#the way I am comtemplating my life right now

[rhysnolastname]

Am i suffering extra because I romanced Solas? Or are they all this sad.

[brainlet2k]

"Despite My Best Efforts To The Contrary...It Turns Out I've Won."

I won but at what cost? The cost of my time? My freedom? Or the ability to be carefree? It's a win but why do I feel like I lost something, something important to me my time? Or my freedom? Why must I ponder these questions when I could just accept this win and not talk about the subject at hand is it the fact that I lost a piece of my soul? A part that makes me, myself, and I. Have I forgotten what makes life full of colors? Or did I just change? The slew of jargons that were thrown at me made me comtemplate life itself. Am I living to the fullest? Am I just wasting my time? Or am I just distracting myself on what a failure I've become? Would my past self approve of my current state now if he would see me? Or would my future self look down on me and my many more failures to come. It feels like I'm at my lowest right now or I'm just starting to descend just as I felt that sweet taste of victory it was quickly swapped with a sense of dread, a cloud of confusion, and a pinch of salt to my flesh wound that is life. How many times must I suffer? Why do I keep doing things that end with my misery?

My life is a car crash that I cant stop looking at and I'm both the driver and the bystander. If only my time were wisely spent. I did something, I watched myself do things only he can do from how he uses his time to how he wastes them and I came to the conclusion that myself is a failure and will not survive in the next semester I can only watch as he suffers from the consequences he brought upon himself.

Totally invalid the author is biased and a hack.

Feels great letting all that stress out and understanding areas that need work like my time management and the way I handle things. My internal monologue got out and just started pouring their emotions by the truckload. Anyways I'm just gonna start reviewing now.

A song that perfectly captures my emotion for the day

[shiroi---kumo]

Music from the Mist || Accepting

[ @kazeofthemagun ] ♬ I need.

How high does he need to slip away into the sky so his voice won't carry like he's trained it to do? An instrument in it's own right, the Cloud's words linger on the night. They haven't spoken to each other in four days because the younger Unlimited exploded again. It's been more than apparent that the Elder is trying to be better about the things he does and says, but it all seems like it's hitting a solid wall and the tensions within the man of the Mist are growing by the hour.

So now he's flown himself high above the trees so where he feels as though he can finally speak from his heart and allow his soul to speak in the ways he was taught were the most precious while he was growing up.

♫ Will you listen to my story? It'll just be a minute, How can I explain? ♫

This is the only way he knows how to express himself in full outside of Mist Plucking and dance and both of those were off the list because who knows what Black Wind would say about them if he caught him. Who knows what snotty comments he'd have about this, if he could hear the Cloud's sorrowful sonata this night and that was exactly why he broke the ground rules and flew to get himself up as high as he could manage without leaving the Windarian's eagle sharp eyesight.

He would merely be a ground bound glowing star on this night. He doesn't want to talk. He doesn't want to look him in the face.

♫When I say I'm sorry, will you believe me? Listen to my story, Say you won't leave me ....♫

But he still needs to get it out. He's been exploding and boiling over for avoiding this very thing. He needs to let his soul out, and he needs to let his heart sing. This is a core part of who he is as a living breathing thing and yet he drowns it out near constant.

Doing this feels scary, but yet his eyes are closed and he's listening to the sounds of the night to guide his voice. Little by little does his tone start to rise as he does so. He hasn't sang in almost two decades. He hasn't sang in sixteen years since before Misterica fell because it simply had not been safe on either Windaria or in Gaudium.

He doesn't know how to look those blue eyes dead on and speak the truth of his heart. All he does is boil over and yell at him and that's accomplishing nothing. He's had four days of silence to comtemplate this and he feels like he's drowning.

♫ All the words that I come up with, They're like gasoline on flames...♫

If he can work it work it out like this then maybe - just maybe he can put himself in a better state of mind to talk this out like adults. His soul has always been far more articulate to a tune. He doesn't know how to tell Black Wind the emotions, he keeps locked deep inside his heart. He doesn't know how to just talk to the man without instantly feeling like he's a failure in his eyes and he's letting him down. He doesn't know how to talk to him at all, and he doesn't feel like the man of black winds takes him seriously at all.

♫ Take me for who I am, And not for who I've been? ♫

He's never been good at this. He couldn't even talk Usva down and now he's dead. He's come to literal blows with his brother his entire life and now he's crossed the line again with Black Wind. He was better than these moments of complete collapse. If he wasn't crying, he was screaming and he can never brace himself well enough for the shift. He's a know liar and the person before him has never stopped him from twisting his tongue in whatever way it took to achieve his goals. They never agree on anything and all he does is target the man's weaknesses when explodes like this.

There is no Black Wind shouldn't have said this time. No. No he exploded unwarranted and he needs to figure out how to apologize. Yet - he already feels like it's all for naught...

♫ When I say I will always be there, Will you believe? ♫

[wh0refortae]

what we left behind

pairing: idol!taehyung x oc

summary: when debuting as a songwritter in a company named big hit entairtaiment, you reconnect with an old friend from your childhood named kim taehyung who happens to be an idol in a boy band. little did you know how an insignifiant person can turn your life upside down.

genre: childhood friends to strangers to lovers, highschool au, angst, fluff.

music: fall in love with you - montell fish, i love my boyfriend - princess chelsea

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“do you think my mom will notice that i stole her liquor?” i ask hoping that his answer will be something that i want to hear.

“depends on how much she pays attention to her alcohol collection. ” he laughs, giving me a funny yet comforting look.

i can’t believe this is happening again. august day, sitting on a rooftop, watching the sunset with a bootle of red wine in my hand and some plastic cups that we got from the store. you don’t have to celebrate something to drink wine with your friend right? we’re just hanging around each other, reconnecting like the good old times. weirdly enough, it feel as if it wasn’t a huge gap of time between us. as if we didn’t drift apart for 5 years and met each other right when i moved town.

his honey kissed eyes shine along the orange pigmented sunset. his fluffy yet quite messy hair flies perfectly over his gaze. his figure is so dazzling, he looks sculpted by gods. there’s and air of dreamyness and mistery among him, .as a poem you just started and instantly related to it, absorbing every word as if your life depended on it, clinging with every touch on the paper and ink imprinted words.

“what are you thinking about” he looks at me, studyung my expression and mannerism.

“nothing, just comtemplating a bit” i reply brushing it off quickly.

even though when i meet “new people” i use small talk as a way of getting to now each other, with him i felt familiar enough to approach any subject. the comfort of familiarity, of security.

“i have an idea. lets play a game. we spin the bottle and whoever gets choosen has to answer to a question about themselves. wanna start?” i propose, breakingthe silence between us.

his gaze is fixed on the wine bottle with a thinking face. he suddenly says “did u miss me being gone?” with a tone of pure curiosity.

i am taken back by his boldness not knowing what to say.

“i haven’t thought much about it when i moved here. honestly i needed a new start, i became sick of staying in my old town. i was busy with school and unpacking and decorating that it didn’t even cross my mind” i reply honestly. now saying this out loud, sounds harsher than in my own head. i quickly regret it by saying “but for sure i am grateful that we crossed paths again”. smiling gently. “what about you”

“same answer” he replies bluntly.

i smile again reassuringly, and spin the bootle again. its my turn now.

“what was your reaction when i joined the theathre club?”

“that fate played a role in our meeting” he said, and i coudn’t tell at first if he was reading my exact thoughts or if he feels the same way. he turned away from me, and softly, maybe to himself, said “jesus, it’s so ironic how life gets as on the craziest paths”.

“i hope this time you wouldn’t go away.” i say looking straight into his eyes.

“i can guarantee so only if you do as well” he whispers. his voice sounds oddly warm and reassuring.

our eyes meet for 5 seconds, but those specific 5 second felt like an eternity for me while none of us broke the eye contact.

finally i was the one to do so. his gaze is so..intimidating. intimidating yet madly atrractive. is he attractive because he’s intimidating, or is he intimidating because he’s attractive?

i contemplate his words way too long. i can’t help but wonder if he’s trying to tell me something, or i’m just jumping to conclusions.

[strayen-fx]

Waste It On Me

Genre: Fluff

Word count: 1.2k

I sat alone on Felix's couch, prolonging the cup of wine on my hands. Loud music was blaring over the speakers, and it took me everything to not wince each time I see a random couple grinding on the dancefloor. The party was bearable, I guess, if I would be allowed to drink and get wasted. Unfortunately, I am the designated friend for the night. I have to make sure Hyunjin and Jeongin would end up safe in their homes and not dying on a nearby ditch.

I have no idea where my friends had went off; I had been sitting alone on the alcohol-stained couch for at least a couple hours. A few acquaintances came by for small talk but immediately went off to god-knows-where. I have obviously failed to amuse them.

So basically, I was bored to hell.

I stood up, deciding that my friends are far from done from their partying (I saw Hyunjin hooking up with a senior). I left the deafening crowd and made my way to fresh air.

I decided to settle on Felix's garden (which is waaaaaaay larger than I expected -- nothing less from someone who eats steak for breakfast). I searched for an area away from view, and my eyes landed on a swing attached to a tall tree. Perfect place to hide.

Except that there's already a person occupying the swing.

I was prepared to leave and give the person some space. He seemed to have noticed my presence, however.

"Hey, you can stay here. If you want."

He began standing up, and as the moonlight caressed his face, to say that he looked beautiful would be an understatement.

