#there was a snippet I posted at some point and noted as 'redacted' which was cuz I had removed blaise's name from it lol

[essektheylyss]

Hey, would you be cool with other people writing fics in the specific universe of tief? With Fortune Lavorre?

Hello! I just realized I had half-typed up an answer to this and completely forgot to finish it, so apologies that this is deeply, deeply overdue!

I am absolutely cool with it, with a few caveats but only of the disclaimer sort. (And that's not even to say that they're necessarily things that pertain to you, but I figured if I was commenting now I should just lay my thoughts out there, in case anyone else goes looking.)

I'm personally of the mind that transformative works of a transformative work are just as fine as the original transformative work itself, though I know that not everyone agrees. I'm not going to begrudge anyone their own personal rights for how their writing is used, but I have always felt that it would be hypocritical of me to consider it in any other way. (I'll spare you my deconstructive essay on the nature of transformative works in modern culture or I'll take another month to answer lol.)

That being said, the disclaimers! First, I will probably write more in that universe, and as such I will... probably not read other folks' dabblings in it. Not because I would be uninterested, but because I do take the author-ly point of view in that I want your works to be yours, and mine to be mine, so I don't want to find that I've inadvertently snatched up a plot from someone else without realizing. And in a similar vein, attribution of what you're riffing off of would be nice, but at the very least please don't, I don't know, claim that I've totally vetted it and it's definitely fully canon to the original work, or something of the sort. Both because of the aforementioned, I will write further things and I don't want to garner any confusion, your works are yours and mine are mine, and also because if anyone for any reason wanted to come complain to me about a fic, I'd much prefer it was indeed my fic.

(Like I said, I don't presume you need any of that noted in particular—just figured I should note it, since in general I am pretty laissez-faire when it comes to transformative works as a whole haha.)

[monbons]

WIP Wednesday

Thanks for the tag @thewholelemon! Your snippet looks hilarious!!! I need more details (Baz, you’re a killjoy!)

Today's post is dedicated to @cutestkilla, who is determined to figure out all my secrets when it comes to The Eternal Life of Baz Pitch. So here is a DELUGE of clues to put up on your murder wall and connect with pins and string. MWAHAHA!

A fabulous playlist. You know what goes well with the angst buffet I'm serving up on AO3? An epic soundtrack. Do the songs match up to specific chapters? Do the lyrics mean anything? Is it just vibes? Who knows. Enjoy. (Spotify Link)

Tidbits from my Dead Darlings doc. No spoilers here. All tidbits are from an entire subplot that I cut very early and all names and identifying details have been redacted.

Apparently, such were the times in which [redacted] was living. People kept all manner of useless things in their homes. Shelves with books they didn’t read. Baskets whose sole purpose was to display knick-knacks. And, apparently, time pieces that did not actually keep time.

Or this little bit of dialogue:

“[Redacted]! How can you not know this?!” [Redacted does a highly specific motion I cannot include]. [Redacted] groans. “[Redacted pet name that should not be a pet name but for some reason is and must also be scratched], what am I going to do with you?” “Love me anyway, I imagine.” [Everything after this point definitely needs to be redacted...]

3. A couple beta comments from @thewholelemon. Have I mentioned she's the best beta in the world? Seriously, all the kudos for this fic should be sent directly to Jenny.

happy kitten or grumpy kitten? lol

HORRIFYING. like something out of a scary movie.

LOL braden!!! polycule!!! this is so funny!

Side note: fuck this guy

Have fun unraveling that knot of nonsense, Dre. [Cackles like the dark and disappears in a cloud of smoke.]

For everyone else, if you got this far, thank you. Have a little chapter 3 snippet under the cut, this time featuring current Baz.

Baz could make this difficult. He could wait for the boy to hit on him some more. To ask him his name or if he’d like to have dinner. But, Baz is feeling rather lonely after his unsuccessful hunt for a one-night stand yesterday and this boy can be good enough. So, he takes a step closer and lifts the boy’s chin with a careful finger instead. The boy’s eyes meet his immediately, which is precisely what Baz wanted. The whole scene sets off another round of barking from the tiny dog. “Take me home with you,” Baz whispers.

Hellos and high-fives. Tag, you're it.

@thewholelemon, @roomwithanopenfire, @noblecorgi, @you-remind-me-of-the-babe, @youarenevertooold, @cutestkilla, @bookish-bogwitch, @emeryhall, @valeffelees, @beastmonstertitan, @raenestee, @arthurkko, @iamamythologicalcreature, @hushed-chorus, @rimeswithpurple, @aristocratic-otter, @cattocavo, @larkral, @drowninginships, @artsyunderstudy, @whatevertheweather, @brilla-brilla-estrellita, @comesitintheclover, @shrekgogurt

[fearowkenya]

heyyyy its time to declare my @campdigimonth goal!!!

coming up with a goal is hard because my flavor of adhd makes it near impossible to settle on a concrete plan because there is almost a 100% chance i get distracted and divert.

that said, i have an enormous backlog of digimon stuff i wanna do. some stuff pertains to survive, some doesn't. either way, the projects are MANY , and it's impossible to say which ones i will have the impulse to work on and which ones i wont. i dont want to commit to a specific project and then decide 'actually i dont feel like working on this one' so i thought it would make sense to just list a bunch of things i want to do and knock out the ones that i have the most motivation for.

points below the cut are parts of bigger projects (sub-projects), and then the sub points are bite-sized, realistic steps (sub-sub-projects)

GOAL: complete 5 sub-sub-projects SECONDARY GOAL: complete 10 sub-sub-projects TERTIARY GOAL: complete 1 entire sub-project OR 15 sub-sub-projects

finish winds of change

edit chapter 6 + post

edit chapter 7 + post

edit chapter 8 + post

[REDACTED] (dont worry 😇 )

redesign survive partners

context: I am very charmed by the idea that a digimon's design is affected by the events and relationships in their lives. For example, a digimon may change a little in appearance in a way that reflects something about their human partner.

kunemon

lopmon

dracmon

labramon

floramon

agumon

syakomon

falcomon

design some digifakes i've had in mind for a while

blackavarmon

tigervespamon burst mode

jorunnamon

myrmecoleomon

mothmanmon

write another survive fic

figure out which idea to pursue and outline it

draft it

edit it + post

NOTE: these points will be edited to be more specific if i wind up working on this.

write snippets of survive stuff that don't belong to a specific fic yet but have been kicking around in my head for a bit

conversation between dracmon and [REDACTED]

fight between dracmon and [REDACTED]

alternate [REDACTED] evolution scene

alternate [DIFFERENT REDACTED] evolution scene

The Gang Does Laundry (And Various Other Mundane Tasks)

draw some stuff from digimon ttrpg campaigns

delaney beach episode Look(tm) and maybe herculeomon also

nova (terriermon-x) beach episode Look(tm)

babie deimi (wanyamon)

champion-level deimi (bladeLekismon)

sanderumon-x design

polaris and [REDACTED]

[narukoibito]

St. Mungos, since feeling is first who pays attention and Muggle FWB for the WIP Game?

