#the semester ends on the 24th im so fucking happy

[99probalos]

today

[thruhell-archive-blog]

slides in...

so my activity is gonna be a little wonky for several weeks i think? my bf and i FINALLY found a place for us to move into. its a back room from someone that has its own separate entrance, kitchen, and bath???? its perfect. but we’ve been staying at each other’s houses for several weeks at a time and its getting annoying af lmao. anyways well!! we’re deciding between three places rn. and they want us in as soon as possible like beginning of may? so i have to start kind of going thru my shit and its v v v exciting but im also vv v  v v nervous to finally be moving away from my mom ////:

its in a different area so i have to look into transferring colleges once this semester is over n getting a job over there. also?? the house is behind my HS ex’s and idc, i hope he can see how happy and glowing i am w my new little family aka my bf and our dog. nah fr tho imma be chill n avoid as much as possible tbh....its a bomb ass place for how $$$$ cali can be and i wont let his ugly ass keep me from moving in lmao. im gonna be an hour away from disneyland tho. kinda wanna cry about that considering im 15 minutes away rn. ): sigh. its just too expensive down here in the OC

FUCK I GOT OFF TRACKL JEUDFjF

i have the ariana concert on may 10th and im going out of town from may 24th-may 28th/29th bc my baby cousin is graduating high school and u can bet ur ass im road tripping it to see her graduate!! and then the beginning of june marks the beginning of my bday festivities. its my 21st n i wish i could say i was going to go get white girl wasted but im going to a pro overwatch game and hitting up bars in downtown disney for two weekends in a row bc i have a monday birthday. BITCH~!!!!!! with what luck!!!!!! DOES MY 21ST LAND ON A FUCKING MONDAY

AND I HAVE TO FINISH the semester which doesn’t end until the end of may. so im kinda overloaded rn but im gonna be trying my best! im sorry for rambling im so excited n also anxious ns fndsjkgbdjksgbrjk 

[someonecallmymom]

.

im still in so much shock. my uni sent us all home for three weeks on the 14th. my internship-going-to-be-post-grad-career closed their doors for an indefinite amount of time on the 15th. on the 24th, we got a short and bitter email from a chancellor who has never once given a shit about us, telling us that the rest of the semester would be conducted online and that graduation will be pushed back until may 2021.

i fought tooth and fucking nail the last four years of my life. several family deaths, major anxiety, financial bullshit, i changed my field of study four times and almost dropped out before i came back to the thing that made me happy. for ONCE i was happy. my internship turned into a job offer that im ecstatic to start. i finally got to be a part of the community, i found the place i really truly belong. it feels like the rug got pulled out from under me and im still falling.

i sobbed all day tuesday, most of yesterday, and this morning. i wont get to say bye to my seniors before we go our separate ways. i wont get to say bye to all of the underclassmen who have become so important to me in the last few years. i wont get to thank my professors the way i wanted to for everything theyve done for me. i wont get to participate in senior week events. the booze cruise. the kickball game. the barbecue. the senior toast. graduation was supposed to be in 51 days. the end of the tunnel was in sight and i could feel the warmth on the other side. now everything is just... empty. i dont know what to do with myself.

this fucking hurts. so much. i understand why choices were made, but im so sad. the world was finally giving me something good, and i let my guard down for a minute, and now im home. back where i started, waiting for... i dont even know what. class of 2020, we deserve so much when this is over. 

[uncagedtheelephant]

8/03/17

Summer is coming to an end, its been a trip. May 24th I had the worst breakdown of my life and wanted to end my life. Its been about 2 months and some change and im happy. Ive found happiness within myself. 2017s first few months were absolute shit but im hoping to close out the year with a smile like I have on right now. School is about to start and idk how I feel about that, I always feel trapped in school for 16 week interludes. Last semester was the shittiest. I had all night classes which meant I couldnt do anything during the day, I just broke up with my girlfriend and my mom went overseas for a while. I didn't have one soul in my life. My days were spent waking up to everyone in the house gone, doing school work until I had 4 hour classes at night, and then coming home to everyone asleep. It was lonely and depressing. During the school year, I dont have any friends because theyre gone at other schools. Thats the problem with only having a few friends. It was a dark winter. Hopefully my happiness sticks around this year. Im not in all night classes so my days will have some sunshine in them. I dedicated the whole summer to figuring out who I am and regaining hope. I was so hopeless a few months ago. Ive come to love life. I realized that if you wake up with the “fuck life, fuck people, fuck everything” attitude, life will give you exactly that. Youll be trapped in the darkness youve created. If you wake up hopeful, energized and optimistic, life will love you right back. I need to make friends this school year, I can no longer hang out with nobody all the time. It takes a toll on you. I spent the first year and a half of college hanging out with my ex, I didnt make any friends or keep up old friendships because I was fine with only having her, she was all i thought i needed. Now that shes gone I have rekindled old friendships that fell off because of me being so distant to everybody. I love everybody in my life, there is only a few but they all mean the world to me. I have picked up great things and thrown out bad habits this summer. I work out almost everyday, I am in the middle of reading a book, I have started to write songs and poetry. I have learned to appreciate the small things. I have learned to be more grateful. I needed this summer, I needed to fall down so I could take a step back, put everything in perspective and regain my smile. My smile booms now, im anxious but ready to go destroy the next 2 years of school. I am no longer delusional about love. Rainbows cant appear if theres not a little rain. Im no longer a kid, I make investments with my money, I no longer waste days on social media. I appreciate my blessings, I appreciate all the lessons ive learned. Im a good person, Im an amazing friend, and im positive about life. If people want to leave, thats on them. They got no idea what theyre missing out on. Be smooth tumblr, ill update you guys in a few months. 

Go make someone smile, go appreciate your backyard, hit up someone that you miss. 

Love you all.