#the tie mystery: electric boogaloo

[scribbling-dragon]

i think it would be fun if the electric boogaloo au happened like, a couple of cities over, so sometimes they just hear about these other guys in the news and go "oh damn, alright then". also, this is just throwing stuff at the wall, seeing what sticks, yknow, but what if, instead of slice-of-life like last au, this one was more mystery based? cuz i feel like with the current lore we have, we could make some fun dnd-style mystery. idk tho, since mysteries are hard to write -eevee

i was considering that or it being a few years later? like. twenty or so years later with vigilantes only beginning to return after the memory of the Rapture is no longer so fresh in the minds of the public

(i would also like to introduce pearl as a teacher of some kind. the only person that still goes to the school that the other attended before, just so she could have a cameo)

and i would really love to do a mystery for it!

[ramblinglikethedekuhimself]

back on my when will katsuki’s tie return from the war bull shit

theory no 2:

Bakugo wears loose, baggy clothing to increase air flow in civilan clothing

his sweat explodes people

high grade washing machines are expensive

and it would explain why he never really gets called out on it

various other people have variations of the uniform to account for quirk related things

again either this or hes trying too hard to have a bad boy aesthetic to cover up the fact he goes to bed at 7

[hell0mega]

2222 deuces wild

20 hoo hoo, let's learn about owls

20 hooty-hoo, let's learn about Outcast

20 boppity-boo, be the magic

Carl Daniels

Carl Daniels' kickass year

____: a good year for Carls

____: it was a great year for Carls

20 cummies 2

20 whoopty-do, who cares/gives a shit

20 yummy stew, something's cooking!

20 yummy stew, what's cooking (good looking)?

20 yummy stew, toss an onion in

20 yummy stew, mix it up

20 yummy stew, put it in the pot

20 yummy stew, let it simmer

20 20 20 20 20

20 20 20

20 20 20!!

20 funny shoes, an odd pairing

20 venti brew, OH that java!

20 skies of blue, anything is possible

20 coming through, clear the way

20 coming through, emerge into your power

20 coming through, e m e r g e

20 runny goo

20 sun tea view, porch life! (???)

banjo 20 kazoo, (banjo kazooie noise)

20 scooby doo

20 lookie-loo, on the horizon

20 mummy crew, back from the dead

20 mummy crew, rise again

20 mummy crew, straight out the tomb

20 mummy crew, rise my love

20 mummy crew, sarcopha-get it

20 mummy crew, lying in wait

20 mummy stew, put it in the pot

20 mummy crew, together we rise

20 mummy crew, pyramid dreams

20 mummy crew, under wraps

20 mummy crew, wrap it up

20 view-askew, let's meet Kevin Smith

20 mummy crew, disrupt the tomb

20 mummy crew, buried with cats

20 running shoe

20 cunning shrew

20 mummy crew, shame the grave

20 mummy crew, death is only the beginning

20 do the dew, brought to you by Mountain Dew™ Baja Blast™

20 Long John Silver's, enjoy a crispy fish

20 barbeque

20 black and blue

20 cordon bleu, cookin fancy

20 something blue, tie the knot

20 deja vu

20 broader view

20 point of view

2020 dieu, second chances

2020-2, a year of sequels

20 peak-a-boo, here we are!

20 pikachu, electric mouse

20 electric boogaloo

20 pikachu, don't evolve

20 rendezvous, good evening

20 rendezvous, hello there~

20 rendezvous, in/to the veranda

20 rendezvous, i see you there

20 rendezvous, a nighttime affair

20 rendezvous, a night to remember

20 rendezvous, a walk to remember

20 rendezvous, meeting in person

20 Jenny Sue, you get on out to that corn pasture feed them piggies

20 peggy sue, oo-ee-oo i look just like buddy holly

20 oo oo oo, YUM-OH!

