#the true crime is whatever jeff bezos is doing

[emiko-matsui]

hello this is my official list of what i think every member of the bau would work with if they wouldn't work at the bau like if that wasn't a reality you get me

——

Jason Gideon: look i know this is technically canon but i truly do think he would be an author and would guest lecture a bit in his later years and like sure he could still write true crime books but also just regular crime novels i think this old man would just like to write

Jennifer "JJ" Jareau: i think she would work inside of the media, not in front of the camera necessarily but as a communicator or similarly inside of the media and the news. however i think there's a possibility of a divergence of path for her, i think its possible she could end up in a hostage situation due to her job in a similar situation like in neon terror and would start working out as a coping mechanism and like genuinely would pick up a (extra?) job as a personal trainer at her gym

Derek Morgan: firefighter. that's it i don't know what to say other than that, derek would 500% be a firefighter. there's nothing else. now that i think about it derek should've been a firefighter from the beginning fuck the bau this is his true calling don't even @ me

Elle Greenaway: similarly to JJ i think elle would work inside of the media but as an investigative journalist. well i think she would start out as a regular journalist but become an investigative journalist after a while because her drive would be too big you get me. also niche but i think that when she was a teen she was like briefly a singer like you know robin from how i met your mother but she would've made angry girl music

Aaron "Hotch" Hotchner: genuinely don't think this punk could stay away from the government so i think he would still work a fancy government job just not inside of the bau, maybe not even the fbi but i so think he'd still be in government. now what i have no idea because i know nothing about the government especially the american government seeing as im not even remotely american

David "Dave" Rossi: now i don't even know if this fucking counts but you know those really fancy shops that are like made of dark smelling wood and is called something extravagant with a cursive gold font and they sell like cigar or wine or herbal products or like mustache wax or whatever the fuck you know the places im talking about. i think rossi would work there and be that old man at the counter who will come up and talk to you and you have no idea if he just works there and is really invested in this stuff or if he owns the place or just a really weird costumer but then he's the one you pay too so you assume it's his but the moment you step out of the store you've forgotten his face and you never want to go back there but you always think about it once a month or something. if you don't know what kinda place im talking about consider yourself lucky

Penelope Garcia: if the bau wasn't even a prospect here there's no question that penelope would still be a hacker illegally and make most of her money from there but i also think that she would work in a small second hand shop with lots of old trinkets and clothes and stuff just because she genuinely thinks it's fun to work there and also the old woman who owns the shop lets her be on the computer when there's no costumers in the store. i just think she would sit there in her cupcake dress next to a ceramic old cat from the 1930s talking to bernice about her grandson while hacking jeff bezos on her computer

Spencer Reid: now it's time for spencer all over the place reid who i think would work at like one of those really prestige but still public libraries where like everyone is welcome but they have like locked rooms with super valuable books and stuff and he kinda does whatever there bc sometimes he gives tours talking about thr history of the building and stuff and sometimes you find him at the counter ready to guide you to the specific book you're looking for plus twenty other recommendations you should read if you like this book and sometimes you find him in a window reading and his coworkers politely ignore he's had his "break" for three hours now bc he guided 17 tours yesterday (only ten were scheduled) and they suspect he mightve slept here. plus in his spare time i think he would do some independent work to keep him stimulated with stuff but that's not a fully developed idea yet

Stephen Walker: this might be controversial but i think stephen would be a guidance counsellor at like a school and i don't know why but he has the vibe and i think he would be quite good at it. maybe he just gives me more official jawbone vibes from dimension 20

Emily Prentiss: i firmly believe this woman cannot hold down a job for her life. i think the bau and interpol were flukes in her reality because im quite certain emily would physically not be able to keep one job for longer than a year. if you mention a job she's probably done it. she's done everything from high positions in government to bagging groceries to leading seminars to breeding puppies. listen emily prentiss is a lesbian ex goth trust fund kid (like canonically yall). i think right now she's working with the lights for a theatre production and she's liking it and seems to have a knack for it

Tara Lewis: this one's out there but i think she would work as a principal at a university (do universities have principals?). but like the one who's in charge of a school but like advanced studies with like adults study after they've already studied if you know what i mean. idk i just think that's what she would be

Luke Alvez: hate to do this to luke but he would simply just be a cop. or like a detective (that's like a promotion for a cop in america right? bro my knowledge extends to brooklyn 99 and brooklyn 99 only). i hope this is because i feel like luke is the serious crime version of jake peralta and jake is the sitcom version of luke. anyway, cop

Matt Simmons: this is my magnum opus but bro i think he would be a podcaster. i think he would do a podcast with kristy. for everyone who follows my blog think justin and sydnee mcelroy but matt is sydnee. i think they would have a little podcast together. after his unit at the fbi (?) got got by linda barnes i think he would retire home and start doing podcasting full time with kristy. this is my hot take

Kate Callahan: because such a central part of kate's personality/backstory is that her sister died in 9/11 i think that kate would've been a nurse. specifically a nurse not a doctor and i don't think it's because a lack of competence or anything like that fuck u no i genuinely think kate wanted to be a nurse and chose to study to become that. her hours would still be crazy but maybe meg isn't as worried about her now

Ashley Seaver: i don't have a lot for seaver but i think she would work in local government more centralised like those guys from parks and rec and yes i realise ive made way too many references that some people might not understand but here we are. i think seaver would do whatever leslie does in parks and rec or something like that

Alex Blake: this is just a formality to have her on here because she's literally a linguistics professor in the show

[publicmoderation]

My Manifesto

I’ve never done this before. I’ve heard good things, so I figured I’d give it a try. There have been so many times lately that I’ve had heavy thoughts sitting on my brain and no one to bounce them off of. Times are crazy right now. It seems like common sense has become a bad word and the only way to be heard is to scream the loudest.

