm back! Hopefully.

Trigger warning, this contains mentions of attempted rape and violent and gory elements.

tags: @karma-reader

It was nearly noon when Kuroobi came to fetch you, saying Arlong demanded your presence. You reluctantly got up from the table you were currently playing a very tricky game of cards, silently thanking him for saving you from a very humilliating losing streak. Knowing Arlong didn't like to wait, you hurried your pace to match Kuroobi's.

"It's been quite a long time since you first arrived. I wonder if your family cares about you at all." Oh, he was being an asshole, but you weren't going to play his games.

"It was more money than we actually have. They need time." He hummed, not entirely believing you. He suddenly rose up from his throne and approached you slowly, it dawned on you how much bigger and stronger than you he was. He circled you like a predator. Way too close for comfort.

"There is something you said the first time we met that hasn't really left my mind. Please, humor me, because I'm a bit curious; why someone who has everything they could ever desire be so against the idea of being released?" You didn't know if he was really curious or just taunting you. You decided to answer anyway.

"I despised that life and the rules that came with it." He let out a low chuckle that lacked any kind of amusement. "Oh, poor little princess who was born with a silver spoon in her mouth." You jumped when you felt his hot breath in your ear. When had he gotten behind you?

"A silver spoon with golden chains to match." You couldn't help the resentment of your own. "What's the point of so many riches and luxury if you can't enjoy life the way you desire? They tell you how to act, how to talk, what to eat, what to wear, how to feel, and somehow you're always doing it wrong."

You nearly jumped when Arlong grabbed your shoulder and roughly turned you towards him. There it was, that passionate look in his eyes that you couldn't decipher. Was he angry? Was he happy? Probably not even Arlong knew.

You backed a couple of steps under the intensity of that gaze, until your lower back hit the desk. Arlong followed you trapping you between the desk and his hard body, there was no escaping him. You could literally feel the warmth radiating from his body. Whoever said fishmen bodies were cold had clearly never seen one up close.

"I'm sorry to hear that, Princess; but when you come from a place of poverty and suffering like my people I find that a little bit hard to believe. While you were whining like a spoiled brat in your fancy castle, we were kids fighting for survival. But don't worry, once mommy and daddy pay up, you can run away towards that freedom you so desperately want."

He titled your chin towards him, trying to look more intimidating than he already was; and, for a couple of seconds you just stared at each other, too lost in the intensity of your gazes to notice any of your surroundings . With a grimace, he let you go and ordered you to get out of his sight. Your heart was beating furiously inside your chest. What was that? What game was he playing?

𓆝 𓆟 𓆞𓆝 𓆟 𓆞𓆝 𓆟 𓆞𓆝 𓆟 𓆞𓆝 𓆟 𓆞𓆝 𓆟 𓆞𓆝 𓆟

Your family still didn't pay, but they did send many mercenaries to 'rescue' you. You didn't know how to feel. So, they wouldn't pay the money but were willing to spend it on a bunch of fools that got easily dispatched by the Arlong Pirates in seconds?? You understood the price he had set was very high. But maybe some old family heirloom would be worth enough to pay for your rescue?

Arlong surely loved to rub in your face how each one of those pathetic attempts of rescue failed. The crew even had set bets over how much they lasted, who got the most kills... You'd admit without shame that sometimes you had participated in those bets. It was the only thing you could do. Plus, it was fun and helped you integrate with the crew. Sometimes you were the one who teased Arlong about who was going to win the bet, completely forgetting your position as a hostage in that crew. But, surprisingly, he let that slide.

It got to a point where they got very cocky... until one group actually managed to sneak you away. You didn't know where those people had come from, but judging by their looks they seemed to be the lowest of the low.

They forcefully dragged you into their ship and towards the captain's quarters. You tried to ignore their lecherous stares as best as you could but the way some of them were looking at you like a piece of meat... it sent shivers running down your spine.

You were roughly shoved on the bed by the captain, a middle aged dirty man who smelt like beer and sweat. You tried to resist his advances but he was way too strong for you. He slapped you on the cheek with enough force to make you see white dots. He kept groping you, forcefully grabbing your breasts with his disgusting hands and kneading them in a way that brought you a lot of pain.

"Your family didn't pay us enough to face those things, so we are taking a little extra." His rancid breath made you want to throw up. When his hands started ripping the top of what had once been your wedding dress, you started screaming and thrashing violently. You desperately called for help, knowing there was no way anyone could hear you. You were about to lose any kind of hope until...

Something crashed against the ship with enough force that left it shaking. The force of the impact made your assaulter fall off you, giving you room to scoot away from him. He let out a curse and loudly demanded to know the source of the impact.

