#the world can pry fruity ted out of my cold dead hands

[starpirateee]

Hi! Can I suggest something kinda dumb that's been in my head forever? Pete coming out to Ted as bi and being really nervous, and then Ted's like " oh cool me too. Wait you didn't know that?" And Pete's like "???"

Idk that's just really funny to me lol

First, anon, this idea is anything but dumb! Second, it would be my genuine pleasure! Bisexual brothers for the win tbh 😌

And forgive Pete for not being able to work this out with his incredible logic, it's the tism (and the anxiety) ((see: just like me fr))

"Ted… I've gotta tell you something…" Pete had been holding this back for a month or more, waiting on the right moment to just come out and say it. Part of him didn't even know what he was worried about, Ted had literally never judged him for anything before, why would this be so different? He was one of the most laid back people he knew, but there had to be a line somewhere, right? Maybe this would be the line, maybe Ted wouldn't be cool with it…

He found his brother on the sofa, halfway through some probably shit movie he wasn't even paying attention to. Swallowing back his nerves, he forced himself to breathe and rationalise the situation. No, he was not admitting to having committed a crime. No, he was not about to say he wanted to elope to another country with nothing but a girl and a dream… How bad could it really be?

Ted paused the movie, turned around, and raised an eyebrow. Pete was known for being a nervous wreck; he overthought like the best of them, and he'd set himself into more than enough spirals that were all decently hard to pull him back from. This was another one of those occassions, apparently. He looked tense, and there was something about the way he was avoiding looking at him that made him believe it wasn't just something interesting on the floor. "Uh, okay? What's up?" He asked, preparing himself for some long story that he'd have to deep dive through.

"I- uh…" Pete hesitated, drawing in a breath, and taking Ted up on the offer of the other side of the sofa. Even when he sat down, he was stiff as a board, worried that somehow this would go wrong. Eventually, he just decided to jump into the deep end and see what happened. "Fuck it. I'm… I'm into guys. And girls! Both! I'm… Bisexual. I might get a girlfriend one day, but- uh, maybe not, y'know..?"

It was silent for a few moments. Pete was starting to let those moments bleed out into eternity, thinking it better to absolve himself in the silence. It was better than rejection!

And then Ted hummed, breaking that precious silence like glass. Pete held his breath subtly, kneading his hands against the fabric of his trousers.

"… Cool."

But that wasn't the reaction he was expecting at all.

"Huh? That- that's it..? What, you're just cool with that?"

Just one word. The word 'cool'. He could forgive Ted for being vague at the best of times, but not right now. At least it didn't sound like a bad thing… He had prompted for more, though, and he was hoping that it was going to continue to be a good thing even with that much needed clarification.

Ted scoffed, vaguely amused. "What's your problem, kid? D'you think I was gonna judge you or whatever?"

"Uh… Yeah?"

For some reason, Ted was expecting it to be glaringly obvious that he was on his brother's side here. He thought he made it obvious enough, in any case… "Pete… Jesus…" He tried not to laugh- after all, this was probably serious for Pete, and he'd probably been thinking about how to say that for quite a while, knowing him. "I probably kissed more guys in college than you'll ever even get with. I'm the last person who's gonna judge you for swingin' both ways."

"What?"

"Yeah, man. Kissed 'em, hooked up with 'em… Hell, I even had a half serious relationship in high school with some poor kid, who pretty much had to dig a ditch just to bury his religious guilt. Sure that guy's got a wife now…" He paused, thinking about that. He'd seen him around- he was sure of it, the guy hadn't changed in the slightest- and there was always some woman with him. Well, repression did normally only lead to more repression…

He shrugged, waving a hand dismissively. "Ehh, you get my point. Good for you for working that one out for yourself, I guess, but there's literally nothing to be nervous about… Actually, I can't believe you didn't figure me out a long time ago, you're smart enough."

"You never said anything…"

"Didn't think I had to. People tend to figure that shit out eventually."

The signs were there, weren't they? Sometimes it was in the way Ted talked about his co-workers, or the knowing glances he'd shoot someone from across the way… Pete laughed. All of the signs had been right there the whole time, and here he was thinking Ted was going to judge him for liking guys… It was funny, now he thought about it, and it did make sense. He shook off some of the tension in his shoulders. "How- uh… How'd you figure it out?"

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you."

"No, go on! I wanna know!"

Ted sighed, shaking his head. Sometimes it was hard for him to admit he was just as nerdy as his brother, once upon a time. He'd strayed so far from that path that nobody would believe him if he told them how he'd chosen to decorate his college dorm, or how much he made from selling his comic collection.

"… It was fucking Knight Rider. Hasselhoff."

Pete blinked. He said nothing for a while, expecting there to be a different answer, but Ted didn't look like he was going to say anything else. "Wait, are you serious?"

"I don't know what you were expecting me to say, honestly… Yeah, my answer is David fucking Hasselhoff. No, I'm not gonna tell you how many times I watched Knight Rider…"

"Oh my god! You're such a fucking nerd!"