Thank you for the interest, Anon! This took a while because things in my personal life are in chaos, but thank you for the request.

St. Mungos

This is my Healer!Ginny story that has been lurking in the back of my brain since last year. I’ve written a good amount of words, but then an entirely different plot appeared and now I may have to rewrite most of it, hence it’s lack of progress. But I still really want to finish this one day.

Ginny is a Healer on the 4th floor of St. Mungos. Her first patient is someone named Harry Evans. (This is a Harry never to Hogwarts story.)

The first thing Ginny notices is his eyes. They’re the most vivid, bright green that she’s ever seen. It’s unnerving how unseeing they are. A pressure builds up in her chest, an aching pain and nostalgia she can’t place.

The morning light from the window washes over his face, dancing off these round wire-rimmed glasses. His dark hair (black like a blackboard) appears to be on some ineffable scale of entropy — tousled and pointed in every which way, yet somehow it’s charming and works well with his sharp, unconventional features. Some of that hair spills over a bandage wrapped around his forehead. 

But it’s also the pleasant, vacancy in those eyes that strikes her, like she’s looking at the embers of a once bright flame. He looks like an innocent, half-lost child, his lips curled in a ghost of a smile.

Her clipboard and supervisor tell her his name is Harry Evans. The name creates an itch at the back of her head, something she wants to scratch at, but the odd sense of nostalgia must be misplaced significance. He’s her first real patient. 

He must matter to someone important to have his own room on the fourth floor of St. Mungo’s Ward 49. Usually they lumped all the long-term spell damaged patients in one place, let them wander under the supervision of one Healer. But this room is spacious and private, protected by complicated wards and concealing charms. Someone really cares about Harry Evans, and for some reason it causes a subtle burning behind her eyes. Maybe it’s because he looks like a newborn fawn. 

Who wouldn’t want to protect him?

“You’re new, but he’s not difficult. It’s mostly maintenance,” her supervisor says. “He makes it easy, don’t you, Harry?”

Harry’s gaze drifts toward the window.

Ginny scans his file. It’s actually surprisingly thick, but a lot of it has been redacted. The summary page sums it up though: he’s twenty-one; he has been here for three years; the diagnosis is vague (severe curse damage); there’s a long slew of attempted cures, none of which were successful obviously; now it’s about making sure he’s comfortable whatever that means.

“All right, let me know if run into any trouble.” Her supervisor is already starting for the door.

“Um — what about — I know his treatment is maintenance, but can I…?” Ginny’s not sure what she’s trying to say exactly. Harry Evans has seen a lot of Healers if the list of attempted cures is any indication, but she gave up Quidditch to become a Healer in the long-term spell damage ward specifically because she wanted to do something.

Her supervisor gives her a rueful smile. 

“Stick to maintenance. Harry Evans is a special case.”

Ginny turns back to Harry, who is facing her again, looking painfully innocent.

Somehow she doesn’t need convincing that he’s special.

since feeling is first who pays attention

This was a gift for the Harry/Ginny Discord Incognito Elf exchange. I managed to finish in time to gift it, but I want to take some additional time to rework it before posting. It is missed moments over the years as Ginny and her feelings for Harry evolve.

Ginny presses her face against the wall, peeking between the stair spindles. Her bright brown eye lands on the two boys hunched over a chessboard. Her brother Ron and Harry Potter, who, despite appearing to be losing, doesn’t look the least upset.

Harry Potter. 

The Harry Potter is in her house. Looking comfortable on their couch despite the faded, mended cushions. His face crinkles in laughter at something Ron says, his green eyes bright with contentment. Ginny doesn’t miss the occasional look of awe at the things she’s always taken for granted. It’s almost as if he can’t believe he is really here.

He isn’t what she expected – isn’t what she imagined he would look like after all those years listening to Mum recite her favorite bedside story, about the heroic Savior of the Wizarding World. She had pictured neat hair, a dashing smile, someone who would recognize a comrade in her and take her on all sorts of adventures. He would be different, he wouldn’t discount her dreams of flying and doing everything her brothers could and more.

Instead, Harry Potter has the messiest hair ever, a sheepish smile, and clothes that he nearly swims in. Oh, and he has somehow missed the memo and found the comrade in her brother Ron instead. 

Her fingers curl around the spindle. Not for the first time, a spike of envy shoots through her. If only she were a little older or a boy. Then maybe she would be the one playing chess with Harry. Maybe she would be the one to hide under his invisibility cloak and battle trolls and face You-Know-Who with him.

Ginny presses her face a little closer and lets out a sigh.

But Harry Potter is kind. He ignores all the times she has made a fool of herself. And he has the greenest eyes she’s ever seen. They are as green as those glowing jars of pickled toads at the Potion ingredients store Mum had taken her to. Pretty and kind and not dismissive of her patched clothes or her glowing red face.

Harry Potter. If he likes Ron, if he looks like he actually likes the Burrow, if his face grimaces at the attention at Flourish and Blotts, could it be possible that one day he could like her too?

Muggle FWB

Hah, so this was the first idea that I rambled off to my beta, which ended up with long, long emails back and forth on this idea that I never wrote! Here’s a snippet of that exchange:

Harry thinks he only see Ginny as a little sister, so when she suddenly proposes that they become friends with benefits in uni, he’s floored and says they’re practically family. Blinded by her anger over the rejection, she kisses him so that he knows what he’ll be missing. Of course, he then realizes his attraction to her. As their physical relationship progresses, they develop feeeeeeelings (gasp!). But Ginny thinks she only wants a physical relationship and once they have sex, it'll get out of her system. Harry has to work to convince her that she actually wants more.

But the backdrop is that Ginny doesn't think she wants more than sex is that when she was 11, she was kidnapped by Tom Riddle for as a kid (they met at the park a lot, and none of her brothers/Harry/anyone realized he'd been "befriending" her). Kid Harry figures out where Riddle took her and saves her.

Ginny wasn’t molested but she/Harry/everyone else is deeply affected by this event even though they don't realize it. Ginny thinks she's overcome it, and she's still a BAMF some the books but she's not fully over it as shown by her fear of being emotionally involved with Harry. It's why Harry refuses for a long time to think of her anything else outside of a brotherly way. 