His brown hair perfectly complimented his pale, glowing face. He had honest, no-bullshit eyes, and when he smiled, they turned into adorable crescents. And maybe I am much drunker than I initially thought because I had this unexplicable urge to poke his cute little dimples. I would lie if I'd say that I wasn't drawn to his lips --

I was snapped out of my daydream when the boy cleared his throat. When did he arrive in front of me? I was an absolute blushing mess, and he seemed amused by the way I flustered.

"What brought you here?" he asked.

God, even his voice sounded like an angel's.

"Uhh... it was too loud inside, so..."

"But that's the point about parties...?" He giggled. "Not that I'm any different from you, though."

"The noise is bearable when you're intoxicated, I guess." I offered a smile. "So why are you outside?"

"Designated man," he answered, flashing a grin. "And I take it that we're in the same situation?"

I nodded. Ohmygodheissoadorablewhenhesmiles.

"We can use each other's company, then. I mean, if you are fine with it. If you're not, I'm more than willing to give up the swing for you."

I laughed at his statement. "I think the swing could handle two people."

He grinned, extending his hand. "I'm Chris, by the way. But my friends call me Chan."

My hand felt small against his. He's so warm, and I felt secure in his touch. "I'm Y/N."

°°°°°°°°°

We were definitely not drunk, but if an outsider would listen to our conversation, they would probably think that we're more than wasted.

We love tangents, to put it charitably. Our topic went from basic informations about each other, to the ultimate questions of life, to the conspiracy theory about our college dean, to the existential crisis of mankind, to the astronomical significance of math, to Chan's dog who doesn't know who he is. We were alternately arguing and laughing our heads off.

"I had more fun than I've ever had in any party," I remarked, wiping tears caused by excessive laughing.

Chan didn't say anything. He just continued staring at me, a little smile playing in his lips.

"What?" I asked, feeling my ears grow warm.

"Have you ever been in love?"

The question took me by surprise, but I just chuckled to hide it. "That is our next topic?"

"Maybe." He smiled. "So what is your opinion about love, Ms. Math-Shouldn't-Have-Existed?"

I rolled my eyes at him, thinking of a way to answer his question. "Love is messed up. It's like... an overly complicated problem on a math exam. You spend the whole period staring at it, attempting to solve it, until you realize the time is over and you haven't answered the rest of the questions yet. Because that certain problem took all your time and got you distracted."

"Hmm... you mean love is a distraction?"

The swing suddenly felt small for the two of us. I became extra-conscious of Chan's presence beside me, our arms brushing against each other.

"Love is nothing more than just a waste of my time," I answered.

Maybe it's my past experiences with love that made me say so. Maybe I'm too tired of trying. And maybe, despite the warm look in his eyes and the weird fluttering in my chest, I wasn't ready to fall in love again, after all.

As if on cue, my phone rang to signal Jeongin calling me for backup.

"Noona, Hyunjin hyung is an absolute mess," Jeongin groaned. "He just -- GOD HYUNG WHY DO YOU HAVE TO RUIN MY SWEATER?!?!? He puked at my shoes and now at my sweater!!! Noona help me carry him home, please, before I throw this man out of the window!"

I found the incident comical; I had to stiffle my laughter. "Okay, okay. I'll be right there."

°°°°°°°°°

Chan insisted on driving the three of us home, claiming that I, too, was already drunk. I was not, and he knew it, but I just let him. After giving Jeongin and Hyunjin a lift, I found ourselves standing outside my gate at two in the morning. This isn't how I imagined my night to end, but hey, who am I to complain?

"Thanks, Chan. I had fun." I stepped close and gave him a hug, which he promptly reciprocated.

After breaking the hug, he looked at me as if he was comtemplating a question. Maybe it was just my imagination, but I thought I saw a faint blush on his cheeks.

"Your hand," I prompted.

"Huh?"

I rolled my eyes. I pulled a pen from my pocket, took his hand, and wrote down my number.

"I figured you have something to say to me. If you can't say it now, maybe you can say it some other time?"

He grinned from ear to ear. "I think I'll do that. Thanks for tonight, Y/N."

Having a new friend won't hurt, right?

°°°°°°°°°

I plopped down on my bed, exhaustion pulling me close to its bossom. I don't think I can sleep just yet, though -- I keep on seeing Chan's smile everytime I close my eyes. And maybe I'm being crazy right now, because I keep on playing his soft giggles in my head. I took a pillow to muffle my indiscriminate squeal.

Why does he have to be so cute?!?!?!?

My phone suddenly chimed, pulling me out of my reverie. I fished it from my bag, expecting a drunk text from one of my friends.

A text from an unknown number?

I quickly opened the message, and I found myself smiling like an idiot. Like a wasted idiot.

"If love is nothing more than just a waste of your time, why don't you waste it on me? :) -- C ♡"

[scentedsongrebel]

Bura Na Mano Holi Hai

Pairings: Steve Rogers × Desi! Fem! Reader

Summary: You give Steve a glimpse into the festival of Holi.

Warnings: Water fight, fluff, talking in hindi but side to side translations, references to Hindu mythology,.... Tell me if I miss any.

Word Count: 2347

This fic is based in the same universe as my fic  Homecoming. You can read this as a stand alone but it would be easier to understand somethings if you read that one first.

I would also like to add that can we just assume Steve is living with the Reader's family for the entire year or they keep visiting India all the time because I plan on having more such pieces where Steve learns about the Indian cultures and festivals.

This just came to me and I wrote this in the last two hours. Hope you guys like it.

This story is not edited yet.

You crouch down to hide behind the blinds of your balcony, pulling Steve along side you who stares at you in horror

"What the hell did you just do? He whispers screams and you press a finger to your lips, your eyes wide

"Yeh kon tha? (Who was that?)" The kids on the street look around towards all the houses but don't spot you hiding and watching them from your balcony. Living with the Avengers makes you an amazing spy.

As the kids are done with the inspection and start moving away towards a different street, you quickly shoot out of your hiding place and attack.

Steve gasps as you take a hit with one, two, three, four water balloons and the kids just scream and shout

You quickly whip behind the blinds, the balloon in your hand bursting in place and Steve lets out a shrill scream

"Voh rahi! (There she is)" there is a scream before the children start to take out balloons from there own polythene and shoot up at you. You glare at Steve in annoyance before you shoot up and start attacking back.

Steve watches in complete shock as you indulge yourself in a water balloon throwing contest with the children. Picking up balloon after balloon from the bucket you had filled with water balloons just an hour ago.

There is laughter and a heavy sense of competition as some children have now climbed upto the floors on your level and above of the building in front of yours and are attacking with balloon after balloon.

The competition is crazy with a lot of neighbors joining in to watch as spectators while others grimace at your antics.

"MARO! (HIT HER)" The kids are screaming and you laugh as you turn to him when you clearly are out numbered

"Steve help" You scream as a balloon hits you straight on the face and drenches your already soaking body.

He raises his hands, shaking his head

"Oh no no no, I'm not getting in on whatever this is"

A young boy and girl from the floor above you are shooting water from their water guns at you while the older kids seem to have a magic polythene that just doesn't run out of balloons

"Bas! Bas (enough! Enough) " you scream, laughing and raising you hands after all your balloons are finished and you have emptied the water remaining in your bucket on one of the kids on the street

"Aap hi ho na jo roz hume gubara maar rahi thi? (You are the one who was throwing balloons at us everyday? Aren't you?" One of the kids asks from the building in front of you, with his hands on his waist

You try to shake your head but a jet of water from a water gun hits your face in warning and you nod your head

"Han (yes)" you wipe your face with the collar of your already wet shirt "Mein hi thi, bas bas (it was me, enough enough)

"Aap ne humse dushmani karli hai didi (you have made enemies with us didi)" one of the kids screams "Ab holi tak gali mein chalte hue dhyaan rakhna (now be alert when walking the street till holi)"

"Arre jao jao (huh please)" You scream back "mujhe tumse darr nhi lagata, himmat hai toh isko bhega kar dikhao (I am not afraid of you guys. If you've got guts then drench him and we'll see)"

You pull Steve towards yourself, away from his hiding place and then hide behind him. He turns towards you, highly confused not having understood why you pulled him out before a swarm of water ballons start hitting his body. Before he can even comtemplate what is happening, he is the new target of attack as every single kid from every single house in his view attacks him with balloons and water guns and he is left screaming.

You laugh as you sprint towards the door to the inside of your house and Steve's eyes follow you before his body does too and he is inside in seconds, panting, soaking and still recovering from his initial shock

"Holi par milte hai bacchu (We will meet on Holi losers)" You scream one last time before shutting the door closed as a balloon hits the closed door.

You are laughing as you shut the second, wooden door, pulling on the lock and setting your back against it, trying to control the laughter as you glance at Steve's utterly bewildered face.

"What the-" Steve looks at you in shock as water drips down his blonde locks and his shirt sticks to his godly sculpted body, causing you to bite your lower lip. "What the hell was that?"

He screams at you causing you to laugh again just as your mother enters the room

"What happened here?" She asks looking over at you and Steve who is removing his Bionic mask just as the doorbell rings and your mother raises her finger at you and goes to open the door

"Oh my god" Your sister whispers as she enters the house, discarding her work bag on the table. She points at you then at Steve before making an irritated face "Have you not grown up at all?"