The “Woke” think if we take all of Jeff Bezos’ money and give it to poor minorities the world will magically be a utopia full of rainbows and hugs and unlimited genders that everyone will get right all of the time. Defunding the police won’t be an issue because if there are no poor people then no one will need to steal. Nailed it!

The “Alt Right” think that anyone asking for a detailed examination of the way we police are communist who want to take your guns. Is that still what they’re called? “Alt Right”? I feel like there’s a new name, but I can’t think of what it might be… Research is hard.

Black Lives Matter. They do... That’s it. That’s all I wanted to say. All lives matter, duh, but all lives haven’t been disenfranchised and forced into perpetual poverty due to outdated systems put in place by a then racist society.

But if I comment on any of this in a rational, civil manner I’ll be “cancelled” by both sides. I don’t even have anything to be cancelled from, but I’m still scared. How messed up is that?! Those of us in the middle have lost our voice. If we want to be heard, we have to join a side and scream what they scream.

I’m canvasing for poll info for the upcoming election. It’s not going well. I get shit from both sides. How hard is it to not be an asshole to someone who rings your doorbell? “No Thanks” is a perfectly reasonable and acceptable response. All I’m asking is “who ya votin for bro?”. You know those polls on the news when they say “Oh, looks like so-and-so is pulling ahead of what’s-his-name” Guess where those numbers come from, Jack. This guy. And also thousands of other volunteers.

Whatever, both parties suck. No one cares about what will help the country. They just care about keeping their power. Have you ever heard the story of Darth Plegueis The Wise…? Well no one in Senate has.

I. am. A… moderate. There I said it! I feel there are faults and benefits to both parties. Crucify me if you must. I keep hoping that the sane will rise up and recapture this country, but it seems the edges of the middle are slowly being eroded away by the constant waves of crazy pounding us from both sides. The middle is slowly shrinking and our last hope of being heard is Joe Rogan. He is our rock. He is our messiah. He will lead us to the promised land of weed and choke holds.

Jesus Christ, I’ve never actually put that thought to words. Maybe writing was a bad idea. I’m more scared than ever now.

But it’s true. No one listens to scientists or doctors or economists or lawyers. If they do, it’s from a ten second sound bite taken out of context and used to further what they already believe. Take a breath you psychos. We get it. You think you’re right and everyone else is wrong. Being a dick isn’t going to make me magically believe what you believe.

We need someone with a long form show available for free on multiple platforms where a normal guy interviews experts without bias or pretense. Preferably someone with a huge fan base and that’s kinda dumb.

Joe Rogan.

Ok, I have to move before I give myself a panic attack.

The world needs love. Simple kindness can change a person’s life. When I was a police officerBUMBUMBUUUUUMMM!!! That’s right, I was a police officer. I also have human feelings and emotion.

What I was saying was, I had two Uses of Force in 3 years. I worked in a moderately sized city with a very high crime rate. It wasn’t unusual for an officer to have three valid, justified Uses of Force a month.

I was told on more than one occasion that I was too nice. I never violated policy or let someone go who had committed a crime but because I didn’t have to inflict pain on someone to get them to comply with my commands, I was made fun of. Not a lot because I was bigger than all of them but, still, it happened.

I was patient, tolerant and calm. All I did was listen. I didn’t rush to judgement or disregard someone’s statement because I had already made up my mind.

I knew they committed a crime, They knew they committed a crime but I still took the time to let them tell their side of the story. They still went to jail but I lost count of how many times people thanked me as I dropped them off and they were escorted to a cell. The outcome was exactly the same as if they had interacted with any other police officer on the force but because I made a point to treat everyone I came into contact with with basic human kindness I affected their life in a positive way. They still got arrested, they still went to jail but for some reason they respected me at the end of our interaction.

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve still been headbutted by someone high on meth, been in foot pursuits, come way to close to having to shoot someone, but at the end of the day my life was so much easier than the average officer’s because I knew how compassion could effect the human brain.

It’s a humbling experience to see a grown man go from violent and assaultive to passive and compliant with no more than an understanding ear to hear what he has to say. To have someone who will actually, actively listen to their side of the story. We’re all humans. We all want love and acceptance. We all want to feel heard. If everyone could stop screaming and just listen for a moment, we’d be able to see that we’re not as different as the political parties want us to think we are.

United We Stand.

Divided We Fall.

I just hope we can come together before it’s too late.

[thejazzvoid]

Oh and for the ask meme, all of them

...Oh dear. Well, anyway, here they are, I suppose?

I (Where did you hide the body?): In plain sight.

II (Favorite rock?): Chalcedony, most likely, partially because hhh cool rock, partially because of Elizabeth Bear’s story “Tideline,” and partially because the name just sounds cool.

III (Worst dream you ever had?): The first one I could think of was one in which I was trying to hide from something or other and ended up trapped in my backyard; also spiders had begun emerging from my hands.

IV (Answer this with a lyric from the first song that comes to your mind.): I want a love that falls as fast as a body from a balcony; I want a kiss like my heart is hitting the ground (from “Townie” by Mitski).

V (Does blood make you uncomfortable?): It honestly depends on the context, but not just seeing it.

VI (Even numbers or odd numbers?): Odd numbers, I’d have to say.

VII (Something you hate that you love?): Homestuck.

VIII (The first initial of someone you hate?): B.

