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andamanislandtour · 4 years

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Things to Keep In Mind Before Planning a Destination Wedding in Andaman

These days, many of us have started to prefer an intimate wedding in an exotic destination. Gone are the days when one wanted to invite hundreds of guests to their conventional and big fat wedding celebrations. Now, couples want to have special, peaceful, and snug ceremonies that are in some way an extension of who they are.

Your search ends in Andaman Island if the upper limit of your guest list is somewhere in double digits and if you have always liked the idea of having your wedding on an isolated island. The enchanting beaches revealing the blue hues will give your senses a natural high.

However, everything is not that easy at all. There are a few crucial things that you should consider before finalising the Andaman Island as your beach wedding destination.

#1 Weather is God

The climate of this island is tropical. Throughout the year, temperatures remain in the range of 22-32 degrees Celsius. However, monsoons can play spoiler. Ferries and flights are often cancelled or delayed between mid-May and mid-September as it is the period of heavy rains. Thus, you cannot plan a wedding during this time.

Late November to mid-April is the ideal time period. Months from December to March are sunny with favorable diving conditions and turtle nesting. Thus, the place is relatively crowded during this time. But you can consider planning your wedding here until August.

#2 Don’t expect too much luxury

Everybody has a different idea of luxury. For some, the fanciest car is the true lavishness while for others, it’s all about having a vacation in a cruise line sipping the costliest wine. Then there is one more category of people for whom spending a good time close to nature is the ultimate luxury. If you and your would-be are also one of them, then you will definitely be able to find luxury in abundance in Andamans. The fresh air, cool breeze, palm trees, and vast stretches of the blue ocean are enough to spoil you to a great extent. You would find true happiness by carrying out your wedding ceremonies at a distance from the chaotic city life.

#3 Not overly grand, luxurious & super expensive properties

Andaman Island is not known for excessively posh hotel properties. Rather, it has the most beautiful and delightful boutique resorts in the lap of nature. If you have decided to get hitched here, then we would love to recommend you the best resort for your beach wedding- Havelock Island Beach Resort. You can exchange rings or have a traditional Indian wedding with pheras at this fancy resort that is popular for its private gorgeous sandy beach, an azure ocean, and tropical greenery. This charming property in Havelock Island is perfect for lovebirds to have ceremonies by the turquoise waters. You can customise the wedding menu and have a delicious lunch under the blue sky as well. Its quaintness will make you go weak at your knees. The wooden cottages of the resort are sure to get appreciated by you as well as your guests. It is the perfect spot for an intimate ethereal wedding.

#4 Logistics and suppliers

There are no direct flights to Andaman Island from everywhere. For instance, if you are flying from Delhi or Mumbai, then you will have a layover in Hyderabad or somewhere else. From there, you will be flying to Port Blair, the capital of the island. Its airport is Vir Savarkar Airport. However, there are direct flights also from a few cities such as Chennai, Bangalore, and Kolkata.

To reach any major island from Port Blair, you will be required to take a government ferry or faster private catamaran. However, the timetables are not predictable and services are slow. Sometimes, it can take up to three to four hours to reach Havelock or Neil Island.

These islands are not that much commercialised and thus, services like that of decorators, etc. are limited. But then, the island is miraculously stunning that it doesn’t need any artificial decorations. A surreal, simple, and organic set up can be created with different varieties of flowers, seashells, and candles. But if you have booked Havelock Island Beach Resort, then you don’t have to worry at all. All the required services will be available here including a photographer and makeup artist as well. Just leave everything to their expert planners and you focus on having the most romantic day of your life.

#5 A little unconventional entertainment

Andamans offer a different kind of amusement. Shadi band and DJ set up in these farfetched islands is not a good idea because that can be done in your own city as well. So, what’s the point of travelling all the way here? In this little piece of heaven, you should entertain yourself and your guests with diverse activities like snorkeling, diving, kayaking, island hopping, nature walks, and sea walking. If you are an adventure-lover, then this is the best place for you to exchange rings. No wedding can be more memorable than this for anyone who is going to attend it.

These are a few reality checks that we have presented to just give you a little heads up on what to expect when you are picturising your marriage celebrations in the unbelievably enthralling islands. If you and your partner are of those kinds who want a unique and unconventional sort of wedding, then choosing the magical Andaman Islands would be the best decision ever because nothing can get more delightful than this.

Having a destination wedding is a dream for many. A splendid destination like a beach where you get to experience crashing waves, beach vibes along with cool, multiple hues in the backdrop is something that would make any celebration unforgettable. Having a peaceful wedding with a small gathering of your close friends and family members far from the hullabaloo of the city life is what you need to experience the best day of your life!

#beach wedding destination #destination wedding #DESTINATION BEACH WEDDING IN ANDAMAN ISLANDS

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27hands · 7 years

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When I pretended.

