#they can never get rid of movie theatres we come here to laugh to cry heartbreak feels good in a place like this etc

[wanghedi]

I rmr the exact feeling i had in the movie theatre when when the winter soldier flipped that knife in the air and caught it in a different grip and stabbed downwards in one smooth motion it was breathtaking i wish i could experience it for the first time again

[dallaswinstonsleatherjacket]

You should do a dally pop song fic of All Too Well!- Cherry

Thank you Cherry! I tried-

ALL TOO WELL-DALLYPOP

Taglist: @nonbinary-ponyboy-curtis @chaotically-cas @sh4d3s-of-c0ol-deactivated20210 @sylvia-supremacist @darrys-toolbag @otterfire @i1-800-555-trash-1i @queen-of-the-outside @isasbaguettes @steveiskoreanfuckit (lmk if you want to be added)

TW: Swearing, angst (ig), Blood mention

I walked through the door with you

The air was cold

But something about it felt like home somehow

The air was freezing at this point, and Soda pulled his jacket around him as he bent his head against the wind. Dally was beside him, unbothered by the wind, jacket hanging open and an arm slung around Soda’s shoulder.

The door to Bucks was unlocked, and the bar was nearly empty. Soda had barely stepped through the door before Dallas slipped his hand down to Sodas and gave it a light squeeze and then pulled him towards the staircase.

And I, left my scarf there at your sister's house

And you've still got it in your drawer even now

Dally couldn't stop thinking about him.

And the flannel that he knew was tucked in the back of the bottom drawer of his dresser wasn't helping.

The bed creaked underneath him as he stood, pulling open the drawer and pulling the flannel out. He looked at it, the lines appearing in between his eyebrows as he sat on the floor and turned the flannel over. He knew the bloodstains on the front, he had memorized the pattern, he knew how one of the buttons on the very bottom was missing.

And he sighed.

Oh, your sweet disposition

And my wide-eyed gaze

We're singing in the car, getting lost upstate

Autumn leaves falling down like pieces into place

And I can picture it after all these days

Soda's eyes were wide, and he was laughing hard as he had ever before as the car screeched down the road. Dally’s foot was heavy on the brakes, but his hands weren’t on the wheel, and he whooped as they narrowly avoided a mailbox, Soda screeching as they glided by it.

“Wimp”

“I don't want to pay for a mailbox,” Soda shot back, the smile not leaving his face.

“Mmm,” Even Dally was smiling now, humming off tune to whatever was on the radio. Soda closed his eyes, probably against his better judgment, and relaxed against the seat of the car.

And I know it's long gone and that magic's not here no more

And I might be okay but I'm not fine at all

Dallas never cried. Not because he had no reason to, but because he was programmed against it.

But god, did he want to now.

His bed seemed uncomfortable, his head hurt, and he couldn’t hear breathing beside him, comforting him, helping him sleep.

Because he had fucked up. He fucked it all up.

'Cause there we are again on that little town street

You almost ran the red 'cause you were lookin' over at me

Wind in my hair, I was there

I remember it all too well

Soda had memorized everything he could about Dallas Winston.

He had memorized how his hair looked when he first woke up, he memorized his skin, and how it looked when they were laying, tangled in each other on top of the bedcovers. He memorized his grin, and how he looked when he was smug, and how he looked when he had just won a fight, blood dripping everywhere and a grim smile on his face.

And he remembered how it felt, to walk with him, the autumn leaves swirling around as Dally leaned into Soda, an arm slipping around his waist.

Photo album on the counter

Your cheeks were turning red

You used to be a little kid with glasses in a twin-sized bed

And your mother's telling stories 'bout you on the tee-ball team

You told me 'bout your past thinking your future was me

It had been 6 months, a half a year, half a without Sodapop Curtis. And he could still remember every second of it.

And Dally still hadn’t cried.

He was in his old place now, back in New York, escaping Tulsa seemingly just in time before he exploded. He wanted so badly to damage something, to hurt something, to break something of his like he had broken Soda.

Or maybe Soda had broken him. He didn't know.

He really did remember every second. He remembered every minute of every hour he spent with Soda, from the day he met him to the day he left.

And to think he had thought that he was his forever.

And I know it's long gone and there was nothing else I could do

And I forget about you long enough to forget why I needed to

Soda hated Tulsa.

He hated the movie theatre, the dingo, the DX-even his own bed he hated. It was all stained with him, Soda could see it as clearly as if it was blood smeared across his favorite jacket instead of his scent.

And he was trapped in it all, tangled in his stupid life and stupid thoughts when all he wanted to do was drive as fast as he could to New York and fall into his arms again.

Because that's where he was safe.

'Cause there we are again in the middle of the night

We're dancing 'round the kitchen in the refrigerator light

Down the stairs, I was there

I remember it all too well, yeah

Dally had given up, he had moved on.

There was no point in sitting and moping about Sodapop Curtis.

Some girl was tangled up in his sheets every other night, and the nights they weren't he had either drank till he passed out, or was off fighting someone. No one here went easy on him sometimes like Shepard did. There was no one here to pity him, why would they? New York was as rough as it had been when he was a kid, and whether he won or lost each fight, covered in blood with a grimace on his face.

Maybe he deserved this. Maybe this was his punishment.

