#therosecrown

[starcatcrusaders]

I'm screaming, Bearstar is the most perfect name. Bless you.

worlds smallest bear

[conceptofzero]

High School AU Perla judges her brothers boyfriends

So Perla knows who Dio is. Everybody knows who Dio is. People who live under rocks know everything about him. Dio on the rugby team, and he’s dating basically every single person under the sun, and he’s rich, and he’s smart, and he’s the most popular guy at school even though he only started attending in September. 

So it’s kind of really weird when Perla catches Dio climbing in through her window. 

Her window isn’t usually open, but she knocked over a perfume bottle and it stinks, and if she wants to sleep tonight, then she needs to air it out. She’s got a fan to blow it out, and she’s trying to google what else she can clean the carpet with when her curtains open and there’s a head sticking in. 

Two things. 

First: Perla throws the nearest thing she has in her had at the intruder, which is her phone, which she regrets the moment it leaves her hand because oh my God if it breaks, she’ll have to tell mom and dad and ask for a new one, and it’s only six months old. 

Second: Perla realizes that she knows that face the moment after the phone smacks into the middle of it, and the guys nearly falls back out the window. 

“Oh my God!” Perla says, and darts over to the window. Her phone is lying on the floor, and the guy - Dio Brando - is hanging on the side of her window saying some absolutely rude stuff. “What- what the heck?! What the heck are you doing?!” 

Dio struggles to bring his head up, looking at Perla. There’s a whole ton of emotions that just swim over his face. He hauls himself up and tries to casually climb in through her window, telling her, “My apologies, Perla. I had the wrong window.” 

So, Dio Brando knows who she is by name. Second- “Wrong window?” 

He gives her a strained smile. “I was told to look for the open one.” Dio pulls himself into her window and lands like, sorta half gracefully in her room. He stands up, dusts himself off, and pauses. “... Sweet Kiss?”

“What?” Perla goes red instantly. “No! I’m not- this-” 

“The perfume. Is it Sweet Kiss? It smells like something Midler wears.” Dio’s tone isn’t quite as sweet or friendly as it sounds at school. He’s sounding annoyed, like somehow it’s her fault she didn’t realize what he was talking about, which why would she, he’s the one who just said ‘Sweet Kiss’ like it was supposed to automatically mean something.

“It’s Incense Rosé.” Perla crosses her arms over her chest. He said he had the wrong window, which means he was heading over to bother Enrico. Which... of course. Of course. Dio Brando couldn’t just be a cool and popular kid, could he? Perla tips her chin up and does her best to stare him down (and to ignore the foot and a half he easily has on her). “And you need to leave my brother alone.” 

Dio, who has been rudely just looking around her room like it’s a zoo, stops to raise his eyebrow at her. “Do I?”

“You do.” She stands her ground. Perla isn’t Dio Brando, but she’s not unpopular. She’s well known and well liked and maybe Dio’s rich, but Perla is too, and even more importantly, Perla isn’t about to let anybody mess with her brother. “I don’t know what stupid prank or whatever you were going to pull on Enrico, but you’re going to go home, and you’re never going to mess with my brother again, or I’ll tank your reputation at school. Your name is going to be mud.” 

They face each other silently. Dio is kind of scary like this. Actually, the longer he’s quieter, the more scary he gets. Perla tries her best not to back down, but she can feel her stomach starting to knot up the longer he’s quiet. She’s never threatened anybody before. She’s never had to. And the longer and quieter he is, the more she feels herself get nervous-

Until Dio cracks up slightly, “My name is going to be mud. Where did you get that from? Archie comics?” 

Perla’s face goes red again and she’s about ready to lay down a real nasty word or two when her door opens, and Enrico pops his head in. “Perla, do you want-” 

Enrico goes quiet, looking over at her, and at Dio. He doesn’t ask what’s going on, or shout or anything. He just looks tired all of a sudden, his shoulders slumping. “East side of the house.”

“How was I to know which side that was? You said the window would be open.” Dio huffs his words, rolling his eyes. “Honestly, you could have hung something in it for me-” 

“I gave you clear directions, I couldn’t have been more specific-”

“You absolutely could have-” 

“Oh my God, Dio.” Enrico presses both his hands together over his mouth and nose, his eyes closing for a moment as he just exhales. 

Perla looks from Dio to Enrico and back again, her eyebrows steadily climbing as she puts it together. Enrico knew Dio was coming. He invited him to sneak into his room. 

“Oh my God.” Perla hisses and Enrico’s eyes pop open as he remembers that, duh-doy, Perla’s in the room, because this is Perla’s room. “Are you kidding me? Are you- are you sneaking boys in?”

“No!” Enrico hisses, right as Dio smirks and says, “Yes.” Enrico shoots Dio a look, but Dio just keeps smiling, and he walks over and, oh my God he just drapes an arm around Enrico’s waist and says, “You know, your sister threatened to turn my name into mud if I messed with you?” 

“Oh my God, Dio.” It’s Enrico’s turn to blush. Perla can’t believe this. 

“But you’re going to be a priest!” Perla says and Dio just laughs. That’s the moment Perla fully makes her mind up about Dio: he’s an asshole. 

“Don’t tell mom and dad. Please.” Enrico shrugs off Dio’s arm and looks at Perla and she knows that look on his face. God... He doesn’t ever ask her for stuff. He’s always busy being the cool and composed brother. “Perla-”

“I’m not going to tattle. God, Enrico, I don’t know what you’re doing with.. him.” Perla shoots Dio a look, and she certainly doesn’t miss the way that Dio looks back at her, all unimpressed and stuff. But- “But I’m not telling.” 