20 oo oo oo, a spicy one

20 oo oo oo, do-wop's back

20 switcheroo

20 tried and true

20 dr. drew, he sucks now

20 you should sue, get your justice

20 more bamboo, it's sustainable

20 kangaroo, put it in the pouch

20 kangaroo, jump on it

20 revenue, maximize your earning potential

20 racing crew, it's about family

20 more fondue, make it cheesey

20 sudoku, line 'em up

20 pay-per-view, all our episodes cost 1 dollar

20 misconstrue, say that again?

more for me and you

20 just for you

20 not for you

20 new tattoo

20 money's through, time to become a crypto lord

20 sun tea view

20 rise of gru

20 baby shoe, for sale, never worn

20 IOU, we will give the next year a much better name

20 IOU one good year name

20 IOU one hour of your life back

20 mummy stew, people used to eat mummies

yummy mummy brew

20 new shampoo, gotta try something/something's gotta change

20 new shampoo, something's gotta give

20 tummy goo, what's on- what's on- what's that on your- whadyou got on your tummy?

the upset tummy crew

20 old U2, you just listen to Joshua Tree

20 no taboo

20 in review

squirty-cummy-goo?!

2023, off the rails

2023, take a pass

2023, looking forward

the deuce

the double deuce

20 tutu, ballet time

mmxxii, mix it up

20 big league chew

20 breaking through, emerge

20 talking to, sit down. you fucked up.

20 rendezvous, trading secrets

20 rendezvous, there's been a murder!

20 mummy crew, wrap it up (but different)

20 rendezvous, get organized. organize. do it. seize the means of production

20 rendezvous, stronger together

20 rendezvous, strength in numbers

20 mummy crew, strength in numbers

20 mummy crew, THE TIES THAT BIND

20 mummy crew, wear your heart

20 busting through, oh yeah!

20 we've been sued

20 what's this do? mysterious buttons

20 rendezvous, show yourself

20 big debut

20 rendezvous, have a ball

20 rendezvous, time to conspire

20 rendezvous, meet me in the dark place

20 rendezvous, clandestine moment

20 rendezvous, a secret...... kiss

20 rendezvous, stolen moments

20 rendezvous, a kiss for us

20 rendezvous, every kiss is a gift

20 rendezvous, hidden passions

20 rendezvous, making memories

20 rendezvous, fight the break of dawn

20 rendezvous, till the sun comes up

20 rendezvous, slappin' bodies together

20 rendezvous, the night is young

20 rendezvous, we'll always have Vienna

20 rendezvous, remember Fiji?

20 rendezvous: fancy night/a night of fancy

20 rendezvous, i haven't seen Marcus in years

20 rendezvous, there's only tonight

20 rendezvous, a fancy fantasy

20 rendezvous, fancy takes flight

[yeonchi]

Doctor Who Series 13 (Flux) Review Chapter One: The Halloween Apocalypse

Air date: 31 October 2021

So after (nearly) two years, we finally have a new episode of Doctor Who. On top of that, we’re entering an arc concerning a phenomenon known as the Flux that will hopefully tie into the Timeless Child mystery.

It was rumoured during filming that there would be a Halloween themed episode that would premiere on 31 October given that there were pumpkins on the set as dressing, but that it would be the fourth episode, which would mean that the series would have premiered on 10 October. However, given what we know about the series now, I think it’s safe to presume that this series takes place around Halloween.

My spoiler-free thought for this episode: “Is it a series premiere, a series finale or did they just decide to combine the two?”

Anyway, spoilers continue after the break.

Bad (Aussie) airtimes part 2: Electric Boogaloo

There’s quite a few story threads introduced, so I’ll be going through each one of them separately, but before that, I want to rant about air times again.

In my review for Spyfall Part One, I talked about how the move from Saturday to Sunday ruined the broadcast timetable in Australia. I didn’t talk about this in the prelude because we didn’t have confirmed information from the ABC.

I woke up at 7:30 on Monday morning and sure enough, the episode was available on ABC iView because episodes are made available right after broadcast in the UK. As such, I watched the episode in bed before getting ready for work - that’s going to be my plan for this series, so I hope that I still get to work from home on Mondays and Tuesdays for the next five weeks after this.