Ginny has a really bad sexual experience (though it doesn't go all the way), and as a result she's disgusted by men (not scared), but doesn't feel any revulsion with Harry. After not being able to get close to any boy for a long time, she decides to proposition Harry. Harry, being noble, absolutely refuses at first, but she kisses him, he's very attracted to her, and is convinced by her that he's helping her get over this tick. So it's FWB but it fits their personalities, and still stays true to the Ginny is subconsciously afraid of a real relationship/intimacy with Harry, who realizes he wants more but doesn't know if just getting to be physical is more than he'll ever deserve and he wants what he can get if not real love from her - until, of course, he realizes he can't do it anymore and she has to decide if she's brave enough to actually let herself feel.

HAHA omg I’m reading over my emails and I talk about getting into The Changeling and only sleeping 4/5 hrs a night and then the exchange ends with my coming up with my alternate dimension idea of Harry getting thrown into the BWL!Neville universe. So you guys can see why this story never went anywhere despite several thousands words between me and my beta.

–

Whew, long post. Hope that satisfied your curiosity! 

I’m honestly not sure there are any left, but let me know if you have any other wip asks! Though note that I will be rather absent in the near-future because of life.

[keeper0fthestars]

ao3 writing tag gameee

I was tagged by @miceenscene because she knows i love getting tagged in stuff like this :D thanks, babe xo

How many works do you have on AO3? 

- 24 - (23 of which were written in the last 16 months) 

What’s your total AO3 word count? 

- 54,160 - 

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

you were my new dream (and you were mine) (474)

would you let me (425)

more than sight (287)

touch me  (275)

fragments (169)

Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

It means a lot to me when i see that someone has taken the time to tell me they liked what I’ve written, it doesn’t matter if it’s a specific line or just a general keysmash of emojis, you better believe i’m gonna acknowledge that! I try to respond to every comment.

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

ooof , okay i definitely do not have the emotional capacity to write angst. Even the angst in What Used To Be Sin is balanced with heaping softness at the end. But then I remembered that I wrote By Hand, so that counts. It started out as an innocent exploration of Din’s handwriting and then it just veered off into a pit of angst that i was not prepared for in the least 😭

What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

I’m incapable of writing an ending that’s not happy. But the happiest ending?

Midnight Cravings 

More Than Sight 

You Were My New Dream

Do you write crossovers? If so, what is the craziest one you’ve written? 

i have a frankie x f.reader x marcus p. threesome WIP that is still very much in the early stages, with a few other snippets posted here and here 

Have you ever received hate on a fic? 

no, thank goodness, although there was one reblog i remember, the tags were sort of sarcastic? and while i’d like to believe they liked it? since they reblogged it, sometimes i still wonder lol 

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

yes but not always. for ex: i have 11 mandalorian one-shots and only 3 of them contain smut. 

i tend to write soft smut, with the focus on emotions

Have you ever had a fic stolen? 

not that i know of

Have you ever had a fic translated?

no, but that would be soooo cool 

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

alas that would be way too much pressure for me, but i’ve co-written entire au’s inside the dm’s and can confirm it’s the best feeling ever

What’s your all-time favourite ship? 

stucky

What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

god there's so many. i feel like the majority of them are lingering at approx 85% done, and whether or not they get finished at this point is completely out of my control. Some of them are over a year old, and i would love nothing more than to just finish one of them. Just one. 

In addition to those, there is an untitled bodyguard!Din au that has ballooned out of thin air and come to life after being dormant for months and I’m definitely not complaining about that 

What are your writing strengths?  

intimacy, emotions, imagery, softness.

What are your writing weaknesses?

action scenes, comedy, and i lack the discipline for long chapter fics, but not from lack of trying.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

i absolutely love it when stories include a character’s range of languages. i’m gonna use some of Mice’s answer here because i also love it when the author provides the translation in the notes and if you’re going to use a language you’re not familiar with, you should always accept ANY AND ALL CRITICISM from a native speaker

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

[this information has been redacted]

What’s your favourite fic you’ve written? 

honestly, it changes from day to day, but right now it’s Show Me Give Me for two reasons: 

1. it was my first time playing with emotional dynamics like that and it all came together in a way that still makes me think, ::fuck that was fun::

2. the unexpected response to it has been wild :)

tagging @anyone who reads this! 

[legobiwan]

WIP asks

rules: post the names of all the files in your WIP folder, regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous. send me an ask with the title that most intrigues you and interests you and i’ll post a little snippet of it or tell you something about it!

tagged by: @medaeus

Hey look, a lot of stories I may or may not ever write! :D

whump: this one is pretty obvious. My master outline for this year’s Whumptober challenge. I won’t spoil any surprises but expect more Rael, Dooku, Obi-wan, Ahsoka, Qui-gon, Yoda, Mace, Padmé, and yes, even Jar Jar.

circus maximus: the circus!au that has grown into a Dooku-trains-Obi-wan mystery box story that will include Rael, Qui-gon, an older Ahsoka (age swap), the Yuuzhan Vong, and...our favorite blue-skinned military-tactical genius with a penchant for dressing in costumes. 

MURDER: a Dooku-Rael murder-procedural that will see our favorite duo sent to help unravel what might be a burgeoning serial killer with a penchant for ritualistic murder on a far-off world. The catch? They have to go undercover as non-Jedi. An exploration of Rael’s Padawanship, Dooku’s descent, including both of them getting to show off their non-Jedi skills and a teen!Rael at the casino.

trial au: that story I wrote where Obi-wan got hauled off to the Republic court for his Mandalore machinations and semi-shanghai’ed Cody. Plot is still vague but it involved Cody becoming the Mand'alor and he and Obi-wan kind of switching roles while battling with Bo-Katan against Maul. Oh yeah, and they bust Ahsoka out of jail, too.

EXCOMMUNICATION: I guess at one point I had a somewhat randy idea for a nsfw (but not really) crack!fic short involving Obi-wan and Jar Jar. I just looked at my notes again for this and it’s pretty hilarious. 

LUCA CHAPtER 3 OOOOHHHHHH: Ah, the “Loki goes to music therapy in Queens to deal with his issues after the events of Rangarok while he and Thor bunk with Tony Stark.” Otherwise known as my love-letter to my hometown. One day I’ll get back to this one. It’s a fun mood piece and I get to rant about esoteric musicology stuff regarding Pauline Oliveros in it.

Broken Ashes - BIG PLOT SHIT: The third part of the “Divergences” series featuring a darkening Obi-wan Kenobi and a hungry Dooku, I SWEAR I WILL GET TO BACK TO THIS SOME DAY.

journey to hel: at one point I had half an idea to write an Infinity War AU where Loki is trapped in Hel with Hela and Thor and Valkyrie come and rescue him. For some reason, I also have a note in there about Loki and Peter Parker going to a Mets game together, which would be a hilarious short to write. 

xmas pet store: this is an original short fic that involves a hamster and a snake trying to escape a pet store on Christmas

HUNG: I mean, the title says it all. The ever-sprawling Qui-gon!lives AU. To be continued at some point.

murder in the cathedral: A Good Omens fic where Crowley is on trial for killing Aziraphale how that all came about. A lot of references to webs, spinners, and tricksters plus metaphysical contemplation of the idea of “ashes to ashes.” 