You laugh shaking your head and she sighs

"You know the kids were all ready to attack me and I had to beg and tell them I got a laptop in my bag to stop them" She glares at you "Now I know it was because of you"

She points at you and then at Steve

"And you too Steve" she turns back to you "Wow. You really are a bad influence"

You just roll your eyes and smile

"Oh no, it was all Stevie. I was but an innocent bystander caught in the cross fire"

You mother lets out a snort before going inside the room and bringing a towel with her and passing it to Steve who has been glaring at you

"You okay beta (child) ?" She asks Steve as he moves the towel through his hair and face to dry it and he nods his head just as you frown

"Aren't you gonna give me a towel and ask me that?"

Your mother just shakes her head, smiling

"I missed you" she laughs and throws the towel she had in her hand behind her back at you. You give her a small smile as you start wiping yourself

"The children finally figure out it was you?"

"What was me?"

"The one that has been hitting them with balloons, Mona said they had meetings in search of this person"

You laugh at that

"They would have never found me if it weren't for this idiot"

You swat your towel at Steve who had been standing besides you, his towel wrapped around his shoulder

"Hey!" He pulls your towel out of your hands and throws it away

"I was comfortably lying on my bed, talking to Bucky when you-" He starts you say but shakes his head and turns towards your mother as you run to the place where he threw your towel and pick it up "When she came into my room, placed the mask on my face and dragged me out of there to the balcony and started throwing water balloons at little children-"

"Those are grown up children" you say but he ignores you

"And then she hid behind those blinds you have in your balcony for sunlight and I did not know what was happening-"

"So you screamed and brought our house into attention, I had to show my face then"

Steve ignores your interruption and keeps addressing your mother and sister

"Then there was water balloons and guns and water and screams from everywhere and she was screaming and the kids were screaming and then she said something and pulled me in front of her and the kids just attacked me. I did nothing"

He is whining at this point and you roll your eyes

"You would think fighting aliens would give you some bal-" you stop yourself before you can say the offending word in front of your mother "give you some bravery, you darpok (coward)"

"I have no idea what that means and fighting aliens and fighting children is a completely different thing" he grits his teeth and glares at you "I can't believe you threw me in the line of fire like that"

You stare at him with an open mouth and let out a laugh "Hello? Little children hitting you with water balloons is not line of fire, god! Did you see yourself screaming? Aaaaaaaaa"

You let out a high pitched scream and then laugh as a throw pillow from the sofa behind Steve hits your face

"You sure, you two are dating?" Your sister asks before you can throw the pillow back at him

"Trust me" Steve says, trying to hold a straight face "right in this moment, I sure am questioning it"

Your sister laughs as you gasp and run toward him, hitting the pillow on his head

"Take that back" You say, hitting him again and again as he laughs "You are very lucky to have me in your life"

Steve just shakes his head and bends down to give you better access to hit his head

"His life would be so boring without me"

"That is so true" he takes hold of the pillow as it lands on his head and pulls it off your hand and wipes it with his towel before placing it back on the sofa behind him "You really do bring a different kind of adventure in my life"

Your eyes shine as you smile at him as he gives you one of his cheeky grins before your sister claps her hands together and you whip your head to look at her and your mother who looks at the two of you fondly before nodding her head and moving away towards the kitchen

"Every year the days before holi she goes crazy" Your sister tells Steve, shaking her head

"Hey! I only hit kids that have balloons in their hands. Not anyone that may be going to work"

"Is this like a tradition or something?" Steve questions as he stands in the sunlight that seeps it way in through the window of your living room, having already started to dry

"Oh yeah" You nod your head looking over at him "Holi is this festival of colors, every year on Holi we wear our old and most disliked clothes and put gulaal which is a type of powered color on each others faces and have water fights"

"And the days leading upto Holi the kids go around with their water guns and balloons and have fun" Your sister adds "Sometimes the adults join them too"

Your sister nods her head at you

"Its really fun and along with Diwali it is one of the major Hindu festivals."

Steve nods his head at you just as your mother re enters the room, a trey in her hands

"I made garama garam chai (warm tea)" she places the trey on the centre table and you quickly grab a cup, sitting down on the sofa, now completely dry after having stood in the sun and pass a cup to Steve who follows your lead

"We even have a kind of bonfire the night of 'chooti Holi' (small holi) which is the day before holi. Its called Holika dehen which signifies the death of Holika." Your mother adds, sipping on her cup as Steve listens intently "Holika was the sister of Hiranyakashyap, who hated that his son Prahlad was a devotee of God Vishnu and wanted him killed. He tried to get Holika to kill his son but due to the blessings of lord Vishnu, she died instead and Prahlad survived"

Steve nods his head, his eyebrows knitted together and your mother gives him a small smile

"I know its a little complicated but I tried to explain it in a simple language, maybe after you've changed and we eat dinner I can tell you more"

Steve nods his head at her smiling and drinks his chai, sighing at the godly taste.

------------------

"I'm sorry" You enter Steve's room without knocking. He whips his head towards you from where he was scrolling through his phone

It was around 10 pm and Steve was just texting Sam and Bucky to let them know about the day's events before going to sleep.

"What for?" He asks, sitting up on the bed and crossing his legs before patting the empty space on his bed for you to sit on and you happily oblige

"The events of the afternoon"

He smiles at that and shakes his head, pulling you into his arms

"Its fine. It is kinda fun when you know what was happening"

You laugh and place a small kiss on his chin

"I wanted to see your reaction"

"I know" he places a small peck on your lips and brings his hand to your cheek to softly carass it and you lean into his touch. He places a soft kiss on your forehead and moves to claim your lips with his own again before you interrupt

"Also, be careful when you leave the house for the next few days"

His eyes whip open as his head stops leaning into you, his lips still puckered into a pout and you laugh and place a small kiss on it. He raises an eyebrow at you

"Well I may have challenged the kids to attack you if they had the guts to so you know, they may do it"

You bite your lip and Steve shakes his head as a smile graces his lips

"You are gonna be the death of me"

"Better me than some ugly alien right?" You laugh as Steve shakes his head placing a light kiss on your forehead and you whisper in his ear

"Buro na mano, Holi hai! " (Don't feel offended, its holi!"

---------------------

"Bura na mano holi hai" is a famous line used during the holi season. Holi is a festival of happiness and joy, signified with the use of water and colors during celebration. As is the habit, whenever anyone is celebrating Holi they tend to come and color you as well but the other person may or may not like it. In such a scenario, one would use the expression to tell that since it is the festival of Holi, it is good to not mind and enjoy the celebration.

Didi = is a word used to address your older sister or any young girl that is older than you. It is a way to respectfully address someone who is older.

Tags: @kayteewritessteve @anjali750

[i-like-your-walk-and-your-vibe]

When you are in love with someone whom you've been texting with for months now or there was a moment when you started developing more profound feelings for a friend of yours, you know it. Maybe you have to comtemplate it for a day, several ones or even three months but in the end, you find yourself being completely and utterly in love with the other person.

We all know that feeling. Yes, in most of the cases, the loves that we think that those weren't loves, you just liked them or you just thought you love them but they were truly loves. Or even right now you think you aren't in love when, in fact, you are.

Now, let me drop a sand grain into the machinery. What if I told you that you can be in love with a celebrity? With a book/film/series character? What if I told you that I know that I am in love with one and I have already been in love with other ones, as well? What if I told you that I'm so in love with this person for nearly a year and a half now that I can't start a relationship with anyone, who is more "reachable" for me because my heart belongs to him?

Even though he doesn't know me, he has never talked to me directly, has never touched me in any way and is not going to ever, and I, for sure, haven't seen all his sides, his total personality, the details of his every days, I'm in love with what I have seen and know. After all, don't we all hide some parts of us from our partners in "real life"? Yes, we do.

Yes, you can be in love with a character, with someone, who has no idea about your existense and yes, I think it's valid that you can't start a relationship with someone physically around you because you have such deep feelings for someone out there. Either dead or alive.

Your parents, grandparents, Hell, even your friends might won't agree with you, with me. And that's okay, they've got their own opinion and point of view. But so do you. So if you feel and know that you are in love with them, then YOU FREAKING ARE.

[barebones2]

Creator of the Trees

Hello Weeping Willow, you have always been the dearest of trees to me, so here's to you. To the Willow that became my safe place in the woods of that small town in North Carolina. When I was scared of the nightmares that haunted my dreams, you were the resting place I ran to. You wept with me while I spilled my soul on the ground by your roots. I hope my tears could at least water you, that they could have transformed to bring you more life. Thank you for being a friend to that little girl, thank you for being safe. Here's to those moments you witnessed of me pretending to be a fairy, dancing around reciting the verses of A Midsummer Nights Dream, wishing I had wings. Or hearing me repeat the words of Fairy Bread by Robert Louis Stevenson beneath your hair. I hope you cherish those moments like I do, that somewhere you recorded them within your rings.

Hello Maple, how have you been? It's been awhile, I'm sorry. But thank you for those days where your leaves brought inspiration to my soul, where the changing of your colors made me wonder at the beauty of our Lord. Where I could escape that awful group of girls that were stuck up and annoying. You brought me peace and calmed me down, thanks to you I didn't punch one of them in the face that day. I'm not entirely sure if I would have regretted it, other than knowing I would get in trouble.

