#theres no reason for this i just thought itd be funny to have the counting sheep dream bubble except its all zedaph

[daily-grian]

counting... zedaphs?

[heartofsurgingflame]

hey hi so basically would you please do us all the honor of maybe saying your opinions on all the characters of tcomc? I know you love V4, just curious about your opinions on everyone else

*CRACKS KNUCKLES* ok so im gonna put this under a readmore because theres a good amount of these bitches. i’;ll look on wikipedias list of characters so i dont forget anyone

dantes/monte cristo: I LOVE HIM A LOT ACTUALLY, i know i dont talk about him as much as i talk about veeyfour partly because everyone likes him so everyone talks about him but theyre tied for my favorite character .... i relate to him a lot and i want him to be happy :(

abbe faria: i dont tend to like static characters often but the concept of an old guy you meet in prison who knows everything and adopts you, and also hes a priest, is so fucking funny so i have to like him. rest in peace my old bro

bertuccio: he sucks because hes mean to v4- just kidding i enjoy him. he’s a good guy i think, definitely a better person than v4, only thing i can really complain about is his whole “oo benedetto is a nasty little man because i didnt hit him” for personal reasons i strongly dislike that but hey it was the 1800s

luigi vampa: ok so hes one of those people who you can only refer to them by their full name. i think hes good as well. wise bandit leader. monty how do you even meet these people

peppino: oh god i dont even remember this one that well sorry

ali: don’t like that he exists..... slavery’s bad

baptistin: dont remember forming an opinion on this guy either

jacopo: he’s cool i guess. i like how they changed him in 2002. absolute bro

haydee: THAT GIRL IS DAUGHTER TO ME i used to be ehhh on her but then i realized i just don’t like that she and monty get married. she’s fucking good

mercedes: *WAILING* definitely one of my favorites i get so emo over her i really wish she had a more fulfilling ending. i would like to have seen more of what she was like pre-dantes getting sent to prison too, she was really fun at the beginning of the book like she would Not take fernand’s shit

fernand: awful awful man and i think he should’ve suffered more but as a character i like him he’s just... kind of a moron but also evil and half of everything he says ever is a lie

albert: who could forget dear albert he’s fucking crazy in a good way like it makes sense because mercedes was very like... set in her decisions and kind of drastic with what she says in the beginning of the book. and fernand is fernand. like you know his parents are crazy so he’s crazy. he’s a good kid though despite being a rich brat

franz: god bless him he’s the only one who realizes monte cristo is kinda suspicious. unless you count countess g---- but she just thought he was a vampire. but it’s good to have franz itd be a bit boring if monty was like loved by everybody instantly

danglars: YES i like him a lot he’s just evil and does not feel remorse he’s really fucking funny too because he’s a cuckold but he owns it. you know

hermine: well she was fuckin . that’s her prerogative i guess. has good taste in men except for her husband. i think she can do whatever she wants

eugenie: *SHOOTS LASERS FROM MY EYES* I LOVE HERRR i take back saying her mom should be able to do whatever she wants eugenie is the one who should be able to do whatever she wants forever. like she was not in the wrong at all unlike some people in this book

villefort: ok i know you know bhow i feel about this man but i just want to say he’s like... i think i don’t have a single issue with him the way he’s written is just so good and i wouldn’t change anything which is insane. yes im serious i wouldnt even make him actually gay because, thatd be weird, he is evil. also i relate to him too not as much as i relate to monty usually but

renee: what did she do even i guess i dont have much of an opinion on her. i like her dog in that one fuckign i watched like 2 episodes of the british miniseries the one in black and white. she has a little fluffy dog in it

the saint-merans: i guess theyre pretty funny because theyre rich people and have to put up with the way that villefort is. i love how all of villefort’s extended family just destroys each other

valentine: not a huge fan of the subplot with her and max, like i understand its narrative purpose and i wouldnt take it out by any means but i dont really care about those two together. i do like her quite a bit though. she managed to break the cycle of being a shitty person because of your family and im proud of her for that

noirtier: LEGEND he made a few points. like fuck napoleon but noirtier at least had a spine , perhaps a bit too much but you know how it is. he’s really funny because he does not respect his son in any way