13 years in the making: The Barney Miller story that literally was the most intense and affecting dream I have had in my life. A product of my extremely tumultuous grad school years in my early 20s, this story sees Arthur Dietrich turn heel and shoot his friend and partner, Ron Harris, before setting off on an around-the-world lam where he falls deeper and deeper into darkness. At the end, he can’t outrun himself and ends up back in New York and goes to jail. I was going through a lot, at the time, and sat in a kebab shop in [redacted city] and wrote out the entire dream on notebook paper that I proceeded to carry around with me for over a decade. I just recently transferred the notes to my computer. If I ever write this, it will be a deeply personal piece. 

glottal stop: An original podcast-ish idea that features the grant evaluation committee of some intergalactic agency. Each week is a different grant application featuring instruments and musics from different planets. The real question, however, is who exactly this granting agency is and what their motives are. 

tagging: @mostthingskenobi; @lazarusii; @hawkeykirsah; @acollectionofhalftruths; @outpastthemoat and whoever else wants to play!

[chloerd]

25/10/2019

Gallery Meeting #2

We decided to meet at the Whitworth Art Gallery, that way we can meet up and discuss the details of the Live Project in depth. 

Sumayyah said that Laura hasn’t replied to her emails yet, but she searched more into the house as a venue. From her research, she found that television series or films usually use people’s houses that have given consent for their house to be used as a set. The prices will be told to you when you phone, but she was waiting to do so after she had spoken with the group. We all thought this was an interesting approach, but know that we wouldn’t be able to adjust the walls, lights etc.

Rowan said she found the contact details for the empty spaces located on Oxford Road but is still yet to contact them, she will inform us when she has. She also mentioned a lecturer at Manchester Metropolitan University that mentioned the Chinese Contemporary Art Gallery putting on exhibitions for students. I think this would be a useful thing for us to research as Rebecca Hill spoke of how galleries are always wanting to support young artists.

Fred said he got in touch with his friend at YES, he mentioned that it would possibly be quite expensive, but said it is worth looking into so he will continue with his research.

We all spoke about the theme again, after having a few days to consider it, we agreed on LOSS being the theme. Fred mentioned it would be interesting to have the theme as Modern Loss, because it would relate to us all more as we are all relatively young and could connect to it. I think this as a theme is a great way to kick start us, it is so vague and broad that nobody will have to limit their work in any way. It could be a response to our time in the 21st Century, the possibilities we have but the impacts it has on our society.

We discussed roles, it would be beneficial to us if we all had roles, so we have some structure to our research. We understand that it is early so roles may change, and nothing is set in stone but having these could create some assembly and improve our research strategy.

Having 2 people that have the same role is our way of ensuring we have back up in case one member chooses not to participate fully. 

Eleanor had previously asked in the group chat if she could be involved in advertising, Alicia said that this is something she would be interested in too. We agreed that everybody should be advertising but if certain people had the role of creating designs for posters, leaflets, online posts etc.

Georgia said she would be good at keeping on top of posts on social media; Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter. She does the social media for her work at Fandangle Studios, so she has some experience too. We thought about creating a website, which will have details about the event and perhaps some photographs of the venue or artwork snippets. Georgia and Mo said they will design this.

Sumayyah wants to be involved in the technical work, researching what needs to be done in order to exhibit work in a certain place. She got emails from the Whitworth Technicians, which will be useful in our research.

Due to the amount of emails we are expecting to send, photographs and notes that will be taken, we decided we needed somewhere to store all this information that is also accessible to people. Fred said that he could create a Google Drive account, and an email account that is primarily for our project. Each person can add to the account and access the information that will be stored on there.

Rowan and I said we would feel comfortable writing and sending the emails, as they need to be professional and it would look improper if emails were getting sent to places from different people. We will however CC everybody to the emails, therefore each person in the group will have access to the conversations.

We know that roles will be given to people as the project progresses. 

Sumayyah and I, went to the reception to find any useful leaflets that we could take back to the group. We spoke to a woman who worked at the Whitworth, we told her that we are exhibiting our work in a gallery next year and wondered if there were any information available to us about technical work that goes into putting work up. She was friendly and helpful; she gave us the names of 2 senior technicians that were just finishing putting work up in another gallery.

Mark Buchanan (mark.buchanan@manchester.ac.uk)

Paul Adrian Smith (paul.a.smith@manchester.ac.uk)

For us to move forward in this project, we thought making a group name for us would be constructive. This way, we can sign off any emails that are written with the group name and we can create an email address that looks professional and well thought out.

This proved to be more difficult than we had apprehended. We tried to think of things that we have in common.

We were all born in the 90’s, so we thought “Nineties Collective”. However, we searched this, and it had already been taken.

Sumayyah remembered how The Dadda came up with their name, they threw a dictionary on the floor and chose the word that it had landed on. We then thought to use Random Word Generator, this is the modernised version of what The Dadda did.

Words that were generated:

Redact - /rɪˈdakt/ verb: redact; edit (text) for publication. censor or obscure (part of a text) for legal or security purposes.

Kine - kʌɪn/ noun plural noun: kine cows collectively.

 Propaganda - /prɒpəˈɡandə/ noun noun: propaganda; noun: Propaganda information, especially of a biased or misleading nature, used to promote a political cause or point of view.

Alicia thought a play on words would be interesting, like; Proper Gander. Everybody had a lot of different ideas, and we were unsure of what name to choose so we decided the best thing to do was postpone this idea.

I believe this group meeting brought us all together and bonded us, we spoke about what we want for the project and everybody who attended seems to be motivated to create a well thought out exhibition. Daisy and Sumayyah wrote out some questions (3 from Laura’s email and 3 from Brendan’s lecture) that we could all use as we walked around the gallery.

Walking around the gallery, we reminded ourselves that we weren’t there to take photographs of the art, but more to look at how the work is placed on walls, the way the spaces are used and the lighting that is chosen for the work.

[erraticauthor]

When the Game of Life Goes Wrong: An Analysis of Gamergate

Blood, violence, and nudity are staples of video games today, with titles like Call of Duty, Grand Theft Auto, and Resident Evil topping the charts as some of the highest grossing games of 2017 (”2017’s Best Selling Games”). But with big profit comes big real-world consequences when that same violence is turned on women within the gaming community in events like 2014’s Gamergate controversy, which is still in effect today. Eron Gjoni, ex-boyfriend of game developer Zoe Quinn and blogger who started Gamergate, uses pathos, dark humor, and a specific platform to maximize target audience to argue that Quinn slept with a reporter to get better reviews on her game Depression Quest, while getting the audience to side with him despite not hearing the full story.  In her book, Crash Override, Quinn argues her side of the story in a different manner.  Using anecdotes of her past, casual tone with expletives, and inclusion of a larger audience, she examines how Gamergate affected herself and the gaming community, giving special light to marginalized groups and making her seem more selfless by comparison.

