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#there's body image stuff in this one so... yeah...
giuseppe-yuki · 1 day
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Since franco is quite unhinged and not PR trained, I feel like his girlfriend would be equally as unhinged and unpredictable like an orange cat constantly doing stupid things like climbing on stupid things and doing funny stuff around the paddock and becoming a fan favourite duo of unpredictable and hilarious behaviour - especially in the fan zone
FRANCO’S POOR PR MANAGER!!!!!
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picture credits from pinterest :)
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“franco,” the disheveled looking woman snaps, a look of pure annoyance on her face. “tell your fucking cat to get down from those spare tires right now!
rolling his eyes, franco stops his laughter from looking at you prancing on tires and beckons you over.
leaping off the tower of rubber tires, you scamper over to his side, butting your head playfully against his leg. you couldn’t understand why you couldn’t have a little fun in the paddock though. it was media day, and those were soooo boring. his pr manager was a total killjoy. and besides, the fans loved you, so wouldn’t that be good for your boyfriend’s public image?
as if proving your point, the fans gathered around the fanzone squeal as you pad next to franco and his disgruntled pr manager.
while he stops momentarily to sign a few pieces of merch, you claw your way up his shoulder. the man getting his merch signed laughs, pointing his camera at your purring figure perched on franco.
“yeah, sorry, she does that sometimes,” you boyfriend remarks, recapping the pen and handing it back to the fan.
you grin at him, flashing your sharp cat canines at the camera. suddenly, an epic thought crosses your mind. what if you did a backflip off of franco’s shoulder and landed on the ground perfectly? that would be kind of cool.
gathering your wits, you leap off of your boyfriend and do two flips in the air before landing gently on your four paws. the fans in the fanzone erupt into cheers.
“ha!” your boyfriend laughs, pointing at you proudly leaping in circles on the ground. “simone biles who? make way for next big olympic gymnast!”
seeing the commotion, franco’s pr manager speeds over. “franco!” she hisses, dragging him away from the crowd. “you can not be saying that! we don’t want a bad public image from you slandering simone biles!”
“slandering???” franco says, in shock. “i was not slandering. i was merely making a comparison between her and my extraordinarily talented cat!”
you meow loudly, as if backing him up.
franco’s pr manager just pinches her nose and groans.
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it’s not even ten minutes before you accidentally get yourself into trouble again.
a young fan sits on the sidewalk, talking animatedly to his mother, leaving his lunch open and inviting. hey, if he didn't want it, you’d gladly take it. you were pretty much starving after spending a good part of the day doing media duties with franco.
charging towards the open container, you take a huge bite of the contents, which turns out to be lasagna.
the boy turns around, eyes wide at seeing not only the orange cat eating his food, but also at franco colapinto jogging towards him.
“i-i-is this your cat?” he stutters out, blinking quickly at the sight in front of him, disbelieving.
“er, yes,” franco responds. scooting by the kid, he bends down and grabs you by the scruff of your neck, trying his best to separate you from the container of lasagna that you were trying your best to shove into your mouth at an ungodly speed.
the boy, seeing your actions, laughs. “she’s just like garfield!”
your boyfriend only successfully removes you from the container after you’ve devoured the entire piece of lasagna. “sorry buddy,” he says to the kid sheepishly, with your tomato-sauce covered body dangling from one hand. “i’ll give you a piece of merch to make up for the lasagna.”
still manhandling you with one hand, he uncaps a sharpie with his teeth and scribbles his signature on his own williams-branded jacket. he shrugs it off with a bit of difficulty before dumping it in the kid’s arms. the small fan ecstatically beams at franco, and thanks him profusely.
when your boyfriend squeezes by the crowd of people that were gathered to see the scene play out, he finds his pr manager standing with her arms crossed with a rather disappointed look on her face.
“did you even think before doing whatever that was?” she questions franco, simultaneously glaring at you.
when you give her a hiss of annoyance at reprimanding your boyfriend, she just about snaps.
“yeah, you’re done,” she say irritatedly. “franco, take yourself and your cat back into your driver’s room. you're grounded. both of you are prohibited from coming out for the next hour.”
you giggle inside. that’s a win for you, honestly. an hour with just yourself and franco? sounds like a great time to get into a little more mischief!
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somedaytakethetime · 1 year
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And back on another note, let's get to part 2 (of lord knows how many) of my quest to re-write myself into a new person. Still on inspiration images...
I went through all my crap stuff today! Sorted out all of my accessories, sorted my fix pile and donated all the clothes that I'll never wear so there's no point in taking them in to fit me. I'm pretty sure that I'm still going to get rid of more clothes in the upcoming months as I go through the things I have and what I'll realistically wear but I feel much better having cleaned up even more things now!
But that's not the point, the point is that today I'm going to sort through the rest of the knit items. So... let's get the move on 😩
Starting with colourwork sweaters! I didn't save a ton of those, because realistically... I love knitting colourwork. Small colourwork projects that is, sweaters? Meh.. not a huge fan. BUT.. I like the look of them and I would like a few little things that say 'themed holiday' 🥺
Let's start with things that can look normal:
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(links: image 1, image 2, image 3, image 4, image 5, image 6, image 7)
All of these can look perfectly fine for daily wear if they're knit in very subdued shades, I think. Granted that umber 7 is definitely very much 'gingerbread biscuit' but if winter isn't the time to dress like a cookie then when is the right time?? 😤
Now... let's look at something else...
