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zaraegis · 6 years

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Come At The King!au| Part 10| T

Fandom: Cuphead

Pairings: Ride or Die QPP Wheezy & Dice

TW: violent talk, child soldiers, you know the drill

Notes: Wheezy's keeping secrets, a flashback to some of the Devil and Dice's earliest interactions and Dice finally confronts his childhood friend.

AO3 link

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Summary: Wheezy's keeping secrets, a flashback to some of the Devil and Dice's earliest interactions and Dice finally confronts his childhood friend.

tw: violent talk, child soldiers, you know the drill

/Fourth Hit

Wheezy was snoring on his own couch, nose lighting up with every inhale and sleeping heavily enough that he didn't even twitch as Dice threw himself onto the floor besides him. Damn the man, he looked tired enough that Dice couldn't bring himself to prod him awake and complain about the two little menaces that he'd set loose.

He'd been out of sight most of the week, and Dice hadn't missed the Tipsy Troupe's conspicuous absence either. That meant he was definitely up to something. Odds are it's something to do with him.

Loosing a sigh and finally allowing himself to unbend the rigid line of his spine into something less painfully upright, Dice slumps into the sofa cushion and the soft rise and fall of Wheezy's belly.

Sometimes...

Sometimes Dice still feels like a kid. Stumbling around and punching things instead of learning to properly interact with them. Talking to no one but the drunk who took him in hand and had the criminal patience to explain what should have been common sense.

Will he ever stop needing Wheezy to watch his back?

What does it speak to the person Dice is that he hopes he never does?

"Yer less tense today." Wheezy's gravelly rasp nearly has Dice jolting away, if not for the sleep warm and heavy hand that sets itself clumsily on his head. "Good."

"Those two menaces left scuff marks on the bar. And my slacks." Dice complains without missing a beat. "The next time I see them I'm gonna do something I won't regret Wheeze, mark my words."

A rusty chuckle morphs into a heavy exhale as Wheezy slips back down to sleep.

Dice stays long enough to hear him begin to snore again before he levers himself back up and makes his way back out. Passing the kitchen table he spies dozens of creased letters and Wheezy's unmistakable neat hand. A stack of written notes lays innocently besides the hallway phone now relocated to the table.

Dice is besides them before he notices but stops himself from reaching out to the top folded missive. He clenches his fist and slowly withdraws it, glancing at his snoring lump of a friend.

Information is crucial. Life or death is often decided by the quality of the intel you've gathered on your targets. Your enemies. Your friends.

'If only the Queen could see me now' Dice thinks wryly, not for the first time, 'She'd skin me alive.' Or worse.

He makes his way back to his own rooms, curious about what his friend is up to. But equally sure that he'd be told in time.

Wheezy would make sure of it.

A long while back, before he got used to the layout of the Casino but after everyone loosened up and stopped reaching for their weapons when he came around, the Devil once walked with him on a routine inspection before opening time.

They were still uneasy with each other, Dice recalls. The Devil never faltering in what later Dice would learn was a suave, mysterious act to keep people from wondering just how much power the Devil had over puny, frail mortals. Dice himself, stayed stubbornly serious and unresponsive to any jabs thrown his way by his new boss.

At least he'd stopped skewering anything that popped up inches from his face. If only to avert the obnoxious peals of laughter from the Devil every time he did it.

"Do y'know why I told you not to kill anyone in the casino yet?" He'd asked out of the blue. Dice didn't miss a beat in replying.

"Because I'm-"

"'-a manager not a mercenary of some kind' yeah yeah I get it wise-guy." It might have been disconcerting to hear his own voice being used to mock him but with the exaggerated face his boss was pulling, Dice had to bite his lip to prevent a snicker from escaping.

"Hmm?" Like some kind of bird of prey, the Devil didn't turn. He watched closely from the corner of his eye, seeing without drawing attention to what he was really focusing on. "Gotcha with that one didn't I? You got one screwy funny bone King."

Dice turned to him, mildly indignant. "I won't take that from someone who showed up to the senior bingo hall as a skeleton in a robe with a scythe boss."

Dice didn't know where he'd gotten the scythe from actually. Neither did Phear Lap, who was actually present for the aforementioned Bingo Hall Incident. No one was brave, or stupid enough, to ask Phear Lap's actual age but the only two who regularly enjoyed Bingo Nights was that old horse and their erstwhile boss.

Dot had scrunched her nose and declared them 'older than sin, both literally and figuratively'. Dice privately agreed.

His boss laughed, too loud and wicked like Dice hadn't heard before. The vaguely ominous aura dissipating instantly with the tinge of childish glee as the Devil bounced on the balls of his feet and proclaimed, "Those old codgers are tougher than that King. Trust me. No one more ruthless than that lot."