To understand what both writers are arguing about, one must first know what Gamergate is.  In 2014, Gjoni posted on his personal blog a ten-thousand-word account of his relationship with Zoe Quinn, who he claims was an emotionally abusive, compulsive liar that cheated on him with both her own boss and Nathan Grayson, a game reviewer for Kotaku, a popular website to learn about gaming news.  From here Reddit users began an internet witch hunt where they began harassing Quinn on social media, hacking into her personal accounts and releasing her home address and other private information to hordes of others who sent her death, rape, and abuse threats daily.  Quinn was forced to move households out of fear for her own safety, escalating the event further (Gawker).  

In this blog Gjoni claims that Quinn’s affair with her boss was not a means of “moving up” in her career, stating no one would risk their game development for “side benefits.”  However, he does manipulate the audience into inferring that she slept with Grayson specifically to gain better reviews for Depression Quest.  Writing in this way blurs the line behind blatant sexism and casual sexism, making Gjoni initially seem like a nice guy to dismiss the idea of sex as a means of “moving up,” and making it harder for the audience to pinpoint his real message which is that Quinn slept with Grayson to get better game reviews. Furthermore, this account was originally posted on Reddit, a site where the userbase is largely made up of other white, male video gamers who often hold neo-Nazi ideals was a prime place for disaster. Using Reddit as the platform to post his blog was likely a calculated tactic that Gjoni employed, as those most likely to relate and react to his story were fellow Redditors.  

Despite being the source of the controversy, Gjoni has since re-posted the blog, as it was removed from multiple sites for not following their guidelines.  Above his account on his newest blog he writes “I DO NOT STAND BY THE CURRENT ABUSE AND HARRASSMENT OF ZOE QUINN OR FRIENDS.  STOP DOING THAT.  IT IS NOT IN ANYONE’S BEST INTEREST.”  The bold letters and use of all capitals shows that Gjoni doesn’t seem to approve of the harassment of Quinn or of any women in the gaming community as it is not “in anyone’s best interest.”  Despite this, diction used in sentences like “and I keep thinking back on this and I’m like ‘Five guys.  Man. She cheated on me with five guys? Five guys.  And now I can’t stop referring to her as Burgers and Fries” (Gjoni) showcases his feeling on Quinn as a person, and hints to how he presently feels about their past relationship.  Using dark humor, by calling her “Burgers and Fries” creates a relatable voice in his writing and the simple word choice makes the text easy for the audience to understand and connect to.  

Use of images throughout the blog of previous conversations with Quinn that include lines like “ugh don’t tell her to go public fuck, don’t put that in her head” and “also uh to be upfront I feel irrationally weird about you crashing with [Name Redacted]” (Gjoni) in which Quinn begs or is “hypocritical” provide support for Gjoni’s claims and appeal to a reader’s sense of logos as they appear to be visual evidence.  But, the reader is given no context behind these images anywhere other than the text itself, making it easy for Gjoni to potentially doctor or edit these photos to fit his narrative and portray himself as the victim of the story when Quinn is given no voice to defend herself against these accusations.  Though Gjoni appeals heavily to reader’s senses of pathos and logos, what most readers fail to recognize is that he lacks true credibility.  While his story is a primary account of events, and how he and Quinn responded to them, overall the topic matter is still about a messy break-up.  Exes wanting to get revenge or seeking to harm the reputation of the other is not uncommon in events like these.  Since the target audience of this post was made up of people that were not directly related or involved in the relationship and matters of Quinn and Gjoni, they don’t have objective evidence of what happened.  And in this case, fell victim to the “shock value” of Gjoni’s story detailing in graphic account of “atrocities” like the “Cum Collage” (Gjoni) of sexual affairs that Quinn committed based only on face-value evidence and extortion of Western human ideals of morality and monogamy.

Quinn is not a wholly reliable narrator either, in her book Crash Override, but taking this into account, she poses her argument in a different manner, focusing less on the background of Gamergate but on how and who it effects in the community – largely marginalized groups such as black women and trans people.  Doing such makes her intended target audience much larger than Gjoni’s, including not only women in the gaming community but groups of people who experience harassment more frequently as well.  An effect of doing this is an appeal to pathos, given that marginalized people are very rarely given center stage for their voices to be heard. In giving them this opportunity Quinn creates a tie of support between these groups and herself.

Despite the book being a retaliation to Gamergate, Quinn gives very little background details on her relationship with Gjoni, so as not to “feed the trolls,” in a sense and create more harassment for herself. Taking this approach makes her seem above the break up in the eyes of her readers.  But she does add small snippets into her writing such as “I’ve experienced multiple researchers citing incorrect details about my own case, frequently leaving out key facts like Gamergate’s roots in domestic abuse or the movement’s extreme targeting of nonwhite women” (165).  It’s important to note that Quinn claims that Gjoni was the abusive person in the relationship while he himself claims the opposite.  Therefore, both of their credibility and honesty must be questioned with everything they write about the personal aspects of the issue. But Quinn points this out herself throughout chapter eleven, titled “I Was a Teenaged Shitlord,” writing,

When so much of online abuse is driven by a failure to empathize with someone on the other side of the screen, turning those who are abusive online into some unknowable, unstoppable force of nature is a damaging mind-set.  If we don’t try to understand them on a human, personal level, then we are moving forward in the dark.  By dubbing them “those people,” we are also explicitly setting ourselves apart as if we aren’t one of them and thus can’t be part of the problem. (175)

She then goes on to explain how when she was younger she was an internet “troll” as well, who had fun causing distress to others online. Offering this background to the reader puts her in a more honest light, and therefore makes her seem more trustworthy in what she is writing.  The use of the word “Shitlord” in the title and simple diction further humanizes her, making her seem more approachable, and therefore relatable.

Quinn then further goes on to offer possible solutions to the problem of harassment online, unlike Gjoni who just expresses a problem.  Thus, the authors have different goals in what they want their audience to do after reading their respective arguments.  Gjoni wants to connect to groups that feel outraged or upset at events like cheating and emotional manipulation and for them to react to his writing.  Quinn, on the other hand, focuses more on teaching the audience that there is no “us vs. them” in online abuse, and that everyone must work on rehabilitating themselves as well as abusers for the internet to truly be harassment free.  Thus, this portrays Quinn in a more altruistic light, making her seem wiser, and more like a martyr in the eyes of her audience.  Gjoni can be viewed either negatively or positively depending on how and where someone reads his piece.  Though, the formatting of sources likely plays a large part in the connotation surrounding both writer’s texts.  Gjoni posted his as a blog, a format that usually isn’t meant to be viewed in a scholarly way, as blogs are typically associated with emotions and opinions rather than facts and honesty.  Books on the other hand are viewed as more scholarly and believable sources because they go through an editing process before publishing, therefore giving Crash Override a more credible outlook in the minds of readers.  