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(links: image 8, image 9, image 10)
I'm honestly convinced it's the blonde lady's fault that I have so many things saved.. I'm not sure if I actually want the sweaters or if I want to smooch her 😶 BUT ANYWAY LET'S FOCUS! Do I want a Valentine's sweater? Yes. Do I need one? Probably not. And tulips? SHEEP?? DO I NEED A SHEEP SWEATER?? MY BRAIN WOULD SCREAM IMMEDIATELY 'YES' BUT THE ANSWER IS PROBABLY NO! These are adorable in my eyes, but would I actually wear them? Only the hearts one and probably not in red..
Now let's look at something totally different. Skirts and dresses! Never made them in knit, but they sure look cute
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(links: image 11, image 12, image 13, image 14, image 15, image 16, image 17)
So here's the dilemma: I think these are really cute (I'd make things in neutrals again, nothing bright or super colourful. Except skirt 14, it reminds me of folk skirts from several places in Europe and I love it so much) but a) would I wear them? Also.. would I like the way I look in a knit dress or mini skirt? Spoiler alert and sort of trigger warning I guess: I don't really love the way I look all that much, if anything, I sort of hate how I look and I feel stumpy, ugly and pudgy.. my legs, being as short and stubby as they are, are likely my least favourite thing along with the massive size of my hips and derriere (Hi, I'm pear shaped! I have a set of child-bearing hips that's... atrocious to me..). So, I do love the look of these but.. I'm not the level of slender and tall most of these women seem to be, so I would look rather different in these clothes... it's on the table, but also very much up for pondering. Unless I can stop hating myself? Probably not going to happen..
Now let's move on to happier pastures. Scarves!
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(links: image 18, image 19, image 20, image 21, image 22)
I'm a huge fan of a silly little scarf. And a neck warmer. And just a big ole scarf in an interesting patter. I have a choking kink, I guess, I like something choking me out during the winter.. plus, neck warmers? Perfect for the scoop neck and lower necklines that I have! These are just a sample of what I have saved up, I have a small big obsession with neckwear and I don't know why.. probably the choking kink
And finally last category for the knits? Mittens, beanies and socks!
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(links: image 23, image 24)
I'd change that condomhead look of number 24, not a huge fan of that vibe, but all in all I don't need a ton of these. I also have a balaclava and a few kerchiefs saved but I'm not sure if I'll make those. Maybe just one balaclava? For the construction of it. Also because I do get that cold even if my country isn't super cold at all..
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(links: image 25, image 26)
Simple and all I need: one or two pairs of convertible mittens/gloves and some fingerless mittens. Don't need more than this. I have many fancy designs ones, but those, if I were to make them, it would be because I REALLY love the design and I'm in a world of LOTS of patience..
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(links: image 27, image 28, image 29, image 30)
Now socks? Socks I'll need to make some decent amount of them. I wear socks year-round, so I would need a few pairs of them to go through. I've rounded up a few different heel constructions, toes I think they're all the same for the exception of number 28 where you can pick a choose (I can't remember the rest honestly, I don't remember the descriptions). I want to learn a few different methods for sock making, I'm really interested in a toe up sock. I've made socks before but they were cuff down, I don't have beef with sock making, I just enjoy learning new techniques.
I think with that I've rounded all the knitwear. Well, for the most part. There's still things that I didn't mention like my interest in making knit bras just because. I think they would probably be really comfortable for me, I'm an A cup so I don't need any support at all and I have a fierce hatred of The Brassiere™.. I still need to plan out really well what I want to make and which colours I want to use. I want to create sort of a minimal wardrobe type of thing, I'm just old and tired of owning a lot of stuff and feeling suffocated in piles and hoards..
Up next, I'll actually round up outfit inspiration images. Just for a visual of which style I actually gravitate towards, plus what would actually look good on my stumpy, lumpy, wee self. If I learn how to hate myself and how I look less, that would be major help too for all of this 😂 I need to make a proper narrowed list of basic things I truly need, everything else will be add-ons just because.. but that requires severe planning first so... yeah.. 😩
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krysmcscience · 3 months
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It’s finally done, guys – five whole pages of Narilamb AU comic AND MORE be upon you! (If you have trouble reading any of the text, view the full-size! These pages are huge!)
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Yeesh, this took forever. <:)
There’s probably a ton of inconsistencies and anatomy/perspective wonkeries, but this was mostly just comic practice, so Oh Hekkin Well, Lol <:D
(Yes, I am aware the Gateway’s door isn’t present in the Afterlife, and the actual way in is just a pentagram portal. Yes, I put the door in there anyway because Artistic License, i.e. it felt more impactful for there to be a prison door of sorts to walk through to freedom, rather than just a bland boring portal on the ground. 😠)
anyway, i hate backgrounds so much lmao
Alternate ending and a buttload of bonus art under the cut, followed by goofy AU rambles and headcanon stuff:
I’m calling it the Revival AU. It’s not all that creative a title, and someone else has probably used it already, but I am too lazy to really care, LOL
Alternate ending page, which you will Definitely need to view the full-size for, Whoopsie Daisy:
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The alternate ending was actually the first ending I finished things off with, because I had a brief badbrain moment where I forgot the emotional beat I initially wanted the comic to end on, and I tend to write comedy, anyway. I later remembered and drew out the proper ending, but I preserved and finished this one, too, because it still makes me giggle.