“Thank you.” Enrico says and she feels a little bit of annoyance that he would ever think she would tell on him... but. She lets it go. Perla can get why maybe he doesn’t want to announce to everybody that he’s dating Dio or... whatever this is. “Dio, come on.” 

Dio follows Pucci out of the room, and it’s a good thing he keeps his trap shut, because if he said anything, Perla would have some salty friggin words for them both. 

She waits until her door closes before she goes over to check on her phone. It’s fine, no cracks on the screen or anything. Perla shuts her window, even though her room still stink, and she sits on the corner of her bed, pulling up snapchat and tapping Enrico’s name. 

Perla:Sneak your boyfriend in through the back door next time.

Enrico reads it, but doesn’t type back. Perla sighs and just flops on her bed. This is so weird... This is so weird. Why the heck is her brother dating somebody? Why the heck is it Dio Brando of all people? He’s got a million people he’s dating... 

Whatever. Perla doesn’t know, and she’s not sitting in her room and getting a headache. She grabs her phone and heads downstairs. She’s going to have to leave the maid a note to get her room cleaned tomorrow, and she’ll just sleep in the guest room instead.

Hopefully, Dio doesn’t try sneak into there either. 

[vampucci]

1

“if someone wanted to really understand you, what would they read, watch, and listen to?“

mountain goats is an important aspect of me. also, undertale and jojo, lmfao

if you wanted 2 get to know the real me ....... deep inside the recesses of my soul ......................... homestuck

[reo-coquelicot]

MysteryPearl Week day 3 : AU ~

I don't know what happened with my artstyle, it suddenly looks mature ?? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ So this is a Human and Ballet AU strongly inspired by the fanfic Red and Pink by @therosecrown. I loved it, you guys should definetely check it out !

[arsenicolada]

So I didn't see anything of muppets until very recently because I came across your Sam and dr teeth art and got super into and am now writing a long fic for that pairing so thank you for having good amazing art that got me into a new thing I love

it makes me so happy to hear that

[starcatcrusaders]

I showed my friend Pucci cat and she's so happy and amused Whitesnake can be a warrior name. I love these cats so much. Are you gonna do any more of Dio's people in warriors au?

whitesnakes a great name for a cat, especially if there a medicine cat since it throws everyone off. but i do plan on drawin more of dios crew for the warriors au i just gotta actually think of good names for em before i do that.

[conceptofzero]

SPEEDWAGON

The obituary said he left behind no family. Susie should have thrown the paper away the moment she saw that, but she got distracted trying to pick out a dress, and so the paper was still out when Joseph went for breakfast and spotted it. He had let out a disgusted noise when he read it, and had launched immediately and breathlessly into a furious tirade, “Which idiot wrote this garbage? We should find them and fire them. Left behind no family, my ass! This is the worst obituary I’ve ever read. Even my own was better than this!” 

“Maybe whoever wrote it was new and didn’t realize any better?” Susie suggests, but that just gets an even bigger, more disgusted noise from Joseph. She takes a different tactic. “You could have written it.” 

“I was busy!” He snaps, and Susie nearly argues before she thinks better of it, remembering that Joseph had been busy making arrangements. After a quiet beat, he continues, moving away from the parts he’s not quite ready to think about in detail yet, “And anyone working for the Speedwagon Foundation should know better than this!”

Susie sighs. He’s not wrong… This is an absolutely poor obituary. The focus on Speedwagon being a lifelong bachelor, the line about how he left behind no family… 

“Oh.” Susie closes her eyes. “I know who wrote it.”

“Who? Give me their name right now, I’m calling the head office and I’m  having them delivered a pink slip immediately. I’m going to get them escorted out of the building with all their things in a tiny cardboard box-” 

“Robert did.” It’s obvious in hindsight.

It’s less so to Joseph who sputters indignantly before exploding. “He would never! He devoted himself to our family! Nobody cared as much for us as Speedwagon!” 

Susie nods. It’s all true. Nobody had loved the Joestars quite as much as him. His whole fortune had been devoted to taking care of them. Susie had assumed he must be some uncle from how he and Joseph spoke to one another, and it wasn’t until her second year of marriage that she realized that Robert was a family friend. 

“And he never let you or Holly call him grandpa. He seemed barely comfortable with being ‘Uncle Speedwagon’.” She guides him towards it slowly, hoping Joseph might see it all on his own. He’s always easier to deal with when he realizes it for himself. 

“Uncomfortable is just how he preferred to live. If he wasn’t wringing his hands about not using his wealth properly, then he was fretting about what Jonathan would feel about this and that.” He scoffs to Susie. “He wouldn’t let us call him grandpa because that was Jonathan’s title.” 

Susie looks at Joseph. He doesn’t get it yet. She sighs and makes a bit of a face as she tries to figure out how to say it. “Yeeeeees. And that’s why he didn’t say you were his family in the obituary.” 

There he goes. Joseph’s face takes a whole journey and Susie’s along for the ride, watching as Joseph nearly laughs, then lets the realization sink in, then grows angry, then confused, and then… finally, the same furious grief he wore all through the funeral. 

“He was a good uncle, and a great grandfather, and an absolute moron sometimes.” Joseph spits out, and Susie pats his arm. He’s right about that. Only Speedwagon would devote his life to someone’s memory and children and still be too uncomfortable to accept that he had become a part of that family. 

Hopefully, wherever he was now, he was finally getting Jonathan’s blessing to consider himself a full member of the Joestar family.