IX (Make up an acrostic for the word “exsanguinate.”): (Based on the TMA episode “Blood Bag” because it seemed fitting and I didn’t have any other ideas)

Entomology led me here, to my likely e-

Xit from this room within the

Stomachs of thousands of mosquitoes,

And

Nothing seems to

Go right; go right—it’s the fastest way out, and

Underneath ceiling panels,

I am bled dry, and

No one else is

Around;

They’re already out there, and

Entomology led me here.

X (Do you enjoy corndogs?): Not really?

XI (Favorite movie from the year 2005?): I suppose I’d have to choose “Harry Potter & The Goblet of Fire.”

XII (Least favorite music genre?): Most modern country music.

XIII (Have any terrible restaurant experiences?) Yes, if by “terrible restaurant experiences,” you mean “the result of other unrelated turmoil unfolding within the confines of a restaurant.”

XIV (Three things that you would never want to come near you?):

i) The sun, or any other star, for that matter.

ii) The remaining smallpox viruses still in containment.

iii) The supermassive black hole at the center of our galaxy.

XV (What is the worst way for you to die? [In your opinion]): Buckle up, kids, this is going to get detailed. So, let’s say that I’ve uncovered something significant that could right some wrongs and provide information that a lot of people need.

Before I can release my findings, though, or prepare for my likely neutralization, I’m abducted and recognize some of my captors as acquaintances or loved ones. After days of coercion, I make up information on the whereabouts of several important figures and/or my friends. My abductors know that none of this is true, and they tell me.

I am violated repeatedly, shot, then set alight. Somehow, my death is covered up or framed as suicide. None of my discoveries ever reach their intended audience.

XVI (Any unusual habits?): I tend to flap my hands when I’m excited or stressed?

XVII (One emoji that you probably have never used?): 📟; I’m not quite sure what it’s meant to be.

XVIII (Write a three-sentence horror story about a Gatorade bottle.): My mother told me never to leave food in my tent while camping. Tonight, however, I kept a bottle of Gatorade half-closed next to my sleeping bag. I woke to a decaying hand shredding the side of my tent and a long, hollow-eyed face softly groaning above my own.

XIX (Do you know what Old Bay is?): Do you?

XX (Can you dance?): I’m a fairly good dancer.

XXI (What first comes to mind when you see rope?): The figure-eight follow-through knot, for some reason.

XXII (Make an obscure reference.): What happened in Piedmont will hopefully stay in Piedmont or eventually mutate into a non-virulent form.

XXIII (What is your favorite color for a balloon?): Yellow or teal, most likely.

XXIV (If you were to ever go to court, would you more likely be guilty or innocent?): Depends on the crime, my guy.

XXV (Are you hungry?): No.

XXVI (Do you have an unlucky number?): 7.

XXVII (What does “JMD” stand for?): The Oxford Dictionary says it’s “Jamaican Dollars.”

XXVIII (Random inside joke?): This vanity’s real picturesque.

XXIX (What sends chills up your spine?): Whenever I stand in this one spot outside my house, I just kind of reflexively shudder for some reason.

XXX (How many questions are currently in your inbox?): 2.

XXXI (Someone real who scares you?): This might not technically be someone, but the fact that Disney has the influence that it has?

XXXII (Run or hide?): Hiding, most likely, because you can hide indefinitely, with any luck.

XXXIII (Who is the last person who mad you angry?): Jeff Bezos.

XXXIV (What’s going on in your head?): ...I don’t know; I just work here.

XXXV (One little thing that makes you smile?): Moss.

XXXVI (Are you a decisive person?): Not really, but I’m working on it.

XXXVII (Would people describe you as a paranoid person?): A year ago, definitely, but not so much now.

XXXVIII (What store would you be the least likely to be found in?): I have been many places, but I’ve never once seen a Sam’s Club, no matter how many signs I see for them, and I have no real interest in seeking one out.

XXXIX (Do you like hats? If so, what’s your favorite type?): Yes; I don’t know what my favorite type of hat would be, but my favorite hat is this massive orange sun-hat that makes me feel like some kind of reclusive artist/former socialite.

XL (Bowties or ties?): Ties.

XLI (Who?): The friends we made along the way.

XLII (What?): Oh, you know,,, ;)

XLIII (Where?): The Taco Bell parking lot.

XLIV (When?): The witching hour.

XLV (Why?): For love and for spite.

XLVI (How?): Duct tape and a fire within.

XLVII (Do you collect anything?): Tiny containers.

XLVIII (What time is it?): As I type this, 12:04 p.m.

XLIX (Favorite mode of transportation?): Bus, walking, or “Castle in The Sky”-type airship.

L (Would you ever kill someone to save someone else?): It depends.

LI (Make a joke.): Contrary to popular belief, magic actually does abide by mathematical principles—hexponents.

LII (.esrever ni gnihtemos etirW): Rats live on no evil star.

LIII (Would your dash be considered SFW?): Yes, for the most part.

LIV (Do you like to cuddle?): Heck yeah, my dude.

LV (What makes you angry?): Late-stage capitalism and the texture of Jell-O.

LVI (How many voices are in your head?): I don’t think in auditory words, exactly; it’s more a Strange Cloud Of Ideas and at least one song playing the background.

LVII (Do you consider yourself mentally stable?): Honestly, I’m not sure. I’ve been doing better than I have been in a while, but it’s still some kind of time.

LVIII (Are you easily offended?): If the comment or whatever it is is directed at me exclusively, no, but if it’s meant to target other people as well, then I suppose so.

LIX (What’s wrong with taking the backstreets?): You’ll never know if you don’t go.

LX (Any questions you want people to ask you?): Be needlessly ominous. Ask me to write short horror stories. Confess your feelings for me. That kind of stuff.