Black coffee; spin it gentle, cue cream heaven algorithm, skinny dipping dollar store manicure, brewing tight curls, hubble in a cup. My little double shot whirl-pool, where's my double hot whirl-pool? I hate this, I want to die. Bossy with the world cuz I'm a bad bitch. Broke my heel, he stained my world, they stained my world, I stain peoples worlds everyday, what does this mean? I don't know. Does it matter? Always and forever, yeah, I'll add in beeper codes, it'll be cryptic and 90. Not 90's, or the 1990's, or Portland, or MC Hammer. I'll buy my neighborhood. I'll buy the houses and I'll buy the dogs and cats. Army of dogs and cats complete with barracks and oppressed natives. Heed my words, crumbs of potato chips at the bottom of the bag, the sticky in the cup holder of the Corolla, hair creatures plugging up my brain. I want warm apple pie and french vanilla ice cream. I want vanilla pie and warm apple cream. "I want nothing" is a zero. To "want" is something. I changed my mind. Warm Vanilla cream, slowly focusing eyes, Tibetan prose sublimation event; words transcend to light. $67.36 for a plastic bag, the morning after pill, and a coke. He bought me a scratch off to cheer a girl up. Black coffee, a girls only friend. Smoke it like you're french god damn, "god damn" he said. Sleep me away Romeo. Buy me a small dog and pay my car insurance. You're ok, you're kind of old, kind of Indian, and I'm terrified of what might lie behind the thickness of your beard. You buy me drinks honey... I love you. What does Tabitha want to be when she grows up? I'm a bank robber. Your house is burning. The house, it's on fire, there's still time, go, go! Bubble baths, fresh Clementines, I smell of fire, the radio is personal and the antenna speaks italian. It feels like 22 years of falling asleep. Nightmares. Electric ab stimulators for fat hearts and big eyes. Through squinted eyes, television three after midnight. Silk slip. Glass of white, free box, basic. Magic lamp, three wishes, cute drunk boy, bag of Andy Capp's hot fries, and something numb, a housewife special, I'll never be, so it's obvious what I need. "No Ammonia." in bad english say's Penelope; Revlon. "I'll put you to bed early!" my response to him saying that he's been going to bed progressively earlier since we started dating. It's only been two months, I think. Do not disturb, I am writing! Do not disturb the bee hive, I am the soul eater. Killer Queen Bee. "Plato, just some old white guy." "Well he's dead now." "Ding dong the bitch is dead.". Hmm, I sometimes wonder...Is the gas station clerk an alien, like a real alien, with purple skin. Tiny alien inside giant Arabic model mechanical human giving me change for cigarettes. Or is it possible that Oprah Winfrey is over six hundred years old? Why does the thought of washing other peoples hands bring me closer to my soul? Tiger print booty shorts and Margaritas in plastic cups! I sculpt Alabaster stone with my eyes. Get what you want before somebody else eats it all up. Jelly donuts haunting me. My fingers smell like cigarettes. I woke up mean and aiming a hand gun at the piano. HE woke up, taunted the cats, something about the yawning claw cat club, stole a book on Tibet from my roommate, rambled about how he needed to "escape" for coffee and sustenance, I would have struck him dead if it wasn't for his dashing good looks. I pointed my gun at his piano playing while he gathered free drugs on the porch and danced around like an asshole. Floating raft of kerosene and red pumps. Flaming arrow by Chanel plucked from Paris. Rose petals are contagious. It's no coincidence that the dark chocolate's, like the dark arts, across the aisle from lipstick and glitter nail polish. I reek of fire. I reek of fire. I reek of fire. I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and see that one movie for the first time in that one theatre that one time when I was somewhere around the age of you know... eleven. I need a big bow on my head that reads "NO". Maybe I can get Herpes and join one of those dating sites where everyone has Herpes. Live in a circus tent with a clown named Bongo sipping Mai thais under the flaming hoop, slap a tiger in the face, let'em keep his clown shoes on when we... start a nice little Herpa-A-Derp Partridge family. Tiffany lamps, Empty one-gallon gas cans, Full one-gallon ice cream cans, handful of stamps, rested writing hand, corded telephones stretching from room to room. The Operator is a spider. You'll trip your sister with the web you weave. Woopie, Wazooooo, I'm goin' to Vegas. Bank robber turned show girl, tonights news at eight. It's 4:14 AM the sun won't come up today. If dissatisfaction manifested physically, it would fill the air with grey and blinding ambient poison. If I had the power to manifest my emotions physically be warned for ye shall suffer one thousand years of blood shed and plague. I am Sludge, I have no remorse. A kitten today at Willard and Reynolds pet emporium lost 3 of it's 9 lives. Scientists believe that the clock is actually an ancient life form in a state of willful hibernation. If Sandra believes that I'll actually let her crash on my couch for "a little bit until I get my head straight"... "Mmmm yesss can I help you?" Black leather and red lanolin. Dead Cow, dead whale, inspirational. Dead bitch, white bitch, move bitch I'm next! I want this, I want that, I want THAT now! Trash, leave. Brief pause... I'm a dreamy whimsical sober and a Terminator II level drunk. Let's rock. Patience otherwise known as long suffering. I'm the girl in the corner playing madlib in my head with the cable TV trying to blend in. Surrounded by numb & weakened moths worshipping the dim & easy to reach lights. Getting weirder by the second. Can I come to your party and not have to talk? I'll smoke your cigarettes. Purple lightning Jeggings and Winnie the Pooh socks from the Party store bring happiness. Gas station chicken tenders and apple pies while the water soaks in. My elegant black gloves have never touched a steering wheel nor dare they dream of such sorted affair! Dare they dream! I dare them to dream. See where they'll end up? With the rats. Gold dipped Cheetos. Never-ending Po' boy. World wide oceanic light rail. Elevator to heaven for glass floor tours of earth. Oh I love my ugly boys. Two woman stand gossiping in the coffee room of Webber Electronics. One woman notices an itch near her wedding ring. Suddenly the woman, the room, the building, the streets and the piss, the hotdog hot air rising up from the sewers, the monarch butterfly in the dogs mouth, the America's funniest home videos over broccoli & cheese with the pork chops and the family they belong to, Poof. Cotton Candy. Big pink plumes firing like geysers from apocalyptic sink holes. Sky turns blood pink. Cotton candy fungus swallowing people alive. Everybody dead. I mean, nobodies really dead but these people looked really dead. Like really really really dead. Like "Fuck I'm dead." dead. I am a pit-bull terrier and you're fucking with the ultimate.