Here's to our old Pecan Tree, you were a magnificant beast. I Loved climbing as high as I dared within your branches. Those squirrels were mean and always angry, but it was fun to watch them throw the nuts at us. Harvesting as many as we could and eating them till we got sick. I still remember the day that those men cut your best limbs free. I cried deeply for your loss and they didn't know that they had ruined my favorite tree, because what eight year old cries over a tree? You were an adventure, I shared in so many hide and seek, tag, war, and make believe games with you. Dear friend, I am happy I spent most of my childhood with you, I hope you're doing well.

Hello dear, I don't remember what kind of tree you were, but you watched from a birds eye view as I recieved my very first kiss. You saw the way that I glimpsed up at you afterwards wondering if I was truly in love, and concluding that I was. I had saved that kiss for a long time, I wish I had kept it still. But when you're young and in love you don't think about it not working out. But thank you for knowing that moment with me, so that I am not alone in my regret. I was lost in my false reality and you saw it didn't you? You saw the foolshiness within my eyes, at least I hope you did. If you couldn't tell, that's what that was. Maybe someday I will return to you and chase those ghosts away of those two teenagers, replacing a new memory for you of who I am now. For I have changed and my love has been broken and battered. Yet, somehow I am more whole than I was back then. That's the kind of wonderful thing our Lord does, He brings restoration. Anyways, I look different now and I want you to know me for who I am, not for that girl back then. I hope you will record the new me and forget the old. Someday dear, I will be brave enough to step under your shade again.

To the tree in my parents back yard in Texas. You heard so much of my life through those few short years. You heard my laughs and pains. You heard me declare my love and heard me when I cried over my first breakup. You watched as I picked myself up when I truly didn't want to. You saw me when I comtemplated how pain works and how someone could treat someone else in those ways. You met both of those boys, you saw how I loved them. They were both my bestfriends. You saw as I broke for them. You watched as I rejoiced over my bestfriend getting engaged and cried when she cried. You saw my joy when I realized I was free from that abusive relationship. You were there when we first got Toby and I would sit next to you and watch him dance around on feet that were too big for his lttle body. You heard me whisper my fears up to the sky and saw as my heart grew soft towards those I had hated. You heard me pray for anything and everything that was going on in my life or my friend's lives. You know me more than I realized. You saw devastation and brokenness turn to healing and beauty. Thank you for being a shelter in those very stormy years.

To the tree on that small hill in Joplin, You haven't seen me too much, yet. But already you have been a comfort in my new beginings. You sat there and watched as I made that flower crown and peace was washing over me. I was there because I had needed to grieve the end of that friendship. Someone who meant more to me than anyone ever had. It ended as well as it could. It was beautiful throughout those years and I have no regrets with that person. But just like that flower crown that took me so long to weave together, carefully, It fell apart in the end. That's just how life goes sometimes, you can work gently, patiently, and with love, but sometimes it just doesn't work out. I have learned that through the last few years. You have to part ways with some people, but you can do so with no hard feelings and with love still in your heart towards them. You don't have to turn cold with hatred, even though the world tries to tell you that you should. But I don't believe that is the right way to walk away.

Lastly, to the tree I have never met and never will. The one that was cut and used as the two limbs of that cross. My savior was nailed to you along with my sin. I am thankful for the sacrifice and the beauty and freedom that was made possible through that entire brutal scene. He carried you through the streets and you saw as the people spat and demanded blood. You saw his face and felt his blood run down your side. You saw as the guards mocked him and placed that crown of thorns on his head. You heard Him say "Father forgive them" and "It is finished". In that moment you helped fulfill the law and tear that veil. The creator died on His creation, and you had a purpose that helped save the world. That helped save me. Thank you.

The trees that have been there and will be there, you aren't really the ones that deserve any recognition. Growing up and resting underneath the different kinds of you, I have always known it wasn't the trees that kept me safe. That drove away the nightmares. That smiled at me when I danced around in make-believe. The trees didn't bring me the peace that my shaking soul needed. They weren't the ones that cried with me. This isn't really about the trees, it's about the one who made the trees. The one who has always been there even before I realized He was. The one who has guided me, healed me, and loved me through every single storm and calm sky. There is only one who deserves the recognition. There is only one where true beauty comes from. So as much as I am blessed by the trees that have marked my life, it's not really them who did anything. It's my beautiful savior who took all of my sin and all of my pain and has brought nothing but blessing and life back into me. So as I thank the trees, I really mean to thank the Lord for everything He has done in my life, and for sometimes using the trees to do it.

[coco-dreamland]

[Wadanohara & GBS] The Sea, The Stars, and the Girl Who Loved Them All

Summary: The met among the stars. A lonely girl, and a lonely boy. Genre: Friendship/Some Romance/Slight Tragedy A/N: Written long, long ago. I have a bad habit of keeping fics in the freezer for months, and even years. Just touched up on a few places. Set during pre-war. Pretty much a story of how Mikotsu and Sal met, up until the war, and why Sal went to the Red Sea. (In my theory, Sal liked Wadda cause she reminded him of Mikotsu :P) Enjoy! Also posted on: AO3 | Fanfiction.net

. . .

He first sees her among the stars, back when they were just young kids who didn't know what the world had in store for them.

She’d left the palace in her curiousity to explore, though she’d gotten lost. As for him, he’d been wandering around the forest to get away from his brother. Both siblings held a mutual dislike towards one another, which grew and festered as the years passed. It hadn't always been that way, though. He'd never admit it, but he missed the kind, protective brother he used to have.

The Sea of Stars was a dazzling plac, but it was also dangerous. She’d been trying to fend herself from some particularly vicious fish when he came across her.

"Are you okay?" He looked to the girl in the regal kimono who was crouched onto the ground, clutching one hand. The rest of the sea-creatures had fled at the sight of the shark.

"Uuuu, owwie... I'm fine, thank you..." She looked up to her saviour, her sentence trailing off. Her eyes widened slightly. “A shark…?”

"I won’t hurt you." He assured her, with a small smile. He understood her wariness. Sharks were known to be vicious and bloodthirsty, so residents of the sea avoided them when they could.

The girl stared at him, and for a moment he believed she would bolt. Then she broke out into a wide grin. "I believe you, you saved me!" Then her eyes widened. She looked at him, up and down, gazing at him with wide blue eyes. "White…?"

His stiffened. Albinoism wasn't a desirable trait; it was seen as a mutation - an oddity, and for all his life, he had been teased and bullied for it. It had gotten worst after his brother - the only one who he could have called 'friend' - started getting distant from him.

He was starting to back away, just as she reached out towards him with her uninjured hand. She quickly retracted it. “Oops, sorry! That was kind of rude of me, wasn't it...”

Apparently, she had misintepreted him backing away as discomfort from her getting too close. "I should have asked first… umm… can I touch your hair?” She asked somewhat shyly. He nodded slowly, utterly bewildered. No harm letting her, right?

He felt her slender fingers petting his head softly, as she giggled and cooed. "It's so soft~" He felt his cheeks grow warm. She beamed. “I like how you’re all white... It’s beautiful.”

He wasn't sure how to reply. He'd never been complemented before. He was more used to being called a weirdo or a freak. It felt... nice. "Thank you.” He smiled at her. Then his gaze drifted downwards towards the hand which she had been cradling. He gestured towards her hand. “Umm, your hand…”

She looked down at it. "Ah... right. I got stung. How careless of me, eh?" She giggled sheepishly.

"I'll help you wrap it up." He said, digging into his pockets for the spare bandages he carried around.

"Ah, it's alright! You don't have to-" she protested as he pulled out the bandages and gently took her injured appendage.

He wrapped it gently, careful not to pull it too tight, but firmly. He finished quickly. "There, done." He stepped back, releasing her hand.

She looked at her bandaged hand in awe. "Thank you." She smiled at him. Then she startled "Oh, how rude of me- I forgot to introduce myself! I'm Mikotsu-"

An uncomfortable feeling settled in his stomach at the sound of her name. Mikotsu... why did it sound so familiar?

"...though you might better know me, as one of the twin princesses of the sea!"

Oh, that's why.

If it was possible, his pale face became even paler. In hindsight, it should have been obvious. No normal girl would be able to afford such an expensive kimono. He managed to stammer out, "P-p-princess...?"

Mikotsu nodded, oblivious to his discomfort. “Mhmm! Nice to meet you-"

fwump

"H-hey?! Are you okay? Don't faint on me like that!"

. . .

They became friends. A lonely girl and a lonely boy. Nevermind that one was a princess, and the other was a pariah; status had no place in their friendship. They were friends, and that was all that mattered.

"Hey, look! A falling star!" She pointed to a glimmering shape sinking in the distance.

He raised an eyebrow. "What's so special about that? They're practically everywhere." He indicated to the numerous stars scattered about them.

She huffed and crossed her arms. "That's not the point! Haven't you heard? If you wish on a falling star, your wish will come true!"

He shrugged at this. "Sounds like something a child would believe though."

She twitched; she was sensitive to any references to her apparent childishness. "You're getting cheekier, aren't you."

After she'd pulled him out of his shell, it was revealed that he could be quite a stubborn, cynical — dare she say it — bastard. She didn't mind all that much, she could deal with it, but his cynism could be depressing. It wasn't like it was good for him either!

Then he turned to her, and any irritation she had bubbled away at the sheepish expression on his face. "Am I?"

She sighed. "Nevermind... Anyway, make a wish! Something that you really, really want!" At that, she clasped her hands together and closed her eyes.