And maybe we got lost in translation

Maybe I asked for too much

But maybe this thing was a masterpiece 'til you tore it all up

Running scared, I was there

I remember it all too well

Soda could remember everything too. Every little damn thing.

And he could remember Dally yelling.

And he was yelling too, he could feel it in his throat, hoarse and tired and desperate, he was so desperate, because he couldn’t lose him, not yet, not this way. He wasn't crying, he wanted to cry, he wanted to throw a tantrum like he would when he was little, he wanted to scream and kick and punch and knock that look off of Dally's stupid face.

But he turned. He turned away, and told Dally to go.

And Dally did. But that was only the first time.

And you call me up again just to break me like a promise

So casually cruel in the name of being honest

I'm a crumpled up piece of paper lying here

'Cause I remember it all, all, all

Too well

The first time the phone rang was a year after Dally had come back to New York.

He was in his room at the time, the phone was at the end of the hall, and he stumbled out his door and picked up the phone, wincing as he massaged his arm, sore from the snob he met on the side of the street last night.

“Hey,” Dally mumbled, voice hoarse with sleep, running his fingers through his hair and yawning. “Who's this?”

“Soda. Sodapop. Curtis.” The voice was anxious, and Dally nearly dropped the phone, leaning against the wall with his head bent.

“Soda,” Dally repeated, and the word felt heavy on his tongue.

“I just-wanted to see how you were doing-you never call.”

“Neither do you.”

It was silent.

“I thought you were dead-you ran off and never said nothing to any of us-”

“I might as well be,” Dally snapped. “I’m fine, Soda. How are you?” He hated this, he hated himself, he hated goddamn Sodapop.

“I’m fine. Sorry. G’bye, Dal.”

There was a click, and then silence.

Time won't fly, it's like I'm paralyzed by it

I'd like to be my old self again

But I'm still trying to find it

After plaid shirt days and nights when you made me your own

Now you mail back my things and I walk home alone

Soda didn’t think he would ever feel the same again. How could he?

But you keep my old scarf from that very first week

'Cause it reminds you of innocence

And it smells like me

You can't get rid of it

'Cause you remember it all too well, yeah

The flannel was still in the drawer in Dally’s room. It hadn't been touched in almost a year, a thick layer of dust had settled over it, and it still looked the same.

He didn't know why he kept it.

'Cause there we are again when I loved you so

Back before you lost the one real thing you've ever known

It was rare, I was there, I remember it all too well

Wind in my hair, you were there, you remember it all

Down the stairs, you were there, you remember it all

It was rare, I was there, I remember it all too well

[queenmaracasandlove]

You Make Me Cry - Joe Mazzello x F!Reader - SMUT

Word Count: +:-3100

Summary: You finally watch Bohemian Rhapsody but you cry quite a lot and the next morning your eyes are overly puffy. He makes fun of you and has his very own way to make you feel better (wink wink)

Warnings: Oral sex, swearing

A/N: So… This is very stupid and not my best work but it was kind of inspired by a story: mine, because I’m a complete mess. Except I just had to get on with my ridiculous face and go to work and uni… Tell me what you think :D 

MASTERLIST

Permanent taglist: @reedusteinrambles

You and Joe had not been dating for long, only a few months but it was going great. You had met while he was filming Bohemian Rhapsody. You were a huge fan of the band and you had managed to be an extra in one of the scenes just so you could be part of the experience. You were only on set for two days but he had come to ask for your number and things had started this way.

Because of your work back in London you had not been able to join him for the premiere and you never had seen the film even when it was in theatres, you just could not. It would have made you miss him too much to see him on the big screen while he was on the other side of the ocean. You had waited until you would be together or at least not to far so you could tell him all about your feelings right away. You had joined him in his N.Y. home during your holidays, you had not seen him for a while. He tried to come and see you as much as he could but it wasn’t that easy. 

Because of the jet lag you had woken up in the middle of the night, slowly sneaking out of bed. You did not want to wake him and watched him sleep for a few minutes. He looked so calm when he was asleep, so peaceful. You suddenly wished you could wake up to that sight every time you wanted to. Feeling that you were not going to get back to sleep just yet you went to the living room. You helped yourself with a glass of orange juice and looked at the different shelves, he had quite an impressive collection of DVDs. You found the BoRhap one and decided that it was probably time to watch it. 

Queen meant so much to you and it had for so long. You had grown up listening to their music and Freddie Mercury had always been one of your heroes. So from the start you knew this movie was not going to be easy for you to watch because you clearly knew how it ended. You were such a softy and cried very easily so somehow you were happy to watch it while Joe was still asleep. You decided to watch it on your computer so you could put your earphones on and not make any noise. The last thing you wanted was to be disturbed during your viewing.

                                                   -------------------

You were now a complete mess. The film had not ended yet but your were crying your heart out, tears pouring down on your cheeks. You were completely sobbing. In fact your were not even watching the movie anymore because the tears were completely blurring your vision. You were not even trying to be over dramatic, you were just crushed by your feelings and your love for Freddie Mercury, amazed by his talent and angry at his destiny. You had so many comments to make about the movie but clearly it was still good enough to make you feel that much emotions.

You had tried to be as silent as possible but because of the earphones you had not realise that your sobs had resonated in the silent flat. It was the final scene, the Live Aid concert and you tried to compose yourself, hardly succeeding. Your nose was completely red and your eyes were hurting from so much crying and even as the credits started to roll, your eyes were still wet. You closed your laptop and took out the earphones. You had to take a minute to get it all in. It was just a movie, and an inaccurate one but some things were also true, and not the most pleasing ones.

