#the world moves on but circumstance and the natural order of things poseidon is still

[mmelolabelle]

— “you left me no choice but to stay here forever”

[extremelyblackandwhite]

the unseen one - 19

Pairing: Hades!Bucky Barnes x Reader

Warnings: none

A/N: i keep playing this game called “if i add this song to the playlist will it spoil the ending” and it has become my new favourite game. sorry that it took me this long to post, it’s been very hot in cambridge which always gets me in a right mood (i hate summer and heat) so i’ve been putting my frustration into finishing my exams. had to take a break because if i have to talk about serotonin once more, my only serotonin left will leave my system 😂

hope you enjoy this chapter xx

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(not my gif, credit to creator)

James maintained a tight grip on her as the Charon took them back to his chambers in the Asphodel Meadows. She was silent and still almost like a statue, her eyes taking in as they went away from the Tartarus to the Elysium and finally to the Meadows. Y/N wondered why the King of the Underworld had decided to make his home in such a bleak place. The sounds were always of torture and mumbled cries, the souls were people who, in Y/N’s mind at least, deserved to be somewhere else, and were always begging to be taken out of their misery. It wasn’t a pretty place but his home wasn’t also she’d call a home of a King much less a god. The ceilings were high and the walls were painted in light and dark tones of grey with minimalistic furniture. It was a far cry from what her mother would describe when speaking about deities’ residences. However, James seemed to be a simple man, at least that’s how he showed himself before she got dragged way under. 

     - Do you want me to ask the servants to draw you a warm bath? Maybe some flower petals? - James questioned, his hand coming up to her face to push some hair away from her sight. - Do you wanna eat anything? Just tell me what you wanna eat and I’ll make sur ...

     - Did you hurt Anne? - Y/N was probably the only person in the Underworld who could interrupt James without having the furies being released on them immediately. He daren’t look at her, knowing exactly the look she was probably giving him, the type of look that would make him want to carry the world on his shoulders until she was happy. 

    - I did not hurt Anne. 

    - Did you turn her into any of the following. - she raised her fingers as if she were mentally counting. - A plant, an animal, some sort of plant-animal, cursed her, made her grow serpent hair ...

    - I didn’t do anything, Y/N. - he held onto her hands before she could list other ways gods had punished mortals. He did wanted to punish Anne, there hadn’t been anyone who deserved more to have the furies released upon them but he knew that if he did such thing, she would probably try and release the furies on him too. - However, next time something like that occurs I will punish them. I’m the God of the Underworld and I won’t undermine that. 

    - That’s fair. - Y/N scratched the back of her neck. She understood there was a side to him that she was yet to discover, the side of him that was a god, a ruler, but she still wanted to believe that he was her Bucky. - Shouldn’t I get back to Hecate and the other maidens?

    - If you want. - he tried to maintain a calm facade but inside he was puzzling himself over if his words had maybe scared her and she would rather be with Hecate than to be with him. - You’re free to do as you may. I just thought you’d want to stay with me.

There was a tinge of disappointment and uneasiness in his features, tightened expression as he managed not to show her how upset he felt that she did not want to be near him. Maybe it was too much for her to handle, after all up until a few hours ago she was sure she was dating a CEO and now she was dating the God of the Dead. 

Noticing his, Y/N slowly raised her hands to rest against his cheek, her mere touch raising feelings of warmth in him.

   - Sounds like you want me to stay. - there it was, her little playful smirk. James wanted to roll his eyes at her, but he couldn’t help but feel some sort of way whenever she outsmarted him.

   - I always want you to stay, Y/N. - of course he wanted her to stay. He had to endure the first moments of their relationship constantly counting the hours and looking at the sky so he wouldn’t be caught and now she was here. Sure, she was here due to uncertain circumstances, but she was still here. - But if you wanna go back to the Elysium, I would understand. 

   - I just don’t want to cause you any trouble. - Y/N slightly turned her head to the side, embarrassment creeping into her soft features.

   - Why would you cause me any trouble, sweetness? - he took the hand that was craddling his face into his own hands, sensing something wrong. - Homesick? 

   - It’s just ... considering that I’m supposed to be one of Hecate’s maidens, wouldn’t people look down on you if they saw you with me?

   - Y/N. - he sighed. - Your parents were Greek historians, right? 

   - Yeah.

   - So tell me, what’s the worse thing a god has ever done? - that as a funny question for Y/N. There were lots of myths that made her sick to her stomach just hearing about it and other myths that would make her want to climb to Mount Olympus herself and punch some gods. The short answer was, there is no short answer. 

    - Do you want it in alphabetical order? - she joked. 

    - What do you think it’s the worse offence? 

    - Well, if you asked me what I think was the worse thing ever done by a god I’d say it was what Poseidon and Athena did to Medusa.

    - Were their reputations ruined even after what they did?

    - No.

    - Then I won’t get in trouble for associating with one of Hecate’s maidens. 

    - Yeah but gods also turn into a wide variety of animals to go and do less than savoury things with mortals.

    - Less than savoury things? - he smirked. - Last time I checked you were one of Hecate’s maidens not Artemis’. 

    - Cut it off. - she playfully pushed his chest away. Bucky just rolled his eyes at her behaviour, wrapping his arms around her waist, carefully moving her closer to him afraid she might’ve gotten hurt at the Tartarus. 

   - Come, let’s get some food in you. - he guided her through his place. She wondered why it was so minimalistic and why is it in the Asphodel Meadows of all places. Maybe he disliked to be surrounded by all the fauna and flora of the Elysium or maybe Hecate didn’t allow him near it. Nevertheless, it was an odd place and an oddly unremarkable home, at least for that of a King. 

He left her waiting in his dinning hall, allowing her time to inspect it. There was nothing much but a dinning table surrounded by various book shelves. The books were in Greek for what she could muster but what caught her attention were a few picture frames by a half empty unit of the shelf. Y/N’s hands reached for the first one, a sepia coloured photo of Bucky and a blonde man she swore she’d seen before. His hair was much shorter and shabbier with a child like grin, arms around the blonde guy who looked much more polished. Her mind was telling her she had seen this picture before, she just couldn’t point it.

