#then you throw L in this mix and it gets even funnier and MORE awful

[infizero]

light and misa's "relationship" is rlly tragic and fucked but also in an isolated state its really fucking funny. ESPECIALLY if you consider them both to be arospec like i do

[marvinswriting]

Northshore's couples, written by anonymous, about anonymous.

a crack idea bear and I had that I took seriously

g/t mean girls

November, 12th

Ifykyk.

Hey, Northshore! Welcome to a new section of the school newspaper. I've been fighting for a gossip blog for a hot minute now, and since the paper is dying down, Northshore is finally allowing it. 

But this isn't just any gossip blog.

This is the place where I'm gonna -try- to answer your most burning questions about Northshore couples in question.

All through anonymity and observation.

To start, let's meet the students. All names have been changed so identities can stay hidden. In the tinies we've got: J, A, and R. Then in the giants there is: D, C, G, K, and S.

Who's with who? Who hates who? Who's got some secrets under the surface? Come back next week.

"Full offense to Northshore, this sounds stupid as fuck." Janis huffed, tossing down the newspaper, letting it fall to the table. 

Karen looked at the small girl of Damian's shoulder.

"Why do you think?"

"Gossip blogs are unoriginal and boring. The school newspaper is grasping at straws."

"They can be fun when done right." Regina points out. "I say we check in next week and find out more about the students it's about."

"Whats-" Cady frowned. "What's a gossip blog?"

"Aww, baby's first gossip blog! We have to keep up with this one. Just for Cady." Damian said.

Karen watched with amusement as her friends discussed gossip blogs and if they were any good.

This will be fun. 

November 19th

Love the feedback from last week guys! You're all as hyped as I am. And no. I won't confirm who your suspicions are. Stop slipping notes under the computer lab door.

This week J and D were seen together. (It's not uncommon.) 

A was seen kissing C when they thought nobody was looking. But don't be fooled, somebody is always looking.

Not to be creepy or anything.

Just- we saw that, A. 

You won't spot R without K or G anywhere near them, don't know if any of them are dating though.

Development into J and D's relationship as D is seen defending J from S. Sources couldn't hear what they were saying but it sounded pretty hostile. Is it just caring friends or something a little more? 

This blog is focused around uncovering Northshore's couples once and for all. Have any tips? There's been a box placed by the computer lab door. Got any other people you want to see covered? Let me know!

Until next week, the anon who writes about anons. Xx!

"So," Cady looked down at her newspaper. "A gossip blog, is just talking about people?"

"Hence, the gossip part." Janis folder her own tiny newspaper, tossing it onto the cafeteria table from Damian's pocket. "And it's stupid."

"I wonder who it's about?" Gretchen said. "I know everything about everybody. But all this info? This is news to me."

"It's obviously about-" Karen paused. Was she the only one to figure it out?

Wasn't she the dumb one?

"Never mind. I dunno who it's about either."

"I don't understand why you care so much." Janis huffed.

"Because its fun to be nosey about lives that aren't ours. Duh." Regina said.

November, 26th

Happy Friday, Northshore!

Wow, lots of you sent in info about J and D. Whether you've cracked the code on who they are or maybe you're just observant of two fellow students- there is no denying they're pretty affectionate.

Since we're on the topic, let's start with J and D.

Kisses. Lots of them.

Romantic, or just friends? The duo themselves give pretty mixed answers so we must take matters into our own hands and draw our own conclusions. J was seen skipping class on multiple occasions and hiding with D. I hope J has a good tutor. I could never miss that much info.

R and G are seen together. K seems like they're third-wheeling. Somebody get them out of there. K, if you need a sos, slip a note in the box bby. We've got you.

If you want to talk about PDA, look no further than A and C. Wow! A hello kiss, a kiss kiss, a GOODBYE KISS? They may not say it themselves but those two are definitely a fairytale couple.

No updates to S. #singleforlife.

Sorry, S. If you're reading this.

"Well, A and C just sound gross." Janis frowns.

"Don't be negative, Jan." Damian shakes his head at the girl on the table. "They sound cute."

"Overly cute." Cady says.

"I'm glad somebody agrees." Janis huffed.

"Poor K. Thridwheeling a couple is awful." Gretchen sympathizes.

