#there's like noooothing about this character so i'm probably just writing this for me lmoa

[honnelander]

crush

alright, this is such a niche and self-indulgent little piece of writing bc i freaking LOVE this (awful and huge asshole) character buuut i do like to write for whatever i love in the moment sooo here's a little Brad Wolfe aka Hunter X-5 fic (he's cute ok??) (and if you're into marvel and are not watching the loki series, PLEASE go watch it! it's so amazing!) credit to @mrsbawar21-blog for the still!

WARNINGS: none

word count: 2.8

pairing: Brad Wolfe (Hunter X-5) x reader

summary: Mobius could tell Brad knew you a lot better than he was letting on, and he wanted to get to the bottom of it.

masterlist

taglist: @antrenna @buggy0827 @laviiv @feelinmatcha @ivonarfsh @facelessfionna @deserticwren @shadydeanmuffin

"See? Isn't this nice, Brad?" Mobius asked his beige jumpsuit-claded prisoner as he sipped on his vanilla milkshake, happy as a clam. "I mean, literally ten minutes ago we were at each other's throats, yelling at one another, and here we are," Mobius gestured around with his hands, emphasizing the 1980s McDonald's they were currently sitting in, "sharing a meal like two adults."

"Yeah, and you also tortured me," Brad replied quickly, not missing a beat as he kept his gaze set on the pair of Lokis conversing in the parking lot through the window. He drummed his fingers on the plastic tabletop, bouncing his leg up and down as he quickly glanced at Mobius with a quirked eyebrow. "Forgot to mention that part, huh?"

"Yeah, and you called me a 'nobody'," Mobius rebutted quickly, a hint of irritation dripping from his voice. He stopped himself, shaking his head slightly with closed eyes as he exhaled curtly.

Now wasn't the time to dispute that and the silver-haired TVA analyst knew that arguing with X-5- or Brad, whoever, was a waste of everyone's time and he didn't feel like renewing their earlier verbal scrimmage here when there were more pressing matters at hand. Ultimately, Brad did bring them to Slyvie in the end so that must count for something, right?

"But, that doesn't matter. See, I even bought you a shake," Mobius said, reaching across the table to pick up Bradley's vanilla shake and put it closer to him. "A little peace offering."

Brad's eyes flitted to Mobius' obvious olive branch for a second before looking back up to the analyst, unimpressed. After a beat, he raised his right hand, jabbing an accusatory index finger at Mobius, as he cocked his head to the side, saying, "But you did slap me, right in the face. I'm not gonna forget that."

"Just take the shake, Brad," Mobius said swiftly, slightly exasperated as he suppressed the urge to roll his eyes and let out a frustrated sigh.

Now, Mobius M. Mobius prided himself on his seemingly never-ending well of patience, but even he felt himself start to get annoyed at Brad's unrelenting persistence on being as difficult as can be. Did he always try to be as annoying as possible or was this just how the ex-hunter always is naturally? It was exhausting.

The former minute man-turned-actor glanced down at the shake again, leaving it untouched before looking out the window to refocus on the Lokis outside. "What- what are they even doing out there?" he asked with a huff, gesturing a hand towards the pair of variants. "It's like they're going over every detail of their relationship or something."

"Yeah, well," Mobius relented with a small sigh, taking another sip of his shake. "There's a lot of baggage to unpack when you're basically in a relationship with yourself," he explained casually like he was talking about a bad day at the office.

Brad picked up on the slight disdain in his captor's tone but he didn't care enough to broach the topic any further. Instead, Brad sighed in slight disgust as he resumed drumming his fingers on the table saying, "God... it's weird."

Not wanting to harp on his partner's unorthodox romantic relationship any more than he had to, Mobius picked up a plastic fork, getting ready to dig into his pie. "Now, why don't you tell me a little bit more about your movie, huh?"

Brad rolled his eyes and scoffed at Mobius's obvious deflecting technique. "What about it?"

"Tell me about all about it." The analyst took a forkful of pie, asking with an encouraging smile, "Is it a horror flick?"

"Oh, come on, Mobius. You don't care."

"No, really! I'm serious," he said through a mouthful of pie. "The poster we saw looked scary."

Not being one to pass up discussing his work and real life that awaited him back on the sacred timeline, Brad took the bait. "It's not scary... it's elevated thriller," he explained in a slightly matter-of-fact tone, waving his hand around for emphasis. In a condescending tone, he added, "It's cinema, thank you very much."

Mobius had no clue if there really was a difference between a scary movie and an 'elevated thriller', since it all sounded the same to him, but he appreciated Brad's enthusiasm on the topic.

Lifting his milkshake up to his mouth to try and hide his amused smirk, Mobius relented, "Oh, my bad. You're right... 'elevated thriller', got it." He nodded as he took a sip, putting his cup back down when he was finished. "I'll have to check that out then."

"And you have to get your own ticket!" Brad continued. "I'm not hooking you up. Especially not after all of," he waved his hands around at their current setting, "this."

