#then both times i got pfizer i felt like i was fucking dying

[naomiknight-17]

Got a Pfizer shot on... Tuesday? Started reacting badly late Thursday. It is now Saturday afternoon and I am only just barely beginning to feel vaguely human again

Remind me if I need another of these shots to stick to Moderna T__T

[polygamyff]

50.

“You are honestly so boring, who the hell openly watches news?” I shrugged smiling laid out on the couch watching TV, Robyn thinks I am boring “don’t be stupid, it’s business news. I like to see the update about business and shares. You’re boring with your trash TV” she is the same woman that watches Kim fucking Kardashian “whatever, don’t kick your legs around Reign is making her way to you” watching Robyn crawl on the floor towards Reign “you look very sexy like that, mhmmm” I grinned “be quiet” Robyn picked Reign and moved her closer to the couch “I just don’t get her refusal to crawl, is she too good for it?” I shrugged laughing; Reign will not crawl. She just sits there and waits, she rather grab things to help her up “I love that little romper on her, it’s cute” rubbing the top of my head while watching Reign, she dragged herself up using the side of the couch. Waiting to see her little face “come on, you’re nearly there. Yay!” finally she dragged herself up “boo! Hey Mi Amor” Reign smiled at me so wide “look at your tooth” she is in a good mood “da” she looked down “come on, come to da. Come on” waving her over, reaching my hand over “come” grabbing her arm “papa got you, you won’t fall. Come to me” I want her to shuffle her way to me “if she falls, this is on you. Leave her hand on there, if she let’s go then you won’t be able to save her” I guess Robyn has a point “I knew that” placing her hand back down, Reign started to chew on the couch “hey! No, don’t do that” I pointed, she yelped out “no!, don’t be so rude” she out here chewing on my damn couch, don’t think so “are you excited to see Malik” I shrugged “it’s whatever, I will say hi and then bye” Robyn side eyed me “stop it now, you try your best. Life is too short for this shit” she is right in saying that, but Malik is also an asshole, I guess we will see what he is like when I see him. He may have changed  with no drugs, Robyn eye-balled me to look at Reign “don’t say anything to her” is she shuffling herself towards me, I feel so excited that I want to say something but I don’t want to scare her. She is so very careful of what she is doing, she looked up and then sneezed at the same time and that was it, she fell back “awww no” I said, she was doing so well. Reign got frustrated and did her little fake cry “oh stop it woman” I sighed out.

My little baby is ready for day care “if papa could take care of you I would, but I will see you later ok?” Robyn laughed “I hope you’re ready for this” Robyn walked off, I don’t understand what she means by that “papa gives Reign a kiss on the cheek” pressing a kiss to her cheek “and what does papa get back” facing my cheek near Reign “come on” feeling Reign’ face plant into my cheek “there we go, see? That is what papa gets, she loves me. So, you have to be a good girl there, and I will see you ok?” Nalah is smiling so wide watching me “I never would have thought I would see this, it’s so cute to see” Nalah pointed at both Reign and I “you mean the super team, say bye to auntie. Bye Auntie” waving at Nalah “I love you” walking towards the car “I keep saying this, I will buy you a car” Robyn took Reign from me “it’s fine, be good for today ok? Don’t do the most, be there for him” I sighed out nodding my head “I will see what happens, have a good day at work” pressing a kiss to Robyn’ lips “I will call you on my break, I love you” moving back a little “love you too Bonita, bye baby” waving at Reign just staring at me, blowing a kiss to her “Reign adores you, it’s beautiful to see” Nalah said as she stood next to me “and that is love, but anyways. I guess we are having to see him” she should be glad, I never agreed to this shit “your brother and listen Maurice. It’s not your day, it’s his. You listen to him, you have been through drugs too, let him have his moment which he never gets to have” nodding my head “yes boss” saluting her “stop it” she hit my hand “I want to hopefully sort this issue out” we will see what happens with that.

