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badbookreviewclub · 5 years

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Empress Theresa, Chapter 1

(This is a direct transcription of my tweets, so I apologize if it gets choppy at times) DISCLAIMER: Please read the preface before you continue on! PAGE 1 This is a terrible start to the book. There's nothing here to gain the interest of the reader nor is there anything that could potentially give you a clue to who Theresa is. You get who her parents are, but nothing about her parents (e.g. If they're important people) "I was the Princess in the Sullivan clan of Framingham, Massachusetts because besides being cute I was a whiz in school and had a good disposition." This sentence makes me die inside every time I re-read it. What does it even mean to have a 'good disposition'? This is the first time I've ever read someone describing themselves as having a 'good disposition'. "All the relatives expected great things from me." And then not even a paragraph later it says; "Nobody could have dreamed of what I would do a few years later, and nobody would have believed it if they'd been told." This is a conflicting message here, Theresa. Did they expect great things from you or did nobody expect you to do anything big? "Prime Minister Blair said I'd still be remembered in a million years." Okay, so we know that you're doing something big now, but you just introduced a character who we don't know. At all. What's the context behind all of this? What kind of person is Prime Minister Blair? "Did you catch that?" Yes, I fucking caught that. You literally just said it. "Churchill, Hitler, and Lincoln..." I don't like the way that these are ordered. It's alphabetical, but going in historical context would sound nicer in my opinion. "Lincoln, Hitler, Churchill..." That's not even counting that she just compared herself to being greater than Hitler. There are so many other people who are better that could have been brought up here and not someone who committed mass genocide and traumatized humanity. Directly after that, Charles Martel is brought up in a long paragraph that sounds like someone who just watched a documentary and is eager to share everything they just learned with their friends who could not give less of a shit. It's pointless to have it there and adds nothing. "...but Prime Minister Blair said I'd be remembered for a million years." You said that not even a paragraph ago. I didn't forget, I promise. I may have the attention span of a peanut, but my short-term memory isn't completely dead. Though my last few brain cells may be dead after I finish all 465 pages of this monster. "I was the last person you'd expect to earn this accolade." Contradicting to what you said earlier of all your relatives expecting big things of you. Not to mention, I don't know who you or anyone else is yet Theresa. I can't fucking say if you would be the last person expected "When this story began I was a little girl who didn't have much of a clue about anything." Why not start the story here? It's far better than that big ramble you just had. This is far more interesting than "I'm Theresa, the younger daughter of blah blah blah." "My job as a kid was to figure out what the heck was going on and what to do about it. It's not easy when you're young and everything is brand new." No shit honey. Except the thing is, life is so much easier when you're younger. you don't have to worry about taxes. Or your employer forgetting to mail you your W-2. Or if your employer does mail you your W-2 but your mail-lady delivers it to the wrong house so some random person has your W-2 and social security number now. You don't have to worry about that as a kid. Life as a kid is easy. ide note: The text in this book is fucking huge. Like it was written so children could easily read it. PAGE 2 The way the first paragraph on this page starts out is jarring and throws the reader out of any flow that may have been there before (There wasn't one there before, but I digress). It then is quickly followed by her father making a comment to her about being the captain of her ship, without actually being a quote from him. It would have been more interesting if it was a direct quote from her father rather than just a passive memory with how she phrases it. What is says is, "He said I had to be the captain of my ship, but sometimes the seas would be rough." Which is poor phrasing in my opinion. There are far better ways to phrase this that give some more character and depth to the relationship between Theresa and her father. A better way to phrase it would be; "He said 'You have to be the captain of your own ship. Sometimes the seas will be rough, but you need to keep pushing through it until you find smooth seas again.'" However, it's not phrased like this or anything remotely close to this. It's then followed very quickly by saying "I had to learn all I could about the world." How does this relate to what your father told you in any way shape or form? I am so confused and feel like what your father told you was completely disregarded or misinterpreted. "I wondered why should I be worrying about it in the fourth grade? I'd soon find out." My Grammarly is kicking in and telling me that 'worrying' is used wrong here. This is a direct quote from the book, and I have to agree. Once again, this relates nothing to what was just said. I want to scratch this entire page out so far, but I've refrained from doing so. Then we come to the first paragraph I have completely scribbled out. I hate it so much. It is a shit paragraph in every way humanly possible. It relates nothing to the first sentence and could completely be ignored and taken out of the book without changing anything. “Everybody has pressures. There are two kinds. One is threats to your life and health. I had more than my share of that with a thousand assassins wanting to get me. The other kind is bearing responsibility for other people's lives and welfare. That's really tough if you care... ...about them. I set new world records in that department. People were sure I'd crack under the pressure, but I didn't. It will take smarter heads than mine to figure out why not." There is so much I want to say about this paragraph that I can't express in words, just guttural, angry screams. I scribbled it out for a reason and that reason still stands true. It is complete and utter shit. Side note: "It will take smarter heads than mine to figure out why not." Thank you for the reassurance that you're a dumb shit, Theresa. I