He watched her thoughtfully. 'Something that I really, really want, hm?' Slowly, he mimicked her actions. A few moments passed before they simultaneously opened their eyes, and watched as the star fell over the horizon and out of sight.

"So... what did you wish for?" He asked her.

She looked down rather bashfully. "I... I wished that... we'd be friends forever." She mumbled as her cheeks coloured slightly.

All her life, she hadn't actually had a proper friend. The servants were too formal. Her sister was... well, /her sister/. Uomi spent too much time reading to talk to her much. He was her first, true friend. And she treasured him more than she could say. "What did you wish for?"

He grinned and put a finger to his lips. "It's a secret."

The faintly embarassed look disappeared, replaced by an indignant one. "Eh?! B-but I told you mine!"

"It's still a secret."

She sputtered incoherently. "T-that's... that's not fair!"

"There was nothing about telling you mine if you told me yours." He pointed out, enjoying her energetic retorts.

Her blush returned. "D-do you know how embarassing it was to say it out loud?! I had to gather my courage for that, and even then..."

He tuned out her ensuing rant and laughed inwardly to himself. He hadn't had this much fun in ages! He smiled to himself, as he thought about what he had wished for.

I wish... that this happiness that I feel will never fade away.

"... hey, are you even listening? And what are you grinning at?!"

. . .

They always met at the same place - the place where they first met, the Sea of Stars. Seeing the stars made her feel happy, she said. As for him, he liked seeing her childish enthusiasm - it was like a breath of fresh air.

"I actually have a twin brother, you know," he told her one day, seemingly out of the blue. But in actuality, he had fought with his brother - again. And he wanted- no, /needed/ someone to talk to about it.

"Huh?! You have a brother?" She stared at him in shock. "Why didn't you ever mention him before?" She found that her indignation was well-placed. Suuure, they didn't know each other very well yet, but things like family should have been said early on. Family was important. She, of all people, should know that. "And here I thought you were an only child..."

He looked to the ground awkwardly. "We're... pretty distant, that's why. Though it didn't use to be this way. We used to be much closer, like any normal pair of brothers. Now we hardly talk or see each other at all. Even if we do, we usually end up fighting." And now that he'd started, he couldn't stop. It all came rushing out. "In fact, we'd just did this morning. That's part of the reason I came here today, actually... other than coming to meet you, of course. I couldn't stand being near him any longer. I can't remember what it was about, but it doesn't matter. We'd fought over nothing before." He exhaled slowly, glad to get all of that off his chest.

"That's... that's just sad..." She felt like giving him a hug him; but she knew that would make him uncomfortable. He wasn't the skinship kind of guy, she could tell. She stomped on the impulse.

She looked forward instead, her expression thoughtful. "Actually... that's kind of like me, too, you know? Well, without the fighting part."

He raised an eyebrow, a silent gesture for her to continue. She did so. "Well... you know I have a sister, Uomi?"

"You mentioned it when we first met." He pointed out.

She grinned cheekily. "...and then you fainted," she couldn't help but remind him.

"Just continue with what you were saying, alright?" He mumbled, cheeks slightly pink.

She giggled slightly, before her face regained the comtemplative look she had. "Well... when we were young, she was like my best friend. We played together, hung out together, sometimes even pranked Dad together..." Her lips quirked up slightly at that. "But now... Now, we're like strangers. She used to be such a cheerful girl, but now she's become all... stiff." Her eyes grew distant. "It feels like she's gone to some place far away that I can't reach and I don't like it... I miss my sister."

Seeing her downcast expression, he came to a decision. He reached out... and started to pet her on the head. "H-hey!" She protested, but made no move to stop him. After a small pause, she giggled softly. "It... tickles." She whispered as she leaned into his hand.

"When we first met, you did something like this." He explained, still petting her head. "I wasn't very happy at that time, but you made me feel better. So, I'll do it for you too." A small smile formed on his face as he said that.

"Is that so... ?" A smile formed on her face. "... Thank you."

"You're welcome, Mikotsu."

His hand was warm.

. . .

"Hey, I just read about this thing called 'snow'!" She said as she ran up to him at their designated meeting place.

"'Snow'?" The shark looked at her curiously as he pat the flat surface of the rock beside him.

She hopped up and took her place. "Yeah, snow! It's white, and fluffy... It kind of reminded me of you, actually."

"A fluffy shark? That's new."

She 'tch'-ed slightly. "You know what I mean..."

He grinned. "Yeah, yeah... Snow, eh?" He looked up thoughtfully. "What is it like? Surely the book said that?"

"Well..." She tapped her forehead, trying to remember what she had read. "They said that it was cold. Like, really cold. And it's spread out all over the ground," She stretched her arms out wide in emphasis. "Kind of like sand, actually. Except softer and whiter."

He thought over her words. "...sounds interesting."

"Oh! And they said that under the sun, sometimes, the snow can glitter, like pretty stars!" She smiled at that. She liked stars.

"Sounds nice." His eyes drifted to the stars around them, glinting in the sand. "...hey, do you think we'll get to see it some day?"

She sighed. "Well... I read about that too, and they said that the nearest island with snow is pretty far out. I don't think we'd be able to get there at now."

He looked back to her. "'Now'? So we'd be able to get there in the future, then?"

"I hope so! I really want to see it!" She grinned excitedly at the thought.

"I'd like to see it too," he smiled at her enthusiasm. "Then, why don't we make a promise? That we'll head to that island once we're old enough." He held out a hand, pinky outstretched.

She entwined the pinky with her own. "Alright! When we're old enough, we'll head there together. And then we can see what snow's like!"

"Yeah!"

"It's a promise!" they chorused.

. . .

Where there was noone else for them, they had each other. They were inseparable, and didn't mind each others' quirks at all.

For a shark, he was unusually shy and timid, which separated him from the other sea predators. Yet his unusual appearance was of no issue to her, and in fact she liked it very much.

Mikotsu was a princess, but she rarely acted like one at all. She disliked politics and anything that came with it, which wasn't very good since, as a princess and potential ruler, she'd have to deal with those things eventually. But no matter how un-princess-ly she acted, he always accepted her wholly, and she really appreciated that.

One night, she came running to his tiny apartment. He lived on the very outskirts of main town, and so she was able to skirt around and get there without bumping into anyone else.

It had been late, and he was almost on the verge of sleep when he was woken up by incessant knocking. He opened the door to find a dishevelled Mikotsu standing infront of his house.

She was mumbling to herself. He caught naught but a single word. "Father..." Now that he looked closer, she was crying. He frowned. Her father had always been a sore subject for her. From their youth, he had always favoured Uomi over Mikotsu. This did not change as they grew older, and if anything, it only grew worst.

He closed the door and ushered her into his rundown home. He lead her to the couch, the only article of furniture that seemed presentable. Gently coaxing her to take a seat, he went from the small room to the even smaller kitchen and began preparing a cup of stardust tea.

It had been her favourite drink since he'd introduced it to her, and had never failed to calm her down when she was upset. He lost himself in his thoughts as he stirred the mixture. Mikotsu rarely spoke of her father, but when she did, it was always with a voice full of admiration and love. However, her love was hardly returned, as her father only paid attention to Uomi, neglecting his other daughter. He wondered why did she still love him so much after all that. So much for the Great Sea King. He can't even love his daughter right.

He carried the cup of tea into the living room. He noted with relief that she seemed much calmer than before. Accepting the cup, she slowly sipped from it. He sat himself across from her on a old wooden stool.

Silence hung between them as she finished the tea. Cradling the empty cup on her lap, she looked up and met his worried gaze. "It never ceases to amaze me how you manage to live in conditions such as this."

He shrugged. It was hard to find a job. Being a societal outcast meant you had to live life on the edge. "I got used to it. ...Sorry if it bothers you."

She smiled wryly. "I've told you before; it's nothing to be sorry about. It's not your fault..." Her smile faltered.

"What happened?"

She fidgeted for awhile before answering. "Father scolded me. Said I wasn't being a proper princess and all. Y-y'know, the usual." She tried to sound casual, but the trembling of her hands betrayed her distress.

He remained silent, waiting for her to continue; he knew she had more to say. He wasn't wrong. "H-he doesn't speak to me for months, and when he finally does its to scold me. It hurts... It hurts so bad..."

The cup fell from her lap as she stood, and he was barely able to catch it before it hit the ground. "WHY? Why? I love father so much, so why does he only pay attention to HER! WHY?! Why?" Her sudden burst of rage spent, she crumpled back onto the seat. "Father doesn't talk to me, she doesn't talk to me either, I'm so... lonely." She hiccupped, tears flowing anew.

Placing the cup to the side, he approached her, and held her tightly. She returned it, clinging onto him as if her life depended on it.

"It's unfair... " she mumbled into his chest. "It's all so unfair. Fathers should love their children equally, shouldn't they? And you..." Her tears came back in full force, and she hiccuped. "You shouldn't have to live this way, just because of the way you were born. I wish to change that. To make it such that things didn't have to be this way. If it was me, I'd make sure that everyone would be happy. Even the ones whom others shunt off to the side. Everyone."

He reached down and squeezed her hand comfortingly. Even as she said it, they both knew it would never be so. For her to even begin to think of changing things, she had to be in a position of power, first and foremost. A princess didn't stand for much, other than in name.