"We don't know if R and G are dating." Aaron points out. "We don't know if any of these people are dating. I'm kinda hooked."

"Well, third-wheeling best friends is even worse." Cady sighs, glancing at Damian and Janis. 

Karen looked at the newspaper in her hands with a soft smile. She had a note to drop off.

December 3rd

Happppppy Friday! I have a big announcement right off the bat!

It is I, the writer, formally known as Anon. But now there's two of us! Me, the writer, and another student- the spy. Between the two of us (and your help from the box!) we're gonna crack these relationships open in no time!

This week's rundown!

R was with G the whole week. There was not one time they were separated. 

A, J, and R were seen in the tiny halls together where  A was overheard talking fondly about C.

Is there a fight for J?

D and S seem to never want to leave J alone.

Although, if you asked the writer, I'm totally team JD. Message for S? This isn't middle school anymore. Being mean to somebody isn't a good way to show your emotions. Message for D? You're doing fabulous, I'm rooting for you. Message for J? Pick fucking wisely. 

I'm a bit biased but my info is not. 

Don't you worry.

Until next week, you know where the box is! Xx.

"Aw, J and D sound like a cute couple." Regina cooes.

"A and C don't." Janis shook her head. "To sappy."

"Is Jan warming up to the gossip blog? And forming opinions?" Damian teased.

Karen shook her head in disbelief. The fact that her friends were yet to catch on-

-they were dense. Not idiots, just dense.

"S sounds like an asshole." Gretchen shook her head. "Bet its a boy. Yknow when a boy would pull your hair in elementary school and you'd get told, oh boys will be boys. He just likes you! Yeah. S is a dude for sure."

"Not every boy was like that. I wasn't." Damian said.

"You're gay." Janis rolled her eyes. 

December 10th

Heyo Northshore! It's the writer. Might I say, you look wonderful today? 

I don't see you but I'm sure you're just stunning.

A must be p r e t t y stupid because they were seen all this week studying with C. A kiss for every problem right? Hey, it's not a bad deal.

R was seen primarily with K this week, throwing off all previous theories.

Must have been a rough week for J. I'd imagine you've got to be stressed as hell to just break down randomly but guess what- they did. Lack of sleep? Hunger? S? Who knows what the culprit was.

But don't you worry, D was quick to whisk them off to someplace quiet.

Love to see it, I want a significant other like that.

The day they confirm their relationship is the day I expect a wedding invite.

See you next week! Xx.

"Wow! Looks like Jan isn't the only one in Northshore who needs to learn when to take a break before the break takes them." Damian deadpanned, lowing his newspaper.

Karen blinked. Are you kidding me?

"I was just tired." Janis huffed. "I needed a nap."

"I dunno man. A and C sound cheesy as fuck." Gretchen shook her head.

"They do. Now J and D though? That couple goals." Janis said.

Karen's hand shot to her mouth as she covered a laugh with a forced cough. "Couple? You think they're together?"

"For sure. They sound made to be!"

Oh dear.

December 17th

Winter break next week! Who's excited? We get full two weeks off this year and I'm so ready for a break.

I'll miss our resident couples in question though.

Not to throw everyone off but-

J spent the week with G. R spent the week with C. And A was with D?

Now granted by the time you're reading this print, this is two-week-old information- but why?

Did you get bored and just s w a p?

Anyway, I guess S wanted into the mix too? Because they took advantage of no D to try and get to J. It didn't work. G was there to protect our favorite JD ship. I'm not saying they're a cockblocker bc I don't wanna imply anything, but S is d e f i n it l y trying to get something out of J. Motive unclear but hey, we can assume :/

Gross.

Anyway, there were multiple fights that broke out that day so idk what yall were on but jesus christ calm down. Not relationship-related but be fucking nice to tineis.

Ugh.

K had no part in this swap of s/o but hey, they weren't third-wheeling anymore. 

Xx!

"Be fucking nice to tinies!" Regina cheers.

"J and G?" Janis frowned at the tiny newspaper in her hands. "Sorry, only know about J and D."

"Janis went from, ew gossip, to I'd die to have JD confirmed, real fast." Aaron pointed out.

"As she should." Gretchen pointed out. "They sound cute as fuck.

"Hands down they're lesbians." Regina said.

Karen shook her head, totally dumbfounded.