needed it. "I'll be telling my own story which is a good thing because nobody knows it as well as me." We are already all well aware this is an 'autobiography' at this point, Theresa. There's no need for you to tell us that. The fucking point of an autobiography is to tell your own story. More scribbled out sentences about her saying that there's stuff she can't know because she wasn't there. Then she comments on a conversation between Prime Minister Blair (who we still know nothing about) and President Stinson (a new character who we also know nothing about) and how they were talking to each other on the phone. Theresa then assumes that P.M. Blair and President Stinson were talking about how they would stop her if she got out of control. How pig-headed can she get? Not everything is about you. The entire world doesn't revolve around you, bitch. Except, oh wait, in this book, it does! Another scribbled out section I scribbled out so horribly I can barely read it. I will do my best to write it down here so you can suffer with me. "But remember you'll learn things in the same sequence I did. Somebody else telling my story could only say what I did... ... in the world. They couldn't get in my head like you will. You'll see what a horrible, worldwide mess I had to deal with." Ah. I remember why I scribbled it out so badly now. Because it's garbage. Even more so than the first paragraph that I tried to destroy. She's just repeating the fact that this is a fucking autobiography. I've read good autobiographies, where you actually get into the author's mind. So far, this shit isn't it. "My story began quietly with no hint of what was coming." All of that before was pointless. And I will tell you now, most of the details that come after are pointless. This book refuses to be clear and concise, which is a good thing a good majority of the time. The book started terribly and wrote the whole tone for the first few pages, and so far, I'm more upset than when I started. Sidenote #2: After this I'll try to do Chapters in these tweet chains, mentioning (for the most part) the stuff that stands out the most to me. Unless I run into a page that is truly the worst thing ever. The Rest of Chapter 1 Starting on page 3 Starting off strong, I scribbled out the entire first paragraph because it's all terrible. It's Theresa describing her older sister who has absolutely no importance to the story whatsoever and then stroking her own ego by boasting about how... ...she's a whiz in school and her sister isn't. "She's thinking of going to one of the many trade schools in Boston after high school Mom and Dad said I should go to college." These two really don't share any correlation to each other besides being education after highschool. Not to mention, I think Norman, the author, is strongly trying to suggest that trade school isn't nearly as good as university or college when that couldn't be less true. Trade school is just as valid as a university or a college. You gain new skills and can enter a career far... ...quicker than you could at a 4-year university and then some if you're going for a Masters or P.H.d. in your chosen field. Also, I really hate Twitter's character limit. It's fucking stupid and makes these reviews hard as hell to write out. Theresa drags things out more, shares a story that seems currently irrelevant about her mother seeing a fox that came and sat in front of her six months before she was born. (Keep this in mind. Six months before Theresa was born). Theresa even says that this strange... ...event seemed unimportant and that her parents forgot about it for 18 years. Fuck, if something like that happened to me, I'd forget about it too. I certainly wouldn't remember it 18 years later. I can barely remember what I had for breakfast last week. And then more than halfway down the page, Norman finally starts the fucking story. Theresa's doing some summer reading for school when she sees a fox walking along the edge of the woods. The fox ducks into the woods before walking back out, which is completely... ... irrelevant and yet for some reason, Norman felt it was important to include despite the fact it adds nothing and just feels like lazy writing and editing. Speaking of editing, I am dead convinced that Norman didn't have an editor for this book or even look over a chapter... ...after he wrote it. "In an instant, faster than you could blink an eye, a softball sized white light emerged from the fox and went straight into my stomach." Besides being poorly written, keep in mind the fact that she just said it was in the blink of an eye. Theresa goes inside and has a pointless as fuck conversation with her older sister about seeing the fox. Rather than like any rational person who might glance outside to look because apparently seeing "Foxes in the daylight never happens" as Norman puts it, she just says that... ... the fox won't hurt her before going back to the living room never to be mentioned again for another 12 pages or so. Theresa assumes that because she hasn't eaten yet she's hallucinating or having a vivid daydream, so she goes to eat and we get an unnecessary description of... ..what she makes. We also get this gem of a line; "At age ten I was already conscious of my weight and tried to stay skinny." There is so much wrong with this that I can't even put it into words. So. So. So much. Specifically the 'at age ten' part too. More weird phrasing and poor writing later and Theresa determines that yes, it must have been that she hadn't eaten anything because after eating she feels less worried about it. Then there's a HUGE fucking heat spike according to Norman. Enough so that the firemen have to get involved to see what the fuck is up. Theresa somehow has this meta-knowledge that this has to do with the white light that jumped into her stomach. Long story short, someone called the firemen because the heat spiked up so massively and they thought it might be a fire without going outside or looking around to see if it actually was a fire. We get an absurdly long and very dull section about how the firemen started poking around trying to figure out if it was underground or not, which is completely unnecessary and adds nothing to the story in my opinion. I have scribbled it all out because it's all shit. Then we get another fucking gem that Norman uses a total of one time and never brings up ever again. It gave me an idea that would have made this book far more interesting than it ended up being, but it's never mentioned again. Its sole purpose for existing