Overall, Quinn gives a stronger argument for her cause despite relying heavily on pathos and logos like Gjoni did.  The main difference is that Quinn admits her own flaws in her life both on and off the internet, as well as by targeting a larger audience, and offering up both her analysis and solution to events like Gamergate as they continue in the future. These attributes give her a fuller, more developed argument as a whole.  Despite her use of extremely casual language, Quinn seems both approachable, but more professional than Gjoni does in what she writes about, citing her own business’s creation as a light in the wake of destruction that Gamergate left on her life.

 Works Cited

What is Gamergate, and Why? An Explainer for Non-Geeks.  Gawker, 10 Oct. 2014,

http://gawker.com/what-is-gamergate-and-why-an-explainer-for-non-geeks-1642909080.

Gjoni, Eron. The Zoe Post. The Zoe Post, 16 Aug. 2014, https://thezoepost.wordpress.com/.

Morris, Chris. Here are 2017’s best-selling games so far.  CNBC, 12 Jun. 2017,

https://www.cnbc.com/2017/06/12/2017s-best-selling-video-games--so-far-nintendo-microsoft-sony.html.

Quinn, Zoe. Crash Override. Public Affairs Books, 2017.

[parakeatswrites]

1, 3, 7, 25 writer meta? 🥰

HAR, get ready for a long one!! 

I wrote this whole thing and it’s a LOT but a HUGE thank you for giving me an excuse to chat about my writing!! 😍

1. Tell us about your current project(s)  – what’s it about, how’s progress, what do you love most about it?

My WIP folder has 27 files in various states of writing / planning / abandonment. So here’s the ones that are posted on AO3:

- 🌄 Home to Me (the timetravel slowburn / they are married one) - I’m scared of writing the ending of this 😂 but i’m definitely in the home stretch of writing the draft and my brain Does Not Want To. 

- 💤 The Night Hides All Flaws (the ASMR, no-magic, university AU) - I just like writing this when I want to do pure awkward fluff. It’s incredibly self-indulgent.

Here’s the WIPs that are still drafts or just notes that I fall asleep thinking about:

- 🎠 the Witcher Fusion AU (very very loosely based on the Witcherverse concepts with no regard for timelines) where Adam was given as a child in payment to a Witcher and is now walking the Path. He keeps coming across the runaway Prince Gansey and his Crew etc etc It’s got a small mystery, action vibe to it so I’m taking my time putting in plot points. So here’s the tentative summary that I’ve written: 

Adam hadn’t been a Witcher for very long in the grand scheme of the Continent and he wasn’t the type of Witcher that got involved in grand adventures, or found himself in the middle of turning points in history. Adam had been trained because he was a child surprise - no more important than a cask of wine - and had made it to adulthood because he was smart. He wasn’t like the Witchers of yore, and he wasn’t trying to be. Give him a nekker nest or a few drowners over Destiny any day. Then again, the errant Prince of Gansey was determined to cross his Path with his merry band of misfits in search of adventure as often as possible. 

Adam had come inland for the winter, hoping to get a big payout to tide him through the season from the local Duchy of Springer Falls, but something wasn’t right with Duke Lynch and his brothers. The monster in the woods hadn’t been part of any bestiary Adam had seen, and the Duke seemed reluctant to hire Adam to dispatch it despite the threat to the surrounding farmland. The whole situation smelled of too much trouble for not enough coin, but of course Prince Gansey couldn’t leave a good mystery alone.

- 💥 Break and Enter meet-cute (a pynch fic which I can’t explain any better than that I think??) No text written yet, but some general chapter planning and now I’m just trying to figure out what it wants to be 

- 🌳🌲 Blue sacrificial bride - a bluesey fic, but Hear Me Out. Set in ~old medieval fairytale times~ and there is a Beast in the woods that demands human sacrifice every solstice etc etc and one day Maura is called to the Lords Manor or whatever and when she doesn’t come home Blue figures that she has been chosen as a sacrifice to the Beast. She rushes off to save her mom, but people who go into the forest Don’t Come Back dun dun duuun. Blue rolls up on a falling down castle in the woods etc etc meets a boy who is just Confused About Being Here but Having A Good Time (Gansey) and she has to work with him to try and escape the forest that is magically keeping them there. (It is Very Extremely ‘YA novel retelling of beauty and the beast’ meets ‘any weird folktale i want to include’). I haven’t written much yet because it will be Blue POV and I am not confident in that POV yet haha

- 🏫 A wip with no title (I am open to suggestions) that I’m hoping to post this fall that is a no-magic, Adam meets the gangsey post-university with the premise “What if Matthew was a lot younger and Adam was his tutor and Ronan has to pick him up from school but Adam is just like ‘You are not Declan’ and Ronan was like ‘No, but you are hot.’” I AM ONE MAN WITH ONE WISH and it is doting older brother Ronan who is a fool over an aloof Adam

-  💅 A series of notes I frantically wrote one night here is the most coherent part of them: 

Adam and Ronan are in a sort of paranormal fbi situation and are deployed undercover as a married couple. Adam doesnt know what Ronan's powers are (redacted) but he's got a (somewhat false) reputation as "the muscle" and Adam is like "ugh, they are going to make me stay in this house w this uncomfortable hetero dude". 

Ronan starts setting off fireworks in the backyard, and Adam thinks it’s gunshots and is like “Do you understand that we are UNDERCOVER??” 

And they have to be domestic and pretend to be married while they basically gather intel about a dangerous magical object in suburbia?? Gansey is their handler and just wants them to stop fighting and endangering the mission???

I will stop there, please, anyone is welcome to come STRAIGHT into my ask box / dms to talk to me about these.

3. What is that one scene that you’ve always wanted to write but can’t be arsed to write all of the set-up and context it would need? (consider this permission to write it and/or share it anyway) 

Bet you didn’t think I have any more ideas after all that, right? BUT here’s a snippet from a character study oneshot for an Adam headcanon that will probably never see the light of day: 

It started when he had the graveyard shift at the factory, taking breaks with the exhausted moms who didn't mind sharing a smoke with him because he wasn't their kid. He kept it up because it calmed his nerves as he frantically tried to get the grades for the Aglionby scholarship, sneaking smokes out of Boyd’s jacket that always hung off the back of his office door. The double wide was always acrid with the smoke and old beer, so his father never noticed. He quit after starting at Aglionby, too worried about the smell of car oil on his uniform and he didn’t like what nicotine would signal to the other boys. At Mountainview, hanging around on the sidewalk behind the school with cigs was its own place in the social hierarchy. He didn’t want to find out what rung that would string him up on at Aglionby. 