You were finally able to calm down when you heard someone laughing behind you and that scared you to death.

“That’s probably the funniest thing I’ve ever seen but also the cutest” Joe said, looking at you

You turned back in shock and frowned immediately. You saw him hiding his phone behind his back and were pretty sure he had taken a picture of you ugly crying. You would have liked to say something but you were still controlling the emotions running through you. Seeing that you were still recovering and truly affected your boyfriend smiled and came to take you in his arms. It was nothing bad or awful but there was real sadness in you. It was like saying goodbye to an old friend, Freddie Mercury had been such a role model for you during your entire life. You enjoyed the hug and buried your face in Joe’s chest.

“I’d never thought you’d react like that. I’ve seen you crying in front of stupid things but that is something else”

That made you laugh a little. He had already made fun of you once as you had teared but in front of some reality tv show, just because it involved a grandpa and that made you weaker than anything.

“It’s just. You know Freddie and all. I’m too sensitive”

“I know. That’s sweet, don’t worry about it” he said, kissing the top of your head

You suddenly realised that you were probably looking like a big mess and you tried to wipe your face in your sleeves.

“You know that’s my sweater you’re wearing right?” Joe asked

“Not anymore”

“Well… Not like I want it back now that it’s got your snort all over it”

“It’s called tears Joe. And you’d better get used to it, I’m a big thief”

“I know that. You already stole my heart hey”

He didn’t care that you were looking like a complete mess between the crying and the lack of sleep, he found you cute anyway, beautiful even. He loved how sensitive you were and not afraid to show your emotions. You pecked his lips softly, so happy to have him in your life. You were at peace now that you were in his arms. The distance between the two of you was not making things easy but you were dealing with it in the best way that you could. You knew his life was here and that was fine. You might be considering moving across the Pond one day but it was too early. As much as you loved him you did not want to get ahead of yourself.

“Joe?”

“Yes babe?”

“I know you’ve taken pictures. Don’t you even dare put them on social media am I clear?”

He pretended to be offended although you knew just looking at him that you were right. You had agreed on becoming public a few weeks ago but that did not mean you wanted to have your crying face all over the internet. As he was not answering you pointed your finger at him.

“Am I clear Joseph Francis Mazzello III?”

“But..”

“No but. Just think about it one more time and my ass will be on the next plane back to London”

“Okay. What about I don’t put anything online and your grinch self just goes with me to bed. It’s the middle of the night and I would love to spend some time with my girlfriend during the day while she’s here so we better go back to sleep now.”

You would have loved to argue but you knew he was completely right. You were knackered and you had to fight the jet lag if you wanted to be able to be awake and do some sightseeing with Joe as he promised you. After all it was your first time in New York and you wanted to make the most out of it and of your time with your boyfriend.  You got up with him and followed him in the bedroom. You rubbed your eyes a few times, getting rid of all that was left before spooning Joe with much strength. He loved how needy you were sometimes. He grabbed your hands that were around his chest and kissed them before saying “goodnighté. You could barely believe that you were here with him, you were so happy. Feeling him against your tummy helped you fall asleep in a matter of a few minutes, trying not to think about how sad you were a moment ago. It was a movie but this was your reality and it was so great.

                                                   -------------------

You woke up a few hours later, the bed empty next to you. Your eyelids felt so heavy but you thought that was because of the lack of sleep. You really needed to pee so you went to the bathroom before even looking for Joe who was probably doing his own stuff in the living room. You quickly did what you had to and went to wash your hands. As you looked up in the mirror to see how much damaged you were before you let out a scream.

“Babe, what’s going on?” you heard Joe asking and running in your direction

You put your face closer to the mirror, trying to see what was going on. Your eyes were incredibly puffy, like nothing you had seen before. They were so swollen that you were a little frightened by it. It did not hurt and you could see perfectly but that was kind of upsetting.

“Y/N are you ok? Can I come in?”

You opened the door to him and waited to see his reaction. You were not disappointed to say the least. At first he seemed really shocked, frowning and shaking his head but as soon as he saw how done you were he started laughing.

“Don’t you fucking dare Joe. It’s not funny. I look like Steve Buscemi and it’s just not right”

You probably should not have made that comparison because he was now in stitches. You would have rolled your eyes if you could but that was not the best of ideas but you started laughing too because of how ridiculous the situation was.

“For the love of me” you sighed

“Are you okay? Does it hurt?” Joe asked, calming down

“It’s fine. I think my eyes did not react to well to the tears from last night”

“Is it the first time that happens to you?”

“Yes it is, and it better be the last”

He asked you if you needed to see a doctor but really you didn’t. It wasn’t going to ruin the day you had both planned, they were so rare that you had to cherish them. Joe invited you to follow him in the kitchen for breakfast. He had cooked for you and you were quite impressed by it. As you were putting a dash of milk in your tea you saw him trying to take a picture of you discreetly.

“Are you serious?” you asked, squinting your bulging eyes

“Come on! This is way too hilarious for me not to make sure I have a picture of it”

“Who are you planning to send it to?” you inquired

“I may have sent it to the BoRhap group chat…” he admitted

You put your fist right in front of you mouth, falsely exasperated by his attitude.