Now that streaming is all done and dusted, what about the broadcast side of things? In the ABC’s initial announcement on Twitter, they stated that it would premiere on the same day (1 November) at 7:30 PM on ABC TV Plus. It should be noted that this is not the ABC’s main channel, but one of their digital multichannels. Throughout the day, it timeshares with their children’s channel, ABC Kids - this was also the case with the channel’s previous incarnations, namely ABC2 (2005-2017) and ABC Comedy (2017-2020). In the UK, the situation is like with CBeebies and BBC Four, except they’re actually on the same channel instead of two separate channels.

So if the first premiere isn’t on the main channel on the day, when is it? I’ve checked and confirmed that the episode will be repeated on ABC at 9:35 PM on Thursday (4 November), so if you were hoping to watch it in HD, you’ll have to wait until then. Honestly, things were so much easier when it was on Sundays at 7:40 PM, which is why the series needs to go back to Saturdays in the UK when the second Russell T Davies era begins.

Karvanista

When I first heard the name Karvanista I immediately thought of the name Evangelista. Just saying. Also, Karvanista is played by Craige Els, who also played Dan’s friend in the teaser that was broadcast after Revolution of the Daleks.

So at the start of the episode, we see the Doctor and Yaz hanging upside-down from a gravity bar, about to be released into a boiling acid ocean on a planet about to be engulfed by a giant red star, with kill discs to finish them off should they manage to survive. As Karvanista reveals that he is travelling to the final hours of Earth, the Doctor and Yaz manage to flip up and hold onto the gravity bar. Though the bar splits as they are being chased by the kill discs, the Doctor and Yaz manage to make it back to the TARDIS and head for Earth.

The Doctor and Yaz trace Karvanista down to Liverpool on Halloween night, where he had already taken Dan back to his ship. Through a laptop that the Doctor finds just laying on the table, she casts it to the television with her sonic screwdriver (which is impossible for a television of that size or model by the looks of it) and discovers that Karvanista has left Earth, but also that seven billion Lupari ships are heading towards Earth as well. As the Doctor wonders why Dan would have such a flashy computer (seriously, those widgets that pop up on the desktop are probably only used by hardcore gamers or computer enthusiasts, plus it’s usually impossible for a computer to just be able to track a ship instantly), she and Yaz realise that the computer isn’t Dan’s and they quickly escape the house just as the compressor blast (embedded in the laptop) shrinks it.

The Doctor and Yaz manage to sneak onto Karvanista’s ship. While Yaz goes to rescue Dan, the Doctor confronts Karvanista and orders him to tell her everything he knows about the Division; it is revealed that the reason why the Doctor sought Karvanista in the first place was because he is the only surviving member of the Division she could find. This implies that Time Lords aren’t the only beings involved with the Division, making it a bit like the Silence of Series 6.

Before she can get any information out of him (not that he was really willing to divulge any of it in the first place), the Doctor learns that Karvanista is on species recall and that each member of the Lupari is paired to a human (with Karvanista being paired to Dan); they are currently being tasked with evacuating humanity due to an ultimate crisis known as the Flux, a cataclysmic threat breaking every law of space and time disrupting every particle similar to the reality bomb of Series 4. As such, Karvanista is yet another misunderstood villain and a dead trope from Series 11 has been revived.

For those of you who haven’t been following my reviews, my definition of a misunderstood villain is straightforward, which is a being whose motives seem villainous due to how the protagonists see them until they learn that their motives are actually based on either altruism or survival. The actual villain of the episode obviously turns out to be someone or something else. The misunderstood villains I’ve found in Series 11 include the spiders, the Pting, the Thijarians, the robots and executives at Kerblam! and the Solitract.

After Karvanista tells the Doctor about the Flux and the motives of the Lupar, she and Yaz take Dan and leave in the TARDIS. The Doctor decides to investigate the Flux herself, but quickly becomes chased by it. She leads the Flux back to Earth and has Karvanista and the Lupar surround the Earth in the hope of protecting it, but she is unable to get the TARDIS back on the other side as it is being pulled into the Flux. The Doctor breaks into the heart of the TARDIS and shoots vortex energy at the Flux, but to no avail.