[giancarlonicoli]

An exclusive excerpt from Scott Galloway’s new book, ‘Post Corona’

The logical alternative to capitalism is socialism, and on its face, there is a lot to like. Socialism is rooted in altruism and humanism; it seeks to build up community rather than the atomized individual. These are noble goals. But the sacrifice in productivity is immense, especially with the compounding effects of time. Capitalism creates dramatically many more spoils, so any of those noble goals have more to work with.

The toxic cocktail, however, is to combine the worst of both systems. For the last 40 years, we’ve been doing this in the United States. We have capitalism on the way up. If you can create value in this country, you can be rewarded with spoils vastly beyond anything comparable in history. If you can’t create value — if you’re born into the wrong family or you catch a bad break — you’ll likely live on the edge and pay dearly for your mistakes. A Hunger Games economy.

Should you reach the heights of wealth (or more likely, be born into them), circumstances change. Despite our rhetoric about personal responsibility and freedom, we’ve embraced socialism — at the top and on the way down. We don’t tolerate failure here in our socialist paradise. Rather than let companies fail — a defining and essential feature of capitalism — we have bailouts. But bailouts are hate crimes against future generations, sticking our children and grandchildren with the resulting debt.

Crisis after crisis, our rationales vary: After 9/11 it was national security. In 2008 it was liquidity, and in 2020 it was protecting the vulnerable. But our response is always the same. Protect the shareholder class, protect the executive class. Keep these firms on life support so their owners and managers don’t suffer. Pay for it with debt, a burden to be borne by middle-class taxpayers and, ultimately, by our children. However, history tells us, nearly every bailout, whether it’s Chrysler or Long-Term Capital Management, only creates a moral hazard that results in a bigger failure and a more costly bailout. Every time, we’re told “this is different, historic, and requires intervention” and that taxpayers should bail out shareholders.

Corporations are simply abstractions. They feed nobody, house nobody, educate nobody.

But so too is an 11-year bull market a historical event. That was the unique event that accrued unprecedented wealth to a fraction of the population. And the corporations that benefited didn’t save for a rainy day — which always comes — or pay it out to their workers so they could build up a protective cushion of wealth, or invest in capital projects that would grow the economy. Instead, they poured it into dividends and stock buybacks, juicing executive compensation (from 2017 to 2019 the CEOs of Delta, American, United, and Carnival Cruises earned over $150 million in total compensation) and shareholder returns. Since 2000, U.S. airlines have declared bankruptcy 66 times. Despite the obvious vulnerability of the sector, boards and CEOs of the six largest airlines have spent 96% of their free cash flow on share buybacks. That bolstered the share price and compensation of management but left these companies dangerously exposed to a crisis.

Now that the crisis is upon us, this small population of rich people has found socialism, and they have their hand out. That hand should go back in their damn pocket.

The virtues of failure

Failure, and its consequences, is a necessary part of the system. Economic dislocation and crises have real costs, but they are also opportunities for renewal. Old relationships are severed, assets are freed up, and innovation demanded. A forest fire brings life as it destroys — so too, economic upheavals create light and air for innovation to flourish. The 1918 influenza epidemic was devastating, but it was followed by the Roaring ’20s. The strongest businesses are those that are started in lean times. Wages rise after disruptions like pandemics — if the natural cycles of disruption and renewal are allowed to function.

We’ve let ourselves confuse corporations with the things they own and the people they employ. Corporations are simply abstractions. They feed nobody, house nobody, educate nobody. When a corporation fails, those who have risked their capital to support it lose their investment, but the workers are still capable of work, the assets remain available, and whatever need the corporation was filling remains.

Letting firms fail and share prices fall to their market level also provides younger generations with the same opportunities we, Gen X and boomers, were given: a chance to buy Amazon at 50 (vs. 100) times earnings and Brooklyn real estate at $300 (vs. $1,500) per square foot. As Thomas Piketty has pointed out, the high growth recoveries that follow economic shocks are periods of real wage growth, whereas slow and steady growth tends to favor the wealthy.

Once the government gets into the business of propping up the losers, you can predict who will be first in line for the handouts: the people with the most political power — corporations and rich people. It’s not just a matter of their lobbyists and their lawyers and their press flacks, though that’s a big leg up. There’s also something more insidious: cronyism.

Cronies gonna crony

The federal government’s response to the pandemic has been true to form. Under the cloud cover of “protecting the most vulnerable,” we’ve handed trillions of dollars to the most powerful.

The only bipartisan action is reckless spending that benefits rich people while throwing some funds at the neediest for optics.

The $2 trillion relief package passed in March 2020 was a theft from future generations. Personal income was 7.3% higher in Q2 versus Q1 of 2020 because of stimulus payments and extra unemployment benefits. The personal savings rate hit a historic 33% in April, the highest by far since the department started tracking in the 1960s. The relief package included a $90 billion tax cut that benefited almost exclusively people making over $1 million per year. The richer you were, the more you gained. At the beginning of August, U.S. billionaires had increased their wealth by a total of $637 billion. It appears, as has been the case for decades, that the only bipartisan action is reckless spending that benefits rich people while throwing some funds at the neediest for optics.

Not every dollar will be wasted. Maybe a third of it will go to the needy. But the majority of the money we are asking our children to repay has done nothing but flatten the curve for rich people. Rich people have registered disproportionate benefit, their preexisting relationships with banks getting them to the front of the line. Look no further than the refusal of the administration to reveal who is getting the money — until after the election, of course.

Instead of letting market failures play out, we propped up the shareholder class using money stolen from the next generation. “We’re all in this together,” they tell us. Bullshit. The really ugly truth is this: For the wealthy, the pandemic means less commuting and emissions, more time with family, and more wealth, with markets at all-time highs.