The other frame contained the photo of a couple dressed in hellenic clothing adorned by golden accessories. The man was standing tall, hand on the woman’s shoulder whose hair rivalled the gold colour of the pins in her head and stood sat on a porcelain chair. The look in the woman’s eyes was serene yet controlling, almost like a storm brewing over calm seas. On both their heads sat adorned jewelled crowns and the man held the same staff James had been holding back in the Tartarus.

   - Y/N? - his voice suddenly echoing through the silent made her drop the face on the carpeted floors, a flush creeping through the apples of her cheeks as she herself dropped to the floor to grab it and put it back in its due place. - What are you doing? 

   - I was just looking at your photos. - she put her hands behind her back, eyes lowered to the ground like a child who had just been scolded. Bucky walked over to where she was standing, looking at the frame she had put back. - Are they your parents? 

   - No, sweetness. - he chuckled. - That’s Hades and Persephone, well, the original ones. I find you must have memory of those who came before you. 

   - She’s beautiful. I mean, I always thought Persephone had to be beautiful, after all it was said her undying beauty was what made Hades kidnap her. 

   - Hades didn’t kidnap her. - Bucky always forgot that mortals still fully believed the myth brought back to light by the Greek. Honestly, it was a disgrace that no Underworld God had yet to chance the misconception. 

   - Yes, he did. That’s why Demeter stopped doing her job.

   - Sweetness, do you seriously think someone whose name means Bringer of Death could stay in the Underworld against her will?

   - What do you suggest then? - she crossed her arms against her ripped tunic, all knowing smirk on her face. 

   - I don’t know if I should tell you now. - Y/N huffed, lips coming into a pout which made his heart melt at the look. - If you were to tell the story of Persephone and Hades, how would you tell it?

   - I wouldn’t because I seemingly don’t know. - she had a playful nature to her gaze, a stark contrast to those with whom he spent most of his days with in the Underworld. James took her hand in his like a scene in a Jane Austen movie, slowly pulling her to him. - So what’s it gonna be?

    - Persephone found the entry to the Underworld and decided to stay because she enjoyed it here. Once Demeter realised her daughter was gone Hades faked the kidnapping story for her because he was hopelessly in love with Persephone. 

    - What about the nymphs that saw the abduction? How do you explain that?

    - There are some perks to being the God of the Underworld, sweetness. 

    - I’m guessing you won’t tell me what those perks are. 

    - Maybe later, sweetness. You must join me for dinner now.

    - Bucky ... - she picked onto her nails, eyes looking at her shoes. - Who’s the man next to you in the photo?

tag list: @philogrobizedvee​​​​​  @keithseabrook27​​​​ @inlovewith3​​​​19

[margridarnauds]

🍓 tell me about Berenice!

YES real problematic fave hours! [warning for references to alcohol, child death]

Like a ton of my other OCs, she’s immortal. (NOT invulnerable.) As such, she’s been around for...over 2000 years. (Also why the timeline might seem strange because “....Cleopatra....Brennus...English invading....WHAT?”)

Was VERY free-spirited as a young child, her favorite place growing up was the Lighthouse of Alexandria, where she used to watch the ships coming in with Marcus (a ward of her father’s that they found on the streets of Rome after he saved Berenice’s life when they were children), Atria (her future royal physician, Marcus’ sister), and Khensa (her future spymistress), all of them trying to guess where they came from, Berenice usually carting at least one or two books up in order to read in peace.

This stopped when her father disciplined Atria once for something that she did. She swore afterwards that she would never endanger her friends for the sake of her own fun, and she tries to hold religiously to that. It might be her one scruple left, actually. 

Met Cleopatra Philopater once as a small child and it made such an impact that she took quite a bit of inspiration from her, including learning Egyptian. 

Knows at least ten languages, though not all of them to a strong degree of fluency. (She knows at least Latin, Greek, Egyptian, Aramaic, English, a little bit of Irish [though she has issues with it] and Gaulish.) 

Is actually a quarter Persian, on her mother’s side, the rest of her being thoroughly Macedonian. Her grandmother married one of Alexander the Great’s officials, producing Berenice’s mother. 

When her father was murdered by a former suitor of hers, her brothers were also killed, leaving her with no support, as well as the full knowledge that her half-siblings wouldn’t hesitate to kill her if they had a chance. She hid her father’s body for well over a week while waiting for her uncle to arrive.

She was the one to kill said former suitor herself, when Marcus held back, unable, despite his various wrongs, to be the one to plunge the sword in. (Though he was already incapacitated - When he tried to aim for Atria, who was next on his list of “People Berenice Loves” list, she stabbed him in the leg. Part of why Marcus and Berenice never let the full details of what happened that night slip is because of their fear of what would happen if the truth was revealed. It was easier for Marcus, as a lower class man and a former ward of the family, to take responsibility and accept exile instead of execution. Berenice begged for him to be allowed to stay, saying that, if he left, her conscience would leave with him, but no luck. And she was true to her word.) 

Totally commissioned a “Justice for Clytemnestra” book after re-assuming power after the death of her second husband.

She used to be friends with her greatest rival, Elektra, when they were children, the two noble girls viewed as natural companions for each other. But, when Berenice befriended Marcus and Atria, the other girl looked down her nose on them, refusing to play with street rats, and Berenice told her that, if that was the case, she wasn’t going to play with her either. Elektra never forgave the insult, and, while a ton of things happened in the meanwhile to make them reach a point of no return, the first pebble in the avalanche fell there. 

Lives up to the stereotype of Ancient Macedonians and alcohol - She can outdrink even mythical figures RENOWNED for their ability to hold their liquor, and one of the first canonical words out of her mouth is “I was told there would be free wine.” While she was hardly sheltered from it as a child, her usage did intensify in the wake of her father’s + brothers’ deaths, as well as Marcus’ subsequent exile and her second, disastrous marriage. Brennus’ presence, ironically given he’s never been one to hold back from the alcohol, tends to temper her usage.

Whenever Atria publishes a new book on medicine, Berenice always has multiple copies of it made. Part of it is her flexing as Atria’s patron, part of it is that she’s genuinely proud of her friend’s accomplishments and wants the whole world to know that Atria Did A Thing. 

 Married twice, both of them arranged, and twice widowed. Though she loves Brennus dearly, she has massive reservations around actually marrying him, because of what it would mean for her independence.

When her second husband died, she worked quickly to get rid of all his other consorts and children, in a purge that many shuddered to think about decades down the line. 