Dan Lewis and the companion commitment

From what we see of Dan Lewis (full name Daniel), he is a single man living in Anfield who supports Liverpool FC, gives unsolicited tours of the Museum of Liverpool (despite having a trade) and volunteers at a food bank. Although he is poor, he doesn’t seem to mind it so much as long as others are happy. Initially, Dan reminded me of Eiji Hino from Kamen Rider OOO, but on a later rewatch, I noticed elements of Gentaro Kisaragi from Kamen Rider Fourze, but without all the making friends stuff that is a signature of his.

The Chibnall era has really put a lot of focus on the North of England, with Sheffield being featured in Series 11 and 12 and Liverpool being featured in Series 13. I wonder how many people are able to understand the Liverpool (Scouse) accent without subtitles.

Looking at the companion side of things, I tend to prefer having full-time companions who don’t seem to have many significant attachments or anchors, whether it be in the form of employment, family or even education. This is because if you have someone who is already making a life for themselves, you have to remember to go back and address those things, otherwise you make them look as if they’re shirking commitments to be the Doctor’s companion. Also, I don’t like the idea of the Doctor having to pick up and drop off a companion multiple times during the series.

This situation has been covered in previous series, beginning with Rose Tyler, who was taken back to her home after a couple of adventures with the Ninth Doctor, albeit a year later than he initially hoped, resulting in her being reported missing by her mother, Jackie. Russell T Davies did this as he wanted to explore what would happen to the people their companions left behind; I mean, Rose was unemployed and ready for full-time adventure, but what about her mum and Mickey? She could have returned five minutes after she left and no one would be the wiser, but in this case, the Doctor got the time wrong and he can’t change it because the TARDIS became a part of events once it landed. While Rose is a good example of exploring this area, a not-so-good example was with Amy and Rory in Series 7 because they became part-time companions and the writers never really kept track of time which meant that the situation became confusing, but that’s something I’ll cover another time when I finally decide to do Doctor Who 10 for 10.

Let’s take a brief look at the previous companions of the New Series and their circumstances when they first became the Doctor’s companions:

Rose’s workplace was blown up by the Doctor when they first met, seemingly leaving her without a job; she never went back there even when it was rebuilt

Although Martha was a student doctor at the Royal Hope Hospital, this was never addressed again in Series 3

Donna was a temp with no fixed employment

Amy was working as a kissogram when she met the Doctor again; in Series 7, she worked as a model for some time

Rory was a nurse; in Series 7, he was asked to work full-time at the hospital where he was working

Clara worked as a babysitter before she became a teacher

Nardole was a former criminal

Bill worked in the canteen at St Luke’s University in Bristol

Ryan worked in a warehouse prior to meeting the Doctor, though dialogue in Arachnids in the UK suggest that he is unemployed

Graham was a retiree, having previously worked as a bus driver

In short, companions with real-life commitments only serve to hold them back, though in the case of Bill, there is also a separate circumstance on the Doctor’s part. Anyway, that’s enough waffling.

Swarm

In the Doctor Who panel for Comic Con @ Home, Chibnall teased this series with the word “swarm”. When the teaser came out at the start of October, the Doctor mentioned the Sontarans, Weeping Angels and Ravagers as some of the monsters that would be appearing in the series. Fans presumed that they would be part of the “swarm” as teased by Chibnall, with the final letter being represented by the Master. However, in the episode, it turns out that Swarm is actually an unknown being who was actually the teased monster of the #FindTheDoctor ARG.

When we first see Swarm, he has been imprisoned since the beginning of the universe in a containment chamber at the Burnished Rage battleground, visited by agents of the Division every thousand years (although the circumstances of his imprisonment are unknown at this point in time). On En Sentac’s last tour, Swarm manages to disable the technology holding him and reduce En Sentac to ash, absorbing her to “renew” himself into a new incarnation. At the same time, he also manages to establish telepathic contact with the Doctor.

After reducing En Sentac’s trainee, K-Toscs, to ash, Swarm goes to a house in the Arctic Circle where he finds his sister, Azure, living as a human named Anna with her partner, Jon. Swarm reduces Jon to ash as Azure’s true self is awakened, stripping away her human disguise in the process.