But it was impossible. In her father's eyes, Mikotsu was too childish, too idealistic. It was a foregone conclusion that, no matter how much desire Mikotsu held to make the people of the sea happy, the title of 'ruler' would never fall to her.

"Mikotsu..." He thought of what to say. Hardly anything he had to say would do anything to comfort her. He wanted to help, but what could he do? He was practically a pariah. Utterly powerless. It ate away at him, and broke his heart to see her like this, and being unable to do anything about it. It hurt so much, to see the girl he loved ending up so broken.

The world is such a cruel place.

He squeezed her hand again, and this time she looked up. He looked her in the eye, and said, with ever ounce of conviction he had, "I'll support you. No matter what happens, come what may, I'll be here for you. On your side, /by/ your side. I promise."

Because he didn't have anything else to give her; didn't know what else to give her, other than himself.

She finally smiled, and squeezed his hand back. "That's more than I can ever ask for."

. . .

The Sea God declared Uomi as the next rightful ruler.

It was something that she had known would happen, yet she couldn't stop her heart from breaking as the decree had been read out. It had been her final hope, now that her father was gone. Call her silly, foolish or just plain stupid, but that decree had been her sole hope that perhaps, just maybe, he had acknowledged her after all.

In the end, that fragile hope had been shattered.

"I'm sorry; I'm so, so sorry, but I can't take it anymore. No more, no more, no more!"

In her grief, her powers ran rampant. And as the daughter of a Sea God, those powers were hardly small. They lashed out, at everyone and at everything. The sea was split, as both sides tried to fight for their princess' right of succession.

Throughout it all, he stayed by her side, just as he had promised her, and together they tried to reach their brighter, desired future. Yet in the end, all their efforts were all for naught. The seal was draining them - him, Mikotsu, and everyone else that had chosen to fight by their side. It was sucking them into a dimension separate from this one; such was the destruction wrought by Mikotsu's rage, that such measures had to be put into place.

But, just before the seal closed, Mikotsu, with the last of her power, pushed him out of its confines. And, smiling the smile he loved, she whispered-

"Thank you... I love you."

. . .

It was surprising, how easy it was for him to blend in with the others. So long as he didn't show too much of his shark-like features, they didn't question his proclaimed species. It helped that he had never acted like a typical shark in the first place, unlike that hot-headed brother of his. He even managed to work his way up to working under the service of Uomi, herself.

And every opportunity he found, he researched and studied the seal, looking for ways to unseal it, pick it apart, or even destroy it.

He wouldn't give up on her, no matter what.

We'll definitely meet again someday. I'll make sure of it.

[scentedsongrebel]

Midnight Missing

Pairings: Steve Rogers × Reader 

Summary: When you start leaving the room around midnight only to come back in the mornings Steve starts to become suspicious and who better to help him than the worst spies in history.

Warnings: Cursing, mentions of insomnia, mentions of sex but no actual smut, stupid plot ,spying on people, please tell me if I miss any.

Word Count: 5460 ish

A/N: S

So I would start by saying that this is the most stupid thing I have ever written but this idea was in my brain for a long time and then I started writing and then it was complete and I do not see the point in just not posting. So we ware.

Poorly edited so I would get back at it.

Reviews always appreciated. Hope you guys like this one.

“Tringgggggg!!!!!” The alarm buzzes viciously pulling you out of dreamland. Blindly, you move your hand in the direction of the noise trying to get a hold of the devil.

4:00 am. You groan and move to sit, rubbing your eyes with the base of gour palms. The spring of the couch bounces you a little as you adjust to sitting.

Just as you pocket your phone in your pajamas and place your feet on the fluffy sneakers, a voice calls out

“Are you ever going to tell him?”

You groan in irritation

“No” is your simple answer as you gather your pillow and blanket in a ball with the blanket engulfing the pillow.

“You should”

“And you should mind your own business”

The same conversation everyday. no night .4:00 am is night .

“My best friend’s love life is my business”

This makes you laugh as you turn towards

“Really” you ask “All these days and that is the best comeback you can come up with Buck?”

“There really is no scope after that none of your business line” he scaraches the back of his head “But serioualy though, you can’t possibly keep this up for long, he will find out evetually”

“Try me” you say in challenge “We’ve been together an year, I’ve been doing this for 10 months, he has no clue”

“This surely is not healthy” he sighs “Isn’t this like signs of a relationship falling down or something”

“As a matter of fact this is the reason our relationship is still intact and going smoothly” you say a little proudly “and I’ll tell what isn’t healthy” you start to move towards the dark hallway. “You being awake everynight”

“Atleast I’m going to therapy for my problem” he screams after “Unlike you–

But you are long gone.

—————–

Shifting in his sleep, Steve moves his body to your side and extends his arm to pull you close. His arm flies out but never catches a target instead falling on the empty bed. He taps the empty space a few times shifting a little and opening his eyes.

You are not there.

He groans and sits up, looking over at the bathroom to see if you are there. But the light is off.

Just as he comtemplates moving to see where you are, the door to your shared room opens and you enter with a big yawn.

Steve frowns and calls out

“Baby?”

Your head shots up and your eyes widen like a deer caught in headlights

“St-Steve” you stutter a little “Hey baby! Goodmorning”

Steve furrows his brows and rubs his eyes as you move to your side of the bed and pull the sheets to get in.

“Goodmorning? you hate the morning” he says and looks at you suspiciously “You once told me ‘no morning is ever good’”

You want to whine at that. You really wanted to sleep some more and your sleepy eyes are begging to be closed again as you settle on the bed, turning to face him

“Yeah well formality” you say in irritance

“Where were you?” He asks just as you start to lay down

“Midnight snacks” “Again?”

“I love myself some midnight snacks” you shift to face him in your lying position and motion him to get down as well. He obeys lying on his side of the bed facing you. You move your hand to carass his beard “Can we just sleep, I’m really sleepy Baby”

He just nods and pulls you into his side. You lay your head on his chest as his hand gently runs down your back. Sleep seems to have completely left him as his eyes narrow and he looks at the celing.

Something is wrong and he sure as hell would find out what that something is.

———————

Morning runs with Sam were the least challenging thing he had to do as a part of his training. It was more for his inner satisfaction than staying healthy. The serum made sure he was always healthy.

It always made sure he could never get drunk. Never unwind for some time, loose himself.

That is when he discovered running. The thrill, the adrenaline pumping through his veins adicting in itself, and even though he didn’t need to run in the mornings, he actually did.

He has and would always love his runs. The air kissing all over his face, the refreshing feeling. Spending time with his friend, the joy of leaving him behind screaming ‘on your left’ to irritate him.

Steve doesn’t like to admit it but that is his favorite part. He once had you join the morning runs when you just couldn’t sleep but all you did was jump on his back while he ran without any bother, having you scream ‘on your left’ whenever you passed Sam. It was rare bonding moment for his friend and girlfriend. Sam doesn’t agree on that.

Today he sits on one of the park benches sipping from his water bottle. Bucky has joined them on the run today like he does sometimes.

Bucky sits besides him, his head thrown back, Sam beside Bucky, trying to catch his breath.

Sam has given up on trying to compete with Steve these days but with Bucky joining them every rational thought had left his mind. He had ran like his life depended on it and had almost reached Bucky’s level. Steve actually had felt really proud. Bucky hadn’t.

But these aren’t the things that bother his mind right now. All he can think about is you and your suspicious behavior.

Is something bothering you? Can you not sleep properly, do you have nightmares that you don’t wanna talk about?

He sighs and runs his hand through his hair.

“Tin man’s the one that got his ass handed to him today. Why are you the one in agony?” Sam asks bending forward to get a look at him

“You lost bird-brain”

“I got near you without the serum in my blood, I won”

“Oh please you-

“Guys” Steve sighs again

“Oh yeah right” Sam turns to him “Your agony”

“I am not in agony” Steve looks at him irritated “Its just- you know what leave it”

“Hey no now I wanna know” Bucky pushes his body forward to look at Steve “What happened?”

“Its just” he looks down at his feet and sighs “its Y/N”

“Trouble in paradise?” Sam asks raising his eyebrows”

“Umm I- no no not like that” Steve shakes his head “I just - I think she is hiding something from me”

At this Bucky’s form tenses but his two friends- no scratch that, his best friend and the birdman are too busy to pay him any attention.

“Why would you think that” Sam unleashes his inner therapist moving his body forward and leaning his head on his hands, elbows resting on his knees as he carefully listens to Steve observing his body language carefully.

“She-She just” Steve scratches the back of his head “I think- I know it sounds insane and I trust her but its just I think she is sleeping someplace else at night”

Bucky coughs loudly causing Steve to reach over and pat his back as Bucky tries to regain his breath

“You okay?”

“Oh yeah yeah perfect perfect”

“What happened?”

“Choked on my spit” Bucky tries not to wince at his stupid excuse “Forget about me” he shakes his head and runs his hand through his hair

“You think she is cheating on you” Sam asks incredulously and stands up from his position, eyes blazing

“Sam- No- I” but Sam is having none of it as he pounces Steve on his shoulder only to hurt himself and wince in pain. He shakes his hand as he moves his now red knuckles to his other hand to massage.