No cold tolerance - When she had to move from Alexandria to a much colder climate, someplace akin to Alaska in climate, she very nearly died, since her body wasn’t used to the extreme change of temperature. While she’s doing much better these days, she still gets sick quite easily in the winter and needs multiple fur covers on her bed. Brennus, hardened northerner that he is, mocks her RELENTLESSLY for it. 

There are a TON of rumors swirling around her, both among her own people and the New Anglians. At this point, she takes a certain tongue in cheek mentality to it. (”Ah, yes, you see, I was just climbing out of my daily bath of virgin’s blood when the courier came to me and said-”) 

Somewhat ironically, despite her reputation for ruthlessness, she is one of the most aggressive pursuers of murderers, particularly the ones that we would call “serial killers”. All these years, and she’s never forgotten her father’s death, and how easily it could have been avoided if they’d just gotten rid of that man when he’d been killing people on the street. The technology isn’t there to make her as effective as she’d like, but she tries. She doesn’t care if the victim was a fruit seller or one of her court officials: If you kill someone under her watch, you’re going to die a horrible death. 

Keeps a MASSIVE wardrobe of jewelry and clothes. Many of which the New Anglians took when they invaded, but some of which she retains. When she had more personal possessions, she used to hand out her hand-me-downs to Atria and Khensa, so the three of them often look like they have a very similar style. (Atria literally can’t be bothered to go shopping most of the time, spending most of her money on specimens for her medical research/natural philosophy, and Khensa’s work as spymistress tends to mean that her funds are constantly running low.) 

 Is either the single most beautiful or the second most beautiful person in the entire continuity (depending on whether or not you hold that Bres is prettier.) It’s caused her her share of problems, as a woman in the time she’s living in. 

Her family have always felt like they were personally descended from Poseidon, which means that she tends to draw on that a lot for her propaganda, though she herself feels a stronger pull to Aphrodite.

She sometimes doubts her own personality, given how often she finds herself playing a role. She definitely feels like she’s become a monster and, to a certain extent, embraces it as something that was necessary under the circumstances. When Eleanor is a young queen, forced to choose between raising her tyrant brother’s daughter or taking the power for herself, Berenice strongly advised for taking the power, which Eleanor ended up roundly rejecting. 

Her personal color scheme is Tyrian purple and gold, though rose gold also pops up a lot when I’m doing aesthetic stuff for her. Common motifs for her tend to be peacocks (as a nod to Hera and, subsequently, Berenice’s persecution of her husband’s children by other consorts) and beetles. In a Daemon AU, I’ve always thought her Daemon would be a golden snake. 

[shy-magpie]

RQG 146

[Author’s note: Sorry about the long break! I caught a bug and haven’t been able to edit for love or money. I have been writing the live blogs as the episodes come out but I suspect I will have to edit the stuffing out of them to get something that is both coherent and not twice as long as the show. Also I’m going to try to remember to toss a cut at the top of these things so it doesn’t take up so much of the dash etc.]

I love when they go auctioneer because they want to get to the content faster. Ooh reminder that the party have slightly conflicting goals. I almost spaced that Zolf's priority is the info to save the world while Cel is more narrowly focused on taking out the threat to their village. 

Final bets on whether: 1) the timelines are simultaneous 2) its the same room 3) who(or what) is in the chair ~Hamid time~ Another stealth check and I think Alex rolled something secret. I love these nerds, I don't think they even noticed they slipped into the more precise language of math to describe the place, always makes me feel trusted when people don't hide that kind of thing. Bulk head doors are a good sign. Alex might be trying to build up to it but Bryn wants to get a description of the figure in the chair as badly as we do if not more. Full blank-masked male, cables from the chair to the organ. Ben, sweetie, we aren't going to shoot-first-ask-questions-later, or even take that as your serious suggestion moments after you reminded us Zolf is aiming for capture. "Could be another one of the dead bodies" Pardon me while I glitch on the idea that it being another member of the doomed party is the only thing that I can't recall being proposed over the last week. Am I forgetting or did Figgis actually come up as a suggestion but not that? Alex adds a ladder, to save Hamid one of his last spells "Tension, tension, tension" I can't parse how many of them are chanting but who ever that is, know I adore you. I should be vibrating from stress and instead I'm grinning like a fool. Thats my boy! Hamid's spell slots might be running scary low but his mind is sharp as ever, he remembers his potions! Oh dangerous game, but the extra time invisible as he gets closer sounds worth it. Picked up a few things from Sasha. "Think" Alex is actively trolling. The lights are bad? You choose to do that, Alex, put away the "victim of circumstances" tone. Oh the organ! I needed a better description of that. Lydia might be the only one who loves this description more than me. A pipe organ that makes potions instead of music? Bryn has heard of one where each key is an alchemical symbol. I might need to hunt down art for that if its a known pathfinder thing. Hamid recognizes it but is the wrong school to understand this, both by training as a wizard and as sorcerer. The pipes are actually full of various fluids and powders. Yes Cel needs to see this. Thank you Helen! How much money has he spent on this? Where is he getting the money? I need that clipped! (tension chant evolved) Oh hell of a bet Hamid Sasha would be proud. The table is so proud of him. FTR I think that was Ben not Bryn saying "I stroke his cheek", because Bryn wouldn't risk Alex making that joke canon and using it to hurt Hamid. (naturally there was such no risk if Ben made that joke) Cable to the back of the neck, in clerical robes (crap I remember a “Shoin the healer painting”(?) but I thought he was an alchemist? Is this an assistant? Mini boss? Or is he multi classing), a party mask? Back to that theme. Its a prop corpse and its not the same room, I'm going to scream. Hamid don't you dare! Dollars to donuts its going to stand up and be some kind of creepy corpse robot Hamid waves Skraak in Speaker time, Shoin sounds worse maybe off script. ~~party time~~ Oh Cel has to lose most of the beast voice. Never mind! Smaller pencils acquired! I love this description even better the second time around. Oh bless Lydia for giving the fuller description. 55 HP! 14 Con! Comfort beard. Ooh Azu has a potion to make her even further stronger than Zolf. (iirc she had 1 point over him already) Yes he is in fact lawful evil and no he doesn't ever let them rest. Wise Cel/Lydia! I love Azu's auras! Aura of courage sounds especially useful. Yes yes Azu is good, brave, and resolute. Oh poor Zolf can't prep without either sleep or knowing for sure the fight is coming. Cel actually has 59 HP thank goodness! Another hall? Its circling the dome Hamid is in. It better be the same dome! I feel a bit like I'm betraying the party to enjoy the set design when the set is designed to kill them. They go as fast as they can while checking for traps. I refuse to parse that any other way. Oh poor Alex, we appreciate the set design even if the characters don't. Next door has a porthole to look through. Bless Helen/Azu for reminding them to check for traps. Cel can still disable it! It was a hand buzzer? Oh, to waste spells. Missed an in laid wood image of Shoin as a saint. This guy has too much ego and money. Anyone else thinking of that old joke where a guy has to become a monk to be allowed to find out what is behind a ridiculous number of doors and the punchline is you have to become a monk to find out what he saw? Ok it is a good thing its not the right door ~Hamid time~