#automatic writing #poetry #schizophrenia #schizoid #apocalypse #writing

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wilshipley · 6 years

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The Bachelor, Season 22, Episode 1-ish

Ok Hulu is making a mockery of the entire idea of episodes this season, since ABC decided to create a bullcrap "Countdown to…" episode out of pure fluff before the actual season stared, which is not the kind of fluffing I'm interested in.

Hope you enjoyed that screenshot because it's now impossible for me to get screen captures of the actual video on any of my devices thanks to DRM. Yay, technology. Surely ABC/Disney is saving billions a year now that I can't post pictures to my stupid tumblr.

"The exciting season premiere of The Bachelor starts…right now!" intones Chris Harrison. I assume this is as opposed to the previous season premiere, which wasn't exciting at all.

MONTAGE: Ari the bachelorette-reject getting into a race car. "Race car" in an anagram so it's the same backwards and forwards, just like Ari. No, not Ari the name, I mean Ari is so dull it'd be the same talking to his face or the back of his head. Ari's also doing real estate now and drives a very expensive Mercedes on camera.

FLASHBACK: Five years ago, when Ari got shot down by Emily, the world's most boring woman. This had to be especially galling because her fiancé was a racecar driver who died in a plane crash, and she was still like, "Look, I think I prefer the dead race car driver to this live one."

"I started falling for Emily…after our first date," Ari voiceovers nigh-tautologically. (He did NOT fall for her before he met her, so that's good.) We review his whirlwind _no_mance with Emily, ending in her dumping him on a bench. Ari was so sad, he thought for sure he'd found the extremely boring woman of his dreams and they'd have extremely boring children. Imagine being so boring that even Emily thinks you're dull. _shudder_

CUT TO: Ari and Emily being interviewed on "After the Rose."

In flashback Chris explains how Ari flew to Charlotte after the previous season ended and left his journal on Emily's doorstep…which she never read. Wait…what? That's super creepy. I mean, why'd he leave it on her doorstep? Like, he must have asked to see her, and gotten shot down. Then he was like, shit, I flew this whole way…I know, I'll just leave my journal on her doorstep, like I'm in sixth grade! That seems totally sane. Ari's whole schtick is that he's mentally 10 years old.

Ari gets "advice" from success-story couple Sean and Katherine, which has become an annual tradition for the show. "Look, this couple had an actual kid!," the producers are telling us, "Not every relationship fostered from a lack of sleep, jealousy, booze, and national humiliation has failed!"

—

EXTERIOR: mansion, at night

Chris explains how great Ari is, ending with "arguably the best kisser we've ever had on the show." Well, that's awkward. How would Chris know this?

—

Let's meet some of the women!

Chelsea is an ombre blonde (thanks to @DanaSchwartzzz for the term and the joke I'm totes stealing) who's a real estate assistant and single mom. "It's not always easy, and it's not always fun." Well, this has completely changed my view of single parenting, thanks for tearing down our preconceptions on what we had all assumed was the easiest job ever.

Caroline is a realtor and I'm already sensing a theme here. She's not an ombre blonde so a bit of a curve-ball here. She brags she's really good at her job and we see her wearing a completely bizarre evening mini-dress with those slits in the side that make everyone look fat (she's not actually fat!) while selling a house to a couple at noon. She's excited the Bachelor is Ari because she "grew up around cars" and news flash it's America we all grew up "around" cars, they're f'ing everywhere.

Maquel (you can't make these names up) is an omber blonde who takes wedding photos. She likes standing at the end of piers and looking thoughtfully down at the water.

Nysha is an orthopedic nurse and is not an ombre blonde! In fact she's dark-skinned and gorgeous. She says she loves dealing with gunshot wounds which is not something I would have thought orthopedic nurses dealt with much but hey she's the nurse I'm gonna trust her. Her philosophy is "the more blood the better for me" which is not necessarily the motto I want in my nurse? We see her feeding ducks and I'm frankly worried for them. She says she's ready to "jump out of the plane again" as a metaphor for her willingness to be with Ari and we can all agree it's good Ari didn't use this simile with Emily.

Tia is brunette with blonde streaks and I'm not sure if that counts. She's a physical therapist and her southern accent is so thick she probably doesn't butter her english muffins in the morning she just talks at them. She's friends with Raven, the "Bachelor In Paradise" regular who's maybe most famous for seeming kinda sane. We see Raven telling Tia, "You're very lackable, so I can't see someone not liking you." That's what I heard anyhow. Like every contestant, Tia wants to fall "head-over-heels in love" which is ironic because I'm pretty sure the dudes all want the ladies heels-over-head.