For a few seconds, there was only silence. And after that, pandemonium. Men were screaming in terror, shooting their guns at something, some animalistic grunts and roars could be heard followed by spalttering noises that made you wonder if the ship had entered the territory of a Sea King. Soon those voices were quieted down until there was only silence.

No, not silence. You could hear footsteps. Loud and stomping. They were getting even louder, they were coming towards your room, until they suddenly stopped.

The doors were sent flying with inhuman force. The dust cleared and you let out a little gasp. Arlong was there, breathing heavily, his lips were pulled back in a feral snarl, his sharp teeth were stained with fresh blood that was also dripping from his chin. However, if there was something truly terrifying about him now, it had to be his eyes. The look in his eyes was something you have never seen in him and hoped you'll never see again. It was the deranged look of a wild beast, he was more shark than man at this point.

The captain of the mercenaries, seeing what was about to come, desperately fired bullet after bullet towards Arlong. He casually brushed them off like they were nothing. He grabbed the captain's head and smacked it against the wall repeatedly, ignoring his victim's pleas, even when they stopped he kept going, and going until there was nothing left of that head but a bloody pulp. You coudln't even look.

He turned towards you and for a second, you felt fear, wondering if he was going to punish you. But, surprisingly, and with a gentleness so uncharacteristical of him, he scooped you up in his arms and carried you away from that room. You would surely deny it later, but despite everything you have heard outside, and what had just happened, this was the safest you had felt in a long time.

𓆝 𓆟 𓆞𓆝 𓆟 𓆞𓆝 𓆟 𓆞𓆝 𓆟 𓆞𓆝 𓆟 𓆞𓆝 𓆟 𓆞𓆝 𓆟

To say he was angry was an understatment. Arlong was LIVID. How had this happened? How could some band of inferior beings sneak on his ship full of fishmen pirates and steal his prize without anyone noticing?

They had grown confident, sloppy. And those humans took advantage of it. A growl started forming in his chest. Never again. He would make sure it never happened. Your parents had already tested enough of his patience with their greediness. They thought of him a joke? They didn't consider his hold over their only daughter a threath worthy enough of consideration?

As he held your small body against his chest, he wondered about that sudden feeling of desperation when he saw you gone. He wanted to say that it was because without you, the chances of getting his money were slim; but he wasn't thinking about the money when he furiosly swam towards the mercenaries' ship, all semblance of rationality long gone. And that sent him crashing into an emotion he rarely made use of: panic.

You had to go. Whatever human charm you had was starting to affect him, just the way it had affected his crew. He couldn't have that. He couldn't trash his ideals and his goals for some little spoiled princess who would have him enslaved if she had the chance.

He and his brothers would pay a visit to your parents, and reclaim what was theirs. And then they would leave you there, to live your stupid human life with a lesson well learned: Do not mess with the Arlong Pirates.

Yet, the mere thought of leaving you behind stirred something ugly in him, something unwanted, something dangerous. If he allowed that to grow he would end up losing everything that he had fought so hard for in the last few years. All the people he had lost, all his rage, pain, and desire of revenge would be reduced to nothing.

He should make you hate him, he should treat you like he would treat any other human, torture you to the point of insanity just for his own sadistic pleasure. But he had just crashed an entire crew like a one fishman army just to get you back.

For a minute, looking down at you, he wondered if he really couldn't have it all. His revenge, his money, his prize... He was Arlong the Saw, soon to be lord of the entirety of the East Blue, he could take, maul and kill whatever he pleased and no Marine army would be able to lay a hand on him!

But that... would mean admitting he had some soft spot for you and he... he hadn't decided yet how to act on that.

[dreamingincerulean]

I took two walks today. Meant for just one walk, but road construction and traffic deterred me. I was like "Ok. Jen? You can do this!" and then I went home and I didn't do this. I went the other way, later on....and I'm trying not to beat myself up over all my anxiety today.

I stayed home (what's left of it) (not that it's dilapidated or something... we're just moving out so...it's not the same).....I could have went with my boyfriend's mom and his uncle to go see him....but I'd be there all day, and I'd have made her come home when she didn't want to come home.....and she wasn't planning on me coming up with her. . . so I allowed my anxiety to say "Oh I'll just stay home with the dogs."

AND I AGREED TO SIT WITH HER NASTY DUMB JUNK AT SOME POINT NEXT WEEK FOR A ILL-FATED YARD SALE.

I don't know why!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Other than I can't say no to people, especially if I'm two seconds to an anxiety attack.