Cronyism and inequality

The obscene $2.2 trillion Covid relief package was just a symptom of our cronyism. The systemic flaw is that our government is no longer keeping capitalism’s winners in check. Instead, it’s a co-conspirator in their entrenchment.

The wealthy have done well over the past few decades, in a supernova kind of way. A ton has been written on this because the data is abundant. There is shocking data at the extremes: The top 0.1% now own more of the nation’s wealth than the bottom 80%. The three richest Americans hold more wealth than the bottom 50%. And there is bad news in broad strokes as well: Since 1983, the share of national wealth owned by lower- and middle-income families has declined from 39% of the pie to 21%, while upper-income families have increased their share of national wealth from 60% to 79%.

No entrepreneur starts, or doesn’t start, a business because of the tax code.

For purposes of self-preservation, you’d think the rich would be concerned with this level of income inequality. At some point, the bottom half of the globe by income realizes they can double their wealth by taking the wealth of the richest eight families, who have more money than 3.6 billion people. Here in the U.S., the bottom 25% of households (31 million families) have a median net worth of $200. Most recently, a group of protesters built a guillotine outside the Manhattan home of Jeff Bezos to commemorate his wealth passing $200 billion.

This trend is only getting worse. Once, we elected leaders who cut the tops of trees to ensure saplings get sunlight. Today there is less and less sunlight. A recent study of historical tax-return data concluded that the uber-wealthy paid a tax rate of 70% in the ’50s, 47% in the ’80s, and 23% at present — a lower tax rate than the middle class. Whereas poor and middle-class tax rates have largely stayed the same.

My own experience provides a case study in how the wealthy lock in their gains. When I sold my last company, L2, in 2017, I paid an effective tax rate of 17%–18%. I paid 22.8% federal, but the first $10 million were tax-free, thanks to Section 1202 of the tax code. Section 1202 is a tax break for early shareholders, meant to encourage startups. Only it’s nothing but a transfer of wealth from other taxpayers to venture capitalists and founders. No entrepreneur starts, or doesn’t start, a business because of the tax code. It takes a special kind of crazy to start a company and a lot of talent, work, and luck to build it to be something you can sell for millions of dollars. The decision has nothing to do with the tax code. Tax breaks for the successful are just another way we deepen inequality.

Once people make the jump to lightspeed, advantages like this let them pull away. Access to more resources, investment opportunities, lower taxes, tax specialists, political contacts, friends who can help your kid get into school, and the wheel spins. It’s never been easier to become a billionaire, or harder to become a millionaire.

[themuller13]

We are in a pokey costumier’s workshop somewhere in the bowels of the Almeida theatre in Islington in north London. It’s not much more than a broom cupboard really, and Ben Whishaw sits on a stool amid the clothes and faceless Styrofoam wig-stands sipping a cup of tea. He seems happy.

All actors — particularly once they become successful — like to go on about how much they just love doing theatre. With Whishaw this is genuinely, honestly true. Ever since he arrived, fully formed, as Trevor Nunn’s Hamlet aged only 23, he has continued to return to the stage even as his screen career has blossomed. It’s almost impossible for him to do TV without being at least nominated for some award — Criminal Justice, The Hour, London Spy — and his film roles are as varied as they are acclaimed: John Keats in Bright Star, Keith Richards in Stoned and supporting turns in Suffragette and The Danish Girl. There are also his regular gigs as Q to Daniel Craig’s James Bond and, of course, the voice of Paddington Bear. Yet for all that here he is, backstage and back in rehearsals, drifting contentedly through the organised chaos of theatre company life.

“I love that about doing plays,” he says softly. “I love being part of a group of people, part of a troupe. It suits me. There’s no etiquette. It’s a profession that is really accepting of everyone’s oddities.” He smiles. “All sorts of people are actors.”

What sort of person is Whishaw? This has not always been an easy question to answer. Over the years a composite image has emerged of a fierce talent who is nevertheless guarded, opaque and fragile. His appearance (skinny, elfin) and manner (gentle, modest) add to this perception. Only, he explains, we’ve got the wrong idea. “Sometimes I get really annoyed because people think I’m going to be cute. And nice. And I’m not very nice sometimes. And I’m not very cute really,” he says, frowning in a way that, to be honest, is quite cute. “There’s this notion that I might be sensitive and shy. Which is partly true. But I can be grumpy and angry and irritable.”

He chuckles and drinks his tea. Still, it’s only fair to point out that these preconceptions about Whishaw are not totally unfounded. Now 36 years old, he says that during his twenties he struggled badly with performance anxiety. “I suffered a lot of awful, terrible nerves and stomach pains,” he says. “Really debilitating things. You realise that other people are dependent on you doing well. Money. All sorts of things become part of the equation. I remember not sleeping because I was so stressed.”

For a very long time he was by his own admission anxious about submitting himself to scrutiny. We knew he grew up in Hertfordshire, went to Rada and has a non-identical twin brother who doesn’t act? Beyond that? Not loads. Talking about himself is still not his favourite thing in the world. “I find interviews quite nerve- racking,” he says apologetically, but explains that he’s trying harder to not get stressed about them or to second- guess what people might make of him. He stops and regards me with what looks a lot like sympathy. “I understand,” he says. “It’s the pressure of your job to capture an essence of somebody, which I suppose is very difficult.”

He thinks he used to use his reputation for shyness as a defence mechanism. “Maybe you can end up playing a role or something?” he says. “Behaving in a certain way because you think people are going to expect that of you. And it becomes a place that’s quite comfortable because you’ve been there before. So you just trot it out again.”