[conceptofzero]

N'Doul and Hol

Hol loves women. Hol loves women. There’s no way around it. The moment he sees a woman cross his path, all he can think about is getting closer, getting a better look, making a pass, just seeing where it all goes. And sure, sure, maybe that’ll be going nowhere, but you don’t know until you try. 

After all, a man doesn’t get girlfriends all over the world by not making a move.

So when he sees that pretty little thin in the halls of the mansion, he’s already moving forward, words coming out of his mouth before he’s got a good look at her in the dark (not that it matters much, Hol ain’t that picky, he likes all kinds of women). “Well hey little darling, you been waiting on me this whole time?” 

She turns her head (big gold hoops, lush lips, dark eyelashes, oh she’s got herself a strong jawline, headband pushing her bangs up, yes please) and says in a husky voice, “No. You’re nothing like the one I’m here for.” 

Hol laughs, and he don’t take it personal - woman as good looking as her is probably here for Dio, and hey, he can get it. Ain’t his type but if Dio were a woman, he’d be right up there in line too, so he understands why a woman who want him, though he’s awful deadly (but that ain’t his business is it?). “Oh he’s busier than hell these days. Listen, while you’re waiting on him, why you’d you and me go get a drink somewhere? There’s a bar real close, we can be back here anytime, and you can head on up and see Dio.” 

He waits to see if he’s hooked her or not, and while he does, he gives her body a once over.  She must have just come rolling out of the desert because she’s sure dressed for it. Not much of a chest but hey, that ain’t no problem for Hol, he likes all kinds of women, and he likes how strong she looks. She must lift weights. And she’s got a real fancy cane with her too, ain’t that nice? 

The woman just laughs and quirks her head, and oh lord, the look on her face when she gets all smirky. “You think you can compete with Lord Dio?”

“I ain’t here to compete with nobody, especially him. Ain’t like what we’d be doing would require swearing loyalty or any of that. Maybe a little cussing, but that’s different.” He goes right ahead and sets his hand on her back, right above her ass, and then lets his fingers creep on down. That’s where all those curves are on her. “Like I said, we can be back here anytime you want, and you can go on up and see Dio. He ain’t going nowhere. But it’s thirsty work, waiting on that man to be free. So, what do you say darling? How about a drink with Hol Horse?” 

She laughs again and turns and-

Oh shit she’s got her cane between his legs. She’s fast and he’s barely got time to register that the cane is there until it’s pressed against his - uh - delicates. Hol clears his throat tenderly and adds, “Or if you don’t, ya’ll can just say no-” 

“Who says I’m saying no?” She smirks and a little gentle pressure makes Hol step back - and her step forward. Even the way she moves is amazing, all soft but sure of herself, her feet barely making a sound as she walks Hol backwards down the corridor. “I have an appointment with Lord Dio that I will not miss. But when it is done, we will have that drink, Hol Horse.” 

“Sure, sure, sounds great, I’ll be waiting for you.” He tries talking normal but the can pressing up against his balls puts a real tension in his words, somewhere between a genuine fear that she’s going to smash ‘em and leave him in a world of pain, but also it’s sorta exciting having her talk and menace and push up against him. “What’s your name, darling?” 

She smirks. The light falls on her face and-

Uh.

Oh. That’s... she’s not a woman. He’s not a woman. The light’s making it clear that he’s looking at a (beautiful! very feminine! but also masculine, in a real nice way and oh fuck this is scrambling his brain some) man. He just spent the last few minutes flirting hard with a man. 

“N’Doul.” He says, and the cane slides and Hol makes a sound that he’s never made for a man before. N’Doul smirks, and finally lowers the cane. “You will wait downstairs until I come for you.” 

“Yes.” He says automatically. His brain is busy whirling away but his mouth is running on autopilot. N’Doul nods and turns, sweeping his cane over the floor as he makes his way back down the halls. Hol just stands there, feeling all tangled up and aroused. He ain’t into men but he just went hard for that one, but he thought he was a woman, and in a certain light, ain’t no wonder why he’d think that and-

It’s too much. He ends up taking a seat, pulling his hat off to set in his lap, and he waits for N’Doul to come back down. Maybe he’ll help Hol make sense outta all of this. Because as mixed up as Hol is, he sure does want to take N’Doul to get that drink after all. 

[conceptofzero]

Perla and Pucci are okay and have fun.

1988 is an odd year. In January, Enrico Pucci stumbles over a strange man in a church. The visitor leaves Pucci with a handful of words and a small stone arrow. He thinks of him now and then, but forgets as the days go by, and the arrow remains a fascinating trinket. It spins in his palm now and then lazily, and it brings him a little comfort. 

A few months later, a woman enters the church, seeking confession. The priest is out, but for a moment, Pucci is tempted to step in and serve in his place. It wouldn’t hurt anyone, would it? It would be kinder than turning her away.

But in the end, he says to her, “I’m sorry, but I can’t take your confession. The priest should be back soon, if you’d like to speak with him then.” It’s the right thing to do, but she leaves in tears, her confession unsaid. The rag in his hands is damp and dusty and he wonders if he made the right choice. That lingers with him as well, the feeling that maybe he was being tested and failed, and he did harm to someone who needed help. 

In June, Perla gets a boyfriend. He’s nice enough. Pucci meets him twice and feels an odd draw towards him. Perla dates him all summer long, until his mother passes on. Soon after that, Wes packs up and leaves. Perla writes letters but they dwindle off, and by December, she’s got a new boyfriend at school. Pucci doesn’t like him as much, but he’s busy with Gr. 11, so he doesn’t have much time for him. 

