#then go to their blog specifically and scroll down and lo and behold they posted a piece today that simply did not appear

[13eyond13]

I'm very grateful that you reblog your own posts when you reference them because I was ready to go on an hour long search to find that light / Patrick bateman comparison and seeing that its from 2018, I don't think I ever would have found it. I don't know how you do it, but its amazing how you can scavenge up a five year old post so easily

😅 I'm glad it's helpful! There are definitely times where I doubt it would be easy for anybody except myself to know the quickest route to digging up one of my old posts here. I'll give you the general way I went about it:

I was like "I know I always tag 'American Psycho' on posts from that movie, so I'll search that tag on my blog."

Then I searched it and fairly soon after found a VERSION of this post, but not the exact one I wanted. The one I found had some Breaking Bad additions. Normally I would just click on the reblog with the American Psycho addition only to get that version, but the blogger had deactivated their url so it wasn't possible to do that anymore. NONETHELESS I carried on!

I saw that the Breaking Bad addition post was from sometime last year, and I knew that the post had only blown up a few months before that. So I had a general timeline in mind for where on my blog I should be searching for it.

I went to my blog archive on a browser and set the filter to posts tagged "p," which are the posts I make myself/add my own additions on instead of just reblogs. I then set the date to the month in 2022 that the Breaking Bad addition post was posted and scrolled to posts before that to find the ones I made when the post first started blowing up, because I knew that I talked about it when it was happening at the time. LO AND BEHOLD in April 2022 I spotted Light's cranky little face glaring at me from a thumbnail and knew that I had finally struck gold! BUT THEN when I clicked on it it wasn't the right version of the post either, but a version where I was snarking at somebody for thinking I was being sincere about wanting a man to look at me like Light does! 😄 I knew I had made the snarky post quite soon after it first started gaining tons of notes though, so I knew that I was getting very warm.

SO THEN I set my archive search to ALL POSTS from April 2022 instead of just the ones I tagged "p" and hunted back until I found more with the same cranky Light thumbnail, and clicked on them until I finally found the proper one to reblog.

I am not expecting this to be an easily replicated type of thinking for anybody searching for specific posts here, but at the same time I'm not going to pretend I don't also love to be that weird old shopkeeper who helps you hunt through the overwhelming stacks of junk in their store to hunt down that one special thing hahaha

[nightcoremoon]

for the record I'm not actually upset over the comments people are making. I've been doing the internet fight thing for 15 years. but here's an anecdote.

a couple years ago when Discourse™ first got its start, I saw a post. it said "saying 'my dude' is antiblack racist because it's just a watered down way of saying 'my n*gga'" except he actually said the word because op was black. and I was like. what the fuck am I reading. I check the notes and he's all like "if you're white you're not allowed to disagree with me". I'm like wha. granted there were a bunch of people who had said "I'm black and you're an idiot" and it died out and lo and behold if I say my dude I don't get crucified by black people so it's clearly not racist.

then a meme surfaced. you start ranting and raving in a really long sentence or something that's usually directed towards people who do or say bigoted things and then ending it with a comma and a soccermom name, KAREN. it was used pretty much everywhere by everyone. but then one strangely peculiar thing happened.

people started sending anonymous suicide baits to people who used that meme, because "that meme was created by black people so it's culturally appropriating black culture to use that meme if you're white". including one trans kid who was like 14, living in an abusive and homophobic household. he used it in a vent post. and in the notes at least three people were harassing him about it. he deleted his blog. I worry he might have killed himself.

the people who were sending the messages were in their early to mid 20s. to a 14 year old kid. because he used a black created meme. to vent about his abusive household. I shouldn't have to explain how fucked up that is.

anyway I'd come to his defense and made a post about how it's ridiculous to cyberbully a child because he used a meme he didn't have the license to use. and tumblr flipped out. I had hundreds of messages from people calling me a nazi. yeah sure a disabled mentally ill queer trans leftist is totally a nazi. right. they said I was racist, they said I was homophobic to gay black people, they said that I was a liar who fabricated that story I told earlier about that kid because by the time people were asking for receipts the post was deleted. I got suicide baited, threatened, the whole shebang.