One big change — perhaps the big change — came in the wake of Whishaw coming out as gay in 2011. “I definitely feel like I’m more relaxed as a person,” he says. “I don’t know if that makes you a better actor or more available or anything, but it’s certainly lovely not to have to be worrying about keeping something private. That’s a really, really good feeling. It makes me realise that I spent a long time — too long, really — in a private agony about something. About it.”

So that’s good. He’s also “become really obsessed with this amazing Buddhist nun who teaches meditation practice that is all about acceptance of whatever comes up. About being OK with things being uncomfortable.” This has also helped him to become more sanguine. “You see yourself. Your own mad thoughts, your repetitive thoughts and your own blind spots. It’s very easy to think that everyone else is nuts and you’re sane, but you’re really not,” he says cheerfully.

Madness, as it happens, permeates the play he is about to appear in. Against, by Christopher Shinn, is about a Silicon Valley tech magnate called Luke who believes he is in communication with God, who has given him the task of ending all violence on Earth. It’s a powerful work — occasionally frightening and certainly not the satire it could be — with this well-meaning but eerily detached protagonist at its centre.

“He is vaguely modelled on someone like Elon Musk or Mark Zuckerberg or Jeff Bezos, and he’s involved in AI and rockets and thinking about the future. But before the play begins he has had this revelation and God has spoken to him and issued an instruction to him to ‘go where there is violence’. So we meet someone at the beginning of the play who is a changed man.”

Whishaw says that, to prepare for the role of Luke, he spent a lot of time on YouTube. “I did begin by watching a lot of TED Talks, people being interviewed, Elon Musk showing people around his factory. And actually, in that sense, it feels very much a play of the moment because there are so many of these people talking about mankind with a messianic, visionary zeal. But the biggest challenge is trying to understand what it feels like to really, truly believe you have been spoken to by God. That’s the thing. That’s the centre of it.”

Whishaw admits what most actors don’t: that he’s competitive when it comes to his career and getting the roles he wants. “I’m definitely competitive, yeah. And I definitely want things for myself. Yeah. Definitely. And I think that’s good.” Has he ever gone up for parts and missed out on them, and felt angry about it? Pissed off? “There are one or two things,” he says a little airily, smiling to himself. “One or two things where I’ve thought . . . I could have done that. I should have done that.”

For a long time he was down to play Freddie Mercury in a forthcoming biopic. The Queen guitarist, Brian May, had said that he hoped Whishaw would get the role, because “he’s fabulous, a real actor”, but that’s fallen through, Whishaw says. He was up for it, but he says there’s no hard feelings. “I don’t really understand what happened myself, but just one day I wasn’t doing it. And somebody else was. And it’s fine. It was just one of those funny things that happen sometimes in the way that films get made.”

Whishaw will be back in the theatre in the new year when he plays Brutus in Julius Caesar, one of the eagerly awaited productions in the first season of Nicholas Hytner’s new London start-up venue, the Bridge Theatre. He has also just finished filming Mary Poppins Returns, a sequel to the classic 1964 musical in which he plays a grown-up Michael Banks. The film is released at the end of next year. “I sing in it,” he says, but then backpedals slightly. “Well, it’s more like talking-singing. It’s Emily Blunt playing Mary Poppins and my sister, Jane, is played by Emily Mortimer. It was wonderful fun.” In fact, he says that doing these big Hollywood numbers are invariably a laugh. “I don’t think a job is more noble or valuable for not being fun. Although I think I used to.”

Playing Michael Banks was a particular pleasure given that Mary Poppins was the first film he saw. “My dad taped it off the telly. I watched it in the way that my niece and nephew watch Frozen. Over and over and over again.”

In 2012 Whishaw entered into a civil partnership with the Australian composer Mark Bradshaw. They met during the filming of Bright Star and live together in east London. “We’re quite weird. Music relaxes me, but it doesn’t relax Mark because it’s Mark’s thing,” he says, meaning that the last thing Bradshaw wants at the end of a long day of listening to music is to listen to more music. “So we always have a tussle about when I can play my music. He’ll hate me for saying that.”

Bradshaw produced the score for the latest season of Top of the Lake, the crime drama featuring Elisabeth Moss. Whishaw says that he recently gorged on it. “I just watched the whole thing in one day and what Elisabeth Moss did in it was really inspiring to me. I thought: ‘F***! That’s reminded me why this job is such a great thing to do.’ ” Was the music any good? He nods with faux-solemnity. “The music was good as well.”

Someone knocks on the door to say it’s time to go back to rehearsals. Whishaw seems slightly relieved, but he’s trying his best. “In the past I might have been very defensive about a whole load of things. And I’m telling myself not to be that,” he says. He’s still shy and sensitive and all the rest of it, but nothing like he used to be. “I’m probably a little bit more confident in myself. A bit more relaxed in myself. More relaxed in my own body.” He is, despite his protestations, every bit as cute and as nice as we imagine. He’s also a brilliant actor. All said, there are worse things to be. Against is at the Almeida, London N1 (020 7359 4404), to September 30

[tabloidtoc]

National Enquirer, February 21

Cover: What Billionaires Are Hiding 

Page 2: Harrison Ford stepped out in skin-tight bike shorts that left nothing to the imagination 

Page 3: George Clooney hasn’t been seen with the twins for 197 days as divorce looms 

Page 4: Nicole Richie joins Keith Urban on tour so he’ll behave himself 

Page 5: Man-hungry Celine Dion starving herself to death 

Page 6: O.J. Simpson pal Robert Kardashian paid hitman to kill Nicole Brown Simpson 