Later, Swarm makes contact with the Doctor again and confronts her. During this conversation, we learn that Swarm is an old nemesis of the Doctor during the time when she was apparently the Timeless Child. The reason I say “apparently” here is because we still don’t have full confirmation that the Doctor is the Timeless Child, only the Master’s word. Despite this, we still seem to be leaning in that direction as Swarm identifies her as the Doctor (by name) and notes how efficient her mind wipe was.

Other threads

In 1820, Joseph Williamson oversaw the digging of tunnels whose purpose were unclear to anyone, although he alludes that he is doing so because he foresaw the Flux. These are the Williamson Tunnels located in the Edge Hill area of Liverpool and another example of seemingly benign or unknown landmarks having greater importance in Doctor Who, following places such as Roald Dahl Plass, the Tower of London or Stonehenge. It’s kind of the same logic as innocuous objects like statues, shadows, Wi-Fi access points and bubble wrap actually being dangerous.

Dan’s friend, Diane, worked at the Museum of Liverpool and had arranged to meet Dan for drinks that night. However, as she was waiting on Lark Lane, she was pulled into an empty building by Azure.

When the Doctor and Yaz were about to leave in the TARDIS after investigating Dan’s house, they meet a woman named Claire, who they would meet again in their future and her past. As she returns home, she is followed by a Weeping Angel and she somehow knows not to blink when confronted by it. Although she manages to open her door, she blinks and the Angel sends Claire back in time.

On Observation Outpost Rose, Inston-Vee Vinder is making another report on his section of the universe when he discovers the Flux destroying Thoribus Minor and other planets. After making an emergency status update, Vinder abandons his post and escapes in the pod he is in as the outpost is destroyed.

Thirty trillion light years away, Sontaran commander Ritskaw is informed by psychic surveyor Kragar that the Flux is approaching. At the end of the episode, he is seen calling an attack. They’ll be the focus of the next episode.

There’s so many plot threads introduced in this episode that it’s a bit hard to keep track, though I’m not one to talk as I’ve been juggling around a lot of characters and overarching plot threads in my personal project. A single story is nothing when you’re dealing with a whole bunch of stories in a series.

Other general thoughts

Nadia Albina, who played Diane in the episode, was born without her right forearm and hand. She is also Vice Chair of the Act for Change project, a lobby group devoting itself to increasing diversity in acting roles. When looking up her name on Google, a related search result shows “thalidomide”. I’ll let you take that information and infer it for yourselves.

When Yaz meets Dan, she introduces herself as a former police officer, implying that she quit at some point. Honestly, it was for the best because despite the focus given on her being a police officer (with even her family mentioning her being “married to the job” in Arachnids in the UK), we never see much of it in the series. This goes back to my spiel on the companion commitment above. It would have been better if Yaz resigning from the force was mentioned in Revolution of the Daleks because it honestly looks like she forgot about her family and job for ten months while she became obsessed with finding the Doctor. Or maybe she was fired for neglecting her duties? Oh well, I guess we’ll never know.

Yaz gets annoyed at the Doctor for keeping secrets in this episode, namely the purpose of seeking out Karvanista and the glitch in her mind that came about as a result of Swarm psychically reconnecting to her. So far, the only person the Doctor has opened up to about the Timeless Child is Ryan, meaning that Yaz doesn’t know about what the Doctor saw in the Matrix.

We’ve gone back to the Impact font used to introduce locations and times, but it’s not slapped in giant letters right in the middle of the screen like in Resolution.

Something black and tar-like leaks in the TARDIS, but we don’t know what it is.

What is that emergency thing that Anna and Jon receive and what emergency are they referring to? It doesn’t look like a kill disc.

Karvanista’s weapon can switch between a gun and an axe, making its design and functionality similar to the Authorise Buster of Kamen Rider Zero-One. However, the modes seem to be flipped as the axe mode of Karvanista’s weapon is single-headed and the gun mode is double-headed. The way it shoots resembles the Z Lance Arrow’s shooting attack from Ultraman Z. Additionally, on a non-tokusatsu-related note, when Dan finds himself on Karvanista’s ship, we see Karvanista sharpening what appears to be a mandarin duck hook (or deer horn knife), which is the signature weapon of Lianshi in Dynasty Warriors 8 Empires. Hopefully I’ll elaborate on this more in a future series, but I will say that while the concept is good, the execution is a bit complicated.