Alex you troll! I refuse to concede we needed something to bleed to the stress levels. Shoin’s voice officially probably not a pre recording. I love Hamid! Hangs a handkerchief over the corpse's eyes. Poseidon? Couldn't be any god other than Zolf's ex? Ok doesn't seem in good enough shape to be a necrobot, but the organ might change that. Metal chairs sized for the party bolted to floor. I think Hamid is officially having fun not following Shoin's suggestion to sit at the table. Look at the leader in him collecting the paperwork Official connection between blue veins and the simulacrum! Also a spot for the power source Liliana was working on? Red string joke! ~break~ He Acid Blasts a speaker and it pisses Shoin off. Yeah "young man" was exact wrong thing to try. Were you trying to hit his daddy issues? I love one troll and 1 Kobold! Minion this! If Hamid speaks up? Shoin’s sense are fallible, might come up later Hamid is the best! Might die of being the best, but if he has to go its fingers up. Halfling, Dragon and troll, not a damn inch of leverage except what he gets Shoin to give him by refusing to follow orders. Pretending to attempt to comply is so much more frustrating (and better listening) than if he simply went "shan't". The party comes in! A swear! Not really another way to put it. The corpse explodes! Is Shoin the organ itself? A hug! A Cel & Hamid hug! Zolf backs Hamid's play, and  joins in Shoin baiting. Hamid hugs Azu and Zolf! Finally a proper Zolf hug! Cel finally gets to check out the organ. It prioritizes looks over efficiency and isn't just a potion maker. Some of it goes over Cel's head. Cel blocks the outlet. Lydia still thinks slightly sideways like me, and I love it. The cylinders are near boiling. Hamid orders Skraak to safety! Cel tries to hug Skraak, but Skraak doesn't recognize them. Poor brave little guy tried to attack before they can explain. Cel takes chatty!Skraak well and they have another little bonding growl exchange. They get ready to skip Shoin's game and go to the next room. Bad sounds. Fist sized drops of luminous green liquid from the top of the room that don't act right. Zolf attempts open the door to the next room, Hamid sprints towards it. Thank goodness someone wants to live. Natural 1? But its initiative, so that shouldn't hurt too badly right? Right? No effect thank goodness Homing blobs? I am torn exactly between that being cool and not something I want the party to deal with. How many fire balls does Hamid have left? I think Cel is out of bombs, and if we remember nothing else from Kew its that swarms require explosions. Zolf! Its the big brother of the buzzer door and is locked to boot. Azu attacks the goo nearest Zolf. Helen is too wound up to remember how to roll. Bryn and Ben couch her through it in that RQ way. Cleave! More blobs and the existing ones move towards people. Magic missile! 4 pews! 2 at the nearest to him, 2 at the one nearest Cel. I'd say squishy solidarity but Cel is pretty tough for once. Cel shoots the nearest 3? Then flies up 10 feet up and towards Skraak. Zolf blesses the party! Fair Alex! Not everything has to have a mechanical effect. Azu attacks again. It explodes, if Azu hits it it will die.  At least one person should be safe. Skraak! He froze! Worth a shot Ben You'll see? It tries to blob Skraak and isn't big enough to hurt them. Is Skraak safe from collateral damage? Hamid and Cel both protect Skraak. Hamid tells Skraak to use his spear, Skraak runs instead. Thank god he might not die trying to be a hero. Something drains into the pipe organ and the pipe organ attacks! OMG it is a 50ft tall brain soup drinking electric monster! Yes Ben! Perfect! Shoin Mr Ceiling-ed himself theory has player buy in! Bye! Also I will eat my hat if the drop blobs aren't able to merge into something more dangerous.

[samanthasroberts]

5 Superpowers You Never Noticed All Movie Characters Have

We’re used to people in movies having superpowers. Some of them, after all, are hulks or spider-men. But we’re not talking about robot cops and super soldiers in this article. Movies — even ones that aren’t fantasy or sci-fi — often give unearthly abilities to totally ordinary characters simply because that makes it easier to move the plot along. We’re talking about how …

5

Everyone Has Daredevil Hearing In Impossibly Noisy Places

When you’re in a dance club, there is one word you will say at least 500 times a night: “WHAT?!” While ridiculously loud music plays, you and the person next to you will scream “WHAT!?” directly into each other’s ears until the two of you are drunk enough to think it’s a conversation. And it’s the same thing the cab driver yells at you later when you tell him to take you to horblrgble and ablbbb.

In the movies, though, everyone is perfectly capable of having a normal conversation in the noisiest of places — clubs, concerts, gunfights, it doesn’t matter. They’ll trade jokes and make nuanced observations like they were in a soundproof studio. It’s as if no one who has written a movie has ever tried to order a beer or ask a dancing girl about her hobbies. In The Social Network, Sean Tucker delivers an absurdly long story in the center of a noisy club:

In The Matrix, Trinity and Neo have a quiet discussion right next to speakers blasting four billion decibels of Rob Zombie.

Warner Bros. Pictures What’s your name again!? What? Sorry, did you say, ‘DIG THROUGH THE DITCHES AND BURN THROUGH THE WITCHES?’” “WHAT?!”

But In Reality …

The deafeningly loud music you hear in clubs doesn’t make it impossible to talk by accident; it’s the whole point. Club owners deliberately turn up the volume to stifle conversation because, exposition or otherwise, time spent talking is time not spent buying overpriced drinks.