heloise: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I REALLY LIKE HER nobody properly appreciates her like i’ve seen people view her as just a punishment for villefort like   shes her own person. and though murder is bad shes kind of a victim of the way that society was. similar to villefort. the problem is capitalism am i right

edouard: WHAT son? i don’t have an opinion on him

benedetto: he’s the closest i can come to disliking a tcomc character. like i dont like that ali exists but that’s dumas’s fault. benedetto is uh. horrible. he’s a bit funny though (sorry i keep saying characters are funny) is it hypocritical of me to be like i dont like benedetto because he’s evil but like danglars because he’s evil? maybe

morrel: dantes’s dad #3. he’s a good guy i appreciate that he was fully ready to shoot himself to save his family

maximilian: i like him, not as much as i like valentine but he’s cool

julie and her husband: no opinion really. glad things worked out for them

caderousse: a merderer............ ok i actually like him i’m sorry i don’t pay as much attention to him as i do to v4 fernand and danglars i should. probably change that. i think its funny that wikipedia basically describes him as a tailor who turns to a life of crime

whatever the hell cad’s wife’s nickname was: ok so the chapter where she dies can be interpreted in a number of ways right like i know one is that caderousse was nervous because he had decided to kill her but i like the idea that she had the idea to kill the jeweler first and caderousse was like do i have to and she was like ya. and then he just decided to get her too in the spur of the moment. would have liked to know more about her

dantes’s dad: :( he was nice.... we get like one nice dad and he dies. ok morrel is there too but...

lucien: DANGLARS POLYCULE he’s REALLY funny i like him quite a bit. he’s like. snarky

ok theres like at least 7 other characters but theyre minor and i odnt have much in the way of opinions on them. that’s all

[teddy-feathers]

