#the wonders a 22+ hour trip with layover does for one's creativity

[jiaxxnscribbles]

Baldur's Gate 3 🤝 Don't Starve Together:

the shadows hate you

meat products are a valid weapon

(Feat. my tav Avallir)

[crimsonfox19]

January 1, 2018

I can’t believe it’s become the year 2018 already. While I wouldn’t say 2017 was a great year, a lot has happened and it felt as if it all went so quickly. Last year I worked at an electronics store called Best Buy up until May, and with that took some leaps of faith that even though they didn’t all pan out, I’m proud of myself for taking. In April, I turned 22 years old. In May I had my last day of work at Best Buy and then I got to go to my niece’s first communion. I, personally, am not Catholic, but it was still a nice moment spent with family. That has currently been the last time I’ve seen them. End of May I took my dad out to lunch for his birthday and he dropped me off at an Amtrak train station so I could see my best friend, Aubii, that I hadn’t seen in two years. That was an amazing week full of difficulties, and craziness combined. I got to attend her preschool class with her children and spent a day talking about Japan to them and running around and seeing my best friend in a professional environment. I also got to meet her fiancé, who is probably one of the sweetest and funniest human beings on this planet. I am so excited for them and the future they hold together. I got back to California early June and was traveling more. I ended up in Southern California to see my aunt and some friends before taking two separate trips to San Francisco to work on getting my student visa for Japan. Oh right, I forgot to mention. I got accepted to a language school in Tokyo, Japan, which is still crazy to think about. The first trip to San Francisco almost ended in a terrible car crash that could have had both my father and me fatally wounded, or maybe even killed, but by some miracle avoided us completely. Thankfully, everyone ended up fine in the situation. It truly was a blessing in disguise. The second trip to San Francisco was a Hell of a lot less entertaining, but now San Francisco holds a more sour taste in my mouth. I’m not eager to go there again anytime soon, but on the second trip I also got to see one of my other best friends @phantomandfoxflyer. I miss this girl so much, and everyday I wish us becoming roommates had worked out for the better, and yet, I feel like this all happened for a reason. I truly hope 2018 turns out amazing for her; she deserves it. 

On June 28, 2017 I flew out of LAX and moved to Tokyo, Japan. I had a five hour layover in Seoul, South Korea. I won’t sugar coat it. My first month and a half of living in Japan was horrid. I absolutely resented myself for moving over here, and while I do believe it was a mix of culture shock and general frustration, I have become much more acclimated and I no longer avidly hate Japan. I am so, so, so grateful to have had the chance to move to Japan and live here, and although I plan to move back to the States this coming July, I will always look back on this time of my life fondly and with a more worldly perspective. I can hold at least a general conversation in Japanese now. I celebrated the day of the ocean 海の日 with two of my friends in Odaiba (お台場)! It was absolutely beautiful. I have gone to so many cafes, which I adore (and I certainly haven’t been to enough yet). I’ve gotten to eat decently authentic Japanese, Korean, and Chinese food and have made friends with Taiwanese, Swedish, Korean, and Chinese people. I have gotten to experience a butler cafe here in Japan called Swallowtail (執事喫茶) Butler’s Cafe. It was absolutely amazing, and while definitely not for everybody I truly enjoyed my time there and I cannot wait to go back. I also got to partake in a girl’s party (女子会) with some of my housemates which was surprisingly fun! I have visited Akihabara and eaten amazing fish and have fallen in love with katsudon (カツ丼), omurice (オムライス), and of course Japanese tonkotsu ramen (豚骨ラーメン). I got to see the Tokyo ballet perform Cinderella at the Opera Palace at the New National Theatre here which was incredible! I’ve grilled a handful of salmons with my friends for dinners, including Christmas dinner and enjoyed a beautiful buche de noel Christmas cake with my dear friend I’ve made from here. And to welcome in this New Year I got to spend it with them as well! We had a fish dinner, visited Meiji-jingu (明治時代), went to Golden Gai and met an amazing bartender who was hilarious and we spoke Japanese! Then we went to see another shrine nearby, before heading to Oji station (王子駅) and seeing the fox parade and going to pray at the local shrine around midnight. It was a wonderful way to welcome in the new year, and I’m truly keeping hopeful for it. 

Although I’ve had some amazing times in Japan I can admit this is the most depressed I can remember being in my life. I have felt wholly unproductive in my day-to-day life and I haven’t really cared much about what has happened around me. I have recently realized that a lot of this year has helped me process and realize who I really am as a person. If I had been able to continue university I would have graduated with my Bachelor’s this year, but instead I’m learning, living, and breathing an entirely new culture. I’ve learned that Japan isn’t the place I had hoped to call home before coming here. I have learned what I need in an environment and in a mindset of people after moving to Japan. I have realized that I am much more of a feminist than I ever thought I was before. I have learned that through this all, I am me. And that’s okay. I have some plans for my future again, and we’ll see where it takes me. For now, I’m taking it slow. If I can make it happen I’m hoping to move up to Washington state to work and start taking some community college courses to finish up my Associates degree. I’m going to continue learning Japanese and will hopefully be able to use it in whatever kind of workplace I get situated in. I still adore Linguistics and I hope to get a Bachelor’s in that if possible, otherwise I might try to get a Bachelor’s in English, as I’ve come to learn how much I value reading, literature, essays, and language as a whole. I’d like to attend bartending school when I’m back in the States and start working as a said bartender. Or maybe I’ll get work as a funeral home director or secretary. All three sound interesting and possible to me. 

So what does that make 2018 mean for me? 

I plan to write something, anything every single day. I don’t care if it’s a journal-like entry such as this, working on something toward the couple of books that I’m currently working on, a poem, a RP, a drabble, an essay, literally anything! I just want to sit down everyday and write something. Short or long, just something with some sort of reflection or importance to me. 

I plan to start loving myself more. I don’t want to care how I look as much compared to other people and enjoy how I look for me. I want to start eating more vegetables, although that might come more to fruition once I’m back in the states and they’re cheaper than here in Japan. I want not feel as guilty for the days I do lock myself in my room and see no one, but the convenient store employee, or a McDonald’s worker, and I just binge watch movies/YouTube videos, etc. It’s okay. But at the same time, I’m going to try not to do that as much as I have this last year.

I plan to take my mental health more seriously. I won’t say anything about my physical health, because I’m going to have to really beat that into my head and where I’m at right now, I don’t know if I have the gumption for that. But, I do plan to be more open and okay with what I feel emotionally and what’s going on with me mentally. If I’m upset it’s okay, if I’m happy and everyone thinks that’s stupid for whatever reason, that’s okay. It’s okay to be me, and that’s something I want to work on the most. 

I plan to take what I like to do creatively more seriously. I still want it to be a hobby, but I want to start actively working on my hobbies. I want to get more into photography whether it’s with my DSLR, learning how to edit photos better, or with my smartphone and the various apps I have, to have more control over the pictures I can take. Whether it be learning how to sculpt, or starting to take piano seriously again. All of this I want to be actively working with again. 

This should be enough for me to keep my mind on and to actively work towards, so we’ll see how it ends up in the end. I am not expecting people to really read this, as this is more for myself and my own personal reflection. There is more to be said, and a lot I have missed, but these are the highlights that have come to my mind immediately. 

Here’s to a wonderful 2018!