They had to go back for the followers off-screen in the AU’s real ending. And by ‘they’ I mean just the Lamb, because they weren’t about to ask three newly freed cats to go back into what used to be their prison. The Lamb DID spend some time watching Narinder and the bois enjoying the outdoors first, though:
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In other news, here’s the Lamb and me making fun of my anatomy-drawing ‘skills’:
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Meanwhile, if you’re wondering why the Lamb is just a-okay with how things went down vis a vis Their Murder, this bonus comic should answer at least some of your questions:
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Ah, yes, also this is how they get engaged outside of the alternate ending. Forgot to mention that bit. XD (I already refuse to believe that Narinder is capable of flirting normally, so why would his initial marriage proposal be any better???)
Oh, and before any of them get a chance to actually head back to the cult grounds, there is one potential problem:
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And by ‘problem’ I mean something Narinder intends to ignore for At Minimum a thousand years. Cuz he’s a petty bitch like that. :D
what do you mean i drew the lamb too tall compared to the background? clearly they’re standing on top of baal and aym lmao, why else would you think those two aren’t in this one??? (aym and baal got way too excited about finally being outside, you see, and their silly modes are nothing to sneeze at)
And, speaking of heading back to the cult grounds, I’m sure y’all would love to know how the Lamb’s followers felt about the brand new change in management:
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It all went better than expected. <:D Tiny ramble now, feel free to skip down to the next comic.
Before you ask, no, the Lamb does not have any actual powers anymore, other than the immortality Narinder definitely grants them. The Red Crown just thinks it’s funny to suggest otherwise, and Narinder does nothing to discourage this. Also, the Lamb and Narinder aren’t actually married here yet, but, uh. Pretty safe to say that particular ritual directly follows the events of this comic. XD
Given how quickly he mellows out in canon, Narinder probably chills out a lot in this AU once he’s in charge of the cult, too, if only because 1.) He’s finally free, and 2.) He’s equally smitten with and distracted by the Lamb. He’s definitely in charge at least 95% of the time, though, because the Lamb never actually wanted to be a cult leader and, now that their time as a vessel is done, they just want to be a normal(ish) sheep who’s wholly devoted to their hot new divine husband.
Some followers do still have some valid concerns about these two being together, though, which I’m sure at least a few of you might share…
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Unfortunately for any such concerns, the Lamb is a bonafide masochist in this AU. :D
They’re also 100% a sub, obviously
Anyone at all: Your relationship is problematic and potentially toxic
The Lamb: fuck yeah it is, it’s so hot~ OuO
Here’s just the last panel, made transparent for whatever nefarious purposes y’all might have for it:
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Additional exchange Narinder and the Lamb have at some point, probably after the Lamb does a fatal whoopsie while out on a mission trip or in response to things getting a little too sadistic in the bedroom, ahaha:
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Look, there is a very important distinction between life and death, and if you don’t understand that, then you’re probably not worthy of being the God of Death, anyway. (At least, according to Narinder, and ONLY Narinder.)
Last but not least, have these shittens:
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~Such creative naming conventions I have utilized, lololol~ :D Anyway, there's a few deets on them in the rambles down below.
The rest is all ramble, so before I get to that, I’ll just say – likes and especially reblogs are very much appreciated!!! :D If you happen to really really REALLY like my stuff, meanwhile, I do have a link in my bio to my ko-fi page, where I’m accepting commissions and donations if you’re especially generous… ÓuÒ
Now, BE FREE IF YOU AIN’T DOWN FOR READING MY GOOFY RAMBLES
First ramble is re: Baal’s question of ‘Did it really work?’, since I didn’t feel like expanding on it in the comic proper, and it’s arguably pretty vague? He doesn’t ask because he doubts Narinder or his capabilities, exactly, but because neither Baal nor Aym have ever actually seen their god at full power before (he’s still technically not at full power here, either). It’s not expressly stated how soon the brothers were brought to Narinder after his imprisonment, but whether it was early on or after a length of time for Shamura to (somewhat) recover from his attack, he must have already been weakened, since I have no doubts that there was a huge battle that accompanied the Bishops working together to trap him. So, between that fight with all four of his siblings, sharing his power with a variety of vessels over time, and being chained immobile for a thousand years, he must have been severely weakened by the time he lent the Red Crown out to the Lamb, which would have only weakened him further.
I like to think this is how the Lamb is able to defeat him if they refuse to be sacrificed, despite how it took all four Bishops working together to subdue and chain Narinder in the first place.
All that aside, the three cats have been trapped in the Afterlife for so long that Baal also wanted verbal reassurance that they are all, indeed, actually able to leave it now – something that I headcanon isn’t possible without a significant amount of power (i.e. the Red Crown’s cooperation with its bearer/vessel).
(On a semi-related note, I don’t headcanon Aym and Baal as twins. I like sweetheart big bro Baal and snarky little goth bro Aym too much to have them be that close in age.)