Kendall is an ombre blonde "creative director" which could describe just about any job? She apparently has something to do with taxidermy. She's cute as a button and has "never had a relationship over a year" so right there she's my perfect woman. We see her playing ukulele in a tree serenading a stuffed dead seal because did I mention she's quirky AF, ya'll? She's wearing one of those tops where it's off the shoulders but then there are little sleeve things that may or may not be attached to the main section? I wish I knew the name of those tops, I just love 'em.

Bekah is perky AF and not an ombre blonde. She's a nanny and likes rock-climbing and being perky. Seriously did I mention she's perky? The camera loves Bekah and we'll be seeing a LOT of her.

Marikh is an Indian restaurant co-owner (so not blonde). We hear her mom telling her she'd like to be a grandma so way to tear down those stereotypes, Marikh's mom. "I hope he's ready for my spice," she says which, like, is that a real expression? It seems awkward. How about: "I hope he can handle my flavah!"

Krystal in an ombre blonde fitness coach. She has "cut the first week" written all over her. She volunteers for the homeless because her little brother is on the streets and great now I'M THE OGRE FOR MAKING FUN OF HER. She says she's always diving into things and "it's time to focus on myself" which I don't feel makes much sense in the context of going on a dating show?

—

INTERIOR: limo at night, women are boozing it up.

PAUSE TAPE: I haven't even watched this scene yet but here's what'll happen: they're going to talk about it being Ari and each describe how they really want him because he's dreamy and shit and one of them will say something that seems kinda creepy and awkward.

UNPAUSE: Shots of the gals enthusing about Ari in the limos. I dunno if the woman yelling and clapping "We're about to meet the Bachelor!" inside the limo qualifies as creepy but it seems awkward so I'm giving myself partial points. (Nobody said he was dreamy.)

EXTERIOR: mansion at night

Ari's limo arrives and Chris Harrison earns his paycheck by broing down with the Bachelor. Ari says he's nervous. "You're fine going 200 miles around a racetrack, but this makes you nervous?" I don't think distances are what make people nervous about racing, Chris. I mean, I drove like 200 miles last weekend so I guess I'm Evel Knievel up in this joint.

Chris notes that it's been a while that Ari's been on the bench, which, yah, I mean if you're pulling Bachelors from five years ago it doesn't speak super highly of the recent contestants.

INTERIOR: limo at night, pulling up

"Oh my god what a stud." "He is SO handsome." "ARI!" Ok I feel vindicated.

EXTERIOR: mansion

Caroline (realtor) gets out first. She makes a realty joke which isn't a genre of humor known for being funny.

Chelsea (single mom) is speaking slowly and seems high AF. "She's interesting," Ari says the way you might say, "Well, he's special."

Kendall my quirky wife-to-be is up. "She is so nervous," says Ari.

Seinne — we haven't met her — in real estate, also, but not a blonde. She gives Ari elephant cufflinks which seems kinda big for a first encounter but elephants are her favorite animal(!) and they never forget. "Don't forget to find me inside," she says which was long way to go for a pretty dadly joke.

Tia sounds exactly like Raven and looks enough like her that I'll just pretend she is kinda Raven. She's from "Weiner, Arkansas" and she gives Ari a tiny plastic penis to remember her by. That's so kinda-Raven! "Tell me you do not already have a little wiener." ("Well, it IS kinda cold out," Ari says in my head.) "Keep up with that," kinda-Raven says mysteriously as she walks away and he slowly turns his new penis over in his hands.

QUICK CUTS: women think Ari is cute and stuff.

Bibiana is a Latina executive assistant. She seems authentic and sweet so I'm guessing it's her last night here.

Bri is a non-blonde sports reporter and she throws him a literal softball but doesn't make any dad puns about it on camera so she really…

(•_•)

( •_•)>⌐■-■

(⌐■_■)

…missed the ball.

Jenny is an ombre blonde graphic designer and I initially typed her name as "Jenni" because everyone else has stupid spellings so I just started assuming.

Brittane J. is a marketing manager and a woman of color, her gimmick is a bumper sticker on his butt.

Jacqueline is a non-blonde research coördinator who looks interesting and I'll add that umlaut until the day I die.

Krystal the fitness coach gets out of the limo and is clearly a hot mess, her gimmick is a gratefulness exercise.

Nysha the vampire nurse totters out in a dress so revealing they blur out her side-boob.

Valerie the not-blonde server gets a twirl.

QUICK CUTS: women talk about how many women there are, how they're all pretty.

Bekah pulls up in a vintage ('72?) red convertible Mustang. Bekah's too perky for this show. She says, "I may be young, but I can still appreciate something classic," because Ari's like totes an old at 36. So far we've had women mock his dick size and his age and I feel like maybe this isn't the best approach but what do I know I'm single.

QUICK CUTS: women talk about Bekah's entrance, one says it's a '65 Mustang so I'm way off. kinda-Raven says she herself got a little wiener watching Bekah come in. Me too, kinda-Raven. Me tooooo. Hot mess opines to her crew "that cherry red looks better on your lips, bitch," which, like, I don't think Hot Mess knows how insults work. That was just a compliment with the word "bitch" added. Like, "You're sure the most interesting woman here, bitch."

30 minutes down, 53 to go.

—

INSIDE: Hot Mess says, "My concern is he has a lot of girls to choose from tonight," which makes me think maybe she didn't read the large print on her contract?