“I asked you not…”

“Not to put anything on social media, and I didn’t.. Come on babe, they had to see this”

“Well they are partially responsible for it aren’t they?” you nodded

He put on a face clearly saying that it was not completely false. You tried to ignore the fact that he was sharing your puffy face with everybody and went on with breakfast. The scrambled eggs were really good and he had bought some fresh bagels just for you. You found it sweet.

“So? What did you think of the movie? Did you see yourself? I know you’re not on screen for very long but I was really proud when I saw you”

“Well I certainly should have won an Academy Award for my acting, I was clearly incredible” you joked

“It was not hard to pretend that you were in awe with the band when I was on stage babe”

“Well, I must admit seeing Ben half naked right in front of me during ‘39 made it easier for me, I’m so sad it wasn’t included in the move”

“Excuse me?”

You had been an extra in the audience for a concert scene. They had shot several songs but not all of them had been included in the final work. You raised your eyebrows, obviously teasing Joe as you were insinuating that you had ogled Ben Hardy during shooting. He was making fun of you since last night, you could at least return the favour a little.

“Well, I did not remember Roger Taylor being that muscular but clearly I did not mind the choice of actor at all” you went on

Joe was now in front on you as you were sitting on the stool in front of the kitchen counter looking puzzled.

“I did not know Roger Taylor was your favourite member of the band” he said

“Oh it’s Freddie you know that. But I was not talking about the original members”

“You know Ben’s heart already taken right? Don’t you even dare come close to him”

You opened your mouth, that was not the answer you were expecting. He was not jealous for the reasons you wanted, he was overprotective of his beloved co-star. He could be so annoying sometimes because he always wanted to have the last word and so did you. You put your tongue over your front teeth, you would not let him win this little game.

“Why didn’t you ask him to join you instead of me then?” you enquired

“Well. The poor thing is killing himself at work… Too busy” he sighed

“He would have been such better company”

He was about to answer to that but you were up and took your shirt off in front of his very own eyes, lazily before throwing it on the floor. He did not understand right away what you were doing. You did not feel especially sexy with your puffy eyes but you were hoping that weeks of no physical contact would help you and the little act you were trying to pull on.

“I’m sure he does not leave his clothes everywhere right”

Joe was speechless but enjoying the show. Your pyjama shorts were now also on the floor leaving you only in your panties. You could clearly see the lust in his eyes and that was exactly what you wanted.

“Oh and I’m probably not as good looking as this good old Ben…”

“Babe, trust me you have much more to offer than my good old lad”

“Is that so?” you asked, trying to look innocent “Because if you think he can take better care of you than I can…”

You slowly came back to him, one hand on his chest when the other was slowly going down inside his tracksuit, playing with his cock above the fabric of his boxer. Your bare chest was against his and you could feel him hardening just at the touch. You started kissing him, slowly biting on his lower lip.

“He clearly can’t”

“Perfect then that’s settled”

And just like that you went back to breakfast. You were starting to get wet and you knew this was not over but you wanted to enjoy the game as much as you could.

“Really?” he whined

“You’ve been nasty” you simply replied

“And now you’re being cruel”

Before you could take a bit of your bagel, his hand was on your wrist and his mouth on your collar bone. That felt so good, you could feel his warm breath on your naked skin and that turned you on even more. He went down on your chest, drawing circles around your tits with his tongue, your nipple now hard because of the pleasure he was giving you.

“Joe, that feels so good” you whispered

You wrapped your legs around his hips as you were back to kissing, feeling his bulge against your core. He grabbed you under your butt and put you on the counter, his tongue teasing yours gently. You felt your panties sliding along your legs as he lowered himself. He slowly started kissing your inner thigh, and that felt amazing. He bit in a little, making you moan. The marble of the counter felt so cold against your burning skin but suddenly all you could feel was the touch of Joe’s thumb on your clit.

He started playing with it and he was really good at doing this. You closed your eyes, overwhelmed by the feeling. He went faster and you started to ask him to go on, making sure he knew how good he made you feel. He massaged your inner thigh with his other hand, without stopping  what he was doing. You could feel him grinning against you as you were whining because of the pleasure. You knew he loved to be in control and to make you feel good in all the possible ways. You could feel that you were close and your fingers eventually grabbed his hair has he approached his tongue to your clit to replace his finger, now going inside you.

“Fuck Joe ! I’m so close”

You did not need much more, he pumped a little, making sure that your clit was still taken care off. He barely had the time to find the perfect angle with his fingers that your body started to tense completely. You arched your back, overwhelmed by the sensation. 

“Cum for me babe” he asked

And you happily obliged, reaching your orgasm and out of breath. He went up again and smiled at you, helping you getting down.

“So, can we now finish breakfast before you introduce me to the big apple?” you finally said

"Really?”

“If we start now, I’m never going to see the city. But I promise I’ll be all yours tonight” you winked

“Alright I guess...”

You almost wanted to skip the tourism part of your stay and go on with it but you really wanted to see the city. Joe did not have to worry because this morning was just a taste of what you had planned for the two of you. You both finished breakfast, took a shower together and got yourself ready for the most perfect day in New York City. You sneakily took one of his pair of sunglasses to hide your still puffy eyes and he noticed immediately as he opened the door for you.

“Alright Steve Buscemi let’s go”

You laughed and kissed him before he closed the door and grabbed your hand as you felt happier than you had been in ages.