January, 7th

Did you miss me! I missed you. Mwah.

Right off the bat-

Uh. The box has been filled with messages from S saying, they do not like J. 

So I guess they're just an asshole.

Hey, just means team JD is gonna win.

Speaking of-

When J was asked directly they said that, I quote "D is the love of my life." But when asking D, I was told: "[J is] just a good friend". Sort your story idiots. The school wants to know!

While S may be out of the running, many sources say JC is a rising ship? Between A and C and J and C, I can't help but wonder, is there a behind the scenes JCA?

Fellow tiny students report A and J not being very close in the tiny hallways though. Now J and R tho-

J is just one lucky mate.

Who's your favorite? Let me know in the box! Xx.

"J and D." Janis says from her perch on Damian's shoulder. 

Karen just looked at her phone.

"You think there's a threesome going on in school?" Gretchen asked.

"Unlikely. I don't even this A and C sound cute. Why add another." Aaron rolled his eyes.

You don't think-

Karen sighed.

She really should tell them but- it was so much funnier this was.

Janis stood up on Damian's shoulder, pressing a quick kiss to his jaw without motive. 

Karen turned back to her phone, unsurprised if that would pop up in next week's article. 

January 14th

I love you- signed the writer.

Glad we got that out of the way.

NOW.

This was quite the week for our "couples".

First off, D and J? PDA through the roof.

Idk, maybe it's a special week, or maybe we're paying more attention and they've always been like that.

Those tiny kisses aren't lost on me, J. I see all.

Ugh, so cute.

A and C are-

"Skip this passage," Janis whined. "Nobody cares about them."

Everyone around the lunch table nodded as Karen began to read out loud again.

G kissed R?! R might have given a scowl but bystanders didn't miss the blush. Platonic or something more? That's the big question of this article but hey- this is a big step for all you GR shippers. Sorry to whoever wrote that long letter in the box passionately explaining how JR was peak friends to enemies to lovers. 

Shame.

#JD, anyway, you know where the box is! Xx.

"Fuck A and C. All my homies hate A and C." Janis grinned.

Cady nodded. "They're too cliche. It's annoying and I don't even know who they are."

Karen placed her head on the table with a groan.

She may not be smart, but these people were flat out idiots.

She felt a tug on her hair and looked up, resting her chin on the table.

"You okay, Karen?" Janis stood in front of her, Newspaper held at her side.

"Yeah, just dying on the inside a bit. Yknow, leaf emoji."

Janis made a face. "I don't but uh-" She leaned in, pressing a quick kiss to Karen's nose. "Don't leaf emoji. We like you here, alive on the inside."

Karen smiles. "Thanks, Janis." 

January 21st

Just when you think it's all figured out- J kisses K. 

In front of D.

At this point- they're all together. One big happy family. 

I'm still clinging onto my JD dream. 

Speaking off-

S is back. Did you miss them? Me neither.

They just grabbed J like nothing? Anyway, D was there to save the day obviously.

Our great big hero got a pretty precious nose kiss from J.  

I could make their own newspaper section about how cute they are. There is no way you can be that cute and n o t already engaged.

On another J note, if JD doesn't happen, I'd be pretty content with some CJ. C was seen giving J "a nice-sized smooch" (somebody from the box).

No development in the R and G category, just their usual cuteness.

Leave any tips in the box! You know where it is. Xx.

"Uh uh. JD over CJ." Janis shook her head.

Karen just placed the newspaper in her bag. Janis and Damian were quick to become J and D's biggest shippers. They were so good at confusing the school about their relationship status that they had themselves fooled.

Cady and Aaron, who were dating and just won't confirm it, hated C and A's relationship. Calling it cheesy and artificially sweet.

And Regina though R sounded like a bitch and G deserved somebody better.

The whole thing was just crazy. 

"I gotta go talk to a teacher this period. It was fun reading the paper together though." Karen said getting up.

There was a chorus of 'bye Karen's as she walked away.

The newspaper holder in the hallways was empty. Northshore's 'couples' was quick to catch on and save the newspaper program. 

Karen pushed the door open to the computer lab, making her way over to the tiny end.

"Hey, Glen."

Glen Coco looked up at her with a grin. "Got anything for me, spy?"

@realmisspolarbear @smallsoysauce @musicallygt