ANOTHER LIMO: Jenna the social media manager is an omber blonde who flaps her arms around a LOT when she talks. Like a LOT a lot.

Jessica is an ombre blonde television host and looks like she works for Fox News. 'nuff said. Her gimmick is giving him a rock, like Charlie Brown? At least it's not a penis.

Marikh (Indian restaurateur / potential future wife for me) says she "uses a lot of spices but I could still use some salt and pepper in my life." Again with the picking on his age. Is this a good approach? I mean, he's not Roy Moore.

Olivia the marketing associate is a woman of color and we literally don't hear her say anything to Ari after the intro because they cut away to various white women dubbed over her about how there are too many other pretty women there and I mean is this a perfect metaphor for America or what.

Becca K. is a non-blonde publicist and her gimmick is telling Ari to get down on a knee and propose to her which, I dunno, maybe is a bit quick? Warning flag on the field.

ANOTHER GODDAM LIMO: the word from inside is Ari is handsome, surprisingly.

Lauren S. is an omber blonde social media manager and we've seen a lot of media related women now. I mean what happened to dental assistants? Back in my day…

Lauren J. is an omber blonde "recent masters graduate" and I'm guessing she got an English degree because, you know: unemployed. Her gimmick is giving him mardi gras beads and she'll be cut tonight.

Lauren B. is an omber blonde tech salesperson and the producers clearly are having fun with the women in this limo.

Lauren G. is a executive recruiter BUT a woman of color instead of a blonde and WOW the variety of Laurens is just overwhelming my senses!

CONFESSIONAL: Hot Mess confessionals, "Four Laurens walk into a room — sorry, terrible ending for a joke — and none of them get chosen." You can actually see her fangs come out in this shot.

YET ANOTHER GODDAM LIMO: Ashley is a brunette but she's another real estate agent so we get partial points. Her gimmick is she's carrying a finishing flag and she says, "I hope you finish first," and it's the first time I've heard a woman say this. Ari says with absolutely no emotion: "i love the race car jokes they crack me up" and you can tell when someone really loves a joke when they explain with a dead face that they did.

Brittany T. is a tech recruiter and a woman of color and I have no idea if we've seen this combo before it's all a blur of Laurens and recruiters and real estate agents and blondes. Her gimmick was speaking Dutch poorly.

Amber the _a_mber blonde owns a spray-tan company and her gimmick is cussing at him? I dunno what they beeped.

Ali is an omber blonde personal stylist and she asks Ari to smell her to see if she stinks. She calls it a "pit stop," and she won't be here in the morning.

We're scraping the barrel here folks.

Annaliese is an omber blonde event designer and I'm not going to mock her because she lives in San Francisco so I've got a shot here, folks! A real shot! Her gimmick is she's wearing a mask and won't take it off. Yah, that worked great for the last guy who tried it. I wish I could screencap perky Bekah's eyeroll at Annaliese but: DRM. Just imagine the perkiest eyeroll in the world.

There's a big overproduced bit where Maquel pulls up as the passenger in a two-seater(!) "Formula 1" car that was driven all of fifty feet and it's dumb. We later see Ari get behind the wheel of the "Formula 1" car and rev the engine just like a big boy!

CONFESSIONAL: Hot Mess says, "She was one of the last, and maybe that's her position." Holy cow the claws are out on crazy.

—

QUICK CUTS: Ari is cute. Perky Bekah notes Ari has a "full head of hair." I would like to point out I also have hair. CALL ME, BEKAH!

Chris Harrison sums up that we have 29 beautiful women. Surprise woman coming? Or surprise dropout woman?

Ari enters the mansion. He toasts his menagerie. Hot Mess grabs him immediately for her one-on-one. Other women are shocked, SHOCKED that Hot Mess would be so selfish.

Race car woman swoops in and takes Ari from Hot Mess. She has now made an enemy for life. Hot Mess tells the others how much Racecarette sucks. Perky Bekah tells us how Hot Mess is kinda cray cray. Racecarette also seems horrrrrrible. Like, Kardashian bad. Also at some point she complains about how she was convinced she was "going to die" as she was driven 10mph for 50 feet down the driveway of a mansion in that "Formula 1" car. So brave. So, so brave.

Ari is getting therapy from a non-blonde in a red dress who seems like she's actually really smart and there's no way she'll last. Brains != longevity on this show.

Three of the women of color are talking about dating white guys which is really interesting since this show used to be lily white and never acknowledge race. The producers seem to prod most of these questions out of the contestants—I honestly admire how they've tried to make the whole show more diverse MODULO THE OMBRE BLONDES AND WOMEN NAMED LAUREN I mean jesus baby steps people. Anyhow they agree basically that they'd date a white dude if he's fine enough and let's face it this is why racism will die out — we be horny.

Ari races a Brittany T. in miniature cars and she get a kiss reward. I'm sad none of the other women make a joke about playing the race car(d). Opinions are had on her kiss! Was there tongue? No, because Brittany has class. Hot Mess isn't having it, surprisingly.

—

We come back from break and free-spirited, quirky Kendall is playing her Uke for Ari. Honestly I'd have a hard time picking between Perky and Quirky here. She's written a custom song for him which is impressive but I myself would have played "Remember me! Until you're in my arms again, remember me!" because there's no way Ari would pick up on it being from Coco. (Although I'm guessing he's seen Cars dozens of times.)