The Doctor uses leftover Hopper virus particles to deactivate parts of Karvanista’s ship.

When Dan enters the TARDIS, the door doesn’t end up where it should be for some reason. This marks the second time that a new companion has not entered the TARDIS normally for the first time through the door, the first time being Donna Noble in The Runaway Bride.

This episode was dedicated to foley artist Julie Atkinson, who supplied sound effects for Doctor Who, Torchwood and The Sarah Jane Adventures from 2005 to 2017.

The BBC’s “new” logo debuts in this episode, having been introduced over a week before broadcast. This is unrelated to the episode, but the new logo doesn’t look that much different from the old one. I read that they were going to replace the Oneness idents on BBC One with the corporate rebrand, but apparently they are staying for now, but will be phased out, presumably in 2022. Honestly, the Oneness idents just seem lazy. I prefer the circle idents better.

Summary and verdict

So this was a pretty epic episode to start off this new story arc with. While there were no SJW red flags, the episode started learning towards the worst case scenario regarding the Timeless Child. On top of that, there were too many plot threads introduced in this episode. I felt that the scenes featuring Williamson and the Sontarans could have been moved to their respective episode, which would shave five minutes off of this one, but hey, I guess that’s a good use for filler. At least I got to tease my own future content given how much teasing the BBC did for this series. 

Rating: 6/10

It’s taken some time for me to get back into the flow of writing Doctor Who reviews given the changes in my life and the focus I’ve put on other things since the end of Series 12, but it’ll be over before we know it because of how short this series is. Stay tuned next week as I review the second chapter of Flux, War of the Sontarans.

[daleisgreat]

Top 10 and Worst 5 Films of 2014 through 2016

I meant to do this last year, but completely neglected it. When I ran my old podcast, one episode a year, my friends Matt, Jay and I would host our annual best and worst movies of the year episode. We did three installments for films that hit in 2011-2013. The podcast is not around anymore so I have not done it since, but I still have been keeping Word documents on my computer with a list of all the movies I saw each year and constantly update my top 10 and worst 5 rankings of the year. I meant to post the best and worst of 2015 as a blog, but as I said it just slipped past me and I will make up for it now with a triple best and worst list for 2014 through 2016. I had a whole extra year to catch up on Netflix and VUDU on 2014 and 2015 releases I missed so I have seen about 20% more films than I did than 2016. So hopefully that will excuse any glaring omissions that did not make my rankings. That said, I am still feeling pretty good about my 2016 list and there were only a handful of films that slipped by me that I have not seen yet. Movies linked on the lists will take you to my review of the film if you want to see my expanded thoughts on the film. One last thing before the lists, I want to give a shoutout to one of my favorite film critics, Scott Sawitz! I have discussed movies, wrestling and a ton more with Scott for well over a decade and have had the pleasure of having him guest host on my aforementioned podcast several times. I have always been a fan of his reviews and weekly column, Monday Morning Critic, over at Inside Pulse. His latest column is his annual top 10 films of the year I always look forward to. Scott has a twist on his rankings this year because he has been putting a ton of work into his weekly YouTube series, Confessions of a Super-Hero, weekly bite-sized episodic viewing all about what super-heroes do in their off-duty downtime. If you have a moment, please check it out! Now, onto the lists! 2014 TOP 10 10) Wild 9) Nightcrawler 8) Gone Girl 7) Equalizer/John Wick 6) Imitation Game 5) Interstellar 4) Guardians of the Galaxy 3) Whiplash 2) Captain America: The Winter Soldier 1) Boyhood Best Documentary – Life Itself