Page 9: Black market peddling R. Kelly’s evil smut for $100G 

Page 10: Hot Shots -- Jimmy Fallon and Robert Irwin, Camilla Duchess of Cornwall, Al Roker 

Page 11: Regis Philbin begs Kathie Lee Gifford to team up again for a new show 

Page 12: Straight Shuter -- Madonna plans to do whatever it takes to look younger before her new album comes out, the proposed Broadway show about Michael Jackson won’t touch the controversial aspects of his life, Megyn Kelly has cut all ties with everyone at NBC, Bette Midler won’t take Hello, Dolly to London, Blake Shelton 

Page 13: Caitlyn Jenner’s scary marriage makeover 

Page 14: True Crime 

Page 16: Church officials demand that the Pope must go 

Page 18: Real Life 

Page 20: America’s Filthy Rich Celebs Exposed -- Robert De Niro, Jessica Alba 

Page 21: Bill Cosby, Tiger Woods, Diddy 

Page 22: Jay-Z and Beyonce, Mark Cuban, Elon Musk, Mark Zuckerberg, Jeff Bezos 

Page 24: Inside Lisa Marie Presley’s drug den 

Page 30: Jessica Biel wants Justin Timberlake to fork over some cash to reopen Au Fudge restaurant, Hollywood Hookups -- Kendra Wilkinson and Chad Johnson on, Teresa Giudice won’t go with husband Joe if he’s deported 

Page 32: Family hopes newborn Bobby Kennedy heir escapes the clan’s legacy of death 

Page 34: How to lay off the booze at big events 

Page 36: Red Carpet Stars & Stumbles -- Emily Blunt, Kristen Stewart

Page 38: Health Watch 

Page 45: Spot the Differences -- Cedric the Entertainer and Tichina Arnold of The Neighborhood 

[anthonybialy]

Bad Goods

I'll never get over how mean it is to expect people to buy their own things. A paycheck takes work, which takes skill. The downward spiral of harshness drags humanity into the depths of commerce. The only thing crueler than having to do things to get money is figuring how to trick someone into paying you.

Capitalism sounds fun. That only sounds sarcastic to those who'd rather dedicate time to creating new genders than developing talents. Basic trading is the enemy of the useless. A way of life that rewards productivity irks slackers without even trying, just like how it naturally enables wealth. The process takes effort by those participating, which deeply offends those who feel people should be too dignified to perform tasks demanded by some boss. It doesn't have to work hard, but you do.

An alleged system doesn't need elaborate mechanisms to take effect, which people should take as a sign. Acting like capitalism is a competing ideology is how those who loathe the notion of prospering through their own toil prefer defining the debate. The natural way of interacting is naturally framed as an evil one at that. Contemporary commies have convinced themselves that the act of exchange which benefits both sides makes everyone poorer.

Those who ruin liberty claim liberty fails. Constant infiltrations into formerly free markets keep traders from interacting. Ensuing lapses are the fault of greedy businesspeople, of course. Acting like the government needs to intervene in housing, tuition, and insurance as if the ironically lawless brute doesn't already stomp around on those territories remains one way of flaunting ignorance self-righteously. Causing the problems one claims need solving is like claiming happiness will come for children once they have a birthday palace with pizza and video games. Chuck E. Cheese will break your kneecaps.

Issues resulting from government screwups are used as evidence we need government to repair. Our logical capital residents hire arsonists as firefighters. We presently enjoy the furthest thing from free enterprise possible while still pretending it's present. Take how health care has been rendered unaffordable thanks to countless promises by government to make it cheap. Note they're not the ones who'll be providing life-giving treatment. It's so kind to offer something by an order.

Viewing getting better as a purchase like any other is the way to make it obtainable. Free trade for health care beats dying on a waiting list while waiting for a promise to be completed. Medical treatment involves nothing more than buying and selling a needed service. The fact it's important is even more reason to not create costly shortages with the flimsiest of guarantees.

Paying for whatever's used is framed as some as an exploitative monstrosity, usually by those who are horrid at it. It's surely coincidental that their personal limitations overlap with their ideologies. Spending the time used to condemn capitalism learning a trade makes too much sense.

Countless interventions into transactions by those who claim to hate unfettered interactions means they got their wishes. Try to block out the sounds of the genie laughing. The notion that America is a harsh Ayn Rand-worshiping zero-government gulch is as preposterous as liking Subway. Haven't you tried somewhere with palatable meat? Businesses getting special protections when they're not being bailed out is risibly called capitalism because particular companies benefit when it's actually the policies of intervention aficionados in action.

The same tax rate for everyone is a crime against humanity. Sure, it's not just the ease of calculation in lieu of pondering if you can deduct meth because you need it to get through tax preparation. But we must keep punishing for success if we're to make progress.

A constant percentage would make it easier to advance. For now, your caring leaders will continue bribing those at the entry level to stay there. It's not like earners will just spend that money on stuff or salaries. Benefiting others by spending is selfish, according to those who claim what's yours belongs to the collective.

The fervor of objections indicates passion in its way. Stringent responses to unabashed commerce match the necessity of destroying opposition. They're totally into democracy except for the part where the government is the only option.

Deciding they have a right to determine how money earned by others should be spent is the totally not sinister way of helping all. We're told how easy it would be for, say, Jeff Bezos to buy insurance for every poor person if he'd just be content with keeping eight hundred dollars per week multiplied by his estimated lifespan.

Budgeting for one-time funding when something's ongoing indicates tremendous foresight. The same way they don't grasp that the wealthy don't just possess a lump sum from which they subtract shows the intellectual depth of arguing for class warfare.