I learned some things about myself, though: I hate crossing the street when a car is waiting for me (or NOT waiting, just inching their way into the crosswalk) ....and I hate other pedestrians.

Not that I hate them, I just get really frazzled when they're around.

It is Friday night, I guess. Foot traffic was high, road traffic was wild...and my anxiety was soaring with the eagles.

BUT...I did it. I didn't mess up and I looked the cashier in his eyes sooooo...I did it, in a way. But it wasn't with some struggle. I did beat myself up a little bit, too.

I think when I am alone like I have been this week, it allows my anxiety to be around others grow exponentially.

Blew my money on some pop and ciggies. Secret Ciggies, because I'm meant to have quit, this year.

This year, of all years!?!?! Yeah...back in like February or March.

It's not going to be an every day thing. It never was. I never smoked a pack a day. It was more like a pack in three days. Not that that was great, either. But I digress....ciggies cause anxiety. Or elevate it, I should say. Exacerbate it.

I haven't sat and thought out anything, in these days of no interaction with others. I've checked out via Sims 4 and HBOMax.

Full House makes me extremely sad. The adults always prioritize making the kids' fears go away, as much as anyone can...and though no one's perfect, they're examples of good parenting and responsibility left and right. As an adult, I also realized how exploited the twins were. It's no wonder they bowed out of the limelight. Everyone used them to further their careers. (Maybe not the castmates, but the folks behind the scenes seemed to love to do it)

I wish they'd make new movies and tv shows and stop remaking things. Honestly...we need to stop existing in nostalgic clouds of wonder and wanting.

If Full House was real, if those were real characters, it wouldn't look like that at all.

Joey would be high on coke most nights, Jesse would probably die of a drug overdose and Danny would take to drinking. DJ would develop an eating disorder and Stephanie would become a prostitute....and Michelle would move away to college with Comet and wonder why everyone couldn't just get along like they used to, back when they were younger.

Maybe I've just been exposed to too many dysfunctional people in my lifetime and have yet to see someone genuinely kind, caring and considerate as much as the three adults seemed to be in Full House.

I don't think I want to watch any more of it.

I did rewatch most of The Nanny. Who kept a running gag of fatshaming everyone around her that wasn't a size two.

About the time the rich broadway dude began toying with his nanny's emotions in a prolonged fashion, I lost interest. There were no sharp barbs from the butler that could keep me interested.

I feel like I'm here, alone, essentially because I'm an unfun kind of depressive person. I have Major Depressive Disorder.....though none of the depression seems to ebb or ease in any way ever, these days. I have two anxiety disorders. (Social and General, so basically everything)....this doesn't win me anything, in life but rapid heartrates and sitting in a room surrounded by dogs and only dogs, wondering how people maintain their relationships with others and finding out that they don't, they just pretend they do, these days. I don't see anyone communicating much beyond their immediate vicinity. "If I can't sit in a room with you as I scroll through Tiktok for hours on end, in my pjs, I don't want your high maintenance friendship!" They meme that up something fierce, on all my social media.

I watched a few episodes of Friends. I never really got into that show.

You see my conundrum? I guess I should have been reading books or something. But my head was spinning, and I needed noise to break the looming silence.

I wish life was different.

[alwayschoosechocolate]

One-night stands and one-shot chances (Part iv)

University AU

Pairing: Jin x reader

Who says sex has to mean anything? Who says you can’t just screw around without all the heartache? Who says only guys get this privilege? What happens when the biggest playboy on campus suddenly meets his match and gets a taste of his own medicine?

Genre: casual sex, mentions of sex, bestfriend!Hoseok, onenightstand!Jin

Wordcount: 2000

Masterpost with the other parts of the story can be found here (x)

Tag list: @esplosionedicoloriintesta @jeonjunggoodgod @rjsmochii @spookidema @pariz-lover @mymochimchimmy @friedclamtoadbanana @cloudyelizabeth @livesmileandstaystrong

A/N: Tumblr has been fucking with me and deleted parts of this update so many times.. I lost count of how many times I rewrote it, and I feel like parts of it never really got back again. I'm only on my phone these days, so I have no idea, how long it is either, but I feel like it's rather short unfortunately - sorry! I'll make up for it in the next update!

The whispers heard from two rows behind you were only getting louder, and it had reached a point that made even Jimin send them a sour look.

Your focus, however, was solely on the professor in front of the board and the notes you were scribbling down. Rumors and bitchy comments were nothing new to you. Being part of the royalty on campus, as Hoseok and his mates were called because of the small spire on the house, came with a lot of attention, and being Hoseoks best friend had made you an honorary member as well.