A faint disbelieving smile graced Dice's face at that, and he hummed with a carefully cultivated air of snobbish polite disbelief. Part of him hated how easy it came to him still. The other part knew it was worth it for the way his boss pulled the most offended look in response.

A beat or two passed in quiet before they both caught each other's eyes and gave it up to laugh hard enough to have them wiping their eyes and clutching stomachs.

"Ah, damn it." Another giggle broke loose before the Devil just gave it up and leaned against the banister overlooking the main floor. "What was I saying? I had a damned point to this King."

Knuckling way the wide grin, it always unsettled people, Dice dutifully reminded him. "No deaths in the Casino."

"Ah yeah, that. Well. You've obviously killed people before haven't you?"

A cold wash of icy trepidation was dumped down Dice's spine without a warning and whatever mirth he'd had was now well doused.

"I-"

"Don't bother. I can see it on you." His boss didn't straighten up, just turned his face so Dice could clearly see the pupil of one eye morph into an outline of a cube and then shrink into a skull and crossbones.

How...fascinating.

If it was literally anyone else, in any other situation, Dice would have unabashedly peered closer.

As it was, he flexed his hands, gloved and clean but no matter what he wore or how much he scrubbed, he could still feel the tackiness of old blood. Under his nails, in between his fingers, dried and flaking along his palm.

Yes, Dice has killed people. He's not really surprised someone with his boss' eyes could see that too.

"I don't care about mortal lives, even less about mortal crimes." The Devil pipes up, gone back to looking over to his gleaming empty casino. Pirouetta was conferring with Wheezy on something before the man went off to open the doors and welcome guests in. "The only thing worth my time is mortal souls. And who possesses them, you get me?"

"Yes, boss." Dice replied, numbly. His mouth was filled with a sour taste and he swears he could feel the sharp press of broken bones against his palms.

"Contrary to whatever cute ideas you all have about balancing your sins and virtues, it's not that clear cut." Dice blinked back a bit at that, interest caught.

"Really? How is it decided then?"

The Devil snorted, "It's nonsensical. My Goddamn bastard of a father could tell you."

Ah.

The Devil shot him a narrow look and Dice faintly wondered if there was something to Chimes' mutters of purported mind-reading.

"I hear the words 'daddy issues' pass through your lips Dice, and you'll be in Tartarus so fast your little head will spin, got it?"

"Boss," Dice put a hand over his heart and affected a hurt look, "I'm the very soul of obedience. I got it." As if. Wheezy was going to die laughing when he told him tonight.

Another moment to give him the hairy eyeball passed before his magnanimous and sometimes terrifying boss grunted and went back to watching the now bustling Casino floor with a discerning eye.

"What we want is quantity. Especially since all contracts come with an expiration date."

"Their death." Dice hummed, now beginning to get it. "Everyone's gotta make their deadline." A saying the now-deceased Archbishop used to mutter a lot. Usually before he sent Dice off to collect the heads of some poor bastard and their entire family line.

The mere memory of ending that man still makes him want to smile years later.

The Devil laughed, something almost surprised in it now. "You're a riot. And a sick, sick man." He turned around, now propping his elbows to lounge properly and face his manager.

"A dead mortal has a fifty-fifty chance of being mine. A live one, who wanders in here, racks up a debt and sells their soul? The soul contract ensures they're completely mine until a couple of years down the road; it even adds a little tarnish to the soul to tip the scales. If I make an effort and help you mortals figure out how to live longer sometimes I even get an extension."

Neatly sidestepping the horrifying insinuation of the Devil's impact on their history and medicinal advances, Dice nods.

"So, the fun is in watching them tie the noose around their own necks and take a dive off somewhere high?"

There was an unsettlingly wide grin shot his way at that. Wheezy would have laughed a bit and then felt so bad about it he'd frown for the rest of the day. There was a silver lining to this job already.

"Yess," The Devil hissed, pupils thin and dangerous, the flick of a split tongue curling in the air like a party favor. "Isn't free will grand King?"

"Sure is boss."

Free will, Dice mused, was sometimes an unfair luxury some couldn't afford.

Staring at what was once someone he'd die to protect, Dice could almost smell the gun polish, antiseptic, perfume scent of their shared room. Minnie the Minnow had been at his side for nigh on the first decade of their life.

And now she couldn't even stand to look at him.

A sense of loss was buried under a wave of sick glee. As if this, this, was the thing to finally break the tie binding Dice to his past. Leaving behind his guns, his habits, his ruthlessness wasn't enough. But maybe The Die gripped his heart with something more alive than mere memory. Someone.