The static thinking behind presumptions that there are just cash lumps explains why some people never get raises in the first place. Economics is nothing but deducting to those who presume value isn't created. How did the piles got that tall in the first place? Continuing to provide useful items and services to customers couldn't be it.

Be thankful those who can afford to quit don't. Many entrepreneurs want to keep working despite having enough cash to buy Triscuits and American cheese for snack time. They continue to receive compensation for helping, if basic business needs to be explained, which it apparently does.

Drivenness is a sin that must keep being committed if statists are to fund their oafish dreams. Assisting others by pursuing their own interests is how corporate titans show selfishness. The true way of assisting the whole is to get rich by providing what others want. By contrast, the collective benefits collectivists. They don't help.

[opedguy]

Washington Post’s Media Hit on Trump

LOS ANGELES (OnlineColumnist.com), May 16, 2017.--Claiming 70-year-old President Donald Trump spewed classified information about ISIS to Russian Foreign Minister Sergei Lavrov and Amb. Sergey Kislyak May 10 in the Oval Office, the Washington Post continues its unrelenting attacks on the president. Refusing to give the so-called unnamed source, Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos’s Washington Post continues the lead propaganda tool of the anti-Trump, pro-impeachment crowd.  Flying over the headlines in all major broadcast and print outlets, the Trump-haters blanketed the airwaves with nasty quotes from the anti-Trump crowd, blasting him for committing the unpardonable crime: Leaking classified information. One small problem: it wasn’t true. National Security Advisor H.R. McMaster set the record straight today that no such breach took place. Throwing egg over the Post’s story, McMaster told the press that Trump was “wholly appropriate.”

            No one in the Washington press corps wants to hear McMaster dispel the Post’s spurious reporting, once again, relying on unnamed sources good enough to advance Bezos’s anti-Trump publication.  “I was in the room, the Secretary of State was in the room, as you know, the deputy advisor for national security Dina Powell, and none of us felt in any way that conversation was inappropriate,” McMaster said.  McMaster’s statement disputing the Post’s story received no headlines in broadcast or print outlets, attesting to what’s wrong with today’s press.  Ridiculing Trump for calling the media “fake news,” ignoring McMaster’s clarification proves, beyond any doubt, that the press wants only to advance its anti-Trump narrative.  Trump apparently told Lavrov and Kislyak the Syrian-held ISIS town, prompting the media’s onslaught for revealing what looked like classified material.

            McMaster disputed the Post’s story that Trump compromised coveted U.S. intelligence sources.  It was nothing you would not know from open-source reporting,” said McMaster, disputing the Post’s finger-pointing.  Refuting McMaster’s account, the best the media can do is quote unnamed sources inside the intel community.  Questioning McMaster in today’s new briefing, the media insisted that Trump’s decision to disclose sensitive information with Lavrov and Kislyak should have gone through a vetting process.  “There is a process for sharing releasable intelligence with the Russians,” said Eric Pelofsky, a former senior National Security Council director.  Proving that the Post promotes mass hysteria, unnamed sources count for more than the National Security Advisor or Secretary of State.  Homeland Security Advisor Tom Bossert contacted the CIA and National Security Agency over the hubbub.

            Today’s Democratic Party works through the press to find any way possible to discredit Trump.  Calling the Post’s reports “false,” national security advisor Dina Powell, who was also in the room when Trump talked with Lavrov and Kislyak, disputed the Post’s story.  Whatever the facts, the press isn’t interested in anything other than advancing the anti-Trump agenda.  There are plenty of members of Trump’s party, like Sen. John McCain (R-Az.) or Sen. Bob Corker (R-Tenn.) ready to jump on the anti-Trump train.  Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Ky.) wished for “a little less drama,” calling Trump’s statements to Lavrov and Kislyak much ado about nothing.  Yet Washington’s anti-Trump crowd is ready to pounce at the chance knocking the president.  Trump’s problems stem from the fact that he’s rocking the boat, something that he promised to do as president.

            Once the May 9 brouhaha of firing FBI Director James Comey began to fade, the Washington press had to fabricate another scandal. Washington’s press establishment refused to discuss Deputy Atty. Gen. Rod Rosenstein’s three-page letter explaining in great detail why Comey had to go.  Not a single mainstream publication addressed Comey breaching protocol, usurping, as FBI Director, the Department of Justice, to play judge, jury and executioner.  Trump called Comey a “showboat” and “grandstander” for the way he handled the Hillary Rodham Clinton email investigation.  Rosenstein pointed out that Comey, in deciding to reopen the Hillary investigation Oct. 28, 2016, only 11 days before the election, politicized the FBI.  No matter what Comey’s excuses, he dragged the FBI into the 2016 presidential campaign, giving Trump a real advantage heading into Election Day.

            Whatever Trump told Lavrov and Kislyak in the Oval Office, he didn’t breach his duty sharing anything he deemed helpful in getting Russia to come on-board in the U.S. battle against the Islamic State of Iraq and Syria [ISIS] or any other terrorist groups.   Proving the Washington press is in attack mode against Trump, it’s no wonder journalistic standards have dropped to tabloid lows. If the Post had any real source to its story about Trump breaching classified information to the Russians, they would have named the source. Reporting gossip, innuendo, and rumors from unnamed sources shows that the Post seeks to advance its anti-Trump agenda, not report on factual stories.  “I wanted to share with Russia . . . facts pertaining… to terrorism and airline flight safety,” Tweeted Trump, explaining his reasoning in bringing up anything about ISIS to Lavrov and Kislyak in the Oval Office.

About the Author

John M. Curtis writes politically neutral commentary analyzing spin in national and global news. He’s editor of OnlineColumnist.com and author of Dodging The Bullet and Operation Charisma.

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