[thenamesseven]

Warnings: Angst

“Are you sure you're okay? We don't need to do this if you don't feel like it”

You sighed for the tenth time today, it had been around ten minutes since you have been released from the hospital and Jinyoung kept asking you how you felt every five seconds. You understood he was worried, scared that something might happen if you did something you weren’t supposed to but so far, the only thing you've done was walking from his car to your apartment and he had asked you three times if you were feeling alright. You would definitely lose your mind if he kept being so worried.

“Jinyoung” You turned around, facing your husband instead of the mirror “I swear if you're going to keep asking me the same question every five seconds Im not going to wherever you're taking me”

Jinyoung was a little surprised at you snapping at him like that, if you weren't pregnant you would only have asked him nicely to stop instead of glaring as if you wanted to murder him.

“Alright, I'll keep my mouth shut” He said with a small smile “Wear something comfy though, we're not going anywhere fancy” Jinyoung wrapped his arms around your body, his eyes meeting yours on your reflection “And leave your wallet here, let me spoil you today okay baby?”

After receiving an ultimatum from Yugyeom, Jinyoung accepted the fact that you had to find out about his infidelity, it wouldn't be fair for you to live in a lie and you deserved to have the right to choose if you wanted to forgive him or not. Nobody said the exact moment when he had to tell you though and that's why Jinyoung had been a little selfish and planned the perfect date for the entire day.

The last one in case you chose to leave him.

No matter how many smiles he shot your way, how many kisses he left on your cheeks or lips and how many hugs he gave you the date still felt weird, like there was something he wasn't telling you but since you didn't know what was truly going on you just assumed it was just your imagination running wild.

By the time you two were in the car, you couldn’t help but be a little nervous. Jinyoung insisted on keeping the destination or destinations like he had said once before getting out of the apartment as a secret so you truly didn't know where was he taking you. Sensing your fidgety movements on the passenger seat, Jinyoung reached out and grabbed your hand, holding it softly as he drove.

“Relax” He said quietly, kissing your knuckles as he kept his eyes on the road “I promise you're going to enjoy today” Jinyoung muttered softly.

“It's not that” You said with an excited smile on your face, forgetting for some brief seconds about the weird feeling in your chest, about your heart's silent warnings. “I just want to know where you're taking me so bad”

Jinyoung smiled shaking his head a little. You were just acting like in your first date with him, sitting on the passenger seat and fidgeting with the hem of your dress excitedly as you tried to guess where he was taking you. The only difference was that now you were pregnant and about to have twins. Who would have told the both of you your relationship would get so far? It had been so difficult sometimes, specially adjusting his idol life to your normal one and now...Later today, Jinyoung would confess his worst mistake and the biggest obstacle your relationship had ever faced.

“You're taking me to the zoo!?”

Your extremely happy squeaking pulled Jinyoung out of his thoughts. His lips turned into a huge smile as he quickly glanced to his side to watch your reaction. He took you to the zoo on your first date after he had found out that your parents never took you to one, so taking you to the same place on what possibly could be your last date somehow made sense to Jinyoung.

With him by your side, hidden behind black caps and masks you spent the best morning ever in the zoo. You held Jinyoung's hand and pulled him wherever you wanted to go as you held the zoo's map with your free hand. He never complained, Jinyoung just walked behind you with a cute smile on his face, squeezing your hand from time to time whenever you would start gushing about animals being cute and wanting something as a pet. You felt like you were seventeen again, walking with your boyfriend hand in hand frantically searching the cute otters you were dying to see.

It was the first time people were staring at you for being such a cute and adorable couple, some envious and some wishing to be in such a cute relationship those didn’t know what was truly going on, just like you.

Luckily nobody recognised your husband which allowed you to enjoy your visit until lunch time when you and Jinyoung bought two hamburgers with fries and forgot about his idol diet. You knew he was trying to give you that perfect date of a normal couple since his busy schedule had caused him to spend more time away than at home.

If only you knew…

The both of you spent most of the afternoon sitting in the park, watching the lake full of ducks as you simply talked about your soon to be born kids. Now that they were getting out really soon, the pregnancy felt extremely real and slightly scary. Giving birth was obviously not a pleasant thing but what made everything better was the fact that Jinyoung seemed to be even more nervous than you.

“I swear to God, don't just...Start giving birth all of a sudden” He said making you laugh, half joking but also being kind of serious.

“It's not something I can plan though” You replied amused, watching him with the sweetest yet brightest smile in the world.

“Well there must be some signs or things that can tell you it's about to happen” Jinyoung muttered watching you with caring almost sad eyes.

Even though he was trying his hardest to enjoy the date as much as you, the thought of this day possibly being your last one together kept popping into his mind ruinning his mood.

“I'll be there for you though” Jinyoung said with a soft smile, reaching up to brush some of your hair behind your ear “Because I love you so god damn much (Y/N)”

You smiled against his lips, making him laugh through the kiss “You're so cheesy Jinyoungie” He pecked your lips again, his hands holding yours

“I know you secretly love it though”

Between sweet and silly conversations, hours kept flying by, the day passing super quick. The end of your date arrived as you and Jinyoung walked out of the movie theatre almost at midnight after a really long movie session along with some make out breaks. The two of you had agreed to go straight back home since after eating most of the sweets, chocolates and popcorn your husband bought you felt full enough to skip dinner.