was to give Norman... ... an excuse as to why Theresa didn't talk to anyone. "My Cousin Mary was diagnosed a schizophrenic and the whole Sullivan clan was biting their nails waiting for the gene to show up in some other family member. It wasn't going to be me! I resolved to never tell anybody... ... Not even my parents would know. They'd think I was ill like Cousin Mary. I didn't need it." This alone caused me so much anger I put down the book and didn't pick it up again for a good couple of hours. I honestly don't feel like I need to explain why this is so terrible. But as for the idea it gave me, the book could be far better if it turned out that Theresa was schizophrenic. That this was all a hallucination. It would explain a lot of her actions later on in the book, especially when she experiences extreme paranoia. Well, Norman doesn't call it paranoia. It's just Theresa being 'super smart and know just what's up'. We learn shortly after that there are government officials who turned up to watch 'someone' (spoilers: It's Theresa). Somehow everyone knows they're officials despite... ... never approaching them and instead trusting the word of a neighbor who said the police approached them, were shown badges by these officials, and then the police left them alone afterward. Theresa somehow knows that these people are here to watch her and for some reason... ... she calls the operator to see if they're spying on her or have her phones tapped. I guess this is just supposed to be common knowledge that if you call the operator and ask them for a number and if there's a delay they then you're being spied on? After all, it's not like the operator is human and they take time to look up numbers and whatnot. But this time around there's not a delay so Theresa concludes that they aren't listening to her. Not sure how this makes sense, but okay. Theresa and her mom decide to go shopping and Theresa spends the entire time thinking that men are following her everywhere. Despite the fact that it's a public space and they're different men. The first instance is at the parking garage, where someone parked close to them... ... and then followed them to the surface. Then they go to a very popular and big brand book store, Barnes and Noble, and Theresa sees a different man who she thinks is watching her as well. She goes to the second floor by herself because I guess her mom is okay with that. When I was ten, my mom wouldn't let me wander over to the next aisle to look at stuff no matter how much I insisted. So you know, not judging her mother's parenting skills, but I'm lowkey judging her mother's parenting skills. After that they go to McDonalds and another man gets in line behind them and leaves around the same time they do. Theresa thinks that this man is also following her. And then, a man who was on the corner started walking in their direction. For some reason, Theresa thinks all... ... these people are spying on her. Which is total bullshit in all honesty and is incredibly paranoid behavior. However, Norman doesn't write it that way and instead writes it as Theresa just knowing what the fuck is up. When she gets home, Theresa calls the operator again and this time, instead of taking half a minute to get the number, the operator takes a minute. Please tell me if I'm wrong, but I'm pretty certain that doesn't mean that someone has tapped your phone. Aside from that, I've also started to realize just how much Norman really likes to be as precise as he can be with his numbers and it's super fucking annoying to read and I wish that I didn't have to read it. But I am. Blah, Blah, Blah, more boring stuff and then Theresa goes to a movie story with her mom. She gets 2001: A Space Odyssey and apparently that's super, super fucking important because that's how the officials know that Theresa has an alien inside of her. I don't see the... ... correlation but you know what, maybe it's just me who's a dumb shit and Norman was right all along. Besides that, the movie is also super important because Theresa names that white ball of light that flew into her that she dismissed because she thought she was hungry. However, that's just something Norman seems to have conveniently forgotten right now and Theresa has just accepted the fact that it really did happen. "Mom did most of the grocery shopping on Saturday and I usually went with her because Catherine wandered off with her friends." Someone, please tell me how the first part really relates to the second part because I can't make sense of how your sister not going... ... to hang out with her friends would keep you from going with your mom to go grocery shopping. Especially when there's a seven-year difference between you two. One of the gov't officials approaches Theresa when she's alone in the cereal aisle (once again, judging her mother's skills as a parent), and tells her to call her when she's alone. That seems vaguely pedophilic to me, but that might just be me. Either way, Theresa somehow knows that this woman is working for the officials who are watching her. We get another paragraph of a line; "The woman knew that I knew about my watchers. I had often stared at them. So this woman also knew I had to think she was one of them and I... ... had to be curious enough to talk to her." This is so convoluted and overthought. I hate it in every way shape and form. It's so damn repetitive and gets repeated several times throughout the next few paragraphs. But I digress. Theresa goes home and goes to her room and pulls out her cellphone and calls the woman. We found out her name is Jan and we get the most boring conversation in the history of conversations. Yet for some reason, Norman has the audacity to say that... ... it is the most important interview since Moses came down from the mountains. I don't read the Bible, but as far as I'm aware, Moses was never interviewed after he came down with the 10 commandments. Correct me if I'm wrong. Theresa describes the white ball of light in so much detail that you realize, there's no fucking way she could have been able to see all of it if it was "faster the blink of an eye." So I guess Norman conveniently overlooked that part.1 Theresa says she named the white ball of light HAL from the movie. I don't see why, but she did. More boring as fuck conversation giving us the information we already know. We know that the woman's name is Jan now. Jan tells Theresa that they're always watching and listening... ... to her. After reading this I am under the belief that Jan should never ever be allowed to