"Right, of course," Mobius agreed patiently, watching Brad with a small smile. "I'll get my own tickets."

After his small spiel, the ex-hunter let out a small sigh. He blinked, a look of recognition overcoming his face as he straightened up like he was remembering the situation he was currently in.

He turned his torso to face Mobius head-on, putting his arms on the table and motioning towards the TVA analyst's meal. "Look, why don't we get this all to go, huh? It- it packs right up. Why don't we just- get it to go, so we can get out of here," he said, emphasizing the second half of his sentence as he mimicked packing something up and motioned towards the exit.

"We can't do that," Mobius rejected quickly. "Not yet, anyway. I haven't finished eating and besides, y/n hasn't even gotten her food yet," he added, jabbing a thumb over at you, who was loitering by the cashier in the front, hands on your hips as you looked up at the menu.

Brad followed Mobius' thumb, huffing out another irritated sigh at your figure and rolling his eyes. "She's still ordering? We don't have time for this- God," he muttered under his breath and slumped in his chair, rubbing his jaw. "She always takes forever to do anything," he added with a mumble.

However, Brad's little admission right there didn't escape Mobius' keen ears. Trying to keep casual, he dug back into his pie. "'Takes forever to do anything', huh?" he asked nonchalantly. "It kinda sounds like you know a lot about y/n."

Brad's eyes flashed to Mobius's briefly before looking elsewhere, shifting in his plastic seat. "Yeah, well, she's your partner, isn't she?" He glanced out at Loki for a second, "Or, at least one of them? You should know how slow she can be sometimes."

The silver-haired analyst shook his head once. "She's not slow. I prefer the term meticulous, actually."

For whatever reason, Brad felt the need to clarify himself, which Mobius couldn't help but find interesting since he knew X-5 to be a guy who always brazenly said what was on his mind no matter the circumstances.

"I didn't mean slow as in stupid," Brad quickly clarified. "I-I meant as in she just takes a long time to do anything."

"Uh-huh," Mobius replied simply, secretly enjoying how bent out of shape the man in front of him was getting. "Right."

"Yeah..." Bradley trailed off, finally picking up his forgotten shake and taking a long sip of it, avoiding Mobius's expectant gaze. After a few beats of silence, he put his shake back on the table, looking over at Mobius with an annoyed glance. "What?"

"Nothing," Mobius replied easily, looking over at Brad once again before looking back at his food, munching on a fry. "I just think it's interesting how you know how 'slow' y/n can be sometimes, that's all."

"Look," he looked back at Mobius, a hint of irritation (and embarrassment?) in his features. "Whatever little 'thing' you're trying to imply here between me and her, just drop it."

Mobius perked up, looking back at his prisoner. There it was again, Brad's peculiar choice of words. "'Drop it'? Don't you mean 'give it up'? Since 'giving up' would imply that there's absolutely nothing there, whereas 'dropping it' would mean that something is there but you just don't want to talk about it?"

Brad sat up. "Drop it, give it up- whatever Mobius, just stop talking about it."

A smile started to creep up on Mobius's face, finding joy in all of this. This little impromptu interrogation was turning out to be a lot more fun than the last one he had with the actor. "'It'? So there's an 'it' now? What's 'it'? Do you mean your little crush on y/n?"

The actor's body stiffened for a nanosecond before turning to fully face the analyst. "Mobius, I swear to God-"

"OH! So that's a 'yes'!" Mobius declared, hitting the tabletop playfully with a grin, his smile only getting wider at seeing Brad become more and more agitated. "You do have a crush on y/n! Aw, that's so adorable Bradley, really."

The ex-hunter leaned back in his chair, scrunching up his face as he looked to away. "'A crush'? Really, Mobius? What are we- five? Please."

"Oh, so you love her?"

Brad's eyes widened, snapping back to look at him. "What? No, I don't-"

"Oh, that's ok," Mobius reassured with a wave. "Maybe your crush on her will blossom into love one day, who knows? I mean, life is crazy right?" He got another forkful of pie as he said, "I just can't believe that you had a crush on my partner this whole time and I didn't even notice. What kind of analyst am I?"

Mobius shook his head, laughing at his own joke. It seemed so obvious to him now. He should've realized that X-5 had some type of feelings for his long-time work partner eons ago. He always thought it was strange how X-5 would randomly stop to chat with them, well, with you mostly he now realized, at seemingly random times throughout the day, like when you both were having lunch in the cafeteria or how X-5 would always be the minute man to volunteer and be the muscle for one of your missions if need be. He had always thought it was weird and strange, but now it just made sense.

"Mobius," Brad said, letting out a defeated sigh. "Can you just, drop it? Please?"

Mobius looked back up, eyebrows raised as he looked up at the former minute man. "And now you're saying 'please'? Wow, you're just full of surprises today Bradley, aren't you?" he asked with a disbelieving laugh. He watched as Brad slunk back into his seat, a resigned look on his face. Ever the kind soul, Mobius kinda felt kinda bad for him. "Hey, look," Mobius started, in a softer tone, "X-5, Brad, Bradley, whatever you want to be called, your secret is safe with me, alright? I won't tell her, I promise."