As you mentally planned a huge cuddling session to end the horrific date Jinyoung had planned you couldn't help but feel a small change in the atmosphere. It was when you got in the car that Jinyoung seemed to get a bit more fidgety than usual, extremely quiet also, which was really weird since he loved to hum to the songs that his favorite radio station played. The fact that he also wasn't holding your hand anymore told you bad news were coming and suddenly, the feeling of this date being Jinyoung's way of saying goodbye to you made sense.

Why would he leave though? Would he have to go on tour for a really long time? Was he scared about raising up the twins? Was the company forcing him to do this?

“Jinyoung?” Your voice came out weak, scared but Jinyoung was too busy mentally preparing some kind of speech for you later to notice this “Is everything okay?”

“Mhm?” He glanced at you moving his eyes back to the road “Yeah, I guess I'm just a little tired after such a long day” He lied, again.

“It was so fun and refreshing though! I truly missed going on this kind of dates with you” You admitted giggling, reaching out to rest your hand on top of his.

They were as cold as ice.

“Do you feel good?” You insisted, your eyes realizing he looked a bit paler than usually.

How could he feel good? He was about to tell you all the things he did behind your back, all the times he lied to you and all the times he deliberately decided to step on your trust to just have some fun with a stranger. Jinyoung couldn't believe how stupid he was, what he did still felt like it had never happened.

“Do you want me to drive?” You asked concerned about him. Jinyoung just quietly shook his head and gripped the steering wheel tighter, his panicked eyes on the road.

“I'm good babe, really”

To say the smile on his face was fake was an understatement. It was forced and he didn't even try to hide it.

When Jinyoung walked upstairs to your apartment with you, he mentally started swearing at Yugyeom, irrationally blaming him for your break up when the maknae had only been acting as a good best friend. The fear of losing you was driving him insane and the only thing his mind could do was looking for somebody else to take the blame.

By the time the both of you were walking through the door and into your home, you knew there was something wrong. Jinyoung avoided your eyes, there was no trace of the bright smile he had during your date and he looked as if he wanted to cry. You've never seen your husband looking so defeated, so….Broken. The happiness you've been feeling all day soon vanished and turned into fear, anxiety tightening your chest.

Your deepest thoughts and suspicions came back up, internally hitting you strongly. The moment Jinyoung turned around as he took off his jacket and your eyes met you kind of knew what was coming, what was about to happen but you still didn't want to accept the reality even when it was impossible to stop it at this point.

“I really had fun today! We should definitely go out again like this” You said forcing a smile up your lips, your hands slowly getting rid of your own coat “No fancy restaurants or events just eat junk food and visit random places” You proposed not moving your eyes away from him, watching his reaction.

“Definitely” Jinyoung replied with a small smile, sadness brighting in his eyes as he stood there in the entrance, watching you, burning the image of your smiling face in his mind in case he wouldn't have a chance to see it again. “Maybe when the kids are old enough we could take them to the zoo with us” Jinyoung proposed, his eyes moving from your swollen belly to your face again.

“Or to an amusement park” You shrugged, tears filling your eyes even though you still didn't know the exact reason why.

Or maybe you did. Maybe you really knew what had been going on all this time but after denying it more than once you ended up believing his and your own lies. Maybe you just needed to hear it from Jinyoung's lips to finally confirm your inner fears.

Jinyoung noticed the tears in your eyes, his world froze. He didn't know why you were crying but it surely wasn't because of happiness. Your husband stood there, watching you carefully as his mind seeked for the right words, the right way to explain everything that's happened when the truth was there were no right words for what was about to get out of his lips.

It was going to hurt you. It was going to scar you forever.

But he didn't know that, he didn't realize how much it would hurt you until that exact moment.

“What did you do Jinyoung?” Your question caught him off guard, his heart skipping a beat. Your words implied that you knew he had been doing something behind your back, he didn't know when you realized this but maybe it was after his lies became weak and stupid, maybe it was after those few nights coming really late back home that you started to solve the puzzle.

Seeing he didn't reply to your question, half confirmed what was rounding your mind “Why?” You asked again, watching how some tears rolled down his cheek as well.

“I don't know” He whispered weakly “I honestly don't know why” His eyes moved down to the floor ashamed, embarrassed now that he was admitting what he did, now that he was confessing he truly did it without a reason. “The stress overwhelmed me, she was there and it just happened”

“Do you not love me?” You asked holding back a sob “Do you not want this, Jinyoung?” Your hands came up to gesture at your apartment, at what you had considered your home.

“Of course I love you” Jinyoung stepped forward but you took a step back keeping the space between you two. He looked hurt, scared since he still wasn't ready to let you go “I-I was a fucking idiot, I didn't know what I was doing” His words sounded stupid, his brain panicking as he tried to find the right words “(Y/N), I don't know what I was thinking, I don't know what pushed me to do it”

Feeling your legs becoming weak, you pulled a chair closer to you and sat down on it. Your shaky hands rubbing the cloth of your jeans as your body shook uncontrollably with every sob. Jinyoung ached to be by your side, to wrap his arms around you and comfort you but he knew that was the last thing you wanted right now.

“How many times” You asked avoiding his eyes, staring at your fidgety hands.

“Three” He whispered, scared to break you.

“Say it” You looked up at him, half mad but also half sad. You just needed to hear him say those words, you needed to listen to Jinyoung admitting what he did.