Wildly, Dice wondered if killing Minnie would make him a normal, soft person. The Archbishop and the Minnow, was that to be his price? The most hated and the most beloved of his old life? One to set him free and the other to keep that freedom?

There were bad days, where he'd make an off-color joke that brought a strange cast to those around him. Where, out of nowhere, he'd remember the exact sensation of crushing tiny bones and how long someone needed to be held down before they stopped needing to breathe. Where wine tasted like blood and the expensive orchestra only left him shaking in a cold sweat when they hit a violincello crescendo.

Where he'd wake up quietly in the throes of a dream that had him ripping apart all these weaknesses he'd surrounded himself with, the Queen's music filling the air and Wheeze's lifeless flat gaze followed him no matter what.

On those days, Dice hated himself enough to think he'd pay it.

"You never use knives."

Dice breathed in the accusation and breathed out everything. Idly noting it was more painful to loosen his shaking fist than continue gouging his nails into his palm. Yes. There were bad days. And sometimes worse days.

But they were only days.

What were some measly hours against the months and years that had Dice winning without the taste of iron at the back of his teeth? Where he could stand to look at himself in the mirror, girlish softness and bloodied apathy left behind for someone with strong shoulders and soft emotions?

Where he could hug Wheezy without looking for bloody hand prints, show off his skills to an adoring crowd and have things in common with good and less good people rather than with murderers. Where he could look at someone who has seen the creation of the universe in the eye and know no matter what he's done, the Devil will still think him a rank amateur in comparison.

"You couldn't stop crying every time the life left their eyes." Min hissed, eyes intent and dark as pitch. "I don't think that's changed Duchess."

"N-"

A small ping of a common die nearly beaned Minnie in the eye. Dice stared dumbly at it before looking to his left, where Dot- who'd been lounging and filing her nails as she kept watch on their, for lack of a better term, prisoner- now sported a nasty smile.

"That's King to you, poppet."

Dice wanted to reprimand her but reasoned that Minnie wasn't exactly a guest. And it warmed him something fierce. Which he'd admit to no one.

"Was this why you left? To be a pretend King somewhere else? The Queen would have crowned you in her place you know." Minnie retorted, eyes growing shiny in her hurt.

The two prodigies Queen Fidd raised from the cradle. One who cried when they killed. The other who shed tears over betrayals.

What a mess they were.

"Minnie, c'mon." Dice prodded softly, unseeing of the odd look Dot wore at the strange soft voice coming from a man she'd seen face the Devil's worst tantrums with gleeful prodding.

"You can't leave, and I won't kill you."

"Weak." she shook her head, scales glimmering in the faint light behind the iron bars. Almost as soft she murmured, " I'd seen you grow dull and frail in that bar. With that man and yet I still can't believe it "

Dice went carefully still. They knew about the bar. About Wheezy. That was…very worrying.

"You," Dice stopped before his voice would crack, tried to swallow past the panic, "You sound just like her you know."

The hate and poison spat upon the ever present and vague men, who would take the Queen's precious proteges and chew them up, spit them out into vacant wide eyed waifs. Weak, complacent chattel until they died. Like they tried to do to Fidd. Like they would try to do with them, mi bambini, listen to your wise mother.

Dice could recite the entire spiel by heart now, having heard it so much. He could also just about picture the sheer rage and betrayal when they reported back to her about Dice wearing slacks and answering to different pronouns.

God, Dice wishes so badly to have figured out the whole man thing earlier. The sheer hatred would have fueled him for days.

Minnie probably saw this in his face because she scoffed and turned around, ignoring them as best she could in her prison. Dice made to step closer, to continue fishing for information, but the corridor door opened and Wheezy popped his head in.

"Got some guys for ya boss!" He just about beamed, seemingly uncaring of how Minnie whipped around to stare death at him. Dice relaxed his shoulders and refrained from massaging away the stiffness in them. Dot's snort of amusement clued him in before he laid eyes on two familiar nosy brothers.

"Oh good, there should be a pair of spare manacles around here somewhere I believe." Dice smiled at the suddenly wary look the two sent him.

"Oh barf, I don't want to know about your sex life." Cuphead, the brat, said, hopping back to stay in the brightly lit corridor as Dice strode out to the fresh air of the Casino proper. Wheezy stayed in even as he flourished and bowed out a tittering Dot.

"Go corral that man of your Dotty, he's with Hopus and you know how that tends to turn out." the assistant manager wryly tattled, uncaring of the immediate and near violent bickering that broke out between the manager and the two cups. "I'll watch over our little fish here."