CONFESSIONAL: The Mask points out that in real life if 29 women were competing for the same dude at a bar they'd just pick another dude. First time I've seen that acknowledged on this show. We see women try different strategies to get time, including feeding him (pizza, fruit). Flappy Jenna rubs his feet (seems…intimate for a 29-on-one first date?), he opines that's she kinda "wild" which I think means "yikes." "I couldn't understand what she really did…like, does she do social media, does she own a pedicure shop?" Wow she is so cut. Unless they keep her around for the drama, wait what am I saying of course they'll let her flap away for a few more episodes.

Annaliese takes her mask off with Ari. He asks if she goes by Anna and she flatly says, "I'm not a nickname person," and OMG red flags already. Wonder how she feels about metaphors? Similes? Potential land-mines abound here. She tells him her last relationship lacked passion which translates to: she is GOOD 2 GO.

QUICK CUTS: Talk about the first impression rose coming.

Becca K. tells Ari hopefully his mock proposal to her was the "first and last time" so I guess she's saying she doesn't want him to get married ever?

QUICK CUTS: First impression rose is set down, more talk about it. "Ok this is for real," etc, etc.

—

There's a rush of women trying to talk to Ari now that the rose has been thrown down and honestly the women are being really sweet to each other about it. Some producer failed to fuel their rage or something? Someone's fired.

Spray-tan lady tells Ari she owns a spray-tan place (again) and pretty much that's all we've heard her say on the show ever so she seems PRETTY one-dimensional at this point. Wait, I call a do-over on that one. She seems PRETTY monotone at this point. (Get it? Spray-tan? Monotone?)

Hot Mess decides to take a second turn in all this chaos because WE NEED THE DRAMA C'MON PEOPLE WE'RE LOSING THE DARK. The producers spend a bunch of time with her voiceover confessional of how she doesn't care if she steps on toes and there's like a five-minute sequence watching Hot Mess walk towards him on the couch with another woman. He ends up kissing Hot Mess several times with tongue ick don't put your tongue in crazy.

Hot Mess goes back and tells the women, "OMG I just met Ari for the second time." Their faces say it all: how can you meet someone twice? why would you steal another turn? why are you bragging about it to us? "He's still the same charming person." Well it's nice to hear that time hasn't changed him.

Ari tells kinda-Raven "Full disclosure I am a total nerd," and she touches her heart, "same," and he continues, "I do love corny jokes." I just want to smack them both. Stop stealing my culture you jerks liking corny jokes is NOT nerdy. Being nerdy is staying up until 3am trying to get an extra two cycles shaved off your latest alchemic machine in Opus Magnum then tweeting about it.

Ari is FINALLY talking to Perky Bekah, on a sheepskin flung over the back seat of the Mustang and jesus the producers love her. I mean, we all do, really. The other women had to jostle each other for time but they've set up this whole tableau for Perky Bekah. P.B. asks him to "name three things that make [him] excited to be alive" and his #1 answer is actually "excitement" because he's ten. P.B. calls him on the redundancy and shifts in her seat, "'Excitement' makes you excited to be alive?" she says like Perry Mason. He says, "Well yah…" and she actually laughs openly at him. "I mean…adrenaline? Adrenaline I guess, you know." He didn't study for this quiz and he's sweatin’. He didn't know there'd be a test! "Other thing would be like, pizza." Oh Ari. So…you like race cars and pizza. Like, say, a ten-year-old?

Bekah's shoulder game is on fleek and she's waaaay too good for him but it'll take her like 5 episodes to realize this and bail. And I'll be here for you, Bekah.

Ari picks up the first impression rose and Bekah jumps up and is all, "Let's go see!" and encourages other girls to follow after her to find out where it's going. She's got the right attitude to survive this show. Bekah is SHOCKED to find out it's Hot Mess getting it and so are we kinda except honestly this is just producers creating drama because there's no way she made that good of an impression on him even with her tongue. If they gave it to one of the actually interesting women there'd be no DRAMA, but like with pro wrestling you gotta let the evil one win the first couple rounds.

CONFESSIONAL: Hot Mess says, "I'm not competitive by nature…" and that's all we really need to say here.

Chris Harrison appears and clinks his glass, because his job is REALLY HARD ya'll. It's rose ceremony time!

QUICK CUTS: Women don't want to go home tonight. They also don't know who'll be cut! These and other revelations.

—

The sun is rising over the mansion. Twenty-nine women line up to be judged by a mediocre man-child who is reasonably handsome but otherwise unremarkable.

Ari gives a speech about how he has to send some women home, but no hard feelings, k?

🌹 Becca K. — mock proposal brunette. 🌹 Marikh — indian food. Kendall — quirky AF. 🌹 Lauren G. — executive recruiter, not "Regulate" singer. 🌹 Krystal fitness makes it past week one I was wrong and honestly what was I thinking of course the ones they did profiles on survive the first week. 🌹 Perky Bekah, not like there was any doubt. 🌹 Lauren S. — social media Lauren. 🌹 Seinne - real estate. 🌹 Caroline - first realtor with interesting daytime fashion choices. 🌹 Brittany T. — tech recruiter, not to be confused with the executive recruiter, who is a Lauren not a Brittany.

VOICEOVER: while roses are being handed out we hear Bibiana saying how much she wants to be picked but she's nervous.