handle any cases dealing with children ever again because she uses so many fear tactics that would absolutely terrify a child. Jan also tells Theresa that she can't talk to anybody or tell anyone about HAL. I don't know about you all, but when I was younger, and someone told me not to tell anybody about something that involved me, I really wanted to tell someone about that thing. More boring as shit exposition that's poorly written and then we jump forward a few days. This is where my suspicions about Norman loving being super precise with numbers were confirmed. He also goes into way too much detail about gardening and weed pulling. Anyways, this is where we learn that Theresa has an aimbot basically. She woke up with a small orange dot in the center of her vision and automatically assumed it had something to with HAL. But she learns it's an aimbot because she can throw rocks and hit a watering can no... ...matter how far away she is from it. She then says it has no use, but I think Norman means that it has no practical use. It has plenty of uses, just not many can be applied to everyday life. Pretty quickly after Theresa finds out she has an aimbot she wants to play baseball with a neighbor boy so she goes to his house and talks to his mom asking to play with him. Except Norman doesn't write 'his mom', no, Norman writes 'The mother.' The Mother. The one true mother of all mothers. The queen of mothers. The mother that all mothers descended from. She is THE Mother. Aside from calling her 'The Mother' over and over again, Theresa tosses the baseball back and forth and doesn't miss no matter what. She comments constantly on how bad Tommy (the neighbor kid) is at this. Eventually Tommy's dad (referred to as 'The dad')... The Dad. The one true dad. The one Dad to rule them all. The Dad that all Dad's descend from. He is the ultimate Dad. He is THE Dad. ... comes out and takes over for Tommy, playing baseball with Theresa. I don't know why, but this came off the wrong way when I was reading it and just didn't seem right. Norman becomes even more repetitive in his writing, "This was August and it was very hot. "Let's call it quits, Theresa" the father said. "It's getting hot."" More shit I scribbled out because it's fucking horrible. Basically so you don't have to live through the same hell I did, I'll summarize even more. Theresa gets super strength because of HAL. She knows this because she broke a steak sauce bottle white trying to open it... ... because she was eating a steak for lunch. Because ten-year-olds can cook steaks for lunch. When I was ten I could barely fucking cook macaroni and cheese for myself. This is all boring as shit but the super-strength makes Theresa want to go and talk to her priest. Father Richard, who is also referred to as Father Donoughty later on (which make me think of the name Father Dick Doughnut ngl). Anyways, Theresa doesn't think her mother could just ask Father Richard about what she didn't want to talk to her about, thinking that priests... ... are bound to secrecy. I don't think they are but I'm not religious so how the fuck would I know. Anyways, Theresa shows she has super strength and blatantly states that the priest probably thought she was possessed by a demon but after going out to talk to Jan he believes... ... otherwise. And with that conversation between Father Dick Doughnut, we get the worst dialogue of all time. So you can suffer with me this time, I'm typing it all out. "These men don't know everything. Only I do. What did Theresa say?" (Jan) "I'm not at liberty to say." (Father Dick) "It's not the usual stuff?" "It isn't." "It's critical you can tell no one. Theresa will be the first to suffer. People will come after her. They'll kidnap her, kill her, or worse." "Who are you?" "I work for the American government" "How many of you are there?" "Hundreds" "That's a lot of people." "Do you understand how important this is?" “I'm beginning to." First of all, boring as fuck. Second, what is worse than being killed? You're fucking dead. I don't think much can actually top that. Third, I don't know if he's asking how many are watching Theresa or how many are working for the gov't. Either way, stupid question. After that absolutely immersive conversation, Father Dick Doughnut says he needs to call the cardinal to have them come watch Theresa. This seems really extreme in my opinion. As far as I was aware, a cardinal has far more to take care of than one little girl... ...at one church in a town that I don't think is that big. Even a bishop probably wouldn't spend their time focusing on that and they're two steps down from a cardinal. But no, Theresa is just too fucking important. Why not just have the Pope get involved now? Or is that... ...too much for you to handle Norman? Ugh. This entire chapter just fucking sucks and it's only the first chapter. Blah, Blah, Blah, Theresa's story about an alien being inside of her is confirmed because Jan said so and she works for the 'government'. Then we get a huge fucking jump over her fifth-grade year where Theresa gets to jump from fifth grade to seventh grade because her hair started to grow in thick thanks to HAL. Apparently, this is a sign of her 'emotional maturity'. I don't see the correlation. At all. At the very end of the chapter Theresa makes the claim that there are "four hundred" people watching her and that's how many people it takes to watch someone 24/7 without being caught. That seems like bullshit to me. In fact, that seems like the fastest way to get caught. It takes maybe 4 to 8 people at most in my opinion to watch someone day and night. But no. Theresa is just too fucking important for only 4-8 people. She needs 400. I forgot to mention earlier, but only the high ranking officials know about why Theresa is being watched. As far as I'm aware, there are only about 20 high ranking officials who know why Theresa is being watched. That leaves 380 people who have no fucking clue just what the hell is going on or why they're watching an 11-year-old girl. That's absolutely absurd. Something I forgot to mention earlier is that Jan claims something came from space 7 years ago and they lost track of it. She assumes that thing is HAL. Keep that in mind 7 years ago. But the fox that Theresa's mother saw was almost 11 years ago. And the fox is what gave... ... Theresa that ball of light. Norman loves to be precise with numbers, but he can't even keep his own fucking storyline straight. This book is hell. But I will keep reading because I apparently love to torture myself.