The movie star was quiet for a moment, sucking on his teeth. Even though he personally might not like Mobius, he did know that Mobius was a man of his word and kept his promises so, he had no choice but to trust him. "Yeah, well... thanks," he said, flashing the analyst with a quick look of gratitude as he rapt his knuckle on the table.

"Hey, no problem," Mobius said, regarding the man across from him for another moment before finishing up his pie. With a small, surprised laugh, Mobius said, "You know, I just think it's funny how a," jerk, he thought to himself, "guy like you ends up with a little, school-yard crush on such a kind and caring person like y/n."

Brad raised an eyebrow at Mobius's choice of words. "'A guy like me'? Liking someone like her? What is that supposed to mean Mobius?"

"Oh, nothing," he replied innocently. "I just think it's funny. I guess, in this case, opposites really do attract, huh?"

"Oh, what? Now you're calling me a jerk?" Brad started, ready to go at it with Mobius again. "Why don't you just-"

"Hey, guys," you said, finally arriving at the table with a brown to-go paper bag with your food, sliding into the seat next to Mobius, your partner, unknowingly stopping the argument that was about to take place. "Sorry I took so long. There were just so many options to choose from, you know? It was hard to decide."

Now that Mobius was keen on Brad's little crush on you, he couldn't help but want to mess with him even further. "Ah that's ok y/n, I know that sometimes those things can be a little slow," he said, the corner of his mouth twitching upwards when Brad sent him a glare. "So don't worry about it."

"No word from Loki yet?" you asked, completely oblivious to the invisible sparing match occurring between the two men. "They're still out there?" you asked as you leaned on the table, craning your neck to try and see the two variants better.

"No, nothing yet. Hey, y/n," Mobius said suddenly, hitting your shoulder slightly like he had just come up with a great idea. "Why don't you move and sit next to Brad? I think he has a better vantage point to see them than I do," he innocently suggested, sending Brad a good-natured wink.

Brad nearly face-palmed himself. He forgot that Mobius could sometimes be as subtle as a baseball bat. "Mobius," he warned lowly.

But the mentioned analyst continued unphased. "And while you're sitting over there, watching the Lokis, you know, next to Brad," he added again for emphasis, "you can eat your meal."

"Oh, no need," you answered easily, to which question, the guys didn't know. "I got my food to go."

"See?" Brad quickly straightened, a newfound urgency in his tone and movements are he looked back and forth between you and Mobius. "She's smart, she got her food to go, to have back at the TVA. Which is exactly where we all need to be. Right now. Let's go."

"Jeez, Brad, what is it with you?" He asked exasperatedly, rolling his eyes. "You're like a broken record. First, you're all like, 'get me back to the sacred timeline' and now you're all like, 'get me out of here'." He shook his head. "It's like you-"

"Know something," you said, cutting off Mobius' train of thought, your eyes looking at your beige jumpsuited prisoner with a calculating gaze.

At your words, Mobius stopped his spiel, blinking as he leaned back in his seat, his eyes looking over at Brad in thought. "Do you know something?" he asked.

Brad, however, stayed quiet. He picked up his milkshake, swirling it around before taking a couple of sips as he turned his body away from you both, looking out the window.

"Hey," Mobius said a little more firmly, slapping the actor's forearm to get his attention. "Don't get all quiet on me now, Zaniac. What do you know? Is this a setup?"

"It's an ambush," you said.

But Brad continued to suck on the straw, not looking at either of you.

"Bradley, answer me," Mobius said forcefully.

Brad put his milkshake down, swallowing the sweet treat before looking at you. "We need to get out of here," was all he said.

You held eye contact with him, discerning the urgency and panic you saw held within his gaze. You couldn't help but feel that when Brad had said 'we', he really only meant you and him. His look and words sent a shiver down your spine.

Mobius was the first to get up, the rest of his meal forgotten. "Alright, let's go. We need to regroup with Loki so our friend Brad here can tell us what's really going on." He picked up his tray, walking over to the trash to dump the rest of his fast food scraps away, and put his tray on top of the can.

Brad held your stare for another moment before finally blinking, breaking the spell, as he hastily got up himself. "Finally," he muttered. He tossed his drink away as he quickly followed behind Mobius.

But you didn't move. You stared at the now empty spot that X-5 had occupied seconds ago, trying to discern why you felt that he knew about a lot more than just this current situation.

As always, your long-time partner and best friend knew when you needed to be broken out of your train of thought and get you back on track. "Y/n!" Mobius called out as he headed towards the exit. "Let's go!"

Snapping back to reality, you blinked, shaking off your wandering thoughts and stood up, following Mobius and Brad outside. Now wasn't the time to analyze Brad's actions and choice of words, right now all you needed to know was what Brad knew right at this moment and why he was so adamant about getting back to the TVA.

If you wanted to question Brad more, you could do that later. He was your prisoner after all and time worked differently in the TVA, right?