The two comic book films on the list ranked high with Marvel having a stellar year. Guardians surprised me because the concept just seemed impossible to pull off in live action with an animated tree and talking raccoon, but somehow Marvel did it and it kicked all kinds of ass. Winter Soldier was an awesome modern day follow up to The First Avenger. I seem to be in the minority of people when discussing Interstellar, and while I would rank it a notch or two under other non-Batman Christopher Nolan classics like Inception, I still very much enjoyed it that it made it into the midst of my top 10. Life Itself is an excellent documentary all about Roger Ebert in his final days as it documents his and Gene Siskel’s breakout rise as the go to film critics of the nation. Wild hit all the right nerves for me on Cheryl Strayed’s arduous journey of self-discovery. Nightcrawler shocked me at the lengths Gyllenhaal went to get the ultimate creep-o look down and his convincing transition from wannabe ripoff artist to the quintessential conman. I was expecting Equalizer to be a by-the-numbers action flick, but Denzel Washington proved me wrong by adding on many layers to it, and it is bizarre how John Wick came out within weeks of it and both were nearly identical plots, but both delivered in their own unique way. John Wick also gets my dubious award for best ever Kevin Nash cameo. Finally, props to Richard Linklater for delivering on his film that was literally 12 years in the making with Boyhood. Linklater is a risk taker with his ambitious projects, and he knocked another one out of the park with Boyhood getting my vote as best film of 2014. 2014 WORST 5 5) Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 4) Tekken 2 3) Pro-Wrestling Zombies 2) Amazing Spider-Man 2 1) Transformers: Rise of the Fallen 2014 saw many terrible films, I actually had nearly 10 films as being ‘worst 5-calibur’ material. The TMNT remake had a few bright spots and scene-saving moments from Will Arnett, but he alone could not save a film with so many gut-wrenching jokes and awful retconning of the TMNT lore I grew up with. I actually dug the first Tekken film as a kind of solid nonsense fighting tournament movie that was kind of faithful to the source material ala Mortal Kombat, but the sequel was this awful attempt at a mafia-crime-mystery-drama that failed on all levels. Pro-Wrestling Zombies was a very low budget zombie slashing film starring Matt Hardy, Jim Duggan and Roddy Piper, but with these wrestling legends it was not even enjoyable in an ironic way like most zombie films, and was just flatout bad. Amazing Spider-Man 2 shocked me because I legitimately enjoyed the reboot, and thought this would be another easy follow up with most of the same cast and crew returning. However, Spider-Man and Electro both cast painful jokes and banter throughout that did not exist in the prior film, and there were countless groan inducing moments. The latest Transformers film outdid the straight-up bad humor and moments throughout the entire wreck of a film. Michael Bay somehow found a way to make it a nearly insurmountable task to get through. 2015 Top 10 10) Southpaw 9) Ant Man 8) The Martian 7) End of the Tour 6) Mad Max: Fury Road 5) Revenant 4) Creed 3) Steve Jobs 2) Spotlight 1) Hateful Eight Best Documentary – Tie: Electric Boogaloo & Winning: Racing Life of Paul Newman

Yeah, I like my feel good boxing/sports films as Jake Gyllenhaal shined again this year in Southpaw and Creed surpassed my expectations with its contemporary take on the Rocky franchise. While the lighthearted moments from Damon seemed a little forced, I still very much dug his Mars survival story, but not as much I got immersed into Dicaprio’s and Tom Hardy’s intense wilderness survival adventure that is The Revenant. Fury Road marked the first Mad Max movie I saw and the bombastic costumes initially had me raising an eyebrow, but once the heavy metal guitar semi-truck graced the screen in its infinite glory I instantly went on board with the film and never got off. I recently reviewed Steve Jobs, and if you recall I absolutely loved its use of creative license to tell a nonstop dialogue juggernaut of three big moments in Jobs’ life. Spotlight is the perfect way to tell a slow building mystery film where investigative journalists gradually picked away at their biggest scoop ever. Finally, I am biased towards Quentin Tarantino as I view the man as being one of the absolute best at dialogue in films, and he delivered once again with countless another excellent script and scenes that stole the show in The Hateful Eight. The setting worked perfectly and I was on my toes waiting to see which one of the eight was going to make the first move in a powdered keg filled with characters ready to burst. 2015 Worst 5 5) Fantastic Four 4) Jupiter Ascending 3) Chappie 2) Ted 2 1) Pixels