4

Women’s Bodies Are Magically Hairless In All Circumstances

If you were to crash-land on a remote desert island or wake up in a coma to find society has collapsed, you’re going to have to give up some conveniences of civilized society. Hygiene and hair maintenance is one of the first things to go. If you’re a man, this means ratty hair and a scraggly beard. If you’re a woman, it means … you’ll still have kissably soft, smooth legs, and well-maintained eyebrows and manicures. At least, that’s what movies and TV shows would have us believe. In Lost, Thundarr The Barbarian, or even “real” shows like Survivor, a woman’s body is able to completely shave itself when you remove razors from the world.

Discovery Studios “Your legs are so smooth. Are … are you a witch?”

Even the most gripping survival drama of the ’60s, Gilligan’s Island, never displayed anything other than perfectly smooth legs and underarms.

Warner Bros. Television Distribution It was only a three-hour tour, but they brought enough bikini wax for a six-hour one.

But In Reality …

Despite a female body hair never appearing on camera in the history of the human race, women’s legs are not naturally smooth. To get them hairless, women shave and wax and rub torturous inventions along them. It’s true — if you leave a woman’s leg alone for a day, it will grow enough hair to wig Cleveland. But try telling that to the producers of The Walking Dead. They have to wade through buckets of gore to find a can of chili, but there is always an Epilady to spare for the hot, hairless babes of the wasteland.

3

Everyone Has Crystal-Clear Underwater Vision

If you live in an adventure movie, odds are good that at some point, you’re going to get front-kicked off a boat or shoved into the ocean by an explosion. Luckily, since you’re a character in an adventure movie, you can see perfectly in water, no matter how dark or filled with muck it may be.

This happens so often in movies that it would be truly weird for a character to burst out of the water to complain how they couldn’t see a goddamn thing. You might remember in The Poseidon Adventure how Kurt Russell had to dive into a debris-filled, salty abyss to find the Save Everyone button. Or how in Lost, when Kate and Sawyer notice bodies at the bottom of a pond, and manage to scavenge them for supplies without turning the place into a cloud of disturbed, opaque silt.

Then there’s Lady In The Water, which expects us to believe not only that someone with Paul Giamatti’s body can swim like Aquaman, but also that he can see in an underwater cavern with only a small flashlight. Water is almost a pointless obstacle in movies. Everyone can hold their breath for 20 minutes, see perfectly, and all their electronics work fine.

But In Reality …

Goggles were invented because it’s hard as hell to see underwater, even assuming you’re not surrounded by bubbles, algae, and disturbed muck. Sure, in a pool on a sunny day, you might be able to leer at the unsuspecting butts of the other swimmers, but jump into a pond, river, or reservoir, and you’ll see next to nothing. And not only for the obvious reasons; the human eye is literally not designed to see underwater.

The front of the eye has two lenses which work to focus images on the retina at the back. Refraction takes place when light passes from the air into the cornea, which is much more dense, but water and human corneas have similar densities. So when we open our eyes underwater, incoming light rays are hardly bent, or focused, at all. The inside lens can’t make up for the lost corneal refraction, so the light that reaches the retina isn’t focused and the underwater world looks blurry. Unless you live in a movie, where everyone is apparently half mermaid.

If you want to see all of Hollywood’s underwater powers come together at once, here’s a clip from Alien: Resurrection, everybody’s favorite Alien movie. These magical assholes not only navigate a long, flooded, garbage-filled passageway with no lighting, but also spot the Xenomorphs following them and shoot at them with grenade launchers, with perfect accuracy, while holding their breath in the dark and dragging a handicapped guy. It’s incredible.

Exploding an acid-filled monster right next to themselves barely even disturbs their swimming.

And speaking of incredible underwater powers …

2

Sleeping People Can’t Drown

Imagine a movie character getting into a boat/plane/aquatic train accident in the dead of night and getting thrown overboard. They are knocked unconscious, hopelessly adrift in the merciless sea. Can you imagine being surprised when a snap cut shows them washed up on a beach and they, what’s this? They’re stirring! They’re alive!

No, of course not. Everyone who has ever gone into the ocean unconscious in a movie has woken up on a nearby island or in the bed of the person currently leaning over them. If movies are to be believed, the best way to survive at sea is to punch yourself in the jaw.

In The Walking Dead, Tara falls off a bridge with several flesh-eating monsters, only to wash up hours later unconscious and unharmed.

But In Reality …

The mammalian diving reflex exists, and it tends to keep humans awake during exposure to water. But these characters wash ashore completely conked out. Real people can’t sleep through that. Weirdly enough, some have tried. When you start breathing water into your lungs, your choices are 1) wake up coughing and pissed off, or 2) be dead. So while we might believe that movie characters can see underwater perfectly while holding their breath for ten minutes and winning a gunfight, we draw the line at thinking they can stop and take a nap.

1

Everyone Hanging From a Ledge Has Gorilla Grip Strength

You’ve seen it a hundred times — the beloved protagonist goes over a cliff! “Oh no!” You shout! “Shut up!” someone else shouts. And it turns out someone else was right, because that protagonist isn’t dead. They’ve grabbed on to the side of the cliff/building/perilous edge, and are hanging on by their fingertips. Whew!

It really doesn’t matter how fit, chubby, male, female, young, or old the character is; that person is in no more danger. Remember how in Back To The Future, Doc Brown — an elderly scientist with presumably average-to-below upper body strength — managed to hang onto a sharp metal bar for the entire third act?

This happens all the time. In Smallville, Lois Lane, a young lady of unremarkable strength, holds onto a flagpole with one hand for minutes while Superman fusses at her.

But In Reality …

Most of us and our flabby bodies would splatter on the ground. Humans are notoriously weak even before corn syrup turns them into wads of soft meat and diabetes. The key to grip strength is in the forearms and hands, and you really only get that from purposeful, specific workouts. It’s why so many people fall into the water on American Ninja Warrior despite looking like jacked, less likable Chris Pratts. Hanging from your arms has a very finite time limit.

Merely hanging from a bar for one minute — without having to catch it in mid-fall — is something that takes practice even if you’re fit. If you’re an old-ass inventor or a teen reporter, you only have a few seconds from the time you find yourself hanging onto something until the time you plummet to your doom. So enjoy them. If you manage to hang there for longer than a minute, congratulations, you’re in a summer blockbuster and you’re probably about to meet Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson!

Ryan makes a weird, progressive kid’s show you can watch here. Or follow him on Twitter.

If you loved this article and want more content like it, please support our site with a visit to our Contribution Page.