Ah, teeny thing: If you noticed I switched up the art style for Narinder on the second page, that was intentional. It's sort of a visual indicator that there has been a Big Change for him - that being, how much power he has after sacrificing the Lamb. As for why I changed up his arms in the grass rollin' pic, I don't really subscribe to the notion that his arms are spooky bones because they're horrifically injured (beyond chain-chafing scars, that is), but rather just because he's the Bishop of Death, so he can change how normal-to-spooky they look at will. At some point I might doodle out how I imagine his appearance to range between least to most eldritch... 🤔
Next ramble, regarding Narinder’s feelings towards the Lamb...he was initially too focused on being freed from his imprisonment to form any real attachment to them. They were a tool for his use, first and foremost, but he did notice their intense devotion towards him. It was impossible not to notice, because the Lamb was always very happy to see him, even if it was because they died during a crusade (yet again). He wasn’t originally planning to revive them once he was freed, either, because he saw no real point to it – after all, they were already dead when they first met him, just as any other mortal would be when meeting him in the Afterlife, so death has very little real consequence in his eyes. But, once the chains were off, and it really sank in that he stood to lose the most devoted follower he’s ever had, he decided…why put their soul to rest for good or leave them stuck in the Afterlife when he could just as easily revive them again? And why not reward them for their hard work, anyway? Not only would it cost him nothing by comparison, but the future devotion that could come of it would surely make up for his (bare minimum) effort in reviving them.
He wasn’t expecting to get a full dose of that devotion and a smiling face so soon after killing them, though~ :3c (because the Lamb is a bonafide freak, and not-so-secretly into the fucked up power dynamics going on here, lol)
I should mention here that I am firmly of the belief that any non-god/vessel who crosses through the Gateway and into the Afterlife just straight up dies. So, Aym and Baal? Also straight up dead, from the second Shamura brought them through. Their souls were just never put to rest so that Narinder could have some company – if only according to Shamura. Narinder kept the two around mostly out of bewilderment, because honestly, who are these kittens, and what is Shamura’s game here, anyway??? They never even explained anything, they just tossed these kittens into the Afterlife and LEFT!!! At any rate, Aym and Baal being dead is how I explain why their souls apparently become lost in the void if they’re killed, along with the added complications required to revive the two because of it.
So, with those deets in mind, and given a bit of time, if Narinder hadn’t chosen to revive the Lamb, and also hadn’t chosen to put their soul to rest, they still would have woken up at some point, despite being as straight up dead as Aym and Baal. Who, don’t worry, were also properly revived while Narinder was waiting for the Lamb to wake up. Because I am also firmly of the belief that, first, the dead cannot leave the Afterlife without the use of a ritual/relic (and can't stay in the living world for long regardless), and second, dead followers’ devotion isn’t anywhere near as potent as that of the living, given how much more the living stand to lose.
Final ramble, regarding the Lamb’s feelings towards Narinder, and why they’re so devoted to him…
Well, you don’t spend most of your life on the run with your steadily-dwindling herd, trying to evade the ongoing genocide of your species, without becoming a little fucked up in the head. Maybe a lot fucked up in the head. Life is suffering, so might as well have fun with it, right? Maybe start finding death and pain to be kind of hilarious, even a little bit hot, once everyone you know and love is dead and gone, leaving you all alone? And maybe after that, there’s something comforting in how, despite the cold, cruel uncertainties of life, at least you can always count on the inevitability of death, patiently waiting for you until your very last breath? Who knows. Either way, as soon as the Lamb was killed, and they learned that the literal God of Death was offering them a second chance at life and vengeance via effective immortality, they were 100% ride-or-die-devoted all at once. Turns out death is kinder than life – go figure. (Of course, it helps that Narinder is 100% their type.)
They weren’t put off by Narinder’s thinly-veiled sadism or manipulations, either – they’re not too different in those regards, albeit opting for vastly different methods. It’s a very ‘two sides of the same coin’ sort of deal. In order to stay alive once they were made the last of their kind, the Lamb had no qualms with using others to their advantage, and that did not change once they were revived and expected to run a cult. They didn’t care for the position of authority, though – being a sheep and all, they’re much more of a follower than a leader, and thus greatly appreciated Narinder’s need for control. With how they had to keep on their toes for so long, the Lamb was also pretty good at reading people by the time they died, so they could recognize that a lot of Narinder’s posturing was just that – posturing. Dude’s 95% bluster and only 5% bite. He could obviously be vicious when he wanted or needed to (the Bishops' injuries were clear proof of that), but underneath his outer layer of cruelty was a generous layer of tsundere, and underneath all THAT was a soft squishy middle sibling velcro cat in desperate need of attention and affection.
(Which, for the record, he Did Not feel comfortable getting from Aym and Baal – Narinder still has no idea why the fuck Shamura sent them to him, beyond acting as keepers at best or trying to sabotage his attempts to escape at worst. Which, he thought HE sabotaged in turn, by guiding the kittens into being his devoted disciples instead. He thought he was very clever for it. ‘I outsmarted Shamura!’ he thought, despite that there was never anything there to outsmart. ‘What do you mean, Shamura sent your kittens to me for company?’ he demands of Forneus later. It may or may not lead him to pull Shamura out of Purgatory just so he can shake them and scream about how they should have Fucking Explained that!!!)