Dot eyed him for a bit, before smiling and laughing out a "have fun" as she strutted down the opposite way.

After everyone cleared out, Wheezy closed the door with a soft click. Another softer click ensured the lock was engaged. Turning around, he was unsurprised to see the assassin almost pressed against the bars as if daring him to come within strangling distance.

"That didn't go so well I take it?" He asked, pulling the lone chair and twirling it around to sit. The silence that met him wasn't unexpected but it was informative.

So.

This was one of Dice's friends.

"You know I'm kinda jealous." Wheezy started off resting his cheek on an upturned palm and leaning forwards like one buddy to another, about to impart the juiciest gossip. Silence was the only response. That was fine, he didn't need information from her. He only needed an audience.

"I mean, I've known Dice for almost half his life, but you! You knew him basically from the cradle am I right?" If Dice had been there, he could have noticed the jovial tone and coolly assessing eyes forwarned Wheezy's terrible temper.

"All I could do was help with the nightmares, the fear, the baggage from all the shit he's gone through." The smile was wiped clean off his face. Laugh lines and creases of good humor settled into cool smoothness with a whiplash intensity that had Miss Minnow watching this posturing civilian with something approaching trepidation.

"I'm jealous because you had the opportunity to help my best friend avoid some of that hurt and you didn't."

Her mouth opened as if to defend herself, or exclaim some dime-store villain one-liner. Wheezy didn't care and steamrolled right over that to continue, "And I know you two were in the same boat. But Dice planned for months so you two had a clean ticket out of there and you sold him out, didn't you?"

Hurt children or not. Child soldier or not. Dice's sister in all but name or not.

That was unforgivable.

For years he'd been listening and piecing together the events and what was specifically not said. It was a shot in the dark, logically speaking, but Wheezy's gut instinct had him spitting it out anyway.

Minnie the Minnow flinched back.

This seasoned killer feared him, feared his truth and for a second Wheezy felt the exhiliration of a loose string tie itself up.

It lasted long enough to almost cover up the taste of disgust. At the betrayer in front of him, at the exact number of people Dice had to kill to win his freedom when they found out his plan, at himself for the brief fantasy of scorching those pretty scales in a form of twisted payback he knows Dice wouldn't thank him for.

For the one who saw two young babies and thought the best she could do was break them in order to line her pockets with money and blood.

"I'm sure Dice told you that you couldn't escape, and that he won't kill you?" He fished out a cigarette and lit up, hoping some of the nicotine could spare him the stress headache he can feel nipping at his heels. "Well he's right. In a way."

The outer edges of the stone floor shook and fell away into nothing. Ah good, he was right on time.

The assassin jumped and her clutching hands betrayed her fear where her placid demeanor did not.

"Funny thing really. Living mortals can't be killed in the depths of hell." He had to raise his voice over the sounds of crumbling rock and the distant roar of hellfire.

"So you won't die. And you'll be released. Eventually. After we're done with your Queen." There was only about a foot of space left.

His next words caught her attention better than the imminent long drop though.

"And your Prince. And your Princess. And your Duke. And, hmm-" Wheezy pretended to think "Who was- ah yes! Marquis Bates. Right, your boss? And after him, the Sals. Have I got all the big fish?"

Her eyes were pinpricks now, and her mouth was a rigid tense line even as she tried to keep her footing on the scant inches left. Impressive.

"How- how do you-?"

"The entire house of cards sweetheart." Wheezy stood and ambled towards the door once more. "We'll topple them all."

He could only hear the panicked gasp as the last bit of the floor gave way and took their newest guest to her accomodations before he clicked the door shut once more.

#cuphead #come at the king!au #king dice #the devil #mugman #mr wheezy #minnie the minnow #the ever favorite 'discussing things above mortal minds with lucifer himself'#the king dice pain train continues on strong #also #specially featuring wheezy being the badass manipulator and number one king dice stan #my fanfic tag #its a longer one #almost split it in half really #also ty for ur tags and likes and reblogs omg u guys im cr ey

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throwawayblog-blog1 · 7 years

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Dirk @prettyboypng or mod jas @gbptboys is a pedophile and manipulative

@prettyboypng other URLs he’s used include aroacehawkeye, planet-eater, dyscalculiacdonnie, officialbrobot, ocpdmaxie, bipolardirk, deadglitchkid, circuitsbreaker, swordself, deadmettaton, soulrxsonance, chipotanakni, and shadeslayer

i’ve included specific warnings in front of paragraphs and receipts, but global cws for suicide baiting, emotional abuse, csa, pedophilia, and child porn solicitation.

whether you read this or not, i would strongly recommend blocking and staying far away from dirk if you’re a minor.

uhh, i’ve never made one of these things before. i am writing this post because he’s continually managed to brush his actions off and manipulate how people perceive him so he just seems like a victim of unfortunate friend drama, and with the content of his actual actions, i find this frankly really fucking disturbing and i don’t want other people to be hurt or taken advantage of by him. I’m tired of him escaping accountability.

i’ll split this into two parts. the account concerning csa will be first, and then i’ll be adding mine and other’s experiences with him below.