Car oil might just mean that he was handy, had a useful hobby. At seventeen, new to the pristine halls of Aglionby, nicotine just meant trouble.  He didn't want trouble, he wanted to get out of Henrietta. He never told Gansey. Not because he was ashamed, but because Adam didn't have to tell Gansey everything. 

Adam was grateful that smokes seemed to be the only habit Ronan didn't pick up from Kavinsky. The smell curling off the Mitsubishi made his skin itch  with nameless wanting. (Near first semester midterms at Harvard and ronan came up to visit adam and "Did you smoke?" Adam asked, feeling immediately embarrassed. What was he doing sniffing Ronan's collar like some sort of dog. "Huh?" Ronan's brain hadn't caught up with the idea of talking instead of kissing and his only response was grunt and an insistent kiss to the corner of Adam's lips. Adam leaned back, now feeling like a jealous wife, "you smell like cigs." He wasnt sure what he was asking.

7. What do you think are the characteristics of your personal writing style? Would others agree?

Not totally sure since I don’t think I can consciously control the characteristics or style of my writing. I also try to avoid noticing if I repetitively use the same words or phrases, since I’ll probably just become self-conscious. 

I do try to remember to keep a character’s physical surroundings present (even though I find a lot of place descriptions boring to read and write 😂) So I try to keep whole passages from feeling like just ‘talking heads’. Also I try to show the emotions of a character whose POV we’re not in, instead of having the ‘close 3rd person’ narration spell it out explicitly. 

I’ve also gotten a lot of comments on HtM that the writing style is ‘mysterious’ which is a HUGE compliment and I have no idea how I made that happen. 

I can’t speak for anyone else if they agree with how I’ve described my writing so feel free to reply / dm me to let me know 😂 you can give me a reality check.

25. What part of writing is the most fun?

I have answered this here too, but another part of writing I find fun is dialogue between friends when they’re just hanging out. The cadence of how people talk and the weird shit friends will joke about... Just love it!! 

CONGRATS if you read this far!! 

Here’s the link to the questions if anyone else wants to play 

[thisdaynews]

‘It makes me angry’: Tillerson vents frustrations with Kushner

New Post has been published on https://thebiafrastar.com/it-makes-me-angry-tillerson-vents-frustrations-with-kushner/

‘It makes me angry’: Tillerson vents frustrations with Kushner

Alex Wong/Getty Images

Foreign Policy

In a six-hour conversation with Capitol Hill aides, Rex Tillerson recounted his rocky tenure at the State Department.

Secretary of State Rex Tillerson was having dinner at a local restaurant when the owner came over to tell him that Mexico’s foreign secretary happened to be eating at the same place. Would he like to say hello?

Tillerson was surprised, he recently recounted to congressional aides, because he hadn’t been informed that his Mexican counterpart, Luis Videgaray Caso, was in Washington, D.C. He walked over to find that Jared Kushner, President Donald Trump’s son-in-law and senior adviser, was dining with the foreign diplomat.

Story Continued Below

“I could see the color go out of the face of the foreign secretary of Mexico as I very — I smiled big, and I said: ‘Welcome to Washington,’” Tillerson told the staffers. “And I said: ‘I don’t want to interrupt what y’all are doing.’ I said: ‘Give me a call next time you’re coming to town.’ And I left it at that.”

According to Tillerson, the Mexican diplomat had thought that the secretary of State was fully aware that he was meeting with Kushner. Apparently, however, Kushner hadn’t looped in the State Department.

The anecdote was one of the most vivid that Tillerson shared with bipartisan representatives of the House Foreign Affairs Committee on May 21, according to a partially redacted transcript of the private conversation released Thursday.

The former secretary of State, whom Trump fired in March 2018 after just 14 months on the job, painted a portrait of a presidential administration lacking in internal coordination and cohesion. The discussion touched on everything from Tillerson’s struggle to convince the White House to let him hire people, to his “realist” view of human rights. Tillerson frequently answered questions by saying he couldn’t recall, but overall it was his most extensive personal account to date of his time spent as America’s chief diplomat.

The conversation — which lasted more than six hours, including breaks — occurred with committee staffers. Tillerson also met for about 90 minutes with House Foreign Affairs Chairman Rep. Eliot Engel and ranking member Rep. Mike McCaul. That conversation was not included in the transcript.

Some snippets of the conversation already have been reported, such as Tillerson’s comments that Russian leader Vladimir Putin had out-prepared Trump for meetings, and whether the Russians had manipulated Trump and Tillerson in such sessions. Those earlier reports infuriated Trump, who lashed out on Twitter, calling Tillerson “dumb as a rock.”

Tillerson spoke very cautiously about Trump himself, avoiding direct criticism. But he effectively confirmed past reports of his tensions with Kushner. He expressed disdain, even anger, toward Kushner and his peripatetic role in crafting U.S. foreign policy, especially when he wouldn’t coordinate with the State Department.

From the start, it was unclear what role Kushner as well his wife, Ivanka — Trump’s daughter — would play in policy making, Tillerson said. That “made it challenging for everyone, I think, in terms of how to deal with any activities that might be undertaken by others that were not defined within the national security process itself,” he said.

Kushner, who has pitched in on everything from U.S. trade policy with Mexico to trying to resolve the Israeli-Palestinian conflict, would sometimes travel abroad and not coordinate with the U.S. Embassy where he was going. Tillerson said he raised such issues with Kushner, who promised to “do better.”

“Not much changed,” Tillerson said.

Kushner’s relationship with leaders in Saudi Arabia and the United Arab Emirates at times hampered Tillerson’s ability to calm tensions in the Middle East, the former diplomat indicated. That was especially the case in June 2017, when those and other Arab countries decided to sever diplomatic ties with Qatar, a tiny, wealthy Arab state home to a key U.S. military facility.

The moves against Qatar, which eventually bloomed into a full-on economic blockade, surprised Tillerson and other top U.S. officials. But committee staffers told Tillerson they’d been informed that the Saudis and the Emiratis had laid out their plans for Qatar to Kushner and another Trump aide, Steve Bannon, at a dinner weeks earlier, on May 20, 2017.

Tillerson said he’d not heard about that dinner until the committee staffers told him. When asked how that felt, he said: “It makes me angry … because I didn’t have a say. The State Department’s views were never expressed.”

On Russia, Tillerson said he agreed with Trump’s general view that the U.S. needed to improve its relationship with Moscow, and that he tried to convey the need for Moscow and Washington to find some common ground when he met with Putin and other Russian officials.