“Why?”

“Because I need to” You replied crying “I need to hear it to realize this is not just some stupid nightmare, I won't believe it until I heart it Jinyoung”

“(Y/N)”

“Just say it”

“Alright, fine” Jinyoung took a deep breath, biting his quivering lower lip as he looked down at you “I cheated on you”

[popcorn-for-dinner]

I don’t want to wait for my dad to die, to cry.

If my dad died today, what would I say? What would I wish I had said?

Sat in the darkness of my movie theatre, as Alan Silvestri’s sombre score begins to swell, I can feel my neighbours on the brink of breaking down- some had already been weeping for a solid five minutes. Then, as if to break those of us still holding it together, Tony Stark’s pre-recorded hologram gets up from his seat, stares directly at his wife and daughter and proclaims “I love you 3000”.  

All I could think about at this point was how far he (Tony not “Iron Man”) had come and how rich that journey had been. As if to buttress my point, a minute later, Tony’s memorial floats across the lake, adorned with his first arc reactor- a call back to his first appearance in this sprawling cinematic universe. When Pepper Potts (Gwyneth Paltrow) had gifted it to him in Iron Man 1, she had inscribed on it “Proof that Tony Stark has a heart”.

Boy, did he!

In the lead up to last year’s Avengers: Infinity War, I discussed the paternal relationships portrayed in the Marvel Cinematic Universe (coincidentally, Infinity War is a film in which a father throws the daughter he loves off a cliff, to her death. Father issues? What Father issues?). Some criticisms levied against that piece were that it was too long and bloated. So, my response? A sequel, naturally.

With that article, I wanted to highlight that we all have our different parental issues- even superheroes have them! These issues were not peculiar to us individually. Naturally, we might feel this way but they were so commonplace in fact, that the biggest franchise in the world was examining them in their billion-dollar entries.  

What I had not thought about though, was what was next? I had not fully considered what happens after you acknowledge your issues. What do you do next, is it important to do anything, can I (please) just revert to auto-pilot? In a cruel twist of art imitating life, I had failed to consider the aftermath, because I had not yet reached that point of “after”. How could I write about a journey I had not yet taken?

Which brings us to here and now. During (yes, during) Avengers: Endgame, I began to see just how unfinished my writing was and as I continued to mull the themes over, this spiritual sequel began to take shape. I also noticed that just as Marvel had posed the question for my first article, they had also provided the answer for my follow up. So, because I am nothing if not consistent (read: one-dimensional), Tony Stark (Robert Downey Jr.) will once again serve, one last time, as both muse and avatar as I discuss the Marvel Cinematic Universe’s (MCU) portrayal of healing during the aftermath. 

Healing can only begin when you confront your shit.

Deflection is easy. Deflection is safe. However, the true “after”- the needed healing, can only begin when we’ve been able to acknowledge and confront the issues.  

Tony Stark had a very tumultuous relationship with his father. Slowly, over the course of the earlier MCU instalments, we are given an idea of how this relationship grew from unrequited admiration/attention in Tony’s adolescence to estrangement and eventual resentment. After spending his childhood with a distant father and being “shipped off” to boarding school at the earliest convenience, Tony has no reason to believe that his father even likes him, much less loves or respects. This lack (and subconscious search) of validation would end up guiding Tony’s actions in his adulthood, both the applaudable and the self-destructive.

In Iron Man 2, Nick Fury (Samuel L. Jackson) gives Tony some of his father’s research which he had left specifically for him. It is in those research documents that he finally finds the validation he had been searching for his entire life- that direct vote of confidence from his father. In this direct-to-video address, Howard Stark (John Slattery) expresses belief in his son’s untapped potential while also, subtly, explaining the reasoning behind some of his actions.  

This is a rare feat. Many aren’t afforded that kind of insight into their parent’s thinking while they are alive much less decades after they’ve died. Tony was able to have a real confrontation with his past and as a result, the issues it had borne.  

As a side note, it is important to address that while it may be the method being discussed, this “direct confrontation” is not the only way to begin our healing. What is universal though, is the domino effect any meaningful confrontation can have. In Tony’s case, the closure this brings finally helps him get rid of the chip on his shoulder and kickstart his own healing process- a process we see begin halfway through Iron Man 2 and finally come to a (satisfying) conclusion in Avengers: Endgame.

Much like his tech, Tony Stark was always evolving, improving. From that moment in the cave in Iron Man 1 when he decided to be a better person, he was constantly on a path of self- improvement and in Iron Man 2, his relationship with his father was added to the checklist. With the earlier detailed confrontation, he was provided with some much-needed clarity. It was almost as if, immediately, in the back of his head, the emotional cogs began to move smoothly after years of disharmony. With the chip off his shoulder, things seemed easier. Slowly that paternal toxicity in him began to dissipate. He was no longer relying on the crutches he once had, and the healing truly began.

What we would then witness was that, with every succeeding movie, a more “fatherly” side of Tony began to appear. His healing process wasn’t explicit or in your face, he just slowly became better.  

Tony, of course, spends a large portion of 2013’s Iron Man 3 with a 12-year-old kid (Ty Simpkins) in a father-son, buddy cop relationship but it wasn’t until he recruited a teenage Peter Parker (Tom Holland) in Captain America: Civil War that we would see just how far he had come. Crucially, this doesn’t happen until Tony reaches a viable, satisfactory, conclusion to his arc with his father.