#child porn cw #pedophilia cw #csa cw this section will address csa and child porn solicitation

so this doesnt come from me, but from a minor who had been friends with dirk for a while and recently began suspecting they’d been sexually abused by him. i’ve been asked to rewrite what they told me in my own words and keep it totally anonymous in the interest of their comfort and safety, so i’ll be replacing any mentions of their name with lark.

lark mentioned that when they first met dirk they admired and idolized him and made that very apparent to him, and also that they dont ever remember being excessively complimented and praised by him like most everyone else was (i describe this happening below), which they believe is evidence of emotional manipulation and not just a coincidence.

lark confided in me that, despite how immediately beforehand dirk would ask lark if they were a minor and they would say yes, he talked to them about intensely personal nsfw subjects, such as masturbation, and his sexual desires. he would also express frustration when lark would mention having a crush on anyone but dirk, even though dirk shouldn’t have any reason to want a minor to be interested in him, even jokingly. he did this after he had turned 18, and while knowing that lark was a minor having literally just asked them himself, as if that absolves him of any fucking responsibility.

lark also recalled another incident where they and a friend (who was an older minor at the time) got onto the subject of drugs, alcohol, and nudes and other sexual pictures while in a conversation with dirk. their friend sent a suggestive picture of themself, and dirk sent one that he’d accidentally taken while taking photos for his nsfw blog (which lark stressed they and their friend ended up having access to, something that dirk brushed off because it was a ‘cool URL’). it eventually culminated in lark feeling pressured to send a suggestive photo of their own, which dirk did nothing to stop beyond reverse-psychological platitudes like “dont feel pressured to just because we’re doing it”. dirk did nothing to tell lark or their friend “hey maybe dont send sexual pictures of your bodies to me, because theres no reason that i would want to encourage that sort of thing as an 18 year old adult man, unless i’m a fucking predator.”

i understand this is a very serious thing to be presenting especially without receipts, but i’m an adult and wouldn’t feel comfortable handling receipts of that nature because it concerns sexual events with a minor, and warning people about dirk while maintaining anonymity is really important to lark.

this section will address emotional manipulation and bullying, specifically concerning me and my wife @gendfleur

i should start by saying that i don’t have many receipts for my own claims about him because i don’t have access to all of his old blogs where some of the worst of the posts were, and i’ve also changed computers so i can’t grab any of our old Skype logs. i’m conscious of how this might make people even more critical of my claims, and so i’ve taken care to remember as much as i can and to be as detailed as possible with the receipts i do have.

some brief background about my friendship with him: we met in september 2014 through a homestuck fictionkin skype group, and were close until june 2015, when i cut off our friendship. rose had been qpps with him since before the network was made, and they broke up in december 2015.

towards the latter half of our friendship he started flipping between showering me in positive attention and then ignoring me cold shoulder, which was kind of a red flag for what was about to happen.

dirk has a habit of giving people excessive praise and admiration often in public tumblr posts, making them feel special and wanted, and then making extreme emotional demands and using passive-aggressive bullying tactics, such as deliberate ignoring and vagueposting, to manipulate his friends into complying with them. he’s done this in private with almost everyone i know who has experience with him, and he’s also done this publicly with his mutuals in the past.

example posts of this from his old blog @circuitsbreaker, plus transcripts:

http://archive.is/qnrRl

[sorry i know you guys don’’t care i'l geta round to replying to the nice replies i got earlier later okay]

http://archive.is/fD6F3

[*keeps refreshign to see if someone wil lsay “no i care!”* *nothing* okay]

http://archive.is/3znpI

[mkay yall will get Up in Arms when i make a joke abt a dairy product but when i have my posts tagged #like/reply if u read# or im asking for help or posting about something thats important to me yall drop off the face of the blogosphere……. alright]

http://archive.is/hqHC5

[nobody cares about me and nobody cares about what i say and nobody cares about things that are important to me and nobody listens to me anyway and nobody cares about me !! haha nice!!!!!!!!!!!!!]