I hate that I get overwhelmed with things I KNOW I can handle. I hate that I worry people or stop talking to them and I hate that when I finally can again its just like a weird dream that doesn’t even make sense to me why I felt like that. I hate that when I’m finally okay again I’m still anxious, and I need to make it up and prove I care because if there’s anything my family has made clear to me its that self isolation just drives people away and the more you push them away the more likely it is that you’ll have chased them away for good this time. I hate how much I care, caring hurts and I hate it that other people matter so much and I don’t know how to explain that in a way that doesn’t make it sound like I hate the people, I don’t I adore them and would keep them forever if I could. I hate that I have this unreasoning fear I can push off and ignore largely and act like any other dumb “kid” my age sometimes but other times its impossible and I’m just a mess like its all or nothing I’m okay or I’m not and I don’t get to decided when that switch flicks. Only some times I CAN push past it which just goes to show theres nothing wrong with me if I just get off my ass and deal like a grown ass woman. I hate that I hate myself not because its unhealthy or unreasonable but because of the position it puts people in that are attempting to care about me. I push people away and punish them for caring about me and make my problems a problem for others and let it take me away from people who need me, or at the very least could use a little easily given validation. People have done so much for me and I take and take and hardly give anything in return. and I keep fucking up my life making it more and more likely that everyones efforts are fruitless, that I’ll never get my shit together, that I’ll never really be able to repay people or help anyone I care about when they need it. I hate relationships because I cant or dont or wont hold up my end, i’m not reliable. I hate being that person. I hate that I dont change in large ways and i hate that EVERYTHING is constant drama with me. I spend 90% of my time each day avoiding drama to the point I need a constant source of positive stimulus to make time bearable why the fuck would I ever want to make it harder or be a drain on others. I can’t be relied upon. I hate that I’m afraid. Afraid. Afraid when things are bad yes, but things are always bad and theres a part of me that prefers it. But I’m even more afraid when things are good or people are nice and I don’t know how to handle it. I hate that I don’t know how to handle it, that I blow everything out of proportion. I hate that I constantly want to apologize and that I cant sit down and explain the ten infractions I just made against your person even though I KNOW you either didn’t notice or it wasn’t a big enough deal to make issue of, and yet here I am making issue of them by apologizing. I hate that saying sorry for everything robs my apology of sincerity or legitimacy because I promise I truly mean it every time. I hate that I want to make excuses by going “its because I have avpd” but that i don’t see that as an actual excuse because the only time I think something might actually be wrong with me is when I feel like this and I do my best to never feel like this. I hate that ensuring that I am okay and stable every hour of the day - despite being apart of my everyday functions - robs me of the same amount of applicable functionality as a full breakdown, the only true difference being at least I didn’t spend the day literally crying and shaking and unable to breathe without active concentration. I hate that the older I get the less I’m able to just set my mind and do things - the more likely I am to panic over something that should be routine or thoughtless or at the very least I KNOW whats going to happen and why and nothing bad is happening so I should be fine only I’m just NOT anymore. I hate that I’m afraid to claim people I honestly care about as friends for too many reasons to count. I hate that entire concept of pity. I hate that I have no real self esteem to speak of and yet I have enough fucking pride to choke a horse. I hate I hate I hate I hate and I am afraid. Sith ideology may not be a real system but anger is based on fear and I hate myself because of shame and I cant turn that off ever.and I cant even put that hate to good use like both the dark side and my dad advise because it is crippling. I hate that as soon as the switch flips I’ll go back to thinking nothing is wrong with me and yet I’ve got an entire rap sheet of things right here that probably prove yeah. Avpd is a thing I have. and yet NOTHING is wrong or too much to handle in any of this its just ME making it too big and overwhelming and giving up and being stupid and weak and I hate it so much because I can feel like this and know I have no excuse I did it all to myself and I deserve any and all suffering I derive from it because of it and maybe when I hit rock bottom I’ll pull my act together only I keep hitting rock bottom and its more like trying to swim in a pool and drowning instead and just I keep bounching to catch a breath only to slip back under and everyone in my family just stands around helpless because they all know I can swim and tread water and they keep throwing life preservers but i either dont grab them or slip off as soon as i catch my breath because i can swim damn it and no one fucking gets it or cares or can do anything about it because in the long run it doesnt matter you just have to fucking deal only my ablility to deal slips away on a regular bases and so you’ve just got to do the best you can with what you’ve got only it doesnt work like that for me and it never has no matter how much i wanted it to and it doesn’t matter because its just my fucking problem the problem is with me and I fucking broke myself so I should be able to put myself back together only nothings wrong with me i just need to get off my ass an stop feeling sorry for myself and everything just builds and builds and builds good bad it doesnt matter if its an emotion it fucks me over in the end and can you see why i hate dealing with people when if i’m not constantly a raw nerve I know I could turn into one at any fucking second and theres no off switch for that and theres no allowances for that in normal society you cant just go off and break down or have a panic attack in the bathroom for a hour or start crying for no reason and work retail even if retail is easy and you know what the fuck you’re doing because praise and criticism destroys you the same and it doesn’t matter if you like the people involved or not and then you over analyze EVERYTHING not JUST the fun stuff like characters and stories but everything so you always come out the worse for wear no matter how much you like and enjoy talking to people and then I do shit like this and over share or I just blow people off by being a smart ass or trying to be funny or avoiding things all together or I don’t and I over react and it just makes things weird and akward and hard and puts shit on people and so you try to keep things on others and when they let you its delightful and easy for a little while because even though its technically wrong at least you FEEL like you’re failing less and honestly thats all you can settle for is being LESS of a fuck up. I don’t want my family to take things away from me, even if I cant handle shit even if I’m a failure I cant literally cant handle that I cant and I wont let them or anyone I just cant I can do this I just have to do it my way which i know is wrong but honestly ever since I started taking small victories where I can and settling for less failure I’ve felt more okay which my family has noticed but at the same time I’ve lost my shrink and my job and now i’ve got to be the adult in the only relationship in my life thats ever been effortless and I just .... god and what set me off today is how excited/nervous I was about maybe saying hi in the chat and how I was telling my brain itd be okay but then I thought about how I worried them and I just lost it and with my luck someone will actually read this stupid vent post and be worried all over again or worse or just say fuck that bat shit crazy bs or whiny bitch or whatever and ... i just needed to vent and more than that I just wish I could make someone understand. I KNOW and think perfectly fine and can deal and function and I’m just pretty standard if unexceptional person of my generation... except when it comes to emotions. then I’m I fucking broken robot and sound like a nut case or a brat or whatever. Theres nothing wrong with me. not in a way that should be fucking with my life sense I KNOW better you know? People have it worse than me are doing way better I have no excuse except lazyness and selfishness and shit along those lines.