#empress theresa #empress theresa review #bad book #bad book reviews #chapter 1

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bwicblog · 7 years

Text

AA: fun facts!

AA: no one can drnive and vans do N Ö T float if they fall off the brnidge. AA: like, at A L L. the curntains did tho. >:}

ID: ahahah what.

AA: what, you soak so much yrn eyes fell out??

LC: [ Are YYou still high from last night, AA. ]

LC: [ I hope that's not the case, but I'd rather ask. ]

AA: none of you have any fucking idea of how mind honey wornks and it's, like, sornt of endearning! like talking to a bunch of six sweep olds. AA: six sweep olds w v borning lusii and no telly, bc they'rne locked in theirn hives all night. >:}

AA: dd on wtf yrn whatting, hads.

LC: [ I never indulged mYYself in trYYing it and nor do I have anYY plans of trYYing it in the future, so feel free to enlighten me. ]

ID: sorry for not trying something that would either freak my psi out of do nothing. =:P

AA: dnw, dnw, I formgive you forn being hells lame.

LC: [ Well I'd rather saYY it's not up in mYY alleYY of interests. ]

AA: lmao. AA: say it eight morne times, mb it'll stick. >:}

ID: also what is whatting sip send deets if you want me deets.

ID: unless you're asking why i'm whatting over floating vans and shit.

ID: because that should y'know. explain itself.

AA: let me diagrnam this forn you.

AA: me, innocently drniving, with Lal shrnieking in my flaps. AA: van: bad at changing lanes, orn, like, evernything evern. AA: rnivern, rnight the fuck therne.

AA: rnivern / (brnidge)-(van-rnoad) = rnivern/van.

AA: which does not float.