🌹 Bibiana is finally called. PHEW we were worried! 🌹 Annaliese "DO NOT call me Anna." Never bet against crazy! 🌹 Flappy Jenna — because TV loves crazy. 🌹 Valerie - red wash brunette server who's made among the more sane comments this show. 🌹 Jacqueline — the research coördinator in the red dress who I liked earlier because she seemed smart. 🌹 Jenny — graphic designer, but don't be fooled by the rocks that she got.

🌹 Lauren B. — tech sales person and that only leaves 🙅 Lauren J. without a rose (as predicted!) and can you imagine being the worst of all the Laurens on The Bachelor? Ouch. 🌹 Ashley real estate — this is the first time I've seen this show where they've been able to say "Ashley" without adding a last initial.

CONFESSIONAL: Racecarette tells us with some shock that she is actually worried she might not get a rose. (Did I am not a fan of her at all?) "How terrible would that be if I was expecting something and I did not get it." My god. Can you even imagine not getting something, when you wanted it? That's just not fair! Someone should invent a word just for such a feeling. Consider me shook.

🌹 kinda-Raven - I just noticed she has a tattoo on her left arm I think they've been trying to hide it.

Chris Harrison re-appears, as he is the only one with the counting skills to announce: ONE ROSE REMAINING.

QUICK CUTS: women don't want to be cut.

🌹 Maquel — that's Racecarette so it turns out she'll never have to experience what it's like to want something and not get it. God bless us one and all.

Ari says goodbye to the women who didn't get roses. At this point they've been up all night and it's light out and they're clearly all frazzled beyond reason. Some are crying and let's be honest if you kept me up all night drinking and judging me I'd be crying no matter what.

Amber the spray-tan lady cries on camera, which is like catnip to the producers, and they overlay that with footage of Ari toasting his remaining horde. Ari intones "I'm so happy I have an amazing group of women in front of me." I'm reminded that I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy, but clearly Ari chose differently.

Ari tells the women this week is going to be a little bit different, because he's in the driver's seat. Another race car joke! Will they ever get old?

Spoilers: yes.

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chrisfranks · 7 years

Text

Texas Vacation October 2016

and Day1 Route 75 Omaha to Topeka South of Nebraska City there's not a lot other than Auburn. Some interesting terrain and a lonely windmill with the vanes breaking down & sagging picturesquely. Kansas was flatter. What gas stations there were would sneak up on you because they didn't have tall signs. Finally found a decent town at Holton. South of there it was 4 lane divided highway with a speed limit of 70 mph but with at grade intersections.

Kansas turnpike from Topeka to the border cost $10. Service areas do have some picnic tables. Wichita is completely bypassed. There is this strange overlook apparently over some old cow pens.

OK City traffic still stinks.

Stopped at Ardmore 12 Ave exit (31?). Plenty to eat there. We ate at Santa Fe Cattle Co which had a good chicken fried steak.

Day 2 Went by Jack and Lila’s graves at Oak Grove Cemetary in Whitesboro. Then went on to TWU. The store was closed but the hall where our reception was and the chapel were open. Ate at Whataburger in Denton. Then went to Ridgmar Mall. Couldn't remember it looking like that but maybe it did. It didn't have the ice cream bar stand where they dipped bare bars in chocolate and peanuts. Sent Leisa into a Dallas Cowboys store. Drove through the neighborhood where my apartment was which is much built up. The apartments seemed fancier & there was a gate on the parking lot. Didn't get far enough away east on 30 to see more than the steepl in the church. Drove down Lackland road to Camp Bowie and went up and down that. Saw Galligaskins which was further from the road than I remembered. Went around the Benbrook traffic circle and down SW Ave to Hulen Mall. Couldn't find Leisa's apartments. Perhaps you can never go back if you don't stay in touch. Met Leisa’s childhood friend Alice & her husband Don for dinner. This was at the Cotton Patch Cafe which was good.

Day 3 Went to the Waco Mammoth Site. Two guys my age or so had wandered off and found a mammoth’s femur washing out. Baylor came in and excavated a nursery herd of Columbian Mammoth probably caught in a flood or mudslide. This apparently happened multiple times at this site as newer excavations in enclosed building are finding. The mammoths ran with dumb camels that had good eyesight and warned them of threats and in turn the mammoths led the camels to food. Climate at the time was temperate but drier.

Rangers led some tours and had a school group. The ranger told the kids about snakes and chiggers to keep them on trail. I asked if Texas kids had to be told about chiggers and she said they were city kids and the idea of snakes kept them on the path.

Our group was me, Leisa, and a guy who'd married a women from Waco but moved away. He couldn't get his wife to visit the mammoth site. Our tour was led by a young lady who studied classical Greece in school but had a boyfriend from Texas. She said there were coral snakes in the live oak.

There were lots of butterflies including Gulf Fritillary, giant sulfur, & a little white one I didn't identify.

We ate sandwiches in the parking lot of Dr Pepper museum. The museum was as expected but we got in free because it was 10/24 (like 10 2 and 4) and I could remember a little of one of their jingles. Originally they called Dr Pepper a Waco. Part of the reason for it being there was the artesian wells. One was in the building but they covered it with concrete for several decades before excavating it again. The museum also covered 7-Up. The guy who created that was from Missouri and worked with Vess in St Louis. Apparently they used to put Lithium in 7-Up.