http://archive.is/0ronD

[i really am leaving i was jsut saying gn to rose but js Proof most everonye deosnt actually cae: really big difference on notes on my post saying no one cares and then on all my other posts. yall just dont want me to be Sad well heres a thing u can prevent it by Liking my Posts if you Read them like i have In the Tags now! conveicneit right. whatever]

and because these posts are a little old (the most recent of those was january 27 2015) here’s an example from a more recent blog of his, @soulrxsonance, proving that even half a year later (this was posted august 25 2015) with less frequent guilt-trip posts, he hadn’t actually changed his behaviour

#self harm cw http://archive.is/XECIx

[thanks like, the one personwho said anything to glaceon (note: a system member of his) when she asked for thanks for stopping me from self hamring,thaks everyone else for not,caring,atall,thanks,the intrents abotut o be turned off so bye]

wrt me specifically, i’m schizophrenic and autistic so social interaction is really exhausting. this is something i made very obvious by talking about it casually around him and in tumblr posts that he could see, but despite that he went out of his way to make me feel shitty for not being able to live up to his demands (they were random and hard to discern because he would never be straightforward about it but usually if i failed to be present for his breakdowns, like all his posts, tell him frequently that i loved him, talk to him whenever i had free time, or other exhausting bullshit then he would start the guilt-tripping), and often in a very roundabout way through vagueposting and ignoring me, which he would also get increasingly frustrated at me for not understanding... despite the fact that i’m...... schizo and autistic, so i’m shit at understanding social subtleties and hidden messages in peoples behaviour. i have no doubts that he understood this about me also, and yet he did nothing to de-escalate his behaviour.

one clear example of this that i can remember but can’t find a receipt for is when he was having a meltdown on tumblr and was asking for people to tell him they loved him, but after it was over he confessed it was just because he was trying to get someone specific to say it, who he was afraid didnt like him as a friend anymore. this was really obviously about me, because it was around the end of our friendship when he was already namedropping me when he thought i wasnt online like ‘i dont think cerb cares about me anymore’ (which is relatively innocuous but when aggregated with everything else he did, really goddamn bothered me)

another example i remember is when i came out as a nonbinary lesbian after id’ng as a trans guy for the entirety of my friendship with him up to that point. i came out through a post on my blog and stated that i’d had to contest with internalized trauma and abuse to get to a point where i could admit i was lesbian, and he vagued about this later on, saying roughly ”a lot of my friends who used to be trans dudes have been coming out as nonbinary girls lately and it makes me feel like my boyness might be fake too”. i understand that he’s also trans and so i can imagine the thought process behind making a post like that, but i still found that incredibly insensitive and maybe even borderline misogynistic of him.

being friends with dirk was making me suicidal because of the stress of his manipulation (and at this point, trying to interact with him when i was able seemed to be fruitless because he would usually ignore me anyway). so, one night in june 2015 i sent a very diplomatic message to him saying, in essence, “i love you but this isnt healthy for the both of us, and im sorry if im misreading but i think this is for the best”, and then deleted him and unfollowed him.

this is where i remember things getting really, really scummy and panick-inducing for me, because he started vagueing and namedropping me even more frequently, on his public blog for all his friends and my friends to see. i dont know the real extent of this because it seems he deleted certain posts at some point and i was never interested in checking his blog to see for myself back then, but i had mutual mutuals coming to me for months, telling me that he was running his shit off saying something vicious about me.

an example of this (i know this is kin drama lol, and i want to emphasize that i’m aware dragging petty kin drama into posts like these is usually frowned upon, but what i’m focusing on here is how wildly he blows me just fucking finding a kintype out of proportion and the fact that i only talked about this on my blog after i cut him off, strongly implying that 1) he was stalking my blog 2) he was getting someone else to stalk my blog or 3) someone following me was relaying info about me to him for kicks)

http://archive.is/0s9QJ

[tfw someone who told you you couldnt be friends with them anymore is now kin of yourere favorite fucking pokemon thats also incredibly personallyyl important to you because it reminds you of good parts of your childhood and of good memories of your family an firneds and its just a really personal thing and now it FUCKGGKKNGNG RIUIIENEND OFOOFOOFREVVVVVVVVVVVEER]

here’s a statement by @comorbird, a good friend of mine who was also mutuals with dirk and had access to his vent blog after i deleted him

#death wish cw #stalking cw

it kind of speaks for itself. this also proves my suspicions that he stalked my blog.

like, i get being upset over losing a friend. i’d understand it if, instead he vented about it in private.

but the fact that i knew he berated me openly, on his public blog for all our friends and mutuals to see, was fucking humiliating, triggered my paranoia very badly, and kept me on edge for months. i’m still appalled that he would do that instead of at the very least keeping it to private conversations, especially since he knew that i’m schizophrenic and that i struggle with paranoid delusions and that sort of shit. and even then, wishing someone who very politely distanced themselves from you was dead and stalking their blog is a ridiculous, extreme reaction to have.

