#thedatingmisadventures

[thedatingmisadventures]

There is likely to be other Ghosts in my life. I am sure of it. It is a common enough occurrence.

This one I met on Coffee and Beagle. They were my type, figured things would be easier since we both decided to connect. Clearly this was not the case. We spoke back and forth, the same old comments on appearance being swapped back and forth. Then came the insistent ‘lets meet’ comments. I am busy. I tend to find little down time for myself during the week, I definitely wasn’t able to find it for a person I barely knew.

Then came the very important question about expectations. I was forth coming with my expectations. I am not looking for a fuck buddy. Those are easy to find. A bed warmer is a dime a dozen. I am not looking for that. I want to date someone and lead into a relationship. One not based on the sole fact of sex. Plus, I’ve been in the game long enough to be leery of people who want to hang out and play games. 

So I figured I made this clear enough. I even suggested coffee. What I got seemed to indicate that they agreed. The last message, not in the image indicated was, ‘Haha np.’. That was it. I never heard from them again to plan the coffee, or what. Internally, I am a little vexed because I set aside part of my day to have coffee with them, but I guess the lack of kissing on the first date was too great of a deterrent.

[thedatingmisadventures]

After Events

A little more than a year ago, I had embarked on this journey to try and fix my dating life. It didn’t work. I barely lasted 4 months of the 6 months I was suppose to do that entire task for. I was miserable. But misery loves company. I am a person who loves to put myself into weird situations. 

I feel the need to tell a couple more of my misadventures that happened last year. I doubt many people read this, but it would be cathartic to write. And I need to write more anyways, so bear with me as I work my way through another sordid tale of mine.

I dated a friend of a friend. Mistake, I know this now looking back. They were everything I wanted and yet nothing I needed. Funny how that works. I was immediately attracted to them. They were funny, laughed a lot, were into working out like I am, an intellectual, had a job, you know all the good things in life. We first went out for dinner. There was a sushi place I wanted to take them too. We ate, tried green tea mochi ice cream (I wasn’t a fan but they liked it), and left to some where more private to talk. Literally, all we did was talk. Talk about how they wanted to change their lives now that they were divorced, not be in a committed relationship with anyone, just go with the flow and try all the things they never got to. I told them how I worked every day to be a better person, who I had friends that were going places with their lives around me so I would always strive for my own dreams instead of helping other achieve theirs. It was great, everything I wanted and yet... I felt uneasy, as though I wasn’t quite sure what to expect. They made it clear they weren’t looking for anything serious and I didn’t want that with them - they weren’t stable mentally enough for me to want more than maybe a roll in the sheets.

We continued to text and go out on small dates, pizza, coffee and comics while playing Pokemon Go. We kissed. It was nice. Everything was slower paced, which I needed because I was protecting myself from the inevitable discontinuation of out fun.

 They made dinner, we had sex - it was mediocre due in part to them never having experience beyond their marriage. I left feeling like this was the end. We had been doing this dating thing for about four months or so. But we still had one big thing planned. They had never gone to Vegas and there is where everything went to fucking hell.

Now, I do mean it went to hell. I woke up the morning that we were planning on leaving only to discover some asshole decided to smash out my windows in order to get to the messenger bag I left in my passenger seat. My work laptop was saved by my Jiu Jitsu Gi - having been hidden underneath it. But I was completely devastated. I had plans to drive. I sent her a message explaining what had happened, trying to figure out other plans to get to Vegas. A rental or something. And instead of just letting me deal with my problem and solve our mutual one. They proceed to call me, over and over again, as I am filing police reports, talking to my insurance and trying to get my car into a repair shop. I sent them a text telling them I had to get my car into a shop before I even considered leaving because I had to go back to work when Vegas was all said and done.

Eventually they got the hint, focusing instead on figuring out a way to get us to Vegas while I took my car to the shop to get 2 of my windows replaced. 

I will say this now, I should have never gone. I should have taken that event as a sign that I wasn’t meant to go to Vegas. Not with them, not with their friends, not with everything else that was going on. And yet I went.

Three of her friends had joined us on the trip, getting their own rooms, We managed to get all five of us into a single car. It was an interesting trip. I learned that the three friends were planning on doing Coke while in Vegas. I was in a car, with drugs (I believe) in the car. And the driver nearly got us into an accident. I was mentally figuring that I wouldn’t be spending a whole lot of time with them. 

Now for me, Vegas is a place where I don’t have to put on a goddamn mask and be someone else. I do that at work and over time it wares thin. Pool, alcohol, sun massages, dancing and all the good stuff is my Vegas way. The three friends were strip club and blow. Whatever, do you boo. Just don’t get me involved. I don’t need a record. I nicely avoided getting one for a very long time, I don’t plan on having coke heads fuck that up for me.

Also, what does it say about a person who hangs out with people like that? I don’t know. When we get there, I get dropped off alongside the person I am dating. We check in and out room is huge. It’s awesome. I change and hit the pool. I needed to decompress.

Now before I continue this sordid tale, keep in mind that earlier in the month I had told them that they could invite anyone. Since we were not committed, they had other dating partners. I am not sure if there is a code of conduct for dating multiple people at once that states that you can have two of them in the same room at the same time - but let me throw this out there, probably not the best idea. 

Vegas is almost everything I wanted. I spent my days by the pool, walking the strip to a spa, being liquored up the entire time, gambling a little. And I see very little of them and their friends. Thank god because one came into a room and declared they just did a line of coke before coming to my room. I was unimpressed. Seriously, unimpressed. If you can’t have fun without being fucking high then there is something wrong in your brain and you should go see a doctor about it. But my dating partner was all about their drug antics and their new person. Whatever, I am self-sufficient enough to make friends anywhere so I spent most of my time orbiting the group and my new acquaintances.