Christmas comes and it’s nice. Their parents give them both the usual extravagant gifts and Perla and Pucci return the favour, buying their parents gifts with their own money. Pucci slips his feet into new shoes and thinks of Wes for a moment. Wes had once put his feet in Pucci’s shoes and worn them out of the house by accident. He had returned them the next day with deep apologies, unsure of how he had ever mistaken Pucci’s shoes for his own. Pucci had thought it was a little amusing that they turned out to have the same shoe size. 

It’s funny, the things that come to your mind. 

The New Year passes. Pucci returns to school, as does Perla. January is cold and dark and he spends most of his time at home. When Father has a work function and mother accompanies him, Pucci and Perla have house all to themselves. They do what they always do when they’re left alone: they blast music and order in Chinese food. 

Pucci shows her the arrow finally, telling her the story of the strange man in the church.

“He was absolutely lying about the sunlight thing. That’s ridiculous.” Perla says, and frowns when Pucci shakes his head no. “You think he was telling the truth?”

“I’m sure of it. I think he expected me to doubt him. He struck me as someone who had often been called a liar.” His eyes had been intense. His face had been beautiful. Pucci doesn’t voice those things. He has fought hard to hide his interest in the opposite sex, burying it deep inside of him. He won’t undo all of that work for nothing. “But look.” 

He shows her the trick with the arrow, letting her see how it spins and wobbles. Then, he lays it flat on her palm. After a long moment, it twitches as well, spinning ever so slightly. “Oh! What’s the trick?”

“I don’t know. Maybe it’s magnetic? It feels alive.” Pucci touches his finger to the top of the arrow, and it seems to spin faster when caught between them, turning as if it has it’s own mind. “Maybe it’s deciding something.” 

“Hmm… no. It’s just a rock. But it’s a neat rock.” She gives it back to him, and offers him another spring roll. He tucks the arrow into his pocket and as Bret Michaels sings about having a good time, he bites into the spring roll and wonders why he feels like he’s missing out on something important. Everything is going well for him, and he has ever reason to be happy. 

A week later, he wakes up out of a strange dream, crying. He saw the man in it. He was standing in the desert and his eyes were fierce… fierce, and frightened. He reached for Pucci, but the sunlight swept over him, and he turned to dust. What did it mean?

The arrowhead is on his bedside table. He sets it in his palm, and in the dark of his bedroom, he waits for some grand revelation. 

The arrow is still and cold. It stirs no longer. The moment has passed.

[conceptofzero]

Dio hates Kars high school AU

Pucci has grown used to people lurking behind his locker door, so much so that it’s more surprising to shut the door and find no one waiting for him. It started with just Dio (or occasionally Perla) and had quickly spiraled into all of Dio’s favour friends lurking behind the door, just waiting to spring some question on Pucci. 

He’s not surprised when he shuts the door and finds someone waiting. Pucci is surprised to realize that he doesn’t know who this is. He’s wearing next to nothing, just a shirt that can barely be called a crop-top, and a pair of … shorts? Pucci’s not sure you can rightly call them shorts when there’s so little material there. Pucci would swear that he’s wearing more material in the hair wrap he has on than in the rest of his outfit. All in all, there’s a fairly impressive number of dress-code violations that Pucci’s sure Dio must be itching to beat. 

The guy stares at Pucci. Pucci stares right back, putting it on him to speak first. He’s the one who lurked around the back of Pucci’s locker. 

When it goes on longer than a minute, Pucci decides to opt out of whatever game this is and turns his back on the guy, turning to leave. 

“You are Enrico Pucci.” He says, finally, and Pucci glances over his shoulder back at him. “I’ve been told you take your academic pursuits seriously.” 

Pucci’s eyebrows inch up. “I do.” 

“So do I. You are also enrolled in History 30.” The student states - not asks. Pucci keeps his eyebrows raised. “Mr. Ocasek has issued an assignment that requires us to partner up with students who are not part of our primary class. You will be receiving the same assignment.” 

Pucci’s eyebrows are both up fairly high. This is quite forward. Rather than agree or answer anything he’s not ready to, he asks, “What’s your name?”

“Kars.” He leaves off the last name. Just like another arrogant muscular half-naked person Pucci knows. “My reputation is known.”

It was. Pucci didn’t know a lot, but he knew enough. Kars was another transfer student, this one from Mexico. He had come up with three other boys, all the sons of predominate businessmen from what Pucci understood. The official reason for the transfer was so they could learn English with a flat accent, but being as all of them spoke it flawlessly, it was fairly obvious that some kind of incident had happened. 

He also knew that Kars was a well-rounded student. He and the others played on the soccer team, and Kars’ name tended to show up in the paper attached to various trophies or awards, not all of which were athletic. Pucci also knows that Dio, for reasons he’s never fully explained, hates Kars. Absolutely hates him. 

But he is a good student, and Pucci would rather work with someone who wants to cooperate rather than someone who doesn’t. The last time he was paired up with someone outside his class was with Doppio and the less said about that particular disaster, the better. 

“Well-” Pucci starts to answer when Kars’ eyes flick off of Pucci, and snap above his head, Kars’ expression turning colder and somehow more disdainful. Even before Pucci feels Dio’s broad chest bump against his back, he knows instantly who’s behind him. 

“Kars.” Dio’s voice drips with condescension. 

“Dio.” Kars, meanwhile, has absolutely no tone to his voice at all, and no emotion either. 

