#the trauma changed me from greysexual to fully asexual. after years of self hate i was comfortable with my naked body
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#that post about meeting people in the wild reminds me what my therapist said#“you should meet another person. after some healing of course” and at that time i did not thought so much about it#i was crying and sobbing so bad for me to process that information#but now that i remembered. how the hell will i do that without using a dating app?#imagining that i am already healed without trauma and willing to open my heart again for someone else#how would i: an asexual neurodivergent introvert. would find a compatible person in the wild? that is kind of impossible!#using a dating app? ugh. that is very wack. i do not know a single person who had a good experience using one of those#and truly. would i ever be fine to have romance again? the remaining romantic love i have is dying#the trauma changed me from greysexual to fully asexual. after years of self hate i was comfortable with my naked body#now that i am sex repulsed. i can not tolerate see my body. even in this hellish heat of summer i must have clothes. showering is a torture#would not be better to be Aroace and that is it? being free of all that partner stuff? just having more friends would not do the trick?#i can try to find a way to change and not want to have physical affection nor physical love. It always brought me trouble#but i doubt my therapist agrees. she was kind of serious about having another person with me#why i am not strong enough to do everything alone? why do i have to be prone to sickness? why the hell do i need physical love?!#is so gross and awful. i hate my body so much. why do you need that fucker? we can hug ourselfs! settle for that
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