Also check out 20 Rules Of Movie Universes (That Never Happen In Real Life) and Wires Don’t Cut Heads Off: 5 Movie Deaths That Can’t Happen.

Subscribe to our YouTube channel, and check out 5 Horrifying Secret Rules of Life in a Movie Universe, and watch other videos you won’t see on the site!

Follow our new Pictofacts Facebook page, and we’ll follow you everywhere.

Get intimate with our new podcast Cracked Gets Personal. Subscribe for funny, fascinating episodes like Inside The Secret Epidemic Of Cops Shooting Dogs and Murdered Sex Dolls And Porn Suitcases: What Garbagemen See, available wherever you get your podcasts.

Source: http://allofbeer.com/2017/12/08/5-superpowers-you-never-noticed-all-movie-characters-have/

from All of Beer https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2017/12/08/5-superpowers-you-never-noticed-all-movie-characters-have/

[adambstingus]

5 Superpowers You Never Noticed All Movie Characters Have

We’re used to people in movies having superpowers. Some of them, after all, are hulks or spider-men. But we’re not talking about robot cops and super soldiers in this article. Movies — even ones that aren’t fantasy or sci-fi — often give unearthly abilities to totally ordinary characters simply because that makes it easier to move the plot along. We’re talking about how …

5

Everyone Has Daredevil Hearing In Impossibly Noisy Places

When you’re in a dance club, there is one word you will say at least 500 times a night: “WHAT?!” While ridiculously loud music plays, you and the person next to you will scream “WHAT!?” directly into each other’s ears until the two of you are drunk enough to think it’s a conversation. And it’s the same thing the cab driver yells at you later when you tell him to take you to horblrgble and ablbbb.

In the movies, though, everyone is perfectly capable of having a normal conversation in the noisiest of places — clubs, concerts, gunfights, it doesn’t matter. They’ll trade jokes and make nuanced observations like they were in a soundproof studio. It’s as if no one who has written a movie has ever tried to order a beer or ask a dancing girl about her hobbies. In The Social Network, Sean Tucker delivers an absurdly long story in the center of a noisy club:

In The Matrix, Trinity and Neo have a quiet discussion right next to speakers blasting four billion decibels of Rob Zombie.

Warner Bros. Pictures What’s your name again!? What? Sorry, did you say, ‘DIG THROUGH THE DITCHES AND BURN THROUGH THE WITCHES?‘” “WHAT?!”

But In Reality …

The deafeningly loud music you hear in clubs doesn’t make it impossible to talk by accident; it’s the whole point. Club owners deliberately turn up the volume to stifle conversation because, exposition or otherwise, time spent talking is time not spent buying overpriced drinks.

4

Women’s Bodies Are Magically Hairless In All Circumstances

If you were to crash-land on a remote desert island or wake up in a coma to find society has collapsed, you’re going to have to give up some conveniences of civilized society. Hygiene and hair maintenance is one of the first things to go. If you’re a man, this means ratty hair and a scraggly beard. If you’re a woman, it means … you’ll still have kissably soft, smooth legs, and well-maintained eyebrows and manicures. At least, that’s what movies and TV shows would have us believe. In Lost, Thundarr The Barbarian, or even “real” shows like Survivor, a woman’s body is able to completely shave itself when you remove razors from the world.

Discovery Studios “Your legs are so smooth. Are … are you a witch?”

Even the most gripping survival drama of the ’60s, Gilligan’s Island, never displayed anything other than perfectly smooth legs and underarms.

Warner Bros. Television Distribution It was only a three-hour tour, but they brought enough bikini wax for a six-hour one.

But In Reality …

Despite a female body hair never appearing on camera in the history of the human race, women’s legs are not naturally smooth. To get them hairless, women shave and wax and rub torturous inventions along them. It’s true — if you leave a woman’s leg alone for a day, it will grow enough hair to wig Cleveland. But try telling that to the producers of The Walking Dead. They have to wade through buckets of gore to find a can of chili, but there is always an Epilady to spare for the hot, hairless babes of the wasteland.

3

Everyone Has Crystal-Clear Underwater Vision

If you live in an adventure movie, odds are good that at some point, you’re going to get front-kicked off a boat or shoved into the ocean by an explosion. Luckily, since you’re a character in an adventure movie, you can see perfectly in water, no matter how dark or filled with muck it may be.

This happens so often in movies that it would be truly weird for a character to burst out of the water to complain how they couldn’t see a goddamn thing. You might remember in The Poseidon Adventure how Kurt Russell had to dive into a debris-filled, salty abyss to find the Save Everyone button. Or how in Lost, when Kate and Sawyer notice bodies at the bottom of a pond, and manage to scavenge them for supplies without turning the place into a cloud of disturbed, opaque silt.

Then there’s Lady In The Water, which expects us to believe not only that someone with Paul Giamatti’s body can swim like Aquaman, but also that he can see in an underwater cavern with only a small flashlight. Water is almost a pointless obstacle in movies. Everyone can hold their breath for 20 minutes, see perfectly, and all their electronics work fine.

But In Reality …

Goggles were invented because it’s hard as hell to see underwater, even assuming you’re not surrounded by bubbles, algae, and disturbed muck. Sure, in a pool on a sunny day, you might be able to leer at the unsuspecting butts of the other swimmers, but jump into a pond, river, or reservoir, and you’ll see next to nothing. And not only for the obvious reasons; the human eye is literally not designed to see underwater.

The front of the eye has two lenses which work to focus images on the retina at the back. Refraction takes place when light passes from the air into the cornea, which is much more dense, but water and human corneas have similar densities. So when we open our eyes underwater, incoming light rays are hardly bent, or focused, at all. The inside lens can’t make up for the lost corneal refraction, so the light that reaches the retina isn’t focused and the underwater world looks blurry. Unless you live in a movie, where everyone is apparently half mermaid.

If you want to see all of Hollywood’s underwater powers come together at once, here’s a clip from Alien: Resurrection, everybody’s favorite Alien movie. These magical assholes not only navigate a long, flooded, garbage-filled passageway with no lighting, but also spot the Xenomorphs following them and shoot at them with grenade launchers, with perfect accuracy, while holding their breath in the dark and dragging a handicapped guy. It’s incredible.

Exploding an acid-filled monster right next to themselves barely even disturbs their swimming.