I was surprised at how bad Jupiter Ascending turned out to be, and did not expect Channing Tatum to be the only decent part of that film. After the dud that was Sucker Punch and now Jupiter Ascending, I am cutting myself off from all future Wachowski-directed films. I am a fan of District 9 and its director Neil Blomkamp and felt burned by his latest film, the insufferable Chappie in numerous ways. I was anticipating bad things from both Fantastic Four or Pixels, but part of me forced myself to go to see how awful they ultimately were. Fantastic Four was mostly drawn out and dull, and had some very head-scratching moments throughout. I cannot remember the last Adam Sandler film I legitimately liked, does the first half of Funny People count? Any marginal hopes of a semi-decent film were squashed the second Kevin James popped up on screen as the dopey president of the USA. Practically the entire film was bad, but I will at least give it minor props for some pretty good use of the videogame CG in the film. 2016 Top 10 10) Purge: Election Year 9) Deadpool 8) Star Trek: Beyond 7) 13 Hours: Secret Soldiers of Benghazi 6) Captain America: Civil War 5) Batman vs. Superman: Dawn of Justice 4) Hacksaw Ridge 3) Sully 2) Fences 1) The Accountant Best Documentary – ESPN 30 for 30: The ’85 Bears

The last two Purge films have turned into guilty Halloween pleasures like the old Final Destination films. Election Year kept up the same gritty, over-the-top tone and pace as Anarchy Reigns before it. Deadpool surprised me at not being a dud, and far exceeded my expectations with tons of great jokes, dialogue, action and unapologetically aware 4th wall-breaking references throughout. It has been awhile since I got wrapped up in an intense R-rated war film, and 2016 had two of them with 13 Hours and Hacksaw Ridge that both get high recommendations from me. I am a wee bit of a Clint Eastwood fan, but I will give him and Tom Hanks righteous props on how they somehow made Sully’s heroic emergency plane landing into the Hudson River a thrilling feature length film. Some of you who saw the list are probably baffled at why I rank the controversial Dawn of Justice over the much-loved Civil War, but the two ranked so close together I just might change my answer if you ask me any day of the week. If I am splitting hairs I did not care for the shoehorned Spider-Man extended cameo, and his dialogue has me worried that Homecoming is going to be filled with an equal, if not worse script than Amazing Spider-Man 2. Denzel Washington and Viola Davis are sublime in Fences. The small, but mighty cast here delivered powerful performances, with Washington and Davis especially delivering in this dialogue-driven-tour-de-force about hard times for a family making ends meet in the 1950s. I did not know too much going into The Accountant other than it had what appeared to be a gimmick of an assassin with Autism. I could not have been more wrong as there is so much more going on with this film that it entertained me throughout its near two and a half hour runtime. Ben Affleck continues his streak of excellent performances, and I cannot wait to see how his upcoming solo version of The Batman turns out. Worst 5 2) Suicide Squad 1) Billy Lynn’s Long Halftime Walk

I have only seen two movies this year that qualify as “worst 5-caliber.” I could not get into Suicide Squad. The first third of the film played out like an extended trailer scored with worn out songs that I am use to only hearing off trailers. There were several WTF moments throughout, and add in the film felt compromised after audiences griped that Dawn of Justice was not lighthearted enough. DC/Warner Bros. responded by pasting in several post-production groan-worthy zingers that played more to the mainstream, but made me cringe. I am optimistic for the presumable sequel though, because I did dig Will Smith as Deadshot and Margot Robbie’s portrayal of fan favorite, Harley Quinn and I am even interested in what direction they take The Joker next. Halftime Walk usurped it as my worst film of the year however because of how unlikeable the cast is. About 20% of the film is war flashbacks that I actually liked, but the other 80% is the members of the military squad’s day being honored at a football game, and just being super dick-ish and incredibly un-empathetic throughout it. I know this is based off a book, but I do not know if something got lost in translation or if this was the desired vision of the film. Either way, it yields my worst of the year honors! Thanks for sticking with me rambling all this way, see you next year!