“Y/N is not like that you ass” he hisses still massaging his knuckles

“Listen- Sam”

“No no no, I don’t need your stupid explanations or you producing evidences” His glare enough to make Steve wince “She is the most pure, innocent and amazing woman and you have no right to accuse her like that, she is my family and I will defend her honor till my last breath”

Sam finishes without breaking eye contact with the blonde super soldier in front of him

A bird chirpes in the distance and a cyclist moves past them, behind Sam, tringing the bell on his handle causing Sam to move ahead a little. A gush of air runs through the open fields of the park as none of them break their stance.

Steve, in his horrified shock unable to speak anything. Sam with his finger poking Steve in the chest, breathing heavily from his intense speech. And Bucky with a curve on his lips.

“Wow” Bucky sighs after a few minutes of silence and then starts slow clapping “that was intense Wilson”

Sam turns his glare in Bucky’s direction and stares directly in his eyes. As those brown eyes shine with the intensity so strong, Bucky suddenly realizes why Steve went Silent.

“Wow, hey” he raises his hands in surrender “I was just saying” he then points at Steve “he is the one accusing your family of treason”

This seems to wake Steve up from his daze

“I am not-” but he is stopped by a punch hitting his jaw “AAAAAAAA”

“WHAT THE HELL SAM!!!!”

“You deserved that”

“No I didn’t” Sam starts to interrupt but Steve quickly stands up covers Sam’s mouth with his hands “SILENT let me fucking speak”

“Language” a glare shot Bucky’s way shuts him up

“I said I think she is sleeping somewhere else” Sam kicks his leg at that still not able to speak “sleeping as in actual sleep. Not like the other thing. I do not think she is cheating on me”

He slowly releases Sam from his hold.

“You mean-” Sam suspiciously questions, his eyebrows scrunched together.

“No”

“Good because she is not” he huffs

“Okay as much as I love this drama which trust me I do” Bucky interrupts “I really think its nothing Steve”

“No you don’t understand Buck” Steve moves to sit beside his friend “I am sure she goes off somewhere in the night, I think she may be having nightmares or insomnia or doing something else and just doesn’t want to disturb me, she is selfless like that”

Bucky snorts at that. “What?”

“Oh nothing just something stuck in my nose” again he tries not to wince at his own horrible excuse just as Sam makes a face but both his friends ignore him

“So you think she just roams around in the night and comes back before you wake up?” Sam crosses his arms across his chest as he sits down on the park bench again. The old bench makes a screechy sound as he takes a seat.

“Yes”. “But why?”. “She doesn’t want to worry me with her sleeping problems I think”. “Or maybe Fury has assigned her some secret mission”

Bucky snorts again and Sam shoots him a look

“What is with you huh?” “Nothing just my nose”.

 “Then use a handkerchief Barnes”

Bucky just glares at him

“Should I just confront her?” Steve completely ignores the argument having grown immune to their banters.

A smile makes its way at the corner of Bucky’s lips at that. He always told you you’d get caught but you always brushed him off. He remembers your encounter the morning and his smile dwarfs into a smirk. This will be interesting.

“Yeah that sounds like a-” Sam starts to say

“No” Bucky quickly interrupts. Steve looks at him with his brows knitted while Sam has nothing but irritation “I don’t think asking her is a good idea”

“Why not”

“Well you see” He scratches the back of his head as he looks around. Then moving forward and clicking the fingers of his right hand together.

“You see she is stubborn, you think you’ll ask her and she’d agree?”

“I-”

“Also if she figures out you are onto her she would get more attentive. You need to figure this out yourself”

“You want me to spy on her?

Bucky nods followed by Steve shaking his head.

“No. I can’t do that. Its an invasion of her privacy”. “Yeah but its not her privacy when she is lying to you and married people don’t have secrets”

“What-wait wait a minute” Steve looks at him with widened eyes “We are not married!”

“Yeah but you will be” Bucky waves his hand ignoring the hard blush spreading across Steve’s face “That is not the point. The point is you need to see what mission she is going on at night. And maybe give Fury an earful for making her work that late”

Steve starts to shake his head again and disagree

“No-I—”

“Lets do this” Sam claps his hands together, a grin spreading across his face

“What you agreeing with me or something Wilson?”

Sam holds a hand up to stop Bucky from speaking any further and ignores what he said

“You go to sleep at night like nothing is wrong” Sam says rubbing his hands together “Pretend to fall asleep, we will be hiding in the corridor when she wakes to leave and follow her”

“Wait I thought you were against doubting her” Steve says with a frown

“I am against accusing her of infidelity” Sam says solemnly “This is for her benefit”

“How even?”

“If Fury is sending her on missions at night. Those are not good for her well being. As her friends, boyfriend and family its our responsibility to assure her well being”

Bucky smirks thoroughly enjoying himself

“So its on then” Bucky brings his hand forward Mission: figure out where Y/N is going”

Sam produces a handkerchief from his pocket and places it on Bucky’s hand before placing his hand on top of it. Bucky raises an eyebrow

“What I don’t wanna catch whatever nose thing you have going on”

Bucky just shakes his head and moves their hands to Steve.

“I’m really gonna regret this”

And with a sigh, he puts his hand on top of Sam’s

———————

Tick tok, Tik tok the clock calls out mocking the short lived silence of the room.

Your face is pressed against Steve’s chest as you trace patterns on his skin. His arm is draped across your figure and holds you tight.

You feel particularly sleepy today after the mission you had and definitely don’t look forward you be woken up in the middle of the night again.

Maybe that is why you don’t notice the silence of the room. Or how easy it was to slip yourself off his arms this time.

Your spy brain tells you something is wrong but the sleep deprived side tells it to shut up.

You open the door and look on both the sides before making your way to the living room producing a pillow and blanket from the secret safe you have on the corridor floor before sighing as the couch comes into view.

Setting yourself down for a peaceful slumber you lie down and close your eyes, hoping for no disturbance before the devil alarm rings.

Your peace is short lived as the lights suddenly switch on and the noise of something falling off the roof catches your attention. You are quickly jolted to your senses and in a minute the gun under the couch points at the intruder.

“AHA” The voice screams “caught you”

And with a growl of irritance you realize its Sam

“What the hell is wrong with you”

Sam quickly stands up and dusts his body before pressing his finger to his ear

“Cornered the target in the living room”

You look around suddenly alert pointing your gun in all directions as your eyes move around the room in search of a target.

The compound has been infiltrated and you had no clue? This is really a hit on your spy skills.

Your eyes assess every corner of the room with intensity and when you find nothing, you turn back to look at Sam in confusion.

Footsteps sound from the corridor to the living areas and you straighten pointing your gun there.

A body, large and imposing comes into view and you are full on alert before the familiar mop of blonde hair catches your attention

“Really Sam” The figure says shaking their head

“Stevie?” Before Sam can reply you call out

Steve turns to you and starts to move in your direction before realizing something and coming to stop just a few feet away from you

“Steve Sam said target what target, where is it? Has there been a breech?”

She looks at Sam who scratches the back of his neck looking at her with guilt in her eyes and with a jolt she realizes that the target is in fact herself.

Her eyes widen in realization and she looks at Steve with betrayal in her eyes

“You -You got someone to spy on me?” You point your shaking finger at him dramatically “And that to by the worst spy in history”

“Hey-”

Sam is ignored as Steve shakes his head moving towards you

“No baby I-” You bring your hands in front of yourself in a stop motion taking a step back

‘‘‘

“Why would you spy on me?”

“I sweetheart I just I- didn’t want to but you are not in bed all night and we thought Fury was sending you on some secret mission and-

“How could you Steve” your voice is shaking and eyes are shining, Steve tries to take a step towards you but you raise your hand forward to stop him “I trusted you and you-

“Oh dear god stop it” A frustrated voice calls out from behind you and you turn back to find the black haired super soldier looking at you, shaking his head and pointing his finger at you “You know damn well he will buy it”

Your eyes morph themselves to project a glare at him and scowl angrily.

“I knew you were the traitor!”

Bucky raises his hands in surrender

“Oh no, blondie figured it out himself, shocked me too”

You don’t let down the glare as your eyes narrow at Bucky, staring match initiating itself between two people that have never loose. Once you two played the no blinking game and things got so out of hand when none of you gave up and your eyes were almost dry from the tears before Steve and Natasha had to force you both to stop.

“Okay What is going on here?” Sam looks at the both of you

This snaps you out of your trance and you turn to Steve who looks at you and Bucky with a frown on his face

“Steve I-”

“She’s not really upset at you” Bucky’s stupid voice calls out from behind you “Drama to deviate the subject”

“I swear to god Barnes-”. “Hey Sam lets give them privacy shall we?”

“What no I wanna-” but before he can finish Bucky pulls him out where he previously came from and hides them both behind the wall motioning for him to be quiet by putting a finger on his lips.

“Stevie I-” but Steve just shakes his head

“I thought you really were going on some secret mission but you just you-” He looks towards the couch with your blanket and pillow on it “You sleep here?”

“Stevie I-”

“Do you not like sleeping with me” He really looks heart broken and your heart hurts for him “Do you not wanna be with me and just can’t say it?”

“No baby” You shake your head vigorously and run towards him, enveloping your arms around his waist and rest your head on his chest “I love you, I would never want to leave you”

Steve brings his arms around you and hugs you back before bringing them to your shoulders to pull away and look at you. You stare down at your feet before he brings his hand on your chin and pulls your face up to look in his eyes

“Then what is the matter honey?”

“I-I just, its just” You look down again breaking eye contact and look towards the sofa space where you sleep these nights and your mind suddenly clicks “Its the mattress”

“The what?”