But, getting back on track as to why the Lamb was so willing to be sacrificed, I cannot stress this enough – if you pay even a minimal amount of attention to what he’s saying, Narinder is REALLY NOT SUBTLE about his intentions. ‘Death is of little consequence.’ ‘Followers are for you to use to your advantage.’ ‘Sacrifice a follower to absorb more power.’ So, yeah, the Lamb knew exactly what would be expected of them once the other Bishops were dead. They knew Narinder would expect them to die for him one last time. But, after all, death is of little consequence (not to mention hot), so when the time came, they wanted to see him freed, even if it meant oblivion for them in the end.
He’d given them a second life, and the ability to avenge their kin, and they felt indebted to him for that – so, while they were still pretty glum about the possibility that they might not get to see him free of his chains, nothing beyond their devotion and debt to him mattered. They never wanted all the drama and expectations that came with the Red Crown’s power, anyway, so, better for Narinder to have it back so that he could deal with it. What he did with the Lamb afterward would be up to him, and seeing as he was their god, they’d accept his decision gladly.
Were they in love with him by that point? Oh, obsessively so, but only in the devotional sense – romance was nowhere on their mind nor radar. That is, until he unexpectedly revived them again, told them he still needed them, and then offered down his hand to help them up.
The Lamb fell HARD for him in that moment. :3c
And now, a tiny shitten ramble. Lu and Li are twins, because sheep tend to have those a lot, and are conceived not long after the Lamb and Narinder’s marriage ceremony. Lu is the minutes older one, but Li is much more mature. I have put no further thought into these two, other than that they are utter menaces, birthed by the Lamb, cling hard to both their parents but especially Narinder (who spoils them rotten), and they are both genderfluid, using whichever pronouns/names they feel like at any given time. They are also both intersex, same as the Lamb, who was initially infertile up until Something Something Vague Magic, which I have also put no further thought into ¯\_(シ)_/¯
oh, and before anyone tries to suggest i headcanon this AU’s lamb as trending more female due to them giving birth or whatever, no, no, a thousand times no, they might have a vag, but they've also got a dick, and even if it's not as big as they'd like, they still know how to use it
Finally, the very tentative name for the Lamb in this AU is Yazdi, which is really just another name for the Baluchi breed of sheep XD (Not that the Lamb is this specific breed, I just didn’t like any of the other sheep-related names I found, ahaha...)
THAT’S ALL FOR NOW (collapses into an exhausted pile of goopy limbs)
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anothermonikan · 2 months
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[Image ID: A drawing of Gourmand and Artificer from Rain World. Gourmand is standing on the left and looking upwards. Artificer is standing on the right and looking away from Gourmand. Artificer is shorter and thinner than Gourmand and their fur is matted. Artificer has a scar on the right side of their body. Artificer's teeth are bared and their left eye is squinted. They are holding hands. The background is very light peach with dark red around the drawing. End ID]
[Image ID: A drawing of Gourmand and Artificer from Rain World. Gourmand is standing on the left and Artificer is standing on the right. Artificer is similar in height and size to Gourmand and they have fluffy fur. Artificer has a scar on the right side of their body. Artificer has an eye-patch with a red patch attached to a dark brown strap with yellow lining. They are facing each other and holding hands. Artificer is smiling. The background is very light peach with dark red around the drawing. End ID]
ough did I not post these? BBQ AU doodles I made a while back. Yay <3
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Realizing that the hottification of skin marks and hair and all that and the increased desirability of all that fun jazz has become another body standard for people who do not have bodies that are "conventionally attractive" to look at enough already. Shout out to people with bodies with distributions of fat or lackthereof that's considered substandard that have no fun marks and tidbits bro
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blackvahana · 19 days
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Yeah. Man. I'm just sitting here remembering I've been doing this my entire life. I feel like there was a patch I wasn't, part of the teen years, and that's either I've forgotten because trauma orrrr something else but
No wonder I've never felt anchored on this plane. But it doesn't matter, well, no, it matters a lot, but this life is just constantly isolating in how it works so I will keep the talk of not fitting in here and what being weirdly one got in one foot out has done to talking to myself lmfao but... I remember. I remember being in the garden as a really young child and I'm not a young child. I'm this chimaeric fairy-type thing of swirling and bulging colours like a psychedelic faceted-insect-eye's led trip, four or more wings of different types that are again, so ungrounded, so psychedelic, vivid. Not uncertain. Not half-formed. Fully formed, the starbeing in me just barely contained in the shape of the human-pretending-to-be-a-fae it's pretending to be
I remember so much, actually, and it's. it's just weirdly melancholic....? Maybe not melancholic, but it's so sad and I don't know why. Actually. I mean I've been trying to piece it together for like twenty minutes now but... People get a little irritated at me for being very "you don't understand and no one sees me" but like. I have lived an entire life walkinv streets where no one sees me. It's very complicated, there's. mental health stuff in there because of course I've come across a lot of spirits but I have bad issues seeing people as real but like. Man yeah no I am a snail and one part of me can be physically seen but the other has always been on the other side