AA: that help??

ID: woowwww. uh. sorry?

AA: haha, what. no. omg, it's supposed to be funny, dude.

AA: like, it ain't M Y van.

ID: oh. well as long as it isn't yours. =:P

AA: y, exactly. >:}

LC: [ Well that sounds quite eventful. ]

LC: [ So are YYou alright? I hope YYou didn't lose anYY limbs.* ]

AA: just forn rnef, btw, lal scrneams like a pupa.

ID: i am not surprised by this news.

AA: y, y, jfc. wasn't even nearn me. AA: ow we'd totes be telling a diff storny abt someone getting drnagged out of the rnivern and fed theirn rnotating wheel device.

ID: get that half-drowned squeakbeast something to eat and he'll be fiiine.

LC: [ Well... Who is Lal, if I maYY ask. ] LC: [ Are theYY the jadeblood who talks in brackets? The rounded brackets, that is. ]

AA: he's the one w the least stupid quirnk. >:} l

LC: [ I am positive mYY quirk is quite understandable. ] LC: [ Compared to some others I have seen around here. ]

AA: and why I gotta feed him?? AA: if I keep feeding him, he's totes gonna E X P E C T it. and then I'll have two dunpsterns to thrnow fish at. >:{

AA: y, but it's still stupid. soz, do not make the rnules, I only, like, tell 'em.

ID: i mean fiiine don't feed him. if it means i don't get fed.

LC: [ ... Can I raise mYY virtual hand in giving aid to YYou guYYs? ] LC: [ I usuallYY have spare meat that I just tend to put awaYY into storage and I usuallYY trYY to help out others where I can so... ]

AA: hahaha. AA: n. AA: just bought a bag of frnied flowerns, srny2say, ourn rnoadsnack fest is S E T.

ID: i'm busy putting my tent up but hey thanks for the offer.

ID: riding my lusus around this fair is like. totes a thing i can do and look normal.

AA: but did you unbrnaid yrn hairn and put those glitternwings on firnst??

AA: bc I am like, 99% surne that's how you rnly fit in.

LC: [ Ah, gotcha. I am still keeping an eYYe out on this... phenomenon. ProbablYY will for the entire week... ]

ID: ...i mean i could make wings.

ID: but my hair unbraided is just asking it to get all tangled and shit.

AA: no fairn forn you, bluedude?

AA: and then brnush it firnst, duh. AA: orn pourn oil in it. AA: just, like, the entirne bottle.

ID: fuck that. my hair is a hassle down. it's like. ass-length.

LC: [ I am not reallYY fond of big crowds - and those are part of faires. ] LC: [ I prefer more quiet events when it comes to it - and well, given the current on-goings YYou won't reallYY get anYY of that, unless YYou are going for a hive visit. ] LC: [ And mYY neighbourhood has been buzzing even more since this asteroid came to our vision, on top of all of this. ]

SA: Round brackets. did you mean parenthenses, LC.

ID: heyyy prisma. you on your way to the faire?

SA: I am waiting at the station now.

ID: sweeetttt.

AA: omg, yessss.

ID: i need to figure out where pheres is. he better be thankful, i drummed up business for him.

AA: arne you hanging w us, prnisma?? orn did I, like, not buy enough pizza 2 rnaise yrn hrnt lvls?

SA: my... what levels?

SA: am I a dating sim character.

AA: lmfao, he's same place as always. lame ass rnust cirncle.

ID: please sip, he only eats sushi and fancy thin- ahahaha

ID: prisma confirmed for playing sims.

AA: omg, you got the rnef, but not lowbie slang!!

SA: I will come see you all. But right now I am looking forward to lying in my hotel room.

AA: y, you arne. >:}

SA: I play games.

ID: you don't play games in the sims pris, you play god.

SA: Are you talking about convincing WC to visit?

ID: yes! and you.

ID: sip on a scale of 1 to 10 how much of a chance is it that pheres is gonna put me in a stripper outfit.

AA: uhhh.

ID: because apparently that sight will offend pris' sensitivie ganderbulbs.

AA: gimme a pic of you again.

invertedDissident has sent imafairyprincewithabraid.png!

SA: I would rather not see the torso and bare chest of someone i've only known for 24 hours.

LC: [ Oh, uhm, YYes Prisma, YYes. ] LC: [ I assume most of YYou are going to attend the faire? ]

AA: lmfao, totes 8, soz. AA: even w the long hairn. AA: but dnw, I'll give you my coat, dude. >:} save prni's delicate bulbs.