rose was part of our friend group, and shie had been dirk’s qpp since before i knew them both. in the latter half of dirk and i’s friendship, hyr and i became pretty close, at some point even admitting we’d developed crushes on each other. in our talk about this (probably sometime in april or march 2015?) rose told me, roughly in hyr words “i’d totally be down for romantic dating but dirk gets jealous really easily so i’m afraid of broaching the subject with him. maybe sometime in the future though.” eventually rose came to realize that this was evidence that shie felt like dirk was controlling hyr romantic life despite them only being platonic partners, and we said fuck it and started dating in august 2015, after i stopped being friends wtih him just to clarify.

dirk noticed that we stayed close after i cut him off, and he unapologetically guilted rose for being friends with me and then eventually for dating me, bringing up how much he hated me in front of hyr and expecting hyr to go along with it, and getting very frustrated when shie would defend me or shy away from the topic. this had a really negative affect on hyr for a long time, forcing hyr into meltdowns and making hyr suicidal to the point of being institutionalized involuntarily around july or august 2015, and he did nothing to stop himself or tend to hyr hurt feelings. shie felt like shie couldn’t publicly talk about me lest shie would make him upset, while i was genuinely suffering panic attacks whenever i saw him on my dash.

so like i mentioned, rose was institutionalized against hyr will, and as this was happening dirk decided it would be a great time to contact me in an effort to... reconcile for rose’s sake, i guess. i don’t doubt he only decided to do so at that point to escape possible accountability for allowing the situation to boil over like that, and so he could safely make me feel like shit in a situation where i was under tremendous pressure to just smooth things over, especially since he brought in a friend of his to 'mediate’ or whatever (not their fault, i totally blame him for that). for the whole time he just told me how shitty he felt for me to “cut him off so suddenly”, how it “fucked him up”, that “he couldn’t really trust anyone after that” - and when i asked if i could also unload, he refused on the grounds that it would “just make him angry again and ruin his mood”.

rose has also confided in me countless times about the endless emotional demands he made on hyr, and the vicious guilt-tripping he would subject hyr to when shie couldn’t meet them. shie is also very mentally ill and was struggling a lot at this point in hyr life with being homeless and going in and out of inpatient care.

it’s also important to mention that dirk called both rose and i his “dependeds” (a term for people with dpd to refer to specific people they tend to rely on emotionally more than others), and he used that as a tactic to turn us into objects with no needs of our own, and to force us to feel morally responsible for him. this was something he dropped on me with no warning a couple months before i cut things off, and to be forced into that kind of responsibility without even asking me if it was okay made me very uncomfortable. i’m not blaming him for having dpd or saying all people with dpd are like that, but it was just another thing he specifically did.

i do have some receipts for what i described above.

these are some examples of him vagueing about rose on tumblr, which i feel demonstrate some of the guilt-tripping tactics he used, making sure that rose would come back to his blog and see how badly he was doing when shie couldn’t be there.

http://archive.is/IKY2k

[nattt (note: a nickname dirk had for rose) isn t onlune i skyed fleur (note: old pronouns rose used to use) when i s=woke up and fleur hasnt responded pelase goet back online so i ew can wtchsomething]

http://archive.is/75VVb

[lms if yo u like me more than you like horizon (note: an alternate name that rose uses) edit.// and dontnn fucking lie to make me feel better]

http://archive.is/Lar3j

[“hm wow my depended isnt here and idk when fleurs coming back so i guess i better throw myself into listening to aesthetic and/or angsty indie bands and only caring about that” - me, apparenalty,]

http://archive.is/po2Cn

[i know im fukkincg pathetic i know im a huge fucking loser for not doing anyhting like this earlier and i know im gonna be in the club with people who have been fucking doing this since like middle shcool or some shit!!!! jsut tell me if i should go to the meeting or not ffuckkginf my dpended is unreachable ust fukcing tell me what to do please thankss]

this chain of posts is specifically about times when rose was in the hospital, which goes to show how goddamn classy he is for using hyr suicide attempts to make hyr feel like shit

#overdose cw http://archive.is/nMGV4

[the last tiem the ac went out rose fucking ovserdosed so im (:]