And speaking of incredible underwater powers …

2

Sleeping People Can’t Drown

Imagine a movie character getting into a boat/plane/aquatic train accident in the dead of night and getting thrown overboard. They are knocked unconscious, hopelessly adrift in the merciless sea. Can you imagine being surprised when a snap cut shows them washed up on a beach and they, what’s this? They’re stirring! They’re alive!

No, of course not. Everyone who has ever gone into the ocean unconscious in a movie has woken up on a nearby island or in the bed of the person currently leaning over them. If movies are to be believed, the best way to survive at sea is to punch yourself in the jaw.

In The Walking Dead, Tara falls off a bridge with several flesh-eating monsters, only to wash up hours later unconscious and unharmed.

But In Reality …

The mammalian diving reflex exists, and it tends to keep humans awake during exposure to water. But these characters wash ashore completely conked out. Real people can’t sleep through that. Weirdly enough, some have tried. When you start breathing water into your lungs, your choices are 1) wake up coughing and pissed off, or 2) be dead. So while we might believe that movie characters can see underwater perfectly while holding their breath for ten minutes and winning a gunfight, we draw the line at thinking they can stop and take a nap.

1

Everyone Hanging From a Ledge Has Gorilla Grip Strength

You’ve seen it a hundred times — the beloved protagonist goes over a cliff! “Oh no!” You shout! “Shut up!” someone else shouts. And it turns out someone else was right, because that protagonist isn’t dead. They’ve grabbed on to the side of the cliff/building/perilous edge, and are hanging on by their fingertips. Whew!

It really doesn’t matter how fit, chubby, male, female, young, or old the character is; that person is in no more danger. Remember how in Back To The Future, Doc Brown — an elderly scientist with presumably average-to-below upper body strength — managed to hang onto a sharp metal bar for the entire third act?

This happens all the time. In Smallville, Lois Lane, a young lady of unremarkable strength, holds onto a flagpole with one hand for minutes while Superman fusses at her.

But In Reality …

Most of us and our flabby bodies would splatter on the ground. Humans are notoriously weak even before corn syrup turns them into wads of soft meat and diabetes. The key to grip strength is in the forearms and hands, and you really only get that from purposeful, specific workouts. It’s why so many people fall into the water on American Ninja Warrior despite looking like jacked, less likable Chris Pratts. Hanging from your arms has a very finite time limit.

Merely hanging from a bar for one minute — without having to catch it in mid-fall — is something that takes practice even if you’re fit. If you’re an old-ass inventor or a teen reporter, you only have a few seconds from the time you find yourself hanging onto something until the time you plummet to your doom. So enjoy them. If you manage to hang there for longer than a minute, congratulations, you’re in a summer blockbuster and you’re probably about to meet Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson!

Ryan makes a weird, progressive kid’s show you can watch here. Or follow him on Twitter.

If you loved this article and want more content like it, please support our site with a visit to our Contribution Page.

Also check out 20 Rules Of Movie Universes (That Never Happen In Real Life) and Wires Don’t Cut Heads Off: 5 Movie Deaths That Can’t Happen.

Subscribe to our YouTube channel, and check out 5 Horrifying Secret Rules of Life in a Movie Universe, and watch other videos you won’t see on the site!

Follow our new Pictofacts Facebook page, and we’ll follow you everywhere.

Get intimate with our new podcast Cracked Gets Personal. Subscribe for funny, fascinating episodes like Inside The Secret Epidemic Of Cops Shooting Dogs and Murdered Sex Dolls And Porn Suitcases: What Garbagemen See, available wherever you get your podcasts.

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/2017/12/08/5-superpowers-you-never-noticed-all-movie-characters-have/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/168306764447

[allofbeercom]

5 Superpowers You Never Noticed All Movie Characters Have

We’re used to people in movies having superpowers. Some of them, after all, are hulks or spider-men. But we’re not talking about robot cops and super soldiers in this article. Movies — even ones that aren’t fantasy or sci-fi — often give unearthly abilities to totally ordinary characters simply because that makes it easier to move the plot along. We’re talking about how …

5

Everyone Has Daredevil Hearing In Impossibly Noisy Places

When you’re in a dance club, there is one word you will say at least 500 times a night: “WHAT?!” While ridiculously loud music plays, you and the person next to you will scream “WHAT!?” directly into each other’s ears until the two of you are drunk enough to think it’s a conversation. And it’s the same thing the cab driver yells at you later when you tell him to take you to horblrgble and ablbbb.

In the movies, though, everyone is perfectly capable of having a normal conversation in the noisiest of places — clubs, concerts, gunfights, it doesn’t matter. They’ll trade jokes and make nuanced observations like they were in a soundproof studio. It’s as if no one who has written a movie has ever tried to order a beer or ask a dancing girl about her hobbies. In The Social Network, Sean Tucker delivers an absurdly long story in the center of a noisy club:

In The Matrix, Trinity and Neo have a quiet discussion right next to speakers blasting four billion decibels of Rob Zombie.

Warner Bros. Pictures What’s your name again!? What? Sorry, did you say, ‘DIG THROUGH THE DITCHES AND BURN THROUGH THE WITCHES?'” “WHAT?!”

But In Reality …

The deafeningly loud music you hear in clubs doesn’t make it impossible to talk by accident; it’s the whole point. Club owners deliberately turn up the volume to stifle conversation because, exposition or otherwise, time spent talking is time not spent buying overpriced drinks.

4

Women’s Bodies Are Magically Hairless In All Circumstances

If you were to crash-land on a remote desert island or wake up in a coma to find society has collapsed, you’re going to have to give up some conveniences of civilized society. Hygiene and hair maintenance is one of the first things to go. If you’re a man, this means ratty hair and a scraggly beard. If you’re a woman, it means … you’ll still have kissably soft, smooth legs, and well-maintained eyebrows and manicures. At least, that’s what movies and TV shows would have us believe. In Lost, Thundarr The Barbarian, or even “real” shows like Survivor, a woman’s body is able to completely shave itself when you remove razors from the world.

Discovery Studios “Your legs are so smooth. Are … are you a witch?”

Even the most gripping survival drama of the ’60s, Gilligan’s Island, never displayed anything other than perfectly smooth legs and underarms.

Warner Bros. Television Distribution It was only a three-hour tour, but they brought enough bikini wax for a six-hour one.