They stand there, staring at one another. Pucci realizes fairly quickly that they’re going to be at it all damn day too, and Pucci’s already tired of stare-offs. He decides to cut the gorgon’s knot. “Yes.” He says to Kars, because honestly, he’ll take a partner who knows what they’re doing any day of the week. To Dio, he quickly reaches back to give him a pat. 

“Good.” Kars says, his eyes never leaving Dio. “We will work on it tomorrow, once school ends.” 

Pucci raises an eyebrow. The time works for him, but he’s half tempted to change it, just because he’s being very presumptuous. But that would be stupid and pointless, so - “Of course.” 

Kars and Dio keep staring each other down, until Pucci finally steps out from between them both and briefly hooks his hand around Dio’s wrist long enough to make him look at Pucci - and away from Kars. “You should pick a partner as soon as you can, before anyone worth while partnering with is gone.” 

“I don’t need a partner.” Dio says, eyes on Puci for a few seconds before he looks back over at Kars. But the moment’s gone. Kars seems to be content - or well, maybe not? His face is still completely expressionless - and he leaves without another words. Dio waits until he’s barely out of earshot before he starts speaking. “His reputation is known. A reputation for being the most boring person this school has ever seen. He makes Jonathan look like the life of the party-” 

“How long were you lurking about?” Pucci narrows his eyes. Dio, perhaps realizing that he’s been found out, chooses now to go somewhat silent. He also chooses now to be the time he slides a hand along Pucci’s waist and drags him in close. Pucci flushes and gives him a gentle push. “Stop, we’re in public-”

“All the more reason to be sure everyone knows you’re mine.” Dio all but purrs, and leans right into Pucci’s space. Out of the corner of his eye, he can see Kars watching. That’s- yeah, this is a little much. He gets a hand up to stop Dio before he can put his mouth on Pucci’s throat and leave a mark. Knowing Dio, probably a huge hickey. The hand over Dio’s face does little to deter him, as Dio languidly licks a strip up Pucci’s fingers.

“Down boy.” Pucci says, and thankfully, nothing hits Dio’s berserk button quicker than a dog command. It does mean that Pucci will be listening to Dio’s screed about how dogs are terrible in every way, but that’s still different enough from the endless discussion of Kars that he’ll happily take it. 

[conceptofzero]

Nena texting Perla about all the crap she does with Hol or the stuff Pucci does with Dio

BigPapaFuck: your brother’s sucking face with dio

Perla: okay

Perla: first stop changing your name in my phone

Perla: you scared the crap out of me

BigPapaFuck: lol

Perla: second never talk to me again

[BigPapaFuck is now Nena]

Nena: :p

Nena: u want a pic?

Perla: oh my god

Perla: no

[Nena sent 20170615_380511.jpg]

Perla: NO

[Perla sent clearscreen.jpg]

Nena: coward

Perla: I don’t want to see my brother kissing his stupid boyfriend!!

Perla: first off he’s my brother don’t be gross

Nena: he’s hot

Perla: second off you know how I feel about Dio

Perla: NO

Perla: NENA STOP

Nena: they’re both super hot

Nena: I’ve asked for a 3some

Nena: ur brothers a prude

Perla: I will block you

Nena: I’m just saying

Nena: what is the point of being the hottest power couple at school if you dont have 3somes

Perla: bye until you behave

[Perla blocked Nena]

YeeFuckingHaw: booooo

Perla: oh my god nena don’t use Hol’s phone

Perla: that’s so rude

Perla: did you change everyone’s names?!

YeeFuckingHaw: lol

YeeFuckingHaw: he’s not using it

YeeFuckingHaw: he’s busy right now

YeeFuckingHaw: 😂👅😂👅😂👅😂👅😂

Perla: oh my god!!!!

Perla: why are you so gross!!!

[YeeFuckingHaw sent 20170615_004447.jpg]

Perla: what the heck even is that?

Perla: OH

Perla: NO

YeeFuckingHaw: lololol

[Perla sent clearscreen.jpg]

Perla: BYE FOREVER

[Perla blocked Nena]

[BigDaddyPriest is now Enrico]

Perla: Enrico, please tell Hol that Nena is using his phone to be disgusting and I have him blocked until he changes his password and stops letting her use it. Thank you.

Enrico: I’m sorry

Enrico: I’m really sorry

Perla: Also she took a photo of you and Dio sucking face so gross

Perla: Sorry.

Perla: I hope you date a nice boy some day.

Perla: I hope you get good friends some day too.

Enrico: Wow.

Perla: SORRY

Perla: BUT HONESTLY

Perla: You’re my brother and you deserve better!!

Perla: You should date a guy like Anderson Cooper.

Perla: He seems nice and I bet he wouldn’t send dick pics to anyone.

Enrico: I’ll keep that in mind.

Perla: 

Enrico: Thanks, I hate it.

[conceptofzero]

It's Vanilla Ice's turn to cook

The universal truth is that Vanilla Ice is not able to do anything by half-measures. Anything he does, he does to the utmost of his ability. There’s a joke in there somewhere about Ice being unable to fucking chill but mostly what it realistically translate into is that any request that should be simple becomes overblown. 

Which is how “Hey, it’s your turn to cook” turns into a 10 course meal. The table has been formally set and Pucci would be impressed if he weren’t watching the rest of Dio’s followers interact with everything like they’re the chimpanzees in 2001. There won’t be any moment of cosmic enlightenment among them, not while Mariah is stubbing out her cigarette on her salad plate and Oingo is bitching about not knowing which fork to use first. 