ID: live a little prisma. =:P you're probs gonna see a lot of chests at this place, no shirts is historic.

ID: well fuck, sorry pris. i'm a stripper now.

AA: yrn only a strnippern if yrn taking it off, dude m

AA: dude.*

ID: i have a lil more class than that.

ID: also sip do you really expect me to wear your coat.

ID: that won't fit for shit.

AA: good!! I'm p surne that doesn't match the shop aesthetic. >:}

SA: yes, LC. does that frighten you?

AA: omfg. AA: how do you know until you trny?? I'm like. at least half as wide as you, dude, you ain't exactly swole.

ID: pris ofered me his coat, how tall are you pris.

ID: like half my fronds will be uncovered.

SA: 5'9.

AA: >:{

SA: More in heels.

ID: see pris is closer. i can wear his coat better.

AA: see, he's still shorntern.

SA: I will avert my eyes accordingly at this "historic dress"

ID: by a lot less!

ID: sorry we aren't all daytables sip. =:P

AA: omfg. my coat is bettern, but, like, 'kay, whatevern.

AA: srny we arnen't all S T Ö RN K S. >:}

ID: besides i guess the stripper costume will be nice. it's fucking hot with that fucking fireball in the sky.

SA: storks?

SA: My coat is rather nice despite the heat.

ID: because we're tall.

AA: big birnds! wait, n, let me keep this in theme.

ID: i run hot pris, it's a thing i have to worry about more.

AA: hat holding devicesn

AA: !

SA: ...?

SA: make sure you have water.

ID: i do, don't worry! but yeah i get fucking heat exhaustion or whatever it's called easy.

AA: huh. that a psi thing, too?

ID: since like. too much heat fries your pan and shit.

SA: No, that is a biological trait.

ID: yeah. don't worry, i know i'm a fucking mess.

ID: no pris, i run. hot.

SA: But don't all low bloods?

AA: lmao, prniiiii.

AA: not flatscans. ain't you evern hearnd of burn out?

ID: you'll see pris. i make other rusts seem nippy.

AA: it's sornta fucking liternal. >:}

SA: 😫

SA: I need coffee.

ID: get some then you nerd. unless you can't.

SA: I'm boarding, I'll have to wait for the steward.

SA: Are you not very warm, Sipara?

WA: |>|>| What's the haps dudes!! And gals!! |<|<| WA: |>|>| Í heard there was some faíre and that the world was ending? :D |<|<|

SA: superstition.

ID: there's a fair and definitely a meteor that wants to murder us all.

WA: |>|>| Of course ít ís!! Others just looove freakín out about ít!! |<|<|

SA: You are awfully excited for so early.

ID: some trolls are evening trolls. the fucking monsters.

WA: |>|>| Well thís líght ís rad but could tone down the party a líl |<|<| WA: |>|>| Well that's how Í roll |<|<| WA: |>|>| And you are happy íf you see me excíted ís all Í can say ;D |<|<|

SA: I am not happy seeing you excited. But I am happy you are excited.

SA: ?

AA: eeeh, I'm rnusty wnarm. like, not 'melt a goddamn carnbonatorn' psi warnm. you evern thought abt, like, installing a coolant, hads? AA: .. wait shit arnen't you sparnky too?

SA: it's disgusting.

ID: i ain't installing shit. i'm perfect the way i am. =:P

SA: I see, AA.

WA: |>|>| Haha, ísn't that what everyone loves to call "contradíctory"? |<|<| WA: |>|>| But works! |<|<|

ID: pris is totes sparky.

SA: I am not electrokinetic.

ID: sparkplug is slang for having psi pris.

SA: It isn't contradictory at all.

SA: that's awful.

SA: I dont like being compared to an engine piece.

ID: well that's how a lot of trolls see us. so.

ID: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

SA: I am not anymore and i will take issue with anyone who thinks so.

SA: i'm too tired to be this salty.

ID: just don't get huffy when other lowbloods use it. we use it as a. 'hahahah we're all clearly engine pieces to the highbloods aren't we.'

ID: highbloods use it as. 'yeah you're totes going in my ship and there's nothing you can do about it'.

SA: 😦

SA: alright.

SA sends TheMostTiredPsioninTheWorld.png

ID: D:= you okay there bud?

AA: haha, yeah, don't sweat it, brno. I wasn't trnying to yank yrn chain, shit's just the way ppl talk. unless they'rne, like, above yellow, then dd and I'll brneak theirn fangs forn you. >:}

AA: jfc.