"I swear to God, if they make any more comments about your hair, I will pull theirs out," Jimin mumbled under his breath, making you raise an eyebrow at him.

"Jimin, just leave it. If the best they've got is comments about my hair" - you shrugged your shoulders - "let them have their fun."

"Can't you please just talk back one time? I don't want them to think they can treat our friends like this."

Jimin was fidgeting in his seat and his voice had reached a whiny tone, but the reason for his demeanor was anything but cute. He wanted to fight back. He hated people for not respecting his friends, and he knew Hoseok wouldn't have hesitated to clap back at the girls. However, you hated people fighting your battles, and even though Hoseok did it all the time, it always resulted in arguments between the two of you. The rest of the guys had learned not to challenge you on this.

"Not yet, Jimin," you hummed, eyes still on the papers in front of you. Mumbling under his breath, he leaned back in his seat with crossed arms, settling for absorbing their voices, so he would know, which girls to add to his non-shag list. No way, he was sleeping with them, when they treated his friend like that, he thought with a huff.

"I don't get why she doesn't have any self-respect. She must really have some issues," one of them whispered a bit too loudly, definitely wanting you to hear her. "I mean, can't she see that she is ruining her life?"

"That's rich," you snorted loudly, finally turning around in your seat and putting a hand on Jimins shoulder in the process, keeping him from jumping at the girl. "Coming from you." You locked eyes with the girl in charge of most of the comments and sent her a sinister smile. "When is your due date again?”

Hearing Jimin snicker at your comment fueled you on further and the missing response from the girl only added to it.

"Your daughter must really be looking forward to getting a younger sister," you cooed in feigned interest. "I just feel bad, they don't get to have that idyllic family life you always talked about. But then again, family is what you make it, with the people you chose to have in it, right? Who am I to tell you, how to live your life?"

Sending her one last icy look, you turned back to the board, still hearing the girls whispering, but for a completely different reason this time. Everyone knew her on campus. She had made it her mission to spread the word of God on campus, which involved celibacy, no alcohol and for some reason also no sea food. Funny thing is, she didn’t see the double moral in herself being pregnant with a second child from a different guy. Instead, she had made it her life mission to preach about how sex ruins both body and mind, ruining you for the future. And Y/N was her favorite target.

-

"You're alright?", Jimin asked, as they walked to the café for their free period. It was drizzling a bit, covering the campus in a grey curtain, leaving you and Jimin alone, as everyone scrambled to get out of the rain.

"Of course. It's nothing new."

Throwing an arm around Jimins waist, leaning on him, as he wrapped an arm around your shoulder. You walked a bit in silence.

"Come on, I'll buy you a coffee," he smiled, pulling you into the warm café.

You bought your drinks and Jimin even bought you a muffin as well, and you found a table in the back, where you could lay out your books on the table to talk about some assignment, you had to hand in next week.

"Btw," Jimin interrupted you in the middle of a sentence. "Did you hear anything back about the job yet?"

"No, not yet," you mused, with a small smile. "But I'm sure they just have a lot of applicants to get through."

As true as that might be, it had also been two weeks since they were supposed to get back to you. Knowing that you weren't going home between semesters, you had always opted for working or doing internships, and this year one of the professors on campus was working on a big project and needed help. Not only was it a great way of earning some money and experience, the professors field of study was exactly what you wanted to go into yourself. It couldn’t be more perfect actually!

That is, if you got it.

You hadn't told anyone about it - not even Hoseok. A thought, that still made you a bit uncomfortable, since you normally shared everything. Jimin only knew, because your application had gotten mixed up with some notes, you shared with him.

"I'm sure, you'll get it," Jimin offered with a sweet smile and a warm hand on your arm. "They would be stupid not to take you in."

"I don't know," you smiled at him. "You've been getting better grades than me lately. Maybe you should apply, Jiminie?"

He snorted out a laugh, falling on to the table while he giggled.

"Yeah, right. Me, in a lab coat all summer? No, thank you."

Joining in his laughter, it took af few seconds for the both of you to calm down.

"Besides," he added, eyes turning sincere again. "The only reason, I get good grades is because of your help."

You scoffed and rolled your eyes at him, trying to pull your arm away from his grasp, but he only tightened his grip, making you look up into his smiling eyes.

"It's true, Y/N." His voice had gotten lower, and you felt your breath hitch at the close proximity of his face. "I couldn’t have made it through this last semester without you."

Letting yourself be hypnotized by his sweet words and demeanor, you suddenly realized who you were sitting across from.