Although he avoided delving into details about those conversations, and often said he didn’t remember much of what happened, Tillerson insisted that he was up front with Putin about Russia’s interference in the 2016 election, which he said he stated as a fact.

“There were a list of obstacles we went through; but, yes, the election interference was specifically mentioned as creating huge challenges for us here in Washington,” he said, adding later: “I said it just has to stop.”

Putin denied the interference had occurred, Tillerson said.

Tillerson said the White House did not tell him in advance how to frame that issue. Asked about Trump’s general knowledge of Russia, Tillerson said “he was having to learn along the way.”

The former secretary of State also said he did not remember an incident recounted in special counsel Robert Mueller’s report on Russia’s interference in the 2016 election.

While Mueller did not establish a criminal conspiracy between Trump’s campaign and Russia, his lengthy report said Kushner gave Tillerson a copy of a plan for U.S.-Russian reconciliation that had been authored in part by Kirill Dmitriev, chief executive officer of Russia’s sovereign wealth fund.

“I don’t recall ever receiving any such report as described in the Mueller report or any other,” Tillerson said.

Tillerson stood by his past description of Trump as “a man who is pretty undisciplined, doesn’t like to read things, doesn’t read briefing reports, doesn’t like to get into the details of lots of things.” Trump also often had a pre-set stance on issues, and he indicated to aides that they would have to convince him he was wrong but that they were not likely to succeed, Tillerson said.

The former diplomat said he wasn’t speaking pejoratively of Trump when he described him in such a manner, but that he realized he had to adjust to the president’s “style.”

That meant being extremely concise in presenting information to Trump. Still, it “never deterred me or anyone at the State Department, to my knowledge, from putting forth the best view we thought we could put together,” he said.

Tillerson also clarified earlier public comments he’d made about how Trump would often seek solutions to policy problems that were legally problematic.

“The president never asked me to violate the law,” he told the committee representatives, adding that Trump was simply on a steep learning curve. “He was very action oriented: Get it done, get it done, get it done. And so just sometimes you had to say: ‘We can’t do that.’”

Trump never referred to his personal or family business in relation to foreign policy, nor did he give indications that those were factors in his thinking on such matters, Tillerson said. He answered several questions about other characters in the Trump orbit whose business activities and overseas links have raised suspicions, such as Elliott Broidy, by saying he didn’t know them.

The former secretary repeatedly sidestepped questions about Trump’s apparent affinity for authoritarian leaders such as Putin. He also declined to discuss reports that he’d once called Trump a “moron” behind his back. He’s never denied doing so, however.

Pressed on why the Trump administration seemed often absent on promoting human rights and democracy, Tillerson argued that it really acted no differently that previous presidential administration. He described himself as a “realist” on human rights — he believes in their importance but doesn’t think harping on the topic always advances the cause long-term.

“Sometimes going in and just pounding the table over that issue, [other countries] just shut down. They just ignore you. They say ‘Just go away. You are of no use to me,’” he said.

Asked if he could describe Trump’s value system, Tillerson said “No, I can’t.” One of his lawyers then shifted the conversation away from further questioning on that point.

A State Department lawyer was present during the interview with the House committee staffers — the department requested a presence and Tillerson said he was amenable to the idea. Tillerson brought at least two attorneys of his own. The committee’s lawyers noted that he was required by law to answer the questions truthfully. The redacted portions of the transcript were done so at either State or Tillerson’s request.

Engel, the committee chairman, has previously described Tillerson’s meeting with him and McCaul as “heartening” given Trump’s efforts to prevent other aides and former aides from talking to lawmakers trying to investigate the president.

Tillerson told the committee representatives that he had been looking forward to retiring from ExxonMobil and spending time with his grandchildren when Trump offered him the chance to serve as secretary of State. He met with Trump about the role after initially ignoring calls from the then-president-elect’s transition staffers in the weeks after the 2016 election.

He agreed to see Trump only hearing from Mike Pence, then the vice president-elect. “I said: ‘Well, I will take that call,’” Tillerson told the committee. Pence told him that, because of his relationships with many heads of state due to his role at ExxonMobil, Trump wanted to talk to him about global affairs.

Tillerson, who had met with past presidents to talk about such issues, agreed to meet Trump if he could do so discreetly. He refused to go “through the gold-gilded lobby of the Trump Tower because that was the revolving door of everybody that was interviewing for a job. … So I went up through a residential entrance.”

Kushner and two other Trump aides, Bannon and Reince Priebus, sat in on Tillerson’s meeting with Trump, which he recalled as being in early December 2016. During the session, Tillerson walked Trump through major world regions and spoke about U.S. challenges in each.

One example he mentioned raising with Trump was the effect international sanctions on Russia — he appeared to be alluding to penalties imposed after Moscow invaded Ukraine — were having on other countries who did business there.

“We talked about the challenges that had been created by the Russian sanctions for the Europeans because it was — it had had a greater effect on them than it had on most American businesses,” he said.

Neither Trump nor the president-elect’s aides asked many questions during the meeting, Tillerson said. But in the latter stages, Trump “went into a bit of a sales pitch and asked me to be the secretary of State, and I was stunned.”

Tillerson indicated that he had thought Trump had other people in mind for the role. He asked Trump for a few days to talk to ExxonMobil and his family, and before agreeing to take the job, he met with Trump again in person to ask three questions. He declined to tell the committee representatives what those questions or Trump’s answers were, however.

Tillerson had a rocky tenure at State. He disagreed with Trump on major issues, such as how to deal with Iran. Tillerson also alienated many U.S. diplomats by shutting them out of the decision-making process, imposing a hiring freeze and trying to push through a redesign of the department.

Tillerson said he grew frustrated with the White House for blocking him from naming certain people to top spots at State for reasons he felt were not satisfactory. He had thought he’d had more freedom to pick his aides. But months went on and numerous positions were left open.

“If people signed the ‘Never Trump’ letter, that would oftentimes disqualify them,” he recalled. “If they had tweeted something or retweeted something that the White House office thought was inappropriate, then that might disqualify them. If they had a spouse that might have supported the other candidate, that would disqualify them.”

The process “never did work smoothly,” he said.

He also said he tried to prevent the White House from proposing massive cuts to the State Department’s budget, although he said that he would have liked to see some significant budget reductions because he thought the existing spending was too bloated.

Asked about his attempt to redesign the State Department, Tillerson said the biggest obstacle to the largely unsuccessful effort were older, senior-level staffers who “don’t want anybody moving their cheese.” Tillerson also said it was his decision to dramatically reduce media access to the department, including cutting down the number of press briefings.

Tillerson told his interviewers that he was grateful to Trump for the opportunity to serve as secretary of State, and he repeatedly praised the career diplomats who work at State. He also sounded a note of modesty.

“In retrospect, the experience was both humbling and inspiring, and it will always be the great honor of my life,” he said.

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