All he had to do was make a simple rice dish, maybe throw some lamb in. It wasn’t as if you had to do much. But of course, he couldn’t just do a little of anything. 

Vanilla Ice barrels into the room through the wall, the eerie whine of Cream’s powers the only indication that the invisible stand has entered. There’s a cacophony of yelling as Vanilla emerges from Cream’s mouth with a serving dish in hand. 

He slams it on the table. Then, he climbs back into Cream and slams back through the wall, not even going through the same hole he left before. 

Beside him, Midler starts laughing and elbows Pucci, pointing for him to look. 

Hol Horse is flirting with Nena beside him, and hasn’t yet realized that the top of his hat is missing. It looks like Vanilla Ice cut it a little close. Nena’s got a smirk on her face, pretending to be interested, all while her eyes are focused on the the hole in Hol’s hat. 

It looks like it even got some of his hair, based on the way that there’s a few strands sticking up. 

Pucci considers this, stands up, and leaves before he can lose a limb when Vanilla barrels in again.

[conceptofzero]

Dio doesn't shut up about Jonathan

Pucci can listen to Dio talk for hours (and often has, both in person and over the phone late at night). His insights are unique, as is his perspective as the man who straddles centuries. Dio’s thoughts are like none he’s encountered before, and each conversation leaves Pucci with something new to turn over in his mind and examine as he never would have before. In all ways, Dio is a refreshing conversation partner… 

“- drove my thumb into Jonathan’s eyes -” 

All ways but one.

Pucci isn’t jealous. And yes, he knows that’s exactly what a jealous person would say, but he truly and honestly isn’t. Nothing of the relationship that Dio describes sounds appealing on any level. It was a relationship fraught with insecurity, bile and deep-seated rage. 

Pucci sometimes wonders if Dio has truly processed his feelings regarding Jonathan. His stories of a lifetime spend tormenting Jonathan psychologically now have a fond tone to them rather than the bitterness that he imagines must have once dripped from every word. But… he still lords over his victory of Jonathan in such petty ways, using sex and fashion in ways that would have humiliated and shamed the rather prudish boy in Dio’s memories. 

(For that reason along, Pucci has held off on any invitation to sex with Dio. He finds him attractive and knows he would at least enjoy the intimacy of the act, but there is nothing more of a turn-off than knowing that halfway through, Dio will bring up how much Jonathan would be ashamed to be aroused by such an act and honestly, honestly, there is very little Pucci enjoys less than being used as a prop.)

There’s also no point in being jealous of a dead man. Jonathan lives in Dio’s memories now. Perhaps one day, Pucci will as well. He hopes that when Dio thinks of him, many years from now, he does so with warmth and fondness. 

“ - found comfort with Erina. But for my victory to be absolute, he had to be without any comfort - “ 

He also hopes that when Dio does think of him, he doesn’t tell the same half a dozen stories over and over and over again. 

Pucci glances up from his book to see if Dio has remembered he has an audience. Dio is still lost in thought, staring at his reflection (or, rather, staring at his body) and running a hand over his chest. Pucci carefully rolls his eyes and flips to the next page. 

He’s heard this story so many times he could recite it in his sleep. The first time was absolutely compelling. The second time, he was able to pay more attention to the details, to know when to prompt for more. The third and forth time were fun in their own way. Dio was always clearly enjoying himself when he spoke about Jonathan, and Pucci liked the way Dio’s eyes would light up and he would tell parts of the story with relish - and even when recounting his defeats, he always had something thoughtful to say about them or some wry smile that would make Pucci nod along with understanding. After all, defeat defined Dio as much as victory, just as tragedy defined Pucci’s life as much as the happiness he had found with Dio. 

The fifth time, it had started to wear a little. The sixth, Pucci had tried to suggest another story, and Dio had gone alone with him, telling of his times experimenting with animals and humans in the early days of his vampiric life. The seventh, Dio was not deterred and continued his story.

Pucci had given up on counting about the tenth time. 

“ - I, of course, had my knife in hand. I could think of nothing but painting the floors with Jonathan’s blood - “

“You should have.” Pucci says and Dio nods to his addition, but he continues on anyway, insistent on finishing. 

“ - Jonathan knocked the mask from the wall - “ 

Pucci just turns onto his back and puts his open book on his face. Maybe if he falls asleep in the middle, Dio will accept that Pucci is tired of listening to stories about Jonathan. 

(When he wakes up half an hour later, he finds that Dio has removed the book from his face and put make-up on Pucci’s face while he slept. It takes days before the last of the glitter on his eyelids vanishes. Next time, he’ll suffer the story instead.) 

[conceptofzero]

Sobs nena and hol for me pls

The first time Hol tells her that he loves all types of women, Nena rolls her eyes. She’s wearing a young body, a cute body, the kind of girl Nena never was, even when she was this age. This girl has flawless skin. She’s light as a balloon. This girl could model.

And Hol Horse is smiling at her, saying, “Oh I love all kinds of women” like he deserves a pat on the ass for it. Oh yeah, he’s so fucking brave. Him and every other shithead. Nena knows that when somebody brags about how they like ‘all kinds of women’, what they really mean is ‘I’ll date a girl with an extra ten pounds, as long as it’s in the right place’. 

“Eat shit and die, cowboy.” She tells him, just to watch his face drop. It’s pretty satisfying. 

The next time he tells her that, she realizes very quickly that:

a) He doesn’t know that she switches bodies. b) He uses the same three lines on every girl he meets. 