#There's a lot to this that I just don't want to get into because it's no ones business irt mental health issues influencing#isolation and then trauma and stuff. It's not a matter of ''I was involved in astral stuff and no one else in the world Ever has been''#lmfao like it's just that. Astral self is still me and man. Idk. Realising these past few years constantly the Trauma(tm)#And it makes so many physical events now make sense where like I felt like I could (do astral stuff) and#Man. It's just. There's so much melancholic distance in these astral memories kept behing the Mask Face expression#it really is like. you ever have to leave someone at a bus stop or airport and you're not sure you'll ever see them again#It's this weird heavy and distinct feeling looking at myself like this astral body is a family dog I've just left in#à forest at night and I'm driving away from them and they just know. It's not like Tears Flowing sad it's this. the entire form#just swallows existence. It just is eternally falling away from the world and swallowing it as it goes#It's not a dog left at the roadside its the goddamn ghost of one left years ago. You see it and you aren't sad about leaving your#dog you're like wow. That dogs still here. I don't know what to do. It's image is burned into my retina. It's looking at me#I can see it getting further away in the rear view mirror and no one would ever believe me I'm seeing a ghost so this moment#is etched into my mind now. Except. The memory fades anyway when you look away. It's so like....... It's not even sad#It's just a ghost. I was worried about connecting astral and physical bodies and starting this journey to projection#fully consciously because I knew there'd be a lot of Trauma but this isn't even trauma it's just... My god. I've existed my#entire life as a ghost. like. /ghost/ ghost. Ghost. haunting my own existence. And it's again not just sad it's this weird...#I feel like I've only ever been able to exist off this plane. I exist in this liminal state I exist most freely when unwanted#Not because I need to be unwanted but because what I am freaks people out#Yeah that. vision. that vision of my astral form in this weird obscure unplaceable large animal with a blurred#mask like face in the headlights or tail lights of a car - it's hard to know because it warps reality. I don't know what direction#I'm travelling. I don't know what this thing is. but it's on this forest-flanked road in these lights and it's looking and#there's no one around that can elucdiate the situation and............. Yeah. Man. Yeah.#ramblings //#Astral body //#Astral diary //
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arolesbianism · 2 months
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I am rotating Light so hard in my head rn girlies who just straight up fucking torture ppl cause she can
#rat rambles#rain posting#oc posting#I <3 iterator gore and body horror if I was a better artist Id draw the horrors shes inflicted on some of these poor bastards#Im also brainstorming ideas for some more iterator ocs both so I can have more iterator ocs who arent chronically offline and so that I can#make them be some of lights victims and put them through some truly horrific shit#light vc omg haiii I saw you noticed some of the organisms I pumped into your bloodstream finally Ive been waiting sooo long to show this#stuff off so feel free to give mild resistance to my demands so I have an excuse to permanently disfigure your puppet :3#I have one girlie vaguely conceptulaized and some vague ideas for the sort of roles I want the others to have in their lil friend group but#its all still very very vague concepts Ill have to brainstorm some more to get more solid ideas for them#in the meantime Ive also been thinking of some potential unparalleled innocence hc stuff#nothing super concrete but I am slowly building some new hcs that will relate to the tortured girlie I have some ideas for#but yeah I had a blast telling my friends abt synchronized light today and getting my intended reaction of aw thats cute that turns into#horror as I progress down the timeline#my intent with these two is for them to initially come across as rly fun and cute and just generally very easy to connect to only for the#immediate second layer to their characters to fucking evicerate all of those feelings#also parasite horror is both some of my favorite (cause its horrifying) and least favorite (cause I can get legitimately paranoid) shit#and just the image of being an iterator and realizing that there is malicious shit inside of you that you werent able to immediately detect#is so delightfully fun to me especially considering how vulnerable a lot of these iterators probably already felt just letting the#construction and repairs happen only to find out that that vulnerability Was abused horrifically and that its far too late to stop it#anyways I need to go talk to myself in the shower to brainstorm some more lol
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seventh-district · 3 months
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this song ain’t got no right to be scratchin’ my brain as much as it does
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Hey, I know you're a Projmoon fan, I guess I'm curious because I'm at an impasse on what to do rn, did you play through the entirety of Lobotomy Corporation, did you just skip it entirely for Ruina, or did you read a summary/watch a cutscene compilation or let's play/something else? And what would you recommend as an approach? I've tried playing through Lobcorp but it's just extremely tedious and I'm considering skipping it to get to something I think I'll like more (Ruina)
oh!! ok my answer is a little bit complicated tbh; bc i havent. played any of the series at all. WAHAHA
what i personally did was um. attempt to watch an incomplete lobcorp lp ==> couple months radio silence ==> watched one (1) day of gameplay from a friend (for one boss fight specifically) ==> got recc'd summaries i slowly watched thru ==> couple months radio silence. ==> watched someone else's (actually complete) lp ==> (rabbit hole'd) summaries again.
um. dont do that. JSNBGKHDBK
im not gonna act like i Know how t tackle a series like this (since it took me like 4 circles around to Actually Commit to it (and also im kind of. new. here)) BUT from my personal opinion of the series and how it carries itself, i CAN recc at least Some order of something.