"Aish, Jimin," you exclaimed in annoyance with an awkward laugh, snapping out of the trance. "Stop flirting with me! I already promised, we would work together on the year end project."

"Right," Jimin smiled sheepishly, rubbing his neck. "The year end project."

You had already turned back to your books and started suggesting topics for the upcoming assignments, when you got interrupted.

“You know, I’m not normally into the whole drowned-rat-look,” a sly voice commented, making both you and Jimin look up to see Jin walking towards you with a cocky smile. “But you really make it work, cupcake.”

Rolling your eyes at both his presence and words, you kept your gaze trained on the books on the table.

“Normally, I’m not into cocky guys with a nice body,” you retorted in a flat voice without missing a beat. “And you are no exception.”

“Ah, you think, I have a good body, doll?”, Jin cooed, as he dragged an extra chair to the table, making himself comfortable.

“Yeah, it does a perfect job of covering up all that sexism and…” – pausing to send him a confused look, you cocked your head at him – “Oh, I’m sorry. What are your other traits again?”

Hearing Jimins laughter fill the air, you sent Jin a cold smile, getting an annoyed look back.

“Damn. That’s cold, baby.” Jins voice was strained, trying to keep the tone light, but you easily picked up on the shadow of hurt looming in his eyes.

“But not uncalled for,” you reminded him, gathering your stuff and saying goodbye to Jimin, before walking out into the rain again.

Asshole. Thinking he could just go back to joking around again, after calling you a whore. Huffing a bit in anger, you walked towards the library to study there instead.

“Y/N!”

Groaning at the sound of his voice, you just kept walking.

“Hey. Wait up!”, Jin shouted, putting a hand on your shoulder, when he reached you.

Whipping around in annoyance, you saw him stumble half a step back in surprise at your sudden movement.

“What, Jin? What do you want?” Your voice was anything but welcoming, and if he had taken just two seconds to think about what he was about to do, he should have known better.

Oh well.

“I wanted to talk to a pretty lady, and you just happen to fit that bill,” he grinned at you, making you roll your eyes.

"Oh, lucky me! I get to be your designated whore of the day," you exclaimed in feigned excitement.

"What? No, that's..."

"Cut to the case, Seokjin. I'm not in the mood today." Crossing your arms in front over your chest, you sent him an impatient look.

"Well, erm." He coughed awkwardly, searching for the words. "I just wanted to apologize. You know, for calling you..."

"A whore," you stated, giving an evil smirk, when you saw him visibly tense at the sound of it.

"Yeah, that." He mustered every ounze of sincerity he could before continuing. "I'm sorry, I did that. It was uncalled for."

His eyes searched yours to see if you accepted the apology, but was hurriedly cast down by the sound of you clicking your tongue.

"Yeah, it was uncalled for. So why did you?" Curiousity taking over, you still wanted to know why, despite the anger.

Seokjin awkwardly shifted his weight from one foot to the other, trying to come up with an explanation. Dammit! He shouldn't feel this uncomfortable in front of you. Get it together, Jin!

He was at a loss, so he did what he knew always worked. Or used to work at least.

Straightning up a bit, he sent you a shameless grin.

"You're just so hot, doll! I don't like the idea of other men seeing that body," he winked at you, reaching for your hand.

The second, the words left his mouth, he knew he was screwed. And if his own intuition was enough, he was about to find out.

"Oh, I see!", you cooed at him, smiling sinisterly, when you saw his frightned expression at your tone. "You think, because I slept with you once, you own me."

Jin looked like he had just been pushed out of a cliff, and was now frantically searching for somewhere to hold on.

"What? No, that's not..."

His comicly widened eyes and pouting lips made him look almost too innocent.

Almost.

"Shh," you shushed, reaching up to cup his cheek. "Let me tell you something." Tightning you grasp on his jaw, you saw his eyes widen in surprise. "I am not someone for you to stick your dick in like a flagpole. You do not have, or will ever have, any claim on me. Got it?"

Your stern eyes bore into his startled ones. Despite the height difference, you had no problem displaying your position. It made Jin feel powerless, and he really didn't like being in that position. It made his blood boil, and his brain go into overdrive.

"I don't need to claim you," he spat out, venom suddenly present in his voice. "You've been with so many that you're basically public property by now."

Feeling his own blood run cold at his words, he pushed your hand off his face, looking at your shocked features defiantly.

"You should feel lucky that I even payed you any attention after getting my share," he stated with an annoyed huff, before turning around and basically speedwalking away from you, heart thumbing in his chest.

Oh, he was so screwed..

// Part v //