ID: also yeah, if they're too cold for psi they're too cold to clal us sparkplugs.

AA: go get some coffee.

LC: [ Well it's good that YYou don't need to deal with that anYYmore Prisma. ] LC: [ ... Can't saYY much other than I hope most others won't just get reduced to such levels. ]

SA: I will keep this in mind, Sipara, Hadean. Don't worry about cracking them. I will do.

SA: I'm alright. I ordered a cappuccino.

ID: well hopefully that helps. lc you got a name?

AA: put sugarn in!! it'll totes help.

AA: ain't lc yern?? orn was that anothern blue. >:?

SA: LC, the reality is more upsetting thinking i am not there and yet i still am.

LC: [ YYes Hadean, it's still YYerman. ]

SA: but i will protect other psions if I can.

SA: yern.

ID: riight i meant wa. sorry, steering a lusus and typing!

LC: [ I guess that works, since... Sipara? Gave me that nickname. ]

AA: lmao, texting and drniving?

AA: shame on fucking you. don'tcha know that shit's illegal? >:}

ID: that's me! my lusus won't just dumbly drive in to a pole or anything stfu. =:P

SA: Is your lusus a draft animal?

ID: uh he's a horned hoofbeast. not really draft but. he looks cool.

ID: one sec i'll take a pic.

invertedDissident has sent mylususiscool.png!

SA: a gemsbok.

SA: we had them near my home city.

AA: .. you should make him a crnown to match yrn fakey fake wings. >:}

ID: don't tell me you ate them pris.

WA: |>|>| So who else ís goíng to thís faír? |<|<| WA: |>|>| Heard ít wíll be more fun and that there wíll be fíghtíng? Í am totally down for that ;D |<|<|

SA: No. They simply roamed.

SA: I am. Are you going to fight Hadean too?

ID: totes fighting! i'm fighting.

SA: I will fight anyone. but it won't be in a ring.

ID: you don't win money outside of the ring pris.

WA: |>|>| Í totally could! Ít's a good practíce ;D |<|<|

SA: oh i don't need the money. I just eant to kick their ass

SA: I'm joking.

WA: |>|>| Haha luckíly Í am good! But Í tend to go to the ríngs when needed |<|<|

AA: omg, prni.

AA: fight me!!

AA: it'll be wicked fun.

SA: Okay.

WA: |>|>| Fíght círcle?? |<|<|

AA: omg omg yesss. AA: only if you pay, WA.

WA: |>|>| Pay for fíghtíng ya? |<|<| WA: |>|>| Maybe Í wíll! >:) |<|<| WA: |>|>| But you guys keep talkíng about fíghtíng and hypíng me up! |<|<|

LC: [ All this talk about fighting. ] LC: [ Just don't break eachother's limbs if YYou are not planning to fight for YYour life. ] LC: [ Which doesn't seem to be the case. ]

SA: 😃 no promises.

LC: [ Well I have nothing else to saYY in that case. ] WA: |>|>| Dude you are not our lusus!! |<|<| WA: |>|>| We can handle ourselves ;D |<|<| LC: [ YYeah well, caution is never a bad thing. ]

ID: sorry i got distracted looking at things.

SA: I was napping.

ID: well nap if you need it dude.

AA: did you get coffee??

SA: Yes, I got cappuccino

AA: >:?

SA: why >:?

AA: idk what that is, dude. is that, like, rneal orn fake coffee?

SA: It's sort of like sweet coffee.

SA: https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/4/4f/Cappuccino_at_Lund.jpg

AA: !!! AA: wtf, that's qt.

SA: It's also hazelnutflavored.

AA: that looks way bettern than phern's shit, negl.

ID: does it taste nice? =:?

SA: What do they drink?

SA: Yes, it does. It's very nice, considering it has been raining nonstop in Provenance for a few days.

SA: It's sweet and sort of nutty, but also sharp.

SA: i wish i had a pillow.

SA: How far are you all from Cascara?

WA: |>|>| Ha! Around another níght's travel! |<|<| WA: |>|>| Then Í wíll be present >:) |<|<|

ID: i'm in cascara. eyeing up all these stalls.

AA: like. uhhh.

AA: fourn hourns, p much.

AA: also damn, that doesn't sound bad. and IDK. he just, like, stews beans.

AA: and is like. B'L U H B'L U H, crneam ruins the flavourn. >:}

SA: what a bitter person.

#c:prisma #c:sipara #c:yerman #c:hadean

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