She lets him get through the I-love-all-women spiel, just to see if he’ll hit all the same beats. He does. It’s almost funny. Does he fucking rehearse this? Is he sitting in front of a mirror, saying it out and looking at his face to figure out if he looks good saying it? It seems pretty unlikely. Nothing else he does is all that well thought out. Maybe he’s just so dumb that he can’t do anything but repeat the same words over and over again, thinking that he’s coming up with them off the top of his head every time. 

Yeah that seems likely. 

She’ll give him a little credit. She’s not wearing a young and pretty thing this time. Dio’s got her sneaking into the Speedwagon Foundation’s outpost to get access to their records, and she’s inhabiting an older woman. She’s even got wrinkles (horrifying, right?). Hol’s not slowed by it. He just keep grinning away and leaning against the wall beside her, looking at her the same way he looked at her a few weeks ago. 

But she’s still a pretty hot old woman, so it doesn’t actually count for anything tangible. 

“Eat shit and die, cowboy.” She tells him, and this time, his eyes bug out as it hits him that maybe she knows who he is. 

Nena doesn’t smile much, but she has a little smirk on her face as she heads off. 

The third time they run into each other, Nena’s not in any body but her own. She hates it. She hates her flesh. Every time she catches her reflection, she feels disgusted. Her body’s so lumpy, so ugly, so… fat. 

If it wasn’t bad enough seeing herself, it’s worse with the way everyone else reacts to her. At best, they overlook her, their eyes passing her over, people prodding into her space as if she didn’t exist there. At worst, they’re actively hostile. 

She spits on the first pretty girl she sees but that’s going to take hours for her stand to grow and finish preparing her. Until then, she’s stuck in her own skin, hiding in the mansion and waiting for her stand to bring her new body to her to wear. 

And of course - of course - Hol Horse is inside. She spots him, hunches down, and does her best to get past him before he can say a damn thing. 

“Howdy, little lady.” He says, and when she glances up, he tips his hat at her and winks. He’s trying to be charming. She hates it. Nena’s been through this song and dance twice and it was annoying the first two times, but now it’s downright insulting because she knows what she looks like, and he knows what she looks like. Her eyes roll openly in her eyes. 

Hol Horse doesn’t pick up a clue. He just keeps on grinning and he follows her as she walks further in. “Where y’all heading? How about you and me go get ourselves a little something to drink.” 

“Eat shit and die, cowboy.” She snarls, and his eyes get big. Instead of letting her walk off, he keeps pace with her.

“Is this your stand? You change your shape? Well if that ain’t the most handy darn thing I’ve ever seen, then you can spit in my grits.” He says and it is so profoundly stupid that Nena just stops dead in her tracks to stare at him. Hol crouches down a little so he’s not towering over her, and he tips his hat back. “So, how about that drink? You show me your stand, I’ll show you mine.” 

He’s still flirting with her. Nena scoffs, and she puts a hand on her hip. “You think you’re a real comedian.”

“I’ve been known to tell a joke or two, but not right now.” He’s got a hungry look in his eyes. For somebody who’s just being a shit to her, he’s selling it all sincerely enough that it’s making her hesitate. It’s going a little far for a joke. 

“Yeah?” Nena says. She faces him down. “What’s next, offering to be my horse?

“If y’all want.” And he’s downright wolfish as he tells her, “I don’t have a mustache, but I’ll still give you a ride.” 

“Sure.” She scoffs. “Because you love all women.”

“I do.” The grin dies a little as he looks at her. “We talked before. I know we did, on account of you keep telling me to eat shit and die, which is rude as hell.”

She flips him off. “Sit and spin.” 

“If you’re offering, darling, I’m not about to say no.” He flirts with her. Nena’s face is red now and she hates that she doesn’t have a body to safely wrap herself in. In a body, her face doesn’t heat up. In a body, she can hide all the embarrassing ticks that swim to the surface of her useless body. Hol reaches out, tucking a strand of her hair behind one ear. “I ain’t playing, if that’s what you think this is. I’ll buy you a drink, and I’ll take you home. We can have a little fun. If you ain’t happy like this, I can wait until you’re in something you like more.” 

“Yeah you’d like that-” She mutters and he raises both eyebrows. Nena lets him have it, both barrels. “Do you make a point of hitting on fat girls for fun?”

“No ma’am. I hit on every girl, on account of me liking them.” He says, and he takes his hat off his stupid blond head, pressing it over his chest. “C’mon. How about you give me a name, and I’ll get you that drink, and we’ll see where it goes from there. If y’all really want to shapeshift or whatever it is you do, then I’ll let you do that, but you’re fine the way you are. You looked good in anything you’re wearing.” 

Nena stares at him. This… this smooth-talking hick. He’s serious. He’s actually hitting on her and he’s not backing down. It’s so unexpected and unlike anything she’s used to that Nena doesn’t even know where to start. 

When she’s left wordless, Hol just smiles. “I’m taking that as a yes. C’mon, you like beer? I’m buying you a beer.”

“What the fuck?” Nena says and Hol just laughs, and somehow, she ends up with his cowboy hat on her head as they go for that goddamn drink together.

[conceptofzero]

Erina Murders Dio

It isn’t that Erina forgets about it. It’s on a list of reminders that she leaves on the counter of their home (their home) the day before their honeymoon, of all the business to resolve when they return. She thinks of it briefly when she sees Dio’s head in that jar, a careening spare thought between the horror: we won’t need it after all. 

But it is far from her mind by the time she is rescued, by the time she returns to England, by the time tells everyone the terrible story. Erina does not forget, but it is so buried in her mind that she is almost caught by surprise when she sees the list siting on her now dusty counters, in the home that was meant to be theirs but was now only her’s. 