TRY to play Lobcorp! which i can kinda see is already done on your end. its something i Super want to try but absolutely know i wont finish SKJFNKDJF;; the main draw of PLAYING lobcorp is the struggle. it Sucks! its Long and Tedious and the game HATES you... and that's the point! it's plot relevant. it's an experience i didnt get to feel, but can so painfully just Understand by merit of watching someone else do it, only skipping about occasionally. tl;dr: the game loop is Telling A Story, Dragging You In-- THAT is the draw in insisting folks play it. it genuinely makes the... everything... hit that much harder. Once youve given it your best, dont feel ashamed to look for someone who's Done It! (i hear a lot of folks havent completed lobcorp themselves, so ✌) DONT UM . SKIP IT COMPLETELY THOUGH ruina is literally a Direct Sequel to it. i think it does a good enough job at introducing the setting on its own, but i am GRABBING YOU this shit will hit fucking DIFFERENT if you Understand. also its a lovely game worth looking at and appreciating bc GOD what a fucking experience those last few days are. i do not cry that easily to stuff like this but OUGH. AUGH. H
Wonderlab??? its a webcomic thats heavily reccommended you read through, but due to um. circumstances . it doesnt seem t be feasible atm. however, there IS a synopsis up thats pretty darn good! wonderlab, iirc, isn't directly plot relevant, but DOES introduce certain important concepts for ruina. however, it's not Mandatory, as ruina Also explains these things. as far as i know, its just a fun lil kickass story in the universe taking place between series you can look at if you want :)
Play Ruina! or watch, i guess. again, i watched an lp and it kicked the shit out of me emotionally (affectionate) so honestly do what you will here, i suppose.
honestly though, these are both super fucking long-ass and ridiculously heavy games so you're probably gonna be here a while. it took me like two weeks of committed watch time t look into Properly, and that was even when i started skipping straight to cutscenes at the latter half. embrace that! i cant stop you, but id heavily reccommend at the very least watching through the gameplay loop for a good chunk of the time-- giving the story that space really hammers home the... Everything. heavily heavily recc letting it Have that space.
for ruina specifically though, definitely at least watch through the beginning and ending legs of every fight-- and at least a solid chunk of every boss fight. if you're intent on skipping round gameplay loops like i did, imean. watch the boss fights watch the boss fights these fuckers do NOT play around. i cannot applaud these games' soundtracks enough and i wont say anything but trust me trust me trust me.
ANYWAY. here's the stuff that was recc'd to me, personally! if you wanna give watching through the series a go! :]
Lobcorp LP: [x] (Commentated+Completed! I couldn't find any no-commentary ones that were finished, but honestly for its gameplay loop it Helps. Blind on his end, but he does genuinely really like the series so i give it a thumbs up ✌) Ruina LP: [x] (Same guy :] also completed!) Lobcorp SUMMARY: [x] (Brief, but a good opener+summary!) Wonderlab SUMMARY: [x] (It Sure Is Wonderlab!!) Ruina SUMMARY: [x] [x] (Actually incomplete, but goes pretty well in depth and is easy to watch+absorb.) Alt SUMMARY: [x] (Consists of both parts of the duology! I haven't actually watched it in a while so i don't exactly remember much t say about it, but it sure is on my list!)
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bugflies00 · 8 months
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you know i understand people have different coping mechanisms but i really wish some of those were not public
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irl-ichi · 9 months
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this is what love is
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biboybuckley · 1 year
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i love my big brother so much. he is my favorite person.
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hobisexually · 2 years
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#y’all I’m exhausted#my cat keeps going on the litter box but not doing anything#and I think she just doesn’t like the stuff in it and the box is too small so I ordered a new one but it will take two days to get here and#I don’t know what to do!!!!!!!#and I keep waking up when I hear she gets on it in the middle of the night in stress checking whether she’s doing something#and she isn’t#and I keep having nightmares of her dying and having to tell her owner she didn’t last a week with me and she never should’ve brought her#last time she went on it was what? Sunday early morning?#its Tuesday it’ll be fine#but you know?????????#I also had to leave her behind for the first time today because I need to go to work#I stretched it by one day by working from home yesterday but yk#im so FRANTIC and I’m so stressed and my supervisor is leaving on holiday for three weeks so I’m in charge of the big stuff suddenly#which I’m not stable enough for atm at all I shouldn’t be in charge of anything in this state of mind#also apparently my dad is hurting a lot over not speaking to me and yeah my man same but ?????? what am I gonna do huh#it took me a WHOLE month to feel normal again after the disaster that was December we can’t keep doing this#I cried in the middle of a fancy restaurant last night#and then as if that wasn’t bad enough had to have a talk with my mum about racism and body image and religious trauma and how she can’t keep#getting in the middle of my dad and me and then it spiralled into a conversation abojt how my dad impacted HER#and how the divorce was hell for her for a reason because the emotional abuse was. hm.#and hearing that! also how much weight she lost then which I always thought was because she was sick but no it was him#very difficult to hear#fuuuuckkkkk meeeeeee y’all#and I can Feel my brain going around in circles like it’s anxiety central and I can’t stop it atm#shit man.#UGH#I HATE THIS SOMEONE KNOCK ME THE FUCK OUT#@ [redacted] go ahead honestly
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shatterthefragments · 6 months
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Ok but for real us being soft over the Vessels’ tummies has helped me so much today
Like my pants were falling off my hips all day again. The same pair of capris that I was wearing last week and made the note: “Pulling a Vessel with the way my (loose ass) pants (with stuff in pockets) are coming down my hips”. And uh. Same today again. And so I didn’t tie them tight enough (partially bc I like not having to untie them to take them off). And so they were under my belly button and sliding down all day. Which is fine. But especially when I was doing stuff they slid further down and underneath my belly. Held up only by a hip. And if my shirt lifted up then like. It was all exposed. Soft round belly. Love handles. That crease by your hip (and above it too) (far rounder than all the vessels combined but that’s ok I’m fat and it’s okay.)