“The bed mattress” you nod your head “my back hurts when I sleep on it”

“Really baby” Steve smiles at that “You could’ve said so. We’ll get new ones immediately tomorrow” You smile as you look up at him and sigh in relief

“Oh thank god” You take hold of his hand “lets go to sleep, I can manage on that bed for one day baby”

Steve only smiles at you, giving you a peck on the lips “I love you and you don’t have to think you need to hide something like that from me ever again”

There is a twinge on your chest and before you can feel anymore bad about this you give him your cheekiest of smiles “Oh baby” And then you’re kissing him, softly and passionately, quickly trying to move towards the living quarters

“Are you kidding me!” A voice calls from behind you and Steve breaks apart to investigate before you pull him back with his shirt collar

“Ignore” you say through a peck “it will go away”

“No it won’t” the voice has gotten closer

“Come on Stevie” You pull away from the kiss and pull him towards the bedroom

“Oh no Stevie stop!”.

“Don’t be a cock block Barnes”. “Oh I won’t let you fool my best friend through sex like that”.

“I’m NOT-”

“Okay what is happening here” Steve asks looking at the both of you with confusion

“Nothing Steve, Barnes his just being an asshole”

“No I am not” Bucky says, returning your glare “She’s lying to you Stevie”

“Are you kidding me Barnes” you seethe before clenching your fist and jumping on him to attack but Steve knows you too well. He catches you and holds your body to his “leave me Baby, I’m gonna kill him”

Bucky seems unfazed by your threat as he crosses his arms across his chest

“Tell him the truth”. “There is no truth to tell!”. “Oh Really?”

“Okay what is going on here?” Steve commands authoritatively now as he steps forward letting go of where he was holding your waist “Can anyone explain to me why you two are fighting like children”

“Baby he is being a jerk”. “Stevie she is lying”

You both say at the same time and Steve sighs clearly annoyed. He shakes his head moving one hand to massage his forehead before turning back to you both

“Okay one at a time” He says “Buck you go first”

“Why does he get to-” you start but are stopped by the firm look on his face

“Because I wanna here what he is accusing you of before you clarifying it” He is clearly exasperated. You only cross your arms and pout in return.

Bucky smirks at you and you glare in return before he turns his attention back to Steve and starts

“She is lying to you” He says and you hiss at him, which causes him to actually wince and move a little away from you in fear “She has no problem with the mattress”

“And How would you know that?” Steve crosses his arms

“Because she told me”

“In confidence” you angrily mutter under your breath

“What was that” Bucky turns to you

“It was-” you both are stopped in your argument by a firm ‘shhhhh’ from Steve

“Don’t you two start again” he says in annoyance before turning to you and his face softens like it does every time he is around you. All authority lost as he asks “Baby?”

You sigh shaking your head “Baby I- ”

“What is he saying” Steve points at Bucky’s direction before moving towards you and enclosing his arms around your waist “Why would you lie to me? What is the matter? You know you can tell me”

“I baby I” you stutter. You need to tell him. You can’t keep lying to him. He means so much to you. You love him more than anything. He deserves to know.

You take a deep breath and start to tell him the truth but one look at the little green speck in the vast ocean of his sea blues and every thought leaves your mind as quickly as it came.

“I have Insomnia” you say quickly, your eyes wide and before Steve can say anything, before he can even give a reaction a voice shouts

“Oh for the love of god!!!” Bucky screams pulling at his hair

“Buck-” Steve starts to say

“You snore okay” Bucky damn near screams “Like real bad, was really a problem back in the 40’s too. She can’t sleep in all that noise and so she sleeps here on the couch”

He lets out a real exhale and motions towards you both

“Now go on talk, communicate whatever just solve this because I’m tired of both your dramatic asses”

Steve ignores his comment turning to face you where you are looking at your feet. He brings his thumb and index on your chin and moves your face to look at him. Your eyes shine and lips are pressed in a line and you refuse to look at him.

“Sweetheart look at me” You shake your head “Baby please” he tries again and you slowly move your eyes to make eye contact

“Is that really the reason?”

You sigh nodding your head

“Then why didn’t you just-”

You shake your head vigorously

“I didn’t know what to say to you” You say in a small voice “You had just started sleeping without the nightmares tainting your dreams and I didn’t want you to you know not sleep properly because of me”

“Darling-” you shake your head

“You worry a lot Stevie” You say “your self-scarifying ass would have started staying up or something”

He sighs and moves towards you engulfing you in his arms.

“We can do something about this don’t worry baby”

“Are you kidding me?” Sam screams and with a jolt you realize he has been standing besides Bucky

“This is it?” He scrunches his brows waving his hands frantically around him as he motions between the two of you “You mean to tell me all this melodrama was for this stupid reason”

You sigh and start to speak

“Sam-”

“What the hell is wrong with you two” He says pointing at you “you know there is a person called the sleep doctor that deals with this stuff. And wax earplugs. Best way to block the noise”

“How do you-”

“I was in the army too you know, there is always this one guy that snores like a fucking hippo”

“I don’t think hippos snore-”

“Shut up” Sam shakes his head, crossing his arms “So here’s what is gonna happen,You” he points at you “buy yourself those earplugs and you” points at Steve “Go to the fucking Sleep doctor and for the love of god you two stop being so irritatingly soft and all baby baby”

Bucky hides his smile behind his arms as Sam hushes through his speech

“I’m gonna go to sleep because this is the most ridiculous thing I have ever witnessed in my life and I just can’t anymore. Bye. Good night”.

He joins his hand like praying to someone and leaves towards the living quarters

Bucky’s eyes follow his departure before crossing his arms.

“So umm I just wanted to get things straight and now that they are I’m gonna go”

You narrow your eyes at him “Be careful of your surroundings Barnes, breaking my trust costs a lot”

Bucky shakes his head clearly not afraid as he starts to move towards the living quarters.

“We need to talk after this Buck” Steve calls out

This makes Bucky frown but he does not stop moving away albeit a little slower

“You lied to me”

This makes him turn around

“I didn’t lie to-”

“Later” Steve shushes him and turns to you “Right now we need to talk”

Bucky just pouts, muttering angrily about trust and weird couple blaming thier problems on innocent him, getting out of the view.

There is a minute a silence as you and Steve just stare at each other and try to decide what to say. After a while it is Steve that breaks the ice.

“Sweetheart” he sighs “you can’t do this”

“I know” you nod your head “I just- I couldn’t tell you and I had no clue what to say to you I just-”

“We need to communicate better” Steve gives you a small smile “you should be able to tell me you are having trouble sleeping because I snore so we can discuss a solution like the one Sam gave rather than you sleeping on this uncomfortable couch”

“Yeah I guess” You shake your head “it was a really stupid solution on my part wasn’t it?”

Steve chuckles at that a little “Really shocked me at first to see you just go there and sleep on that couch while Bucky and Sam had me thinking you were upto some top secret mission” or something”

“God that would have been way cooler if I really had some secret mission wouldn’t it”

“Yes way cooler because this wasn’t cool at all” Steve shakes his head moving his hand to place them on both your shoulders “I need you to know that you can no scratch that you have to tell me if something about me bothers you again rather than form a horrible solution for it”

“Hey! Don’t insult my solution forming skills-”

He ignores you and continues

“I love you and I can’t handle you not being able to tell me about things that bother you, I can’t have a relationship where you are suffering because of me”

“Oh Stevie” You whisper, feeling horrible for making him feel like this. Going on your tip toes you pull him down through his neck to give him a deep kiss “I have never felt like I am suffering because I am not, you are the best man there is and I love you. Not telling you was a mistake and I’m so sorry. I promise from now on no secrets”

He gives you a little smile at that and bends down for another kiss and then brings his hand in front of you with the pinky finger poking out “Pinky promise?”

“Pinky promise well with some exceptions you know-” you say hoking your pinky with his

He just shakes his head with a fond smile, bringing his hand to your cheek.

“You didn’t feel this bad for my feelings when you criticized my caps” He teases

“Those were money caps” you smile “made you look like a dork”

“I get cold in winters!”

“You look like a 100 year old”

“I am a hundred year hold!”

You both are laughing by the end of this exchange before he moves to get on the couch

“You go sleep on the bed” he says tapping the pillow “I will sleep here”

“No you won’t” You start to argue but he shakes his head

“I will go to the doctor tomorrow and I know you are tired, go on”

“I am used to sleeping here so no, you go in”

“I am not moving from here” he shakes his head clearly grown used to your stubborn self and moves to lie down

You cross your arms as an angry pout forms on your face. You know you were strong but not enough to push him away from the couch. But you also can’t leave him here.So you keep staring at him, tapping your foot on the ground before an idea makes home in your mind.

“Hey lets go buy those wax earplugs”

“What? At this time”

“Ya what is it 1;00 pm that is nothing in New York”

“The city is a half hour away”

“So? Its been so long since we’ve taken a road trip and I don’t think I can sleep for a while now”

He gets up from the sleeping position he was in to sit on the couch, his hands on both his sides, his head facing you

“Seriously?”

“Yes please Stevie” you say giving him a big smile “We can stop on the way at the Taco Cart”

“Well how can I say no to tacos” he smiles, standing up.

You both make your way towards the parking garage hand in hand with a promise of Tacos and of more honesty.

Tags: @kayteewritessteve​