#the unstoppable force of Nokia 3310

[of-pale]

If Nero has 200 IQ, this is the phone he’d gift to the twins.

Yep, the myth, the legend, the one and only indestructible force in the universe - Nokia 3310. I think it would be hilarious if Nero gave the twins one phone, because:

a) they need to learn to share

b) by combining their singular brain cells together into a rich commonwealth of two, they might just figure out how to work the phone

Of course, the indestructibile nature of this phone is a necessary feature. Now, you might be wondering why?

Nero decides to give the twins a call, maybe invite them over for dinner. After only a minute of waiting, Dante picks up. The background echoes with gunshots, exclamations of 'schum’ and menacing demon screams in a clear indication that the twins were out on a job.

“Hey, what's up, kid?”

“Uh sorry, you busy?”

“Never too busy for my favourite nephew.”

“I'm your only nephew.”

“Doesn't make it less true.”

“Suuure. Look, can you pass the phone to Vergil? I need to ask him something.”

“Aw, you're breaking my heart. Here I thought we had something special.”

Next, Nero hears demon screeches growing louder. A loud crack. Some shuffling noises before Vergil calmly answers the call.

Now it's time to play a game of ‘guess what the hell happened there’!

If you guessed - ‘Dante, being Dante, decided to showcase his phone-passing skills by bouncing it off a demon’s skull over to Vergil’ - then you're correct! A clear example of why the twins need a phone that can endure some serious beating. I'm also a firm believer that the Nokia could double as a weapon of great destruction in the field. I doubt getting hit with that brick on the head was easy to shrug off for the unlucky demon.

Real question though, what would the twins set Nero's ringtone as? And vice versa, Nero's ringtone for twins? (I know, I know, Nokia 3310 doesn't have a custom ringtone feature, but shhhh.. Nico works her miracles on the phone.)

Depeche Mode - Personal Jesus?

I mean, teeeechnically the twins are sons of a god? Or could it be Vergil referring to Nero as his son?

Guns N’ Roses - Sweet Child O’ Mine?

Need I say more? Although it would be hilarious if Nero set it as a ringtone for the twins.

He sighs deeply upon hearing the familiar ringtone, knowing it could entail anything from a world-ending cataclysm to another petty squabble. So he pauses his conversation with a Fortuna resident, saying, “Sorry, I gotta get this. Kids are calling.”

“Awww, and how have the orphans settled in?”

“Huh? No, my other kids.”

The Fortunan looks at him in confusion just as Nero finally picks up the call and starts pacing.

“What's up, dipshit?”

“Sounds like a you problem to me.”

“What? No, I won't talk to Vergil for you. What are you, five?”

“Look, you fucked yourself into that problem; you can fuck yourself out of it.”

Nero quickly drops the call and turns back to the person he was speaking to. “Sorry about that.” The resident only gives him a weird stink-eye, and Nero finally catches on to what's the issue. He coughs awkwardly and tries to smooth the situation, “Forty-year-old children, am I right?”

Ghostbusters theme?

Depends on how common knowledge demons are. The Sparda's might be ‘ghostbusters’ as in the myth catchers for hire.

Yeah, I'm gonna stop this long rambling shitpost here. Otherwise, I could keep listing ringtones on and on.

[kahuna-burger]

Battle of the memetic bad-asses!