But In Reality …

Despite a female body hair never appearing on camera in the history of the human race, women’s legs are not naturally smooth. To get them hairless, women shave and wax and rub torturous inventions along them. It’s true — if you leave a woman’s leg alone for a day, it will grow enough hair to wig Cleveland. But try telling that to the producers of The Walking Dead. They have to wade through buckets of gore to find a can of chili, but there is always an Epilady to spare for the hot, hairless babes of the wasteland.

3

Everyone Has Crystal-Clear Underwater Vision

If you live in an adventure movie, odds are good that at some point, you’re going to get front-kicked off a boat or shoved into the ocean by an explosion. Luckily, since you’re a character in an adventure movie, you can see perfectly in water, no matter how dark or filled with muck it may be.

This happens so often in movies that it would be truly weird for a character to burst out of the water to complain how they couldn’t see a goddamn thing. You might remember in The Poseidon Adventure how Kurt Russell had to dive into a debris-filled, salty abyss to find the Save Everyone button. Or how in Lost, when Kate and Sawyer notice bodies at the bottom of a pond, and manage to scavenge them for supplies without turning the place into a cloud of disturbed, opaque silt.

Then there’s Lady In The Water, which expects us to believe not only that someone with Paul Giamatti’s body can swim like Aquaman, but also that he can see in an underwater cavern with only a small flashlight. Water is almost a pointless obstacle in movies. Everyone can hold their breath for 20 minutes, see perfectly, and all their electronics work fine.

But In Reality …

Goggles were invented because it’s hard as hell to see underwater, even assuming you’re not surrounded by bubbles, algae, and disturbed muck. Sure, in a pool on a sunny day, you might be able to leer at the unsuspecting butts of the other swimmers, but jump into a pond, river, or reservoir, and you’ll see next to nothing. And not only for the obvious reasons; the human eye is literally not designed to see underwater.

The front of the eye has two lenses which work to focus images on the retina at the back. Refraction takes place when light passes from the air into the cornea, which is much more dense, but water and human corneas have similar densities. So when we open our eyes underwater, incoming light rays are hardly bent, or focused, at all. The inside lens can’t make up for the lost corneal refraction, so the light that reaches the retina isn’t focused and the underwater world looks blurry. Unless you live in a movie, where everyone is apparently half mermaid.

If you want to see all of Hollywood’s underwater powers come together at once, here’s a clip from Alien: Resurrection, everybody’s favorite Alien movie. These magical assholes not only navigate a long, flooded, garbage-filled passageway with no lighting, but also spot the Xenomorphs following them and shoot at them with grenade launchers, with perfect accuracy, while holding their breath in the dark and dragging a handicapped guy. It’s incredible.

Exploding an acid-filled monster right next to themselves barely even disturbs their swimming.

And speaking of incredible underwater powers …

2

Sleeping People Can’t Drown

Imagine a movie character getting into a boat/plane/aquatic train accident in the dead of night and getting thrown overboard. They are knocked unconscious, hopelessly adrift in the merciless sea. Can you imagine being surprised when a snap cut shows them washed up on a beach and they, what’s this? They’re stirring! They’re alive!

No, of course not. Everyone who has ever gone into the ocean unconscious in a movie has woken up on a nearby island or in the bed of the person currently leaning over them. If movies are to be believed, the best way to survive at sea is to punch yourself in the jaw.

In The Walking Dead, Tara falls off a bridge with several flesh-eating monsters, only to wash up hours later unconscious and unharmed.

But In Reality …

The mammalian diving reflex exists, and it tends to keep humans awake during exposure to water. But these characters wash ashore completely conked out. Real people can’t sleep through that. Weirdly enough, some have tried. When you start breathing water into your lungs, your choices are 1) wake up coughing and pissed off, or 2) be dead. So while we might believe that movie characters can see underwater perfectly while holding their breath for ten minutes and winning a gunfight, we draw the line at thinking they can stop and take a nap.

1

Everyone Hanging From a Ledge Has Gorilla Grip Strength

You’ve seen it a hundred times — the beloved protagonist goes over a cliff! “Oh no!” You shout! “Shut up!” someone else shouts. And it turns out someone else was right, because that protagonist isn’t dead. They’ve grabbed on to the side of the cliff/building/perilous edge, and are hanging on by their fingertips. Whew!

It really doesn’t matter how fit, chubby, male, female, young, or old the character is; that person is in no more danger. Remember how in Back To The Future, Doc Brown — an elderly scientist with presumably average-to-below upper body strength — managed to hang onto a sharp metal bar for the entire third act?

This happens all the time. In Smallville, Lois Lane, a young lady of unremarkable strength, holds onto a flagpole with one hand for minutes while Superman fusses at her.

But In Reality …

Most of us and our flabby bodies would splatter on the ground. Humans are notoriously weak even before corn syrup turns them into wads of soft meat and diabetes. The key to grip strength is in the forearms and hands, and you really only get that from purposeful, specific workouts. It’s why so many people fall into the water on American Ninja Warrior despite looking like jacked, less likable Chris Pratts. Hanging from your arms has a very finite time limit.

Merely hanging from a bar for one minute — without having to catch it in mid-fall — is something that takes practice even if you’re fit. If you’re an old-ass inventor or a teen reporter, you only have a few seconds from the time you find yourself hanging onto something until the time you plummet to your doom. So enjoy them. If you manage to hang there for longer than a minute, congratulations, you’re in a summer blockbuster and you’re probably about to meet Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson!

Ryan makes a weird, progressive kid’s show you can watch here. Or follow him on Twitter.

If you loved this article and want more content like it, please support our site with a visit to our Contribution Page.

Also check out 20 Rules Of Movie Universes (That Never Happen In Real Life) and Wires Don’t Cut Heads Off: 5 Movie Deaths That Can’t Happen.

Subscribe to our YouTube channel, and check out 5 Horrifying Secret Rules of Life in a Movie Universe, and watch other videos you won’t see on the site!

Follow our new Pictofacts Facebook page, and we’ll follow you everywhere.

Get intimate with our new podcast Cracked Gets Personal. Subscribe for funny, fascinating episodes like Inside The Secret Epidemic Of Cops Shooting Dogs and Murdered Sex Dolls And Porn Suitcases: What Garbagemen See, available wherever you get your podcasts.

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/2017/12/08/5-superpowers-you-never-noticed-all-movie-characters-have/