Getting into the SUV after Nalah “least you didn’t dress in a suit” is Nalah trying to be funny “Robyn says my attitude is better when I am in a suit and you’re laughing that I am not wearing a suit, I can never win with you women” my driver closed the behind me “it’s funny, you wear suits for everything, you and Robyn good? You’re not getting on her nerves, how does it feel to have a family home with actual family?” I laughed, I laughed because she knows “you bringing up that time in the Hollywood hills? At that time they was family, my family of drug takers, come on” Nalah shook her head “you shut the door in my face when I warned you that dad was coming for you, then you said this my family. I was like erm, I can see butt naked girls and some random men. You were so bad, like I said to dad you have given him money and he is running around doing everything wrong, dad was in denial but how does it feel?” I was funny then, I found myself funny “it’s good, sometimes I be laying in bed and I think to my past, from crashing that car in LA, from buying a home in the hills that didn’t last because I ran off again. Dad was there cleaning up my mess and I found it funny. I was county hopping; I do think, and I am like how the fuck did I survive. I had sickle cell; I was on the verge of dying what the fuck. I had no medication, I was living off drugs and a couple of hoes” shaking my head “it makes me cringe, like when dad called us and said he is in rehab and won’t leave until I want him too, he is there until I say so. I felt relieved, I was glad. But to see you like this, to see you with Reign, I am so proud of you” I grinned “thank you, I love it. I enjoy Reign slapping me to wake up, my heart just falls every time she says da, she knows I listen, so she says it. It’s amazing but I mean at first it was a mess. I wanted to ask; you know anything about Kellen? Has he said anything to you?” he gone so quiet recently “Tiffany has moved back to California, with the baby of course. His dad is helping him with the divorce, Tiffany refuses to let him see the baby” sucks to be him “if you speak to him then tell him he is needed in Tokyo, he said he wants work, I got it” Nalah looks a little shocked that I am offering such work.

I don’t really like being back at these places, it’s bad memories for me and I didn’t want to say it but it’s really making me think of my past. It’s horrible here, yes it helped but it was so painful, it destroyed my soul. I do understand what he is going through because I did, I don’t remember much but I remember being in pain, when I started to finally feel I felt like shit and now I am having to sit in this hell hole waiting on Malik “I am excited to see him” Nalah sat down saying “I’m not, I didn’t want to come because it’s bad memories” I admitted “I am sorry, it’s just that we can finally speak on things and his doctor said he was doing well, he is very quiet though. I just can’t wait to see him, to hug him” Nalah has that bond with him, I don’t “yeah” I dragged out, I don’t feel this. I am not feeling it at all and it is because it’s bringing me back bad memories, I would call friends to bring me drugs in rehab and then they found out and would sedate me again, it’s a mess and I didn’t want to be here to be thinking about that shit but here I am. The door opened “I told you, your siblings are here” dragging my eyes away, seeing Malik with bald ass head. He is so skinny “hey” he smiled as Nalah made her way to him “Malik didn’t believe you was both here, so he kept his, like he says. Jailhouse clothes on. I will give you all time” the doctor left the room “I am so happy to see you, oh my god. Look at you bald” Nalah touched the top of his head as she hugged him “oh god” she moved back “my brother, look at you” Malik looks very timid he just put his head “Maurice is here” turning my head, I don’t want to know to be honest until I felt a pair of arms just hug me “awww just like the good old days, Maurice hatred for your hugs” I am not going to lie, my heart dropped because that is him all over with them out of the blue hugs “I will sit down” he moved away from me, nodding my head moving up on the chair.

He has the worlds worst haircut, like who the fuck did that to him. Staring at him as he spoke to Nalah, she can speak all she wants. Dragging my eyes down to his hands, he has a bandage n on his wrist “what happened to your wrist?” I asked, he pulled down his sweatshirt arm “I heard about it, he slit his wrist didn’t you. Then he kept picking at his stitches” Nalah said, he laughed nervously “should learn to slit your wrist in the right place” I pointed at him “I tried” he said “I guess that is an effort” Nalah scoffed as my phone started to ring, getting my phone out of my pocket. Wonder what my dad wants, answering the call as I got up “hello” opening the door to speak out Pfizer the room “hey, what are you doing? I tried calling your work phone” closing the door behind “yeah, I left it at home. I am just seeing Malik, well Nalah is” which is true “that girl is too invested in him, let him rot there” I don’t know why but I didn’t like that “but you didn’t let me rot?” I questioned “you are worth it, anyways heard you are coming to Texas?” frowning “am I?” I am confused “yeah, Robyn text me. She said time to visit Texas, can we come. I mean of course” I am confused “she uhm, she never said?” I don’t understand where that came from “well she said it, tomorrow. For a night she said, well I am excited son. I will get the maids set with your room; I cannot wait for my little angel. Is she walking” first of all I am confused, and he is talking about his angel “uhm, I will have to let you know on that” I said “Robyn said it. She is the boss” I laughed “I like her to think that but anyways, I shall get back to you on that dad” I don’t know what Robyn is doing and what she is setting up “well I will see you tomorrow Maurice, I mean it. Bye” disconnecting the call still confused as ever, Robyn is texting my dad and not even warning me about it what the fuck she is doing.