#suicide cw http://archive.is/duyCL

[LIk e last time fleur was ther e for fuckkkign 2 weeks or a month o r something and we called each other nearly every day and i stil lwanted to fucking kms adn now its been like a week minus the weekend and i havent heard a fucking wor d and idk if fleurs okay or if fleurs staying longer or if fleur thinks im mad or if fleurs mad at me or fi fleur doesnt want to talk to me or hates me or is leaving me o r if fleurs calling someoen elese nstead of me or if fleur s even fc uk kign A l i v e anymore and its tearing me up. thats meant to be tering like tearing paper not taering like crying]

http://archive.is/jKwGV

[i keep having dreams that fleur will just pop up in the group chat im in with fleur, replying to smth, with no explanation, no hello, no hey im back, and ill be like “woah woah woah,, are you back? is that u?” and fleurs like yeah ofc and im like “ur really here right, its not a Dream,” and fleurs like “no im really back!!!” and im like “im not gona wake up and u wont be htere right” an d fleurs like no dw omf but. here we fucking are.]

http://archive.is/1pPmq

[i bet rose hmfucking hates me and doesnt ever want to talk to me again or doesnt care about me at all its either that or fkeurs Afuckign DEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!]

these posts are from after they broke up, but also show how guilt-trippy he was

http://archive.is/61QZf

[fleur didnt “see me in fleur life anymore really :/” and then when i shut down and fleur asked to break up and i said fine fleur was all relieved bc fleur was worried abt my reaction like 1. i guess im that fucking pathetic and predicatlbe and fucjckkdfnknlsd fscc d tht fleur just knows im gonna flip out and was already scared to talk to me bc of it Lol 2. ii fucking was already broken up w fleur ever since fleur said fleur didnt see me in fleur life anymore but didnt want to brekau p uwu like what the fuck does that mean who says that everyone i lvoe is just going t o fuckingn tlel me they dont see me in their life none of them really do rn anyywaso]

#gore text cw #neck trauma cw http://archive.is/ilXdx

[idk i just idk fleur cares so much for hym and i cant do it it makes me want to cut my throat open and i dont even care about fleur anymore but im still upset about it i just cant do it im gonna take out my contacts and have a big cryfest]

these are examples of him playing the victim wrt to me cutting him off

http://archive.is/L9VFF

[no wonder he cut me off i deserved it i deserve all bad thigns i m such an annoying piece of shit im surprised he was even friends with me in the first place no wonder he cut me off im horrivle and annoying and more work than im worth no wonder they left me im not worth it im not worth anything no wonder fleur didnt fight for me or take my side or care at all im not worth it i dont deserve anything]

http://archive.is/uRTlR

[i thought i was one of hys closest friends but he cut me off like i was nothing and no one even fucking knew he did it until i told them he did. also fleur fucking knew that he was planning on doing it and didnt say a word to me this entire time until months after when i was having yet another massive breakdown about it so glad to know i mean absolutely nothing to the people who i see as literally the most important people in my life and that my not being in their life doesnt effect them at all and they dont even care to tell me when theyre talking about me behind my back about how annoying i am and how one of them is going to leave me in the dust]

http://archive.is/yKvpZ (it’s pretty long so i’ll just paste some choice bits)

[because of one of my past close friendships im fucking terrified everyone whos important to me is actually just planning on and thinking about how/if they should abandon me.] [mm fuffkkcinng iim so sfucked up over this honestly it was suppsoed to be ““““““““the best dcisisiong uuwuuwuwu” or sommemthing and its fucking ruining my life i cant thin k and i cant talk to anyone and i cant not talk to anynoen] [and i dont ahve any sort of reason to know or think or beleive that this wont happen because that ther person was thinking about it for fucking weeks and weeks] [fucking weeks and weeks of planning on leaving me and pretending everyhting was fine, of me thinking we were friends! of me trusting that person! of caring! i cant fucking trust anyone and that person doing that literally just prved it]

http://archive.is/QEIH2

[i dont even remember how long ago that happened honestly . its just kind of melting into “last month” the same way missioui is just “last year” #adn im fucking reliving it over constantly just like missouri how great! the 'clean break' systme really fucking works doesnt it! really fuc]

#suicide baiting cw for this last paragraph. eventually rose and dirk broke up around december 2015 (idr exactly) and then he blocked hyr unceremoniously, and it was at this point that rose went to his vent blog to unfollow it and saw a post that said, roughly “i hope cerb fucking kills hymself and that rose is devastated about it”. i don’t have a receipt for this because he’s since changed the url of the blog or deleted it altogether. it’s not all that surprising to me anymore anyway, with what i learned from sid telling me that he wished death on me pretty frequently.

that’s the end, i guess. if you have any questions i can try to answer to the best of my ability, i’m doing my best to be honest and transparent about this so i’m happy to clear up any confusion. please block dirk for your own safety, especially if you’re a minor.

#ok to reblog

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