Item 3 on the list - Have Dio’s headstone installed. 

Jonathan had wanted it. His feelings on Dio were always muddled. He had spoken to Erina about them, in the days after the mansion fire. While he slowly recovered and she tended to him, he told her about how he had always been torn over the hate he felt for his adopted brother, and the love he was expected to have felt for Dio. 

Later still, when they drank together to honor Baron Zeppeli, he spoke of things only a Jonathan too deep in his cups would be able to safely admit; that he had wished for a brother when he was young and had always hoped that one day, Dio would understand that Jonathan was happy to share his life with him; that Jonathan loved his father very much, but that he now wondered if he had only made things worse by pitting them against each other; that even now, while the other celebrated their freedom from Dio, he felt a deep guilt that he had not done more to turn Dio from his path. 

Erina had comforted him, and when Jonathan resolved to make a grave for Dio, she gave her full approval. After all, the headstone was not for Dio, who was dead and gone and good riddance to that, but for Jonathan, who needed to assuage his soul. 

Speedwagon is in the next room, speaking low and soft to the baby. Erina smooths her hands over the paper. Jonathan was so good, so kind... Even a lifetime of torment could not change the goodness inside of him. 

But Erina is not Jonathan, and Erina has never forgiven Dio’s treatment of her. 

She will take a carriage tomorrow to speak to the mason. Erina needs to have Jonathan’s stone prepared, so he can lie at peace beside his father. And while she is there, she will bring Dio’s stone home with her, and she will destroy it and every scrap of paper, ever record, ever last lingering documented proof that he existed, until there is nothing left of that monster but the ashes of fading memories. 

[conceptofzero]

Pucci in Lisa AU

There’s blood around the opening of the cave. Fresh. Wet. He only needs to peek inside to know this was a failure. The men have been sliced open and their guts have formed black piles by the now-hollow bodies.  

Pucci sighs and slides his goggles back in place. So much for diplomacy. 

He makes his way home, riding side-saddle on Whitesnake. The donkey is stubborn and has a nasty temper, but he obeys all commands. He rides sure and straight over the mountainous terrain, leaving behind the flatlands and climbing towards the peak. 

Telence waits for him. He looks a little shaken, and that makes Pucci pause, because Telence never looks anything but smug. There’s fresh blood on him as well. So it seems it will be one of those days. Pucci slides from the donkey’s side, dusting off his cassock. “What’s happened?” 

“Dio is upset. He hasn’t calmed down yet.” Telence’s voice is pleasant but wound tight beneath the surface. “If you would-”

“Of course.” No time to waste. Pucci leaves Whitesnake with Telence and quickly makes his way inside. 

There are followers here and there. Most of them look far more nervous than Telence. A few others have stayed calm - mostly those who have been around the past decade. They know the drill by now. They understand how this works. 

As Pucci nears the stairs, he comes across Hol Horse sitting on them. The man looks shell-shocked. There’s blood on his face and he lifts his head to look at Pucci. He’s got his gun in his hand, and Pucci can smell the gunpowder from here. That idiot. He must have shot Dio. 

“Stay there.” Pucci commands him. There will be words had with Hol, once this is settled. 

Pucci climbs the stairs. Hol stays in place. 

At the top, the smell of blood is overwhelming. Pucci finds the source of the carnage. Vanilla Ice’s head lies on the floor, as if it has been set there like a forgotten hat. The rest of him - or what remains - has been scattered. Pucci tsks. Vanilla Ice must have tried to placate Dio. 

“Dio, I’ve returned.” Pucci calls out to him, stepping inside and making sure not to tread in the blood.

There’s a blood-curdling screams, a hideous sound that goes straight through Pucci and makes his heart stop for an agonizing three seconds. When it starts up again and he can breath, Pucci takes another step inside. “I know. I’m sorry. I should have spoken with you before I left.” 

Dio doesn’t scream this time. He still seems agitated though, shifting his tendrils around restlessly. He’s gotten worse since Pucci last saw him. Dio’s flesh barely clings to his body anymore, and one eye has disappeared entirely. The other focuses on Pucci, locking onto him as he moves forward. His mouth flexes, tongue slithering across his lips. He looks like he’s still hungry. 

Pucci is not afraid. Dio won’t hurt him. He cross the distance and comes to stand in front of him. Dio’s trembles, his teeth snapping at air briefly. Pucci sets a hand on him and starts to rub Dio’s flesh. 

“I had to find out what happened to our men. Their reception was an unkind one.” Pucci speaks soothingly, letting his voice help Dio calm down once more. “She won’t meet with us willingly. I’m afraid we’ll have to resort to force. It’s a shame. I had hoped it wouldn’t come to this.”

But it always came to this, didn’t it?

Dio seems to have been somewhat soothed. He no longer snaps his teeth or whines. He’s gone quiet once more, returned back to the calm and thoughtful man Pucci knows best. Or… nearly. Very nearly. The mutation… 

The mutations have taken so much from them all. The Joy was poison from the start. 

“We’ll seek her out soon and bring her here. And we’ll get the cure from her. You won’t remain like this.” Pucci promises. Dio lifts a tendril and wraps it around Pucci’s waist, drawing him in. Pucci allows it and he lies his head against Dio’s flesh. Once day, Dio will be as he once was, and Pucci will fit comfortably in his arms, instead of against the mountain of flesh that Dio has become. 

They will have a cure, even if Pucci has to feed the girl to him, limb by limb.