And I’m. Okay with it. (Today). I’m soft and squishy and round and it’s okay. And you know what? It’s even cute. Cute and soft and squishy and OKAY!
#body image#tummies#I think I was sappier about it before I had to try to remember and retype it but anyway. I’m actually just. feeling okay about my body rn.#which I’m really happy about?!?#like even through the pain it does so much?!#I was able to walk around and see what shops were around in an unfamiliar shopping centre#I was able to drive with minimal pain (though I do have the seat warmer on for my back)#I got to enjoy some lake time though I didn’t venture through the mud so I didn’t have to clean my work shoes which are bad enough rn#I was able to bring up my bags and groceries in one trip#I was able to scale the salmon. zest and cut and juice a bag of lemons. cut up a bunch of veggies for soup and make all of that#I got a shower (hot for comfort of course) and did a small load of laundry that I’ll have to toss into the dryer later#and I haven’t fallen down. I haven’t given up. and I’m. doing alright?!?#honestly shocked. I’ll crash tonight but that’s okay.#and I can squat down to do things that are easier closer to the ground#(ok sometimes the knee kinda clicks? out and feels like I have to rip it back into place but we’re ignoring that bc it’s been a little whil#(though usually that just means I’m due for it to happen again and not be able to bend it for a while again… ah well#hopefully I’ve strengthened it enough again that I’ll be fairly ok at least for a while…#rambling rambling eh whatever#like yeah I’m fat and there are a few reasons it would be nice to be smaller but it’s not worth the Bad Things I fall into to get smaller#and right now I’m just? so okay with it??? and I just need to keep this moment in posterity bc I can’t remember the last time I was this ok#and even POSITIVE about my body?#(I mean yeah my boudoir shoot was pretty awesome but that was years ago now and also she edited stuff as well)#(and tbh i want to do another boudoir shoot at some point. but im doing at least a few tattoos first i think. make my body Home more so 1st#just kinda. relishing in this peace and …happiness?#this is good 😌#it feels nice to feel nice about myself and my body :)#shatters’ fragments
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arolesbianism · 23 days
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Every second of every day I remind myself that I'm going to need to learn to draw gore and body horror and every second of everyday I simply keep imagining it instead of drawing it because I don't even wanna try finding usable refs for the shit I wanna pull off (it also doesn't help that searching up refs for skinless human anatomy is. Annoying to do if you wanna draw someone who isn't made of muscle and nothing else)
#rat rambles#there's also just a lot of stuff that I just sorta. cant find refs for just due to the nature of the image in my head#but yeah I know I can probably find the refs I properly need somewhere out there but its going to be a nightmare for me I hate finding good#reference photos for tings especially when it comes to anything gore or scar related#but yeah au snek you bastard I will draw you some day#she isnt helping me much by having fun bone body horror too :/#and then theres all the other snake stuff I want her to do thats going to be a whole other journey to learn to draw#but that one isnt as bad because it's much easier to find photos of snakes doing goofy snake stuff#aka anytime they use their mouths to do anything ever theyre so silly#au snek is also silly if you ignore the horrors#shout out to her for being the only one of the au antags that wasnt saught out for attempting to/succeeding at destroying their universes#although thats mostly just because snek is tied to physical matter which means that she has less of an inhernet connection to the stuff#pretty much everyone else does abt their universes#au snek was somewhat unique amongst sneks tho in that shes easily one of the most powerful sneks#these guys get a bit closer to the greater power of the function theyre tied to each time they die you see#and au snek has died a Lot#more times than everyone else in the au antag squad combined#which tbf isnt actually saying a lot most of them never actually died that many times if at all#owl for example probably never died herself. all her power came from her consuming her original universe#similar with mase but he might have died at some point idk#and while Id normally say tali is a similar case given the universe she came from shes probably died a fair share of times#and au bloom probably died like once or maybe twice if Im being generous#au fydd didnt die at all hes just built like that#and au aris only died once but her power again comes from her original universe aka uni hi uni#now Id have to do some math to figure out how many times au snek died but I dont wanna do that since itd be kinda complicated#but just trust me she died a lot and her friends also died a lot except for her brothers who only died once since they dont get revived#long story short: they stopped being supplied food
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piplupod · 10 months
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rly fucking w my head how my mother is complaining to me DAILY abt how "fat" her face is getting (she's on a higher dosage of a medication and weight redistribution is a side effect) and I'm over here both not noticing any changes in her and also trying to desperately gain weight myself but not seeing anything happen fjfjdkdl
PROANA DNI - GO GET HELP
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