Now my dating partner, until the last night was decent. I didn’t wake up at the crack of dawn to anything weird. It was all good. The disconnect came at the very end. Because if things are going to go wrong, it’s always towards the end. I spent some time with the entire group, but was ready towards 1am to turn in and just relax in my bed. A cab was caught, a bed was had. Until 3 am, when my dating partner and their other lover came into the room and proceeded to have sex while I was trying to sleep. No ‘Hey, can we have the room for a bit’, no nothing. Just sex. I wanted to get up and strangle someone, but I was too tired so I just closed my eyes and went back to sleep - it was over quick enough for me to do so. It’s Vegas, just shake my foot and tell me you need the room. I can go downstairs and play the slots, get boozed up. Anything other than waking to you two fucking. Seriously, rude.

The morning couldn’t come soon enough, because it was just gross and unattractive. I mean if their other partner was attractive, then maybe it would have lessen waking up to that sex session. It gets even worse when we get up and ready to leave. They decide, last minute, to leave me in the care of their friends to take me home while they stayed with their new Beau in Vegas. At that point, I was done. The entire trip was just me, spending time by myself, listening to their friends get high, listening to them fuck their new lover in the same room as me, and them just being rude all around. 

The ride home was marked only by a stop for food, where one of their friend’s got a convenient nose bleed. Maybe snorting coke is bad for you? Seriously, birds of a feather flock together. I have issues with drugs as it is, seeing my dating partner hang out with addicts, have their new beau be a ‘recovering’ addict, and them dying to do ‘everything’ they hadn’t before was enough for me to take a large step away from that shit show. 

When I got home, I didn’t message them and they didn’t message me. It was mutually understood I wanted nothing to do with that mess. I can easily forgive the fucking with me in the room, but I can’t forgive them involving me in their drug-scapade. 

I only recently ran into them. I was at my favorite cafe, working on my writing when they appeared before me - with that same Beau now turned committed partner.              ‘Hey, what brings you here?’

             ‘Uh, I come here often’

             ‘Oh...how are you?’

             ‘I’m well, but I really need to finish this’

Short and sweet. I was dismissive and truly didn’t want to engage. This coffee place is one I took them to, I told them that it was my favorite place to meet new dating partners when things go offline. The shock that I was there must have rattled their brain. OR maybe it was truly surprise, I am not sure. I hadn’t seen them for months. Nor had our mutual friends. After I told my tale to our mutual friends, my dating partner was removed from our circle of friends. We all have too many plans and goals int he works to invest time in someone self-destructing. If we were closer to them, then maybe but ultimately hard drugs were triggers for a good many of our circle. Thankfully, the relationships were that close, so it was easy to remove myself from their influence.

A learning experience is what I can chalk that up to. This partner was longer than most and ultimately stood as a reminder that what I think I want and what I actually need are two different things sometimes. After them, I got too wrapped up in discovering my Grandmother and Foster Mother had an aggressive form of cancer to date. Only recently did I venture down that path again. But that is a post for another time.

[thedatingmisadventures]

Texting Perfection

Tinder. 

That is where I met this one. 

Honestly, dating it is a skill that people must learn through trial and error. For me, I didn’t date much in high school and college was a nightmare of exams, homework and self-discovery. So here I am, a 25 year old professional trying to figure out just how to get this whole dating thing right. 

I’m on OkCupid, Tinder, and Plenty of Fish all in the hopes of getting some kind of idea what I am looking for in a partner. So for my own sake I’ve decided to blog about all my adventures down the rabbit hole called ‘Dating’.

Lets call them Sonny. Sonny was a person I swiped right one. I did my classic opening line, a nerdy question that actually get wide range of responses. We enter a rather fun and humorous conversation that leads up down the classic path of Tinder to Text to Coffee. 

I should have known the turn things were going to take when a half an hour before we are suppose to meet, I get a text asking if I’m okay with them smoking a bowl before seeing me. Since a good percentage of my friends and family smoke weed, I said it was cool. I even playfully asked if they could maintain a conversation while high. It was an affirmative. 

For the most part they maintained, but I was struck by one ungodly fact; They was the splitting image of my most recent ex. While I sat there drinking this overly sweet milk with a splash of coffee drink, they began to talk and act exactly the way my ex did. The speech pattern, the vernacular, the hand gestures and the overarching mannerisms. The exact same mannerism my ex had while being high as well. I was put off. I hated that I was, because they seemed nice and our texts conversations suggested they were engaging and fun. But before me sat a different person. If it was because of the strain the smoked or if that is just the way they are while high, I couldn’t tell. I tried to overcome it and I almost did until they showed just how much like my ex they were. They had the same overtly judgmental attitude. They outright told me that my idea of trying skiing, even though I snowboard, was stupid and that I had to pick on. I laughed it off, while internally getting that itch under my skin.

Anyone who has ever been in a controlling, emotionally abusive relationship knows this itch. Its the one that makes you want to lash out because they are doing it all over again. Here is a person trying to control your life again and you refuse to let it happen. But you maintain. You plaster on a smile and let them know that you can do whatever you want in your life. At least that is what I told him. I told them that I could do whatever I pleased, regardless of some kind of unwritten social rule that says I can either ski or snowboard, not both. 

As the date started to draw to a conclusion, since they had work soon, I asked a question I needed to know. Why did they, as a nerd, watch the Star War movies in Story Line order instead of release order? Their response was because they thought that 1-3 were better overall than the first movies. With that and a hug, we parted ways under the stipulations we would text later about what my Comic Con outfit should be since I didn’t have any ideas. 

Once there was distance and time between us, I struggled to figure out how to let them know that I wasn’t interested in anything more than a friendship. I still haven’t found a way to do so. I will. Hopefully...