Ready or not, you have to move on with your life.

Time isn’t going to wait for you. Eventually, life is going to catch up with you. So, you need to start the healing process as soon as you can because it’s a life-long mission.

Tony Stark’s introduction in 2016’s Captain America: Civil War is during an augmented reality session. This particular session is set on the final day he sees his parents, the day they die. Towards the end, his mum breaks the fourth wall of the memory and implores young Tony to say something to his father because it’s the last time he will see them. He doesn’t argue or deflect, he isn’t sarcastic, instead he says to Howard, honestly, “I love you, Dad” and informs his mother that he knows “he (his father) did the best he could”.  

Sure, Tony engineered the situation, but that’s more growth than most of us experience. The silent healing at the back of his psyche had now got Tony to a position where he was comfortable telling his father he loved him and acknowledging that he probably did the best he could, mistakes and all. He didn’t say this because he felt it was expected of him but rather because he had got to a point where he truly believed it. Yes, his (real) father couldn’t hear him but he could say it. He could make this admission to himself.

For his healing, this was a conclusion he needed to reach before being able to successfully move on with his life. In the larger picture of the MCU’s story, this was an admission he had to make to be effective in the two very important relationships that were about to occur in his life- the first being with a certain precocious teenager from Queens.  

After enlisting Peter Parker, Tony assumes guardianship over him. Peter, also trying to fill that Uncle Ben shaped hole in his life is eager to impress “Mr Stark” and receive his validation- not unlike a young Tony trying to impress his father. Having done the necessary healing, Tony is now in a place where he can be that father figure to Peter. He now understands not only, how it feels to be the son of a distant father but also the reasoning behind the actions that might have made his father come across as distant.  

Knowing that life is never going to wait for us, it is incumbent on us to be serious about our healing. Because without it, we’ll just step back into life, into relationships, with the same hurt, ignorance, pride that will only serve to continue the wheel.  Like Tony in the cave, we need to make a decision to do better, be better.  

Don’t wait, cry now.

What was most indicative of Tony’s healing, was his self-awareness. At one point during an argument with Peter, Tony catches himself and mutters “Gosh, I sound just like my dad”. It’s the type of self-awareness that only comes as a result of doing the healing work.  

Like Tony, many of us take too long to confront the complexities in our parental relationships. We now find, that at this late stage, we are wistful for the relationship that could have been. We mourn the vulnerability that was skipped on, the laughs that were not shared, the emotions that were not laid bare, the cries that never were.    

This is why Tony’s augmented reality session was always important. It was his way of creating a model reality where he confronted his issues in time to have a good relationship with his dad, if only for just a second. It provided him with the opportunity to finally let go of his baggage and honestly and wholeheartedly appreciate his father, knowing “he did the best he could”.

With the results of his private healing in tow, he is now able to be a good surrogate father to Peter and real father to Morgan (Alexandra Rabe). We see that, to Morgan, Tony is everything he wished his dad was to him- affectionate, understanding, present. It may seem obvious that he would be the father he wished his father was but as we tend to see, that is rarely the case. What is more common though, is a continuous perpetuation of the cycle. Of course, it isn’t always intentional but without proper attention to the emotional scars, hurt kids become hurt adults who, via releasing their pent-up pain, raise hurt kids. Spokes on a wheel.  

Perhaps because of how perfect and apparent a conclusion the AR session was to the arc, I found the time travel sequence in Avengers: Endgame very surprising and equally impactful. Tony, after all he’s been through, all he’s learnt, is now face to face with his father. This isn’t a home video or a billion-dollar augmented reality experiment, it’s the real deal.

The Tony from a decade prior might have been sarcastic, snarky, deflective. But not this one. Not this Tony who knows his dad’s real feelings and motivations. Not this Tony who’s done all his healing work, who’s lost his adopted son and fathered a daughter. No, this Tony is honest, raw, emotional, thankful even.  He is appreciative of the life he’s had. He understands what his father is going through and will go through. He is (finally) at peace with the issues that arose because of both he and his father’s insecurities, and willingly accepts all he has become because of them.

And is that not the goal? To be able to reach a point where we can now look into their eyes and understand where they are coming from. To be at peace with all that we are and all that they were/are. To be able to finally accept and understand the importance of all the rough edges in creating us as rounded human beings. It should be the aim but like any other desired goal it requires work to get there. Sometimes even, unpleasant work.  

As Tony exemplified, everyone (even seemingly irredeemable billionaire, playboy, philanthropists) deserves to confront and conquer their issues and mend a tense relationship. While it will be tough, I write this with the hope that I have inspired someone to begin their own healing process. While yours is most likely not going to involve a billion-dollar AR experiment or time travel, you have the power to begin today.

It is admittedly easier for some than it is for others but like every other thing, it begins with starting. So, pick up a phone, send an e-mail, book an appointment or if you want, just start by yourself, in your head. Your confrontation can take any and many forms and I am ill-equipped to tell you what is best for you. There’s no manual on how to do it, what I have learnt though, is that the only important thing is that you start.  

“I thought my dad was tough on me, but now looking back, I just remember the good stuff” 

                                                                           -Tony Stark, Avengers: Endgame

Here’s to us, eventually, remembering only the good stuff.

Bankole Imoukhuede

@banky_I