Walking back into the room “I am sorry Maurice; can I speak to you without you saying for me to die?” sitting down on the seat “proceed” waving him off “I erm, messed up. I took it too far when you gave me a home, you wanted too help me, but I felt like I was in the way, dad told me to leave you alone. I shouldn’t live with you in Cali, and he harassed me to leave you be. He didn’t want me to be close to the company because I would ruin the image, so I turned to drugs and just like dad helped you, he never helped me and that hurt. And the voices in my head Maurice, I wanted to hurt you. I wasn’t me, because me. The brother you know loved you, I still do love you. I made a mistake Maurice. And when I think about what I did, what I could have done. I just want to not be here; I have nobody Maurice. I am not wanted by anything; I am lost, and nobody cared to ask me how I was. You never asked me how I was, you felt obliged to help me. Dad said you had no choice but to have me there, I didn’t think and from that night things got worse. People used me for who I was, and then Naomi. She approached me and helped me with drugs. I don’t know what happened to me, but I am sorry” Rubbing my chin just sighing out “Malik you know dad would never help you, just like mom wouldn’t help you because dad wouldn’t give her the money. You had me, you ruined that! You could have killed me, or my family. Robyn till this day does not hate you, I do! You ruined it, I had you with me because I wanted you, I never listened to dad, why would I? You think I am dad, you think I am him when I am not, because I care for both of you but you hurt me when you did that, forgive you for trying to kill my family?” shaking my head “you know what” I sighed out “I know what it’s like to feel death calling, I do. I know what it is like to be here. I don’t want that for you, I never did or do now. Dad will never do anything for you, he never would have now. Me” I pointed at myself “I helped you” Malik wiped his tears, remembering what Kiano said, how he felt, how he would do anything for his brother “I am not a bad guy, I’m not. I just wish you never did that, anything but that, I don’t care for Naomi, she has shit but just that” I drifted off.

The room is ever so silent “without you being stubborn what would make things better? Without you being an asshole” Nalah said, I need to get my Robyn mind on because I can’t think like I would and honestly I am not my dad “I want the best for you, I don’t know if anything would make it better. I don’t know really, what would Robyn do huh” leaning forward “she would forgive you, but I can’t right now. Dad doesn’t want to know, and that is the honest truth. You need to let that go, but at the end of the day” Malik sobbed out, I felt bad that he is crying about it, he sobbed out like a kid “listen, at the end of the day. What dad doesn’t want to give you, I will but you have to come out of this a better man. I can help you, and like I said, I am still hurt by that but I want you to come out of Rehab being the Malik I knew, the Malik that was happy for me when he found out about Robyn, the guy that was there for me, that called me and begged to use the car. Just my kid brother. If you can be that, you come out of this and I will help you, you work for yourself and maybe one day I can let it go but I need to see it” Nalah touched my arm “my brothers” I don’t want to forgive but then I am as bitter as my dad, I mean my dad hated Robyn and wanted shit for Robyn but I have him around “I can do that, I will stay here. I can be good, you was” Malik kept wiping his eyes “you was like a dad to me and I ruined it, if you can help me” he wailed out crying, I wish he wouldn’t because it’s a lot to hear because he is hurt.

I am glad to leave that place, a lot of emotions “thank you” I said to my driver as he held the door open for me, climbing into the back “did your little heart fall?” Nalah said, I blew out air as I got comfy in the back “I hate rehab, those places are bad vibes. I just want to get this right, I am not a bad guy. I am just hurt and yes I do have a side to me but like, I don’t want to be forgiving towards him, just like that. I just want Malik to know he has hurt me but to hear him wail out like that, its got to upset him. He treats Malik just like Adam, like he’s shit but I don’t understand why. He’s ok with you, then me but Malik. It’s like a big fat no, I get he is hurting but. If he can do that, I will help him. He has to stay clean though” shaking my head lightly “we can play mom and dad to him, he has seen a lot. Being the youngest he really got shit I guess, if we can work together we can get Malik in the right path together. I was scared that you wasn’t going to break too” Nalah said “I wasn’t but then he hugged me like he did, it reminded me of when I would come back from Spain he would attack me with a hug, I just had flashbacks to that. Rehab breaks you, and you can tell it is. It’s sad to see he was doing what he was doing to himself, as a parent that has to hurt dad but it doesn’t, I don’t get it” my phone started ringing in my pocket “I just want to proceed forward in life” it’s Robyn, answering the call “if it isn’t little miss sneaky, what the hell is this? Who is going Texas tomorrow?” I am confused on that “us, together” pulling a face laughing “why?” I asked “I thought why not, I just want to go. Are you coming or not?” I find this extremely weird “we are talking when you get back, how is work?” what on earth is this girl doing, talking about going Texas for what exactly.