There are far, far too many people living in the I-35 corridor. Stopped at Buc-ee's to see what that was about. It was a travel store like a Wal-Mart with 50 gas pumps in front and everything you could want to eat or wear inside. There was also an outdoors section and jewelry. We found some opal earrings for Mom’s birthday.

Day 4

So the iconic facade of the Alamo and the whole second story was added by the US Army after the civil war. That front of the Church faced into the walled area they were defending. There were about 6 acres more or less enclosed by the wall which is now Alamo Plaza. The cenotaph is more or less in the center of that. Most of what's walled in now wasn't part if the compound. At the time the church didn't have a roof. So the only original is the lower wall of the church and the long barracks. Said barracks was original but had been in private hands. A second story was added during that time which was removed after it was brought under preservation.

Leisa insisted on buying city site seer bus tickets. We rode it past the Pearl brewery area and the driver was informative and entertaining but it didn't go to the missions and we never got back on. We bailed at the far end of the River walk, are lunch. Then we took the boat ride. I think the bend of the River is natural but they built a flood channel that cuts it off. They have big doors to close off the loop. Also at least one channel was added so that Riverview Mall is on the river. Noted a Ghirardelli's as we went by the mall. Noted a wedding island, a St Anthony statue, a facade of a many story building, a theater with Day of the Dead figures, and lots of water features. Our driver bumped two of the other boats. Next went to Ghirardelli & had my Midnight Reverie. They gave it to me in plastic instead of glass which was disappointing.

Next went to Buckhorn Saloon. Buffalo Bill asked if we'd been to his ranch in North Platte. Tons of stuffed animals, a fun house, and a Texas Rangers museum but I didn't think that much of it. Then Battle for Texas was museum 'experience' telling story of the Alamo. Lots of artifacts including Santa Ana's uniform they took st San Jacinto. Had a guy dressed as a Mexican private who would surprise people.

Day 5 Had to go back to the Alamo to buy a charm. Then drove to the missions visitor center. Picked up the 5 tokens they're supposed to have plus found a State of Oregon one mixed in. Took the tour with way skinny female ranger. Indians here had little commerce except maybe with the coast. Began to decline when Spanish pushed Lipan Apache with horses east out of New Mexico and smallpox up from Mexico. The missions offered them some food and protection but still they dwindled. Mission San Jose was restored by WPA semi accurately. Like all of them, 6 or so acres were enclosed with rooms in the walls and bastions in the corners. Every few apartments had an oven outside. Apparently they did have both wheat and corn and got to eat the former because they had nowhere to sell it. A motivation for the missions was to make the Indians good Spanish subjects then have them build a home/farm outside. The church had a big window called Rosa's window where the priests would teach the unbaptized. The story of that window was that the stonemason asked his intended to come from Spain but the ship sank. He stopped work for a long time then the priests heard the chisel again and they ended up with a super fancy window. No proof but some people in the area believe they're descended from that guy. When you have a legend but question it, go with the legend. The other missions weren't rebuilt so everything but the church was ruins. The difference was how fancy the church was. A lot had facades built above the building with bells to make them grander. Moorish influence was interesting in the shape of some doors and arches and the frescoes that used to cover them. The best preserved church is the northenmost one.

Left San Antonio towards Fredericksburg. After you leave the city you climb up into the hills. I like that country. Got to the Nimitz/Pacrfic war museum with an hour to spare. Fortunately tickets carry over to the next day. First section is about Nimitz, his family, and Fredericksburg and is in the hotel his grandfather had and he worked in as a kid. It was restored to look as it did then. He took an appointment to the naval academy because there weren't any left for West Point. He was a midshipman on a ship where the Japanese were celebrating the Russo-Japanese war and invited people from his ship. None of the seniors went so the Midshipmen did and he met Admiral Togo. After the war he had a guard set on Togo’s flagship Mikasa. Ran through the Bush gallery & then we got locked in for a while. Went to Cultures to eat and I had Wiener schnitzel with a paprika sauce. Not sure if Wiener schnitzel is suppose to be veal but the menu said it was pork and it was good.

Day 6 Went back to Bush gallery. Much on the origin of the war. They had a banner on which Togo supposedly after retirement painted his Nelsonesque message to his men before Tsushima. They also had a uniform that was supposed to be Yamamoto's. Displays featured a Jap midget sub, a B-25, a beat up Wildcat, a Stuart tank with a hole in it and a 3inch gun like what made the hole. There's George Gay's googles & knife, a Fat Man casing and a crashed Val behind the screen they play the end movie on. Outside there are 75mm, 25 pounder, & 105mm field guns. A torpedo launcher, a twin bofors, and a 5inch gun. Then a mast from a destroyer plus the sail from a sub. The lawn in front of the sub’s sail is made like waves and there's bow shape in front. Next the Pacific Combat Zone which has a giant map, an Avenger, and PT-309 which fought in the Mediterranean that they're still working on. More additions coming there.

No time to go by enchanted rock which was closed for a deer hunt anyway so went to Marble Falls. Had pie at Bluebonnet Cafe where the lemon meringue pie was a tall as it is wide. Went to a scenic overlook and a crazy pottery place. Got to wonder about a place where they have sign offering mosquito spray. Then back to stinking I-35. Got thru Dallas just 39 min before they closed the road for construction.

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