I didn't care. I was just irritated by the huge influx of messages. it was an inconvenience. after the life I lead, mean words on the internet from a spineless coward hiding behind the veil of anonymity are water off a duck's back. yes I might use fuckin profanity or italicized fonts or CAPITAL LETTERS for emphasis, but it's because I'm a wordsmith. language is an art form. a keyboard is my brush. I'm proud of my ability to harness the english language and twist and contort it to my own specifications. I can use it for great good, in helping people through tough times with inspiring words that incite courage, for great funny, in jokes that might take some thinking and context to really understand (especially puns), for great sexy (talking dirty basically but only with certain people and when the time is right), or for insulting people. anyone who knows me knows that I'm a good person and that the only people who ever know what it's like to receive a tongue lashing are the ones who fucking deserve it. not the people who see a single text post taken out of context as a basis to judge my entire character on. but I enjoy it. I enjoy using words as weapons on the battlefield of discourse. it's because I'm good at it. beyond the abilities of most opponents which is unfortunate because it just sails right over their heads most of the time but still, my fellow intelligent company is able to grasp the meanings and intentions of both sides. I excel at this. and the fact that I don't take things personally (I'll certainly pretend to when it'll gain me the advantage) is just icing on the cake.

there is just one problem though.

I'm autistic and possess hyperempathy.

"what does that have to do with this?"

see, here's the thing. if some random person makes an offhand comment intended as a joke but didn't really have the "correct" amount of blatant humor injected into it, and you are the type of person to then go to them and tell them they'd be better off dead, they're just a retard who should stop posting, nobody cares about them, whatever, you are NOT the type of person to think "hmm this person's only 14, maybe I should reconsider the choice to send them a death threat" or "oh hey this person has depression, perhaps I'll remove that suicide bait part and replace it with rainbow lollipops and unicorn stickers :3". you don't give a fuck about all that. you just wanna reap destruction and watch the world burn. you wouldn't give a fuck if that kid commits suicide because you don't have any compassion or empathy. if you would send the kind of shit you sent me to anyone, and I had the chance to meet you in person, I'd make you swallow your own teeth.

these anons don't care how old I am. they don't care what my mental state is. they don't care about any of that shit. they only care about inflicting pain, deserved or not, and all over dumb shitposts. over "lmao if you break up over mario kart you're kind of immature and should work on your relationship skills :P". over saying Karen at the end of your sentence. over greeting a friend with "my dude". over liking steven universe. it doesn't matter what the topic of the day is. any excuse will do to go for the proverbial jugular.

the existence of these people is what pisses me off more than the actual things that they say. how dare you exist. how dare you spread hate. how dare you not be a paragon of human decency. if someone says something racist or homophobic or antisemitic or misogynistic or body shaming or pro fascist or bootlicking or genocidal or anything contributing directly to harmful actions towards people based on their demographics rather than the choices that they make, fuck 'em. you lost my compassion for you. you're a piece of old chewing gum under a table. you're a little chunk of dookie that didn't get flushed. you're a moldy apricot pit at the bottom of an unlined trash can. you made a conscious choice to be a bad person. if you are a literal nazi, I'd remove your bones and then put them back in the wrong places without any anesthetic. if you are bigoted because society brainwashed you, I'd call you character into question and point out your hypocrisy. if you made a dumb joke on a shitpost I'd just scroll past because I'm not gonna waste my time on you. but if you would tell a kid to kill themself, you bet your ass I'll tear into you like hungry wolves into a deer carcass with zero remorse or sense of your own feewings. if you want me to care about the feelings of terrible people, you have another thing coming. if they would hurt people who don't deserve it, they're on the shit list.

and I refuse to be told that I'm a bad person because of that. severe, yes. ruthless, maybe. evil? that's pushing it a lot. a little unhinged? I've not been hinged since I was 3 years old. an asshole? I vehemently disagree considering the people i'm rude to are themselves assholes; this isn't some edgy friedrich nietsche quote taken out of context. merciless? okay I'll give you that. but a bad person? fuck that and fuck you.

you don't get to judge my character because I'm ~mean~ to dickheads.

in fact I'm somehow more pissed off at those people than the people sending the shitty messages in the first place. lashing out I can understand because that was me once upon a time. but passive neutrality under guise as absolute good? you're attacking the reaction. you're centrists attacking antifa. you're part of the problem. especially when you use sneaky tactics that take advantage of good nature, "heyyyyy buddy, let's talk about your anger issues, are you okaaaaaay, taaaaalk to me, you need to apologize to the people who want you dead because you were mean to them and that means you deserve it". literal cult tactics. evil. actual legitimate active performed evil. or just an ignorant misguided fool that thinks he's the dalai lama. but... pride is a deadly sin after all.

anyway tl;dr i don't give a shit about the actual things you say to me. the only thing that pisses me off is the fact that you'd say those things to another person completely unprovoked, no matter who that person is.